Original subtitles

* Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale *

* A tale of a fateful trip *

* That started from this tropic port *

* Aboard this tiny ship *

* The mate was a mighty sailin' man *

* The Skipper brave and sure *

* Five passengers set sail that day *

* For a three hour tour *

* A three hour tour *

[thunderclap]

* The weather started getting rough *

* The tiny ship was tossed *

* If not for the courage of the fearless crew *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The ship set ground on the shore *

* Of this uncharted desert isle *

* With Gilligan *

* The Skipper too *

* The millionaire and his wife *

* The movie star *

* And the rest *

* Are here on Gilligan's Isle *

[tribal drums]

[leaves rustling]

Ah, gotcha! Now, an edge in my collection.

If I could figure how to get us out of here.

Help! Help!

Somebody's yellin' for help.

It's Mary Ann.

Oh! I'll get you later.

Somebody help!

Hold on! I'll save you, Mary Ann.

(Mary Ann) 'Help me, please!'

'Help!'

Oh! Save me!

Here, Mary..

Mary Ann.

Help!

(Gilligan) 'Mary Ann..'

Help.

- Help! - Help!

Hang on!

(Gilligan) 'That's what I say. Help!'

Help!

[Mary Ann gasping]

Calm down, Mary Ann.

(Skipper) 'Come here, Gilligan.'

[Mary Ann coughing]

[tribal drum music]

Now, when I get this picture..

...I'm going to put it on the front page

of every newspaper in my chain

with the caption, "Heroic rescue at sea."

There we are, Skipper, hold it! Ha ha. There..

Now take one of me presenting our hero with the check.

It goes with the Howell Medal for Bravery.

The Howell Medal for Bravery?

You deserve it, Skipper.

I've been saving this film for such a suitable occasion.

There you are, Lovey, smile. Ha ha! There you are.

Now, let's get one with Mary Ann.

Oh, another picture, Mr. Howell?

We newshawks get our nose in a story.

Let me tell you something, we're insatiable.

Now, our hero and the little girl that he rescued.

(Thurston) 'There we are.'

Gilligan, will you get out of the way, please?

Sure, Mr. Howell.

Now, will you show a little knee, please?

[chuckling]

Not you, Skipper. Mary Ann.

(Thurston) 'Cheesecake.'

Now...ah, just what I like. A leafy background.

Will you get out of there, my boy?

Uh, Mary Ann, nice...pose.

Isn't it exciting having a real hero on the island?

Yeah.

Skipper will go down in history like John Paul Jones

or Horatio Hornblower or Henrich van Rootbaum.

Henrich van Rootbaum?

Yes, the little Dutch boy who held his finger

in the dike and saved a whole city.

Oh.

He held his finger in a dike and saved a whole city? Which one?

I'm not quite sure, but I think it was this one.

There you are, Skipper. Just one more.

That's it. Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Oh...he's handsome, isn't he?

I swam out to save her. I dove in, swam as fast as I could--

Yes, Gilligan.

The water was cold, but I jumped anyway. I was swimming hard..

Did you see me dove in the water to swim to Mary Ann?

- I swam very fast-- - I didn't.

All I saw was Skipper carrying you both out.

You must be proud to have such a brave skipper.

Yeah.

There you are. Get closer together. That's it.

I like that..

Ooh, that's.. Ooh, that's gonna look so good in the paper.

[giggling]

(Thurston) 'There's only one picture left, and I want it to be good.'

Uh, where's Gilligan?

You want me? You want me in the picture?

No, no, no. I want you to take it.

I want to be in it. Get in the picture, Ginger.

Ah, Ginger, you sit here and Professor, you in the back.

Makes nice composition. Everyone look at the skipper.

Is everybody ready?

Oh, that was very, very nice..

I'm going to see you on the front page.

- Thank you, Mr. Howell. - Thank you.

And you were marvelous too, you know?

I'm going to give you a list of words, and I want you to say

the first thing that comes to mind when I say them.

- Ready? - Hmm.

- A marshmallow. - Ouch!

- Sunsets. - Ouch!

- Tree. - Ouch!

Really, Gilligan, I can't psychoanalyze you

if all you can say is "Ouch."

I don't know, Mrs. Howell. Maybe it's because I'm sitting on..

...this and...this.

Oh, there you are, Thurston.

Please, Lovey, not while I'm putting.

I thought you'd want to hear about Gilligan.

Well, we do.

What's wrong with my little buddy?

You.

- Me? - 'Yes, you.'

In his subconscious mind, he envies you.

- He wants to be like you. - Well, that seems strange.

What seems strange about it?

Well, I can, I mean, uh, envying me, but--

What's wrong with envying me? After all, I am a hero.

That's Gilligan's problem. You're a hero, and he's not.

That makes him feel small and insignificant.

It gives him a sense of inferiority.

Oh, it's a very simple neurosis.

(Mrs. Howell) 'Somewhat like an inferiority complex.'

Inferiority complex? Heavens, I hope it isn't catchy.

Mrs. Howell, what can we do to cure this?

Well, uh, Gilligan needs recognition.

Something for his ego, I mean.

I see. He wants to be a hero, huh?

I know just the guy who can arrange it.

Who?

That little old hero maker, me.

Just a little further, Ginger.

Here we are. Now, what do you see?

But it looks like a fallen log to me.

Exactly, but it's the answer to Gilligan's problems.

It's gonna make a hero out of him. Watch.

Oh, be careful, Skipper.

[grunting]

Oh, don't worry. I know exactly what I'm doing.

Now, here's the plan.

I'm gonna be trapped under this tree

and Gilligan's gonna save me. Get it?

Oh, yeah. Well, what am I supposed to do?

I want you to run back and get Gilligan.

I'm trapped under here, and I'll lie here and moan and groan.

Oh...oh!

How does that sound?

You gotta project a little more. You know, from the diaphragm.

Like this. Oh-h! Oh-h-h!

Oh! Oh!

No. Oh-h-h! Oh-h-h!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

How do you like that?

Well, Richard Burton's got nothing to worry about.

You keep practicing. I'll go get Gilligan.

(Ginger) Help!

Help!

Oh-h-h!

Oh-h-h!

[tribal music]

[Skipper groaning]

(Ginger) 'Gilligan, help! The Skipper needs you.'

Help! Somebody help the Skipper.

[thud]

What's the matter?

Oh, it's nothing. It's just for Gilligan.

Gilligan, help! The Skipper needs you.

Here I am. What's the matter?

The most terrible thing has happened to the skipper.

A tree fell on him. You've got to help save his life.

Oh, I've got to save his life. Only one thing, which way?

- Down the end of the path. - Okay. Follow me, follow me.

Maybe, I better follow you.

[dramatic music]

A-a-ah!

Here I come, Skipper.

(Gilligan) 'Don't lose your head, Skipper.'

[trumpet music]

Here I am. Are you alright?

Oh, thank heavens.

Gilligan, you're the only one who can save me.

[groans]

Get that heavy log off him. You gotta do something.

I don't know. It's quite a problem.

[Skipper groans]

Sorry, Skipper.

Gilligan, I don't mean to tell you how to be a hero

but if I were you, I would think about Archimedes and his rule.

- Of what and who? - Archimedes.

He's the man who said, "Give me a lever..

"...and I will move the world."

Oh, yeah. Well, maybe, we ought to get him.

He's been dead for over a 1000 years.

Yeah? Well, isn't it kinda late to be bringing him up?

Oh!

Oh-h!

Gilligan, you've got to do something.

Look, he's suffering, the poor Skipper.

I don't know-know quite what to do.

Oh, Gilligan, if you were lying under here, and I was you

I'd look around, and I'd realize I could make some rope

out of those vines.

Then, I can put it around that tree and use it for leverage.

I wish you wouldn't talk so much. It's hard for me to think.

Oh, I know. I'll take this vine, make into a rope.

I can throw it over there, tie it on the bottom there.

- And I get some leverage. - Now, you're getting somewhere.

You see, you give me a little time, I can figure out things.

Oh, aren't I lucky

to have a hero like Gilligan come to rescue me?

Oh, yes, isn't it wonderful? He's one in a million, Skipper

just one in a million.

Oh, what's going on here?

Skipper's pinned under the log. Gilligan's gonna get him out.

Oh, isn't it exciting?

We're actually gonna see a real hero in action.

Oh, Gilligan, you're wonderful.

This calls for a celebration. Let's go back and celebrate.

Wait a minute, Mrs. Howell. I don't wanna be a party-pooper

but our hero hasn't done anything, yet.

Oh, yes. W-well, go ahead and do something.

Don't just stand there. Save the man's life.

Yes, ma'am.

Gilligan.

[groaning]

Oh-h-h.

[log creaks]

Okay, Skipper. Get ready now.

Ready? Pull your legs up.

[all scream]

Nice going, Gilligan.

I'm sorry, but they're not making vines like they used to.

- What do we do? - Let's get the Professor.

He'll know what to do, he's a Professor.

Oh, right. You boys stay wherever you are.

Oh, don't go away. We'll be right back.

[tribal music]

Cheer up, Skipper. The Professor will be here in a minute

and he'll figure out something.

I hope so. I've got a terrible headache.

I feel like my head is gonna split.

- You got any aspirin? - No, I haven't got any aspirin.

Let's see. What else can you do for a headache?

(Mrs. Howell) 'This way, Professor.'

There they are. We were all set to hail the conquering hero

and now look at them.

I see. We'll have you out in a jiffy. Come on, girls.

- Give me a hand here. - Come on, girls.

Ready? One, two, three..

[grunting]

Thanks a lot, Professor.

Oh, I knew the professor would know what to do.

- Now, we can have our party. - Thank you, Professor.

(Mrs. Howell) Come on..

All I needed was some help.

Maybe, I should've asked that headhunter there for a hand.

[dramatic music]

[screaming]

[instrumental music]

I tell you I saw him, a great big headhunter.

Yes, yes, I know.

It's true. He had skulls tied around his waist, a big spear

and on his side--

Now, you drink this.

You should've seen his eyes. His face was painted in..

What was that stuff you gave me?

That'll make you sleep, a sedative.

Thanks, Mrs. Howell, but you're wasting your time.

Those things don't work on me. I remember once..

[instrumental Rock-a-bye Baby]

- How is he? - Shh.

He's sleeping now. I've given him a sedative.

Imagine that..

He's seeing headhunters. The boy's sicker than we thought.

You're right, Thurston.

It wasn't so bad when he was having an inferiority complex.

But now, he's having delusions.

My poor little buddy. I'm gonna have to make a hero out of him

before he goes off his rocker.

You make a hero of him. After the way you bungled the job?

This is a job that calls for tact, finesse, imagination--

Thurston, that sounds like you.

You guessed it already. I hadn't even gotten to brilliant or..

[instrumental music]

(Mrs. Howell) 'Help! Save me. Somebody save me.'

[dramatic music]

(Mrs. Howell) 'Help.'

That's Mrs. Howell.

I'm coming, Mrs. Howell.

Save me. Save me. Somebody save me.

'Help. Help.'

Help. Help. Who is it?

- It's me, Gilligan. - 'Would you come in.'

My hero.

Mr. Howell. What's the matter? What is it?

A tarantula. Save me.

That's not a tarantula, it's just a plain old beach spider.

Don't argue. Save me.

Okay, be calm, Mrs. Howell. I'll take care of him.

Mrs. Howell, maybe you better not look, huh.

'One.'

[instrumental Rock-a-bye Baby]

I've got it. I know how to make a hero out of Gilligan.

- How? - See that cliff over there?

Climb to the top and pretend you've broken your leg.

- Yeah? - And you yell for help.

Yes.

Well, Gilligan climbs to the top, and he carries you down.

- And that way-- - Wait a minute, Mary Ann.

Gilligan climbs the cliff and carries me down

then I would have a broken leg and a broken neck.

Hello, Mrs. Howell.

Mary Ann just had a beautiful idea for helping Gilligan.

Only I have to die at the end.

I'm afraid it's hopeless. After all, you know what they say

"Can't make a hero out of a sow's ear."

Shh.

We gotta help him. Just can't give up.

Exactly. We've gotta find a way to help poor Gilligan.

- I hear someone say Gilligan? - Oh, well...no.

[stammering] Eh, well, not exactly..

I just said it's rained before, and it will again.

Oh.

Gilligan, will you do me a favor?

Would you go pick some bananas?

What if I meet that headhunter?

Will you stop bringing that up?

How many times have I told you, there are no headhunters here.

There haven't been for 300 years.

Gilligan, I thought I convinced you that

that headhunter was a figment of your imagination.

Ah, an optical illusion.

Yeah, I guess I was just seeing things.

I'm afraid Sigmund Freud wouldn't touch that boy

with a 10 foot couch.

- Skipper. - What is it?

Should I pick the yellow or the red bananas

because the yellow bananas are green?

- Pick the red ones. - But the red ones are pink.

I don't care if you pick red, white, and blue bananas

- just pick some bananas. - Okay, Skipper.

Blue bananas.

Hey. Gilligan just gave me a great idea.

- Oh, what? - Let's not talk here.

Let's go somewhere where we can be in private.

Come on.

Skipper, are we going to discuss Gilligan's problems

or are we going on safari?

I have to find a place where we could talk without being heard.

Now, here's my idea.

We've got to make Gilligan do something heroic, right?

Right.

And he ought to do it in front of everyone.

Now, Gilligan's got headhunters on the brain.

Let's let him see a real headhunter.

Mrs. Howell, I think you have another costumer for your couch.

You don't understand, Mary Ann.

I'll dress up as a headhunter. I'll take you all prisoners.

And Gilligan can come to your rescue.

It just might work.

You think we can stage it without Gilligan finding out?

Don't you worry. He'll never find out.

I don't know. In my opinion, it's a silly idea

for Skipper to dress up like a headhunter.

Maybe, I didn't explain right. There's the Skipper now, Ginger.

Why don't you ask him?

(Ginger) I was just telling her I think it's silly

for you to dress up like a headhunter.

- In the first place-- - Ah!

Man, that's not the Skipper.

Lovey, why does he have all the fun?

I mean, why can't I be the headhunter?

Well, after all, dear, it was his idea.

You can be the headhunter next time.

Ha ha, alright.

[muffled cries]

Oh, look at that.

Well, it is rather overdoing it, isn't it?

What a get-up.

[laughing]

Oh, Captain, you bungled again.

If you want to look like a headhunter

those feathers are ridiculous. You look like a showgirl.

[growling]

[growling]

Not bad, if I say so myself.

Skipper, I came to tell you something.

Gosh, can't let Gilligan see me like this.

I overheard you talking how you're gonna make me a hero

but it won't work.

So you don't have to get all dressed up like a headhunter..

Skipper?

Skipper?

Really, Thurston, what nerve.

Why don't you give him a piece of your mind?

- Well, uh, um.. - Go on, dear.

- He can't eat you. - Yeah, are you sure?

[mumbling]

Hi, Mrs. Howell. Hi, Mr. Howell.

Gilligan, save us, save us, you got to save our lives!

Gilligan, save us from the headhunter.

- Save you from the headhunter? - Yes, he's gonna kill us.

Oh, yeah? Don't worry about it, Mr. Howell.

It's like Mrs. Howell says, he's a figment of my imagination.

Mrs. Howell is wrong. The headhunter is for real.

If there's a headhunter here, I'd like to meet him.

Mr. Headhunter, meet Mr. Gilligan.

Mr. Gilligan, meet Mr. Headhunter.

(Gilligan) What do you know, it is a headhunter.

- Hiya, Skipper. - Argh.

That sounds pretty convincing. You want me to be a hero, huh?

Well, take this.

[growling]

Pretty good, huh?

- Ow! - Eek.

[groaning]

[groaning]

I can't look. Who's winning now?

Gilligan's alright, but I've got to bet on the headhunter.

- More wood for your fire. - Argh!

Ice cream soda.

Ice cold punch.

What's the name of your honey bunch?

[growls]

You know, if they were to give out Oscars for headhunters

you're a cinch to get one.

Okay, Skipper, make her good.

Make way, in and out of the windows.

Follow me. Woo-hoo!

[banjo music]

[growls]

Skipper, look out for the...trees, Skipper.

Are you alright, Skipper?

Ooh!

You won!

- How am I doing? - Great.

[growling]

Skipper, how'd you change your costume so fast?

Huh?

I liked your other outfit better.

- What other outfit? - That one.

Run, Skipper. Run, run, run!

I'll save you, Skipper!

I'll save you, Skipper.

[screaming]

[instrumental music]

Little buddy, that's the bravest thing I ever saw

anybody ever do!

Yeah, it was kind of brave, wasn't it?

- Gilligan, you were wonderful - Gilligan, that was wonderful!

- But promise me one thing. - Anything, what is it?

If I ever try to do something like that again, please stop me.

[groaning]

I sure am proud that I did something brave.

Of course, that is no surprise to me.

I mean, here I was running my family..

Ah, I don't mean they run, I mean they..

Well, take my Uncle Ramsey for instance, yeah.

He was in the 1st World War with a lost battalion.

He was the guide.

So I guess being brave just kind of comes natural.

And, uh, in conclusion, I would like to say..

Help!

* Now this is the tale of the castaways *

* They're here for a long long time *

* They'll have to make the best of things *

* It's an uphill climb *

* The first mate and his Skipper too *

* Will do their very best *

* To make the others comfortable *

* In their tropic island nest *

* No phone, no lights, no motor car *

* Not a single luxury *

* Like Robinson Crusoe *

* It's primitive as can be *

* So join us here each week, my friends *

* You're sure to get a smile *

* From seven stranded castaways *

* Here on Gilligan's Isle *