All language subtitles for Kevin.Can.Wait.S02E22.Phat.Monkey.WEBRip.x264-ION10.en

Hey, what's up,
my little chickens?

-Hey.
-Hey, Dad.

[ Musical instrument playing ]
Whoa. What is that noise?

-Jack. He's practicing.
-Practicing what?

Seriously? Do you not know
Jack plays an instrument?

Of course I know.
I'm his dad. Okay?

Really? What is it?

You know what?

I'm not even gonna dignify that
with a response.

I know what instrument
my son plays.

No, no, no, no, no.
Don't look in there.

I wasn't looking.
[ Muttering ]

Okay, well, then,
tell me what instrument.

You know, I do not appreciate
being tested in my own home.

I know everything that
goes on in here, okay?

Just finished my oboe lesson.
Going upstairs.

The oboe.
Jack plays the oboe.

* I am not your ordinary guy

[ Sighs ] All right.
Download me.

Okay, so, Alviti assigned us
six parking lots...

-Mm.
-...which is a ton of work.

But I got Mott and Goody
helping us out,

so that should
cover most of it.

And we're gonna be, um,
spread a little thin.

Uh...

but I think if everyone
brings their "A" game,

we should be fine.

Who is this? Hello.

One -- One -- One --
One second.

What color did I say
I wanted my coffee?

Uh, you said the color
of a camel hump.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Remember I said a
shaved camel hump, right?

Yes, you're right.

'Cause it would be
a little lighter than --

'Cause, you know, the hump
wouldn't get as much...

-Much sun. Yep, yep. I got that.
-Exactly.

Okay.
I'll just get
some more creamer.

Okay. [ Laughing ]
All right, cool.

Ohh! Okay. Eh.

It's a debacle.
Hold on a second.

Can you toast that up for me
and give it a kiss of butter?

Okay, and -- and by "kiss,"
I mean let them make out.

-Just let them get in there.
-Yeah, I'm on it, I'm on it.

[ Laughing ] All right.

-What's going on?
-I know. It's weird, right?

I'm eating a scone. Used to
make fun of these people.

Like, "Look at me.
I'm eating a scone."

But look at me.
I'm eating a scone.

I'm talking about the guy.
Who's the guy?

Oh. That's Tyler. He's my,
uh, personal assistant.

I can't believe you.

We just start making
money as a company,

and you go out and hire yourself
a personal assistant?!

It's called
planning for success.

So, if you give me
the loan to buy Enzo's,

my plan is simple --

a more contemporary menu,

microbrews from
around the world,

and low-flow toilets
that actually flush.

Thoughts?
And you can go first, Jack.

What? Oh, sorry.

I was trying to suck the jelly
out of my Pop-Tart.

Oh, come on!
I had to sit through

your boring Abe Lincoln
school report.

Okay, Sara.
Any thoughts?

-Actually, I have a question.
-Okay.

Did you know there was something
stuck between your teeth

when you started talking?

[ Door opens ]

Hey. What are you guys
still doing here?

You're gonna miss the bus.
Go. Go, go, go!

Geez. Uh, what are you doing
holding them up?

I was telling them
about my business plan!

Business plan?

Yeah, look, um...

If Alviti buys Enzo's,

he's just gonna turn it
into a parking lot.

So, I had a brainstorm,
and...

we buy it.

Ta-da!

No. Are you crazy?
We cannot buy Enzo's.

Why not?!

Because we don't have
any money

and our credit score
is two digits!

Yes, uh, granted, on paper,
it makes no sense.

But I have a business plan and
I have a really good concept.

Trust me.
I can make this work.

Look, I love that you are trying
to make something happen,

but there's just no way
we can do this, okay?

Now I have to get to class,

a class that we can't pay for,
by the way.

Also, you got a thing
stuck in your teeth.

[ Sighs ]

Can I help you?

-Oh, hey.
-Hey.

You must be Rootger.

I'm Tyler,
Mr. G's new assistant.

Really?
I didn't know about this.

Yeah, well, he said
things were getting
busy around here, so...

I know how things are getting.
I work here.

Anyway, he said he needs me
to be his eyes and ears.

And what am I?
His nose and teeth?

I don't know
how to answer that.

Okay, so you have a personal
assistant, which is insane,

but I -- I don't have time
to get into it, okay?

I just need to go over
the two things

that you need
to do today, okay?

Ready.

All right,
so, first thing,

I need you to deposit the Alviti
check into our business account

so checks
don't start bouncing.

Very important
that it's done today.

-Filed away. Go.
-Okay.

Next thing, I need you to go
to the Jericho lot at 4:00

and make sure that
it's secured, okay?

Oh, you know what else
I could do while I'm there --

is I could check every level
of the structure,

do a sweep,
make a report.

No sweeping, no reporting.
Just lock it down.

4:00. What did I say?

-4:00. Got it. All right.
-Okay, good.

So, I got to go drop
the boys off in Syosset,

and then
I got to go to Queens

to meet the people
who are doing our uniforms.

Hey. Listen. Can you see
if they can make, like,
a wrinkle-free slack?

-Nope!
-Okay, yeah, 'cause we're busy.

We got stuff going on.

Yo, Tyler, we got to
hit the bank,

so you got to make
that bagel to go, okay?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. What
are you -- What are you doing?

I was just gonna throw out
the seeds and stuff.

Oof. That's the
wrong plan, Joanne.

Okay, yeah, uh...
It's an everything bagel.

In your hand right there,
that is everything.

It's the jewels
of the bagel.

Yes. Garlic, onion.
The flavor.

Without it, it's just
a circle of stupid dough.

I-I tried to
sprinkle it on there,

you know, but it just
kind of falls off again.

-[ Sighs ]
-This guy.

Yeah, you know why? 'Cause it's
a dry surface and you can't --

It's gonna bounce.
Watch this.

-Oh, okay.
-You got to get it to stick.

-Open it up...
-Uh-huh.

...and now
sprinkle on top.

Let the butter
act like the glue.

I thought this was common sense,
but whatever.

Here you go, boss.

-Thank you.
-All set.

Is he all set? 'Cause
he might need a napkin.

Ooh, kid's got a point.

I don't want buttery fingers
on the wheel when I'm driving.

I would've thought of that.

Yeah, but you didn't.

If you need a personal
assistant, it should be me.

He should be
answering the phones.

Oh, really? I-I would do that,
except isn't that your job?

Hey, anything this guy can do,
I can do better.

I don't think so, pal, 'cause
I'm a part-time meteorologist.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am. I'm saving up
for a Doppler.

Well, I hope you're better
at predicting the weather

than making bagels.

Ohh! We're back
on the bagel thing!

Yeah, we're back
on the bagel thing.

Guys, guys, guys, stop
the fighting, all right?

Listen. Business
is booming here.

I-I got to be operating
at peak performance.

I get it -- you both want
to be my personal assistant,

but here's the kicker --

there can only be one.

Oh, finally! Hello.
I got a person.

Okay, yes, hi! I am calling
about our uniforms.

Um, they were supposed to say
"Monkey Fist," but instead

they say "Monkey Cyst,"
so that's a problem.

[ Laughs ] Um,
and I should say this --

if you put me on hold, I will
track you down and kill you.

Hello?

All right. I brought you
into my kitchen for phase one --

getting to know Kevin Gable.

Let's start at the beginning.
It's 6:00 a.m.

I wake up, I've said my prayers,
I go to the gym, I come back.

What do I do next?

Wait. You go to the gym
in the morning?

No, I do not.
Good catch, Rootger.

Yes.

New scenario.

It's 10:00 p.m.
I want pizza.

Enzo's is closed.
What happens next?

No problem.
I go to the grocery store,

I buy the ingredients,
I make you a pizza.

N-yewww.

What do you got?

I drive to Enzo's house,
I pull him out of bed,

and tell him,
"Hey, make a pizza."

I like it.
Problem solving.

All right, let's roll up
our sleeves, boys,

'cause we're about to take this
elevator to the next level.

Welcome to phase two!

The way a man folds laundry
is the way he lives his life.

Corners, corners!

Ugh! With this traffic, I am
never gonna make this meeting!

Well, just call Kev.
Can't he do it?

No. He's got
his hands full.

All right, you boys are
gonna book me a trip, okay?

Now, I look for three
things when I travel --

comfort, efficiency,

and those nuts with the,
uh, little dust on the
outside, the sugary --

-The honey-roasted?
-Yes, those are them.

By the way, give yourself
3 points for that, Tyler.

-We're doing points now?
-Yeah, I guess we are. Yeah.

All right. Now, it's
Thanksgiving weekend.

I am traveling to Dubai to
meet with the emperor of...

Let's go with Dubai.

Hold on,.
You know the emperor?

No, I do not, but it's
none of your business,

so minus 2 points
for questioning me.

Crap!

Now, is this trip
business or pleasure?

Hm. Good question.

It's a little bit of both,
because, uh, me and the emperor

are gonna have a couple
beers, and then we're
gonna get some stuff done.

Okay.
Your time starts...

now.

Hey, Chale.
How's it going?

Actually, I'm not having
the best of days, Mr. Gable.

Yeah, sometimes
it goes like that.

Kendra and I are
having a disagreement.

[ Sighs ]
I don't know what it is.

It's just e-every time
I really want something,

I just --
I can't seem to get it.

I don't know. I-I'm just --
I'm not bold enough or...

Yeah.
You know what it is?

You got to really just
work these things out
on your own, you know?

But you're like a lion!
You always get what you want.

It's a mind-set, Chale.
It's a...

It's a way of life.

Most people are out there,

they're distracted
by the tall grass.

I'm focused.

I'm ready for my next kill.
That's what I'm doing.

-Right.
-Yeah, I spot my gazelle.

Do I waste time?
I don't.

I pounce on it,
then I drag it to a tree.

Do I eat it now?
I don't know.

Do I eat it later?
Whenever I want. You know why?

King of the jungle.
I get what I want.

Hope that helps.

It did. It really did.

You got something in
your...right there.

I -- [ Groans ]

All right, fellas,
what do we got?

Okay, I got you connecting
through London.

There's a four-hour layover,
but there's an aquarium

very close by with
a brand-new baby beluga.

His name is Bubbles,
and he's adorable.

Pre-planned fun.

I like it.
Give yourself a point.

Wow. That sounds
really great and all.

All I could find was a direct
flight, business-class,

with the seats that go
completely flat.

Those are sick!
I love those!

Give yourself 3 -- 4 points.
You get 4 points for that.

Okay. You know what?
That was the easy stuff.

Let's take it
to the next phase

and find out what
you boys are made of.

There's a fire
in Monkey Fist.

My old football knee
is acting up.

I can't run out.
What do you do?

I'll pick you up like a puppy
and carry you to safety.

Nice. Tyler?

You know what? I'm just
gonna take 3 points off.

This physical challenge
is about inner strength,

keeping your eye on the prize,
not giving up.

[ Groans ]

Whoa. 2:00.
How'd that happen?

[ Slurping ]

45 seconds!

[ Straining ] This...

This is so much harder
on a full stomach.

I'm home watching the game
after a long day.

Out of nowhere, my sports
package cuts off.

How do you fix it?

I call the cable company
and yell at them

until they re-up you
at the promotional price.

Great.

-Do it.
-What?

-Yeah, this one's real.
-Oh.

No. No, no, no. Please
don't put me on hold. No!

You know, you're not supposed to
drive while on the phone.

Oh, okay, well,
then arrest me.

Oh, that's right -- you're not
a cop anymore, so shut it!

Okay, you know what?
I'm never gonna make it in time,

so you guys are just gonna
have to jump out here.

We're like a mile away
from the gig.

Okay, well, just cut through
somebody's lawn. You'll be fine.

That's a long walk.
I'm not wearing my orthotics!

Just go!

You did a hell
of a job, boys,

and there are
no losers here today.

Believe me, I wish I had more
than one envelope, but I don't.

[ Chuckles ]
Now, Tyler, you were great.

You know, I mean, you're
young, you're energetic,

but you're also
inexperienced.

I had to factor that in.

Yeah, sure, no.
I-I get that.

Yeah. Now, Rootger...

Believe me, you're
a very trusted employee.

You're solid as a rock.

But have you been
in the game too long?

No.

Okay, these are
rhetorical questions.

I'm kind of just
throwing it out there.

Okay?

All right, now, this is
not an easy decision,

so, Tyler, I'm gonna need you to
go into the kitchen if you would

so I can have a moment
with Rootger, you know? Okay.

-Oh, you're serious.
-Very serious.

[ Exhales sharply ] The
anticipation is killing me.

Rootger, now, you know I think
the world of you, right?

All right, because
then I-I'm just gonna

rip the Band-Aid right off
and let you --

You know what, man?!
This is stupid!

What are you
talking about?

Okay, I'm out of here.
I don't even want this job.

What -- What do you mean?
T-Today was just a hard day.

That was a crazy day.
This is not, like, every day.

This doesn't happen
all the time at all.

No, no, there's not
gonna be any days, okay?

You got me doing planks.
I got a bad shoulder now.

It's killing me.
We only do them on,
like, once in a while,

just to toughen up to get
warmed up. That's all.

No, we're not gonna be
doing anything, okay?

I got a degree in microbiology
from Stanford.

And believe me,
I want to use it.

You don't think I want to use
that? I want to use that.

I'm gonna use that?
I'm gonna use that

getting you breakfast
and booking your flights?

No, no, no.
Well, you don't get me
breakfast every day.

We have breakfast
all the time together.
No, no, no-no.

I'll be getting you
breakfast sometimes.

-No. No, you're not.
-Oh, come on.

-Not gonna happen.
-You have no idea.

-Bye. Nope, nope, nope.
-You gotta be -- Tyler!

Congratulations!

-[ Laughs ]
-Yes!

Way to go!

Hey. There you are.

What a day!

-Absolutely brutal!
-Ugh. Same.

But thank you so much
for going to the bank.

That was a huge help.
I just need the deposit slip.

Actually never made it
to the bank.

Okay.

So you're telling me

that every check I wrote
today is gonna bounce?

Well, this is one of those
situations that looks bad, huh?

[ Chuckles nervously ]

Tell me that you at least

secured the parking lot
in Jericho.

-Please tell me that.
-Well, here's the thing, okay?

-Let me just explain something.
-Okay.

[ Cellphone rings ]

Ohh! Look.
It's Mr. Alviti.

I guarantee you want that
to go to voicemail.

-Do I?
-Yeah.

Hello. This is Vanessa.
[ Clears throat ]

Y-Yes, I, uh --
I know, I know.

-Um...
-[ Sighs ]

Could --
If you could j-- Hello?

[ Pops lips ]
Okay. We're fired.

I dropped the ball.

Uh, that's --
that's another one on me.

You think so? We had
two things to do today,

and you just lost us
our biggest account

Okay, for now, but I promise you
I will fix it, okay?

I'll go down there, and
I'll get our jobs back!

I mean -- Oh.

See, now, this is what
I'm talking about.

Look at that.
That looks really good.

Get your coat!
We are going.

Okay.
[ Clears throat ]

-Huh?
-Nice touch. Look at this.

-Let's go!
-Yes!

Whoa.

Aren't you a little dressed-up
to be making garlic knots?

[ Chuckles ]

I'm not making garlic knots.
I am making things happen.

See that guy over there?

He's in charge of business loans
for our credit union.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.
It is happening.

I am pitching him my idea
for the new Enzo's.

Chale, I don't know
about this.

It is going to work.

Look, you're always telling me
to take the initiative.

That is what I'm doing.

I'm gonna go over there, and
I'm gonna take this deal down.

I am a lion, baby!

I'm not a lion baby.

I'm the f-- I'm --
I'm a fully grown lion.

Okay. Let me handle this,
all right?

Well, hey, wait a second.
We're partners.

I think I should
go in there, too.

Okay, he doesn't
want to see you.

You blew this account!
Could you just stand h--

Just stand here
and read this, okay?

-Fine.
-Okay.

I'll find out what's going on
with...Drake, whoever that is.

If he's anything like the snack
foods, I'm gonna love him.

[ Knock on glass ]

Knocka, wocka!

What?

Don't you remember?
From -- from camp?

Instead of "knock, knock"
it was "knocka, wocka!"

Ah, the memories are
just flooding back --

making lanyards, tug-of-war,
drinking bug juice.

Good times.

You want your parking lots
back, don't you?

You know, and that is why
you are so successful!

Instinct, intuition,

and I am guessing
a big ol' heart...

of forgiveness.

You left my lots
unattended.

All you had to do was provide
a warm body, and you blew it.

Right, and I -- I don't want
to throw anyone under the bus,

but you do know my partner.

The guy stuffing cookies
in his pockets?

I don't even have to turn around
to say, yes, that guy.

Well, I'm sorry.
I can't trust the security

of my business
to that guy.

Come on.
He was a cop for 20 years.

And although he's a little
rough around the edges,

he's all business when it
counts, I promise you that.

Right now he's rubbing
a magazine on his face.

That I will turn around for.
I will turn around for that.

Okay.

Can't explain that.

All right.
Put it down, dummy!

Put it down. Put it down!

[ Grunts ]
Get out of there.

[ Sighs ]

Has anyone ever told you

that you have
a million-dollar smile?

-Not gonna work.
-Okay.

Um, look, ever since
you gave us this account,

our business has tripled,

and although mistakes were made,
mostly by him...

We will get it under control,
I promise.

And we will be the best security
company you've ever hired.

Please. Come on.
Do it for a...fellow camper.

[ Chuckles ]

You talk about camp like we were
in Afghanistan together.

Really,
not that big a deal.

Not that big of a deal?
Are you kidding me?

Okay, I think somebody needs
to sing the Camp Apollo song!

No, no, I don't even
remember it.

Yep, yep. I bet you do.
* The...

No, that song is gonna be
stuck in my head all day.

* Friends we make
at camp today *

Together: * Will always
help us find our way *

* 'Cause we're Apollo
through and through *

* We're stuck together
just like glue *

Hey. Hey.
How'd it go?

How did it g--
Look at my face.

I got stomped.

That bad?

[ Sighs ] No. Worse.
You...

You're 100% right.

Even if we did get the loan,

we would have to pay the down
payment, which is $80,000.

Turns out
I am not a lion.

You're right. You're not.

Oh, thank you very much.

No, no, you are
something better.

You are...

You're a river otter.

Darling, I love you,

but how is that better
than me being a lion?

No, I just watched this
whole special on them.
They're amazing.

They're fast, they're smart,
they're tenacious,

and you don't want
to corner them.

-[ Chuckles ] R-Really?
-No, they're tough.

And you know
what else they do?

When they sleep, they hook
each other's little arms

so that
they don't float away.

They're always together.
And that's us.

Yeah, I guess.
That is us.

Yeah. You put
two river otters together,

and they will take down
any lion.

Oh, that's not true,
darling.

The lion would eat them
like Skittles.

So you still want to
try to buy this place?

I do.

All right. I'm in.

[ Chuckles ]
Fantastic.

What are you doing?

I'm the otter.
It's the otter's arm.

-No.
-We link our arms together.

-Not at work.
-Okay.

I'll just go get changed.

What happened?

She got the account back.
We're good to go.

-Yes!
-Yeah.

You're welcome.

I said "thank you" 50 times
in the car.

-And you're not done yet.
-All right.

Seriously?
I-I know I messed up.

I get distracted.
And...I'm sorry.

From this point on, I promise
you, I will be 100% focused.

Thank you, because I need to
know that I can count on you.

That's the only way
that this is gonna work.

Yes. And y-you,
I'm telling you,

you crushed it today,
so...

I will get you a cup of coffee
because it is well-deserved.

Thank you.

Tyler, you're back!
I-I knew it!

We're gonna work it out!

Actually, I just came by
to pick up my check.

You owe me for today.

Oh, absolutely.
Let me get that for you.

Rootger, you're doing
a great job.

Yes.

* Don't want no sweet perfume

* Shake your thing,
go bust your move *

* Do, do, do, do, do

* Do, do, do, do

* Ohhhhhh, yeah

* Don't want
no high-heel shoes *

* I just don't want no...