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?
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00:00:07,366 --> 00:00:10,309
Woman: Aah! Oh!
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00:00:10,559 --> 00:00:11,892
Aah!
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00:00:12,065 --> 00:00:14,640
Aah! Aah--
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00:00:14,740 --> 00:00:16,498
Bridget:
Don't you just love true crime?
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00:00:16,713 --> 00:00:18,838
Killer strangers,
strange husbands,
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cults that first seem like
a good networking opportunity
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00:00:21,745 --> 00:00:23,187
but the next thing you know,
you're getting branded
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00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:24,525
with the image of a goat man?
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00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:27,106
Then come on down
to Grimsburg's first-ever
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00:00:27,206 --> 00:00:30,189
convention for crime lovers,
Crime-Con.
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00:00:30,290 --> 00:00:33,700
Meet and greets, merch,
and more live murder podcasts
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00:00:33,802 --> 00:00:35,285
than you could ever
not listen to.
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00:00:35,457 --> 00:00:36,731
So, come to Crime-Con.
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00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:40,239
It's the closest thing to
murder, without really dying!
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00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,307
Mayor Dilquez: Don't you
just love a convention?
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00:00:42,404 --> 00:00:44,237
Then come on down to Grimsburg's
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00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,320
43rd Annual Con-Con,
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00:00:46,417 --> 00:00:48,584
a convention for conventions.
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00:00:48,758 --> 00:00:50,833
From Crime-Con to Comic Con
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00:00:50,857 --> 00:00:54,099
to Chaka Con
and everything in between.
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So, if you're a fan of fandom,
come to Con-Con,
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00:00:57,972 --> 00:01:01,790
where ain't nobody
loves fans better.
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00:01:01,818 --> 00:01:03,467
Woman: Don't you just love
when the show has
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00:01:03,565 --> 00:01:06,399
a big, bloody, violent opening?
Aah!
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00:01:06,575 --> 00:01:08,792
[Theme music plays]
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Flute: Multiple dismemberments.
Necklaces made out of teeth.
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00:01:30,895 --> 00:01:32,227
That means the identity
of the killer
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can only be--
[School bell rings]
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We'll pick it up there
on Monday.
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00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:39,264
Kang: So I'm running security
at Con-Con this weekend,
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00:01:39,515 --> 00:01:40,923
and I could use a couple
of extra hands.
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00:01:41,095 --> 00:01:42,519
Flute: Have some
self-respect, Kang.
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00:01:42,618 --> 00:01:43,950
Nobody wants to be security.
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00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:45,680
That's the lowest form of
law enforcement
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00:01:45,853 --> 00:01:48,128
next to mall cops,
doormen, and mouthguards.
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00:01:48,303 --> 00:01:50,470
Kang: Wynona, you're young
and, therefore, broke.
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00:01:50,626 --> 00:01:52,477
Wanna make some extra money
you'll never save?
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00:01:52,650 --> 00:01:53,798
Wynona: I actually do
quite well.
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00:01:54,046 --> 00:01:55,379
You'd be surprised
how much change
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00:01:55,475 --> 00:01:56,717
I find inside of people.
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00:01:56,738 --> 00:01:57,979
Flute: See, I knew
she would turn you down.
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00:01:58,151 --> 00:01:59,442
And I don't even know
anything about
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00:01:59,506 --> 00:02:00,505
bloody gloves jacket girl.
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00:02:00,677 --> 00:02:01,734
Wynona: It goes both ways.
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00:02:01,846 --> 00:02:02,679
The more I learn about Flute,
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00:02:02,849 --> 00:02:04,424
the more it bums me out.
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00:02:04,596 --> 00:02:06,413
It's like reading a bio of
a shelter dog, but sadder.
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00:02:06,529 --> 00:02:08,678
Flute: But, Kang, since you'll
be there, you should stop by
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00:02:08,777 --> 00:02:10,369
my booth at Crime-Con
and get a pic with me.
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00:02:10,616 --> 00:02:12,266
Summers: You have a booth?
Flute: That's right.
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00:02:12,363 --> 00:02:14,548
It's a chance to give
something back to my fans.
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00:02:14,704 --> 00:02:16,221
For $10.
cash only.
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00:02:16,452 --> 00:02:17,876
I don't know how Bit Corn works.
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00:02:18,049 --> 00:02:20,567
And I'm gonna need lots of merch
for my die-hard Flautists.
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00:02:20,742 --> 00:02:22,575
I can sell this and this
and this.
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00:02:22,806 --> 00:02:23,896
Wynona: Hey.
Flute: And this.
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00:02:24,068 --> 00:02:27,170
See you at the convention.
[Grunting]
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00:02:30,088 --> 00:02:32,664
Summers: I'm pretty sure that
was my desk.
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00:02:32,688 --> 00:02:35,022
Pentos: Once I am done
with you today,
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your brains will be twisted,
your minds warped,
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your fundamental idea of
life itself totally--uhh.
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00:02:45,990 --> 00:02:50,326
[Sigh] Does everyone have
a field trip buddy?
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00:02:50,505 --> 00:02:56,083
?
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00:02:56,248 --> 00:02:57,431
[Gasp]
[Thud]
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00:02:57,603 --> 00:03:03,532
?
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00:03:03,715 --> 00:03:06,048
[Cricket chirping]
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00:03:07,877 --> 00:03:10,544
[Flute grumbles]
Summers: First and last.
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00:03:10,645 --> 00:03:11,718
My lucky day.
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00:03:11,890 --> 00:03:13,556
Flute: Where are all my fans?
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00:03:13,655 --> 00:03:15,821
Summers: I think they're
at their booths.
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00:03:15,921 --> 00:03:20,498
?
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00:03:20,603 --> 00:03:23,662
Flute: They're obsessed
with killers?
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00:03:23,838 --> 00:03:25,112
This is a crime against crime.
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00:03:25,267 --> 00:03:27,117
Summers: Does the line
go with you?
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00:03:27,349 --> 00:03:29,183
Pentos: Historically,
our annual field trip
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00:03:29,356 --> 00:03:32,191
is to a program
called Scared Straight.
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00:03:32,365 --> 00:03:35,867
But now that being straight
has become problematic,
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00:03:35,968 --> 00:03:37,860
we had to shift.
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00:03:39,163 --> 00:03:43,124
Gears. Anyway,
we're going to...
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00:03:44,422 --> 00:03:46,739
Ah, change of plans, Stan.
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You're in charge now.
Pretend you're me.
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00:03:48,694 --> 00:03:50,360
Stan: An underpaid
public school teacher?
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00:03:50,533 --> 00:03:53,776
Ooh, manifestation is real!
What do I do?
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00:03:53,952 --> 00:03:56,694
Pentos: Why are you children
always such children?
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Just take them there.
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00:03:58,952 --> 00:04:01,561
[Screaming inside]
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00:04:01,719 --> 00:04:03,386
[Kids cheering]
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00:04:03,484 --> 00:04:05,058
Mr. Flesh:
18+? Finally,
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00:04:05,155 --> 00:04:07,306
your one chance to see a nipple,
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00:04:07,329 --> 00:04:10,780
even if it is attached to
a woman on a meat hook.
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00:04:10,915 --> 00:04:12,248
Flute: Bridget. Hi.
I need to ask you about--
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Bridget: My teeth were
too small for Invisalign.
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00:04:14,185 --> 00:04:16,169
Flute: What? No.
It's about my booth.
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00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,267
All the fans are lined up
for bad guys.
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00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:19,865
They're supposed to worship
good guys
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00:04:20,037 --> 00:04:21,370
in an unhealthy, parasocial way.
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00:04:21,542 --> 00:04:23,542
Bridget: That's how
it used to be, but after
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00:04:23,641 --> 00:04:26,049
all the true crime podcasts
and Netflix docudramas,
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00:04:26,150 --> 00:04:28,299
now all they care about are
psycho killers and which
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00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:30,473
Hollywood mop with perfect teeth
will play them.
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00:04:30,572 --> 00:04:32,889
And they're only perfect because
they usually have veneers.
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00:04:33,063 --> 00:04:35,172
Flute: Kind of feels like
you're the only one talking about teeth.
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00:04:35,345 --> 00:04:36,344
Woman: Damien!
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00:04:36,516 --> 00:04:39,184
?
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00:04:39,418 --> 00:04:41,584
Harmony: I'm with Damien
Flescher, who last year
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00:04:41,758 --> 00:04:43,441
confessed to eating 31 people.
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00:04:43,522 --> 00:04:46,690
Since his incarceration,
he's become a reformed cannibal
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and bestselling author
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00:04:48,447 --> 00:04:50,463
of the vegan cookbook
"Tastes Like Kevin."
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00:04:50,562 --> 00:04:53,121
Damien, do you ever miss
eating human flesh?
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00:04:53,145 --> 00:04:54,979
Damien: I don't.
If you put a fresh corpse
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00:04:55,077 --> 00:04:56,559
in front of me right now,
I'd say,
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"Let me get my hands on him!"
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[All gasp]
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00:05:01,155 --> 00:05:02,245
Damien: So I can gently
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00:05:02,341 --> 00:05:05,584
shut his eyes with my fingers.
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00:05:05,836 --> 00:05:07,260
All: Aww.
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00:05:07,433 --> 00:05:09,117
Flute: Who's actually
buying this?
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00:05:09,348 --> 00:05:11,515
Wynona: Hey!
Eat me, Damien!
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00:05:11,613 --> 00:05:15,132
Flute: Something about this guy
leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
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00:05:15,310 --> 00:05:18,460
?
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00:05:18,636 --> 00:05:21,546
Reformed cannibal?
You sure about that?
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00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:23,646
Pinocchio Flescher: I swear!
I'm a real vegan boy!
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I haven't eaten people in years!
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00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:28,721
Flute: Not according to
your nose boner.
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00:05:29,672 --> 00:05:31,247
[Munching]
[Door opens]
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00:05:31,344 --> 00:05:34,921
Geppetto: And just to be clear,
there's a perfectly logical
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00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,915
reason why I make a little boy.
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00:05:37,047 --> 00:05:39,105
Nothing fishy going on.
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00:05:39,128 --> 00:05:40,460
Flute: I never said there was.
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00:05:40,558 --> 00:05:42,800
Geppetto: Good,
because there's not.
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00:05:42,899 --> 00:05:44,214
And he's not a real boy.
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00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:45,886
He's the one who keep'a
saying that.
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00:05:46,058 --> 00:05:47,909
He a fake boy.
So, that means
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00:05:48,141 --> 00:05:49,231
I'm a-good.
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00:05:49,437 --> 00:05:51,737
This a big gray area.
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00:05:51,869 --> 00:05:52,927
Flute: Aah!
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00:05:53,157 --> 00:05:54,339
Flescher's a fraud
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00:05:54,511 --> 00:05:56,603
and Geppetto's a Geppetto-phile.
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00:05:56,835 --> 00:05:59,302
Damn, you always think of
the best line after it's over.
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00:05:59,511 --> 00:06:02,011
?
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00:06:02,186 --> 00:06:03,294
Pentos: Ahem.
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00:06:04,284 --> 00:06:05,859
Pentostonix 1:
What hath we here?
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00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:09,124
The glasses are passable.
The belt's a bit shabby.
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00:06:09,377 --> 00:06:11,969
But the ankle bracelet? Divine.
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00:06:11,993 --> 00:06:13,493
Wherever did you find it?
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00:06:13,724 --> 00:06:15,724
Pentos: The Grimsburg Institute
for the Criminally Insane
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00:06:15,897 --> 00:06:22,344
Parole Board, because
I am Dr. Rufis Pentos.
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00:06:22,586 --> 00:06:25,028
Pentostonix 1: Mm, not quite.
Watch me.
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00:06:25,261 --> 00:06:28,612
I am Dr. Rufis Pentos!
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00:06:28,714 --> 00:06:31,290
Pentostonix 2: No, it needs to
sound more like you're mid-yawn.
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00:06:31,464 --> 00:06:35,450
I am Dr. Rufis Pentos.
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00:06:35,553 --> 00:06:38,220
Pentostonix 3:
Uh, no, no, more like you're scared of your tongue.
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00:06:38,321 --> 00:06:41,806
Yai yam dowtor Roofyos Pyentyos!
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00:06:41,907 --> 00:06:45,167
Pentos: What? But I sound
nothing like that.
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00:06:45,418 --> 00:06:46,827
Pentostonix 3:
Mm-hmm. Closer.
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00:06:46,923 --> 00:06:49,682
Pentostonix 1: And perhaps
one day, you could join us.
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00:06:49,783 --> 00:06:52,008
The Pentostonix, a 5-piece
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00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:54,699
Pentos fan club-slash-
a cappella group.
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00:06:54,858 --> 00:06:56,949
Pentos: If I wasn't
the real Pentos,
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00:06:57,048 --> 00:07:01,384
how would I have this scar
from the 1997 Zamboni heist?
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00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:04,304
Or this one from my third
Office Depot bombing?
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00:07:04,330 --> 00:07:08,390
Or these behind my ears from
my failed facial transplant
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00:07:08,419 --> 00:07:10,160
and not at all from
a botched facelift
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00:07:10,258 --> 00:07:12,350
I am still in litigation over?
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00:07:12,524 --> 00:07:15,266
Pentostonix 1: It is you!
You are...
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00:07:15,366 --> 00:07:17,925
All: ? Pentos?
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00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:21,769
[Laughter]
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00:07:21,870 --> 00:07:23,721
Flute: I'm positive Flescher's
still eating people.
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00:07:23,953 --> 00:07:26,620
You can't fake sobriety with me.
Or orgasms.
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00:07:26,795 --> 00:07:28,644
Can't fake it if I'm
already finished.
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00:07:28,818 --> 00:07:31,411
Summers: Um, is there a Fast
Pass to get a picture with you?
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00:07:31,586 --> 00:07:32,918
Because my grandma's
in hospice and I--
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00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:34,664
Flute: Once Flescher's fans
see me bust him,
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00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:36,320
they'll realize they've been
obsessing over
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the wrong guy and be all mine.
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00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:40,923
But to do that,
I'll need a hand.
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Up top. Wow.
So smooth.
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00:07:43,942 --> 00:07:46,084
Wonder what the rest of
your body looked like.
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00:07:47,119 --> 00:07:49,119
Stop.
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00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:50,810
Ohh, all right.
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00:07:55,312 --> 00:07:59,890
?
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00:08:00,070 --> 00:08:01,903
Kang: Ahem. VIP pass?
185
00:08:02,001 --> 00:08:04,093
Flute: It's me.
Is this because I insulted
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00:08:04,267 --> 00:08:05,841
your very insultable
security job?
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00:08:05,938 --> 00:08:07,588
Kang: You mean the position
that is ironically
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00:08:07,611 --> 00:08:08,943
now the one thing
standing in your way,
189
00:08:09,116 --> 00:08:10,374
and if you had taken the offer,
we could have
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00:08:10,546 --> 00:08:11,453
spent rare quality time
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00:08:11,549 --> 00:08:13,382
outside of the office?
192
00:08:13,556 --> 00:08:15,705
No. Dut dut dut dut.
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00:08:15,788 --> 00:08:17,730
No VIP pass, no entry.
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00:08:17,885 --> 00:08:19,402
Now get out of here before
I have to shine my
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00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:20,982
indestructible flashlight
at you.
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00:08:21,155 --> 00:08:23,639
Think I won't?
Try me.
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00:08:23,738 --> 00:08:25,664
Wynona: Great.
Now I'll never meet Flescher
198
00:08:25,762 --> 00:08:27,261
so that he can fall in love
with me and I can
199
00:08:27,492 --> 00:08:28,491
ultimately fix him because that
200
00:08:28,495 --> 00:08:29,919
always works with bad boys!
201
00:08:30,017 --> 00:08:31,943
Flute: You know,
maybe if we worked together--
202
00:08:32,098 --> 00:08:34,674
Wynona: Now you want to
work with me? When we're not at work?
203
00:08:34,773 --> 00:08:37,574
Flute: Look, I keep my distance
for your safety.
204
00:08:37,692 --> 00:08:38,541
The moment I show
attention to a woman,
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00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:40,211
their minds begin to dream
206
00:08:40,367 --> 00:08:41,458
and before you know it,
you're writing
207
00:08:41,555 --> 00:08:42,721
"Mrs. Wynona Flute" all over
208
00:08:42,892 --> 00:08:44,225
the cadavers you're autopsying.
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00:08:44,322 --> 00:08:45,896
Wynona: I'll give this
a shot as long as
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00:08:46,053 --> 00:08:47,552
you're not trying
to be my friend.
211
00:08:47,725 --> 00:08:49,149
We have a really good
nothing going.
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00:08:49,246 --> 00:08:51,654
Flute: Fine by me.
Wynona: Glad we're in agreement.
213
00:08:51,755 --> 00:08:53,662
Flute: Oh, God.
You're falling already.
214
00:08:53,761 --> 00:08:54,852
Pentos: And that is how I rigged
215
00:08:55,082 --> 00:08:57,691
Jeremy Renner's snowplow
to eat his legs.
216
00:08:57,867 --> 00:08:59,424
Pentostonix 1:
So, what are you up to now?
217
00:08:59,596 --> 00:09:01,687
Pentos: Ya know,
scheming up a big old plan.
218
00:09:01,787 --> 00:09:04,046
Stan: Dr. Pentos!
Sorry it took so long.
219
00:09:04,295 --> 00:09:05,386
We had to sift through
the body's
220
00:09:05,616 --> 00:09:07,449
lower intestine to find the key.
221
00:09:07,472 --> 00:09:09,230
I'll take them to lunch now.
222
00:09:10,557 --> 00:09:14,968
Pentos: Ahh. I suppose now
you know the truth.
223
00:09:15,089 --> 00:09:16,830
Pentostonix 1:
You're a teacher...
224
00:09:17,003 --> 00:09:19,930
at a school for
the criminally gifted.
225
00:09:20,106 --> 00:09:22,164
Pentos: Yes! That's exactly
the truth I meant.
226
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:24,338
Pentostonix 2: And your
big scheme is here at Con-Con?
227
00:09:24,511 --> 00:09:26,269
Pentos: Ha ha!
Can't fool my fans.
228
00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:30,202
Pentostonix 3: Syo it's
Yozen's Leven year yolds?
229
00:09:30,364 --> 00:09:32,806
Pentos: I'm sorry.
Could you say that again, Dave?
230
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:36,374
Pentostonix 1: He said it's
Ocean's 11-year-olds.
231
00:09:36,550 --> 00:09:37,883
You must let us watch.
232
00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:40,164
Pentos: Anything for my stans!
233
00:09:40,396 --> 00:09:42,078
Nedward: Mr. Pentos, I looked
at a light too long
234
00:09:42,327 --> 00:09:44,753
and now I can only see
a big, dark circle.
235
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:47,519
Pentos: This kid?
Total psycho.
236
00:09:49,015 --> 00:09:50,682
Wynona: There's gotta be
one convention that can help us
237
00:09:50,780 --> 00:09:52,187
get into the VIP room.
238
00:09:52,210 --> 00:09:53,709
Flute: CondimentCon.
Wrath of Con.
239
00:09:53,882 --> 00:09:56,441
Oh, my God.
Connie Britton Con?!
240
00:09:56,540 --> 00:09:58,782
Wynona: [Gasp] Wait.
You love Connie Britton, too?
241
00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,564
Flute: Of course.
She's the perfect combo of
242
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:02,128
high class and low hairline.
243
00:10:02,225 --> 00:10:03,483
Wynona: "Friday Night Lights"
was the reason
244
00:10:03,580 --> 00:10:04,746
I became the first female kicker
245
00:10:04,976 --> 00:10:06,251
for my
high school football team.
246
00:10:06,422 --> 00:10:07,980
Flute: And "Nashville" was
the reason I tried to become
247
00:10:08,003 --> 00:10:09,410
the reigning queen of country.
248
00:10:09,507 --> 00:10:11,674
Wynona: That's so funny.
Flute: I know.
249
00:10:11,831 --> 00:10:12,939
Both: Ahem.
Flute: We should...
250
00:10:13,093 --> 00:10:14,443
Wynona: Uh, yeah,
let's get that pass.
251
00:10:14,599 --> 00:10:44,477
?
252
00:10:44,714 --> 00:10:46,439
Ugh. [Munch]
253
00:10:46,536 --> 00:10:50,037
Woman: That's two tickets to
ConCussion for two people.
254
00:10:50,065 --> 00:10:52,123
$2.00 per ticket,
for two tickets,
255
00:10:52,146 --> 00:10:54,463
for two people.
People for $2.00...
256
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:58,063
Flute: So, why are
you such a big fan of Flescher? The guy ate a senator.
257
00:10:58,166 --> 00:10:59,165
Wynona: I don't like him
because he's a cannibal.
258
00:10:59,261 --> 00:11:01,094
I like him because
he's a genius.
259
00:11:01,292 --> 00:11:03,768
He built a brand for himself
as the sexy outcast,
260
00:11:04,001 --> 00:11:06,185
proving you can be
both weird and hot
261
00:11:06,342 --> 00:11:07,933
no matter how disturbing
your interests are.
262
00:11:08,105 --> 00:11:10,623
Flescher's just misunderstood,
like me,
263
00:11:10,856 --> 00:11:12,280
and honestly, kind of like you.
264
00:11:12,378 --> 00:11:15,305
Flute: I'm misunderstood?
[Scoffs] I don't understand.
265
00:11:15,481 --> 00:11:18,798
Wynona: Everyone sees you as
this arrogant narcissist,
266
00:11:18,975 --> 00:11:20,641
but I think
that's what makes you
267
00:11:20,664 --> 00:11:22,331
Grimsburg's best detective.
268
00:11:22,562 --> 00:11:23,986
Flute: Huh. It's weird
hearing someone other than
269
00:11:24,157 --> 00:11:25,490
me and my coffee mug say that.
270
00:11:25,514 --> 00:11:28,256
Wynona: Well, the detective bar
is pretty low.
271
00:11:28,414 --> 00:11:29,838
Kang can't even
solve the mystery of
272
00:11:30,086 --> 00:11:31,419
how to buy
a properly sized coat.
273
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,591
Flute: Have you seen Summers
interrogating a suspect?
274
00:11:33,765 --> 00:11:36,541
It's like watching
a cast member at Disneyland help a lost kid.
275
00:11:36,775 --> 00:11:39,033
Wynona: And Martinez thinks
her accent can stop a criminal.
276
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:42,207
[New York accent]
We get it. You're from New York. You're working here.
277
00:11:42,292 --> 00:11:44,383
[Both laugh]
278
00:11:45,135 --> 00:11:47,060
Wynona: I don't feel so good.
279
00:11:47,233 --> 00:11:49,476
Did we just become work friends?
280
00:11:49,650 --> 00:11:51,574
Flute: Impossible.
There was probably something off
281
00:11:51,673 --> 00:11:53,581
with those breakfast tacos
we shared like friends.
282
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:55,679
Oh, son of a bitch.
Ew ew ew ew.
283
00:11:55,853 --> 00:11:58,779
Wynona: Oh, God. What if
Harmony saw us becoming friends?
284
00:11:59,013 --> 00:12:00,104
Flute: That's it!
Harmony's here,
285
00:12:00,275 --> 00:12:01,867
and she's press, which means...
286
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,040
Both: She can get us into VIP!
287
00:12:04,214 --> 00:12:06,364
Wynona: Uhh!
Flute: Ha ha ha! Uhh!
288
00:12:06,388 --> 00:12:09,088
Woman: For people dollars
for two tickets, for two people,
289
00:12:09,155 --> 00:12:12,406
for dollars for two tickets,
for two dol--
290
00:12:14,397 --> 00:12:17,081
Pentos: Ha ha ha ha!
It is now time
291
00:12:17,181 --> 00:12:19,223
for the talent portion
of the field trip.
292
00:12:19,413 --> 00:12:22,097
Who has a special skill?
Like, say, demolitions?
293
00:12:22,197 --> 00:12:24,939
Computer hacking?
Perhaps a wheelman?
294
00:12:25,098 --> 00:12:26,114
Khaleesi: I can do a cartwheel!
295
00:12:26,210 --> 00:12:29,027
Stan: I can make my finger
do this!
296
00:12:29,128 --> 00:12:30,444
Nedward: I can make my body
go liquid
297
00:12:30,616 --> 00:12:32,966
and crawl under doors
like a cat.
298
00:12:33,141 --> 00:12:34,232
[Pentos sighs]
299
00:12:34,404 --> 00:12:36,128
Harmony:
Reporting live from Walk-Con,
300
00:12:36,301 --> 00:12:37,467
the convention for
celebrity walk-ons,
301
00:12:37,639 --> 00:12:40,473
I'm here with
writer and actress Tina Fey.
302
00:12:40,499 --> 00:12:41,572
Tina: Really great to be here.
303
00:12:41,668 --> 00:12:43,502
Harmony: Thank you
for stopping by, Tina.
304
00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:44,916
Tina: That's all I get--
Harmony: It's a walk-on, Teenz.
305
00:12:45,013 --> 00:12:46,846
One line only. Kang?
306
00:12:47,019 --> 00:12:48,051
Tina: Uh--
307
00:12:48,190 --> 00:12:49,523
Harmony: Uhh! Uhh.
308
00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:55,123
?
309
00:12:55,288 --> 00:12:56,471
Harmony: Oh. Heh.
310
00:12:56,701 --> 00:12:58,292
Flute: You got something
on your chin.
311
00:12:58,464 --> 00:13:00,723
?
312
00:13:00,973 --> 00:13:01,730
Harmony: Ha ha.
313
00:13:01,976 --> 00:13:09,907
?
314
00:13:10,094 --> 00:13:13,521
Wow. My chin is so sticky.
315
00:13:16,599 --> 00:13:18,190
Flute: Keep an eye out.
We can't get Kang-blocked.
316
00:13:18,213 --> 00:13:20,547
Or "Man-Kangled."
"Kang-kles"?
317
00:13:20,721 --> 00:13:21,887
"Kankles"? How'd I get here?
318
00:13:22,058 --> 00:13:23,540
Wynona: What if he doesn't
find me as sexy
319
00:13:23,564 --> 00:13:25,230
as he does in all
my fanfictions? [Gasp]
320
00:13:25,478 --> 00:13:27,811
?
321
00:13:27,986 --> 00:13:29,912
I can't do this.
Flute: Yes, you can.
322
00:13:30,144 --> 00:13:32,477
I've seen you elbow deep
in a man's large intestine
323
00:13:32,501 --> 00:13:34,317
while also eating a corncob--
324
00:13:34,340 --> 00:13:36,507
a historically
two-handed activity.
325
00:13:36,606 --> 00:13:37,813
You can do this.
326
00:13:40,267 --> 00:13:42,859
Mr. Flescher. Hi.
I'm a producer.
327
00:13:43,035 --> 00:13:44,368
Dr. A. Producer.
328
00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:45,856
We're working on a docu-series
329
00:13:45,970 --> 00:13:47,285
about cannibal docu-serieses.
330
00:13:47,458 --> 00:13:49,141
Flescher: I'd love to.
I feed off
331
00:13:49,297 --> 00:13:51,889
my fans'...attention.
332
00:13:52,064 --> 00:13:53,214
Ha ha ha ha!
333
00:13:53,385 --> 00:13:54,159
Flute: How about an interview...
334
00:13:54,388 --> 00:13:55,645
over lunch?
335
00:13:55,818 --> 00:13:58,670
?
336
00:13:58,845 --> 00:14:00,994
Pentos: OK, time to explain
our heist plan
337
00:14:01,093 --> 00:14:05,596
as if an audience was
too stupid to follow along. Hit it!
338
00:14:05,759 --> 00:14:08,243
[Pentostonix singing
"Mission: Impossible" theme]
339
00:14:13,802 --> 00:14:15,802
Pentos: Khaleesi,
we'll need your gymnastics
340
00:14:15,975 --> 00:14:18,293
to navigate the security system.
341
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,658
[Alarm blaring]
Khaleesi: Ah!
342
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:25,757
Ohh. [Crying]
[Singing continues]
343
00:14:30,188 --> 00:14:33,448
Pentos: If we are to stand any
chance of robbing this joint,
344
00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:35,941
we will need...
[Singing continues]
345
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:39,219
a double one.
[Singing continues]
346
00:14:44,142 --> 00:14:47,327
And lastly, the vault.
It's locked up air tight,
347
00:14:47,503 --> 00:14:49,653
but not liquid tight.
348
00:14:49,826 --> 00:14:51,886
[Singing continues]
349
00:14:53,096 --> 00:14:55,647
Nedward: Ow!
[Singing continues]
350
00:14:59,209 --> 00:15:01,876
? Ahh!
351
00:15:03,555 --> 00:15:05,388
Pentos: Walking into a vault
with my fingers
352
00:15:05,545 --> 00:15:08,379
ever so lightly tented?
353
00:15:08,404 --> 00:15:09,979
How I've missed this.
354
00:15:10,135 --> 00:15:12,893
Now for master plan part deux--
Nedward: Mr. Pentos, I have to--
355
00:15:12,919 --> 00:15:15,144
Pentos: I'm not finished
with my evil plan!
356
00:15:15,168 --> 00:15:16,651
[Kids gasp]
Pentos: And I pray
357
00:15:16,765 --> 00:15:20,583
none of you have
an allergy to nuts!
358
00:15:20,719 --> 00:15:22,987
[Laughs]
359
00:15:28,862 --> 00:15:31,120
Flute: Would you like
some filet mign-arm?
360
00:15:31,295 --> 00:15:33,962
Flescher: Cute.
It's shaped like an arm.
361
00:15:33,988 --> 00:15:35,395
[Chewing]
362
00:15:35,492 --> 00:15:38,718
What is this?
Chickpeas? Tempeh?
363
00:15:38,820 --> 00:15:41,654
Flute: Try 100%
free-range human.
364
00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:42,753
Wynona: This wasn't
part of our plan.
365
00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:44,424
Flute: You miss it, don't you?
366
00:15:44,522 --> 00:15:46,004
Gnawing on the elbow
like a drumstick.
367
00:15:46,102 --> 00:15:48,586
Spitting out the nails
like sunflower seeds.
368
00:15:48,685 --> 00:15:50,594
I know you're still
eating people.
369
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,041
And now all your fans will, too.
370
00:15:52,196 --> 00:15:55,382
Or should I say "my new fans"
now that they've seen me?
371
00:15:55,617 --> 00:15:57,207
Flescher: Uhh! Security!
372
00:15:57,289 --> 00:16:00,399
Flute: But my crime mind said
you were still a cannibal.
373
00:16:00,633 --> 00:16:02,299
It's never wrong! Uhh!
374
00:16:02,321 --> 00:16:03,804
Bridget: Kang, get 'em
out of here!
375
00:16:03,918 --> 00:16:05,835
[Flute grunting]
376
00:16:06,594 --> 00:16:07,818
[Flute and Wynona grunt]
377
00:16:07,990 --> 00:16:10,916
Kang: Consider yourselves
Kang-banged.
378
00:16:11,016 --> 00:16:13,900
Flute: Kang-banged!
Damn, it was right there.
379
00:16:18,207 --> 00:16:20,966
Flute: Ugh. I can't believe
my crime mind was wrong.
380
00:16:21,216 --> 00:16:23,791
What's next? My gaydar?
My women's intuition?
381
00:16:23,967 --> 00:16:25,725
My sense of direction?
Which way am I pointing?
382
00:16:25,881 --> 00:16:28,324
Sorth? Nouth?
Sweest? Downways?
383
00:16:28,499 --> 00:16:29,647
Wynona: You know what
I can't believe?
384
00:16:29,819 --> 00:16:30,985
that you spent the whole day
385
00:16:31,232 --> 00:16:32,340
catfishing our friendship.
386
00:16:32,512 --> 00:16:34,160
At least when Damien
chews people up,
387
00:16:34,259 --> 00:16:35,517
he doesn't just spit them out.
388
00:16:35,747 --> 00:16:38,097
He has the decency to swallow.
Oh!
389
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,182
Kang: You were all set up
for a swallowing joke
390
00:16:41,207 --> 00:16:42,598
and you didn't take the bait.
391
00:16:42,694 --> 00:16:44,286
Flute: Because neither did
Flescher.
392
00:16:44,458 --> 00:16:45,800
He didn't swallow.
393
00:16:47,059 --> 00:16:49,134
My crime mind wasn't wrong,
I just misread it.
394
00:16:49,233 --> 00:16:51,808
Flescher is a liar.
Not because he's still a cannibal,
395
00:16:51,966 --> 00:16:54,224
because he never was one
to begin with!
396
00:16:54,398 --> 00:16:56,140
I don't think I should have
emphasized that last word.
397
00:16:56,314 --> 00:16:58,481
Kang: And brace yourself,
because whoever
398
00:16:58,579 --> 00:17:01,080
ate this arm had braces.
399
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:05,666
Flute: Bridget.
She's a cannibal named Bridget?
400
00:17:05,769 --> 00:17:08,103
Ooh-hoo! This job.
401
00:17:08,202 --> 00:17:11,019
?
402
00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:12,803
[Stan grunting]
403
00:17:12,959 --> 00:17:14,809
Pentos: Stan,
you're falling behind.
404
00:17:15,058 --> 00:17:18,300
Stan: Uhh! I respect
the attention to detail,
405
00:17:18,327 --> 00:17:23,330
but why did PirateCon have to
only accept gold doubloons? Aah!
406
00:17:23,569 --> 00:17:26,161
?
407
00:17:26,186 --> 00:17:31,505
[Gasp] Aah!
[Pentos grunting]
408
00:17:31,537 --> 00:17:33,445
[Kids grunting]
409
00:17:33,544 --> 00:17:39,197
?
410
00:17:39,304 --> 00:17:41,137
Pentos: Oh! [Grunting]
411
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,960
?
412
00:17:42,982 --> 00:17:45,232
Khaleesi: Uhh!
You have to let one go!
413
00:17:45,415 --> 00:17:47,915
?
414
00:17:48,090 --> 00:17:51,166
Pentos: Sorry, Stan.
I'm not a teacher. I never was.
415
00:17:51,343 --> 00:17:52,768
I've always been a villain.
416
00:17:52,922 --> 00:17:54,439
Stan: Well, you're
my favorite teacher,
417
00:17:54,670 --> 00:17:57,112
and I'm sure this is another one
of your amazing lessons,
418
00:17:57,345 --> 00:18:01,197
which I will hopefully figure
out before I hit the acid.
419
00:18:01,375 --> 00:18:04,709
?
420
00:18:04,961 --> 00:18:06,369
[Pentos and Khaleesi grunt]
421
00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:15,950
?
422
00:18:17,335 --> 00:18:19,668
Pentostonix 1: Why didn't you
just let him die?
423
00:18:19,694 --> 00:18:21,509
Pentos: Because
this isn't a school
424
00:18:21,758 --> 00:18:22,924
for the criminally gifted.
425
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:24,778
I'm just a regular teacher
426
00:18:24,877 --> 00:18:27,268
teachering regular psychopaths.
427
00:18:27,293 --> 00:18:29,368
That's who I am now.
And if that's
428
00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:31,634
not good enough for you,
then maybe you need to find
429
00:18:31,733 --> 00:18:33,399
someone else to be a fan of.
430
00:18:36,564 --> 00:18:39,207
Oh, wow.
That was very fast.
431
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:43,595
Bridget: Ready for
"Cooking with Flescher"?
432
00:18:43,830 --> 00:18:46,164
[Crowd cheering]
433
00:18:46,338 --> 00:18:47,780
[Microphone feedback]
Flute: Sorry, folks,
434
00:18:48,011 --> 00:18:49,026
but Flescher's not a cannibal.
435
00:18:49,122 --> 00:18:51,614
The real killer is...Bridget!
436
00:18:53,135 --> 00:18:55,744
Bridget: Oh, yeah,
I already went over it. I'm the cannibal.
437
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:57,293
Flescher took credit
to build his brand.
438
00:18:57,391 --> 00:18:59,299
Crime-Con was just a ruse
to enact my revenge.
439
00:18:59,397 --> 00:19:01,322
There was a whole PowerPoint
and everything.
440
00:19:01,554 --> 00:19:04,238
?
441
00:19:04,338 --> 00:19:06,063
Flute: And you all are
OK with that?
442
00:19:06,237 --> 00:19:07,678
Woman: Yeah! We're fans!
443
00:19:07,832 --> 00:19:09,165
We gotta like someone, right?
444
00:19:09,263 --> 00:19:10,763
Flute: Yes. But why obsess over
445
00:19:10,934 --> 00:19:11,917
famous people you'll never meet
446
00:19:12,013 --> 00:19:13,012
when you could be fans of people
447
00:19:13,034 --> 00:19:14,366
you actually can?
448
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:15,871
You there in the audience.
What's the most
449
00:19:16,102 --> 00:19:17,117
interesting thing about you?
450
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:18,696
Man: Sometimes I
go to the hospital
451
00:19:18,794 --> 00:19:20,635
and I switch
the babies in the cribs.
452
00:19:22,045 --> 00:19:24,879
Flute: OK, maybe not that guy.
But today, I learned
453
00:19:24,906 --> 00:19:26,221
more about Wynona in a few hours
454
00:19:26,243 --> 00:19:28,318
than I have in years
of working with her.
455
00:19:28,475 --> 00:19:30,584
Did you know she was a kicker on
her high school football team?
456
00:19:30,758 --> 00:19:33,074
Woman: We don't know
who Wynona is.
457
00:19:33,249 --> 00:19:34,933
Flute: And neither did I
until today.
458
00:19:35,164 --> 00:19:37,681
But now I'm her biggest fan.
459
00:19:37,930 --> 00:19:42,784
Bridget: Nice try, Flute, but
my new fans still expect a show!
460
00:19:42,965 --> 00:19:45,039
[Whirring]
461
00:19:45,213 --> 00:19:47,806
?
462
00:19:47,981 --> 00:19:49,814
My eyes! Uhh!
463
00:19:50,045 --> 00:19:51,153
Kang: Flute, catch.
464
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,642
Flute: Yikes. What's that?
Like, 9,000 lumens?
465
00:19:53,741 --> 00:19:55,649
?
466
00:19:55,747 --> 00:19:56,612
Oh!
467
00:19:56,675 --> 00:19:58,675
?
468
00:19:58,831 --> 00:19:59,997
[Whirring stops]
469
00:20:00,169 --> 00:20:02,245
[Crowd murmuring]
470
00:20:03,088 --> 00:20:06,323
Kang: What are you waiting for?
Go get her.
471
00:20:08,104 --> 00:20:12,106
Oh, God, have I become
the rom-com best friend?
472
00:20:12,208 --> 00:20:13,600
Flute: Wynona, wait!
473
00:20:13,731 --> 00:20:16,548
?
474
00:20:16,724 --> 00:20:19,242
You were right about Flescher.
And about me.
475
00:20:19,475 --> 00:20:21,475
Wynona: Uh-uh. If you're gonna
give me a speech about
476
00:20:21,648 --> 00:20:24,316
how you set out to find fans
but really, you found a friend,
477
00:20:24,340 --> 00:20:26,190
don't, because
that will make me puke.
478
00:20:26,254 --> 00:20:27,271
Flute:
Yeah, I'm already queasy.
479
00:20:27,442 --> 00:20:29,000
I feel like I do
when Summers tries to
480
00:20:29,022 --> 00:20:30,521
find the silver lining
in everything.
481
00:20:30,619 --> 00:20:32,010
Wynona as Summers:
Well, our squad car
482
00:20:32,106 --> 00:20:33,123
may be on fire, but now
483
00:20:33,295 --> 00:20:34,794
I can see you better.
484
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,358
[Both laugh]
485
00:20:36,471 --> 00:20:38,954
Wynona: Wow. We really did
become friends, didn't we?
486
00:20:39,129 --> 00:20:40,313
Now what do we do?
487
00:20:40,467 --> 00:20:41,558
Flute: Maybe we just keep
making fun of
488
00:20:41,655 --> 00:20:42,654
our coworkers together
489
00:20:42,884 --> 00:20:44,067
and see where it takes us.
490
00:20:44,222 --> 00:20:46,238
[Camera's shutter clicks]
[Whirring]
491
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:48,579
Summers: Yes! And your eyes
are even half-open!
492
00:20:48,736 --> 00:20:51,012
Just hold on
a little longer, Grandma.
493
00:20:51,186 --> 00:20:53,911
Wynona: Why is he running?
He has jet packs.
494
00:20:54,011 --> 00:20:57,364
Both: Just fly! [Laughing]
495
00:20:57,599 --> 00:20:59,582
Summers: She passed.
Flute: Oh.
496
00:21:03,727 --> 00:21:05,118
Pentos: So, when your parents
ask what we did today,
497
00:21:05,214 --> 00:21:06,231
what are you going to say?
498
00:21:06,461 --> 00:21:08,461
Kids: Not grand larceny.
499
00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:12,245
Pentos: Perfect.
[Kids laugh]
500
00:21:12,422 --> 00:21:14,237
Pentostonix 1: Have fun
sculpting the minds
501
00:21:14,261 --> 00:21:17,470
of the next generation! Idiot.
502
00:21:20,690 --> 00:21:22,866
[Explosion]
503
00:21:24,127 --> 00:21:28,463
Pentos: Still got it. [Laughs]
504
00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:32,518
[Coughs] Can I get a sip
of that juice box?
505
00:21:36,557 --> 00:21:38,649
Person: Bento.
[Crowd cheering]
506
00:21:38,699 --> 00:21:43,249
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