All language subtitles for Kevin.Can.Wait.S02E08.Slip.n.Fall.WEBRip.x264-RARBG.en

Okay, guys,
glasses up.

To the whole
Monkey Fist team.

Goody, Mott,
welcome aboard.
Yeah.

We had a great month,
we got new accounts,

and Kevin and I just wanted
to thank you.

Hear, hear.
Monkey Fist.

Hold up, hold up.

You know,
three months ago,

when I got the original vision
for the com...

Oh, boy.
Here we go.

Yeah, it's,
it's called a toast, okay?
Okay.

You know,
when I came up with the idea

for the name Monkey Fist,

I had no idea the meaning
it would have today.

Much like a fist,

which is comprised of
five fingers, all right,

I want you to look around
this table

and see how many people
we have here.

Whoa!
Right? That's right.

Five of us,
five fingers in a fist.

That's because
we're a team, okay?

I mean, obviously,
I would be the thumb

'cause I kind of
hold us together, right?

Yes, and also 'cause you're
the shortest and the fattest.

(LAUGHS)

Come on.

All right.

Continuing, okay?
All righty.

Now, look, we have one goal
together, and that is to be

the best security
company in the
Greater Massapequa area.

Much like
the fist of a chimp,

we are small,
but we are mighty.

And what we...
Food's here.

Okay, uh...we're small.

Go, Monkeys.
You guys are great.
Let's eat.

Actually, if you guys
want to help,

there's a 4-foot hero
and a sheet cake in the car.

Gotcha.
On it.

Thank you, guys.
Thank you.

Oh. I'm gonna grab my camera
for social media.

But we're not on
social media.

Yet. Oh!
Oh!

Oh! I almost forgot,

my world-famous
three-cheese fondue.

It's so "Gouda,"
you "ricotta" try it.

Painful.

It's not painful.
Yeah, it is.

All right, here we go.

Whew!
That thing is hot!

Mr. Gable,
potholders if it's hot.

No, no, no.
I don't need potholders.

Get away from me, buddy.
Okay.

All right.

Oh! I should have taken
the potholders!
I don't have it!

Ugh!

I'll go
and get some rags.
Yeah.

Oh, careful, Rootger.

Oh, yeah.
Say "Cheese."

(GROANS)

Rootger! You all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.

Here, come on, buddy.

Hey, what happened?
Are you all right?

It's nothing.
No, it's totally my fault.

Oh, it's okay.
Are you all right?

You know what, Chale,
do me a favor.

Let's get him to the doctor
and get him checked out.

Oh, that's not necessary.
I just dented my melon.

Even still,
let's just get him there.

I want to get him
checked out.

Okay.
You're a good friend, Gable.

Yeah. All right, buddy.
(GROANS)

That is totally my fault.

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

Man.

You're thinking about dipping
the bread in that, aren't ya?

No, I'm not.
I'm just...

Just do it already!

* I am not your
ordinary guy *

Hey.
How's he doing?

No broken bones.

Knew it.
The guy's made of brick.

The doctor said he might want
to get an MRI tomorrow,

but otherwise,
he is fine.

Well,
I'm glad he's okay,

'cause that could have been
a nasty lawsuit.

No, Rootger's part of
the Monkey Fist family.

Well, legally speaking,
he's an employee
who got hurt at work,

and you're totally liable.

He would never sue us.

Plus, we have insurance.

Um...

No, no.
We have insurance?

Um, okay,
in the chaos of moving in

and starting up
the business...

Oh, no, no, no, no.

In the chaos,

I may have forgotten to
purchase liability insurance.

I started
the paperwork,

and then I started dating
Carlos from State Farm,

and we broke up,
and then it got awkward,

and we were thinking about
getting back together...

Anyway, we do not have
insurance, so sue me!

Okay, I'm only
a second-year law student.

I'm not a lawyer yet.

Yeah, but you know
your stuff.

Okay, well, the previous owner
had 10 years

to ask you
to move the fence,

so, technically,
under the laws of
adverse possession,

the property is yours.

What?
Ohh!

(BOTH LAUGH)

Okay, I'm still not
a lawyer yet,

but, according to
the State of New York,

that 6-inch strip of land
now belongs to you.

(LAUGHS)

Kendra, I love you.
You totally made my day.

Thanks for the advice.

Ooh!
Did you see that?

He just left you $20.

I know.
He didn't have to do that.

Well, you did just save him
an expensive trip

to a real lawyer.

Sorry.

You know,
it's like you woke up
under a money tree

and someone's putting
$20 leaves in your lap.

What are you
talking about?

Do you know how many people
want cheap legal advice? Tons.

(CHUCKLES)
Well, this is a restaurant.
It's not a law firm.

I read an article once
about this guy

who was giving
cheap legal advice

at a hot dog stand
in California.

Lines around the block.

Around the block!

Hey.

Hey, so, I called
the insurance company.

We are covered.

Great.
Starting now.

Okay, so if somebody slips
in hot cheese today,
we're good.

Okay, I will give you that.
I deserve it.

I am just worried about
his whole suing us.

He's not gonna sue us.
Believe me.

I know him, all right?

Really?
Okay. How well?

Very well.
I know him very well.

He's my neighbor,
all right?

He's...Dutch.

Lot of stuff,
lot of stuff.

Yeah.
Yeah?

What's his last name?

You know, I don't like
to pry into his personal
affairs, okay?

Believe me,
he's gonna be fine.

We're gonna be fine.

He's gonna come through
that door any minute

with a box of doughnuts,
healthy as a horse, okay?

ROOTGER: Hello, hello.
There he is, all right?

What'd I say, huh?

Hey...

Sorry I'm late.
I had an MRI this morning.

Not good.

I brought doughnuts.

I was half right.

What is,
what is he doing?
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

Oh, he's taking pictures
for Facebook.

Facebook? Pfft.

That's exactly
where he fell.

He is documenting
the scene.

No, he's not.
Wait a second.

He's taking pictures
of the Crock-Pot.

You think that's for, like,
a lawsuit or something?

No, no, he's just taking
a picture of the Crock-Pot

'cause he wants one
just like it.

Yes,
it's for the lawsuit.

Rootger? Honey?

Why are you taking a picture
of the Crock-Pot?

Is it a suspect?

(LAUGHS)

I told you,
it's for Facebook,
social media.

Who puts pictures of a
Crock-Pot on Facebook?

Actually, I did once.
I made chili.

Got over 100 likes.
I mean...

One guy said he hated it,
but he was a jealous idiot.

Blocked his ass.

Okay, enough about the...

Hey, if he did come
after us,

would it just be, like,
a business thing

or could it affect
my personal wealth?

He could go after
your stock options and assets.

If I were you,
I would move your yacht

into international waters
immediately.

Okay, fine.

How about this?

We just, we tell him

we're gonna do, like,
an employee review

and we call him in here
and get him to talk.

Yes. Good idea.
All right?

Yes. Good, okay.

Uh, Rootger?
Rootger.

Rootger, uh, could we just
see you one second, please?

It's very difficult.
Yeah.

(GROANS)
Yeah...okay.

First off, we want to
just thank you for
your service here.

Yes, thank you very much.

And what we're doing now

is we're basically
just gonna do, like...

what we do, it's our six-week
employee review, you know?

Oh. In Holland,
it's usually six months.

Oh! Well,
welcome to America, buddy.

(CHUCKLES)

Lot of red tape.
KEVIN: Yeah.

So, um,
how would you describe

your experience
here at Monkey Fist?

Excellent. I like
working here very much.

Mm-hmm. But is there anything
that, uh, bothers you?

Oh,
there's this one thing,

but, you know,
I don't want to upset anyone.

No, Rootger, look,
this is a safe place.

You can say
whatever you want, okay?

Okay, I wish
when we order lunch,

you would consider
vegetarian options.

No! No way! No! No!

Then I'm hungry again
by 3:00.
Okay. All right.

And it doesn't fulfill me.
Can we focus? Focus, focus.

Focus.
But I'm hungry.

Mm. Okay.

So, Rootger,

is there anything else
that you want to talk about?

No, everything's great.

I mean, except for that
hideous fall I took yesterday.

Okay, well, "hideous"
is a strong word, you know.

I mean, I see it more of,
like, a "Whoops!
I fell. My bad."

Yes, I guess
what we really
want to know is,

where do you see yourself
in the near future?

That's a good question.

Oh, funny you say that.

Lately,
I've been thinking,

"What does the future hold
for Rootger Vanderkamp?"

"Vanderkamp."

Nice.

And, uh,
and what's the answer?

Well, I want to work hard

and take advantage of every
opportunity that comes my way.

Oh, yeah.
"Take advantage." Okay.

Well, okay, I think we got
everything that we needed.

Great.

(GROANING)

This might be easier.

Did you hear that?

Vegetarian?
It's not happening.

I can't
take people's money.

I mean, I'm not even
a lawyer yet.

Oh, the sign says that,
in the fine print.

And, darling,
it's not about the money.

It is about giving a voice
to the voiceless.

As long as
they buy pizza.

Yeah, yeah,
all you got to do is

sprinkle a little legal
knowledge to your fellow man

and rake in your tips.

All right, fine!
But just keep it low-key.

Absolutely.
Mwah!

All right, who's up?

All right, pal,
you got two minutes, okay?

When you hear this...
(BELL DINGS)

...session's over,
all right?

You move down the line,
you collect your slice
from the pale-lookin' Brit.

All right. So,
what did you guys find out?

Rootger seeing
a lawyer?

Well, we followed him
all morning.

Yep, male subject
observed

entering a medical facility
at 0900 hours.

Mott, just give it to me
in regular talk, all right?
You're not in court.

All right, you want to do it
the boring way.

After that, he ate breakfast
at a Dutch restaurant.

There was a sign outside
that said

"Wooden Shoe Rather Be Eating
Stroop Waffles?"

(CHUCKLES)

What?
I didn't get it, either.

"Wooden shoe," wooden shoes
are famous in Holland.

Oh!

(LAUGHTER)

That's funny!

Okay, okay.
Can we focus?

Sorry.

Okay, uh, then he went
to an electronics store,

shopping for TVs.

Oh! He's already spending
your money.

Then we tracked him
to this place in Mineola.

"Roger Dantley,
Esquire."

Esquire.

That's a men's magazine.

Seriously?

"Esquire" means "lawyer."

Yes, but Esquire is also
a men's magazine.

Good luck
with the inheritance.

And I'm really sorry
about your stepmom.

(BELL DINGS)
Okay, move it along.
Enjoy your slice.

Hey, whatever you guys
are doing, keep it up.

This is the best lunch hour
I've had in years!

Hey, babe, I don't know
if I can keep doing this.

I'm really tired.

What are you talking about?
You're doing great!

And these people
need you.

Plus,
look at the chedda.

Well, yeah, that's great,
but, I mean,

between waiting tables and
giving advice, I'm exhausted.

I don't even know
what I'm saying half the time.

Oh, it doesn't matter,
so long as it
sounds legal-ish.

(CHUCKLES)

Take a break.

Whoa.
Where's she going?

She's just a bit tired.

Is she gonna be
a problem?

'Cause I'll tell you,
there are law students

getting off of buses
every day in this town.

Okay, okay, remember,
we stick to the plan.

Yeah, the plan
is you should've
bought insurance.

Yes, and the other plan is not
to dump cheese on the floor.

Okay, we know the plan,
all right?

We butter him up, we get him
to admit he hired a lawyer,

and then we sweet-talk him
into not suing us, okay?

Yep. Let's go.
All right, come on.

Hey, there he is!
Looking good!

Yeah, See?
I told you he'd be working.

This guy never stops.

Oh, no, he's an animal.
Yeah. Yeah.

Actually, I stop at 5:00
every day.

Yes, but up until then,
animal, right?
Yeah.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Nonstop.
He's an animal.

Anyway, um, Rootger,
we have something

that we would like
to give to you.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at that right there.

What is this?

(GASPS)

A gold little monkey
on a ribbon!

That's for
your extraordinary bravery.

And, more importantly,
loyalty.

Ohh!

We call it
the Order of the Monkey.

And you're
the first recipient.

I don't even have
one of those.

Oh, wow.

Here,
let me pin it on you.

Okay.
Yeah, do it up.

There we go.
Look at that.

Wow!

Oh, guys,
I'm so honored.

If I could lift my arms,
I would hug the both of you.

Oh. (LAUGHS)

Okay, he's not letting
that go, is he?
Mmm.

Yeah, a funny thing
happened today.

I saw somebody
who looked just like you.

Where was that?
Was that Mineola?

Mineola, yes!
Mineola.

Were you in Mineola?

Mineola? No.

You sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.
I know where I was today.

And it was not Mineola.
I hate Mineola.

Hmm.
Really?

Why would anybody hate
Mineola? I mean, right?

There's good things there.
There's, like, delis,
ice cream shops...

they got lawyers.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

I should
go back to work.

Wow, he lied
right to our face.

He is definitely suing us.

He made a mockery
of the Order of the Monkey.

Really?

I'm worried
about Rootger.

Well, yeah. Did you hear
his head hit the floor?

Sounded like a burrito
hit the side of a van.

Not that. I'm talking about
all the legal stuff.

Uh, just so you know,
you have 30 seconds left.

But you know what?
You're family.

I can reset the timer.

So, what do I do?

Well, if you can get him
to sign a liability waiver,

then you're pretty much
indemnified.

That's a good thing, right?
Yes. Yeah.

That means that he gives up
his right to sue you.

Okay, good.
How do I get one of those?

Oh, well,
there's templates online.

I can just print one out
for you.
Okay.

FYI.

The printing is not normally
included with the slice.

But you are not normal.

All right,
so, if I get the paper,

then how do I get him
to sign it?

Okay, well, see,
that's the hard part,

because legally,
he doesn't have to.

But we advise using clear
lines of communication
when possible.

Yeah,
I'm gonna bribe him.

Okay,
I didn't hear that.

Yeah.

You're very kind,
but what is this for?

Well, the Order of the
Monkey medal always
comes with a prize.

It's either a, uh, TV
or a mini bike.

Oh, I love mini bikes.

Okay, but you got a TV.

Oh, this is wonderful.
Yeah.

Yeah, thank you very much.
You're welcome.

You know what we should
probably do?

You know, maybe we should sign
those Monkey Fist papers
now that we're here.

Oh! Um, good idea.

I hope I brought them.
(CHUCKLES)

Oh. I did.
Oh, good. Yeah.

I'll sign mine
right now.
Okay.

Yeah, hey,
and I'll witness for you,

and then I'll sign mine,
and then you can
witness for me.

Absolutely!
There you go.

Here we are.
Here we go.

Okay.
Yeah.

And then
I'll witness.

And then I'll do mine,
and then you witness.

Okay. Here we go.
VANESSA: Yeah.

What is this?

Oh, this is just a, uh,
liability release form,

just for Monkey Fist
standard stuff.
Yeah.

Just gonna need your Soc
and your sig right there.

Uh-huh. I mean,
mine was almost fun to sign.

Yeah.

I don't think I can.
Why not?

Well, I need my lawyer
to go over this first.

I thought
you didn't have a lawyer.

I didn't, but now...

You know what? I'm being rude.
Let me go get us some tea.

(GROANS)

Did you see that?
Soon as he saw that form,

he started sweating
like a possum on the beach.

What do we do now?

What we do now is
we take the gloves off.

You start filming me.
Filming what?

Those stairs
and me coming down them.

What if I was to fall down
those stairs?

Yes.
He has a slip-and-fall on us,
we have one on him.

What's up? Double, double.
"What's up?"

That's right, sister.

Here we go.

Oh.

I got us some tea,
but also if you want a nice,
cold beer,

I have that, too.

Oh, no, no,
no, no, no.

I don't want to impair
myself, you know.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm completely free
of alcohol.

Mmm!

This cheese is interesting.

Yeah, it's nagelkaas.

You either love it
or you hate it.

Well, I love it.

Anyway, I tried some, boy,
and it got me in the
wrong way.

You know what it is?
I'm lactose-intolerant.

And, like,
it had a thing.

And, uh,
I just need a bathroom,

like, a private bathroom.
It's running through me.

Okay. Go upstairs
on the right.

Thanks. Yeah.

(WHISPERS) Showtime.

Oh, you sure have a
crapload of these things.

Hummels. Yes.

My tante and I have been
collecting them for years.

They mean the world to us.

Much like you and Kevin.

Oh.
You've been very kind
to me.

Thank you, Rootger.

Yeah, I mean, look,
the medal, now the TV.

I need to tell you
something.

What?

The other day,
when you asked me

if I was seeing
a lawyer...

I lied.

Truth is, I am.

You did see me in Mineola.

Oh, and I love Mineola.

I knew it.

It's an immigration lawyer,
you know.

I'm having some issues
with my citizenship.

And I was afraid
you would fire me.

Wait. Wait.

So you're
not gonna sue us?

Sue you?

(CHUCKLES)
You're my friends.

You hired me
in my darkest hour.

Oh!

You help me to fly.

Oh! Rootger!

Honey, that is so sweet.

KEVIN: Okay, coming down.

Oh! No, no, no!
Kevin, wait!

(GLASS SHATTERS)

Okay, guys, we had
a strange couple days,

you know,
we lost a few hummels,

but we learned a lot
about trusting each other.

So...to trust!

ALL: Trust!
All right.

And to say "Thank you"
for sponsoring
my citizenship,

I bought nagelkaas
for everyone.

Oh, no.
Not that crappy cheese?

No, no, that one in my house
was expired.

You know, that's why it tasted
like duck feet.

Oh! Okay.

Goody, do me a favor,
just grab the cheese.

All right, you got it.
KEVIN: Okay.

Oh! (GRUNTS)

(GLASS SHATTERS, THUD)
Ooh!

He hit his head
on the microwave.

Do we have insurance?
Yeah, we're covered.

Yes!

* Don't want no sweet perfume

* Shake your thing,
go bust your move

* Do, do, do, do, do

* Do, do, do, do

* Oh, yeah

* Don't want
no high-heel shoes

* I just don't want no...