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Oh, okay, I'll let them know.

Okay, can you see there.

Hey! Hey!

Good to see you. Good to see you.

Same as always.

Please? Yes, of course.

You're the best. So thank you.

You having a good day so

far? Yeah, it's all right.

Oh! Oh!

I got it. Fair enough.

Here you go.

Thanks. What do I owe you?

Uh, $5.50.

I think that's it.

It's it.

Go ahead, just keep it.

Stop.

Really?

Yeah, why not?

Thank you.

Anytime.

Okay.

Well, take care.

Okay.

Bye.

Have a good day.

Bye.

Don't.

Look at your legs.

I have no idea.

What, on what?

What are we supposed to do with practice?

Practice.

Practice, practice, you know?

You guys could come with me in Hawaii.

I wish!

Hey, welcome back.

What can I get for you?

Could I get a hazelnut

latte with oat milk, please?

That'll be $5.50.

Thanks.

It's saying declined.

Do you have another card?

That can't be right.

Can you try it again?

Sure, no problem.

Still saying declined.

Shit.

You know what?

I actually think I overcharged you the

other day, so it's on the house.

Thank you.

Of course.

Hazelnut oatmilk latte.

I'm Logan.

What's your name?

Riley.

Nice to meet you, officially.

Hey, have you ever been to

any of the Tiki bar nights?

It's every night at 7

o'clock, if you're interested.

I mean, there's no

invitation or anything.

It's kind of like an unofficial hangout.

What you reading?

All the light we cannot see.

Hmm, sounds interesting.

Are you liking it?

It's not bad.

So how long have you been surfing?

Is this gonna be some 20 question

examination of my life, or do you think

I'll actually get to read in peace?

Sorry, I just thought that

when you sat down that you...

I would what? Want to engage in meaningless

pleasantries that won't amount to any

deeper understanding of me or you.

What?

Nothing, nothing.

I was just wondering if you came up with

that or if it came from your book.

All me.

Well, color me impressed.

That was quick and witty.

Happy to oblige.

I didn't offend you, did I?

Nope.

Are you sure?

Because it seems as though that...

Like what?

That I don't want to talk?

Maybe that's because

I don't want to talk.

You offered me a chair and I took the

chair because there were no other chairs.

I came here to get a coffee and read in

peace, but if you're so determined to

have a conversation, then

I have a question for you.

All right, let's hear it.

Why did you leave the gym

so quickly earlier today?

Um.

Um.

I'm sorry I bothered you.

Table's yours.

So, what's up with your arm?

All right, let's grab our
boards and get in the water.

Looks perfect in there. Let's go!

It's every night at seven
o'clock, if you're interested.

Hey stranger, you're here.

We're about to do

some shots, you want one?

I'm not gonna stay long,

I just stopped to say hi.

I'm gonna grab some food to go.

Well, we're glad that you did.

What can I get you today?

Can I have a gin and tonic please?

Any particular brand?

You know what?

Surprise me.

Hey.

Hey.

What's up with you

being shy all of a sudden?

What's up with you being
chatty all the sudden?

You know...

Gin and tonic, let me know what you think.

Perfect, thank you much.

There we go.

Hey, there they are.

Thanks!

Nice.

Do you want to do one?

We got some extras.

Oh, no, she can't

She said she has to go.

No, I will.

Well, all right.

Yeah.

All right, get home safe.

I will see you tomorrow.

Be there.

I don't want to hear

anything about being hungover.

Hey, how you doing?

Well, well, well, look who it is.

The mysterious surfer.

What exactly makes me so mysterious?

Are you kidding?

You are shrouded in mystery.

Come on, you're the one who
doesn't want to talk to anyone.

Yeah, but there's no mystery there.

I don't want to know anyone.

You, on the other hand,

want to know everyone.

You just don't want anyone to know you.

Not really, at least.

Yeah?

What makes you so sure of that?

Because I think maybe we are.

Everything come out all right?

This is why I don't drink.

Hey, who told you you could eat my fries?

Yeah, you know what?

It's probably a good idea that you get

something in your system.

I'm sure this too

shall come back up.

Hey, it looks like he's

trying to close up shop.

We should probably get going.

Do you want me to walk you home?

I'm perfectly capable of walking myself.

Come on.

Hey.

Come on.

Hey, Jay, we're taking off.

Have a great night.

Walk safe, y'all.

Hey.

I thought I said I didn't need any help.

No, this is for my protection.

We're in a shady area,

and you're just so tough.

You do make a solid point.

I am very tough.

Um, remind me, which one is you?

Wait, you're kidding.

That's where I'm staying.

It doesn't take

Sherlock to figure that out.

What does that mean?

You're in the same gym.

I figured you were staying

there or lived there, too.

Okay.

Walk me back.

Okay?

Of course.

Yeah.

Shit.

What?

The fries are coming back up.

Better?

Much better.

I just need to get something to drink.

I don't think that's such a good idea...

I meant water.

I'm done drinking for the night.

Do you want anything?

Uh, water sounds great, actually.

Thanks.

Here.

What?

What?

I can tell you want to ask me

something, so just get it out.

Um...

What's with the giant pile of clothes?

You've never seen clothes before?

No, of course I've seen clothes before,

but I mean, yours all

still have the tags on them.

Well, I had to buy a bunch of stuff

because I didn't know what would fit.

Why?

Why what?

Well, you said you had to

buy a bunch of new clothes.

I was just wondering why.

Here.

Thanks.

So what's up with your arm?

Um, nerve damage from

a surgery that I had.

On your hand?

Um, no my shoulder.

Small world.

What do you mean?

I had surgery too on my

shoulder after an accident.

Mine's on the right.

Left.

Is that why you were

struggling in the gym the other day?

Um, yeah.

Yeah, it comes in and goes.

The pain.

Some days are good, some days are bad.

How bad?

Like I can't function, you know?

If I sleep on it wrong or if I lift

something a little too

heavy, my day's over.

The pain just kind of lives with me now.

So that I can really do about it.

You know, stretching, heat, ice.

None of it helps.

It just hurts until it

doesn't want to hurt anymore.

I used to be smaller, thinner.

I was a dancer.

That's why I have all these clothes.

Because my body is constantly changing

and I don't know what to do about it.

My whole life I was the same size.

I didn't have to worry

about how anything would fit.

But now, every time I

look in the mirror...

You don't like what you see?

Yeah.

As easy as it was before, it's just

absolutely impossible to now.

Yeah.

And people want to say that the scars and

the pain should be reminders that you're

still alive, but they don't get it.

It isn't a reminder that we're still

alive. It's more like a reminder.

How hard it is to keep living.

I didn't have surgery because of an

accident or an injury.

I have cancer.

I had cancer?

Uh...

The fun part about cancer is not really

knowing what's going on until they do all

of these tests on you.

They hook you up to a thousand machines

and just expect you to

wait for the results.

Just go home and wait.

As if you can go back to living your life

in any sort of normal way.

Not knowing whether you're going to make

it to the next year or month.

Or week.

Just go home and wait.

You know, you'd think going to the

appointments would help

set your mind at ease, but...

That's where you get the looks,

the questions, the stares.

You know, I guess that's what happens

when you're a 29-year-old man who walks

into a mammogram clinic,

and everyone there wonders if you're

there for your wife or your mother.

You have to tell them that you're there

for yourself because, yes,

men too can get breast cancer.

The doctors will tell you how rare and

interesting your case is,

how fascinating your file is,

and how students will observe your

surgery, about how you'll

be in some medical journal.

I thought the surgery was

going to be the end of it.

I thought it was going to fix me.

I thought I had crossed the finish line.

I had no idea that it

was just the beginning.

Of all the pain, the

nerve damage in my shoulder,

and the clothes not fitting right,

frustration turning

into anger, people staring.

You know, you don't become numb to it

like you think, or you

would hope would happen.

You just become more aware of

this giant scar in your chest.

Waking up in so much pain,

and you don't know what to do,

I'm just so angry all the time.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do.

So I smile, and I laugh.

Because I'm afraid

that if I stop, I just...

You fell asleep.

I fell asleep.

Um, did anything happen?

No.

Okay, good.

You pretty much passed out

when I brought you up here.

Nothing else?

No.

Well...

I mean, you did throw up, but

that's about it.

So, um...

Do you want to get some

breakfast or something?

Shit.

What?

Shit.

What is it?

Class starts in 30 minutes.

Um, shoot. I don't have my wetsuit.

Um, you know what? I'm gonna go down.

I'll see you down there, okay?

Alright! Let's get in!

Grab your boards.

Woo woo woo woo!

Catch my breath this morning, hold on.

Rought night?

Yeah. You can say that.

You good to get in?

Yeah, just let me, uh,

catch my breath first.

Yeah, take your time.

Hey, um, did, uh, did

Riley come down yet?

Uh, no. She texted me.

Said she's not coming, not feeling well.

What?

What?

Come on.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, why didn't you come to class?

Um, you left your phone here.

Hmm?

Oh.

Thanks.

So, uh, why weren't you down...

I got a bunch of stuff I gotta get done,

so, you don't need anything else?

Why didn't you come to class today?

I, um...

I didn't want to get into it again.

In to what?

Wait, were you awake?

Not the whole time.

I mean, I was in and out of it, but, uh,

I heard enough to

understand what's going on with you.

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

So you understand me.

What?

Let me get this straight.

You think because you hear

bits and pieces of a story,

you get what I'm going through.

That's not what I'm...

No, no, no, no. You

make the executive decision

to take everything

that I said last night,

throw it away, and ignore me.

Logan.

I don't get it.

You ignore me, and

then you press me to talk.

Then you ignore me again, and you pretend

like last night didn't even happen.

Logan, that's not what I...

Riley, you know what?

Someday, you're gonna be hurting.

Hurting in a way that

you never have before.

And you're gonna want someone there.

Someone to talk to, somebody to vent to,

somebody who isn't gonna

try and fix you or judge you.

Somebody who's gonna

sit on that couch with you

and finally allow you to open up.

Wow. Okay.

If you're gonna be a

self-centered asshole,

then you can just leave

because you know nothing about me.

You're right. I don't

know anything about you.

I thought I did, but clearly I was wrong.

Silly me.

Logan.

Hey. Long time no see. How are you?

Fine. Um, can I just get a

hazelnut latte with oat milk?

How'd you know?

It's what I do.

That'll be $5.50.

Um, it's saying declined.

Come on, I just paid it.

This is so embarrassing.

No worries. It happens all the time.

These cards can be so unreliable.

Good enough for me.

This stuff is so overpriced anyway.

Thank you.

Again.

You're welcome.

Have a good day.

Yeah.

You too.

Thanks.

Hey again.

Hi.

I saw you out here and, um,

I thought I'd give you this.

I found journaling really helped me when

I was going through some tough things and

I thought it might help you too.

Unless you already have one or hate it.

No, I don't have one or hate it.

Uh, how much is it?

Um, I'll pay you when...

Oh, no. Don't worry about that.

I can't keep taking things for

free or at a discounted rate.

It isn't free or discounted.

It's a gift from me to you.

Why?

Because I've seen that look before.

That look where you

feel lost, hurt, in pain.

Yeah?

Yeah.

It sucks.

I hate how I act and I... I just don't

know how to filter it out anymore.

Filter what?

Hating myself.

What my life has become.

Look, I don't know much, but I have

watched you come in and out of this

coffee shop every day for a week.

And never once have you

been mean or rude to me.

You're always kind and polite and overly

apologetic about everything.

The point is it isn't a constant.

You being mean or rude.

But you wear the pain of what you're

going through like a suit of armor.

And I don't know much, but I do know that

isn't a way to live your life.

It's just a way to run from it.

Maybe it's time you let somebody in?

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Where have you seen it?

The what?

The look.

Every time I look in the mirror.

Hey, Logan. How's it going?

You need a hand with anything?

No, you talking is good enough. It's

going to get me jump

started for today's insanity.

Is it busy in here every day?

During the summer bro,
yeah. Every single day.

Yeah, I guess people love their tropical

drinks and tasty food, huh?

Yeah, sometimes a little too much, huh?

Let me ask you something.

What is your favorite and least favorite

thing about working here?

Hmm. It's a good one.

It's a tough one, too.

Well, being in all this place is great.

It saved me, honestly.

But the drunken out of towners

sometimes that's just a little too much.

Yeah, I'll bet. Us non-local suck, huh?

I didn't mean it like that. Come on, now.

I think that it's not universal.

Some of y'all are pretty great, huh?

Umm...

Hey, Jay. What did you mean when you said

this place saved you?

Um... I was a complete
mess before... I mean, I

still am a mess, but I'm now a more

productive member of society.

Yeah, it's okay. You can ask.

Ask what?

Why I was a mess.

Oh, no. I don't mean to pry.

Listen man, it's not prying.

Okay. Why were you a mess?

My son died.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

Yeah. Me, too.

How old was he?

Five.

Fuck.

Yeah. That's what I thought too.

If you don't mind me asking. What happened?

Jamal. Jamal loved pancakes, right?

Like loved them. I
really like pancakes, but

Jamal loved pancakes.

And it was a Saturday morning, and he

wanted pancakes, right? But we didn't

have the ingredients.

So my wife and I packed him into the

car, and we drove on down to Petey's

which is a little mom-and-pop shop.

But they're known for the best pancakes.

I've driven down this road a thousand

times for work, and, you know, with the

same signs and houses and yards.

But for some reason, on this day, I

didn't stop at the last

intersection before the diner.

The car hit us at 60 miles an hour.

The doctors said that

at least at the hospital.

And when I woke, I remember just calling out
to Jamal. My wife, Cheryl. And I only saw her

I... only saw her sitting
in the corner crying.

I hated myself for a really long time.

A really long time.

I felt so ashamed at the fact that I took

our pretty quiet little life for granted.

I...

I...

I was here, and he wasn't.

Honestly, man, I was just wanted to die.

I just wanted to die.

But it took a really long time of work

and healing for me to see it differently.

How do you see it now?

Well...

I'm here, and he hasn't.

And as much as that

sucks, that's the reality.

I'm here, he isn't.

And as much as I want to see him again,

as much as I want to hear him laugh,

talk to him, make him pancakes.

I can't...

I cannot.

So when I see others are going through

it, I just want to reach out.

And tell them.

Tell them what?

It'll get better.

Hey.

Hey, Riley,

Hey.

Can we talk?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah.

A journal? Is this new, or is this

something you've been doing?

Something that is none of your business.

I didn't mean that.

Why do you always fight me on everything?

I don't. I just...

Do?

I'm sorry.

I don't mean to hurt you or anyone else.

I hate being angry all

the time. It isn't fun.

I take it that this is a new development

since your accident.

Yeah.

Easier to push people away

than let them in, sort of thing.

It's just safer to do that than to live

in fear of what people might actually see

or think once they get to know me.

What happened, Riley? Your accident.

Okay. We don't have to

talk about it. It's fine.

It's okay. We can talk

about something else.

Or we could just chill.

Maybe we could have a little bit of fun.

Think you've got time for some fun?

What do you have in mind?

I have an idea.

Umm, okay.

Yeah. Just wait right here, okay?

Where are you going?

Be right back. I promise.

Give me a second.

What's this?

Lunch.

How you doing?

Okay.

Let me guess. You couldn't wait to

appropriately catalog

how amazing this meal was.

Relax, Ramsay. It was good, but...

I've had better.

I've had better, but not by much.

I'll take it.

Does it hurt?

Every day.

So, um...

How did you get so good at cooking?

Um...

Hard work.

A lot of it.

Because in the kitchen,

you're either good or you're not.

Kitchen, like, professional?

Well, it definitely didn't feel that way

at times, but, um...

Yeah. I guess you could say it was a

pretty professional kitchen.

Any place I've ever heard of?

Doubt it.

Unless you've ever spent a significant

amount of time in Cleveland.

Cleveland?

Yeah. That's where I

worked. Have you ever been?

Nope. Never been.

Well, then I can confidently say that

you've never been to Meryl.

Food there is pretty

good overall, but, um...

GM has a final say in things.

Which I can usually override using my

diplomatic persuasive abilities.

Tangling with the GM, huh?

So, were you the head chef?

Sous chef.

The executive chef had one

hell of a temper, though.

He would always get into

these crazy arguments with GM.

And it was kind of the

peacemaker there, which...

ended up being a full-time job in itself.

So, why'd you leave?

Um...

When I got sick, I, uh...

I tried to push through it, but, um...

The shifts went from

being fun to being tough.

I mean, don't get me wrong, it's always

tough in a kitchen, but...

It's also a blast, you know?

I mean, it's wild, it's

fun, it's sexy, it's crazy...

Sexy?

But, um...

It stopped being fun.

You know, I couldn't make it through

service without having a meltdown.

Eventually I learned I became more of a

liability than help.

So, uh...

I stepped down.

Was it hard?

Stepping away from what you love?

I miss it every day.

It hurts more knowing that the kitchen

can operate just as well without you.

But you're going back

to it eventually, right?

I don't know.

I mean, I stepped away so I could, you

know, figure all this out, but, uh...

I don't know.

Well, you should think about it.

You're really great.

Thanks.

So, uh...

Now that I've blown you away with my

amazing culinary skills,

what would you like to do?

Something chill.

It's gonna take me a
while to digest all that food.

Do you have any board games?

Ooh!

Easy.

Gotcha.

Oh my God! Are you serious?

Yeah!

Alright.

Although, we probably

need more than two people.

Okay, you're right. You're right.

Okay. Alright.

Well, you know what?

I always play something like horse.

Horse?

Oh my gosh.

What's this one?

Uh, I mean, it's okay.

But I think we should play Scrabble.

I don't know if you can handle my skills.

I'm kind of a master at this.

Do you know any words

big enough to win Scrabble?

Rude.

I only tell the truth.

Set it up.

Okay.

Let's go.

Would you just go already?

Hang on.

You can't rush genius.

Genius?

How much am I winning by again?

Points don't matter.

Do you know who else says that?

Don't say it.

The people who lose.

Rude.

Come on! It's been like

five minutes since you...

Aha! Here we go. Ready?

Yeet?

What? Be jealous of my amazing skills.

Jealous of what? That isn't a word.

Yes it is.

No it's not.

What do you mean that yeet isn't a word?

It isn't a word.

You're gonna feel really silly. I'm gonna

put an end to this right now.

Survey says?

Scrabble's a dumb game anyway.

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

Yea alright.

So um, what do you do for work?

Besides dominate the

Scrabble boards of course.

Wait, are you a

professional Scrabble player?

Is that even a thing?

Not for real though.

What do you do?

I umm...

You know what?

I have a solution.

To what?

Well...

You seem to struggle when it comes to

answering anything

personal about yourself.

Okay.

At least from my perspective, the problem

stems from you making a decision of

whether you want to open up or not.

I'm listening.

So, what if I remove

the decision making part?

I'll ask a question,

and then we'll draw cards.

If I get the higher number,

you gotta spill the beans.

If you get the higher

number, well, you don't.

That's not fair. I'm the

only one on trial here.

Alright, uh, we'll

alternate. Same rules apply.

Okay, shuffle up and deal.

Alright, first question.

Hold on.

Shouldn't the overwhelming winner of the

last game get the first choice?

Honestly, I thought you'd show pity on me

and let me go, but...

Alright.

Think again.

Fair enough.

Since I demoralized you so badly in the

last game, I will, uh, I'll start you off

with a softball question.

Wow.

Rude and smooth.

That's one interesting

skill you have there.

I am to please.

Alright.

So, what got you into cooking?

Okay.

Ready?

Ready.

One.

Two.

Three.

You would win the first time.

Alright, uh...

It was, uh...

It was my grandma, actually.

I spent most weekends with her, and she

spent most of her time in the kitchen

cooking up something amazing.

Sausage biscuits and gravy, homemade

chicken dumplings, beef stew.

Her beef stew was

amazing. That was my favorite.

I always wanted to know

how she made it, but, uh...

She refused to tell me.

I get it, though.

I mean, she wanted me to try for myself,

you know, develop my own

kind of palate, but, uh...

That's how I got into it.

She always made these amazing meals that

made everybody feel so happy.

I wanted to do the same.

Well, you certainly

achieved that tonight.

Whatever it was that

you made was incredible.

Thanks.

So, uh, do you still cook with her?

Uh... no, she, uh...

She died a couple years ago.

Did she ever teach you

how to make the beef stew?

Uh, yeah, actually, she

did. The last time I saw her...

I mean, she only told me the basic

recipe, but, uh, she told me she made it

through a sense of taste and texture.

Makes sense.

So, how close have you ever

gotten to making it like her?

Um, pretty close. Real

close, actually. But, uh...

Never as close as the way she made it.

Well, she sounds awesome.

She was.

My turn.

So, should I go for the throat, or should

I give you an easy question?

Alright. I'll go easy.

Why surfing? Is this something you've

been doing, or is this a new hobby?

One.

Two.

Three.

New hobby.

Wait, that's it?

I answered.

Dude, I gave you my whole backstory! How

can you just give me two words? Come on.

Fine. Um...

Well, I went to Hawaii five years ago,

and I just sat there, and

I watched everyone surf.

I couldn't surf at the time, so I... I

made it a goal to try.

I always swam as a kid.

I really love the water.

And I guess I just wanted

something where I could be active.

I mean, I hate when everyone sits around

on their phones and

completely disconnects.

I mean, social media is legit

the worst thing ever created.

I hate all of it. The phones, the apps,

it's all so stupid and

toxic and negative all the time.

I mean, strangers asking you questions

and wondering how you are.

And strangers from fourth grade popping

up all of a sudden who

pretend like they care about you.

But, um...

When I'm surfing, nothing else matters.

I mean, when I'm out in that water, on

that board, it feels really good.

I mean, even when I

fail, it feels really good.

I definitely know what

you mean about failing.

Hey, you're not bad out there.

Dude, I fall constantly.

That's why it's a beginners class.

Yeah, we're really lucky to

have Morgan. She's so amazing.

Yeah, she's really great.

Like you would know.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, I mean, you don't talk to her. I

mean, you don't talk to

anyone for that matter.

You're like this phantom who appears and

then disappears as

quickly as class is over.

Why is that?

I believe that you already asked your

question and it's my turn.

Oh, is that how it's gonna be?

Rules are rules.

Okay.

How did you find out you have cancer?

One.

Two.

Three.

I, uh...

I felt a bump.

I was, uh...

I was at home on the

couch watching movies and...

I went to go scratch under my arm and...

There it was.

It was like this little pebble.

That was it.

I had a doctor look at it and he...

He told me it wasn't

anything to worry about.

So I saw a specialist and he also
told me it was nothing to worry about.

That's all everyone said. Don't worry.

That is until the

surgeon called with my results.

And I was scheduled in for

surgery less than a month.

It's funny how quickly life can change.

So, that's what you're doing here?

Just a quick escape while you wait for

some results to come back?

Yeah.

I had to get away.

My friends and family just

kept sending me messages, but...

I can't bring myself

to open them, you know?

I'm... I'm not ready.

But, uh...

My agreement is, uh, almost up, so...

I gotta figure out something.

You know, I... I miss them.

I do.

I'm just...

I'm not ready for all the questions and

well wishes right now.

I've got far too much on my mind to...

even think about it.

It's too much.

Sometimes, you know?

What about you?

What?

When do you go back?

You don't know?

What's your agreement up?

I don't know. Soon, I guess.

Wait, you don't know?

How do you not know?

Can we just not do

this right now? Please?

Yeah, okay. Sorry.

My turn, huh?

The anticipation is...

What happened?

Your accident.

One.

Two.

Three.

Shit.

Well...

I started biking

because the MTA is trash.

And, um, the F-line just

stopped running on the weekends.

And I needed the F-line to get to work.

And I realized it was about half the

amount of time to bike to work than it

was to take the train.

So, I started biking each weekend.

I was leaving work, and I was about to

cross the bridge into Brooklyn.

And I remember it was

super windy that day.

And, um...

The last thing I remember is that...

I was starting to go downhill on the

bridge, and I was picking up so much

speed from the wind, and...

I tapped the brakes on my handlebars, and

I flew over my handlebars.

It's the last thing I

remember before I woke up.

And there was this man standing over me.

I couldn't really make out

what he was saying, because...

It was all so muffled.

But, um...

After a while, I could finally start to

make out what he was saying.

And all he kept saying over and over

again was, "I was gonna be

okay. I was gonna be okay."

And that he said he had called

911, and I was gonna be okay.

And I just... I wondered

why he kept saying that.

And, um...

And then it hit me. I, um...

This pain started to wash over me.

Um, it was nothing like I'd ever felt.

And, um...

I looked down at my hands, and my arms,

and my legs, and, um...

I had never seen so

much blood in my life.

And...

I could move my legs...

or my arms.

And I felt like I was dying.

And, um...

All I kept thinking was...

all the things I never did.

The things I would never get to say.

The adventures I

would never get to go on.

And...

So I was...

cut up.

Went to physical therapy.

And, um...

just when I started building hope again.

I found out I would never dance again.

Not...

professionally.

Not like I did.

And, um...

It felt like I died all over again.

Because I was good.

I was really fucking good.

I mean, dance was my whole life.

It was everything I'd ever worked for.

And, um...

I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know who I am.

I feel like nothing.

I have nothing.

I um...

I mean, I can't even look at a bike

without completely breaking down.

And, um...

I can't go back into the city.

I mean, each job is just

one rejection after another.

I just...

What do you do when

your whole life changes?

I, um...

I just felt that whole morning, like,

I shouldn't bike to work.

And I just had this feeling in my gut.

And even on my break, I

went into a coffee shop.

And my horoscope said that something

tragic was gonna happen today.

And that I should be careful.

But, uh...

I biked anyway.

If I just would've fucking

listened to my gut, I just...

Morning.

Hey, morning.

What you doing?

Well, I was gonna make us some coffee.

Oh, coffee sounds great.

Do you know what?

I have a better idea.

Let's go downstairs and get some coffee.

I could really go for a hazelnut latte.

That's my favorite, too.

And, uh, that would be a great idea if I

wasn't completely broke.

Eh, don't worry about it. I'll get it.

Logan, I can't.

Riley, please, can we

not do this this morning?

It's far too early to get into a

discussion about who's buying coffee

when I'm not even capable

of having said discussion

until I've had coffee.

Okay, fine.

I'll get dressed.

Thank you.

What?

Oh, check it out.

They have donuts.

Want to get some?

It donut day.

Yeah?

Yeah!

Sprinkles.

Uh, Penut butter.

Hey, we're doing well.

Uh, we would like two hazelnut lattes,

one with whole milk and one with oat.

Yeah.

And, um, I was wondering

when Gillian gets in today,

because I just wanted to

thank her for something.

Um...

What's wrong?

So, last night, Gillian

passed in a car accident.

She was on her way home.

You're kidding.

We just saw her.

If you guys are interested, tonight we're

having a memorial on the beach.

So everyone's gonna be here.

Uh, friends, family.

Um, yeah, of course.

Yeah, thank you.

Hope to see you guys there.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Hey.

How you doing?

Riley?

I'm gonna go home and make some coffee.

No, no, hey.

We should talk about this.

I said I don't want to talk about it.

Riley, I know you're upset, but I think

we should talk about it.

Talk about what?

Look, I know you were friends.

I saw you talk to her all the time.

I know you liked her.

Oh, do you?

You know what I like now.

Come on, don't do this.

Do what?

What am I doing now, Logan?

What, you're pretending

like this doesn't hurt.

Like you're not even sad.

Well, what do I say?

What do I say that makes

any of this better or okay?

She's gone.

It's not that simple.

Yes, it is.

We are born, we're here for a

while, we die, and that's it.

Come on, there's more to

life to that and you know it.

I mean, it's about the people that we

interact with, the things we get to do,

the emotions we get to feel.

Oh.

Look at who became an expert in living

life all of a sudden.

What the hell does that even mean?

You act like you have it

together, but you don't.

You want to give me advice about living

life when you're the one

running away from your family.

Acting all happy-go-lucky and like

everything's all great so you don't have

to talk about anything real.

Me? What about you?

At least I know I'm going home.

My running away is only temporary.

What about you?

When are you going home?

Hell, where is home?

You say I'm acting fake?

I'm at least talking to

people, trying to socialize.

You just block everyone out.

Like that's any sort of way to live.

Come on, you can't honestly tell me that

you don't have a single

person that cares about you.

Not one person that reaches

out to see if you're okay.

I don't buy it.

I'm here, Riley.

I'm standing right here in front of you.

Yet you refuse to let me in.

You like half open up and then you

immediately shut down.

God, do you know how much it sucks to

look at somebody and actually see them?

To see yourself in them?

To know that they see

you but refuse to admit it?

Do you want to know why I

think you block everyone out?

Because you're afraid that someday you're

going to find someone or

something to love again.

And you're going to lose it.

Like you did with dancing.

Which sucks because

you're so much more than that.

It's like you've let this fear consume

you to the point of not even being open

to the possibility of living a new life.

You say I'm pretending?

You're the one who's acting

like they're already dead.

Riley.

Fuck you.

Riley, I know this doesn't fix anything

and you might think

it's lame, but writing down

my thoughts really helped me get through

some hard times and I

thought maybe it could help

you too.

No matter what you

think, you're not alone.

I know it and Logan knows it too.

Maybe give him a shot.

Or not.

What do I know?

I'm just a barista.

Gillian.

I don't know how many of you know this,

but Gillian and I were pretty tight.

I've been giving her surf

lessons for the past two years.

And she was really terrible at first.

But she didn't quit.

She kept going.

No matter how hard it was

or how frustrated she got,

in fact the more pissed off she was,

the harder she worked at it.

That's why I like Gillian.

She never gave up.

Jillian was my friend,

like she was to many of you.

She had this ability

to make people smile.

No matter how shitty your day was or what

else you had going on.

Her energy was just infectious.

I was proud to know her.

And I was proud of her.

Just three days ago we were sitting out

in the water talking

and told me how excited she was to

actually feel like she

was getting good at surfing.

Said that pretty soon she's going to be

shredding the waves beside me.

Shit.

To our friend that

never gave up, Gillian.

Riley, hello.

I know it took us a while to get back to

you and we appreciate your patience.

We had so many amazing

candidates to work through.

However, I am very excited to reach out

and officially offer you the position of

dance captain for our

spring show next year.

Please let us know as soon as possible if

you would like to move forward with the

position and we can iron

out all the remaining details.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best.

Olivia.

Hold on.

I'm coming.

Hold on.

Morning.

Dude, it's like 6

a.m. What are you doing?

Bro, it's like 8 a.m. You're just a bum.

Besides, you can't be mad. I brought the

ultimate peacemaker.

Gold.

Cash.

Fleetwood Mac.

Close.

Coffee.

Mmm, hazelnut.

The best.

With oat milk.

Not bad.

So, listen.

Ah, hold on.

Mmm.

Okay.

Anyways, I was thinking since I'm leaving

soon and we don't have class today,

the two of us should hang.

But we've hung out like every other day.

How would that be different?

True.

I was thinking that we'd be

a bit more intentional today.

I'm listening.

I have a plan. Go get dressed.

I'm scared.

Come on. Go get dressed.

So, where are we going?

I thought we could go for a bike ride.

Look, I know it's cheesy, but it's a

beautiful morning and it might be a fun

way to explore the town more.

No, absolutely not.

Riley, I know you're afraid, and there's

nothing wrong with that.

But if there's one thing I learned while

being here this week, meeting you,

hearing your story, Gillian,

life's too short to be afraid.

We're stronger than our fears.

I am not as strong as you think I am.

See, that's where you're wrong. You're

the strongest and bravest

person that I've ever met.

Fine.

Two conditions.

One, you have to respond back to those

text messages from your family and

friends because they care about you.

And the other?

No bridges, okay?

All right.

I agree to these terms.

Also, I'm really glad that you agreed.

Because this morning I already came down

here and I got these bikes for us.

Wow. Look at you being so confident.

Not confident. More like hopeful.

Hey.

Hey.

Riley, it's okay.

I'm here.

I'm not going anywhere.

Everything okay?

Yeah, spam.

Ready?