Original subtitles

["The Ballad Of Gilligan's Island"]

* Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale *

* A tale of a fateful trip *

* That started from this tropic port *

* Aboard this tiny ship *

* The mate was a mighty sailin' man *

* The Skipper brave and sure *

* Five passengers set sail that day *

* For a three hour tour *

* A three hour tour *

[thunder rumbles]

* The weather started getting rough *

* The tiny ship was tossed *

* If not for the courage of the fearless crew *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The Minnow would be lost *

* The ship set ground on the shore *

* Of this uncharted desert isle *

* With Gilligan *

* The Skipper too *

* The millionaire *

* And his wife *

* The movie star *

* And the rest *

* Are here on Gilligan's Isle *

Don't let him get away, Gilligan.

I won't, Skipper.

Give him some slack.

Play with him, Gilligan. That's it, play with him.

What a fighter he is.

He must weigh 50 pounds.

- I don't believe it. - It's okay, come on.

Open up your mouth and give me back the sea shell.

Thank you.

Okay now, oops, here we go.

- Back to school, Irwin. - Irwin?

Yeah. He get's real mad if I call him "Irw."

- Naturally. - Yeah.

He and I are good friends. I catch him almost every day.

Hey, what's that?

It's a guy on a surf board.

A guy on a surf board?

Gilligan, what is it you're trying to do?

Artificial respiration.

What? He hasn't swallowed any water yet.

Maybe, a little sand the way you've got him.

May I?

Alright, boy, roll over. You're alright.

Come on, son, you're alright.

You're okay. Don't try and talk now. Just lie there and rest.

Hey, Professor. Look what we found?

I was in a tree getting some dates

I saw him come ashore.

Who is he?

Who are you?

- Duke Williams. - Where you from?

- Topeka, Kansas. - Wow, he sure had a long ride.

No, no, no, I mean where did you start from?

Oh, oh, I caught a 30-foot one off Waimea beach.

Waimea beach! But that's near Honolulu.

Duke, it is scientifically absurd to believe that

you could've ridden the same wave all the way from Hawaii.

The counter-action of the marine gravitational force would've--

Slow down, Teachs. I was a dropout from second grade.

- I got to slow down. - Don't go nowhere, man.

Just stay where you are, listen to Big Daddy.

Now, there was a large surf makin' up

and me and couple other hot-doggers were practicin'

rail-grabs and kick-outs.

Like one Joe is a grimmy, he wipes out at the start.

Me, I'm in a nose, right, havin' a little trouble

when all of a sudden, I'm out of the tube and up on top.

Only, I'm headed for open sea.

I mean, I'm ridin' into the middle of the big salty splash.

You got the picture?

Must've been a foreign film.

Let's start from the beginning.

How long have you been on that board?

- What day this is? - Thursday.

I remember swingin' with this gidget Saturday night.

And then giving her a fast goodbye so me and the guys

could hit the beach Sunday morning.

That was five days ago.

Say, you're right.

Professor, he couldn't have been out more than two or three hours

His friends are probably out looking for him right now.

Unless he rode in on a tsunami.

No, he came in on a board. Skipper and I saw him.

Tsunami is a giant wave caused by an underground earthquake

originating in a seismological fault off the coast of Japan.

(Duke) 'Is anybody gonna tell me where I am?'

Duke, I'm afraid you're marooned on an uncharted island.

Not for long, pops.

Give me a couple days, and I'm back to Waimea.

We'll fatten you up and put you on the next tsunami to Hawaii.

And when you get there

don't forget to tell them we're marooned here.

Alright.

Professor, a reverse tsunami, is that possible?

Not a chance, Skipper.

Ah, that figures, why else would Gilligan have thought of it.

So, that's the way we ended up on this island.

Man, how do you stand it?

It's a little rough the first couple months

but you'll get used to it.

Get used to it. I'll go ape.

Just gotta get back to Hawaii.

Duke, let me tell you something. There is no way off this island.

Admiral, there are no strings on a man with a surfboard.

All I gotta do is get back in shape.

Five days on that board, and I'm nothin' but skin and bones.

And what skin.

And what bones.

Ladies, come on in.

Man, you guys ain't lost, you're hiding.

Duke Williams, this is Ginger Grant and Mary Ann Summers.

- Hello. - Howdy.

Pleasure's mine.

Gilligan was out fishing, and this is what we landed.

Wow, what did you use for bait?

Stop dreaming. The Duke has arrived.

Oh, I like 'em little, and I like' em big.

Man, this is smorgasbroad time.

- Did you say "Duke?" - Yeah, Duke.

- Oh, darling, royalty. - At last, our kind of people.

I better start over. This Duke Williams was surfing in Hawaii--

Thurston, where did we meet the Duke of Williams?

Skeet shooting with Prince Philip?

No, that was the Duke of Albania.

- A-at Monaco with Grace-- - That was the Duke of Troy.

- Can I say something? - 'No, no, Gilligan.'

No time for idle chat and not with a Duke on the island.

The Duke's first day, we must have him for cocktail.

Oh, Thurston. Oh, it's the right thing at the right time.

No wonder you're always sitting on the host's right hand.

Isn't that kind of uncomfortable?

She is proud of, my boy. Mustn't keep the Duke in suspense.

Let him know the Howells are here.

- Took second place in Waikiki. - Oh, wow, who took first prize?

The guy who was married to the judge.

Oh, dear, you're just not appreciated.

Baby, isn't that what I always say.

Lady wanted to do a sculpture of me like this, once.

Oh, wow. That's you, Duke, that's you.

Oh, I-I was once painted like this..

Say, pretty good set of deltoids.

He likes my deltoids.

Hmm, oh, pretty good latissimus dorsi.

- He likes my latissimus dorsi. - Whatever that is!

- You don't know? - No.

Why, that's right here.

I remember hot-dogging off the coast of Malibu one time.

Suddenly, the surf went out, and we were on the beach.

Well, this wahini lays eyes on me, but I give her nothing.

I mean, I stand like she's nowhere

but she comes on strong.

She won't hold off, but I'm cool, reach for the surf..

Did I hurt you?

Little man, you couldn't knock a hole in the wind

with a fistful of hammers.

- Ooh! - Ooh!

Well, just don't lay there, do something.

Anything!

Oh, boy.

Hey, has anybody seen the Skipper?

You remember the Skipper, don't you? He kinda wears a hat?

He's got one big muscle right about here.

Oh, well, so long.

Goodbye.

See you later.

- Gilligan, what are you doing? - Hi, Skipper.

Huh, that is not the answer.

Huh, I'm trying to look like Duke.

He's down at the beach with Ginger and Mary Ann.

He's doing this, Skipper, and these girls are like "ooh."

You're not going to get anywhere with empty coconut shell.

I'm starting with those to work up to the big stuff.

Okay, little buddy, good luck. Let me know how you make out.

You won't recognize me when I'm all done.

I'll be as big as this and have shoulders as big as this

and I'll have a chest as big as that.

Except they'd be up a little higher.

- Thanks a lot, Gilligan. - Oh, I'm sorry, Skipper.

Skipper?

[music]

Alright, girls, go.

'Help somebody, help anybody big, help!'

- Excuse me, girls. - 'Help.'

Help!

Gilligan, that's no way to do a back press.

Is that what I was trying to do?

Yes. Now watch me.

It's very simple.

(Duke) 'See?'

Now you try.

Don't hurt yourself.

Lie down...on your back.

That's it.

You got it?

Yeah, yeah.

- Oh, oh. - Man, you just don't listen.

Then you better give up.

You got to have a body to do that.

- I got a body, sort of. - Ah, here, keep practicing.

Let's go, girls.

Oh, you're not gonna leave me here.

Oh, he's gonna leave me. He, oh, oh.

Oh, oh.

[knock on door]

Entrer.

- Oh, welcome, Your Highness. - Duke.

What's wrong, lady, you lose something?

Ah, Your Highness, I-I don't think we've ever met before?

Now, we do mingle with royalty

especially during grouse-hunting season. There you are, my dear.

Man, these nuts come in mixed pairs.

Oh, such a droll sense of humor.

Yes, Thurston, that's what I thought at first.

But have we known a Duke that looked like that?

Can't say much for the cut of his clothes.

Probably new Italian style, pizza shock skin.

Met some oddballs in my time

but like you, they let out a little early.

Don't go away. I'll get the keeper.

I don't remember any Duke acting that badly.

Not since the one that started World War I.

Sir, I think you're an imposter.

I am not, I'm a surfer.

I don't think you're a Duke, not even a Count or Earl.

I don't even think you're a Republican.

Charlie, I'm going. You're gone.

Thurston, you were superb.

Well, no one can pull the wool over my eyes.

Cashmere maybe, but wool never.

- 182.. - ...183..

- ...184.. - Duke, Duke.

I've been looking all over for you.

I'm not hard to find, Teach, just look for my lovebirds.

- I've got wonderful news. - Oh.

[Gilligan moaning]

Gilligan, what's wrong with you?

- I've been exercising. - Why?

So I can die healthy.

Stay right here, I've got news that will brighten up your life.

- Can I lie down and listen? - Of course.

Duke, listen. I've been working on this all day.

There's been a shift in trade winds and the tidal forces

compounded by the pull of Sun causing syzygy with Earth

and made a perfect coriolis effect.

- Why didn't I think of that? - Isn't he wonderful?

It's really very simple.

The tsunami wave will return in 48 hours headed for Hawaii.

Hey, Duke, that means you can get us all rescued.

Yeah, we gotta talk about that sometime.

Come on, girls, let's take a walk.

Right this way.

Come on, Gilligan, snap out of this.

Now listen, we've got exactly 48 hours to get him into shape.

We've got to get sugar into his bloodstream.

We've got to strengthen his muscles--

- Professor, Professor.. - What?

While we are building him up, they're knocking him down.

[peppy music]

[music continues]

Gilligan, Gilligan, are you down there?

You are down there, you..

(Gilligan coughing)

May I ask you a simple question, and I want a simple answer?

Sure, Skipper, that's only kind I know.

Exactly. Now here's my question. Just what are you trying to do?

I'm trying to learn how to surf

because if I learn how to surf, we can be rescued.

Little buddy, your heart's in the right place.

About your head, I don't know.

It takes years to master one of these.

Get off before you hurt yourself.

Aye aye, sir.

Oh, Duke, you scared me.

Baby, that's not what I had in mind.

Oh.

In fact, I've had other things on my mind

ever since I set eyes on you.

Well, wh-where's Mary Ann?

Baby, we don't need a cheering section.

I do, I'm an actress.

Listen, I've heard about you movie chicks playing it cool

but aren't you carrying it a little far?

- What do you mean "far?" - I'm talking about life, baby.

Now, you take one long-legged redhead

mixed with tall, handsome, muscle man

shake well and..

[chuckles]

You got pretty good reflexes.

From Hollywood, I've been chased by the best.

Until you've been caught by me.

Baby, this is not supposed to be a track meet.

Come on, Ginger. Time for fun and games.

- What's wrong? - Duke.

Oh, nothing wrong with him.

Believe me, Mary Ann.

While we've been admiring his muscles

we overlooked his fangs.

Fangs?

Yeah, underneath that bronze skin beats the heart of a wolf.

Well, Ginger, maybe you're too glamorous.

Take me.

I'm more like the girl who lives next door.

Girl next door, across the street, around the corner

wouldn't make any difference to him.

Oh, please, he's so tall and handsome and--

And hungry.

Where are you going?

Think I hear Duke calling.

- And you're going? - Why, certainly.

Good luck.

[sighs]

[sighs]

[clock ticks]

Not bad time for a little girl.

Oh, King Kong had a better approach.

Come on, Ginger, help me move the chair in front of the door..

He'll huff and puff and blow our house down.

We have to do something to discourage him.

Discourage him? He'd consider a slap in the face applause. No.

We've got to bring this to a higher court.

Mrs. Howell.

Hello, Lovey, my dear. Why the knitted brow?

Thurston, the girls came to me with a problem

and I must confess, I find it very perplexing.

No matter what, they deserve it.

We're trying to figure how to get Mr. America on surfboard

and they're doing everything but give him the keys

to the sorority house, if he'll stay.

'Girls want him to leave too.'

You mean, they've become disenchanted

with that side of beef?

Thurston, I don't know how to phrase this, but..

...he's been making advances.

You mean, to both of them at once?

- Ooh, how vulgar! - Yes, and how young.

You know something, that Duke Williams reminds me

of Montmorency Vandergrift.

Thurston, Montmorency wasn't as bad as all that.

Well, he did sit a good horse

but nowadays, that's not quite enough.

Well, anyway, I got rid of him once and for all.

Lovey, my dear, I know that we made a pledge.

Never to delve into our past

but I think we should break it

just this once for the good of all.

- What past, darling? - Your past, just this once.

I really don't think I know what you're talking about.

Tell me, what underhanded trick did you use

to get rid of Montmorency Vandergrift?

[both chuckle]

Professor, somehow, someway, we've got to get Duke

on that surfboard tomorrow.

We've got to offer him something more attractive

than Ginger and Mary Ann.

How about a motorcycle and a crash helmet, huh?

We must have a talk about the birds and the bees.

What would Duke want with birds and bees?

- Some other time. - Gentlemen.

Wynken, Blynken, and Nod still stuck

blocked by a simple problem. Huh, poor shame.

And I suppose that you have it all solved.

Naturally, you think that country bumpkin

is any match for Thurston Howell III?

I bet it's sneaky and complicated.

Sneaky, naturally.

But complicated, let me tell you something.

It's as simple as taking candy away from a baby.

It's elementary.

- Hello, captain. - Hi, Duke.

Hey, she really waxes up good.

Ah, no rush, Daddy-O.

I might be in shape for a little exercise in a week or two.

A week or two?

Oh, but there's a big wave tomorrow at 7, that tsunami!

Everybody on this island got ear trouble?

Man, I'm in no shape for a tsunami.

Well, that's odd.

Few minutes ago, thought I heard Ginger say you were leaving.

That Ginger is an odd one.

She's one chick, sure plays hard to get.

- Not with the Professor. - Professor?

Well, I just saw them both back there.

Sure, you're not angry at me?

Don't give it a second thought, dear.

It was so stupid of me to pay so much attention to Duke.

I mean, all he does is talk about his muscles

'and you've got brains.'

'How perfectly wonderful you are.'

An extremely high IQ.

- Say it for me once again. - An extremely high IQ.

No, I meant the name of the star.

Oh, Alpha Centauri.

Oh...that's so romantic.

(Professor) 'It's 4 and 3/10ths light years from the Earth.'

(Ginger) 'You don't know what a man with brains does to me.'

- Capital of North Dakota? - Bismarck.

- Oh, South Dakota? - Pierre.

Lucky, Pierre.

* Oh, it's a long, long way to Hawaii *

* But we're going to go anyway *

* It's a long, long way to Hawaii *

* But Duke will make it anyway *

* Ah *

Oh, hi, Duke.

Nice night for a walk, isn't it?

You want to know something, Captain?

Why, I'm always interested in gathering information.

A redhead is a fickle piece of chick, and that's for sure.

You know, something? It's only the brunettes you can trust.

Just like I was telling Mary Ann

before she turned in for the night.

- Oh, she's not in her hut. - She's not?

Right now, she's with Gilligan.

- With Gilligan? - In their usual place.

[humming]

- Oh, Duke was so bumpy. - Is that bad?

- Well, I like little muscles. - Oh.

What's wrong?

Think you're taking the crease out of my knees.

- Wonderfully knobby knees. - Yeah, but it's time to change.

And I got such wonderful knobby elbows too.

(Mary Ann) 'Spindly skinny arms.'

(Gilligan) 'Skin and bones, what I got most.'

(Mary) 'I hate muscle men.'

I like underdeveloped, underfed, undernourished men like you.

[Gilligan chuckles]

Darling, you even have skinny lips.

Darling, t-take it easy, you'll break me.

Gilligan, can't you be little more romantic?

Okay.

[buzzing]

What are you doing?

Don't know, got something to do with the birds and bees.

Here are your provisions, Duke.

Now, remember. Tell 'em our position is approximately

110 degrees longitude and 10 degrees latitude.

Okay, okay

but that's all I'm gonna remember about this island.

Oh, he fell for it.

[water sloshing]

Oh, dear, isn't it a shame he isn't a Duke?

At the moment, I'm glad he is a surfer.

- Gilligan. - You want me?

No, Gilligan.

I called you because I want the Professor.

Okay.

Take the binoculars, get up that tree, tell us what he's doing.

Aye aye, sir.

Wait a minute.

- Here. - Yes, sir.

[sighs]

Wow!

Wow!

Gilligan, wow, wow, wow doesn't tell us anything.

- Give us a report. - Aye aye, sir.

There he is. Ooh, he's up on top.

(Gilligan) 'Now, he's down at the bottom.'

Yes, there he is.

(Gilligan) 'Oh, he's on a big one.'

'Oh, ride 'em, Duke. Keep with 'em, boy.'

'Oh, there he goes.'

He's on his way, I'm coming down.

Well, he's made it. Now it's only a matter of time, Gilli..

Skipper, did I hurt you?

No, Gilligan, you didn't hurt me.

I'm used to having people fall out of trees on top of me.

Thanks a lot, Gilligan.

(man on radio) 'Ladies and gentlemen'

'there has been a week-long search for a missing surfer.'

'Well, this afternoon, he was found, and we have him here.'

- 'You're Duke Williams, right.' - 'Yeah, think so.'

- He made it. - Shh.

'Can you tell us about your adventure?'

(Duke on radio) 'Well, I hit this rock when I beached and..'

'Duke, what about the two weeks you were gone, where were you?'

Here goes the best part, about us.

Gilligan, will you be quiet?

'I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen'

'but the doctor is taking Duke back to his hospital room.'

'I'm afraid the two-week-old mystery'

'will stay a mystery forever.'

'When Duke Williams hit that rock, he developed amnesia.'

'He can't remember where he was or what he did.'

Amnesia. Well, our luck is still holding up.

I was so sure we'd be rescued.

That's the way it goes.

Sometimes the surf is up, and sometimes the surf is down.

And just what does that mean?

Don't know, I'm still trying to figure out the birds and bees.

* Now this is the tale of the castaways *

* They're here for a long, long time *

* They'll have to make the best of things *

* It's an uphill climb *

* The first mate and his Skipper too *

* Will do their very best *

* To make the others comfortable *

* In the tropic island nest *

* No phone, no lights, no motorcars *

* Not a single luxury *

* Like Robinson Crusoe *

* It's primitive as can be *

* So join us here each week my friends *

* You're sure to get a smile *

* From seven stranded castaways *

* Here on Gilligan's isle *