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1
00:00:13,598 --> 00:00:17,518
- Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
- Oh, Merry Christmas to you, Stevey.
2
00:00:18,895 --> 00:00:20,354
Did you bring me any presents?
3
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,023
Now, why would I wanna do that?
4
00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:23,441
Because it's Christmas.
5
00:00:23,608 --> 00:00:27,737
Oh. I thought Santa Claus
brought the presents at Christmas.
6
00:00:27,904 --> 00:00:29,947
You have been a good boy this year?
7
00:00:30,114 --> 00:00:31,282
I have, I swear.
8
00:00:31,449 --> 00:00:33,951
Well, then. Who knows?
Maybe he'll come.
9
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,489
Santa.
10
00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,749
Reindeer.
11
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:08,963
Santa?
12
00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:29,066
My daughter and I were in our beds.
13
00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:32,028
Mike was downstairs
decorating the tree.
14
00:02:32,528 --> 00:02:36,657
And I heard a thump on the roof
and then I heard Mike scream...
15
00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:39,618
...and now I'm talking to the FBI.
16
00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:41,120
You didn't see any of it?
17
00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:43,205
No, he was...
18
00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,498
He was just gone.
19
00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:47,585
- The doors were locked, no forced entry?
- That's right.
20
00:02:47,752 --> 00:02:49,920
- Does anybody else have a key?
- My parents.
21
00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:52,214
- Where do they live?
- Florida.
22
00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:54,216
Thanks for letting me have a look.
23
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,927
I think we got just about
everything we need.
24
00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:58,971
We're all set.
25
00:02:59,138 --> 00:03:00,222
We'll be in touch.
26
00:03:05,144 --> 00:03:06,854
Agents.
27
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,940
The police said my husband
might've been kidnapped.
28
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:12,026
Could be.
29
00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:14,070
Then why haven't
the kidnappers called?
30
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,322
Or demanded a ransom?
31
00:03:16,489 --> 00:03:18,908
It's three days until Christmas.
32
00:03:19,075 --> 00:03:21,118
What am I supposed to tell
our daughter?
33
00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:23,079
We're very sorry.
34
00:03:31,796 --> 00:03:32,838
Find anything?
35
00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:36,342
Stockings, mistletoe, this.
36
00:03:36,509 --> 00:03:37,843
A tooth? Where was this?
37
00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:40,763
- In the chimney.
- No way a man fits up a chimney...
38
00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:43,432
- ...it's too narrow.
- No way he fits up in one piece.
39
00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:45,267
So if dad went up the chimney...
40
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:48,020
We need to find out
what dragged him up there.
41
00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:57,530
So was I right?
42
00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:00,282
Is it the serial killing chimney sweep?
43
00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:03,869
Yup, it's actually Dick Van Dyke.
44
00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:05,830
- Who?
- Mary Poppins...
45
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,998
- Who's that?
- Oh, come on... Engh. Never mind.
46
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,877
Walsh is the second guy
grabbed out of his house this month.
47
00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,087
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
48
00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:15,047
Did he get dragged up
the chimney too?
49
00:04:15,214 --> 00:04:18,342
Don't know. Witnesses said they heard
a thump on the roof.
50
00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:20,136
What are we dealing with?
51
00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:22,430
- Actually, I have an idea.
- Yeah?
52
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,140
It's gonna sound crazy.
53
00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:27,268
What could you possibly say
that sounds crazy to me?
54
00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:30,396
Um... Evil Santa.
55
00:04:31,856 --> 00:04:33,899
- Yeah, that's crazy.
- Yeah.
56
00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:38,737
I'm just saying that there's some version
of the Anti-Claus in every culture.
57
00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:41,449
You got Belsnickel,
Krampus, Black Peter.
58
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,243
- Whatever you call it, there's lot of lore.
- Saying what?
59
00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:46,912
Saying, back in the day,
Santa's brother went rogue.
60
00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:48,289
Shows up around Christmas.
61
00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:50,536
Instead of bringing presents,
he punishes the wicked.
62
00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:53,419
- By hauling their ass up chimneys?
- For starters, yeah.
63
00:04:53,586 --> 00:04:56,380
So this is your theory, huh?
Santa's shady brother?
64
00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:59,341
Well, I... Just saying,
that's what the lore says.
65
00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:01,802
Santa doesn't have a brother.
There is no Santa.
66
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:05,598
Yeah, I know. You're the one who told
me that in the first place, remember?
67
00:05:10,895 --> 00:05:13,314
Yeah, you know what,
I could be wrong, I...
68
00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:15,900
Gotta be wrong.
69
00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,818
Maybe, maybe not.
70
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:20,488
- What?
- I did a little digging.
71
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,490
Both victims visited the same place...
72
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,742
- ...before they got snatched.
- Where?
73
00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:32,583
Hurry up. Ha-ha.
74
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:34,502
Hurry.
75
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:37,505
- Hey.
- Hey.
76
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,882
It does kind of lend credence
to the theory.
77
00:05:40,049 --> 00:05:43,427
Yeah, but Anti-Claus? Couldn't be.
78
00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:47,640
It's a Christmas miracle. Speaking of,
we should have one this year.
79
00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:49,850
- Have one what?
- A Christmas.
80
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,561
- Ha. No, thanks.
- No, we'll get a tree...
81
00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:55,648
...a little Boston Market,
just like when we were little.
82
00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:58,317
Dean, those weren't exactly
Hallmark memories for me.
83
00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,528
We had some great Christmases.
84
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,280
- Whose childhood are you talking about?
- Come on, Sam.
85
00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:05,366
No, just...
86
00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:06,700
No.
87
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,454
All right, grinch.
88
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:31,100
What is that?
89
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,143
Present for dad.
90
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,939
Yeah, right. Where did you
get the money? Steal it?
91
00:06:37,106 --> 00:06:39,733
No. Uncle Bobby gave it to me
to give to him.
92
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,318
Said it was real special.
93
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:42,570
What is it?
94
00:06:43,195 --> 00:06:44,905
A pony.
95
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,074
Very funny.
96
00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:52,913
Dad's gonna be here, right?
97
00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:56,083
- He'll be here.
- But it's Christmas.
98
00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:57,626
He knows.
99
00:06:57,793 --> 00:06:59,628
And he'll be here. Promise.
100
00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:02,256
- Where is he anyway?
- On business.
101
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:05,050
- What kind of business?
- You know that.
102
00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:07,803
- He sells stuff.
- What kind of stuff?
103
00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,221
Stuff.
104
00:07:09,388 --> 00:07:11,015
Nobody ever tells me anything.
105
00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:14,351
Then quit asking.
106
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:23,527
Is dad a spy?
107
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:27,448
- Mm-hm. He's James Bond.
- Why do we move around so much?
108
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:31,160
Because everywhere we go,
they get sick of your face.
109
00:07:34,038 --> 00:07:36,498
I'm old enough, Dean.
You can tell me the truth.
110
00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:39,918
You don't wanna know the truth.
Believe me.
111
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,838
Is that why we never talk about mom?
112
00:07:43,339 --> 00:07:47,009
Shut up!
Don't you ever talk about mom, ever!
113
00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:52,264
Wait, where are you going?
114
00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:54,058
Out.
115
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:05,611
You'd think for the 10 bucks
it costs to get in...
116
00:08:05,778 --> 00:08:07,988
...Santa could scrounge up
a little snow.
117
00:08:10,074 --> 00:08:11,450
What?
118
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:14,495
Nothing.
What are we looking for again?
119
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:21,293
Lore says that the Anti-Claus
will walk with a limp...
120
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:23,879
...and smell like sweets.
121
00:08:24,213 --> 00:08:27,883
Great, so we're looking for
a pimp Santa. Why the sweets?
122
00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:32,054
Think about it. If you smell like candy,
the kids will come closer, you know?
123
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,057
That's creepy.
124
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:38,435
How does this thing know who's been
naughty and who's been nice?
125
00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:40,354
I don't know.
126
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:45,526
So, Ronny, come sit on Santa's knee.
127
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,027
There you go.
128
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,571
- You've been a good boy this year?
- Yeah.
129
00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:51,115
Good.
130
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:53,909
Santa's got a special gift for you.
131
00:08:56,829 --> 00:08:57,871
Maybe we do.
132
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,082
Come on, honey.
133
00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:01,542
- All right.
- Let's go.
134
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:05,087
Welcome to Santa's Court.
Can I escort your child to Santa?
135
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,089
No, no.
136
00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:10,676
But actually, my brother here,
it's been a lifelong dream of his.
137
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:16,181
- Sorry. No kids over 12.
- No, he's just kidding.
138
00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:17,850
We only came here to watch.
139
00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:26,150
I didn't mean that we came here to... Y...
140
00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:29,737
Thanks a lot, Dean. Thanks for that.
141
00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:33,490
Check it out.
142
00:09:38,537 --> 00:09:40,456
It's all right.
143
00:09:43,876 --> 00:09:45,210
Are you seeing this?
144
00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:47,296
A lot of people walk with limps.
145
00:09:47,463 --> 00:09:52,342
- You didn't smell that? That was candy.
- That was ripple. I think. Had to be.
146
00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:56,597
Maybe.
We willing to take that chance?
147
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,436
What time is it?
148
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,772
Same as the last time you asked.
149
00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:07,399
Here.
150
00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:09,109
Caffeinate.
151
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:18,410
Wonderful.
152
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,166
Hey, Sam.
153
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:25,876
Yeah?
154
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,420
Why are you the boy
that hates Christmas?
155
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:30,964
- Dean.
- I mean, I admit it.
156
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,300
We had a few bumpy holidays
when we were kids.
157
00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:34,968
- Bumpy?
- But that was then.
158
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,512
We'll do it right this year.
159
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:40,307
Look, Dean, if you wanna
have Christmas, knock yourself out.
160
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,142
Just don't involve me.
161
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:48,023
Oh, yeah. That would be great.
Me and myself making cranberry molds.
162
00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:04,248
What's up with Saint Nicotine?
163
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,126
Oh, my God!
164
00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:19,137
- What?
- Nothing.
165
00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,472
It's just that...
166
00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:24,768
Well, you know, Mr. Gung-Ho Christmas
might have to blow away Santa.
167
00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:33,235
The hell you doing here, huh?
168
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:36,572
I'm really not interested, okay?
169
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,115
Mistle my toe.
170
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:39,825
Roast my chestnut.
171
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,621
Jingle my bell.
172
00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:07,019
Let's go.
173
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,925
Santa, you're early.
174
00:14:14,146 --> 00:14:16,606
So that's how your son
described the attack?
175
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,525
Santa took daddy up the chimney?
176
00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:20,610
That's what he says, yes.
177
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,779
- And where were you?
- I was asleep.
178
00:14:23,447 --> 00:14:28,785
And all of a sudden, Al was being
dragged out of bed, screaming.
179
00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,454
Did you see the attacker?
180
00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:34,458
It was dark and he hit me.
181
00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:35,709
He knocked me out.
182
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:38,295
I'm sorry. I know this is hard.
183
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,047
Yeah. Uh...
184
00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:44,968
Mrs. Caldwell, where did you get
that wreath above the fireplace?
185
00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:52,309
Excuse me?
186
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,857
Just curious, you know?
187
00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:05,155
Wreaths, huh? Sure you didn't
wanna ask her about her shoes?
188
00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:07,324
I saw some nice handbags
in the foyer.
189
00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:09,659
- We've seen that wreath before, Dean.
- Where?
190
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:12,871
The Walsh's. Yesterday.
191
00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:14,998
I know. I was just testing you.
192
00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:20,253
Yeah. All right.
193
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,672
Well, keep looking, would you?
194
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:24,174
Thanks, Bobby.
195
00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:28,178
Well, we're not dealing
with the Anti-Claus.
196
00:15:28,345 --> 00:15:29,513
What did Bobby say?
197
00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:31,473
That we're morons.
198
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:35,560
He also said that it was probably
meadowsweet in those wreaths.
199
00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:39,439
Wow. Amazing.
What the hell is meadowsweet?
200
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,859
It's pretty rare and it's the most
powerful plant in pagan lore.
201
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,028
- Pagan lore?
- Yeah.
202
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,697
They'd use meadowsweet
for human sacrifices.
203
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:50,075
It was kind of like a chum
for their gods.
204
00:15:50,242 --> 00:15:53,745
Gods were drawn to it, they'd stop by
and snack on the nearest human.
205
00:15:53,912 --> 00:15:56,373
Why would somebody use that
for Christmas wreaths?
206
00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,708
It's not so crazy as it sounds, Dean.
207
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:01,086
Pretty much every
Christmas tradition is pagan.
208
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:03,046
Christmas is Jesus' birthday.
209
00:16:03,547 --> 00:16:07,884
Jesus' birthday was probably in the fall.
It was the winter solstice festival...
210
00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:10,262
...that was co-opted by the Church
and renamed.
211
00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:13,974
The yule log, Santa's red suit,
that's all remnants of pagan worship.
212
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:15,892
How do you know that?
213
00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:19,229
What will you tell me next?
Easter bunny's Jewish?
214
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:22,566
Think we're dealing with a pagan god?
215
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,734
Yeah, probably Holdenacar...
216
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:27,237
...god of the winter solstice.
217
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:31,908
And all these Martha Stewart wannabes
buying these fancy wreaths.
218
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,953
Yup, it's like putting a neon sign
on your front door saying:
219
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,330
- "Come kill us."
- Great.
220
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,460
When you sacrifice to Holdenacar,
guess what he gives you?
221
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:45,172
- Lap dances, hopefully.
- Mild weather.
222
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:50,594
Like no snow in the middle
of December in Michigan.
223
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,762
- For instance.
- Do we know how to kill it?
224
00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:54,472
No, Bobby's working on that now.
225
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:57,475
We gotta figure out
where they're selling those wreaths.
226
00:16:57,642 --> 00:16:59,269
They're selling them on purpose?
227
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:01,688
Feeding the victims to this thing?
228
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:04,441
Let's find out.
229
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:16,536
- Can I help you, boys?
- I hope so.
230
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:19,956
We were playing Jenga over
at the Walsh's the other night and...
231
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:22,542
Well, he hasn't shut up since
about this wreath.
232
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,670
- I don't know. You tell him.
- Sure.
233
00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:29,007
It was yummy.
234
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,388
I sell a lot of wreaths, guys.
235
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:39,142
Right, right, but you see,
this one would have been really special.
236
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:43,647
It had... It had green leaves,
white buds on it.
237
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:45,982
Might have been made
of meadowsweet?
238
00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,652
Well, aren't you a fussy one?
239
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,153
N...
240
00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:52,155
He is. Heh-heh.
241
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:55,659
Anyway, I know the one
you're talking about. I'm all out.
242
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:58,578
Huh. Seems like this meadowsweet
stuff's rare and expensive.
243
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,122
- Why make wreaths out of it?
- I didn't make them.
244
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,667
- Who did?
- Madge Carrigan, a local lady.
245
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:06,503
Said they were so special,
she gave them to me for free.
246
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,505
- She didn't charge you.
- Nope.
247
00:18:08,672 --> 00:18:10,507
- Sell them for free?
- It's Christmas...
248
00:18:10,674 --> 00:18:14,219
- ...people pay a butt-load for this crap.
- That's the spirit.
249
00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:20,433
How much do you think
a meadowsweet wreath would cost?
250
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:24,396
- Couple hundred dollars, at least.
- This lady's giving them away for free?
251
00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,022
What do you think about that?
252
00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:29,359
Well, I'd say it's pretty suspicious.
253
00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:34,364
Remember that wreath
Dad brought home that one year?
254
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:39,119
You mean, the one he stole from,
like, a liquor store?
255
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:41,871
Yeah, it was a bunch
of empty beer cans.
256
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,707
That thing was great.
257
00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:47,919
I bet if I looked around hard enough,
I could probably find one just like it.
258
00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:49,546
All right.
259
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:53,550
- Dude, what's going on with you?
- What?
260
00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:58,096
Since when are you Bing Crosby?
Why do you wanna do Christmas so bad?
261
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,891
Why are you so against it? Were your
childhood memories that traumatic?
262
00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:04,144
- That has nothing to do with it.
- Then what?
263
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:07,314
I mean, I just... I don't get it.
264
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,400
You haven't talked about Christmas
in years.
265
00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:13,778
Well, yeah.
266
00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:16,698
This is my last year.
267
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:25,957
I know.
268
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,419
That's why I can't.
269
00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:33,298
What do you mean?
270
00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:41,097
I mean, I can't just sit around
drinking eggnog...
271
00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:43,641
...pretending everything's okay...
272
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:46,770
...when I know next Christmas
you'll be dead.
273
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:53,276
I just can't.
274
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:11,503
- Thought you went out?
- Yeah, and I got you dinner.
275
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,798
Don't forget your vegetables.
276
00:20:24,682 --> 00:20:27,310
I know why you keep a gun
under your pillow.
277
00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:31,856
No, you don't.
278
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:33,316
Stay out of my stuff.
279
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:36,027
And I know why we lay salt down
everywhere we go.
280
00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:38,696
No, you don't. Shut up.
281
00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:47,580
Where did you get that? That's dad's.
282
00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,833
He's gonna kick your ass
for reading that.
283
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,335
- Are monsters real?
- What?
284
00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:54,379
- You're crazy.
- Tell me.
285
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:10,854
I swear, if you ever tell dad
I told you any of this, I will end you.
286
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:12,439
Promise.
287
00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:25,577
First thing you have to know is
we have the coolest dad in the world.
288
00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:28,288
- He's a superhero.
- He is?
289
00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:29,956
Yeah.
290
00:21:30,748 --> 00:21:31,875
Monsters are real.
291
00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:35,086
Dad fights them.
292
00:21:35,253 --> 00:21:36,880
He's fighting them right now.
293
00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:39,841
But dad said the monsters under my bed
weren't real.
294
00:21:41,384 --> 00:21:44,137
That's because he'd already checked
under there.
295
00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:46,723
But, yeah, they're real.
296
00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:49,225
Almost everything's real.
297
00:21:49,851 --> 00:21:51,728
Is Santa real?
298
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:53,229
No.
299
00:21:57,066 --> 00:22:00,570
If monsters are real, then they
could get us. They could get me.
300
00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:03,656
- Dad's not gonna let them get you.
- But what if they get him?
301
00:22:04,365 --> 00:22:06,159
They aren't gonna get dad.
302
00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:08,119
Dad's, like, the best.
303
00:22:09,913 --> 00:22:12,248
I read in dad's book
that they got mom.
304
00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:17,629
It's complicated, Sam.
305
00:22:17,795 --> 00:22:21,299
If they got mom, they can get dad.
If they can get dad, they can get us.
306
00:22:22,634 --> 00:22:23,927
It's not like that.
307
00:22:26,387 --> 00:22:27,597
Okay, dad's fine.
308
00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:29,516
We're fine.
309
00:22:30,099 --> 00:22:31,768
Trust me.
310
00:22:37,482 --> 00:22:40,944
- You okay?
- Yeah.
311
00:22:44,948 --> 00:22:47,450
You know, dad's gonna be here
for Christmas.
312
00:22:47,951 --> 00:22:49,118
Just like he always is.
313
00:22:53,122 --> 00:22:54,624
I just wanna go to sleep, okay?
314
00:22:59,504 --> 00:23:01,214
Yeah, okay.
315
00:23:06,302 --> 00:23:08,137
It'll all be better when you wake up.
316
00:23:11,724 --> 00:23:13,142
You'll see.
317
00:23:17,188 --> 00:23:18,815
Promise.
318
00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:39,335
So this is where Mrs. Wreath lives,
319
00:23:40,837 --> 00:23:44,048
Boy, can't you just feel the evil,
pagan vibe?
320
00:23:51,431 --> 00:23:53,933
- Yes?
- Tell me you're the Madge Carrigan...
321
00:23:54,142 --> 00:23:56,686
- ...who makes the wreaths.
- Why, yes I am.
322
00:23:56,853 --> 00:23:58,271
- Hah. Bingo.
- Yeah.
323
00:23:58,438 --> 00:24:02,442
We were just admiring your wreaths
at Mr. Silar's place the other day.
324
00:24:02,650 --> 00:24:03,693
You were?
325
00:24:04,152 --> 00:24:07,280
Isn't that meadowsweet the finest
smelling thing you ever smelled?
326
00:24:07,447 --> 00:24:08,531
It is. It sure is.
327
00:24:08,698 --> 00:24:11,618
But seem the problem is that
all your wreaths had sold out...
328
00:24:11,784 --> 00:24:14,287
- ...before we got the chance to buy one.
- Oh, fudge.
329
00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:16,956
You wouldn't happen to have
another one.
330
00:24:17,165 --> 00:24:20,877
Oh, no. I'm afraid those were
the only ones I had for this season.
331
00:24:21,044 --> 00:24:23,379
Why'd you decide to make them
out of meadowsweet?
332
00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:25,465
Why, the smell, of course.
333
00:24:25,673 --> 00:24:27,717
I don't think I've smelled
anything finer.
334
00:24:27,884 --> 00:24:30,970
- Yeah. You mentioned that.
- What's going on, honey?
335
00:24:31,179 --> 00:24:34,098
Well, just some nice boys,
asking about my wreaths, dear.
336
00:24:34,265 --> 00:24:36,601
Oh, the wreaths are fine.
Fine wreaths.
337
00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:39,812
Oh. Care for some peanut brittle?
338
00:24:42,065 --> 00:24:43,316
We're okay.
339
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,783
I knew it.
Something was off with those two.
340
00:24:51,949 --> 00:24:54,577
- What did you find?
- They lived in Seattle last year...
341
00:24:54,744 --> 00:24:56,663
...where two abductions took place.
342
00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:58,581
They moved here in January.
343
00:24:58,748 --> 00:25:02,001
The Christmas crap wasn't boughs
of holly, it was vervain and mint.
344
00:25:02,210 --> 00:25:04,253
- Pagan stuff?
- Serious pagan stuff.
345
00:25:04,420 --> 00:25:07,799
Ozzie and Harriett are keeping a god
hidden underneath their couch?
346
00:25:07,965 --> 00:25:10,343
All I know is
we gotta check them out.
347
00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:14,931
What about Bobby? He's sure evergreen
stakes will kill this thing, right?
348
00:25:15,264 --> 00:25:17,266
Yeah, he's sure.
349
00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:45,628
See, plastic.
350
00:26:23,166 --> 00:26:24,167
Hey, Dean.
351
00:27:52,797 --> 00:27:54,006
Sam!
352
00:28:07,478 --> 00:28:11,649
Gosh, I wish you boys
hadn't come down here.
353
00:28:34,797 --> 00:28:36,215
Dean?
354
00:28:37,133 --> 00:28:38,801
Are you okay?
355
00:28:39,594 --> 00:28:41,554
Yeah, I think so.
356
00:28:42,388 --> 00:28:45,975
So I guess we're dealing
with Mr. and Mrs. God.
357
00:28:46,309 --> 00:28:48,477
- Nice to know.
- Yeah.
358
00:28:48,644 --> 00:28:51,314
Oh, and here we thought
you two lazybones...
359
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,275
...were gonna sleep straight through
all the fun stuff. Ha-ha.
360
00:28:54,442 --> 00:28:58,487
- And miss all this? No, we're partiers.
- Isn't he a kick in the pants, honey?
361
00:28:58,654 --> 00:29:00,781
You're hunters, is what you are.
362
00:29:00,948 --> 00:29:02,283
Yeah, and you're pagan gods.
363
00:29:02,450 --> 00:29:04,994
So why don't we call it even
and go our separate ways?
364
00:29:05,161 --> 00:29:08,664
What, so you can bring back more
hunters and kill us? I don't think so.
365
00:29:08,831 --> 00:29:11,959
You should have thought that
before you went snacking on humans.
366
00:29:12,126 --> 00:29:13,502
Oh, now, don't get all wet.
367
00:29:13,669 --> 00:29:17,256
Why, we used to take over
a hundred tributes a year.
368
00:29:17,423 --> 00:29:19,675
And that's a fact.
369
00:29:19,842 --> 00:29:22,845
Now, what do we take,
what, two, three?
370
00:29:23,346 --> 00:29:25,848
- Uhn.
- Hardy Boys here make five.
371
00:29:27,808 --> 00:29:29,810
Now, that's not so bad, is it?
372
00:29:29,977 --> 00:29:32,146
You say it like that,
you are the Cunninghams.
373
00:29:32,313 --> 00:29:34,273
You better show us a little respect.
374
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:35,566
Or what?
375
00:29:36,067 --> 00:29:38,194
- You'll eat us?
- Not so fast.
376
00:29:38,361 --> 00:29:42,156
- There's rituals to be followed first.
- Oh, we're just sticklers for ritual.
377
00:29:43,199 --> 00:29:45,034
You know what kicks off
the shebang?
378
00:29:45,201 --> 00:29:46,994
Let me guess. Meadowsweet.
379
00:29:47,161 --> 00:29:49,121
Oh, shucks, you're all out of wreaths.
380
00:29:49,288 --> 00:29:51,457
I guess we'll have
to cancel the sacrifice.
381
00:29:52,291 --> 00:29:54,627
Don't be such a gloomy Gus.
382
00:29:55,211 --> 00:29:56,712
There.
383
00:29:59,215 --> 00:30:01,550
Don't they just look darling?
384
00:30:01,717 --> 00:30:03,094
Good enough to eat.
385
00:30:05,012 --> 00:30:08,724
Alrighty-roo, step number two.
386
00:30:13,145 --> 00:30:14,897
- Sammy.
- No.
387
00:30:15,064 --> 00:30:16,399
- Sammy?
- No, no, don't.
388
00:30:16,607 --> 00:30:19,318
Leave him alone, you son of a bitch!
389
00:30:19,735 --> 00:30:22,697
You hear how they talk to us?
Ha-ha. To gods?
390
00:30:22,863 --> 00:30:25,866
Listen, pal, back in the day,
we were worshipped by millions.
391
00:30:26,033 --> 00:30:28,327
- Times have changed.
- Ha. Tell me about it.
392
00:30:28,494 --> 00:30:31,706
All of a sudden, this Jesus character's
the hot, new thing in town.
393
00:30:31,872 --> 00:30:35,751
Our altars are being burned down and
we're being hunted down like monsters.
394
00:30:35,918 --> 00:30:40,256
But did we say peep?
Oh, no, no, no, we did not.
395
00:30:40,423 --> 00:30:42,341
Two millennium.
396
00:30:42,508 --> 00:30:46,387
We kept a low profile,
we got jobs, a mortgage.
397
00:30:46,887 --> 00:30:49,390
- We... What was that word, dear?
- We assimilated.
398
00:30:49,557 --> 00:30:51,267
Yeah, we assimilated.
399
00:30:51,434 --> 00:30:54,103
Why, we play bridge on Tuesdays
and Fridays.
400
00:30:54,270 --> 00:30:55,855
We're just like everybody else.
401
00:30:56,022 --> 00:30:57,940
You're not blending like you think,
lady.
402
00:30:58,149 --> 00:31:00,735
This might pinch a bit, dear.
403
00:31:00,943 --> 00:31:02,945
Aah! You bitch!
404
00:31:03,446 --> 00:31:05,031
Oh, my goodness, me.
405
00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:07,158
Somebody owes a nickel
to the swear jar.
406
00:31:07,908 --> 00:31:11,704
Oh, do you know what I say
when I feel like swearing? Fudge.
407
00:31:12,621 --> 00:31:13,956
I'll try and remember that.
408
00:31:14,123 --> 00:31:16,709
You boys have no idea
how lucky you are.
409
00:31:16,876 --> 00:31:19,462
There was a time when
kids came from miles around...
410
00:31:19,670 --> 00:31:22,965
- ...just to be sitting where you are.
- What do you think you're doing?
411
00:31:23,799 --> 00:31:26,427
You fudging touch me again,
I'll fudging Kill you!
412
00:31:26,594 --> 00:31:27,970
Very good.
413
00:31:36,145 --> 00:31:38,147
No. No, don't.
414
00:31:47,281 --> 00:31:49,241
Oh-ho. We've got a winner.
415
00:32:03,089 --> 00:32:05,800
- What else, dear?
- Well, let's see.
416
00:32:05,966 --> 00:32:08,010
Fingernail, blood. Oh!
417
00:32:08,219 --> 00:32:11,347
Sweet Peter on a Popsicle stick.
Heh. I forgot the tooth.
418
00:32:11,597 --> 00:32:13,682
Dear.
419
00:32:14,850 --> 00:32:16,727
Merry Christmas, Sam.
420
00:32:22,149 --> 00:32:24,735
Open wide and say: Aah.
421
00:32:30,032 --> 00:32:31,450
Somebody gonna get that?
422
00:32:33,369 --> 00:32:35,037
You should get that.
423
00:32:38,874 --> 00:32:40,543
Come on.
424
00:32:43,879 --> 00:32:45,464
Merry Christmas.
425
00:32:45,631 --> 00:32:48,134
- I told you I smelled fruitcake.
- You shouldn't have.
426
00:32:48,300 --> 00:32:50,886
- Oh. Bite your tongue. It's my pleasure.
- Looks scrumptious.
427
00:32:51,053 --> 00:32:53,055
We're going caroling, care to join?
428
00:32:53,264 --> 00:32:54,348
You know we would...
429
00:32:54,515 --> 00:32:57,309
It's my back.
Darn thing's giving me fits.
430
00:32:57,476 --> 00:32:58,978
That's a shame.
431
00:32:59,145 --> 00:33:01,313
- Oh, well, Merry Christmas.
- And to you too.
432
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:04,066
- Are we still on for bridge tomorrow?
- With bells on.
433
00:33:04,275 --> 00:33:06,277
- Yes. Okay, bye.
- Bye-bye.
434
00:33:15,327 --> 00:33:17,830
Ah. Where were we?
435
00:33:32,094 --> 00:33:34,555
What do we do now?
The stakes are in the basement.
436
00:33:34,722 --> 00:33:37,266
Well, we need more evergreen, Dean.
437
00:33:38,726 --> 00:33:41,061
I think I just found us some more.
438
00:33:41,228 --> 00:33:43,063
Help me get this.
439
00:34:15,596 --> 00:34:18,140
You little thing.
440
00:34:18,641 --> 00:34:20,809
I loved that tree.
441
00:34:31,904 --> 00:34:33,322
Madge!
442
00:35:04,687 --> 00:35:06,355
Merry Christmas.
443
00:35:27,584 --> 00:35:29,545
Sam, wake up.
444
00:35:31,588 --> 00:35:33,799
Dad was here. Look what he brought.
445
00:35:33,966 --> 00:35:36,468
- Dad was here?
- Yeah.
446
00:35:36,635 --> 00:35:38,470
Look at this. We made a killing.
447
00:35:40,055 --> 00:35:41,598
Why didn't he try to wake me up?
448
00:35:43,142 --> 00:35:44,893
He tried to, like, a thousand times.
449
00:35:45,894 --> 00:35:46,979
He did?
450
00:35:47,479 --> 00:35:50,774
Yeah. Did I tell you he would
give us Christmas or what?
451
00:35:52,192 --> 00:35:53,235
Go on. Dive in.
452
00:36:08,125 --> 00:36:09,710
What is it?
453
00:36:10,377 --> 00:36:11,795
Sapphire Barbie?
454
00:36:12,838 --> 00:36:16,050
- Heh. Dad probably thinks you're a girl.
- Shut up.
455
00:36:16,216 --> 00:36:17,468
Open that one.
456
00:36:27,186 --> 00:36:29,730
- Dad never showed, did he?
- Yeah, he did. I swear.
457
00:36:30,773 --> 00:36:32,816
Dean, where did you get all this stuff?
458
00:36:38,405 --> 00:36:39,740
Nice house up the block.
459
00:36:42,076 --> 00:36:45,579
I swear, I didn't know
they were chick presents.
460
00:36:47,873 --> 00:36:50,376
Look, I'm sure dad
would have been here if he could.
461
00:36:51,168 --> 00:36:53,337
- If he's alive.
- Don't say that.
462
00:36:53,879 --> 00:36:55,839
Of course he's alive.
463
00:36:56,006 --> 00:36:57,633
He's dad.
464
00:37:05,391 --> 00:37:06,600
Here.
465
00:37:06,809 --> 00:37:09,103
- Take this.
- No.
466
00:37:09,269 --> 00:37:11,063
No, that's for dad.
467
00:37:11,230 --> 00:37:13,232
Dad lied to me.
468
00:37:13,482 --> 00:37:14,775
I want you to have it.
469
00:37:18,904 --> 00:37:20,572
- Are you sure?
- I'm sure.
470
00:37:38,382 --> 00:37:40,426
Thank you, Sam. I...
471
00:37:40,592 --> 00:37:42,344
I love it.
472
00:38:00,779 --> 00:38:02,865
Hey, you get the beer?
473
00:38:03,365 --> 00:38:04,992
What's all this?
474
00:38:05,325 --> 00:38:06,577
What do you think it is?
475
00:38:06,743 --> 00:38:07,911
It's Christmas.
476
00:38:13,834 --> 00:38:15,586
What made you change your mind?
477
00:38:18,714 --> 00:38:23,051
Here, try the eggnog.
478
00:38:24,219 --> 00:38:26,555
Let me know
if it needs some more kick.
479
00:38:31,226 --> 00:38:32,269
- No, we're good.
- Yeah?
480
00:38:32,436 --> 00:38:33,645
- Yeah.
- Good.
481
00:38:33,812 --> 00:38:39,276
Well, have a seat.
Let's do Christmas stuff or whatever.
482
00:38:39,610 --> 00:38:41,445
All right, first thing's first.
483
00:38:50,287 --> 00:38:52,247
Merry Christmas, Sam.
484
00:38:54,416 --> 00:38:57,044
- Where did you get these?
- Some place special.
485
00:38:57,753 --> 00:38:59,338
Gas mart down the street.
486
00:38:59,505 --> 00:39:00,547
Open them up.
487
00:39:01,131 --> 00:39:02,382
Yeah.
488
00:39:02,591 --> 00:39:05,677
- Great minds think alike, Dean.
- Really?
489
00:39:05,844 --> 00:39:07,221
Here you go.
490
00:39:07,387 --> 00:39:09,431
Oh, come on.
491
00:39:10,516 --> 00:39:12,017
Yeah.
492
00:39:12,518 --> 00:39:14,353
Skin mags...
493
00:39:16,355 --> 00:39:17,439
...and shaving cream.
494
00:39:17,606 --> 00:39:19,149
You like?
495
00:39:19,942 --> 00:39:22,528
Yeah, yeah.
496
00:39:29,785 --> 00:39:32,621
Well, look at this.
Fuel for me and fuel for my baby.
497
00:39:34,331 --> 00:39:37,376
- These are awesome. Thanks.
- Good.
498
00:39:41,588 --> 00:39:42,673
Merry Christmas, bro.
499
00:39:43,465 --> 00:39:45,342
Yeah, yeah.
500
00:39:45,509 --> 00:39:46,802
Here, Merry Christmas.
501
00:40:03,443 --> 00:40:04,903
Hey, Dean.
502
00:40:18,959 --> 00:40:21,336
Do you feel like watching the game?
503
00:40:21,503 --> 00:40:22,796
Absolutely.
504
00:40:24,423 --> 00:40:25,507
All right.
37179
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