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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,598 --> 00:00:17,518 - Merry Christmas, Grandpa. - Oh, Merry Christmas to you, Stevey. 2 00:00:18,895 --> 00:00:20,354 Did you bring me any presents? 3 00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,023 Now, why would I wanna do that? 4 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:23,441 Because it's Christmas. 5 00:00:23,608 --> 00:00:27,737 Oh. I thought Santa Claus brought the presents at Christmas. 6 00:00:27,904 --> 00:00:29,947 You have been a good boy this year? 7 00:00:30,114 --> 00:00:31,282 I have, I swear. 8 00:00:31,449 --> 00:00:33,951 Well, then. Who knows? Maybe he'll come. 9 00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,489 Santa. 10 00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,749 Reindeer. 11 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:08,963 Santa? 12 00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:29,066 My daughter and I were in our beds. 13 00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:32,028 Mike was downstairs decorating the tree. 14 00:02:32,528 --> 00:02:36,657 And I heard a thump on the roof and then I heard Mike scream... 15 00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:39,618 ...and now I'm talking to the FBI. 16 00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:41,120 You didn't see any of it? 17 00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:43,205 No, he was... 18 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:44,498 He was just gone. 19 00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:47,585 - The doors were locked, no forced entry? - That's right. 20 00:02:47,752 --> 00:02:49,920 - Does anybody else have a key? - My parents. 21 00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:52,214 - Where do they live? - Florida. 22 00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:54,216 Thanks for letting me have a look. 23 00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,927 I think we got just about everything we need. 24 00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:58,971 We're all set. 25 00:02:59,138 --> 00:03:00,222 We'll be in touch. 26 00:03:05,144 --> 00:03:06,854 Agents. 27 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,940 The police said my husband might've been kidnapped. 28 00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:12,026 Could be. 29 00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:14,070 Then why haven't the kidnappers called? 30 00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,322 Or demanded a ransom? 31 00:03:16,489 --> 00:03:18,908 It's three days until Christmas. 32 00:03:19,075 --> 00:03:21,118 What am I supposed to tell our daughter? 33 00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:23,079 We're very sorry. 34 00:03:31,796 --> 00:03:32,838 Find anything? 35 00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:36,342 Stockings, mistletoe, this. 36 00:03:36,509 --> 00:03:37,843 A tooth? Where was this? 37 00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:40,763 - In the chimney. - No way a man fits up a chimney... 38 00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:43,432 - ...it's too narrow. - No way he fits up in one piece. 39 00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:45,267 So if dad went up the chimney... 40 00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:48,020 We need to find out what dragged him up there. 41 00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:57,530 So was I right? 42 00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:00,282 Is it the serial killing chimney sweep? 43 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:03,869 Yup, it's actually Dick Van Dyke. 44 00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:05,830 - Who? - Mary Poppins... 45 00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,998 - Who's that? - Oh, come on... Engh. Never mind. 46 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,877 Walsh is the second guy grabbed out of his house this month. 47 00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,087 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 48 00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:15,047 Did he get dragged up the chimney too? 49 00:04:15,214 --> 00:04:18,342 Don't know. Witnesses said they heard a thump on the roof. 50 00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:20,136 What are we dealing with? 51 00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:22,430 - Actually, I have an idea. - Yeah? 52 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,140 It's gonna sound crazy. 53 00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:27,268 What could you possibly say that sounds crazy to me? 54 00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:30,396 Um... Evil Santa. 55 00:04:31,856 --> 00:04:33,899 - Yeah, that's crazy. - Yeah. 56 00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:38,737 I'm just saying that there's some version of the Anti-Claus in every culture. 57 00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:41,449 You got Belsnickel, Krampus, Black Peter. 58 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,243 - Whatever you call it, there's lot of lore. - Saying what? 59 00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:46,912 Saying, back in the day, Santa's brother went rogue. 60 00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:48,289 Shows up around Christmas. 61 00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:50,536 Instead of bringing presents, he punishes the wicked. 62 00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:53,419 - By hauling their ass up chimneys? - For starters, yeah. 63 00:04:53,586 --> 00:04:56,380 So this is your theory, huh? Santa's shady brother? 64 00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:59,341 Well, I... Just saying, that's what the lore says. 65 00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:01,802 Santa doesn't have a brother. There is no Santa. 66 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:05,598 Yeah, I know. You're the one who told me that in the first place, remember? 67 00:05:10,895 --> 00:05:13,314 Yeah, you know what, I could be wrong, I... 68 00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:15,900 Gotta be wrong. 69 00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,818 Maybe, maybe not. 70 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:20,488 - What? - I did a little digging. 71 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,490 Both victims visited the same place... 72 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,742 - ...before they got snatched. - Where? 73 00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:32,583 Hurry up. Ha-ha. 74 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:34,502 Hurry. 75 00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:37,505 - Hey. - Hey. 76 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,882 It does kind of lend credence to the theory. 77 00:05:40,049 --> 00:05:43,427 Yeah, but Anti-Claus? Couldn't be. 78 00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:47,640 It's a Christmas miracle. Speaking of, we should have one this year. 79 00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:49,850 - Have one what? - A Christmas. 80 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,561 - Ha. No, thanks. - No, we'll get a tree... 81 00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:55,648 ...a little Boston Market, just like when we were little. 82 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:58,317 Dean, those weren't exactly Hallmark memories for me. 83 00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,528 We had some great Christmases. 84 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,280 - Whose childhood are you talking about? - Come on, Sam. 85 00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:05,366 No, just... 86 00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:06,700 No. 87 00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,454 All right, grinch. 88 00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:31,100 What is that? 89 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,143 Present for dad. 90 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,939 Yeah, right. Where did you get the money? Steal it? 91 00:06:37,106 --> 00:06:39,733 No. Uncle Bobby gave it to me to give to him. 92 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,318 Said it was real special. 93 00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:42,570 What is it? 94 00:06:43,195 --> 00:06:44,905 A pony. 95 00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,074 Very funny. 96 00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:52,913 Dad's gonna be here, right? 97 00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:56,083 - He'll be here. - But it's Christmas. 98 00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:57,626 He knows. 99 00:06:57,793 --> 00:06:59,628 And he'll be here. Promise. 100 00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:02,256 - Where is he anyway? - On business. 101 00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:05,050 - What kind of business? - You know that. 102 00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:07,803 - He sells stuff. - What kind of stuff? 103 00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,221 Stuff. 104 00:07:09,388 --> 00:07:11,015 Nobody ever tells me anything. 105 00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:14,351 Then quit asking. 106 00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:23,527 Is dad a spy? 107 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:27,448 - Mm-hm. He's James Bond. - Why do we move around so much? 108 00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:31,160 Because everywhere we go, they get sick of your face. 109 00:07:34,038 --> 00:07:36,498 I'm old enough, Dean. You can tell me the truth. 110 00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:39,918 You don't wanna know the truth. Believe me. 111 00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,838 Is that why we never talk about mom? 112 00:07:43,339 --> 00:07:47,009 Shut up! Don't you ever talk about mom, ever! 113 00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:52,264 Wait, where are you going? 114 00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:54,058 Out. 115 00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:05,611 You'd think for the 10 bucks it costs to get in... 116 00:08:05,778 --> 00:08:07,988 ...Santa could scrounge up a little snow. 117 00:08:10,074 --> 00:08:11,450 What? 118 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:14,495 Nothing. What are we looking for again? 119 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:21,293 Lore says that the Anti-Claus will walk with a limp... 120 00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:23,879 ...and smell like sweets. 121 00:08:24,213 --> 00:08:27,883 Great, so we're looking for a pimp Santa. Why the sweets? 122 00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:32,054 Think about it. If you smell like candy, the kids will come closer, you know? 123 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,057 That's creepy. 124 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:38,435 How does this thing know who's been naughty and who's been nice? 125 00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:40,354 I don't know. 126 00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:45,526 So, Ronny, come sit on Santa's knee. 127 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,027 There you go. 128 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,571 - You've been a good boy this year? - Yeah. 129 00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:51,115 Good. 130 00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:53,909 Santa's got a special gift for you. 131 00:08:56,829 --> 00:08:57,871 Maybe we do. 132 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,082 Come on, honey. 133 00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:01,542 - All right. - Let's go. 134 00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:05,087 Welcome to Santa's Court. Can I escort your child to Santa? 135 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,089 No, no. 136 00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:10,676 But actually, my brother here, it's been a lifelong dream of his. 137 00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:16,181 - Sorry. No kids over 12. - No, he's just kidding. 138 00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:17,850 We only came here to watch. 139 00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:26,150 I didn't mean that we came here to... Y... 140 00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:29,737 Thanks a lot, Dean. Thanks for that. 141 00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:33,490 Check it out. 142 00:09:38,537 --> 00:09:40,456 It's all right. 143 00:09:43,876 --> 00:09:45,210 Are you seeing this? 144 00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:47,296 A lot of people walk with limps. 145 00:09:47,463 --> 00:09:52,342 - You didn't smell that? That was candy. - That was ripple. I think. Had to be. 146 00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:56,597 Maybe. We willing to take that chance? 147 00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,436 What time is it? 148 00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,772 Same as the last time you asked. 149 00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:07,399 Here. 150 00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:09,109 Caffeinate. 151 00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:18,410 Wonderful. 152 00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,166 Hey, Sam. 153 00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:25,876 Yeah? 154 00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:28,420 Why are you the boy that hates Christmas? 155 00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:30,964 - Dean. - I mean, I admit it. 156 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,300 We had a few bumpy holidays when we were kids. 157 00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:34,968 - Bumpy? - But that was then. 158 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,512 We'll do it right this year. 159 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:40,307 Look, Dean, if you wanna have Christmas, knock yourself out. 160 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,142 Just don't involve me. 161 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:48,023 Oh, yeah. That would be great. Me and myself making cranberry molds. 162 00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:04,248 What's up with Saint Nicotine? 163 00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,126 Oh, my God! 164 00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:19,137 - What? - Nothing. 165 00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,472 It's just that... 166 00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:24,768 Well, you know, Mr. Gung-Ho Christmas might have to blow away Santa. 167 00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:33,235 The hell you doing here, huh? 168 00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:36,572 I'm really not interested, okay? 169 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,115 Mistle my toe. 170 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:39,825 Roast my chestnut. 171 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,621 Jingle my bell. 172 00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:07,019 Let's go. 173 00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,925 Santa, you're early. 174 00:14:14,146 --> 00:14:16,606 So that's how your son described the attack? 175 00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,525 Santa took daddy up the chimney? 176 00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:20,610 That's what he says, yes. 177 00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,779 - And where were you? - I was asleep. 178 00:14:23,447 --> 00:14:28,785 And all of a sudden, Al was being dragged out of bed, screaming. 179 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,454 Did you see the attacker? 180 00:14:32,039 --> 00:14:34,458 It was dark and he hit me. 181 00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:35,709 He knocked me out. 182 00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:38,295 I'm sorry. I know this is hard. 183 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,047 Yeah. Uh... 184 00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:44,968 Mrs. Caldwell, where did you get that wreath above the fireplace? 185 00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:52,309 Excuse me? 186 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,857 Just curious, you know? 187 00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:05,155 Wreaths, huh? Sure you didn't wanna ask her about her shoes? 188 00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:07,324 I saw some nice handbags in the foyer. 189 00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:09,659 - We've seen that wreath before, Dean. - Where? 190 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:12,871 The Walsh's. Yesterday. 191 00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:14,998 I know. I was just testing you. 192 00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:20,253 Yeah. All right. 193 00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,672 Well, keep looking, would you? 194 00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:24,174 Thanks, Bobby. 195 00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:28,178 Well, we're not dealing with the Anti-Claus. 196 00:15:28,345 --> 00:15:29,513 What did Bobby say? 197 00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:31,473 That we're morons. 198 00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:35,560 He also said that it was probably meadowsweet in those wreaths. 199 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:39,439 Wow. Amazing. What the hell is meadowsweet? 200 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,859 It's pretty rare and it's the most powerful plant in pagan lore. 201 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,028 - Pagan lore? - Yeah. 202 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,697 They'd use meadowsweet for human sacrifices. 203 00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:50,075 It was kind of like a chum for their gods. 204 00:15:50,242 --> 00:15:53,745 Gods were drawn to it, they'd stop by and snack on the nearest human. 205 00:15:53,912 --> 00:15:56,373 Why would somebody use that for Christmas wreaths? 206 00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,708 It's not so crazy as it sounds, Dean. 207 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:01,086 Pretty much every Christmas tradition is pagan. 208 00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:03,046 Christmas is Jesus' birthday. 209 00:16:03,547 --> 00:16:07,884 Jesus' birthday was probably in the fall. It was the winter solstice festival... 210 00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:10,262 ...that was co-opted by the Church and renamed. 211 00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:13,974 The yule log, Santa's red suit, that's all remnants of pagan worship. 212 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:15,892 How do you know that? 213 00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:19,229 What will you tell me next? Easter bunny's Jewish? 214 00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:22,566 Think we're dealing with a pagan god? 215 00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,734 Yeah, probably Holdenacar... 216 00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:27,237 ...god of the winter solstice. 217 00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:31,908 And all these Martha Stewart wannabes buying these fancy wreaths. 218 00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,953 Yup, it's like putting a neon sign on your front door saying: 219 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,330 - "Come kill us." - Great. 220 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,460 When you sacrifice to Holdenacar, guess what he gives you? 221 00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:45,172 - Lap dances, hopefully. - Mild weather. 222 00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:50,594 Like no snow in the middle of December in Michigan. 223 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,762 - For instance. - Do we know how to kill it? 224 00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:54,472 No, Bobby's working on that now. 225 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:57,475 We gotta figure out where they're selling those wreaths. 226 00:16:57,642 --> 00:16:59,269 They're selling them on purpose? 227 00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:01,688 Feeding the victims to this thing? 228 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:04,441 Let's find out. 229 00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:16,536 - Can I help you, boys? - I hope so. 230 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:19,956 We were playing Jenga over at the Walsh's the other night and... 231 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:22,542 Well, he hasn't shut up since about this wreath. 232 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,670 - I don't know. You tell him. - Sure. 233 00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:29,007 It was yummy. 234 00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,388 I sell a lot of wreaths, guys. 235 00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:39,142 Right, right, but you see, this one would have been really special. 236 00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:43,647 It had... It had green leaves, white buds on it. 237 00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:45,982 Might have been made of meadowsweet? 238 00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,652 Well, aren't you a fussy one? 239 00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,153 N... 240 00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:52,155 He is. Heh-heh. 241 00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:55,659 Anyway, I know the one you're talking about. I'm all out. 242 00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:58,578 Huh. Seems like this meadowsweet stuff's rare and expensive. 243 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,122 - Why make wreaths out of it? - I didn't make them. 244 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,667 - Who did? - Madge Carrigan, a local lady. 245 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:06,503 Said they were so special, she gave them to me for free. 246 00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,505 - She didn't charge you. - Nope. 247 00:18:08,672 --> 00:18:10,507 - Sell them for free? - It's Christmas... 248 00:18:10,674 --> 00:18:14,219 - ...people pay a butt-load for this crap. - That's the spirit. 249 00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:20,433 How much do you think a meadowsweet wreath would cost? 250 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:24,396 - Couple hundred dollars, at least. - This lady's giving them away for free? 251 00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,022 What do you think about that? 252 00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:29,359 Well, I'd say it's pretty suspicious. 253 00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:34,364 Remember that wreath Dad brought home that one year? 254 00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:39,119 You mean, the one he stole from, like, a liquor store? 255 00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:41,871 Yeah, it was a bunch of empty beer cans. 256 00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,707 That thing was great. 257 00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:47,919 I bet if I looked around hard enough, I could probably find one just like it. 258 00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:49,546 All right. 259 00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:53,550 - Dude, what's going on with you? - What? 260 00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:58,096 Since when are you Bing Crosby? Why do you wanna do Christmas so bad? 261 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,891 Why are you so against it? Were your childhood memories that traumatic? 262 00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:04,144 - That has nothing to do with it. - Then what? 263 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:07,314 I mean, I just... I don't get it. 264 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,400 You haven't talked about Christmas in years. 265 00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:13,778 Well, yeah. 266 00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:16,698 This is my last year. 267 00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:25,957 I know. 268 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,419 That's why I can't. 269 00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:33,298 What do you mean? 270 00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:41,097 I mean, I can't just sit around drinking eggnog... 271 00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:43,641 ...pretending everything's okay... 272 00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:46,770 ...when I know next Christmas you'll be dead. 273 00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:53,276 I just can't. 274 00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:11,503 - Thought you went out? - Yeah, and I got you dinner. 275 00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,798 Don't forget your vegetables. 276 00:20:24,682 --> 00:20:27,310 I know why you keep a gun under your pillow. 277 00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:31,856 No, you don't. 278 00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:33,316 Stay out of my stuff. 279 00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:36,027 And I know why we lay salt down everywhere we go. 280 00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:38,696 No, you don't. Shut up. 281 00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:47,580 Where did you get that? That's dad's. 282 00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,833 He's gonna kick your ass for reading that. 283 00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,335 - Are monsters real? - What? 284 00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:54,379 - You're crazy. - Tell me. 285 00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:10,854 I swear, if you ever tell dad I told you any of this, I will end you. 286 00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:12,439 Promise. 287 00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:25,577 First thing you have to know is we have the coolest dad in the world. 288 00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:28,288 - He's a superhero. - He is? 289 00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:29,956 Yeah. 290 00:21:30,748 --> 00:21:31,875 Monsters are real. 291 00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:35,086 Dad fights them. 292 00:21:35,253 --> 00:21:36,880 He's fighting them right now. 293 00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:39,841 But dad said the monsters under my bed weren't real. 294 00:21:41,384 --> 00:21:44,137 That's because he'd already checked under there. 295 00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:46,723 But, yeah, they're real. 296 00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:49,225 Almost everything's real. 297 00:21:49,851 --> 00:21:51,728 Is Santa real? 298 00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:53,229 No. 299 00:21:57,066 --> 00:22:00,570 If monsters are real, then they could get us. They could get me. 300 00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:03,656 - Dad's not gonna let them get you. - But what if they get him? 301 00:22:04,365 --> 00:22:06,159 They aren't gonna get dad. 302 00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:08,119 Dad's, like, the best. 303 00:22:09,913 --> 00:22:12,248 I read in dad's book that they got mom. 304 00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:17,629 It's complicated, Sam. 305 00:22:17,795 --> 00:22:21,299 If they got mom, they can get dad. If they can get dad, they can get us. 306 00:22:22,634 --> 00:22:23,927 It's not like that. 307 00:22:26,387 --> 00:22:27,597 Okay, dad's fine. 308 00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:29,516 We're fine. 309 00:22:30,099 --> 00:22:31,768 Trust me. 310 00:22:37,482 --> 00:22:40,944 - You okay? - Yeah. 311 00:22:44,948 --> 00:22:47,450 You know, dad's gonna be here for Christmas. 312 00:22:47,951 --> 00:22:49,118 Just like he always is. 313 00:22:53,122 --> 00:22:54,624 I just wanna go to sleep, okay? 314 00:22:59,504 --> 00:23:01,214 Yeah, okay. 315 00:23:06,302 --> 00:23:08,137 It'll all be better when you wake up. 316 00:23:11,724 --> 00:23:13,142 You'll see. 317 00:23:17,188 --> 00:23:18,815 Promise. 318 00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:39,335 So this is where Mrs. Wreath lives, 319 00:23:40,837 --> 00:23:44,048 Boy, can't you just feel the evil, pagan vibe? 320 00:23:51,431 --> 00:23:53,933 - Yes? - Tell me you're the Madge Carrigan... 321 00:23:54,142 --> 00:23:56,686 - ...who makes the wreaths. - Why, yes I am. 322 00:23:56,853 --> 00:23:58,271 - Hah. Bingo. - Yeah. 323 00:23:58,438 --> 00:24:02,442 We were just admiring your wreaths at Mr. Silar's place the other day. 324 00:24:02,650 --> 00:24:03,693 You were? 325 00:24:04,152 --> 00:24:07,280 Isn't that meadowsweet the finest smelling thing you ever smelled? 326 00:24:07,447 --> 00:24:08,531 It is. It sure is. 327 00:24:08,698 --> 00:24:11,618 But seem the problem is that all your wreaths had sold out... 328 00:24:11,784 --> 00:24:14,287 - ...before we got the chance to buy one. - Oh, fudge. 329 00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:16,956 You wouldn't happen to have another one. 330 00:24:17,165 --> 00:24:20,877 Oh, no. I'm afraid those were the only ones I had for this season. 331 00:24:21,044 --> 00:24:23,379 Why'd you decide to make them out of meadowsweet? 332 00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:25,465 Why, the smell, of course. 333 00:24:25,673 --> 00:24:27,717 I don't think I've smelled anything finer. 334 00:24:27,884 --> 00:24:30,970 - Yeah. You mentioned that. - What's going on, honey? 335 00:24:31,179 --> 00:24:34,098 Well, just some nice boys, asking about my wreaths, dear. 336 00:24:34,265 --> 00:24:36,601 Oh, the wreaths are fine. Fine wreaths. 337 00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:39,812 Oh. Care for some peanut brittle? 338 00:24:42,065 --> 00:24:43,316 We're okay. 339 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,783 I knew it. Something was off with those two. 340 00:24:51,949 --> 00:24:54,577 - What did you find? - They lived in Seattle last year... 341 00:24:54,744 --> 00:24:56,663 ...where two abductions took place. 342 00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:58,581 They moved here in January. 343 00:24:58,748 --> 00:25:02,001 The Christmas crap wasn't boughs of holly, it was vervain and mint. 344 00:25:02,210 --> 00:25:04,253 - Pagan stuff? - Serious pagan stuff. 345 00:25:04,420 --> 00:25:07,799 Ozzie and Harriett are keeping a god hidden underneath their couch? 346 00:25:07,965 --> 00:25:10,343 All I know is we gotta check them out. 347 00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:14,931 What about Bobby? He's sure evergreen stakes will kill this thing, right? 348 00:25:15,264 --> 00:25:17,266 Yeah, he's sure. 349 00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:45,628 See, plastic. 350 00:26:23,166 --> 00:26:24,167 Hey, Dean. 351 00:27:52,797 --> 00:27:54,006 Sam! 352 00:28:07,478 --> 00:28:11,649 Gosh, I wish you boys hadn't come down here. 353 00:28:34,797 --> 00:28:36,215 Dean? 354 00:28:37,133 --> 00:28:38,801 Are you okay? 355 00:28:39,594 --> 00:28:41,554 Yeah, I think so. 356 00:28:42,388 --> 00:28:45,975 So I guess we're dealing with Mr. and Mrs. God. 357 00:28:46,309 --> 00:28:48,477 - Nice to know. - Yeah. 358 00:28:48,644 --> 00:28:51,314 Oh, and here we thought you two lazybones... 359 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,275 ...were gonna sleep straight through all the fun stuff. Ha-ha. 360 00:28:54,442 --> 00:28:58,487 - And miss all this? No, we're partiers. - Isn't he a kick in the pants, honey? 361 00:28:58,654 --> 00:29:00,781 You're hunters, is what you are. 362 00:29:00,948 --> 00:29:02,283 Yeah, and you're pagan gods. 363 00:29:02,450 --> 00:29:04,994 So why don't we call it even and go our separate ways? 364 00:29:05,161 --> 00:29:08,664 What, so you can bring back more hunters and kill us? I don't think so. 365 00:29:08,831 --> 00:29:11,959 You should have thought that before you went snacking on humans. 366 00:29:12,126 --> 00:29:13,502 Oh, now, don't get all wet. 367 00:29:13,669 --> 00:29:17,256 Why, we used to take over a hundred tributes a year. 368 00:29:17,423 --> 00:29:19,675 And that's a fact. 369 00:29:19,842 --> 00:29:22,845 Now, what do we take, what, two, three? 370 00:29:23,346 --> 00:29:25,848 - Uhn. - Hardy Boys here make five. 371 00:29:27,808 --> 00:29:29,810 Now, that's not so bad, is it? 372 00:29:29,977 --> 00:29:32,146 You say it like that, you are the Cunninghams. 373 00:29:32,313 --> 00:29:34,273 You better show us a little respect. 374 00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:35,566 Or what? 375 00:29:36,067 --> 00:29:38,194 - You'll eat us? - Not so fast. 376 00:29:38,361 --> 00:29:42,156 - There's rituals to be followed first. - Oh, we're just sticklers for ritual. 377 00:29:43,199 --> 00:29:45,034 You know what kicks off the shebang? 378 00:29:45,201 --> 00:29:46,994 Let me guess. Meadowsweet. 379 00:29:47,161 --> 00:29:49,121 Oh, shucks, you're all out of wreaths. 380 00:29:49,288 --> 00:29:51,457 I guess we'll have to cancel the sacrifice. 381 00:29:52,291 --> 00:29:54,627 Don't be such a gloomy Gus. 382 00:29:55,211 --> 00:29:56,712 There. 383 00:29:59,215 --> 00:30:01,550 Don't they just look darling? 384 00:30:01,717 --> 00:30:03,094 Good enough to eat. 385 00:30:05,012 --> 00:30:08,724 Alrighty-roo, step number two. 386 00:30:13,145 --> 00:30:14,897 - Sammy. - No. 387 00:30:15,064 --> 00:30:16,399 - Sammy? - No, no, don't. 388 00:30:16,607 --> 00:30:19,318 Leave him alone, you son of a bitch! 389 00:30:19,735 --> 00:30:22,697 You hear how they talk to us? Ha-ha. To gods? 390 00:30:22,863 --> 00:30:25,866 Listen, pal, back in the day, we were worshipped by millions. 391 00:30:26,033 --> 00:30:28,327 - Times have changed. - Ha. Tell me about it. 392 00:30:28,494 --> 00:30:31,706 All of a sudden, this Jesus character's the hot, new thing in town. 393 00:30:31,872 --> 00:30:35,751 Our altars are being burned down and we're being hunted down like monsters. 394 00:30:35,918 --> 00:30:40,256 But did we say peep? Oh, no, no, no, we did not. 395 00:30:40,423 --> 00:30:42,341 Two millennium. 396 00:30:42,508 --> 00:30:46,387 We kept a low profile, we got jobs, a mortgage. 397 00:30:46,887 --> 00:30:49,390 - We... What was that word, dear? - We assimilated. 398 00:30:49,557 --> 00:30:51,267 Yeah, we assimilated. 399 00:30:51,434 --> 00:30:54,103 Why, we play bridge on Tuesdays and Fridays. 400 00:30:54,270 --> 00:30:55,855 We're just like everybody else. 401 00:30:56,022 --> 00:30:57,940 You're not blending like you think, lady. 402 00:30:58,149 --> 00:31:00,735 This might pinch a bit, dear. 403 00:31:00,943 --> 00:31:02,945 Aah! You bitch! 404 00:31:03,446 --> 00:31:05,031 Oh, my goodness, me. 405 00:31:05,197 --> 00:31:07,158 Somebody owes a nickel to the swear jar. 406 00:31:07,908 --> 00:31:11,704 Oh, do you know what I say when I feel like swearing? Fudge. 407 00:31:12,621 --> 00:31:13,956 I'll try and remember that. 408 00:31:14,123 --> 00:31:16,709 You boys have no idea how lucky you are. 409 00:31:16,876 --> 00:31:19,462 There was a time when kids came from miles around... 410 00:31:19,670 --> 00:31:22,965 - ...just to be sitting where you are. - What do you think you're doing? 411 00:31:23,799 --> 00:31:26,427 You fudging touch me again, I'll fudging Kill you! 412 00:31:26,594 --> 00:31:27,970 Very good. 413 00:31:36,145 --> 00:31:38,147 No. No, don't. 414 00:31:47,281 --> 00:31:49,241 Oh-ho. We've got a winner. 415 00:32:03,089 --> 00:32:05,800 - What else, dear? - Well, let's see. 416 00:32:05,966 --> 00:32:08,010 Fingernail, blood. Oh! 417 00:32:08,219 --> 00:32:11,347 Sweet Peter on a Popsicle stick. Heh. I forgot the tooth. 418 00:32:11,597 --> 00:32:13,682 Dear. 419 00:32:14,850 --> 00:32:16,727 Merry Christmas, Sam. 420 00:32:22,149 --> 00:32:24,735 Open wide and say: Aah. 421 00:32:30,032 --> 00:32:31,450 Somebody gonna get that? 422 00:32:33,369 --> 00:32:35,037 You should get that. 423 00:32:38,874 --> 00:32:40,543 Come on. 424 00:32:43,879 --> 00:32:45,464 Merry Christmas. 425 00:32:45,631 --> 00:32:48,134 - I told you I smelled fruitcake. - You shouldn't have. 426 00:32:48,300 --> 00:32:50,886 - Oh. Bite your tongue. It's my pleasure. - Looks scrumptious. 427 00:32:51,053 --> 00:32:53,055 We're going caroling, care to join? 428 00:32:53,264 --> 00:32:54,348 You know we would... 429 00:32:54,515 --> 00:32:57,309 It's my back. Darn thing's giving me fits. 430 00:32:57,476 --> 00:32:58,978 That's a shame. 431 00:32:59,145 --> 00:33:01,313 - Oh, well, Merry Christmas. - And to you too. 432 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:04,066 - Are we still on for bridge tomorrow? - With bells on. 433 00:33:04,275 --> 00:33:06,277 - Yes. Okay, bye. - Bye-bye. 434 00:33:15,327 --> 00:33:17,830 Ah. Where were we? 435 00:33:32,094 --> 00:33:34,555 What do we do now? The stakes are in the basement. 436 00:33:34,722 --> 00:33:37,266 Well, we need more evergreen, Dean. 437 00:33:38,726 --> 00:33:41,061 I think I just found us some more. 438 00:33:41,228 --> 00:33:43,063 Help me get this. 439 00:34:15,596 --> 00:34:18,140 You little thing. 440 00:34:18,641 --> 00:34:20,809 I loved that tree. 441 00:34:31,904 --> 00:34:33,322 Madge! 442 00:35:04,687 --> 00:35:06,355 Merry Christmas. 443 00:35:27,584 --> 00:35:29,545 Sam, wake up. 444 00:35:31,588 --> 00:35:33,799 Dad was here. Look what he brought. 445 00:35:33,966 --> 00:35:36,468 - Dad was here? - Yeah. 446 00:35:36,635 --> 00:35:38,470 Look at this. We made a killing. 447 00:35:40,055 --> 00:35:41,598 Why didn't he try to wake me up? 448 00:35:43,142 --> 00:35:44,893 He tried to, like, a thousand times. 449 00:35:45,894 --> 00:35:46,979 He did? 450 00:35:47,479 --> 00:35:50,774 Yeah. Did I tell you he would give us Christmas or what? 451 00:35:52,192 --> 00:35:53,235 Go on. Dive in. 452 00:36:08,125 --> 00:36:09,710 What is it? 453 00:36:10,377 --> 00:36:11,795 Sapphire Barbie? 454 00:36:12,838 --> 00:36:16,050 - Heh. Dad probably thinks you're a girl. - Shut up. 455 00:36:16,216 --> 00:36:17,468 Open that one. 456 00:36:27,186 --> 00:36:29,730 - Dad never showed, did he? - Yeah, he did. I swear. 457 00:36:30,773 --> 00:36:32,816 Dean, where did you get all this stuff? 458 00:36:38,405 --> 00:36:39,740 Nice house up the block. 459 00:36:42,076 --> 00:36:45,579 I swear, I didn't know they were chick presents. 460 00:36:47,873 --> 00:36:50,376 Look, I'm sure dad would have been here if he could. 461 00:36:51,168 --> 00:36:53,337 - If he's alive. - Don't say that. 462 00:36:53,879 --> 00:36:55,839 Of course he's alive. 463 00:36:56,006 --> 00:36:57,633 He's dad. 464 00:37:05,391 --> 00:37:06,600 Here. 465 00:37:06,809 --> 00:37:09,103 - Take this. - No. 466 00:37:09,269 --> 00:37:11,063 No, that's for dad. 467 00:37:11,230 --> 00:37:13,232 Dad lied to me. 468 00:37:13,482 --> 00:37:14,775 I want you to have it. 469 00:37:18,904 --> 00:37:20,572 - Are you sure? - I'm sure. 470 00:37:38,382 --> 00:37:40,426 Thank you, Sam. I... 471 00:37:40,592 --> 00:37:42,344 I love it. 472 00:38:00,779 --> 00:38:02,865 Hey, you get the beer? 473 00:38:03,365 --> 00:38:04,992 What's all this? 474 00:38:05,325 --> 00:38:06,577 What do you think it is? 475 00:38:06,743 --> 00:38:07,911 It's Christmas. 476 00:38:13,834 --> 00:38:15,586 What made you change your mind? 477 00:38:18,714 --> 00:38:23,051 Here, try the eggnog. 478 00:38:24,219 --> 00:38:26,555 Let me know if it needs some more kick. 479 00:38:31,226 --> 00:38:32,269 - No, we're good. - Yeah? 480 00:38:32,436 --> 00:38:33,645 - Yeah. - Good. 481 00:38:33,812 --> 00:38:39,276 Well, have a seat. Let's do Christmas stuff or whatever. 482 00:38:39,610 --> 00:38:41,445 All right, first thing's first. 483 00:38:50,287 --> 00:38:52,247 Merry Christmas, Sam. 484 00:38:54,416 --> 00:38:57,044 - Where did you get these? - Some place special. 485 00:38:57,753 --> 00:38:59,338 Gas mart down the street. 486 00:38:59,505 --> 00:39:00,547 Open them up. 487 00:39:01,131 --> 00:39:02,382 Yeah. 488 00:39:02,591 --> 00:39:05,677 - Great minds think alike, Dean. - Really? 489 00:39:05,844 --> 00:39:07,221 Here you go. 490 00:39:07,387 --> 00:39:09,431 Oh, come on. 491 00:39:10,516 --> 00:39:12,017 Yeah. 492 00:39:12,518 --> 00:39:14,353 Skin mags... 493 00:39:16,355 --> 00:39:17,439 ...and shaving cream. 494 00:39:17,606 --> 00:39:19,149 You like? 495 00:39:19,942 --> 00:39:22,528 Yeah, yeah. 496 00:39:29,785 --> 00:39:32,621 Well, look at this. Fuel for me and fuel for my baby. 497 00:39:34,331 --> 00:39:37,376 - These are awesome. Thanks. - Good. 498 00:39:41,588 --> 00:39:42,673 Merry Christmas, bro. 499 00:39:43,465 --> 00:39:45,342 Yeah, yeah. 500 00:39:45,509 --> 00:39:46,802 Here, Merry Christmas. 501 00:40:03,443 --> 00:40:04,903 Hey, Dean. 502 00:40:18,959 --> 00:40:21,336 Do you feel like watching the game? 503 00:40:21,503 --> 00:40:22,796 Absolutely. 504 00:40:24,423 --> 00:40:25,507 All right. 37179

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