Original subtitles

- Good news everyone, I arrested our sniper.

One Flora Wilson.

- Do you know her?

- I know a lot of wrong 'uns.

- I do hope she's not the love of your life,

because I hear they're going to hang her.

- There's gonna be an inquiry after what you

did to Mr. Larkham.

- I barely touched him.

- Mr. Larkham, everyone needs a friend in the station.

I could be such a friend.

- I love you lot.

- But let us know a little bit about how your station works.

Police reform is high on our list.

- Definitely.

- There she is.

Flora, is it?

- Pig shit, is it?

- I prefer Inspector Rabbit.

Now before you swing like a chimp's ball sac I want

a list of everyone you've done in.

You'd better fuck off, mate.

What you don't see and all that.

I'm gonna get you out of here.

- You can't.

It's too late for me, Rabbit.

- How many have you killed?

Tomorrow at 11:00 they're gonna take you

to Pentonville where you're gonna hang at noon.

But I'll be waiting, wearing a hood to cosh

the guards and crack open the van.

- I'm saying nothing pig!

They all deserved it.

A copper doing over a prison van.

They'll hang us both.

- Only if they catch us.

- You'll really gonna bust me out on your own?

- Yeah, 'cause I love ya!

And always will.

- You shouted that.

- Shit!

Is what your victims said.

- Good recovery.

- Not bad, eh?

- Tanner's report goes up

to the Assistant Commissioner today.

- They won't do nothing, they need bastards like me.

- The scum do need taking out.

But what if it doesn't go your way?

- Well, then I'm toast.

- Well, I for one would jolly well miss you, sir.

- You're a good boy, but I've got bigger things on my mind.

- Such as?

- Look, I might need to nip off later.

- When?

- About six minutes past 11:00.

- Are you hiding something from me again?

What did we agree about that?

- Help!

He's got the girls.

- Who has?

- He shot Big Sam.

- Okay.

- He ran into the match factory on Lime Street.

And there was shouting and then shooting.

- See!

- And then he said I've got poison gas,

I'll kill the fucking lot of yer.

He's gonna kill 'em all.

- That's the thing about Rabbit.

He punches first and then forgets what the question was.

- And would you say the Inspector

is under particular pressure at the moment?

- Lydia, why do you give a dog's dangler about Rabbit?

He's a high functioning fried breakfast who's afraid

of the countryside and can't spell the word Wednesday.

Why does a woman's organisation need to know this stuff?

- Mabel, do you remember how you felt

when you were made a real police woman?

- Yeah, it was like an orgasm,

if women had those.

- Well, you're still the only one.

It's a very precarious position.

You need to keep your friends on side, don't you?

So tell me more about Rabbit.

How's he coping?

- Well, alright.

Okay, so the thing is about Rabbit

is he doesn't have his own teeth.

- He's gotta a gun.

- He's up there!

It were only me who got out.

But I left my tin lunchbox up here.

It's got a kitten on the front of it.

My mum'll kill me if I lose it.

- What's your name? - Tilly.

- We'll get your mates out of there, Tilly.

Don't you worry.

Sergeant Strauss, can you lead the hunt

for the missing lunchbox.

- It shall be found, ma'am.

- Right, let's get this over with quick.

I need a clean head shot.

I should have had a drink.

- Sir, stop!

He's holding a lever.

If he lets go that'll release a poison gas.

- Dead man's switch.

Bugger!

- Hettie's in there.

She's eight months with child.

I've gotta save her.

- No, you don't.

You take this, go and get yourself a cup of tea

from the market, by the time you get back

this'll all be sorted.

- I like coffee.

Coffee's tuppence.

- Go on.

- I've seen some of the girls have a biscuit with it.

- Oh, you're kidding.

Run!

- Excuse me, we do need to clear the area.

Is that work very important?

- Yeah.

- Inspector, we've got a problem here.

- What is it?

- The electricity.

- It doesn't exist.

Tell him to bugger off.

- Murdering lady hangs at noon.

Expected to swing like the balls of a chimp.

- Guv, siege at the match factory.

Rabbit's down there.

- As police or perpetrator?

- Police I think.

- Always worth checking.

Well, off I fucking go.

- He should shit or get off the pot.

- For once, Trevor, you speak the bloody truth!

- So which way is this gonna go, Tanner?

Huh?

Our way or is your report on our friend, Rabbit,

going straight into the round filing cabinet?

That's a clever way of saying bin,

that I invented.

- I'm confident they'll stick him to the wall, sir.

I included every last misdeed that bastard

has ever committed.

Ah, here we go.

Fuck!

- "By order of the Assistant Commissioner

"over violent conduct, Inspector Rabbit will give up

"his truncheon for one week."

- Wisbech fixed it.

I should have guessed.

- Rabbit always was his favorite little pet.

The question, Tanner, is what are you going to do about it?

- Excuse me.

Police coming through.

Thank you.

I can't believe you're having an armed siege without me.

- It wasn't in the diary.

More of a spontaneous thing.

- Stop crying!

If you don't shut up I'll start shooting, I will.

- Right.

This needs finishing quicker than a vicar's wank.

Oi, sunbeam.

I'm Inspector Rabbit.

Now you need to calm down so we can sort this bollocks out.

What are your demands?

- I'm not telling yer.

- You're what?

- What are your demands?

- What are my demands?

I don't know.

You throw your gun out the window and let

the girls out the front door.

- They won't stop snivelling.

- If I'm honest, there's no point in killing 'em.

Most of those girls will be dead by the end

of the year of phosphorous poisoning.

Personally, I blame the managers.

- Really?

I've got a manager in here.

- Have you?

- No!

- Oh, Gawd!

- I did him.

Like you told me to.

- Well, I didn't exactly, but I got your attention,

which is good.

Now do you reckon we could wrap this up

in the next 10 to 15,

'cause I've really got to be somewhere.

- You're trying to confuse me.

You shut up.

Shut up or I'll shoot your cock off into the air.

- Right, that stopped the chat.

- It certainly did.

I'd have hell of a job finding another.

- Right, let's have a little ride across town, shall we?

Why not?

I like a ride.

- Message for Sergeant Strauss.

- Ooh, thank you.

- What is it?

- It's nothing.

- Oh, no!

- Well, why d'you kiss it?

- I didn't.

- He's in love again.

- Some people never learn.

- It isn't that.

Alright, it is that.

I've finally met someone and she's tender and gentle.

- And a serial killer.

- Like the history twat.

- We all have our type.

- I know I've been unlucky in love,

but this time it's for real.

- Well, we'd love to meet her.

- Yeah, during visiting hours.

- Right then.

What's he after?

- I don't know, he hasn't said.

- Bloody inconsiderate.

If he won't say what he wants how can I tell him

he can't have it.

- Look guv, I can't stay here for long.

- You'll stay until it's bloody sorted.

And I want it sorted now.

- Well, that's good then.

- I'm gonna throw a cordon around the cordon.

You can never have enough cordons,

despite what people say.

- Ooh, don't touch it.

It might be poisoned.

- Leave this to me.

I studied toxicology at college.

Now this paper tells us the pH.

This tests for thallium.

All I have to do is...

- It's fine.

- What does it say?

- Great news.

Here at Fromond and Jones Matches only seven girls

fell into a phosphorous coma last year

thanks to our... - No, no, turn it over.

- "Please help us.

"Hettie not looking well.

"Tell our mums we love them."

And then there's a picture.

- It's a spider in a tree.

- Now this could be a clue.

The hostage taker's name is Mr. Spidertree.

- Nobody's called Mr. Spidertree.

- Then Mr. Treespider.

Or Mr. Plant Creepy Crawlie.

Or his name's Plant Creepy and he lives in Crawley.

- It's a hand and it's a tattoo,

so we need to find whoever has this tattoo.

- But he could still live in Crawley.

- Well, who would know every tattooed low life

in the East End?

- Oh, no.

- Oh, yes, Strauss.

Go and get John Merrick, otherwise known by many

as the Elephant Man.

- Assistant Commissioner, I see you haven't followed up

on my recommendations vis a vis Inspector Rabbit.

I'm a little bit disappointed.

I won't lie to you.

- My decision is final.

- What if I were to bribe you?

- You clearly know nothing about me.

- Well, then let's get to know each other, shall we?

I'll start.

In the Sudan this young bugler couldn't get his boot off.

I asked if I could help him.

"All right," I said.

I gave it a yank, but it was jammed hard.

And blow me down if his whole bleedin' leg

didn't come off in to my hand along with his trousers

and his tunic.

You see, the rot hadn't only spread up his leg,

it had gone all the way up to his neck.

After a brief chat I picked up an ammunitions box

and dropped it on his head.

A kindness.

I actually had to do it twice because I half

missed the first time.

But the point is you now know how kind I can be.

How kind can you be?

- If there were a bribe,

it would have to be a very big one.

- Well, for that I would have to have a very,

very rich friend.

- Morning Joe.

- Oh, I bloody hate mornings.

Never freak before 3:00.

That's my motto.

But your boy was insistent.

- I was polite but firm.

- Ooh, were you now.

- I want you to have a look at this.

- We reckon the bloke up there has this tattoo,

but we don't know his name.

- Give me back my money, you shit!

- Not him.

No, no, no.

Anyone but him.

- 100 bloody guineas you owe me,

you bastard tea leaf!

- You keep him away or I'll kill everyone.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You know him then?

- Patrick Levant.

He auditioned for my show.

So I says will you get covered in tattoos,

you could be our incredible tattooed man.

"Yes" says he, so I gave him some money.

After just one tattoo he's mewling like a baby.

"Oh, it hurts.

"Oh, they used a dirty needle.

"I have six forms of hepatitis."

Well, we all make sacrifices, luv.

- Then what happened?

- He ran away with the rest of the tattoo money.

Well, I've found you now, you bleeder.

- You get back!

- Not until I get my wedge, son.

- Mr. Merrick, he's holding a large tube

of poison gas.

- Hey, I couldn't give a cabbie's knackers.

Oh, wait, yeah, I could get good money for that

down the market.

- No, no, no, no.

- The canister please, Levant.

- You're mad!

- Technically it belongs to me.

And your gun and the bullets.

In fact, give me all the bullets from your gun immediately.

- Shit!

- Not like that, you thick puffin.

- Come on, Mr. Merrick, it's for your own,

but mainly other people's, good.

- Oh now, paws off.

This is tailored, you know.

The Elephant never buys off the peg.

- Right.

A nine-layer cordon.

Personal best.

What's the news?

- We've got a name, guv.

Patrick Levant.

11 o'clock.

I've gotta go.

- Now, where?

- Nowhere.

- Well, whatever it is you need to do,

can't I do it?

- No, no, no, no, you need to stay where it's safe,

here at the armed siege.

Guv, you take over.

- What?

Bloody hell!

Mr. Levant, my name is Chief Inspector Wisbech.

- No, I only speak to Rabbit.

- It's the girl.

Hettie, sir.

She's gone into labour.

- This is a trick.

He stays here or I'll let go of this and everybody dies.

You seem to be well in with all the nutters, Rabbit,

I'll give you that.

I'll get a nurse.

- Patrick.

Pal.

Are we pals?

It feels like we are.

Having a chat in the pub.

One with a whisky, one with a switch that could

gas an entire room of young women.

Patrick, you need to let the pregnant girl go.

- Nobody leaves.

- What if someone takes Hettie's place.

You'll have the same number of hostages

and you've lost nothing.

- Alright.

But they come in unarmed.

- Inspector, I volunteer.

- Strauss, you are turning into one fucking amazing copper.

- Thank you, sir.

- I will confess, that day when you walked in I thought

who the hell is this streak of piss knob lord.

- Yes, I knew that.

- And to be honest, I've been thinking that ever since.

- I didn't know that.

- Listen, you've got what it takes.

You have the biggest pair of balls I've ever seen.

- Cor, that is probably the nicest thing that

anyone has ever said to me.

Here goes.

- That's called the slight of handcuff trick.

You ain't learnt everything.

The only way out of this is to go further in.

- Flora, I'll save ya.

Patrick, I'm coming in.

- Open your shirt.

Up the stairs, come on.

- Alright.

- Flora?

Don't you mean Hettie?

- Okay, no tricks!

- No.

No tricks, Patrick.

Hello ladies.

I'm guessing you're Hettie.

Well, I'm your replacement,

so off you go.

- Oh, oh, oh, thank you.

What are you called?

Can I name the baby after ya?

- My name's Rabbit.

- Oh, fuck that.

But thanks you all the same.

- Alright.

- Come on, easy.

- Calm down.

- Pop yourself there.

- Okay.

- What happened there?

- Oh, the dog chewed it off last Christmas Eve.

I've got a question.

What's with the poison gas?

This is a match factory.

Everything's flammable.

One spark and this whole place will go up like

fucking Guy Fawkes' Night.

Sorry girls.

- Shut up!

- Well, if you ain't gonna say something at least

give me something to read.

- Take that and shut up.

- Where's Rabbit?

- Swapped himself for a hostage.

It's the bravest thing I ever saw, Mabel.

- Alright, alright, luv.

This way, this way.

Is it your first?

- Third.

- Oh, you've been busy.

You don't look more than 23.

- Oh, I'm 17.

- I'm not judging.

I'm not judging.

- How can we help him?

- Hang on.

Where's the note?

- Oh, yes.

"My dearest Wilbur, my heart trembles."

- No, the note from the match girls.

- Oh, yeah.

- Dah-dah-dah-dah "Only seven girls fell into

"a phosphorous coma last year thanks

"to our patented airflow system."

- Why don't you have any demands?

- Stop talking to me.

- And what did you do with Elephant Man's money?

- I can't remember.

- There's a shiny patch on your waistcoat

where your watch was.

I reckon you sold it.

And your paper it's open on the racing results.

- You need to shut your mouth.

- Do I now?

Do you fancy a wager, Patrick?

10 shillings says you can't hold that lever

for another 20 minutes.

- Stop it!

- Alright, make it 15 or a quid.

Or let's make it really interesting.

How about a fiver?

- No!

- Because you like a gamble, don't you, Patrick?

You like a flutter.

Probably a bit too much.

You've got family and kids.

Is that a yes, I've got kids?

Or no, they were wiped out and if you mention them again

I'll blow your bleedin' head off.

- Yes, I've got kids.

- I think you've got a story to tell, ain't you, Patrick?

You just need someone to tell it to.

Maybe I'm your man.

- Come on, Rabbit.

I believe in you, Rabbit, you stupid bloody bastard.

Rabbit!

- Now I'm not emotionally literate,

but I would say that you're on the edge.

- I told you to stop talking.

- Most villains they'd be loving this power,

but you aren't, which makes me think that you ain't one.

- Yeah, well, you don't know me, do ya?

- I know that you're a gambling man who's in the shit!

There's something else, ain't there?

Someone's got to you.

Someone's pulling your strings, boy.

- Shut up!

- And it's driving you potty.

Who are they?

- I'm gonna blow your head off!

- Then I'll ask you through my neck hole.

Who are they?

- I didn't want to do any of this, you know.

None of it.

Just I owe money.

A shit load.

And not just to Merrick.

Worse people.

And those people said they'd harm Ruth and the kids.

But then they came to me.

- They?

No, no, no, mate, look at me.

Who are they?

- I don't know.

They just said they'd take away the debts,

look after the family.

But I had to do something for them.

- Who's they, Patrick?

- I don't know, they wouldn't let on.

- Well, you must have met one of 'em.

- No, they said I shouldn't tell anyone,

especially not you.

- Yeah, but you're dying to tell someone, aren't you?

- A woman.

Elegant, like.

She had a cigarette case, and it had a weird symbol on it.

It was like an eye with arrows coming out of it.

- Look what I found choir boy.

- Bollocks.

- This symbol could be a clue.

- Doubt it.

- And what about that secret society carry on?

- Total bollocks.

The secret society is twollocks.

That's what Mabel's been banging on about.

Wait, she told you not to tell me?

Why me?

- She said just keep him at the factory 'til noon.

And don't trust him, 'cause...

She said don't let the girls go.

Now you tricked me.

- No, you tricked me, you bastard!

I should be out there saving a girl I love

from the gallows and instead I'm in here with you,

you lanky fuck.

- It's nearly 12.

After that you can go.

- No, I can go right now!

- Rabbit!

- I can't let you.

I'm so sorry.

- You're alive!

- That secret society.

- Yeah? - It's real.

- I know, I told you.

- There's a mole.

A mole!

- A mole?

- What's Rabbit's route to work?

- Past the Ten Bells, the White Heart and the match factory.

- Please will you let Tilly know

I will recover her lunchbox.

- Who's Tilly?

- Oh, the young girl, works with you.

Escaped when he shot Big Sam.

- Don't know any Tilly.

- Oh.

Oh.

- Strauss, this might be a mad thought.

You know your lady friend,

she's not called Lydia by any chance?

- Clementine.

- Oh, thank God for that.

- She gave me a photograph.

Now you can see part of her shoulder.

Please don't be shocked.

I've finally met a good one, haven't I?

- No!

Flora!

No!

Laugh, and the world laughs with you.

Weep and you weep alone.

Another whisky, Gwen.

- You've drunk it all.

- How about that dusty bottle?

- That dusty bottle has been on that shelf since 1790

when my granddad took over.

- Well, then you'd better bring it over.

- Forget it.

- Ah, Rabbit, I thought I'd find you in here.

I bring big news from the station.

My God, look at the state of you?

- How's your eye?

- It appears the Assistant Commissioner

has decided to follow my recommendations after all.

He's fired you, Rabbit.

You ain't a copper no more.

- Now I think I'll press charges.

They'll throw you in jail with the scum you've put away.

Ooh, they'll have some fun with you in there.

- Well, if I ain't a copper no more,

there's not a lot stopping me from doing this.

- Get out of my pub, wanker of the Yard.

I ain't gonna say it nice twice.

- Piss off.

- Ain't been a good day, I grant you,

but don't get the morbs.

Things will look better in the morning.

- They'd better look better.

They couldn't get much worse.

you would

- The shit!

- Police!

Coming in!