Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

[Film projector spinning]

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

♪

[Wind blowing]

-♪ Today I'm gonna leave my heart out on the pavement ♪

♪ I'll buy the gift shop down on South Street ♪

♪ I'll be waiting

♪ You find your hair ties a string of flowers, superpowers ♪

♪ And if you stay you'll find me ♪

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

♪ You left my heart out on the broken train tracks ♪

♪ You left my heart in the jungle gym ♪

♪ You left my heart on stop of the car ♪

♪ And then I drove off way too far ♪

♪ And then I drove off way too farrr ♪

♪ Your dreams are gone but you still hold on ♪

♪ Show your face to your morning sun ♪

♪ Your hopes are lost but you still won't come ♪

♪ You flash a smile to your dearest one ♪

♪ Could of, would have, should of ♪

♪ Could of, would have, should of ♪

♪ Could of done the same again

♪ Da, da, da, da, da

♪ Da, da, da, da, da

♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da

♪

-Believe it or not, this is actually a love story.

Or maybe it's a story about finding your voice again

after you've smashed it so deep down inside of yourself

and made it so small and hard

that even you can hear it no more.

♪

Well, maybe it's just a story about stories.

♪

Now, this one, this is a really nice Banarasi sari.

It's got your classic motifs,

but with some modern touches.

Now, if I was a royal king of Rajput or something

and my queen came in wearing this piece of fire,

I'd be like, "Alright, now we're talking."

[Laughs]

But then you could always go...

Kasavu.

You can never go wrong when you go Kasavu.

I mean, it's deceptively simple.

But I'm telling you, man, it is stylin'.

So, why don't you check them all out?

There's some in there in the back for you,

and see which one hits you where it hurts.

-Okay. Thank you.

-Yeah, you're welcome.

[Sighs]

Pushpa.

[Chair wheels clacking]

♪

I've been testing out some new rhymes

You want to hear them.

Okay, cool. [Sighs]

They're still rough, but check this.

[Snapping fingers]

What's up?

♪ This is big boy Vin, and I'mma sing us in ♪

♪ I ain't no poggle, I'm a smart ass muggle ♪

♪ Fresh, grown up, ain't sippin' on no baby cup ♪

♪ No more school, be chillin' by the pool ♪

♪ Don't got a GPA that lets you call me a fool ♪

♪ I don't need college, got a higher kind of knowledge ♪

♪ Is swinging on the streets, is slippin' in these beats ♪

♪ So quarantine your counselors ♪

♪ And all your college chancellors ♪

♪ I'mma live your fantasy, incorporate my entities ♪

♪ Rap around the edges of my educated frenemies ♪

♪ Sing it

♪ Yeah, sing it

♪ Sing it, sing it, sing it

♪ Sing

What do you think?

No, no, you're right.

Need some work.

I don't know.

I don't know why it's not happening.

I know that ever since Rina broke up with me,

I ain't been feelin' it.

I know it was three years ago,

but I keep telling you, pain's got its own clock, yo.

Anyway, I'mma hit up the chat house.

Want a snack?

Dosa? Panipuri? Bhel puri?

Dahi puri? Chana chaat? Delhi chaat, Samosa?

Dhokla?

You don't want dhokla?

[Chuckles]

Suit yourself.

♪ I don't need college, got a higher kind of polish ♪

♪ I ain't your mother's knowledge ♪

-Hey, guy. Hey, little cos.

You chillin'? -Chillin'

You chillin'? -Chillin'.

-So? -So?

-Are you gonna do the show or what?

-What show?

Little India Cultural Show.

-Auditions are in a couple of days.

You should try out. -Yeah.

You know, I'm not ready to release these new rhymes.

I'm still rollin' them, moldin' 'em, shapin' 'em.

I'm in a process, yo.

Yeah. Yeah, I hear you, bro,

but like, sometimes you want to put

the process in a town square.

-Yeah, yeah, I know.

-You're the one who told me that.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, I did.

It's just... [Sighs]

I don't know.

I got to find me a new style.

-Yeah, I feel you, bro.

-So, what about you?

You gonna lay down at this thing?

Yeah, cos. I got this new track.

Can you come by the pizza place later

and give me some notes? -Sure, I got you.

-Cool. [ Bullet ricochets]

-Damn

♪

Damn.

Sunny!

♪

-Yo. -Hey.

-[ Sonny] -Which one's this?

-"Sunny and Salim," a Bollywood classic.

A pair of twins separated at birth.

One becomes a cop, the other a criminal.

Then they join forces to find their mother's killer.

-That's the same actor, right?

-He plays a double role.

When he has the mustache, his Salim.

When he doesn't, he's Sunny.

-That's genius.

[Bell chimes]

♪

-I-I think she likes me.

-You think?

-Hi. -Hey.

-Hi. -Hey.

Hi. -Hey.

-Can we move this along already?

-Oh, yeah. The Great Little India Times.

It's a free newspaper. -Never heard of it.

-You should have, because it's great,

even though it's only a little.

We cover lots of social causes.

I'm the publisher and the editor.

I also write all the articles. I do a lot of stuff.

-Did you want to leave a stack? -Oh, my gosh. Can I?

-Yeah, sure.

-Cool.

And maybe one day, I can write an article about you too,

for the entertainment section.

[Door opens, bell chimes]

-Look what the wind farted in.

♪

-Mr. Juneja, welcome. Good to see you.

Please sit.

-Did you see that? You see how we ignored me?

It's like it doesn't even know who I am.

-I don't think he does know who you are.

-I dated his daughter.

I went out for dinners with him.

How could he not know who I am?

-It was three years ago. -That don't matter.

You know how it really makes his money, right?

-Yeah, the grocery store.

-That's just a front.

He smuggles in uncertified diamonds.

You know what they call those?

Dirty diamonds.

What's he doing here, anyway?

-He's sponsoring the food at the Little India Cultural Show

to celebrate his big announcement.

-What announcement?

-You haven't heard?

-Heard what?

-Uh, Rina...

-Rina what? -Yeah, Rina what?

-Rina got engaged.

-Rina got engaged?! -Rina got engaged?

[Tires screech in distance]

-Why didn't she tell me?

She should have told me.

-I got your back.

[Indistinct conversation]

[Door chimes]

[Door closes]

-I don't know who Rina is.

♪

♪

-Sanjay?

-[Chuckles] If it isn't the American born

confused loser?

-I thought they sent you back to your village

so you could become a goat dung expert?

-Oh, mission accomplished, bro.

You're looking at the number one rate officer of [indistinct]

excrement in the district of Ludhiana.

And, now, now I just come back to claim my prize.

-What? You?

You're marrying Rina?!

-What can I say?

The girl wants a future, and the future

is goat shit.

And I'm the GOAT of goat shit.

-No way.

I'm not going to let that happen.

-[Chuckling ] Are you going to try to stop it?

-Yeah, I think I am gonna try and stop it.

-Really, really? You're gonna try to stop it?

-Absolutely! I know I can stop it!

-Billu!

You don't come out and block me.

This is Billu. I brought him in my luggage.

You see, I'm a big shot now.

And you're still a tiny, tiny, tiny loser of a shot.

Let's go.

Billu, I said, let's go, huh?

I said go.

Billu, go to the car. C-A-R.

♪

-You're engaged to Sanjay?

-Maybe. -You is or you isn't.

So, is it or isn't?

-What if it is?

You and I broke up three years ago.

It's none of your business.

-Of course it's my business.

We were meant to be together forever.

-Then how come we're not?

-Well, because you never believed that I was

good enough for you, and your moneybags daddy.

-You never believed you were good enough for me

and my moneybags daddy.

-What does that mean? -[Chuckles]

You were so insecure.

-Was not.

-You was, too.

You were always testing me, making sure I knew

where the door was in case I decided to leave.

-Yeah, and you did leave.

-Because I got tired of waiting for you

to realize you might deserve me.

But you never realized, which meant you didn't.

-That makes no sense.

-Life makes no sense.

But still we persist.

-But to that guy? The king of goat shit?

-Goat shit or bullshit.

It's all shit.

And love is dead anyways.

-You don't really believe that.

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Talking on radio]

-I can't believe she's doing this.

How could you get engaged to that guy?

-What?

-I said I can't believe she's doing this to me.

-It's your own fault.

-Oh, why is it my fault?

-You're all talk, talk, talk, no action.

A woman likes a man of action.

Your father was a man of action.

-Oh, yeah. So full of action he abandoned us.

-At least he did something.

While you're a rapper who doesn't rap.

-I do things.

It's just that since she broke up with me --

-Three years ago. -Whatever.

I'm just -- I'm biding my time. Okay?

I'm in preparation mode until I --

until I relaunch myself upon the world.

-Well, you better do it quick.

You don't know how long you be here before your time runs out.

Look at your auntie in India. She's got bad valves.

They say she's going to die because she can't afford

the operation.

-What? Which auntie.

-[Indistinct] -Is it the Bengaluru auntie?

-No, that's Kalyani auntie.

She's already dead.

Kalyani auntie lives in Chennai.

-She's going to die because she can't afford an operation?

-Apparently so.

[Exhales sharply]

What do you think so far?

-What even is it?

-It's a crown for King Ashoka.

-King who? -King Ashoka,

India's greatest emperor.

He slaughtered thousands of people,

then felt bad about it, making him Buddhist.

-Why are you making him crowns.

-For the histrionic society.

They're auditioning for the culture show

with the play about him. -Shit.

I told Nikki I give her notes on her song.

-Now there's a rapper who's actually rapping.

So hello to my niece.

♪

-[Echoing] ♪ Stylin'

♪

♪ Let it

♪ Stylin'

♪

[Bell dings]

-Hey, guy. [Snaps finger]

-What do you want?

-Sign our petition,

and you get a free, sweet lentil bowl.

-You mean a laddu? -Exactly, a laddu.

-What's it for?

-It's a petition saying we want to reappropriate

this tract of land and declare it the independent

South Asian state of Aisetra.

-Um, Aisetra is just Artesia spelled backwards anyway.

Anyway, Aisetra will be the chivalrous

51st state of America.

-And we're going to build a palace on this land.

We've got the tools and everything.

[Tools clatter]

-No, I ain't signing this.

This is America, and I want to keep it that way.

-What's up? You got culture shame?

-No, but if I wanted to live in South Asia,

then I'd go live in South Asia.

-What about a laddu You don't want to free laddus?

-I don't like laddus.

-These are my dad's laddus, sellout!

Yeah, they're her dad's laddus, sellout!

-It's gonna pizza, it's gonna be a P

♪ Pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni ♪

♪ Pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni ♪

♪ It's gonna be a pizza, it's gonna be a P ♪

♪ Pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni ♪

♪ Pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni, pepperoni ♪

♪ It's gonna be a pizza, it's gonna be a P ♪

♪ Get a life, get a life, get a life ♪

[Feedback]

[Applause]

-That was wild, cos

-Thanks. You got any notes?

-Maybe switch it up a little,

maybe add some different topics.

-Yeah, cool.

-Inspirational, though.

I feel inspired. -Yeah? Which part?

-All of it.

The get a life bit though, that resonated.

-I throw that in just now.

-Wow. [Knock on window]

-Loser!

♪

-Yeah.

♪

I'm gonna get me a life.

♪

-You want to do what?

-Reappropriate the wealth.

-What does that even mean?

-It means that it's not right

that people like Rina's dad get rich

while good people like my auntie are dying

because they can't afford an operation.

-So, you want to break into a store and steal his stuff?

-Just the stuff he shouldn't have.

Like those dirty diamonds.

-And what are you going to do with them?

-We're going to sell them, and we're going to use

the money to do good in this world.

Like getting my auntie some new valves

and getting you a plane ticket

so you can go to Bollywood and become an actor,

achieve your potential.

It'll be like that movie, "Sunny and Salim."

We'll be fighting bad guys together,

putting the world to rights.

Huh?

-I'm in.

-What are you doing here?

-Walking my dog.

-You don't have a dog.

-Whoops There he goes.

It's alright. He knows how to get home.

-How much you hear?

-All of it.

And yeah, I in. I'll help you do it.

I'm all about reapportion.

-Who said we even needed your help?

-Oh, you do. You just don't know it yet.

I'm good at all sorts of things.

Useful things.

And I think you'd make a great Bollywood actor,

so you should do it, too.

-How can you say no now?

♪

-So, that's it?

-He keeps them in his office.

-How do you know? -Rina told me.

She says he keeps them stuffed in a jar

and then put in a pickle locked in his safe.

-What kind of safe is it?

-And what kind of pickle is it? -I don't know.

-You don't know what kind of safe it is

or what kind of pickle it is?

-I don't know either.

-Neither. -Whatever.

But this is why we're here, to do some reconnaissance,

work the exits and get pictures of the safe.

-But how do we get in to do the reconnaissance?

-Oh, I know.

We go underneath.

-Underneath?

-We start at the flight control channel.

I jump in the river. I'm a really good swimmer.

[Water splashes]

I'm going to locate the underwater pipe entrance

and travel through the drainage system.

[Cellphone beeping] I'll be wearing one of those

locating tagging devices,

and you'll be able to track my progress.

I'll then reappear in the Cash and Carry loading bay,

and I'll be sure to be really stealthy.

[Flippers clacking loudly]

I'll then don the disguise of a chapati maker,

including requisite chef hat.

So once I'm in, I can do all the reconnaissance required.

No, I know. You're right.

[Speech rewinding]

Where why would I even get a chef's hat from?

-Also, the store opens in five minutes.

We could just walk in.

-We still got to get in the office.

-Well, I have an idea for that, too.

♪

Mr. Juneja, thank you so much for agreeing to see me.

-Who are you? What are you talking about?

-We spoke on the phone, remember?

I'm doing an article for the Great Little India Times

for our community's most successful entrepreneurs.

-I didn't speak to anybody from the Great Little India Times.

I've never even heard of the Great Little India Times.

-Well, you should have, because it's great,

even though it's only very little.

Anyway, we want to know your secrets

for becoming a wildly accomplished,

successful businessman, man, man.

-Well, I suppose I could give you a few minutes of my time,

and perhaps you could even write about the culture show.

I'm sponsoring it, you know?

-I had no idea. Tell me.

-Okay, she's been in there long enough.

You ready?

-Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready.

-Remember, she said it's got to be big.

-I know how to go big.

[Indistinct conversations]

♪

-Sir, you can't do that. Get down from there.

That's not a stage.

[Whirring]

-Sunny!

-Salim.

-Sunny. -Salim.

-Sunny. -Salim.

-Sunny. -Salim.

-Sunny. -Salim.

-Sunny. -Salim.

-Sunny. -Salim.

♪

-[Singing in native language]

♪

-Double role.

♪

God, he's good. -[Singing in native language]

♪

♪

-There is certain innate skill to be a successful businessman.

Something in your DNA, you might say.

In fact, you can say something about my superpower,

a certain sixth sense.

As a matter of fact -- -Oh!

What is happening over there?

-What the bloody hell?

♪

-Ooh.

Oh, yeah. Flip that hair. [Camera shutter clicking]

Oh, girl, you lookin' fabulous.

♪

♪

-Listen up, get down right this instant.

-What's going on? -I-I don't know, sir.

I tried to get him down. -Get down!

-He isn't listening

-Get down this bloody --

Out! Out!

Out!

[Door opens]

Hey. The article? What about the article?

-Oh, it's going to be great.

You've given me so much to work with.

-You said you wanted a photo.

-Oh, I got so many photos.

-Sighs] You get the pictures?

-Oh, yeah.

She's pretty, right?

-It's a combination safe.

-So, we can't open it without the code?

-Let's go find someone who can open it.

Someone with technical know how?

-You mean like a malcontent engineer with time

on their hands and an ax to grind?

-You know one of those?

-Nope.

-I do.

♪

[Bell dings]

♪

-I went to IIT, the mother copulating

India Institute of Technology.

You know how hard it is to get into IIT.

No. Whatever you're thinking, exit by 20.

Oh, yes.

Now you're getting the idea.

The sacrifices my parents had to make.

They would spoon feed me while I studied

so I wouldn't break my concentration.

They would have clean the shit for my ass if they had to,

but I told them that was going too far.

Except for that one time.

At IIT, you are fighting against the best of the best.

If you fall, the other students will not pick you up.

Oh, no. They are fanatic head of the injustice system,

solid waste.

Every last one of them.

[Grunting] After I graduated,

I was offered a job in America.

[Panting, grunts]

Everyone wants to go to America.

[Grunting]

So I got an H-1B visa.

I started working here, saving?.

[Panting]

[Grunts]

Then, I applied for my green card.

You know what happened? You know?

-Uh... -10 cadaver

inseminated years ago!

[Panting]

And so here I am.

No visa, no job, a never arriving green card,

and an inevitable deportation summons.

And -- is stale.

[Banging on table]

♪

So, hell yes I want to rob some money [indistinct]

crushing diamonds.

-Great. That's great.

And you know how to open it?

The safe?

This is it.

-Okay. I see.

Yes.

Uh-huh.

First, I will need snacks.

Lots of snacks.

[Wind blowing]

-They have to be extra tasty. -Yes.

No. Yes.

♪

Too plain, tasteless.

Oh, very perfect, very yummy.

Too gassy.

Ah, two of those, and more.

That's it, more. Coconut.

Ah, yes.

These are going to work very well.

-How are they going to help you open up the safe?

-They help me concentrate, you fecal head.

But I'll also need tools, but no renting or buying?

We don't want a paper trail.

Do you have any tools? Huh?

Like, big mop bangin' tools?

-No, but I know some people that do.

-You want to do what?

-We want to borrow your tools.

-Why We let you borrow these bad girls?

-Because we need them for a job.

Once the job is done, we'll make it worth your while.

-How about we do this?

You volunteer your countrymen

to a series of one-on-one tournaments of chivalry

based on the ancient games Aisetra.

[Bell dings]

-You mean Artesia spelled backwards?

-Whatever. If you win, you get to borrow the tools.

If we win, you sign our petition.

-What kind of tournaments?

-[Chuckles]

[Indian music plays]

♪

-Last dancing dancer wins.

♪

♪

-[Singing in native language]

♪

[Body thuds, music stops]

-My father's laddus.

Whoever eats the most wins the battle.

♪

-[Chuckles]

♪

-What? That's it.

♪

Hey. [Smooches]

Are you going to finish those, huh?

♪

[Body thuds]

-Pros and cons of agrarian versus industrialized society.

Go. -Oh, I'll go for this.

Let me start by quoting the World Health Organization

ending international economic moral support --

it came out just two years ago.

And how is the financial, health and societal

and rapid urbanization in relation to both nuclear

and extended family structures.

For the person...

[Overlapping talking]

In conclusion to my postscript,

which included my initial conclusion

for [indistinct], I would have to say

I'm very much in favor of my postulation

from the aforementioned conclusion's conclusion.

♪

[Body thuds]

[Bird caws]

-So, I got to take on both of you?

-What's the matter? You scared?

-No, I ain't scared.

This is what I do. I'm a rapper.

I rap about stuff all the time.

-You can start.

-No, I'll let you.

-Okay, then.

[Train horn blaring in distance]

♪ How dare you come here on this sacred land? ♪

♪ This Aisetra new soil and think you can be ♪

A foil to this roving Singh band

♪ Of merry men and kick ass women ♪

♪ Your blessed

♪ I don't give you no condition ♪

At times you walk and makes you beg

♪ For your contrition

-♪ What she says is right

♪ You ain't down for this fight ♪

♪ You come here With these fools trying to get ♪

♪ Our tools of empire building ♪

♪ While we horticulture our culture ♪

♪ So you go pack up your samosas ♪

♪ Before we comatosa

♪ Before we comatosa your...

[Muttering]

♪ Yeah, before we comatosa your mimosas ♪

Yeah.

[Train horn blaring in distance]

Shit!

[Body thuds]

-Ah, okay.

Now we're in business.

It shame we didn't get to show them how great you are

at that rapping thing.

-Oh, yeah. It would have been ugly.

For them, I mean.

So, how long will you need to open it, the safe?

-One hour.

Two hours.

Three hours.

Maybe four, possibly five.

-That's we've got to go in at night when the stores closed.

So we got to break into the store, and into the safe?

-Unless we get into the store before they closed

and then get out when they open.

-You mean get ourselves locked in there for the night?

-Exactly.

-I love it.

I did a sleepaway camp at a dinosaur museum once,

and it was so scary, but really fun.

-What about cameras?

They'll record everything and be able

to see who we are?

-Yeah, that's true.

-Then we have to be in disguises.

-Disguises? -Oh, did you say disguises?

That's a great idea.

I can make it happen.

Trust me, I'm so good with disguises.

-Okay, then. We're doing this tomorrow.

Right now I got to go see a man about a God.

[Indistinct conversations]

[Speaking in native language]

-What do you think they're reversing?

-I think it's about King Ashoka. -I concur.

It's definitely about King Ashoka.

You know, he killed thousands of people,

felt like a monkey's sphincter about it

and then became a Buddhist.

-[Chanting in native language]

Okay, you're finished.

-That's it.

-That's it.

Oh, wait. [Indistinct]

Oh, and flowers.

I have flowers.

[Bell dings in distance]

Okay, now you're finished

-I'm properly blessed, right?

-The best I can do. -Good.

Good, because I'm gonna need all the blessings.

-Okay. -Because, you know, ever since

Rina broke up with me --

-Wasn't that three years ago?

-That don't matter.

Look, the point is, I'm doing

something about it tomorrow.

Something big.

-Okay.

-But maybe I shouldn't do it.

Maybe it's kind of, like, dangerous.

-Okay. -Might get me in trouble

and stuff, and maybe --

maybe I need to be told not to do it.

-Do you want someone to tell you not to do it?

-I mean, I'm not going to force someone to tell me not to do it.

If they think I shouldn't do it, then they should just

tell me not to do it.

-Oh. You mean God?

He should tell you not to do it?

-Yeah. God, whoever.

They should tell me if he cares not to do it.

-God doesn't want or not want you to do anything.

It's up to you to fulfill your destiny.

But whatever you do, do it with a right mind.

With clarity. -Ah.

-And [indistinct]. [Insect buzzing]

-Is that what you're doing?

You're doing all this with clarity and devotion?

-No regrets.

-Okay, then.

If that's all God's got to say about it,

I'll be doing it then.

-Okay.

-[Chuckles]

But if God doesn't want me to do it,

this really is his last chance to tell me.

-Okay.

Well, I shall finish my prayers.

Goodbye.

♪

-Okay, then.

Uh, good chat.

♪

[Bell chimes]

♪

♪

♪

-So, who wants to go first?

-I still don't get why I had to be the old woman.

-Well, he's clearly too pretty to be the old woman,

and I think you've got a natural propensity for it.

-I really think this thobe is too big on me.

-Yes, but you're doing all the physical work,

so I wanted to give you room to maneuver.

-And you don't think this nose ring is too much?

-It makes your eyes sparkle.

-Really?

-I can barely look at you.

-You guys ready for this or What?

-Yes. -Ready.

-Yep. -Ready.

-Yeah. -Let's do this.

[Sighs]

♪

Can you hurry up? It'll take us an hour to get in there.

-This is how my character walks.

-You can do it in the store.

You don't have to do it now.

♪

-Hello, young lady.

What a pretty sari.

-Thanks. -The store will be closing

in 15 minutes.

-You two head in the restroom.

I'll get Paru.

-Yeah.

[Gate opening loudly]

♪

[Gate closely loudly]

♪

-This way.

♪

Wait here. I'll let you out later.

-It's freezing in here. Hey.

My brain is going to shiver to the size

of your uncle's testosterone producing anatomy.

-It won't be long, okay? Just keep out of sight.

♪

[Door opens]

[Shopping cart clacking]

♪

-I'm leaving. See you tomorrow.

-Yes, sir.

♪

[Knock on door] Hello.

Anyone here?

Stores closing.

♪

[Door opens]

♪

[Safe keypad beeping]

♪

[Door opens, closes]

♪

♪

[Electricity clacking]

[Slurping]

[Keys jingle, doors lock]

♪

-[Exhales sharply]

Snacks. I need snacks.

♪

♪

The drill.

♪

[Drill whirring] [Indistinct]

♪

[Bell dings]

♪

[Panting]

Yeah, just as I thought.

We'll need the blow torch.

♪

[Blow torch whooshing]

♪

[Bell dings]

♪

-You sure you know what you're doing?

-You think I got your mother's

[speaks native language] for nothing?

[Panting]

[Saw whirring]

[Screams]

Come out!

[Grunting] [Bell dings]

[Bell dings]

[Grunts]

♪

[Bell dings]

♪

[Bangs on safe]

-So much for II F'ing T.

-This is worse than the immigration system.

Keeping me locked out.

-So, no diamonds, huh?

-How many numbers would the combination have?

-Eight.

Which means there are 40,320 different permutations.

[Keypad beeping]

[Safe beeps]

-How did you?

♪

-Rina's birthday.

♪

-Ah, mango pickle.

♪

-Oh.

♪

-Dirty diamonds.

♪

-Why does it say for Rina's wedding?

-I don't know. I don't know how he label his shit.

[Electricity clicking]

[Electricity humming]

[Switch clicks]

[Switch clicks]

[Switch clicks]

[Door opens]

♪

[Door closes]

♪

[Door opens]

-What the hell?!

[Indistinct shouting]

[Shopping carts rattling]

♪

♪

♪

[Singing in native language]

♪

♪

♪

♪

-What do you think? Turquoise or aquamarine?

-Why?

[Calm music playing in store]

♪

-What? Why what?

-Why'd you steal them?

-[Chuckles] Steal?

Steal what?

-My dad said somebody broke into his office

and stole my wedding diamonds.

So, why did you do it?

-I didn't.

I didn't do it.

-Well, it doesn't change anything.

I'm still going to marry him.

-Wait.

Why are you marrying that guy anyway?

-Because...

I know it can never break my heart,

even if he tried.

Oh, and by the way, if my dad finds out it was you,

he's going to kick your ass.

-And if I did get my ass kicked, would you care?

-I always cared. You were the one

who couldn't jump in all the way.

-What if I jumped in now?

What if I was ready now?

-Then you should tell me.

But not by robbing my dad's store.

You're not the one that's supposed to be stupid.

♪

[Door opens]

♪

-I don't know what all that diamond stuff was about.

[Scoffs] Not a clue.

[Sighs]

♪

-So, we sell them? -Of course sell them.

-Or donate them to the cat shelter.

Or not.

-Well, maybe we just keep them. [Clears throat]

-But what about your aunties' valves?

-And him going to Bollywood?

-And appropriation?

-And cash in the bank to compensate

for my never arriving addendum sucking green card?

-Okay, whatever. I'm just talking.

The question is, who are we going to sell them to?

-Gangsters. We have to find some gangsters.

Like Russian ones or Irish ones

or any other ethnic gangster group.

-You know any? -No.

-I knew some gangsters at IIT,

but now they're working in Silicon Valley.

-Why don't we sell them back to him?

-Back to who? -Rina's dad.

I mean, he'd want them back,

and he ain't going to call the cops

because they're illegal anyway.

-I like it. It's a good idea.

We make him pay twice for his nefariousness.

-And maybe he won't ever be nefarious ever again.

-But he gets the diamonds back.

-Yeah, but he still reappropriate

some of his illegal wealth.

I mean, that's why we're doing this, right?

-It doesn't make sense.

Why would they take the diamonds

but not the cash, too?

-Maybe it's because they're really stupid.

-You're our expert on that subject, aren't you?

-Thank you, [speaks native language].

You guys, I think these might be disguises.

-Of course they're bloody disguises.

Catch eight-year-olds moving around like that.

-Right. No, no, no. I was just confirming it for myself.

[Line ringing]

-What. -Sir, someone on

line two wants to talk to you about the break in.

-Hello? Who is this?

-[As Don Vito Corleone] Mr. Juneja, I need you

to listen up and listen up close.

-What? I can't understand what you're saying.

-I said I need you to listen to me.

-Where are you? Who am I talking to?

-That ain't the way this goes.

You listen to me and I ask the questions.

Unless I ask the questions, and then you give me the answer.

-What is this all about?

-It's about the diamonds.

We've got your diamonds.

-Well, then you better return them to me,

if you know what's good for you.

-Well, you can't have them back.

You understand what I'm saying? You can't have them.

-Then why are you calling me, you moron?

-To make you an offer.

An offer you better not refuse.

-I don't know who you are or what stupid

accent you're doing.

-He said my accent is stupid.

-I like it. I think it's good.

-It's so good.

-Listen, we want $40,000 or we pass your filthy

diamonds on to the cops and tell them where we what we got them.

So, baseball field tomorrow, 11 A.M..

Don't be late, and just you.

-Hey, wait.

[Telephone clacks]

-I think I swallowed some Kleenexs.

-[Indistinct] Are you going to give them

the 40,000 American?

-Of course I'm not going to give them 40,000 American.

I'm going to give them a beating that they'll never forget,

whoever they are.

-Okay.

[Indian music playing on radio]

[Tool clicking]

♪

♪

♪

[Children playing]

-I think I see their milk wagon.

-So we're clear, right? You get the money.

You bring it back here, and only then you take the diamonds over.

-Roger that.

-I still don't see why she has to do it.

I mean, it's kind of dangerous.

-She's the one that has the best disguise.

-It's true, I do.

--I know, but still it's -- -It's okay.

I know we got each other's back.

[Seatbelts click]

-Give me the cash.

-Looks good, no? Almost looks real.

-You're engaged to my daughter.

What else do you want? A bloody medal?

-No, no, no, no. Just a kind word would be nice.

Now, listen, as soon as I have the diamonds,

come and grab whoever's there.

These [speaks native language] won't mess with me again.

Got it? -Mm-hmm.

[Birds chirping]

He's lucky to be having me as a son-in-law.

-He's there.

-You good? -Oh, yeah.

Super good.

[Birds chirping]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Groans]

Hello, young sir.

What a lovely morning.

-We can drop the old man act.

I've seen the security footage.

I know how nimble you are.

-I'm going to stay in character, if you're not be minding.

I'm very committed.

-Where are my diamonds?

-Your money first.

-Here. Now, my diamonds.

-I need to check the paper, then I get your diamonds.

-There you check. Now, my diamonds.

-I need to check it properly!

♪

-Done.

-Cash first. -Diamonds.

[Indistinct shouting]

-It doesn't look like it's going that well.

-Show me the cash! -The diamonds, the diamonds!

-Give me the cash!

-Oh.

-You're a very bad man.

-Who are you? Huh? -[Grunting]

-Who are you?

♪

[Groans]

-[Speaks in native language]

Maybe we should go help?

I mean, he doesn't have the diamonds.

He said to wait until he had the diamonds.

Maybe we should just go anyway. No, no, no.

He might get upset, but then he might

get upset if you don't go.

So maybe we should just go

♪

[Indistinct shouting]

-Go get her.

♪

-She needs help.

Give me the diamonds. We'll just give them back.

-No, they don't get them back till we get the money.

-Just give me the diamonds.

-These aren't even the diamonds!

-What?

-They're pieces of costume jewelry.

I -- I switched them out.

-This is nothing like "Sunny and Salim."

♪

-Wait. You're not in disguise.

They'll know who you are.

♪

-What about you? -Don't worry about me.

-Okay.

-Go.

♪

-[Screams]

♪

-We have to help him.

-Fine then.

♪

♪

-Get him in the car.

♪

♪

[Engine revs]

-At IIT would say that this particular hypothesis

has been poked in the face and proved to be falsifiable.

-You were here a few days ago making a big song and dance

on my checkout counter.

What is that about?

[Indistinct conversations]

[Chair clacking]

-Tell him, tell him now.

Tell him! Will you tell him?

Tell him now.

Tell him, tell him. Tell him!

Tell him, tell him.

Fine.

[Chair clacking]

-And the girl from the newspaper,

she was here the same time.

Does she have anything to do with you?

[Chair scraping]

-Tell him. Tell him now.

Tell him! Better tell him.

Tell him. Tell him.

[Chair scraping]

-Would you like a soda?

How about a soda?

-Yes?

♪

[Soda can pops]

♪

A soda.

-Take it! Better take it.

Drink it, yeah.

-Did you guys see?

-I think you're trying to force him to drink

some kind of truth serum.

-We've got to get him out of there.

Any ideas?

-Oh, yeah, I got one.

-What is it?

-We go in through the roof. -The roof?

-By way of a helicopter. [Helicopter blades whirring]

They'll never be expecting it.

We lay down some plastic explosives

in a really neat circle.

Or better get in the shape of a rangoli so it's auspicious.

The explosives are wired to a remote.

We press it, and it blows a hole in the roof.

[Explosion]

Then we jump through the hole and rescue him.

No, you're right.

[Speech rewinding]

We don't have any rope.

-Does anyone have a doable idea of how we can get in there?

-You could always try walking in.

-Unless you're really dumb.

-So, these are the four idiots

who thought they could steal from me.

-Now, even your friends realize

what an American-born loser you are.

-You two acquainted?

-He used to date Rina,

until she realized what a deadbeat he was

and dumped his ass and found herself a real man.

-You used to date my daughter?

-For two years.

I was in and out of your house.

I went out for dinner with you and everything.

You don't remember me?

-I have no recollection. -[Chuckles]

But here is one thing I do know.

I want you to take this other idiot

my daughter is now engaged to...

-That's me. -...and bring back my diamonds.

-You mean your dirty diamonds.

-What do you mean, dirty diamonds?

They belong to my great grandmother.

And the only thing dirty about those diamonds

where the four British soldier she killed

when they tried to steal them from her.

[Bird cawing]

[Indian music playing on radio]

♪

-Hey, I'm just going to pick something up.

♪

-Hello, auntie. How are you?

-You friend of Vinny?

-Oh, yes.

In his dreams.

-Mom, have you seen a tin in here

with costume jewelry?

-You mean this one?

-[Sighs] [Sewing machine whirring]

What happened to the stuff inside?

-Oh, the pieces of glass?

I used them to decorate King Ashoka's crown,

and he sparked. [Clicks tongue]

-The King Ashoka?

It stuck on Ashoka's crown?

-Uh-huh.

-I can't take King Ashoka's crown, bro.

It's India's greatest emperor.

He slaughtered thousands, felt bad about it,

then became a Buddhist.

-Looks like he's ready to hand it over anyway.

-[Sighs]

-King Ashoka.

Please forgive me. -Hey, Hey!

-I can't believe you lied to me!

[Indistinct shouting]

♪

[All slurping]

[Door opens]

[Speaks native language] I brought you diamonds.

-Go.

-I had to fight King Ashoka for this.

[Door closes]

I won.

He lost.

♪

-Well, at least we tried.

-Tried is not good enough.

Not when you're back in the same place you was before.

-Hey, it's not all bad.

My mother lovin' green card came in the mail today.

-That's great. Congratulations.

-Yeah, I'm very friggin happy for you.

But what about Zak here?

He don't get to go to Bollywood and achieve his dreams.

-I cooled on that idea anyway.

I've got plenty of dreaming to do here.

-You sweetheart.

Oh, and an angel investor told me he wants to take

Great Little India Times online

as a self uploading video portal

automatic blockchain, NFT, social media

sharing site for charity.

-Yeah, that is great.

But my Kalyani auntie's heart valves are still shot,

and she don't got no money for an operation.

-It was [speaks native language] auntie.

I got that wrong, by the way.

-Got what wrong!

-It wasn't heart valve.

She was talking about the plumbing in her bathroom.

She needed some kind of new valves there.

But still pretty expensive.

Gave her heart palpitations when she saw the bill.

-Well, she should be dying.

You all should be dying, like I am.

Dying.

Because Rina's still engaged.

Nothing's changed.

[Wind blowing]

♪

♪

[Bell chimes]

-So, tell me.

What's going on?

-I don't know.

But ever since Rina broke up with me,

I've been too scared to do anything.

And then when I finally did do something,

I didn't do what I thought it was going to do.

So, why do anything at all?

-Sometimes the doing doesn't always reap

the rewards we expect.

Sometimes we gain and we lose other things.

And sometimes we have to ask ourselves

are we doing the right doing.

Or are we just do-doing it out?

-Was being my dad just do-doing around for you?

-Is that why you cut out on me and Mom?

-I didn't cut out on you.

I'm still here. I'm still around.

It's just my focus is on higher things.

-Maybe I needed some of that focus.

Maybe I needed you to see me so I wouldn't be such a loser.

-I see you.

-I see the eternal flame in you.

[Chuckles]

And in all creatures, and the plants.

-But I ain't a goddamn plant, Dad.

[Bell chimes]

♪

♪

♪

-The Chicken Tikka pizza's tight, huh?

-Yeah.

Your dad knows what he's doing.

-That's why I gotta sing about it.

He's an inspiration. Like you, Vin.

-Me? I ain't no inspiration,

I'm just loser, like everybody thinks.

-Yo, cos, you inspire me. You always have.

You're the one told me to find that

little voice inside me that's just mine

and make it big.

Because that's your heart's voice, you said.

-I said that to, huh? -Yeah, bro. Yous an artist.

It ain't easy to be an artist.

Take some dirt digging, and you got dirt digging in spades.

-You think?

-You just gotta believe you're worthy, bro?

-It ain't easy when no one else believes in you.

-I believe in you.

-What about you?

Don't you got your audition

for the culture show tonight?

I don't know if I'm going to put up, though.

-What do you mean you ain't going to put up?

-I don't know if I want to be a solo artist anymore.

-Hmm. [Exhales sharply]

You need some backup, huh?

-I need to find me a crew, bro.

-Yeah, It's better when you got a crew.

You know what? I got you.

-Cool.

♪

♪

-Thanks for coming.

I'm sorry I lost it.

And I really am glad for you all.

I'm glad you guys found each other.

That makes you happy.

-It does. Thanks.

-And I'm glad about what you said about your newspaper.

-You mean about it going online

as a self-reporting media portal,

automatic blockchain, NFT, social media

sharing site for charity?

-Yeah, that. -Oh

-And I'm glad you finally got your mother lovin' green card.

-Okay, but there's reason to swear about it.

-And I'm glad we all did what we did,

even if it didn't work out because we did it together.

-Yeah. -Yeah, we did

-Definitely. -Together.

-Together.

-Anyways, my cousin Nikki and me is needing a crew.

So, you guys think you might be down for another job?

[Siren chirps in distance]

[Bell chimes]

Here go your tools back.

And how many names you got on that petition so far.

How about us Samosas give you four more signatures?

♪

-[Echoing] ♪ Stylin'

♪

♪ Let it

♪

♪ Stylin'

♪

[Train tracks clacking]

-I said I got you.

-Oh, worth it.

-Very nice. Thank you.

I think they did a wonderful job.

-Yes. Yes, they did. Yes.

-We'll see you at the night of the show.

[Cheers and applause]

-Thank you.

-And great costumes, Kamala.

And the next addition is Nikki Little Slice,

backed by her cousin, Big Boy Vin.

-Oh, him again.

-Boo!

-This is an honor my dad's awesome pizza.

One, two, one, two, three, four!

♪ You start with a pizza

-♪ You start with a P

-♪ You start with a pizza

-♪ You start with a P

-♪ You start with a pizza

-♪ You start with a P

♪ Chicken Tikki, Chicken Tikki

-♪ Chicken Tikki, Chicken Tikki Chicken Tikki ♪

-♪ Chicken Tikki -♪ Chicken Tikki

-♪ Chicken Tikki

-♪ It start with a pizza

-♪ It start with a P

-♪ Jalapeno, jalapeno jalapeno, jalapeno ♪

-♪ Jalapeno -♪ Jalapeno

-♪ Jalapeno -♪ Jalapeno

-♪ You start with a pizza

-♪ You start with a P

♪ You start with a pizza

♪ You start with a P

♪ Get a life, get a life

-♪ Get a life!

-Well, that certainly made me feel very hungry.

-[ Laughs ] -We'll see you at the night

of the show, Little Slice.

-Piece.

-And next, we have Guru Ram and his sitar.

-Actually, um, I -- I have another song

I like to do with my crew.

-Ugh.

-Oh, okay. Very good, let's hear it.

-Okay.

-This song goes out to...

Well, she'll know who.

[Button clicks]

♪

♪

♪

♪ Should have opened up my heart ♪

-♪ My heart

-♪ Give it every part

-♪ Every part

-♪ Should have made you the star of movie ♪

-♪ My movie

-♪ If you give me one more chance ♪

-♪ One more chance

-♪ I will be your final dance

-♪ Final dance

-♪ Put your name above the titles so truly ♪

-♪ So truly, yeah

♪

♪

-♪ Should have told you long ago ♪

-♪ Long ago

-♪ And now I really, really know ♪

-♪ Really know

-♪ I want you no matter the weather ♪

-♪ The weather, yeah

♪

♪

-♪ So tell me if I can

-♪ If I can

-♪ Be your new man

-♪ Your new man

-♪ 'Cause I think that I am

♪ Yeah, I think that I am

♪ Your best old and new plan

♪ And I-I-I-I love

-♪ Love you

[All panting]

-Well, the boy is not afraid to make a fool of himself.

I'll give him that.

-Fool is right. [Chuckles]

-That's, um, me too, I feel the same.

We'll be in touch.

Guru Ram?

[Indistinct conversations]

-Well, I mean, I put it out there.

-You put it out there. -You put it out there.

-You might get knocked down, but at least you tried.

-At least you tried. -Trying's what's important.

-Gotta try.

-And we make a good crew, right?

-We make a good crew. -Very good.

[Door opens]

-Hey.

-Hey. [Door closes]

-That was a really nice song.

Thanks.

-Yeah.

It was in your style. I'm trying, you know?

-Well, it worked.

Kind of honest.

But your eyebrows are a mess.

-They are? Ah...

-You really haven't been looking after them, have you?

-Uh...

Not like properly.

-Come in tomorrow,

and we'll see if they're saveable.

And I don't give those out to just anybody.

♪

[Door opens, closes]

-Ooh, free eyebrow trimming

That's a major score right there.

-Yeah. [Chuckles]

-I think it might well be.

-Mm-hmm.

-So, what do you guys think?

Let's get some chaat.

-I freaking love chaat.

-Always down for snacks.

-Okay then. -Yeah.

-Let's do chaat. -Let's go.

♪

[Door opens] -Hey, cos.

You doing chaat? -Yeah, we doing chaat.

-Cool. I'm writing a song about chaat.

-A song about chaat? How's it go?

-What is it? How's it go? -It's like...

♪ Samaso chaat, samaso chaat, samaso chaat ♪

-♪ Samaso chaat, samaso chaat, samaso chaat ♪

♪ Samaso chaat, samaso chaat, samaso chaat, samaso chaat ♪

-♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da

-♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da

-Like I said, a story about love or finding your voice again.

Or maybe it's just a story about finding a crew.

-Yeah, yeah.

Definitely a story about finding your crew.

Definitely.

♪

-♪ Wake up and it's Monday

♪ Shit, Monday ain't my fun day ♪

♪ Boss on our ass, all we tryin' do is pass the time ♪

♪ Sit around with the homies unwinded ♪

♪ Just relax, bear in mind ♪

♪ Glass half full, one step at a time ♪

♪ Ain't in a rush, gonna get what's ours ♪

♪ Chillin' by the pool, man, happy in the hours ♪

♪ Don't know what's comin' my way ♪

♪ Could be bad, could be good

♪ But in the end it's okay, see ♪

♪ It's about the moment right here ♪

♪ Gonna celebrate this woman right here ♪

♪ Friends and family by my side ♪

♪ We can do it all, man, nothing to hide ♪

♪ Let's live for the day, even if it's Monday ♪

♪ Take a deep breath in day by day ♪

-♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da, da

♪ La, la, la, la

♪

[Sitar chord strikes]

-That was some wonderful picking Guru Ram.

We will see you at the night of the show.

-Thank you. -And the next addition

is a song by Pushpa, I believe.

Oh, Pushpa, you work at my favorite sari store, don't you?

I didn't know you were a singer.

In your own time.

-♪ Movie sold out, only rush line tickets ♪

♪ Lined around the block and in the show no crickets ♪

♪ Don't matter who you know, don't matter how you knock ♪

♪ Only way you're gettin' in is if you win, win, win ♪

♪ Because they want to hear our story ♪

♪ Time for us to take a bit of glory ♪

♪ Come along for the journey, hey ♪

♪ They gonna put you on a gurney ♪

♪ Lay it on the seat, man, film it like a Polaroid ♪

♪ Samosas on your timeline, this ain't daytime ♪

♪ It's primetime

♪ Never seen it comin' but we're comin' up on time ♪

♪ The sun is shinin' and we're all reclinin' ♪

♪ Reflections refinin' on you

♪ They say it's time and we ain't declinin' ♪

♪ We're up here, we're flyin'

♪ It's true.

♪ The sun is shinin' and we're all reclinin' ♪

♪ Reflections refinin' on you

They say it's time and we ain't declinin'.

♪ We're up here, we flyin'

♪ It's true

♪ It's a better day, it's a brighter day. ♪

♪ It's a better, better, better, brighter day ♪

♪ It's a better day, it's a brighter day ♪

It's a better better, better, better, brighter day.

♪ Chana chaat, chana chaat

♪ Chana, chana, chana, chana, chana chaat ♪

♪ Chana chaat, chana chaat

♪ Chana, chana, chana, chana, chana chaat ♪

♪ Delhi chaat, delhi chaat

♪ Delhi, delhi, delhi, delhi, delhi chaat ♪

♪ Delhi chaat, delhi chaat

♪ Delhi, delhi, delhi, delhi, delhi chaat ♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪ The sun is shinin' and we're all reclinin; ♪

♪ Reflections refinin' on you

♪ They say it's time, and we ain't declinin' ♪

♪ We're up here, we're flyin'

♪ It's true

The sun is shinin' and we're all reclinin'

♪ Reflections refinin' on you

♪ They say it's time and we ain't declinin' ♪

♪ We're up here, we flyin'

♪ It's true

♪

♪

[Bullet ricochets]

-Damn.

-Sunny!

♪

♪

-[Groans] -Sunny!

♪

Sunny, Sunny.

♪

-[Groans]

-Sunny!

Sunny.

[Sobbing]

♪

Sunny!

♪