Original subtitles

hi my name is Emily and this is my

testimony I I grew up in church uh was

very often in church multiple times a

week my family was one of the main

families in the church and so I had

faith in God from a young age and I

heard the Bible from a young age as well

and um yeah that was just my life but

there was always something inside of me

that knew I was missing something I

remember I would actually like cry

myself to sleep at night because I just

knew I was going to hell like I knew I

wasn't good enough for God and um I knew

I didn't meet his standard from a very

young age I knew that um and I would

pray the sinner's prayer over and over

and I felt nothing's happening nothing's

happening and so yeah I knew from a

young age um that there was more I'm

missing

something and um when I was in my

teenage years I went through a very hard

time with my family um my family split

and my church also at the same time

split and so those were the two main

like Idols in my life was my church and

my family and when those things split I

lost a lot of interest in God and um it

was a very difficult time for me and

because I I knew I didn't meet God's

standard and now this had happened to my

life I relied more on my sin to cover

myself and so I would um like fantasize

things and these fantasies developed and

they became like um

more dark and more Twisted I guess and

and sexual as well and so every night I

would have to have these fantasies in

order to fall asleep and the more I set

my mind on these things the more these

things became part of my actual life as

well and so I was really caught up in

sin and I would hide it from people and

like look like a good person on the

outside but I was really caught up in my

sin and um it came to a point where yeah

I was just really really low and I

remember I would write in in my diary

about God and I might actually read a

little portion because a few years ago I

I found a diary from that time and it

was really me crying out to God asking

what am I supposed to do so I'll just

read some of it um where are you this is

speaking to God I want you I'm scared of

death because I know where I'll go

terrified actually I think of these

fantasies before I go to bed to keep my

mind off of life if someone read this

they know I'm pretty messed up and I

hope in the future I'll read this and

thank Jesus for saving me I hope it

happens so bad dear God I'm tired of

everything I want peace I want to stop

being so scared I know I sin I'm so

selfish self-centered lustful angry I

could go on I know Jesus died on the

cross I know he took away sin but I want

to have a relationship with you through

Jesus God please come and then I wrote

there's no point I tried one thousand

times goodbye and then I scribbled over

that entry um in my journal and so

that's where I was I I wanted God but I

didn't I couldn't find him I didn't know

where he was and he felt very far away

from me and

um I yeah I was just at a loss but

something happened in my older sister

and I saw her change and she was seeking

God a lot um and and I thought only God

could could do something like that in

someone and so

I decided okay I'm going to go to church

I I want to do these things again but it

wasn't in the church I grew up in so I

think I missing something maybe that's

the Holy Spirit and so I I started going

to churches where they talked more about

the Holy Spirit or people would

experience the Holy Spirit or yeah have

these encounters with God something I

hadn't heard of before or prophesy or

speak in tongues um so I started seeking

out these like external signs um of the

Holy Spirit or what I thought of at the

time and so I was at a lot of

conferences where there was people that

were like prophets and um people would

manifest the Holy Spirit that's what I

was told so they would um be shaking and

shaking and shaking or like like yelling

and screaming or um like laughing

uncontrollably rolling around and so I

was like whoa like this is totally new

to me this is what probably what I've

been missing and so I knew my sin is the

problem so I thought this is what I need

to be set free from my sin I need to

experience God like this and so I

started being the one you know at the

front I want everyone to lay their hands

on me CU I need whatever this is because

I I have a problem you know and I was

hungry for God and um so yeah I I really

went up to the front every time and I

also went to a school for missionaries

um where this was happening as well and

so at the school almost every day we'd

be worshiping and these experience

experiences would be happening and yeah

I thought wow God is really moving

strongly um and yeah again I would have

everyone lay their hands on me and there

came a time when someone laid their

hands on me a speaker and um from that

day I started having this twitch um so

sometimes it would be a small twitch

like at my side I would just twitch or

my hands would Shake um and I I couldn't

stop it or sometimes I would twitch so

uncontrollably like it was whole body

just like uncontrollable twitching and

i' have like neck pain and headaches

after um and people would say wow this

is the holy spirit God's really touching

you and I thought wow I'm really

encountering God right now you know

because you're just being told that you

really believe that's what's happening

um and it would happen in times of

worship as well like worship U music and

everything so so it just made sense to

me that this must be God um and I

thought now I'm going to be free now

this is the answer that I've needed and

um there would be times where I was the

only person at the front just laughing

laughing laughing and I I couldn't

[Music]

[Laughter]

stop and it wasn't necessarily even

Pleasant anymore like the laughter at

first can be pleasant but it just became

so tiring and like I couldn't control it

and so um for a lot of time I had Pride

about it actually because I was the one

experiencing these things and so I must

be special um but a few months after

that school when I'm back to normal life

I was in college um I started having

doubt that this was the holy spirit

because these Twitches um would happen

at other other moments specifically um

when I would have anger outbursts and

most of my life I never had anger

outbursts but they started escalating

after um after that school that I had

gone to the missionary school they

started escalating and there was one

specific situation that really put doubt

in me and that was uh I I had a roommate

in college and we were having a

disagreement and I just burst out in

anger and I said the most horrible

painful things to her that anyone could

say and it scared me that had came come

out of my mouth and so I I was shocked I

couldn't believe that had come out of my

mouth and I ran out of the room and I

jumped onto my bed and on my bed I was

twitching in the same way um that people

said this is the holy spirit but I knew

this is not the holy spirit this is a

demon and that was the moment where I'm

like I'm so helpless now like I'm still

a slave to my sin nothing had changed

with

that I have a demon and I tried now I

thought I've tried all the different

forms of church and nothing has helped

me and so this started another dark

period where yeah because you know

nothing can save me I'm just going to

choose the sin anyways instead of

fighting it and so I was just choosing

the sin even though deep down I knew

this is not okay and I'm going to face

God one day um and there came a day

where I was just on my phone and there

came a testimony up on my social media

and it was someone I had met at that

missionary school and she was sharing

about baptism and she was sharing that

she thought she had been saved but she

actually wasn't and she was sharing

about how she missed this like truth

about baptism and as I'm watching this

video about how baptism is not a symbol

and like it's a dying with Christ I got

so angry something rose up in me this

this like huge anger because I was

looking at truth but I couldn't handle

the truth and so so much much anger came

up and I just threw my phone across the

room um and I never finished that video

but what's interesting is a few weeks

past and that girl ends up reaching out

to me and she says Emily you've been on

my mind can we talk and I was humbled at

that point and ready to hear from her

and when uh when we video chatted she

shared with me the gospel and I have

spent my whole life in church and I've

read the Bible more than once before

this point but when she shared the

gospel with me it was like the scales

just came off my eyes and I could really

see the truth for the first time in my

life I saw what it means to repent to

like you actually turn away from your

sin it's not this constant apologizing

to God which I had done for years and

saying I'm sorry and doing it again and

I'm sorry and doing it again it's like

actually turning away like changing your

mind and then I understood baptism that

in faith I would be dying to my slavery

to sin and I've never heard that before

I just I talked to pastors many times

and they said this is just the normal

life you fight against sin but now I

could see that the word was true that

when in Romans 6 you're going to die

with Christ and rise with Christ that is

actually going to happen to me and so I

was just so amazed like so amazed that

the word was true it was not just fancy

words anymore fancy words that could

never appli to me these could actually

happen to me and so I started to have

this Faith built up um and then hearing

about the Holy Spirit in like what what

is pure in its pure form um like it's

it's just our comfort and our teacher

and our Helper and and there's

self-control there as well and so um

yeah my eyes were just fully opened and

I started to repent and God show showed

me many things in my heart to turn away

from and as well as things in my life

that I needed to change and um the

friend who shared the gospel with me she

was thousands of miles away so she

couldn't baptize me and she encouraged

me to go to a Kickstart so I flew to a

Kickstart and I went to get baptized and

I was with some um Sisters in Christ

they were driving me to the beach to get

baptized and they asked me Emily are you

ready to follow Jesus no matter the cost

even if he ask you to leave your family

your friends are you really willing and

ready to follow him and I was like yes

like yes I'm ready and in that moment

the the demon that had been in me um

just started manifesting like crazy um

like yeah it was just like very extreme

manifestations and inside I I was still

there enough to think like Hallelujah

this thing does not want me to go in

those baptism Waters it's like a

confirmation that baptism was more than

a symbol because there's a war going on

and I could physically see that there's

a war over me getting in the baptism

Waters and so I was so ready so ready to

wash this away so ready to no longer

longer be a slave to my sin and so yeah

when I got baptized I I got in that

water and I went down a slave to my sin

and I went down with a demon and I came

out and my slavery was cut off I'm now a

slave of righteousness Hallelujah and

the the the demon left me and also a lot

of Sorrow that I carried in my heart got

washed away as well and then you know I

spoke in tongues um just pure Holy

Spirit and it was so beautiful and I was

just so full of joy that God's word is

true and that I have really experienced

what it means to to repent to be

baptized in water in the Holy

Spirit come come on come on come on fre

right

now come on look at this Hallelujah best

Freedom best Freedom best Freedom how

was you just receive all the freedom

is this real or what yes this is real

this also real for you out there the

Bible said when you repent and get

baptized you buried all life it's a

buried all life it's a was in the way of

sins the all life is buried here your

life all life is buried your sins have

been washed away and you have now

received the Holy Spirit and this is a

new beginning and um now I'm just living

this life for him I want to share this

message like that you can be in church

and and miss it like there's probably

many people who who can understand and

relate sitting in church and feeling

like why do I feel like I'm missing

something why am I struggling with my

sin it's it's all in the word it's all

there and every single word in in that

Bible is truth and um now I get to live

it I get to see people healed um get to

cast demons out um through the the power

of Christ and get to share the gospel

and see the next one respond and it's

really been an amazing life um walking

by faith and seeing God open amazing

doors and it hasn't always been easy but

it's been such a blessing and um I

recommend it to everyone so that's my

story