All language subtitles for The.Cocoanuts.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

(LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

(LIVELY
INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES)

(PEPPY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

(CHEERFUL MUSIC)

BELLBOY: We wanna see you,
Mr. Hammer.

What's wrong?
Somebody pay their bill?

ALL: We want our money.

BELLBOY: Yes, money.

You want your money?

We wanna get paid.

Oh, you want my money?
Is that fair?
Do I want your money?

If Washington's
soldiers asked for money,

where would this
country be today?

But they did ask.

And where's Washington?

No, my friends.

Money will never
make you happy,

and happy will
never make you money.

That might be a wisecrack,
but I doubt it.

ALL: We want our money.

HAMMER: I'll make
you all a promise.

If you'll all stick
with me and work hard,
we'll forget about money.

Let's get together
and make a regular
hotel of this place.

I'll put writing
paper in the hotel.

And next year, if you behave,
I'll put in envelopes.

I'll put extra blankets
free in all your rooms.
There'll be no cover charge.

(BELLHOPS EXCLAIMING)

Think of the opportunities
here in Florida.

Three years ago,
I came to Florida
without a nickel.

Now I've got a nickel.

That's all very well,
Mr. Hammer.

But we haven't been
paid in two weeks,
and we want our wages.

Wages? Do you
wanna be wage slaves?
Answer me that.

ALL: No.

HAMMER: No.
What makes wage slaves?

Wages. I want you
to be free.

Remember, there's
nothing like liberty,

except Colliers and the
Saturday Evening Post.

Be free, my friends.
One for all and all for me,

and me for you,
and three for five,
and six for a quarter.

MAN: Pardon me.
Telegrams for you, Mr. Hammer.

There you are.
Business is
beginning to pick up already.

Now if you boys
will only be calm...

"We arrive this
afternoon on the 4:30. Kindly

"reserve two floors
and three ceilings."

Must be mice.

"If we like your property,
we will immediately buy it."

Things are
going our way already.

MAN: Who's it from?

Western Union,
and they've got
a lot of money, too.

On the 4:15?
Well, I'll take
the bus down myself.

MAN: Here's another one.

HAMMER: We're gonna
be stuffed by tonight.

This hotel will
be so crowded that

we'll be turning away
thousands of people.

"If there is another
hotel in Cocoanut Beach,
cancel our reservations."

I knew it. It was too good.
Wait a minute.

"P.S. Aunt Fanny
had an 8-pound boy.
Can you come to the wedding?"

You see, everything
is all right, boys.

You're all
invited to the wedding
of Aunt Fanny's 8-pound boy.

ALL: Hooray!

But that won't be for
a couple of years yet.

In the meantime,
I want you to buck up,
get down to work.

Let's put this
thing over with a bang.

And above all,
forget about money.

Don't think of it
because you
won't get it anyway.

(BELLHOPS CHEERING MERRILY)

(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

(UPBEAT
INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES)

See that?
I keep them
dancing for their money.

Jamison, I'm going
down to meet the 4:15.

If I never come back,
I'll be still
waiting for the train.

In my absence,
I'm relying on you
to handle everything.

You can depend
upon me, sir.
That's fine.

If any guests come,
take good care of them.

And think of me.
You bet I will.

I'll be back someday.
All right.

Keep a light
burning in the window,
if you can find a window.

All right, sir.
Goodbye, Jamison.

Hello, Harvey.
Why so downhearted?

Is Bob Adams cutting you out
with Polly Potter?

I'm not worried
about a hotel clerk.

No,
but I'll bet you're worried
about the Potter millions.

You generally could use money
in the old days.

Lay off that stuff.

Marrying Polly is the only way
for you to square your debts.

I can take care of myself.

I doubt it.

Suppose I have a little
plan that'll take
care of both of us.

What do you mean?

Have you ever seen
that diamond necklace
of Mrs. Potter's?

You bet I have.
What's that got
to do with us?

Her room and my room
are right next to each other.

Hers is 318. Mine, 320.

The door between is unlocked.

Well?

She keeps
everything in a jewel case
locked up in her dresser.

The key is always in her bag.
That's what you've got to get.

It's a large order,
but maybe it can be done.

Suppose I invite
Mrs. Potter and Polly

to take supper
with me tonight?

What then?

Sometime during the evening,
I might be able to get
the key out of her bag.

Now you're talking.
That sounds more
like old times.

Now I'll try and
get rid of Bob Adams
for you.

(ROMANTIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

This is Cocoanut Manor.
You know that hill?

What a question.
Do I know that
cunning little hill?

True, but that's why
there hasn't been
any development here.

Couldn't it be cut down?

Too expensive.
Here's what happened.

John W. Berryman was here
to see it last month.

Berryman practically built
Palm Beach and Miami,

but he said he
wouldn't touch this.

When a man like
that passes a place up,
no one wants it.

Do you know anything
about architecture?

No, but I'd love to learn.

I made a drawing
of the whole place
showing the hills,

as a built-up scheme,

without cutting down the hill
or having it get in the way.

I made the hill fit in
with the architectural scheme.

I sent Berryman
a copy last week.

His secretary wrote me
saying they were
studying my plans.

That's thrilling.
Does Mr. Hammer
know about it?

Not yet. But if he takes it,
I'll design the buildings.

(CHUCKLES) Say,
I may be an architect yet.

If he only does,
I'm sure it will be

the most beautiful
place in the world.

It would be if
you lived there.

Look, see what I've written?

"Heaven for Polly and me."

That looks great.
When do I move in?

Any day now.

It's a lovely dream, Bob.

Let's make it come true.

♪ The skies will all be blue

♪ When my dreams come true

♪ And I'll be smiling through

♪ When my dreams come true

♪ That Spanish castle
I built in my mind

♪ Will be a love nest
of the practical kind

♪ And I'll be there with you

♪ When my dreams come true

♪ Ever since I met you

♪ All that I
seem to do is dream

♪ Wonderful dreams

♪ Heaven's before my eyes

♪ When will I
realize my dreams?

♪ Wonderful dreams

♪ The skies will all be blue

♪ When my dreams come true

♪ And I'll be smiling through

♪ When my dreams come true

♪ That Spanish castle
I built in my mind

♪ Will be a love nest
of the practical kind

♪ And I'll be there with you

♪ When my dreams

♪ Come true ♪

Will you look at that?

I am looking.

It's darn cute.
I wonder who it can be.
Let's find out.

Then little Red Riding
Hood said to the wolf,
"Wolf, wolf."

BOB: Hello.

PENELOPE: How do you
do, Miss Potter?

Your mother is
looking for you, Polly.

She generally is,
and she generally finds me.

You know Mother.
Thanks a lot.

It was a lovely story,
Mr. Adams.

I'd like to hear
the rest of it sometime.

Goodbye.

I wonder if I
could hear it sometime.

With pleasure.
How about you, Yates?

No, thanks.
You know what happens

to bad little boys
who tell stories?

Certainly. They marry
the beautiful princess.
So long.

♪ And I'll be there with you

♪ When my dreams

♪ Come true ♪

Nice boy.
The kind who usually
gets what he wants.

Not always.
I might win out yet.

Well, miracles do happen.

Polly, you've been out again
with Mr. Adams.

But only for
a little while, Mother.

Why a daughter of
mine should fool around
with a hotel clerk

when she has the opportunity
of marrying one of
the Boston Yates

is more than I can understand.
Who cares about
the Boston Yates?

Anyway, Bob isn't a clerk.
He's an architect.

He's only clerking
until he can get started.

One who clerks is a clerk,
and that settles it.

And I want you to remember

that no Potter has
ever been involved
in a single scandal.

How about Uncle Dick?

It's a well-known fact
that your uncle was
drunk at the time.

MRS. POTTER: Another thing...

I'm tired of your
sitting out on the beach
at all hours of the night.

HAMMER: Hey!

Take something
for that insomnia.

You ought to stop
drinking so much coffee.

I'm sorry, sir.
Any luck with the 4:30?

Yes, it didn't hit me.
That's the only luck I had.

I think I know what's
wrong with the hotel.

I know, too. You're fired.
Get your hat and my coat.
Get out.

Maybe the season
hasn't started yet.

Maybe the hotel
hasn't opened yet.

Don't worry. In a few weeks,
you'll be cleaning up.

And making the beds.
Get out of here.
I can handle this rush myself.

HAMMER: Six hundred rooms
in the hotel,
and you have to sleep here.

How do you do?

Why don't you
whistle at the crossing?

You're just
the woman I'm looking for.

I'm gonna tell you
about Florida real estate.

First time it's
ever been mentioned
down here.

I'm sorry, but...

Do you know that
property values

have increased
1929 since 1,000%?

This is
the biggest development
since Sophie Tucker.

Florida is the
show-spot of America

and Cocoanut Beach
is the black spot of Florida?

You told me
about this yesterday.

But I left out a comma.

In a little while, we're gonna
hold an auction sale at
Cocoanut Manor,

the suburb terrible...
Beautiful.

You must come.
We'll have entertainment,
sandwiches, and the auction.

If you don't like auctions,
we can play Contract.

Here it is. "Cocoanut Manor.
42 hours from Times
Square by railroad.

"1,600 miles as
the crow flies,
1,800 as the horseflies."

"Cocoanut Manor: glorifying
the American sewer
and the Florida sucker."

It's the most exclusive
residential district
in Florida.

Nobody lives there.
Ask me about the climate,
I dare you.

Very well. How...
Glad you brought it up.

Our motto is, "Cocoanut Beach:
no snow, no ice,
and no business."

Florida is the greatest
state in the Union.
Is it?

Take its climate.
No, we took that.

Take its fruits,
the alligator pears.

Take all the alligator
pears and keep them.
See if I care.

Do you know how
they are made?

I haven't the least idea.

Because you've
never been an alligator,
and don't let it happen again.

It sometimes requires
years to bring the pear
and alligator together.

They don't like
each other.
No?

You know how many
alligator pears are

sent out every year
and told not to return?

I don't think so.

All they can get a hold of.

Florida feeds the nation,
but nobody feeds me.

That's what I want
to discuss with you.
Also, take our cattle raising.

I don't mean
anything personal.

But here is the ideal
cattle-raising section.

We have longhorns, shorthorns,
and shoehorns.

Will you let me
say something, please?

I don't think so.
There's something
else I wanna tell you.

Where will you
be when you're 65?

That's about
three months from now.

If I were to buy,
I should prefer some
place like Palm Beach.

Palm Beach? The Atlantic
City of yesterday?
The slums of tomorrow?

You know the population
of Cocoanut Beach
doubled last week?

Has it?
Three bulldogs were born.

We're expecting a nanny goat
in the morning.

Sorry, I'm afraid
I must be going.

Wait. Before you go,
let me show you

a sample of my sewer
pipe we're gonna lay.

Nobody can fool
a woman like you
on a sewer pipe, can they?

This is the 8-inch pipe.
All property owners

will be allowed to
vote on the size.

In case of a tie,
it goes to the Supreme Court.

I can give you
a little inside information
in advance.

(WHISPERING)
The Chief Justice is crazy
about this type of sewer.

Here, put it in your pocket.
See you later.

I can't use this.
I don't want it.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello. Yes?

Ice water in 318?

Is that so?
Where'd you get it?
You want some?

That's different.
Have you got any ice?

No, I haven't.
This is Cocoanut Beach:
no snow, no ice.

Get some onions.
That'll make your eyes water.
What?

You, too.

Mr. Hammer.
Mrs. Thompson wants to know

if you'd reserve
a dinner table for her

in a nice quiet spot.

A nice quiet spot?

Tell her she can
eat in the lobby.

We ought to dress
this place up a bit.
It looks terrible.

Front.

(BELL RINGING)

Here, front.

Front, front, front.

Jamison, what's become
of our front?
Are we all out of front?

I haven't seen them.

I'm gonna fire
some of those people.
Give me the fire bell.

Stick around here.

If anyone comes in
looking like a customer,
tie them and brand them.

Look at him.
He's dressed better than I am.

(HORN TOOTING)

CHICO: Hey, come on.

CHICO: Hey, come here.

HAMMER:
Gentlemen, how do you do?

CHICO: How do you do?

HAMMER: Are you boys giving me
the runaround? Come over here.

HAMMER: What do you want?
Explain your business.

CHICO: We sent you a telegram.

HAMMER:
You boys sent the telegram?

How do you do?
Strange. I used to
send telegrams myself.

How are you?
And how are you?

(HORN TOOTING)

HAMMER: That's all right.
Don't worry.

You can stay,
but you'll have to get
rid of that groundhog.

What do you want? Explain.

We make a reservash.
Reservash?

We want room and no bath.

I see, you're here
for the winter.

Step this way.
I'll see what I can do.

Okay, we stay
for the summer, too.

Sorry, we haven't
got any vacancies.

CHICO: No vacancies.
HAMMER: We got rooms.

That's all right,
we take a room.
You want a room?

CHICO: We take a vacancy.

HAMMER: Take
the gentlemen's baggage.

BOY: Hey, what are you...

Do you know that
suitcase is empty?

We'll fill it up
before we leave.

You'll empty it
before I go out.

Step this way, boys.
Just put your
moniker on there

and everything will be A. K.

CHICO: Look what he do.

Don't do that.
Step this way, boys.
Three shots for five.

He never misses.

The boy wins a gold cigar.

Anybody else?
Step right this way.

Hey!

Don't throw that.
That's only for long-distance.

All right.

What do you want?
A suite on the third floor?

I'll take
a Polack in the basement.

You'll have to
take that up with
the commissary department.

That's an entirely
different proposition
and I can't...

HAMMER: Here you are.

HAMMER: Let me help you here.

HAMMER: Sorry.
The afternoon mail isn't in.

I can use you
the first of the month.

POSTMAN: Telegram for Hammer.

HAMMER: Telegram?

Tell them I'll send the money
in the morning.

What do you want?
Do you want a single room?

We'd like to double up.

Eat some green apples.

(PHONE RINGING)

CHICO: Just a joke.
HAMMER: Just a moment.

What's that?
You'll have to talk louder.
I can't hear you.

If you'll take your
nose out of the receiver,
it'll be okay.

(CHUCKLING) Funny fellow, you.
Hello, what's that?

You wanna know
where you can get
a hold of Mrs. Potter?

I don't know.
She's awfully ticklish.

Now, I'm in a position,
gentlemen...

CHICO: He's hungry.

Here,
have one of these flowers.
They're buckwheat.

Pick out a nice one.
I don't want you
to get any of the worst ones.

I'm so glad.

If you will pardon me
for a few moments,

I have some very
important business
to attend to.

I'm going upstairs
to get your
partner a stomach pump.

I'll be down in a few minutes.
And while I'm gone,
don't forget:

Register.

Don't forget. Register.

CHICO: That's all right.

(HARPO WHISTLING A HAPPY TUNE)

(HORN TOOTING)

(BELL DINGING)

(CHICO HUMMING)

(PHONE RINGING)

CHICO: Hello?
No, we no got no rooms.

CHICO: We got nothing.
We got no customers.

CHICO: All right.
I send you up some.
All right, goodbye.

Did you ring, sir?

(HARPO RINGS BELL)

(HARPO RINGS BELL)

(HARPO RINGS BELL FRANTICALLY)

CHICO: Hey, come on.
Come here.

CHICO:
Get away from those girls.
Come on. Hurry up.

All right then,
but let's be careful.
I will.

Tell me. How is it
that the door between

your room and Mrs.
Potter's is open?

Well, you see,
I told her that
I trusted her.

You trusted her?

(ALL LAUGHING)

PENELOPE: Stop that.

CHICO: Come on. We dance.

PENELOPE: Really!

Come, Penelope.

Let's get away from this bum.

Bum.

(HARPO WHISTLING)

(CHICO IMITATING
A DRUM CADENCE)

I could kill those tramps.

Wait a minute.

Don't kill them yet.
I've got an idea.
About them?

Listen, when
the necklace is found missing,
someone's got to be blamed.

Why not them?

Gee, that's not bad.

But have you got
anything definite?

Suppose I flirt with them
and they come to my room.
Then what?

I'll complain to
the management.

Then, the night
the necklace disappeared,

they were seen near
Mrs. Potter's.

Get it?
You bet I get it.
That's a grand idea.

Thanks, kind sir.

I've got to run along now.
See you later.

Goodbye.

(WHISTLING)

(HORN TOOTING)

(BELL DINGING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Hey, what you do?
All the time you eat.

That's no good.
We gotta get the money.

Right now,
I'd do anything for money.

I'd kill someone for it.
I'd kill you for money.

(CHUCKLES)

No, you're my friend.
I kill you for nothing.

Why do you laugh?

You're here for three hours
and you no got something yet.

What do you got?

A beautiful watch.
That's fine.
That's all you steal?

(HARPO WHISTLING)

I think I know your face.

I give up. Whose is it?

I'll tell you in a minute.
I brought some pictures
from headquarters.

Let me see your face.

Yours, too.

All right, I make
my own face.

Why you push? No pushing.
You wanna fight? Come on.

Hey, call your shots.
Come on.

Hey, what's the matter,
you no fight upstairs?

Come on.
Hey.

What are you
guys fighting for?

No, that's my friend.
We play this way.

What are you
doing around here?

What's your name?

I'm pretty
suspicious of you birds.
Now you listen to me.

I haven't got
anything on you yet,

but I'm going
to keep watching.

I've got your full
records right here
in my pocket.

There's enough to send you up
the minute you start anything.
You get me?

Wise guy.
Gotta start a fight when
the detective come around.

You can't wait a little bit.

What do you got? A badge.

That's fine.
He's no more detective.
You're a detective.

Hurry along, my dear.
Only a few minutes
to get the train.

Can you tell me,
what time is the next
train to Philadelphia?

There's a train once a week
and sometimes twice a day.

MAN: Thank you.
CHICO: That's all right.

CHICO: That's fine.

It's a little tight.
Needs something taken out.

All right, keep it.
That's just what I need,
a coat like this.

That's fine. To look good.

Hello.
How do you do?

That's a good-looking
coat you have on.

You like it?

Do you know
you look like
the Prince of Wales?

Better.

Where'd you get that coat?

That's my coat.

That's your coat?

That's my coat.

But it doesn't fit you.

I know.
I had it made to order.

Tell me,
what are you doing tonight?

Maybe you got a good idea?

Don't you dare come
to Room 320 at 11:00.

All right, I come at 10:30.

(HARPO PLAYING THE CLARINET)

(PLAYING A SLOW TUNE)

Did you see a handkerchief?

I thought I had dropped one.

It really doesn't matter
because what I'm really
interested in is you.

(PENELOPE GIGGLES COYLY)

Did anyone ever tell you
that you look like
the Prince of Wales?

That's funny.
I thought it was
an original idea of mine.

Tell me, do you
know who I am?

Do you know my room number?

I'll be there
at 11:00 tonight.

(PLAYING A SLOW TUNE)

Did anyone ever tell you
that you look like
the Prince of Wales?

Not the present
Prince of Wales.
One of the old Wales.

And believe me,
when I say Wales,
I mean Wales.

I know a whale
when I see one.

Did you say
your room was 318?

I'm the proprietor
of this hotel,

and I have a passkey
to every room in it.

Passkey?

Passkey,
that's Russian for "pass."

You know,
they "passkey"
down the "streetskey."

Won't you lie down?

If we could find
a little bungalow.

Of course,
I know we could find one,

but maybe the people
wouldn't get out.

If we could find
a nice little empty bungalow
just for me and you

where we could
bill and cow...

No, where we could
bull and cow.

Do you know what
you're trying to say?

Yes, it's not
what I'm thinking of.

What I meant was
if we had a nice
little bungalow,

and you were inside
and I was outside
trying to get in,

or inside
trying to get out...

No, I was in.
You was up...

You were inside
out and I was up...

(STUTTERING)

I tell you,
if you don't hear from me

by next Friday,
the whole thing's off.

I don't think I understand.

I mean, your eyes,

they shine like the pants
of a blue serge suit.

What? That's an insult.

That's not
a reflection on you.

That's on the pants.

What I meant was,
if we had a nice bungalow,

I came home from work,
and you were
standing by the gate...

No, you came home
from work and I was
standing by the gate.

That's more like it.

And we came down the path
and we went inside.

And the shades were drawn,
and the lights
were low and...

Are you sure
your husband's dead?

Why, yes.

There seems to be
a trace of uncertainty
in that "yes."

A "yes" like that
was once responsible

for me jumping
out of a window.

And I'm not
the jumper I used to be.

What I meant was,
you're gonna be
here all winter,

and I'm stuck with
the hotel anyhow.

Why don't you grab me
until you can make
other arrangements?

My dear Mr. Hammer,
I shall never

get married
before my daughter.

You did once.

But I love you. I love you.
Can't you see how
I'm pining for you?

What in the world is
the matter with you?

I'm not myself tonight.

I don't know who I am.

One false move
and I'm yours.

I love you.
I love you anyhow.

I don't think you'd
love me if I were poor.

I might, but I'd
keep my mouth shut.

MRS. POTTER:
I'll not stay any longer
and be insulted this way.

Don't go and leave me alone.
You stay and I'll go away.

I don't know what to say.

Say that you'll
be truly mine

or truly yours,
or yours truly.

HAMMER: Don't you
know that I'm...

MRS. POTTER:
Keep your hands to yourself.

Come on, I'll play
you one more game.

Come on. The three of you.

Can you come
down a little bit?

Just think, tonight,

when the moon is
sneaking around

the clouds,
I'll be sneaking around you.

I'll meet you
tonight under the moon.

I can see you now:
you and the moon.

Wear a necktie
so I'll know you.

(PLAYING SOOTHING MUSIC)

(MUSIC INCREASES IN TEMPO)

Send up some ice
water right away.
That's right. Thank you.

PENELOPE: Thank goodness.

HARVEY: Close the door.

Did you get the key?
Yes. It's one of these.

That's fine.
We can't take any
chances on this job.

How do you mean?
There'll be trouble
when she misses it.

Well, we can't have
it found on us.

I should say not.

We've got to play it safe
and hide it somewhere.

Hide it?
Just for a few days.

But where?

Anywhere but in here.

Hide it?
I know just the place.

A hollow tree stump
a mile from here.
Will that do?

Fine, but how do I get there?

Cocoanut Manor.
You've been there.

I'm not so sure, Harvey.

Here, I'll show you.

You go right
down Cocoanut Road.

Then there's
Augustine Road, like this.

Instead, you take
the Granada Road.

Suddenly you
come to a clearing

with a fringe of
trees around it.

That's Cocoanut Manor,
where the stump is.

It's about 20 feet
from the edge
of the clearing.

That's where you
put the jewels.
You can't miss it.

You take the necklace
out there, see?

I've got to go
back downstairs,

or Mrs. Potter
will be suspicious.

And be careful.
I will.

Cocoanut Manor,
Granada Road...

20 feet from the clearing.

Everything's going
along swimmingly now.

You remember me,
the Prince of Wales?

Of course I do.

Mr. Hammer,
how dare you
come into my room!

If there's gonna be
two people in this room,
it'll be 50 cents extra.

Did he go?

Who?
Anybody.

PENELOPE: Get out.
Prince, how you frightened me!

(HORN TOOTING)

This hotel not only
has running water,
it has running guests.

You remember me,
the Prince of Wales?

Who is it?

HAMMER: It's me,
the King of England.

CHICO: My father!

(PHONE RINGING)

(HORN TOOTING)

(HARPO KNOCKING ON DOOR)

PENELOPE: Come in.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Ice water.

Put it there.

PENELOPE: Thank you.

HAMMER: Thank you?
Why didn't you
give him a dime?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Come in.

Lay it down.

Well, I never.
I should say not.

You get out of here.
Get out. Hurry.

(MUMBLING WORRIEDLY)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

MRS. POTTER: Come in.

What is the matter
with the man?

Mr. Hammer, what are
you doing in my room?

MRS. POTTER:
Don't you take that coat off
in this room.

MRS. POTTER: You get out
as fast as you can go.

HAMMER: I was only playing,
that's all.

MRS. POTTER:
I'll find out about this.

Thank goodness he's gone.
Never mind, Operator.

MRS. POTTER: Come in.

Who are you?
It's all right.
I'll be through in a minute.

I guess there's
nobody in here.

You don't know where to look.

What's that you said?

This is awful.

MRS. POTTER:
When you've quite finished,
let me know.

Everything seems to
be all right in here.

PENELOPE:
I'm not so sure about that.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

All right. I know where to go.

(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

Alone at last.

Come here. I wanna see you.

I'm not gonna have
that red-headed fellow
running around the lobby.

If you wanna keep him up
in your room,
keep him in a trap.

I can't catch him.
Who is he?

That's my partner,
but he no speak.

That's your silent partner?

You wired me
about some property.
I've thought it over.

I can let you have three lots
watering the front,

or three lots
fronting the water.

These lots cost me $9,000.

I'll let you have
them for $15,000
because I like you.

I no buy nothing.
I ain't got no money.
What?

You got no money?

I no got one cent.

How are you gonna
pay for your room?
That's your lookout.

You're just an idle roomer?

You see,
we come here to make money.

I read in paper,
"Big boom in Florida."
So we come.

We're big booms, too.

I'll show you
how you can make
some real money.

I'm gonna hold
an auction in a little while
in Cocoanut Manor.

You know what an auction is?

I come from Italy on
the Atlantic Auction.

Let's go ahead as
if nothing happened.

I'm holding an auction
at Cocoanut Manor.

When the crowd gathers,
mingle with them.

Don't pick their pockets,
just mingle.

I'll find time for both.

Maybe we can cut
out the auction.

If somebody says $100,
you say $200.

If they say $200,
you say $300.

Bid up.
That's right.

If nobody says anything,
then you start it off.

How am I gonna know
when they no say nothing?

They'll probably notify you.

You fool,
if they don't say anything,
you'll hear them.

Well, maybe I no listen.

Don't tell them.

If we're successful
in disposing of these lots,

you'll get a nice commission.

And how about some money?

You can have your choice.

In arranging
these lots, of course,
we use blueprints.

You know what
a blueprint is?

It's oysters.

You never got
double pneumonia?

I go around by myself.

Do you know what a lot is?

Yeah, it's too much.

Not a whole lot.
Just a little lot
with nothing on it.

Anytime you got too much,
you got a whole lot.
I'll explain.

Sometimes you no got too much,
you got a whole lot.

You got a bit,
you no think it's enough.

Somebody else
think it's too much.
It's a whole lot, too.

A whole lot is too much,
too much is a whole lot.
Same thing.

The next time I see you,
remind me not to
talk to you, will you?

Come over here, Rand McNally,
and I'll explain this to you.

This is a map and diagram
of the whole Cocoanut section.

This area is within
a radius of approximately

three-quarters of a mile.
Radius.

Is there a remote
possibility that you know
what "radius" means?

It's a WJZ.

I walked right
into that one.

It's gonna be
a cinch explaining
the rest of this to you.

I catch on quick.

You're thinking of a rodeo.

Look, Einstein.
Here's Cocoanut Manor.

No matter what you say,
this is Cocoanut Manor.

Here's Cocoanut Manor.
Here's Cocoanut Heights.
That's a swamp.

Right over here,
where the road forks,
that's Cocoanut Junction.

Where have you got
Cocoanut Custard?

That's on one of the forks.

You probably eat
with your knife,

so you needn't
worry about that.

Here is the main road
leading out of Cocoanut Manor.

That's the road I
wish you were on.

Over here, on this site,
we're gonna build
an eye and ear hospital.

This is gonna be
a sight for sore eyes.

You understand?
That's fine.

Right over here, this is
the residential section.

People live there?

No, that's the stockyards.

All along here,
this is the riverfront.

And all along the river,
those are all levees.

That's
the Jewish neighborhood?

Well, we'll pass over that.

You're a peach, boy.

Here is a little
peninsula, and here

is a viaduct leading
over to the mainland.

Why a duck?

I'm all right. How are you?

Here is a little
peninsula, and here's

a viaduct leading
over to the mainland.

All right. Why a duck?

I'm not playing
Ask Me Another.
I say that's a viaduct.

All right.
Why a duck? Why no chicken?

I don't know why no chicken.
I'm a stranger here myself.

All I know is
that it's a viaduct.

You try to cross
over there in a chicken
and you'll find out viaduct.

I no go someplace...

It's deep water,
that's why a duck.

Deep water.
That's why a duck.

Look, rube,
suppose you were out
horseback riding,

you came to that stream
and wanted to ford over.

You couldn't make it.
It's too deep.

What do you want with a Ford
if you got a horse?

I'm sorry
the matter ever came up.

All I know is
that it's a viaduct.

Look, all right.

I catch on to why a horse,
why a chicken,
why this, why that.

I no catch on to why a duck.

I was only fooling.

They're gonna
build a tunnel there
in the morning.

Now is that clear to you?

Yes, everything
except why a duck.

That's fine.
Then we can go
ahead with this thing.

I'm gonna take you
and show you our cemetery.

I've got a waiting
list of 50 people

just dying to get in.
But I like you.

You're my friend.

I'm gonna shove
you in ahead of them.

I know you like me.

I'll see you get
a steady position.

That's good.
And if I can arrange it,
it'll be horizontal.

So at the auction,
if somebody says $100...

I say $200.

That's grand.
If somebody says $200...

I say $300.
That's great.

You know how to
get down there?

No, I don't.

You go down that
narrow path there

until you come to
that little jungle there.
See it?

Where those
thatched palms are?
Yes.

Then there's
a little clearing there
with a wire fence around it.

You see that
wire fence there?

All right. Why a fence?

No, we're not gonna
go all through that again.

Come with me and
I'll fix you up.

I know what you mean.
Bid them up.
One say $100, $200.

If somebody says $100,
you say $200.
They say $200, you say $300.

Help me do this,
you can have anything you got.

I got nothing.

Be alert. That's it.

Be alert, or papa
don't go out at all.

I be alert. I don't know
what it is, but I be it.

All ye suckers who
are gonna get trimmed,

step this way for
the big swindle.

Ladies and gentlemen,
before proceeding

with the day's
main business,

which is the selling
of these lots at any price,

we're gonna have
a little entertainment.
Very little.

I want to present to
you Miss Polly Potter,

the best-paying
guest in the hotel.

In fact, the only
paying guest in the hotel.

She will sing for
you and for me, too.
Miss Potter.

♪ Monkeys upon a tree
Never are very blue

♪ They never
seem to be under par
That is true

♪ Not like the ones you see
on a bar in the zoo

♪ Monkeys upon a tree
do the monkey doodle doo

♪ Among the mangoes
where the monkey tangos

♪ You can see them do
the little monkey doodle do

♪ A little monkey
playing on his one key
gives them all the cue

♪ To do the monkey doodle do

♪ Let me take you by the hand
over to the jungle band

♪ If you're too
old for dancing
get yourself a monkey gland

♪ And then let's go
my little dearie
Here's the Darwin theory

♪ Telling me and you
to do the monkey doodle doo ♪

(FAST-PACED
INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

(FAST-PACED
INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES)

(FAST-PACED INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC INTENSIFIES)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

That's Florida, folks:
singing, dancing,
and entertainment.

After the entertainment,
there'll be sandwiches.

But if there are no lots sold,
there will be no sandwiches.

Florida, folks. Sunshine.
Perpetual sunshine
all the year around.

Let's get the auction started
before we get a tornado.

Right this way.
Step forward, everybody.

You are now in Cocoanut Manor,
one of the finest
cities in Florida.

We still need a few
finishing touches,
but who doesn't?

This is
a residential district.

Every lot is a stone's
throw from the station.

When they throw enough stones,
we'll build a station.

800 wonderful residences
will be built right here.

They're as good as up. Better.
You can have any
kind of home you want.

You can even get stucco.
How you can get stuck, oh.

Now is the time to buy
while the new boom is on.

Remember that old saying?
"A new boom sweeps clean."

And don't
forget the guarantee:
my personal guarantee.

If these lots don't
double in value in a year,
I don't know what you can do.

We'll take lot number 20,
right at the corner
of DeSota Avenue.

You all know who DeSota was.
He discovered a body of water.

You've all heard of the water
they named after him:
DeSota Water.

Now this lot has
a 20-foot frontage, a 14-foot

backage and
a mighty fine garbage.

Now what am I
offered for this lot?

Anything at all,
anything at all.

$200.

A gentleman bids $200.
Who'll say 300?

$300.

Another gentleman says $300.
Do I hear $400?

$400.

Well, the auction
is practically over.

It's all over
but the shooting.

I'll attend to that later.

$500.

Do I hear $600?

$600.

Sold for $600.

Wrap up that lot
and put some poison ivy on it.

Well,
I came out even on that one.
That was a big success.

One more success like that,
and I'll sell my body
to a medical institute.

Now, we'll take
lot number 21.

There it is,
right over there, folks.

Right where that
cocoanut tree is.

What am I offered
for lot number 21 ?

$200.

My friend, there's over $200
worth of milk in
those cocoanuts.

And what milk.
Milk from
contented cow-conuts.

Who'll say 300?
$300.

$400.
$400.

$500.
$500.

$600, $700, $800,
what the heck I care?

What the heck do you care?
But how about me?

Sold to
What The Heck for $800.

I hope all your
teeth have cavities.

And don't forget:
Abscess makes
the heart grow fonder.

When he said "why a duck,"
I should have smelled a rat.

I did, but I didn't
know who it was.

Now, we'll take
lot number 22.

What am I offered
for lot number 22?
$100.

Sold for $100...
$200.

Believe me,
you gotta get up early
if you wanna get out of bed.

Now, we'll take
lot number 23.

$200.

What are you gonna do
with all these lots?
Play lottos?

Who'll say $300?
$400.

$400. Do I hear $500?

$500.
Sold to this gentleman...

$600.
$700.

$700. Sold to
this gentleman...

$800.
Do I hear $900?

HAMMER: Do I hear nine?

CHICO: You hear nine,
you'll hear 10.

If I hear 10,
you'll hear plenty.

Do I hear nine?
Will the gentleman
who said seven say nine?

Will he say seven again?
Will you say six?

He say six, I say seven.
He say seven, I say eight.

He say eight, I say nine.
I got a plenty
of numbers left.

When I start,
I no stop for nothing.
I bid them up.

I go higher.
Higher all the time.

You'll go higher when
I get a hold of you.

Sold to Hiawatha for $800.

Get away from that
tree before it dies.

MAN: $50.
HAMMER: Sold for...

CHICO: $200!

Too late!

We'll take lot number 25,
right where you're standing.

Get your feet off this.
You're getting it all dirty.

This lot doesn't
look very big on top,

but it's all yours for
as cheap as it can go.

What am I offered
for lot number 25?
Anything at all.

Who'll start it off?
Anyone at all?

Anyone...

What's become of Peter Rabbit?

What am I offered for lot 25?

Come on, folks. You know
you're allowed to bid.
This is a free country.

What am I offered for lot 25?

What's the offer for
lot 25 and a year's

subscription to
Youth's Companion?

Will somebody take
a year's subscription?

I'm trying to
work through college.

Will somebody take
a six-month subscription?
I'll go to high school.

Does anybody wanna
buy a lead pencil?

I'll wrestle anybody
in the crowd for $5.

If there's no more bidding,
I might as well quit.

What's the matter
with you people?
Don't you wanna make money?

I'm gonna try one more lot,
and if I don't dispose
of this, I'll fold up.

I'm gonna take lot number 26,
the star lot of
the whole proceedings.

Right there near
the stump of that tree
overlooking the oceanfront.

One of the finest
sites in Florida.
Now somebody make me an offer.

BOB: $200.
MAN: $300.

Who'll say 400?

$400.

Now do I hear...
Keep Winnie the Pooh
out of here. He'll ruin me.

Who'll say $500?
$500.

$600? Come on...
$800.

$800. Now there's
a gentleman with a vision.

And a nice haircut.
Who'll say $1,000?

$1,000.

A gentleman with double vision
and a better haircut.
Who'll say $1, 100?

$1, 100.
A gentleman
with astigmatism.

$1,200? Come on,
now, $1,200?

$1,200.

Hail and farewell.
Who'll say $1,300?

HAMMER: $1,300.
HARVEY: I'll bid...

HAMMER: $1,300?
Do I hear $1,300?

$1,200? Once, twice...

Sold to Mr. Adams for $1,200.
A fine of property
you've got there, buddy.

Bob, you got it.
Make a note of that.

What happened?

I protest against that.

I didn't have
a chance to bid.

I didn't have
a chance to bid.

What do you mean?
I don't discriminate.

You had the same opportunity
as anybody else.

Mr. Hammer.
I've been robbed.

HAMMER: What? Robbed?

MRS. POTTER:
My necklace in your hotel.
POLLY: Oh, Mother.

It's worth $100,000.

HAMMER: Was it valuable?

Was it valuable?
I'll give a $1,000 reward
for its return.

This little lady
has lost a necklace
worth $100,000

and she offers $1,000
reward for its return.

CHICO: $2,000.

HAMMER: Sold for $2,000.

HAMMER: Make a note of that.

HENNESSEY: Coming through.

I'll take charge of this.

All you people get back
and give us plenty of
room and keep quiet.

HENNESSEY: Cut that out.

CHICO: Come on.
Get back, everyone.

CHICO: What's the matter?
He hurt you?

What's the matter?
No push, boy.

CHICO: Come on.

All right.
Start fighting. Go on.

(CHICO MUMBLING)

Mr. Hammer, what's
the matter with him?

I don't know where he's from.
He hasn't any license on him.

MRS. POTTER: What is it? What?

MRS. POTTER:
Yes, that's it. You dear man.

I'm so happy.

I must kiss you again.

So that's it. I saw you
in that room last night.

Grabbing off stuff
for the reward, eh?

Now then, you, come clean.

Let go of that.

CHICO: All right.
Leave him go.
Come on. Leave him go.

How did you know
that necklace was there?

Officer, may I
make a suggestion?
What is it?

Maybe the gentleman
who bought this lot
might know something about it.

Why was he so
anxious to buy it?

Why did you buy this lot?

None of your business.

He is a
desperate character.

Mother, he isn't.

Whenever a fella
won't say anything,

it's generally on
account of a woman.

Who is she?

None of your business.

I won't say a word.

You won't say anything.

This guy's letting
on to be a dummy.

(HORN TOOTING)

This bird you can't understand
when he does talk.

Is there anybody
here who will talk?

I will, but I can't
think of anything.

Well, if you won't
tell me about it,
you'll tell somebody else.

Wait a minute. You mean...

That's enough. Come on.

Please don't take him.

What?

I didn't want you
to steal it, Bob.

I had no idea
that you'd do it.

I feel awful.

What are you talking about?

Bob, what does she mean?
Polly.

HENNESSEY: So that's it.

PENELOPE: It's all my fault.

I had no idea he'd
think that I meant it.

I didn't want you to do it.
I just meant

that you could
give me one like it.

Wait a minute.
Are you accusing me

of taking
Mrs. Potter's necklace?

I'm taking all
the blame myself.

I was joking,
and you took me seriously.

When you told me
you'd taken it,
I just couldn't believe it.

Told you I'd taken what?

Why, Polly,
she's out of her mind.

It sounds quite
plausible to me.
Mother.

He didn't know
what he was doing.
I begged him to take it back.

Say, I'm not gonna stand
for anymore of this.

Why, the whole
thing is ridiculous.

It's absurd.

Do you people really think
for one moment that...

I don't care what
you think, any of you.

Polly, you know
it's a lie, don't you?

It was just
a harmless flirtation,
and then he lost his head.

Don't you know it's a lie?

Of course I do.

I wouldn't believe
a silly story like that.

Polly.
Mother, I don't believe it.

Mr. Adams, I must ask you
never to speak to
my daughter again.

Bob, I'm going with you.

You'll stay here.

Yes, Polly. You stay here.

It's only for a little while.

The whole
thing is ridiculous.

HENNESSEY: You're ready?

Yes.

PENELOPE: I'm so sorry, Bob.

Don't keep it up
any longer.

All right.

I'll have
a confession out of him
in half an hour. Come on, you.

MRS. POTTER:
Will you come back here?

HAMMER:
Now, we take lot number 27.

I've been so
unsuccessful in disposing
these other lots

that I'll give
a half a pound of tea
with every lot I sell.

There's one way to
wipe out this disgrace.

You must make people
forget that you ever
knew this young man.

Mother! What are you saying?

You see what's
come of your way.
Now I'm going to have mine.

Mr. Yates?
Yes, Mrs. Potter?

MRS. POTTER: My daughter
has reconsidered her answer.

Mother.

MRS. POTTER: Your engagement
will be announced tonight.

That's wonderful, Polly.

I shall give
a dinner at the hotel...

A dinner?

You want the 30 or
the 40-cent dinner?

You may invite everyone...

It's 50 with Jell-O,
and how you can Jell-O.

In honor of
the engagement of

my daughter to
Mr. Harvey Yates.

Let me be the last
to congratulate you,
and you, too.

I'm sure you'll have
a very dismal wedding.

MAN: Congratulations, Yates.

WOMAN: Congratulations, Polly.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)

Coming, Polly?

In a minute.

Please go ahead.

Why, what's
the matter, dear?

Nothing. Please go.

All right.
I'll wait for you.

(SOMBER INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

(SOBBING)

You got the key?
That's fine. Wait, look.

I got the saw.
You gotta get something.
We get Bob out. Hurry up.

CHICO: Bob!

How do you do?
Hello. What are
you doing here?

I didn't know they
allowed visitors.

We come to get you out.

We gotta be quick.

You shouldn't have bothered.

I might as well stay here.

You gotta come out.

Polly, she wants you.

Polly wants me?

She gotta have you
because tonight she's
gonna be engaged.

Engaged?

Gonna be married.
Mrs. Potter, she's gonna
give a big engagement dinner.

To who?

To Polly.
He's engaged to Polly.

Everybody's gonna be there.
You, too.

Polly's gonna marry Yates?

That's right.

Get me out of here quick.

Wait. We get you out.
Hey, paisan. Bring in the...
Come on. Hurry up. Quick.

(CLANKING)

CHICO: Now we get you out.

Thanks.
I don't want anything to eat.
Not at a time like this.

Hurry up.
Get me out of here.

CHICO: We get you out.

What's the matter?
What did you do?

Come on. Break the lock.

Come on. Hurry.

What's the matter with you?
Come on.

Stop fighting!
This is no time to fight.

Come on. Hurry up.
Get me out of here, quick.

Come on. Hurry.

(BOB CHUCKLING)

CHICO: Come on. Hurry up, Bob.
Everybody's away.

(HORN TOOTING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Is that so?
Well, I'll attend to that.

Boy.

It's reported that
a poker game
going on in room 420.

Go up and see if
you can get me a seat.

Yes, sir.

(HARPO WHISTLES)

All right.
I'll be right over.

All right, Bob.
The coast is clear.
Nobody around.

Here he is. We got him.
We got him all right.

Hello. Are you out on parole?

These gentlemen
helped me to get out.

I'm ever so much
obliged to you.
They told me it was your idea.

I can't begin to thank you.

Maybe you do as
much for me sometime.

Well, arrivederci. Good-bye.

I can't begin to thank you.

(BOB CHUCKLING)

Why, that's polygamy.

Believe me,
it's no fun being in jail.

Jail is no place
for a young fella.
There's no advancement.

But seriously,
you know that story

of Penelope's was
all a lie, don't you?

What's the use of worrying?
You're gone today
and here tomorrow.

But you know it was a lie.
How am I gonna prove it?

(HARPO WHISTLES)

BOB: What is it?

"Silent Red
wanted by the police."

(CLATTERING)

HAMMER: What's going on here?

(LOUD CLATTERING)

HAMMER:
Everything's been dropping
from on high here.

HAMMER: Grapefruit.

(HAMMER CLEARS THROAT)

I hope I still
got my underwear on.

You know...

Come here with that.
I felt kind of flimsy.

Bob.
Yes, sir.

Go upstairs and
count the rooms.

I think the third
floor is missing.

I'll put this stuff
in here until I get
ready to go upstairs.

Wait just a moment.
"Blackstone Hotel, Chicago"...

"Statler Hotel, Cleveland"?
Those are mine.

Can you imagine that?

(WHISTLES)

More papers than any
man I've ever knew.

"Granada Road. Cocoanut Road."

"Granada Road, Cocoanut..."

(BOB CHUCKLING)

"Granada..."

If you get it twice more,
you're allowed to keep it.

(HAMMER LAUGHING)

(BOB SNICKERS)

Come here with that, will you?

You can beat that,
but you can't tie it.

"Granada Road..."

Don't talk.
He'll take the words
right out of your mouth.

"Granada..."

"Granada Road. Cocoanut Road.
Hollow stump. Jewels."

Tell me,
where did you find this?

That's a great guy to ask.

Where did you find this?

(HORN TOOTING)

Mr. Hammer, whoever drew
this knows something
about that robbery. Look.

(SLOW BALLETIC
INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

(BALLETIC INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC INTENSIFIES)

(SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

♪ The skies

♪ Will all be blue

♪ When my dreams

♪ Come true

♪ And I'll be

♪ Smiling through

♪ When my dreams

♪ Come true

♪ That Spanish castle

♪ I built in my mind

♪ Will be our love nest

♪ The practical kind

♪ And I'll be there

♪ With you

♪ When my dreams

♪ Come true ♪

Penelope, dear,
so good of you to come.

Thanks so much, Mrs. Potter.

Isn't it lovely?

You're a lucky
boy, Harvey.
Yes.

I know the party
will be a big success.
I hope so.

MAN: Hello, Penelope.

PENELOPE: Hello.

I didn't know
you'd be here.

MAN: Anywhere that you are.

How do you do?
How do you do?

Is Mr. Hammer coming?

Mr. Hammer?
Yes. He'll be here directly.

(MRS. POTTER LAUGHING)

MRS. POTTER: Mr. Hammer,
your costume is wonderful.

This costume
has been condemned
by Good Housekeeping.

I love the color scheme.

That isn't a scheme.
It's a conspiracy.

Señor Chico Joseph
Maria de Accunia

Count de Elsinore.

On Track 25.

(SENSATIONAL
INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Listen, Count,
as soon as the guests leave,

I'd like you to
take the ashes out.

His Excellency,

the ambassador
from San Rafaelo.

Señor de Harpeno.

(SENSATIONAL
INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

(HARPO TOOTS HORN)

Nix on that stuff.

It's just
a breath of old Ireland.

I can see me old mother
coming down the old path.

And I can see the old...

(HARPO WHISTLES GLEEFULLY)

(HAMMER HUMMING)

♪ Pop goes the weasel ♪

(HARPO CONTINUES WHISTLING)

There goes the weasel now.

I'm so glad you came,
Mr. Hennessy.

That's all right, madam.

At a party like this,
you've got to
have the law around.

Now, a nice woman like you
needs protection,

and I'm here to
see that you get it.

There are some
shady characters
hanging around

that I'm going
to keep an eye on.

What's that
you gave him?
I no give nothing.

HENNESSEY:
Give me that, I tell you.

Who got my shirt?

What's become of my shirt?

I want my shirt.

You've lost your shirt.
Yes.

Can you describe this shirt?

What's that?

HAMMER: Here.
Now, look. This cross...

This cross marks the spot
where the shirt was last seen.

Cut that out.
HAMMER: Remain quiet,
will you please?

Just as I thought.
You birds are all
in on this thing

and you're all
trying to keep me
from finding my shirt.

That's a lie, you whelp.

Whelp!

HENNESSEY: I want my shirt.

He wants his shirt.

HENNESSEY: I want my shirt.

He wants his shirt.

♪ He wants his shirt

♪ I want my shirt

♪ He wants his shirt

♪ I want my shirt

♪ He wants his shirt

♪ I want my shirt

♪ I want my shirt
I can't be happy
without my shirt

♪ He wants his shirt
he wants his shirt

♪ He can't be
happy without his shirt

♪ I want my shirt

♪ He wants his shirt

♪ He can't be
happy without his shirt

♪ He wants his shirt
he wants his shirt

♪ He won't be happy
till he has his shirt

♪ He's got it, he's got it!

♪ I've got my shirt back
Thank God, I've got my shirt

♪ I've got my shirt
I've got my shirt

♪ You'll never know
how deeply I was hurt

♪ I thought I'd lost my shirt

♪ It was given to
me by my brother Bert
♪ His brother Bert

♪ That's why I love this shirt

♪ The beautiful shirt
♪ My shirt

♪ The wonderful shirt

♪ Now that I've
found my shirt

♪ Good-bye! ♪

And, now, friends,
now that we've
found Hennessy's shirt,

would you look
for a collar
button that I lost here?

HAMMER: Size 13 and a half.

Now, ladies and gentlemen,
if you'll all find
places at the table

we'll have
a short entertainment
before supper.

Eat! Come on.

How about us giving
this joint the air

and indulging in
some snappy necking?

What?

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(MRS. POTTER
KNOCKING ON TABLE)

Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Hammer

will now act as
Master of Ceremonies.

Mr. Hammer.

(ALL CHEERING EXCITEDLY)

Ladies and gentlemen...

$200!

On behalf of the
Rotary Club of Minneapolis

I want to take this occasion
of welcoming you to Waukegan.

No, I mean, in
recognition of my many years

of service with
the railroad,

you have presented
me with these ties.

And that,
of course, reminds me
of the story of the Irishman.

(ALL LAUGHING)

It's so funny.
I wish I could think of it.

"Oft in the stilly night
The trembling of
a leaf can be heard

"Sighing through the trees
and the babbling brook

"As it wends its way onward,
babbling and..."

Well, I got rid of one.
And one like that
is worth three ordinary ones.

Where was I?
Yes, on this chair.
That's right.

Western cattle opened
at 15 and a quarter.

Yearlings and spring veal
showed a firm tone.

And eggs were a little touchy
on a falling market.

My mother and
father talked it over,

and they finally
moved to New York.

They took a little
house in the Bronx,
and it was in that house

that Abraham Lincoln was born,
quite to my father's surprise.

And that, boys and girls,
was the beginning
of the Lincoln Highway.

Friends, in view of
the fact that Miss Polly's
engagement

is being
celebrated here tonight,

I think a few
words from her mother
would be revolting.

I now take great pleasure
in presenting to you

the well-preserved
and partially pickled
Mrs. Potter.

Come on now, give
the little girl a big hand.

Speech, big speech.

My good friends,

if I could only tell
you how rosy-hued

everything
seems to be tonight.

As I look into your faces,
they're all lit
with gay laughter.

The whole world,
and everything in it

is bathed in a soft,
flowing, luminous haze.

The old gal is
stewed to the eyebrows.

And now,
I want to wish you all
a most enjoyable evening.

As for myself, I'm sad.

I simply can't go any further.

I'll get off with you.

Now friends,
I want to take great pleasure
in presenting to you

the groom, Mr. Yates.
Mr. Harvey Yates.

Good evening, radio fans.
We are now back in the studio.

Stand by for your
station announcer.

My dear, dear friends.

(HARVEY STUTTERING)

I really don't
know what to say...

Well, shut up.

What a splendid suggestion.

I feel highly honored,

but I'm afraid I'm not
much of a speechmaker.

HARVEY: Nevertheless,
Mr. Hammer,

it was nice of
you to call on me.

You must call on me sometime.

I was just about to...

Come up and see
my flower beds.

What I intended to say...

I'd like you to
see my pansies.

The short pansies
and long pansies.

I was just going to say...

Next spring,
I'll get some early bloomers.

As I was about to say...

There seems to
be a steady stream
flowing in and out over there.

I wouldn't dream of taking up
anymore of your time.

I really wanted
to thank you all,

and as I said before,

I hadn't intended to
make a speech at all.

But you certainly succeeded.

Now, friends...

Now what's
the matter with him?

HAMMER:
That's that good Gulf gas.

(MRS. POTTER
MUTTERING ANGRILY)

Hey, what are you doing?

Mr. Hammer,
can't you do something?

HAMMER: I don't have to.
They're doing plenty.

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

the first musical number
that we intend to portray

will be the beginning
and ending of a very...

We're gonna have music.

The first musical
number on the program

will be a piccolo solo,
which we will skip.

The second number
will be Señor Pastrami,
the Lithuanian pianist.

Señor, for his first
selection, will play

A cup of coffee,
a sandwich and you

from the opera Aida.

Señor, allow me to
escort you to the dais.

Señor Pastrami,
what is the first number?

Number one.

(PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC)

(PLAYING LIVELY MUSIC)

And now, friends,
I want to present to you,
a charming little lady.

Down in front.

Sit down.

The little lady
who is to become
Mrs. Harvey Yates,

over my dead body.

I know I have
the sincere wishes
of all my friends.

I can only tell you
how much I appreciate it.

I think I can honestly say
this is the happiest
moment of my life.

Look what I have here.

It's a little
engagement present
just given me by Mr. Yates.

He wrote it just now.

But he wrote another
yesterday when
a necklace was stolen.

They are both in
his handwriting.
Let me read it to you.

It shows how to
get to Cocoanut Manor
and the hollow tree stump,

and reads,
"Hollow stump, jewels."

MRS. POTTER:
I don't believe it.
POLLY: See for yourself.

MAN: Yates is gone.

Yates is gone?

And I gave him
a check this morning
for $1,000.

It's a good thing it
was my personal check.

Mr. Hammer.
There's a man who wants

to see you with
a black moustache.

Tell him I've got one.

I think you will
want to see him.

His name is
Mr. John W. Berryman.

He has accepted my
architectural plans

for the development
of Cocoanut Manor.

HAMMER:
Well, happy days, old boy.
Thank you.

(CHICO SPEAKING IN
FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

He also wants to
know if you can

accommodate 400
guests for the weekend.

HAMMER: Four hundred guests?
CHICO: Four hundred guests.

MRS. POTTER:
What in the world's
the matter? What is it?

Mother, you must
admit you were mistaken.

Mr. Adams, how can
you ever forgive me?

Please, Mrs. Potter.

Ladies and gentlemen,
you're all invited

to attend the wedding
of my daughter.

The wedding will take place
exactly as planned.

That is, with the exception
of a slight change.

She will be married to
Mr. Robert Adams.

ALL: Hooray!

(ALL EXCLAIMING JOYFULLY)

♪ The skies will all

♪ Be blue

♪ When my dreams come true

♪ And I'll be smiling through

♪ When my dreams come true

♪ That Spanish castle

♪ I built in my mind

♪ Will be our love nest

♪ The practical kind

♪ And I'll be there with you

♪ When my dreams

♪ Come true ♪

(SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)