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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,906 --> 00:00:12,141 Kids, it happens to be our anniversary today, 2 00:00:12,175 --> 00:00:14,477 so it might be a nice idea if you wished your mother 3 00:00:14,511 --> 00:00:15,529 a happy anniversary. 4 00:00:15,579 --> 00:00:17,447 Okay, um... 5 00:00:17,481 --> 00:00:19,318 What would you like us to say? 6 00:00:19,721 --> 00:00:21,284 Well, you could start by saying, 7 00:00:21,318 --> 00:00:22,754 "Happy anniversary." 8 00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:24,855 Mmm, okay, but why are we wishing her 9 00:00:24,889 --> 00:00:26,290 a happy anniversary? 10 00:00:26,392 --> 00:00:27,688 Isn't that something that you two 11 00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:28,806 are supposed to say to each other? 12 00:00:28,831 --> 00:00:30,376 Yeah, it's called being courteous, honey. 13 00:00:30,426 --> 00:00:32,494 You know, the Bloomfield kids used to throw their parents 14 00:00:32,528 --> 00:00:34,329 an anniversary party every year. 15 00:00:34,364 --> 00:00:36,565 Mhmm... um, if we're truth telling, 16 00:00:36,599 --> 00:00:38,900 the Bloomfields were always a little too friendly 17 00:00:38,803 --> 00:00:40,303 I just don't understand what kind of family 18 00:00:38,935 --> 00:00:38,753 with one another. 19 00:00:40,338 --> 00:00:42,328 skinny dips together. 20 00:00:43,007 --> 00:00:44,407 John, are you ready? 21 00:00:44,442 --> 00:00:45,532 Yes, sweetheart. 22 00:00:45,557 --> 00:00:47,777 Happy anniversary! 23 00:00:47,812 --> 00:00:50,231 Congratulations on your ongoing love for one another. 24 00:00:50,281 --> 00:00:51,596 You did it! 25 00:00:51,850 --> 00:00:53,350 Okay kids, that's enough. 26 00:00:53,384 --> 00:00:55,161 You sound like the incestuous Bloomfields. 27 00:00:55,211 --> 00:00:56,955 Have a blessed day. 28 00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:01,634 -- Synced by the_foe for my Honey -- -- Corrected by ChrisKe -- 29 00:01:01,635 --> 00:01:04,370 Schitt's Creek - S02E13 "Happy Anniversary" - season finale 30 00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:06,765 Ahem! Hello there, Roses. 31 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,267 - Hello there, you! - Yes... 32 00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:09,519 May we join you? 33 00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:12,104 - Oh, we just ordered to go. - Yeah, we're not staying, 34 00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:13,639 we've got a million things to do. 35 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,708 Oh, well then, I guess you don't want 36 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,643 your present then, huh? 37 00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,114 You wanna guess what your present is? 38 00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:22,182 - No, I do not. - Dinner! 39 00:01:22,446 --> 00:01:24,517 We're gifting you a dinner! 40 00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:27,821 At the most exclusive eatery in Elmdale. 41 00:01:27,856 --> 00:01:29,790 - Oh. - It's very hard to get a table. 42 00:01:29,824 --> 00:01:31,843 But uh, I pulled a few strings. 43 00:01:31,893 --> 00:01:34,795 That sounds too good to... what's the catch? 44 00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:36,363 No, there's-there's no catch, 45 00:01:36,398 --> 00:01:39,262 just every new council member gets a dinner, so. 46 00:01:39,668 --> 00:01:42,202 Oh, how very civilized. 47 00:01:42,237 --> 00:01:44,424 It is... thank you, Roland. We accept. 48 00:01:44,474 --> 00:01:46,775 Terrific, so we'll pick you up around seven. 49 00:01:46,809 --> 00:01:48,944 - We? - Yeah, we have a coupon. 50 00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,079 Four entrees for the price of three, 51 00:01:51,114 --> 00:01:51,832 it expires soon, though. 52 00:01:51,882 --> 00:01:54,217 It should be really fun, you guys. 53 00:01:54,251 --> 00:01:56,686 Yes, it will be fun... 54 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,054 Well, it would be fun, 55 00:01:58,088 --> 00:02:00,157 if today were not our anniversary. 56 00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,859 - Yeah... - Wow, happy anniversary! 57 00:02:02,894 --> 00:02:04,446 Well, thank you, thank you. 58 00:02:04,496 --> 00:02:06,896 You two are obviously gonna want to spend tonight 59 00:02:06,921 --> 00:02:08,078 just the two of you, so... 60 00:02:08,103 --> 00:02:10,234 - Yes, that was the plan. - Yeah. 61 00:02:10,268 --> 00:02:12,035 Oh, well you know, the coupon expires 62 00:02:12,070 --> 00:02:13,604 in three weeks, so... 63 00:02:13,638 --> 00:02:14,790 Okay, all right, let it go. 64 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,240 You have fun, you guys! 65 00:02:16,274 --> 00:02:17,641 - Okay. - Okay? 66 00:02:17,676 --> 00:02:19,857 - Bye bye, now. - Bye! 67 00:02:20,435 --> 00:02:22,446 Boy, that was a close call. 68 00:02:28,420 --> 00:02:29,857 What are you doing with that? 69 00:02:31,145 --> 00:02:33,046 With what, this yearbook? 70 00:02:33,158 --> 00:02:34,685 Could you put it back, please?! 71 00:02:35,808 --> 00:02:37,309 Why would I put it back, 72 00:02:37,334 --> 00:02:39,502 when Stevie Budd was voted: 73 00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:41,582 "Most likely to get the guy." 74 00:02:41,943 --> 00:02:43,510 With that hair cut?! 75 00:02:43,535 --> 00:02:46,170 I'll have you know I was very popular with the boys. 76 00:02:46,292 --> 00:02:47,991 And girls, it seems. 77 00:02:48,041 --> 00:02:50,409 Wow, well, according to the Internet, 78 00:02:50,743 --> 00:02:52,963 you were "Mister Popular." 79 00:02:53,013 --> 00:02:54,614 I will have you know that that head-shot 80 00:02:54,648 --> 00:02:57,409 got me a two-episode arc on a TV series. 81 00:02:57,714 --> 00:02:58,782 What series? 82 00:02:59,118 --> 00:03:00,345 "Dateline." 83 00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:04,205 I played a boy who got abducted from a grocery store. 84 00:03:04,525 --> 00:03:05,926 - Wow. - Yeah. 85 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,312 And the performance was so riveting, 86 00:03:07,362 --> 00:03:10,210 people thought I actually was the "Value-mart victim." 87 00:03:10,328 --> 00:03:12,630 Hmm, bet that got you laid. 88 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:15,390 It did. It really did. 89 00:03:18,507 --> 00:03:19,941 You know, I am surprised that you haven't asked me 90 00:03:19,975 --> 00:03:21,521 to leave early today. 91 00:03:21,843 --> 00:03:23,381 Are you telepathic or something, 92 00:03:23,406 --> 00:03:25,942 because I have been thinking about asking you that question 93 00:03:25,967 --> 00:03:27,326 every day this week. 94 00:03:27,616 --> 00:03:29,107 I was just kidding. 95 00:03:30,021 --> 00:03:32,064 Oh... no yeah, me too. 96 00:03:32,114 --> 00:03:35,483 No, just with the big soiree at Mutt's tonight, 97 00:03:35,557 --> 00:03:38,306 I figured that you would need ample time to get ready. 98 00:03:38,812 --> 00:03:40,548 Mutt's having a soiree? 99 00:03:40,598 --> 00:03:41,897 Well, I'm sure you're invited. 100 00:03:42,294 --> 00:03:45,146 Yeah, no. Yeah, no, why wouldn't I be? 101 00:03:45,196 --> 00:03:47,230 Um, were you invited? 102 00:03:47,304 --> 00:03:48,704 Yeah. Yeah. 103 00:03:48,738 --> 00:03:51,258 I guess it's just-just a bit of a pride issue, 104 00:03:51,308 --> 00:03:54,210 you know, do I attend the party hosted by the guy 105 00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,153 that... you left me for? 106 00:03:56,447 --> 00:03:58,314 Yeah, no, I'm sure he wouldn't mind. 107 00:03:58,349 --> 00:04:01,864 Yeah, but I really would have to basically throw 108 00:04:01,889 --> 00:04:04,454 all my self-respect just right out the window. 109 00:04:04,488 --> 00:04:06,322 Aww, that's so sweet. 110 00:04:06,357 --> 00:04:09,045 So um, what time is the party tonight? 111 00:04:10,694 --> 00:04:12,929 Happy anniversary, sweetheart. 112 00:04:12,963 --> 00:04:15,631 Oh darling, what a sweet gesture, 113 00:04:15,666 --> 00:04:17,033 and a precursor no doubt, 114 00:04:17,067 --> 00:04:19,209 to something more grand planned. 115 00:04:19,771 --> 00:04:21,139 Something more grand? 116 00:04:21,473 --> 00:04:23,916 Ah, knowing your penchant for surprises, 117 00:04:23,941 --> 00:04:26,786 I'm guessing you have something else up your sleeve. 118 00:04:28,380 --> 00:04:31,037 - Yes, I do. - Uh oh! 119 00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,397 I do, I... 120 00:04:33,685 --> 00:04:34,931 Was going to tell you later, 121 00:04:34,956 --> 00:04:37,955 but I booked a restaurant in Elmdale, 122 00:04:37,989 --> 00:04:39,908 it's supposed to be very fancy! 123 00:04:39,958 --> 00:04:43,027 The one that Roland and Jocelyn just told us about? 124 00:04:43,061 --> 00:04:45,129 Yes! Yes, but... 125 00:04:45,164 --> 00:04:47,298 Who knew they were asking us tonight! 126 00:04:47,332 --> 00:04:48,751 - Just the two of us? - Mhmm. 127 00:04:48,801 --> 00:04:51,403 Sort of a "Lady and the Tramp" meets "9 1/2 Weeks" 128 00:04:51,437 --> 00:04:52,756 kind of dinner date? 129 00:04:52,806 --> 00:04:55,074 Could for one second believe that I would not 130 00:04:55,108 --> 00:04:58,437 have planned something... For our anniversary? 131 00:04:58,487 --> 00:04:59,548 Tonight? 132 00:05:00,714 --> 00:05:01,696 The two of us? 133 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,112 Hi, Rose, party of two. 134 00:05:14,228 --> 00:05:16,029 Yeah, we spoke on the phone this afternoon. 135 00:05:16,063 --> 00:05:17,864 You're lucky we had that cancellation. 136 00:05:17,898 --> 00:05:19,565 Yes, well, lucky for someone. 137 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:23,036 We... had a reservation which I of course made uh, 138 00:05:23,218 --> 00:05:24,676 weeks ago. 139 00:05:24,838 --> 00:05:26,406 You always could swing a good table 140 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:27,840 at the last minute, John. 141 00:05:29,137 --> 00:05:30,704 Okay, it'll just be a few minutes. 142 00:05:30,729 --> 00:05:32,596 - Thank you. - Okay. 143 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:33,926 Moira? 144 00:05:34,139 --> 00:05:35,473 - Bev? - Don! 145 00:05:35,498 --> 00:05:36,840 - Moira! - Bev! 146 00:05:36,890 --> 00:05:38,591 Oh my God, the Roses! You're alive! 147 00:05:38,616 --> 00:05:40,184 - Ohhhh! - Oh my gosh! 148 00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:42,744 - Good to see you! - Wow! What? Don? 149 00:05:42,923 --> 00:05:45,756 - Oh, I don't believe it! - Come on, Don! 150 00:05:45,781 --> 00:05:47,126 Muah! Muah! 151 00:05:47,161 --> 00:05:48,628 What are you two doing here? 152 00:05:48,662 --> 00:05:50,330 Well, we were dropping MacKenzie off at college, 153 00:05:50,364 --> 00:05:52,131 and decided we'd take the scenic route home. 154 00:05:52,166 --> 00:05:54,218 You must... they should... you must join us! 155 00:05:54,268 --> 00:05:55,735 Join us for dinner! 156 00:05:55,770 --> 00:05:57,170 - Well-oh, yes! - That would be great! 157 00:05:57,205 --> 00:06:00,674 We are just dying to find out what you've been up to! 158 00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:02,576 We're dying to tell you! 159 00:06:02,610 --> 00:06:04,010 Okay. 160 00:06:04,045 --> 00:06:06,092 Ohhh... 161 00:06:19,127 --> 00:06:20,794 Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you. 162 00:06:20,828 --> 00:06:22,229 Oh, I wouldn't either, 163 00:06:22,263 --> 00:06:23,630 but I couldn't find a cocktail shaker, 164 00:06:23,664 --> 00:06:26,053 and someone brought room temperature vodka. 165 00:06:26,367 --> 00:06:29,769 N-no, I mean... Mutt made those ice cubes from well water, 166 00:06:29,804 --> 00:06:32,172 so... they smell a little fishy. 167 00:06:32,206 --> 00:06:33,365 Oh. 168 00:06:33,875 --> 00:06:35,609 Yeah, wouldn't want that melting in my drink, 169 00:06:35,643 --> 00:06:36,977 thank you very much. 170 00:06:37,011 --> 00:06:39,546 - I'm Jake. - David. 171 00:06:39,580 --> 00:06:41,256 It's nice to meet you, handsome. 172 00:06:46,947 --> 00:06:49,949 I-I'll-I'm gonna... So I'll just... 173 00:06:54,068 --> 00:06:56,696 Wow! Look at you. 174 00:06:56,731 --> 00:06:58,465 What's that supposed to mean? 175 00:06:58,499 --> 00:07:00,506 No, I've just never seen you this dressed up before. 176 00:07:01,051 --> 00:07:02,487 I do what I want. 177 00:07:02,537 --> 00:07:05,739 And tonight, I'm wanting to meet someone. 178 00:07:05,774 --> 00:07:06,840 Hmm. 179 00:07:06,865 --> 00:07:08,518 So, I have a certain high school reputation 180 00:07:08,543 --> 00:07:10,010 I need to live up to. 181 00:07:10,044 --> 00:07:11,678 Uh huh, yeah, and good luck with that. 182 00:07:11,713 --> 00:07:13,881 Um, speaking of sexual popularity, 183 00:07:13,915 --> 00:07:18,700 I'm pretty sure that um... that guy at the bar, 184 00:07:19,989 --> 00:07:21,160 is into me. 185 00:07:21,756 --> 00:07:24,512 - Who, Jake? - Yeah. Jake. 186 00:07:25,167 --> 00:07:28,970 Why, was he one of your high school conquests? 187 00:07:29,002 --> 00:07:30,258 Actually, no. 188 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,766 But I have a pretty stellar radar for being able to tell 189 00:07:32,801 --> 00:07:34,201 when guys are into me. 190 00:07:34,235 --> 00:07:37,906 Mhmm... um, and having swam in both ponds, 191 00:07:38,346 --> 00:07:41,008 I can say that I might be able to navigate those waters 192 00:07:41,042 --> 00:07:42,753 a little but better than you. 193 00:07:43,011 --> 00:07:46,013 Uh huh? Well, we'll see. 194 00:07:46,047 --> 00:07:47,648 Hmm. 195 00:08:00,050 --> 00:08:03,653 So-so there we are at Izzy Tennison's country home... 196 00:08:03,687 --> 00:08:06,055 Oh, tell me she doesn't still have that stuffed bison. 197 00:08:06,090 --> 00:08:06,975 Oh, does she have it? 198 00:08:07,025 --> 00:08:09,250 She's moved it to the front hall! 199 00:08:09,275 --> 00:08:09,959 What?! 200 00:08:09,984 --> 00:08:12,405 Grier wanted to hang her coat on the horns! 201 00:08:14,499 --> 00:08:15,684 And it gets better. Don here... 202 00:08:15,734 --> 00:08:17,101 Oh, wait now, don't throw me under the bus, 203 00:08:17,136 --> 00:08:18,636 it was Borden who started it all. 204 00:08:18,671 --> 00:08:20,471 Borden Simons? 205 00:08:20,506 --> 00:08:22,307 It's like old home week! 206 00:08:22,519 --> 00:08:25,553 Anyway, I look over, 207 00:08:25,578 --> 00:08:28,031 and Don and Borden are on their hands and knees, 208 00:08:28,081 --> 00:08:31,317 crawling through the doggie door in the kitchen! 209 00:08:31,351 --> 00:08:35,172 It was too funny! 210 00:08:35,222 --> 00:08:37,490 - Oh, you should've been there. - Oh, wish we could've been. 211 00:08:37,524 --> 00:08:40,506 - Maybe next time. - Well, cheers to that! 212 00:08:40,741 --> 00:08:42,309 Cheers. 213 00:08:43,528 --> 00:08:46,797 Hey uh... Johnny? Moira? 214 00:08:46,822 --> 00:08:48,215 Oh my God! 215 00:08:48,265 --> 00:08:50,185 Um, what are you guys doing here? 216 00:08:51,099 --> 00:08:53,534 Well, we-we just ran into each other. 217 00:08:53,842 --> 00:08:55,209 It's their anniversary, Roland, 218 00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:56,329 just let them do what they want. 219 00:08:56,379 --> 00:08:57,846 It's your anniversary? You should've told us! 220 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,028 We don't want to intrude. 221 00:08:59,053 --> 00:09:02,017 No, you're not intruding, this is a surprise treat. 222 00:09:02,051 --> 00:09:05,387 Oh, okay, well then, are we intruding? 223 00:09:05,421 --> 00:09:06,473 Because before you were saying 224 00:09:06,523 --> 00:09:08,537 that you didn't wanna go out tonight, so... 225 00:09:08,725 --> 00:09:10,726 No, no, we-we uh... 226 00:09:10,761 --> 00:09:12,395 You can certainly join us, 227 00:09:12,429 --> 00:09:14,121 if you don't have your own table. 228 00:09:14,210 --> 00:09:15,844 We do, but that would be great! 229 00:09:16,128 --> 00:09:18,530 - Okay! - Yes, well then, by all means, 230 00:09:18,555 --> 00:09:22,391 yes, let's uh-let's... Let's all sit at one table. 231 00:09:22,416 --> 00:09:24,417 - This is cozy. Hello. - Hi. 232 00:09:24,541 --> 00:09:26,409 Good evening. 233 00:09:41,026 --> 00:09:43,225 Wow. Look at you. 234 00:09:43,729 --> 00:09:45,363 Is it weird that I'm here? 235 00:09:45,397 --> 00:09:46,797 It's only weird if you think it's weird. 236 00:09:46,832 --> 00:09:49,300 Yeah. Okay. I don't if you don't. 237 00:09:49,334 --> 00:09:51,736 Um, in fact, I don't actually know how late I can stay. 238 00:09:51,770 --> 00:09:54,590 I just wanted to pop in, and say hey. 239 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:57,023 Well, you're awfully dolled up for a "pop in." 240 00:09:57,189 --> 00:10:00,558 Oh my God, stop, I basically came from work. 241 00:10:00,583 --> 00:10:02,718 Babe, your stove's being testy again, 242 00:10:02,743 --> 00:10:04,177 should I just serve the cider cold? 243 00:10:04,202 --> 00:10:09,140 Uh... Alexis, this is uh, my girlfriend, 244 00:10:09,288 --> 00:10:12,290 Tennessee. Wow! 245 00:10:12,324 --> 00:10:14,070 Wow. Woweee. 246 00:10:14,095 --> 00:10:15,612 Alexis, hi. 247 00:10:15,662 --> 00:10:17,029 It's so nice to finally meet you, 248 00:10:17,063 --> 00:10:18,730 Mutt's told me so much about you. 249 00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:21,071 The way he describes you, it's like you're this... 250 00:10:21,798 --> 00:10:23,468 Beautiful little poem. 251 00:10:23,503 --> 00:10:25,288 Well, love "little!" 252 00:10:25,338 --> 00:10:28,240 Look at you! You're like a poem too. 253 00:10:28,275 --> 00:10:31,844 Like, a really pretty poem, or like, 254 00:10:31,878 --> 00:10:33,796 a mermaid, or something. 255 00:10:34,114 --> 00:10:36,195 Mutt, you're growing back your beard. 256 00:10:36,546 --> 00:10:39,518 Yeah, she likes it. 257 00:10:39,553 --> 00:10:40,835 Okay. 258 00:10:41,788 --> 00:10:44,842 Um, okay uh, I'm gonna go grab a drink. 259 00:10:44,892 --> 00:10:48,028 But um, it was so nice to finally meet you, 260 00:10:48,062 --> 00:10:49,340 Tallahassee, so... 261 00:10:49,365 --> 00:10:52,032 - It's ah, Tennessee. - Yes, Tennessee. 262 00:10:52,066 --> 00:10:54,319 I love that name, it's so unique. 263 00:10:54,369 --> 00:10:55,769 Um, thank God you look the way you do, 264 00:10:55,804 --> 00:10:57,959 because that name on the wrong girl would just... 265 00:10:58,022 --> 00:10:59,656 Ooh! So... 266 00:10:59,681 --> 00:11:01,326 You should feel really good about yourself. 267 00:11:03,732 --> 00:11:04,975 She's cute. 268 00:11:06,181 --> 00:11:08,382 You guys haven't ordered yet, have you? 269 00:11:08,416 --> 00:11:11,553 Because I need to present this coupon to the waiter first. 270 00:11:13,011 --> 00:11:14,693 Don't know what that means. 271 00:11:15,098 --> 00:11:16,514 He's so ironic, this one. 272 00:11:16,539 --> 00:11:17,876 Oh! 273 00:11:17,926 --> 00:11:20,828 So where are you living now, Moira? 274 00:11:20,863 --> 00:11:22,159 Tell us all about it. 275 00:11:22,184 --> 00:11:25,901 Oh, we're in a rustic, ranch style... 276 00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,807 Bungalow... that... 277 00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:30,784 It's very nice. 278 00:11:30,809 --> 00:11:33,940 Very nice, it's got plenty of parking, 279 00:11:33,965 --> 00:11:35,742 and a TV in every room. 280 00:11:36,111 --> 00:11:37,893 Oh, how many bedrooms? 281 00:11:37,918 --> 00:11:40,086 - Ten. - Ten bedrooms! 282 00:11:40,111 --> 00:11:43,279 Yeah, well, we don't use all the bedrooms. 283 00:11:43,304 --> 00:11:45,580 That must be a nightmare to clean! 284 00:11:45,630 --> 00:11:47,732 Um, Stevie does an adequate job. 285 00:11:47,757 --> 00:11:49,491 - Stevie's one of your staff? - Mhmm! 286 00:11:49,692 --> 00:11:52,112 Stevie's the only staff. 287 00:11:52,162 --> 00:11:54,063 This olive tapenade is... 288 00:11:54,097 --> 00:11:55,643 Salty, I know! 289 00:11:56,191 --> 00:11:57,758 Is it? I-I thought it was good, 290 00:11:58,189 --> 00:11:59,658 but yeah, it's salty. 291 00:12:00,318 --> 00:12:02,152 Hmm! Here's a funny story. 292 00:12:02,177 --> 00:12:03,373 Oh, good. 293 00:12:03,398 --> 00:12:06,267 On our way here, we drove through a town... 294 00:12:06,618 --> 00:12:11,689 Not a word of a lie, called... "Schittstown!" 295 00:12:11,848 --> 00:12:14,583 Oh! No, it was called, "Schittsville!" 296 00:12:14,618 --> 00:12:16,418 Schittsville! 297 00:12:16,453 --> 00:12:17,853 And from the looks of it, 298 00:12:17,888 --> 00:12:19,822 the town was living up to its name! 299 00:12:19,856 --> 00:12:22,558 Let's not go for the low-hanging fruit here, Don. 300 00:12:22,592 --> 00:12:25,639 Okay? No, these are funny jokes. 301 00:12:25,929 --> 00:12:27,717 Please continue, Don. 302 00:12:27,742 --> 00:12:31,482 You see, Roland gets it! 303 00:12:41,278 --> 00:12:42,779 You know, I'm actually having more fun at this party 304 00:12:42,813 --> 00:12:44,179 than I thought I would. 305 00:12:45,115 --> 00:12:46,625 How did you do it? 306 00:12:46,887 --> 00:12:48,754 Well, I started by drinking all four 307 00:12:48,779 --> 00:12:50,446 of those peach schnapps that you left in my fridge... 308 00:12:50,471 --> 00:12:53,295 No, I mean you seemed so cool about everything 309 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,375 after we broke up. It was almost annoying. 310 00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:58,460 Cool? 311 00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:02,859 Alexis... I couldn't stop crying. 312 00:13:03,247 --> 00:13:05,171 I was scaring all the animals at work. 313 00:13:05,793 --> 00:13:12,281 But when I... had to go on our honeymoon without you, 314 00:13:13,010 --> 00:13:14,611 the zip line instructor 315 00:13:14,645 --> 00:13:17,146 at the Los Passions Couples Resort told me 316 00:13:17,181 --> 00:13:19,445 that I just gotta get through it. 317 00:13:21,664 --> 00:13:24,515 Meaning my fear of heights, which I did get through. 318 00:13:24,791 --> 00:13:27,710 But with you, it just... 319 00:13:28,324 --> 00:13:30,291 It took a little longer. 320 00:13:32,581 --> 00:13:33,828 I'm sorry. 321 00:13:34,797 --> 00:13:36,062 It's okay. 322 00:13:39,774 --> 00:13:41,237 Staff dance? 323 00:13:41,604 --> 00:13:43,272 Yes! 324 00:13:52,650 --> 00:13:53,917 Mmm! 325 00:13:53,942 --> 00:13:57,229 Hmm, I thought I was shame eating in private. 326 00:13:57,448 --> 00:13:59,683 What is shame eating? 327 00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:01,675 I don't think we have enough time for that tonight. 328 00:14:03,665 --> 00:14:05,228 Are you looking for someone? 329 00:14:05,368 --> 00:14:07,340 No, yeah, I mean, sorry, 330 00:14:07,365 --> 00:14:10,434 I'm just, I lost my friend who should... be around here 331 00:14:10,468 --> 00:14:12,520 somewhere um, watching this so. 332 00:14:12,570 --> 00:14:13,926 Are you here with Stevie? 333 00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:15,848 I am. Yeah. 334 00:14:16,441 --> 00:14:18,008 - Okay. - Not here "with." 335 00:14:18,042 --> 00:14:20,043 No, we're not together, I'm very much single, so. 336 00:14:20,170 --> 00:14:21,895 You wanna get some air? 337 00:14:22,537 --> 00:14:24,538 Yeah. Uh huh. 338 00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:25,930 Mm! Yeah. 339 00:14:33,189 --> 00:14:34,857 Who do you have to kill around here 340 00:14:34,891 --> 00:14:38,079 to get another bottle of this undrinkable wine? 341 00:14:38,220 --> 00:14:39,523 I think it's good. 342 00:14:39,829 --> 00:14:42,236 I ordered the one with the highest alcohol content. 343 00:14:42,286 --> 00:14:43,878 What do you do, Roland? 344 00:14:44,314 --> 00:14:47,024 Something in agriculture, by the looks of it? 345 00:14:47,074 --> 00:14:50,277 Roland is actually the mayor of our town. 346 00:14:50,349 --> 00:14:51,773 Oh! 347 00:14:51,798 --> 00:14:53,046 Not Schittsville, I hope! 348 00:14:54,946 --> 00:14:57,003 What do you even call someone from Schittsville? 349 00:14:57,028 --> 00:14:59,153 A Schitter? A Schitthead? 350 00:14:59,389 --> 00:15:01,879 - Okay, you know what? - John, John. 351 00:15:02,158 --> 00:15:03,970 Don't worry, Moira, I won't say anything untoward. 352 00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:05,469 We're just having fun, John. 353 00:15:05,494 --> 00:15:07,095 And I thought we were having fun, Bev, 354 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:08,554 but you know what, we're not. 355 00:15:08,579 --> 00:15:10,813 Oh come on, it's just a joke! 356 00:15:10,931 --> 00:15:13,282 No Don, here's the joke. 357 00:15:13,332 --> 00:15:16,467 The joke is I'm sitting here in a half decent restaurant 358 00:15:16,517 --> 00:15:19,984 with my wife... and our friends... 359 00:15:21,242 --> 00:15:24,529 And all you two have done is complain about the food, 360 00:15:24,554 --> 00:15:27,289 and pretend that you didn't leave us high and dry 361 00:15:27,314 --> 00:15:29,281 after we lost everything. 362 00:15:29,318 --> 00:15:29,628 Oh, we're past all that now. 363 00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:31,335 I'm not quite past it, Moira. 364 00:15:32,989 --> 00:15:34,335 You wrote us off, Don. 365 00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:37,132 Not a phone call, 366 00:15:37,926 --> 00:15:39,570 not an email, 367 00:15:39,821 --> 00:15:41,193 not a nickel. 368 00:15:42,759 --> 00:15:44,893 Roland and Jocelyn here, 369 00:15:44,918 --> 00:15:46,619 could not have been more generous 370 00:15:46,644 --> 00:15:49,757 with what little they have. 371 00:15:49,975 --> 00:15:51,939 They found us a place to live, 372 00:15:52,677 --> 00:15:55,082 they've offered us their truck whenever we've needed it. 373 00:15:56,184 --> 00:15:58,668 They've invited us to their parties, 374 00:15:59,114 --> 00:16:03,317 they even offered to take us out to dinner tonight. 375 00:16:03,555 --> 00:16:05,356 Well, just to be clear, Johnny, 376 00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:06,791 we were always gonna split the bill, 377 00:16:06,825 --> 00:16:07,793 it's just with the coupon... 378 00:16:07,818 --> 00:16:09,152 Rollie, Rollie. 379 00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:15,019 And that town you passed through, 380 00:16:15,544 --> 00:16:17,253 it's not called Schittsville. 381 00:16:17,303 --> 00:16:18,807 It's called Schitt's Creek. 382 00:16:20,044 --> 00:16:21,498 And it's where we live. 383 00:16:33,318 --> 00:16:35,222 So Jake, um... 384 00:16:35,256 --> 00:16:37,142 Do you drink red wine, or white wine? 385 00:16:37,192 --> 00:16:38,574 I don't really drink wine. 386 00:16:39,019 --> 00:16:40,355 I'm more of a beer guy. 387 00:16:40,380 --> 00:16:41,847 Right. Yeah. 388 00:16:41,939 --> 00:16:44,207 That doesn't help me much. Um... 389 00:16:44,272 --> 00:16:46,640 Well, I better get going. 390 00:16:46,776 --> 00:16:49,111 I've gotta get to the shop early tomorrow morning, so. 391 00:16:49,136 --> 00:16:50,910 Oh, you work retail as well? 392 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,763 No, no. The wood shop. I make furniture. 393 00:16:54,788 --> 00:16:57,371 Ah. Yeah. No, I did a lot of um... 394 00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,350 I did a lot of wood working in high school. 395 00:16:59,375 --> 00:17:00,924 - Oh. - Yeah, uh, 396 00:17:00,949 --> 00:17:02,950 Christie McFadden accidentally nailed her hand 397 00:17:02,984 --> 00:17:04,598 to her paper towel holder, 398 00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:07,715 so that's-the lesson is just not to nail stuff... 399 00:17:12,127 --> 00:17:14,104 You know, I'm a pretty open-minded guy. 400 00:17:14,482 --> 00:17:17,401 So... why don't you stop by the shop sometime? 401 00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:19,016 Okay. 402 00:17:19,066 --> 00:17:21,677 - Good night. - Good night. 403 00:17:25,575 --> 00:17:27,710 I knew it! 404 00:17:37,318 --> 00:17:38,516 Uh... 405 00:17:39,723 --> 00:17:41,860 Where were you? 406 00:17:42,407 --> 00:17:43,993 Where were you?! 407 00:17:44,620 --> 00:17:46,588 Some townies were trying to get us high, 408 00:17:46,613 --> 00:17:48,714 and we didn't want to offend them, 409 00:17:48,739 --> 00:17:51,140 because they're doing so well in life. 410 00:17:51,477 --> 00:17:53,266 Didn't want to burn a bridge. 411 00:17:54,383 --> 00:17:57,439 Actually, those boys did burn a bridge last summer. 412 00:17:57,474 --> 00:17:59,969 Luckily they don't get as bored as they used to. 413 00:18:00,225 --> 00:18:02,092 Okay. Um... 414 00:18:02,275 --> 00:18:05,571 So Jake... is into me. 415 00:18:06,316 --> 00:18:07,423 Is he? 416 00:18:08,371 --> 00:18:10,873 - Yeah! - What makes you think that? 417 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:14,616 Because we just necked out behind the barn. 418 00:18:15,835 --> 00:18:19,429 Seriously, what makes you think that? 419 00:18:21,164 --> 00:18:23,499 Because we put our mouths together, 420 00:18:23,734 --> 00:18:25,515 out behind the barn. 421 00:18:26,236 --> 00:18:29,271 Just so you know, I kissed him too. 422 00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:33,046 Well, that didn't happen. 423 00:18:33,708 --> 00:18:35,280 Who's to say? 424 00:18:36,341 --> 00:18:38,671 Well, when would you have had time to do that? 425 00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:42,535 Did he invite you to his wood shop? 426 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,227 Sorry, that came out wrong. 427 00:18:55,626 --> 00:18:58,094 Smells like grass in here. 428 00:18:58,456 --> 00:19:02,292 - Oh my God! - Oh my God! 429 00:19:03,929 --> 00:19:06,430 Okay, this is not okay! What are you guys doing here?! 430 00:19:06,465 --> 00:19:08,909 Shhh, Alexis! 431 00:19:08,934 --> 00:19:11,476 For once in your life Shhhh! 432 00:19:11,637 --> 00:19:14,405 I don't care what snarky remarks you kids are gonna make 433 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:18,276 under your breath, tonight we are dancing as a family. 434 00:19:18,310 --> 00:19:19,979 What is happening? 435 00:19:26,877 --> 00:19:28,853 Do you know your father and I 436 00:19:28,887 --> 00:19:32,002 hold great affection for the two of you? 437 00:19:32,624 --> 00:19:34,726 It may not always be obvious, but... 438 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,596 Just say it, Moira! 439 00:19:37,155 --> 00:19:39,823 We love you both very much. 440 00:19:40,069 --> 00:19:42,018 Love you too! 441 00:19:45,638 --> 00:19:47,172 Love you too. 442 00:20:26,561 --> 00:20:30,986 -- Corrected by ChrisKe -- 31327

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