All language subtitles for gulp 2000

He's waking up.

Can you hear me, Mr. Hanks?

What's going on?

Try to relax.

Do you know your name?

Raff Hanks.

Great.

Do you know who the president is?

Four more years!

Four more years! Four more years!

Four more years!

Four more years! Four more years!

Four more years! Four more years!

Four more years!

Well, you did it.

We did it.

Four more years!

Stevens did it.

All right.

But with our help. Our numbers, our data.

We gave him this election.

Can you not jinx things?

I mean, no one's even counted
any votes yet.

Oh, God.

I almost forgot.

Guess what came in the mail today.

Hmm. Subtle.

They never thought Stevens
would get reelected.

Especially not with me
running his campaign.

They were wrong.

Again, can you just not jinx things?

Come on, you've seen the polls.
You see the crowds?

We took the most unpopular
president in American history,

and we turned it around.

I want Justin Timberlake
to play me in the HBO movie.

You really think they're going
to turn this into a movie?

Of course they are.

It's only the greatest comeback
in American history.

Well, now you've
really jinxed things, so...

Raff, Maura, the results are coming in.

The president wants to see you.

Stevens! Stevens! Stevens!

Stevens! Stevens! Stevens! Stevens!

It all started out so well.

Do you know why you're here, Raff...

who did this to you?

Do you know where you are?

Who are you?

I'm here by order of the
president of the United States.

Then I'm fucked.

Hey.

- Thanks.
- Thank you.

What the fuck, Raff?!

Mr. President?

They're saying I just lost New York,

lost New Jersey.

I'm from fuckin' New Jersey.

I'm Mr. Fuckin' New Jersey!

We're losing the whole goddamn country!

- No, my data says...
- Oh, your data's horseshit!

I listened to you.

I listened to you.
Your numbers and your polls

and your fancy data
and your high-tech baloney.

And guess what. I lost.

I am a one-term joke.

I'm a diaper filled with baby shit,

and it is all your fault!

Fuck!

Raff, listen, it's gonna
be okay. All right?

You can come back from this.

I mean, you're the wunderkind, right?

Voters are angry.

After two years in office,
the president is facing

increasing criticism
for his handling of the economy,

increasing crime, the
environment, and foreign policy.

I mean, the world is a mess.

And these politicians,
they're not helping anybody.

We should just throw out
the whole system,

start over again.

Well, let me ask my distinguished panel.

What should the president do
about the situation

in the Middle East?

Thanks for asking, Sam.

"Well, you're one of the most admired

political minds in the business."

That I am, Sam.

That I am.

I just can't pay my rent.

Hey, buddy.

You really ran Stevens' campaign?

I did. I ran it right into the ground.

In lighter news...

Tommy, come on, hit me with another.

...look no further than
11-year-old YouTube sensation

Oliver Foley.

His latest video is racking up
millions of hits because

Oliver's running for president.

Oh, hey, hi. I'm Oliver Henry Foley,

and I'm announcing my candidacy
for president of the USA.

Here's why. I want people
to be nice to each other.

I really do. I know it sounds cheesy,

but it's the truth.

And it's a good enough reason
to run for president as any.

I also believe that
everyone should go to school

and play video games,

because it's good
for your hand-eye coordination.

I may be a kid,
but I sure do get America.

It's the land of equality
and freedom for everyone.

Except maybe my little sister.

You should run that kid's campaign.

- He tells it like it is.
- That's crazy.

Eight million views crazy.

Considering all the crap
coming out of Washington,

I'd vote for that kid in a heartbeat.

Me, too. I like what he's saying.

He's a little cutie.

Meet Raff Hanks, a wunderkind.

Once the most successful campaign manager

of his generation.

Now Raff finds himself
in a valley of booze and regret.

One filled with bad choices
and even worse polling.

He's about to embark on
a misguided road to redemption.

And on his way back to the top,

he'll have to take a dark detour

through The Twilight Zone.

You're traveling
through another dimension,

a dimension not only of
sight and sound but of mind.

It is the middle ground
between light and shadow,

between science and superstition.

And it lies between
the pit of one's fears

and the summit of one's knowledge.

You are now traveling through
a dimension of imagination.

You've just crossed over
into The Twilight Zone.

Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

Mr. Hanks, you did a
great service for our country.

Jesus.

Our country?

I saw an angle, man.

I saw my shot, I took it.

Mmm. This really is delicious.

- Mmm.
- Tuesdays is spaghetti,

and Wednesdays is hamburgers.

Cheeseburgers.

Cheeseburgers, if you're into that.

Can you pass the Parmesan cheese?

- Oliver.
- Yeah?

Do you really want to be president?

Yep. I'm sick of all the war stuff

and the environment stuff
and the fact that

everybody lies all the time

and that we only get two weeks
off at Christmas break.

Wait. If Oliver gets to be president,

do I get to be vice president?

Uh, maybe, honey. Eat your salad.

I first started my YouTube channel

because my friend Charlie had
one, and I wanted one, too.

Then I started vlogging about Minecraft,

which was sort of boring
because Minecraftis

for little kids, and
I'm not little anymore.

Then I started vlogging about Fortnite,

which got me a bunch of views.

But then I decided to run for president,

and I got 12 million views.

And then you showed up.

And then I showed up.

What'd I just say?

Really, Raff, why are you here?

I know this thing has
gotten a lot of coverage,

but he's a kid, it's a joke.

Not to me.

People are really responding
to what Oliver is saying.

- He's 11.
- It's a technicality.

To being president.

Listen, your name will be on the ballot.

He'll just be the one in charge.

Oh. This is getting better and better.

Listen, A-Andrew Johnson was a tailor.

Teddy Roosevelt was a rancher.

Jimmy Carter was a peanut farmer.

This country is very open

to leaders without political baggage.

Raff, I googled you. I did some research.

I know you've had a hard run.
You battled the booze...

Joseph, I'm off it, completely.
I am a new man.

I mean, I am drinking chamomile
tea, for the love of Pete.

Well, still, we see what
you're trying to do here.

You're an opportunist.

Of course I am.

I need this.

This is what I do.

But Oliver, your son, has tapped into

something very, very real.

He connects with people.

Do you realize how rare
that is in politics,

to actually connect with people?

I honestly believe
Oliver can be president.

Come on, now...

And win or lose, when
all this is said and done,

he will have had the experience
of a lifetime.

And he will have made enough
money from endorsements

and TV deals and book deals
to pay for his college

and Lily's college, the dog's college.

You'll have your face back on TV.

Exactly.

Everybody wins, nobody gets hurt.

This is the American dream.

We're making a new video.
Lily's gonna film it.

You want to watch? It's gonna be awesome.

- Go.
- Go?

- Yes.
- Now?

- Go now.
- Okay. Here are the ten things

I promise the American people
if I'm elected president.

Oh. Hi, Homer.

This is Homer. Anyways,

number one: jobs. Jobs for everyone.

Number two: long weekends,
longer vacations.

Number three: less Star Warsmovies.

Number four: better air to breathe,

which means more bikes and less cars.

Number five: less war.

Number six: dogs for dog people
and cats for cat people.

Number seven:

more pancake houses
throughout the land, please.

Number eight: free video games
for every American!

Number nine: every month has
to have its own holiday.

Number ten: dessert is before dinner!

Got hot dogs waiting on the bus.
Ketchup and mustard.

The little juice boxes like you like.

And baby carrots?

Of course. With ranch dressing.
I'm no monster.

We got CNN and Fox this afternoon,

Rachel Maddow tonight.

She's nice.

Super nice. And you promised me

the interview with the Times, remember?

Only if we can stop at the water park

on the way back to the airport.

You got it.

Hey, what about the song?

And the music video?

I get a lot of views with my videos.

Recording studio booked,
dancers are rehearsing.

It's been two months now.

You can do better, Raff.

You're right.

I can do better.

Wow.

The wunderkind and the wunderkind.

Maura McGowan.

What are you doing here on the
mean streets of rural Iowa?

I saw your mug on TV,
figured I'd come say hi.

You want to get the band back
together again, don't you?

I wrote you off after Stevens.

I was wrong.

"I was wrong."

My three favorite words
in the English language.

Okay, don't push it.

You know you missed me, Maura.

A little bit.

Good. Come on.

So what are we going to do,
though, when it all, you know,

blows up in our faces?

Look, Mr. Hanks,

we're going to have to operate.
Your condition is not stable.

I'm not sure that I ever was.

A stable person would've seen
what was happening.

Hey.

- Hey.
- Those national ads done yet?

- We have that TV space on hold.
- Almost.

Oliver hasn't signed off yet
completely, but he will.

- He will.
- I hope so.

You know, his last set of
notes were four pages long,

all handwritten and mostly involved

inserting more shots of his dog.

He's smart. The kid's smart.

Hey!

I know.

So good.

That's a cut!

Man, that kid is cute, though.

- Fuckin' A he is.
- I'm sorry, we have

that doctor's appointment to get to now.

No way, Mom!

Oliver, do not argue with your mother.

I'm not going! I'm not.

You're going to the doctor.

End of discussion.

- No!
- Yes!

- Bullshit!
- Oliver!

I hate the doctor.
It's always some old man

with bad breath stabbing me with needles.

The doctor is just there to make sure

that you are good and healthy.

I am healthy!

I just danced for, like, five hours!

You're going to the doctor.

End of discussion, young man.

- I hate you!
- Oliver!

I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

I hate you. I hate you.

I saw what I wanted to.

Well, Oliver's not one of these
greasy-palmed hucksters.

We got plenty enough of those.

There's something inspirational

about starting off with someone fresh.

You know, someone that believes
in the things that I believe in.

He wants to make this country stronger.

I mean, he wants to bring us
back to basics,

back to what made
this, this nation great.

My grandkids love him.

He's making promises
just like a politician would,

but Oliver Foley is undeniably different.

There's a momentum here
of a kind I haven't seen before.

It doesn't matter how old
he is to me. H-He could be

eight years old, he could be
eight months old for all I care.

- He's got my vote.
- What's amazing

is that this kid is in the race at all,

let alone now just six points down

in the latest national polls.

Oliver Foley has captured the imagination

of the American public.

Oliver,

your competitors
have called you "uninformed,

ill-informed, or not informed at all"

when it comes to global politics.

Can you respond to their complaints?

What do you feel we should be doing

with our troops still in Iraq?

I-I'm glad you asked me about Iraq.

It's-it's an... it's an
intriguing question,

and it is well worth answering,

just not in 60-second sound-bites.

Wait. Hold on.

I don't even know
what that fucking means.

- Language.
- Sorry, but this is ridiculous.

He hasn't memorized anything
I've asked him to,

and the first primary debate
is one week away.

I don't know why you hired me.
He can't be coached.

- It's a goddamn shit-show.
- Enough!

You're right, I don't know

why I hired you, it wasa mistake.

Frankly, we don't need another

canned answer that people
are gonna know is baloney.

He's gonna be embarrassed.

It's a joke and he's a sideshow.

A sideshow who's only

six points down in Iowa

and whose latest music video

has 56 million views.

He's got you there, Larry.
Kid knows his YouTube.

Larry...

...you're fired.

Is he right, Raff?

Am I gonna be embarrassed?

We have had decades of politicians

who claim to know everything,

and where has that taken
this country, Oliver?

It's taken us straight into the crapper.

You're gonna be fine.

You just do your thing, okay?

Thanks, Raff.

Oh.

I mean, I guess I don't
really understand taxes,

if that's really
your qu-question. I mean,

taxes are good, except when they're bad.

But they're mostly good, right?

- U-Um... uh...
- Wow.

Uh, except in Monopoly. Then they're bad.

- And...
- Hey, nice work there, guys.

Real car accident.

- You know what, Pete?
- Just leave it.

We were worried there
for a little while, but this?

- This is beautiful.
- I think there's

a dogcatcher race
in Florenceville Junction, Raff.

Maybe you could get on that campaign.

That's really funny. That's really funny.

- Okay... Just let it go.
- Congratulations.

We trusted you.

Listen, your boy's gonna get
his sea legs soon, I know it.

I can feel it. He's gonna be fine.

His sea legs? This is a disaster.

- No. Joseph...
- They're destroying him, Raff.

They're destroying my boy.

- No, he's gonna be f...
- Lily, Lily, sweetheart...

He's gonna be... you guys.

Come on. You guys...

Mom?

Mom? Mom?

Mom.

Try to relax.

If you're gonna do it, just do it.

The doctor was held up.
He's on a... different level.

He's on his way.

- God!
- Mr. Hanks!

Put me under!
Save my life or let me die, man!

Two days before
Iowa votes in the first caucus

or primary of the season,
the race is truly shaping up

after the embarrassing flameout
of 11-year-old Oliver Foley

in a disastrous campaign
led by Raff Hanks,

one that will be analyzed and
joked about for decades to...

Thanks for taking pity on me, Tommy.

I don't have pity on you, Raff.

I just don't want you crying
in the bar again.

Scares the customers.

Right.

Well, so much for that
chamomile tea phase, huh?

Yeah, I replaced it with the
"decimate your liver" phase.

It's much more enjoyable.

Tommy, would you get this fine lady

a bourbon on the rocks, please?

Make it a double, please.

Oh, that's my girl.

How you holding up?

Well, better than you are, apparently.

Thanks.

Oh, wow.

So what are you doing here?

I got things to do.

I got nuts to eat.
I got beer to cry into.

No, I really am here, actually,
to see how you're doing.

And from the looks of things,

it's... not a pretty picture.

You know what the worst part is?

Hmm?

I started this whole thing
to get out of the mess I was in,

but somewhere along the line,

I started liking what the kid was saying.

Uh-oh.

- Yeah.
- Not the whole

"I actually believe my candidate" story.

I do believe in him.

All right, he didn't know shit
about the tax code.

But he was human.

He was vulnerable,
and that's more than I can say

about everybody else up there.

You know, I never should have
let him go on the debate stage.

He should've kept making his videos.

We could've done one about world peace.

He could've been holding
a-a homemade globe,

and everyone would have
eaten it up, and no one

- would give a shit about the debate.
- You know what?

It's too late now. Right?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's too late.

You know, I actually
stopped by their place.

The Foleys.

You did? How they doing?

Um... to be expected.

Maybe...

a little bit worse.

Well, you know their dog, Homer?

Yeah?

He's got some kind of cancer.
He's gonna die.

No. No.

Yeah.

Oh, God, I fucked everything up.

I even killed their dog.

Oliver says hi, though.

He did?

He doesn't blame you.

He wanted me to tell you that.

Oh, he's a good kid.

He also wanted me to ask you
if you thought it was okay

for him to post a vlog
about his dying dog.

Why not, I guess.

I mean, that's what I said.

It's really sad, you know?

I mean, it's sweet how much he...

cares about that poor animal.

Oh, Jesus.

It's perfect.

A vlog about a dying dog.

Oh, my God, provided it's done
correctly, it's perfect.

- Raff...
- Are we on the ballot still?

Please tell me we are still
on the ballot.

It was too late
to get us taken off, but...

Raff, what are you doing?

I am getting Oliver Foley
elected president

of the United States of America.

We're winning this goddamn election!

That's not good.

This is Homer. My dog.

He's a Labradoodle.

I've known him my whole life.

He's the best dog
in the whole wide world.

He's also dying.

He has cancer.

A dog type of cancer
that's sort of incurable.

Come on. Come over.

This is my sister Lily.

And these are my parents.

It's pretty clear
I don't know nearly enough

to be president alone.

But if you elect me,

I'll surround myself with
the nicest and smartest people.

I'll work so hard to make you proud

and make sure that you can hug
your sick pets longer

and that you'll get to spend
as many healthy days as possible

with the ones you love.

Because family... family's everything.

Oliver Foley, surprising
every pollster in Iowa,

has won the first caucus.

In a stunning come- from-behind upset,

11-year-old Oliver Foley
has won the Iowa caucus.

I don't know why people are so surprised.

I mean, Oliver really
connects with people.

He was the 13th story on the news,

and together we made him
headline material.

I mean, a-after tonight,
I-I think he's poised

to win the whole thing. I really do.

Really? All the national polls
put him very far behind.

Listen, polls are meaningless
when the American people

find someone who honestly
and truly speaks

to their core values.

I'm the President! Yeah!

This is so cool.

This is the president. Bomb Russia!

I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. Don't worry.

Can't believe I get to live here now.

Well, you're in charge now, Oliver...

uh, Mr. President.

You're the leader of the free world.

Well... as leader of the free world,

we need to fulfill my campaign promises.

- ASAP.
- Absolutely.

First off, free video games
for every American.

Nintendo, PlayStation,

whatever they want.

Um...

Oliver...

Honey, I don't think that we can
quite just do that.

What are you talking about, Mom?

Well, I mean that there are laws.

Congress.

We talked about this, remember, honey?

But I promised everyone video games,

and you, Mr. Chief of Staff,

are gonna make sure that happens.

Well, I'm not quite sure
that Congress is gonna

go for that, Mr. President, especially

given the way the national
debt looks right now.

And plus, companies aren't
just going to willingly

give away their games.

Guess they'll just have to.

- Yes, but...
- But nothing.

They have to.

I made a promise.

So, they give away 270 million games

to every American,
or we put a surcharge tax

of a million dollars a Game Boy

and put them out of business in a day.

The people voted. We have
to give 'em what we promised.

- Hey, Oliver.
- Mr. President.

Sorry, Raff, but it sounds really cool.

You're right.

Mr. President, maybe we should,
uh, hold off

on the video game thing
until you get settled in...

I'm settled in, Raff,
and I know what I want.

And you guys are gonna
get that done for me

or I'll get otherpeople
to get it done for me.

There won't be a shortage
of people who want to work

for the new president
of the United States.

Now... where's the White House kitchen?

I want a triple-scoop
chocolate chip mint,

vanilla and coffee ice cream
sundae with whipped cream,

chocolate sauce and sprinkles!

I want to make a new vlog of me singing

and all these dancers around me
dressed like soldiers.

Mm-hmm. I'm not sure if vlogging
is the best way to communicate.

Of course it is.

I want to sing about world peace.

The lyrics should be something like,

"Either you're with peace,

or you're not,"

and if they're not, we start
to kill off all the dancers.

- Um...
- I mean, not for real, obviously.

But in the video, all bloody and stuff.

It'll be cool.

Dog selection today, Mr. President.

Finally!

Hi. Hello! Oh, yes, you are so sweet.

Hey, come here, come here.

Okay, no. No.

No. Maybe.

No.

Maybe. No.

This one! This guy right here!

No, no, no, this one.

He's perfect. My new Homer.

It's a female dog, sir.

What? Ew!

What were you thinking?

- I thought, um...
- Thought what?

I want a new Homer!

Does Homer sound like
a girl's name to you?

Well, there's other dogs here, sir.

Get rid of 'em. I don't want 'em.

Um, sir? These dogs were
selected from the pound.

I don't really care. I don't want them.

Okay. It is,
however, time for your physical.

Physical? No way.

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. President,
but Congress requires

that the president get a yearly physical.

Well, then fire Congress.

We can't quite do that.

Well, I'm not gonna see any doctor.

Especially an old man doctor.

Okay, but it's scheduled for today, so...

Well, then un-schedule it.

And never rescheduleit.

That's the only real schedule
I can get behind.

And make a new law: no old doctors.

Everyone okay with that?

I said, is everyone okay with that?

Yes, Mr. President.

Yes, Mr. President.

Think fast!

- He got me.
- You lose, you lose.

- He got me.
- Think fast!

- Mr. Chairman, Mitch. Can...?
- What is it, Raff?

President wants a military parade

for his sister's birthday next week.

I am knee-deep in donkey
shit trying to organize it.

- Right, uh, can I...?
- What? Can I what?

Can I get a minute with you?

What is it, Raff? You've
been out of sorts for weeks.

Um...

Aren't you a little worried?

I'm always worried.

What's your problem?

Get out of the way!

Mr. President coming through!
Get out of my way!

- Hey.
- Hey.

Choo-choo!

Move it!

Hey, order pizza for everyone.

Don't you think
the president seems like a...?

- A kid.
- Right.

Like a spoiled kid. Like a...

...like the most spoiled kid

in the history of the world, you know?

He's commander-in-chief,
this is the greatest country

in the world. President says "Jump,"

I say "How high?"

I don't care that he's a kid.

Approval rating's through the roof,

everybody loves their video games.

Strange time to be talking treason,

Hanks.

Treason?

- Treason.
- No, I-I'm not

- talking treason.
- I'm, I'm not... Sure sounds like it.

And I don't like it and I won't have it.

Understood?

Understood.

Good.

Helen.

- Hey.
- Helen.

Oliver's not the president,
you are the real president.

Don't you think it's time you intervened?

Intervene?

Why would I do that?

Raff, everything you said
would come true has.

He connects with people.

My child.

He touches people.

Intervening's the last thing
I'm gonna do.

I say if it's bothering you that much,

you should just talk with him.

Okay, it's just hard to know

what to say to an 11-year-old
who's also the president.

Well, you've done pretty good thus far.

Yeah. It was easier before.

Listen, we're mercenaries, right?

I mean, that's what we are.

Your big mistake was staying

with him in the White House.

You should have followed me.

And I moved on and business is booming.

Didn't have to stick
around and have regrets,

see how the sausage is made.

It's just, no one seems to be willing

to confront him, you know?

Even his parents seem cowed.

Well, maybe they are cowed.

Or maybe everyone's okay with it.

I mean, sure, he's a little bit bratty,

but so are a lot of kids, it's a phase.

Like your chamomile tea phase,

it's gonna pass.

Raff, you of all people knew

what you were getting into

when you decided to run his campaign.

Try and enjoy this moment

instead of worrying so much.

You're the conquering hero.

Right?

One of the most famous
campaign managers in history.

The man who got Oliver
Foley elected president.

Thanks.

I tried to do the right thing...

for once.

Mr. Hanks.

We're losing him.
Get the crash cart in here.

You distracted me, Raff.

Oh, sorry.

It's okay.

I never get a hole-in-one.

And it sucks.

Want to play?

Could use the company.
My sister has homework

and the Secretary of Homeland Security

sucks at golf.

Um, sure, thank you.

I think Nixon put in the golf thing.

- But it's so boring, putting.
- Mm-hmm.

Who wants to just putt?

I want windmills and pirate ships.

Those little pencils to keep track.

Right.

- Can I speak candidly?
- I don't know.

Can you?

Um, I'm a little worried.

So am I, actually.

What do you mean?

I mean...

this treason thing's pretty serious.

You like the lighting? I think it's cool.

I'm not being treasonous, Oliver.

I'm just worried about a few things.

There is a difference.

- Hit your ball, Raff.
- Oliver.

Putt.

Not bad.

My turn.

Thing is, Raff...

you were my first real supporter.

Hurts me that you're
not fully backing me.

Fuck! I never get it in

on the first try!

Oliver, I do back you.

- I just think that the...
- No.

You don't get to think.

You just back me.
You back me unconditionally.

Whatever happened to surrounding
yourself with the greatest minds

so that you could get
the most informed opinions?

That was your idea.

Your line in that commercial
about my dying dog.

My dog's dying, Raff.

He's dying.

I'm such a good actor.

I just pretended Homer was dying.

Just to get you back on my team.

No!

I want a hole-in-one!

There! Hole-in-one! I win!

That's not the way it works.

It isn't?

No.

I said it was a hole-in-one.

And I'm president.

Do you support me or are you treasonous?

I'm not treasonous, Oliver.

Mr. President.

"I'm not treasonous, Mr. President."

I'm not treasonous, Mr. President.

Good.

So, it was a hole-in-one, right?

No.

No, it wasn't.

It was not a hole-in-one, Oliver.

Gun!

There's a gun! Shoot him.

What do you think
about Raff Hanks?

Oh, I think he's
the worst scum of the earth.

How dare he try and attack
that sweet little boy?

The president dodged a bullet. Literally.

Raff Hanks got what he deserved.

- He got what he deserved.
- Raff Hanks got what he deserved.

Raff Hanks... Raff Hanks...

Raff Hanks got... got...

...got what he deserved.

Glad to see you awake, Mr. Hanks.

Was afraid we lost you there.

- What?
- You need an operation

on a ruptured spleen
and a punctured lung.

The president has asked for
his very own doctor to help you.

You're not the doctor?

The law does not permit me
to be a doctor.

The doctor will be with you shortly.

All right.

Let's get this done quick, mister.

No.

No.

I want to finish my video games.

No! No!

Society is a fragile ecosystem.

Razzle and dazzle people
with the right lies

and eventually they'll go blind
to the madness

right in front of their faces.

Raff Hanks made a living
selling the American dream.

But, once sold,
he created a true nightmare

that he couldn't buy back.

Especially not here...

in The Twilight Zone.