Original subtitles

["The Ballad Of Gilligan's Isle"]

* Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale *

* A tale of a fateful trip *

* That started from this tropic port *

* Aboard this tiny ship *

* The mate was a mighty sailin' man *

* The Skipper brave and sure *

* Five passengers set sail that day *

* For a three hour tour *

* A three hour tour *

[thunder rumbling]

* The weather started getting rough *

* The tiny ship was tossed *

* If not for the courage of the fearless crew *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The ship set ground on the shore of this *

* Uncharted desert isle *

* With Gilligan *

* The Skipper too *

* The millionaire *

* And his wife *

* The movie star *

* And the rest *

* Are here on Gilligan's Isle *

[music]

Stay there my little beauty and I'll get you.

Ready, get set..

Catch you!

Come on back.

[gasps]

Great.

[gasps]

[music continues]

[panting]

I got ya!

Get it off of me. I don't like this, take it off.

Oh!

Gilligan, what's the meaning of this?

I'm sorry. Just trying out my new butterfly net.

Do hurry, Lovey. My-my arm is getting stiff.

What you doing?

If you must know, I'm trying to shoot Mr. Howell.

Don't do that. I know married couples have their diff--

- Don't be silly. With a camera! - Oh, oh!

[cracking]

Oh, Mrs. Howell! It's a great nig-nog.

Oh, Mrs. Howell. It's a great big rock and it's coming down.

[loud thud]

Oh!

Lovey, Lovey, my dear, are you alright?

Oh! There, my dear.

Yes, yes, I'm alright. Thanks to Gilligan.

- We are forever in your debt. - Oh, it wasn't anything.

Not anything? You just saved my life, that's all.

You couldn't be braver if you were our own son.

Oh, Thurston.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had a son like Gilligan

'who risked his life to save mine the way he did.'

That's okay, Mr. Howell. I'd do it for my own mother.

Oh, Thurston, we haven't got a son.

True. We have no one to bear our name proudly and bravely.

Do you think we should.. Could we?

- Let's.. - Let's what Mr. Howell?

Not Mr. Howell. Dad.

'Gilligan Thurston Howell IV, we adopt you. Officially.'

Hee hee. Kiss your mother.

Here ye, hear ye.

I, Thurston Howell III

do formally declare from this day forth

that poor indigent fellow known as Gilligan

shall become Gilligan Thurston Howell IV

my legal son and heir.

- You! - Witnesses.

What's the matter, Ginger?

Oh, I always cry at weddings

and being adopted by millionaires.

Captain, the naval person the Admiralty represented.

Ha ha, ha ha.

Oh, and uh, there's Professor, the academic world

cloistered halls and all that..

Ah, mother. This is our day.

Oh, darling. At last, we have a son. Oh..

Not exactly what we might have expected of course

but a brave dear boy.

Yes, my dear. Can you imagine

after all these years walking in to the Harvard Club

and saying fellows, I want you to meet my son

Gilligan Thurston Howell IV.

Gilligan Thurston Howell IV. Isn't that one..

[indistinct chatter]

- Ugh. - What's the matter, dear?

I was just imagining walking into the Harvard club

after all these years with him and saying, fellows, I want you

to meet my son Gilligan Thurston Howell IV.

Yeckles!

Rest of your stuff, Gilligan. Well, off to your new home.

- Thanks, professor, Skipper. - Yeah, alright.

Oh, Gilligan, don't forget now.

Don't eat any pineapple 'cause it always gives you a rash.

- I won't forget, Skipper. - Oh, wait, and-and, Gilligan.

- Call me if you need anything. - Okay, Skipper.

I mean any time of the day or night or well, you know..

- Okay, Skipper. See you later. - Good luck.

Oh, I'm gonna sure miss him around here.

I used to take care of him, you know.

I took care of everything that he has though, his clo..

He forgot his handkerchief, I better get 'em over.

He's just going to the other hut. He doesn't need them.

He's gonna need them to wipe his eyes, Professor

when he starts crying. The poor home sick kid.

What makes you think he's gonna cry?

Because I am crying right now.

I-I'll break every bone in his body if he doesn't.

Oh, Skipper. Try to think of it as this way.

Losing your first mature, you gain a benefactor.

Gilligan can afford to buy you a whole fleet of ships now.

Oh, who cares about that?

He's not cut out to be a millionaire's son.

"Buy me a whole fleet of ships?!"

Darling, remember Pygmalion?

Professor Higgins did wonders with Eliza.

Yes, my dear, but Professor Higgins

had only to deal with the dirty ignorant little gutter-snipe.

- We have Gilligan. - Did you call?

[music]

ALovey, it'll take a miracle.

Well, Gilligan.

No, Gilligan.

Hold it, don't!

My darling, I-I bid a spade.

I bid two cloves.

Gilligan?

Gin.

- No. - No.

Now, Gilligan, I'm sure that even

you know what to do with a fingerbowl.

Fingerbowl? Oh sure!

Oh, no! Oh, Gilligan!

Now, think very hard.

We've been over this everyday for over a week.

Now, tell me, think, what is money?

I don't know, Mr. Howell. It's all so difficult.

It's so hard to remember money is something you never spend.

That's it! Money is something you never spend.

- That's right! You make more. - Good boy!

Now, what are your favorite sports?

My favorite sports are tennis, polo, sailing and, um..

- Can you give me a hint? - Uh, Tally ho!

[gibberish]

Hee hee hee. Whoa!

Baseball!

Not Baseball. uh? Let me see, I was coming to it, its the hunt.

My favorite sports are tennis, polo, sailing and the hunt!

Oh, he's really gonna make it, Thurston. He really is.

I'm so proud of you. Now, your schools are?

Harvard, you silly goose.

The way you said it was delightful.

First thing in the morning. What do you do?

You stand up at attention, face east and salute Port Norks.

Also, a gentlemen never trumps his partners ace

and the government is tryin' to give away our country.

The rain in spain falls mainly on the New York stock exchange.

I know, he's got it.

He's a Howell.

Can you believe the luck some people have?

Imagine, Gilligan being adopted by a millionaire.

Yeah, my very best friend.

Our best friend.

My little buddy, can you imagine that

being able to buy a whole fleet of ships.

Hi, Mary Ann.

Can I go butterfly huntin' with you?

Oh, I'm sorry, Gilligan.

You'll get your new clothes all dirty. I'll tell you what.

I'll go catch some and bring it to you, okay?

Yeah, but Mary Ann, I like to go butterfly hunting..

You know, this tar should make the huts really waterproof.

It's wonderful the way you made this tar

out of the minerals on the island.

Hi, Skipper. Hi, Professor.

- 'Well, Gilligan, look at you'' - Doesn't he look snazzy?

He has a brush. I'll help you tar.

Oh, thank you but we can't possibly ask you to help.

- Sure I can. I wanna help. - Now, don't trouble yourself.

- We'll manage by ourselves. - This is no trouble.

Men of great wealth must learn to delegate authority.

'Now, why don't you just sit and down and watch us?'

I don't wanna sit, I wanna tar.

Give it. Give it. Please, sit down now.

Men of your caliber are meant to synch, I bet as, bych..

Please just rest your signing arm.

No, Skipper. I don't wanna rest. I just wanna help tar.

- Would you give me that bucket. - No, I wanna help.

[indistinct]

Skipper, control yourself. He didn't mean to.

- I know that, Professor. - What did you say?

I said that you didn't mean to do this.

How come you're not yelling at me?

Gilligan, even the best of us have our little accidents.

Now, please don't worry about it.

Okay, Skipper, I'll see you later.

Yes, Gilligan.

Hi, Ginger. What you doing?

Doing a love scene with Cary Grant.

What does it look like I'm..

Gilligan, I didn't know it was you.

- Hello. - Hello.

My, don't you look handsome today.

I'm all covered with tar.

Well, some men wear tar better than others.

I'll help you hang the clothes and we'll go butterfly hunting?

Oh, Gilligan, you're putting me on.

But then, you always were so divinely witty.

I was?

Sure. I always felt you belonged to the theatre.

Close your eyes and try to visualize.

There you are.

Brilliant, young, rich producer..

Mad about your leading lady.

- Can you see yourself? - Nope.

- Why not? - You told me to close my eyes.

Open them.

Now, now since you can have anything at all.

What do you want?

I'll help you with the clothes and we'll go butterfly hunting.

Gilligan, hanging up the clothes is menial work.

We can't do that now.

Why is everyone telling me what to do. I know what I can do.

Listen, Ginger, I'm just as good at clothes hanger up as I was..

Oops.

Sorry, Ginger. Are you mad?

Not at all. It's what I always wanted.

Cross ventilation.

Hello, Gilligan, my boy. Where are you?

Ah, there you are. I have a surprise for you.

- Adopted somebody else? - No!

- Giving you a coming out party. - Coming out of what?

Coming out of the murky dreary jungle of untutored mediocrity.

Yuck! I better go take a shower.

- That's my boy. That's-- - My best friends won't tell me.

I'm gonna give you a big party. You've learnt your lessons well.

And tomorrow, you're gonna be officially launched in society.

You're a very, very lucky young man.

[laughter]

Did you hear the one about the movie star who was divorced

so many times she got custody of a judge?

Yeah, I sure am lucky, alright.

- Alright, ready now? - Uh-huh.

* Row, row, row your boat *

* Gently down the stream *

* Merrily, merrily, merrily * * Row, row, row row *

* Gently down the stream *

* Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily.. *

* Life is but a dream *

Oh, well..

Don't you wanna go out and join your friends?

What for? They're just laughing and singing.

I get to stay in here and read these great financial reports.

Yeah, yeah, yes. The masses are so easily amused, aren't they?

I bet they even think they're having fun, huh?

'Cause it sure sounds like they're having fun.

There now, Gilligan. This is all ready for your debut.

And I'm sure it'll fit you perfectly.

Oh, what a joyous occasion.

Tomorrow evening, all your friends will meet the new

Jean Thurston Howell IV.

Marvelous. Like it was made for you.

O-o-oh, isn't it thrilling?

I'll never forget the night of my debut party.

Neither will the world forget.

That was the night Napoleon got it at Waterloo.

Oh, I was just joshing my dear.

But you're supposed to look happy.

You look like you lost your last share of stock.

Everybody's treating me too fancy. Like I was made of glass.

Not glass, my boy. Gold! You're made of solid gold.

From your toes to your head, solid gold.

- I don't feel any different. - But you're different.

Everybody treats you with more courtesy and great respect.

'And everybody wants something from you, right?'

- Right! What do I do about it? - You use it!

The way any self respecting model millionaire, you use it.

Power, my boy! You are a king!

- And I can get anything I want? - Anything you want.

- What do you want? - I'm not sure.

But I think I want an Abby Cake.

I don't want power. I don't want to be a king.

I don't want to be a king.

I don't want power. I don't wanna be a king.

Good morning, royal daddy. Good morning, royal mummy.

- I'm going butterfly hunting. - No, you can't.

Not until you seen the morning list of supplicants.

I don't like supplicants. I dislike supplicants.

I hate supplicants. What are supplicants?

Sit down, Gilligan, and be a good little king.

I never have any fun anymore.

Bring on the first supplicant.

Your majesty, everyone in the kingdom wants your crown.

They do?

Hi, Mary Ann. You want my crown?

Oh, your Highness, jest with me.

No. You take and you be king.

- Oh, your Excellency, I cannot. - Why not?

- For one thing, I'm a girl. - I'm a boy. Does it matter?

God, Queen mother. The king is in need of higher education.

- Take the crown and be king. - Oh, do not tease me so.

I came but to ask you to grant me a farm.

To raise butterflies?

No, to provide sheep for the royal table.

We don't need any sheep for the royal table.

We're already crowded enough as it is.

Ha ha. A good one, a jolly jest.

Go away, Mary Ann. You're no fun.

Your liege..

Professor astronomer, you wanna hunt butterflies with me?

Later, my liege. Right now there's much work to be done.

'If you would grant the equipment I ask'

'I would discover great marbles in science for your kingdom.'

Like what?

Ah, Copernicus already has the earth moving around the sun.

Pythagoras has done the scale.

'Oh! Here's something that needs discovery''

Frozen foods.

Now, how does that strike, my liege?

Leaves me cold.

Ha! Chip off the old scepter. Very good.

Go away.

- Your Highness. - I'm busy.

Here goes one.

Your majesty..

- Your Highness. - Hm.

All I want is, is one little dance

with your royal masculine cuteness.

One royal foxtrot or one royal waltz.

Go away. Girls are pests.

There goes another one.

Don't tell me. Let me guess. You want a whole fleet of ships?

Grant me that wish, sire! I shall sail for the orient.

I shall bring you back rare pearls, gold

frankincense for your treasures.

I don't like gold, I don't like frankincense.

I don't even like chow mien.

All I want to do is hunt butterflies. Away.

Wouldn't anybody play with me?

(all) No!

Alright then! Off with their heads.

So be it!

Bring on the guillotine.

Oh! Stop, royal daddy. Stop, royal mummy.

I-I didn't mean it.

- We're doomed. - Oh, please spare us.

No, stop. I won't hurt anybody. I won't even hurt a butterfly.

I wasn't even gonna catch him. Stop!

It's too late, my dear.

King's word is the royal command.

No, no! I don't want to be king. Really! I don't want to be king.

I don't want to be king. I don't want to be king.

I don't want to be king.

But I don't want to be king. I don't want to be king.

I don't want to be king. I don't want to be king.

[panting]

- Who's out here? - Just me, Skipper.

Gilligan, what in the name of the seven seas are you doing?

I don't want to be king. I don't want to chop off your head.

I can't be a Howell. I don't wanna disappoint you.

I don't wanna be rich. I just want to be me.

- Are you mad? - No, I'm not mad.

Every man has the right to be himself.

- Even a Gilligan. - Thanks, Skipper.

- Have you told Howell's yet? - That's the problem. I can't.

Why not?

Because they did a lot for me.

They believe thatswhat I am. How do I tell, I'm not.

First they broke the mould and then they made you.

Skipper, I can't hurt their feelings no matter what.

But you know little buddy

inspite of yourself you still have to be king.

But I think I have an answer.

- You do? - Certainly.

With a little bit of brain power

I think I know exactly what to do.

- What? - We'll ask the Professor.

Yes, I think I have the answer.

I told you the Professor would know.

You were right. What's the answer?

When it comes to being tricky..

...ask a woman.

And you're willing to give up all that?

So we can be friends like we used to be.

Oh, I think we all owe Gilligan a thanks.

I think we should have his head examined.

If that's what you want, Gilligan.

- Hey, I got an idea. - Huh?

Listen.

I sure am excited. How do I look?

Oh, you look wonderful, I must say.

You know your debut is gonna be the social end of this season.

Is the Mrs. Howell busy making the last minute preparations?

Dad, how much do I get for my allowance?

I beg your pardon.

Like all rich kids. How does 10,000 month at cha?

Ten thousand dollars a month?

Well, that's more than I give Mrs. Howell for her pi..

Oh, we'll-we'll talk about it later.

Aloha.

You know, I might need the money for one thing or another.

- Am I one thing, honey? - No, you're another.

Promise to get 50 thou for a new play when we get back.

You do what?

Ginger, we forgot the special dessert.

O-o-oh, we'll be right back.

I can pick up extra dough anytime I want.

- Right, Skip? - Oh!

- You're are definately chief. - We own the Minnow now.

You own the Minnow?

Yeah, won the old tub in the card game last night

more or less you can judge a dumb kid by his cover.

You're a real hustler. One of the greats.

A Howell, a hustler? I may faint.

Let me get you a stool there, dear dad.

Ha ha, ace of spades, aye?

'So, Howell IV, cheats at cards.'

Oh, scandal of a shame.

What do you have got to say for yourself, you low life?

Nothing, us sea serpents can't talk.

- Martinis, anyone? - Yes, I can use a drink.

I'm frankly astonished at this ghastly metamorphosis.

Oh, never mind that. What about my boat?

Keep it. See if I care. My dad will buy me another one.

- Won't you, dear old dad? - I could kill myself.

I may climb up on top of my money and jump off.

Gin..

...and some vermouth.

Yeah?

There.

- Now, here you are, Professor. - Thank you.

- Sensational, huh? - I'm afraid it's a bit dry.

Are you telling me one of my perfect martinis is too dry?

'Yes.'

- 'We've been at it for years.' - 'It's too dry.'

(Gilligan) 'You're insulting the family tradition.'

Never mind that, Gilligan. Make him another drink.

I will.

He wants a nice, wet, Martini..

I'll give him a nice, wet, Martini. Here we go.

Nice, wet, Martini.

Here you are, Professor.

Just the way you like it. Nice and wet.

Oh, Gilligan.

Buy him a new suit, dear old dad.

Heavens, I've created a Frankenstein.

Mr. Howell, I find the behavior of your son

and heir shocking and disgraceful.

Don't forget obnoxious.

I may strike G Thurston Howell IV

only in his mood he may strike back.

Surprise! Surprise for Gilligan's coming out party.

Ginger specialty of coconut cream pie.

We could use a pleasant moment right now.

You brought me a coconut cream pie?

Yes, Gilligan.

It was hard to make cream from coconut milk

Don't you know my grandmother fed me coconut cream all day?

'Pretend it's Loganberry then.'

But it's not Loganberry.

- It's coconut cream. - Stop!

Don't hit Ginger with that pie.

I didn't.

Excuse me, everyone.

I would like a word with Gilligan.

Don't you mean G Thurston Howell IV?

No, I mean, Gilligan!

The name Howell has always stood for elan.

Stood for style, noblesse, oblige.

- Don't forget money. - Money means power.

And with power comes

responsibility in your behavior toward others.

I sure miss the boat, huh?

You're unbelievable!

You're crude, you're rude, you're bullish.

And don't forget obnoxious. I really was obnoxious.

And don't forget dishonest and vulgar.

You're very vulgar.

Okay, Mr. Howell. You don't have to say anymore. I understand.

You don't wanna be my father anymore.

I'm sorry, Gilligan. I-I really am.

'And when we get back home, you'll be rewarded..'

''Cause you just weren't cut out to be a Howell.'

No hard feelings, boy.

No, sir. I think you know best.

[music]

Oh, Thurston, couldn't you give him one more chance?

He didn't want one. That boy is all heart.

Not a bad actor, either.

- He's an actor? - Yes, my dear.

[indistinct]

Oh, Thurston, he really didn't want to be a Howell, did he?

No, it's incredible, he didn't want to be a Howell

but he didn't want to hurt our feeling.

You're a marvelous judge of human nature, dear.

Above all, I'm a Howell which is synonymous with being astute

generous, charming, kind and handsome.

And above all, modest.

It sure is nice to be wearing my old clothes again.

It's nice having you back, little buddy.

When I was G Thurston Howell IV I had to be neat and clean.

Oh, that must've been murder. Let me dirty you up a little.

Thanks, Skipper. Thanks.

You know, not everyone can be a Howell.

One question, who has a place that not over the quick sand

down by the spring.

I did, Mr. Howell. They might forget about the quicksand.

Well, you're quick thinking saved Mrs. Howell's life.

- That's great. You hear that? - What do you mean, Skipper?

From now on, it's S Thurston Howell V.

- What? - You heard me, son!

- Oh, but Mr. Howell-- - Dad.

- Oh, c'mon, Mr. Howell-- - Dear old dad.

- Please, Mr. Howell-- - Dad, do you add.

[indistinct]

[music]

* Now this is the tale of the castaways *

* They're here for a long, long time *

* They'll have to make the best of things *

* It's an uphill climb *

* The first mate and the Skipper too *

* Will do their very best *

* To make the others comfortable *

* In the tropic island nest *

* No phone, no lights no motorcars *

* Not a single luxury *

* Like Robinson Crusoe *

* It's primitive as can be *

* So join us here each week my friends *

* You're sure to get a smile *

* From seven stranded castaways *

* Here on Gilligan's isle *