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hi my name is Emily and this is my
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testimony I I grew up in church uh was
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very often in church multiple times a
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week my family was one of the main
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families in the church and so I had
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faith in God from a young age and I
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heard the Bible from a young age as well
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and um yeah that was just my life but
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there was always something inside of me
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that knew I was missing something I
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remember I would actually like cry
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myself to sleep at night because I just
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knew I was going to hell like I knew I
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wasn't good enough for God and um I knew
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I didn't meet his standard from a very
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young age I knew that um and I would
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pray the sinner's prayer over and over
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and I felt nothing's happening nothing's
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happening and so yeah I knew from a
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young age um that there was more I'm
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missing
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something and um when I was in my
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teenage years I went through a very hard
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time with my family um my family split
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and my church also at the same time
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split and so those were the two main
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like Idols in my life was my church and
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my family and when those things split I
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lost a lot of interest in God and um it
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was a very difficult time for me and
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because I I knew I didn't meet God's
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standard and now this had happened to my
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life I relied more on my sin to cover
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myself and so I would um like fantasize
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things and these fantasies developed and
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they became like um
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more dark and more Twisted I guess and
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and sexual as well and so every night I
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would have to have these fantasies in
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order to fall asleep and the more I set
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my mind on these things the more these
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things became part of my actual life as
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well and so I was really caught up in
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sin and I would hide it from people and
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like look like a good person on the
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outside but I was really caught up in my
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sin and um it came to a point where yeah
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I was just really really low and I
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remember I would write in in my diary
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about God and I might actually read a
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little portion because a few years ago I
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I found a diary from that time and it
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was really me crying out to God asking
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what am I supposed to do so I'll just
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read some of it um where are you this is
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speaking to God I want you I'm scared of
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death because I know where I'll go
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terrified actually I think of these
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fantasies before I go to bed to keep my
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mind off of life if someone read this
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they know I'm pretty messed up and I
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hope in the future I'll read this and
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thank Jesus for saving me I hope it
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happens so bad dear God I'm tired of
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everything I want peace I want to stop
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being so scared I know I sin I'm so
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selfish self-centered lustful angry I
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could go on I know Jesus died on the
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cross I know he took away sin but I want
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to have a relationship with you through
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Jesus God please come and then I wrote
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there's no point I tried one thousand
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times goodbye and then I scribbled over
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that entry um in my journal and so
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that's where I was I I wanted God but I
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didn't I couldn't find him I didn't know
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where he was and he felt very far away
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from me and
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um I yeah I was just at a loss but
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something happened in my older sister
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and I saw her change and she was seeking
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God a lot um and and I thought only God
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could could do something like that in
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someone and so
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I decided okay I'm going to go to church
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I I want to do these things again but it
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wasn't in the church I grew up in so I
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think I missing something maybe that's
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the Holy Spirit and so I I started going
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to churches where they talked more about
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the Holy Spirit or people would
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experience the Holy Spirit or yeah have
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these encounters with God something I
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hadn't heard of before or prophesy or
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speak in tongues um so I started seeking
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out these like external signs um of the
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Holy Spirit or what I thought of at the
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time and so I was at a lot of
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conferences where there was people that
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were like prophets and um people would
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manifest the Holy Spirit that's what I
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was told so they would um be shaking and
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shaking and shaking or like like yelling
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and screaming or um like laughing
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uncontrollably rolling around and so I
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was like whoa like this is totally new
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to me this is what probably what I've
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been missing and so I knew my sin is the
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problem so I thought this is what I need
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to be set free from my sin I need to
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experience God like this and so I
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started being the one you know at the
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front I want everyone to lay their hands
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on me CU I need whatever this is because
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I I have a problem you know and I was
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hungry for God and um so yeah I I really
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went up to the front every time and I
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also went to a school for missionaries
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um where this was happening as well and
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so at the school almost every day we'd
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be worshiping and these experience
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experiences would be happening and yeah
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I thought wow God is really moving
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strongly um and yeah again I would have
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everyone lay their hands on me and there
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came a time when someone laid their
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hands on me a speaker and um from that
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day I started having this twitch um so
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sometimes it would be a small twitch
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like at my side I would just twitch or
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my hands would Shake um and I I couldn't
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stop it or sometimes I would twitch so
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uncontrollably like it was whole body
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just like uncontrollable twitching and
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i' have like neck pain and headaches
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after um and people would say wow this
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is the holy spirit God's really touching
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you and I thought wow I'm really
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encountering God right now you know
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because you're just being told that you
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really believe that's what's happening
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um and it would happen in times of
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worship as well like worship U music and
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everything so so it just made sense to
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me that this must be God um and I
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thought now I'm going to be free now
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this is the answer that I've needed and
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um there would be times where I was the
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only person at the front just laughing
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laughing laughing and I I couldn't
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[Music]
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[Laughter]
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stop and it wasn't necessarily even
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Pleasant anymore like the laughter at
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first can be pleasant but it just became
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so tiring and like I couldn't control it
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and so um for a lot of time I had Pride
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about it actually because I was the one
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experiencing these things and so I must
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be special um but a few months after
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that school when I'm back to normal life
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I was in college um I started having
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doubt that this was the holy spirit
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because these Twitches um would happen
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at other other moments specifically um
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when I would have anger outbursts and
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most of my life I never had anger
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outbursts but they started escalating
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after um after that school that I had
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gone to the missionary school they
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started escalating and there was one
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specific situation that really put doubt
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in me and that was uh I I had a roommate
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in college and we were having a
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disagreement and I just burst out in
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anger and I said the most horrible
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painful things to her that anyone could
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say and it scared me that had came come
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out of my mouth and so I I was shocked I
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couldn't believe that had come out of my
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mouth and I ran out of the room and I
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jumped onto my bed and on my bed I was
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twitching in the same way um that people
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said this is the holy spirit but I knew
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this is not the holy spirit this is a
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demon and that was the moment where I'm
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like I'm so helpless now like I'm still
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a slave to my sin nothing had changed
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with
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that I have a demon and I tried now I
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thought I've tried all the different
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forms of church and nothing has helped
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me and so this started another dark
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period where yeah because you know
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nothing can save me I'm just going to
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choose the sin anyways instead of
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fighting it and so I was just choosing
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the sin even though deep down I knew
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this is not okay and I'm going to face
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God one day um and there came a day
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where I was just on my phone and there
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came a testimony up on my social media
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and it was someone I had met at that
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missionary school and she was sharing
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about baptism and she was sharing that
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she thought she had been saved but she
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actually wasn't and she was sharing
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about how she missed this like truth
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about baptism and as I'm watching this
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video about how baptism is not a symbol
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and like it's a dying with Christ I got
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so angry something rose up in me this
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this like huge anger because I was
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looking at truth but I couldn't handle
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the truth and so so much much anger came
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up and I just threw my phone across the
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room um and I never finished that video
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but what's interesting is a few weeks
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past and that girl ends up reaching out
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to me and she says Emily you've been on
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my mind can we talk and I was humbled at
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that point and ready to hear from her
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and when uh when we video chatted she
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shared with me the gospel and I have
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spent my whole life in church and I've
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read the Bible more than once before
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this point but when she shared the
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gospel with me it was like the scales
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just came off my eyes and I could really
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see the truth for the first time in my
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life I saw what it means to repent to
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like you actually turn away from your
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sin it's not this constant apologizing
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to God which I had done for years and
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saying I'm sorry and doing it again and
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I'm sorry and doing it again it's like
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actually turning away like changing your
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mind and then I understood baptism that
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in faith I would be dying to my slavery
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to sin and I've never heard that before
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I just I talked to pastors many times
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and they said this is just the normal
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life you fight against sin but now I
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could see that the word was true that
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when in Romans 6 you're going to die
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with Christ and rise with Christ that is
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actually going to happen to me and so I
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was just so amazed like so amazed that
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the word was true it was not just fancy
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words anymore fancy words that could
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never appli to me these could actually
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happen to me and so I started to have
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this Faith built up um and then hearing
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about the Holy Spirit in like what what
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is pure in its pure form um like it's
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it's just our comfort and our teacher
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and our Helper and and there's
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self-control there as well and so um
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yeah my eyes were just fully opened and
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I started to repent and God show showed
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me many things in my heart to turn away
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from and as well as things in my life
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that I needed to change and um the
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friend who shared the gospel with me she
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was thousands of miles away so she
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couldn't baptize me and she encouraged
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me to go to a Kickstart so I flew to a
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Kickstart and I went to get baptized and
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I was with some um Sisters in Christ
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they were driving me to the beach to get
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baptized and they asked me Emily are you
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ready to follow Jesus no matter the cost
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even if he ask you to leave your family
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your friends are you really willing and
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ready to follow him and I was like yes
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like yes I'm ready and in that moment
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the the demon that had been in me um
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just started manifesting like crazy um
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like yeah it was just like very extreme
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manifestations and inside I I was still
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there enough to think like Hallelujah
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this thing does not want me to go in
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those baptism Waters it's like a
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confirmation that baptism was more than
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a symbol because there's a war going on
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and I could physically see that there's
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a war over me getting in the baptism
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Waters and so I was so ready so ready to
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wash this away so ready to no longer
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longer be a slave to my sin and so yeah
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when I got baptized I I got in that
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water and I went down a slave to my sin
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and I went down with a demon and I came
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out and my slavery was cut off I'm now a
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slave of righteousness Hallelujah and
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the the the demon left me and also a lot
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of Sorrow that I carried in my heart got
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washed away as well and then you know I
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spoke in tongues um just pure Holy
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Spirit and it was so beautiful and I was
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just so full of joy that God's word is
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true and that I have really experienced
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what it means to to repent to be
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baptized in water in the Holy
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Spirit come come on come on come on fre
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right
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now come on look at this Hallelujah best
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Freedom best Freedom best Freedom how
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was you just receive all the freedom
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is this real or what yes this is real
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this also real for you out there the
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Bible said when you repent and get
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baptized you buried all life it's a
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buried all life it's a was in the way of
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sins the all life is buried here your
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life all life is buried your sins have
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been washed away and you have now
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received the Holy Spirit and this is a
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new beginning and um now I'm just living
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this life for him I want to share this
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message like that you can be in church
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and and miss it like there's probably
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many people who who can understand and
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relate sitting in church and feeling
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like why do I feel like I'm missing
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something why am I struggling with my
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sin it's it's all in the word it's all
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there and every single word in in that
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Bible is truth and um now I get to live
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it I get to see people healed um get to
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cast demons out um through the the power
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of Christ and get to share the gospel
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and see the next one respond and it's
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really been an amazing life um walking
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by faith and seeing God open amazing
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doors and it hasn't always been easy but
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it's been such a blessing and um I
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recommend it to everyone so that's my
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story
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