Original subtitles

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[PAOLO CONTE'S SINGING "VIA CON ME"]

[MAN SINGING PLAYFULLY IN ITALIAN]

*It's wonderful *

*It's wonderful *

*It's wonderful *

*Good luck, my baby *

*It's wonderful *

*It's wonderful It's wonderful *

*I dream of you *

[MAN SINGING PLAYFULLY IN ITALIAN]

*It's wonderful *

*It's wonderful *

* It's wonderful *

* It's wonderful *

[MAN SINGING PLAYFULLY IN ITALIAN]

Oh!

I'm the wrong guy! I'm the wrong guy!

Come on, I'm the wrong guy!

I'm the wrong guy.

Hey! Hey, hey, hey.

Your--Your... Your mother's a whore!

Oh, man! Come on!

[MAN CONTINUES SINGING PLAYFULLY IN ITALIAN]

What's so stinkin' funny?

Hey, keep laughin' at me, and I'll kill you.

No, I'm not laughing at you.

I'm laughing at life.

Well, life ain't funny, so quit it!

No, listen to me.

I'm gonna tell you a secret.

Mm?

A secret so you can laugh too.

Listen to me, you fool!

I am going to tell you something that will change your life.

You remember the old brick building

on Chester Avenue?

There's a million brick buildings on Che--

No! No!

The old flour factory,

with the bright gold brick.

What about it?

I'll wait for you. I'll think of you every night.

Listen to me, idiot.

I need a Mullinski.

I want you to go back to Collinwood,

and I want you to find someone

who'll take the rap for this car fiasco for me.

I'll pay 15 grand.

15 grand?

Where are you going to get 15 grand?

From a shoebox.

What shoebox?

It's under my bed.

You said we couldn't get married 'cause you were broke.

You lied to me, you son of a bitch.

You lied!

Of all the things you've put me through...

Listen to me.

We use that money to get married.

I'm stuck in here. Is that what you want

No. No.

I want you to buy me a ring.

Alright. So listen to what I'm telling you.

I heard about a job in here.

It's the greatest job I ever heard of.

It'd give us all the money we could ever use

for the rest of our lives.

If I get you a Mullinski, will you marry me?

Will you?

Alright! Alright!

On my mother.

Alright.

I'll get you a Mullinski.

MAN : Who is it?

It's Rosalind, Toto. Open up.

Toto no here. No Toto.

How'd you find me?

This is where you live.

Well, how do you know?

It's me, Rosalind. Cosimo's woman.

Sweet Jesus.

He gave me up, didn't he?

Look, I tried to get him outta that car.

I swear to God I tried! Relax, old man.

He didn't give you up, but he needs your help.

How can I help him? I'm like a caged animal in here!

All day, cops everywhere. Look, I don't eat--

Listen to me, you fool.

The only way cops will get you

is through Cosimo, and he'd never give you up,

but you've got to help him. He needs a Mullinski.

I can't Mullinski for him.

I already did. The judge would lock us both--

No, he needs you to find a Mullinski.

Oh.

He offered 15 grand.

15...

I spent a year in isolation for him.

He only gave me five.

Yeah, well...

somebody told him about a job in there.

A job?

What kind of job?

Can I trust you?

He says it could be his Bellini.

15 large for a Mullinski?

Yeah. What's the charge?

Grand theft auto.

Oh, shoot, forget it. I can't do it.

What are you talking about?

Grand theft's easy. I did it.

No, it's not the time.

It's...

my mother. She'd die on the spot.

Well, she'd die happier knowing you had 15 grand in your pocket.

What, are you sick? Forget it. I'm not doing it.

Look, you're going to turn down 15 grand for a Mullinski?

What do you want from me, huh?

Told you, can't do it. I can't do it.

I mean, let Cosimo rot.

He's the biggest jerk in Collinwood anyway.

Look, swear you'll never repeat this.

What?

Swear.

Cosimo will kill me if he ever finds out I told you.

Come on. Alright, I swear.

Cosimo, he's got this big job lined up.

Big

Huge.

The only thing huge about Cosimo is his fat stinkin' head.

He says it's his Bellini.

His Bellini.

Everybody in this fricking neighborhood's got a Bellini.

Hey, Mickey. What's up?

How's your Bellini?

Hey, watch your mouth!

Hey, hey, hey!

No, Cosimo's...

Cosimo's is real.

A lifer gave it up to him in the joint.

That's why he is so desperate to find a Mullinski.

A lifer gave it up to him?

You see, I figure...

if we help Cosimo get out,

maybe we can get in on some of the action.

How much action?

Cosimo says 300 grand.

Holy spit. Yeah. I know.

I don't know.

Look, how much money did you wake up with

in your pocket this morning?

55 cents.

What have you got to lose?

Do you know Leon?

You mean that Negro who hides his sister?

He's a nutcase, but he always needs dough.

I can't do it.

My sister's engaged to be married.

Well, Jesus, man. This'll pay for the wedding.

It's 10 grand we're talking about here.

Nah, her fiancé's a snob from the suburbs.

If he knew, I'm going to the pen, there'd be no wedding.

This is crazy. How hard can it be to find a Mullinski?

Man, you gotta know somebody that could use the dough,

you know, friends that'd be better off in jail.

What the heck is that supposed to mean?

It means what it means.

Screw Cosimo.

Why give a spit about him, anyway?

He's the biggest jerk hole in Collinwood.

Yeah, but, uh, he's got a Bellini.

What are you doing to me?

Hey, you want to find a Mullinski or not?

Every sucker in the project's got a Bellini.

This one's legit.

A lifer gave it up to him,

and anybody who helps Cosimo can get a piece of the action.

Well, shoot, why didn't the lifer pull it himself?

Because he's a lifer.

Because he went to the pen before he could.

A genuine Bellini?

You swear on your mother?

I swear on my mother.

Goddamn.

You fellows know Riley?

What the heck are you doing?

I just got the baby to sleep. Rocked him for three hours.

I'm sorry.

That's alright.

It's alright.

It's just...

he's very neurotic.

Noises and-- and-- and, uh...

...bright lights upset him terribly.

I'm sorry, if you're here for pictures,

I'm out of the business.

My wife's in the pen.

I had to sell all my cameras to buy diapers and baby food.

But if you're interested,

I'm selling drinking glasses.

I paint them.

They're all hand-painted by me.

If you're interested.

Sweet Jesus, I am so broke.

It's funny you should mention that.

You got a job?

Cosimo needs a Mullinski,

and he's willing to pay 10 large for it.

10 large?

Ow. It's two bucks a jar.

I can't... It's impossible.

I got the kid, for chrissake.

Where's your wife?

Seneca. They gave her a year for fraud.

Even with a newborn.

They set her fine at a thousand bucks...

Christ.

We're so broke, she had to do the time. A year!

A year for a thousand bucks.

I know.

Well, you know, they've got a...

they've got a fabulous nursery at Seneca. I was born there.

Look, buddy, we're in a real pickle here.

We need a Mullinski, and we need one fast.

You're not gonna...

You're not gonna get an ex-con for grand theft auto.

What you need is somebody with a clean record

so the judge'll go easy on him.

Ah, Jesus, it's not like the old days anymore.

You guys know Pero?

Baby coming through.

Baby coming through.

Baby coming through.

Baby trying to come through.

Let's put this on you.

You outta your lunatic mind? What?

Cosimo will never share his job with these idiots.

It was an accident. I was talking and my mouth slipped.

He's going to kill me for this.

He's going to kill me.

Are you insane? I'm not going to prison for that fool.

Not even for 15 grand?

You told us 10.

My boxing career's about to take off.

You're fighting a priest. He's a tough priest.

You rather I, uh... fight a woman?

Tonight, I fight a priest.

Tomorrow, I fight for the championship.

Right, baby?

This jackass is our last chance.

We need to sweeten the deal.

I'm telling you, he's this close.

I say we go equal parts on another thousand.

A thousand dollars would get my wife outta hock, for chrissake.

For crying out loud. What's with you guys?

You've got to spend money, to make money.

Look, man, she's right.

If we don't spring Cosimo, there is no job.

Huh?

We'll go 16 thousand on the deal.

Told you, I don't need it. When my boxing career takes off,

I'm going to spit on this neighborhood.

MAN: Maholovic, you're up!

Alright! Come on, let's go.

That's it. See you after the fight, picka.

Pero, bomaye!

I'm so pretty. I'm so pretty.

Come on!

MAN: Cosimo Cosanawowski,

for the crime of attempted grand theft auto,

this court sentences-- Stop! The proceedings.

Order! Order!

Remove him.

Hear me out! Hear me out!

Please, Your Honor, I'm here to confess.

That man is innocent.

Your Honor, I can no longer live with the guilt.

It was me

who was stealing that car.

I confess.

My brother, Cosimo...

St. Cosimo,

as he's known on the streets,

was only trying to stop me,

and I told him,

"Cosimo, I mean to steal this car.

"I'm a car thief.

"I steal cars.

By myself."

I'm going to kill you!

You're the worst Mullinski I've ever seen.

Not only that, man, you added six months...

six months to my sentence!

Six months?

Six months? Who cares about six months?

I just got three stinkin' years, man!

Give my money back, every cent. Or else, you die in this prison.

You understand me? Get out of here!

You can have the money. I don't care.

I don't care about anything anymore.

What's the matter with you?

Oh, come on, prison is easy, you puss.

No, you don't understand.

I betrayed my brother.

Well, maybe he deserved it.

He's dying, you jackass.

My real brother, Bleeko, is dying.

I'll have to die alone.

Just last week, he said to me...

He said, "Pero, be there for me,

"in the final moments,

"when death has me in its deadly grip.

Don't let me go it alone," and I swore to him I wouldn't,

but I betrayed him...

for a lousy 16 grand.

Oh, you're a sick bastard.

No, no, no, no.

I'm not laughing at you.

I'm laughing at...

You wanna hear something that's gonna cheer you up?

You know that old brick building on Chester Avenue?

There's a million old buildings on Chester Avenue.

You know, the old flour factory with the gold brick.

What about it?

Well, it's not a flour factory anymore.

Half of it, they turned it into an apartment,

and you'll never guess what's on the other half.

I don't care.

A jewelry Shylock. So what?

So, my cellmate, the bricklayer, he split the building.

He pulled a Krazner. What?

You know, a Krazner.

He mortared the wall in the living room

between the building of the apartment

with the Shylock, with sand and water.

You can push right through it.

The Shylock's a big shot.

The bricklayer told me he's gotta fortune in that safe.

So what? Still gotta break into the apartment to pull the job.

Well, that's the beauty of it. Nobody lives there. It's vacant.

You can walk right in.

Well, you're a bigger jackass than everyone says you are.

What're you saying?

If this job is so good,

why didn't the old man pull it himself?

Two days before he's gonna pull the job,

he gets into an argument with his wife.

Shoots her dead. He's a lifer now.

So he gave me the job.

You were to spring me so I could pull it,

and here we are in the can together.

Funny stuff, huh? Yeah, it is.

I mean, really funny, right? You have no idea.

Alright, you're free to go. Thanks.

Whoa, whoa. What are you talking about?

Where you going? You said you had three years.

You know, I did. The judge suspended my sentence.

Oh, you know what? I'm going to kill you!

You son of a bitch! Your mother's a whore!

My mother's a what? Your mother's a whore!

Your mother's a whore!

Huh! Give me some. Yeah.

Huh! I say...

Wow! Hot damn.

Shoot...

Well, come to see me home?

I want the money back.

I did my job, baby. It's not my fault the judge--

Cosimo will kill me if I don't get the money back.

Lookie here, boys. Look who flew the coop.

If it isn't the $16,000 man.

Alright, Maholovic, don't care whose fault or what went wrong.

All we want is our stake.

What the heck is the matter with you people? What kinda--

We don't want any trouble, Pero. Trouble?

Think I can't take it from you? Go to hell!

Got more to say, pretty boy? Jesus Christ.

Where's the money? I don't have it.

You'd better find it! Ow!

Ow!

Jesus Christ!

Just give us the money. I had debts.

I gave the money to my debtors. All 16,000?

I'm in for another five to Leo the Lip. Ask anybody.

He's lying.

Wait, wait.

I got... I got the Bellini.

I got Cosimo's Bellini!

BASIL: That's bull! Stick him again!

I swear to God!

I told him I got three years, and he gave it up to me. Swear.

So what? So...

So I'll cut you in on it,

equal shares, all of you.

It's the greatest job I ever heard of.

It's a jewelry Shylock.

Let's hear it, then.

I can't breathe.

Hey, let him up. Let him up.

You watch yourself, sucker.

I feel weak. Oh, Jesus, we killed him.

PERO: Safe's on the second floor of the pawnshop.

The apartment next to the pawnshop is empty.

We break into the apartment, we smash a hole in the wall,

climb into the Shylock's, and crack the safe.

That's the easy part.

The trouble is that building is like a fortress.

The front door to the apartment's alarmed.

Best way in is through the coal chute of the building next door.

We use the back fire escape to get to the roof.

Then we drop down to the apartment window,

and we cut it open.

Does anybody know a safe cracker?

Jerzy Antwerp is the only one I know.

Wait a minute.

Here, hold him, would you?

I got an idea.

I was thinking...

if I had a camera,

I could shoot the Shylock opening the safe.

We could get the combination that way.

That's brilliant.

Where we going to get a camera?

Well, we could pay a little visit

to a guy I know at the flea market.

Hm.

So, what are you hocking today, Riley

You should treat me with a little more respect, Oswald.

It just so happens I came into some money. I'm a buyer today.

It's nice. I like the browns.

Yes, but, uh... what about the reds?

Hm. What do you think?

It's for my sister.

Is it too much red?

She's been institutionalized,

and the color red makes her bark like a dog.

Yes, after all, I believe there is too much red.

I'm sorry, Oswald, but your paintings are crap.

Let's go to Sears.

Okay, here we go.

What is this? Sorry. Sorry.

I had to shoot some footage of him to send to his mom.

ROSALIND: He's a cute baby.

Oh... That's his new food.

He's not taking to it too well.

TOTO: I like it.

Riley, come on. I think it's good food.

You're killing me.

Here we go.

The Hassenfeffer 622.

Is that good or bad?

Neither.

Here he is.

Okay, okay, watch this.

BASIL: 78.

LEON: 77.

Eight.

78, eight.

BASIL: Whoa!

Jesus Christ.

LEON: 77.

TOTO: What's that number?

BASIL: 78.

TOTO: What is the number?

BASIL: It's an eight. 78, eight.

That's great.

We did nine takes.

Every time, on the last number...

he does this.

He's like a gimp.

Sorry.

So, what do you think?

Well, as a film, it's a disaster.

It's a documentary. It's supposed to look like that.

The good news is the safe is crackable.

So how do we... How do we do this?

Do I carry you on my back, or...

This may come as a shock, but I don't go on the field anymore.

See? What the hell is he doing here?

I teach.

For 500 bucks, I show you how to do it.

500 bucks? 500 bucks!

Be quiet. The baby.

Okay, look, we're all tapped out here.

That's why we're doing this job in the first place.

We'll give you a cut.

I don't take back-end money. It's worthless.

There's a fortune in that safe.

500 bucks up front. That's the deal.

My time is valuable.

Alright. Hey, hey, hey. Hold your horses.

Can you show us how to get through a Krazner wall?

Well, who do you think Krazner called?

Alright, so then it's a deal.

Good.

Be at my place Saturday afternoon.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a class to teach in Youngstown.

500 bucks. Did I happen to mention

I'm trying to get my wife out of the goddamn clink?

How are we supposed to get that kind of money?

We could mug someone.

There's got to be something.

I think I can get the money.

How much do you need?

Just a small loan

for a new suit.

I met a nice girl,

and I'm going to ask her to marry me.

You're getting married?

If she says yes. So how much?

$500.

$500? It must be some suit.

It's beautiful,

with buttons and shoes...

Well, I hope she can make an honest man out of you.

At the usual interest.

The usual interest.

We're still better than Leo the Lip.

There are many methods to cracking a safe,

and each method possesses an inverse relationship

between quickness and cleanness.

The quickest method is Lipchiski method,

named for its originator, Theodore Lipchiski.

The Lipchiski method requires a stick of dynamite and a match.

A very quick method, but we learned when Lipchiski

blew himself up on that job in Toledo, it's not very clean...

hence I teach the circular saw method.

It may not be the quickest, but it's the cleanest.

You and your loot will emerge from the job unharmed.

This is the method I was taught. It is what I believe in.

If you want Lipchiski, you go somewhere else.

KID: Jerzy! The police are here!

The police are coming! The police!

They were just here last week. Hide the safe!

Where Hide the safe!

Throw it off the... Throw it off the side!

The cops are here!

Oh, you think that's funny?

You little son of a bitch!

You little sawed-off son of a bitch!

You better run!

I'm gonna come out of this chair!

I'm gonna mess you up!

I hate that fathead kid.

Where was I?

Circular-- Circular saw method.

You take the saw, like so.

You apply it, like so.

You crank it, like so.

And in three hours, you got your hole.

What time is it? 2:00.

Alright, we'll begin a full demonstration of the procedure.

Hey, baby! Baby! Sergeant Babitch is here.

He's coming around the back.

He'll bury us all!

Hide the safe! Hide the safe!

* Hark, the herald angels sing *

* Glory to the newborn king *

* Peace on Earth And mercy mild... *

Alright, guys. Take five, take five. That's good.

Babitch! What a surprise.

You caught us on laundry day.

You sing while you launder?

Speak English.

We're a chorus for the church.

Which church is that?

It's the, uh...

We tour.

Uh-huh.

You wouldn't happen to know anything

about a job over in Youngstown, would you, Antwerp?

A safe with a hole about the size of your head.

Where's Youngstown?

Now, wait a minute.

I know all you guys.

You're all from Collinwood,

and you're all bums.

You're Pero Maholovic, aren't you?

I knew your brother.

He was a shoddy fighter,

which is more than I can say for you.

What's your angle here, Maholovic?

I'm the tenor.

Oh, you're a joker, huh?

Well, you keep laughing, champ...

all the way to the pen.

If a job should happen to go down in the next few weeks.

Now I'll know whose asses to string up.

Jesus.

You'd better watch your back, boys.

Where have you been? My kid's starving to death.

The bus never came. I had to walk.

Down you go.

Give me a square, and I'll forget about it.

The Shylock comes at 6,

and he opens up at 7.

Good luck.

Hey, give me a light.

Jesus, she's a live one.

Yeah.

What the...? Fudge! Fudge!

What the heck is this, man?

Fudge! Fudge, fudge!

What the heck is this?

My best friend's cousin told me

the old ladies are the Shylock's aunts.

Mm-hm.

They're getting senile,

so he moved them in next door to keep an eye on him.

The girl's their maid.

A maid, huh?

Well, don't worry, I once seduced the First Lady.

So, this isn't going to make you, uh... jealous or anything?

You're a piece of work, you know that?

As hard as you find it to believe, I think you're a pig.

You know, you're a real pizda, you know that?

Hey, hey, yo.

Hey, baby, where you going in such a hurry?

Your mama teach you how to walk like that?

Whoa, slow down, sugar. A little love to a black man.

Whoa, whoa.

Look at that.

Baby got an ass like bubble-gum ice cream.

You know, the kind you like to lick!

Hey, why don't you leave the girl alone, you street... bums?

Hey... scram, before we lay one on you.

Oh!

I'll carve you like a turkey, honky.

Put the knife away.

Hit me.

Put the knife...

Ow! Ow!

Hurry up, man.

Go get her.

You okay? Go get her.

Miss... Miss?

I don't mean any harm.

Miss, miss, are you alright, miss?

That was quite an experience back there.

You know, every day, I wake up and I tell myself,

"Pero Maholovic, you're a lucky man.

"your father was wealthy enough to send you to a private school,

"where among gaining a degree in learning... you were able

to master the art of boxing."

Yes, that was quite a punch you threw back there.

It was nothing. It was just a couple of street bums.

Just wanna make sure you okay. I'm fine.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm late.

So you're, uh, late, huh? That's funny, so am I.

Which direction are you going?

This way.

Oh, that's funny, so am I.

So, what are you late for? I'm meeting my boyfriend.

Oh. He's a doctor.

A doctor, really. Wow. What do you do?

Me? I don't work. I, uh, shop.

I play tennis. Oh, really?

Well, I'm a salesman.

Oh, congratulations. What do you sell?

Oh, all sorts of things.

Big things. Expensive.

Oh. You from around here?

No, I'm from Collinwood. Even though I could afford more,

I choose to live humbly. I like humble people.

For instance, if you were, say, a maid and not an heiress,

I'd still think you were just as pretty.

Hey, what's happening, youngblood?

Crazy kids, man, I'll tell you. It's a joke we play.

So where do you live?

Oh, I'm living in an apartment with my aunts,

but my boyfriend's building me a house.

Oh, the, the doctor.

No, the other boyfriend.

You have another boyfriend?

Yeah, I have lots of boyfriends.

I think it's best that way.

Wow.

So, you going to ask me out, or what?

I thought... what about your boyfriends?

Oh, they understand I'm a liberated woman.

How's Sunday?

Sure.

Alright, uh, we'll meet at your house?

Um, oh, yeah, we can't. It's being deloused.

There's a street carnival. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

On, on Saint Clair. Okay, yeah, 4:00, then.

In front of the church. In front of the church.

Yeah. Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Okay.

I'm going to kill that son of a bitch.

I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him.

I'm going to kill that son of a bitch.

I'm going to kill that son of a bitch.

I'm going to kill that son of a bitch.

I'm going to kill that son of a bitch.

I'm going to kill that son of a...

Hey, I don't want to miss my bus, now.

Thank you. Thanks.

Whoo!

Oh, look, a fun house. I love fun houses.

Hey, if it's fun you want, it's fun you get.

Where'd you go?

Which one is you? Where are you?

Guess you'll just have to kiss me and find out.

Come here. Come here.

What are you doing?

Oh!

I'm going to kill you, you son of a bitch.

Cosimo! What the...?

RILEY: Baby. Baby.

You want some things? How 'bout...?

Hey! Hey! Jesus Christ.

Where's Maholovic? Why?

Didn't you hear? It's all over the neighborhood.

Cosimo broke out of the joint. Jesus Christ, how'd he get out?

I'm going to kill you!

He's got a gun!

You sick bastard! You stole my Bellini!

Ah!

I'll spit on you! I'll spit on all of you!

Baby, please, baby, relax.

You don't understand. I got it all planned out.

We can all share. You traitorous whore!

Ah! Oh.

Listen to me, and listen to me good, okay?

This job is mine, alright? Anybody tries to take it,

I'm going to kill them. I'm going to kill anybody!

Anybody!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

You okay?

He get you good? No.

Get away from me.

Forget him.

Leon.

Leon, stakeout.

Let's go.

What do you want? I'm looking for Leon.

Leon ain't here. I'm sorry, I didn't know.

I'll let him know you came by.

Whoa, whoa!

I'm Basil.

What?

Tell him Basil came by.

I will.

And you?

Huh?

Are...?

Oh, right.

I'm, uh, Michelle.

Leon's sister.

I'm Basil.

I know. You said it, like, three times.

Oh.

That's a pretty ring. Oh, it's...

It's from my fiancé. He's a salesman from the suburbs.

Oh.

So...Basil...

you want to come in?

I don't know. This place is kind of stale.

Maybe we could, you know, go to your place or something.

Oh, um, but my aunts'll be there, so...

So we'll stay in the living room.

Oh, no. I can't leave, really.

Why not?

Because...

Because what?

Because I told another date to meet me here.

Another... Another date?

Yeah, I cannot be dating just one guy, Pero.

It'd be like I'm married or something.

Dear God, woman.

All these other loves in your life.

It's enough to make a man feel impotent.

If you ask me, you should only be dating me.

I'll date whoever I please.

Hello, Beddo.

Hi, Carmela. Hi.

This is my date.

If you don't mind.

This... This is your date?

What is this, a joke?

Excuse us, please.

MAN: Right now, another polka heading your way.

Here we go with something called

"My Little Darling."

Jesus. I'm starting to think

we should just forget this whole goddamn job.

It's spinning out of control.

This job's not spinning out of control. You are.

You should be trying to get into her apartment, not her pants.

I've been trying to get in that frigging apartment.

For two weeks, I'm trying.

She's a tease. I don't understand her.

You're falling in love with her, aren't you?

Hey. I don't fall in love, sweetheart.

Oh, please.

It's all over your face.

Hands off, midget boy. What did you call me?

She's with me tonight. Oh, really?

Yeah, really. Well, he's with me.

Who's he, your pimp?

Come on, come on. Come on, want some, tough guy?

What the heck are you doing? Don't loose your head over her.

She's a maid, for chrissake!

Wait, Carmela...

Carmela! Carmela, wait a second!

I'm-- I'm... I'm very sorry for the disturbance, officers,

but I was enjoying an evening with my girlfriend

when that mob attacked me.

Pero Maholovic, 122 Ivanhoe.

Sergeant Babitch, thank God you're here because I gotta--

Shut up.

The way you're going, Maholovic,

I ought to have them reserve you a cell.

You're such a kidder.

Sergeant Babitch, this is a very dangerous area.

Don't you get smart with me, you little prick.

I will spit in you.

Yeah, yeah. I know, I know.

I'll be seeing you around, champ.

Okay, then.

Maybe at the mixer next week?

That was very noble of you, what you did tonight.

No one's ever fought over me that much.

Well, I can't help it. I guess I feel compelled.

Why did that girl say those things about me?

Oh, you know, she was jealous.

Ah.

Yeah.

She was telling the truth.

I'm really just a maid, and I thought,

because you were, you know, a big salesman and everything,

that you wouldn't like me as much, so...

Jeez, we live in a democracy.

I don't care you're a maid.

You can be anything you want.

I know, I just...

I just thought... I don't know, I was just being silly.

I'm a silly liar-- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You're not... You're not silly.

You're not silly.

You know those two old ladies I work for?

Yeah?

They're going out of town on Tuesday,

and I live over on the West Side,

and I was thinking you could...

come over for a nice romantic dinner.

Oh, I'd like that. I'd like that a lot.

What did you say?

That I'm off on Tuesday night, and I was thinking--

No, no, no, no. Uh, the old ladies.

They're going to...

To see their mother in Steubenville,

and I was thinking you could come to my place. I could...

except...

I have a date.

You have a date?

With my brothers.

Oh.

We bowl. In a bowling league.

I like to bowl. Could I come?

I-i-it's a men's league.

Yeah.

But we could go out another night.

I promise, this weekend.

COSIMO: Your mother's a whore!

Carmela... look at me

Look at me for a second.

Whoa.

I like you.

I like you a lot.

I like you too.

Yeah?

Yeah.

WOMAN: Oh!

Help!

Help me!

Give me the purse!

What a crummy way to go, huh?

Snatching a purse like a street punk.

Something ain't right in the world.

Well, he had a tough life.

His mother was a whore.

Sorry.

I can't go in. Death scares him.

Excuse me, gentlemen. It's time.

We ain't done nothing to Cosimo

that Cosimo ain't done to somebody else.

That still don't make it right.

He was a good friend to me.

Oh, what the hell are you talking about?

Hewas the biggest ass in Collinwood.

He'd screw his own mother and not think twice about it.

Watch your mouth.

Hey, it's not about him, anyway, okay?

It's about the job.

We've worked hard for this thing.

This is our dream we've been building here.

What's your son gonna eat?

Your guilt?

Who's going to pay for that wedding reception?

The memory of Cosimo?

You're the poorest man I ever seen.

Did Cosimo ever help you out with that?

And you. What? Are you going to stay a bum all your life?

This is about the job, plain and simple.

This is about the fact that we all need it to survive,

and there ain't a thing we can do to change that.

There ain't a goddamn thing.

Mm.

How you doing?

It's Antwerp.

The tools are ready for tonight.

They're in a brown duffel bag, in a dumpster

in the back of your building. Got it?

Why are you dressed like a priest?

You're an idiot.

You see that?

Babitch smells blood.

Good luck.

That son of a bitch is putting the screws on us.

Don't worry about him.

I'm telling you, we pull this job.

We're all going to end up in the slammer.

Don't worry. I'll take care of Babitch.

My place, 8:00.

We need this.

We need this.

What is this?

It's almost...

$16,000.

If something should, uh, happen to go down tonight,

I'm hoping you forget you ever saw us.

You stupid bastard. What do you think you're doing?

Listen, Babitch...

Give me one good reason why I shouldn't bury your--

Give me one good reason.

Babitch...

What do you make? You make, what,

are you making $30,000 a year?

You live in a one-bathroom house, man.

You got your...

You got four kids. You drive a Chevette.

Your wife rides the bus to work.

For what?

Just so you can protect some money in some rich guy's safe?

For what?

Look at me.

Nobody gets hurt.

They won't get hurt.

Now get off my porch.

You know, you should, uh, get going.

Leon's going to be here any second.

I don't know. I was thinking,

maybe it's time that we should tell your brother about us.

Tell him what?

About us. That we're in love.

Are you crazy?

You think I'm going to leave my fiancé for you?

Come on. But we're in love.

Yeah, but he has a good job, Basil.

He can get me out of this neighborhood.

I can get you out of here, Michelle.

And take me where, Basil? What, to jail?

What do you want, then? You want your rich man?

Is that what you want? Is that going to make you happy?

Yeah.

No...

I don't know.

Well, what do you want?

I want an honest man.

RILEY: You alright?

I'm fine. You want a drink?

No, thank you.

What do you want?

I need a favor.

You're the only one that can help me.

Will you watch him for me tonight?

I don't want anything to do with this anymore.

I know, but I don't have a choice.

I need the money. For him.

I'm not good with children.

Listen to me.

I need your help.

I think you're a good person, Rosalind.

I think you're one of the nicest people I know,

and he needs that.

And I think maybe... you need that too.

He's so tiny.

Please?

Alright, but just for tonight.

Uh... I put his things in that box.

If he cries, whistle.

Just... whistle to him.

He...

Don't worry. You'll see him tomorrow.

If they don't get here in five minutes,

we go without them.

Sorry.

Sorry... I'm late.

What's this? We don't need this.

This isn't a prop. I was beaten.

Beaten? By the cops?

No. Oswald.

The guy we stole the camera from.

I ran into him and his brother on the bus,

and they broke my arm.

For stealing a camera? It was a good camera.

This is a disaster.

What are those?

Hydrocodone bitar...

Bitartrate.

They're bupkis.

I've taken bunches of them. They don't do dink.

You took bunches of these?!

What's the matter with you?!

You want to go into a coma?!

Are you telling me I don't love my own son?

Oh, he's out. Get him out of here.

No, we can't do the job without him.

He's useless! Look at him. I'll take him home.

What are you talking about? We've got to leave for the job.

Well, there's something I want to tell you guys.

You're not cutting me out, you or any of you.

I'm clean enough to go to the cops.

I'm clean enough to go on this job, aren't I?

Aren't I?

You wouldn't dare.

You try me.

Oh, Jesus.

Where the fuck hell is Leon?

I'm going to cut you, boy. I'll cut you good.

Wait, listen to me. You don't understand.

She was a beautiful flower, and you...

You plucked her. I'm going to make you bleed.

Listen to me. I love her.

No, no, no.

We want to get married.

She's already engaged, and not to a goddamn... thief!

I'm not a thief anymore. I quit. I'm done with all of it.

What did you...? What did you say?

That's what I wanted to tell you.

I'm not going tonight.

I'm in love with Michelle. I want to marry her.

I have to be an honest man to do that...

so I got a job.

Jennifer jumpin' Christmas.

This is a fiasco.

So if you still want to kill me,

I'll be at the nickel factory at St. Clair.

I start tonight.

I'm sorry.

Well, I hate to be the one to say it, but this Bellini

is starting to look like a real flaming Kapuchnick.

Watch your mouth!

Are you insane?

Are you trying to jinx us?

Where are you going? To do the job.

Can we do the job with only four of us?

At this point, I don't give a good goddamn.

Wait a minute here.

Let's just calm down and get our minds right first.

Mindsright?

You're standing there with a stinking butcher's knife.

Hi.

The girl, uh, she's here.

She's here. Out the window.

The maid.

Out the window. Go. Oh, my God.

I'm not going out there. It's the only way.

No, I'm not...

There's no place to go once you get out there

except down!

Carmela.

Pero?

What a surprise. How did you find...?

How did you know where to find me?

Is this your place?

No, no.

This is much too modest for me.

This is my, uh-- My brother's place.

My brother... Mico.

Uh, he's an artist. He likes the squalor.

Hi, Mico. I'm Carmela. Hello, young woman.

I would shake your hands, but I'm inspecting these bottles.

What's the matter?

I'm afraid of... I'm afraid of heights.

I wanted to tell you something.

I... I quit the old ladies tonight.

Uh...

Well, you'll find another job.

You would have been so proud of me.

I never told you this before, but they were terrible to me.

They were really terrible to me. The things they'd make me do.

I mean they're incontinent, for God's sake.

Uh-huh.

But then I met you,

and you made me feel like I was worth something,

and I thought, "I have Pero now.

I don't have to take this crap no more,"

so I called them spoiled babies, and they fired me.

They were so upset by the whole thing,

they canceled their stupid trip to Steubenville tonight.

What?

What?

Yeah, but then they went anyway,

because they're stubborn-old bats,

and I kept the keys.

We should go back and we should wreck the place.

My, my, my, Pero.

She didn't turn the keys in.

Yeah, I heard her, Mico. You know what?

You're very upset. Maybe I should take you home.

No, no, no.

I don't want to interrupt your bowling match.

Won't you miss Pero at the bowling match, Mico?

My arm's broken.

I'm not going to a flaming bowling match!

Poor Mico, he's upset because... Because he can't bowl.

The window seems to be okay.

If you have any more problems, just give us a call.

Hello.

Am I dead?

There you go.

So where's the next window?

MAN : Next stop, 25th Street.

Ohio City.

I like your brother Mico.

He's a little strange, though.

He had...

syphilis as a baby.

Oh...

Yeah.

You know what?

Hm?

Now that I think about it...

I wish I didn't have those keys on me.

You know?

Because if anything happens while they were away,

those old crows, they would blame me.

How could they blame you?

You're a small girl. That's nonsense.

Could you do me a huge favor?

Sure. Do you think you could

take the keys back on your way home

and you can drop them off with the janitor?

Because I would just sleep so much better.

But how could they blame you?

They're-- You're a small girl.

That's... Oh, no.

Pero, they're not here. Oh, my God.

Pero, I think I left them in the front door.

Oh, my God.

Someone will rip that place off for sure!

We've got to go back. Driver! Wait, wait, wait.

Hold on a second.

Let me take a look here. No, they're not in there.

Hey, hey, look, there they are. Yeah.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah. They would have killed me.

You've got so much stuff in here,

no wonder you couldn't find them. Look at all this lipstick.

One for every boyfriend?

No.

Well, there's only one from now on.

Hey, don't worry. You sleep good tonight.

I'll take the keys back. Okay?

You're always so good to me.

No, you are, you're the best.

Where the freak have you been?

Did you get the keys?

She guarded her purse like a hawk.

We got to go in the old way.

But we're two hours behind.

So let's move, then. Let's go.

Ah! Mother--!

Don't come down! Don't!

Goddamn!

I can't swim!

Goddamn toothless...

Put your goddamn pants on!

I'll catch pneumonia!

Come on, let's go.

Ready?

Can you get it?

No. Not yet.

Step on my hands.

Just a few more inches.

One...

I've got it!

I think he bit off his tongue.

No. No, it's right there.

You want one of these?

Alright, we're losing time.

Let's go. Come on!

It's hot.

Aw! Hot!

Feels sturdy.

I don't know.

We should test it.

Test it?

Chill, Riley, chill!

Go.

Okay, go.

I can't.

What? What do you mean "can't"?

He's afraid of heights.

Aw...

You have to.

I can't.

Stop moving around, Toto. Stop it.

Get your hands off my face.

Stop moving around like a monkey.

Whoa.

I'm scared. Whoa. Whoa...

Get him off me.

Get him off me.

Oh, my God!

First of all, whatever about my ass being all over his lap.

The last time we were...

The last time we went to your mother's...

My shorts are coming down. Shut up.

And Ellen was there, and who came in? Your cousin, Clarence.

And you were making eyes at him. It's so sick.

It's your own cousin.

What about Eddie? I'm going back inside.

If you cause a scene, I'm leaving.

We should stay out here all night!

Screw you! Where are you going? Come back.

Get him off me! Get him off me!

Next time I tell you to keep your pants on,

keep your goddamn pants on!

It's this one. It's this one.

Get the thingie.

Come on.

Oh, jeez.

This place is like a palace.

Alright, it wasn't that heavy.

Stop being so goddamn dramatic.

Hey, hey, this is it. Guys, come here. Hurry up.

We can drill a pilot hole right there.

This is it.

Oh, man.

What a bizarre wall.

You hit the plumbing.

Hey, Miss Wiener.

Yeah, I'm in the apartment now, and everything looks fine.

No, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

There's some kind of water on the floor.

Goddamn it!

Oh, no, it's the cat, Miss Wiener.

Uh, no, no, it's the cat peed on the floor again.

No, no, I will not.

No, I am the janitor. I am not your maid.

What's that?

Yeah, a very nice young man

returned the keys for the girl about three hours ago. Yeah.

Yeah, okay, I'll leave them right here. Good.

Yeah, yeah, I'll lock up.

Yeah, okay.

Bye, Miss Wiener.

Jeez, stupid ol' fleabag cat.

I can't believe this stuff.

I just can't.

Okay, okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You miserable son of a bitch.

I had to return them for an alibi.

If I kept the keys, the girl could finger me.

You sold us out for a woman?

Those old bitches would have her arrested

if the joint got knocked off. Come on.

So instead we had to crawl in here like "aminals"?

We've wasted half the night.

Look.

What's done is done,

and all the arguing in the world

is not going to do a damn thing to change it.

Now, let's just shut up and get out the Antwerp.

Come on, come on. It's giving.

It's been giving for the last 40 minutes.

I need a breather, man.

So, how much do you really think is in that safe?

Well, Cosimo said that

the old man swore to him there was at least 300 grand.

Goddamn. That's a lot of money.

A person could live several lives

with that kind of money.

I'm going to buy a big loft with my share of the loot.

And one for my boy.

Pay them off clean,

so he never has to work a day in his life.

I'm going to move to the country.

I hear the houses there are so far apart,

you can sit on your front porch and read the newspaper

in your underwear.

I'm going to buy my wife a new gravestone.

You know, one that stands up.

With little angels carved.

In marble.

So, what are you going to do?

I don't know...

I think I'm going to build a gym.

I know everyone thinks I'm not much of a fighter,

but I think I'd be a good teacher

for the kids.

Oh, man, I can't wait another minute.

Come on, guys.

Let's go get the goddamn loot.

Toto, get us some water. It's like a jungle in here.

Alright, come on.

Something's happening.

It's giving.

Here it comes.

Here it comes.

Sweet Jesus.

How did you get in there?

I'm getting the water.

Oh, my God. It's the kitchen.

The kitchen?

What are you saying?

It's the kitchen!

Cosimo said the connecting wall was in the living room.

This is the living room.

How can this be the living room

if that's the stinking kitchen?

What do you think, it's in the...

...closet?

Oh...

Oh, shoot.

You moron.

You unbelievable, idiot moron.

How was I supposed to know that they had two living rooms?

Who the hell has two living rooms?

You should've looked. You should have looked,

while we were busting our asses

with that crank. I got the water!

You unbelievable hack! You poser! You've killed us!

Me? Yes, you. You've killed us.

What are you talking about?

We just move the crank in here, and we do it again.

It's 3 a.m.

We'd never get through the wall then crack the safe.

We could drill fast.

It's impossible!

We'd drill our way right into the joint. It's over.

Oh, we can still do it.

We can still do it. I'm telling you.

Leon, help me.

We'll never make it, man.

Hey, Toto.

Come on.

God, I needed that money! I needed it so bad!

You've ruined us!

What are you talking about? I did everything from the start.

It was me. I got the Bellini.

I planned the job. I wooed the girl.

I paid off Babitch.

I did everything!

I gave everything I had for this!

Everything!

You know what we did?

We believed.

You gave us hope with your stupid Bellini,

and then you ripped our hearts out

and you smashed them with your bare hands!

What is that?

What? Christ! I'm more broke now

than I was when I started this crazy thing!

I wish I'd never met you!

Any of you!

Jeez, I think I'm going to be sick.

Aw, I'm sorry.

I got a kid, for chrissake.

What am I going to do?

Sweet Jesus.

Hey, guys, take a look at this.

It's a cookie-jar stash.

Must be a thousand bucks here.

Not a bad consolation prize, huh?

Let me see that.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Oh, it's delicious.

The girl must have made it before they fired her.

I'm going to heat this up.

Least we'll eat good before we go.

The pilot light must be out.

Got a match?

Wait, wait a minute. Does anybody smell...?

I think it's probably a good idea

if we don't see each other anymore.

Wait a second.

I've got to give you your cut of the take.

Ah, it's for your wife. Get her home.

Thanks.

What are you going to do?

It just wasn't our night.

I'd better get home and apologize to my sister.

Be well, old man.

If you get any more Bellinis...

just give me a call.

So...

where you going?

I don't know.

Get cleaned up. Maybe I'll go see Carmela.

That's a good idea.

She's a nice girl.

Yeah.

I'll s...

Hey, this safe...

this job...

is nothing.

It's just money.

Money comes, money goes.

I'm an old man. I know.

But to have someone...

Somebody to walk with...

at your side...

that's everything.

She's a nice girl.

Yeah. Yeah, she is.

[PAOLO CONTE'S SINGING "COME DI"]

* Brotha *

* Lover *

[MAN SINGING GIBBERISH PLAYFULLY]

[MAN SINGING PLAYFULLY IN ITALIAN]

[MAN SINGING GIBBERISH PLAYFULLY]

[MAN SINGING PLAYFULLY IN ITALIAN]

[MAN SINGING GIBBERISH PLAYFULLY]

[JOHNNY CRAWFORD'S SINGING "MAYBE IT'S YOU"]

* Maybe the sun *

* Maybe the sun is here to stay *

* Maybe the rain *

* Will have to come back another day *

* Maybe it's just the dizzy *

* Days of June *

* My head is floating like a helium... *

* Maybe I wished *

* Maybe I wished upon the star *

* And now the moon *

* And now the moon don't seem so far *

* Maybe I'm just imagining things *

* Maybe it's a touch of love flu *

* Maybe it's not *

* Maybe it's just you *

* Maybe the world *

* Maybe the world has gotten more spin *

* In lady love *

* Looks like she's finally moving in *

* Maybe my heart has gotten plucked all it's string *

* So tell me that it's true *

* Maybe it's love *

* And maybe it's you *