Original subtitles

["The Ballad Of Gilligan's Isle"]

* Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale *

* A tale of a fateful trip *

* That started from this tropic port *

* Aboard this tiny ship *

* The mate was a mighty sailing man *

* The Skipper brave and sure *

* Five passengers set sail that day *

* For a three hour tour *

* A three hour tour *

[thunder rumbling]

* The weather started getting rough *

* The tiny ship was tossed *

* If not for the courage of the fearless crew *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The ship set ground on the shore of this *

* Uncharted desert isle *

* With Gilligan *

* The Skipper too *

* The millionaire *

* And his wife *

* The movie star *

* And the rest *

* Are here on Gilligan's Isle *

Ooh.

Ahh.

Gilligan, don't you think it's clever of the Professor

to have thought of this carrier?

This is the way the Dutch girls carry milk.

No wonder they had to wear wooden shoes.

And exactly what is that supposed to mean?

Maybe one coconut weighs nothing.

Maybe two coconuts weigh nothing.

But 15 of these weigh something.

We've got enough coconuts here to last six months.

- Well, let's get six more. - There's no more left to get.

Gilligan, you're looking in the wrong direction.

[birds chirping]

Gilligan, I'll start back with these.

[leaves crackling]

Sure. Gilligan, do this. Gilligan, do that.

Gilligan, go here, Gilligan, go there.

Gilligan, get this. Gilligan, get that.

Mmm.

I could just rest all day and take it easy

if my name wasn't Gilligan.

There's just five, and Skipper said six.

Well, I'm not going to get him six.

Yeah, I'll get him six.

There it is.

Number six. Come on, baby.

Help!

[thud]

(Gilligan) 'Help!'

Gilligan, Gilli..?

Oh, my buddy. Oh, please!

I heard him shout, Skipper. What happened?

He must have fallen out of the tree, Professor.

- Oh! - Easy now, gently, gently.

- Let's turn him over. - Alright.

Oh, watch it now!

- There, there we go. - Oh.

Doesn't seem to be any broken bones.

Probably had the wind knocked out of him.

Oh, he-he said we had enough coconuts

and I made him climb and get more.

If anything happens to him, I'll never forgive myself.

- Let's get him up. - Yes, let's get him up.

[groaning]

- Up, easy. - There you are.

Ahh, oh!

Gilligan, Gilligan. Take a deep breath.

But breathe through your mouth, little buddy.

Take it easy, Gilligan, it's just a cold compress.

Oh, your poor, poor nose.

It really is an awful mess.

It's actually swollen to the size of a 55-carat diamond.

- Oh. - Please, Mrs. Howell.

Professor, it's broken, it's broken!

Gilligan, I'm sure it's just bruised.

- It's only slightly swollen. - Slightly swollen?

You better look out for the pelicans during mating season.

Ginger.

Professor, look, it's just busted you can see--

You ought to be happy to be alive.

You're lucky you fell on that soft sand.

- Soft? It's busted-- - You know something?

This is the first real accident since we were shipwrecked.

Big deal.

I think we should be prepared for emergencies.

Yes, this could happen to any of us.

Please, my career.

I have a medical book.

I'm going to give everyone lessons in first-aid.

That's a marvelous idea. I used to be a nurse's aid.

Well, you should know something about emergency treatment.

Uh, not really.

They took my picture quite often pouring tea

but I didn't know very much about aiding.

I do make very good tea though.

How about you, Ginger, have you had any experience as a nurse?

No, but I'm sure I'd be wonderful at it.

I look very good in white.

Alright, Gilligan, you just apply this cold compress

and that should take the swelling down.

I feel like Pinocchio.

- Gilligan, you know that-- - Never mind, Mrs. Howell.

Let's get started on our first-aid lessons.

Come along, ladies. This way.

[upbeat music]

Professor said to start with the wrist and--

Be-be careful of that wrist, Mary Ann.

That's the hand that signs checks.

Now, Ginger, suppose a man is lying unconscious.

He's just suffered a severe concussion, what would you do?

I'd give a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

- That wouldn't help. - Wouldn't hurt.

You're supposed to cover him with a blanket

to make sure he doesn't suffer from shock.

And then I give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Is this alright?

Oh, you don't need anything quite so elaborate.

Don't think I'd have Thurston anything but gift-wrapped.

Our class will tell.

Now listen, an important point is how you turn

an accident victim over.

Now, Ginger, you place your hand under Mr. Howell's shoulders.

Mrs. Howell, you place your hands under his back.

And Mary Ann, under his knees.

Now, very gently, turn him over.

[all scream]

It's just a sprain, Mr. Howell.

It'll be better before you go to bed tonight.

I hope so.

If it isn't, I won't be able to cuddle my teddy...properly.

(Mrs. Howell) 'Can you tell us what we did wrong last time, Professor?'

Now, ladies

you're supposed to turn the patient over gently.

You needn't push quite so hard.

Do you want me to help them.

Kind of roll over like something--

- No, no, you're unconscious. - Oh, that's right.

- Now, take it easy, girls. - Okay.

- A little harder than that. - Okay, push..

All together. One, two, three..

Help!

[thud]

Now, it's just a sprain, Skipper.

It'll be better before you go to bed tonight.

Thanks, Professor.

I must say we make a handsome pair of bookends.

This is dreadful. We're running out of victims.

Well, I guess, I'll have to do this myself.

Now, ladies.

I want you to listen to me very carefully.

And I want you to do exactly what I tell you.

Don't worry, Professor, it's just a little sprain.

I'm sure it'll be better before you go to bed tonight.

It's not the wrist I'm worried about.

I better exercise this knee

before it begins to stiffen up on me.

[theme song tune]

I don't know whether my nose is getting smaller

or my face is getting bigger.

Hi, Skipper, what happened to you?

Oh, well, Professor's giving us a first-aid course

for emergencies, but what he didn't say was

the first emergency would be the first-aid course.

- How's the nose, little buddy? - Terrible.

Professor said it'd be a while before that swelling went down.

I think it'll stay this way.

I wasn't too handsome to begin with.

It's is like something that should be hanging

in a delicatessen store.

It's all my fault. I ordered you up that tree.

- Skipper, it's not your fault. - It is.

And I'll never give you another order.

Skipper, you didn't make me fall.

Gilligan, no matter what you say..

I mean we're not aboard ship anymore.

It's my fault. I shouldn't give you orders.

And I'll never give you another order.

Skipper, it's all my fault.

It was mine, and that's an order.

- Aye aye, Skip.. Oh! - Ahh!

- Gilligan. - Hi, Prof..

Say...how's that nose coming along?

What happened to you?

I didn't know broken arms are contagious.

Our arms aren't broken, Gilligan, they're just sprain

from our first-aid course.

I wish you'd never found that chapter in a medical book.

That medical book. Does it have a chapter on operations?

I mean, could you, like, fix my broken nose?

It must have, after that chapter on first aid.

Gilligan, your nose isn't broken, it's just bruised.

Now, you keep applying those cold compresses..

No more water, I'll drown.

...and in a few days, the swelling will be gone.

No, it won't because it's broken, we operate?

The professor says your nose isn't broken, it isn't broken.

- Or else it would hurt right-- - No!

See, it is broken. Ooh.

Gilligan, your nose isn't broken.

Keep saying it to yourself.

My nose isn't broken. My nose isn't broken.

Skipper, I know your nose isn't broken, my nose is broken.

- Hi, Lovey. - Oh, where have you been, dear?

I just finished your beautiful new sling.

Oh, thank you, yes.

I've just come from seeing Gilligan.

Oh, it's terrible.

Every time I see that boy's nose, I think of inflation.

Let me try on your new sling, darling.

Darling, be very, very careful. Oh, that's nice.

There must be something we can do for Gilligan.

Maybe I should go over and cheer him up.

After all, a nose isn't everything.

It is if you're an anteater.

- Oh! Oh! Lovey! - Oh, I'm sorry, dear.

You know, I really must convince Gilligan

that a nose doesn't make a man.

[knocking on door]

- Come in. - Oh, there you are, Gilligan.

I've been looking for you everywhere.

I'm not hard to find.

Just look for my nose, I'll be somewhere near it.

Yes. Now, let me take a good look at you.

No, Mrs. Howell, I'm a mess.

- Oh, au contraire! - Is it that bad?

Au contraire means on the contrary.

I think your new nose is marvelous.

It really adds a great deal to your face.

Yeah, two pounds.

I mean, it fits your face so well.

You're much more attractive this way.

I am?

Oh yes, you're so rugged, so masculine.

- It's a real man's nose. - I should hope so.

You never saw anything like this on Miss America.

It's true, but...I think you're very fortunate

to have had this accident.

This nose gives your face such strength.

Good, my face will need a lot more strength

just to carry it around.

[romantic music]

Hi, Ginger.

- Can I sit down? - Sure.

- What are you doing? - I'm making a new fish trap.

Oh, you wouldn't have to make a trap to catch me.

Huh?

You know, Gilligan, th-there's something about your face that..

I don't know it's...irresistible now.

- Must be my nose. - Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's your nose, it's so, it's--

- Masculine? - Exactly.

Your face is rugged now, it just gives it so much strength.

That's exactly what Mrs. Howell said.

She's right. You've become so attractive, Gilligan.

You know...you look like Cyrano de Bergerac now.

- Cero who did Brugia what? - Cyrano de Bergerac.

Oh, he was a man with an odd-looking nose

and the most beautiful woman in the world was in love with him.

- Roxanne. - Oh, that's a beautiful name.

- Yeah, Roxanne. - No, Cyrano de Bergerac.

You know, all through history, women have been attracted

to men with interesting noses.

- My nose is interesting? - Very.

- How about a little kiss? - Sure.

Well..

How about a week from tomorrow?

A week from tomorrow?

Yeah, by then, my nose would hurt if it touches you.

If a nose like this would make girls throw themselves at me

I'd have busted it years ago.

Does make me look handsomer though.

[knocking]

Come in.

- Hi, Gilligan. - Oh, hi, Mary Ann.

Tonight's gonna be a full moon, I was wondering

if you'd like to take a walk with me.

Well, maybe so.

Gee, Gilligan, I-I always have liked you but..

- Well, somehow now, it's.. - It's my nose.

I guess you're right.

It's been that way down through history.

Take Roxanne and Cyrano de Bergerac.

Oh, that's right.

All three of them settled down and lived happily ever after.

- All three of them? - Uh-ha.

Roxanne, Cyrano, and his nose.

Gilligan, I think it's wonderful the way you've adjusted.

I know the accident might've spoiled my looks.

Turns out I needed it.

- Until the night. - Good.

I guess some guys got it, and some guys don't.

It works like a charm, Mrs. Howell.

Gilligan really thinks he looks better now.

Yes, he believed every word. It's lucky I'm a good actress.

- Mmm. - Oh, that poor boy.

We've got to keep saying these things

until he gets used to his new looks.

Run along, girls. We mustn't let Gilligan know our plan.

[insects chirping]

[splash]

Professor, you got to fix my nose.

I don't like it anymore. Everybody hates the way I look.

You just got to operate on me and fix it!

I'm afraid I've to operate after all.

I won't take no for an answer. You got the medical book.

- Operate on my nose and fix it. - Gilligan, I said I'd operate.

I don't care what you said. Operate my nose and fix it.

Gilligan, I said I was going to operate.

- That's better. - Yes.

I thought it was swollen, but I was wrong.

We'll set up an operating room.

The girls will assist me, and I'll operate.

- You will? - 'Yes.'

You prepare for surgery in the morning.

Professor, I'd be more than happy to prepare for sur...gery?

- Hi, Professor. - Oh, Gilligan.

I've got good news.

Just finished cooking up an anesthetic for you.

- At is? - Anesthetic.

For you to sleep during the operation.

If I sleep, I'll miss everything.

- Would you rather stay up? - Keep cooking.

You see, Gilligan.

There are various plants and roots on this island

which are analgesic in nature due to the presence

of nitrous oxide compounds.

In the concentrated form, they make an effective anesthetic.

It figures.

- I think that's enough heat. - You got the stuff?

- That's it. - Yeah.

[sniffing]

- I don't smell a thing. - Gilligan, don't breathe that.

I don't feel a thing, I don't smell a thing.

'You know, professor.'

I was worried about the operation before

but I'm not worried anymore because you're being so careful.

[laughing]

Gilligan, I think you better sit down.

Why? I feel just fine.

It probably just needs some more roots or flowers.

Are you sure this is the stuff that's supposed

to work on me because it doesn't have any effect..

- Come on, Gilligan, hurry up. - What's the hurry?

It's just the idea, I have a wonderful surprise for you.

You have a surprise? What is it?

Fact that the professor's gonna operate, there's no reason

why you shouldn't have any shape nose you want.

- Instead of my own? - Right.

How would it be to have a nose like Cary Grant?

Or maybe Jack Lemmon or Jimmy Stewart.

- Or even Julie Andrews. - No, not Julie Andrews.

I'd look pretty silly with a girl's nose.

With noses, it doesn't make any difference.

Gilligan, boys and girls, it's all the same.

Yeah, but I have to powder and everything.

Alright, forget that I mentioned Julie Andrews's nose.

- But what about the others? - Sounds great.

Well, wonderful. Come on, Gilligan.

I think it's the right consistency now.

I've got this apron to keep him tidy.

- Very good ideas, Gilligan. - Skipper. What's that stuff?

Gilligan, this is clay. We're gonna make an exact duplicate

of your head, then we can try different noses on it.

Would you like a nose like mine? The Howell nose is special.

Doesn't look so special to me.

Not the looks, the nostrils. We smell money for ten miles.

Ginger and Mary Ann are making different noses so you'll have

something to choose from. Ginger knows all the movie stars.

Mr. Howell, why don't you help instead of just standing?

Alright. Oh, this is squishy.

I wonder, is this anything like-like making mud pies?

Never made mud pies when you were a kid?

Eh, no mother had the butler do it for me.

You sure missed a lot when you were young. Ha ha.

Had its advantage. He took my spankings too.

I wonder if Michelangelo got started this way.

(Gilligan) Hm. Skipper was right. It did dry fast.

I better go tell them it's ready to come off.

We've got enough clay for a dozen noses.

Unless we try for Jimmy Durante.

Ginger.

What is it?

(Gilligan) Have you seen the Skipper?

Ah!

Wonder what scared them?

What is it?

Oh, it's still after us. Ah!

[knocking on door]

Come in. Ah!

Get.. Ah, get away from me y-y-you thing! Ah!

What's the matter with her?

What's got into everybody?

Ah!

What's the matter with you running around

frightening women the way you've been doing.

I'm sorry, Skipper, but I couldn't find myself.

Mr. Howell, if you'll help me, I think this is dry to remove.

Skipper, would you make a statue of me like this?

Not just the head but the whole big adorable me.

Why certainly, Mr. Howell.

My gosh. I forgot to put a divider in this.

A divider?

A cardboard piece down the middle

to separate in two parts and take it off.

You can't get me out of here?

Take it easy now, little buddy. Take it easy.

It'll save your time combing your hair in the morning.

- Let me out of here. - Gilligan, just a moment.

Gilligan?

Gilligan, are you alright?

Yes. But make sure you stop when you get to the real meat.

Of course, little buddy

You were right, Skipper. It looks just like me.

Your noses, sir.

'Ah.'

Me with Richard Burton's nose.

Just think how close it's been to Elizabeth Taylor.

(Mrs. Howell) This is terribly exciting.

(Ginger) Reminds me of a part I played as a nurse.

That scene had a happy ending.

Maybe the same will happen to me.

I doubt it. That patient had twins.

- Everyone ready? - Yes.

- Yes. - Yes.

No.

Look, maybe if I bared you like Dr. Beth Casey, huh?

(Mr. Howell) Well, if he's gonna look like Dr. Casey.

I'm gonna look like Dr. Zorba.

(Professor) Mr. Howell, will you please administer the anesthetic.

Mrs. Howell, you be the head nurse.

Ginger, Mary Ann, you assist Mrs. Howell.

(Skipper) What do I do, professor?

'You got the medical book, Skipper.'

You hold it up while I read the instructions.

[gasping]

So whatever you do, don't skip two pages

or this boy will be minus his appendix.

Maybe we'll wait till tomorrow. I think--

(Professor) We're set. Mr. Howell, please administer the anesthetic.

Uh, you just breathe deep Gilligan, like this.

Take a nice deep breath of this a-and you.. Oh, my goodness.

I feel faint.

Thurston's always been very squeamish.

I remember he passed out when I had my ears pierced.

- You better attend to him. - Yeah.

You better attend to him, and we can take this all over tomorrow.

- Just relax, little buddy. - Perfectly alright.

Now Skipper, will you administer the anesthetic, please?

Certainly.

Gilligan, count backwards from a 100.

100, 99, 98, 97, 96, 90, uh..

- 95. - 95, 94, 93.

73, 72, 71.

- Scalpel. - Scalpel.

- Sponge. - Sponge.

65.

- My book. - The book.

[muttering indistinctly]

[exhales]

Hey, Skipper, what time is it?

Gilligan.

It's a minute and a half later than the last time you asked me.

Skipper, you realize.

At 10 o'clock today, that'll be five days

and the professor will take the bandage off.

I know.

Uh.

Skipper, what time is it?

Let's get up and go see the Professor.

Maybe he'll give you an hour off for good behavior.

Yes.

- Can hardly wait. - Just hold still a minute.

(Gilligan) Hurry, hurry, hurry.

[all exclaim] Ah!

- Beautiful. - Marvelous.

- Perfect. - Lemme see. Lemme see.

I don't understand.

I-it's my old nose.

I tried to tell you it wasn't broken.

Wait until the swelling reduced. You were too upset to wait.

We just pretended to give you that operation.

While you slept, the professor put a bandage on

so it would heal.

- Ah. - You sound disappointed.

Well, naturally. I was expecting Richard Burton.

And I got me.

Your driver, Mr. Howell.

Thank you, boy. Stand aside.

Alright, Captain. Here you are.

Ah. Not bad, not bad at all. Let's see you try, Skipper.

Watch this.

- Your ball, Skipper. - Thanks so much, Gilligan.

Keep your eye on this one.

Load of warning here, eh.

- Where did it go? - Oh. It's right there, Skipper.

- Maybe you need a bigger ball. - Thanks, Gilligan.

No, Skipper, please. Let me give you the lesson.

I know you're a big fellow

and you've lot of muscles, strong baby feet.

Just swing. Remember, it's with the wrist and the arm.

Away we go. This time, way back, big back swing.

(Professor) 'Oh.'

(Gilligan) 'Oh, no, right in the nose.'

My poor little buddy.

Sorry, professor.

Mr. Howell was teaching me a proper back swing.

- Did I hurt you? - I don't know.

I just came over to join the game.

Professor, don't you worry. I know just what to do.

- Does it hurt there? - Ah!

Doctor Gilligan to surgery. Doctor Gilligan to surgery.

* Now this is the tale of the castaways *

* They're here for a long, long time *

* They'll have to make the best of things *

* It's an uphill climb *

* The first mate and his Skipper too *

* Will do their very best *

* To make the others comfortable *

* In the tropic island nest *

* No phone, no lights, no motorcars *

* Not a single luxury *

*Like Robinson Crusoe *

* It's primitive as can be *

* So join us here each week my friends *

* You're sure to get a smile *

* From seven stranded castaways *

* Here on Gilligan's isle *