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1
00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:04,438
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
2
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:07,708
(SIGHS)
3
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:12,780
What... What are you doing?
4
00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:15,183
What?
I'm moving my stuff in.
5
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:17,518
I like to personalize
my workspace.
6
00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:20,721
Okay, well, you're
personalizing my workspace.
7
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:25,326
There's only one desk here,
so for now,
8
00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:26,994
looks like we're
sharing it, okay?
9
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:28,296
Unbelievable.
10
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,431
I'll tell you
what's unbelievable,
11
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,700
lack of leg room
I got over here.
12
00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:34,902
(TAPPING)
13
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,837
You hear that?
You hear that,
by the way?
14
00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:38,539
(TAPPING CONTINUES)
You know what that is?
15
00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:39,640
It's my knees.
16
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:43,344
(TAPPING CONTINUES)
17
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:44,712
Can you stop doing that?
18
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:45,879
(TAPPING CONTINUES)
19
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:48,416
Stop doing it.
I get it.
20
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:49,817
So I guess
we're equal partners,
21
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,419
but when it comes to
desk space...
22
00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:52,353
Shh!
23
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:54,155
So much
for the glass ceiling
24
00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:56,857
you women are always
complaining about.
25
00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:59,660
Okay, look, I just...
I have a lot to do today.
26
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,163
Please, okay? Thank you.
Well, so do I, okay?
27
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,365
(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)
28
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,237
Oh, just get this...
29
00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,343
Give me a little bit.
30
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:18,312
(OBJECTS CLATTER)
31
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,116
You done?
32
00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:24,852
Sorry.
33
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:35,763
Okay.
34
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:39,333
(CLINKING LOUDLY)
Okay.
35
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,801
(CLINKING CONTINUES)
36
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:47,841
* I am not your
ordinary guy *
37
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:52,780
(SIGHS) Sara! Jack! Let's go.
Time for school.
38
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,648
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
39
00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:57,785
Hey!
Hey.
40
00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:59,853
So... Good news.
41
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,456
This partnership is
actually working out.
42
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,124
We got our first job.
43
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:05,459
Nice. Who we taking down?
44
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,595
Uh, nobody. Working at
a car dealership.
45
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:11,098
We gotta keep the geese
off the cars.
46
00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:12,700
Bring my gun, laser?
What do I do?
47
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:15,569
Okay, listen, listen.
Don't complain. It's a job.
48
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,137
If our company is gonna grow,
49
00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:19,673
Golden Phoenix Security
has to take these little jobs.
50
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,675
Okay, first of all,
the name "Golden Phoenix"...
51
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:24,345
Literally the worst
company name ever.
52
00:02:24,412 --> 00:02:27,781
And I worked
for Camel Towing. I...
53
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,217
Stop it.
54
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:34,255
I'm gonna come up with a name.
I'm very good at that.
55
00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:35,889
You know how my mind's
always working?
56
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,858
Flipping overtime?
Just workin'?
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
57
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:42,263
Yello!
Kevin Gable Security.
58
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:43,831
(SNAPS FINGERS)
Write that down.
59
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:45,366
Write that down. That's good.
It's going. It's going.
60
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:46,634
I'm not writing it down.
It's not going.
61
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,101
Uh-huh. Okay.
62
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,271
Yes, I will do.
Thank you.
63
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:51,805
Hey, that was Jack's school.
64
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:55,309
They said he needs a new
EpiPen for his nut allergy.
65
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:56,910
Okay,
I'll take care of it.
66
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:59,313
Wait a second.
Jack has a nut allergy? I...
67
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,615
I've seen him crush peanuts
at a Met game.
68
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,851
No, wait a second.
That might... Might've been
popcorn. Oh, yeah.
69
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,053
It was popcorn. And it
wasn't Jack. That was me.
70
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,389
I was eating...
71
00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:10,157
Well, actually, Dad,
he's not allergic.
72
00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:12,960
He fakes it so he can sit with
the allergy kids at lunch.
73
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,495
What?
Yeah,
74
00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:16,364
but he didn't
want me to tell you,
so don't say anything.
75
00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:18,932
Hey, buddy.
Kendra tells me
76
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:22,002
you're faking
a nut allergy at school.
77
00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:24,505
Well, she scratched
your car and blamed it
on a shopping cart.
78
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:27,741
Wanna do this?
79
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,410
KEVIN: No, hey, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
80
00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:33,314
Hang on. Calm down.
What's going on? Talk to me.
81
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:36,450
Middle school's tough.
You gotta get in with a group,
or you're eating alone.
82
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:38,652
Yeah, but the allergy kids?
What are you doing?
83
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,288
They're the easiest
to fit in with.
84
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:41,755
You just gotta sit there
not eating nuts.
85
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:44,692
I could do that all day.
I'm doing it right now.
86
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,460
Okay, but I'm not paying
for an EpiPen.
87
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:47,795
Please, those guys love me.
88
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:49,663
A week ago,
I ate a peanut on a dare.
89
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,899
Now they look at me
like I'm a god.
90
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,634
A god!
91
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:57,137
Look, you can't base
a friendship
92
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:58,672
off of a lie, you know?
93
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,574
Now just go there and come
clean to your friends,
94
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,009
and I'm sure if they're
true friends,
95
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,111
they're gonna stick
by you, okay?
(HORN HONKS)
96
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:07,681
Oh, that's Chale. Sara!
Come on! You're gonna
be late for school.
97
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,150
Morning, Daddy!
Good morning.
98
00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:11,419
Incredible day, isn't it?
99
00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,654
Hey, where's your, uh,
your backpack?
100
00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:15,756
Silly me. It's upstairs!
All right.
101
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:19,226
Must be tough, huh?
102
00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:20,694
What's that?
103
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,630
Isn't it obvious? I mean,
Sara has a boyfriend.
104
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:28,969
Are you out of your mind?
What are you talking about?
105
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:30,904
Teenage girl bounding
down the stairs,
106
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:33,641
smelling like papaya,
wearing lip gloss.
107
00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:37,545
She has chapped lips.
Yes!
108
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:41,415
From kissing her boyfriend!
Are you serious?
109
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,283
You... You have no idea, okay?
110
00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:44,552
I know my daughter.
Believe me.
111
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,587
Okay, listen.
She's a teenage girl.
112
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:48,322
Her body is going
through changes
113
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:50,257
that you couldn't
possibly understand.
114
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:52,360
Never say that again.
115
00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:53,627
I don't wanna hear that, okay?
Okay.
116
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:55,763
Okay. The bottom line is,
117
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,631
that teenage girl
has a boyfriend.
118
00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:59,533
Oh, please.
Okay.
119
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,269
Love you, Daddy.
Okay, hey, uh, Sara, listen,
120
00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:06,940
um, I know we don't talk
about certain things like
you and Mom did,
121
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,143
uh, but is there
something going on
122
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:12,780
in your life right now that
you're not telling me about?
123
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,784
Um, actually, I was...
Going to...
124
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:19,186
Jenny's after school to study.
125
00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:22,923
Okay, well, thank you
for being honest.
I appreciate that.
126
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,224
It's how you raised me.
127
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:25,493
Yeah, all right.
128
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:26,794
Mmm. Love ya.
129
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,501
Okay.
130
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,636
That's fine.
Don't believe me.
131
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:38,572
But you could trust this...
She is not studying.
132
00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:41,475
I mean, I used to say
those kinds of things
to my father, too,
133
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:44,978
and I was actually hanging out
with my boyfriend
in his tow truck.
134
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,682
(WHISPERS) Classy.
Okay.
135
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:51,018
You know what?
I'm actually starting
to like the name
136
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,786
"Kevin Gable Security."
137
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,623
The slogan can be,
"We see nothing."
138
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,131
I got it.
What?
139
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,800
"Monkey Fist."
140
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,069
Excuse me?
141
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,238
The name for our company...
142
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,807
"Monkey Fist Security."
143
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,109
Think about it. It says
everything we wanna say.
144
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:18,746
Power, strength,
feet like hands.
145
00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:22,416
That's the name
of the company?
146
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:23,851
Do monkeys even make fists?
147
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,653
Are you kidding me? They're
making them all the time.
148
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,321
They're so strong.
They're walking around.
149
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,390
And I'm not even talking about
your silverback gorilla.
150
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:32,025
I'm talking
your average zoo monkey
151
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:33,360
like the one you see
on The Tonight Show
152
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:35,596
riding a mini bike
like, oh!
153
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:40,333
You know, you've said some
dumb things in the past,
154
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,835
but this is the dumbest.
155
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,271
By the way, next to humans,
monkeys?
156
00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:45,706
Smartest species
on the planet.
157
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:48,642
Right. Next to humans.
158
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,513
We are humans.
Why would anybody wanna hire
159
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:55,516
a security company
a notch dumber?
160
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,852
Monkeys are badass.
161
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,954
Okay.
Is this a bad time?
162
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:04,725
Oh, no, uh, Vanessa, this is
Rootger, he's my neighbor.
163
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:07,861
So, uh...
So you're Vanessa?
164
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,564
Hmm. He said you wore
too much eye makeup,
165
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:12,466
but I don't see it.
166
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:13,934
Okay.
167
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:17,571
Remember we talked about
the phrase,
168
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:19,940
"This never leaves the room"?
I said it?
169
00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:22,009
Yeah.
Yeah.
170
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:23,276
Okay.
Okay, now I know
what it means.
171
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:24,678
Yeah, okay.
172
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,480
Oh, wait.
I have my resume with me.
173
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:27,948
Okay, great.
174
00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:30,217
Oh, yeah, I told Rootger
that maybe in the future
175
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,585
we could hire him.
176
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,053
Yeah, of course,
when we get more accounts.
177
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,588
You're definitely Monkey Fist
material, though.
178
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:37,224
Yes, definitely.
You're big, you're bald,
179
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,926
and you look very scary.
180
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:40,994
You know, I'm sorry.
But I have to stop
you right there.
181
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:42,462
I have a girlfriend.
182
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:48,736
Okay, well, you let me know
if that status changes, okay?
183
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,070
All right.
You know what, Rootger?
184
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,338
We'll just...
We'll give you
a jingle, okay?
185
00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:52,640
Okay.
All right, buddy.
186
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:54,508
I appreciate it. Thank you.
Thank you.
187
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,744
(CLEARS THROAT)
188
00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:04,051
No, I meant... I meant we'll
give you a jingle at home.
189
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:07,755
We'll call you.
It's probably gonna be,
like, a while, you know.
190
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,190
No, that's okay.
I don't wanna miss the moment.
191
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:11,525
I'll wait right here.
192
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:14,728
Yeah, he's gonna
wait here. He's fine.
Okay.
193
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:16,564
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
194
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:21,068
Oh, wow. I just got a text
from Sara.
195
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:24,872
Are you kidding me?
She just got arrested.
196
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,940
Oh, oh, no, no, no.
I read it wrong.
197
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,709
She's at her friend Jenny's
house studying...
198
00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:31,278
* Just like she said
she would *
199
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,347
Here's the thing.
200
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:35,616
When it comes to my kids,
I gotta tell ya,
I'm plugged in
201
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:36,917
and you wanna know why?
202
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:38,986
'Cause I am both
a mother and a father.
203
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,854
Mmm. What's Sara's
middle name?
It's Marie.
204
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:44,091
Is it difficult? Yeah,
at times it can be difficult.
205
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,893
But am I up for the challenge?
You bet I am.
206
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,194
And you wanna know why?
207
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:50,163
'Cause I am both
a mother and a father.
208
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:53,133
Did you know she has
a second Facebook page?
209
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,202
I did not.
210
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:57,738
It's under Sara Marie,
and she just checked in
211
00:08:57,805 --> 00:09:01,842
at a Hot Skates Roller Rink
with a boy named
Tommy De Luca.
212
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:05,579
What?
You know, back in the '80s,
213
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:08,015
I was kind of a big thing
at Hot Skates.
214
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,951
Mama had it goin' on!
215
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:15,889
She... She lied to me
right to my face.
216
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:19,126
Mmm. Turns out you're one
dumb mother-father.
217
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:27,968
No. We did not order
a monkey.
218
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,537
Okay, listen,
don't bring it here
219
00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:32,840
because I'm not paying for it.
220
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,108
That's right. (STAMMERS)
221
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,745
Kevin?
222
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,346
Hey, Rootger.
Hey.
223
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,981
What are you...
What are you
still doing here?
224
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:43,016
Just doing a crossword puzzle.
But don't worry.
225
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,318
Once you hire me,
these go bye-bye.
226
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,587
Where's Kevin?
227
00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:51,024
I do not know.
228
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,694
Uh, I think you do know
because I see some sweat
229
00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:55,796
forming on the dome there.
230
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,498
Puzzles make me nervous.
231
00:09:58,565 --> 00:09:59,700
This one is very challenging.
232
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:02,502
Plus, look,
I'm doing it in pen.
233
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,838
Listen,
if you wanna work here,
234
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:07,107
you're gonna have to tell me
where Kevin is.
235
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:08,742
(SIGHS)
236
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,577
At the roller rink
looking for his daughter
237
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:13,513
even though you specifically
told him not to do that.
(SIGHS)
238
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:15,716
Please hire me.
That idiot!
239
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:19,753
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
240
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,397
KEVIN: Oh, look at you.
241
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:35,402
Tommy De Luca with the hair
and the perfect teeth
and the ironed shirt.
242
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,037
I ain't buyin' it.
243
00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:39,206
MAN: (OVER P.A.) The dancing
reptile's here tonight.
244
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:41,942
Say hello to Larry,
The Funky Dragon.
245
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,977
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
246
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:51,885
(THUD)
247
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,631
Hey, T-Rex.
248
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:06,633
I'll give you 20 bucks to
get you out of that costume.
249
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,970
LARRY: Not happening.
Head don't come off
for less than 50.
250
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:11,671
Fine.
251
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:15,976
Hey, Jack.
Hey.
252
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,178
Uh-oh.
253
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,914
Monosyllabic,
hunched shoulders.
254
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:24,051
Let me guess.
Bad grade on a test,
255
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:27,087
or did a pretty girl
reject your overtures?
256
00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:28,521
No. Worse.
257
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,290
I told the peanut allergy kids
I didn't have any allergies.
258
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:33,660
Ah, yes. Kendra told me
about your little ruse.
259
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:34,862
I gather it didn't go well.
260
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,229
They snapped my EpiPen
in half
261
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:39,332
and wrote "Peanut eater"
on my locker.
262
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:43,636
Pretty feisty for kids with
compromised immune systems.
263
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:44,905
(SIGHS) I'm banned
from their table.
264
00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:46,740
Now I have no one
to eat lunch with.
265
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,742
Oh, I'm sorry, Jack.
266
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:52,112
Look, finding the right group
to fit in with
can be challenging.
267
00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:53,947
But I bet
I can help you out.
268
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:56,549
It may be hard to believe,
but I was not always
269
00:11:56,616 --> 00:12:00,153
the cool, confident man
you see before you.
270
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:04,591
No, when I was your age,
I was overweight, I had acne,
271
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:07,027
and I used a cane.
272
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:08,628
Wait,
what was the cane for?
273
00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:10,297
A bit of panache.
274
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:17,971
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY)
275
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,842
You're hiding somewhere.
276
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,044
Where are you?
277
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,214
Vanessa Cellucci?
278
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,281
Vinnie Scarfino?
279
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,918
(LAUGHS) Hey!
Well, look at you!
280
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:33,486
You haven't changed...
That much.
281
00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:36,189
You neither.
Oh!
282
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,258
Look, we still got
your trophy.
283
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:39,827
Ohh.
As far as I'm concerned,
284
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,895
there's only ever been
one Miss Hot Skates.
285
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,064
Oh, that's very sweet.
I mean, there's been many.
286
00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:45,532
I mean, I was just one.
287
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,300
1982.
288
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,069
Although, it was the most
competitive year.
289
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:50,703
But I don't wanna,
you know...
290
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:54,341
You had it all.
Electric smile,
mint personality.
291
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,443
Yeah,
like a real pretty horse.
292
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,847
That's very...
That's very kind of you.
293
00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:01,281
So what have you been
doing with your life?
294
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:02,850
Well, I've been a cop
for 20 years,
295
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,852
and now I own my own
security company.
296
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:07,054
What about you?
I run the skate rental.
297
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,823
Sounds like we're both
doing good, huh?
298
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,758
Yes, yes, we are.
Yeah.
299
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,994
Man, what's Larry doing
out there?
300
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:16,964
Is he having a seizure?
301
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,299
Wait a second.
302
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:21,234
(KEVIN GRUNTS)
303
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,369
That's not Larry.
304
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:24,804
Hey, Vin, hook me up
with some wheels.
305
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,173
Size six, am I right?
306
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:27,374
Oh, that's very sweet
that you remembered,
307
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,276
but make it an eight,
you know?
308
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,412
(PANTING)
Idiot.
309
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,214
All right, easy, easy.
What are you doing?
310
00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:36,249
Ow! Your stupid fingernails
are cutting through my suit.
311
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,919
(PUNCH LANDS)
(GROANS) I'm okay.
That one landed. Not cool.
312
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:43,190
Listen to me!
You cannot embarrass Sara
in front of her friends!
313
00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:45,325
It'll scar her for life.
314
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,560
MAN: (OVER P.A.) All right,
let's turn up the heat
and find yourself a mate.
315
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:49,863
That's right.
It's time for couples skate.
316
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:50,964
Couples skate only.
317
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,399
Oh, this ain't happenin'.
318
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,067
Leave them alone!
You're making a big mistake.
319
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:57,670
Ladies and gentlemen,
we have royalty in the house!
320
00:13:57,737 --> 00:14:03,476
Our very own skate queen,
Miss Hot Skates 1982...
321
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:07,780
Vanessa Cellucci!
322
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,950
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
323
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,594
KEVIN: Hey, superstar.
You better not even think
324
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:23,964
about skating
with that girl.
Are you talking to me?
325
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:26,033
Yeah, I'm talkin' to you.
Look into my eyes.
326
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:28,568
No, no, my eyes are
in my mouth, my mouth.
Look in my mouth, man!
327
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:30,737
My eyes are in here.
Look at 'em. See 'em?
328
00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:32,139
Huh?
My eyes are in here, okay?
329
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,706
I can't take
the smell in here.
330
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:35,608
It stinks! (COUGHING)
331
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:38,011
(WHEEZING AND HACKING)
332
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,579
Come on.
Let's go, slowpoke.
333
00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:41,881
KEVIN: (LAUGHS) Okay,
somebody doesn't wanna listen.
334
00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:44,384
Here comes the pain train!
335
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:45,953
Dad?
336
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:48,021
(GRUNTS)
337
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:54,827
Any tightness
in your chest, Jack?
338
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,463
Constriction
of your airway?
339
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,898
Nothing. My throat
couldn't be more open.
340
00:14:58,966 --> 00:15:00,300
What are you guys doin'?
341
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:03,937
Oh, Jack has been exiled
from the nut allergy table.
342
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,738
Turns out they can be
a touch elitist.
343
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:09,376
So, uh, we're just seeing if
he's allergic to anything.
344
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:12,779
But I'm totally healthy.
Thanks for nothin'.
345
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:17,750
(SIGHS) Look, I'm sorry
things worked out
this way for you, you know.
346
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:20,687
By the way, you got a lot
of things wrong with you.
347
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,889
Like what?
You had chickenpox.
348
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:25,458
That was Sara.
Man, I gotta start
writing this stuff down.
349
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:28,828
All right. Well, you had
that rash on your arm.
350
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:31,264
Remember that?
Every time you'd itch it,
it'd look like a snow globe?
351
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:33,233
Oh. Uh, eczema.
Yeah, it was
definitely eczema.
352
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,401
It was big-time eczema.
353
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:35,935
CHALE: Ooh.
Is it serious?
354
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:37,304
Serious? Are you...
Are you kidding me?
355
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:38,972
Chale, tell him how...
I mean, it was...
356
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,474
Oh, absolutely.
Sometimes even...
357
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,643
Special creams
are prescribed.
358
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,046
Oh, do you hear that?
Special creams.
359
00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,247
I gotta tell you,
for my money,
360
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,216
it blows a nut allergy
out of the water.
361
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,517
I don't remember having it,
though.
362
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:52,685
See, that's another thing.
Memory loss.
363
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,787
That's... That's a side effect
of eczema right there.
Mmm. Mmm. (WINCES)
364
00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:57,424
I gotta tell you, Jack,
I love you, but you're a mess.
365
00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:59,126
You really are.
366
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,393
Thanks, Dad.
KEVIN: Yep.
367
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,996
I have eczema!
How cool is that?
368
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:08,368
Hey, how'd it go?
Well, she was upset,
but I think, you know,
369
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:10,137
it helped to have another
woman to talk to,
370
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:11,438
you know, someone's who's
been through things.
371
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,406
So she's ready for you
to go up and apologize.
372
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:18,378
Apologize? Are you kidding me?
She lied to me. Twice!
373
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:21,248
First about the Facebook thing
and then about where she was.
374
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,683
In fact, now that
I think about it,
375
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,585
maybe she's the one stealing
my yogurt pretzels.
376
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:26,753
Okay.
377
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:30,090
Please stop being
so stubborn about this.
378
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:31,558
If you make a big deal
about it,
379
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:34,061
it's gonna make
a bad situation worse.
380
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,396
(HUFFS)
381
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:38,031
(GROANS)
382
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:41,601
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
383
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:43,570
Hey.
384
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:45,872
Hey.
385
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:50,243
(SIGHS) Listen, I, uh,
talked it over with Vanessa,
386
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:54,047
and she thinks I should
treat you like an adult...
387
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,915
(SIGHS)
And apologize to you.
388
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:58,918
And... I wanna do that.
389
00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:00,587
Great.
But I can't.
390
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:04,091
I tried. Seriously,
I can't get it in my head.
391
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:07,427
It's just not happening.
It's not gonna happen.
It can't.
392
00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:08,495
Seriously?
393
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:11,131
Because... Let me explain,
all right?
394
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:14,334
I know your mother would've
handled things differently.
(RIPPING)
395
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:17,104
And believe me,
I wish she was here.
396
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:19,639
But truth is,
you're stuck with me,
397
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,508
and I got news for you,
398
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:24,544
you cannot lie to me,
all right?
399
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:27,547
I've seen too much.
I know what happens out there.
400
00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:30,450
You know, one day you're
sneaking off to a roller rink
401
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:31,618
and the next,
you're smoking meth
402
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:33,853
behind
a Long John Silver's.
403
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,155
Come on, Dad.
404
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,056
No, I've seen it,
and not on the job.
405
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:38,291
Believe me,
you eat lunch there enough,
406
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,227
you're gonna see some stuff.
407
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,896
Look, I'm sorry
I lied to you.
408
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:45,532
I know you are.
409
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:47,500
(GROANING)
(PLASTIC CREAKS)
410
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,508
I'll say I'm sorry, too,
all right?
411
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,610
'Cause I know we don't
communicate as much
as we should.
412
00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:59,479
I'm... I'm gonna work
on that, okay?
413
00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:00,880
Good.
414
00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:02,415
And from now on, we just keep
things simple, all right?
415
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:03,583
You let me know what
you're doing and...
416
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,552
And who
you're doing it with.
417
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:08,121
Okay.
All right, we're good?
418
00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:09,856
Yeah, we're good.
All right.
419
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:12,525
Okay.
420
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,061
Now this may be
a little bit uncomfortable,
421
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:19,031
and believe me,
this is awkward
asking this as a dad,
422
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:23,403
but I have to know, and I want
a straight and honest answer.
423
00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:29,176
Have you or have you not
424
00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:31,244
been eating
my yogurt pretzels?
425
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:39,886
What do you want,
nut-eater?
426
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:43,290
You're gonna tell us
what cashews taste like?
427
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,425
All right, I'm not
allergic to nuts,
428
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:48,161
but I do have something else,
and it's pretty serious.
429
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:50,497
Oh, yeah? What?
430
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:51,631
Eczema.
431
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,768
Eczema? Does it close up
your throat?
432
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,338
I don't know.
I can't remember.
Memory loss!
433
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,607
All part of the eczema.
434
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:02,909
It doesn't. Now take
your itchy skin
435
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,445
and find another table.
436
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:08,448
You know what? I don't
wanna eat lunch with you.
437
00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:09,916
All you do is sit around
and judge people.
438
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,620
Hey, Jack.
That was really great,
439
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,788
the way you stood up
to those guys.
440
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,990
Thanks. It had to be said.
441
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:21,761
Do you wanna eat with me?
I have eczema, too. See?
442
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,065
Oof.
443
00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:27,734
I think I'll skip lunch.
444
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:34,507
Huh? What do you think?
445
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:37,877
Let it wash over ya.
(SNIFFS)
446
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,217
I'm gonna give you 30 minutes
to get it to the dumpster.
447
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:46,719
See, I knew you were
gonna say that,
448
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:48,221
that's why I super-glued it
up there.
449
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:51,224
Actually,
Gorilla-Glued it up there.
450
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,760
Once again, strength.
451
00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:55,362
Okay.
452
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,430
ROOTGER: I like it.
453
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:02,235
Fist says power.
454
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:05,272
The face says,
"Give me your bananas."
455
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:10,243
He's, uh, he's not gonna
go home, is he?
456
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:11,878
Probably not, no.
Okay.
457
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:16,449
* Don't want no sweet perfume
458
00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:20,019
* Shake your thing,
go bust your move
459
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,021
* Do, do, do, do, do
460
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:23,756
* Do, do, do, do
461
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:27,294
* Oh, yeah
462
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:30,297
* Don't want
no high-heel shoes
463
00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:32,965
* I just don't want no...
32496
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