All language subtitles for Butterfly S01E01.eng

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Max, come on. Daddy's here.

- Got my trainers.
- Ooh, he'll be pleased. Lil?

- Don't ask, I'm ready.
- Right, have you got everything?

Oh, baby, don't forget those.

- Mum!
- Sorry.

You all right?

- Yep.
- Cool.

Right. No books,
no filthy looks,

no looking on your phone
all the time, Lily.

- Dad!
- Dad.

Only in an emergency, OK?

- Yeah, my social life's an emergency.
- OK.

- Notice anything?
- Yeah, haircut.

Look at this.
Lot shorter now, turn round.

Look at this handsome
young chap, hey?

What a transformation.

Who's that in the car?

That is Gemma.

Who's Gemma?

Well, she wanted to meet them.

You just turned up
with some random woman?

Is she your girlfriend?

- OK, go say hello. Go on.
- OK.

Come here.

Off you go.

I'm not talking to her.

Look, Dad wants you to,
so you will.

What's it like?

- What?
- Periods.

Shut up.

Hiya!

- Hiya!
- Hiya.

He cut all his hair off for you,
you know.

All that lovely hair.
You know what that meant to him.

Isn't there a little bit
of you that wanted it, too,

or do you just want to do this
and have a go at me again?

Is she staying
the whole weekend?

That's the plan, yeah.

Bit young, isn't she?

You should have told me.

All right,
I'll see you on Sunday.

- Stephen.
- Yes?

Have a nice weekend.

Thank you.

So, I photoshopped
myself with this app

- to make me look, well, you know...
- Perfect.

Good idea, everyone else
is doing it, aren't they?

Every bugger on there,
pretending it's all great.

Look at me,
on the beach in Hawaii.

Gosh, look at Max.
He hates football.

Does he?

Yeah, well,
he's trying not to, but...

- Two burgers, a Caesar salad, yes? And...
- Yeah, yeah.

Warm goat's cheese salad.

Bloody hell, really?

- Yeah.
- OK.

Max,
you want chips with that burger?

- No, thanks.
- He's watching his weight.

Oh, what's that all about?

Footballers don't do carbs,
do they?

Is that what you wanna be,
you wanna be a footballer?

Yeah, I suppose.

Probably not good enough anyway.

OK, so, er...
what do you wanna be?

You know.

An astronaut.

So,
what are we doing after lunch?

- Christ, that one's got big jaws.
- And teeth!

- It won't break through, will it?
- Come on.

Max.

Who'd have thought there'd
be a career in baking soap?

I really want to make a go of this, what
am I, a part-time teaching assistant?

Stephen's got something new
in his life and what've I got?

Soap.

Oh, dear.

I've got you.
It'll be all right, come on.

What do I like to do?

Drinking wine in front
of a roaring fire.

Or eating fire in front
of a roaring wino.

Better!

- Profile pic.
- What should I be doing?

- Dancing.
- With who?

Just dancing. Show you're still
fun, and you're not arthritic.

- Marital status?
- Single.

Separated.

Well,
you wanna be clear about it.

Separated sounds like you
could still be tangled up.

You still are, aren't you?

- I'm just saying, technically...
- Are you?

Vicky, you wanna give
yourself the best chance.

All right, well,
I'll lie and say I'm divorced.

Really lie, say widowed.

Yeah, brilliant.

What's she like?

Well, she's a bit
Kardashian goes to Primark.

And she needs her tan
streaks sorting out.

Liquid bronze
would do the trick.

Bitch!

Behind her boob job.

Why are you being like this,
then?

- Cos Dad's made a bad choice.
- She's nice.

What are they like together?

- How'd you mean?
- Were they...

Lovey-dovey?

Mum, they didn't
touch each other once.

She's not a patch on you
and Dad knows it, too.

You're a sweetie.

You want to get changed,
don't you? Go on.

What's she really like?

She's OK.

Mum...

Do you think it's still a phase?
With Max and everything.

I think puberty will sort him out
and he'll grow hairs on his chest

and his voice will
drop and so will his...

And he's not gonna be seen
dead in a pink vest top.

Not even in his bedroom.

Is she better than me?

Solid nine, I'd say.

Nine?

And a half.

- Well, what am I?
- Probably, like, a five.

- He doesn't even like blondes.
- He does now.

Ready for the first
day at big school?

You look really grown up,
darling.

Yeah, you look 11.

I look...

How does it feel?

- Is that the right size on the shoulders?
- Scratchy.

Can't I wear something
else with it?

What, a body stocking?

I mean, like an earring.

Not two, just one,
just something else.

- Er, rules.
- Yeah.

The school only allows stud
earrings and that's only for girls.

Like at ours.

In our house, you get to do
girls things, but nowhere else.

How about something
they can't see, then?

Well,
I can give you one of those.

You can wear that every morning,
how about that?

What would Dad give me?

Good luck, son.

It's good you both being here,
like this.

- Like what?
- Like Mum and Dad.

- We are your mum and dad.
- A proper couple, though.

And like a proper family.

Let's get a photo.

Ready?

- Smile!
- Bless you.

Anyway,
this is your day today, OK?

All right, go on, then.

- You better not, Mum.
- Oh, since when?

- Bye.
- Bye, darling.

Look after him for me.

Proud?

- Of course I am, that's a silly question.
- Is it?

- He's so much better now, isn't he?
- He's older.

He'll be OK?

Yeah.

What are you gonna
do with all this lot?

I'm going to sell
them at a craft fair.

Going into business, are you?

Yeah, that's the idea.

Best just think of
it as a hobby, Vicky.

What's the point of
making soap for a hobby?

What's the point of making soap,
full stop?

I thought you liked being
a teaching assistant.

Or is it to take your
mind off Max's funny ways?

No, it's not.
And Max hasn't got funny ways.

- Darling. Your Nan's here.
- Hi.

Hello, Max.

What's he doing in such a hurry?

He's...

He finds his school
uniform itchy.

School uniforms are
meant to be itchy.

You haven't been to the
toilet today, have you?

- Vicky, he's wet himself.
- Yes, we know that.

- I think you should go, Mum.
- So do I.

No, that was in primary school that you
were allowed to use the staff toilet.

This is different and you said
that you were ready for different

and you said you wanted that.

I don't wanna talk about it.

Well, you're going to have to
cos this can't keep happening.

You're gonna have to adjust.

I know. I want to.

I don't want, like,
special treatment.

I want to be, you know, normal.

It's just...

I know I can't go in the girls'
toilet, but...

I can't go in the boys' toilet,
either.

All you've got to
do is stand there.

It's not about whether
I stand or sit.

I want to feel like
I belong in it.

It's called a convenience.

It's actually called that.
It'll only take a minute.

I think I feel sick.

I don't think I can
go to school tomorrow.

No, no, no. I'm not having that.
I'm not having the drama.

You're a big boy now, Max.

Am I?

Look, you just go to the toilet.

You've got a penis, it should
be perfectly all right.

Outside, you're a boy.

In public, you do what boys do.

Make your mind up!

All you gotta do is
get your cock out.

Gay boy.

Two peacocks really, isn't it?

- That's Topshop.
- Exactly, and you're 40.

And, so is he.

So, did this bloke say
anything about his ex?

Only that he's got one.

- No?
- No, I don't like that one.

What's going on?

We're just going through
my wardrobe, darling.

Why didn't you ask me to help?

I've got a good eye.
I know what suits you.

You didn't ask me cos you're planning to
meet someone, aren't you? I heard you.

Yeah, all right. I'm, um...

I'm planning to meet someone.

- When?
- Tonight.

Tonight?

It's to make Dad jealous,
isn't it?

No, of course it's not
to make your dad jealous.

This isn't about Dad, Max.
This is about Mum.

- She needs Dad.
- Dad's got a love life of his own.

If you dressed up for Dad,
went on a date with him instead,

he'd see what a terrible
mistake he'd made.

And you'd forgive him
and he'd come back.

That's enough.

He'll never come back if he knows your
meeting some stupid, sweaty bloke.

Max! Don't be selfish.
Mum never goes out.

You're making her do this.

We could be a
normal family again.

- Happy.
- Max, your dad isn't coming back.

That doesn't mean that he
doesn't love you very much.

He has to come back.

Look, come on. Darling, please.

Max.

Max, I'm going if you
wanna come say goodbye.

Look,
you haven't even met him yet.

He might be the
man of your dreams.

Or nightmares.

Why don't you wanna
go on this date?

- I'm just...
- Nervous?

I don't wanna meet someone new.

Max, come on.
Come and say bye to Mum.

- Mum.
- Yeah?

Do you think you'll
have sex with him?

No, I will not.

I might have dessert.

Mum!

Oh, my God!

Lily, call an ambulance.

What have you done?

- What have you done?
- Ambulance.

It's gonna be OK,
it's gonna be OK.

- Emergency!
- Come on, come on.

He's an 11-year-old boy and
he's slashed his wrists.

Everything's gonna be OK,
you're gonna be OK.

I feel better now.

Why did you do it, darling?

To calm myself down.

The last time I saw him, he was
fine. He was absolutely fine.

Last time you saw him...

We were at the school gates and he was
trying to make us play happy families.

Why are you dressed up?

I was going out.

On a date.

She was going out on a date.

She looks good, doesn't she?

Don't you like how she looks?

A date, right.

- What?
- Were you upset about that?

Oh, yeah, that's right.
Blame me.

I'm asking, OK.

I'm allowed to ask. Was that it?

Of course I was upset.

I didn't want you with
Gemma and Mum with whoever.

I want you to come back, Dad.

I don't even know why you left.

Dad.

Father and son. Father and son.

Dad.

Where you going?

Er, I'm just gonna go out
for some fresh air, son.

You're coming back, aren't you?

Yeah, of course I'm coming back.

It's OK.

Everything's gonna be OK.

We took him to a child
psychologist when he was five.

Why?

Because he seemed to be
identifying as a girl.

He'd only play with girls' toys,
he'd want to wear girls' clothes.

They said he was,
you know, probably...

Gay.

Apparently,
only a quarter of the kids who,

how do you call it,
express themselves like that...

You know, feel like that
when they reach puberty.

That's what it says online,
anyway.

A lot of them just pack it in.

They told us to keep his
feminine behaviour in check, um,

especially when
we were in public.

So, I did and so did Max.

Well,
you wouldn't be told that now.

Anyway, do you keep it in check?

Yeah, he only ever wears girls'
clothes at home.

What?

He told me he stopped that.

Well, he would tell you that,
wouldn't he?

Well, you haven't been keeping
anything in check, then, have you?

You've been encouraging it.

Of course I haven't been encouraging
it, I just don't know how to stop it.

Look, when he's with me,
he's like any other boy.

- Is he?
- Yes, yes.

Is he? He's really just
like any other boy?

- Well, he will be when he reaches puberty.
- Will he?

No, I'm asking, will he?
Will he be OK?

Puberty can be a ticking clock.

But Max might not have
reached that stage yet.

And he's not gonna
become more distressed?

Will he grow out of
it after puberty?

The gender dysphoria might
escalate, but it might not.

And what if it does?

Then you might want to
stop puberty, delay it.

All right,
let's not get carried away.

That's ridiculous.

How would we do that?

Puberty blockers.

To delay his development
as a young man.

The physical characteristics
of being a young man.

Hang on a second.

He's not gonna need any medication.
He's not gonna need anything

except maybe to grow
up a little bit.

Are the blockers something
that's available to us?

They buy the child some time, to
see what feels right for them.

To see if they want
to change their mind.

But at the moment, let's just stay on
the subject of Max's wellbeing, OK?

- Dad.
- Yes, Max.

I hate my willy.

- Don't be silly.
- I do.

Why?

Well, it gets in the way.

I wish that...

You wish what?

That it would fall off.

It's never gonna fall off, Max.

It'll just get bigger,
you know, like Daddy's.

- It can't.
- That's enough, Max.

- I don't want it.
- I said, that's enough.

I don't want it! Don't want it!

You've got no choice, Max!
You've got no bloody choice.

It's my body, I wanna change.

Why are you saying that, huh?

Why are you saying that to me?

Look, I'm gonna refer you
to the Ferrybank Trust.

The gender identity
and management service.

Thank you.

You may need specialist help.

Thank you,
thanks so much for your help.

- Stephen.
- Thank you.

Is it all right if I have a
minute with you on my own?

Sure.

Ok.

- Wait for you outside?
- Yeah.

Look, I've asked myself this a
million times, is it my fault?

Is it something that I did wrong in
my pregnancy and I just didn't...

..didn't produce enough
testosterone for him or something?

Of course not.

- Was your pregnancy with Max a normal one?
- Yeah.

I mean, I had the cheeky cigarette
or the odd glass of wine,

but no drugs or anything
like that. I promise.

It was pretty much
the same as Lily's.

- But, medically, there was nothing?
- No, not medically.

You've done nothing wrong.

Lily was such a lovely little
baby. I guess I wanted a...

I wanted a sister for her,
not a brother.

And, erm...

I didn't tell anyone that, but
maybe my brain did something.

As soon as I found out
that I was having a boy,

I was really excited about it.
I loved the idea.

But I'm talking about
what happened in that...

..what happened in
that first 20 weeks.

Maybe I secreted some
kind of fucking hormone

or something that's made him,
made him...

That's made him.

You've got nothing to
blame yourself for.

Thank you.

D'you want a lift?

No, I'm ok.

Look,
he behaves himself with me.

- Behaves himself?
- You know what I mean.

So, what, you want him to
come and live with you?

No, I don't... No.

He behaves himself because
he's scared, Stephen.

Because he loves me, alright?

He wants me in his life all
the time, not just sometimes.

In there, she said listen to
him, so I'm listening to him.

He wants me at home again,
I wanna listen.

He's confused, yeah. His
head's all over the place. And

his old man turns up every other
weekend to kick a ball about

and buy him some chips.
I can do better than that.

You know I can do
better than that.

It's not about you.

Exactly.
A happy boy, a happier boy,

wouldn't want to be a girl,
now, would he?

But if I was there for him, a
proper, you know, role model, then...

What about me?

You left him,
but you also left me.

Have any idea how
much that still hurts?

We were supposed to
cope with it together

- and you just ran away.
- I know, OK, I know.

But we both agree what we
want for him now, don't we?

I mean, it's about us helping
him in the best way we can.

It's about us...

You know, and I didn't want to say this,
but, fuck it, it's about us fixing him.

And kids, they change their mind all
the time, so, we can change his mind.

You don't get it, do you?
I don't trust you.

You could move in and then you'd just
leave us again and cause him more harm.

Or we get to keep our son.

We get to keep him on track.

Please, Vicky, let me back in.

I'll sleep on the camp bed,
I'll do anything.

I mean, the main thing is is that
we're all under the same roof together.

And if that keeps him calm,
if it settles his brain,then

it'll stop all this acting out and
stop him from wanting to harm himself

or do something even
worse next time.

He wants us to love each other,
Stephen. We can't...

..we can't fix us.

How are we gonna fix him?

I never stopped loving you.
Never.

- That's not fair.
- I had to go. I had to.

Yeah, because of what you did.

- Max. That's enough, stop it.
- But, I love it.

Hang on a second, OK. Don't
say that you love it, yeah.

But, I do. I just do.

- I'm warning you, Max.
- And I don't care.

Stephen!

Dad!

Come here, come here. Let me
see, let me see. Let me see.

It's what I do now.

For Christ's sake,
it's what I do now.

I don't know if it's too late.

OK. Come on, Adnan.
What are you gonna have?

What is the name for this, Miss?

That's fish, Adnan. F-I-S-H.

Fish.

Fish... please.

- Excuse me, miss, you can't just...
- Stephen.

Stephen!

Stephen.

- It slows us down.
- Yeah, so will prison.

- You need a high-vis jacket and a helmet.
- It's important.

High-vis jacket and helmet.

- What do you want?
- I wanna keep Max safe.

You're agreeing, then?
You're letting me back?

If you wanna come back,
you can come back for his sake,

but it doesn't mean
I'm forgiving you.

Thanks.

- I'm his mum and you're his dad, that's it.
- OK.

Good.

- Dinner's at six.
- What?

Dinner's at six.

Dinner's at six.

Dad's here!

- All right?
- Yeah. Can I help out?

It's heavy.

- I'm fine.
- Are you sure?

Taking in lodgers?
Times must be hard.

Yeah, very hard.

- Why would he cut himself?
- Um, not happy, obviously.

I just gotta get to the bottom
of why, you know. I've gotta...

I've gotta be there for him,
haven't I? I mean...

What aren't you telling me,
Stephen?

About what, about...? About Max?

About you and your wife.

Nothing, love.

We're his mum and dad, Gemma.

That's all there is to it.

Good luck.

I don't think we should be
encouraging that, do you?

- Long sleeves, Max? Good thinking!
- Dad, Jesus.

So, this is permanent, then,
is it, you being here?

We're just gonna see
how it goes, Mum.

My Ronnie would never have
walked out on his family.

Thank you for that, Barbara.

Don't worry, I'm gonna give
it all my attention now, OK.

When you left home, that's when
Vicky started spoiling them.

She indulged every whim.

What's a whim?

Letting him play
at being a girl.

We actually had rules about it.

Well, there's gonna be even
more rules about it now.

Well,
we're all here together again.

I'll drink to that.

Now, Max, mate.
So, what was it with all that

do-it-yourself plastic surgery,
then, eh?

So I could get off school,
Grandad.

- That's not true.
- It's a bit true.

If we all just say you're gay
and it's no problem at all,

- then Bob's your uncle. Everybody's happy.
- Grandad!

I don't have a problem
with him being gay, Dad.

- But that's not the issue, is it?
- Dad.

Everybody has to be different,
don't they?

I tell you what is fashionable,
this trans thing.

A girl has her hair cut short,

what she really wants is a
cock put on. Pardon my French.

A boy picks up a doll,
he's a girl, really,

and there's a whole
bloody palaver.

What's wrong with liking a bit
of frill and a splash of colour?

- He's just gay.
- Just gay?

I tell you what, it'd be a bloody sight
easier than what he could be in for.

- Especially on that social media.
- I'm not gay.

- He'll grow out of it anyway, won't he?
- Maybe.

And you shouldn't be judging.

You weren't exactly a
shoulder to cry on, were you?

I'm not gay.

Well, he might be confused, but he
doesn't seem confused about that.

- I'm pregnant!
- Oh, don't you start.

What, I never get a look in me,
do I?

You've got a big job ahead
of you. You know that.

Yeah, I know I do. I'm ready.

When are you and Mum gonna
sleep in the same bed?

- You know.
- I don't know.

Isn't it why you came back?
To be a married couple again.

Yeah,
but those things take time.

- So, you will, then?
- Yeah, maybe.

Or are you two just pretending?

Because if you're
just pretending...

- Tonight, actually.
- What?

Tonight.
Me and your mother will be

sleeping in the same
bed from tonight.

Yes, that's right, we will.

No. That's my side of the
bed now. I sleep there.

Good.

All right,
you changed things now.

- Moving on.
- Don't make fun of me.

I wasn't making...

You know, that cold
shoulder of yours, Vicks,

Max is gonna wanna see
something a little bit warmer.

If you wanna cuddle,
you could always go to Gemma's.

I ended it with her.

Was she upset?

Did her eyelashes
stick together?

You are a catty bugger,
you know that?

You could've...

You could have gone
for someone older.

I have.

Don't do that, it's not fair.

You know what, maybe I should just
sleep on the floor or something.

Yeah, maybe you should.

Well, I'm used to
sleeping on my own by now.

Really?

I'm not gonna stroke your ego.

I'm just asking if
you still love me.

- Don't you dare do that.
- OK, keep your voice down.

You can't just expect to come
back and everything be all right.

- You're here because Max needs you.
- Brilliant.

You know, you're just in the bedroom,
in the same bedroom, that's all.

It's no big deal.

- Keep it simple.
- Well, it's not simple, is it?

None of this is simple.

I know what I'm doing.

And I'm gonna jump
right into it.

This is ten things you didn't
know about transgender people.

That was not cute.

We aren't all the same.

I don't think there is one box that
you can create for our entire community

because we are all such
diverse and unique individuals.

OK, fight stance. Ready?

Now, the most powerful
movement is short movement.

Minimum movement. What is it?

- Short movement.
- Perfect.

Now, you come at me and
I'll show you what to do.

I think he'd prefer
the cha-cha-cha.

I can dance and I can fight.

OK, in your own time.

What happened there?
It was so fast.

He actually thinks
he's Vin Diesel.

Just trying to give the
kid more confidence,

and it's Van Damme, every time.

You know, if you really wanna get
Daddy, do you know what to do?

Oh, Vicky. No, please.

It starts here and find
that little place...

What do we do,
what does he absolutely hate?

No, no, please!
No, no, guys, guys!

That's enough,
this is not funny.

- He's like a baby!
- Oh, my God. Stop, stop, stop!

Oh, God!

I love this!

I always want it to be like this.
I don't wanna change anything.

- I love this.
- We love you.

Not tonight.

Missed you.

- Hiya!
- What?

What do you mean, "What?"

Just cos Mum told you
to keep an eye on me.

Go play with your friends.

What about your friends?

- Come on, come and join in.
- Who with?

- With who you really want to.
- I can't.

It's not primary
school any more.

Hiya, guys!
Can my brother join in with you?

Yeah. Yes, OK.

Ok.

Max.

Come on,
don't look at me like that.

Give me your hands.

Right,
just follow what these do, OK?

Right, come on, come on. I've
seen you do it better at home.

Go on, Max! Get in the line.
Join in, join in.

Oi, dance boy.

What is wrong with you?

- Working out moves with the girls.
- How gay is that?

- I'm not gay.
- What else could you be?

A freak, all right. A freak.

Fucking right.
Show us your moves.

He said, show us your moves.

Hey, right, stop it now.

Come on, you've had your fun,
leave him alone.

- Is he your brother?
- No.

So, what's it got to
do with you, then?

You two boys on your period?

Oh, look, I tell you what.
Maybe you need one of these.

- You're as weird as him.
- Come on.

Freaks.

You ok?

It was your fault
in the first place.

- Egging me on to dance.
- Yeah, but you loved it.

- I just joined in.
- You loved it!

All right, I know.

Look, when people call you him or
he, I see you flinch sometimes.

Like you wanna contradict them,
but you just can't.

Maybe you should.

I can't.

Max, when they said,
are you my brother,

and I said no, I wasn't doing
that to disown you, I just...

I think of you as my sister.

Come on, let's go.

They're quiet.

- Homework.
- Homework.

- Why didn't I think of that?
- Out of practice.

Max wants to go to school
like this from now on.

He's paid for the uniform
with his own money

and he wants to change
his name to Maxine.

- Her name.
- Her name. Sorry.

Is this a joke?

You know it's not a joke.

Max?

I don't wanna do it, Dad.

But I feel like I have to.

Like I'm lost.

I thought this was going away.

You... You don't know
what you want, Max.

This is too big a thing
not to be sure about.

Darling, you can't just
turn up at school like that.

I'd have to go and talk
to the headmistress.

Don't they already
know about me?

Well, they know that
you've been upset. And...

that you hurt yourself. Well,
Maybe he won't be upset any more.

Come on,
you know how children can be.

I don't want them
making his life misery.

I wanna protect him.

Her.

So, hide him, you mean?
Hide... her.

Or have social
services at the door.

Given what's happened,
I'm not having that.

- How do I look, Mum?
- You...

You look lovely.

- Do I?
- Yeah.

D'you think I'm ready?

I don't know.

I'm sorry, I don't know.

I thought we were
doing everything right.

You know,
I thought you were my son still.

I don't want my boy
taken away from me,

do you understand? I don't
wanna lose my little boy.

Why can't he stop this?

- Why can't you just stop it?
- Dad.

This is why you left last time,
wasn't it?

You didn't leave Mum.

You left me.

Yes.

Don't leave, Dad.

I've tried.

Don't go now.

I've really tried.

Please.

We're as good as
any other parents.

Are you? You're still not
giving him what he wants.

We spoke on the phone.
The dads don't always come.

I'm not gonna change my mind,
though, it's what I am.

All right, gay boy?

Maxine needs to have puberty
stopped, not just talked about.

There's a gender clinic
called the Ferrybank.

- Tell me some things that scare you.
- Getting a deep voice.

We're not here just
to dole something out.

The last thing she needs
right now is an Adam's apple

and hair growing
all over her body.

Let them decide what she needs,
OK? Not you.

Am I just someone
you use to punish Vicky?

I don't think I can
trust you any more.

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