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1
00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:03,937
All right, kids, let's go.
Bowls in the sink, come on.
2
00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:06,174
Dad, you have to put
something healthy in there.
3
00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:07,708
(GRUNTS)
There's beef jerky.
4
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,278
Chock full of protein,
5
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:12,413
and it'll keep them
out of the dating pool
for a few years.
6
00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:16,084
No, you have
to give them fruit.
7
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:17,851
No, he doesn't.
Yeah, don't let her
control you, Dad.
8
00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:20,521
She's right, all right?
Nobody likes a bully.
Come on.
9
00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:23,291
Okay.
Okay, no problem.
10
00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:24,425
Um...
11
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:28,229
Who are we?
BOTH: Gables!
12
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,264
What are we?
Leaders!
13
00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:32,600
Who's got it better than us?
Nobody!
14
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,902
And what are we late for?
15
00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,570
The bus if we don't
get moving. Now go.
16
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,873
Good morning. Oh, shoot.
17
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,509
Did I miss
the "who are we" chant?
18
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,077
KEVIN: Oh...
19
00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,114
Chale, technically,
you're not a Gable.
20
00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:49,117
So when you chime in,
it kind of weirds me out.
21
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:52,120
I just get caught up in it.
It is inspiring.
22
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,787
Oh, here.
You got some mail.
23
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:55,589
Oh, Chale mail.
24
00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:00,128
Junk...
25
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,595
You gotta be kidding me.
Not again.
26
00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:02,630
What is it?
27
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:05,133
(GRUNTS)
It's from your mom's gym.
It's a postcard.
28
00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:08,402
"Haven't seen you.
We miss you."
29
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:10,738
You know what? So do I.
Okay, you know what?
Give me that.
30
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:11,972
I will call them right now.
31
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,141
It's been over a year
since she died.
32
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,442
They shouldn't still
be sending this.
33
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:15,876
That's right, right?
Thank you.
34
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,245
Oh, but don't
throw that out.
35
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:19,280
On the bottom
there's a coupon
for a kung fu lesson.
36
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,815
I wanna go to it.
Yeah.
37
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,784
Oh, no.
What? What's the matter?
38
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:26,520
My visa has expired.
39
00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:29,022
It states here
I could get deported.
40
00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:32,326
Wow.
Well, you keep in touch.
41
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:38,566
Dad, come on. This is serious.
Let me see that.
42
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:41,702
It makes no sense.
I... I filled out
all the proper paperwork.
43
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:45,439
You know, you gotta stay
on top of those things
if you wanna be a citizen.
44
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:46,974
I mean, you could say a lot
about Americans,
45
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,642
but we're not lazy,
you know?
46
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,246
I have seen you watch
Ray Donovan in Spanish
47
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,615
because the remote
was sitting
on top of the TV.
48
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:59,220
Yeah, and now I know
how to say "get my gun"
in Espanol.
49
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:01,755
Dame mis pistolas.
50
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:07,328
Okay, wait, Dad, you sent in
Chale's sponsor form, right?
51
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:08,929
Remember? I told you
how important that was?
52
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,598
Yes, you told me,
and I sent it in.
53
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:13,567
You're sure?
I'm positive.
I have my own system.
54
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:15,336
I take all
the important paperwork,
55
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,070
I put it
right in this drawer,
56
00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:19,307
and then, once a week,
I mail it out.
57
00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:21,242
Mmm.
58
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:27,615
It's still in there,
isn't it?
59
00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:29,617
It's not a perfect system.
60
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:35,589
* I am not your
ordinary guy *
61
00:02:35,623 --> 00:02:37,891
Dad, what are we gonna do?
Chale's gonna get deported.
62
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:40,961
I can't come back in this
country for three "yahs."
63
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,730
Three "yahs"!
64
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,335
How many "yahs"?
65
00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:52,873
I'd have to move back
to Bungleton.
66
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,375
I... I'm getting
a stomach ache.
67
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:56,244
No, it's gonna be
all right, okay?
68
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:57,911
We will be together
no matter what.
69
00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,513
I will move to England.
70
00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:02,115
Oh, actually,
you'd love Bungleton.
71
00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:03,651
It's out in the countryside.
72
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:06,520
There's chickens roaming free,
fresh eggs every morning.
73
00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:09,122
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Nobody's going to Bungleton,
all right?
74
00:03:09,156 --> 00:03:10,258
And nobody's eating eggs.
75
00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:11,659
You're staying right here
on Long Island,
76
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,927
where we keep the chickens
in some kind of camp
77
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,329
piled up
on top of each other.
78
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,399
Yeah, well, how are we
supposed to do that?
79
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:19,900
You didn't file
the paperwork.
80
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:22,336
Yeah, I know.
I made a mistake, all right?
But I will fix it.
81
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:24,872
And you know why?
Because we're the Gables!
82
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,910
No.
83
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:32,413
Because I have a connection
to someone down
at Immigration,
84
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:33,747
and I'll take care
of it, okay?
85
00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:35,316
Thanks, Dad.
Yes.
86
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,017
Look,
it's all gonna work out.
87
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,419
Because we are the Gables.
88
00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:40,521
Seriously, dude.
You gotta stop that.
89
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:44,458
Cellucci, over here.
90
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:47,395
Hey.
91
00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:50,931
How you doin'?
Everything okay?
92
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:53,166
Yes, yeah.
I'm doin' great.
93
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,503
Okay, good. Well, look at you
with the beard.
94
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,971
Yeah, it looks good, right?
(LAUGHS) No.
95
00:03:59,507 --> 00:04:00,708
You know
who you look like?
96
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,243
You look like the guy,
oh, God, what's his name?
97
00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:04,445
I can see his face.
98
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,980
Come on, you know the guy
from the, um... Ah!
99
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,549
Hugh Jackman?
No. By the way,
100
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,384
I wouldn't think you looked
like Hugh Jackman
101
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:12,686
if you had claws shooting
out of your knuckles.
102
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:15,856
All right.
So what's up?
What can I do?
103
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:19,360
(SIGHS) Kendra's fiance
has a bit of
an immigration problem.
104
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,362
And I remember when we were
on the force together,
105
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:25,533
you dated a guy, I think he
worked at INS, am I right?
106
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:26,900
No.
Mmm.
107
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,236
Pretty sure you did.
108
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:34,808
Okay... I dated a manager
from CVS, but no INS.
109
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:38,679
Are you sure?
'Cause first,
you dated a lot,
110
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:41,482
and I just had the feeling
that there was
an immigration guy
111
00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:44,117
sprinkled in there.
Okay!
112
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:47,588
I think I would remember
who I date.
113
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,823
Oh, Robert. Actually,
you're right, you're right.
Yeah, see? Yes.
114
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:51,492
I remember. Yes, yes.
115
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,194
Can you do me a favor
and call him?
116
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:57,898
Oh, call him...
(INHALES SHARPLY)
117
00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,099
Oh, what happened?
118
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,869
Um, this one was not me.
119
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:03,637
This was all him.
120
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:05,406
We would go to
the Outback Steakhouse
121
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:09,209
and he would order with
a bad Australian accent.
122
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:12,079
(IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT)
"I'll take
the Bloomin' Onion, mate!"
123
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:16,550
You're... You're broken.
You are so broken.
124
00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:17,951
All right, well,
I gotta figure out something,
125
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:20,287
otherwise Kendra's gonna
be movin' to England.
126
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,124
Okay, you know what?
I have been blowing
this guy off for three years,
127
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,259
but for you, I will call him.
128
00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:27,495
(GASPS) Oh!
129
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:30,063
I just figured out
who you look like!
130
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:31,999
Who?
Pavarotti!
131
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,271
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
132
00:05:38,305 --> 00:05:39,640
Do you think he really
went to the bathroom
133
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,710
or is he secretly running
a background check on me?
134
00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:46,279
Well, he had a key
attached to a giant
wooden paddle, so...
135
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:48,582
I'm guessing bathroom.
136
00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:50,684
Just stay calm.
Vanessa talked to the guy.
137
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,553
It's gonna be fine.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
138
00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,924
Thank you for waiting.
Not a problem.
139
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,427
Uh, by the way,
Vanessa Cellucci says hello.
140
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:02,162
Oh, Vanessa.
We spoke on the phone.
141
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:05,666
Can you believe
she spent three years
helping kids overseas?
142
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:09,703
She's a real saint, that one.
143
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:11,539
We're, uh, we're supposed
to go to dinner tonight.
144
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:14,875
Hey, I hear she loves that
Outback Steakhouse, huh?
145
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,644
(IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT)
Already made the reservation,
mate.
146
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:19,480
(LAUGHING)
Now... (CLEARS THROAT)
147
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:23,316
Let me see if I can
provide some assistance
in this matter, Mr. Witt?
148
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,519
Yes, Chale Eugene Witt.
149
00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:27,421
Okay, I just need to verify
some information.
150
00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:30,157
Are you still living
at 2257 Seville Lane?
151
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:31,859
Yes.
Yes, we are.
152
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:35,295
Wait a minute, you...
You live together?
153
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:36,964
No, he...
He lives in my garage.
154
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:39,467
Oh, well, it's listed here
as an apartment.
155
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,834
Is this a legal residence?
156
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:43,604
Legal? Uh, you know,
as far as the permits
and stuff,
157
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:46,406
I kinda wanted to fly
under the radar.
158
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,476
But it is up to code?
159
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,110
Yes, yeah,
definitely up to code.
160
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,614
It's my code,
but it's up there.
161
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,148
Yeah, same address.
We're at the same...
162
00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:56,717
Okay, then he pays rent?
163
00:06:56,750 --> 00:07:00,053
(LAUGHING) In your dreams.
164
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,354
(CLEARS THROAT)
165
00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:04,424
Why... Why is that funny,
Mr. Gable?
166
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,193
Oh, I'm sorry, it's just
an inside joke we have
167
00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:07,360
'cause he's usually
unemployed.
168
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:10,498
Oh, well, it says here
that you are employed.
169
00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:14,502
Well, I was. I was working
for a tech startup.
170
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:15,803
Okay, and how long
were you there?
171
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:18,371
Let's see...
October, November...
172
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:20,741
I was there
for a week and a half.
173
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:25,846
You know, I have some,
uh, some concerns.
174
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,750
Since you are a friend
of Vanessa's,
175
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,451
I think we can extend
your visa.
176
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:32,786
(CHUCKLING)
(GASPS)
177
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:35,489
That's... That's a great call
right there, you know.
178
00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:36,824
It's not like
he's a terrorist
or something.
179
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:38,659
You're not... Are you,
you little terrorist?
180
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,894
(LAUGHS)
You little terrorist.
181
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:47,167
So we, uh,
do we sign something,
or just we can go?
182
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,236
We're free to go, right?
I think we get out of here,
183
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:50,804
wanna get some ice cream?
184
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:56,309
Mr. Gable, I did not
bring up terrorism.
185
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:57,444
Is there a reason
you did?
186
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,146
No. No, I was saying
he's not a terrorist.
187
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:00,814
He's harmless. I mean, he...
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
188
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:03,283
He spends all day
in my garage, right?
189
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,417
Working out those
little formulas
190
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:05,553
on his crazy
little white board.
191
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,988
Mr. Gable,
please stop talking!
192
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,056
I'll stop talking.
193
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:15,295
In 36 hours, they can kick me
out of the country.
194
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,064
There's nothing I can do
about it.
195
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:18,999
Hey, on the positive,
it's nice to know
our government
196
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,201
takes immigration
pretty seriously.
197
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,304
I will take comfort
in that thought
198
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,806
on the barge ride
back to England.
199
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,808
Well, what if we get married,
you know?
200
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,943
That'll make you a citizen.
By tomorrow?
201
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:32,045
Yeah.
Chale, I love you, okay?
202
00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:33,714
We can just run down
to City Hall and do it.
203
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,683
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a sec.
204
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,718
I realize part of this
is my fault.
Part?
205
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,820
Okay, let's not point
fingers, all right?
206
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,289
But don't you want
to get married the way
we always talked about?
207
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:45,458
Right? The church,
Father Philip,
your mother's dress?
208
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:49,429
Yeah, of course, but, I mean,
how are we gonna pull that
off by tomorrow night?
209
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:52,733
(SCOFFS) We have a whole day.
All right?
210
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,868
Look, this wedding
is happening.
211
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:58,005
I'm not losing my daughter,
all right? You wanna know why?
212
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,072
We're the Gables.
213
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:01,041
Exactly.
214
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:03,844
We're the... Oh, crap.
I missed it again!
215
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,784
No, I need the flowers today.
It's my wedding.
216
00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:14,755
I know it's last-minute,
but is there anything
you can do?
217
00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:16,890
Hey. What's going on?
218
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,258
I heard you're changing
the wedding plans
219
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,493
without consulting
the best man?
220
00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:22,495
There are rules, missy.
221
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:25,498
No, no, no, please,
please don't put me
on hold. Oh, crap.
222
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:26,767
I had the whole thing planned.
223
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,702
Okay, Uncle Kyle, I really
can't do this right now.
224
00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:30,270
(SIGHS) I had
the whole thing planned.
225
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:31,939
Kyle, I can't do this
right now either, all right?
226
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:33,406
Just go to work
and I'll tell you
what's happening, okay?
227
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,142
All right, fine, but don't
call me the best man,
all right?
228
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:38,178
Call me the "nobody ever
tells me anything" man.
229
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:42,382
(DOOR CLOSES)
All right, I got a church
lined up.
230
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,484
The only problem is,
Father Philip is out
in Patchogue,
231
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:45,719
so I'm gonna swing out there
and pick him up.
232
00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:47,154
What? No, why can't you
just call him?
233
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:50,457
He's on some kind of retreat,
and they... I guess no phones.
234
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:51,524
(SIGHS)
235
00:09:51,558 --> 00:09:52,926
Hey.
236
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,928
How did you mess up
at Immigration?
237
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,964
I had to eat
two Bloomin' Onions!
238
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,900
It got away from me,
but it's all right.
239
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,301
Change in plans,
they're getting married.
240
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:04,004
But, Dad,
my dress doesn't fit
and we have no flowers.
241
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:05,706
I don't know
how we're going to
pull this off by tonight.
242
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:06,940
Honey, please,
do not get upset.
243
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,208
In fact, I think you should
get ready to smile.
244
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,644
Because when I get back here,
I'll fix your dress.
245
00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:11,779
I'll take care of everything.
246
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:12,880
All right, do you want
your hair blown out?
247
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:14,081
I'll blow it out.
I'll blow 'em all out.
248
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,683
I'm gonna go crazy.
I'll pluck your eyebrows.
249
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:19,086
I'll pluck the crap
out of them. I promise.
You're gonna be fine.
250
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,388
I'll paint your nails.
I'll put little Met symbols
on there.
251
00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:22,723
We're gonna be good.
252
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,658
You're gonna love it.
I think I'm gonna cry.
253
00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:26,159
Me, too. It's gonna be
an emotional day.
254
00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:28,495
I think I'm happy about it.
Okay, no. Stop.
Stop all this.
255
00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:29,730
Stop all this nonsense,
okay?
256
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,531
I will take care of this.
257
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:32,966
You've already screwed
this up enough.
258
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,102
So you just get the priest,
and I'll handle the rest.
259
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,304
Go, go.
(SIGHS)
260
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:40,307
Am I still blowing out
your hair, or is she gonna...
Go!
261
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:44,745
(THE BATTLE HYMN
OF THE REPUBLIC PLAYING)
262
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:46,947
(INDISTINCT)
263
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:57,725
What kind of retreat
is this?
264
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,098
Goody?
265
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,135
Goody, I see you.
266
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:11,338
What are you doing here?
267
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:14,207
It's a Civil War re-enactment,
and my name's not Goody.
268
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:17,144
Around here,
I'm Private Lando Calrissian.
269
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:20,347
Yeah, we get to pick
our own names.
270
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,249
I never knew you were a fan
of the Civil War.
271
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,985
Every black man's a fan
of the Civil War.
272
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:29,022
What are you doing here?
I gotta find Father Philip.
273
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:31,424
Oh, this year,
he's fighting for the South.
274
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:34,027
He's over in the command tent
next to the meat smoker.
275
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:36,129
The Confederates get brisket.
276
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:37,731
Must be nice!
277
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:42,903
(BANJO PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
278
00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:47,140
Philip?
279
00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:49,476
Afraid you have me
confused, son.
280
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:50,944
I got an emergency,
all right?
281
00:11:50,978 --> 00:11:53,480
Kendra and Chale,
they need to get
married today,
282
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:56,149
or Chale's gonna be deported.
You gotta come with me.
283
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:59,820
Oh, you're killing me.
I'm finally a general!
284
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:02,055
I've been waiting 21 years
for this.
285
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:05,793
I get it. Donna always
wanted you to be the one
to marry them,
286
00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:08,061
just like you married us.
This is my dream!
287
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,163
Look, everybody has
a dream, right?
288
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:15,302
But you are in a field
behind a Home Depot
with a glue-on beard, so...
289
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,504
Let me address my men.
290
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:20,040
Great, great.
Thank you very much.
How long is that gonna take?
291
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,475
Well, historically,
I gotta give a speech,
292
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,077
and he gets shot
by friendly fire,
293
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,914
and then he gets an infection,
dies a horrible death.
294
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,448
Love it. Go to town.
295
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,752
Thank you, sweetie.
296
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:35,722
Okay, flowers done,
dress done.
297
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,190
Oh! I almost forgot.
298
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:45,032
Welcome to
your bachelorette party.
299
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,334
All right, well,
it's not exactly
the one I envisioned.
300
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,368
But I appreciate it.
301
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:49,903
Hey, wait, do you want me
to call a male dancer?
302
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:52,739
I have a fireman,
a policeman, a plumber.
303
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,274
What's your fancy?
304
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,977
(EXHALES)
305
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:59,179
You know, we've been talking
about this wedding for so long
306
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:01,481
and it was always
just an idea,
307
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:04,351
and now it's actually
happening, and I'm kind
of freaking out.
308
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:06,386
Yeah, take it from someone
309
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:08,388
who was supposed to be
married four times,
310
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:10,757
well, one doesn't
actually count because
311
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,960
I wasn't technically 18 yet.
312
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:14,527
What!
But, uh, yes.
313
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:16,763
My point is,
314
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:20,367
can you imagine yourself
without...
315
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,070
What's his name?
316
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:24,404
Chale.
317
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,874
Can you imagine your life
without Chale in it?
318
00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:29,309
No, I can't.
319
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:32,012
Can you imagine your life
with someone else?
320
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,881
No.
321
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,883
Well, there you go.
322
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:38,651
Thank you for being here.
323
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,120
You're welcome.
324
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,789
Wait, did you say
one of the strippers
dances as a plumber?
325
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,091
No, no, no,
he is a plumber.
326
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,059
He just likes to take
his pants off.
327
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:52,165
Come tomorrow, the sun may not
shine upon our countenance,
328
00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:55,903
and surely, some of you
will be called to embrace
329
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:57,971
the greatest of mysteries.
330
00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,439
All right, come on.
Pick it up.
331
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:03,176
And in that undying land,
our great solace shall be...
332
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:05,045
How long
does this go on for?
333
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:06,279
About half an hour.
334
00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:07,847
Then the ice cream
truck comes.
335
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:10,150
Then we go to battle.
Half an hour?
336
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:11,784
Give me this!
337
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:13,020
Bang!
338
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,890
Bang, bang, you're dead.
Come on. Let's get going.
339
00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:20,527
Relax, men. Caught in the arm,
totally superficial.
340
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:21,895
Now...
341
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,497
(SCREAMS)
Oh, boy.
342
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:26,399
(YELLING)
343
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,436
No!
(CONTINUES YELLING)
344
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:42,950
All right, okay.
345
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,185
You... Kevin, you got me.
346
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:48,455
Nice one, dawg.
347
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,557
All right, men!
348
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:53,026
The time has come for battle!
349
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:55,528
(CHEERING)
(BELL RINGING)
350
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,164
Ooh, ice cream truck.
351
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:58,966
(CHEERING)
352
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,600
(BELL CONTINUES RINGING)
353
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:04,404
All right, Chale,
it's completely normal
that you're nervous.
354
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:07,007
And it's the anxiety
that's giving you
stomach pain.
355
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,375
I don't think it's that, Jack.
356
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,343
Well, I looked it up online,
and it's either that
357
00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:11,979
or you've got
a ruptured ovary.
358
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,850
All right, my dad's got
Father Philip.
359
00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:20,087
We got the dress,
we got the flowers.
360
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,188
Looks like you're stuck
with me.
361
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:23,123
(IN STRAINED VOICE)
Yay, wonderful. Oh!
362
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:26,493
Sorry, darling,
I'm just feeling
a little bit out of sorts.
363
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:29,196
Wait, what? Okay, wait.
What's going on here?
364
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:30,930
Are you... Are you, like,
getting cold feet?
365
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,332
It's his ovaries.
366
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,735
Okay, no, babe.
367
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,670
You need to talk to me.
368
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:38,871
Do you not wanna do this?
369
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,407
No, of course I do.
370
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,908
Because if you don't,
we don't have to.
371
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,177
No, no, no, no.
No, I... Look,
372
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:46,879
I have always known that
I wanted to marry you.
373
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:49,816
I... I knew two days before
we ever met.
374
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,251
How is that even possible?
375
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,186
I was in the engineering
building,
376
00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:54,721
you were in the quad,
377
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:57,090
and I followed you back
to your dorm
378
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,026
staring at the back
of your head, whispering...
379
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:01,361
(WHISPERS)
"I am gonna marry that girl."
380
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:05,165
That's a little creepy,
but so sweet.
381
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:07,100
I love you, Chale.
382
00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:10,170
Hey, I love...
Ow, ow, ow. Ahhh!
383
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:11,671
What...
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
384
00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:12,905
Hey, what's going on?
385
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:15,308
Oh, my stomach's
killing me. Ahhh!
386
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,977
Let me see. Let me see.
Does this hurt?
387
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:19,879
It... Yes, yeah, yeah.
Okay. You know what, baby?
388
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:21,648
I don't think a wedding
is gonna happen.
389
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:22,949
This might be his appendix.
390
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,084
What?
We gotta take him
to the hospital.
391
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:26,186
Yes, right now. Let's go.
(GROANS) Ow, ow.
392
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:27,687
Come on, I'll help you up.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
393
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,058
Somebody call a plumber?
394
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:44,771
Surprise.
395
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:54,047
Hey.
Hey, how you feelin'?
396
00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:57,217
Oh, a bit woozy.
What happened?
397
00:16:57,250 --> 00:17:01,421
You had appendicitis,
and they had to do
emergency surgery.
398
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:04,257
So that's it? We're...
We're not gonna make it.
399
00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:05,525
I'm gonna get deported.
400
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,227
No, no, no.
It's okay, sweetheart, okay?
401
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:10,063
I'm coming with you.
We're going to Bungleton.
402
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:13,366
Full disclosure,
Bungleton is...
403
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,768
Not as beautiful
as it sounds.
404
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:19,972
Hey. We got a priest,
we got a best man,
405
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:22,175
we're doing a wedding.
Wait, what?
406
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,843
Yeah, and I got
the wedding dress.
407
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,245
There you go, huh?
(DOOR CLOSES)
408
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:28,348
Uh, Mr. Gable, I don't think
I can make it to the church.
409
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,482
I'm sorry.
410
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:31,484
Look, Father, is there any way
we can marry them here?
411
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:35,388
Oh, well, not in the room,
but maybe they have a chapel.
412
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:36,723
Yeah, yeah, uh,
413
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,192
give me five minutes.
414
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,027
Let me show you why
I'm the best man.
415
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,430
Let's go, people.
I said gas leak.
416
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:46,099
Not kidding around.
Let's go. Move it out.
417
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,802
Come on, Nana. Slap some
hot sauce on it. Let's go.
418
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:51,538
Pick up the pace.
419
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,543
(SING-SONG)
Here comes the bride!
420
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:00,347
Wow.
421
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:02,382
Well?
422
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,384
Do you like it?
423
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,654
You... You look beautiful.
424
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,257
We... We went with the hair up
425
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,991
'cause I thought it was
a classier look.
426
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:14,727
I used to wear it like this
when, uh...
427
00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:19,065
You know what?
This is not my moment.
428
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,600
And I just realized that.
429
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:24,804
I'll see ya at the chapel.
430
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,308
(DOOR CLOSES)
431
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,109
When did this happen?
432
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:33,112
It feels like just
yesterday you were...
433
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:35,848
You were different.
434
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:38,718
You were my little peanut,
you know?
(CHUCKLES)
435
00:18:38,751 --> 00:18:42,822
I remember, you would fit
right in here just perfectly.
436
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:43,990
And you'd fall asleep.
437
00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:46,793
And I just stayed up
all night
438
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:49,262
until you woke up.
439
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:50,830
Dad.
440
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:53,600
(EXHALES) Oh, gosh,
then you got older.
441
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,602
And you remember that bike
I got you? You know,
442
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:58,371
the one with the streamers
and I put that little bell
on there?
443
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,207
Then I took your training
wheels off?
444
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:04,277
Yeah, and then you pushed me
into the street
without any warning?
445
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:06,279
Can you ride a bike or not?
(LAUGHS)
446
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,683
We're just missing one thing.
447
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,019
I know.
448
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,821
I wish Mom was here, too.
I know.
449
00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:18,225
She'd be very proud of you.
450
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,461
All right, well,
time's ticking.
451
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,596
Let's get you married,
all right? Come on.
452
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:28,468
On two. Ready. There we go.
453
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:32,372
You ready?
Yeah.
454
00:19:34,207 --> 00:19:37,210
(HERE COMES THE BRIDE PLAYING)
455
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:44,351
I'm really sorry you're not
getting the wedding
you always wanted.
456
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,486
Actually, Dad, I am.
457
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,555
Thank you.
You pulled it off.
458
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,790
(CHUCKLES)
It's not perfect,
459
00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:53,393
but... It's perfect.
460
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:56,363
Yeah.
461
00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:01,534
Boy, Chale really needs
to tie up the back
of that gown.
462
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:13,680
Look, I know this isn't
the reception we dreamed of,
463
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,816
but much like the wedding,
it was free.
464
00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:18,518
(BUGLE PLAYING TAPS)
465
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:23,623
None of my business,
but I would've hired a DJ.
466
00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:29,161
All right, gentlemen,
I'm here to announce
467
00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:31,464
the General has died
of sepsis.
468
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:33,900
Not the greatest
wedding toast.
469
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:42,675
Well, look, wedding can't
get any worse, right?
470
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,011
Anyone call a plumber?
471
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:55,121
* Don't want no sweet perfume
472
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:58,325
* Shake your thing,
go bust your move
473
00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:00,159
* Do, do, do, do, do
474
00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:02,128
* Do, do, do, do
475
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:05,665
* Oh, yeah
476
00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:08,668
* Don't want
no high-heel shoes
477
00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:10,970
* I just don't want no...
34288
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