All language subtitles for 1_The West Wing S05E20_English

Previously on The West Wing:

What's this?

Your diplomatic passport.

to the Middle Easte going
with Fitzwallace and Andy.L

You're going to see what's going
on; brief me and Toby about it.

Sir, this is Kate Harper,
your new Deputy National
Security Advisor.

Yes, yes!

I have your C.V.--
very impressive.

I'm going to start volunteering.

Volunteering, ma'am?

At the Washington
Free Clinic.

I'm sorry, ma'am.
Are you licensed to
practice medicine again?

I voluntarily chose
to stop practicing, C.J.

And now I'm choosing
to give a few

underprivileged toddlers
vaccinations.

( distant siren blaring )

( Deborah and Leo laughing )

PRESIDENT:
Even the Latin line
got a laugh.

( laughter )

I'm still laughing.

Real reason
I went for a second term.

Couple more years, between
this gig, the Gridiron

and the Alfalfa Club,

I'll be ready
for the Def Comedy circuit.

I'd hold out for Vegas, sir.

My first Correspondents Dinner
was a nightmare.

Bombed.
Put that behind
you tonight.

I killed.

They laughed
till they cried.

They're still crying.

( chuckling )

Honestly, sir, in my case,
it's the pollen count.

But for an Anglo-Saxon,

you were darn funny.

( laughter )

Here we go.

Ah, thank you, sir.

I go forth to bring word
of your triumph.

We still got a phone
call with the Japanese
Defense Minister.

Let's do it upstairs.

I've got to check
in with Charlie first.

Agent Broder. May I?

Thank you.
Tell me something.

Yes, sir.

Do you even smoke?

Gave it up a year ago.

Ha. That's what I call
willpower.

That's what I call
enabler.

( low, steady tone hums )

C.J.:
Whoa.

WILL:
Here. Let me.

No, you shouldn't.

I'm the idiot who...

Oh, it's an Ohio thing.

If it's going to be
thrown away...

There I was coveting
one of these all
through dinner.

What? It's yours.
No, I wasn't serious.

I'm not going to even be around
this weekend to enjoy them.

DONNA:
He used your other stuff.

That's not the point.
It's not?

The point is
the line worked.

I liked it,
the President liked it.

The President had nine
laugh-out-louds;

he could have had ten.

Yet the world
keeps turning.

Look it up.

This is me looking.

Here we go.

Line 27...
"Delete per NSC.

Code 2.2a indication.
Commander Harper."

NSC? The NSC killed
my Panama joke?

Was it a joke
about warheads?

Call Colonel Klink
over there.

I want to know
what happened.

Now?

I'm calling.

2.2a my...

Josh Lyman's office
for Commander Harper, please.

( Josh clears throat )

On your way out,
give this to C.J.

Really?

AGENT:
Your wife called.

Said don't forget the video.

My daughter's having
a sleepover.

We're talking Nemo.

Whatever you say, sir.

Remind me to have you pull
more Saturday nights, Lee.

( low, steady tone humming )

CHARLIE:
So he pulled it off?

( sneezes and sniffles )

Grading on a curve, yes.

But...?
You can't tell him.

Okay.

Second half,
I was in the ladies' room.

Hay fever?

And I was seated
with the guests of, um...

I thought they were guests
of Leno's.

Whoever they were...

they were drenched
with cologne.

( sneezes )

You should have said something.

What? "Would you mind
scrubbing your necks

before we have our salads?"

You're allergic.

It's not an allergy;
it is a sensitivity.

You just tell me that
your hot water's back on,lergy.

so I won't worry about you
all weekend.

My hot water is back on.

It will be.

Charlie,
did you pull D.O.D's report

on the Pacific Missile Shield?

It's right here.
Thank you.

Leo's coming
to the Residence.

We're going to take
that the call from
the Japanese up there.

I'll send it up.

What happened to your hot water?

Nothing. It's all
squared away, sir.

PRESIDENT:
Are you falling behind
on your bills, Char?

I'm fine, sir. Thank you.

Because I'm pretty sure there's
a statute that prevents me

from staking you to a loan,
but Debbie's a soft touch.

( Deborah snuffling )

( sneezes )

( high, rapid tone beeping )

( cell phone ringing )

Broder.

We're getting a ping,
on the EHM.

The Roosey Room again?

No, sir.
The outer office to the Oval.

I'm crashing the House.

Where's...?
Eagle is covered.

I need help securing
the West Wing.

BRODER:
On my way.

AGENT:
Mr. President...

I need you to don a mask.

This is a crash.
Put these on, please.

PRESIDENT:
Is this a drill?

No, sir. The Environmental
Hazard Monitor's detecting

an unusual pattern

We've had a couple
of airborne pafalse alarms

for anthrax since
the last patch

Everyone follow me;
this way, quickly.

Just do what she says.

Captioning sponsored by
NBC

WARNER BROS. TELEVISION

...brought to you by
the stylish 2004 Toyota Camry.

Get the Feeling.

Look who it is.

Nice rod.

Is she gone?
Ladies' room.

Press Detail for the CODEL.

Have a fabulous time.

What's...?

Faxes need to clear
a 90-minute window
before briefings.

Try and keep track
of your time zone.

Was the Vice President happy
with the speech tonight?

You know how many Bob Russell
jokes were told tonight?

Thirty-two. I almost lost count.

I was going to carve
notches on my belt.

You're not answering
my question.

Vice President Russell

opened a fortune cookie went
and found an actual fortune.

What does that even mean?

That Bob Russell's corrupt.

Okay, I know what it
means, but my point is...

Come in here.

( door slams )

First time?

You're in for a trea
None of you came in contact with
any powdery or gooey substances?

No.
Open any sealed
containers?

Breath mints,
in a tin on my desk.

I smoked a cigarette.

Did the First Lady install

a nicotine upgrade
on the detector?

( knocking on door )

Josh Lyman?

Yes.

You asked to see me?

Kate Harper.
I'm the new Deputy NSA.

You're Commander Harper.

Kate's fine.

Sorry, I haven't gotten
around to introducing myself

to everyone yet...
( pager beeping )

Excuse me. I just want
to grab one of these.

You thirsty?

Would you like one?
No, thanks.

I'm about to head out.

We're crashed,
Mr. Lyman.

Now?!
Thank you,
Ms. Harper.

Almost out the...

I need you to stay
where you are.

( sighs heavily )

( pager beeping )

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

TOBY:
It's a simple question--
yes or no.

Was the Vice President happy
with his speech tonight?

I have no idea what
you're talking about...

( knocking on door )

We're crashed, gentlemen.

Come again?
The building's
on lockdown.

I need you to stay put
until we know what's up.

Love what you've done
with the place.

We're on a crash.

Again?
Ms. Moss, would you mind
stepping in?

Oh. Sure.

C.J.:
Did Jack make it out?

Jack left in a huff.

Five more minutes, I
could've been in my car.

Who's Maura Leary?

Press Secretary in
Congressman DeSanto''
office.

Oh, it's you.

You're going
on the CODEL.

Yeah.
You bumped Jack.

He's probably making
a voodoo doll of you right now..

I... I don't want
to kick him off the trip.

Josh didn't say
anything about...

But don't worry-- you're not his
first voodoo doll,rep.

and they rarely work.

This is for you.

Oh, sweet lord.
What have I gotten
myself into?

Is it your birthday?

I'm going camping.

PRESIDENT:
What about automatic
bank drafts?

CHARLIE:
I hear they're
convenient, sir.

We're in here.

Mr. President,
how are you feeling?

Dandy. I killed at the
Correspondents Dinner tonight.

Have I met you before?

Uh, no, sir.
I'm Dr. Mike Gordon.

I'm new to the unit,
but I've been through
all the drills.

I should do my Latin-as-the-
national-language run for him.

No, sir.

Meet my lucky staff:
Charlie Young,
Debbie Fiderer.

How you doing?
Nice to meet you...

You need to keep
on your masks.

Sorry. The last time,
they let us...

we're on standardagents
respiratory precautions.

Once. They usually turn've been
us around at the bottome
of the stairs.

GORDON:
Mr. President,

I'm going to take
your blood pressure.

to being manhandled
by the Medical Unit.
Don't bAre you Army?

Yes, sir. Have you been coughing
any this evening, Mr. President?

Not at all. What are
you hearing, Agent?

The ventilation system
shut down per design.

No other detectors are picking
up unusual particles.

A few personnel are
being held at their desks.

Residence is all clear.
Are you experiencingtai

any shortness
of breath, sir?
No, I'm fine.

You can skip along
with the questions.

It's a long list, but I do need
to go through it, sir.

Do the questions, sir.

We want to take our time
with the questions.

So you're aware
of what's coming next?

Oh, yeah.
Does it have anything to do

with nasal swabs?

Afraid that's affirmative.

Serving at the pleasure
of the President just gets
better and better.

Read my mind, sir.

( sneezes )

Have we confirmed anything?

So unless there's a problem...

I will hold my location, yeah.

I'm aware of that.

I will not leave
the Residence.

What are they
telling you, Leo?

Forty minutes, tops.
Assuming no other developments.

They told me ten.

( slams books down )

Probably it'll be
more like ten.

Hey, you okay?

I saw you slip out early.

Got a shift;
I had to change my clothes.

The exit was
a little conspicuous.

I wasn't throwing food.
The First Lady leaves

before the President's speech?

Jed knew I could only be there
for the first half.

Did anyone else know?

Hello.

This is Dr. Bartlet.

Would you tell Jerry
I'm running late.

Thanks.

What are you doing
at this hour?

I'm at the clinic one night
a week-- midnight, 8:00 a.m.

Graveyard?

We try not to call it that
in front of the patients.

Midnight to 8:00, doesn't
sound like you're handing
out lollipops.

Does C.J. have anything to say
about this?

C.J. doesn't go to the clinic.

I'm saying...

I know what you're saying.

You could have talked
to somebody about this.

I talked to the President.

He didn't tell you
I was working nights?

No.

( clucks tongue )

He never tells me
anything either.

WILL:
You're upset 'cause

the VP didn't use
any of your jokes.

I'm upset 'cause he didn't
use any of anybody's jokes!

'Cause he gave a humorless
sermon at a humorous roast!

'Cause he made the President
of the United States

look like a buffoon!

Like he's squirting
seltzer bottles

while Pompeii's in flames.

Volcanic ash.
What?

Rome burned. Pompeii was
blanketed in volcanic ash.

I want to know
if Bob Russell is happy

he upstaged
the President tonight.

The Vice President spent three
hours as a pin cushion--

dull jokes, stiff jokes,
agribusiness jokes,

unpreparedness jokes,
immovable hairline jokes.

He provided plenty of
humor to the proceedings.

He thinks these are serious
times and didn't want

to bow and scrape and
tell knock-knock jokes

to all of establishment
in Washington.

You're damn right he was happy.

From now on any joint
POTUS-VPOTUS appearance,

I clear his speech.

First of all, no.

Second, you're mad
'cause he didn't use your jokes.

Okay.

( laughing )

The problem
with Bob Russell jokes

is he doesn't think
they're funny,

and no one else thinks
they're jokes.

These are serious times.

And only the Vice President
has figured that out!

he's the only one tonight
who didn't look like a buffoon,,

and he's the only one who wasn't
taking your advice,

so add one to the other
and tell me what you get.

We're done here.

Excuse me.

You need to close
the door.

My office is two feet...

Strict procedures,
Mr. Ziegler.

I guarantee the President
would prefer...

I'll let you know when.

I'm not staying with
this guy. You can...

( Toby grunting )

Stay inside the room, gentlemen.

Oh, man.

The office was sealed
in less than eight minutes.

While the alarm's
being verified,

the scanner began
a DNA diagnostic.

Malfunction's still possible?

Yes. But while we rule out
system error,

HazMat moves ahead
with a sweep of the area.

Any shortness
of breath?
Not really.

I have a little
allergic rhinitis,

but, no, the answer's no.

Ow!

Sorry.
Was that my sinus
or my frontal lobe?

GORDON:
Do you feel any kind of burning
sensation on your skin or eyes?

Not on my skin.
Your eyes?

They're pretty red.

That's all of them.

CHARLIE:
He takes that straight
to Fort Detrick.

You'd hate for them
to get lost.

Ms. Fiderer,
about your eyes...

The pollen count has been

in the go-back-
to-bed range all week.

Is your nose burning?

But that's more from the cloud
of Chanel at dinner.rn

She's got a fragrance
sensitivity she's
sensitive about.

Was anything
actually sprayed on
you at this dinner?

Well, actually--
this won't count--

but when I took my tablemates
to meet the President,

I thought they were guests
of Leno's,

But while we waited
for him to finish with
the party ahead of us,

I didn't even see
the woman get in her bag

and-- shhh!-- she spritzed
right into my face.

You're saying this
aerosol got on you?

We expect an I.D.
PRESIDENT:in 20 minutes.
How long before we know
what we're talkThanks, Ron.

I'm sorry, Agent Butterfield,
no one leaves.

What?

We need to run
a DE-CON protocol.he

Are there chemical
indications?

Ms. Fiderer was sprayed
with an unknown agent

in proximity to the President.

It's causing edema and
burning to the eyes.

to take a decontamination
rinse in the shower,

beginning with
the President.

We'll proceed one at a timee
and meet in the clean area.

I'm all for the protocol, Major,
asbut this is absurd.

My apologies.

overpriced piece
of technology
that's overreacting.

Yes, sir. You'll find written
instructions in the shower.

Make sure you scrub vigorously
and rinse your eyes.

You're making a great
impression, Doc.

Mr. President...

Ron'll put in a good word
to your C.O.

Mr. President,
get in the shower.

Josh's door is closed.
He's not picking up?see anybody?

( phone beeps )

Josh Lyman's office.

And Josh Lyman himself.

No, she's right here.
Donna's M.I.A.

What's the holdup?

I don't know.

I got a Deputy NSA
stuck in here with me.

Well, ask her why
we can't throw a little money

at the system and do something
about these false alarms.

C.J. Cregg would like to know
why we spend half our lives

in unnecessary lock-downs.

Better safe than sorry.

She's got nothin'.

Did you know I'm taking
Jack Sosa's place on the trip?

Are you?

He was on Press Detail.

Bummer.
Now I'm on Press Detail.

with a pyramid on it
Bring or something.y-c

Whoops, I got
another line flashing.

What do I do?

Press hold and...

He didn't press hold.

Weren't you
getting a drink

with that guy from
the Post-Intelligencer?

I thought we had stuff
to wrap up.

Apparently it was
just Operation Rod & Reel.

He was cute.

Eh, he'll call.

Oh, God.

Sasquatch.

Ice might help.

Are you making conversation?

You don't want it to swell up.

There's no ice here,

and as you may have noticed,

we're not at liberty to wander.

They always do that?

What?

Saran Wrap the Oval.

I don't know.

If it was real,
Russell would know.

You would
have gotten a call.

My cell's out in my coat pocket.

And since your scrubbing
of my old office

included the phone...

He was fast, that guy.

You think that was judo?

There's sodas in here;
they're cold.

I'm not putting a soda
on my head.

Okay.

There's gonna be a bump.

I don't know Major Gordon.

He didn't laugh
at my Social Security joke.

That's a good sign.

Your Social Security joke
is one of those

works-better-on-a-crowd-that's-
been-drinking kind of things.

I'm hoping he didn't even crack
a smile.

I think we can count on
Doctor Gordon's sobriety.

How's your blood pressure?
Seriously.

Seriously, it's a miracle
I'm alive.

Take care of yourself.

Don't get too bored.

Leo's entertaining me.

Leo's still in the building?

I thought they would...
Yes.

I thought he went home.

No, he's with me.

Until he gets whisked off

to some undisclosed location,

I'm going to keep running
with the false alarm story.

Put him on for a second.

Leo.

How's it going?

It's all about the fun
down here.

What do I need on Japan?

Someone alerted the Chinese

that Japan's on board
with the missile shield.

They're going
to want to hear

if China starts posturing,

we're ready to go public
with the plans in the Alliance.

Are we?

We'll have to be.

Everything okay up there?

Yeah.

Good.

You can stay?

They don't think
there's a real danger.

Better to have you here making
sure I behave.

If it comes to that,

you got any of those
to spare?

Or are you hoarding
the good stuff?

I'm sorry.
Where's my manners?

I'm not going to tell you
it's cold medicine.

You carry 'em with you?

"As needed."

It's not a daily dose.

How about I make us some tea?

( sighs )

So why'd you get the water?

You went out and got a case

right before
the agent showed up.

You knew we were going
to be stuck here
Do you wanindefinitely.

I didn't.

It's a reflex.

Yeah? "Better safe?"

I was in a lock-down
for 77 hours once.

Where was that?

Overseas.

Overseas is a big place.

Yeah.

Were you in the embassy
in Haiti?

I got a power bar, too,
if things get ugly.

Okay, I get it. CIA.

I can look you up.
I have code word clearance.

Not this code you don't.

So why'd you kill
my Panama joke?

What?

In the President's speech
tonight.

What possible threat
to National Security...?

No threat.

No?

It wasn't funny.

You don't really like Russell.

And your dislike
isn't professional.
It's personal.on't.

Not personal.
Visceral.

He's not inconsiderable

once you spend some
time with him.

He's a featherweight

who only looks
like a lightweight

because he's got
you propping him up.

He's the heir apparent.

Don't say heir apparent

when we've got men in moon suits
hermetically sealing the Oval.

This is Russell's only shot,
by the way.

A night like this.

You comfortable with that?

Perfectly. Thank you.

Well, great.
Only shot.

This and voter fraud,
another option.

Yeah, I see.

Or a mob hit
would also work.

Someday there's gonna be
a newer,

younger political operative
moving onto your landscape.

Somebody up through
the ranks from the
domestic policy shop,

and you'll be able
to foist all your jealousy

and resentment on to his
unsuspecting shoulders

and you'll give me a break
for three consecutive minutes.

Jealousy? This is good.

You've had one win
in your career, one.

And you're looking sunset
in the face

and I'm just starting out,

and that's eating you apart

like some kind
of psychological melanoma.

My jealousy of you?

It's an adrenaline sport
and you're exhausted.

If you had another fight in you,
you'd be grooming Matt Packard

or Howard Sturgis
and you'd take me down,

me and my anemic candidate.
But you don't have it.

I say this with a
tremendous amount
of respect.

I would be eternally
grateful

if you would back off.

My father had one of these.

I barfed in it once.

I usually threw up off the side
of the boat.

Sitting there, rocking
in the lake swells.

It was always
about getting up

at some God-awful hour
in the morning.

We're not gonna make it
to the Shenandoahs.

You were driving there tonight?

The plan was to hit
the road by 11:00,

get there by 1:00,
pitch a tent by starlight,

and wake up
in the green world.

There's gonna
be post-mortem
You could on this.ke it.

I doubt it.

"Why the system's on the fritz.

Is the White House crippled by
its own protection?"

We just left the entire
press corps at the Hilton

and they were liking
the open bar.

Still...
Someone else
can handle it.

Spray a little Deet behind
your ears and go have fun.

Hi. I'm still here.

We've got a little bit
of a situation.

I'm afraid our getaway
isn't gonna work.

I'm really sorry.

Allergies have been
a pain my whole life,
but this marks a new low.

None of that.

For all we know,
you saved our lives.

And at the very least,
you got us into some comfortable
clothes.

You both comfy?

FIDERER:
Oh, yes, sir.

I'm so digging
the polyester.

CHARLIE:
It's a great look.

Cipro?

Yes, sir.

We'll treat prophylactically--
500 milligrams twice a day.

Drink lots of water;
it's dehydrating.

Let me guess-- protocol?

The cultures will be
back in 48 hours.

If it's negative for anthrax, we
stop the regimen.

So, we haven't
ruled out anthrax?

We haven't ruled
out anything.

Actually, we have.

Mr. President?

"We're all in this
together" ever applied...

You can hold the
Cipro, Doctor.

The scanner has made
a determination.

It's positive for concentrations
of tularemia.

CHARLIE:
What?

Is that a virus?

DR. GORDON:
Tularemia is
a bacterium.

It occurs rarely
in insects and rodents.

Theoretically, in
a aerosolized form,

it could be used
as a weapon.
Not looking all that

theoretical at the moment.

So, at the Correspondent's
dinner...?

No. We can eliminate
that scenario.

This bacteria
was released
in the office--

probably within
10 to 15 minutes

of the alarm sounding.

Where in the office?

That's what HazMat's trying
to determine.

We can treat
for tularemia immediately.

With an antibiotic cocktail,

you probably won't
develop symptoms.

If it had gone undetected?

Tularemia is likely
to manifest

as a severe
respiratory infection--

pneumonia,
eventually systemic.

Sounds bad.

In the world of
known pathogens,

tularemia is
closest to...

Well, in fact,
it is plague.

How long has it been?

Half an hour.

It's like something
out of Beckett.

You mean Sartre.

If I'd meant Sartre,
I would've said Sartre.

"Hell is other people."

Okay, Sartre.

JOSH:
We're stuck in a lock-down

every time some frat boy
on a hazing dare

tries to jump the fence.

You know how many undergraduate
institutions

there are in this town?

It's not the fence.

What is that?

It's not the fence.

Is there anything I can do

to get a straight answer
out of you?

( sighs )

It's a potential
airborne contaminant.

How do you...?

The ventilation system's off,

which they do either in the
event of a fire or they do

in the event of a potential
airborne contaminant.

In the event
of a fire,

I like to think
they'll lock us

outside the
building.

So, what kind of substance
are we talking?

Could be
anthrax,
smallpox,

botulism.

Though it's hard
to aerosolize,

so it's probably not botulism.

Sarin and V-X kill you
within minutes,

Mustard's unlikely,
socause we'd smell it,t.

and there'd be blistering...

Okay.

Thanks.

How'd you know the air's off?

'Cause it's hot.

Scrabble, Boggle,
Parcheesi.

How can they not have
a deck of cards?

Nobody's got cash
down here, Debbie.

It's not a missed
opportunity.

They sprung for Boggle,

they coulda thrown in
a deck of cards.

-Ron?
-Yes, sir.

HazMat's really
taking their time

up there,
don't you think?
Just a moment, sir.

Ron's on the phone.

CHARLIE:
How about Risk?

Bring it on.

Any changes
in the last five minutes?

Still 129 over 85.

Not bad.
Considering.

Yeah, you'd
have thought

the word "plague" alone
would have

spiked us all
into the stratosphere.

You want to be red or green?

Either way, my army's taking
Asia by Round III.

Mr. President,
they found the source
of the contamination.

HazMat confirms traces
of tularemia in a recycle bin.

Which bin?

It was found inside a manila
envelope addressed to Charlie.

To me?
To your
home address.

Did you bring in
any mail from home?

Only bills, mail
that was already opened.

( phone rings )

Fiderer.

Ron, why don't you
speak to Charlie alone?

Let's go inside.

FIDERER:
Mr. President,
they're patching

your call through
from the Japanese

Defense Minister.
Thank you.

Mr. President, I swear...
It's okay.
Go on.

Good morning, Mr. Takabi.

We're having
a wonderful evening.

I can see the cherry blossoms
from here.

No, sir, I'm not concerned.

We're ready to move forward.

Well, I think you're just going
to have to put

a little more faith
in our Department of Defense.

( whistles "Sunrise, Sunset")

You serenading me?

Myself.

An ode to my sunset years.

All right, I'm sorry.

That was a gross
exaggeration.

No, I love it that I live
in your imagination

crippled by jealousy
and in my decline.

That speech
Russell gave tonight...

I could've given you
a heads-up.

No.

It's...

that's the speech
the President should've given.

A flailing economy...

tribal rivalries exploding
all over the world...

The West Wing crashed
four times this year,

and we're running around playing
dress-up,

like bad Dean Martin
impersonators?

That's the speech
the President should've given.

And you should've written it for
him.

You couldn't find some nice,
innocuous baby seal campaign?

You gotta be downtown

with the crackheads
and the needle exchange?

They're understaffed.
They asked me to pitch in.

Believe me,
I love the idea

of you ministering
to the wayward
and unwashed.

I don't love you becoming
a de facto spokesperson

for a load of issues
we can't support.

I'm not on a lecture tour,
I'm seeing patients.

"Hello, my name
is Clarissa Ponsissa.

I'm 14 and sexually active.

But I know it's okay,
'cause I got my condoms

from the First Lady."

Fox News is throwing a party.

We're five years in.

They don't have
any interest

in pathologizing
my every move anymore.

They most
certainly do.

The clinic was one thing--

volunteering,
children's health.

I think we sold that.

Now it's all-nighters,
Saturday nights?

Not negotiable.

Since I came back,
since Zoey,

this is the only deal
I've had with myself.

Follow my gut.

Your Secret Service detail must
be thrilled.

About as thrilled as you.

It's colorless, odorless,

could be stored
in a sealed envelope.

But it's sensitive
to ultraviolet light.

It is contagious.

Some nut could've mailed it
to Charlie.

Debbie, you'll
drive yourself
crazy with this.

I know. I'm only giving
myself three more minutes.

Then it's half an hour
of silent meditation.

How do you think I survive?

In this job,
it's an apt question.

In this world, Mr. President.

When I came into office,
we knew the word "terrorist."

It was in the daily briefings.

But we pictured guys
with turbans in the desert

and mad survivalists
in Montana cabins.

That party's over.

Now anyone
with high school chemistry

is a potential threat.

That's a lot of enemies, sir.

Too many.

Since I was a kid,
spring came,

everyone else ran outdoors
to roll in the grass.

Not me.

My immune system sees harmless
ragweed pollen as poison.

My white blood cells
are paranoid xenophobes.

They go into full attack mode
over everything...

and nothing.

I'm the one who suffers.

So, meditation's the ticket?

Along with
ballistic allergy shots.

( sighs )

He won't forgive himself.

DONNA:
Did Josh know

we could only
send one person?

On the CODEL?
Probably.

He said he was
sending me so I
could report back

to him and Toby on
meetings and what they
were talking about.

Ugh.

This is carob!

I just don't know
how much I can report

if I'm in the
copy room.

Fitz is going
to fill them in.

Sure.

I just don't know why
Josh told me that, if...

( chuckling ):
Whatever.

The Israeli embassy's going
to give you four people,

so for that leg of the trip,

you can sit in
on a couple meetings.

Really?
Mm-hmm.
Page 12.

Great.

( sighs )

That's great.

Josh Lyman needs
a smack on the head.

Why?

He sold you
a bill of goods.

Not at all.

He's gone out of his
way to give me every opportunity
he can.

He has.

Okay.

Hasn't he?

Absolutely.

C.J.?

If he was giving you
every opportunity,

you'd have grown out of
this job three years ago.

You can't blame him.
He's never gonna find

anybody else
as capable as you.

I wouldn't
let you go, either.

It's not a
false alarm.

It wouldn't
take this long.

I wish I'd filled
this damn canteen.

You know,
you can't blame Josh.

It's not his job to...

I don't blame Josh.

It takes two of you,
you choose to stay...

It's the White House.

It's not the White House,
it's him.

Okay.

Why didn't you get
a drink with the guy fromy
want to...

the Post Intelligencer?

You know what's on your desk,

you know what's
on Josh's desk.

It wouldn't wait till Monday?

Why did you cancel
your camping trip?

We're gonna be out of here
in a few minutes.

You're going home
to a rerun of Letterman.

I'm sorry.

( sighs )

I just...

You what?
Nothing.

You what, Donna?

I think Ben's great.

I think you guys
are great together.

I hope it works.

Have you seen
us together?

Not really.

What should I be doing?

Instead of this.

Anything.

You should...

go to lectures and symposia

and look for opportunities with
non-profits

and have one night stands

with reporters
from the Post-Intelligencer

and go on dates with
what's-his-name

from the Solicitor
General's office

and anything that doesn't have
to do with Josh Lyman.

Wow.

Okay.

Let's not do this.

What you wrote
for Russell tonight

was profoundly disturbing.

Because he upstaged
the President?

Because he might win.

What?

Who's the first person
to shake his hand

after the speech tonight?

I wasn't watching.

Of course you were.

Chuck McGill.

They golf.

of 600 reporters McGill's
In a ronot a golf buddy,

he's Chairman
of Ways and Means.

You made a calculation,
you positioned him, brilliantly.

It never for a second
crossed my mind before,

but you keep this up
he may win.

Thanks.

It's not a compliment.

You need to get the hell
out of there.

You're grooming this clown
for a victory and then what?

Four more years.

A better prescription drug deal,

maybe the education overhaul
you guys

can't seem to get
off the ground.

With Howdy Doody at the helm?

This isn't
a dictatorship.

There are hundreds of people

running this White House.

The salient detail being
they're all Democrats.

You of all people...

There are no launch codes
at my desk.

In the event of what
I perceive

to be a threat, I can't deploy
troops to invade

so much as a 7-Eleven.

I don't care who you surround
this guy with,

he's going to wield
a tremendous amount of power.

He'll be fine.

The party wants a win.
60 million Democrats want...

Winning is easy.

You only hit it once--

and maybe never again.

Because you back the guy
who should win,

not the guy who will win.

I backed a man of vision,

who's still hanging on
to his integrity with his teeth.

You're damn straight
I won't win again.

There has to be
a future, Toby.

You will despise the very notion
of them whoever they may be.

Go find someone
you can honestly respect.

Groom him.

I'll comb the countryside.

We went to Hokumville,
New Hampshire,

to find one, yeah.
Comb the countryside.

You go.

If it's so important,
you go.

That's what I thought.

( knocking )

Crash is lifted.

Apologies for the inconvenience.

HazMat's declaring
the office clean.

What's our time?

Almost 43 minutes, sir.

That's the all-clear?
Yes, it is.

Gee, I finally nested.

Your clothes and effects

will be back
from the lab on Monday.

The antibiotics are ready...

I'm going to ask you

to hold off on that
for just a moment.

Why?

and then I'd like to speak to
all of you in the Mural Room.,

If you run into anyone
on the way up,

we'd like you to treat this
as a false alarm.

False alarm.

Right.

He should be up soon.

I'm on my way out.

If this is

about Jed,
there must be other ways.

Other ways to what?

I don't know.

He's not running again.

It's about saving lives now.

Okay. If that's what it's about.

Spit it out, Leo.

Somebody snaps the wrong photo
of you with a junkie

or somebody sees you

pop a Xanax--

I don't care if they do.

I never had
to tell you this before.

You knew when something
was over the line.

I still do.

Forget that.

That was... that was...

I'm saying, as your friend,

I'm saying as a person who had
a close personal relationship

with Valium for more years than
I care to remember, it's dicey.

It starts "As needed,"
then you need a little more.

I don't have a problem.

Unless having a husband
who spends evenings

in an underground bunker counts.

It's hard on you.

On all of us.

You know what this lifestyle
does to the body?

The minute your system
senses stress,

it releases a hormone that
constricts blood vessels,

contracts the heart muscles,

stimulates the adrenal gland.

You stay in this state
for not a hundredth

of the time you and I have
existed like this,

and the vessels begin to shred.

The heart permanently
constricts.

The intestines,
the immune system, shut down.

Relieving those conditions is
the one responsible course

of action I can take.

I am sorry it is not
a course of action

that's available to you,

but if you think you're going
to talk me out of it

with some Valley of the Dolls
cautionary tale,

you have picked the wrong girl.

Okay.

Do what you need to do.

What have you been doing?

Have you had your
blooI'm healthy as a horse,
checkbut thank you, Dr. B.

I'm not kidding.

I may not be Jack LaLanne...

Go see Ted Mayfield.
Get an EKG.

I'll call and make the
appointment myself.
I meanEnough, Abbey.

I'm going to head downstairs.

( knocking )

We're all clear, ladies.

Hallelujah.

Do we know what happened?
False alarm.r your patience.

I'm going to need a report
from your supervisor

for the briefing.

Donna.

Yeah.

Good night.

Good night.

Hey, Commander.

What'd he say?

False alarm.

He said that before.

He didn't tell you
anything else?
Not really.

You just talked to him

for five minutes.

His daughter's taking ballet.

She's not very good.

You know, you're not

a spy in a Ukrainian nuke lab
anymore.

We talk about stuff here.

We're going to be
Okworking together,

You ought to work on
the communication part.

Friendly advice.

Thanks.

Nothing.

Okay. Whatever.

Your joke.

Yeah, not funny, got it.

There's a nuclear sub's
been grounded for nine months,

under repair
in Pearl Harbor.

It's back in commission

and being deployed to patrol
activity around Cape Verde

off the coast of Mauritania.

It's crossing from the Pacific
to the Atlantic right now.

Through a canal, in...

Panama.

Donna!

We beat our goal
for the all-clear

by more than five minutes.

Have a seat.

Where'd we fall short?

One channel of the ventilation
system failed to deactivate.

If this had been
a live infection,

we'd have had contamination

in the communications area.

I'm sorry to interrupt, sir,

but what in the name
of all that's holy...

Tonight's exercise was a drill.

A drill.
A live drill.

Meaning the participants were
unaware that it was a drill.

Ron's agents, HazMat,

and the entire medical staff
were being tested.

The three of us were
the guinea pigs.

Okay.

We're trying to address critical
holes in the security system.

We're fielding threats no one's
ever had to face before.

So the tularemia was...?
Was a simulant--

without harmful properties--

planted
in Charlie's recycle bin.

Without my knowledge.

You were both been involved in
a top secret exercise tonight.

it's going to have to remain
And fotop secret.being,

If I'm ever

looking this in the face,

I hope I've got folks beside me
like the two of you.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you, Mr. President.

They didn't question it.

I'm not surprised.

You didn't know
it would be tonight, sir.

I knew when
you showed up.

But it was worth it,

if we learned something useful.

Did we learn anything, Ron?

A preliminary report will be
on your desk in an hour.

Has the FBI made any progress?

They've have
a chemist under
surveillance

who tried to order bacteria
from the CDC.

Tularemia won't

get through again.

You're right.

On a need-to-know basis,
who needs to know this much?

I could use
a hot bath.

Which is more than you
You had can do at home, I guess,

with your gas
and electric issues...

Rub it in.

Good night.

Good night.

Can you believe
another one of these?
Nope.

Are they sticking
with false alarm?

Yeah.

That one's getting
a little old.

Uh-huh.

Good night, gentlemen.

It's me.

( chuckles )

Am I calling too late?

I'm just getting out--
I'm thinking of Thai.

Why, why would you be
worried about me?

Oh, yeah, true, the pollen count
has been wicked.

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