Original subtitles

- I speak for the working man, for the common man,

the man who has strived all his life

to provide for his family.

- I've seen this bloke before.

He's called Neal Fromage.

He's got quite extreme views.

- The man what's strained every sinew...

- They're his supporters.

That's the protest.

And that's the anti-protest protest.

- Listen to him!

- The common man can't get ahead.

- Sounds like run-of-the-mill stuff.

What's the issue?

- I'll tell you why.

Immigrants!

- Oh, dear lord.

- They infest this city, they do.

- It could be rats.

It could be fleas.

My money's on cancer.

- Like a cancer!

- Oh, there he goes.

- They come 'ere...

- You gotta watch these quiet ones,

lapping up every word this tit says.

If anyone's gonna kick off, it'll be them.

- And if they take over...

You can be sure of one thing.

- Far better restaurants?

- Blood!

Blood!

- There's something wrong with him.

- You're fucking right there is.

- Blood.

- Everyone get down!

- Get down!

We've all seen a dead racist.

- Ah, Rabbit.

My report into your alleged brutality,

I thought I must get a statement from you

so you can put your side of things.

- All right, well...

- Then I thought fuck that!

I know what you did.

I know all about you

because we go back a long way, don't we?

And I intend to use everything.

- Everything.

Everything you know.

Everything.

- Most things.

- Oh, most things.

- Some things.

Things, anyway, a big fat juicy file

full of things that you've done.

I might bring it out in 12 volumes,

like a novel except not boring.

I'll just follow the facts.

Oh, and then things might look slightly like facts

but might not be.

Get out of my way!

- So we have ourselves a sniper,

and the bugger's good at it.

We thought it were a political lunatic

until we looked at these, two other snipings last week,

a lawyer in Farringdon, a church warden in Bow.

- Same make of bullets?

- .303 Lakefield hollow-point.

- Ooh, Gawd.

- Is that our only clue?

- It was the only clue until we got this.

- Well, read it then.

- Dear police, I killed three time.

It were nice games.

- Is it just me who finds crimes against grammar

almost as bad as crimes against Londoners.

- I have scar on my left foot which only I know about,

and that proves it.

- A criminal mastermind at work there.

- Who knows what I will do next,

but you can bet it will be B.O., bloody 'orrendous.

- Ouch.

- Yours, Trigger Tom.

- It sounds to me like someone

needs to shit or get off the pot.

- We'll catch the bastard.

- I'm putting Rex and Keith Carnival on this one.

They know ballistics.

I've got another job for you three.

- Who's that clown?

- Prince Hector of Bulgaria.

He's in town for Balkan peace talks.

- I'm nodding like I know what a Balkan is.

- He's a big noise.

And while he's here, you're his protection.

- I ain't doing that.

I ain't no babysitter.

You can ask any baby.

Plus look at this cunt's 'tache.

- You'll do what I bloody tell thee

after what you did to Mr. Larkham.

- I barely touched him.

All right, I might have touched him a bit.

- You just keep that prince safe or we're all for the drop.

- My bodyguards.

- That's right, mate.

- Three officers to guard me?

Take the day off, all of you.

There is no danger for I am very popular.

In my country, there is a word for me, kickbaba.

It means sexy man who gives out carrots at Christmas.

- If you step out of this carriage without protection,

you'll be picking your own brains off the cobbles.

- There's a sniper about,

a really bloody good one, great action.

- Gosh!

It's Mabel Wisbech, isn't it, London's first police lady.

Enchante.

- Oh.

- I support women's rights and those of animals.

I believe you both have a function.

- Uh, thanks.

- As for that cartoon...

- What cartoon?

- No cartoon in Strand magazine.

- Oh!

- I read it on airship from Paris.

Here, these bank robbers are getting away

because they have released a mouse,

and you are standing on the chair in fright.

- Yeah, it's one cartoon.

Whatever, don't care.

- Quite right.

Ignore it, and the many others.

Now, where are we heading?

- Oh, straight into your hotel.

You must rest before the big round of peace talks tomorrow.

- Sounds boring, boy, am I right?

Tonight, I wish to see the real London.

- Not a bloody chance.

- I would love to see a real cockney.

I've only seen them in captivity in Australia.

Come!

This is great!

It stinks like shit, and the people are very ugly.

Your whiskey is piss, worst I ever tasted!

- Listen, pal.

If you don't like it, you...

- I joke!

I love it!

Here, have money!

- Oh, don't mind if I do.

- Dance for me, and keep the whiskey coming.

- I think you need to pipe down, me old chief.

- I think you need to pipe down, my old chief.

Now, let us paint the town red like my balls.

- We're much safer in here, your lord high excellency.

- And sure, half of these lot are killers,

but we know them, so they're our killers.

- But I wish to climb Big Ben.

Can you see it from here?

I look!

- Oh, no.

- Oh, those sorry wretches.

- You should come away from the window.

- I will tell them about screwing duchesses

and how invigorating it can be.

Oh, duchesses.

- Get down!

- Jesus, two men shot with the same bullet.

You are right.

He is bloody good.

- Strauss, get a doctor for these two.

You, watch the door.

- How dare you kill two of my men

without my permission, you coward!

- Oi, mister majestic!

I fucking told you!

Now get down.

- You insult me.

You too shall taste Bulgarian steel.

- I'm a what?

- I'm trying to save you, you dickhead!

Gas!

- You lost the Crown Prince!

- Well, it does sound bad when you say it like that.

- We dug out the bullet from the equerry.

.303 Lakefield hollow-point.

- Trigger Tom, gotta be.

- Well, Trigger Tom could have killed me, but he didn't.

That's not important.

Forget that.

- If the prince dies, the home office will come at us

like a rhino with a wasp up its Harris.

- It's rather worse than that, I'm afraid.

The talks are being held

because the Balkans are a powder keg.

If the prince dies, Bulgaria will blame Serbia,

and that means war.

That will draw in Russia, Austria,

Germany, France and Britain.

In this mechanized clash of empires, millions of our young,

our finest will die by fire with their young,

taut skin burnt to a cinder like a mother's Sunday roast.

- Well, he's a jolly fucker, ain't he.

- What in God's house is that?

- Telephone.

I just had it put in.

Hello?

- Put Rabbit on.

- The wanna talk to you.

Get around here, quick!

- What do I do?

- Put that by your ear and speak in there.

- Hello, this is Inspector Rabbit talking on the stick!

- Hello, Rabbit.

This is Trigger Tom.

I have your prince.

- Ah, I'm listening!

He's alive for now.

- I think he's on the other side of the wall.

- How do you know?

- Well, 'cause that's where the wire goes.

- That's not how it works.

- Trigger Tom will call you again

with instructions.

Don't try to find me, you filthy pig.

- Whoa.

- What's he saying?

- He's going aaaaaaaaaaaah.

He keeps doing it.

I think he's ill.

- He's hung up.

- All right.

- Don't try to find me, indeed.

- He doesn't know us, does he.

- We better do what he says.

You two stay by the trombone.

- Telephone.

- Where are you going?

Hey, you wouldn't follow a lead

without telling me, would you?

- I'm going nowhere.

- Thank goodness.

- But I gotta get there bloody sharpish.

- Not like him to shoot off and do business behind my back.

Do you think he's going off me?

- There'll be an explanation.

- I've had enough of that at prep school.

- Take one of these, please, Max.

It better not be cat meat.

What do you want, Rabbit?

- We made a deal, Flora.

You stay out of London, and I'll stay out of your way.

- Not much work for hit women in Newton.

I only come here to meet clients, working breakfast.

- You're still using Lakefield .303s?

- So what if I am?

Want some pie?

- I ain't in the mood for pie.

- You're always in the mood for pie.

- Not many snipers as good as you.

- Not since I shot 'em all, no.

- Where's the prince you kidnapped?

And who was that bloke on the talky-talky stick?

Is that your new fella?

- I hate kidnaps.

You gotta feed 'em, empty their turd bucket,

they fall in love with you.

It's too much work.

What are you really here for, Rabbit?

Fancy the knee trembler, did ya?

- No.

Millions of lives at stake.

There's no time for any of that.

No, no.

I'm at the door, girl.

- Fuckin' hell, that shifted lunch

- How can I be useless and a threat to men at the same time?

It makes no sense.

- The future lies with us, Mabel, not with old men

and their dated bluff and bluster.

Now, how does that feel?

- Oh, like it's gonna slice my tit off.

Is that a thing?

- Hmm, no, your tit is quite safe.

Right, now let go.

- I don't know if...

Oh, my God!

I'm Robin fuckin' Hood!

- You know, the papers are being ghastly about you.

They're saying you're too emotional.

- Yeah, and then I have to not get emotional about that.

- Oh, don't worry.

I'll mobilise the ladies.

I don't say this lightly,

but I foresee a letter writing campaign.

- You would do that?

For me?

Oh.

I owe you a drink at my local.

It's quite dirty,

but I've got a lovely towel you can sit on.

- You know what you could do for us.

You could let us know

a little bit about how your station works.

Police reform is high on our list.

- Oh, definitely.

- Ooh.

- Yeah, you were lucky.

That was lucky.

- Tell the editors more cartoons and think pieces.

It's working.

- The labs say the prototype is nearly ready.

- Well, that is good news.

Go on, off you fuck.

- That Tanner's been everywhere asking questions about yer.

- Tanner?

He's just a bell end with a sore head.

What I wanna know is if you ain't the sniper, who is.

- That's consultation.

That'll cost yer.

- Oh.

- That geezer shot in front of you, where was that?

- It was there.

Where would you pick a spot for that?

- I'd have my nest here.

- Well, that's a gambling den now.

That'd be too busy.

- All right.

What about here, or there?

- Oh, Gawd!

ing hell.

He must be shooting from the rooftops!

No witnesses on the ground level!

- Makes sense.

Yeah, you can pick up these sites

from this warehouse at the wet dock.

- Me jam tart's stopped.

So that must be the sniper's lair.

- You better get out there, boy.

- Millions of lives, no time to lose.

- Or we could go for the hat trick.

- I reckon that's optimistic.

Come on, fellas.

Let's catch a sniper.

This bloke is the donkey's winkle,

so you'll need eyes up your assholes.

- Inspector, I don't like you keeping things from me.

- I know.

Look out.

Someone order some Quality Street?

- Princess Violetta of Bulgaria.

- Which one is the Rabbit?

- This one.

- Oooh, God.

- You lost my precious brother.

He did so much for commoners like you,

and yet you didn't even lay down

your tiny untitled life for him.

Jesus!

What happened to his eyebrow?

- The dog chewed it off last year.

Your highness, we weren't expecting you just yet.

- I caught the early airship from Paris.

Poor Hector.

He lets people take the piss out of him.

I do not.

- A pleasant journey, I hope.

- Awful.

I paid extra to have a private bathroom

only to find the Queen of Belgium

sat proudly upon my bidet douche wash.

- Yeah, I hate it when that happens.

- No shit!

How do you know the Queen of Belgium?

- I don't.

I was, nevermind.

- I demand

that this hunted bastard-meat

has no more involvement in the case!

- This is my station, and Rabbit is my man, ma'am.

- Would you like me to take it up with Queen Victoria?

I am both her granddaughter and her great-aunt.

- Rabbit, stand down.

- It's your decision, gov.

Did you just wink at me?

- No, why would I wink?

- Oh, I don't know.

You might have had a massive stroke,

time of life, stress of the job.

- I didn't wink at you!

- Yeah, you did.

Oh, stay on the case.

- How dare you wink in my presence!

- I didn't wink.

- Okay, say no more.

- Go away.

- Okay.

Come on.

He must be in here.

- A hunch or more information I'm not privy to?

- Let it go, Strauss.

- I can't tell you everything, son

- Fine, then don't expect me to tell you

you're about to tread on that trip-wire.

- Good boy.

Shit.

I think someone's trying to make a point.

- Bravo.

- Over here.

- Oh, damn, we're too late.

- Nine targets?

- Oh, look, and there's a note which says,

"I told you not to come, pig."

And underneath it,

oh, my God, it's the prince's ear.

- Mm, yeah, still warm.

- How do we know it's his?

- I don't know.

What do royal ears usually look like?

- Strauss, what do you think?

- I don't know I've never seen a royal ear.

Oooh, God.

That's very good, inspector.

- Twigs in a bun!

Treat the kids!

Twigs in a bun!

- A map from the warehouse,

all the Trigger Tom shootings plus another five.

- His next targets?

- No, they're old ones.

A year back, someone was pulled off the gangland hits

in these exact locations.

Flora Wilson.

But the evidence mysteriously vanished, and she was let off.

- No, you're pissing in the wind.

It's definitely not her.

- Do you know her?

- I know a lot wrong 'uns.

- Is that who you went to see?

- No.

- Oh, my God, you and her did the dick dance.

- You need to watch it, girl.

- Rabbit!

In 'ere.

Trigger Tom wants you on the blower.

- What the fuck is a blower?

- It's Cockney for telephone.

They've just announced it.

- Inspector Rabbit here.

- You've been a naughty boy, Rabbit.

I told you not to look for me.

- You listen to me.

What are your demands?

What do you want?

You want me to kill Rabbit?

Easy, I can do it quickly

and from a high window, slowly, using a hammer.

Whatever, man.

- I want 100,000 pounds.

- If that's what it takes, yeah.

- Rabbit...

- Now hang on a minute, that's a hell of a lot of money.

I was thinking more like six quid.

- 100,000 pounds.

- A tenner?

- Oh, just shut up, Rabbit, you idiot!

100,000, no problmeovic.

My father will authorise it.

- Rabbit brings the money alone

at midnight by the lone oak on Heath.

- I don't trust this shit wit.

I will bring the money myself.

- Tell her if she does that,

I'll open her brother up like a fucking tin of beans!

- He's not keen.

- Bring the money alone or the prince dies.

- Very well.

Bye.

I don't know how to use this fucking thing.

- Flora's using the inspector, and he can't see it.

But who is the voice on the telephone?

- Mabel, I need your mind.

- I'm wasting my time.

They'll never see me as a proper cop.

- Of course you're a proper copper.

- That's not what they're saying behind my back.

I have to be 10 times better than the men,

and it's still not enough.

- You're as good as all of them, better.

I say you're the best man we have.

Wait.

The best person.

- Thanks.

You're a mate.

Oi, hang on.

Look at this.

- Right, I'm removing these for your own good.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

Look!

- More airship disruption.

Angry passengers call for renationalisation.

- All yesterday's airships were cancelled.

- So the princess...

- Was already in town.

- The first time we met her, she had two equerries.

But when Trigger Tom telephoned...

- Inspector Rabbit here.

- There was only one.

- Dad, where's the princess?

- Headache, went back to her hotel.

- Turn around, pig.

Drop the bag.

And your weapons.

All of them.

Hands on head.

- Where's the prince?

- That, you naughty pig, was for coming to find me

when I told you not to.

And this is for all the villains you've banged the door on.

- Well, go on then, if you've got the bollocks.

- One momentski, please.

- Ahh, your royal highness.

- Help!

Would you, um, activate your signaller!

- He means blow your whistle.

- I forget my words when I'm excited.

- I am not only exceptionally beautiful.

I am also mistress of deceit.

I have been in London for weeks.

Surprise!

I kidnap my brother.

Do you get it?

Trigger Tom, it's two persons,

his voice and my rifle.

- Would you mind repeating that word for word down the nick?

- Shut up, Rabbit man.

You're so boring.

You know, he was going to inherit everything

and then waste our wealth on the poor.

He's a kind of idiot.

- Yeah.

- So I was going to lay a false trail

with all this Trigger Tom bollocks.

I was going to take my father's money and then let him go.

But then you and your sniper fuck-buddy got involved.

And now, I can kill Hector,

and you and her can take the blame.

Yes, thank you.

I will inherit all of Bulgaria.

- And you'll start a bleedin' war.

- You know, we have a saying in my country.

You cannot make an omelette

without squeezing the eggs out of the chicken's pussy.

- You just made that up.

- Yes.

Okay, I am happy now.

You can kill him.

- Bloody Nora!

- I see you, arsehole!

Christ, you stink of shit!

- Run, Flora, run!

I love you!

I didn't say that.

Run!

- Don't touch me, you pig!

- It was the princess!

- Yeah, well, thanks for telling me now, you doughnut.

- Where's the fucking prince?

Where's the prince?

- A cup of tea, your highness.

I put in 20 sugars for health.

- Please, tell me you saved my ear.

- We did, and then I tried to freeze it,

and then the dog found it.

It's a funny story, actually.

- I shall never come to this country again.

- Ooh, dad, can I interview the princess?

- She's been released, orders from up high, nose bleed high.

Don't think I'm happy about it.

- But she confessed, for Gawd's sake.

- Good news, everyone.

I arrested our sniper.

Caught them sneaking off the heath, one Flora Wilson.

Known wrong 'un. Stroke of luck, eh?

You didn't know her, did you, Rabbit?

You haven't been having

a particularly filthy affair with her

for a number of years, have you?

I do hope she's not the love of your life.

That would be an awful shame,

because I hear they're going to hang her

until her neck goes

- And then my dad said, "You did good, Rabbit.

"Upstairs will like you for this."

- Thank you, Mabel.

- Yeah, I don't know how useful you'll find all of that.

- It all helps to paint a picture.

But thank you for coming.

Do come again.

- You bet.

- Vodkatonico?

- I think we deserve one.