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1
00:00:57,933 --> 00:01:01,753
Wallace, whatever you saw,
there's an explanation.
2
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:03,630
I'm not saying that it's
a good explanation,
3
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,924
it's obviously a bad explanation,
4
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,302
but we can't just leave
things like this.
5
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,053
You have to call me back, okay?
6
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,972
Wallace, whatever happened,
I still love you.
7
00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:16,560
This message has been
saved for 379 days.
8
00:01:17,953 --> 00:01:20,196
Message deleted.
9
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,843
Yeah, that was supposed to be an
anonymous fridge magnet poem.
10
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,512
And here I am quietly judging you.
11
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,639
Oh, I can handle it.
I've humiliated myself
12
00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:56,433
much more thoroughly in front
of people I actually know.
13
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:58,810
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
14
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:19,790
I'm sorry, I moved your poem.
15
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:22,000
I find this, like, weirdly addictive.
16
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:24,836
- Yeah, like face tattoos.
- Like peeing in the ocean.
17
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,423
- Here it is. Here it is.
- Hi.
18
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:30,342
- Oh, did you guys meet?
- Kind of, yeah.
19
00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:33,345
Wallace, this is my cousin Chantry.
She's an animator.
20
00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:36,223
- Chantry, this is Wallace.
- You're Wallace?
21
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,684
This is the first time he's
been outside in, like, a year.
22
00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:40,102
- Wow.
- Yeah.
23
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:41,853
Yeah, you do look pale.
24
00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:44,523
I just assumed you were,
like, anemic or partially albino.
25
00:02:44,623 --> 00:02:46,692
- It's both, actually.
- He's been hibernating
26
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,194
- like bear because of his broken heart.
- Aw.
27
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,946
Stop telling people
and stroking my face.
28
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,783
- Anyway...
- Do you guys know Becky?
29
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:57,953
She's small, has brown hair, always
bragging about her eating disorder.
30
00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:59,371
I'm Becky.
31
00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:01,665
- It's been a while.
- Oh, hello.
32
00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,166
It's so good to see you again.
33
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:04,710
That's just what she sounds like!
34
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:06,545
Can I give you a tour of the house?
35
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:08,964
Come.
36
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:11,883
To be fair,
37
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:14,094
I don't always like parties, either.
38
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:17,264
Awkward small talk is not my forte.
39
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,724
It's "fort," actually.
40
00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:22,185
"Forte" is Italian, it means "forcefully."
And "fort" is French for "strength."
41
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:24,187
But I still say "forte" too.
If you say "fort,"
42
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:26,982
everyone thinks you're getting it wrong,
even though it is correct.
43
00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:30,068
So is that, like, your thing?
Correcting people's pronunciation?
44
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,321
- Yeah, that's my thing.
- How's that going for you?
45
00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:34,406
I have a dead-end job,
live in my sister's attic,
46
00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:35,657
and I never go out.
47
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,576
Correcting pronunciation
is my old thing.
48
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:39,911
Actually, my new thing
is over-sharing.
49
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:42,164
- Heh.
- Here, try some of Allan's beer.
50
00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:43,373
Thank you.
51
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,875
You actually knocked yourself out?
52
00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:46,084
- I think so.
- Wow.
53
00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,086
And I'll tell you
something really weird.
54
00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:50,422
My face is, like,
permanently damaged.
55
00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:53,216
Like, if you look up here,
you can see there's, like...
56
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:57,095
- I think there's, like, a dent.
- Sort of like, Quasimodo.
57
00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:58,642
Yeah.
58
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:05,437
So, I've got to go to the bathroom.
59
00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:07,606
Do you need anything,
like some dental floss,
60
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:10,275
or, you know, expired aspirin?
61
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,568
No, but I've left a
matchbox in there,
62
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,570
and I was hoping women
could leave pubic hair...
63
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,907
I'll just go around with,
like, a party tray.
64
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,283
No, they'll be in there.
It'll be fine.
65
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,205
- I'm stuffing a pillow.
- Okay.
66
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:38,220
- Oh. Hey.
- Oh. Hi.
67
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:42,432
I was just, leaving
without saying goodbye, like a dick.
68
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:47,145
Yeah. Yeah, that's totally
what I am doing as well.
69
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:48,692
- Heh.
- Oh.
70
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:54,736
- Where are you...?
- Oh,
71
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:56,905
I'm just, like, a couple blocks west.
72
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,115
- Me too.
- Oh.
73
00:04:58,215 --> 00:05:01,576
- Would you like to walk together?
- Yeah. Sure.
74
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,999
Cool.
75
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,582
I read in the tabloids
that she's a cannibal
76
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:10,627
- and he faked Parkinson's for attention.
- I read that too. Crazy.
77
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,462
Awful people. Really.
78
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,548
This is actually me here.
79
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,843
Oh. Right. Well, hey, I had a
really good time talking to you.
80
00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,886
Yeah. Me too.
Which is rare, actually.
81
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,305
I'm usually not that social, so...
82
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,474
Well,
83
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,893
maybe you'd like to
talk again sometime.
84
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,645
Yeah, definitely. We should hang out.
85
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,897
Yeah. It'd be lovely.
86
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,608
Okay, so, I'm gonna
give you my number.
87
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,277
- Okay. I will...
- Top secret.
88
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:36,486
Good.
89
00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,780
I did not mean to stay out so late.
90
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,490
No, me neither.
91
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:43,702
My boyfriend will be worried about,
what happened to me,
92
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:46,830
so, you know, call me.
93
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:49,753
Yes. Thank you very much.
94
00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:51,585
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice meeting you.
95
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:52,794
- Cool.
- Good night.
96
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,341
Good night.
97
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:31,166
I had a good time talking to you.
98
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:33,213
Yeah. Me too.
99
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:39,053
My boyfriend will be wondering
what happened to me.
100
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,042
Hey, what's up, Felix?
101
00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:17,337
- You all right?
- Just dropped an earring.
102
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,922
Your dinner's in the oven.
103
00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:21,216
- Good night.
- What time will you be home?
104
00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,176
If the date is good, midnight.
105
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,637
If the date is bad, 8.
106
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,431
No treats, okay?
And no horror movies.
107
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,267
And don't let him go up on the roof.
108
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,227
And don't sell his organs
on the black market.
109
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:34,145
Okay. I'm off.
110
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:37,649
Take care. Have fun. Good luck.
111
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,324
Clear!
112
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:48,660
All right, mate, close your eyes.
113
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:49,953
Clear.
114
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,801
Okay, you can open them again.
115
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:44,215
Thank you.
116
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,095
Nothing gave Buttercup
as much pleasure
117
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,598
as ordering Westley around.
118
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,391
Farm boy?
119
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,268
Polish my horse's saddle.
120
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:58,104
I want to see my face
shining in it by morning.
121
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:01,153
As you wish.
122
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:06,864
"As you wish" was all
he ever said to her.
123
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,418
Thank you.
124
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,591
- Hey. Need a ride?
- Oh, hey.
125
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:30,766
Hey. No, I think we're okay.
Thanks. Yeah.
126
00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,722
Sorry, I didn't see you there.
127
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:36,226
No, I also didn't see you
standing right next to me.
128
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:37,686
Hi, Wallace.
129
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:39,187
- Chantry.
- Yes.
130
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,439
- I'm here alone.
- Me too.
131
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:46,027
My boyfriend was supposed to come,
but he had to work late, so...
132
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,821
I like seeing movies
by myself, though.
133
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,073
I think it's,
really cool you're here alone.
134
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:52,200
Oh, yeah. Super cool.
135
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,410
Yeah.
136
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,954
- Seriously?
- Yeah, seriously.
137
00:09:56,054 --> 00:10:00,291
I don't think you can have Princess
Bride as one of your favorite movies
138
00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:03,128
if you actually think love
makes you a worse person.
139
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:04,713
Well, no, it's irrelevant.
140
00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:06,548
The Princess Bride is a fairy tale.
141
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:10,093
In fairy tales, love inspires you
to be noble and courageous,
142
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:14,431
but in real life, love is just an
all-purpose excuse for selfish behavior.
143
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:20,483
You can lie and cheat and hurt people,
and it's all okay because you're in love.
144
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:25,692
I don't know if you
are actually cynical,
145
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:29,904
or just a super crazy,
romantic cheese ball.
146
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:34,117
You go see Princess Bride by yourself,
on a week night, like a total loser.
147
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:38,371
Yeah, well, your boyfriend ditched you,
and you still came all by yourself,
148
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,965
- so who's the real loser?
- Are you hungry?
149
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:43,460
I can't believe you
ordered fried pickles.
150
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:47,213
Pickles are disgusting.
Pickling is like embalming, basically.
151
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,841
Like, a pickle jar is like
a tomb for cucumbers.
152
00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:53,178
I violated a tremendous amount
of corpses in medical school,
153
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:55,638
so I know that pickling is
not the same as embalming.
154
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,682
- You're a doctor?
- Heh, no.
155
00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:59,525
- Med school dropout.
- All right.
156
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:07,108
The whole premise of deep-frying
is it makes everything taste better.
157
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:09,569
- I don't like deep-fried food.
- French fries?
158
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,529
- Eugh.
- Onion rings?
159
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:12,739
- Fried chicken?
- Nope.
160
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:13,948
- Fish and chips?
- Gross.
161
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:16,242
Funnel cakes? Doughnuts?
Deep-fried banana sandwiches?
162
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,994
No, but Elvis ate those.
163
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:19,537
And something called Fool's Gold.
164
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,206
- What is that?
- I don't know exactly,
165
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,625
but I read on the
Internet that Elvis died
166
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:27,212
with 40 pounds of undigested
feces still in his intestine.
167
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,631
Thank you for telling me that
in the middle of dinner.
168
00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,591
- You're welcome.
- Next time I take a bite,
169
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,094
- you can say "diarrhea."
- Diarrhea.
170
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,887
Is this something you
learn in med school?
171
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:38,181
Yeah. They go through the...
172
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:40,517
- All the famous people.
- All the famous people
173
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:43,770
and how much feces were left in
them at the time of their death.
174
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:44,979
- Marie Antoinette?
- Tons.
175
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:48,358
In fact, they had to guillotine her
intestine as well as her head.
176
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:52,153
Yeah. They just, like, moved the body
further along through the machine.
177
00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:53,738
Who do you think weighs the feces?
178
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:55,281
I think, as the king,
179
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,784
it would've been, like,
a job that people fought for.
180
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,911
"Well, if I can't dress him,
181
00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:03,790
if I can't make him look pretty for the
casket, can I at least touch his poo?"
182
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,708
- You think he kept a bit?
- I'm sure he did.
183
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,460
In a matchbox or something, yeah.
184
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,255
Like, one of those little vials
you could wear around your neck.
185
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,882
Like, yeah, he had, like,
a little shit locket.
186
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:14,599
- Heh-heh-heh-heh.
- Yeah, yes.
187
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:19,097
So, like, I've been with Ben
for five years, and, like,
188
00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:22,976
I get that guys don't want to hang out
with the girl with the boyfriend,
189
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,936
but it just sucks, you know.
190
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,855
It just makes you feel
like the only thing
191
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:29,732
that's interesting about you is how
you look with your clothes off.
192
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:32,902
I mean, like, it should be easier to
make friends if you have a boyfriend,
193
00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:34,737
because there's no confusion.
194
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:37,157
So is that it?
195
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,908
That's your big pitch
to be my friend?
196
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,743
That was terrible.
197
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,620
Yeah, I know, I know.
198
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,456
I'm just... I practiced
in the mirror, and...
199
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:47,000
- Anyway...
- Friends?
200
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,294
- Yeah, why not? Friends.
- All right.
201
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,462
Is this how you make friends?
Like a business deal?
202
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,798
Yeah, actually. It's just my style.
203
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:56,266
- It's quite unnerving, but it's good.
- Heh-heh.
204
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,469
What's shaking, hot pants?
205
00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:00,930
You can't write,
"What's shaking, hot pants."
206
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:04,559
Have you seen anyone wearing
hot pants in the last five years?
207
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,853
That homeless man who shouts
at people near the pool.
208
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:09,814
So I found this website
209
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:16,572
where they explain
what Fool's Gold is.
210
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,489
- You take
- Heh.
211
00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:21,659
a loaf of Italian white bread,
212
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,786
you coat it in butter
213
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:26,171
and bake it.
214
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:31,878
Then you hollow out the inside
215
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:39,177
and coat it with an entire
jar of peanut butter,
216
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:43,773
and an entire jar of jam.
217
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:48,520
Then you stuff it with a
pound of crispy bacon.
218
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:55,155
The website said it serves eight
to ten people, or one Elvis.
219
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:59,489
You know, a jar of peanut butter
has, like, 6,000 calories in it.
220
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,199
And bacon is not even a food.
221
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,618
Technically, it's just pure fat.
222
00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:09,332
"Championbeefcake@hotmail.com,
re: just pure fat.
223
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:12,961
I can't confirm how much feces
were in Elvis's colon when he died,
224
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:16,464
but I did find out how he
discovered Fool's Gold."
225
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,174
They get on the jet, private jet,
226
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,134
fly to Denver, get to Denver,
227
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:22,595
order Fool's Gold sandwiches
to be delivered to the plane,
228
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:25,390
eat them, fly back to Graceland
without ever getting off the plane.
229
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:28,768
- Wow.
- And the best part is,
230
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:33,990
February 1, 1976?
The day my parents got married.
231
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,694
- Oh, no! Wallace!
- Come on.
232
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:40,617
- Got it!
- Mail storm!
233
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,860
It starts dirty, it ends dirty.
234
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,363
A relationship that starts with a breakup
is doomed to end with a breakup.
235
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:23,656
- Who said that?
- Me.
236
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:27,577
You, after Vicky Cardero gave me
a BJ at her boyfriend's keg party
237
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:30,330
- and I wanted to ask her out.
- I recall you ignored that advice.
238
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,206
- What was the result?
- It ended dirty.
239
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:33,624
Gonorrhea-and-a-fistfight dirty.
240
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:36,753
This is not gonorrhea and a fistfight.
I'm not trying to break them up.
241
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:40,723
I just... I'm happy just
being friends with her.
242
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,634
Is this a good housewarming
gift for Nicole?
243
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:45,178
Why are you buying her a gift?
244
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,929
She's moving into your house.
245
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:50,308
Girls are weird about this sort of stuff,
and I'd rather overcompensate.
246
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,352
How much for the flying moose?
247
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,062
This dinner is a terrible idea.
248
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:57,648
Normally, I wouldn't care about you
tumbling into some mess with a girl.
249
00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,609
I'd even rejoice at the
statistically tiny
250
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:02,612
but mathematical possible chance
of a threesome, but this is my cousin.
251
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:04,530
I accidentally saw
her labia one time,
252
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,157
immediately, explosive diarrhea.
253
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,826
Oh, but you are misreading
this whole situation,
254
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:11,829
because you can't interact with a
woman without sex screwing it up.
255
00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:13,581
But I can, because I'm a grown-up.
256
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:15,792
And it's so adorable that
you really believe that.
257
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:18,169
More importantly, if this
was your bedside lamp,
258
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:21,673
do you think the warm glow would make
you feel more sexually experimental?
259
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,675
- Absolutely.
- What do you think?
260
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,177
I've got the same one at home.
261
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:32,850
It's the worst thing that's ever
happened in all of history.
262
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:36,145
Was it worse than when that meteor
hit Earth and killed all the dinosaurs?
263
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:39,565
Yes. My breakup is definitely
worse than a stupid meteor.
264
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,484
I just can't believe
that Rob cheated on you.
265
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,820
- With a grad student!
- No, I know.
266
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,156
Her thesis is probably on how
to be a rat-faced whore.
267
00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,534
And I really liked him. I'm so sorry.
268
00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:53,746
I liked him so much, I don't even want to
sleep with his friends to get back at him.
269
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,665
I mean, I will, but I'm
not gonna enjoy it.
270
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:59,836
Do you think there might be, like,
a less skanky option for rebounding?
271
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,504
No. This is something you have to do.
272
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:06,926
- I don't want to wreck your dinner party.
- No, no, it's not a dinner party.
273
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,678
It's just, like, my friend, Wallace.
274
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:11,897
Stay. This Wallace guy could
be a good rebound for you.
275
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:14,642
Okay.
276
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:17,562
Please, go easy on him.
He's delicate.
277
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,939
- Hi!
- Hi.
278
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,358
- Hey. I brought booze.
- Thank you! That's so nice.
279
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,485
- You're welcome.
- You can take your coat off.
280
00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:25,862
I will. Thank you very much.
281
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,738
Well, this place looks
just like I imagined.
282
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,157
- Really?
- Well, I mean,
283
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:32,410
yeah, I pictured more potpourri
and doilies and stuffed animals
284
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,871
- and things, knowing you, but, yeah...
- I put that away.
285
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,747
I know that it weirds you out.
286
00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:39,292
Ben, Wallace is here.
287
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,377
- Hi.
- Hey, Wallace. How are you?
288
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:42,587
Hi.
289
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,797
Oh. Oh. Sorry.
290
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,467
- No worries.
- Let me dry off my hands.
291
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,886
- Thanks for coming by.
- No. Nice to meet you. Thank you.
292
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,637
- Hey, everybody.
- Hey.
293
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:54,390
Oh, Wallace,
this is my sister, Dalia.
294
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:55,600
- Nice to...
- Nice to meet you.
295
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,059
- Oh. Hello.
- Hi.
296
00:17:58,369 --> 00:17:59,896
- You smell really good.
- Really?
297
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:02,231
Yeah. Or maybe it just smells
really bad in here, right?
298
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:05,193
No, he smells great. But it is
getting kind of oniony in here.
299
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:08,070
- Can someone open the window?
- Yeah, I'll get it.
300
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,198
Right over there.
301
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,492
So, Wallace, I'd like to get
your opinion on something.
302
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,410
- Yeah?
- Europe.
303
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,037
The...? The continent?
304
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,246
- See?
- Is it?
305
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:18,998
- Is it?
- Yes, it is a cont...
306
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,791
- Is it a continent?
- It is.
307
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:22,752
He is from that continent,
he should know.
308
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,420
Okay, look at a map, any map,
309
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,964
Europe's not a separate continent,
it's clearly part of Asia.
310
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:32,053
Right. But, wait, so if Europe isn't
a continent, then why is it a continent?
311
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:34,972
Because Europeans were the ones
who decided what the continents are,
312
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:39,101
and they didn't want to get lumped
in with all the, you know, Asians.
313
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:43,314
Ben is trying to change the
world from the inside out.
314
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:45,525
Okay? Eurasia.
That's what they should call it.
315
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,486
- Europe plus Asia: Eurasia.
- Okay.
316
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:50,988
- Who wants more wine?
- I do. Please.
317
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,406
- In my glass.
- Here.
318
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:55,117
And so, Ben, what is it
exactly that you do at the UN?
319
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:58,246
I'm part of an international consortium
of lawyers with a UN mandate
320
00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:00,331
- to negotiate copyright standards.
- Wow.
321
00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:03,209
More importantly, are you trying
to sleep with my girlfriend?
322
00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:05,753
Ben was working late
and Allan invited me...
323
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:09,006
Don't worry,
we're just talking "guy," okay?
324
00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:11,592
They think we're talking about
international copyright law.
325
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:12,885
Okay.
326
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:16,055
Now, look, I have no problem with the
concept of Chantry having guy friends,
327
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,598
but if you're trying to move in...
328
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,225
No, no, God, I wouldn't do that.
329
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:21,352
I just want to be friends with her.
And with you.
330
00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:23,729
Friends is fine. Okay?
I can do friends.
331
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,691
But you better not try and put
your penis anywhere near her.
332
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:28,901
- Okay.
- Every country has different laws,
333
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,238
so it's a logistical nightmare, but I
think it's important work, you know?
334
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:35,867
- I think it's worth it.
- That is impressive. Very impressive.
335
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,581
Oh, shit.
336
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:42,915
You all right?
337
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,334
- Oh, my God, my eye!
- What is it?
338
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:46,752
He's just rubbed his eye.
339
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,713
God! My eye! It's really burning.
340
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,756
- Did you cut the jalapeno?
- Yeah, I did.
341
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:54,719
- Yeah.
- Oh, my...
342
00:19:54,819 --> 00:19:56,721
- Wallace, medical school!
- Shit, it hurts!
343
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:59,390
Okay, well, do you...? Saline solution.
Do you use contacts?
344
00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,684
- I do. It's in the bathroom.
- Ben wears contacts.
345
00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:03,477
- Okay. Where?
- Through that door!
346
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,396
- Yeah.
- Oh, God, that's painful!
347
00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:09,358
- Okay, what can I do, honey?
- God, that burns so badly!
348
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,278
It's on that rag and it's
in the other eye now!
349
00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:16,373
I'm sorry! Just...
350
00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:18,743
Over there!
351
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:24,999
- Ben? Ben!
- Oh, shit!
352
00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:26,500
- Oh, my God!
- Ben?
353
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,502
Are you okay?
354
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:30,046
Okay, don't move. Ben!
355
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:33,841
- Do something!
- Call 911!
356
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:36,810
Oh, no! Okay, stay right there!
Don't move!
357
00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:40,556
I'm sorry. You look fine.
358
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:44,435
It hurts me! It hurts me!
359
00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:48,689
- Just be still.
- What if I'm paralyzed?
360
00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:49,940
You're not paralyzed.
361
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,443
I'm gonna give you something
for the pain to help you relax.
362
00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:54,236
Oh, my God. What if I relax too much?
363
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,447
What if I lose control
of my bodily function?
364
00:20:56,547 --> 00:20:57,865
What if I shit myself?
365
00:20:57,965 --> 00:21:00,159
You know, that actually happens
more than you'd think.
366
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,453
It's the worst part of my job.
It's super gross.
367
00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:03,746
Here we go.
368
00:21:03,846 --> 00:21:06,248
Okay. Okay. Okay.
369
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,959
- And there we are.
- Just lie still. Shh.
370
00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:12,922
Ooh.
371
00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:14,590
Should you really be eating?
372
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:17,510
Stress makes me hungry. That's why
I can never be a fighter pilot.
373
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:20,680
I would be, like, 500 pounds, I wouldn't
even be able to fit in the cockpit.
374
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,765
Holy night
375
00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:24,684
Shh.
376
00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:36,112
So, what's the prognosis, doc?
377
00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:37,905
He'll need the cast
for a few more weeks,
378
00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:40,032
but the, neck brace is a precaution.
379
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,368
And he'll probably be
out in the morning.
380
00:21:42,468 --> 00:21:44,787
If you're gonna spend the night,
I can wait here with Ben.
381
00:21:44,887 --> 00:21:46,664
You guys get something to eat.
382
00:21:48,098 --> 00:21:50,421
What are you getting?
383
00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:53,629
Tuna salad. Yeah.
384
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:56,928
- I hate hospitals.
- Me too.
385
00:21:57,358 --> 00:22:00,261
I spent a lot of time
in hospitals as a child.
386
00:22:00,361 --> 00:22:02,513
Because of all your deformities?
387
00:22:02,613 --> 00:22:06,058
- No, my parents met as interns.
- Right.
388
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:08,102
He does cardiology,
she does orthopedics.
389
00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:12,189
He actually proposed to her on the roof
of Charing Cross Hospital in London.
390
00:22:12,289 --> 00:22:13,524
That's romantic.
391
00:22:13,624 --> 00:22:15,693
Yeah, until the affairs.
392
00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:17,528
She cheated on him,
he cheated on her.
393
00:22:17,628 --> 00:22:18,738
It was just a mess.
394
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,698
How old were you when
they got divorced?
395
00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:23,242
7, I think.
396
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:26,746
Oh, you don't know
how to teleport, do you?
397
00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:27,955
- No.
- Okay.
398
00:22:28,055 --> 00:22:31,876
Then I apologize for the awkward
situation you're about to witness.
399
00:22:31,976 --> 00:22:37,757
Hi. Sorry, Chantry,
this is Megan, my...
400
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,717
Well, my nothing in particular.
401
00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:42,470
Nice to meet you.
402
00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:44,847
Wallace, what are you
doing here? Are you sick?
403
00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:49,185
No, Chantry's boyfriend
fell out of a window, but he's okay.
404
00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:52,484
- Do you want me to look in on him?
- No. That won't be necessary.
405
00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:55,191
I'm gonna go.
406
00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:57,067
We only get 15 minutes to eat lunch.
407
00:22:57,167 --> 00:22:58,736
Don't get the bagel
with smoked salmon,
408
00:22:58,836 --> 00:23:00,863
or the tuna,
or anything with seafood.
409
00:23:00,963 --> 00:23:03,741
The company that stocks the machine
has failed four inspections,
410
00:23:03,841 --> 00:23:05,701
but the manager's brother
works for the mayor.
411
00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:08,913
I'm sorry, I've been on shift for
18 hours and I'm really tired.
412
00:23:09,013 --> 00:23:11,916
I had so much coffee, and when I saw
her, I thought she was your girlfriend,
413
00:23:12,016 --> 00:23:13,793
and that made me want to cry.
414
00:23:13,893 --> 00:23:15,628
It's weird I'm saying
this out loud, right?
415
00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:18,380
- You are, and it is.
- I just want us to be friends.
416
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,132
Not today, but someday.
417
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,092
Whatever he said,
it wasn't black-and-white...
418
00:23:22,192 --> 00:23:25,345
He hasn't said anything about you.
419
00:23:25,696 --> 00:23:27,564
He's never even mentioned you.
420
00:23:33,329 --> 00:23:36,148
Okay, it was nice to meet you.
421
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:40,073
- I hope your boyfriend feels better.
- Thank you.
422
00:23:43,589 --> 00:23:45,491
That was my ex-girlfriend.
423
00:23:45,591 --> 00:23:48,039
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
424
00:24:02,232 --> 00:24:05,636
Dude, you're really fishhooking
me over this new manual.
425
00:24:05,736 --> 00:24:07,805
Is fishhooking good or bad?
426
00:24:07,905 --> 00:24:10,307
- You enjoy being fishhooked?
- I've never been fishhooked.
427
00:24:10,407 --> 00:24:12,309
- Take a guess.
- Probably not.
428
00:24:12,409 --> 00:24:13,519
Definitely not.
429
00:24:13,619 --> 00:24:15,062
Nobody wants to be fishhooked.
430
00:24:15,162 --> 00:24:18,190
All those girls in high school you
fishhooked, they didn't like it.
431
00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:22,611
They just wanted to have sex with me.
You. Men. Men.
432
00:24:22,711 --> 00:24:23,821
I'm off topic.
433
00:24:23,921 --> 00:24:26,323
- God, I hope so.
- Yeah. Manual.
434
00:24:26,423 --> 00:24:27,992
It needs a lot of work.
435
00:24:28,092 --> 00:24:30,744
So I'll give you, another wee...
Month.
436
00:24:30,844 --> 00:24:33,455
Extra month. So make it...
437
00:24:33,555 --> 00:24:35,457
Make it right.
438
00:24:39,103 --> 00:24:40,212
Hang on a second.
439
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:43,716
Seriously, Josh,
this is where we're doing it?
440
00:24:43,816 --> 00:24:47,344
With the wood? Because I think
it might be cleaner someplace else.
441
00:24:47,444 --> 00:24:50,055
- You're blocking the shot, so...
- Oh, sorry.
442
00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:52,433
- Keep going, Josh.
- Douche.
443
00:24:52,533 --> 00:24:55,853
It is total bullshit that Josh got
the project manager job over you.
444
00:24:55,953 --> 00:24:58,772
Everyone knows it's your design,
and now Josh is acting like it's his.
445
00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:01,609
- It's, like, sexism or something.
- Our boss is a woman.
446
00:25:01,709 --> 00:25:04,570
I am so pissed that I gave Josh
a ho-jo after the Christmas party.
447
00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:08,365
It is kind of your tradition to give one of
our coworkers a handsy for Christmas.
448
00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:09,950
Shh!
449
00:25:10,050 --> 00:25:12,620
Listen, guys, Holly offered
me the promotion first.
450
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,538
- I turned it down.
- What?
451
00:25:14,638 --> 00:25:17,541
- Why?
- Because I like being an animator.
452
00:25:18,851 --> 00:25:21,837
I do, and the project manager
has to deal with so much more,
453
00:25:21,937 --> 00:25:24,715
like, hassle and
paperwork and meetings,
454
00:25:24,815 --> 00:25:27,885
and Josh is gonna end up
stuck in Taiwan half the year.
455
00:25:27,985 --> 00:25:30,721
Yeah, all that extra power and
money and travel is gonna suck.
456
00:25:30,821 --> 00:25:32,848
Stop. She doesn't want
the hassle, okay?
457
00:25:32,948 --> 00:25:37,019
She's got a great job, a great boyfriend,
great friends like me, kind of you.
458
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:39,487
She's happy just the
way things are, right?
459
00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:41,690
Right.
460
00:25:45,044 --> 00:25:46,862
Oh, good, there they are.
461
00:25:46,962 --> 00:25:49,073
Servings per pack, about 107.
462
00:25:49,173 --> 00:25:50,282
- Oh, about.
- About.
463
00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:51,951
Oh, okay. Heh-heh-heh.
464
00:25:52,051 --> 00:25:54,703
Just in case you want to eat
all of it in one sitting.
465
00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:56,956
That is not a good idea.
466
00:25:57,056 --> 00:25:59,166
Please don't...
Please don't eat it all.
467
00:25:59,266 --> 00:26:01,293
I won't.
468
00:26:04,354 --> 00:26:05,839
I wanna know where the weird shit is.
469
00:26:05,939 --> 00:26:08,592
Like, where are the animal parts
that you think are trash,
470
00:26:08,692 --> 00:26:11,053
- but are actually food?
- Chantry, I've been waiting
471
00:26:11,153 --> 00:26:13,472
for the right moment to,
talk to you about this,
472
00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:16,600
but I think maybe it's better just to
stop building it up and just say it.
473
00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:17,977
Okay. Is everything okay?
474
00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:19,979
Oh, no, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of course, yeah.
475
00:26:20,079 --> 00:26:22,314
Okay so we've been
together five years,
476
00:26:22,414 --> 00:26:25,985
and it feels like our
relationship is built to last.
477
00:26:26,085 --> 00:26:28,613
No matter what the future holds.
478
00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:32,282
I've been asked to take charge
of the European negotiation.
479
00:26:32,382 --> 00:26:34,076
It's a six-month contract.
480
00:26:34,176 --> 00:26:36,578
But the thing is,
the team is based in Ireland,
481
00:26:36,678 --> 00:26:38,580
so I would have to live in Dublin,
482
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:42,084
although I'd have to travel
around the whole, continent.
483
00:26:44,019 --> 00:26:45,796
You mean the subcontinent,
484
00:26:45,896 --> 00:26:48,890
- but that's okay.
- Right.
485
00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:51,010
Look, this is important to me,
486
00:26:51,110 --> 00:26:53,429
but there is nothing
more important than you.
487
00:26:53,529 --> 00:26:55,806
So if you feel like,
the long-distance thing
488
00:26:55,906 --> 00:26:57,516
is too much, I'll turn it down.
489
00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:01,687
This is a huge opportunity
for you, right?
490
00:27:01,787 --> 00:27:04,064
Lead negotiator?
491
00:27:06,208 --> 00:27:07,693
- I love you.
- I love you.
492
00:27:07,793 --> 00:27:09,945
Go, Felix!
493
00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:13,490
Dude, I'm not saying you can't eat it.
I'm saying you'll get horribly sick.
494
00:27:13,590 --> 00:27:14,700
But it wouldn't kill you.
495
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,243
You can eat your own poop,
496
00:27:16,343 --> 00:27:18,203
but if you eat the
poop that you poop out
497
00:27:18,303 --> 00:27:21,248
after eating the first poop,
it's so toxic, you'll die.
498
00:27:21,348 --> 00:27:23,625
So you can eat your poop once,
but not twice.
499
00:27:23,725 --> 00:27:26,295
Hey, excuse me. Excuse me.
500
00:27:26,395 --> 00:27:29,006
Okay, where did you get beer at
a children's karate tournament?
501
00:27:29,106 --> 00:27:31,929
Where'd you get beer at a
children's karate tournament?
502
00:27:33,152 --> 00:27:35,846
So, Wallace, we should get
to know each other better.
503
00:27:35,946 --> 00:27:37,473
Talk about the issues of our time.
504
00:27:37,573 --> 00:27:41,101
Gay marriage, abortion, can men
and women really be friends,
505
00:27:41,201 --> 00:27:43,145
or do you secretly
want to bang Chantry?
506
00:27:43,245 --> 00:27:44,813
Thank you. She has a boyfriend.
507
00:27:44,913 --> 00:27:47,441
- Yeah, who you threw out a window.
- By accident.
508
00:27:47,541 --> 00:27:50,069
Dude, listen,
Ben is moving to Dublin,
509
00:27:50,169 --> 00:27:53,781
and your whole "if it starts dirty,
it ends dirty" thing is bullshit anyways.
510
00:27:53,881 --> 00:27:55,783
The night I met Allan,
I was so into him,
511
00:27:55,883 --> 00:28:00,537
it wasn't till I woke up the next morning
that I remembered I had a boyfriend.
512
00:28:00,637 --> 00:28:02,414
Love is dirty, baby.
513
00:28:02,514 --> 00:28:04,336
Sometimes it's downright filthy.
514
00:28:05,225 --> 00:28:07,719
Oh, Christ.
515
00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:31,985
Hey.
516
00:28:32,085 --> 00:28:34,363
I need to wear something
to this company dinner
517
00:28:34,463 --> 00:28:37,116
with our production
partners from Taiwan.
518
00:28:37,216 --> 00:28:38,367
What do you think?
519
00:28:38,467 --> 00:28:39,785
I think that's quite a dress.
520
00:28:39,885 --> 00:28:42,704
Do you think it's, like,
a little too slutty for me?
521
00:28:42,804 --> 00:28:45,290
- No, nothing's too slutty for you.
- Can I help you?
522
00:28:45,390 --> 00:28:47,918
Yeah, actually, I would
like to try on that dress.
523
00:28:48,018 --> 00:28:50,629
We only have the one left,
and it's a size two.
524
00:28:50,729 --> 00:28:52,798
- Are you a two?
- Yes.
525
00:28:52,898 --> 00:28:56,017
- I'm gonna get the measuring tape.
- I'm a two.
526
00:29:24,012 --> 00:29:26,380
Wallace?
527
00:29:26,723 --> 00:29:28,083
- Wallace!
- Yes?
528
00:29:28,183 --> 00:29:31,670
Are you alone?
529
00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:33,213
Like, in the universe?
530
00:29:33,313 --> 00:29:35,174
No, in the hallway!
531
00:29:35,274 --> 00:29:36,425
Yes.
532
00:29:36,525 --> 00:29:38,552
Okay...
533
00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:41,805
- Do you need me to get someone?
- No, no, don't get anyone.
534
00:29:41,905 --> 00:29:44,766
I need you to come in here.
535
00:29:44,866 --> 00:29:45,976
What?
536
00:29:46,076 --> 00:29:47,644
I'm kind of stuck.
537
00:29:47,744 --> 00:29:51,190
So I need you to crawl under,
but keep your eyes closed.
538
00:29:51,290 --> 00:29:53,233
- Really?
- I am in a state of undress.
539
00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:55,110
- You need to close your eyes.
- Okay, okay.
540
00:29:55,210 --> 00:29:56,904
Promise to close your eyes
and keep them closed?
541
00:29:57,004 --> 00:29:58,947
- Yes, I promise.
- Hurry!
542
00:30:01,508 --> 00:30:02,659
- What?
- I... No...
543
00:30:02,759 --> 00:30:05,245
- Did you open your eyes?
- No, I just banged my head
544
00:30:05,345 --> 00:30:06,663
because my eyes are closed.
545
00:30:06,763 --> 00:30:08,624
Okay, so here's what happened.
546
00:30:08,724 --> 00:30:11,460
I tried it on, and I think it got
hooked on my bra or something,
547
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,670
- and now I can't get it off.
- Right.
548
00:30:13,770 --> 00:30:15,088
You're not gonna laugh, are you?
549
00:30:15,188 --> 00:30:18,137
- I can't even see what's going on.
- Okay.
550
00:30:18,692 --> 00:30:20,093
Okay...
551
00:30:20,193 --> 00:30:24,097
- Are your eyes closed?
- Yes.
552
00:30:24,865 --> 00:30:26,683
I think you need to move a bit.
553
00:30:26,783 --> 00:30:29,185
There, yeah.
554
00:30:42,215 --> 00:30:43,700
- You're all right.
- No. It's stuck.
555
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:47,120
Okay, okay. Turn around, turn to me.
556
00:30:47,220 --> 00:30:49,247
Yeah.
557
00:31:09,159 --> 00:31:10,902
- Thank you.
- It's okay.
558
00:31:11,244 --> 00:31:13,442
Should I hold that?
559
00:31:25,509 --> 00:31:28,128
Here, hold this.
560
00:31:28,887 --> 00:31:31,255
And keep your eyes closed.
561
00:31:36,728 --> 00:31:39,256
Oh, I love you so much, I wanna
just rip off your arms and legs
562
00:31:39,356 --> 00:31:41,133
and carry you around
in my purse all day.
563
00:31:41,233 --> 00:31:43,593
I love you so much I want
to grind up your muscles
564
00:31:43,693 --> 00:31:46,430
and organs and bones
and spread you on toast.
565
00:31:46,530 --> 00:31:50,726
I love you so much I want to just
cut you open and scoop out your insides
566
00:31:50,826 --> 00:31:54,062
and wear your skin around
town like an Allan suit.
567
00:31:59,084 --> 00:32:01,862
- Okay. Bye, Wallace.
- Bye, Nicole.
568
00:32:05,924 --> 00:32:07,951
Can I talk to you about something?
569
00:32:11,096 --> 00:32:14,374
I just had sex.
I'm about to eat nachos!
570
00:32:14,474 --> 00:32:17,252
It's the greatest moment of my life!
571
00:32:17,352 --> 00:32:19,963
Unless you screw it up with
whatever you're about to say.
572
00:32:20,063 --> 00:32:22,090
It's about your cousin.
573
00:32:22,190 --> 00:32:24,426
She's my cousin. It's like incest.
574
00:32:24,526 --> 00:32:25,761
Well, she's not my cousin.
575
00:32:25,861 --> 00:32:28,597
But you're like my brother, so it's
like my brother asking my advice
576
00:32:28,697 --> 00:32:30,349
on how to incestuously
bang my cousin.
577
00:32:30,449 --> 00:32:32,184
No, I'm not. She...
She has a boyfriend.
578
00:32:32,284 --> 00:32:36,813
Yeah. He's been over for Thanksgiving
and Christmas for the past five years.
579
00:32:36,913 --> 00:32:38,357
Okay, let me break it down for you.
580
00:32:38,457 --> 00:32:40,859
This perfect nacho chip is Ben.
581
00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:45,280
He works at the United Nations as an
expert in international copyright law.
582
00:32:45,380 --> 00:32:47,407
This moldy banana is you.
583
00:32:47,507 --> 00:32:50,285
I have no idea what you do.
Every time you tell me, I fall asleep.
584
00:32:50,385 --> 00:32:52,996
You know I write user manuals for
dedicated purchasing software.
585
00:32:54,306 --> 00:32:56,541
- Like copyright law is so exciting.
- At least he's an expert in something.
586
00:32:56,641 --> 00:32:58,543
What are you an expert in? Nothing.
587
00:32:58,643 --> 00:33:02,589
"There are no people anywhere
seeking my advice on any subject."
588
00:33:02,689 --> 00:33:05,008
Ben's been dating
Chantry for five years.
589
00:33:05,108 --> 00:33:06,218
They live together.
590
00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:07,761
They own furniture.
591
00:33:07,861 --> 00:33:10,013
They have a cat. You have nothing.
592
00:33:10,113 --> 00:33:11,515
You don't even have a plant.
593
00:33:11,615 --> 00:33:14,267
You've been single since
that douche-bag Megan
594
00:33:14,367 --> 00:33:15,685
broke your fragile little heart.
595
00:33:15,785 --> 00:33:17,813
Okay, okay. I broke up
with Megan, all right?
596
00:33:17,913 --> 00:33:19,731
She wanted to stay
together and work it out.
597
00:33:19,831 --> 00:33:22,154
I said no, so I dumped her.
598
00:33:22,709 --> 00:33:23,902
Of course you did.
599
00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:25,195
Anyway, I get it. It's fine.
600
00:33:25,295 --> 00:33:27,538
She's in a relationship.
Nothing's gonna happen.
601
00:33:29,216 --> 00:33:31,368
You totally killed my sex nacho high.
602
00:33:31,468 --> 00:33:32,911
So...
603
00:33:33,011 --> 00:33:34,788
Keys,
604
00:33:34,888 --> 00:33:37,541
wallet,
605
00:33:37,641 --> 00:33:38,750
passport, phone.
606
00:33:38,850 --> 00:33:42,504
Keys, wallet and... Yes, this.
607
00:33:42,646 --> 00:33:45,549
It's an open ticket to Dublin.
It's a five-hour flight.
608
00:33:45,649 --> 00:33:47,884
It's already paid for,
so use it whenever you want,
609
00:33:47,984 --> 00:33:49,594
even if it's just for a weekend,
610
00:33:49,694 --> 00:33:51,304
even if it's just for a day,
611
00:33:51,404 --> 00:33:53,556
even if it's just for a kiss.
612
00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:55,145
Okay?
613
00:34:05,919 --> 00:34:08,196
No, baby, baby, I got to go.
I got to go. The cab's here.
614
00:34:08,296 --> 00:34:11,199
I'm so sorry. I can't miss my flight.
615
00:34:11,299 --> 00:34:13,660
Okay, I'm so late. Okay?
616
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,037
Okay, baby?
617
00:34:17,305 --> 00:34:19,423
Goodbye.
618
00:34:21,017 --> 00:34:24,004
- Love you.
- Love you too.
619
00:34:24,104 --> 00:34:26,222
Bye.
620
00:34:54,593 --> 00:34:56,995
Hey, it's me.
Sorry I missed your call.
621
00:34:57,095 --> 00:34:58,580
I'm in Berlin.
622
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:00,123
Hey, it's me. I'm in Munich.
623
00:35:01,433 --> 00:35:03,877
Hey, I'm in Prague.
I'm in Amsterdam. I'm in Florence.
624
00:35:03,977 --> 00:35:06,087
Hey, honey, I'm in Vienna now.
625
00:35:07,397 --> 00:35:10,258
I got your message.
Cell reception in Athens is a mess.
626
00:35:10,358 --> 00:35:12,052
- Did you get my postcard?
- Hey, it's me.
627
00:35:12,152 --> 00:35:16,223
Why don't you call me right before you
go to bed, even if it's a weird time here.
628
00:35:16,323 --> 00:35:18,475
I just want to hear your voice.
629
00:35:31,004 --> 00:35:32,906
So I finally got my cast off.
630
00:35:33,006 --> 00:35:35,408
My arm's all smelly and shriveled.
631
00:35:35,508 --> 00:35:38,578
If I felt you up, it'd be like you were
cheating on me with my evil twin.
632
00:35:38,678 --> 00:35:41,248
Please, tell me more about
how you want to molest me
633
00:35:41,348 --> 00:35:43,542
with your creepy, rancid freak arm.
634
00:35:43,642 --> 00:35:45,126
You'd love Dublin, though.
635
00:35:45,226 --> 00:35:47,128
They've got us all staying
in the same building,
636
00:35:47,228 --> 00:35:49,756
so the whole office is
basically living together,
637
00:35:49,856 --> 00:35:51,675
but I've already made
some good friends.
638
00:35:51,775 --> 00:35:54,386
It's nice, but I just...
639
00:35:54,486 --> 00:35:56,054
You know, I miss you so much.
640
00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:57,847
Yeah, I know, I...
641
00:35:57,947 --> 00:36:00,183
I really miss you too.
642
00:36:00,283 --> 00:36:02,852
Look, I got to go, okay?
643
00:36:02,952 --> 00:36:04,354
I love you.
644
00:36:04,454 --> 00:36:05,605
Okay.
645
00:36:05,705 --> 00:36:07,232
- See you.
- Okay.
646
00:36:07,332 --> 00:36:09,776
- All right, speak tonight.
- All right, talk to you then.
647
00:36:09,876 --> 00:36:12,362
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
648
00:36:12,462 --> 00:36:13,989
- Sorry.
- No worries.
649
00:36:14,089 --> 00:36:17,117
- Black for you, milk for me.
- Cheers.
650
00:36:18,343 --> 00:36:19,661
Yep.
651
00:36:19,761 --> 00:36:21,913
So is Ben settling in okay?
652
00:36:22,013 --> 00:36:24,541
Yeah, he's great. He's doing great.
653
00:36:24,641 --> 00:36:27,168
He's having a great time.
654
00:36:27,268 --> 00:36:30,046
Are you having a great time?
655
00:36:30,146 --> 00:36:33,925
Not really. I'm having kind
of a crappy time, actually.
656
00:36:34,025 --> 00:36:36,761
- Sorry.
- Yep, this, right now,
657
00:36:36,861 --> 00:36:39,097
this is the high point
of my social calendar.
658
00:36:39,197 --> 00:36:40,724
Aw. See, that is sad.
659
00:36:40,824 --> 00:36:44,978
I know. I've been thinking
about just starting drinking.
660
00:36:45,078 --> 00:36:46,187
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
661
00:36:46,287 --> 00:36:47,689
- Heavily.
- Heavily.
662
00:36:47,789 --> 00:36:50,650
Do you need someone to
start drinking with you?
663
00:36:50,750 --> 00:36:53,236
- Really?
- I'm very, very willing.
664
00:36:53,336 --> 00:36:55,363
You want to help me drown my sorrows?
665
00:36:55,463 --> 00:36:57,407
Of course. Absolutely.
666
00:36:57,507 --> 00:36:59,625
Done.
667
00:37:06,391 --> 00:37:07,500
Bottoms up!
668
00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:11,004
Oh, my God!
669
00:37:11,104 --> 00:37:12,213
- Horrible!
- Horrible!
670
00:37:12,313 --> 00:37:13,715
- As always!
- And cheap!
671
00:37:13,815 --> 00:37:16,926
All right, prospective
person at this bar for you.
672
00:37:17,026 --> 00:37:19,554
I don't think anyone I'd like
would come to a place like this.
673
00:37:19,654 --> 00:37:20,764
You're here, Wallace.
674
00:37:20,864 --> 00:37:22,891
- Yeah, because you dragged me here.
- So?
675
00:37:23,408 --> 00:37:25,810
Look at this girl. She's so pretty.
676
00:37:25,910 --> 00:37:27,270
Oh, yeah.
677
00:37:27,370 --> 00:37:30,065
- Yeah? No, she's super pretty!
- Yeah. Oh, okay.
678
00:37:30,165 --> 00:37:32,692
You want me to go tell her
that you have six nipples?
679
00:37:32,792 --> 00:37:34,361
- Yeah. No, you know what?
- All right.
680
00:37:34,461 --> 00:37:37,739
No, you know what? I'll do it myself.
It'll be easier coming from me.
681
00:37:37,839 --> 00:37:39,157
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
682
00:37:39,257 --> 00:37:40,867
- I'm sorry, hi.
- Hi.
683
00:37:40,967 --> 00:37:43,203
Oh, wow. You've got amazing teeth.
684
00:37:43,303 --> 00:37:45,080
Sorry, can I buy this drink for you?
685
00:37:45,180 --> 00:37:48,041
Yeah, that's so sweet.
686
00:37:48,141 --> 00:37:49,376
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
687
00:37:49,476 --> 00:37:52,129
So...
688
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:54,589
Heh. Burn!
689
00:37:54,689 --> 00:37:57,258
All right, weirdest place
you've ever had sex.
690
00:37:57,358 --> 00:37:59,636
Bakery, night shift.
691
00:37:59,736 --> 00:38:01,971
I will never be comfortable
eating a cupcake again.
692
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,725
What about you?
693
00:38:05,825 --> 00:38:06,935
Ferris wheel.
694
00:38:07,035 --> 00:38:09,771
Stuck at the very top.
We could see for miles around,
695
00:38:09,871 --> 00:38:11,614
but no one could see us.
696
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,984
Yes! Oh, yeah!
697
00:38:15,084 --> 00:38:16,820
Thank you for being
so gracious in victory.
698
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,781
- Whoo!
- Hand clasp of champions.
699
00:38:19,881 --> 00:38:21,373
Rub it in.
700
00:38:29,265 --> 00:38:32,377
So how many serious relationships
have you actually had?
701
00:38:32,477 --> 00:38:34,629
Four! Two in high school,
702
00:38:34,729 --> 00:38:38,007
and one in college before Ben,
and then Ben.
703
00:38:38,107 --> 00:38:39,975
- You?
- Six?
704
00:38:40,151 --> 00:38:42,637
One in high school, one the
summer after high school,
705
00:38:42,737 --> 00:38:44,681
three in college, and one since.
706
00:38:44,781 --> 00:38:46,808
No, sorry, two since. So seven.
707
00:38:46,908 --> 00:38:48,393
Are you usually the dumper or dumpee?
708
00:38:48,493 --> 00:38:52,522
Statistically, I'm a dumper,
but it's not like I've never been dumped.
709
00:38:52,622 --> 00:38:54,858
I've just been really good
at knowing when to get out.
710
00:38:54,958 --> 00:38:57,902
- You?
- No, I've never dumped anyone.
711
00:38:58,002 --> 00:39:00,279
I always try to make it work.
712
00:39:00,421 --> 00:39:04,200
You know, I haven't hit the bar
scene in, like, a very long time.
713
00:39:04,300 --> 00:39:07,328
I thought it was gonna be the worst,
but that was surprisingly painless.
714
00:39:07,428 --> 00:39:09,581
I'm just sorry you didn't
find true love tonight.
715
00:39:09,681 --> 00:39:11,833
Well, you can't have it all.
716
00:39:11,933 --> 00:39:15,212
And what's the worst thing
that's ever happened to you?
717
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:17,380
The worst thing that's
ever happened to me
718
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:20,550
is kind of the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
719
00:39:20,650 --> 00:39:22,719
Megan, you met the other day,
720
00:39:22,819 --> 00:39:28,308
I burst in on her making out with our,
frankly, gross anatomy professor,
721
00:39:28,408 --> 00:39:33,814
and I was like, "Wow,
we actually are my parents.
722
00:39:34,122 --> 00:39:35,857
We are almost both doctors,
723
00:39:35,957 --> 00:39:38,818
and we already started
cheating on each other."
724
00:39:38,918 --> 00:39:42,030
So I got out of there, and yeah.
725
00:39:42,130 --> 00:39:43,656
So, in a way, that became
726
00:39:43,756 --> 00:39:45,867
the best thing that
ever happened to me.
727
00:39:45,967 --> 00:39:49,962
So, what is the worst thing
that ever happened to you?
728
00:39:50,763 --> 00:39:55,084
My mom died when I
was in junior high.
729
00:39:57,353 --> 00:40:00,051
She had breast cancer.
730
00:40:01,441 --> 00:40:06,847
You don't realize how quickly everything
can fall apart until it does.
731
00:40:07,447 --> 00:40:11,693
Makes you never want to give
up anything good ever again.
732
00:40:13,953 --> 00:40:16,105
Can I change my answer?
733
00:40:16,205 --> 00:40:17,774
The worst thing that happened to me
734
00:40:17,874 --> 00:40:19,567
is saying my lame relationship drama
735
00:40:19,667 --> 00:40:21,277
is the worst thing
that happened to me,
736
00:40:21,377 --> 00:40:23,530
when something really
awful happened to you.
737
00:40:23,630 --> 00:40:25,156
It's okay.
738
00:40:25,256 --> 00:40:27,450
I like your answer.
739
00:40:27,550 --> 00:40:29,994
Plus, I get to be part of the
worst part of your life now.
740
00:40:30,094 --> 00:40:31,746
That's really good.
741
00:40:31,846 --> 00:40:33,832
And for future reference,
when the answer is
742
00:40:33,932 --> 00:40:36,960
your mom died of cancer,
you should really go first.
743
00:40:37,393 --> 00:40:40,171
All right. Thanks for
the etiquette lesson.
744
00:40:40,271 --> 00:40:42,423
No worries.
745
00:40:42,649 --> 00:40:44,767
Good night, Wallace.
746
00:40:44,984 --> 00:40:47,102
Good night, Chantry.
747
00:40:56,579 --> 00:40:58,815
You know, he has all
these new experiences,
748
00:40:58,915 --> 00:41:00,859
he's meeting all these new people.
749
00:41:00,959 --> 00:41:02,443
And then, "What's going on with you?"
750
00:41:02,543 --> 00:41:05,697
And it's like, "Well, I'm in the
middle of my same old life,
751
00:41:05,797 --> 00:41:07,907
except, whoops, my boyfriend's
out of the country."
752
00:41:09,217 --> 00:41:12,040
So Dolly was telling us
about this Wallace guy...?
753
00:41:12,553 --> 00:41:13,663
We're friends.
754
00:41:13,763 --> 00:41:17,333
Well, no, I know, obviously you
guys are friends, but is he cute?
755
00:41:17,433 --> 00:41:18,751
Should you be introducing him
756
00:41:18,851 --> 00:41:20,712
to your single,
desperate friends like me?
757
00:41:20,812 --> 00:41:23,131
No, no, I already called dibs on him.
758
00:41:23,231 --> 00:41:24,340
Why?
759
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:27,385
He was supposed to be my rebound.
That's why it didn't work with Noel.
760
00:41:27,485 --> 00:41:29,304
I needed a buffer
between Rob and Noel.
761
00:41:29,404 --> 00:41:30,763
A buffer made of sex.
762
00:41:30,863 --> 00:41:33,308
You little prostitute.
763
00:41:33,408 --> 00:41:35,768
- Dalia, you barely know him.
- Well, you know him.
764
00:41:35,868 --> 00:41:38,104
You hang out with him all
the time, so he's not a loser.
765
00:41:38,204 --> 00:41:39,689
He hasn't made some
creepy move on you,
766
00:41:39,789 --> 00:41:41,983
so we know he's not a creep.
He's vetted.
767
00:41:42,083 --> 00:41:45,028
Well, is he funny or smart?
768
00:41:45,128 --> 00:41:47,196
He's definitely smart.
He's not funny.
769
00:41:47,296 --> 00:41:49,240
He's, like, kind of, like, bantery.
770
00:41:49,340 --> 00:41:51,618
He's kind of like a male
version of Chantry, actually.
771
00:41:51,718 --> 00:41:53,578
- Oh, wait, so he's Mantry?
- Oh, no.
772
00:41:53,678 --> 00:41:56,289
- Yes, he is. He's totally Mantry.
- No. No, We're not...
773
00:41:56,389 --> 00:41:58,791
Dalia wants to have rebound
sex with her sister's man-twin.
774
00:41:58,891 --> 00:42:00,877
Option one, make a move on her.
775
00:42:00,977 --> 00:42:02,712
Bold, direct.
776
00:42:02,812 --> 00:42:05,506
If you're lucky, you hook up,
she feels guilty, breaks up with Ben.
777
00:42:05,606 --> 00:42:07,842
If you're unlucky, she's furious,
ends your friendship.
778
00:42:07,942 --> 00:42:09,218
- So be sleazy?
- Yeah.
779
00:42:09,318 --> 00:42:11,012
- You think that'll work?
- No.
780
00:42:11,112 --> 00:42:14,057
Even if she goes for it, she'll
resent you for getting her to cheat.
781
00:42:14,157 --> 00:42:16,184
She'll break up with him, but she won't
go out with you because you're...
782
00:42:16,284 --> 00:42:17,393
- Sleazy.
- Yeah.
783
00:42:17,493 --> 00:42:20,605
Option two, be the guy
she goes to for advice.
784
00:42:20,705 --> 00:42:23,191
The downside is you have to
listen to her talk about Ben.
785
00:42:23,291 --> 00:42:26,152
The upside is you can slant your
advice to slowly turn her against him.
786
00:42:26,252 --> 00:42:27,362
- So be conniving?
- Yeah.
787
00:42:27,462 --> 00:42:28,821
- And that'll work?
- Maybe.
788
00:42:28,921 --> 00:42:30,490
Maybe she'll see through
it and think you're...
789
00:42:30,590 --> 00:42:31,699
- Conniving?
- Yeah.
790
00:42:31,799 --> 00:42:34,827
Option three, patiently wait it out.
791
00:42:34,927 --> 00:42:37,163
Either the distance gets
to them and they break up,
792
00:42:37,263 --> 00:42:40,416
or it doesn't, and they get married,
live a happy life,
793
00:42:40,516 --> 00:42:45,338
with you always on the outside,
looking in, quietly pining indefinitely.
794
00:42:45,438 --> 00:42:47,215
- So be pathetic?
- Yeah.
795
00:42:47,315 --> 00:42:48,424
That sounds fun.
796
00:42:48,524 --> 00:42:50,760
It's got the advantage
of not being unethical,
797
00:42:50,860 --> 00:42:52,261
but the disadvantage of being...
798
00:42:52,361 --> 00:42:53,554
- Pathetic.
- Yeah.
799
00:42:53,654 --> 00:42:57,775
So your advice is be sleazy,
conniving or pathetic.
800
00:42:58,785 --> 00:43:02,563
Well, when you put it that way,
it doesn't sound like very good advice.
801
00:43:03,956 --> 00:43:05,983
Aw...
802
00:43:06,334 --> 00:43:08,653
- Oh, my God.
- Do you like it?
803
00:43:08,753 --> 00:43:10,822
Well, it's not my engagement ring.
804
00:43:10,922 --> 00:43:13,533
- It's whether she'll like it.
- I think she'll love it.
805
00:43:13,633 --> 00:43:15,368
Then you're made for each other.
806
00:43:15,468 --> 00:43:19,122
Why'd you get all snaky when we
were talking about Wallace earlier?
807
00:43:19,222 --> 00:43:20,790
I...
808
00:43:20,890 --> 00:43:22,587
Come on.
809
00:43:22,934 --> 00:43:24,168
Look, you just, like...
810
00:43:24,268 --> 00:43:27,547
You don't have the greatest
track record with guys. That's all.
811
00:43:27,647 --> 00:43:29,716
You think I'm gonna break his heart
and mess up your friendship?
812
00:43:29,816 --> 00:43:30,925
No.
813
00:43:31,025 --> 00:43:32,760
So you think I'm not
good enough for him?
814
00:43:32,860 --> 00:43:35,430
Obviously not.
That's obviously not what it is.
815
00:43:35,530 --> 00:43:37,432
Some of us aren't as
lucky as you and Ben.
816
00:43:37,532 --> 00:43:40,143
Some of us want a guy that
doesn't make us feel like crap.
817
00:43:40,243 --> 00:43:41,352
There is a fourth option.
818
00:43:41,452 --> 00:43:42,687
- Yeah?
- Be honest.
819
00:43:42,787 --> 00:43:44,022
Tell her how you feel.
820
00:43:44,122 --> 00:43:46,274
It might ruin the friendship,
but at least you
821
00:43:46,374 --> 00:43:48,651
stood up like a man and
expressed your feelings.
822
00:43:48,751 --> 00:43:51,320
Wait, I'm sorry.
Since when does being a man
823
00:43:51,420 --> 00:43:53,072
involve expressing your feelings?
824
00:43:53,172 --> 00:43:54,782
Did I miss a memo?
Because if I recall,
825
00:43:54,882 --> 00:43:57,160
being a man meant hiding
your feelings forever.
826
00:43:57,260 --> 00:43:59,912
Like Bruce Willis. You never see
Bruce Willis expressing feelings.
827
00:44:00,012 --> 00:44:02,331
The most you ever get out of
Bruce is a hint of melancholy
828
00:44:02,431 --> 00:44:04,292
- at the edge of a smirk.
- Do you think Bruce
829
00:44:04,392 --> 00:44:07,003
would be happy just being friends?
830
00:44:07,103 --> 00:44:10,006
A hundred percent honesty is the
foundation of any relationship.
831
00:44:10,106 --> 00:44:11,924
You are a hundred percent
honest with Nicole?
832
00:44:12,024 --> 00:44:13,384
- Yes. Yep.
- About everything.
833
00:44:13,484 --> 00:44:14,719
New Orleans, 2006?
834
00:44:14,819 --> 00:44:16,554
What was her name? Favia?
835
00:44:16,654 --> 00:44:19,098
Yeah, she did look like
a woman, to be fair.
836
00:44:19,198 --> 00:44:22,101
Ninety-nine percent honesty is the
foundation of any relationship.
837
00:44:22,201 --> 00:44:25,813
You know, it's not worth the risk,
not if it means losing her as a friend.
838
00:44:25,913 --> 00:44:27,774
- Well, so then it's option five.
- What's that?
839
00:44:27,874 --> 00:44:30,072
You move on.
840
00:44:44,599 --> 00:44:46,125
Hello.
841
00:44:46,225 --> 00:44:47,672
- Oh, hi.
- Hey.
842
00:44:48,644 --> 00:44:50,088
Hello, welcome.
843
00:44:50,188 --> 00:44:51,714
Welcome to our engagement party.
844
00:44:51,814 --> 00:44:56,803
We are so happy to have everybody
we care about together in one space.
845
00:44:56,903 --> 00:44:59,347
Here's the thing, we both
really want to get married, but...
846
00:44:59,447 --> 00:45:02,851
But we hate weddings. Every wedding
I've been to has completely sucked.
847
00:45:03,034 --> 00:45:06,229
Sorry, Aunt Cathy,
Uncle Drew and Olivia.
848
00:45:06,329 --> 00:45:09,941
And we don't like long engagements,
so we are getting married
849
00:45:10,041 --> 00:45:11,609
here, tonight.
850
00:45:12,919 --> 00:45:14,654
Zella is our registered
civil officiant.
851
00:45:14,754 --> 00:45:17,448
Oh, and, Mom, I got your
wedding dress altered.
852
00:45:17,548 --> 00:45:18,658
I hope that's okay.
853
00:45:18,758 --> 00:45:20,493
Becky's gonna be
Nicole's maid of honor.
854
00:45:20,593 --> 00:45:22,286
- Wallace...
- Here!
855
00:45:22,386 --> 00:45:24,539
...is gonna be my best man.
Thank you very much.
856
00:45:24,639 --> 00:45:26,791
Everyone stay away from
my Uncle Herman. All right.
857
00:45:33,356 --> 00:45:36,175
Okay, I... Like, I don't need you
finger-combing my wisps. I'm serious.
858
00:45:36,275 --> 00:45:37,677
- You look pretty.
- Nicole?
859
00:45:37,777 --> 00:45:39,011
I've been sent to get an ETA.
860
00:45:39,111 --> 00:45:40,555
- Oh, is that Wallace?
- Yes.
861
00:45:40,655 --> 00:45:42,473
Just come in.
862
00:45:42,573 --> 00:45:43,808
Oh, wow, you look amazing.
863
00:45:43,908 --> 00:45:45,226
Yes. Becky, seriously,
864
00:45:45,326 --> 00:45:47,270
if I don't get some alcohol,
I'm gonna panic.
865
00:45:47,370 --> 00:45:49,063
- Hey, I'll go.
- No, no, no, you stay.
866
00:45:49,163 --> 00:45:52,608
Becky's more nervous than I am, and
frankly, it's wigging me out. Now, go.
867
00:45:52,708 --> 00:45:54,860
You, stay, talk to me.
868
00:45:58,381 --> 00:46:01,204
- So...
- So?
869
00:46:01,509 --> 00:46:03,911
- So.
- What?
870
00:46:04,011 --> 00:46:05,454
Why are you torturing yourself
871
00:46:05,554 --> 00:46:08,833
over a ten-second conversation with
Chantry that would answer everything?
872
00:46:08,933 --> 00:46:10,042
It's your wedding day.
873
00:46:10,142 --> 00:46:12,503
- Can we talk about you?
- Exactly. It's my wedding day.
874
00:46:12,603 --> 00:46:14,463
As best man, it's your
job to keep me calm
875
00:46:14,563 --> 00:46:17,091
so that I don't crawl out that
window and go and bang a sailor.
876
00:46:17,191 --> 00:46:20,014
- Where are you gonna find a sailor?
- At the dock.
877
00:46:20,194 --> 00:46:22,555
God, what's the best-case scenario?
878
00:46:22,655 --> 00:46:26,142
"Wallace, I love you. Let's have sex
forever until we die having sex"?
879
00:46:26,242 --> 00:46:27,518
That is the best-case scenario.
880
00:46:27,618 --> 00:46:29,729
Okay, and what's the
worst-case scenario?
881
00:46:29,829 --> 00:46:31,230
"Wallace, you shit-drizzling liar.
882
00:46:31,330 --> 00:46:34,650
This whole time, you've just been trying
to put your junk inside my trunk."
883
00:46:34,750 --> 00:46:36,485
Anything involving the phrase
"put your junk inside my trunk"
884
00:46:36,585 --> 00:46:38,362
actually would be the
worst-case scenario.
885
00:46:38,462 --> 00:46:41,532
Look, the one thing I like
about getting married
886
00:46:41,632 --> 00:46:44,202
is that you get to stand up in
front of everyone you care about
887
00:46:44,302 --> 00:46:49,173
and state, for the record, that you
believe in the best-case scenario.
888
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:51,584
It terrifies me,
889
00:46:51,684 --> 00:46:53,461
but that's why the
outfits are so nice.
890
00:46:54,770 --> 00:46:56,672
Okay.
891
00:46:59,567 --> 00:47:01,310
- Thanks.
- Cheers.
892
00:47:20,129 --> 00:47:23,999
I got her! She's mine! My wife.
893
00:47:24,175 --> 00:47:26,373
Yeah. Mommy!
894
00:47:26,552 --> 00:47:28,579
I can't believe no one stopped that.
895
00:47:28,679 --> 00:47:30,126
Nice.
896
00:47:30,473 --> 00:47:35,878
And I learned a lot of lessons that
night about gambling addictions
897
00:47:35,978 --> 00:47:37,672
and identity theft
898
00:47:37,772 --> 00:47:40,508
and the Romanian legal system,
899
00:47:40,608 --> 00:47:45,638
but the most important lesson
I learned was from Nicole,
900
00:47:45,738 --> 00:47:48,099
and it was about friendship.
901
00:47:48,199 --> 00:47:50,146
I love you, Nicole.
902
00:47:50,368 --> 00:47:51,560
Oh, so much fun.
903
00:47:51,660 --> 00:47:54,230
- Yay!
- Yay.
904
00:47:54,330 --> 00:47:56,107
Look at you.
You didn't even practice.
905
00:47:56,207 --> 00:47:57,525
Whoo! Go, Wallace!
906
00:47:57,625 --> 00:48:00,278
- Go, Wallace!
- Thank you, thank you.
907
00:48:00,378 --> 00:48:03,864
To those of us who begrudgingly
call Allan a friend...
908
00:48:05,174 --> 00:48:08,286
...it seems impossible that any
woman could handle him for an hour,
909
00:48:08,386 --> 00:48:10,163
let alone a lifetime.
910
00:48:10,346 --> 00:48:12,039
And then you meet Nicole,
911
00:48:12,139 --> 00:48:13,708
and that is the good news here.
912
00:48:13,808 --> 00:48:16,377
If these two can find each other,
913
00:48:16,477 --> 00:48:19,797
then there truly is
somebody for everyone.
914
00:48:19,897 --> 00:48:21,924
The bad news is that one day,
they will procreate,
915
00:48:22,024 --> 00:48:24,844
and their hideous offspring will
obviously cause the Apocalypse.
916
00:48:24,944 --> 00:48:27,722
But tonight, we celebrate
the good news.
917
00:48:27,822 --> 00:48:31,434
I remember the night
Allan and Nicole met,
918
00:48:31,534 --> 00:48:34,770
and that instant connection.
919
00:48:34,870 --> 00:48:36,981
You know, if you're lucky,
920
00:48:37,081 --> 00:48:38,698
it happens once in a lifetime,
921
00:48:39,166 --> 00:48:43,029
and if you're unlucky,
then you have to come to weddings
922
00:48:43,129 --> 00:48:44,864
and hear people like
me talking about it,
923
00:48:44,964 --> 00:48:47,533
and assume that we are
all hopeless romantics.
924
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:52,872
It's very easy to be
cynical about love,
925
00:48:52,972 --> 00:48:54,540
but this, tonight,
926
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:56,542
this is hard.
927
00:48:57,893 --> 00:48:59,670
So to Allan and Nicole,
928
00:48:59,770 --> 00:49:01,756
for making the hard way look easy.
929
00:49:01,856 --> 00:49:05,226
- Cheers!
- To Allan and Nicole.
930
00:49:06,902 --> 00:49:08,637
All right, thanks, everyone.
931
00:49:10,364 --> 00:49:11,849
Yep. That's it.
932
00:49:26,797 --> 00:49:29,040
Perfect timing.
933
00:50:02,041 --> 00:50:05,486
Are you sure?
It's so near here for me.
934
00:50:05,586 --> 00:50:08,739
Oh, yeah, no, I'm all about
the door-to-door service.
935
00:50:09,507 --> 00:50:11,500
- Heh.
- Okay.
936
00:50:12,426 --> 00:50:14,412
- Let me out?
- Sure.
937
00:50:14,512 --> 00:50:16,914
Oh, gosh. German cars.
938
00:50:19,141 --> 00:50:21,418
Good night.
939
00:50:21,727 --> 00:50:23,546
Wallace, you clean up nice.
940
00:50:23,646 --> 00:50:26,382
Yes, so do you.
941
00:50:26,482 --> 00:50:28,555
- Okay.
- Good night.
942
00:50:31,529 --> 00:50:32,638
Bye!
943
00:50:32,738 --> 00:50:34,310
- Bye.
- Bye.
944
00:50:48,087 --> 00:50:50,990
Great. Thank you very much.
945
00:50:51,423 --> 00:50:53,325
Listen,
946
00:50:53,425 --> 00:50:56,499
I don't think it's a good idea
for me to come inside with you.
947
00:50:57,179 --> 00:50:59,623
- What?
- Heh. Don't get all mad.
948
00:50:59,723 --> 00:51:02,251
If you're gonna get mad,
I guess we could make out,
949
00:51:02,351 --> 00:51:04,962
- but we are not having sex.
- No.
950
00:51:05,062 --> 00:51:07,548
I'm not sure that's a good idea.
951
00:51:07,648 --> 00:51:09,758
Why? Because I won't
have sex with you? Pfft.
952
00:51:09,858 --> 00:51:11,969
That's really nice, Wallace.
953
00:51:12,069 --> 00:51:13,929
No, that's not what I meant.
954
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:16,724
I know, I'm just kidding.
955
00:51:16,824 --> 00:51:19,810
Oh, right. What part
are you kidding about?
956
00:51:19,910 --> 00:51:22,897
- All of it.
- I'm very confused by this conversation.
957
00:51:22,997 --> 00:51:25,445
Fine, let's go inside.
958
00:51:31,005 --> 00:51:35,376
- Dude, my sister. Sweet score.
- No, this isn't what it looks like.
959
00:51:35,551 --> 00:51:38,370
Well, okay. Yeah, it is,
it is what it looks like.
960
00:51:38,470 --> 00:51:43,209
She's super-hot. Plus, she's 99 percent
genetically identical to me, so...
961
00:51:43,309 --> 00:51:47,379
Anyway, have fun making
out with my sister.
962
00:51:47,479 --> 00:51:50,591
Actually, just FYI,
if you do go through with this,
963
00:51:50,691 --> 00:51:52,718
you can be pretty much
absolutely positive
964
00:51:52,818 --> 00:51:56,939
I will never, ever, ever, ever
have sex with you ever.
965
00:51:57,072 --> 00:51:59,190
Bam!
966
00:52:00,492 --> 00:52:01,939
Ever!
967
00:52:02,453 --> 00:52:03,562
I'm sorry.
968
00:52:03,662 --> 00:52:08,651
Dalia, I... Look, I think... I think
you're great, but, I can't do this.
969
00:52:08,751 --> 00:52:11,862
Heh. Great?
You think I'm great? I don't...
970
00:52:11,962 --> 00:52:13,864
I don't throw myself
at guys, like, ever.
971
00:52:13,964 --> 00:52:16,992
I made an exception for you because
you were cute, and you think I'm great?
972
00:52:17,092 --> 00:52:18,702
Great?
973
00:52:18,802 --> 00:52:20,454
- Get the fuck out!
- Sorry.
974
00:52:20,554 --> 00:52:22,248
God, get your...
975
00:52:22,348 --> 00:52:23,791
- Get out faster!
- Okay, I'm going!
976
00:52:23,891 --> 00:52:26,043
I can't believe I got a Brazilian for this!
977
00:52:26,143 --> 00:52:29,672
- Goodbye!
- Jesus!
978
00:52:43,827 --> 00:52:47,231
- Hello?
- Ben. Hi.
979
00:52:47,331 --> 00:52:48,899
- Hi. Are you okay?
- Hi.
980
00:52:48,999 --> 00:52:50,651
It's the middle of the night there.
981
00:52:50,751 --> 00:52:52,152
I'm really good.
982
00:52:52,252 --> 00:52:55,489
- I'm really just a little bit drunk.
- Okay, but...
983
00:52:55,589 --> 00:53:00,119
And I'm wearing such
a fancy, fancy dress.
984
00:53:00,219 --> 00:53:01,787
- I see.
- Hang on a second.
985
00:53:01,887 --> 00:53:03,122
- But...
- Hang on a second.
986
00:53:03,222 --> 00:53:04,957
Listen very closely, okay?
987
00:53:05,057 --> 00:53:07,501
- Okay.
- Really closely.
988
00:53:07,601 --> 00:53:09,469
But...
989
00:53:11,647 --> 00:53:13,465
- Do you hear that?
- I can, but...
990
00:53:13,565 --> 00:53:18,012
That's the sound of me unzipping
my very, very fancy dress
991
00:53:18,112 --> 00:53:21,265
- Well, that's good news.
- that I happen to be wearing
992
00:53:21,365 --> 00:53:23,934
really cute panties under.
993
00:53:24,034 --> 00:53:25,853
- You are?
- And also, like, a bra
994
00:53:25,953 --> 00:53:29,023
that totally, totally matches.
995
00:53:29,123 --> 00:53:32,693
- Chantry...
- Can you picture me in them?
996
00:53:32,793 --> 00:53:35,613
Hey, can you picture me out of them?
997
00:53:35,713 --> 00:53:37,406
I... I... I definitely can.
998
00:53:37,506 --> 00:53:41,118
The thing is, I'm just in the, middle
of the Brazilian presentation now.
999
00:53:41,218 --> 00:53:44,622
That's not to say I,
don't fully support the concept.
1000
00:53:44,722 --> 00:53:46,832
It sounds very interesting.
1001
00:53:46,932 --> 00:53:51,712
And, I would love to continue
discussing it at a later time.
1002
00:53:51,812 --> 00:53:54,556
Okay, I'll confirm. Bye.
1003
00:53:57,443 --> 00:54:00,012
Sir. Please, carry on.
1004
00:54:00,112 --> 00:54:02,059
- It's good?
- Oh, yeah.
1005
00:54:24,344 --> 00:54:27,373
You never asked me what happened
with Wallace the other night.
1006
00:54:27,473 --> 00:54:30,125
I'm respecting your privacy.
1007
00:54:30,225 --> 00:54:33,087
He's a big, stupid, fat jerk.
1008
00:54:33,187 --> 00:54:34,880
I hate him.
1009
00:54:34,980 --> 00:54:36,340
Okay.
1010
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:38,133
He propositioned me.
1011
00:54:38,233 --> 00:54:42,429
He said, like, dirty, disgusting
things he wanted to do to me.
1012
00:54:42,529 --> 00:54:44,556
Me, your little sister.
1013
00:54:44,656 --> 00:54:45,849
That's so terrible.
1014
00:54:45,949 --> 00:54:48,185
I know, and so I told him,
"I'm not that kind of girl,"
1015
00:54:48,285 --> 00:54:49,812
and he just, like, flew into a rage,
1016
00:54:49,912 --> 00:54:53,607
and he attacked me and tried to break
all my fingers and poke my eyeballs out.
1017
00:54:53,707 --> 00:54:55,776
So the cops had to come
and pull him off me.
1018
00:54:55,876 --> 00:54:57,695
- The cops came?
- Yeah.
1019
00:54:57,795 --> 00:55:00,739
And then he just shot them all
in the face, and they all died.
1020
00:55:00,839 --> 00:55:03,325
And some of them had kids and
they'll never know their father.
1021
00:55:03,425 --> 00:55:05,452
He didn't even care.
He was just, like, laughing
1022
00:55:05,552 --> 00:55:08,163
and shooting them all,
and he had a huge chubby.
1023
00:55:08,263 --> 00:55:10,708
And then he said he was gonna
come to your house and kill you
1024
00:55:10,808 --> 00:55:12,334
while you were sleeping.
1025
00:55:12,434 --> 00:55:15,504
Yeah, that sounds
exactly like Wallace.
1026
00:55:15,604 --> 00:55:17,673
Have you talked to him lately?
1027
00:55:17,773 --> 00:55:19,766
No.
1028
00:55:20,484 --> 00:55:22,344
So he didn't say anything about me
1029
00:55:22,444 --> 00:55:25,639
completely humiliating
myself in front of him?
1030
00:55:25,739 --> 00:55:27,766
No.
1031
00:55:27,866 --> 00:55:29,560
He's a big, stupid, ugly jerk,
1032
00:55:29,660 --> 00:55:31,687
and you shouldn't be
friends with him anymore.
1033
00:55:31,787 --> 00:55:33,981
Okay.
1034
00:55:34,081 --> 00:55:36,316
Look how pregnant I
can make myself look.
1035
00:55:38,919 --> 00:55:40,320
You want to feel my baby?
1036
00:55:40,420 --> 00:55:42,197
It's so hard.
1037
00:55:42,297 --> 00:55:44,495
- Oh, my God, it kicked!
- Shut up. Heh-heh.
1038
00:55:44,967 --> 00:55:46,618
I'm gonna make you raise it.
1039
00:55:51,306 --> 00:55:52,416
I'm firing Josh.
1040
00:55:52,516 --> 00:55:54,626
The Taiwan team hates him,
nobody listens to him.
1041
00:55:54,726 --> 00:55:57,629
On the plus side, I hear he's
banging enough Taiwanese girls
1042
00:55:57,729 --> 00:55:59,339
to qualify for the
douche-bag Olympics.
1043
00:55:59,439 --> 00:56:00,758
So there's a silver lining.
1044
00:56:00,858 --> 00:56:02,676
That's, unfortunate.
1045
00:56:02,776 --> 00:56:05,929
I need someone full-time in
Taiwan to clean up Josh's mess.
1046
00:56:06,029 --> 00:56:07,139
I want it to be you.
1047
00:56:07,239 --> 00:56:08,891
I mean, this whole
thing is your concept.
1048
00:56:08,991 --> 00:56:11,059
If we had had you as project
manager from the start,
1049
00:56:11,159 --> 00:56:13,270
- we'd have saved a lot of time.
- Honestly, I just...
1050
00:56:13,370 --> 00:56:16,607
I don't even know if I would enjoy
being the project manager, so...
1051
00:56:16,707 --> 00:56:18,650
You get an apartment,
car, language lessons.
1052
00:56:18,750 --> 00:56:20,235
- Yeah.
- Obviously a raise.
1053
00:56:20,335 --> 00:56:22,070
I need your answer by
the end of the month.
1054
00:56:22,170 --> 00:56:25,532
And to be clear, this is the last
time I offer you a promotion.
1055
00:56:25,632 --> 00:56:28,501
Okay. I got it.
1056
00:56:29,469 --> 00:56:30,916
Holly...
1057
00:56:32,097 --> 00:56:34,249
I'm gonna think about it, I promise.
1058
00:56:40,689 --> 00:56:44,092
So I was reading this
thing about how,
1059
00:56:44,192 --> 00:56:48,096
when, they were
trying to name Cool Whip,
1060
00:56:48,196 --> 00:56:51,183
they came up with 10,000 ideas.
1061
00:56:51,283 --> 00:56:53,685
Like, they brainstormed 10,000 ideas.
1062
00:56:53,785 --> 00:56:55,521
And none of them were
as good as Cool Whip?
1063
00:56:55,621 --> 00:56:57,648
No, Cool Whip was the best.
That's what they said.
1064
00:56:57,748 --> 00:57:01,026
And they said, "Just try to, like,
think of, like, ten of your own,"
1065
00:57:01,126 --> 00:57:05,364
just to see, like, how hard it is.
1066
00:57:05,464 --> 00:57:06,949
- Cool Puff.
- Puffy Whip.
1067
00:57:07,049 --> 00:57:08,492
- Creamy Dream.
- Zit Topping.
1068
00:57:08,592 --> 00:57:10,035
- Angel Puff.
- Angel Gas.
1069
00:57:10,135 --> 00:57:12,830
Bruce Springscream
and the E-Foam Band.
1070
00:57:12,930 --> 00:57:15,123
- Puffin' Lovin'.
- Dump That Puff on My Face.
1071
00:57:15,223 --> 00:57:16,792
Whip-Master Cool and
the Puff Brigade.
1072
00:57:16,892 --> 00:57:18,377
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Stuff Me with Puff.
1073
00:57:18,477 --> 00:57:19,920
Sir Puff-A-Lot's Whipped Foam.
1074
00:57:20,020 --> 00:57:21,338
Non-Hodgkin's Cream-Foam-A.
1075
00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:24,091
- Shove This Shit on Food.
- Whip-Whippy-Whippy Pippitins.
1076
00:57:26,568 --> 00:57:28,178
- So how many is that?
- I don't know.
1077
00:57:28,278 --> 00:57:29,930
- Yeah, it's not that hard.
- No.
1078
00:57:30,030 --> 00:57:31,723
- No.
- Let's go swimming!
1079
00:57:34,159 --> 00:57:37,855
- I didn't bring my suit, did you?
- No.
1080
00:57:37,955 --> 00:57:40,274
- We take our clothes off?
- Yeah.
1081
00:57:41,583 --> 00:57:43,193
- You gonna come get me?
- Yeah!
1082
00:57:43,293 --> 00:57:45,529
Are you gonna come get me?
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
1083
00:57:45,629 --> 00:57:47,781
You're hitting me!
1084
00:57:47,881 --> 00:57:50,200
- Ha-ha-ha!
- It's very warm.
1085
00:57:50,300 --> 00:57:52,077
- Ooh! It's cold! It's cold!
- Ha-ha!
1086
00:57:52,177 --> 00:57:53,287
It's cold.
1087
00:57:53,387 --> 00:57:55,585
It's cold!
1088
00:57:56,056 --> 00:57:57,753
Allan!
1089
00:58:00,477 --> 00:58:02,675
Don't!
1090
00:58:06,984 --> 00:58:09,762
Do you want to go swimming?
1091
00:58:10,779 --> 00:58:12,806
Yeah.
1092
00:58:20,831 --> 00:58:22,190
Do you think it'll be cold?
1093
00:58:22,290 --> 00:58:24,283
Yep.
1094
00:58:54,698 --> 00:58:57,142
You've got a tattoo.
1095
00:58:57,242 --> 00:58:59,394
Yeah.
1096
00:59:00,495 --> 00:59:03,273
- Yeah, it's...
- It... I know, it's...
1097
00:59:03,457 --> 00:59:05,905
It's your mom, right?
1098
00:59:08,879 --> 00:59:10,364
- Oh, God!
- What?
1099
00:59:10,464 --> 00:59:12,449
Something just...
Something just touched my foot.
1100
00:59:12,549 --> 00:59:14,076
- Okay.
- No, it was really gross.
1101
00:59:14,176 --> 00:59:15,744
- Okay.
- It's not funny.
1102
00:59:15,844 --> 00:59:17,291
That was funny.
1103
00:59:19,931 --> 00:59:21,753
Oh...
1104
00:59:25,187 --> 00:59:28,840
- Oh, wow.
- Oh, yeah. Wow.
1105
00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:32,727
Wallace?
1106
00:59:33,028 --> 00:59:34,896
Yes?
1107
00:59:35,113 --> 00:59:37,732
I'll look if you look.
1108
00:59:39,951 --> 00:59:41,694
Okay.
1109
01:00:04,309 --> 01:00:06,803
Where are our clothes?
1110
01:00:07,104 --> 01:00:11,099
- Did we drift further down?
- No, the fire's right there.
1111
01:00:12,692 --> 01:00:15,720
Yeah, they took our clothes.
1112
01:00:27,582 --> 01:00:29,484
Oh, God.
1113
01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:37,909
The car is gone.
1114
01:00:38,009 --> 01:00:40,328
God, how'd it get so cold?
It wasn't cold at all before.
1115
01:00:40,428 --> 01:00:42,247
It was, like, a warm night.
1116
01:00:42,347 --> 01:00:45,500
Okay, you keep the sleeping bag
and I will figure something out.
1117
01:00:45,600 --> 01:00:48,128
No, I can't let you just, like,
spend the night on the sand,
1118
01:00:48,228 --> 01:00:51,173
like, all cold and wet
and naked like a walrus.
1119
01:00:53,150 --> 01:00:54,926
Do you think that's funny?
1120
01:00:55,026 --> 01:00:57,304
Do you think this is, like,
some hilarious prank
1121
01:00:57,404 --> 01:01:00,557
played on us by our wacky pals?
Because I don't.
1122
01:01:00,657 --> 01:01:02,517
I thought you were trying
to lighten the mood
1123
01:01:02,617 --> 01:01:04,978
with a mildly amusing
joke involving a walrus.
1124
01:01:05,078 --> 01:01:08,106
I'm sorry if I misunderstood the
seriousness of your walrus reference.
1125
01:01:08,206 --> 01:01:09,483
Don't be an asshole.
1126
01:01:09,583 --> 01:01:12,235
- I'm not being an arsehole.
- You are. You are being an asshole.
1127
01:01:12,335 --> 01:01:15,864
You're not taking this seriously, and
you're treating it like a joke, and it's not.
1128
01:01:15,964 --> 01:01:19,534
There is a line, a line that should not
be crossed, and they crossed it.
1129
01:01:19,634 --> 01:01:22,579
And you know what? Treating it
like a joke is being an asshole.
1130
01:01:22,679 --> 01:01:25,082
I'm not treating this like a joke,
and I am not being an arsehole.
1131
01:01:25,182 --> 01:01:27,209
Allan is being an arsehole,
Nicole is being an arsehole,
1132
01:01:27,309 --> 01:01:28,919
and right now,
you are being an arsehole.
1133
01:01:29,019 --> 01:01:31,088
Me? I'm standing here with a branch.
1134
01:01:31,188 --> 01:01:34,925
A branch that cuts down zero percent
of the wind-chill factor on my dick.
1135
01:01:35,025 --> 01:01:36,843
I've got a branch,
you've got a sleeping bag.
1136
01:01:36,943 --> 01:01:39,471
How does that make me an arsehole?
1137
01:01:39,821 --> 01:01:42,099
- Fine.
- Fine? What does "fine" mean?
1138
01:01:42,199 --> 01:01:45,398
Fine! It means we'll share.
1139
01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:09,251
- Chantry?
- What?
1140
01:02:09,351 --> 01:02:12,049
They brought our clothes back.
1141
01:02:27,494 --> 01:02:29,567
I'll never doubt you again.
1142
01:02:35,669 --> 01:02:38,572
Hey, you guys have fun last night?
1143
01:02:42,884 --> 01:02:44,706
Hey.
1144
01:02:46,721 --> 01:02:49,670
- Sleep well?
- You're an arsehole.
1145
01:04:15,143 --> 01:04:16,590
Ben.
1146
01:04:17,437 --> 01:04:18,630
Chantry?
1147
01:04:21,691 --> 01:04:23,551
Julianne is part of
the Argentinean team.
1148
01:04:23,651 --> 01:04:25,637
She lives in the apartment next door.
1149
01:04:25,737 --> 01:04:28,807
A bunch of us went for a drink after
work, and I was just helping her home.
1150
01:04:28,907 --> 01:04:30,433
Ben, I'm not accusing
you of anything.
1151
01:04:30,533 --> 01:04:32,143
You need not worry
about his fidelity.
1152
01:04:32,243 --> 01:04:35,146
I'm not some beautiful but
morally corrupt Argentine girl.
1153
01:04:35,246 --> 01:04:36,856
Why didn't you tell
me you were coming?
1154
01:04:36,956 --> 01:04:39,818
Because I wanted to surprise you.
1155
01:04:39,918 --> 01:04:41,027
Surprise.
1156
01:04:41,127 --> 01:04:43,989
Okay, I need to go
to my apartment now,
1157
01:04:44,089 --> 01:04:46,992
and stuff old socks in my ears
1158
01:04:47,092 --> 01:04:49,286
so I don't hear your
lovemaking through the wall.
1159
01:04:49,386 --> 01:04:51,663
And I'm keeping this meat.
1160
01:04:51,805 --> 01:04:54,124
Good night. Sorry, you...
You startled me.
1161
01:04:54,224 --> 01:04:56,835
This isn't how I planned
to welcome you to Dublin.
1162
01:04:56,935 --> 01:04:58,378
Are you still startled?
1163
01:04:58,478 --> 01:05:00,596
Should I get you some warm milk?
1164
01:05:02,232 --> 01:05:04,259
Welcome to Dublin.
1165
01:05:52,282 --> 01:05:55,143
So, I was reading this thing about,
1166
01:05:55,243 --> 01:05:57,854
how when they were trying to come
up with the name for Cool Whip,
1167
01:05:57,954 --> 01:06:00,190
- they brainstormed 10,000 ideas...
- What is Cool Whip?
1168
01:06:00,290 --> 01:06:02,609
It's a kind of processed cream.
Comes in a spray can.
1169
01:06:02,709 --> 01:06:03,818
Or in a tub.
1170
01:06:03,918 --> 01:06:05,070
I've had the Cool Whip.
1171
01:06:05,170 --> 01:06:07,697
I prefer the fresh whipped cream.
1172
01:06:07,797 --> 01:06:10,617
Well, when they were trying to come
up with the name for that product,
1173
01:06:10,717 --> 01:06:13,536
they brainstormed 10,000 ideas,
1174
01:06:13,636 --> 01:06:17,707
and they said try to come up with ten
of your own just to see how hard it is.
1175
01:06:17,807 --> 01:06:21,544
Like Puffy Whip,
or Whip... Wiffy Puff.
1176
01:06:21,644 --> 01:06:23,755
Puffy Air. Whippy Air.
1177
01:06:23,855 --> 01:06:26,216
Cow Mixture?
1178
01:06:26,316 --> 01:06:28,844
- Sweet Dreams?
- Sweet Dreams.
1179
01:06:28,985 --> 01:06:30,595
Cotton Vul-candi-cow?
1180
01:06:30,695 --> 01:06:32,013
It could be one.
1181
01:06:32,113 --> 01:06:34,106
Cloudy Cow?
1182
01:06:34,949 --> 01:06:38,395
So you must be really
proud of our Benji.
1183
01:06:38,495 --> 01:06:40,397
- Yeah.
- He has the Brazilians on the run.
1184
01:06:40,497 --> 01:06:43,691
Heh-heh-heh. You know he has
the whole negotiation in his hands?
1185
01:06:43,791 --> 01:06:46,152
We're so happy that he's able
to stay another six months.
1186
01:06:46,252 --> 01:06:48,655
And his Portuguese
is really coming on.
1187
01:06:48,755 --> 01:06:51,783
He's going to be so good by the
time we get to Rio de Janeiro...
1188
01:06:51,883 --> 01:06:53,451
I haven't accepted the offer yet.
1189
01:06:53,551 --> 01:06:56,204
Obviously, I was planning on
talking to you about it first,
1190
01:06:56,304 --> 01:06:58,123
but I mean, I love it here.
1191
01:06:58,223 --> 01:07:02,335
Not just the work.
The people, the culture, the music.
1192
01:07:02,435 --> 01:07:04,170
You never asked me to
move here with you.
1193
01:07:04,270 --> 01:07:06,256
When you got the job,
you never asked me to come.
1194
01:07:06,356 --> 01:07:08,049
I didn't want to ask
you to quit a job.
1195
01:07:08,149 --> 01:07:10,218
- And I mean, you never offered.
- You never asked.
1196
01:07:10,318 --> 01:07:13,054
Well, okay, I'm asking you now.
1197
01:07:13,154 --> 01:07:15,432
I mean, there must be
animation companies here.
1198
01:07:15,532 --> 01:07:17,434
I couldn't do that to Holly.
She's been generous
1199
01:07:17,534 --> 01:07:19,227
giving me this week
to make my decision.
1200
01:07:19,327 --> 01:07:22,689
Okay, so take the job.
It doesn't have to be a bad thing.
1201
01:07:22,789 --> 01:07:24,190
You'd be in Taipei, I'd be here.
1202
01:07:24,290 --> 01:07:25,442
We can meet in the middle.
1203
01:07:25,542 --> 01:07:26,651
Like in Toronto?
1204
01:07:26,751 --> 01:07:30,196
No, like Tel Aviv,
Istanbul, Mumbai...
1205
01:07:30,296 --> 01:07:33,283
It'll be a story we
can tell our kids.
1206
01:07:33,383 --> 01:07:35,952
- It's romantic.
- Sounds lonely.
1207
01:07:36,052 --> 01:07:40,298
Look, I'm just trying to
make this work, okay?
1208
01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:42,337
Don't you wanna make this work?
1209
01:07:50,441 --> 01:07:53,094
Did you guys want to
borrow some of my balls?
1210
01:07:53,194 --> 01:07:57,015
I think someone sharted
and it might be Mrs. Cole.
1211
01:07:57,115 --> 01:07:59,642
Everyone, check. Check. Shart check.
1212
01:07:59,742 --> 01:08:01,769
You can look it up
on Urban Dictionary.
1213
01:08:01,869 --> 01:08:05,440
Fail. You couldn't find that
stone if it was in your kidney.
1214
01:08:05,540 --> 01:08:07,650
I can see your back acne
through your blouse.
1215
01:08:07,750 --> 01:08:11,279
Look at you just drunkenly
spewing out joy like a shit Santa.
1216
01:08:11,379 --> 01:08:14,703
- Yep.
- That's you now, yeah?
1217
01:08:16,050 --> 01:08:18,411
Nicole's spending the
night at Becky's.
1218
01:08:18,511 --> 01:08:21,005
We had a fight.
1219
01:08:21,222 --> 01:08:23,958
First fight as a married couple.
1220
01:08:24,058 --> 01:08:26,085
Ta-da! You want a beer?
1221
01:08:26,185 --> 01:08:28,132
Sure.
1222
01:08:34,902 --> 01:08:38,602
So...
1223
01:08:38,865 --> 01:08:41,518
I'm sorry, okay?
1224
01:08:41,618 --> 01:08:44,437
I let Nicole talk me into it,
even though I knew it was a bad idea.
1225
01:08:44,537 --> 01:08:45,647
I'm not like you.
1226
01:08:45,747 --> 01:08:48,608
I can't hook up with somebody if
they're already with someone else.
1227
01:08:48,708 --> 01:08:51,277
It's wrong. It was wrong when my
parents did it to each other,
1228
01:08:51,377 --> 01:08:52,946
it was wrong when Megan did it to me.
1229
01:08:53,046 --> 01:08:55,073
It was wrong when you and
Nicole did it to her ex.
1230
01:08:55,173 --> 01:08:57,909
You don't think the fact that we
got married kind of justifies it?
1231
01:08:58,009 --> 01:09:00,870
Not unless you want to be married to
someone who doesn't mind cheating.
1232
01:09:00,970 --> 01:09:03,540
Hey, that's my wife, okay?
1233
01:09:03,640 --> 01:09:07,043
Nicole talks a good game, but she's
been hurt like everybody else.
1234
01:09:07,143 --> 01:09:08,962
Her ex was a dick.
1235
01:09:09,062 --> 01:09:10,505
He treated her real bad.
1236
01:09:10,605 --> 01:09:11,714
It's complicated.
1237
01:09:11,814 --> 01:09:14,592
All this love shit's complicated.
And that's good.
1238
01:09:14,692 --> 01:09:17,095
Because if it's too simple,
you've got no reason to try.
1239
01:09:17,195 --> 01:09:20,014
And if you got no reason
to try, you don't.
1240
01:09:20,114 --> 01:09:24,564
Oh. Oh... Wait, I just described you.
1241
01:09:25,328 --> 01:09:27,230
You know what? Maybe you're right.
1242
01:09:27,330 --> 01:09:30,358
But either way,
you're an arsehole, Allan.
1243
01:09:36,589 --> 01:09:38,832
Hit a three-pointer!
1244
01:09:53,648 --> 01:09:56,009
- Hi.
- Hi.
1245
01:09:56,109 --> 01:09:58,011
Come in or whatever.
1246
01:10:00,988 --> 01:10:02,765
I just jogged over
here to feed the cat.
1247
01:10:02,865 --> 01:10:04,976
If I don't shower right away
my pores get all clogged
1248
01:10:05,076 --> 01:10:07,478
and I get this, like,
zit nest on my forehead.
1249
01:10:07,578 --> 01:10:09,606
So, why are you feeding the cat?
1250
01:10:09,706 --> 01:10:11,190
So it doesn't starve to death.
1251
01:10:11,290 --> 01:10:14,239
- But why can't Chantry feed it?
- Because she flew to Dublin.
1252
01:10:14,794 --> 01:10:16,779
She flew to Dublin?
1253
01:10:16,879 --> 01:10:19,202
Yes, of course she did.
1254
01:10:20,091 --> 01:10:21,492
You like her.
1255
01:10:22,802 --> 01:10:24,329
You like Chantry.
1256
01:10:24,429 --> 01:10:26,539
Get in the shower. I can see
your blackheads from here.
1257
01:10:26,639 --> 01:10:29,459
No, don't get all snooty with me
just because you're so busted.
1258
01:10:29,559 --> 01:10:31,169
Look, I'm not in love
with your sister.
1259
01:10:31,269 --> 01:10:34,088
You are a nice-ish guy,
1260
01:10:34,188 --> 01:10:35,298
and you're amusing,
1261
01:10:35,398 --> 01:10:37,133
but Chantry loves Ben.
1262
01:10:37,233 --> 01:10:40,182
They're gonna get married
and live happily ever after.
1263
01:10:40,361 --> 01:10:43,431
You're just gonna be this guy that she
was friends with for a couple months.
1264
01:10:43,531 --> 01:10:46,809
"What was his name...?
Walter? I don't know."
1265
01:10:46,909 --> 01:10:50,188
So you just need to do whatever
you need to do to get over it, okay?
1266
01:10:50,288 --> 01:10:53,237
Because it's never gonna happen.
1267
01:11:08,473 --> 01:11:12,252
Welcome to Dublin and thank
you for flying with us.
1268
01:11:32,622 --> 01:11:34,365
Okay.
1269
01:11:39,504 --> 01:11:41,201
She's gone.
1270
01:11:42,590 --> 01:11:46,244
Is she coming back?
1271
01:11:59,941 --> 01:12:01,759
Hey, Wallace, it's Chantry.
1272
01:12:01,859 --> 01:12:02,969
I'm getting on a plane right now,
1273
01:12:03,069 --> 01:12:04,929
and I'm wondering if you're
free for lunch tomorrow
1274
01:12:05,029 --> 01:12:08,057
at, like, noon, at the
George Street Diner?
1275
01:12:08,157 --> 01:12:10,901
There's something I
want to talk to you about.
1276
01:12:12,578 --> 01:12:16,482
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
1277
01:12:16,582 --> 01:12:18,029
Taxi!
1278
01:12:19,961 --> 01:12:21,408
George Street Diner!
1279
01:12:22,213 --> 01:12:24,035
Shit!
1280
01:12:27,969 --> 01:12:29,916
Excuse me!
1281
01:12:43,901 --> 01:12:46,303
- Hi.
- Hey.
1282
01:12:47,238 --> 01:12:49,265
Oh, my God, what did
you do to yourself?
1283
01:12:49,365 --> 01:12:51,768
Oh, ninja attack.
1284
01:12:51,868 --> 01:12:53,853
Oh! The stupid ninjas.
1285
01:12:53,953 --> 01:12:55,104
- I know.
- I hate them.
1286
01:12:55,204 --> 01:12:58,403
Me too. Very annoying.
1287
01:13:00,167 --> 01:13:01,903
Oh, thank you.
1288
01:13:02,003 --> 01:13:04,246
I'm good.
1289
01:13:05,590 --> 01:13:07,992
- How you doing? Heh.
- Hi.
1290
01:13:08,092 --> 01:13:09,869
So I went to Dublin, right?
1291
01:13:09,969 --> 01:13:12,371
- Right. Yes.
- Yes. Listen...
1292
01:13:12,471 --> 01:13:14,123
There's a bunch of stuff
going on with me
1293
01:13:14,223 --> 01:13:16,834
that I haven't told
you about because...
1294
01:13:16,934 --> 01:13:20,087
I haven't been sure what
the right thing to do is.
1295
01:13:20,187 --> 01:13:21,839
Wallace, your face
just looks terrible.
1296
01:13:21,939 --> 01:13:26,014
Oh, no, don't worry about it, really.
What were you gonna say?
1297
01:13:26,319 --> 01:13:30,098
Okay, so... Just that...
1298
01:13:30,865 --> 01:13:35,190
I've been having to do a lot of
big-picture thinking about...
1299
01:13:35,453 --> 01:13:38,940
Wallace, seriously, I cannot concentrate
because of your mangled head.
1300
01:13:39,040 --> 01:13:41,192
What did you do to yourself?
1301
01:13:41,292 --> 01:13:43,444
Did you hit yourself with something?
1302
01:13:43,544 --> 01:13:44,987
Car accident?
1303
01:13:45,087 --> 01:13:47,956
Did you walk into a door...?
1304
01:13:50,051 --> 01:13:51,668
Ben punched me.
1305
01:13:52,803 --> 01:13:55,376
I flew to Dublin.
1306
01:14:00,436 --> 01:14:02,133
Why did you fly to Dublin?
1307
01:14:02,563 --> 01:14:06,843
To tell you how I feel about you.
1308
01:14:07,652 --> 01:14:10,304
- That's not why.
- Well, I wanted to be honest with you.
1309
01:14:10,404 --> 01:14:12,515
You could have been
honest with me any time.
1310
01:14:12,615 --> 01:14:16,986
You flew to Dublin to
break up me and Ben.
1311
01:14:17,119 --> 01:14:18,938
Right?
1312
01:14:21,457 --> 01:14:25,111
How long have you felt this way?
1313
01:14:26,253 --> 01:14:28,739
Pretty much since the day we met.
1314
01:14:28,839 --> 01:14:31,158
So...
1315
01:14:31,258 --> 01:14:33,995
when I said "I have a boyfriend
and I just want to be friends"
1316
01:14:34,095 --> 01:14:36,330
and you said that's what you
wanted too, that was a lie?
1317
01:14:36,430 --> 01:14:38,749
- No. No. I wanted that to be true.
- But it wasn't.
1318
01:14:38,849 --> 01:14:41,127
- You never wanted to be my friend.
- We are friends.
1319
01:14:41,227 --> 01:14:46,428
I haven't just been trying to
put my junk inside your trunk.
1320
01:14:47,108 --> 01:14:50,344
I told Ben you weren't that kind of guy,
but you're totally that kind of guy.
1321
01:14:50,444 --> 01:14:53,306
God, he must think I'm such an idiot.
You must think I'm such an idiot.
1322
01:14:53,406 --> 01:14:54,724
- Of course not.
- I trusted you.
1323
01:14:54,824 --> 01:14:58,060
I trusted we were what we
said we were: friends.
1324
01:14:58,160 --> 01:15:00,187
But you can't be friends
if you're skulking around
1325
01:15:00,287 --> 01:15:02,023
waiting for some
opportunity to screw them.
1326
01:15:02,123 --> 01:15:04,233
No! Look...
What are you talking about?
1327
01:15:04,333 --> 01:15:06,777
I'm not... It's not
like you've caught me
1328
01:15:06,877 --> 01:15:09,822
bathing in orphan blood or
masturbating in your kitchen.
1329
01:15:09,922 --> 01:15:11,657
I just...
1330
01:15:11,757 --> 01:15:14,619
I like you a little bit more
romantically than I let on.
1331
01:15:14,719 --> 01:15:16,166
It's not a crime.
1332
01:15:16,554 --> 01:15:20,003
And if it is,
you're not exactly innocent.
1333
01:15:20,307 --> 01:15:21,876
What's that supposed to mean?
1334
01:15:21,976 --> 01:15:25,379
You crossed all the same lines I did,
and I was single. You weren't.
1335
01:15:25,479 --> 01:15:27,757
I've never cheated on anybody.
1336
01:15:27,857 --> 01:15:30,343
And now you're making me feel
like I somehow cheated on Ben?
1337
01:15:30,443 --> 01:15:31,594
Wait. Hold on.
1338
01:15:31,694 --> 01:15:33,554
I'm making you feel like that?
1339
01:15:33,654 --> 01:15:36,265
What, and you did nothing that
I might possibly misconstrue?
1340
01:15:36,365 --> 01:15:39,352
That night on the beach?
"I'll look if you look"?
1341
01:15:39,452 --> 01:15:40,978
I mean...
1342
01:15:41,078 --> 01:15:42,821
What, did you tell Ben about that?
1343
01:15:48,502 --> 01:15:50,071
That was a mistake.
1344
01:15:50,171 --> 01:15:52,790
This was a mistake.
1345
01:15:54,050 --> 01:15:55,159
- I'm leaving.
- Please...
1346
01:15:55,259 --> 01:15:57,662
- No, Chantry, please...
- No, I'm leaving the country.
1347
01:15:57,762 --> 01:15:59,205
- You're moving to Dublin?
- No.
1348
01:15:59,305 --> 01:16:01,582
I've been offered a job in Taiwan.
1349
01:16:01,682 --> 01:16:03,084
I'm putting my career first.
1350
01:16:03,184 --> 01:16:05,086
So I'll be gone soon,
1351
01:16:05,186 --> 01:16:06,633
for a year.
1352
01:16:06,937 --> 01:16:09,214
Maybe more.
1353
01:16:09,398 --> 01:16:12,426
It's a really big promotion.
1354
01:16:14,528 --> 01:16:16,896
Congratulations.
1355
01:16:21,410 --> 01:16:22,857
See you around, Wallace.
1356
01:16:36,008 --> 01:16:38,494
- Uncle Wallace?
- Not right now, Felix.
1357
01:16:38,594 --> 01:16:42,581
- Can I talk to you?
- Felix, I said not right now!
1358
01:16:42,681 --> 01:16:45,425
I'm having a bad life.
1359
01:16:47,019 --> 01:16:48,587
What are you doing
that's so important
1360
01:16:48,687 --> 01:16:50,756
that you don't have
time for your nephew?
1361
01:16:50,856 --> 01:16:52,299
I'm not the kid's dad, all right?
1362
01:16:52,399 --> 01:16:54,760
- He's your responsibility, not mine.
- Fine.
1363
01:16:54,860 --> 01:16:56,178
I'm a bad mom.
1364
01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:57,722
And when Felix grows up,
1365
01:16:57,822 --> 01:17:00,307
he can blame me for all his problems
1366
01:17:00,407 --> 01:17:01,892
and the circle of life can continue.
1367
01:17:01,992 --> 01:17:03,644
I'm doing the best I can.
1368
01:17:03,744 --> 01:17:06,480
Which is all any of us
can do, except you.
1369
01:17:06,580 --> 01:17:08,607
You are not doing the
best you can do! You...
1370
01:17:09,959 --> 01:17:12,953
What's wrong? What's wrong?
Are you choking?
1371
01:17:13,254 --> 01:17:15,364
Okay, I'm gonna try and Heimlich you.
1372
01:17:15,464 --> 01:17:16,866
Okay. Again.
1373
01:17:18,467 --> 01:17:19,869
Big one!
1374
01:17:19,969 --> 01:17:21,078
Oh, God.
1375
01:17:28,060 --> 01:17:31,213
Ellie, you know you're
not a bad mom, right?
1376
01:17:31,313 --> 01:17:35,384
It wasn't my plan that you should be
my son's primary male role model.
1377
01:17:35,484 --> 01:17:37,978
But you are.
1378
01:17:38,362 --> 01:17:42,187
Mine.
1379
01:17:42,575 --> 01:17:44,518
Gross.
1380
01:17:44,618 --> 01:17:46,854
This expired months ago.
1381
01:17:46,954 --> 01:17:49,573
Yeah, it's probably Ben's.
1382
01:17:49,832 --> 01:17:52,777
So that's it? You're just
gonna throw it away?
1383
01:17:52,877 --> 01:17:54,904
Let me guess, we're not
talking about salsa.
1384
01:17:55,004 --> 01:17:57,239
I just think you're
making a huge mistake.
1385
01:17:57,339 --> 01:18:00,451
- You really think Taiwan's a mistake?
- Yes, I do.
1386
01:18:00,551 --> 01:18:03,545
I think you're totally screwing
up your life, actually.
1387
01:18:16,734 --> 01:18:18,511
Or not, maybe?
1388
01:18:18,611 --> 01:18:20,679
I just don't have any
idea what I'm doing.
1389
01:18:20,779 --> 01:18:23,641
I'm gonna be all the way over there,
and I'm not gonna have anybody.
1390
01:18:23,741 --> 01:18:26,894
I'm gonna be all alone, and I'm gonna
have all these responsibilities,
1391
01:18:26,994 --> 01:18:29,355
and then... And you're
gonna be so far away.
1392
01:18:29,455 --> 01:18:31,107
And Ben and...
1393
01:18:33,584 --> 01:18:36,237
And there's, you know...
1394
01:18:38,047 --> 01:18:39,824
Wallace?
1395
01:18:40,716 --> 01:18:42,868
Yeah.
1396
01:18:43,636 --> 01:18:45,704
Yeah. Have you heard from him?
1397
01:18:45,804 --> 01:18:49,125
No, but I think I messed
it up really bad.
1398
01:18:49,225 --> 01:18:51,710
I called him a liar.
1399
01:18:51,810 --> 01:18:53,462
And I think that I might be the liar.
1400
01:18:53,562 --> 01:18:55,422
- No.
- Yes.
1401
01:18:55,522 --> 01:18:58,300
I mean, I think it might count
as lying if you lie to yourself.
1402
01:18:58,400 --> 01:19:00,973
No. Come here.
1403
01:19:03,155 --> 01:19:05,391
Everything might have
turned out for the best.
1404
01:19:05,491 --> 01:19:09,270
I'm... I'm going back to med school.
1405
01:19:09,370 --> 01:19:12,398
- I sent in my application today.
- Oh. So you just gave up?
1406
01:19:12,498 --> 01:19:14,358
No.
1407
01:19:14,458 --> 01:19:16,360
I'm not giving up. I'm going...
1408
01:19:16,460 --> 01:19:19,029
I'm getting back to the life I
was supposed to have by now.
1409
01:19:19,129 --> 01:19:21,866
When you're old and wrinkled and
your penis doesn't work anymore...
1410
01:19:21,966 --> 01:19:23,367
Not that it's in great shape now.
1411
01:19:23,467 --> 01:19:28,205
But in that old, wrinkled, dickless future,
will this seem like the right call?
1412
01:19:28,305 --> 01:19:31,625
Yes. I'll think dropping out of med
school because of a girl was stupid.
1413
01:19:31,725 --> 01:19:34,837
Not chasing after a girl who doesn't
want me was definitely smart.
1414
01:19:34,937 --> 01:19:36,046
I'm a doctor now.
1415
01:19:36,146 --> 01:19:40,176
I've saved probably millions of lives,
because I'm brilliant.
1416
01:19:40,276 --> 01:19:42,261
I cured the zombie epidemic.
You remember that?
1417
01:19:42,361 --> 01:19:44,430
I found the cure,
so you can all be grateful,
1418
01:19:44,530 --> 01:19:46,765
shut up and stop
questioning my decisions.
1419
01:19:47,465 --> 01:19:49,727
What?
1420
01:19:49,827 --> 01:19:52,730
Well, it was supposed to be a secret,
1421
01:19:52,830 --> 01:19:58,569
but loose lips over
here knocked me up.
1422
01:19:58,669 --> 01:20:00,029
Oh, shit!
1423
01:20:00,129 --> 01:20:01,697
You got a baby in you!
1424
01:20:01,797 --> 01:20:03,741
- Yeah, I know. I know.
- Congratulations!
1425
01:20:03,841 --> 01:20:06,285
Oh, that means the Apocalypse
has really started.
1426
01:20:06,385 --> 01:20:08,787
- That's great!
- Yay!
1427
01:20:08,887 --> 01:20:12,336
And you're the first person we told,
so you can't be mad at us anymore.
1428
01:20:13,225 --> 01:20:16,337
You have to forgive pregnant people
for anything they've ever done to you.
1429
01:20:16,437 --> 01:20:18,380
- It's like a federal law.
- Deal.
1430
01:20:18,480 --> 01:20:20,591
Wow. I can't wait to meet this kid.
1431
01:20:20,691 --> 01:20:23,052
Yeah. And...
1432
01:20:23,152 --> 01:20:26,055
we're having a going-away
party for Chantry,
1433
01:20:26,155 --> 01:20:28,808
and you should come
to it to say goodbye.
1434
01:20:30,909 --> 01:20:32,269
No.
1435
01:20:32,369 --> 01:20:35,488
No, we already said our goodbyes.
1436
01:21:01,982 --> 01:21:04,805
- Wallace?
- No.
1437
01:21:09,990 --> 01:21:11,517
- It's nice.
- So slutty.
1438
01:21:11,617 --> 01:21:13,644
- No, it's not.
- Yeah, it is.
1439
01:21:40,521 --> 01:21:44,346
No, I think mine are
normal and yours are tiny.
1440
01:21:53,867 --> 01:21:55,311
I don't want you to leave.
1441
01:21:55,411 --> 01:21:57,905
- No.
- Me neither.
1442
01:22:00,332 --> 01:22:02,075
I'm sorry I'm late.
1443
01:22:03,961 --> 01:22:05,738
Bye. Skype me.
1444
01:22:05,838 --> 01:22:07,573
Be careful. Take care of yourselves.
1445
01:22:07,673 --> 01:22:09,908
- I'm never gonna Skype.
- Call me tomorrow.
1446
01:22:10,008 --> 01:22:12,081
Bye.
1447
01:22:15,472 --> 01:22:17,874
- Hey.
- Hey.
1448
01:22:22,354 --> 01:22:24,465
- How are you?
- I'm great. How are you?
1449
01:22:24,565 --> 01:22:27,092
- Good.
- Good.
1450
01:22:27,192 --> 01:22:31,055
So your new job
is going to be amazing.
1451
01:22:31,155 --> 01:22:33,057
And you get to live in Asia.
1452
01:22:33,157 --> 01:22:35,225
- Yeah.
- I hear Taiwan is incredible.
1453
01:22:35,325 --> 01:22:37,603
Yeah, and you're gonna
go back to med school.
1454
01:22:37,703 --> 01:22:38,812
Yeah. Yes.
1455
01:22:38,912 --> 01:22:41,440
That is so great.
1456
01:22:42,332 --> 01:22:44,450
You think so?
1457
01:22:44,918 --> 01:22:46,987
No. Actually,
I've always hated doctors,
1458
01:22:47,087 --> 01:22:49,615
so I pretty much think you've
become the Antichrist.
1459
01:22:49,715 --> 01:22:51,617
Right. And Taiwan is shit.
1460
01:22:51,717 --> 01:22:53,911
That was... Everything I
said a second ago was a lie.
1461
01:22:54,011 --> 01:22:55,788
And you're gonna have
an awful time because
1462
01:22:55,888 --> 01:22:59,166
- Chantry means "syphilitic woman."
- Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
1463
01:22:59,266 --> 01:23:00,709
Well, at least it will be accurate.
1464
01:23:00,809 --> 01:23:03,045
- Yeah, right. Exactly.
- Yeah...
1465
01:23:03,145 --> 01:23:05,756
So how long until you see,
people just as, like,
1466
01:23:05,856 --> 01:23:08,133
slabs of meat that you can cut
up and sew back together,
1467
01:23:08,233 --> 01:23:10,803
and not, like, actual people
with, like, real feelings?
1468
01:23:10,903 --> 01:23:12,471
Oh, God, hopefully
as soon as possible.
1469
01:23:12,571 --> 01:23:14,181
I mean, I've been practicing at night
1470
01:23:14,281 --> 01:23:16,975
on tiny, defenseless animals
and homeless people.
1471
01:23:17,075 --> 01:23:19,520
Oh, good. That's actually what
homeless people are there for.
1472
01:23:19,620 --> 01:23:21,021
- Yes, I know.
- Yeah.
1473
01:23:21,121 --> 01:23:23,899
- They're all just bodies in waiting.
- Especially for a sociopath.
1474
01:23:23,999 --> 01:23:26,235
Especially for... Yeah, that...
But that's been my goal,
1475
01:23:26,335 --> 01:23:28,404
as you know: just to feel nothing.
1476
01:23:28,504 --> 01:23:32,704
Yeah, it wouldn't be such
a bad idea sometimes.
1477
01:23:33,258 --> 01:23:34,576
- So Dublin...
- It's okay.
1478
01:23:34,676 --> 01:23:36,453
No, it's not. I'm really sorry.
1479
01:23:36,553 --> 01:23:40,833
It was stupid, and I know Ben is a
good guy and he didn't deserve that.
1480
01:23:41,225 --> 01:23:43,877
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1481
01:23:43,977 --> 01:23:45,629
So are you two okay?
1482
01:23:47,272 --> 01:23:49,845
I'm not sure.
1483
01:23:50,609 --> 01:23:53,228
About anything.
1484
01:23:57,783 --> 01:24:00,769
So I got really creative when
I was cleaning out my fridge.
1485
01:24:00,869 --> 01:24:02,855
- Did you?
- And...
1486
01:24:02,955 --> 01:24:05,153
I...
1487
01:24:06,250 --> 01:24:08,652
I made you that.
1488
01:24:15,884 --> 01:24:18,996
It's... It's Fool's Gold.
1489
01:24:19,096 --> 01:24:24,251
I even coated the loaf in
butter as you are supposed to.
1490
01:24:24,351 --> 01:24:27,095
That's the real thing.
1491
01:24:28,230 --> 01:24:30,007
I can't believe you did this.
1492
01:24:32,401 --> 01:24:35,475
This is your going-away present.
1493
01:25:02,055 --> 01:25:04,674
I don't know what to say.
1494
01:25:07,769 --> 01:25:11,715
So I've thought a lot
about something you said.
1495
01:25:11,815 --> 01:25:15,427
About how, when you
realize how quickly
1496
01:25:15,527 --> 01:25:17,513
everything can fall apart,
1497
01:25:17,613 --> 01:25:22,143
it makes you never want to give
up anything good ever again.
1498
01:25:22,784 --> 01:25:26,028
Whatever this is between us,
1499
01:25:27,039 --> 01:25:29,358
it is good.
1500
01:25:29,458 --> 01:25:30,567
It is so good.
1501
01:25:30,667 --> 01:25:35,113
It is actually the best thing
that has ever happened to me,
1502
01:25:35,213 --> 01:25:38,412
and I don't want it to be over.
1503
01:25:42,471 --> 01:25:45,624
I don't want it to be over, either.
1504
01:25:52,564 --> 01:25:55,683
I kind of wish, you know, like,
1505
01:25:56,610 --> 01:26:00,685
we could invent a time
machine or something.
1506
01:26:01,573 --> 01:26:03,725
- If we ever invent time travel...
- Yeah?
1507
01:26:03,825 --> 01:26:07,149
...I would go back
to the night we met.
1508
01:26:07,371 --> 01:26:10,240
- You would?
- Yes.
1509
01:26:15,045 --> 01:26:18,164
What would you do differently?
1510
01:26:18,590 --> 01:26:20,663
Nothing.
1511
01:26:23,387 --> 01:26:25,585
Me too.
1512
01:27:21,486 --> 01:27:24,184
Hey, Walter.
1513
01:27:24,781 --> 01:27:26,433
- Wallace.
- Oh, sorry.
1514
01:27:26,533 --> 01:27:28,477
It's just so weird seeing you here.
1515
01:27:28,577 --> 01:27:29,686
Yeah, really weird.
1516
01:27:29,786 --> 01:27:31,605
- Where have you just come in from?
- Taiwan.
1517
01:27:31,705 --> 01:27:33,273
You've been in Taiwan
this whole time?
1518
01:27:33,373 --> 01:27:38,487
Yeah, I was, and then I was doing
some traveling with my, fiancé.
1519
01:27:38,587 --> 01:27:39,738
You got engaged?
1520
01:27:39,838 --> 01:27:40,947
Yeah.
1521
01:27:41,047 --> 01:27:42,908
- Wow. Yeah, no, me too.
- Oh!
1522
01:27:43,008 --> 01:27:45,577
I don't know why I did that.
I have nothing on this hand.
1523
01:27:45,677 --> 01:27:47,663
So who is the incredibly lucky guy?
1524
01:27:47,763 --> 01:27:50,874
He's just this dude who stalked
me all the way to Taiwan.
1525
01:27:50,974 --> 01:27:53,502
That's a coincidence. I followed
my fiancée to Taiwan as well,
1526
01:27:53,602 --> 01:27:56,213
but I made out with her
sister first. I'm a bad-arse.
1527
01:27:56,313 --> 01:27:57,589
Come here.
1528
01:28:00,525 --> 01:28:03,303
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
1529
01:28:03,403 --> 01:28:07,103
I'm so happy you're home!
1530
01:28:11,745 --> 01:28:13,317
She loved it.
1531
01:28:30,388 --> 01:28:31,498
Three!
1532
01:28:33,725 --> 01:28:35,961
Oh, please, he's not
even a real doctor.
1533
01:28:36,061 --> 01:28:37,796
He's a real doctor.
He finished his degree.
1534
01:28:37,896 --> 01:28:40,924
- Allan, in Asia. We're not Asian.
- It's legitimate medical training.
1535
01:28:41,024 --> 01:28:43,347
- Wine, please.
- Here, ask him.
1536
01:28:43,985 --> 01:28:45,971
After you have a baby,
if you eat the placenta,
1537
01:28:46,071 --> 01:28:47,472
does it count as cannibalism?
1538
01:28:47,572 --> 01:28:49,349
You know that's not a
medical question, right?
1539
01:28:49,449 --> 01:28:52,436
If a baby's hand is bigger than
its face, will it have cancer?
1540
01:28:52,536 --> 01:28:54,855
No, it just means your
baby has massive hands.
1541
01:28:56,289 --> 01:28:59,860
- Oh. What's going on here? Hoo-hoo.
- Oh, Jesus.
1542
01:28:59,960 --> 01:29:04,948
Oh, it smells bad. Wait, can you write
us a prescription or not? Oh, God.
1543
01:29:05,048 --> 01:29:06,408
There goes my husband.
1544
01:29:06,508 --> 01:29:08,368
I can't believe you have a husband.
1545
01:29:08,468 --> 01:29:11,417
- It's crazy.
- You're weirding me out.
1546
01:29:11,972 --> 01:29:13,749
- Hey. Oh.
- So...
1547
01:29:13,849 --> 01:29:15,292
Careful. Give me your hand.
1548
01:29:15,392 --> 01:29:20,797
- You're up here alone, like a total loser.
- Yeah, but who's the bigger loser?
1549
01:29:20,897 --> 01:29:23,341
Me for escaping up here,
or you for agreeing to marry me?
1550
01:29:23,441 --> 01:29:25,809
- No, that's me.
- Heh-heh.
1551
01:29:27,070 --> 01:29:30,807
If I fell, do you think I'd die,
or just become massively paralyzed?
1552
01:29:30,907 --> 01:29:32,100
Probably just paralyzed.
1553
01:29:32,200 --> 01:29:35,645
You'd be so screwed.
You'd have to stay married to me.
1554
01:29:35,745 --> 01:29:37,355
If you didn't, people would be like,
1555
01:29:37,455 --> 01:29:41,651
"He divorced his wife after she became
paralyzed from the waist down."
1556
01:29:41,751 --> 01:29:43,236
- From the waist down?
- Yeah.
1557
01:29:43,336 --> 01:29:45,614
So everything would still work
down there, though, right?
1558
01:29:45,714 --> 01:29:48,200
Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't be
able to feel anything, but...
1559
01:29:48,300 --> 01:29:50,452
I really don't even need
you to feel anything now.
1560
01:29:50,552 --> 01:29:53,121
I don't want the sex to
be too good right away.
1561
01:29:53,221 --> 01:29:55,665
I'm intentionally being much
worse in bed than I actually am
1562
01:29:55,765 --> 01:29:57,751
so that it can just keep
getting better forever.
1563
01:29:57,851 --> 01:30:00,629
But, like, very slowly,
over many, many decades
1564
01:30:00,729 --> 01:30:02,547
so that we hit our
sexual peak in our 90s.
1565
01:30:02,647 --> 01:30:04,591
Yeah. That's the plan, actually,
1566
01:30:04,691 --> 01:30:10,847
is if the last time we have sex is also
the best and that it actually kills you.
1567
01:30:10,947 --> 01:30:13,145
That wouldn't be such
a bad way to go.
1568
01:30:14,492 --> 01:30:18,362
- We should head back soon, right?
- Yes.
1569
01:30:19,205 --> 01:30:22,609
Or we could stay here
for another minute.
1570
01:30:23,793 --> 01:30:26,616
Or maybe like forever.122421