All language subtitles for Jamin Winans & Kiowa K. Winans - Childhood 2.0 - English with German Subs

[soft music]

[singing]

[woman 1 laughing]

What do I love
about my daughter? Um...

What do I love about my kids?

-I'm going to cry.
-I'll start crying.

My daughter is an old soul
who teaches me

how to be a better person
every single day.

I love his heart,
like he... he loves big.

They are extremely smart
and kind and opinionated
which I love.

-He is so unique.
-[man 1] They see the
bright side of everything.

They have this altruistic love
of people in the world.

-She's stunning and she's witty.
-Very athletic, very charming.

Like he actually makes me laugh.
I'm not laughing
because he's so cute,

-he's like, legitimately funny.
-Having these children
to teach me

how to love has probably
been the best way for me
to learn how to love.

I just appreciate that they're
good people, you know.

[phone ringing]

-Who's is that?
-Is that...

How ironic is that.
Talking about...

[man 2] It's around us,
it's everywhere.

Uh...

[suspenseful music]

[typing]

A long time ago families
were in extended communities.

They were local.
They were small.

Children and parents
largely worked together

with neighbors on things
that just needed to be done
for daily living.

I was born in the very depths
of the Great Depression.

If you know anything
about the depression,
it actually began on the farms.

At that time
I wasn't much to help,

but I can tell you later on
I was put to work carrying wood,
carrying water,

I knew how to shell peas,
I knew how to break beans

and I had a little wagon
so I was the water girl

instead of the water boy
but that was the kind
of things that we did.

You had responsibilities
in the barn with the animals

from a very early age.

It's getting harder and harder
to find 80, 90,

you know, plus-year olds
that have that perspective.
That we just have no concept

of what it was like to live
in that kind of scarcity.

My mother was raised just
like her great-grandmother was.

I was raised pretty much
like my mother and dad

were up to a point
and that's way with my kids.

They were able to change,
but they had to change

so much faster than I did.

[upbeat music]

When you guys think
of your parents and how they
grew up what do you imagine?

So they had no internet,
no smartphones, what do
you think they did for fun?

Um, I don't really know how
they would like communicate
with their friends.

Faxing. That's one thing
in the 70s, faxing.

If you've seen Charlie
and the Chocolate Factory,

I imagine their life
was like Charlie's.

It was definitely far different
than what it is now.

Lots more kids outside.

A lot more like
being outside than inside.

I was outside 24/7.

We were told to get out
of the house, either in or out.

So, if you wanted to go outside,
you were out all day.

I pretty much lived on my bike.

I would ride my BMX bike.

I fall in love with baseball.

[woman 2]
But we would play kick the can
in the middle of the street.

Capture the flag,
to manhunt, to wiffle ball,
to basketball, to...

We built a zip line and it was
actually made out of clothesline

-which I would not recommend.
-I remember getting up at 5:30

and helped my friend
with his paper route.

He paid me
with a donut, you know.

Yeah, if I wasn't lighting
somebody's house on fire

or pouring sugar
in a gas tank or something.

Yeah, you went outside.
You went and rang the doorbell.

"You want to play?" And pick up
somebody, sort of one house

-at a time
until you had a posse.
-Go to Scott's house.

Last time we saw
the two of them,
they were with Jennifer.

-Then you went
and did whatever you want.
-And before you knew it,

you had
the whole neighborhood outside.

When the street lights
came on we had to come home.

I had to be home
when the street lights came on.

-When the street lights came on.
-The street lights came on.

-Came home by dinner time.
-Come in when it gets dark.

Came home when it got dark
and parents would look
at you quizzically,

"Why are you here already,
if you're sitting around."

I feel like life was more
authentic, like more genuine.

-Yeah, they got creative.
-They got very creative.

I feel like that's our...
why our like parents like

-stories are
so much better than us.
-They're so much more fun.

How do you think they got
in touch with each other?

-They didn't.
-[laughter]

-They never got in touch...
-Maybe like the house phone.

They'd have to actually
like dial the phone number.

Remember in the kitchen there
would be that ringing sound.

We had the one phone
in the kitchen

that had the really long cord.

-And it still hung on the wall.
-Yeah, it still hung
on the wall.

I can remember setting
the dinner table and having

to take the phone cord
over my mom's head.

I was rarely
on the phone if my sister was on

and then I would spend hours
trying to record her.

We also always
had to have quarters
on us too for pay phones

like when you're out and about.
It's critical.

I would call my dad if I needed
a ride home, if it got too dark.

I remember when call waiting
happened, like what?

-What is this technology?
-I had a pager

-in the tail end of college.
-We didn't have a phone

until I was in college.

Everyone from the highway

to here would be
on the same line,

so we I think we had
nine people on the line.

I don't think I had
an actual telephone until
I was in maybe fifth grade.

But I think if we want
to sort of be more real

and focus on what people
are experiencing now,

we probably
would want to be talking about
the information revolution.

When I was a junior
I was taking a class

and our professor was like,
"We are going to communicate

with another college class
in Sweden."

And we were like, "How...
how are we going to do that?"

So we all went
to the computer lab,

stared at this black screen
and we typed in like

c:é\é all these numbers.

I remember thinking this,
"Why would anybody do this?"

And she had this thing
called AOL and there was
this dial-up internet thing

-and it was like...
[imitates beep]
-[beep]

Then, all of a sudden,
she's in this chat room.

So, what's everyone up to today?

Well, Linda Emerson
called and she asked

if Dash and Peter
can help Andrew and Lisa

learn about the internet.

What's a web page?

Something ducks walk on?

Ha-ha very funny.

And, frankly, I remember
there being almost nothing to do

once you were online.
It seemed really cool

and then you had no idea
what to do.

It didn't feel life changing

until I think
much later than that.

And particularly over the last
20 years we've just seen

this explosion of innovation
and new technology.

I do remember the first time
somebody said,

"You've never
googled something?"

And I was like, "What's Google?"

Yahoo Meetups. I think
they came before Myspace.

Facebook was born like the week
our oldest son was born.

So when we look at him
with his adolescent awkwardness

like that's...
that's how old Facebook is.

My kids are way better

at using apps and mobile devices
now than I am.

Kids are so intuitive
with like the mobile devices.

They can pick up
any mobile device and just...

it's so intuitive they know
exactly what to do with it.

Just pick it up and be like,
"There you go."
You're like, "What did you do?"

I've seen kids run circles
around parents.

At least now I have in-house
tech help when I need it.

-You know,
technology moves quickly.
-It's like the Wild West.

-I try to keep
up with the latest.
-By the time I am aware

of what it is,
they've gone on to the next one.

How do you keep up
with something new every day.

It's exhausting.
You can't just like,

"Okay, I got a [inaudible]."

I am not currently
on any social media.

[woman 3] The use of phones
has just ramped up.

[woman 4] I wouldn't even
know how to navigate.

[girl] Everything's going crazy.

[woman 5]
It's very difficult to opt out.

It's already too late.

The train has already left
the stance... the station

way before I realized
and I'll never catch up.

Do I feel like
I can protect my kids
from the dangers online? No.

They're going
to have to navigate it
and make decisions

for themselves without me,
sooner than I want.

Its pace has been
so fast that some of the...

what... we'll call them
guardrails that are necessary

to keep an industry accountable

have been set aside
in the spirit of innovation.

Right now we're effectively
living in an experiment.

How is this going to affect us?

We'll find out
with the current generation.

I... I will tell you that
I'm probably going to be dead

and gone and I'll probably
be thankful for it

when all this comes
to fruition because...

because I think that
this scares me to death.

[soft music]

The internet is awesome.
It's a great place.

People use it for work,
people use it for art,

people use it for socializing.

I don't know, it's just fun
to take cool pictures

and show them off to the world.

I like checking up on people

that I haven't talked
to since like the fifth grade.

Like you don't get to see them
for like a month,

you can talk
to them over FaceTime.

Staying connected,
sharing photos

and being support
to one another.

My partner calls it
SMS parenting

because I just text them.

[Titania]
The educational opportunities

of having
the internet at my disposal,

-I can search anything.
-What did I have?

I had The World Book
Encyclopedia.

Just feeling a sense of security
and safety with the ability

for the location
tracking feature.

It's like letting
everyone know where we are

and stuff,
make sure everyone's safe.

If he's at a friend's house
I could call,

-"Are their parents home?"
-It's actually been a way

that we can keep track of them
out there in the real world

where things really are scary.

Do you think the dangers online

are more prevalent or dangers
in real life are more prevalent?

I think it's...
I think I'm still more afraid
of the real world.

I think my primary concerns
did tend to be physical.

Any situation
where they cannot physically
defend themselves...

-Yeah.
-...then that's number one
for me.

That's scary to me
and that's everything
that's outside of the house.

I wasn't allowed
to walk around the street.

I couldn't ride
my bike around my street.

I'm a senior in high school,
I still can't sleep over.

we couldn't do that now.

We couldn't walk down the street

and like go to a restaurant.

I mean that's just
not really that safe.

Without worrying
about being kidnapped or even...

-I'm going to throw out, raped.
-Yeah.

Many parents today worry
more about physical danger

of their children than they do
online danger for their kids

because it's something
that they can relate to.

[man 3] I don't know whether
Jimmy's lost his kite or what,

but he's really asking
for trouble climbing
a power or a telephone pole.

Here's one, a rusty nail
and believe me it's dangerous.

I remember my parents really,
you know, teaching me

sort of very physical
danger prevention things

like look both ways
when you cross the street

and be careful who you talk to
and things like that.

All of those things
parents heard
when they were growing up.

And so that's something
that they can hold on to.

It's a fear that they remember
whereas everything online,

oftentimes it's so far out
of what they can imagine

because they're not using
the technology the same way

that kids are that they can't
even wrap their brain around it

enough to know what
to be afraid of.

The greater danger
is definitely mental versus
physical in this world.

Um... I see it. I see it.

The biggest issues
that have come up

with our kids
have all been mental.

We've already been
introduced to sexuality,

cyber bullying,
marketing and persuasion.

The dangers for my kids
that are more present

are way more mental
and emotional.

I think parents are aware that

there are mental dangers
out there,

but I feel like we're constantly
as parents

you just tend to think that
probably won't happen to my kid.

Statistically speaking
our world is much safer
outside in the neighborhood.

Those physical dangers
are much less likely to happen

than the dangers
that we're seeing online.

[soft music]

I remember in fifth grade
like I saw all my friends slowly

like starting to get phones
and I was like,

"Well, I want to be able
to text my friends.

I want to be able to like...

do like fun things
on your phone."
Like it's a fun thing.

When Annabelle was five
I gave them their first iPod.

I was... I was 11 when
I started feeling pressured.

Like even before that
people had cell phones.

Kids are ostracized. By the time
they hit middle school,

they go in at sixth grade
almost everyone has a phone

and if you don't have
a phone then it's...

it's almost
like a bullying thing.

You can do better than
your peers if you have access

to some social media
that allows you to engage

and know when things
are happening
and that you don't miss out.

Peers judge other peers by their
knowledge of what's happening.

Certainly, in the last
five years we've... we've seen

kids' usage of devices
continue to increase.

We've also seen kids
getting devices
younger and younger.

The rates at which
they're experiencing
certain types

of problems
continues to increase.

I'm Kelly Anne.
I have worked in multiple
different areas

with teens, children's hospital,
a non-profit.

I met this group of girls
when they were freshmen

and I have been with them
now for four years
so they're seniors.

They have access to me 24/7.

Like what's the max amount
you think in one day,

in the past three years
like if you had picked
the one day you spent

the most time on your phone,
how long do you think it was?

Oh, I'd say 18.

-[Kelly] Hours?
-Maybe.

-It's like five.
-The last two months

it's been eight, nine.

Ten, 11 hours a day.

Yeah, maybe like 12.

In the past 10 years or so

the time that they're spending
on them has skyrocketed.

On average,
maybe seven hours a day.

It's a lot of time
when you also have to do

school and sleep and eat.

Seven hours a day
is like a work shift.

There's a lot
to do on your phone.

Like you can text people,
you can play games,

take videos, pictures.
There's a lot to do.

We've always had these things
that captured our attention,

but there is a certain level
of precision

with which today's technology
hones in on our neurology
and the way that we are wired.

Social media and other internet
platforms make their money

by keeping users engaged.
And so, they've hired
the greatest engineering

and tech minds to get users
to stay longer inside

of their apps
and on their websites.

-I use Instagram, Snapchat.
-Instagram, Snapchat and TikTok.

-Two Instagram accounts.
-I can just scroll
for hours on end.

-I use Instagram, Twitter.
-Instagram, definitely.

-My favorite, Snapchat.
-If I was to delete Snapchat,

I don't think
I would like hang out.

I don't know
what's going on with Snapchat.

There's this app called TikTok.

The social media games
like TikTok and Fortnite.

Yeah, I look up from my phone
after being there for 15 minutes

-and it's been like an hour.
-Scrolling through Instagram.

Then I end up watching
other people's videos

-for like five hours on end.
-Watch Netflix for a time,

then go off Netflix
to check Snapchat,

check Instagram,
and go back on Netflix.

What I really do
when I'm not online

is kind of just sit
on my ass and like eat.

I call it the race
to the bottom of the brainstem.

So it starts with techniques
like pull to refresh.

So, you pull to refresh
your news feed that operates
like a slot machine.

It has the same kind
of addictive qualities

that keep people
in Las Vegas hooked.

[man 4] One of the central
issues of Skinner's philosophy

of behaviorism is that
just like the pigeon,
man is a predictable animal.

Gambling systems
have a schedule we call

variable ratio
that explains why people gamble.

The psychoanalysts say people
gamble to hurt themselves,
destroy themselves.

Other people say they do gamble
for the excitement and so on,
but, nonsense,

you gamble because there was
a certain schedule built into

the gambling device
or system as in a horse race.

These same schedules
will make a pathological gambler

out of a pigeon
as well as out of a person.

It's interesting
raising kids five years apart.

You know,
John could leave his phone
sitting somewhere away.

We've noticed
that Jack's generation
is of kids that can't do that.

They're so completely
tied to their phone

and they don't even know
life without a telephone.

Typically, when I get bored
I do pick up my phone.

I tend to switch apps
every 30 seconds to a minute.

They will, literally,
melt their brains

-before they got off the device.
-Yeah.

When we think
about traditional drug use,

we know that the age
of first use,

the earlier it happens, um...

the greater likelihood
for addiction.

And so, think about, you know,
with children their brain

is developing and if they are
not having balance

in how they're using this
and it's developing
at a younger age

I just, you know, question
how that will continue to impact
them for years to come.

Young folks tend to have
their reward sensitivity

and their social sensitivity
develop much earlier

than their ability to regulate
these areas in their brain.

Throughout childhood the brain
experiences rapid maturation.

It begins in areas
responsible for basic perception

and memory way in the back
of the brain

and it ends in the front
of the brain.

And in the front of the brain
that's the areas

that are most important for
having us regulate our responses

to rewards and our responses
to social feedback.

And the highest order
part of that

doesn't really develop
in... into the 20s.

I... my biggest fear's
when they get older that

they never
put those things down
and they're so disinterested

with connecting
with other people,

like, in person, you know,
that it negatively affects them.

Being a leader
14 years ago was easier.

The way kids are
has definitely changed.

They have less
or no coping skills.

They are also harder
to kind of break

that outer shell
and talk about hard things.

They don't want to, and or,
they don't know how. It's wild.

They really just don't know
how to get there.

One of the greatest consequences
of screen time addiction

is just the lack
of social development,
social skills development,

being able to connect
with other people.

And we're seeing
a lot more of that

as we are becoming more aware

of what social media
does to our ability

to have empathy,
and to interact with others,

and to see their social cues,
understand their social cues,

and react accordingly.
We're seeing the difference that
it's making but the kids aren't.

The disconnect of even
just he with his friends.

I mean...
I mean it is how they connect,

but how connected
are they if they're all
getting depressed and...

-Yeah, well, if they don't have
anything to compare it with...
-Yeah.

Like, you know,
like you said it, we...

we have a comparison
because we grew up differently,

because we didn't have
the option.

We're incredibly
social creatures.

That's actually
what separates us,

not our intelligence,
but our ability to work together

in communities,
to thrive as humans.

A huge chunk
of your brain is devoted

towards just understanding
people's moment-to-moment

facial expressions
because social signals

that come very rapidly
are incredibly important to us,

even if in the moment
we're not totally realizing

how important
those social signals are.

Would any of you guys
say that you struggle or

have struggled
with anxiety or depression?

-Anxiety.
-[Kelly] In high school?

-Oh, yeah.
-[girl] Oh, yeah.

-Depression.
-Yeah, me, too.

-Yeah, dumb.
-Yes, definitely I have

an entire friend group
who has latched on to each other

due to their connection
with depression.

Because they both are prone
to anxiety and depression,

I can't pinpoint
whether or not it has anything
to do with their device.

He's addicted to some games.
I'm addicted to some games.

Sometimes when we don't get it
we cry. We throw a fit.

I noticed my anxiety ramps up
when I'm on my phone more,

but not from like
any specific thing just kind

of the more time I spend
in my head, the worse off I get.

A statement that
I've been making at my talks

with high schoolers is,
"Don't you all just sort
of feel like

every moment
of every single day,

we're all living in a state
of low-grade anxiety?"

And they all just kind
of look at me like, "Yeah."

So we are seeing many more kids

coming to school with diagnoses
of anxiety and depression.

And we also know
that the teen suicide rate

from 2010 to 2017 increased 56%.

My day-to-day life in the ER
over the last 20 years
I think, there's been

two very palpable changes.
One is childhood obesity

and the other is mental
health issues in terms
of the volume and the frequency.

I have personally seen
a difference in the number
of children

who are coming to the ER
with mental health issues

with non-suicidal self-harming

and suicide attempts
and suicidal ideation.

His demeanor
with me and his temperament,
everything is different

after he has had hours of gaming
or something with a friend.

Sometimes I feel
like I want to give it up,

but it's such a big part
of teenage life,

I guess you could say that I...
I... I just couldn't.

A lot of like our lives
are on our phones.

Like texting our friends,
like that's on our phone,

like we have to be on it,
if we want to like
talk to our friends.

Like our school
actually gives us information
through social media,

so it's kind of just like
it goes hand in hand

that you will be using
social media and have a phone.

The lives of kids
were sort of changing slowly

for a while and then,
all of a sudden, phones,

smartphones were easy to get.
Social media was easy to get.

Most people were able
to afford that. Most kids
were able to get on social media

and that's when everything
kind of skyrocketed.

-I'm addicted to my iPad.
-I'm addicted.

But adults
not just teenagers are
also addicted to their phones.

Parents are the primary
determinant

as to how a kid uses technology.

In other words,
if we want our kids to be

consuming technology
differently then we first

need to look in the mirror
and ask ourselves,

would we want them using their
technology exactly how I do?

The race for attention has
to get more and more aggressive.

And so, it's not enough
just to get your behavior

and predict what will take
your behavior.

We have to predict how to keep
you hooked in a different way.

And so, it crawled deeper
down the brainstem
into our social validation.

So that was the introduction
of likes and followers.

I post a lot. I used to...

like I almost like have like
a mental schedule, like,

okay, like each month I'll post.

And like I'll edit
the picture and like
make it look really good.

Now I just kind of like post
like when I want to

and I like definitely delete
posts I don't get like
a lot of likes.

I like to have
a lot of likes on my posts.

Just to like...
it just makes you feel good.

You feel better
when people are like,

"Yeah, you're looking good."
But then

at other times you feel horrible

because people
aren't liking your post,

but you can see
they looked at it.

No, I don't care.

I mean it sucks
when my art doesn't get
a whole lot of likes.

They call each other and say,
"Do me a favor, like my picture.
I need more likes on my..."

[girl] Like, it's really easy
for you to be like,

"Oh! Look at this other girl.
Like she got
this many more likes.

-Like her body's
this much nicer."
-[Patti] Are they chasing likes?

Are they, as some
young people say, you know,

I'll put a photo up and if
I don't get 50 likes right away

-I'm taking it down.
-And that got every...
it was much cheaper to...

instead of getting
your attention
to get you addicted

to getting attention
from other people.

And this has created
the kind of mass narcissism

and mass cultural thing
that's happening

with young people
especially today.

I think people's
online status does...

connect to their
popularity at school.

I'd say they're
kind of symbiotic,

like they both feed off
of each other.

I have a 400 streak with this
person. I'm better than you

or look at this,
I got 600 likes on Instagram.
I am better than you.

They just want to be famous.
They just want people
to adore them.

They're hoping to get famous.
They're hoping to get popular.

They're hoping to get validated
by strangers on the internet.

Clout addiction.
Know what clout is?

It's not as if, all of a sudden,
a separate part

of our brain evolved
in the past 10 years

to separate out social signals
from social media

from those social signals
that we get in real life.

The... the social feedback is,
literally, rewarding

when it's positive
and it's, literally,
punishing when it's negative.

Ms. Stanfield, I... I...
I was a little confused
by one thing you said.

Did you say Google doesn't use
persuasive technology?

That is correct, Sir.

What gets the most likes?

-More skin, more likes.
-[girl] Yeah.

Girls in bathing suits.

[boy] You have to sexualize
yourself

or you have to post a bikini
pic or something

that's revealing in order
to get a lot of likes.

The more attractive you are
the more likes you get.

-Hot girls get a lot of likes.
-Parent's day and age,

you couldn't get on your phone
and be like, "Oh, my gosh!

Look at Kim Kardashian's life."
We have the ability to compare

-ourselves with other people.
-We weren't really worried

about what we were wearing
because everybody

in the whole world
wasn't watching us.

The pressure to maintain

the perfect image online
is huge.

On the flip side,
if they post something

and either don't get likes
or get poor comments

then it's hit with depression.

[woman 6]
But you know what you look like.
You can see yourself.

You don't need...

Yeah, but it's not
how you look like...

-Yeah.
-...this. It's like
how you look like on that.

It's not checking to see
if the hair is okay,

it's seeing
if they look like the girl

that they saw on Instagram
that was perfect.

Seeing people like that,
it's like, "Why can't I,

you know, look like that?"

And it's weird
because we know that

they're made up and they're not
like a 100% authentic pictures.

Girls like strongly edit
their pictures

and like you can tell
like the wall is bent
at their waist or like...

But it just still
makes you feel like...

They're always ready
for a phone.
It's like they're constantly

prepared to be captured
by something and be shown
to the world.

[man 5] A man feels free,
if he believes he is free

and he will believe
he is free if he is conditioned

by positive reinforcement
to think so.

You could be the meanest
most horrible person
in the world

and if somebody sees
you have like 6000 followers
on Instagram

at school
or like you get a ton of likes,

they'll be your friends. They
don't care what you're like.

Are you going to be
on my side if I let you up?

Sure, chick, sure.
I'm on your side.

Just let me up.
I'll do anything you say.

When I was a student
bullying was always in person,

in my neighborhood,
the bully who lived up the hill

and we would be careful
to not to go that direction

because if he was outside
he would grab your bike
and harass kids.

Get off. I want to ride it.

Oh, no Jake! Not my new bike.

Oh, I was bullied
all through school.

I can remember the kid,
who you all just kind of knew

was mean to people
whether it was on the playground

or other places.
I'm not going to say his name.

I'm sure he's a great guy now.

The bullying happened at school

-or on the bus.
-The ways in which this person

could have access to my life
were pretty limited.

In this case,
it was the seven hours
that I was at school.

Okay. Really? Come on, guys.

Now, it's always available.

It's going to follow
them everywhere.

Have any of you
ever been harassed online?

-Yes, 120%.
-People are still
just like mean.

[girl] They're called trolls.
They just troll you and they
try and make you feel bad.

Trolls are just kind
of a part of the society
we live in nowadays.

Our bullying did not go
in front of the whole
world on social media.

To them it feels like
it went out to the whole world.

Personally, like I don't
really get those. Well...

Where are the safe places
for a kid growing up?

Because as soon as I get home
everyone goes to their room

and the devices come out
and everything that
was horrible about what

just happened is shared
over and over and over again.

By sixth grade he was like
bullying me on Instagram

and my friends
were telling me and
I had no means to defend myself.

Well, honestly,
I do think it's worse
to be bullied online

because you don't know
who you're talking to.

Big picture, he was bullied
in a lot of different ways

and part of the way that

also showed up
was through text message.

You know it was in person,
in school, in the classroom,

divide and conquer
as well as cyber.

And so, it was coming
at him from all angles.

And it would never shut off,
but the cyber stuff...

yeah, so I would block kid a,
and block kid b,

and they would give
Ethan's number...
then they started texting Gavin.

They had Gavin's ID and messages
were coming in through...

Gavin was what, six at the time.

-They were relentless.
-He was the target.

It was relentless.

When I finally did get
a phone in seventh grade, it...

it got bad because I also got
Snapchat around the same time.

And so, I could now see
what he was posting about me.

-Every kid sees this happening.
-It's hitting a much
larger and broader audience

than it ever used to, you know,
and sometimes people pile on.

It's another thing
when the bully gets 25 people

on a text thread
and it's all directed at you.

It's just... it's a different
scale and it's a different time.

It's an amplifier
for the worst parts of us.

Let's take
an example like Twitter.

It's calculating
what is the thing

that I can show you

that gets the most engagement.

And it turns out that outrage...
moral outrage

gets the most engagement.
So it was found in a study that

for every word of moral outrage
that you add to a tweet

it increases your re-tweet rate
by 17%.

If they didn't have tech,

I swear they would have
a black eye every day.

There are just so many
more channels through which

I can be a complete jerk
that don't involve me being

in front of you
which is the great neutralizer

of cruelty because if I see you
and I look you in the eye,

we tend to treat
each other differently.

He was having
a really difficult time.

He was very agitated
and it was...

It had to do with his phone
and I couldn't understand

because we'd found
some text messages on it
that concerned me.

And I asked him about it
and I took the phone from him

and we talked, shared some tears
and I said, "Really son,
what's going on here?"

Couple days after Christmas
the stomach pains got so bad we
had to go to the emergency room.

I was convinced
he had appendicitis,
he was in so much pain.

He threw up two or three times.

His blood work's good.
This is weird, we don't know.

And I knew in that moment
it was anxiety. I knew it.

We got him
through the other side,
but there was a place there

where it was so dark
I thought this is it.

That's...
this is that tipping moment
where we lost our kid.

Certainly the... yeah,
there's an element that
kids need to learn resilience

and they need to understand
that people are not always
going to agree with them

and they may even tease them.
And there's an element

that that's okay
because that's... we can't

train kids to expect that
they will always be shielded

from any negative
thing in their life.

That said it's important
for a parent to know

where in the spectrum
it is for your child

relative to where they are
in their developmental cycle.

So it's definitely there.
It's definitely there, but

I'm certain it's probably more
behind people's backs nowadays.

Cyber bullying is definitely
like Charlie said,

a lot more subtle than people
like to make it out to be.

So what happens when somebody
takes somebody off Instagram?

-Oh, it's a big thing.
-It's a big deal. When you block

somebody on Instagram
you can tell,

we all know the signs
when somebody blocks you

and it's like
a big thing because,

you know, this person
doesn't like you anymore.

[Chris] That group photo
where I don't tag that one girl.

Their parents may not
pick up on that,

but that is a subtle way of
saying, I'm not going to tag you

or I'm not going to like that
photo or whatever it might be.

We've attached worth to those
things and that's a little
subtle jab

that kids are doing all
the time. I see it. I hear it.

[Kelly] What about
the constant awareness that

you're not invited to something
or you're being left out?

I hate that. Nothing
makes me more upset than that.

When people hang out
or do something cooler than you,

they're going to post it
and then it just shows like,

"Hey, you're not here.

You know, you suck."

I would actually like be
like, "What did I do wrong?

I must have done something
wrong like I need to fix
something about my character,

like I just need
to completely change myself.

Who would be the person
that would be invited

and then make myself into that?"

It's not outright
and it's not something

you can just see
when you go online.

It's something
that's behind the scenes

and it's something
that affects someone

over years and years and...

and slowly changes
the way they think.

[man 6] How easy
was pornography to come across?

-Oh, boy!
-[man 6] Yeah. Oh, boy!

-Yeah, like Mom, Dad,
don't watch this.
-I know.

I had a trunk
and I had ways to hide it.

We had different methods
of finding it.

We congregated at this one guy's
house because he had

a VHS tape that had something
on it that had been
recorded from Cinemax.

Go up to your uncle,
go to the bathroom up there,

we'd take a Playboy in there...
run down

-the alley and look at it.
-She brought out a few
magazines.

"Quick, you can look real quick.
Somebody's coming."

"Look at this!" And it was
a Playboy magazine

and I was like, "Goodnight!
What are they doing?"

And we thought,
"This is our moment."

You had to be MacGyver to like

to get it, hold it, keep it.

But they had those sex hotlines
that you could call.

-[man 7] Oh, yeah. The 1-900.
-[female voice] Call me now.

Yeah, they were like advertising
on the late-night TV.

But this was again a plan,

like a detailed plan
that had to be enacted.

There was no other way to get
access to this sort of thing.

In the 50s we had pinup girls.

Brigitte Bardot,
Marilyn Monroe and in the 60s

we had Girly Magazines
and then in the 80s

we had VHS and then there were
chatrooms with webcams

and now we have cell phones
in kids' hands.

[suspenseful music]

All the physical barriers,
be it physical location, right?

Be it proximity,
all those sorts of things,

be it people, maybe they
had access to it, right?

None of those barriers
exist anymore.

I mean it's completely
different now. I mean,

it is like it's all video
and it's all...

and watching XXX videos
are a lot different than
looking at a Playboy Magazine.

The Australian study
that found that about half

of children ages 8 to 16
had exposure to pornography

and many of those were
actively seeking it out.

27%, if you look
at the unfiltered internet,

27% of all video contents
on the unfiltered internet

is pornographic
or explicit in some way.

If I imagine
every day growing up,
there was a coffee table

in my living room
and there were four magazines

on that coffee table,
one of them was pornographic

and three of them weren't
and my parents just hoped

every day that I didn't look
at the wrong one.

That is what
the unfiltered internet
is for kids today.

We have put little boxes of porn
in their pockets

under the guise of safety, under
the guise of overprotection,

under the guise of I have
to get in touch with my kid

all the time, every day, 24/7,

we have given them access
to pornography that far exceeds

anything
that we ever were exposed to.

What about porn? Does ever...
do guys all watch porn?

Okay, I like didn't even realize
that, but pretty much every guy

has like an addiction to it
but no one talks about it.

So say I'm like talking to them
about it and they'll be like...

I'll be like,
"Does that guy do it, too?"
And they're like, "Yeah."

And I'm like, "That sweet
innocent boy watches it, too?"

-Like everyone.
-Everyone.

Everyone no, no,
like every everyone watches it.

How many guys and girls do
you guys know that watch porn?

I'd say all guys pretty much.

I think I know
one guy in my school. I think

I've talked to one
that I can confidently say

hasn't and nobody else.

You know, it's very prevalent

and like everybody knows it.

They watch porn for fun.

They don't even watch it
for any sexual release.

They just watch it to watch it.

Do you think parents

really have any clue
of how significant

of an issue pornography
is in... in kids?

No. They're...
they're pretty clueless.

-[girl] Yeah.
-Okay.

What percentage?

It is on every platform,

even the platforms
that parents think it's not on.

Just, for example,
Twitter which is one

that most adults probably use.
They probably know Twitter.

Snapchat is where
explicit content on Pornhub

lives just seconds away
from every user

through backdoors
within the app.

The app knowingly allows

a well-documented list
of porn performers

to make thousands of dollars
daily

through their premium
Snap accounts.

The people
behind pornography know

how to optimize
their content for search terms.

Pornographers,
any new technology

that comes out they
immediately saturate it.

They know about it before...
as it's getting ready

to come out and they
are ready with every strategy
to saturate it.

At what age did like
watching porn become common?

-I'd say seventh grade.
-Yeah, middle school.

Ninth and tenth grade,
I remember guys being like,

"Yeah, like I had an issue
in seventh grade." And I'm like,
"I'm sorry. What?"

What I say to parents is it's
time for every parent on Earth

to leave the ignorance
of the land of "if"

and embrace
the reality of "when".

The film we'll see
this morning will give
the answers to these questions.

It will also show
the earliest phases of growth

as well as the changes
that take place during
childhood and adolescence.

So when my parents
were addressing the birds
and the bees with me

there was no conversation.

I walked out more confused
after the conversation
than when it started.

We don't talk
about those things at all.

Now, sex. Sex, sex, sex.
Where were we?

It's absolutely normal
to be curious about sexuality.

It's normal to be interested.

Don't have sex because you
will get pregnant and die.

Just don't do it, promise?

Okay, everybody
take some rubbers.

My dad had conversations with me

when I was a teenage girl.

Like I asked him
and he was very blunt

-and just told me.
-Do you think kids are using

pornography as sex education?

-Yeah.
-Okay.

Because I feel like
they don't want to like

talk to like a parent
or like a guidance counselor

or anything like that
because it's awkward. It's
an awkward topic to talk about.

Like I said I have
three classes right now

and they all are going
like over...

like sex ed-type things
and it's really boring.

So a lot of the times
I don't like...
I just kind of like tune it out.

This is a tool for sex
education for a lot of children.

They are learning
so many wrong things

not only about sex,
but about relationships.

[girl] Guys, especially
our age like...

they just like watch porn
to like be fulfilled
in their own ways.

So then they're just like...
like, if my girl can't do

the same thing
that these people are doing,
then something's off.

I don't want to be compared
to like a porn star like...

-Wow!
-There's like certain guys
that I've hooked up with

and I'm like,
"This is really aggressive.

Like this is too much for me."

And then I'm like...
and it's just terrible.

I'm like this is so bad.
Because I haven't had sex, yet,

like people... or like
the guys will like ask

and I'm like, "No, I don't want
to do that with you."

And they're like,
"Are you kidding me?"

-Like, they get so mad.
-Guys get this image

in their head that that's
how intimacy goes

and that's how sex goes and...

There's definitely
a bigger population

of guys that feel that way
now than they were...

they were even
like five years ago.

[Chris]
The science is still emerging

but I just happen
to live in the camp

that when young people
are exposed

to large amounts of pornography,

it shapes the way
that they see other people.

I happen to be somebody
who at a very young age

was exposed to pornography.

I discovered a stack,
you know, of magazines

when I was way too young
and that planted
a lot of curiosities in me

that I wasn't ready for,
quite honestly.

I didn't know
what to do with that.

And we could talk a long time
about what that did to me

later in life and what that did
to distort just my views

of sex and intimacy even as a,
you know, a young adult

and as a married man,
even leading to an addiction

of my own to pornography
that was destructive
in a lot of ways.

That was years ago
but I can link all
of those things together.

And I'm a guy that did not
grow up in the digital age,

yet, I was exposed to something
that I wasn't ready for.

I didn't have anybody
who was giving me any sort

of baseline to compare that to,

so a combination of that
early exposure plus the internet

became a very toxic thing
for my life.

I feel like a lot of porn
does... I guess... show

the women as more submissive
and it kind of

puts that idea, I guess,
in boys' minds.

It just leads to guys
objectifying women a lot,

you know,
and then they forget about
the whole relationship part

and that's all they think
of now is just sex
because that's all they've seen.

I know we've been talking
about like a lot
of like guys are like

-into pornography, but like
a lot of girls are, too.
-[Free] Absolutely.

I don't even think
parents have like the

birds and the bees talk anymore
because kids will know about it

by the time they're like eight
if they have access
to social media.

-[man 8] Yeah?
-It's just, honestly,
I've thought...

But it's just faster
now and it's younger.

[Patti] 20% of youth report that
they came across at children,

you know, that it was unwanted.

But we can now be
in different places

and we're in a group chat
and somebody shares it,

everybody's got it
if they open it.

And in the elementary schools
that I'm in,

I typically hear counselors
saying, "Yeah, we've got kids

that are already
seeking that out
in the elementary school age."

Sex is not something
that is easy to talk about

with your kid at any age,
but it's something that you

absolutely have to talk about,
and at a younger age

than you might think
because even if he couldn't

access pornography
on his personal device

or through our home,
you know, cable,

somebody on the bus
probably could.

This mother
proceeded to tell me,
her son was 11 years old,

but when he was nine years old

he went to sleep over
at a friend's house,

a family that
they knew quite well.

And this son, his friend
showed him pornography,

um, hardcore,
really horrible stuff

on the iPad at the sleepover

and then proceeded to practice
that pornography on her son.

That was
when he was nine years old.

Okay, fast forward two years,
he's now 11.

He's never told
anybody about this,

but mom has noticed that,
"My son just isn't
happy anymore",

and she sat down and had
a conversation with him

and found out
through this conversation

that for two years
he had held on to this secret

and he felt so much shame
and guilt that there was
something wrong

with him,
that he did something wrong.

And so, for two years he held on

to this corrosive secret
that started on an iPad.

The number one
common denominator

of those who abuse other kids

is an early exposure
to pornography

because what they see,

they feel neurologically
compelled to do.

[soft music]

I guess
my first boyfriend was...

I was college age
when I had my first boyfriend.

We would have hay rides
or winter roasts

or it was more...
more like just groups of people.

Now, after you finished 4-h
they had what they'd call

rural youth and that's how
I met my husband.

We would meet once a month
and... and maybe have a dance

or a lot of those square dancing
and everybody was a...

would bring food and... and
there were a lot of marriages.

My friend, Mary Lou and I
both met our husbands
through rural youth.

So that's how I met my...
that's how I met my Mr. Right.

[soft music]

Dating in 2020. How do dating
relationships begin?

A guy says you're hot,
pretty much.

The guy will like add
you on Snapchat

and then you might like say you
like each other, but you know,

of course, it's over text
it's not face to face.

-Then you guys
might have a thing.
-Hooking up with each other.

-Or when you like...
-So you hook up
before you are dating.

-Yes.
-People don't really like...

go on any dates.
It's kind of you
just like hang out

or like guys just use you.
It's true.

-[girl] Right.
-We couldn't communicate
in person

because we'd like built
the relationship online.

I had like the same experience.

Only after about three months
he asked for nudes

and when I said no,
I don't send them, he dumped me.

[Patti]
For many young people, sexting

could be considered
the new first base.

Kids call it nudes.
We call it sexting.

Yeah, no.
Everybody knows what it is.

Everyone knows
sexting is a thing.

My school...
sending nudes is very common.

It's mainly between people
who aren't actually dating.

[man 9] Do you know of anyone
who's been affected by that

at all in your school?

-Affected by a sexting?
-[man 9] Yeah, yeah.

Like have had an incident
or a bad thing happen to them.

Well, yeah.
Like nudes of girls go
around the school all the time.

-[man 9] Really?
-Yeah.

We are seeing more and more
young people that expect to jump

right into sexual acts
without the relationship
portion before that,

without getting to know
each other, without going
on that first date,

without holding hands,
without having that first kiss.

They're jumping
straight to send me nude photos,

send me a video of you
masturbating

and that's happening
younger and younger.

But in eighth grade there was
like two different groups

and it was like, the group
of people that like did

like send nudes
or like did all these things

and then the group of girls
that like didn't do it.

And there was a very distinct...
and it was eighth grade.

-And that's what divided
the groups?
-Honestly, yeah.

And like, now like, my brother's
in middle school and like,

I... I sometimes hear him
and then like

a bunch of kids
I babysit middle school, like,

it's happening younger
and younger. And...

I mean like,
sixth and seventh grade.

Like with sexting, while
the studies typically focus

on the ages of...
of 12 and older,

I've been in schools,
elementary schools where sexting

has already occurred
with 10- and 11-year-olds.

We have a lot of teachers
and counselors coming

like trying to discourage us
from doing that type of thing,

but, obviously,
people don't listen.

Like, if you have a teacher
or just someone

like telling you
constantly not to do it,

it makes you more just want
to do it and like to try it out.

Is that amount of communication

needed before a boy feels

comfortable asking somebody
by text for a nude?

You're pretty much lucky
if you get about two weeks

into talking
to them before they ask.

Or even sometimes they won't
even like just like talk to you.

-Like they just...
-[girl] Demand it.

-Yeah.
-Or send their own

-without us asking.
-Yeah.

And what about guys?
Do they send nudes?

Yeah, they're disgusting.
Who wants to see that?

-I wish they wouldn't.
-No, one time
I was with a friend

and we were...
we were having a sleepover,
woke up, good morn...

it was 8 AM. I was like,
I don't need to see this.

They're more unsolicited like

most of my friends
have gotten them and...

I feel like for girls
for the most part

get disgusted by it.

What do you think
percentage-wise

of girls have received them?

-High percentage.
-Probably more than half.

-Yeah.
-More than half.

[boy] Do a lot of people

you guys know send nudes?

In middle school...

-That was a huge thing.
-Oh, yeah.

-You guys have huge problems.
-Scandals.

They're... there are
like these rings almost,

so they gotten caught and
the police would get involved.

In middle school
that's like the peak

of like which
is totally messed up.

It's just so casual,
but then when a girl does it

it's totally different
and looked down upon kind of.

Some girls I know, like,
they just like won't say no

because they're like scared
of like the repercussions

because they don't want
to be yelled at or called
a prude, or like...

And you're constantly judged.

That's so true
like they're either like,

"Oh, well she's a slut
and will do anything."

Or, "She won't do
anything with guys."

And there's really
like no in between.

It's a no-win situation.

If you give it to a boy
and then you're a slut,

then the girls
find out about it,

then you're cyber bullied
by the girls.

If you don't give it,
then some girls will even jump

on the bandwagon, "You know,
I gave it to so-and-so,

what's the problem?
Why won't you do it?"

What do you do
in that situation?

Because you,
you know, you can't win.

I don't think
people think it's a positive

for doing that type of thing,

but it definitely
gives you a lot of clout.

You have a lot of attention
on you, like good or bad.

And so, people definitely
like want clout.

They like do like
almost anything

just for people to, like,
pay attention to them.

If the good girl
sends Johnny something

that she normally wouldn't,
everyone's going to be like,

"Let's get more."

[girl] And then all the guys
will go after her, too.

[girl] She's got like 20 new
adds on Snapchat, three new DMs.

But behind closed doors people
are like, "She is a whore."

And people act cool
around her, but like

behind closed doors,
people hate her.

Let's say your daughter
was dating a football player.

She breaks up with him,
she hasn't had sex with him,

but he says you need to give me
a little something, something,

some pictures and then I'll stay
in the relationship.

So she does it. She gets
pressured and she does it

and they break up. Well,
I talk to kids all the time,

"What happens when you break up
with those pictures?"

Let me take it a step further.

"What happens

when you break up
with your boyfriend

and his new girlfriend goes

in his phone
and finds her pictures?"

-It gets distributed.
-Especially with Snapchat

which was kind of more or less
created for that exact purpose.

It gives people a sense of...

like,
"Oh, it's not that serious.

The pictures go away." But...

we all can realize now and
look back and say, "Well, no.

-That's definitely not true."
-Yeah, once something
is out on the internet,

social media will latch on
to it, people will download it.

So it's like a dropbox
and it was like, I guess,

some guy like went
to our school, made it

and it's like, just girls nudes,
just like just random people.

-It's what all the guys do.
-Anyone can access to see it.

And there was like a list
of like all the people
that had accessed it,

it was even like people that
you wouldn't think really, like,

good guys that you
wouldn't think would engage
in that kind of stuff,

but some girls had no idea
that their pictures were out
in the open for everyone.

All of these naked pictures
and videos

guys get from girls
they went to high school with,

they're in their college dorm,
they go on a9 IB.

and they trade
them like Yu-Gi-Oh! cards.

I mean this girl
that I grew up with she had

a sex tape
actually and it was leaked.

I remember even I who didn't
even go there had access to it,

but it was sent
around and we were freshmen.

One of my most hated terms
is "Not my kid".

Parents suffer from a disease
called the NMK syndrome.

It's described as "Not my kid."

"My kid won't do that.
My kid would never.

My kid's friends
aren't like that.

My kid's school
isn't like that." You're wrong.

Everybody's community
is like that.
Every school is like that.

Every kid has the potential
to do any one of the things

that we're talking about here,
no, even my own kid.

About 60% of the youth
who experience

sextortion when it's...
they're kind of blackmailed or,

you know, forced to send images,

threatened to send it,
actually know their perpetrator.

However, we also then...
about 40% met the person online

and sent the image.

[news program music]

[man 10] He chooses
his innocent victim.

This time he will not think.

This time he is sure.

So, I grew up in the era
of stranger danger.

So it was really the media that
taught me more about strangers.

Dangerous people,
you know, stranger danger.

If somebody tries to engage
with you, run away.

-It's always like a van.
-A white van with no windows.

You know,
don't ever get into a car.

He's going to promise you
a puppy and some candy.
Don't fall for it.

We were told not to hitchhike
because we would be kidnapped.

So in 1997,

we had a guy come
from Brentwood, Tennessee,

drive up here to Naperville,
met a 13-year-old

at the corner of her block,
took her to a hotel,

raped her, let her go back home
and she told her parents

that she met him on this thing
called America Online.

[man 11]
Call now for America Online.

A new way to use your computer
to communicate.

My Instagram's
kind of like a mix.

Like I would say half
the people I know

and half the people I don't know
are like friends of friends.

Three-fourths of it is probably
my friends from like school

or acquaintances I know
not just random people
off the internet,

but there is, of course,
that one-fourth

that is random people
I've never talked to

or don't know
looking at pictures of me.

When it comes to Tumblr,
a lot of people like follow me

for my stuff and that's cool.
I like to have them follow me,

but also there's sometimes
people that I don't know
but follow me.

-I friend a lot of people.
I would just...
-He just friends random people.

-I would just join games
for no reason and just go,
"add friend, add friend."

Braxton does end up,
you know, I'll be in there

and he's on the headphones
playing Xbox

and I'm like,
"Who are you playing with?"

He'll be like,
"I don't know, some kid."

-Have you ever gotten
creepy DMs from guys?
-Yeah, all the time.

-Have you been solicited
by any creeps online?
-Yes.

He was contacted
by a stranger on Instagram.

"Oh, like I saw your page
and like I'm really...

like, I'm interested
in like sending you money

for like in exchange
for a picture."

I had people like DM
me saying that

I'm like
I'm so beautiful and he'll
buy me whatever I want.

So we at Bark,
unfortunately, detect issues

around online child predation
very frequently.

Last year alone
we escalated 450 online

child predators
to law enforcement.

And so, we know that
it's a common problem.

Unfortunately,
we think most parents
underestimate the...

the commonality of that problem.

[Titania]
We decided to go undercover

as multiple children
on social media

and post innocuous content
to see what would happen.

We had to be very intentional
with everything we did.

We had to create personas.

They had to have
believable date of births

and they had to know
everything about the city

that they lived in and we had
to create story lines,

and we worked closely
with law enforcement.

[Brian] And, basically,
just pushed... pushed go.

We put the... put everything
live and we documented
what happened.

[woman 7] Within the first hour
of posting on Libby's accounts,

seven adult men contacted her.

By the end of nine days
that number was 92.

The conversations
ranged in severity

from making sexual comments
to sharing and requesting

explicit photos and videos
to manipulation and threats.

[Titania]
We had to deploy an entire team,
you know, around the clock

to responding because the...
the rate at which

these messages came in
was mind-boggling.

And, of course, when you're
dealing with social media

and the internet,
it's a global thing.

It's not just an East Coast
thing or a U.S.-based thing.

There were men
that wanted to talk to children

for nefarious purposes at all
hours of the day and night.

We tried it
with younger personas as well,

even... even an 11-year-old.

[woman 7] We launched our
11-year-old persona online.

It's 4:44 and go.

[suspenseful music]

One like from a guy
whose profile photo...

-[gasps]
-...is a penis.

One... That's one minute
and seven seconds,

we have a message request.
Although this...

I'm sorry, two more requests
just came in. How much time?

-A minute and 40 seconds?
-Yeah.

-How old are you?
-[Titania]You go

to the profile,
you know that that is a child.

It also says in the profile

that the child
is in sixth grade.

-Another one.
-[Titania] It's just lighting up

like the inbox is just boom,
boom, boom, boom.

[phone ringing]

[woman 7] An incoming video call
in less than five minutes.

[woman 8] They all say
don't be shy.

This happens
to all types of children.

This is not just kids
who might be at risk.

You know, oftentimes
it's a child who's simply bored
in their bedroom at night.

And I cannot tell you
how many children I see

in their bedrooms on livestream
with tons of people

just watching them, asking them
to do certain things.

[Richard]When parents allow
their kids to have that device

in their rooms at night, you
know, where are your parents?

Then come to grooming question,
"Where are your parents?"

Are you on an iPhone
or are you on an iPad?

What are you wearing?
Your makeup looks so beautiful."

It's not uncommon
for grooming behavior

to include showing
minors' images

of pornography to help them
to think that that is normal

and then that can be
a progression in toward...

towards engaging them
in sexual activity.

Do you want that?
Do you want that as a parent,

strangers in your child's room
while you're sleeping?

Would you leave
the door open with a sign

that says
my daughter's bedroom is

the second one on the left

and then go to bed?

We have traded

a false sense
of safety and security

for actually putting
our kids in riskier situations.

There are some that are
just there for a quick fix.

They want to see something,
a body part

or a live video and then you
might not hear from them again,

but there are others. They
use psychological strategies

to methodically groom children
by forming a friendship,

by showing care
and then it escalates

into more of a controlling
relationship.

What do predators do
with the pictures
and videos they get from kids?

They keep it or they trade it.

Last year alone we received
over 18 million reports

of international and domestic
online child sexual abuse.

Between 2017 and 2018
video files reported

to NCMEC increased 541%.

We're seeing reports
with graphic and violent
sexual images of young children,

including infants and reports
of on-demand sexual abuse

known as live streaming.

Unfortunately, some of those
were people who wanted

to actually meet
the child in person

which could have been
just because they wanted
to have sex with...

with a minor and sometimes
we believe that it was

because they might be part
of a sex trafficking ring

wanting to actually traffic
the child.

[woman 7] It was
a tough decision, but if Keith

wanted to meet Libby
in person, we would let him.

[girl] I've never
done anything like this before

so I'm a little nervous.

[girl] Yeah.

Are you okay with me being 15?

The project has also resulted
in numerous arrests
and that's... that's great.

Unfortunately,
it's a drop in the bucket.

The average internet predator
has 250 victims
in their lifetime.

One person has that many victims
in their lifetime,

if they're not caught.
So what happens
in the law enforcement arena

that cops are not getting
this technology training.

The problem is so big.

I mean we would need
to employ so many more officers

trained in dealing
with this issue.

[Brian] When you're a law
enforcement professional

and you're looking at more cases
than you can ever possibly
get to,

unfortunately,
a lot of those get triaged

so low that they never
actually get investigated.

And so, unfortunately, that
allows predators to keep doing

exactly what they're doing
without as much consequence.

[woman 7] I think about
how I would have felt

as a young impressionable
child.

I would have kept
the abuses to myself

for fear of being shamed
and blamed.

I would have suffered
with it secretly and quietly.

It's important really
to never start that process

because as a child,
once you're in it,

it's very hard to get out of it,
very hard to come forward

and tell your parent, "This
is what's happening to me."

Do you think your parents
know that this happens?

-Oh, no.
-No.

I wouldn't be allowed
to have a phone.

If they knew what was going on,
it would be stripped.

And so, if you
as a parent or a caregiver

can be an open, honest,
soft place for your child

to come and say,
"Hey, look everybody
makes bad choices.

I'm here for you and we'll get
through this together."

There's no bigger God's gift
than a mother's intuition.

When a mom knows something,
feels something,

there's something wrong
with their kids.

And God's given it this to...
to moms to protect their babies

whether the babies
are six months old or 40
that never goes away.

So, I always tell moms
to follow that

and never lead them astray.

The best line of defense by far

is to have active and engaged
parents who understand

what their child might be
encountering online.

Children are, unfortunately,
left to deal with this

all on their own
and they're not, you know,

we're talking about 10-, 11-,
12-, 13-year-old kids

who are not equipped
to deal with this in a vacuum.

And so, it really takes that...
that guardian

and parent support system.

[slow music]

[Doris] We always knew where
our next meal was coming from.

I don't want to say that,
but there wasn't much money

and in that middle...
that time we had had... um...

we'd had a tragedy, we lost...

my sister, older sister died
of pneumonia and that's the...

we talk about the good old days,
but we didn't have

the medical care back then
that we have now.

And then,
in the following February

my mother had a little...

a little sister, Carolina,

and she had a heart defect
and couldn't be saved.

So my parents lost two children
in less than a year.

[man 12] You know, the kind
of things you did and...

Sure, yeah. Jack is...
I have two boys,

John and Jack.
Jack's younger of the two.

John's 21, Jack was 15.

Jack was a very outgoing,
typical teenager at 14 and 15.

Rambunctious, outgoing,
very compassionate,
pretty much an empathetic kid.

He was a really sensitive person
and I think that was

one of his best attributes
because he could tell
when you were feeling...

feeling down and without
even asking you or having
a conversation with you,

he just could like
pick that up, total empath.

He was so kind to other
kids and I wonder if that sense

of kindness made him
more susceptible to feeling...

[man 13] Was there much talk
of... I mean do you remember

there being suicides
or anything like that?

Never. Never. I'd...
I'd never have heard that.

We were worried.
We were more worried
about physical illnesses,

but I don't remember...

I don't remember there being
a problem with suicide.

You know I have always
liked technology

and I will say that
it was hard to keep up with it,

but I would stay up sometimes
very late trying to figure out

what my son was doing
on his phone

and figuring out how to use
all the same apps that...

that he used, so that I...

never got behind
on that stuff but, you know,

that's a really difficult thing
to do.

I knew that it was working
because Jack told me one day,

"Mom, I give up.
I... you're too smart.

I cannot keep up with you
and I'm just going to tell you
everything now."

And he did, except one thing.

Definitely the worst day
of my life was getting
that phone call from my parents.

He didn't do it on purpose
and he didn't do it to hurt us,

you know,
he was just in a lot of pain.

[slow music]

Jack struggled for nine days
in the hospital

and then after about six weeks
we were able to crack his phone.

Someone said that there was,
you know, some stuff

on sale at Home Depot
that would help you,

basically, off yourself and...

and other kids would just come
right out and say... text,

you know,
"Just go kill yourself."

And then this is not uncommon.

He's not the first kid
that's had that happen to him.

Why did I not know anxiety was
and why do you know?

I guess they've made it...
they've been
a little bit better about...

But even then, they
only made it known to us

-after four kids
killed themselves.
-[girl] That's true.

In Littleton alone,
at the beginning of the year

there were multiple suicides
before school even started.

At children's hospital,
there is a new program

for 10-year-olds
and over and they say,

"Have you ever thought
about killing yourself?

Have you ever
tried to hurt yourself?

How do you feel about that?"

So I work in one of the busiest

pediatric emergency room
departments in the country.

At any given time
we can easily have four or five,

sometimes six patients
who are there waiting

for mental health evaluation
or waiting to be transferred
for inpatient treatment.

You hear from the CDC
that suicide is the second
leading cause of death

in children ages 10 to 24.

Colorado suicide is the number
one cause of death

for individuals 10 to 24.

Every day we send out,
you know, over...

over a dozen imminent suicide
alerts, every single day.

It was such a rare occurrence
to see that.

Now it is commonplace.

Has something changed
about us biologically?

[woman 9] From 2000 and 2007 the
suicide rate seemed virtually...

was... was pretty stable
and had if anything some years

fluctuated down, but then
we saw a beginning trend

and it became evident over time

that it was increasing
from 2010 to 2017.

Not only teen suicide
but child suicide

like 10 or 9 years old.

I said, "All right, sure.
What do you got?"

He goes, "Well, Friday night
I had two ten-year-olds,

on Snapchat. One thought
it'd be a funny idea to talk

the other one into committing
suicide and she did it.

She's dead."

So, 43% of 1.12 million children

that presented to the ERs
for suicidal ideation

or suicide attempt
were under 11 years old.

Whether these children,
these young adults think
that they're not worth anything,

I guess,
I don't know, but people
can't deal with things now.

But I feel like a lot
of people in our generation

are like way more sensitive
than they should be.

If one insignificance happens
it will just trigger

like every past thing
that's happened in their life.

There's always a competition
like with school

you're competing
for the best rank.

With social media,
there's this unspoken, I guess,

kind of competition for like
most followers in a sense.

If you're losing that
competition I... it hurts,

like it shows,
you feel it in your heart.

Constantly comparing
myself to others.

Constantly, you know,
wanting that thing

or needing to be checking or not
falling behind in notifications.

So whatever kinds of stresses
are attached to that,

but you couple that
with the fact that,

"I just don't know how to deal

with anything coming my way."

And I just think
at times for some kids

it's just a toxic combination.

Suicide is always the result
of many... many factors.

As we are not teaching kids
as many skills to self-regulate

and deal
with difficult emotions,

well one thing that a device

can be is a great way
to distract.

Not being able to have my phone
for a week would definitely...

like, I would get really bored
and I feel like I would be
stressed out.

Typically, when I get bored
I do pick up my phone.

Like I had people to talk to,
but they got bored.

I don't know it's just
like something that
I do when I'm bored.

Oftentimes it's a child
who's simply bored.

Yeah, I'm pretty much bored.

-And I get so bored.
-Sometimes when I'm bored.

-Because they were bored.
-When they're bored.

-Boredom.
-He is so bored.

My mindset just got worse
and worse just because I felt

so unproductive
and I wasn't doing anything.

And I felt like that's
pretty common, you know,

most kids are bored, cooped up,
and feel unproductive.

At 12, here again,
I was helping my dad.

We were still...
we were still milking cows,

we were still raising hogs,
carrying water,

we still
didn't have electricity.

I had to have
the tractor gassed up,

everything hooked up
and ready to go.

I mowed their lawns,
some housework for those folks.

I didn't even know
the word "bored."

And if we continually
interrupt that boredom

with distraction with screens,
I think that we are removing

kid's abilities to deal
with their own thoughts.

And then that carries the risk
then of being in a situation

where parents are fixing
everything and you combine that

with situations in high school
where parents

have fixed everything,
"I've not been taught

how to deal
with my own thoughts,

life is kind of hard.

I have no idea
what to do with this."

I think I'm still more afraid
of the real world.

-When the kids are outside,
I don't give them freedom.
-I really wasn't allowed

-to walk around the street.
-We couldn't do that now,
just walk down the street.

-Without worrying
about being kidnapped.
-There's not a lot of freedom

when they go out
in the front yard
or they can't ride

their bikes
by themselves to the park.

I couldn't ride my bike
around my street.

-I'm going to throw out, raped.
-Yeah.

I mean that's just
not really that safe.

But I get it
from the parents' point

because there's
a safety thing, too.

Out there in the real world

where things really are scary.

Interesting that you guys
think that because

what I'll tell you
is that, realistically,

the physical world
meaning kidnappings and

that kind of stuff,
it's actually much safer now.

[soft music]

[Sujit] It's easy to become
fearful of your child
stepping foot outside.

It seems like
there's so much imminent
risk with all these things.

So it's more of an issue
with one in the parent

and then for the kids, you know,
it is it's hard to engage

in a world where it seems
like every day or every week

or something there is something
horrible happening.

What makes you think that?

Yeah, I think it's
because like it's so...

like populated, like,
the news and stuff.

Like you hear all these,
like watching the news

and, like, really just seeing
all the dangers

that are out there in the world.

[woman 10] Most of the bodies
are still inside the school.

Well, they wore
black trench coats...

[man 14] Police say
the six-year-old died

after a blow to the head.

Some wore Nazi crosses...

[man 15] We are beginning
to learn more about...

...as mothers
and their children.

[man 16] NBC News, Los Angeles.

There is some tension at least.

[man 17] The Virginia Tech
shooting still haunts the...

[slow music]

We live in a town, a community
of 300 million people

with inflow of information
that happens all the time,

you actually kind of wonder,
"Can I have this?

Are my kids okay to play
outside in the yard

for an hour without me sitting
there watching them?"

And I'm thinking, "Man,
when I was in seventh grade

I was going around
my entire town on my bike."

-We were told
to get out of the house.
-"Hey, man. You want to play?"

-Ride my BMX bike.
-I lived on my bike.

-Play kick the can.
-Built a zip line.

-...the paper route.
-Rang the doorbell.

-You had the whole neighborhood.
-The lights came on.

-Put off into the woods.
-Home when lights came on.

That whole town was in a way

an extended family of yours.

This is- this
is... why am I nervous?
This is so dumb.

I've been conditioned
by everybody around me that
this is scary.

-This is not scary.
-That anxiety is something
we as parents have

to really kind of do
some self-examination

with and understanding,
wondering what part
are we involved

in terms of potentially
transferring some of that
anxiety towards our kids.

They have to be allowed to fail.

There's no way you
can ever prevent pain,

you know, or anguish
a 100% of the time and,

in fact,
it might not be healthy.

[slow music]

[Kelly] Do you guys feel like
teachers and adults

and parents in general
have kind of abandoned

helping you through
the social media thing in life?

It's also like we shield stuff
from our parents, too,

-so like they don't know.
-[girl] Really sneaky.

I don't blame
them for not being able to help

because we don't ask for help.

I definitely feel
like us as kids kind of

got put in a...
in a tough spot, you know,
in between two worlds.

This is all new
for us as parents.

We... we... this...
this technology and this...

in this world has kind
of crept up on us

and there is so many
of us who could do better.

Like my parents would be
like heartbroken that their
kids have to go through this.

Over half of tweens and close
to three-fourths of teens

experience issues
regarding mental health.

And then we
get into cyberbullying
and that's over three-fourths.

Then we get to sexual content
and for tweens it's around 70%

and then for teens
it gets even higher.

Our society is
just become too isolated,

just losing human touch
and there's no human touch

to kind of heal the...
the scar or the... the pain.

[girl] Why do you think all
these suicide and depression
rates are skyrocketing?

It's because
of social media and nobody's
doing anything about it.

[man 18]
We gave the stuff to ourselves

because we wanted it and now,

we get to watch it
happen to our children.

Kids right now are going
to experience the worst

-of what we're going through.
-For most of the things
that parents

can't stand about technology,
it's our fault.

I don't want to trade
my influence for their access

to a million
different sources of influence
that may not be credible.

Some parents say,
"I'm not going to do anything.
I give up.

It's too overwhelming.
I'm going to cross my fingers

-and hope that they do okay."
-As a family,

it is the one thing we fight
about more than anything.

If I had the option
to turn things back

and give our kids
of today a life without

social media and smartphones,
I would absolutely do it.

I would absolutely take away
the internet for my kids.

Yes, I would have rather
grown up without the internet.

I mean I would do it
immediately, take it all away.

If social media
was gone like completely,

and nobody had it,
it'd be a positive.

[Chris]
I do long some for my children
to know a bit more peace,

a bit more calm,
a bit more boredom.

You can't go back.
You can't go back.

I know we can't go back,
but I wish we could make

children realize that life
is precious and it's a gift.

And we need to really...

just really value it.

[Sarah] Do I wish
that we could just throw

all the technology away?

I kind of do, honestly.

But I know that
that is not the solution.

I think we're going
through a painful process

of adaptation to something

that's fundamentally
changed our culture.

But the opportunities
for these kids in this world

are so much more vast and,
yes, it's more complicated

and it comes with its own set
of worries and concerns,

but if you take
the control out of it

and you focus on just trying
to teach them how to be people

in this world with all
the things coming at them.

Technology is amazing.

I think it's a great thing
as for human culture
and stuff like that

if we can control
our consumption of it.

[Brian] So, new technology
almost always comes
with unintended consequences.

Um, you know,
we didn't have car crashes
before we had the car, right?

The car's a great invention,
but, unfortunately,
that resulted in car crashes.

And so, the answer
was not stop driving cars,

the answer was we invest
in driver's education

and we add seat belts
and airbags and lane assist

and we're constantly looking
for technological solutions

and educational solutions
to make that technology safer.

[woman 11] How do we keep
our kids safe?

Oh. There's so much to that.
I think what we need

is a mass public awareness
campaign so people
understand what's going on.

One thing I have learned is
that if you tell people
this is bad for you,

they won't listen.
If you tell people this is how
you're being manipulated,

no one wants
to feel manipulated.

As parents, though, we decided

we are going
to become the experts.

They need to start
to see us as the experts

rather than
just everybody out there.

What's awesome is all
these parents are, you know,

becoming innovators
and they're like, "Wow,

there isn't this safety
thing that we need.

And so, I'm going to invent it."
There's so much more help now

than there was five years ago.

[Free] And there are ways that
it can benefit them hugely,

but it's not going
to benefit them
and they're not going to use it

only for positive stuff
unless we educate.

The best filter that
your child will develop

is the one between their ears.

So having an adult
they can go to

that they trust is critical.

And having an adult
that's interested and able

to have the conversations
with them is critical.

And they'll say, you know,
"I want to talk to my parents,

but they just don't get it."
And maybe they don't,

but they should try
to get it because once
you crack the shell,

oftentimes these kids
are just dying to share.

The best thing that
you can do for your child

is make sure that they feel
comfortable talking to you

about these types of issues
and, unfortunately,

most parents are relatively
ignorant about

the types of things their
children are experiencing online

and aren't prepared to help them
even if the issues do come up.

So, you're my child, I love you.

So if something is...
goes sideways that we missed,

I want you to know
you have the open door
and we're not going to give you

any consequences
for coming to us because you're
going to make mistakes.

I want a kid to kind
of run, so I'll go, "Oh, Mom.
I already know that." "Good.

Just honey, wanted
to make sure, you know, why?

Because I love you so much

that I want you to know
this thing." Right?

If a kid isn't to the point
where they're just

a little bit annoyed
by you going there again,

then you're not doing it enough.

[Sarah] At some point
they will be taking flight
and will be leaving our home

in just a few short years

and I want to know that we gave
them everything that we had.

[Free]
I mean that's the truth. Even
my husband who is the most...

he's not a very emotional guy,

he will call me up in the middle
of the day and be like, "Gosh!

She's just amazing.
She's an amazing soul."

[Chris]
And I just so desperately
want those young people

to have other voices
in their life.

Adults who will
look at them and say,
"That's not who you are.

That's not who I see.
This will come and go.

I see you.
You're going to be okay.

I love you."
And they just need to hear that.

We all need to hear that.

[slow music]