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1
00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:29,630
So how come
you're so smart?
2
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,732
Like, how come
they call you "third"?
3
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,202
Well, I guess being smart
just happened.
4
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:37,838
I was named after
my mom's cousin's husband --
5
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:39,607
Clark Griswold the second.
6
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:43,043
I'm the third Clark Griswold --
Clark Griswold Johnson.
7
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:46,080
Do you have any brothers
and sisters?
8
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,181
Yes.
9
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:50,017
They're with my grandma
in Kansas,
10
00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:52,086
except for my oldest sister.
11
00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:54,088
She's working at a strip club
in Las Vegas.
12
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,689
A strip club?
13
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:56,690
Mm-hmm.
14
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,058
Where do you live?
15
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,094
Well, my mom and dad and I
are staying
16
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,795
with my cousin,
Audrey Griswold.
17
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:05,233
She's visiting her boyfriend
in Indianapolis.
18
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:07,034
So we're kind of
house-sitting for her.
19
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,936
You know, the holidays.
20
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,405
Well, this is
where I live.
21
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,607
My dad's
a brain surgeon.
22
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,008
What's your dad do?
23
00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:18,979
Um...he works
in nuclear research.
24
00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:22,116
Oh, he's a nuclear
scientist?
25
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:29,957
Well...not exactly.
26
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:44,472
So we inject them
with nuclear waste,
27
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,574
and then we study
their brain waves
28
00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:50,043
and other organs to examine
the effects of the nuclear waste
29
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:52,146
on various species
of anthropoids.
30
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,043
Oh!
31
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,180
Fascinating, professor.
32
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:28,782
But tell me --
they're playing ticktacktoe,
33
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,485
and the chimpanzee appears
to be winning.
34
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,920
How is this possible?
35
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:38,892
Because...
The monkey is smarter.
36
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:50,304
I'm sorry, Eddie.
37
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,939
We just got this directive
from Washington,
38
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,607
and they're cutting costs.
39
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,610
We've been ordered to cut
our study group by half.
40
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:59,680
So from now on
we're only working till noon?
41
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,951
No, Eddie, I'm afraid
this is between you and Roy.
42
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,953
One of you has to go.
43
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:09,357
Oh.
44
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:12,726
Gee, Roy,
that's a tough break.
45
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:16,163
But don't worry --
you'll land on your feet.
46
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,065
It's not Roy
we're letting go,
Eddie.
47
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:19,433
It's you.
48
00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:24,938
Well, why don't you
fire him?
49
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,375
I mean, what has he got
that I ain't got?
50
00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:31,879
His brain waves register
more distinctly than yours.
51
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,481
Which one's mine?
52
00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:35,182
The one labeled "Eddie."
53
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:36,850
Oh.
54
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,085
I'll check other branches
55
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,588
and see if there's
anything else
available for you.
56
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,829
Oh, Eddie!
57
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,598
Merry Christmas!
58
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:15,289
I can't understand why they'd
let me go just before Christmas.
59
00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:17,758
And I worked hard, too.
60
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:21,228
I even helped plug
the wires in my head.
61
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,096
That's more than Roy did.
62
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:27,234
It's just like the time
a goat kicked me in the teeth
63
00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:30,304
for milking her
with the vacuum cleaner.
64
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:33,341
Eddie, don't feel
so bad.
65
00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:36,209
You know that monkey's
pretty smart.
66
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:39,179
Oh, you'll find
another job.
67
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,814
You're real good at it.
68
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,883
Yeah, you've done it
lots of times.
69
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,185
I'm just a total flop.
70
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,920
Let's face it.
71
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,658
No, Eddie!
Not...Total.
72
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:53,494
It's true, mom -- total.
73
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,863
I mean, this is
the sixth job
dad's lost
74
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,198
since they foreclosed
on the farm,
75
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,868
and now he's lost out
to a monkey.
76
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:04,438
Third, that's
a terrible thing
to say.
77
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,174
Well, the boy's right.
78
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:10,878
I'm just
one big disappointment.
79
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,948
I'm sorry I let you down.
80
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:35,869
You're not a failure, and we
have a lot to be thankful for.
81
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:39,707
We got a wonderful family.
We're all together.
82
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,542
Well, except for four
of the kids,
83
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,043
who are staying
with grandma,
84
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,278
and our daughter
who's in show business.
85
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:46,780
But we got
one real smart kid.
86
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,850
Yeah, who thinks
his daddy's dumb.
87
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,251
Oh, Eddie, no!
88
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:55,623
Oh, no, third has faith in you,
and he thinks you're real smart.
89
00:05:57,124 --> 00:06:01,061
Well, he thinks
you have a good sense of humor.
90
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:04,598
Oh, Eddie, I know this has been
a big disappointment to you,
91
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,600
but we'll figure
something out.
92
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,302
And at least we got a roof
over our heads, huh?
93
00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,038
Yeah, but for how long?
94
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,640
I bet in a year or two,
95
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:16,777
Audrey will get sick of us
living here and feeding us.
96
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:22,182
He thinks I got a real good
sense of humor, huh?
97
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,784
Mm-hmm.
98
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:28,422
That's it!
99
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:30,891
Goldarn it,
I'm gonna do it!
What?
100
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,427
I'm gonna take a hot bath.
I can't sleep.
101
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:36,764
You know
what the preacher said
102
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,532
that time I got fired
from that job
103
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,300
testing them second-hand
recliners.
104
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,202
Things can only
get better.
105
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:47,007
That was the day before the bank
foreclosed on the dirt farm.
106
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:41,128
Catherine!
107
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,934
I'll take it from here.
108
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:49,036
Audrey left us
these emergency
numbers.
109
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:52,272
I'm gonna call the 24-hour
emergency plumber.
110
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,807
They never close.
111
00:07:55,609 --> 00:08:00,313
I never did trust
indoor plumbing!
112
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,983
Ah!
113
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,885
I can't reach him.
The line's busy!
114
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,593
We're gonna be washed away!
115
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,995
Boy to do a man's job.
116
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,266
I need bigger equipment!
117
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:23,604
Man: Hi,
and merry Christmas!
118
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:26,239
This is the ever-ready
plumbing service.
119
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,507
Merry Christmas to you.
120
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,109
Using your touch-tone phone,
121
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:32,646
please select from the following
menu to accommodate your needs.
122
00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:34,915
Um...i have
a big problem here --
123
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,516
if you want our sales department
124
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:40,120
for the latest in bathroom and
kitchen fixtures, press one.
125
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,655
And merry Christmas!
126
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,957
Merry Christmas to you.
127
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:46,426
If you would like
our billing department
128
00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:48,261
for your latest
billing information,
129
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:51,198
or to ask about our handy
layaway plan, press two.
130
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:54,434
Unless you'd like to talk
to Wally Evans,
131
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,336
our vice president
of finance.
132
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:59,472
That office is open
from 10:00 A.M. to 3:00 P.M.
133
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,709
And did I wish you
a merry Christmas?
134
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,211
Yes, you did.
Merry Christmas to you.
135
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,512
Can you hear me?
136
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:06,780
If you'd like to talk...
137
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,416
Stop! Stop it!
I'm losing it!
138
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:10,784
Hello?
139
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,753
For Kathleen,
Harry's secretary,
140
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:17,658
or Julie lynch in personnel,
or Billy in accounting...
141
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:20,093
If you'd like
our 4-color brochure
142
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:24,632
on our imported parisian bidets,
press five and ask for Antoine.
143
00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:29,970
Damn, rotten,
dirty piece of sludge!
144
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:32,072
...safe, secure,
pleasant Christmas.
145
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,574
Aahhh!
146
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:50,724
Oh, hi, Eddie.
I didn't see you
come in.
147
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,592
I have your
severance check.
148
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,461
Merry Christmas!
149
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:55,996
Thanks, Jennifer.
150
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,998
Oh, Eddie,
what are you doing here?
151
00:09:57,998 --> 00:09:59,767
You here for your
severance check?
152
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:03,136
Yeah. Professor doornitz,
I wanted to talk to you.
153
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,472
I've been thinking,
you know,
154
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:08,475
and well,
I really like this job.
155
00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:10,143
And I was wondering
156
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:14,114
if you could kind of reconsider
letting Roy go
157
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,583
and keeping me on.
158
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:17,851
He ain't that smart.
159
00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,821
He's just pretending
to read.
160
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,523
Ow!
161
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,625
Oh, dear.
162
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,195
Oh, I'll get it.
I'll get it.
163
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:32,232
You know, the thing about atomic
energy and monkeys is...
164
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,401
Oh, uh...
165
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:39,106
Aah! Ohh! Ohhh!
166
00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:40,640
He'll be fine.
167
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,575
You pumped so much atomic waste
into him
168
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,377
that the area
where the chimp bit him
169
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:45,512
healed almost immediately.
170
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:46,714
Thank god.
171
00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:48,248
And, most importantly,
the chimp is okay.
172
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:51,084
Oh, yeah.
What about a possible lawsuit?
173
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:53,086
This guy's got
one hell of a case.
174
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:56,656
He's not too bright.
I'll think of something.
175
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:03,797
An all-expense-paid
Christmas vacation
176
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,533
on an island
in the south pacific!
177
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:07,667
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
178
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,870
But you didn't get
your job back.
179
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,204
They kept the monkey!
180
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:15,909
Yeah, Roy had
a contract--
ironclad.
181
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,812
You lost another job,
182
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,480
and you and the monkey
were the only ones
183
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,149
who applied for the job.
184
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:25,719
I mean, this is just
another disaster.
185
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:29,222
Like back home, when you had to
quit being a mail-order dentist
186
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:31,859
after you stapled
the mayor's mouth together.
187
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,994
Third, your father
remembers that.
188
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,628
You don't have to
remind him.
189
00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:38,298
I think this is exciting.
190
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,968
A Christmas vacation
in the south seas --
191
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:44,637
tropical nights,
beautiful white beaches,
192
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:46,774
luaus.
193
00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:49,609
No cable TV,
probably no fast food.
194
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:52,946
Oh, they got fast food.
They got fried food
everywhere.
195
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,048
I think we should look
at this positively.
196
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,785
I mean, we've never had
a real vacation.
197
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,186
It'll be an adventure.
198
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,954
You know
professor doornitz?
199
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:03,656
He said that
we're staying
in the best motel
200
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,425
in the whole
pacific ocean.
201
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,094
It'll probably be in a tree.
202
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:11,331
Why don't I just stay here with
cousin Audrey for Christmas?
203
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,834
I mean, Paige is here.
204
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:16,336
No, no, no.
Now we're gonna
stick together.
205
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:20,173
No kid of mine's
going off on their own
till they're 13.
206
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:26,313
Catherine,
cousin Eddie?
207
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:29,850
I'm gonna kill myself.
208
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:32,820
Merry Christmas!
209
00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:37,557
Oh! Audrey, what's wrong?
210
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:38,725
What happened?
211
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:43,563
Daniel and I --
we broke up.
212
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,866
It's over.
213
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:50,804
The great love of my life,
and it's over.
214
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:53,340
I will never find
true love again.
215
00:12:54,474 --> 00:13:00,013
I'm -- I'm -- I'm thinking
about killing myself,
216
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:04,584
or -- or eating large amounts
of ice cream.
217
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,386
I'd go for that
ice-cream deal.
218
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,989
Could you imagine something
that terrible happening
219
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:12,492
right before Christmas?
220
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:15,395
Oh.
221
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,564
I mean, we were perfect
together.
222
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:21,568
We both liked
the history channel
and Japanese food
223
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:26,039
and raindrops on roses
and little whiskers
on kittens.
224
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,608
But, Audrey, if you were
so great together,
225
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:29,642
why'd you break up?
226
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,111
Oh.
227
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,113
Found out
he was married.
228
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:36,049
That'll do it.
229
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,221
Thanks for inviting me
to stay with you
230
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:43,490
at the hotel in maluka,
Catherine.
231
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:44,524
Uh-huh.
232
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:45,758
I need total relaxation,
233
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,460
and the south pacific
sounds just great.
234
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:50,197
Oh, it'll be great
having you with us,
Audrey.
235
00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:52,532
And, you know, Eddie needs
relaxation, too,
236
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,368
what with him losing
his atomic-research job.
237
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:58,138
I don't know why, boy,
238
00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:01,208
but I got a feeling this trip's
gonna be real good for us.
239
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:03,310
I don't know why,
either, dad.
240
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,916
Hey, snots.
Fetch.
241
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:11,885
Go get it!
242
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:12,953
Go get it.
243
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,521
Go get it!
Go on!
244
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:17,457
Catherine,
when they test Eddie
for a reaction
245
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:20,193
from all that stuff
he's exposed to,
246
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,362
does it have any effect
on him?
247
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,730
No, he's fine.
248
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:26,900
And the plate in his head has
become quite a good bug zapper.
249
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,937
Just fries
those little fellows.
250
00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:31,304
Whoo!
251
00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:36,543
Yeah, I know.
252
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:40,213
Things ain't been so great for
us the last 30, 40 years, boy,
253
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:43,750
but, you know,
maybe this is
a new beginning.
254
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:48,255
Maybe this is the time when
things will start to go right.
255
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,927
Visiting a new...
256
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,695
Coun--
257
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,336
...new country.
258
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:08,575
Maybe I just needed this time
to follow my passion.
259
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:17,650
You know, Audrey.
260
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,086
Eddie's really worried.
261
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:22,255
He's sort of run out
of careers.
262
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:25,258
I don't know if you've noticed,
but he's not perfect.
263
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,460
No one in his family is.
264
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:28,996
Third's perfect.
265
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:32,065
Yeah, third's perfect.
266
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:34,601
He takes after my side
of the family.
267
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,836
All of our other kids
take after Eddie.
268
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:40,273
Except for our daughter --
she's a marvelous stripper.
269
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,378
Come on, snot.
Come on.
270
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:46,646
Now go get it!
271
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,449
Go!
272
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:53,253
You should have never let
the agency off the hook.
273
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:57,257
The monkey bit you,
and you took
a Christmas vacation!
274
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,192
We could have found
a good lawyer
275
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,860
and sued them
for a fortune.
276
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,395
I don't think so.
277
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:07,567
Professor doornitz,
he felt that I insulted Roy.
278
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,170
Snot, here you go.
279
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,472
Hey, hey, here.
280
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,806
Go get it!
281
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:27,787
Hello.
282
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,023
Merry Christmas.
283
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:31,491
Can I come in?
284
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,795
Uncle Nick!
285
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,164
Merry Christmas!
286
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:39,666
Audrey,
this is Eddie's uncle Nick.
287
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,168
What's wrong?
288
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,570
Nothing!
Can I come in?
289
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,038
Uncle Nick!
290
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:47,340
This is a surprise.
291
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,142
What are you doing here?
292
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:50,643
Merry Christmas.
293
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,079
I came here to die.
294
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:54,314
Now can I come in
and die sitting down?
295
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:57,050
So aunt Jessica
ran off
296
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,186
with the
Christmas-tree
delivery man?
297
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:02,055
A 28-year-old
delivery man.
298
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,623
I didn't know
they delivered.
299
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:07,560
A 28-year-old runs off with
a 66-year-old grandmother?
300
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,929
I didn't think grandmothers
thought about sex
301
00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:11,731
and stuff like that.
302
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:15,135
Apparently,
the thought entered her mind.
303
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,836
I'm so sorry, uncle Nick.
304
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:19,272
I'm sure
she'll come back to you.
305
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,708
She was 17
when we were married,
306
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:25,178
and I was the first man
who ever touched her.
307
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:28,281
I guess now there's a second.
308
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,750
Uncle Nick,
309
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,919
how come you're wearing
a Santa claus jacket?
310
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:34,254
When he took off
with Jessica,
311
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:37,424
he grabbed my good jacket
and left me with this.
312
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:41,361
I just can't sit around
that house all day
all alone, Eddie.
313
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:43,963
And I thought I might...
314
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:46,099
Spend some time
with you.
315
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,368
Well, gee, uncle Nick.
316
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:51,238
Roy bit me on the ass,
and I lost my job.
317
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,505
We're all taking off
318
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,108
on an all-expense-paid
Christmas vacation.
319
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:58,010
You lost another job?
Yeah.
320
00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,947
Roy bit you on the ass?
Who's Roy?
321
00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:02,982
Me and Roy --
we worked together.
322
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,152
But we're all flying out
tomorrow.
323
00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:07,620
Audrey is coming with us.
324
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,289
Daniel is married.
325
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:12,992
Daniel?
Who's Daniel?
326
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:14,727
Oh, never mind.
I don't care.
327
00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:18,698
Where you going
on your vacation?
328
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:19,866
Somewhere warm?
329
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,269
It's hot.
330
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:23,570
I'm going with you.
331
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:27,240
I don't like Christmas
when it snows.
332
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:31,411
It's too sentimental.
333
00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:36,149
Eddie, come on.
We're gonna miss
the plane!
334
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,618
I have two more!
335
00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:43,923
Don't forget
my bags.
336
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,626
You got room for this one?
Sure.
337
00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,606
Third, did you
give snots his pill?
338
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:02,175
Yeah.
He's getting tired already.
339
00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:03,843
He's got a little bit
of gas.
340
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,313
Yeah, vet gave him a little
something to calm him down.
341
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:08,080
He's never flown before.
342
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,384
Then, again, neither have I!
343
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:31,338
Attention all passengers,
344
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:33,873
please watch your luggage,
your children,
345
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,275
and all other valuables.
346
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,544
And...merry Christmas!
347
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:44,083
No! Look at the line.
348
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:46,753
We'll never make the plane.
349
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:48,555
Let's go.
350
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:55,194
Oh! Oh!
351
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,029
Thank you.
352
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,266
Thank you.
Thanks a lot.
353
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,502
Yeah!
This is all right.
354
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:11,110
Oh, hi!
Merry Christmas!
355
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:13,313
Anyone lose a bowling ball?
356
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,748
Anyone lose a bowling ball?
357
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,588
Come on!
358
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:25,925
I hear sometimes
they run out of peanuts!
359
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,193
Aah!
360
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,207
Are you all right?
361
00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:43,410
Oh -- oh, yeah.
362
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:44,444
Merry Christmas.
363
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:47,480
No, I'm -- I'm fine.
No damage.
364
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,216
I've got all the usual number
of arms and legs.
365
00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:52,151
I'm sorry.
I didn't even see you.
366
00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:56,623
It's quite all right --
just a few superficial breaks.
367
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:59,025
Sort of thing happens
to me all the time.
368
00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,893
You're a foreigner,
ain't you?
369
00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:02,061
What are you?
370
00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:03,830
I-I'm -- I'm English.
371
00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:06,399
Oh!
Well, you sure do
talk pretty.
372
00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:09,369
Well, we did sort of invent
the language.
373
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:10,637
No hard feelings?
374
00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:13,640
No feelings whatsoever.
375
00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:18,311
He's all right!
He's English!
376
00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:21,280
I understood every word
he said!
377
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,149
Aah!
378
00:21:23,149 --> 00:21:24,451
Merry Christmas.
379
00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:26,185
Raise your arms, please.
380
00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:43,269
Attention!
Attention, please!
381
00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:46,005
Did anybody lose this?
382
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,516
Hey, look at all those people
down there.
383
00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:59,118
They look like ants.
384
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:00,553
Those are ants, dad.
385
00:22:00,553 --> 00:22:03,490
The plane hasn't
taken off yet.
386
00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:27,013
Boy,
that's a big ocean out there!
387
00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:29,248
Lot of water!
388
00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:44,831
Peanuts, gentlemen?
389
00:22:44,831 --> 00:22:47,534
Lunch!
390
00:22:48,334 --> 00:22:50,437
Thank you!
391
00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:56,409
Don't cry, Audrey.
It's only a book.
392
00:22:56,409 --> 00:22:59,211
I'm not crying
about the book.
393
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:02,214
I'm crying
about Daniel.
394
00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:04,884
Everything
reminds me of him.
395
00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:06,185
These peanuts --
396
00:23:06,185 --> 00:23:09,989
he used to love peanuts.
397
00:23:09,989 --> 00:23:13,092
He's the love
of my life,
Catherine.
398
00:23:14,594 --> 00:23:17,830
I'll never love again --
never.
399
00:23:17,830 --> 00:23:22,401
I'll never see
Indianapolis again.
400
00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:24,637
Isn't that what you said
about dashiell?
401
00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:27,774
That was
just a passing thing.
402
00:23:27,774 --> 00:23:29,642
I thought you went
with him for a year.
403
00:23:29,642 --> 00:23:32,479
It passed slowly.
404
00:23:32,479 --> 00:23:35,214
Actually, dad,
405
00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:41,387
the pacific ocean is
164,384,000 square miles
in area --
406
00:23:41,387 --> 00:23:43,656
18 times the size
of the United States.
407
00:23:43,656 --> 00:23:46,192
It was named by
the explorer Magellan,
408
00:23:46,192 --> 00:23:49,629
because
when he first saw it,
it was so tranquil,
409
00:23:49,629 --> 00:23:51,998
he called it
the pacific.
410
00:24:02,909 --> 00:24:04,276
Oh!
411
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:05,945
Ah!
412
00:24:05,945 --> 00:24:08,548
Ooh.
413
00:24:11,017 --> 00:24:13,620
Oh.
414
00:24:25,998 --> 00:24:28,034
Peanut?
415
00:24:32,238 --> 00:24:34,173
Thank you.
416
00:25:13,079 --> 00:25:14,513
Where's the bathroom?
417
00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:17,717
Oh, wow!
418
00:25:17,717 --> 00:25:20,386
Oh, thank you!
419
00:25:20,386 --> 00:25:22,288
Oh, beautiful!
420
00:25:22,288 --> 00:25:25,357
Well, look at that.
421
00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:27,126
Oh!
422
00:25:27,126 --> 00:25:28,995
Wow!
423
00:25:28,995 --> 00:25:30,863
Well.
424
00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:31,864
Here.
425
00:25:34,934 --> 00:25:36,302
Here you go, uncle Nick.
426
00:25:36,302 --> 00:25:37,604
This one here's a-willing.
427
00:25:39,672 --> 00:25:41,073
Hey, third,
428
00:25:41,073 --> 00:25:42,942
you see about
getting snots
out of baggage area?
429
00:25:42,942 --> 00:25:45,578
They're bringing him out,
dad. He's still asleep.
430
00:25:45,578 --> 00:25:48,948
The local authorities insisted
that they fumigate him first.
431
00:25:48,948 --> 00:25:51,050
They didn't like
the way he smelled.
432
00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:54,754
That's funny.
I never noticed he smelled bad.
433
00:25:54,754 --> 00:25:58,257
Dad, small animals pass out
when he walks by them.
434
00:25:58,257 --> 00:26:00,793
Woman: Aloha!
435
00:26:00,793 --> 00:26:03,930
Hi! Are you
the Johnson family?
436
00:26:03,930 --> 00:26:05,264
Yeah!
437
00:26:05,264 --> 00:26:07,333
Merry Christmas.
438
00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:09,535
Hello.
439
00:26:09,535 --> 00:26:11,170
I'm muka laka miki,
Mr. Johnson.
440
00:26:11,170 --> 00:26:14,306
I work for the atomic
testing agency here
in maluka.
441
00:26:14,306 --> 00:26:15,608
You're our guests.
442
00:26:15,608 --> 00:26:18,077
Well,
nice to meet you...
Muka lika hicky.
443
00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:20,713
Oh!
444
00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:29,021
Catherine: Eddie!
445
00:26:29,021 --> 00:26:30,657
Oh.
446
00:26:30,657 --> 00:26:32,825
This is my wife, Catherine,
447
00:26:32,825 --> 00:26:37,229
and cousin Audrey
and our son,
third the third.
448
00:26:37,229 --> 00:26:38,030
Hey.
449
00:26:38,030 --> 00:26:40,066
And this here
is uncle Nick.
450
00:26:40,066 --> 00:26:42,201
Hi, there!
451
00:26:42,201 --> 00:26:43,302
Hi.
452
00:26:43,302 --> 00:26:44,804
Nick --
453
00:26:44,804 --> 00:26:48,274
Nick jugson...
At your service.
454
00:26:48,274 --> 00:26:50,009
Oh!
455
00:26:50,009 --> 00:26:52,812
I'll -- I'll get you
to your motel.
456
00:26:52,812 --> 00:26:54,681
Then I thought you'd want
the rest of the day
457
00:26:54,681 --> 00:26:56,348
to get unpacked and stuff,
458
00:26:56,348 --> 00:26:59,018
and then tomorrow I could
show you the island.
459
00:26:59,018 --> 00:27:01,721
The agency wants to give you
special treatment.
460
00:27:01,721 --> 00:27:04,323
They're really sorry about
the monkey biting you.
461
00:27:04,323 --> 00:27:05,825
Oh, well.
I heal fast.
462
00:27:05,825 --> 00:27:08,494
But if this is the way you folks
show your apologies...
463
00:27:08,494 --> 00:27:12,264
That monkey can bite
my ass every day of the week
464
00:27:12,264 --> 00:27:14,066
and twice on Sunday.
465
00:27:26,545 --> 00:27:28,347
Whoo!
Heh-heh!
466
00:27:28,347 --> 00:27:30,917
You folks sure are
treating us in style.
467
00:27:30,917 --> 00:27:34,153
Well, I've planned
a big day for us.
468
00:27:34,153 --> 00:27:36,522
This morning,
we're gonna walk
around the town
469
00:27:36,522 --> 00:27:37,890
and get to know it a little.
470
00:27:37,890 --> 00:27:39,926
And visit the native shops,
and I need a manicure.
471
00:27:39,926 --> 00:27:42,194
And then we can change
into beach clothes
472
00:27:42,194 --> 00:27:44,563
and have a native Christmas
cookout for lunch --
473
00:27:44,563 --> 00:27:46,498
sort of a mini luau.
474
00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:49,168
And this afternoon,
I've chartered a small boat,
475
00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:51,670
and I thought we'd tour
some of the islands.
476
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,706
That sounds great!
477
00:27:53,706 --> 00:27:56,042
Hear that, uncle Nick?
We're going on a boat!
478
00:27:56,042 --> 00:27:59,078
Just what an old sailor
wants to hear!
479
00:28:18,831 --> 00:28:21,834
Snots?
Snots, here.
480
00:28:30,642 --> 00:28:33,312
Hey, whose seaplane
is that over there?
481
00:28:33,312 --> 00:28:35,381
That's Jack maltby,
Melbourne Jack.
482
00:28:35,381 --> 00:28:36,582
He's an aussie.
483
00:28:36,582 --> 00:28:39,786
He owns a hotel near here
on his own private island.
484
00:28:39,786 --> 00:28:41,788
He's a great guy.
485
00:28:43,022 --> 00:28:44,957
There's more coming,
honey.
486
00:28:44,957 --> 00:28:48,194
These ribs are great,
muka kookie.
487
00:28:48,194 --> 00:28:50,930
Ribs and pineapple --
those are our big
Christmas dishes --
488
00:28:50,930 --> 00:28:52,131
and fried eel.
489
00:28:52,131 --> 00:28:55,234
Fried eel?
Fried?! Wow!
490
00:28:56,435 --> 00:28:58,137
Am I invited for lunch?
491
00:28:58,137 --> 00:29:01,841
Sure, Jack!
Come on in!
492
00:29:01,841 --> 00:29:05,011
Hi, muka laka miki.
Thanks for the invite.
493
00:29:05,011 --> 00:29:06,645
Hi, Jack.
How are you?
494
00:29:06,645 --> 00:29:09,481
Hi, i'm
Audrey Griswold.
495
00:29:09,481 --> 00:29:10,950
We just arrived.
496
00:29:10,950 --> 00:29:14,353
Love the island --
fabulous place.
497
00:29:14,353 --> 00:29:15,621
Are you married?
498
00:29:15,621 --> 00:29:17,957
Hi, there.
We're the Johnsons.
499
00:29:19,125 --> 00:29:21,127
I'm Eddie.
500
00:29:21,127 --> 00:29:22,661
This here is uncle Nick.
501
00:29:23,896 --> 00:29:25,231
That's my boy.
502
00:29:26,198 --> 00:29:28,300
And here's my wife,
Catherine.
503
00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:29,435
Eel?
504
00:29:29,435 --> 00:29:31,871
Like I said, this is
a beautiful place.
505
00:29:31,871 --> 00:29:34,640
Would you like to
take me...On a tour?
506
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:36,642
Sure.
507
00:29:36,642 --> 00:29:39,912
What a charming man.
508
00:29:39,912 --> 00:29:42,181
What's that smell?
509
00:29:43,883 --> 00:29:46,418
Audrey: Oh!
Oh, that was a good one.
510
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,823
It's time for the boat,
you guys. Let's pack up.
511
00:29:50,823 --> 00:29:53,625
Oh, okay.
Third, grab your stuff.
512
00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:56,195
And someone put out the fire.
513
00:29:56,195 --> 00:29:57,463
I'm full.
514
00:29:57,463 --> 00:30:00,566
You just sit and digest.
I'll pack up.
515
00:30:04,871 --> 00:30:07,506
Snots! Snots!
516
00:30:07,506 --> 00:30:10,843
Eddie: I hope they got
a pooper on this thing.
517
00:30:10,843 --> 00:30:14,580
That fried eel's
headed due south.
518
00:30:14,580 --> 00:30:16,883
Captain lynch!
519
00:30:22,488 --> 00:30:25,491
It's from captain lynch.
520
00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:29,361
His wife is having a baby,
and he has to deliver it.
521
00:30:29,361 --> 00:30:31,964
He says we can
take the boat out
if we want to,
522
00:30:31,964 --> 00:30:33,732
if we know
how to run a boat.
523
00:30:33,732 --> 00:30:35,334
Do you know
how to run a boat?
524
00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:39,838
No, I fish lots in a creek,
but didn't have no boat.
525
00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:41,307
I'm willing to try.
526
00:30:41,307 --> 00:30:42,641
Forget it.
527
00:30:42,641 --> 00:30:46,078
I've got more salt under my
armpits than you ever sailed on.
528
00:30:46,078 --> 00:30:50,149
Leave it to me.
I was in the Navy.
529
00:30:57,256 --> 00:31:01,560
Why should this be different
from an aircraft carrier?
530
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:05,564
Aah! The key.
531
00:31:05,564 --> 00:31:08,467
All right.
532
00:31:10,970 --> 00:31:12,704
Yay!
Whoo!
533
00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:16,575
Sometimes you just don't think
of the easy things.
534
00:31:24,416 --> 00:31:26,852
Shouldn't we untie
this first?
535
00:31:26,852 --> 00:31:30,522
Eddie, get out
and cast off.
536
00:31:45,637 --> 00:31:48,240
Uncle Nick!
537
00:32:38,924 --> 00:32:41,160
Okay, where is it?
538
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:42,428
What's wrong?
539
00:32:42,428 --> 00:32:45,864
The compass --
I can't find a compass.
540
00:32:45,864 --> 00:32:47,966
Every boat has a compass!
541
00:32:47,966 --> 00:32:50,702
Maybe we should
head back to shore.
542
00:32:50,702 --> 00:32:52,638
I think
that's a good idea.
543
00:32:52,638 --> 00:32:54,073
Whoa! Whoa!
544
00:32:54,073 --> 00:32:57,376
Whoa-oh-oh!
Whoa!
545
00:32:57,376 --> 00:33:00,146
Ah!
I got a big fish!
546
00:33:00,146 --> 00:33:02,481
Oh-oh-oh-whoa!
547
00:33:02,481 --> 00:33:03,549
Hold on!
548
00:33:03,549 --> 00:33:04,783
Whoa!
549
00:33:04,783 --> 00:33:07,386
Aah!
550
00:33:07,386 --> 00:33:09,355
Careful, honey!
You're all tangled!
551
00:33:09,355 --> 00:33:12,758
Get a knife!
Get a knife!
552
00:33:12,758 --> 00:33:14,126
I don't have a knife.
553
00:33:14,126 --> 00:33:16,828
I have scissors
in my purse, Eddie.
554
00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:18,464
Get a knife!
555
00:33:18,464 --> 00:33:20,032
Hold on.
556
00:33:20,032 --> 00:33:21,667
Get a knife!
557
00:33:21,667 --> 00:33:22,834
Aahhh!
558
00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:24,770
Hold on!
559
00:33:24,770 --> 00:33:26,505
Aah!
560
00:33:26,505 --> 00:33:28,774
Aah!
561
00:33:28,774 --> 00:33:30,142
Ah-ha-ha-ha!
562
00:33:30,142 --> 00:33:32,644
I have scissors, Eddie.
563
00:33:32,644 --> 00:33:33,945
Aaahhhh!
564
00:33:33,945 --> 00:33:36,415
Aah! Aah!
565
00:33:36,415 --> 00:33:38,184
Aah! Aah!
566
00:33:38,184 --> 00:33:41,053
Hold on, Mr. Johnson!
567
00:33:41,053 --> 00:33:42,588
Call me Eddie!
568
00:33:42,588 --> 00:33:44,156
Hold on, Eddie!
569
00:33:46,625 --> 00:33:47,993
Oh!
570
00:33:47,993 --> 00:33:49,695
Oh!
571
00:33:49,695 --> 00:33:50,796
Aah!
572
00:33:50,796 --> 00:33:54,266
Aah!
Aaahhhh!
573
00:33:55,767 --> 00:33:57,103
Aaaaah!
574
00:33:57,103 --> 00:34:00,806
Aaah! Aaah!
Aaah! Aaah!
575
00:34:00,806 --> 00:34:03,842
Uncle Nick, uncle Nick!
The boat's going backwards!
576
00:34:03,842 --> 00:34:06,212
Make it go forwards!
577
00:34:09,615 --> 00:34:11,217
Aaahhhh!
Aaahhhh!
578
00:34:11,217 --> 00:34:14,986
Aaah! Aaah!
Aaah! Aaah!
579
00:34:14,986 --> 00:34:17,989
Ohhhh!
580
00:34:21,627 --> 00:34:23,229
Ha ha ha!
581
00:34:23,229 --> 00:34:24,730
Ha ha ha!
582
00:34:26,865 --> 00:34:28,434
Oh!
583
00:34:28,434 --> 00:34:32,171
Oh, Eddie!
You were wonderful!
584
00:34:32,171 --> 00:34:34,039
I almost had it!
585
00:34:34,039 --> 00:34:36,375
Did you see that, huh?
586
00:34:36,375 --> 00:34:39,378
That fish was the biggest fish
I ever saw!
587
00:34:39,378 --> 00:34:43,515
That thing must have weighed
10,000 pounds.
588
00:34:43,515 --> 00:34:46,118
How are my shoes?
589
00:34:46,118 --> 00:34:47,986
Aah!
590
00:34:47,986 --> 00:34:48,987
Whoa!
591
00:34:48,987 --> 00:34:50,088
Whoa!
592
00:34:50,088 --> 00:34:51,990
Aah!
593
00:34:51,990 --> 00:34:53,192
Whoa!
594
00:34:54,893 --> 00:34:56,628
Oh! Ooh!
595
00:34:56,628 --> 00:34:58,130
Man the lifeboats!
596
00:34:58,130 --> 00:35:00,199
There are no lifeboats.
597
00:35:05,103 --> 00:35:06,305
Aahhh!
598
00:35:06,305 --> 00:35:09,975
Eddie, where's
the rest of you?!
599
00:35:09,975 --> 00:35:12,311
Oh, Eddie,
are you all right?
600
00:35:12,311 --> 00:35:15,013
Hey, they got
a ukulele in here!
601
00:35:18,684 --> 00:35:21,187
Oh!
602
00:35:21,187 --> 00:35:23,889
Oh, my head and shoulders.
603
00:35:23,889 --> 00:35:25,991
I'm in pain.
604
00:35:27,193 --> 00:35:29,094
My manicure is ruined!
605
00:35:29,094 --> 00:35:34,032
Uncle Nick, will you
please take your hand
off my breast?
606
00:35:34,032 --> 00:35:36,935
Is everybody okay?
607
00:35:36,935 --> 00:35:38,470
I'm okay.
608
00:35:38,470 --> 00:35:42,441
But there's just this
horrible smell in here.
609
00:35:44,310 --> 00:35:46,312
Oh, god!
610
00:35:48,046 --> 00:35:50,249
Uncle Nick!
611
00:35:50,249 --> 00:35:53,051
Are you all right?
612
00:35:53,051 --> 00:35:54,920
I don't know.
I cut my hand.
613
00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:56,021
I don't know how.
614
00:35:56,021 --> 00:35:57,856
I bit it.
615
00:35:57,856 --> 00:36:00,892
Third?
Third?!
616
00:36:00,892 --> 00:36:04,129
We've run aground,
617
00:36:04,129 --> 00:36:06,198
but there's an island
right there.
618
00:36:06,198 --> 00:36:09,335
You know where we are?
619
00:36:09,335 --> 00:36:10,502
I'm from Milwaukee.
620
00:36:10,502 --> 00:36:12,304
I don't know much
about these islands.
621
00:36:13,272 --> 00:36:16,842
The radio --
let's try the radio.
622
00:36:16,842 --> 00:36:17,943
Milwaukee?
623
00:36:17,943 --> 00:36:20,546
I thought your name
was maluka malarka rikki.
624
00:36:20,546 --> 00:36:22,748
Forget the radio.
It doesn't work.
625
00:36:22,748 --> 00:36:27,686
Well, that island
looks nice --
not too far.
626
00:36:27,686 --> 00:36:29,988
All right, I'm gonna try
to swim to shore.
627
00:36:29,988 --> 00:36:31,990
I bet there's
nothing dangerous
on these islands,
628
00:36:31,990 --> 00:36:33,459
right, Milwaukee-liki?
629
00:36:33,459 --> 00:36:35,427
I think it's safer
than Milwaukee --
630
00:36:35,427 --> 00:36:38,096
only snakes, wild dogs,
wild boar.
631
00:36:38,096 --> 00:36:40,232
Wild boar?
632
00:36:40,232 --> 00:36:42,334
Well, they're like pigs.
633
00:36:42,334 --> 00:36:45,571
Some of them can weigh up
to 600 pounds.
634
00:36:45,571 --> 00:36:48,874
They're very fast
and real nasty.
635
00:36:48,874 --> 00:36:50,208
I'll go, dad.
636
00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:52,478
No, boy, your life's
more precious than mine.
637
00:36:52,478 --> 00:36:54,680
Why?
I don't know.
638
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,316
Daddy's are just supposed
to say things like that
sometimes.
639
00:36:57,316 --> 00:37:00,919
No! We all go.
640
00:37:00,919 --> 00:37:02,921
We all go together.
641
00:37:02,921 --> 00:37:07,393
Catherine, I'm not afraid
of a little, old pig.
642
00:37:07,393 --> 00:37:10,496
Eddie, you can't swim!
643
00:37:27,646 --> 00:37:29,681
Let's walk.
644
00:37:42,961 --> 00:37:47,032
Audrey, what are you doing with
an electric cappuccino maker?
645
00:37:47,032 --> 00:37:49,000
I bought it in town.
646
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,903
Somehow I doubt
we'll be able to use that.
647
00:37:51,903 --> 00:37:54,272
I don't think there are
too many electrical outlets
648
00:37:54,272 --> 00:37:55,607
on this island.
649
00:37:55,607 --> 00:37:56,775
Maybe we'll find a motel
650
00:37:56,775 --> 00:37:58,777
or something
with an electrical outlet.
651
00:37:58,777 --> 00:38:01,913
Look!
652
00:38:01,913 --> 00:38:04,783
The boat's drifting away!
653
00:38:13,224 --> 00:38:16,928
Did anyone anchor the boat?
654
00:38:24,603 --> 00:38:26,438
Well,
we got to do this right.
655
00:38:35,747 --> 00:38:36,848
We need food.
656
00:38:38,083 --> 00:38:39,551
Yeah, you're right, Eddie.
657
00:38:39,551 --> 00:38:41,820
Okay, here is
what we brought ashore.
658
00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:45,924
We got a dozen tootsie rolls,
we got some bridge mix,
659
00:38:45,924 --> 00:38:48,660
two six-packs of beer,
some hamburger helper,
660
00:38:48,660 --> 00:38:50,195
and four bottles of bourbon.
661
00:38:50,195 --> 00:38:52,431
That's my kind
of captain.
662
00:38:52,431 --> 00:38:54,500
Yeah, we also got
a quarter-pound
663
00:38:54,500 --> 00:38:57,736
of moldy American cheese,
a pack of matches,
664
00:38:57,736 --> 00:38:59,405
and a box of those
little toothpicks
665
00:38:59,405 --> 00:39:01,373
that you put
into frankfurters.
666
00:39:01,373 --> 00:39:03,375
Only we don't have
any frankfurters.
667
00:39:03,375 --> 00:39:06,578
We can use those to get the
tootsie rolls out of our teeth.
668
00:39:06,578 --> 00:39:10,081
Oh, and, dad,
I found a knife
on the boat.
669
00:39:10,081 --> 00:39:11,517
It was in the galley.
670
00:39:11,517 --> 00:39:14,185
Uncle Nick: I haven't had
a tootsie roll in 35 years.
671
00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:16,955
That's when I got
my false teeth.
672
00:39:16,955 --> 00:39:18,857
Well, we got beer,
673
00:39:18,857 --> 00:39:22,528
got my favorite
hunting dog.
674
00:39:25,096 --> 00:39:27,232
I can hunt for food.
675
00:39:27,232 --> 00:39:29,000
Oh, Eddie.
676
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:32,337
The only place you ever hunted
for food was our refrigerator.
677
00:39:32,337 --> 00:39:35,607
Hey, there's
a freshwater stream
back there in the forest
678
00:39:35,607 --> 00:39:37,409
and plenty of bananas
everywhere,
679
00:39:37,409 --> 00:39:40,679
and we can make Spears
and fishing rods
to hunt and fish.
680
00:39:40,679 --> 00:39:43,348
And I think I found
a good place
for a campsite.
681
00:39:43,348 --> 00:39:45,283
Oh, wow!
682
00:39:45,283 --> 00:39:47,419
Catherine: All right,
let's pack up.
683
00:39:47,419 --> 00:39:50,388
Snots! Snots!
684
00:39:58,864 --> 00:40:01,867
This is the spot,
everybody.
685
00:40:01,867 --> 00:40:03,969
It's starting
to get dark.
686
00:40:03,969 --> 00:40:06,371
We better figure out
where we're gonna sleep.
687
00:40:06,371 --> 00:40:07,939
We'll team up,
688
00:40:07,939 --> 00:40:11,109
and there are some towels
from the hotel.
689
00:40:11,109 --> 00:40:14,412
I'm all set.
690
00:40:14,412 --> 00:40:17,949
Audrey and I
will buddy up.
691
00:40:19,217 --> 00:40:22,287
Well, we only have
three towels,
and they're all wet.
692
00:40:22,287 --> 00:40:23,555
Well, if you get cold,
693
00:40:23,555 --> 00:40:25,857
your buddy's body heat
will help warm you up.
694
00:40:25,857 --> 00:40:28,927
You want to rethink
your assigned buddy?
695
00:40:28,927 --> 00:40:30,596
No.
696
00:41:56,481 --> 00:41:57,949
Ooh!
697
00:42:13,264 --> 00:42:16,401
That felt good!
698
00:42:16,401 --> 00:42:18,169
When you get to be my age,
699
00:42:18,169 --> 00:42:22,007
a good dump is one
of the great
pleasures in life.
700
00:42:23,308 --> 00:42:26,712
Well,
she's all finished.
701
00:42:28,446 --> 00:42:31,249
Now when I was walking up
to the hill this morning,
702
00:42:31,249 --> 00:42:34,853
I saw that there was nothing
here but a lot of bananas.
703
00:42:34,853 --> 00:42:38,223
So we're gonna have to hunt
for some real food.
704
00:42:38,223 --> 00:42:39,257
So let's go, third.
705
00:42:39,257 --> 00:42:40,491
Yeah!
706
00:42:40,491 --> 00:42:42,794
I'll go with you.
707
00:42:56,074 --> 00:42:57,542
All right.
Here's the game plan.
708
00:42:57,542 --> 00:43:00,078
We're gonna have to split up
so we can cover more ground.
709
00:43:00,078 --> 00:43:03,214
We'll use that fire on top
of the hill as a landmark.
710
00:43:03,214 --> 00:43:06,484
Uncle Nick, you make a quick
left and go up the left flank.
711
00:43:06,484 --> 00:43:07,786
Third, you make
a wide right.
712
00:43:07,786 --> 00:43:09,855
Snots and I will go
right up the middle,
713
00:43:09,855 --> 00:43:11,723
and victory
will be ours.
714
00:43:11,723 --> 00:43:15,193
What am I supposed to do
if I run into a wild animal?
715
00:43:15,193 --> 00:43:16,527
Throw my banana at it?
716
00:43:16,527 --> 00:43:18,129
Good thinking!
717
00:43:20,231 --> 00:43:22,000
Yaaahhh!
718
00:43:42,387 --> 00:43:46,157
Have you ever heard
of barking or pointing?
719
00:43:47,058 --> 00:43:49,127
How about
a little warning here?
720
00:43:49,127 --> 00:43:52,630
Give me a little
heads up next time.
721
00:44:01,940 --> 00:44:04,642
Well, are you coming?
722
00:44:32,170 --> 00:44:34,605
Oh, my.
723
00:44:34,605 --> 00:44:37,508
Oh, my!
724
00:44:37,508 --> 00:44:39,711
Oh, my!
725
00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:43,248
Oh, my!
726
00:44:46,084 --> 00:44:49,755
Oh, my god!
727
00:44:53,959 --> 00:44:55,260
Yes!
728
00:45:29,627 --> 00:45:31,763
Any luck hunting, honey?
729
00:45:31,763 --> 00:45:34,199
No.
I almost got a bird.
730
00:45:34,199 --> 00:45:37,335
But all I saw
were 'nanners.
731
00:45:40,605 --> 00:45:42,740
Did you guys
have any luck?
732
00:45:43,541 --> 00:45:45,811
No.
733
00:45:45,811 --> 00:45:47,445
That's it.
734
00:45:49,214 --> 00:45:52,350
I ain't walked this much
since my last visit
to Wal-Mart.
735
00:45:52,350 --> 00:45:53,384
Hey, everybody.
736
00:45:53,384 --> 00:45:56,121
You know, it'll be Christmas
in three days.
737
00:45:56,121 --> 00:45:57,555
It is?
738
00:45:57,555 --> 00:45:58,957
Oh.
739
00:45:58,957 --> 00:46:00,926
Do you know,
with all the excitement
740
00:46:00,926 --> 00:46:02,760
of the shipwreck
and everything,
741
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:04,729
I guess I just forgot
all about Christmas.
742
00:46:04,729 --> 00:46:08,199
Well, I guess we will
have to forget about it
this year.
743
00:46:08,199 --> 00:46:11,502
Yeah, it's my first Christmas
without mom and dad.
744
00:46:11,502 --> 00:46:14,840
Well, this is
my first Christmas
without gifts.
745
00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:17,675
No tree, no Santa.
746
00:46:17,675 --> 00:46:19,277
No real food.
747
00:46:19,277 --> 00:46:20,912
No eggnog.
748
00:46:20,912 --> 00:46:23,581
Hey! We can
still have Christmas.
749
00:46:23,581 --> 00:46:26,017
We can have
an island Christmas.
750
00:46:26,017 --> 00:46:28,954
Well, that's
a real good idea,
muka nuki.
751
00:46:28,954 --> 00:46:32,523
An island Christmas --
why didn't I
think of that?
752
00:46:32,523 --> 00:46:34,459
What is
an island Christmas?
753
00:46:34,459 --> 00:46:37,562
Well, every year
we celebrate the things
754
00:46:37,562 --> 00:46:39,564
that we're
most thankful for.
755
00:46:39,564 --> 00:46:43,501
Well, we're all alive,
and we're all together.
756
00:46:43,501 --> 00:46:45,303
That's worth
celebrating.
757
00:46:45,303 --> 00:46:47,738
You're pretty
damn easy
to please.
758
00:46:47,738 --> 00:46:49,140
What about the gifts?
759
00:46:49,140 --> 00:46:50,741
We have the whole island!
760
00:46:50,741 --> 00:46:54,913
Let's think of something
we can all give to each other.
761
00:46:57,082 --> 00:46:59,450
How about
a full-body massage?
762
00:46:59,450 --> 00:47:02,420
Uncle Nick!
763
00:47:02,420 --> 00:47:06,457
The islands can be very magical,
full of many gifts.
764
00:47:06,457 --> 00:47:10,028
All you have to do
is use your imagination.
765
00:47:10,028 --> 00:47:12,397
Oh, dang it.
I knew there
was a catch.
766
00:47:12,397 --> 00:47:14,866
What have you
always wanted, Eddie?
767
00:47:14,866 --> 00:47:16,301
I don't know.
768
00:47:16,301 --> 00:47:19,804
I got pretty
much everything
I ever wanted --
769
00:47:19,804 --> 00:47:23,474
a good dog,
six kids.
770
00:47:26,644 --> 00:47:30,081
Oh...doting wife
who takes care of
my every need,
771
00:47:30,081 --> 00:47:31,816
if you know
what I mean.
772
00:47:32,850 --> 00:47:35,553
We could get a house,
Eddie.
773
00:47:35,553 --> 00:47:38,423
Where are
we gonna get a house?
774
00:47:38,423 --> 00:47:41,359
We could build it
with our hands.
775
00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:44,429
I thought this
was supposed to be
a vacation.
776
00:47:44,429 --> 00:47:45,830
Catherine, no,
it's a great idea.
777
00:47:45,830 --> 00:47:47,999
It'll be fun.
778
00:47:47,999 --> 00:47:51,636
If you build it,
they will come.
779
00:47:53,238 --> 00:47:55,673
Who?
780
00:47:55,673 --> 00:47:58,143
Well, someone
to rescue us.
781
00:47:59,978 --> 00:48:01,612
Won't be
much of a house.
782
00:48:01,612 --> 00:48:03,114
But it'll be ours.
783
00:48:03,114 --> 00:48:07,285
Remember,
Jesus was born
in a stable.
784
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:11,389
Yeah...
785
00:48:11,389 --> 00:48:14,392
Yeah.
786
00:48:14,392 --> 00:48:16,995
Yeah!
787
00:48:16,995 --> 00:48:20,331
We'll build it...Here!
788
00:48:20,331 --> 00:48:22,333
And you know what else
we need?
789
00:48:22,333 --> 00:48:25,270
A Christmas dinner --
a real Christmas
dinner --
790
00:48:25,270 --> 00:48:27,405
not these bananas
or tootsie rolls
791
00:48:27,405 --> 00:48:30,541
or none of that there
banana helper, neither.
792
00:48:30,541 --> 00:48:32,944
No, sir!
793
00:48:32,944 --> 00:48:35,080
I'm going out again!
794
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:36,982
We're gonna
have ourselves
some meat!
795
00:48:36,982 --> 00:48:39,350
Yaahhh!
796
00:48:44,289 --> 00:48:46,291
Good luck!
797
00:49:07,512 --> 00:49:09,580
Come here!
798
00:49:26,597 --> 00:49:30,168
Yee-eee-eee-eee!
799
00:49:33,438 --> 00:49:35,740
Come back here,
you little bugger!
800
00:50:00,831 --> 00:50:03,168
Snots...kill!
801
00:50:03,168 --> 00:50:05,370
Kill! Kill!
802
00:50:05,370 --> 00:50:08,773
Where you going, snots?!
Come back here!
803
00:50:33,698 --> 00:50:37,902
It is not a Christmas tree,
but it'll do.
804
00:50:37,902 --> 00:50:39,704
It'll have to.
805
00:50:39,704 --> 00:50:43,974
Oh, you know,
we used to have
a big tree every Christmas
806
00:50:43,974 --> 00:50:45,343
when I was a kid.
807
00:50:45,343 --> 00:50:48,146
Oh, my father
would take hours
to pick it out.
808
00:50:48,146 --> 00:50:51,549
He sometimes would
do everything
but X-ray it.
809
00:50:51,549 --> 00:50:53,151
Then he'd turn to us
and say,
810
00:50:53,151 --> 00:50:56,887
"you are looking at
the best Christmas tree
in Kansas City.
811
00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:59,524
No, in the world."
812
00:50:59,524 --> 00:51:00,825
Oh, gosh.
813
00:51:00,825 --> 00:51:03,294
Christmas with daddy.
814
00:51:03,294 --> 00:51:08,666
I guess dads
are all like that
at Christmas.
815
00:51:08,666 --> 00:51:10,235
Even Eddie.
816
00:51:27,352 --> 00:51:29,654
That's a good piggy.
817
00:51:29,654 --> 00:51:31,589
That's a good piggy.
818
00:51:43,701 --> 00:51:46,737
Aaahhhh!
819
00:52:08,526 --> 00:52:10,695
Oh, it's so beautiful
here.
820
00:52:10,695 --> 00:52:14,064
Yeah, if only it
had a shopping mall.
821
00:52:14,064 --> 00:52:17,202
The house is
coming along great, huh?
822
00:52:17,202 --> 00:52:19,870
Yeah. It's a great
Christmas gift.
823
00:52:19,870 --> 00:52:20,905
Look at him.
824
00:52:20,905 --> 00:52:22,373
It's a funny thing,
you know?
825
00:52:22,373 --> 00:52:24,275
Here we are
in serious trouble,
826
00:52:24,275 --> 00:52:26,777
and I don't think
I've ever seen Eddie
so happy.
827
00:52:26,777 --> 00:52:30,114
Sometimes a crisis
brings out the best
in a person.
828
00:52:30,114 --> 00:52:31,616
I mean,
he's even working.
829
00:52:37,988 --> 00:52:39,056
Hey, dad?
830
00:52:39,056 --> 00:52:40,325
Dad? Dad?!
831
00:52:40,325 --> 00:52:43,828
There's something
I've got to tell you.
832
00:52:43,828 --> 00:52:45,796
It's your girlfriend.
833
00:52:45,796 --> 00:52:47,097
Is she pregnant?
834
00:52:47,097 --> 00:52:48,098
No!
835
00:52:48,098 --> 00:52:49,367
Oh.
836
00:52:53,271 --> 00:52:54,839
It's just that...
837
00:52:54,839 --> 00:52:57,275
I always thought that...
838
00:52:57,275 --> 00:53:01,812
You were kind of,
sort of...
839
00:53:02,813 --> 00:53:04,449
Gay?
840
00:53:04,449 --> 00:53:05,350
No!
841
00:53:05,350 --> 00:53:08,753
Just the bottom
of the food chain.
842
00:53:10,255 --> 00:53:11,989
Well, I was wrong.
843
00:53:11,989 --> 00:53:17,695
I mean, you know,
like you never
worked much, and...
844
00:53:17,695 --> 00:53:22,099
Mom took care
of the kids and
cooked and cleaned
845
00:53:22,099 --> 00:53:23,801
and worked three jobs.
846
00:53:23,801 --> 00:53:27,572
And then, you know,
the bank foreclosed
on the house,
847
00:53:27,572 --> 00:53:30,140
and the repo people
took the r.V.
848
00:53:30,140 --> 00:53:32,343
Oh, yeah.
849
00:53:32,343 --> 00:53:36,281
I loved that r.V.
850
00:53:36,281 --> 00:53:39,083
That r.V.
851
00:53:39,083 --> 00:53:42,353
And here we are
on a desert island,
who knows where?
852
00:53:42,353 --> 00:53:45,155
And he goes out and kills
with his bare hands
853
00:53:45,155 --> 00:53:46,591
to feed his family.
854
00:53:46,591 --> 00:53:49,460
I mean, can you imagine him
taking on that huge animal
855
00:53:49,460 --> 00:53:51,729
and beating him
in a fair fight?
856
00:53:51,729 --> 00:53:53,264
I know!
857
00:53:53,264 --> 00:53:55,266
God, he was like
a caveman
858
00:53:55,266 --> 00:53:57,535
or a gladiator
or something.
859
00:53:57,535 --> 00:53:59,637
Yeah.
860
00:54:04,074 --> 00:54:07,878
Well, anyway,
I was wrong.
861
00:54:07,878 --> 00:54:10,815
No, you were right.
862
00:54:10,815 --> 00:54:13,351
I'm just no good.
863
00:54:13,351 --> 00:54:16,354
Right, you know,
normally.
864
00:54:16,354 --> 00:54:19,924
But here,
on this island...
865
00:54:19,924 --> 00:54:21,959
You've been great.
866
00:54:25,496 --> 00:54:28,198
Do you mean that?
867
00:54:28,198 --> 00:54:29,867
Yeah.
868
00:54:29,867 --> 00:54:35,973
Oh, boy, you don't know
how good that makes me feel.
869
00:54:35,973 --> 00:54:37,642
From now on...
870
00:54:37,642 --> 00:54:42,713
I've got
no place to go but up!
871
00:54:47,918 --> 00:54:49,387
Hi, it's Audrey Griswold.
872
00:54:49,387 --> 00:54:52,056
Leave a message
and merry Christmas.
873
00:54:54,158 --> 00:54:55,826
Man: Ever-ready plumbing here.
874
00:54:55,826 --> 00:54:57,127
We got your message,
875
00:54:57,127 --> 00:54:59,330
and we'll have a man out to
your house within 30 days.
876
00:54:59,330 --> 00:55:01,699
Merry Christmas!
877
00:55:07,204 --> 00:55:11,275
Merry Christmas morning,
everybody!
878
00:55:22,620 --> 00:55:25,890
Merry Christmas morning!
879
00:55:25,890 --> 00:55:27,492
Yeah.
880
00:55:27,492 --> 00:55:29,860
Come here, you!
Merry Christmas!
881
00:55:29,860 --> 00:55:31,161
Merry Christmas!
882
00:55:31,161 --> 00:55:33,163
Oh!
883
00:55:33,163 --> 00:55:34,532
Merry Christmas,
Milwaukee.
884
00:55:34,532 --> 00:55:38,836
And here's...
Mr. Christmas himself.
885
00:55:38,836 --> 00:55:41,105
It's St. Nick.
886
00:55:41,105 --> 00:55:44,041
Ho, ho, ho!
887
00:55:44,041 --> 00:55:45,443
Whoo!
888
00:55:48,513 --> 00:55:51,482
Merry Christmas, Audrey.
This is from Eddie.
889
00:55:51,482 --> 00:55:53,484
Wow, Eddie.
This is great!
890
00:55:53,484 --> 00:55:56,053
Lipstick -- it's my
favorite color.
891
00:55:56,053 --> 00:55:57,121
Where did you get it?
892
00:55:57,121 --> 00:56:00,425
Found it in your purse.
893
00:56:00,425 --> 00:56:03,260
This is from third.
894
00:56:03,260 --> 00:56:05,095
Oh, third!
895
00:56:05,095 --> 00:56:07,398
My gosh, look at that.
896
00:56:07,398 --> 00:56:09,900
That's a --
that's a deluxe spear.
897
00:56:09,900 --> 00:56:13,237
It's an aerodynamically
correct spear, dad.
898
00:56:13,237 --> 00:56:14,405
See those fins?
899
00:56:14,405 --> 00:56:16,907
Those are for
throwing accurately.
900
00:56:16,907 --> 00:56:18,843
Looks like a one-way
street sign.
901
00:56:18,843 --> 00:56:22,413
Well, let's take it
for a little test drive,
shall we?
902
00:56:22,413 --> 00:56:23,914
Stay clear!
903
00:56:31,221 --> 00:56:36,226
Okay,
now let's sing a few
Christmas songs, huh?
904
00:56:37,562 --> 00:56:39,964
Oh, let's see.
905
00:57:25,610 --> 00:57:28,513
Hey, I got
another surprise
for us here.
906
00:57:28,513 --> 00:57:30,881
A little homemade
home concoction
907
00:57:30,881 --> 00:57:34,118
that my daddy
used to make,
908
00:57:34,118 --> 00:57:36,120
only he had a still
and sold it
to the neighbors,
909
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:38,255
but it kept us
going through
the lean times
910
00:57:38,255 --> 00:57:40,858
until he got caught
and wound up doing
three to five.
911
00:57:40,858 --> 00:57:43,528
But here's
a little taste
for everybody.
912
00:57:43,528 --> 00:57:45,663
Okay, all right!
Here goes.
913
00:57:48,899 --> 00:57:50,501
Whoo!
914
00:57:50,501 --> 00:57:52,469
Wow, that's got a kick.
What is in that?
915
00:57:52,469 --> 00:57:55,105
Well, it's got
three parts coconut milk,
916
00:57:55,105 --> 00:57:56,340
two parts bug juice,
917
00:57:56,340 --> 00:57:59,577
six parts bourbon and a little
banana peel for texture
918
00:57:59,577 --> 00:58:01,111
and a tootsie roll.
919
00:58:01,111 --> 00:58:02,947
Oh, and some sunscreen.
920
00:58:08,886 --> 00:58:12,222
Lord, I want to thank you
for keeping us healthy and,
921
00:58:12,222 --> 00:58:17,161
particularly, alive during
this whole shipwreck deal.
922
00:58:17,161 --> 00:58:21,365
But most of all, lord,
I want to thank you
for this house.
923
00:58:21,365 --> 00:58:23,768
Oh, it's a good house,
lord.
924
00:58:23,768 --> 00:58:27,071
It's probably
the first house we ever had
925
00:58:27,071 --> 00:58:30,541
where we didn't owe
a mortgage or taxes.
926
00:58:30,541 --> 00:58:32,843
And maybe the only house
we'll ever have
927
00:58:32,843 --> 00:58:35,045
where the bank won't
foreclose on it.
928
00:58:35,045 --> 00:58:37,848
Oh, it's not as nice
as Audrey's house,
929
00:58:37,848 --> 00:58:40,284
but it's a fine house, lord.
930
00:58:40,284 --> 00:58:44,722
And I want you
to please just find it
to forgive me, lord,
931
00:58:44,722 --> 00:58:50,661
for losing the r.V.
And the dirt farm, lord,
932
00:58:50,661 --> 00:58:52,830
and the way
I see it, lord --
933
00:58:52,830 --> 00:58:54,599
can I say something?
934
00:58:56,433 --> 00:59:00,871
Excuse me, lord.
935
00:59:00,871 --> 00:59:02,740
Yeah?
936
00:59:02,740 --> 00:59:04,541
What's in the coconut?
937
00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:07,812
Another tropical
surprise.
938
00:59:07,812 --> 00:59:11,548
Can we drink the surprise first
and then bust the coconut?
939
00:59:11,548 --> 00:59:13,217
No.
940
00:59:13,217 --> 00:59:14,985
Well, there
you have it.
941
00:59:14,985 --> 00:59:17,922
Anyway, lord, be it
ever so humble,
942
00:59:17,922 --> 00:59:21,191
there's no place
like this
here house.
943
00:59:21,191 --> 00:59:22,827
Oh! Amen.
944
00:59:41,712 --> 00:59:44,448
Whoo!
Whoo!
945
00:59:44,448 --> 00:59:45,582
Merry Christmas!
946
00:59:45,582 --> 00:59:48,218
Oh, merry Christmas
to you!
947
00:59:52,456 --> 00:59:54,491
Ah-ah-ah!
948
00:59:54,491 --> 00:59:57,795
Oh, Eddie!
949
01:00:00,264 --> 01:00:03,600
Put me down!
Put me down!
950
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,002
You did it, dad.
951
01:00:05,002 --> 01:00:08,538
You killed a boar and
built our own damn house.
952
01:00:08,538 --> 01:00:10,808
Watch your mouth,
third.
953
01:00:37,334 --> 01:00:41,038
Well...we've learned
something here today.
954
01:00:41,038 --> 01:00:44,709
We definitely have to
make it more secure.
955
01:00:44,709 --> 01:00:46,677
Let's eat.
956
01:01:14,471 --> 01:01:15,906
Catherine: Eddie?
957
01:01:15,906 --> 01:01:18,042
Eddie, you're so brave,
958
01:01:18,042 --> 01:01:21,378
and you have
a good sense of humor.
959
01:01:21,378 --> 01:01:25,783
You're my
hero...Hero...Hero...Hero.
960
01:02:36,620 --> 01:02:38,322
Aha! Whoo!
961
01:02:38,322 --> 01:02:43,828
Hey, everybody!
I saw an airplane!
962
01:02:45,762 --> 01:02:46,897
Hey!
963
01:02:46,897 --> 01:02:50,434
It's a plane -- a plane!
964
01:02:50,434 --> 01:02:52,269
And he sees us.
965
01:02:52,269 --> 01:02:53,570
It's Jack.
966
01:02:53,570 --> 01:02:56,941
It's Melbourne
Jack maltby.
967
01:02:56,941 --> 01:03:02,379
We're saved...We're saved...
We're saved! Over here!
968
01:03:02,379 --> 01:03:04,014
Uncle Nick, wake up.
969
01:03:04,014 --> 01:03:06,583
We're rescued!
We're saved!
970
01:03:06,583 --> 01:03:10,554
Saved? From what?
971
01:03:15,359 --> 01:03:17,895
Down here!
972
01:03:17,895 --> 01:03:23,067
Jack!
It's me...Audrey!
973
01:03:32,977 --> 01:03:35,579
They've had search parties
all over the south pacific
974
01:03:35,579 --> 01:03:36,813
looking for you
and that boat.
975
01:03:36,813 --> 01:03:38,582
They found the boat
300 miles from here.
976
01:03:38,582 --> 01:03:41,785
Oh, you've been searching
for me this whole time?
977
01:03:41,785 --> 01:03:43,954
You're a hero!
Well, you found me.
978
01:03:43,954 --> 01:03:46,490
You did say
you weren't married.
979
01:03:46,490 --> 01:03:49,193
Actually, I was just
flying over to check out
a hotel I own
980
01:03:49,193 --> 01:03:51,095
on the other side
of the island,
981
01:03:51,095 --> 01:03:52,997
when I saw Eddie
out there on the cliff.
982
01:03:52,997 --> 01:03:55,599
Probably nobody thought
of looking for you here.
983
01:03:55,599 --> 01:03:56,867
Well, it's only
10 miles.
984
01:03:56,867 --> 01:03:59,003
You could have walked
to my hotel.
985
01:04:01,906 --> 01:04:07,244
Well, I...Guess
we better pack up and
get out of here then.
986
01:04:07,244 --> 01:04:11,982
Man, I got all excited
when I first saw
the plane, but...
987
01:04:11,982 --> 01:04:14,751
I'm really gonna
miss this place.
988
01:04:14,751 --> 01:04:19,389
This was the best
vacation this family
has ever had.
989
01:04:19,389 --> 01:04:20,891
Oh, well.
990
01:04:20,891 --> 01:04:22,859
It was great,
but it will be good
991
01:04:22,859 --> 01:04:24,761
to get back
to civilization.
992
01:04:24,761 --> 01:04:27,164
Nah, civilization.
993
01:04:27,164 --> 01:04:28,298
People like
to live in crowds
994
01:04:28,298 --> 01:04:29,566
'cause they don't
trust each other.
995
01:04:29,566 --> 01:04:30,734
Oh, I don't know.
996
01:04:30,734 --> 01:04:33,770
There's some good things
to say about civilization.
997
01:04:33,770 --> 01:04:35,439
Name one.
998
01:04:35,439 --> 01:04:40,110
Massages, manicures,
frozen artichokes,
999
01:04:40,110 --> 01:04:42,646
hot tubs, champagne.
1000
01:04:42,646 --> 01:04:45,015
I want to say something.
1001
01:04:45,015 --> 01:04:47,817
I'm gonna miss not having
a lot of things.
1002
01:04:47,817 --> 01:04:50,454
It's been great
without telephones
1003
01:04:50,454 --> 01:04:53,523
and people you
never even met calling,
1004
01:04:53,523 --> 01:04:57,327
trying to sell you things
you don't even need.
1005
01:04:57,327 --> 01:05:01,631
And rap music
on beer commercials,
and junk mail?
1006
01:05:01,631 --> 01:05:02,832
Nyah!
1007
01:05:02,832 --> 01:05:07,071
I'm gonna miss us
all being so together,
1008
01:05:07,071 --> 01:05:10,941
the way everybody
chipped in and worked.
1009
01:05:10,941 --> 01:05:12,542
It was a Christmas thing.
1010
01:05:12,542 --> 01:05:14,078
I saw an airplane!
1011
01:05:14,078 --> 01:05:16,813
I saw an airplane!
1012
01:05:16,813 --> 01:05:18,882
We're saved!
Ah-ha-ha-ha!
1013
01:05:18,882 --> 01:05:22,352
We're saved!
Ah-ha-ha!
1014
01:05:22,352 --> 01:05:26,756
I saw a plane!
Ah-ha! Ah--
1015
01:05:26,756 --> 01:05:28,192
Jack!
1016
01:05:29,226 --> 01:05:31,595
What are you doing here?
1017
01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:38,902
Aha-ha!
1018
01:05:38,902 --> 01:05:41,838
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
1019
01:05:41,838 --> 01:05:43,573
Ah-ha-ha!
1020
01:05:43,573 --> 01:05:46,243
This was
the best Christmas
I've ever had.
1021
01:05:46,243 --> 01:05:49,146
It was fun being a part
of your family here on...
1022
01:05:49,146 --> 01:05:50,647
What is the name
of this island?
1023
01:05:50,647 --> 01:05:53,517
Well, it was named after
king haleehowkee,
1024
01:05:53,517 --> 01:05:54,618
but you can change it.
1025
01:05:54,618 --> 01:05:55,919
He was a headhunter.
1026
01:05:55,919 --> 01:05:56,987
Ooh.
1027
01:05:56,987 --> 01:06:00,490
I say we rename it
Eddie island,
1028
01:06:00,490 --> 01:06:02,926
in honor of the man
who killed the boar.
1029
01:06:02,926 --> 01:06:05,629
Oh!
1030
01:06:07,464 --> 01:06:09,866
What business
did you say you were in?
1031
01:06:09,866 --> 01:06:11,468
I was
in nuclear research.
1032
01:06:11,468 --> 01:06:12,769
You're kidding.
1033
01:06:12,769 --> 01:06:15,072
No, no.
Nuclear research.
1034
01:06:15,072 --> 01:06:16,873
But then I got laid off,
1035
01:06:16,873 --> 01:06:19,943
but then 'cause I got
bit on the ass,
1036
01:06:19,943 --> 01:06:22,412
they give me this here
Christmas vacation.
1037
01:06:22,412 --> 01:06:24,948
You got laid off.
Did the company downsize?
1038
01:06:24,948 --> 01:06:28,818
Yeah, well, the other guy --
he was a lot smaller
than I was.
1039
01:06:28,818 --> 01:06:30,187
I was better at the job.
1040
01:06:30,187 --> 01:06:32,422
Jack's incredible,
isn't he?
1041
01:06:32,422 --> 01:06:34,024
Yeah, he's
a really great guy.
1042
01:06:34,024 --> 01:06:36,293
He's so...Mature.
1043
01:06:36,293 --> 01:06:39,163
Big deal!
Uncle Nick's mature.
1044
01:06:41,298 --> 01:06:44,634
Oh, this is liable
to roll down the hill
1045
01:06:44,634 --> 01:06:47,271
and kill a little pig
or something.
1046
01:06:47,271 --> 01:06:48,605
I better move this.
1047
01:06:50,006 --> 01:06:52,076
Hold it. You're
gonna bust your rollers
trying to move that.
1048
01:06:52,076 --> 01:06:53,177
Let me help you.
1049
01:06:53,177 --> 01:06:56,646
All right.
Put it over there.
1050
01:06:56,646 --> 01:06:58,648
Where?
1051
01:06:58,648 --> 01:07:00,650
Over there.
1052
01:07:00,650 --> 01:07:03,420
Oh!
Oh-oh! Oh!
1053
01:07:05,021 --> 01:07:08,225
Let go!
You're choking me!
1054
01:07:08,225 --> 01:07:11,495
What?
Let go!
1055
01:07:11,495 --> 01:07:12,296
All right.
1056
01:07:12,296 --> 01:07:16,233
Aah!
Aaahh-aahhh-aahhh!
1057
01:07:16,233 --> 01:07:17,867
Aah-aahhh!
1058
01:07:19,836 --> 01:07:21,638
Jack?
1059
01:07:24,474 --> 01:07:25,742
I'm all right.
1060
01:07:25,742 --> 01:07:28,312
No, no, no, Jack.
You took a terrible
fall.
1061
01:07:28,312 --> 01:07:29,879
You need rest and care.
1062
01:07:29,879 --> 01:07:33,016
I'm fine.
1063
01:07:33,016 --> 01:07:35,585
Oh!
1064
01:07:35,585 --> 01:07:37,421
I wouldn't
be going into a career
in the moving business
1065
01:07:37,421 --> 01:07:39,856
any time too soon
if I were you, mate.
1066
01:07:47,697 --> 01:07:50,234
You all
ready to fly?
1067
01:08:09,186 --> 01:08:12,456
Oh, I'm gonna really miss
the old homestead.
1068
01:08:23,032 --> 01:08:25,101
Jack, you okay?
1069
01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:28,338
I'm okay.
It's just a headache.
1070
01:08:28,338 --> 01:08:29,973
There are some aspirin
in the cabin.
1071
01:08:29,973 --> 01:08:32,142
Yeah?
1072
01:08:34,811 --> 01:08:36,680
Oh!
1073
01:08:40,016 --> 01:08:41,218
His head hurts.
1074
01:08:41,218 --> 01:08:42,419
Oh, my god.
1075
01:08:42,419 --> 01:08:44,454
Oh, my god,
he needs me!
He needs me!
1076
01:08:44,454 --> 01:08:47,924
Now, now,
he'll be all right.
1077
01:08:47,924 --> 01:08:49,493
Just a headache.
1078
01:08:55,799 --> 01:08:57,834
He'll be all right.
1079
01:09:03,407 --> 01:09:09,112
Maluka tower,
maluka tower,
this is Mike-808-Mike.
1080
01:09:09,112 --> 01:09:10,414
Melbourne Jack here.
1081
01:09:10,414 --> 01:09:12,616
I've just picked up
some lost souls
1082
01:09:12,616 --> 01:09:16,220
on the rear end of
king haleehowkee island.
1083
01:09:16,220 --> 01:09:17,687
Eddie island!
1084
01:09:17,687 --> 01:09:21,090
Our position is...
1085
01:09:21,090 --> 01:09:23,627
Hell, I don't know
where we are.
1086
01:09:24,628 --> 01:09:27,764
I'm not too well,
my friend.
1087
01:09:27,764 --> 01:09:30,267
I like you, ed.
1088
01:09:30,267 --> 01:09:31,901
You're a good man.
1089
01:09:31,901 --> 01:09:35,539
You're not
the brightest bulb
in the chandelier,
1090
01:09:35,539 --> 01:09:37,507
but you're
a good man.
1091
01:09:43,112 --> 01:09:44,748
Aah! Jack!
1092
01:09:44,748 --> 01:09:46,416
Man: Mike-808-Mike.
1093
01:09:46,416 --> 01:09:49,519
Say again your position.
Over.
1094
01:09:49,519 --> 01:09:51,120
Help!
1095
01:09:51,120 --> 01:09:53,156
This is maluka tower.
Merry Christmas.
1096
01:09:53,156 --> 01:09:54,758
Is that you, Jack?
1097
01:09:54,758 --> 01:09:55,859
No, it's Eddie.
1098
01:09:55,859 --> 01:10:00,029
Jack -- Jack, he --
he fainted, or he's dead!
1099
01:10:01,298 --> 01:10:03,667
Jack, snap out of it!
Snap out of it!
1100
01:10:03,667 --> 01:10:06,169
Oh, he's not dead.
He moved.
1101
01:10:06,169 --> 01:10:09,172
Well, okay, Eddie.
Merry Christmas!
1102
01:10:09,172 --> 01:10:11,941
Can you fly a plane?
1103
01:10:11,941 --> 01:10:14,811
I'll take that as a no.
1104
01:10:17,013 --> 01:10:18,448
We got you on radar now.
1105
01:10:18,448 --> 01:10:21,285
You're heading right
for maluka airport.
1106
01:10:21,285 --> 01:10:23,820
All you're gonna have to do is,
well, land.
1107
01:10:23,820 --> 01:10:25,054
Nick: We're gonna die.
1108
01:10:25,054 --> 01:10:26,155
Now relax.
1109
01:10:26,155 --> 01:10:27,857
When we get you
over the airport,
1110
01:10:27,857 --> 01:10:29,025
we're gonna talk you in.
1111
01:10:29,025 --> 01:10:31,060
And, Eddie?
1112
01:10:31,060 --> 01:10:32,329
Yeah?
1113
01:10:32,329 --> 01:10:33,697
We're gonna
clear the area
1114
01:10:33,697 --> 01:10:35,865
of all incoming
and outgoing flights.
1115
01:10:35,865 --> 01:10:39,303
Hell, all you're gonna
have to worry about is to make
1116
01:10:39,303 --> 01:10:42,272
a nice, simple landing
right there on the tarmac.
1117
01:10:42,272 --> 01:10:45,975
You'll go down gradually
and just coast on in.
1118
01:10:45,975 --> 01:10:46,976
Okay, okay.
1119
01:10:46,976 --> 01:10:48,111
Dad!
1120
01:10:48,111 --> 01:10:50,414
Dad, you can't land
on the tarmac!
1121
01:10:50,414 --> 01:10:52,549
Probably not,
but I got to try.
1122
01:10:52,549 --> 01:10:56,353
This is a seaplane, dad!
A seaplane!
1123
01:10:56,353 --> 01:10:57,687
Tower, tower!
1124
01:10:57,687 --> 01:11:01,291
Mr. Tower, this --
this is a seaplane!
1125
01:11:01,291 --> 01:11:03,126
Damn, forgot.
Right. Shoot.
1126
01:11:03,126 --> 01:11:04,661
I'm getting so absentminded!
1127
01:11:04,661 --> 01:11:06,763
Good, good --
that's even easier.
1128
01:11:06,763 --> 01:11:10,500
You'll just land right there in
the bay in front of the airport,
1129
01:11:10,500 --> 01:11:12,636
and we'll come on out
and get you.
1130
01:11:12,636 --> 01:11:17,907
Now just sit back,
stay on course, and relax.
1131
01:11:17,907 --> 01:11:19,543
No sweat.
1132
01:11:21,811 --> 01:11:23,847
How's Jack?
1133
01:11:23,847 --> 01:11:27,183
Audrey's breathing
into his mouth.
1134
01:11:27,183 --> 01:11:29,386
Okay, easy does it.
1135
01:11:29,386 --> 01:11:31,888
Loosen your clothing.
1136
01:11:31,888 --> 01:11:33,122
Good!
1137
01:11:33,122 --> 01:11:34,791
Planes
will never
replace boats
1138
01:11:34,791 --> 01:11:37,461
as a means of
transportation.
1139
01:11:37,461 --> 01:11:39,763
People like
to stay close
to terra firma.
1140
01:11:39,763 --> 01:11:40,764
Uncle Nick?
1141
01:11:40,764 --> 01:11:44,133
Boats still
sail on water,
not earth.
1142
01:11:44,133 --> 01:11:47,070
Okay, Eddie,
we got you inside now.
1143
01:11:47,070 --> 01:11:48,738
There's the airport!
1144
01:11:48,738 --> 01:11:50,740
Now, here's what
we want you to do.
1145
01:11:50,740 --> 01:11:52,141
We want you to look
at the altimeter.
1146
01:11:52,141 --> 01:11:53,943
Where?!
Where is it?!
1147
01:11:53,943 --> 01:11:55,044
All right, calm down now.
1148
01:11:55,044 --> 01:11:58,415
It's the gauge on the right side
of the panel.
1149
01:11:58,415 --> 01:11:59,949
You're now at 2,000 feet.
1150
01:11:59,949 --> 01:12:04,320
I want you to turn the wheel
very slowly to your left,
1151
01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:09,626
press it down gradually,
very slowly.
1152
01:12:11,461 --> 01:12:13,730
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
1153
01:12:13,730 --> 01:12:14,764
Eddie?
1154
01:12:14,764 --> 01:12:15,932
Aahhh!
1155
01:12:15,932 --> 01:12:18,368
Merry Christmas.
1156
01:12:18,368 --> 01:12:21,538
Up...up...up...pull it up!
1157
01:12:21,538 --> 01:12:23,673
Eddie, come on!
1158
01:12:23,673 --> 01:12:27,076
Oh, no! No!
No, Eddie!
1159
01:12:28,945 --> 01:12:32,949
Okay, Eddie,
we're gonna try it again.
1160
01:12:32,949 --> 01:12:34,183
Now slowly.
1161
01:12:34,183 --> 01:12:35,351
Slow down, Eddie!
1162
01:12:35,351 --> 01:12:37,387
Don't you know what "slow"
means?!
1163
01:12:37,387 --> 01:12:38,622
Eddie,
you damn idiot!
1164
01:12:38,622 --> 01:12:40,824
Don't you know
what "slow" means?!
1165
01:12:43,326 --> 01:12:45,629
Muka...
1166
01:12:45,629 --> 01:12:50,033
If we don't die,
will you be my girlfriend?
1167
01:12:50,033 --> 01:12:53,403
Well, thank you, third.
1168
01:12:53,403 --> 01:12:55,905
I think you're terrific...
1169
01:12:55,905 --> 01:12:57,974
But I don't think you're
quite grown-up enough
for me.
1170
01:12:57,974 --> 01:13:00,777
I am grown-up!
1171
01:13:00,777 --> 01:13:02,712
I've even seen
a naked woman.
1172
01:13:04,548 --> 01:13:07,884
Anyway, if we don't die,
I'm going back to my husband.
1173
01:13:07,884 --> 01:13:09,419
Your husband?
1174
01:13:09,419 --> 01:13:11,788
Yes, Daniel.
1175
01:13:11,788 --> 01:13:13,723
He lives in Indianapolis.
1176
01:13:16,660 --> 01:13:19,963
Now let's...Let's try again
there, Eddie baby.
1177
01:13:19,963 --> 01:13:21,665
And, Eddie,
you see that tall building
1178
01:13:21,665 --> 01:13:23,399
with the glass
all around it?
1179
01:13:23,399 --> 01:13:24,601
Good.
1180
01:13:24,601 --> 01:13:27,671
Whatever you do,
don't hit that building.
1181
01:13:27,671 --> 01:13:30,574
You see, that's the tower,
Eddie, and that's --
1182
01:13:30,574 --> 01:13:32,175
well, that's where I am.
1183
01:13:32,175 --> 01:13:33,577
Now what we're gonna do,
1184
01:13:33,577 --> 01:13:36,145
you're gonna turn the wheel
slowly to the left again
1185
01:13:36,145 --> 01:13:38,482
and then press down.
1186
01:13:40,183 --> 01:13:43,319
No...no...no.
1187
01:13:43,319 --> 01:13:44,554
Oh, no!
1188
01:13:44,554 --> 01:13:46,590
No! No, Eddie!
1189
01:13:58,535 --> 01:14:00,637
Dad, it's just like
the time
1190
01:14:00,637 --> 01:14:03,840
you drove the r.V. Off
the side of the mountain
1191
01:14:03,840 --> 01:14:07,911
and broke your leg...
Only more dangerous.
1192
01:14:09,946 --> 01:14:12,982
It's more like the time
that you were fishing
off that bridge
1193
01:14:12,982 --> 01:14:15,619
and reached down
to tie your shoelaces
1194
01:14:15,619 --> 01:14:17,320
and fell 50 feet into
the water.
1195
01:14:17,320 --> 01:14:20,857
Only this time,
we could all die.
1196
01:14:22,792 --> 01:14:26,229
Third: You can do it, dad.
I know you can.
1197
01:15:23,186 --> 01:15:27,156
Bingo.
1198
01:15:34,163 --> 01:15:35,999
Anchor: And merry Christmas,
maluka.
1199
01:15:35,999 --> 01:15:38,367
Now we've all heard about
the shipwrecked Johnsons.
1200
01:15:38,367 --> 01:15:40,904
And here's a holiday video
from their daughter,
1201
01:15:40,904 --> 01:15:42,205
who's currently appearing
1202
01:15:42,205 --> 01:15:44,340
at the bare-bottom club
in Las Vegas.
1203
01:15:54,217 --> 01:15:55,251
Oh, ho, ho!
1204
01:15:55,251 --> 01:15:58,287
Oh, merry Christmas,
third.
1205
01:15:58,287 --> 01:15:59,856
How's my boy?
1206
01:15:59,856 --> 01:16:03,092
Aunt Jessica,
you wouldn't believe
what we've been through.
1207
01:16:03,092 --> 01:16:06,229
You're not gonna show me
your travel movies,
are you, third?
1208
01:16:06,229 --> 01:16:07,530
Later.
1209
01:16:07,530 --> 01:16:10,533
Okay, so, where's
that old man of mine?
1210
01:16:10,533 --> 01:16:12,101
And where are
your folks?
1211
01:16:12,101 --> 01:16:14,838
Oh, well, my mom and dad
and cousin Audrey
1212
01:16:14,838 --> 01:16:17,073
are visiting a friend
in the hospital.
1213
01:16:17,073 --> 01:16:20,109
Dad dropped
a rock on him and gave him
a brain concussion.
1214
01:16:20,109 --> 01:16:22,578
Oh.
Oh, and uncle Nick's
resting.
1215
01:16:22,578 --> 01:16:24,480
You go up
and tell him I'm here.
1216
01:16:24,480 --> 01:16:27,583
If I walk in on him,
he's liable to have
a heart attack.
1217
01:16:27,583 --> 01:16:28,885
Sure.
1218
01:16:33,156 --> 01:16:36,525
Aunt Jessica,
you didn't, did you?
1219
01:16:36,525 --> 01:16:38,995
Don't ask.
1220
01:16:38,995 --> 01:16:41,164
Okay.
1221
01:16:43,867 --> 01:16:46,369
Boy, that Jack --
he is okay, isn't he?
1222
01:16:46,369 --> 01:16:47,871
What a great guy.
1223
01:16:47,871 --> 01:16:50,473
And he didn't even mention
that I almost killed him.
1224
01:16:50,473 --> 01:16:52,341
Can't believe it.
1225
01:16:52,341 --> 01:16:54,644
He's married, five kids.
1226
01:16:54,644 --> 01:16:58,882
I mean, my god --
can't any man be trusted?
1227
01:16:58,882 --> 01:17:02,418
He was the great love
of my life.
1228
01:17:02,418 --> 01:17:03,987
I'll never love again.
1229
01:17:05,488 --> 01:17:07,156
Merry Christmas!
1230
01:17:07,156 --> 01:17:08,825
Merry Christmas.
1231
01:17:08,825 --> 01:17:10,559
Is he all right?
1232
01:17:10,559 --> 01:17:14,530
It's my husband --
nervous breakdown.
1233
01:17:14,530 --> 01:17:16,700
Oh.
Merry Christmas!
1234
01:17:18,735 --> 01:17:19,803
I'm so sorry.
1235
01:17:19,803 --> 01:17:22,205
How long has
he been like this?
1236
01:17:22,205 --> 01:17:23,439
Since this morning.
1237
01:17:23,439 --> 01:17:25,341
He's an air-traffic
controller.
1238
01:17:30,013 --> 01:17:32,949
Hey, buddy.
Merry Christmas!
1239
01:17:34,517 --> 01:17:36,385
Hey, come on, buddy.
Snap out of it.
1240
01:17:36,385 --> 01:17:37,486
Snap out of it!
1241
01:17:37,486 --> 01:17:39,522
Aah-aah-aaahhhh!
1242
01:17:39,522 --> 01:17:40,790
No, Eddie!
Aah-aah!
1243
01:17:40,790 --> 01:17:44,393
Bless you!
Oh, thank you!
1244
01:17:44,393 --> 01:17:46,595
You are
a miracle worker.
1245
01:17:46,595 --> 01:17:48,564
Well...
1246
01:17:48,564 --> 01:17:52,435
Come on, let's get back
to the motel.
1247
01:17:52,435 --> 01:17:55,371
I may become a nun.
1248
01:17:59,442 --> 01:18:02,846
Aunt Jessica...
1249
01:18:02,846 --> 01:18:05,648
So you finally got tired
of that young fellow,
1250
01:18:05,648 --> 01:18:09,452
and you decided
to come crawling back
to uncle Nick.
1251
01:18:09,452 --> 01:18:12,722
And you're gonna
take her back,
I suppose.
1252
01:18:12,722 --> 01:18:16,159
Well, I have
seen it all now.
1253
01:18:16,159 --> 01:18:19,829
Anybody wants me,
I'll be in the can.
1254
01:18:25,168 --> 01:18:28,304
I'm sorry for that little
unpleasantness, darling.
1255
01:18:28,304 --> 01:18:33,542
That pig snout never did
have no manners.
1256
01:18:33,542 --> 01:18:35,211
When you're finished
massaging me,
1257
01:18:35,211 --> 01:18:38,447
get your butt into
the kitchen and fix me
a decent dinner.
1258
01:18:38,447 --> 01:18:42,385
I've been eating nothing
but burnt pig and bananas.
1259
01:19:02,205 --> 01:19:04,107
They're waiting
for you inside, Eddie.
1260
01:19:04,107 --> 01:19:07,643
Oh, well,
thank you,
Milwaukee.
1261
01:19:07,643 --> 01:19:09,445
Hi, muka.
1262
01:19:09,445 --> 01:19:12,515
There's something
I've got to tell you.
1263
01:19:12,515 --> 01:19:18,554
You know, I'm sorry
about asking you
to be my girl.
1264
01:19:18,554 --> 01:19:22,725
But...I'm engaged.
1265
01:19:22,725 --> 01:19:25,328
Oh.
1266
01:19:25,328 --> 01:19:30,333
She's, uh, beautiful.
1267
01:19:31,700 --> 01:19:35,271
Well, it'll take a while
to get over it.
1268
01:19:35,271 --> 01:19:36,272
Yeah.
1269
01:19:39,408 --> 01:19:40,309
Eddie!
1270
01:19:40,309 --> 01:19:44,447
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie,
Eddie, Eddie!
1271
01:19:44,447 --> 01:19:47,150
Oh!
1272
01:19:47,150 --> 01:19:48,852
Oh!
1273
01:19:48,852 --> 01:19:51,454
Oh, professor doornitz!
1274
01:19:54,423 --> 01:19:55,925
We are so proud of you.
1275
01:19:55,925 --> 01:19:58,727
All the newspapers
carried your story.
1276
01:19:58,727 --> 01:20:00,163
Oh.
1277
01:20:00,163 --> 01:20:03,499
Shipwrecked...
Swam 30 miles to rescue
your family.
1278
01:20:03,499 --> 01:20:06,769
Built a 2-story house
with your own hands.
1279
01:20:06,769 --> 01:20:09,572
Killed a wild boar
with manicure scissors!
1280
01:20:09,572 --> 01:20:13,476
Well...
1281
01:20:17,646 --> 01:20:19,115
What's he doing here?
1282
01:20:19,115 --> 01:20:20,984
You're replacing him.
1283
01:20:20,984 --> 01:20:23,086
He's here on vacation.
1284
01:20:26,255 --> 01:20:27,823
Oh, no!
1285
01:20:27,823 --> 01:20:29,525
Unh-unh.
1286
01:20:29,525 --> 01:20:31,827
I'm staying right here.
1287
01:20:31,827 --> 01:20:36,099
I got myself a new job.
1288
01:20:40,336 --> 01:20:43,472
Well, Roy, looks like
this is the beginning
1289
01:20:43,472 --> 01:20:45,408
of a beautiful friendship.
1290
01:20:48,878 --> 01:20:53,983
Yeeeee-haaaa!
1291
01:20:53,983 --> 01:20:56,785
Captioning made possible by
Warner Bros.
1292
01:20:56,785 --> 01:20:59,322
Captioned by the national
captioning institute
--www.Ncicap.Org--
82933
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