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[gentle music]

[woman] We're so happy to be in this beautiful sanctuary

to celebrate the bat mitzvah of the one and only Sevey.

You're not an adult right now. We know that.

You're not paying the mortgage. You're not-- you know,

you're not getting a job and supporting yourself. You, you're--

You're on the brink of it.

[chanting in Hebrew]

My darling Sevey, what an honor and privilege

it is to be your mom, and to stand here before you

today to witness you become a bat mitzvah.

I'm very proud of you.

I can't believe I have a daughter who is 13.

Open up the card.

"I love you more than unicorns!"

That's a lot of love.

[somber music]

People always say how quickly the time goes

with our kids, but for us, each day, month, year

has been a journey, and not always an easy one.

The lessons I've learned in the past year

while studying this Torah portion and everything about it

is to stand up for what's right and only look forward

because the past is in the past.

[Laura] While Sevey appears so confident and self-possessed in public,

getting to this day has not been easy for her.

[whirring]

Because since she was a baby, she's had an extremely anxious existence.

[Sevey] Anxiety, like, hurts my bones.

I don't know how to, like, say that, like, it hurts my bones,

and, like, it feels like a little piece

of my heart rips off every time.

[muffled cry]

[Laura] It's become almost a daily thing

in our house for Sevey to have

a colossal meltdown where she lands on the ground,

can't catch her breath, and can't move.

[sobbing]

[Sevey] I start getting this, like, gut feeling to just start

crying and start, like, hysterically melting down, um--

It feels like a giant person is just going like this to my head.

[white noise]

It just makes my body just, like, stop everything that it's doing

-and just... -[whirring]

...break down.

[Laura] Sevey's anxiety has left me feeling powerless as her mother,

and I know we're not alone.

The pressures our kids feel, the complexities of the world,

and their ability to cope with it has made anxiety

impact our kids on a level we've never seen before.

So I set out to make this film to understand what our kids are going through.

[wind blows]

-[GC] It gets very hard to breathe... -[thundering]

...and my head's pounding,

and I can't exactly think straight.

It became unbearable.

Every day, I dreaded going to school.

[thundering]

[Nora] This, like, storm

of just negativity.

Suddenly start breathing really hard.

[sobbing]

And you can't think straight, and you start screaming

and getting angry for no reason.

Anxiety is like worrying about your own shadow.

[white noise]

[somber music]

[Laura] Anxiety in kids and teens is a national crisis,

and it's time we talk about it.

[somber music fades]

-[tape rattling] -[upbeat jazzy music]

[announcer] The real joy, as well as responsibility,

of parenthood begins the day

the mother and father bring the baby home from the hospital.

[alarm blaring]

[baby wailing]

[gentle music]

[Heather] Noah is our oldest child...

...and so as first-time parents, we just assumed

that, you know, crying 23 out of 24 hours a day was normal.

[baby crying]

And I think it was actually when he first went to school

that we probably noticed it was as an issue.

[upbeat cartoon music]

[Dave] We would drop him off.

They would assure us that it was going to be fine.

Cut off. Come to order.

[kids chattering]

[Dave] And then he would go

to the other side of the building

outside for early recess,

and we would hear him screaming

as we walked away from the building.

It was just awful.

[child screaming and crying]

[somber tense music]

[Noah] The first real memory I have

of being very anxious going to school,

I was clinging to the seat, um,

when my dad was trying to pull me out of the car.

And, uh, it almost became a sense of panic

when I was feeling anxious,

and I would all of a sudden start

to feel a little bit sick...

...and then my mind would start racing.

[school bell ringing]

I would get really nervous

looking for a place to go,

maybe biting my nails and think, "Okay,

I'm gonna throw up soon, something bad is gonna happen,

and I won't be able to handle it."

[Heather] And he would call and say, "My stomach hurts.

I think I'm going to throw up."

And it started as one phone call,

and then it became four, five, six phone calls.

And ending each day, uh, with Noah, uh, was a process.

It would take up to two or three hours

a night to put him to bed.

That was our routine.

And there was one night I said to him,

"But why are you so afraid to go to sleep?"

And he said, "Because tomorrow I'm gonna wake up,

and it's gonna start all over again."

[somber music]

[kids chattering]

[Jackie] We're at the children's museum.

Good girl!

Cooper, say hello.

Cooper, honey, be careful of the big kids.

-[baby giggles] -Yay!

I wasn't really sure what it was,

but when she was... four...

...and we were applying to kindergarten,

she started to have some motor tics.

She was doing a very aggressive flinching of the arms.

-Mom, I can-- Like, it was like... -No, no, no, you don't have

-to demonstrate. So, it-- -It was like, I would go like this,

-like, constantly. -And it was

really painful to watch.

[cartoon music]

[Jackie] We took her to the pediatrician

just to tell her what was going on,

and the pediatrician said,

"Do you have any idea how anxious your child is

about all this kindergarten nonsense,

these interviews, these playdates?"

And I said, "Oh, I don't, I don't really think she's anxious."

And he said, "Yeah, I think she's really anxious."

[Cooper] Um, for me, I feel like it's just kind of something

that can really come in big, and it can last.

And sometimes, it makes you think

about all the bad possibilities.

It's just, sometimes, it feels like

you can't control it.

When I go to bed, I have a lot of things

beside me, like ChapStick,

and hair ties, and Vaseline, and tissues,

and... So that's just where I keep all that.

And then I get in bed.

I make sure my sheets are tucked.

That's just a way of comfort.

And then I organize all my things

and organize my things,

and I put them, like, in the middle.

Sometimes I just feel really overwhelmed with it,

like, "Oh, my God, what--"

Like, sometimes, I'll just have a minute, and I'll be like,

I need to get that thought out of my brain.

When I first started ha-- having anxiety,

it did start off with the stuffed animals

and the bedtime routine. I was having

an extremely difficult time sleeping.

I couldn't stop straightening things,

and closing things,

and making sure things were exactly how I wanted them.

[light suspenseful music]

Some nights, I would just... I would sit there,

and I'd say, "I can't stop. I think I'm gonna die."

[Jackie] That was really when we knew anxiety was something

that was definitely a part of everything,

and probably a part of the ticking

when she was, you know, four.

[dark music]

[Nora] It's crazy to think about being a kid

and having episodes,

like panic attack level episodes.

Like, there was one instance where I couldn't find

where my mom was in the house,

and there was a locked door to my dad's studio,

and he wasn't home.

And at five or six, I punched my hand through,

like, a full pane glass door because I was so frantic

that she was on the other side and, like, needed me and that...

...you know, she needed help or something.

It was a, it was just a whole-- the way it escalated

was probably in 30 seconds.

And she had just been on the phone upstairs.

[somber music]

[sobbing] I wanna go to sleep because... [cries]

[Mike] Well, Jonah, if you need to take a nap, that's fine,

but, you know, j-- we gotta read the book.

-There's nothing we can do-- -I can't take a nap, though.

I can't do anything!

[Mike] You said it's just the one page is boring.

-It's-- you know-- -It is. It's so stupid!

[groans and screams]

[Jonah] If it happens, like, I'll just kind of feel

maybe s-- a little bit sick.

For the most part, I just want to scream, and being really upset,

and you just kind of start spiraling.

[static buzzing]

[Jonah] It's basically just when I have a bunch of stuff, like,

I guess a bunch of information,

like, coming in at once...

...or like bunch of things that people are telling me to do.

That's really what triggers me.

[Mike] When he's actually in the middle of anxiety issues,

it can be a little scary sometimes, yeah,

is what I would describe it. She says heartbreaking,

I say scary, it's kind of the same thing.

Oh, my God. [whining]

[Meredith] The thought that goes through my mind,

"What do I have to do?"

You know, I pray about it. I think about it.

I'm like, "What can I do to do this? What can I do?

What are-- what's the next solution?

What's the next strategy?

How can I help him?"

Because I can't foresee him being like this his whole life.

It's just torture.

[intriguing music]

[Naiya] I just had all these feelings in my, my gut,

all these gut problems

where I just was feeling sick all the time.

And it was like, I'm embarrassed to, to be

in class because my stomach is rumbling

or I'm having to run to the restroom.

So it became more embarrassment.

[children shouting]

That was in elementary school, you know, fifth grade,

around all these other kids who seem to be so carefree...

...and who I didn't know, maybe some of them

were dealing with some of the similar things I was,

but no one was talking about it.

I didn't think anyone else was having the same issues

that I was having...

...and I didn't want to be judged.

[birds chirping]

I began going to the doctor,

just trying to figure out, you know,

what it was that I was dealing with.

They really didn't know what to do for me,

and I tried everything, everything under the sun.

And it was never a cure.

♪ Feel like a merry-go-round ♪

[muffled laughter]

[Nora] It was always like going to the doctor

and the doctor saying, "Oh,

it's like a phase she's going through."

But what happens is, like, you can say it's a phase,

but I think with anxiety,

a huge factor of it is how it changes.

You, you tend to find new, new triggers.

You find things that... Like, it goes through--

it does go through phases, but it's not a phase.

[chuckles] Yeah.

[somber music]

[Heather] I remember one day, Noah coming home from school

and sitting on the bottom step,

and he said, "No one understands me.

Um, what's wrong with me? Why don't I feel normal?"

And that's a terrible question to get

when you're tucking your child in bed at night, say,

"Why, why aren't I normal?"

[Lynn] I travel around the country.

I have been talking for a few years

about what's going on with our kids, anxiety,

the issues that we're dealing with, stress.

When I talk to parents, I do a lot of parenting workshops,

and conferences, and that kind of stuff,

and I say to parents at the beginning jokingly,

"Okay, so here's the deal.

If it's nature, it's you. If it's nurture, it's you."

And then everybody sort of laughs nervously, "Ha-ha."

But really, it's a combination.

There is a genetic component.

Temperament plays a part in it.

If you have several kids, you may have one child,

you say, "Gosh, he's so laid-back."

And then we've got other kids with different temperaments,

more introverted, more sensitive,

just generally more fearful of the world.

So there is that huge nature component.

What do we do with that, is the nurture,

and if we have a kid who we know is at risk

because of trauma, because of their personality,

because of, uh, the way that their family handles the world,

that's when we have to step in and say,

"How do we nurture through the nature?"

In the same way that sometimes your kid

has a musical ear and sometimes they have a gift for math,

sometimes they're going to be more anxious

or more inattentive, um, than the average child.

And, and basically, we're talking about DNA roulette.

[tape rolling]

[Dan] When you have children, you get this whole set

of networks inside of you of ancient, ancient history...

...as a mammal and as a human being,

to protect that baby.

That's, like, your number one thing.

"I'm gonna keep that baby safe."

So, of course, even in you,

it can create incredible anxiety.

What am I supposed to do so that my child

won't get depressed, won't get anxious,

won't get into trouble, won't experience trauma,

won't feel despair in their life,

that they can have a good, solid life,

they can be kind, they can be caring,

they can be empathic,

and they can feel good about who they are?

Our environment plays such a strong role

as to those who go on to develop anxiety disorders.

And so I kind of like to think about it

as genetics being the gun

and the environment being the trigger.

[dark music]

[Dr. Shefali] I believe the parent-child relationship

is the most profound relationship

because the child is bathed

and surrounded by the parents' energy

more than anyone else.

And those early years is when the child

is the most absorbent, the most sponge-like.

So it's very important for the parent to be

in a state of wholeness.

Nobody comes into my office and says,

"You know, I really wanted to make my kid a worrier

like, like I am."

But what we know about kids that are anxious,

that are raised in worried environments,

is that they perceive the world as a more dangerous place.

[cartoon music]

[Lynn] Anxiety is generally fueled by thoughts

about things that haven't happened yet.

It's called "catastrophic thinking."

Anxious parents talk a lot about the dangers of the world.

They catastrophize.

So instead of saying,

"Hey, pay attention when you ride your bike,"

they say, "Look, there are people

on the way to school that could steal you,

and you could get hit by a car,"

and they talk about all the things that could happen.

Now, think about the way that worry and anxiety work.

They're all about what-if-ing,

thinking about what could happen,

and anxious parents tend to do that

in front of their children, not just about

what's going on with their children,

-but in their own lives too. -[bicycle bell rings]

[Heather] Noah would go out and want to ride his bike

in the driveway without his helmet.

I would say things like, "You can't go out without your helmet.

You know what would happen? You fall off your bike.

You crack your skull.

[stutters] You know, you'll have brain damage."

And then, you know, I would give every worst-case scenario.

And I did that to my kids.

Anxiety, uh, depends a, a lot on your upbringing.

There's a family feeling, and this family feeling

is an heirloom dating back generations

that's just transmitted around the dinner table

that help people to shape what it is that they'll feel.

[tape rolling]

Each one of us comes with a legacy

from our childhoods,

and those early childhood experiences

create imprints within us, a script...

-[tape rattles] -[gentle music]

...a mental movie we make of who we are,

how we relate with others, and how the world is.

You know, how our parents were around love,

around challenges, around race, color, sexuality,

all of that has created a script within us

that creates our life story

upon which we now base our entire existence.

Unless we awaken to these patterns,

unless we realize how we are living a pattern,

we will unconsciously project these patterns

onto our children.

I was always an anxious kid,

I think, even if my parents or friends didn't realize it.

I was always worried about something.

I was worried about money, or worried about how I looked,

worried about friends,

worried about what people thought.

I-- It was unsettling.

When I was a kid, did you find me to be anxious?

Uh, I don't, I don't know that I would have said it was anxious.

You had a little-- you had a lot of tics.

What sort of tics, physical tics?

Physical tics. Whatever you call them.

But your father did also, so it didn't bother me.

I could see where people, um,

would literally be thinking dark thoughts,

like, "This is on the DNA of your family,

and then, you know, you're to blame."

And-- But I, I, I, I don't think we've gone down that path.

If you look at the closet,

every shirt has to be laying

on the hanger facing the same way.

The hangers are virtually the same distance apart,

and he's meticulous about it,

shoes in plastic containers.

I've never seen ties hung so neatly,

almost color coordinated.

He is impeccably organized,

neat, and it's just sort of the way

he is with all his stuff.

I'm certainly a neatnik, fussy, uh, regimented.

It's just a, a, a way of, I think, imposing order

on a chaotic world.

Um, and, and so I'm going to put myself in the category of...

...definitely hyper-regimented,

but not, uh,

you know, to, to the point of...

Uh, what's the word I'm searching for?

-Dysfunction? -Yeah.

[somber music]

[Meredith] I knew there was something off about me.

I was a very depressed teenager.

I knew that that wasn't normal. [chuckles]

And I was looking for solutions for myself.

Yeah, I, I've had a lifelong struggle with mental illness.

And Jonah, certainly, has inherited

some of my brain chemistry.

He's gotta d-- deal with his dad,

who has major anxiety issues himself, so...

...it's a challenge for the poor kid, you know?

Because I'm, I have problems and I can't--

I try to remember back to when I was a kid.

And when he is having a bad day,

I feel like it was much more intense

than anything I experienced at his age.

[Kenya] So if a parent hasn't coped

with their own mental health concerns,

it makes it very difficult for them to be able

to try and address a child's concerns.

Kids are always going to need you,

and when you don't have the resources

to just be present and to kind of manage

your own experiences and your own thoughts,

it makes it incredibly difficult

to take care of somebody else.

[sad cartoon music]

[piano music playing]

I thought I would just show you guys some of my, um, pictures,

uh, from when I was growing up, so I'll just turn the camera.

My mom, dad, and I.

I think with my anxiety,

it's a bit of a mixture of nature and nurture.

It's hard to tell, you know, the exact balance,

but I think given that my mom and my grandmother,

and probably her mother have all suffered from anxiety,

that there's definitely

a strong genetic component to it.

But I think

the, uh, nurture part of it is also a huge role.

This is my parents' wedding photo.

I keep this in my scrapbook 'cause, I mean,

they're divorced now, so I don't, I don't think

either one of them wanted this picture anymore,

but I, I keep it.

Yeah, so my parents were, you know,

were fighting a lot, ended up getting a divorce.

I think it made me grow up very quickly.

I kind of felt like I was taking care

of my sister and making sure she was okay.

I'm very protective over her.

I think my parents kind of look to me to, you know--

it's like, "What does your sister want to eat?"

You know, "How is she feeling?" They look to me

to kind of give those updates,

and that can also be really stressful.

[somber music]

You know, my mom and my dad didn't know

how to deal with my anxiety.

They'd say, you know, "It's all in your head.

It's fine."

And I think that caused a lot of loneliness

because I was feeling these things,

but I didn't have a name to put on it at the time.

So I kind of-- I was like, "Something's wrong with me,

but I don't know what it is,

and I don't know if I'll get any help anytime soon."

[wind blowing]

[Harold] On average, depending on the diagnosis,

parents wait anywhere from two to eight years

from the onset of symptoms till they go

to a mental health professional.

The reason I find that so chilling

is that we treat everything else with more seriousness,

with, with more respect.

[somber music]

If someone gets a rash, by the time I'm done speaking,

they've gone to the drugstore to get some cortisone.

And if it's not gone in two days,

within two weeks, they're in a dermatologist's office.

And yet we do not give the same concern

to our children's mental health.

It's also something that you can't physically see.

It's like a broken bone, there on display.

Everyone can see it.

Because it's something that not everybody is experiencing,

it's very easy to chalk it up to just kind of being weak.

There's been so much shame

around any sort of mental "ill health"

that families have typically suppressed it.

And that's why I think in today's generation,

we're seeing it more clearly, but it's always been there.

[somber music]

[Meredith] I've observed anxiety in my parents, definitely.

It's not something that everyone's really comfortable

talking about.

It's a different generation.

There's not as much willingness

to talk about that it's okay,

that we shouldn't have it stigmatized,

so it's kind of a little embarrassing.

It's also very difficult for parents to identify...

...um, problems within their child

if they're having so much difficulty themselves.

I think that, potentially, they may have blinders on.

[Jackie] I'm here in Cooper's room.

With Cooper's OCD, she wants everything

to be really symmetrical, which I totally get.

So when we're making her bed...

Um, and this is kind of a new thing.

She didn't really care too much about this,

um, but recently, it's, it's a thing.

So I have to fold each side, and she wants to know

that each side of the bed is tucked in really tightly.

So I go to the other side, and I do the same thing.

I talk a lot about anxiety as the cult leader.

The cult leader

says, "These are the rules we're gonna follow."

Families listen because they just gotta get through the day.

So you gotta get to your job.

You want your kid to sleep in his own bed.

You want them to go to school.

You don't want the chaos that happens

when you disobey the cult leader.

So you start listening to the cult leader.

And the problem is, is that the more you listen

to the cult leader, the stronger this thing gets.

That's how cult leaders work.

So people become beholden,

and they will say,

"Oh, everything's going great."

So people will come to see me, and I'll say,

"Well, what have you learned

about managing anxiety in your family?"

"Well, as long as we, fill in the blank."

[Jackie] Like, if I were to leave the bed like this...

I don't know if you can see it, but it's just uneven

and not tucked tightly enough,

she would not be happy, so I have to take it down,

tuck it in,

and if it's not tucked on both sides,

she really can't go to sleep,

and it just causes her, um, some anxiety,

and it causes her to have to do

another fixing of the bed before.

So I'm happy to do it,

and it only takes a few minutes.

-[ominous music] -[muffled footsteps]

[Lynn] As long as we put the cult leader in charge,

as long as everybody falls in line,

things will go great.

The problem is, how do you pull that off?

Worlds get smaller.

I've had kids where the child

determines what restaurant

the family is allowed to eat at,

that the child determines

the parents have to go to bed

at the same time as the child,

nobody's allowed to be in certain rooms of the house.

And they're not doing it on purpose,

and they're not trying to be controlling,

but the cult leader says, "Listen to what I'm saying,

or there's going to be a price to pay."

And they don't want to pay the price, understandably,

and it gets stronger and stronger,

and you start avoiding more.

You start changing your routines.

You start demanding of other people

that they follow your cult leader too.

And pretty soon the anxiety is what is determining

what everybody does and what everybody experiences.

And it happens fast.

[muffled speech]

[Dave] There was a day in particular when I went

to school with Noah to sit in the classroom with Noah,

just to reassure him.

Just watched him, occasionally would go over,

and kind of rub his neck, and say, "Th-- It's okay."

And, um, all the while, we were sort of building

on team worry, you know, building on his anxiety.

[Lynn] Are you working to create certainty

and to create comfort

in the absence of skill building?

So an example of that may be, so you've got a, a, a child

who's having difficulty going into school.

So the school and the parents work together,

and they come up with a plan

that everything goes in a certain order.

The backfield shifts to the right,

the right end takes a defensive tackle in...

[Lynn] So everybody works really hard to make sure

that everything goes as planned.

The anxiety disorder says, "This is exactly what I need."

The more you do the disorder, the stronger it gets.

The more that everybody steps in to make sure

that anxiety gets what it wants,

the stronger this thing gets.

So I use that phrase all the time,

"Are you doing the disorder?"

I remember feeling better for that day,

but then I don't think there was a long-term plan

in effect there because he couldn't come to school with me every day.

So I felt better for one day and then went right back

to the same routine the next one.

[bird cawing]

[somber music]

[Lynn] And then there are parents

who have the tough love approach.

Basically, what they're saying to me is that,

"We're working for the cult leader,

and it's not working because the problem's getting worse."

So they're not totally off base,

but the tough love approach is simply based on a lack

of understanding and a lack of, um, talking about skills.

They just don't know what to do instead,

so they move far in the other direction.

What happens with families when you've got one

that believes in tough love and one that's working

for the cult leader is they stake out their territory,

and then they get farther and farther apart.

The more-- The parent says,

"The more that you do tough love,

the more I'm gonna compensate over here."

"The more that you work for the cult leader,

the more that I'm going to resist that."

So we need to pull them together

so that we're talking about skill building.

[somber music]

[bubbling]

[faintly] Okay, get off. We're gonna ride.

[Dave] Excellent, Noah!

[Lynn] Anxiety doesn't have a lot of tricks in its toolbox.

It does the same thing over, and over, and over again.

It shows up, and it says...

"[gasps] What if?"

And you start imagining bad things happening.

You start imagining these bad things happening.

You are playing a little movie in your head.

Your alarm system, your amygdala,

your body responds to this narrative

as if you are in danger.

It fires up the system through your adrenal glands.

It gets your body going, fills you

with all of the chemicals, the, the, the, the norepinephrine,

the epinephrine, that are designed

to get your body going for fight or flight,

and sometimes freeze.

If in that moment, you say...

"[gasps] What's going on? Oh, my God,

it's happening again. I've got to get out of here.

I've got to get rid of these feelings.

I've got to get rid of these thoughts.

I can't stand this."

You are doing the disorder.

What happens if we begin to recognize it

when it shows up?

So a huge skill is being able

to step into the situation,

have that response, and know what to do with it.

So we want to name it. We want to normalize it.

[tense cartoon music]

We want to say, okay, so worry is named Fred.

When Fred shows up, this is what Fred says,

this is what Fred demands...

...and this is how we're gonna respond to Fred.

How do we help them recognize

the thoughts, the emotions, the sensations show up?

That's very empowering because now we're talking

about how this thing works rather than trying

to rearrange the world in order to accommodate it.

When I was younger, I think that I just didn't understand that I could get through it.

[somber music]

It was just something that was completely

just out of reach for me.

[Dave] We felt that the message we were sending was,

"We love you. We care for you.

We'll always be there for you."

When in fact, it was more,

"We don't think you can handle this."

I think that's probably the message that was received,

that, you know, somewhere in the back of his mind was,

"Oh, I can't-- They don't believe I can handle this.

I probably can't handle this."

That's a lot of stairs for a little guy.

[Dr. Shefali] If we don't pay attention

to how our "caring for our children"

is really a mask of our own anxiety,

then we'll keep doing it and keep blaming,

and fixing, and contouring our children,

puppeteering them into greater and greater inner disconnection

and not even realize that we are.

And in doing so, the child grows up

kind of feeling disconnected to who it is they are.

They have to meet the needs of the parent

versus meet their own needs.

My dad, uh, has been in the military

for 40 plus years.

He recently retired.

I think that that kind of gave him

a more hardened outlook and perception of life.

He's very much a "my way or the highway" kind of person.

He doesn't take into account that the world

that he grew up in and the world

that I'm in now are two different places.

I mean, I'm not out to him.

[somber music]

As far as he knows, I am your typical straight,

white conservative, like, red-blooded American.

But the truth is, I'm everything

that he rails against on the daily.

He's not doing any of this because he hates me.

He's not doing any of this because he has any malice,

any ill-intent.

I genuinely feel that he wants what's best for me,

it's just what he thinks is best for me is not me.

There was the conversation of, like, "Oh, like,

if Karl were to come out as gay one day,

like, could you love him?"

And like, obviously, my mom was immediately

just like, "Well, duh." Like, "That's my child."

But the words that ring in my head was from my dad

saying, "I don't know."

Those three words.

And honestly...

I, I, I honestly would have preferred

if he had just said no.

[Lynn] When a child is not allowed to discover who they are,

is not allowed to develop autonomy,

figure out their own identity, their own choices,

the likelihood of that young person

developing an anxiety disorder is pretty significant.

[Jackie] My quote in my high school yearbook was,

"To hear the applause."

That's what I dreamed of when I graduated high school.

I love being the center of attention. You get that from me.

You know, it says a lot about me,

and I, I get that you have a lot of that in you.

But I'm telling you, I'm always proud of you.

I think you do a lot of things that make me proud.

I think you try your hardest.

-That makes us proud. -Okay.

Yeah, I just don't know. I mean, I just--

I don't know, like, what I do.

[chuckles] When are you proud of me?

When you're not mean. [laughing]

-That's not fair! -I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

-Um... -What do you mean "mean"?

When I'm scared of you.

Are you really ever scared of me?

Well, sometimes, I'm afraid you'll get mad.

Like, when I did bad on that audition,

you were just like,

"Cooper, I'm done.

-Yeah. -I'm sick of it."

Like, you just-- and it, it--

Well, I, I think I lose my temper more easily because...

Especially when it comes to singing,

I know what you're capable of.

I think-- Well, I think a couple things happen.

I worry that it's a reflection on me.

I also kind of feel that

I would nail every audition.

They seem really easy to me,

so I don't understand why you can't nail them.

Like, that's-- I mean, I'm--

I, I sound crazy admitting it, but I'm like,

-"Why can't you say this line the way it's meant to be said?" -[stutters]

You know what made me so angry about that one, Cooper?

Here I am spending all the time,

and the energy,

and the financial commitment on therapy and this,

and I'm like, "Oh, my gosh!

Like, you let your anxiety win."

I just want you to have that confidence.

And I didn't have it, but I realize how so much

of the anxiety I had over being judged

at an audition really held me back.

If I could audition-- if I had an agent right now,

and I could go back and audition

for everything I auditioned for--

-I'd do it differently. -No, no, no, I would be booking every job.

[somber music]

[Kenya] Kids can develop just kind of a sense of inadequacy,

of never being able to meet that standard

that parents have set for them,

as well as it can also impact

just their own personal identity...

...because they're not being given the chance

of developing that sense of self and who they are,

and they're becoming heavily reliant

on just becoming the person that somebody else wants them to be.

Tell me about some of those pressures

that, that are, um, coming at you so quickly.

Um, well, parental pressures.

To do what?

Just to be good and, like, kind of act like an adult,

even though I'm not, um, an adult yet.

[crying] This is so stupid.

It's put me into the wrong mindset!

Okay, honey, tell me what I can do

to help you get into the right mindset.

You just put a whole 'nother layer of stress on me here!

And it just messed me all up.

[muffled] Please don't.

[Laura] There were so many things I thought

I was doing as a good parent

that just made Sevey's anxieties worse.

-[Sevey] Please! -I don't always know the right thing to do

because I don't know what anxiety feels like for her.

Take a deep breath. Look at Mom.

Take a deep breath. [breathing deeply]

My empathy for Sevey is significant,

but I've never walked in her shoes.

And now that she's 13,

what makes her anxious has changed,

and it's become even more difficult to navigate.

Feeling like I'm gonna disappoint

makes me very anxious.

Having my mom being mad at me is-- makes me anxious.

Having one of my friends being mad at me makes me anxious.

[Lynn] If you look at it, it's interesting,

developmentally, the things

that kids become aware of

are the things that worry then grabs on to.

So middle school kids will be worried about social stuff.

They start worrying about achievement.

They start worrying about how are they gonna live

separate from their parents.

[Dan] As a child leaves elementary school

and moves into middle school, the first thing

that generally happens is a remodeling of the brain

and how an adolescent experiences life.

[gentle cartoon music]

There's more intense emotions that happen.

It can get overwhelming. Your emotions get so big.

Then there's social engagement.

For this adolescent to survive, she must have belonging

to at least one other adolescent.

That's been true for many, many mammals,

where you see that if you don't have an association

with other adolescents, you will die,

you will be somebody's lunch.

So the reason your adolescent says, "Oh, my God,

I need to have that kind of boot,"

or that kind of shoe, or that kind of jacket,

or whatever, you know,

they're not just being superficial,

they have an evolutionary history

to wanting to be socially connected.

[gentle somber music]

Belonging, for the mind,

is like breathing for the body.

I remember in middle school,

that was even rougher than elementary school for me.

I grew up in South Florida,

very predominantly white areas,

you know, went to a private school

from kindergarten through fifth grade,

where I was literally, not exaggerating,

one of like three or four Black kids

in the entire school.

I don't know. I just wasn't myself.

I don't think I was my best self then

because I was so anxious all the time

and hiding that part of me.

When I was around 14,

I felt like I was being bullied,

and it was really hard for me. I couldn't, I couldn't really understand why

not everyone would like me. Like, for some reason, I just had to have everybody

like me and everybody be cool with me.

And I just remember trying to do

everything I could to get people to like me.

And I just remember my mind, like, almost tricking me

and being like, "Oh, yeah, like, you weren't invited to that because they don't like you,"

or, "Oh, you're being annoying," or, "Oh, you need to calm down,"

or "You're doing too much," or-- And it was just back and forth

and back and forth, and I just remember that's when I really started, like,

having days where I'd just be home crying

and not exactly knowing why.

[somber music]

[Karl] Where I went to middle school,

the typical thing for people was like,

"Oh, that's, that's gay," like, calling people the F-slur.

When your only real exposure to it is the fact

that everybody else is using it as an insult,

made me feel...

...awful, subhuman.

When it started really conflicting with this idea

of who I was...

...you, you just shut down completely and utterly.

Your, your emotions are heightened.

Your, your, your, your physical abilities are lowered.

It, it, it just gets overwhelming.

This morning, I woke up to my mom sending me

a picture of when I was in eighth grade.

And it was interesting because I, I wanted

to cringe when I saw it, and I was bigger.

I was definitely at-- I'm 5'10".

And I was probably like 5'8" in eighth grade.

And I remember that moment where that's really

when my depression and anxiety started.

The body image stuff is-- it probably is hard

for a lot of people to kind of grasp when you, uh,

when you don't-- when you haven't felt it.

It's kind of like a panic attack in that way.

[somber music]

[Nicole] I remember feeling

uncomfortable in my skin.

I remember the anxious thoughts.

I remember feeling like I just wasn't good enough,

and that was weird for somebody that's just about to be 13 years old.

I've always just felt like,

"Man, I need, I need a little more."

Like, "I need to, I need to be a little more muscular,"

or "I need-- I'm too skinny right now."

And it's that, it's that same negative self-talk,

like, you're not good enough.

When we don't allow our children to own

their authentic voice and to feel comfortable

in their own skin,

then they grow up constantly foraging,

scavenging the Earth for an inner sense of self,

and they look outward.

[Nicole] I sought external validation because I feel like

that's just what I was taught.

I think we live in a world now where you pick up

your phone, it's Instagram,

it's Twitter, it's TikTok.

You're looking and comparing yourself to everything.

And you also see the way that people idolize

those people that are "winning" in this social media industry.

[GC] I downloaded TikTok, um,

and I made a... a couple of videos.

I was just like, "Hey, it'd be cool to get TikTok famous."

And then I made, like, three videos that week, and they all blew up.

So I really never expected to get any followers

or even grow as much as I did.

Currently, I have about 280,000 followers, I think.

There definitely is a danger when it comes

to spending a lot of time on social media.

It definitely has the potential to become

this environment of judgment and pressure.

I remember there was one point in my life

where I was just on social media scrolling,

and scrolling, and scrolling. It, it just took a toll on me,

and I was like, "Wow, why can't I look like that?

Why is, you know, this going on?" Like,

"I need to, like, do better for myself."

Now I'm just comparing everything.

I'm com-- comparing my body.

I'm comparing sometimes even my character.

"I shouldn't have done this. I've made too many mistakes.

I regret this." And all of a sudden, it's like,

it's not even just the way that I look.

It's the way that I feel.

It's the way that I carry myself.

I don't, um, walk straight. I don't stand up straight.

I don't do all of these things that I see

in, like, a really short clip.

[Sevey] I got so incredibly tough on myself

about looking a certain way,

like, basically looking like an Instagram model,

which is such an unfair standard,

but it's definitely one of my biggest triggers

right now.

I will sadly look at myself in the mirror and like say,

"Oh, my gosh, you need to lose weight.

You look too fat. Your waist isn't perfect."

Like, "How are you gonna fit into that dress?

How are you gonna fit into that bathing suit?"

And, like, that's a normal activity for me.

Like, it's sad to say, but it is.

[sighs] I can't get away from the trap.

Everything that, um, I love is on my phone.

How many hours did I spend in my phone?

Oh, my God, yesterday, it was ten.

To be able to post on TikTok or to be able

to post on Instagram is super important to me,

and the amount of followers I have is important to me.

Why am I losing followers?

Do I not look good in a certain picture?

Do I need to change something?

[Karl] I can have hundreds of comments that are so nice

and so uplifting, and all it takes

is just one video to flop or, like, one negative comment,

and it just overshadows the rest.

It's almost as if it feels like the rest just isn't real,

that the rest is just some sort of, sort of mirage,

people just being nice to me.

And then if someone notices, like, bad parts,

if someone notices flaws, it's like,

"Well, they're, they're right, they exist."

The other token of that is the validation

that you do receive once you've been deprived of it for so long

is satisfying, it's addicting,

and that's why we go back to it every single time.

But it's fleeting. It doesn't fill anything.

We have an empty void.

So in that world of comparison that I was living in,

it felt like I didn't just have anxiety,

I was living in it.

The loneliness almost crept in more...

...and that kind of loneliness is the most debilitating thing

that you can feel because you get just enough

to keep you going, but nothing that's actually real or true.

[GC] It was definitely super overwhelming,

and I just remember waking up

and like feeling dead and drained,

and driving to school,

and then getting in the parking lot,

and doing nothing but just crying.

And I just remember calling my mom and being like,

"I, I can't do this. I can't,

I can't go to school. I can't do this."

Like, I just feel like I, I just want to stop everything.

Anxiety thrives in isolation

because it's an internal process.

People think that anxiety

is all about what goes on out here,

but the way it really gets its power

is how we interpret in here what's going on out here.

And so if you are alone,

if you are in your room by yourself,

if you're looking at your smartphone,

the stories that you tell,

the internal focus that we have with anxiety

is, is something we really need to pay attention to.

When you are left alone with your thoughts,

when you are in there telling stories, worrying,

feeling all of these feelings by yourself,

it is no surprise at all

that those kids move toward depression.

They're being bombarded by messages that who it is

they are is not good enough.

That's why you and I are anxious,

because if we fall prey to the message

that who you are is still not good enough,

you need to be that, and you need to be more,

and you need to be skinnier, and whiter, and lovelier,

and cleverer, I mean, that's what our children are bombarded by,

a standard of beauty, a standard of intellect,

a standard of perfectionism that is out of reach.

[somber music]

My name is Frances Haugen.

I used to work at Facebook.

The documents I have provided to Congress prove

that Facebook has repeatedly misled the public

about what its own research reveals

about the safety of children.

The company's leadership knows how to make Facebook

and Instagram safer,

but won't the necessary changes because they have put

their astronomical profits before people.

We have culture that wants to be, uh, capitalistic

and predating on children because culture

makes a quick buck on it.

But they need to be told, our children,

that what you're seeing is fantasy.

You have the child, you know, at that intersection

of a culture that's desiring of greatness

and a cultural pressure that's desiring of capitalism, really.

You have the poor child

who's just mercilessly thrown around

in the winds of this craze.

[bubbling]

When we think about whether or not kids are more anxious

today than they were in the past,

the answer is yes, the statistics show it

in terms of the numbers rising.

Kids are more anxious today because they are

constantly being put into situations,

not all of them bad, where they're being evaluated.

There's enormous amount of information.

We are being s-- bombarded by too much stimulation.

This is another route to anxiety,

too much stimulation,

and people will have a meltdown

because of the limited bandwidth

that they have to be able to process

the bombardment of sounds

and images that are coming at them.

[sirens blaring]

[Lynn] The ability to know everything all the time

is really causing the anxiety to really explode

in a way that's pretty unprecedented.

There's a lot of cultural unrest

happening right now,

um, and it's very scary.

Uh, things feel very uncertain.

[sniffles] So tonight, I, I was in the bathroom

washing my face, and they were out here watching their show.

And I was just in there washing my face,

and a helicopter flew over...

[helicopter blades whirring]

...and it started, like,

saying stuff off like a loudspeaker.

[muffled announcement]

And I couldn't really understand what they, they were saying,

but all I could understand was, "Something, something, 911"...

...and I got really scared, and I didn't know what it was,

and we didn't know what it was.

Every time a helicopter flies over like that,

it's, it's, it's really scary for me

because I don't know what's gonna happen

because... [sniffles] ...like,

all the stories that I've heard in the past,

like, school shootings,

mall shootings,

anything that happens with, like,

really dangerous situations,

that's my worst fear.

I never want to be caught up in that.

[crowd shouting]

[Naiya] We're living in very scary times.

I, I see a lot of hate being displayed.

I'm sure, you know, some of these people

always had these feelings,

but it just wasn't in your face like that.

And we're just living in very divisive times.

It's scary.

[light tense music]

[GC] Recently, I've been worrying a lot

about the state of our nation,

and there's been a lot going on

when it comes to racial injustices and stuff.

I worry a lot because of my racial background.

Um, in case you couldn't tell, I'm... [chuckles]

...I'm not exactly white.

Uh, and so, um,

there is definitely a lot of, um...

...certain systemic issues that I face.

And so I pretty much worry every time I go out the street,

every time a cop car passes me,

and I, I-- it's just, it's just things where I fear for my life,

and I just worry and...

I don't know, I just get worried that I'd never see

my parents or friends again because if,

if something were to happen to me, I don't know.

[somber music]

[Naiya] I remember I was pulled over once

when I was in high school,

and I remember being terrified.

I didn't even-- hadn't realized, you know,

that I was even doing anything wrong.

And I remember being afraid that I could lose my life.

And I was actually crying. I remember calling my parents, and they said like,

"Just stay calm. You'll be fine."

[Kenya] It's an extra layer of anxiety

for Black and brown families, just dealing with racism.

That's something that white people don't have

to, to deal with.

That sort of experience

of just constantly feeling afraid.

Anxiety to me...

It might have been when I was around eight,

nine years old, coming home with my dad

and pulling into the driveway,

turning the car off, try to step out,

and seeing...

...just the whole world turning red and blue.

Having the first interaction

with the police in that sense...

[muffled police radio chatter]

...from the flashlights,

and with the guns drawn,

and the flashlights on assault rifles pointed at me

and my father from both windows.

Finding out my brother had passed away from drugs,

sadly, and seeing him and his body that same day.

I ended up being institutionalized

in St Lukes Psychiatric Hospital

when I was like six years old.

Been there... about three months,

but that first day was the hardest,

and the one I'll live with the most was...

...being held down by those staff

and seeing my mom just walk away

through those double doors.

[traffic humming]

[blinker ticking]

[woman] So was it that-- is that where you were?

Yeah, them-- in the-- Right up there.

They ended up putting a needle in my ass,

you know, my ass, you know, my rear end,

and putting me to sleep.

And I don't remember, like, after, like, the first week.

Yeah, three months of that.

[somber music]

Even as a child, I saw with my own eyes

that only a few get the luxury to live,

while the rest have to scramble just to survive.

That's something I want to change.

I think that's the unrest

and why I feel that I can't rest,

because survival is a part of life,

but it isn't life.

I'd say people are upset when every day is like on the brink

of not seeing tomorrow or if there will be tomorrow.

I'm living like that every single day,

seeing my mother like that,

seeing my father for a long time like that,

seeing family members have to overcome that.

And as it grows continually, it gets more heavy,

to where it's almost like you want to reach inside

and just throw it off, you know?

[ominous music]

[Lynn] The system doesn't serve every child well.

Kids get lost, they get overdiagnosed,

and they get overmedicated.

There are times when people are treating them

who don't have the expertise that's needed

to handle some of the complexities

of being a child in a world that is so complicated.

It is not a surprise at all to me how frequently we are

seeing kids with long histories of anxiety,

and by the time that they hit college,

the ability for these kids to move on

with their lives really becomes impaired.

And it was a long time in the making, unfortunately.

[thundering]

[GC] Today, I worry

about a lot of things, honestly.

It all falls into worrying about the future

and the uncertainty of it all.

Currently, I'm worried about college.

[Noah] When I got to college,

I basically was just shell-shocked.

All the things that I didn't expect to be hard were...

[clock ticking]

...just the constant grind,

and basically al-- just all the same thoughts

-from my anxiety all came back into my life. -[clock alarm rings]

When I tried to go see a counselor on campus,

it was three weeks before I could even get an intake to discuss what was going on.

And I remember thinking at that time,

"Man, I've dealt with this for so long that I know how to deal with it,"

but imagine if this was a kid that...

...didn't know what they were doing with anxiety,

or depression, or anything, and they had to wait

three weeks, going through whatever they were going through,

to get an intake, not even, not even the help that they needed.

[pensive music]

[Jessica] My first panic attack was when I was 18

in my freshman year of college.

It was during a calculus exam.

I suddenly couldn't breathe, and my hands were shaking.

I couldn't even write on the test.

Like, I literally had to just walk out

and leave because I thought,

like, something was happening to me. Like, I thought I was dying.

Um, I called my mom, and I was like,

"Mom--" Like, I was, like, hyperventilating.

I was like, "I can't breathe. I don't know what's going on."

And she was like, "I think you're having a panic attack."

I didn't have a therapist yet. I waited like a month to get in,

and then I only got five sessions, and they kicked me out.

So I finally got close with the therapist there, and they're like,

"Oh, sorry, you, like, ran out of appointments."

So then I had to find somebody else,

who ended up not taking my insurance,

found somebody else who ended up just being really terrible,

and so I just kept going through all these different therapists

after I had found the one that was helping me,

and then she could no longer see me.

It doesn't make any sense at all how they work.

[tense music]

[Harold] College campuses have to recognize that their consumer,

their client, is more likely to have mental health disorders.

It's not because of college. It's because that's the time

the brain has those changes if you're genetically predisposed

to getting those disorders.

You talk to any president of a college,

and he's gonna say, or she's going to say,

"This is a problem. Where am I supposed to find the funds?"

Well, you're, you're gonna have to reallocate.

You just have to because this problem is not going away.

[thundering]

[Jessica] I was having cycling panic attacks.

Just, like, went through panic attack after panic attack.

[heartbeats]

It was like an elephant was sitting on my chest.

Like, it was tight. I couldn't breathe.

And I also just felt like a hollow emptiness inside,

like I wasn't even-- Like, I feel like I was disassociating.

I wasn't even, like, a person. Like, I was just this, like,

crumpled up piece-of-paper-type thing,

and that just couldn't function anymore.

And I knew I couldn't keep living like that.

[somber music]

And I started having a panic attack,

and I took a Klonopin to help, and it didn't help.

And so I took another Klonopin, and it didn't help.

Took another Klonopin, and it didn't help.

And I had already written a suicide note,

so I was just like, "I can't do this anymore. Like, this is my end."

[Nicole] It felt like I was supposed to feel better.

I knew that I had it better than others.

And it was, like, not only was I taking the hammer

of all the things that I had done wrong,

I was also taking on this huge hammer of,

"Well, I'm supposed to feel better, do better, look better, think better,

but for whatever reason, I'm not.

-And that's my fault, and that's me." -[static whirring]

I looked at myself in the mirror, and I thought,

"I ha-- I hate the person that I see in front of me."

I remember, you know, pulling up to this bridge.

I stood at that ledge, and...

...I thought of all the people,

you know, that I loved and that loved me back.

But the painful thing about what I think depression and anxiety does is...

...you also have, like, the enemy and the ego in your head reminding you of why,

like, the choice that you think you're about to make is the right one.

[sniffles] And I was taking that all in

and I didn't realize that my dad had my location,

and he noticed, like, I've been gone for four hours.

"Where is she?" And he saw me driving around, I guess, all over.

And he pulled up finally, he was probably going like 90,

pulled up and I remember him walking around my car

and his eyes, and he was a paramedic,

so he looked at me, and he's like,

"What are you doing?" Like, calm and centered, and I was like,

"I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing."

[somber music continues]

[birds chirping]

[Harold] I would say that, in the richest country in the world,

we are truly failing our young people.

The message is loud and clear. "We don't think this is important,"

and then we pay later.

[gentle somber music]

[anchorwoman] Some disturbing findings about suicides in this country

and how the rate has continued to climb for more than 15 years.

[anchorman 1] The mental health of teenagers is a major cause for concern.

Kids are a frequent sight in hospital emergency departments.

[Dr. Vivek] The obstacles this generation of young people face

are unprecedented and uniquely hard to navigate,

and the impact that's having on their mental health is devastating.

[anchorman 2] The coronavirus pandemic has fueled

a mental health crisis in the United States.

[reporter] Recent report warns that kids and teens may develop

serious mental health conditions because of the pandemic.

[Harold] It took COVID to finally put

child mental health at the front of the agenda

because COVID is such a remarkable, uh, equalizer

that everyone is feeling the stress of this global pandemic.

[gentle tense music]

Since there is a high percentage of people in the United States,

particularly under the age of 18, who are struggling,

they look more symptomatic than ever before.

[Laura] The unknown is so challenging for an anxious child

and that made COVID one of the hardest times for us

because Sevey wanted assurances that everything would be okay,

and wanted certainty that I just couldn't give her.

[gentle dramatic music]

For school, I have to keep a journal about quarantine and what our feelings are.

Me and my mom had to quarantine, but then instead

of having it to be two weeks, it became unknown.

It's changed so much, and some things I just don't want to change are changing.

I want life to go back to normal.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

I will do the stuff for today. I'm not doing the stuff for yesterday

because if it cannot fit on one page

when you could just make the font smaller,

I'm not gonna to do it because I didn't see it, so I'm not going to do it.

Just the other day, I took him back to the psychiatrist,

and he prescribed, uh, an antidepressant...

...which I'm on the fence about, but Mike and I both agree

we got to try something else because screaming

and the panic attacks, I mean, it's, it's not getting better,

it's getting worse. Uh, just simple things like doing homework or--

-Transitioning... -Transitions are really hard--

-...from anyth-- from anything to homework, yeah. -It's really hard.

It's like he feels

almost like a self-hatred when he's in that moment.

Like, he's freaking out, and screaming,

and, like, "I am so stupid."

Like, he broke an iPad on his forehead...

...and, uh, really scared me.

[Naiya] Lockdown was really strange.

I've been home in Florida

with my parents for about five months.

It's more stressful than I anticipated.

I miss my friends. I miss my freedom.

I'm nervous.

Today, I was very antsy.

I, I, I couldn't stay still.

I had a hard time focusing during my,

uh, online classes today,

my li-- my live sessions,

and it was just really, really tough.

I'm just trying to do whatever it is that

will take my mind off of things.

[somber music]

[GC] When everything just kind of shut down

around the beginning of COVID,

my dreams about the future were just, like,

stopped and, like, crushed,

and the future was just so uncertain.

I definitely hit a very low point.

I...

I basically shut out my friends. I shut out my family.

I physically was feeling sick.

I would just feel very, almost woozy,

and it was almost like I couldn't exactly, like,

have like control on reality.

It wasn't like a silence of emotions,

it was almost like an emptiness of it.

It was like being sucked out and I just remember

sitting there feeling like, like, like there was no future.

All right, so tell me what's been going on, tell me what's--

Yeah, so... [slurps, exhales]

I think at first I was doing all right, and then--

-[dog barking] -Like, a little while in,

I just started getting like a lot more panic attacks...

-and, like... -Mm-hmm.

...just started to feel those,

like, coming on at all times.

And then, like, when I'm not having a panic attack,

I'm worrying that one's coming.

So I, I think the most important thing for you

to hear from me right now is that this is okay,

and I know you're just like, "Oh,

-God, you know, why is this--" You know. -Yeah.

-You're just, you're just frustrated with it. -Yeah.

But, but, you know, we're in a global pandemic.

-Yeah. -[chuckles] Right?

I mean, it is sort of like, if this were a novel about

little boy who worries about death and uncertainty.

-Yeah. -And then when he's in college, then there's a global pandemic

that shuts down the world, and then, you know,

there's a death to somebody near, close to him that's unexpected.

-Yeah. -I mean, people would look at this, and you'd probably

send it off to the-- to your editor, and the editor would be like,

-"Really?" Like, "This is a little-- -[chuckles] Yeah.

Don't you think this is a little much? You got this little kid

who worries about death and uncertainty, and then we throw him

-into a pandemic, I mean, who's gonna believe that?" -Right.

This is just another part of your story to say,

"This is-- This is me on this path, and this is me figuring me out."

It takes these kind of crises

for us to rethink and be innovative.

It's maybe the only silver lining for the pandemic.

And I think America is still having trouble

wrapping its head around the fact

that the most common illnesses of childhood

and adolescence are mental health disorders.

I think we still have so much stigma related to it.

[Nicole] There's an illusion that we think

people with depression and anxiety and these very,

you know, deep emotions, that they're not strong.

But I actually think that they're incredibly strong.

You know, so strong that

they're pushing through these things that, normally...

...you know, other people maybe wouldn't.

They would take the time to heal from them.

[Nora] When I was in my early twenties,

I started taking an antidepressant,

and I noticed within like two weeks, for me, it was just like,

I really could just start saying yes to everything.

I was really in like a super, super good place.

And I had a boyfriend, and he's like, "Oh, so you're cheating."

[chuckles] And I was like, "I'm sorry, wha-- what?"

He goes, "You're happy all the time.

Like, you're always in a good mood and..."

I was just like, "Yeah, I am.

That's just who I am and...

...if I am not chemically balanced right,

I can't be like that because I'm, like, internally suffering

at a level that you can't even comprehend with your reptile brain."

And I had not really ever seen it.

I had never been exposed to somebody

who said something like that.

And so it was just super-- it was just such a bummer, you know?

I'd like to see...

...many things changed on the state of mental health.

And part of it is, it's okay to be undone.

That there are people that have asthma, they have lupus...

...they have other illnesses from childhood,

but if they have anxiety, that that's terrible?

If they need to see a psychologist,

that's terrible? No.

But I, I do believe that there are a lot of advocates

uh, that are rising up and saying, "Hey,

like, it's okay to admit you have a mental health problem."

We in the African American community,

we don't deal with mental health issues.

We don't even talk about it.

We've been taught to pray our problems away.

Um, we've been demonized

for coming out saying we have issues,

uh, and we have trust issues.

Just to throw in a little bit of my journey,

I felt like once I found out what was going on mentally,

I found that it was, there was more freedom for me to be okay

with what I had because I was learning about it.

People have called me brave, but to me it just felt like not dying,

and I felt like being honest and, um,

maybe bravery is just being honest when it would be easier not to.

Um, and if that's bravery, then so be it,

but I've just been really grateful,

um, to, one, receive the help I have,

and then, two, to have learned some things that I can share with others.

So what needs to change is something systemic,

is not to blame the anxiety

and not to blame the one who is experiencing the anxiety.

We should take away all labels, all judgement, all shame.

It's not the child's "fault."

We need to understand what's happening systemically.

[somber music]

It's not that the system is broke.

It's, it was never right.

It's not a broke system.

It's, it's, it's not a woke system.

You know, we never woke up and created the proper system.

[Kenya] Families are making the daily decision

on how to prioritize their bills.

And I think that mental health falls at the bottom of the pole

because it's not something that's an immediate need,

like housing or food.

And so families have to make really tough decisions

about priorities and what's gonna be feasible.

Then those services are overwhelmed

because there's a lot of people that are asking

for the exact same thing at the exact same time.

We have to be able to make sure that insurance companies

treat mental health the way they treat physical health,

that they don't discount it,

they don't limit the number of sessions,

they don't do things that they would never consider doing when a kid has a seizure,

or a child has a series of headaches

that they can't figure out what's going on.

They don't say you only have five sessions,

or you only have ten sessions.

They decide on the relief that the child gets,

and when the kid is better, that's when the treatment ends.

[somber music]

[Dr. Ashwin] Our children are hurting.

Mental health supports for children are too hard

to navigate and, and too scarce in supply.

This results in emergency rooms and hospitals providing care

that is best delivered in homes, communities, and schools.

A better system to support children, youth, and families

means, for starters,

a stronger and more stable school nursing workforce,

one capable of identifying and screening for mental health issues,

providing immediate counseling, de-escalation, and relief,

and able to make referrals to next level care.

In child mental health, the greatest advances we've made

in the last 20 years tend not to be for medications.

They tend to be from psychosocial interventions that are evidence-based.

We have to help parents,

teachers, and the public recognize

how real, common, and treatable these disorders are.

[Jessica] I was in dialectical behavior therapy the summer

between my freshman and sophomore year,

so I learned like a lot of coping mechanisms.

I was always afraid of my anxiety,

so when I would get anxious, I'd be anxious about being anxious,

you know how that goes, and then it just escalates.

So I really learned to just, like, radically accept it.

Like, when my heart rate was at 115

a couple weeks ago, I, like, noticed it, and I was like,

"Okay, I'm gonna make sure I don't get into a panic attack."

But I was making sure to, like, accept the anxiety and not

be, like, angry at myself that I was feeling anxious again,

or, like, scared that a panic attack is gonna, like, happen.

It took me literally years to, like...

[chuckling] work on the radical acceptance skill,

but, um, it's really, it's really helped.

I think I'm on a good medication regimen.

I think, with anxiety, like, sure, it's rough,

but I'm at a point in my life where I'm like,

"Okay, hello, anxiety. You're here.

This is cool. Could you back off a little bit?"

But, like, I can, I can sit there in my anxiety and not,

like, spiral into a panic attack anymore.

One of the things that is key that we need to make sure that we are doing,

particularly with teenagers around their mental wellness,

is that we make sure we are not talking about this

in a way that makes it permanent.

When we use the language of permanence,

"This is who you are,"

that you will have to deal with this for the rest of your life,

we take away hope.

And when you've got a teenager who is anxious, depressed,

isolated in their own head, when we take away hope,

that's when we put them at risk.

[Noah] Anxiety isn't something that you can find a fix for,

and it completely goes away.

You always have that, that little thought in your head,

or that little thought pattern. It's come back over and over,

and it gets really good, and then all of a sudden,

I'm in the darkest place ever. You basically just need to say,

I've seen this before, and it's gonna be

-the same story as always. -[somber music]

One of the main things that I learned through therapy was

that you have to focus on

not the content of the anxiety, but the anxiety as a whole.

So that's something when,

whenever I start to feel that anxious feeling coming on,

um, I'm just able to recognize that immediately

and know, "Okay, this is anxiety,

and it's something that I've been dealing with my whole life,

and I'm able to deal with it again."

[Dan] We are always confronted with adversity in some way,

and we need to find ways in which we can transcend

the adversities and make our intention something

that propels us into having a good life.

[gentle music]

It is inevitable that you're going to be disappointed.

It's inevitable that you are going to feel distress.

And if we say to kids,

"We are going to work on creating a world

in which you know everything,

in which we can make things predictable,

we are gonna give you a certainty device that's gonna make sure

that you know exactly what's gonna happen

at exactly what time,"

when that falls apart, which inevitably it will,

they are ill-equipped.

The more that we send our children into the world

emotionally ill-equipped to handle sadness,

disappointment, stress, uncertainty,

the more that, that they are falling apart

in front of our eyes.

They're not equipped, and then they, and then they say,

"I can't do it," and they bail out.

So resilience is the ability not, not to show--

throw kids into situations in which they're suffering,

but to support them through their distress.

The child is not wrong to be anxious,

and the child shouldn't be shamed.

Anxiety is a natural response to this insanity.

All of us are anxious. We're just not realizing it.

[waves lapping]

[gentle music]

[Dr. Shefali] We need a more serene approach to life

where you go inward rather than outward,

where you connect more to the heart rather than to the mind.

Because as much as we want our children to succeed,

we also want to teach them that they don't have to do anything

other than be who it is they are to be successful.

[GC] I tell myself to breathe, take deep breaths, you know,

calm myself from that very elevated state.

And I'll do this thing, it's like five, five rules.

[muffled birds chirping]

So I'll be like, "Name five things I can see,

name five things I can smell, five things I can hear,

-five things I can taste." -[rain splattering]

And it'll just keep me more grounded to where I'm at,

instead of being in that crazy high level.

[birds chirping]

Then I like to remind myself that this is just a moment,

and that the moment will pass, and you will get through this,

and that it is okay to experience it,

and it is okay to sit in that anxiousness.

Just reminding to show love to yourself,

and just offering nothing but positive energy

really just counteracts that.

[Jessica] I would tell myself to keep going

and to not let my anxiety weigh me down...

...because right now, I still have anxiety,

but life gets better. You have to be

brave enough to keep switching therapies, therapists

and just keep pushing forward until you find what works for you

because there is something that works for you.

There's something that works for everybody out there.

[emotional music]

[sobbing]

You can do all the work, but if you don't go out

into the real world and apply it, you're not getting anywhere.

And that's, that's what a lot of the healing

and a lot of the progress was about,

was me getting out of my comfort zone.

And you always have fallbacks, you always have setbacks,

but I'd rather take three steps forward

and two steps back than just stand in one place.

What we've learned is that anxiety is just, is just energy.

And what's most important is how we use it.

[gentle piano music]

[upbeat cartoon music]

And we know just from a biological standpoint

how beneficial exercise can be

with respect to lowering stress hormones and boosting mood.

[Nora] You can take any energy,

flip it the right way, and make it work for you.

In a lot of cases, that, that just comes with, like,

taking care of myself. I know when I'm burnt out,

or if I'm exhausted, or feeling overwhelmed,

that's when I get triggered more.

So a lot of the time, I try to space things out in my life.

I try to take care of my body.

I really focus on the really basic things

because I know in the long run

how quickly they spiral into an anxious episode.

[gentle guitar music]

[Kameron] I worry most about--

My overthinking is what kills me,

is not being able to figure out if,

what I want to do with myself or the future,

what I want just to do in, in, in this life.

I see the stars. I don't see just the moon.

The way I deal with anxiety now is just try to stay positive,

because anxiety is part of your mental health.

And so good mental health can try to decrease on that.

Manage my stress, eating right, exercising.

♪ It's a luxury to live, lot of risk ♪

♪ Gotta scramble just to survive ♪

♪ You know there's something better that will come ♪

♪ You gonna rise and... ♪

I found music. I have a passion for it, I enjoy it

as a way of being able to write, and be personal about it,

and to get rid of that bottled up energy.

[guitar playing]

♪ Run, run, run, run ♪

♪ Run away, young one ♪

I've learned to channel all that anxious energy

that I have into music.

So when I'm feeling anxious, just, you know,

basically repurposing that in a way to create something,

something beautiful that,

that I can be proud of and, you know, share with others.

♪ Ooh, I feel so ready to fly ♪

[Jeffrey] Stress is not the problem.

The problem is focusing on something meaningful.

Now, if you think about a karate master

who has the job of breaking a board,

the focus of the karate master is not to see the board.

The focus of the karate master is where you're going to wind up.

So the idea is not to focus on stress,

but to focus on what is meaningful.

[crowd chattering and applauding]

[GC] Me and my friend Hannah are both definitely active

when it comes to wanting to instill change

in our communities and our country.

And so we'll go to protests,

and we'll sign petitions and stuff,

whether that's for racial injustices

or environmental issues.

[gentle music]

[Dan] Relationships are incredibly important.

Let's just call that connecting time.

Relationships with people and the planet.

And what happens with that is you say,

"I see, the way to be happy is actually be of service

to other people, be of service to nature."

And then when I stop living as if all I am is a separate self,

things start to get better.

-Alright, are you ready to go, dribble? -[girl] Yeah.

[Noah] The confidence that I've built, I think it started

with basketball and being able

to get a base for my confidence from there.

If you can, try to snap it a little harder this time.

I do a lot of coaching now.

It's really cool for me to be able to teach other kids

what I worked on my whole life

and it's all the experiences that I went through

that are making me able to be

a good coach to kids that are like me.

Basketball is something that I love

and that I'm good at and that I can get better at.

And I carried it over to, um, my struggle with anxiety.

And then once I started getting through the anxiety,

that built another layer of confidence that,

uh, I didn't know that I had.

[gentle music]

[Tim] We are built for connection.

You were never created to be singular.

You're not best singular. You're best plural.

So I think in a world that we've been challenged by so much

like never before,

we've got to get out of this place of isolation

and get back to plural.

People with tremendous amounts of anxiety

that may in part be due to this false view of a separate self.

When that dissolves, when they realize,

yes, they do have a body, of course,

but they're also an identity as a relational being,

there's a feeling of calm and belonging that arises.

[gentle music]

[GC] A friend of mine who also experiences

anxiety and depression and...

I remember just one day sitting with her,

and we were laying on the floor

and it was pitch-black. The lights were off

and I was just telling her everything.

And she made me aware that what I was feeling is valid...

...and that there are ways to get through it.

[Naiya] Now that I'm older, you know, I think there's less of a stigma

about talking about mental health.

You know, I have friends that deal with all sorts of things.

And, you know, we have that open dialogue, which I think is very helpful.

Because when you're able to talk about that and not feel like

people are judging you, it's, it's really helpful.

I'm going into medicine, and I'm really passionate about psychiatry,

um, which there aren't a lot of, a lot of Black people

in psychiatry, especially Black women.

So I think it's really important for me to, you know,

really look into that field and hopefully, you know, make a change.

[Karl] When I went to college, like, freshman year

was honestly one of the greatest years of my life

just because, like, I was out of the house

for the first time ever.

Living authentically

when I'm away from home...

...it's everything, it's freedom,

it's just me being me.

I know the depth of pain that I felt when I was in eighth grade,

and ninth grade, and tenth grade,

and all the way up to probably a couple of years ago, a year ago.

And I have the answer.

I do. I have the answer. We all do. It's in us.

I was really angry with God, but I mostly--

it wasn't that I was just angry, I also felt

I wasn't worthy of his love.

Like, I had made too many mistakes.

But I know now that God created me for a purpose,

to be joyful, and to laugh, and to love, and be loved.

We talk about this idea of, "It takes a village", it does.

So if you're an aunt, if you're an uncle,

if you're a brother or sister, if you're a friend,

we need to start paying attention to somebody who is struggling

because sometimes, they don't need just professional advice,

but they need somebody that just walks with them.

There needs to be a connection

between young people and people

that are their leaders,

their tutors, their mentors, their pastors, their parents,

so we can connect and communicate.

[whimsical cartoon music]

It's too late.

It's never too late for Cubby.

[upbeat music]

[Jonah] The advice that I would give to parents,

uh, who have anxious kids,

sometimes, they really do just--

the kids just really do just need your help,

and you really just need to be there and just

give them a big hug,

or just ask them what's wrong.

And, uh, I think that you sh--

you can probably figure it out from there, just--

It kind of just goes without saying.

You just need to be there for them

if they're really upset about something.

My mission is not to be the perfect parent.

My mission is to be an awakened one.

And part of being awakened is looking in that mirror

and seeing that shadow aspect.

And parents don't want to look,

but we have to look at them.

We have to be brave for our children.

This is not about being perfect parents. This is about being awakened.

You know, parents feel shame and guilt,

and I go, "But that's your opportunity."

Look at it as the turning point. Look at it as the invitation,

and, and then let's course correct.

[gentle music]

[Jackie] A lesson for me has been...

...sort of understanding that these things

don't just come out of thin air.

And, you know, the way that I am is a product

of who my parents were and who my family is

and the way that Cooper reacts to a situation and exists

in the world is, you know, it's, it's not about blaming,

but it's about recognizing... yourself in them

so that you can be better, and you can help them be better.

[Heather] I felt this need to be the perfect parent,

and what I've learned through it all is, I'm perfectly imperfect

and still figuring things out too.

And I think that's important.

I think as parents, we can put a lot of pressure

on ourselves, um, and it doesn't help our kids.

I would advise parents to prepare

for the long haul as well.

-It's not something that can be dealt with right away, right? -Mm-hmm.

It's not-- it doesn't end right away.

I mean, it may go on for a long time.

[Laura] One of the things that I'll carry with me

as I move forward in my parenting

is to give Sevey more space to be who Sevey is.

I, I think maybe I put a lot of pressure on Sevey

to be a certain way.

And if I could go back

and allow things to just be and unfold,

I think it would have been a lot healthier for both of us.

I think that I have a much better understanding

of what it might feel like to walk in Sevey's shoes.

I think it's really important to see

anxiety through her eyes, not mine.

Sevey, what do you think you need to do?

I think I definitely need to learn to cope

with it much better than I am

because I'm not coping with,

with it right now if I'm gonna be honest.

I don't know how.

[Laura] In our family story, there is no magic ending

to Sevey's anxiety.

She still struggles, and I still find it

challenging as her mom.

And I see that it's a really scary world for these kids.

They're walking a path that we've never walked,

but it doesn't have to be debilitating.

It's our job as parents, as friends, and as family

to walk alongside them and give them all the resources

they need, so they know they're not alone.

[gentle music]

I have suffered from anxiety

and/or depression since I was 18.

Everyone's human. Everyone has problems.

Everyone feels yucky on the inside sometimes.

Being somebody who's, uh,

dealt with my share of, of mental health struggles,

specifically anxiety and depression,

I know this can be an extremely tough time to, to navigate.

These are things that everybody goes through.

We all have our trials and errors

with different things in our lives,

and realizing that eventually,

in due time, you know, this too shall pass.

Speak up. Don't live in silence.

Because who you are, and what you do,

and what you're going through is not wrong.

Be your own ally. Be gentle with yourself.

If you know how to be kind to yourself,

you can start feeling safe in your own skin.

Write down my thoughts and feelings every day,

no matter how bad I'm feeling, how anxious I'm feeling.

And once I get it out, uh, it's not as powerful anymore.

Find things, little things that, that make you happy.

I love to be in the kitchen, I love to cook,

and I love to listen to music.

I have a little guitar that I play.

Singing, I'm trying to sing every day

and let my voice express what I'm feeling every day.

I just make a lot of lists.

I have lists for things I need to do that day,

long-term, short-term, fun stuff, not fun stuff,

gets it out of my mind and on paper.

Mental health conditions can be scary and intimidating,

but I choose to believe that they just mean

that we're able to see the world in more beautiful,

more vibrant colors, and getting treatment

is a way to learn how to paint with those colors.

It does get better and easier as life goes on

and you start to get to know yourself more

and what will trigger certain instances of anxiety,

and where you feel comfortable and safe, so, I would just say,

don't ever feel like you're a weirdo for it

because we're all weirdos.

[chuckles]

[gentle music fades]

It's hard to communicate how you're feeling about

anxiety, and this is gonna sound very movie-like,

but how you're sort of trapped in a box sometimes.

People-- A clear box. People hear you and understand,

but they don't understand through experience,

and that's when it's harder to get through to them.

♪ When I first started ♪

♪ To feel you takin' over ♪

♪ I had no idea what to do ♪

♪ I didn't know what I was feeling ♪

♪ I couldn't put it into words ♪

♪ But I'll tell you how badly it hurt ♪

♪ But along the way I found an interesting ♪

♪ Newsworthy story that ♪

♪ I am strong enough ♪

♪ To face the fears and I am brave enough now ♪

♪ And I'm not gonna let you control me anymore ♪

♪ I'm gonna break out of my glass box ♪

♪ And gonna shut that door ♪

[laughs]