Original subtitles

[Music]

Hello class and welcome to TS

Academy. Back for another year

and we have a couple of new

students to welcome. Now I just

wanted to go over some rules

for my

class. These students I already

know because I had them last

year but what you don't know is

we want cheer success level to

be very strong during the

semester so make sure that

anytime you

feel like you need to blow off

some steam or some stress

during class you can use the

teacher

at any point in time. My body,

my holes, just in case you just

need a break. So I'm going to

go ahead and write some rules

down for you and first I want

you to introduce yourself.

New students, tell us a little

bit about yourselves. Hi guys,

I'm Josh. I transferred here

from

this university in Ohio and

yeah now I'm here. Yeah, that's

it.

Ohio, wow. That's a long way

and you? Hi, I'm David. I'm

from San Antonio, Texas and

this is

a culture shock for me. So,

step right. Do I hear that

right?

Did you not use her? Is she

fucking with us? I can't be

right. Wait, let me ask the

other kid.

Hey. Yeah, what's up? Dude over

there, is what she's saying, is

that true? You just use her?

A hundred percent. They used

her so much last semester that

they just got bored.

She's an amazing teacher though.

Am I gonna get like expelled?

Nah. What was your experience

like?

Same here. We had a lot of fun.

That's why we're back. I know

right? Oh, you're the girl that

the people

in the hallway were talking

about that likes girls. Oh,

okay. Dude, what? Dude, I dare

you to like go up

there and broke her. You go

first. No, you do it. You do it.

No, you do it, pussy. Come on,

do it. Fine, fine. Yeah.

Okay class, so your first

lesson we're going to start to

learn. Just what?

In our class, you can just grab

her ass like that. This is okay.

Oh yes, you use the teacher any

way

that you want. Just just make

sure that you get good grades

and do all of your homework.

Yes, yes I will. So um just

remember in this class we all

know that mistakes help you

grow

and if you get a mistake on

your first test, we're going to

go over geography. It's going

to be your

first class today. I'm just

going to make sure that you

know all of your west coast

states.

So first we're going to go over

the world famous California and

California is famous for their

bears.

Did you know that bears

actually will just attack you

like and have fun with you

while they do? It's

kind of crazy. So don't get any

near any bears in California.

You definitely want to make

sure you

stay away from them. Don't keep

any food out you know even when

you're driving on the highway.

I

I truly think in the mountains

is where the bears hide. They've

seen them in some of the

suburban

towns as well. I know. But don't

the bears keep us safe from

fires? Oh no no no they won't

keep

you safe from any fires that's

for sure. Bears don't do that.

So California is a great it's

really

big it's a huge state really

big state and you know there's

Nevados right next to it. So as

you know

everyone when they leave

California they go to Nevada

because there's just so much to

do in Nevada

and there's you know a really

great nightlife. Oh by the way

the capital of California is

Sacramento.

I did not know that. Yeah I

know right it's just it's mind-boggling.

Wow it's not Los Angeles?

I thought we were talking about

bears too. Oh oops I mean maybe

they're gonna change it to Los

Angeles

a lot of a lot of things are

changing over there but we have

Nevada just you know we'll go

about

go over Nevada next very

important state. For gambling

right? Yeah lots of money in

the state.

Yeah gold or silver? Um oh gold

lots of gold this is where they're

hiding all the gold

if you didn't know that. I did

not. Yeah there's a lot of gold

that they haven't mined in Kelph,

I mean in Nevada yet. So you

know there's that. What else do

you teach? Um I so we're gonna

I'm

I'm teaching you guys like all

of your subjects just first I

needed to remind you of some

things

on the west coast your

geography it's important I don't

know. Yeah I love geography. So

then there's

Oregon and um well a lot of

people they they they like to

walk around in Oregon and go to

their bars

and they like to ride their

bikes too so it's a great place.

Do they just ride normal bikes

or

just mountain bikes? Usually

you know the bikes are to save

the environment so they'll use

any kind

of bike that they can get their

hands on. So that makes a lot

more sense. It's a motorcycle

that are

recycling more? Correct all

about recycling in Oregon and

compost. I love compost. They're

very

heavy on the compost there.

Yeah I compost a lot. I don't

actually know the capital of

Oregon but

it's okay because like you'll

never go there. Oh me I think

it might be Portland. I they

made like

a show but I don't think that's

even I don't even know really

anything about Oregon. I'll

have to go

back to school. So uh yeah guys

what have you learned so far

today in class? Bears are

dangerous.

Yes this is true. You want to

stay away from them. So is

California. California is

dangerous too.

Wait about the bears can I like

draw like a circle around me to

make sure they don't like

attack me?

Yes if you slide in the circle

with salt the bears will never

come near you. What about like

in the sand or like the dirt?

They know what that means. I've

heard that before. They know to

stay

away. Yeah me too. Okay cool.

Yeah so I'm gonna be the best

teacher ever and teach you

about life.

I'm gonna teach you about the

United States. USA. They don't

like us in Utah. America.

Yeah it is but that you know I

I know so there's a lot of Mormons

there they just

scary place I would stay away

from Oregon. I mean Utah. Bears?

Yeah Utah. There's a lot of

people

that have a lot of wives over

there in Utah. That's the thing

over there. Yeah. So Utah very

insignificant. It's an ass quake

over here. It's like California.

There's a state that's that I

think all of us are going to be

familiar with in this room. It's

called Idaho.

I know a lot. Remember that

state. I know a lot of those.

Idaho. Yeah. Yeah so you'll

never forget

that state right guys? Yeah you're

so funny in this O.C. Utah?

Idaho. That's how you remember

that way.

What's an Idaho? That would be

me. Someone like me. I think

they have horses there too. It

was you

last semester but you're you're

a little shy. I don't know what

happened. Things change. Yeah I

think you're I think you have a

girlfriend or something. So

yeah so what did we learn so

what's this now? What's the

capital of California? I think

you all remember. Sacramento.

That's right

boys. Okay now now go back to

your seats. You have a lot of

more work to do. Okay.

Okay class now that we uh now

that we're never going to

forget parts of the western

United States.

Uh we're gonna open our paid

books up to page 69 and we're

gonna read until 73.

When do you think the teacher's

getting here guys? I don't know.

She's usually late. Is she

always this late?

Yeah. Jesus how do you guys

even like do this? Let's do

what? Hello class. How are you

guys today? Doing well, how are

you? Great.

It's project day. Do you all

have your projects ready for me?

Yeah. Do we prepare them? Okay

well what are

we waiting for? You guys can go

first and present. We'll let

the newbies watch. We got lucky.

Watch and learn you guys. This

is how. Yeah so we are learning

about that subject right here

for use. So in the state of

California that's not permitted.

It's only permitted in this

classroom in the state of

Nevada. Just because our local

teacher allows it. It's a walk

of the brain. Well the part

that makes decisions is the prefrontal

cortex. Um yes actually and

also don't forget to mention

that abo mongoda. Oh you know

what I mean? Yeah yeah yeah.

Right about here in the center

of the brain and if you look at

this chemical right over here,

that chemical if you drink it

and make some hormonal or urges

from this part of

the brain I think it's like

what the frontal lobe you said?

Yeah. I recall that my mama

told me that alligators are so

ornery because they have all

them teeth and no toothbrush.

Yeah. I think that's pretty new.

Yeah the doula ablu. Yes

exactly. So some people usually

have this portion of their

brain always on due to the fact

that most people have the

most hormonal urges with that

part. Some people like me don't

unfortunately. But if you look

right over here this one states

for one in the whole and this

other one together all together

makes it say one plus two

equals two in the whole just so

you guys know. Good point. I

really love that point that you

just made. Yeah right. Do you

have anything to say about like

a?

Bears in California? Oh my god

yeah. Like if it's a black bear

you gotta run and attack it

because black attack and then

brown lay down. That is very

true. If it's polar bears you

better choose brown. This guy

right here with his set of hair

makes him very very horny. If

you have a lot of hair you are

granted to be very horny

throughout your whole life.

Good point. I really like how

you made that you know.

An important part of your

speech. Yeah also I forgot if

anybody did not know this right

here is called the brain. That's

where you get a lot of your

hormonal urges actually and she

knows that. Uh huh. Good. Right.

Keep talking about those urges

that you have. Oh my gosh yes.

So last year you had those urges

and you acted on them. That's

what you were supposed to do.

Exactly. Now this is.

Exactly. Are you getting all of

that because this is going to

be tested. So if you see over

here you see how he has no

glasses. Usually with people

that have glasses they're they're

more observant and they like to

stay towards themselves. People

without glasses drink this

chemical and act in the hormonal

urges right through that.

That's right. I love how you

guys are paying attention so

well in class. So make sure if

you guys had glasses throw them

away. Makes you horner. I want

just one glass and stuff too.

Say it again. One glass like

the monocle. That makes you

semi horny. That makes it so

that one portion of your brain

gets super horny. Very good

David. And then the other

portion of your brain just. You

know what I mean. Yes David.

Just like that. Exactly. Yes

just. Over here you usually

have chemicals like CO2. That's

it. CO2. Yeah no that's it.

That's it. What does that have

to do with bears. Oh no we're

past the bears now. We're

talking about the chemicals. We

don't want bears. We don't want

them to stay on track. Yeah

stay on track right here. This

chemical right here usually

contains CO2 and CO2 is water.

I believe right? Yeah.

H2O. No I think you're not

paying attention last week. Pay

attention please. We were here

last semester we wouldn't know.

Yeah you're new. You'll get

paid. Yeah. Um you see how this

eyebrows are right above his

head. Or his hair. That

indicates that he's a very very

shy individual. One more time.

You know a lot of people aren't.

They don't have that.

Right. Some people usually like

a lot of piercings which makes

their hormonal urges range in a

way. And if they don't have

piercings it makes it even

better. Yes like. Wait what? I

thought Birkenstock's helped.

No still hormonal urges. Right

here in this brain. You gotta

activate this portion of your

brain. That's right. Well that's

what I thought.

Both of those parts of your

brain exactly. Yep and if you

want to be so. Oh god. If you

need more for me I can make a

whole thing. Yes. I'm gonna

drink that substance. That's

right. Yes with long steady

strokes. That's how you're

supposed to do it. You get it

now? Good. Good. Okay. You have

anything to put? You want the

pointer? Yeah thanks.

Okay so, let's talk more about

bears.

Bears are scary.

Especially the black ones.

Yeah.

They're just ughh.

What about the brown ones, like

the coffee?

They're cute, they're like

teddy bears.

You know?

So you go up and hug one?

Treat them like friends.

More in Russia than...

Yeah.

If it's in Russia, then yes,

you can hug a bear.

I'm here to talk about a bear.

You can hug a bear.

Firmly grasp it.

The best planet.

I agree!

Good job.

What else do you have

for the class?

I think that

everyone should be alone

to do what they want, what they

want.

Everywhere.

And that force of the brain

that activates that, you know,

doing whatever you want

is located right up here.

Yup.

I would encourage everybody

to move to Nevada

and come to this school

and have the best things in the

world.

Exactly.

Thank you!

You don't have to butter me up

though.

Your studies are speaking for

themselves.

Keep going with your

presentation.

I want to hear more

about that chemistry.

Chemistry. See, these

chemicals right up here that

are oozing out,

that's called smoke.

From this kind of amount here.

And if you inhale that smoke,

that's going to make you

rage and give you an erection

and give you sexual tension

and give you the opportunity to

kiss in your anus.

You know?

You understand?

Yeah, but what chemical

compounds go into that?

Come on. Don't keep it so

bland.

Oh, yes! CO2.

I am so sorry.

Can I have a bottle of Gatorade?

You can. There's some

CO2 in Gatorade as well.

And H2O in Gatorade.

You can definitely use Gatorade

to get that

huge sexual tension and that

huge

erection that you so desire.

I can't believe you haven't

even

mentioned matcha yet.

Oh, yeah.

How did that go?

Honestly, it went really well,

you know, it just works.

That's what I'm saying.

If you extract

air from the Gatorade,

that's just going to be such

exciting.

And everybody loves it.

Didn't you like it last year?

Last year was amazing, you know?

That's what I'm saying.

Class up. I'm learning

so much.

I'm really proud of you guys

for doing

full-scale teamwork on this.

Thank you so much teacher.

You teach us so much.

And that's why we are

doing so much better than last

year.

Yeah, yeah, no,

last year I was really paying

attention as much

because, you know,

I love you guys.

Are you listening?

Yes. You see how his mouth

is just like kind of open.

Yes.

That's where you insert

your erection.

Your erection.

It makes it even stronger.

It makes it even harder.

You know?

Maybe we stick something out.

And a lovely teacher

showed us that.

Exactly.

You guys listen so well. I'm so

proud of you guys.

Thank you.

If you're not willing to learn,

no one can help you.

Okay, guys.

Take your seats

and show me

what you came up with for your

project.

Oh, fuck.

Go back to your seats. Come on,

go, go.

How's your guys' day going?

Still going pretty well, man.

How's your day? Good.

Okay, class.

Mr. Lewis,

what are you doing?

I just figured I'd come up here

so I'd have a closer view, you

know?

Sitting in my chair.

Are you going to teach the

class today?

I mean, maybe I will.

I'm just trying to, you know,

get better grades and be more

involved.

You're just trying to get out

of your test.

Everyone else

is ready for their test.

Okay, then why don't you, you

know,

decide to catch them up for the

exam tomorrow?

Okay, guys.

Let's do a little study guide.

Everyone listening?

Okay.

So, in order to get you ready

for your

test tomorrow,

I just want to make sure that

you know all of the points

about your geography,

chemistry,

we even have math

that we have to

do a little portion of.

So, is

everyone ready for that? Or

you need--yes? Do we have to do

the math?

Yeah. I mean,

like I said, there was going to

be a bonus

math question,

so I hope that you've been

studying.

You can't be very wise if you

can't

spell algebra without a bra.

And your point is?

That should be an exam question.

Okay, so

make sure I put bras on your

exam

tomorrow.

No bras.

No bras. Okay.

So, anyway, when

a train is going

a thousand miles

an hour,

that is

I mean, I'm just waiting

for one of you to catch that.

That's ridiculous.

Why would a train ever go a

thousand miles

an hour? Come on. Oh, I thought

you were being

serious. I was thinking--

Are you distracted or what?

I'm just like, you guys don't

even know

what we're learning.

About trains?

Right. Exactly. What about the

bears

and the mormons?

Is that going to be on the exam?

Can bears be mormons?

Anything that we've discussed

in class so far

should be on the exam.

Yes.

That's actually crazy.

I think we've failed there.

So can anyone

tell me exactly

on average

how fast a train is going to

go? A thousand miles per hour.

No. No, it should be

why it should be going a

thousand miles per hour.

Vida, do you have an idea?

As long as

it's in miles per hour and not

kilometers, I think we'll be

fine.

Yes.

Josh, what about you? Can you

tell me?

Um,

I think trains go really fast

miles per hour. I mean,

look at Thomas.

Don't give me a number, please.

Uh,

ten hundred miles?

Two hundred miles per hour.

Oh my god.

I think they go like, 120

miles per hour.

Okay, that's a little bit more

accurate.

It's not really

outrageous.

Will there be any bears on the

train?

Mormon bears?

Mormon circus bears

on the train. We are getting

a little far off from our

lesson

plan today.

There were.

There were tomorrow.

Where are they circus bears

because they're Mormon?

Um,

I think

they're going to be here

the entire exam.

That's okay because we'll be

here next year again.

Okay, give you a hint. Nothing

about Mormon on the exam.

Oh.

Oh, that's really hard to know

about Mormon.

That's the main thing that I

Yes.

Well, half of us are using it

all day.

I think he says like

she said it's out of the

question.

Then she said that's wrong.

So far, Josh is the only one

who's actually

doing his homework. I'm a good

multitasker.

Two hundred forty seconds.

She said four seconds.

Close or two seconds?

Well, we have the best.

Four hundred twenty.

Four hundred twenty miles an

hour this.

Hmm.

Okay, getting a little closer.

But Josh

already said it was one hundred

and twenty. Wait,

so was Josh closer? No.

If another train is coming just

as fast.

But it won't happen

in this class though.

Will they miss each other

or are they gonna crash?

I think they'll hate each other

straight on.

They'll raise each other.

Well, I didn't even

tell you if they

started at the same time.

Oh.

Do they start at the same time?

That would have been a question

to ask me in the beginning.

Josh, do you think the

trains are gonna miss each

other?

Um,

I mean, if they have feelings.

[laughter]

Oh, Ben.

That felt really bad.

I think that train's catching.

If that was a psychology exam,

he would be right.

Ah.

[laughter]

So you never

answered my question.

Do they start at the same time?

That was a great question.

That's what you need

to write on the exam.

But I didn't tell you that.

Ah.

Should we be taking notes?

[laughter]

When are you ever not taking

notes?

When I'm staring at you.

Why are you looking at me?

You guys should be taking notes.

[inaudible]

[inaudible]

Yeah, I'm taking notes too.

Uh-huh, make sure to take notes

on everything I say.

And where do bears like to hang

out most on the west coast?

Canada.

California.

Porta-potties.

Porta-potties.

With the Mormons in Utah.

Ah, yes.

Circus bears.

Circus bears.

I didn't ever see a circus bear.

Um, no.

I thought it was an item of

hope, but I don't think so.

I think they're like a bit fast.

Actually, that was a good, nice

inference, David.

I'm very proud of you.

You really know, you really

know what you're doing.

I'm trying. I'm really trying.

You're being such a great new

student.

I'm so proud of you.

You, too, Josh. You're really

doing a great job so far.

You think so?

Oh, yeah.

You're taking advantage of all

the tools available for you

to relax so you can get better

grades.

I mean, might as well.

Dude, high five.

Yes.

[Groaning]

OK, now who can tell me what

the square root of pi is?

11.

11 what?

11.

[Indistinct]

Did you guys hear my next

question?

What was your next question?

What is the square root of pi?

3.145974...

No, Sally, it's just 20.

Incorrect.

It's 20.

Josh, what about you?

The square root of apple pie?

No, pi. It's a number.

Um, shit.

4.345698678?

I think you need to think about

a different number.

Um, what kind of number?

Well, it did start with a 3.14.

Oh.

And it ends with my G spot.

Oh.

[Indistinct]

My question is...

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

That's good. There we go.

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

Oh, that makes no sense.

See, that part of my grade is

not activated.

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

Easy, David. Don't you want

extra credits?

That's what I'm aiming for.

I thought so. You're doing a

great job.

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

Now have you guys been studying

for your physical education?

Um...

I told you to all run a mile

when you got home.

Oh, that's about six weeks.

Everyone, what's your mile time?

Four minutes and 20 seconds?

Now we're in 20 minutes.

What?

Lexi, you're gonna fail

physical ed. What the hell?

That is not what I've been

teaching you.

I was crawling.

[Indistinct]

I got a person being on my

knees.

Oh, that makes a lot more sense.

Good job.

If I'm gonna try to teach you

guys everything, you really

have to work harder.

Maybe you should have partnered

up.

Yeah.

It would have helped me a lot.

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

[Indistinct]

So are you guys all getting

along with my new students?

I think we are.

They're amazing.

They're great.

Yeah.

They seem like they're learning

a lot.

They seem like they're having a

lot of fun in your class.

Yes.

I always want everyone to be

stress-free and good friends in

this class.

Hey Josh, can I tell you, she

was the best teacher.

Yeah, she is the best.

I really learn a lot here.

I'm so glad my parents moved.

Are you coming back next year?

Oh yeah, definitely.

It's okay that we're in Utah.

We don't have to tell the rest

of our friends that, you know,

this school is like this.

Yeah, it's a big pride in it.

You keep it on the deal.

Mm-hmm.

I'm so glad my parents pay my

tuition.

You have parents?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

What's that like?

Um, great.

Great.

So have you guys gotten started

on your homework for next week

yet?

We have homework?

You know, maybe you would all

ace your exams if you were a

little bit ahead.

I don't know.

That's what I thought.

I don't like doing head.

So.

This, and this.

Put this plus this equals this.

What you're saying is this, or

this, or this, before this.

You need to bring this to this,

and then you get both at the

same time.

Oh, okay.

You guys didn't even answer my

question if you started on your

homework for next week.

I think we're doing the work on

the problems.

Are we doing it?

I don't know.

It's on astrology.

You're supposed to be studying

Orion, duh.

I've told you guys that like 17

times.

You're studying Orion.

I thought it was.

Okay.

Okay.

So what's Orion?

It's like a belt.

You can wear it.

Exactly.

Okay.

I didn't know Orion was a

really good fashion brand.

Honestly, I think it's like,

like, one of the biggest

challenges.

And the galaxy is also on Orion's

belt.

Mmhmm.

Good job, David.

Yeah.

I thought Orion was fashion.

She said Orion's, and it's like

a belt, so...

It's a piece of jewelry.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Orion's belt.

A piece of jewelry.

I really love that analogy.

That's how you guys can

remember it.

What other galaxies are there?

What's a galaxy?

That's...you're supposed to

tell me.

Oh my god, the Milky Way.

That is...

Yes, Lexi.

Oh my god.

I taught her so well.

Does Saturn have a belt?

No.

Enzo, come on.

You asked me that like 15 times

already.

She told me that.

Orion has a belt.

Saturn doesn't.

How about Jupiter?

Saturn has rings on the belt.

Jupiter gets stupider.

Oh.

We're not talking about Jupiter

today.

I only really need you guys to

know about the Milky Way and

Orion.

I like Uranus.

How big is the Milky Way?

Like, 10 feet or...

50 square feet.

I would like...

What square feet?

Oh, I would like the punch one.

Think bigger.

He's a square, but he puts

square.

Oh my god.

Think 10 feet or bigger.

20.

Yeah, 20.

Much bigger than 20.

How could we see it from space

if we're down on Earth, if it

was only 20 feet long?

It must be really bright then,

huh?

Yeah.

That's right.

Doesn't it shine brighter than

the sun?

It's not 20 feet long.

That was my point.

You guys seriously need to

study a little bit more.

I mean, I'll give it to you.

That's extra credit for next

week, but...

31.7 million feet.

Yes.

That's so much more.

That's one...

Yeah.

Okay, not in the millions.

Let's just go back to

California and the bears.

I think that's...

You guys understand that a lot

more.

There's like a bajillion bears.

Yeah.

Brown bears like...

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

See, we have that in the

animals.

Yes.

A chemical compound.

A chemical compound.

Of CO2, you know?

Yeah, to make your hormones

very raging.

Raging.

Raging.

Or gator-y.

Like gator-y.

Like gator-y.

Yeah.

Oh, yes.

You love CO2.

This is so...

Yeah.

This is the best chemical.

I'm about to transfer CO2 after

this class.

Back to the bears, guys.

Oh, bears.

Yes.

So what kinds of bears are you

supposed to stay away from?

Chicago.

Black bears.

All of them.

Oh.

All of them.

All of them.

They will all try to eat you.

What about polar bears?

Polar bears.

So grizzly bears are the ones

that you really have to worry

about?

I thought it was black bears.

Well, all of them, but they're

the most hungry for some reason.

What about the Chicago bears

again?

Oh, yes.

That was just a joke.

They are.

Well, I'm going to be

remembering now for the test.

Can we put that in as a

question?

Yeah.

Who are the Chicago bears?

Yeah.

Okay.

Are they dangerous?

Well, they make it.

I think we're on bears now, not

the universe.

I think so.

Oh, yes.

And just remember the square

root of a square is your circle.

Hashtag circles equals square

root.

It's the other way around.

She said square equals circle.

Square equals circle.

That's right.

They really want you to know

that in school.

Hashtag square equals circle.

Yes.

Exactly.

One goes into the hole and the

second one joins the needle.

Or what you can do is you can

do one plus zero plus one plus

zero equals one goes into the

hole and the second one joins

the needle.

Equals square.

Duh.

Oh, my God.

I know.

It makes more sense.

Yeah.

So one plus hole plus one plus

hole equals square.

Yeah.

Equals square.

Oh, my God.

How big of a square?

Two inches?

Three inches?

It always has to be four inches

all the way around.

All the way around.

And four inches all the way

around divided by four is what?

Square.

Circle.

Exactly.

Life's the circle.

Oh, I'm still talking this exam.

That's OK.

The worst student.

The worst student.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

That's OK.

That's OK.

The worst student then.

That's not fair.

Mia, just let me add your

glasses.

Can anyone tell me how to make

the collar purple?

Orange?

No.

Yellow?

No.

How about you?

Red and blue?

That's right.

Josh, see, Josh just knows his

stuff.

You guys need to actually learn

from him and make sure that he's

in your study group.

We don't accept insiders.

What the fuck?

What do you guys have going on

here?

Say it again?

What do you guys have going on

here?

We're going to keep it between

us.

None of your business.

Oh, at this school, we include

everyone in our study groups,

guys.

Oh, that'll be a fun study

group.

So make sure to put Josh in

your study group.

Are you going to be there?

Is it mandatory?

No.

No?

Uh-uh.

We'll save this for the last.

Okay, Josh, if you want your

invited- That's right.

Wow, now I am?

I was going to fail you guys if

you didn't invite him.

Oh, exactly.

I wouldn't invite him if he's

uninvited.

- The first game. - Mmhmm.

- High five.

- How's before Browns?

- How's before Browns, always.

- Idaho. - And how do we

remember

Idaho? - 'Cause I'm Idaho.

- That's right, you the hoe.

- No, Idaho, no. - No, Idaho.

- No, she's the hoe. - That's

right.

Squares and clubs.

- Circles. - Equals.

- One plus whole plus one. -

Equals where?

- And. - That's right.

- Both ones at the circle. - At

the circle?

- Yeah, no, the ones go in the

circle.

- Oh yeah, you're right, the

one goes in the circle,

and another one joins other

ones.

- Yeah. - So where would it be,

one in one circle, and then

another one in the other circle?

- No, don't do the same thing

anymore.

- Oh, that's pretty brutal. - I

know, right?

- What's hot? - Best.

- Of course. - I've never.

- I love it, I can't remember.

- I just wanna make sure

you guys learn everything on

the curriculum.

'Cause they keep changing it up

on us.

- Well, the exam tomorrow's

gonna start with an A,

'cause that's the grade we're

gonna get.

- Mmhmm. - I thought every exam

starts with a C. - Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Now I'm confused. - Yeah,

that, that.

- Well, you do have to earn

your A's.

And I think you're just gonna

get them.

- Where's six? - It's a bar.

- It's a bar. - Yeah.

- And back to a seven.

- Southern has ranked us up. -

Yeah.

- Wait, what about Southern's?

Or Ryan's though?

- No, it's silly. - What?

- Wait, maybe it was me. - That's

right, I thought

that was the case. - You're

okay there.

- No, no, he's got like 100,000.

- Mmhmm.

Okay, so next week we're gonna

be learning

about Texas, you guys. - Oh,

Texas.

- Yeah. - What about Texas?

- Mmhmm.

Oh, you know, just how there's

a lot of open space there.

It's pretty much useless. - Do

they have Mormons there,

miss? - I think Utah has all

the Mormons.

- But you said it has a lot of

open space

and it's useless. - Mmhmm.

- Wow, I think that's all we

could--

- Are there bears in Texas? -

Thank you, yes.

Took rap from her mouth. - Mmhmm.

- I feel like there are. - I

don't know,

you gotta look it up, man. -

Absolutely.

Okay, I'm gonna get my phone. -

Did you put it in the frame,

then? - I don't know.

- Oh, God, there it is. - So

just remember,

if you want extra credit, you're

gonna have to run a mile

in at least 12 minutes. - Oh my

god.

- Okay, that's what walks. -

That's like literally,

like I'm taking away a whole

hour,

like that's not fair.

It takes me like an hour to run.

- You can't crawl on the track,

girl.

- Yeah, no more using your

knees.

- Lexi, will you come over here?

- Yeah.

- And same with you, Enzo. - Oh,

me?

- Yep.

I just need you guys to look

really closely at the map.

- Okay. - 'Cause I want you to

study

a few different parts of it

with me.

- What are we looking at?

- Well, I want you to look at

the capital

of California right there. -

Where's California?

- It's all the way to the left.

Good. - Oh.

- This is why they have us

changing--

- It's a long way from Kansas.

- That curriculum

all the time on you guys. -

That makes more sense.

- Can't believe you don't learn

or read anymore in school.

- Is this San Francisco? No, it's

gotta be the smaller lotters

that are in the capital. - Yeah.

Like I said, it's gonna be

Sacramento.

- Oh. - And then you look up.

The state above it is called

what?

- Oregon. - Oh my God, right.

- I thought it was Washington.

- Yeah, no, Washington is right

above Oregon.

Sorry, I know you can't read,

Enzo.

- There's definitely bears in

Washington and Oregon.

- Right, hello bears, right? -

Probably definitely.

- I think, yeah, maybe in

Washington,

but most likely in Alaska.

- Guys, why are we talking

about polar bears?

- I thought we were still on--

- I thought it was on a museum.

- No, just grizzly bears. - Oh.

- Okay. - This is awkward.

- Yeah. - We're trying to learn

too much, sorry.

- I know, you guys, your little

brains are just so not used

to it 'cause you're just

scrolling through your phones

all day and it just makes your

brain so much less--

- What's an Arizona? - Useful?

- Yeah, Arizona's pretty useful,

I would say.

- Walter White. - What is that,

New Mexico?

- Oh, yeah, New Mexico, mm-hmm.

Yeah, so what's the capital of

Uranus?

Just kidding, there's no

capital of Uranus.

- That was a trick question. -

Oh, 'cause it's a planet.

- Exactly, I knew Josh would

pick up on that.

- Okay, but for real, what is

the capital of Utah?

- New York? - Salt Lake.

- Wow. - Soaking?

Oh, oh, whoa, yes.

- No, guys, it's Mormons. -

Salt Lake.

- Oh, salt lake. - Salt Lake.

- I thought someone would get

that.

- Soaking or softy, I think it's

a soft J.

- How about Alabama?

- Yeah, what about Alabama?

- We're not there yet.

- Is that for next semester?

- Yep, we're only going over

the western part of the US

this year. - Okay, well, how

about Montana?

- Yeah, we're not talking about

that either.

- What is that? - So who knows

what national monuments are on

the West Coast?

- Statue of Liberty. - No.

God, Enzo, you need to start

reading your books.

- The Sears Tower, forgot my

glasses.

- The Sears Tower is not a

national monument.

- Oh.

- Well, actually it is.

You're right, Lexi.

See, that's why we don't learn

anything

'cause one day it's one thing

and the next day it changes,

such as our beautiful country.

- What state are we in?

- So right now, we're in a

Nevada federal county.

- Oh. - Oh.

- Yeah. - We're not in Las

Vegas,

New Mexico. (laughs)

- You know, sometimes they call

it that, Lexi.

So we really don't know. - And

there was a lot of--

- Us educators, we think we

know everything.

- There was a lot of crisis in

Las Vegas,

but it was mistaken in New

Mexico.

- I'm just gonna go whatever,

based off whatever you guys are

saying.

I need you to make sure that

you bring me your projects.

All of you, bring me your

projects.

- Oh, okay.

- And?

- I don't have anything.

- Okay, here, let me check out

what you have.

- Yeah.

- I can't believe you just didn't

even bring me

any of your projects. - Yeah.

- Okay, wow. - Yeah, get us.

- You guys just honestly need

so much more.

- We love this class so much,

we just wanted to come back. (laughs)

- Yeah, for next semester, you

know?

- Mm, okay, all right, well,

I'm gonna be expecting a lot

more from you guys.

- Next semester? - This

semester.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Oh. - Okay.

- Really. - Maybe we can try.

- Maybe try again?

- Yeah, maybe you should try

again.

And I want you to start

learning about atoms,

and protons, and electrons. -

Oh.

- 'Cause I really don't know

what I'm talking about.

Like, you guys actually teach

me a lot more than I teach you.

- Oh. - You have taught us a

lot.

- Yeah, you've taught us about

sexual tension.

- I don't know why I'm such a

good teacher. (laughs)

- And erections.

- Oh, that's true, but, you

know.

- That's right around the

corner in November.

- You still need to teach me

about atoms.

I need to know everything.

- Hormonal atoms. - Yes.

- Isn't that a thing? - That is

a thing.

- We have to do research. - We

have to see how many atoms,

it makes up one hormone. - One

hormone.

- Please tell me when you find

out the answer.

- It says about 152 atoms make

up a hormone.

- Wow.

- Oh.

- Do you think that's right?

- I mean, like, sometimes

Google's wrong, but like,

did you get that off Wikipedia?

- Yeah. - Okay, like--

- I mean, I want you guys to at

least study

some scholarly articles.

- Ah, right here, 98.

- Oh. - That's right.

Wait, wait, no. - Oh.

- 69 is what it says. - Oh.

- Which is like a dual of Moola

and God.

- No, no, no, no. - Like the

other day?

- Yes. - Was it last week, or

last month?

- That was last week. - Ah.

- I think that was in a

language--

(sniffing)

- I think it was a try or a do.

- Atoms, they don't have to try.

- So why did the atom get his

credit card taken away?

- I think it's because it was

new, Tom.

- Oh, because he lost all of

his charge.

- Oh. - Oh.

- That's extra credit.

- It is extra credit, how did

you know?

Have you looked at my tests?

- No.

No, not at all. - I don't know.

- That's my first time. - That's

my first time.

- There's a little bit of gold

in right there.

- Yeah.

- The shoulders of a good

noodle.

I have a good noodle.

- Do you know what makes it a

nucleus?

Predotons and neutrons?

(sniffing)

(laughing)

Is it?

- No, we're trying to say that's

not what makes it a nucleus.

- Ah, yeah.

That makes more sense.

- So in other words, like,

probably like,

carbon.

- Oh, oxygen? - And then there's

chunks,

and yeah, oxygen.

- I like what I'm hearing over

there.

- You know what carbon's well

is?

It's an atom. - Oh.

- And it's like-- - And atoms,

there's how many atoms in it

all?

- Like 69.

- That's what Google.

- That's what Google? - Yeah.

- Google's fire. - And then,

and then,

those atoms have electrons that

charge the hormonal

chemicals that goes to your

brain, makes you even poorer.

- Ah, that's right!

I taught you guys that last

year.

They're learning it this year.

- Yeah, it takes us a while. -

Yeah.

(gags)

But I think the electron cloud--

- Oh. - Is what goes

to your brain and makes-- - I

don't know about you,

but I look at you pretty close.

- I look at you pretty bad at

school.

- I'll be able to ace that out

as well.

- That's the goal.

I need you all acing your exams

in my class.

- Such a pain. - Yeah.

That's what it was.

Go straight to there and it

gives you an erection.

- Exactly.

- And the sexual tension comes

from the neutrons.

- Yeah.

(spitting)

- Fuck, I'm getting pretty

close, too.

(spitting)

(moaning)

- Oh, fuck.

I just really need you guys to

ace your exams today.

- Yeah.

- I really, really need you to.

Show me you're gonna ace your

exams.

- Yeah. - Yeah, show me.

Show me how well you wanna do

in my class.

- Okay.

- I'm pretty good.

- That's on the line.

- When you try to make it hard.

- Yeah.

Give me all of that.

Hallelujah.

Hallelujah.

It's getting to me.

Yeah.

Fuck.

- Oh, fuck.

- I need all of that.

Yeah.

Give me your fucking best.

Give me your best shot.

Yeah.

How much do you want in A?

(laughing)

Yeah.

- Yes, dude.

Yes.

(sighing)

- Both of you are getting extra

credit today.

- You too?

- Yes.

- Just hope you're paying

attention.

- Yes, what happened?

(laughing)

Best thing's cool ever.

- Now go back to your seats.

The test is about to begin.

(electronic music)

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