All language subtitles for Krapopolis.S02E15.The.Weather.Stick.480p.x264-mSD[EZTVx.to]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,540 --> 00:00:06,240 Thank you all for coming out. 2 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,710 I know dry season has been hard on all of us. 3 00:00:08,850 --> 00:00:09,950 When is this gonna be over? 4 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:11,650 I'm tired of drinking sand. 5 00:00:11,820 --> 00:00:15,030 My pee stream is like half of what it used to be. 6 00:00:15,130 --> 00:00:17,030 I get it. We all hate dry season. 7 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,030 But there are benefits. Dry season drives 8 00:00:19,130 --> 00:00:21,240 the tickle trolls north, far away from here. 9 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:23,510 What's so bad about the tickle trolls? They sound fun. 10 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,280 Trust me, they gave themselves that name 11 00:00:25,380 --> 00:00:27,220 to lure you in. They are ruthless! 12 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:29,220 But we'll get through this, and as we all know, 13 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,290 surviving hardship together is what creates a sense 14 00:00:31,460 --> 00:00:32,930 of community. Does it? 15 00:00:33,030 --> 00:00:35,630 Yes, sometimes! So, to help us all get through it, 16 00:00:35,730 --> 00:00:38,240 I've organized Dry Fest. We're making it fun, 17 00:00:38,370 --> 00:00:40,310 like we did with swarming locust season. 18 00:00:40,410 --> 00:00:42,310 No one enjoyed Locust Fest. 19 00:00:42,450 --> 00:00:43,780 I seem to remember you 20 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:45,190 winning the locust-eating contest. 21 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:48,020 They flew into my mouth when I yawned. 22 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:49,290 Are you gonna give your medal back? 23 00:00:49,390 --> 00:00:50,930 Let's not go crazy. 24 00:00:51,030 --> 00:00:52,430 OK, then. We've got a lot 25 00:00:52,570 --> 00:00:54,340 of fun dry-season activities planned. 26 00:00:54,340 --> 00:00:56,210 Later on, we'll have a slam poetry contest 27 00:00:56,340 --> 00:00:58,110 called "What I Hate About Dry Season!" 28 00:00:58,210 --> 00:00:59,580 This sucks! Yeah! 29 00:00:59,750 --> 00:01:01,450 Man 2: Window dressing at best! I'm sorry. 30 00:01:01,590 --> 00:01:03,260 What do you want me to do? Fix my melted house! 31 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:04,960 Strengthen my pee stream! 32 00:01:05,090 --> 00:01:07,160 Can you just make it less dry? 33 00:01:07,260 --> 00:01:08,630 Are you seriously criticizing me 34 00:01:08,730 --> 00:01:11,070 for the weather now? Hey, you signed up 35 00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:13,040 for this when you called yourself king. 36 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,540 I see this as more of a referendum 37 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,250 on his leadership in general. 38 00:01:16,350 --> 00:01:18,150 Scott, slam poetry style: Season's too dry, 39 00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:20,190 dust in my eye! Pee stream's light 40 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:21,690 and I blame King Ty! 41 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:25,030 It's more of a referendum on his leadership in general. 42 00:01:25,130 --> 00:01:27,970 Whoo-hoo! Yeah! 43 00:01:28,070 --> 00:01:29,980 Slam poetry's canceled! 44 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:53,390 Whoo! 45 00:01:55,530 --> 00:01:57,460 It was one thing when they blamed me 46 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,130 for the grain shortage. That's on me 47 00:01:59,230 --> 00:02:00,740 for storing the grain in the pig pen. 48 00:02:00,740 --> 00:02:02,740 And I'll take the hit for the pig obesity problem, too. 49 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,640 But the citizens are being unreasonable here. 50 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,920 I'd say you've got yourself a popularity problem. 51 00:02:08,050 --> 00:02:10,490 I got a problem. My soldiers keep deserting 52 00:02:10,490 --> 00:02:13,160 because of the heat, and the punishment for deserters 53 00:02:13,260 --> 00:02:14,530 is I gotta club 'em. 54 00:02:14,630 --> 00:02:16,470 Which wastes my arm for like a day and a half. 55 00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:19,140 Isn't there a place my soldiers could cool off? 56 00:02:19,270 --> 00:02:20,840 OK, this is one I can solve. 57 00:02:20,980 --> 00:02:22,350 Mom, your temple is nice and cool. 58 00:02:22,450 --> 00:02:24,150 Could Stupe's soldiers use that as their barracks? 59 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:27,190 Absolutely not! My temple is for my worshipers. 60 00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:28,960 Aren't you overstating the number of worshipers 61 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,230 you have by making it plural? For your information, 62 00:02:31,330 --> 00:02:33,240 I have picked up a small contingent 63 00:02:33,340 --> 00:02:35,240 of very dedicated worshipers, who love 64 00:02:35,340 --> 00:02:37,110 watching me turn into various birds. 65 00:02:37,210 --> 00:02:38,780 Bird watchers? Yes! 66 00:02:38,780 --> 00:02:40,680 Stupe, just convert your soldiers to Mom worshipers. 67 00:02:40,780 --> 00:02:43,460 That won't fly. You know who soldiers worship. 68 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,990 I can't say her name. You can say it. 69 00:02:46,090 --> 00:02:48,430 I have no problem hearing her name. 70 00:02:48,570 --> 00:02:51,300 Athena. Never say her name! 71 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,170 That was a test and you failed. 72 00:02:53,310 --> 00:02:55,210 Ty, I'm working on something that can cool 73 00:02:55,310 --> 00:02:57,680 everyone down. It's called air conditioning. 74 00:02:57,780 --> 00:02:59,420 How does it work? No idea, 75 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,260 I only have the name so far. Well, 76 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,290 in the meantime, can you just make the citizens heartier 77 00:03:03,290 --> 00:03:05,370 and not such crybabies? Are we talking 78 00:03:05,470 --> 00:03:07,800 about... selective breeding? 79 00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:10,080 Cuz just say the word. I'll start the program. 80 00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:11,510 I'm itching to do it with humans. 81 00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:13,280 No! No selective breeding. 82 00:03:13,380 --> 00:03:15,350 People should be free to choose their life partners 83 00:03:15,450 --> 00:03:17,320 through the tried and true system 84 00:03:17,420 --> 00:03:19,160 of arranged marriages and brides for land. 85 00:03:19,260 --> 00:03:20,760 Mom, can we please use your temple? 86 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:22,600 As long as no one says that name. 87 00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:24,200 Great. I'll get started. 88 00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:25,970 There's gonna be plenty of room if we rip out 89 00:03:26,070 --> 00:03:27,240 a few friezes and parapets. 90 00:03:27,380 --> 00:03:28,650 Don't touch my parapets! 91 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,650 Son, I really hate to see you so down. 92 00:03:30,750 --> 00:03:33,220 I think I know what you need to do. 93 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:35,190 Yes, just accept that there are times 94 00:03:35,290 --> 00:03:37,230 in a king's reign when he isn't universally beloved. 95 00:03:37,330 --> 00:03:39,230 I was going to say cheat. Cheat? 96 00:03:39,370 --> 00:03:41,610 Let me show you something. 97 00:03:41,710 --> 00:03:44,180 It's in here somewhere. What is this stuff? 98 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,210 I've been alive for thousands of years. 99 00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,250 I've collected a few magic items in that time. 100 00:03:48,250 --> 00:03:50,720 Oh, is this a genie in a lamp? 101 00:03:50,820 --> 00:03:53,190 Not quite. It's an orgy in a lamp. 102 00:03:53,190 --> 00:03:54,900 Be careful with it. 103 00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:56,840 Woman, robocall voice: Good morning, Master. 104 00:03:56,940 --> 00:03:59,470 You have one orgy left. 105 00:03:59,570 --> 00:04:00,940 Nope, false alarm. 106 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,750 I'm saving you for a special occasion. 107 00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:08,360 Ah, here it is. 108 00:04:08,460 --> 00:04:10,360 This is a weather stick. You can control 109 00:04:10,460 --> 00:04:12,330 the elements with it. 110 00:04:12,430 --> 00:04:14,500 Whoa! Where did you get this? 111 00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:17,180 I got it from my friends, the Placeans. 112 00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:20,020 It's quite flexible if you know how to use it. 113 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,260 Now, you and I both know you have a hard time 114 00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:26,290 getting people to like you. Of course. 115 00:04:26,290 --> 00:04:28,230 Because I'm an authority figure. Sure, 116 00:04:28,330 --> 00:04:30,240 let's say it's that. But in my thousands of years 117 00:04:30,340 --> 00:04:32,640 on this earth, one thing has always been true: 118 00:04:32,770 --> 00:04:34,780 everyone loves you if you have a pool. 119 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:36,750 That is true. But I'm not going to cheat 120 00:04:36,850 --> 00:04:40,050 just to get people to love me. Dry season serves a purpose. 121 00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:41,530 It drives the tickle trolls north. 122 00:04:41,630 --> 00:04:43,660 Also, surviving hardships together is what creates 123 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,200 a sense of community is what I'm telling them. 124 00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:48,240 Suit yourself. If you'll excuse me, 125 00:04:48,370 --> 00:04:50,340 it's nap time. If Daddy doesn't nap, 126 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,410 Daddy gets cranky. 127 00:04:53,550 --> 00:04:55,490 Ugh, this heat is unbearable. 128 00:04:55,590 --> 00:04:57,420 Look at my bowl. I've got an algae bloom! 129 00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,530 All right, guys, this is your new barracks. 130 00:04:59,660 --> 00:05:00,760 Hang on, hang on. 131 00:05:00,860 --> 00:05:03,130 My worshipers expect an entrance. 132 00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:06,680 Ooh! 133 00:05:06,810 --> 00:05:09,650 Worshiper 1: Oh, I know that one! That's a kingfisher. 134 00:05:09,820 --> 00:05:12,190 Worshiper 2: Ooh, hooded crow! Worshiper 1: Red-backed shrike! 135 00:05:12,190 --> 00:05:14,260 Show the plumage! Show the plumage! 136 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,260 Yeah! 137 00:05:16,390 --> 00:05:18,160 All hail Deliria! 138 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:19,870 Thank you, thank you. 139 00:05:19,970 --> 00:05:21,270 It was hard. I'm amazing. 140 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,140 Thank you. Mom, I'm impressed. 141 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,680 Bird nerds are highly intelligent 142 00:05:24,780 --> 00:05:27,020 and socially inept, which makes them 143 00:05:27,150 --> 00:05:28,590 even smarter, in my opinion. 144 00:05:28,690 --> 00:05:30,220 All right, guys, move in. 145 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,460 Be respectful of the losers if you can. 146 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:34,700 Huh. Big, buff soldiers. 147 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,270 Nerdy bird people. 148 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,300 I can't remember. Did Ty come out as pro- 149 00:05:38,410 --> 00:05:39,740 or anti-selective breeding experiment? 150 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,750 You remember things he says? 151 00:05:41,850 --> 00:05:43,950 If we cross-bred their intelligence 152 00:05:44,050 --> 00:05:46,420 with their muscles, we'd create a super-citizen 153 00:05:46,420 --> 00:05:48,090 that could fight and think. 154 00:05:48,190 --> 00:05:49,860 And also love birds, I guess. 155 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,870 Interesting. Soldiers with lovers 156 00:05:51,970 --> 00:05:55,000 in the city are soldiers who don't desert the city. 157 00:05:55,010 --> 00:05:57,710 And if I had worshipers who were smart and beefy, 158 00:05:57,810 --> 00:06:00,620 guess whose hair I'd be in? Athena's? 159 00:06:00,750 --> 00:06:02,320 I told you to never say it! 160 00:06:02,450 --> 00:06:04,320 Angry bird exit! 161 00:06:04,460 --> 00:06:07,000 Majestic. 162 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,170 Good citizens. I think I have something 163 00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:11,040 that will make dry season go a lot faster. 164 00:06:11,170 --> 00:06:13,680 What I'm wearing is called a mud suit. Very cooling. 165 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:15,380 You think we haven't tried that? 166 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,480 It dries, and then you're just dirty. 167 00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:20,060 Come on, King Ty! We want action! 168 00:06:22,530 --> 00:06:26,200 Who wants a pool? 169 00:06:30,310 --> 00:06:32,810 Cannonball! Ooh! 170 00:06:33,650 --> 00:06:36,490 My leg's a little broken, I think. 171 00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:39,990 I'll be damned. 172 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,730 The old Mantitaur was right. 173 00:06:41,730 --> 00:06:43,630 The whole city is in the pool. 174 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,170 Even Baby Charybdis is here. 175 00:06:45,270 --> 00:06:47,180 Baby Charybdis: Hey, Ty! Great pool! 176 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:49,150 Hell yeah! I love this pool! 177 00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:50,580 Baby Charybdis: Aw! 178 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,590 Hail Tyrannis! Hero of dry season! 179 00:06:52,690 --> 00:06:54,630 Oh, you guys. 180 00:06:54,730 --> 00:06:56,390 I just want everyone to have fun. 181 00:06:56,530 --> 00:06:58,400 Ah, Dad! I see you're having fun 182 00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,400 with the weather stick. Glad you've come around. 183 00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:02,740 Just remember: a little does go a long way. 184 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,050 Right, yeah, sure. I do say this 185 00:07:05,180 --> 00:07:06,780 as an expert in indulgence. 186 00:07:06,950 --> 00:07:08,750 Indulgence, yes! What's this now? 187 00:07:08,890 --> 00:07:11,290 Uh, your grace? Fantastic job with the pool. 188 00:07:11,420 --> 00:07:13,060 No need to thank me for the pool. 189 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,730 Seeing my citizens refreshed and grateful is enough. 190 00:07:15,830 --> 00:07:18,810 One little thing. My cows are dying of thirst. 191 00:07:18,910 --> 00:07:21,110 They're like my family. Who I milk. 192 00:07:21,210 --> 00:07:23,680 Oh, right. Well, I wouldn't be "the people's king" 193 00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:25,990 if I didn't help out your cow fam. 194 00:07:26,090 --> 00:07:27,390 What do you say 195 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,200 to a world-class irrigation system? 196 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:32,370 I can't thank you enough! 197 00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:34,340 Please, take one of my cow daughters. 198 00:07:34,470 --> 00:07:36,370 Do whatever with it! Oh, that's OK. 199 00:07:36,470 --> 00:07:38,580 Go on. I'm not having sex 200 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,020 with a cow! Huh? 201 00:07:40,150 --> 00:07:42,290 What? Oh! Is that what you thought 202 00:07:42,390 --> 00:07:43,760 I was offering? No, no, no, 203 00:07:43,860 --> 00:07:45,590 of course not. Sex, with a cow? Who would-- 204 00:07:45,690 --> 00:07:48,570 No, I was just mentioning, uh, that--in fact, 205 00:07:48,670 --> 00:07:50,800 you know what? I will take one of those cows. 206 00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:53,310 I don't think so. Right. Fair enough. 207 00:07:53,410 --> 00:07:55,780 OK, company! Time for mess! 208 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,950 Seating arrangements are mandatory! 209 00:07:58,050 --> 00:07:59,760 I don't expect them to mate right away. 210 00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:02,230 As a male scientist, I estimate 10 to 15 minutes 211 00:08:02,330 --> 00:08:05,200 of light conversation before intercourse. Let's observe. 212 00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:07,940 Soldier 2: So you just believe everything you see on urns? 213 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:09,970 Worshiper 2: You think what, the whole thing was faked? 214 00:08:10,070 --> 00:08:11,950 She didn't kill her kids? Soldier 2: You're the one 215 00:08:12,050 --> 00:08:14,580 listening to mainstream Medea! Yikes. 216 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:16,790 Let's try another table. Soldier 3: I saw my best friend 217 00:08:16,790 --> 00:08:18,560 slaughtered at the Battle of Thebes. 218 00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:20,900 He was standing as close to me as you are right now. 219 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,400 We were only boys. Worshiper 1: Uhh... 220 00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:25,940 are you gonna ask me anything about me? 221 00:08:26,070 --> 00:08:28,210 Maybe this is gonna be harder than we thought. 222 00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:30,380 Ahem! Ahem! Please note 223 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,020 that persons having active leprosy, 224 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,720 or who have had leprosy within the previous 14 days, 225 00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:36,860 shall not be allowed to enter the pool. 226 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,470 Aw! My beloved king? 227 00:08:39,570 --> 00:08:41,240 We heard you're giving away water 228 00:08:41,340 --> 00:08:42,740 and, well, we'd love some 229 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,780 for Krapopolis' orphanage. To bathe them and such. 230 00:08:45,910 --> 00:08:48,150 You had me at "my beloved king!" 231 00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:52,030 Shine up those motherless boys and girls! 232 00:08:52,130 --> 00:08:54,260 Oh, we use the girls for kindling, 233 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,370 to heat the boys' baths. Thanks! 234 00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:57,870 Long live King Ty! 235 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,610 King Ty? If you don't mind. Thank you. 236 00:09:00,710 --> 00:09:02,980 I was starting to think about what that woman just said. 237 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:06,550 She wasn't saying that they burn the girls 238 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:08,790 for kindling, was she? 239 00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:10,800 I've heard you're giving out water. 240 00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:12,570 Yes, thank you! Thank you again. 241 00:09:12,670 --> 00:09:14,840 Ooh, please, go ahead. I've kinda been debating 242 00:09:14,970 --> 00:09:16,780 adding a little pond to my property, 243 00:09:16,940 --> 00:09:18,910 maybe putting some fish in it? Say no more. 244 00:09:19,010 --> 00:09:21,350 Will this do? 245 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,760 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I mean, yeah, 246 00:09:25,860 --> 00:09:27,830 but I want to reiterate that I'm still 247 00:09:27,930 --> 00:09:29,930 in the "waffling" phase here. 248 00:09:29,930 --> 00:09:32,910 I guess, if I decide against the fish pond, 249 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,910 I'll just dump this water into a gulch. 250 00:09:35,010 --> 00:09:36,650 Long as you're happy! Who's next? 251 00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:38,690 Well, hello, How can I help? 252 00:09:38,790 --> 00:09:40,560 Well, I have this cactus. 253 00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,190 The soil feels pretty moist, but-- 254 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,930 Better safe than succulent-less! 255 00:09:45,030 --> 00:09:46,870 Oh. Hmm. 256 00:09:46,970 --> 00:09:50,640 That's weird. Let me just... 257 00:09:51,980 --> 00:09:54,320 I'm not normally 258 00:09:54,420 --> 00:09:56,690 into someone with your leg shape, but would you 259 00:09:56,790 --> 00:09:59,190 ever want to "hang out"? Absolutely. 260 00:09:59,190 --> 00:10:01,330 Maybe you'd like to see the city's famous fountain show. 261 00:10:01,430 --> 00:10:04,740 You have a fountain show? We're about to! 262 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,410 Nothing like a little game to get things going. 263 00:10:07,510 --> 00:10:09,480 Worshiper 1: OK, this is a tough one. 264 00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:11,420 What... uh... I--hmm. 265 00:10:11,550 --> 00:10:13,020 I don't know. 266 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:15,890 Soldier 3: Odobenus the Great? How did we not get that? 267 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,760 Worshiper 1: Am I supposed to know who that is? 268 00:10:17,860 --> 00:10:19,740 Soldier 3: He's the jolly walrus-man hybrid 269 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,770 who forges our armor! You could have given 270 00:10:21,770 --> 00:10:24,510 so many clue words! Walrus! Man! Forge! 271 00:10:24,510 --> 00:10:27,680 Knowing smile! Likes to rape! I don't get it. 272 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:29,420 This icebreaker always works with mice. 273 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:31,420 I don't think smart people and people who can 274 00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:33,830 do a one-handed pull-up are meant to talk to each other. 275 00:10:33,930 --> 00:10:36,400 How are my super-soldiers coming along? 276 00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:37,840 Not great yet. 277 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,810 What an incredible surprise. 278 00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:42,010 Who would have guessed, when the soldiers can see all 279 00:10:42,110 --> 00:10:44,020 the worshipers' veins, and the worshipers can smell 280 00:10:44,150 --> 00:10:46,790 all the soldiers'... well, all the soldiers. 281 00:10:46,890 --> 00:10:48,930 Here. 282 00:10:49,030 --> 00:10:50,530 Hey! 283 00:10:50,630 --> 00:10:54,070 We're trying to create lasting emotional connections here! 284 00:10:54,170 --> 00:10:56,240 Worshiper 3: Hi, I'm Katie. My friends are annoying. 285 00:10:56,370 --> 00:10:58,480 Can I hang with you? Stand down, Hippo. 286 00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:00,010 But--come on! I was just-- 287 00:11:00,150 --> 00:11:01,920 Worshiper 4: Hey, do you want to hear me talk about 288 00:11:02,020 --> 00:11:04,820 the Sardinian warbler for a really long time? 289 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:06,760 Do I! Worshiper 4: So, starting 290 00:11:06,860 --> 00:11:08,730 with the plumage... 291 00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:14,640 Isn't instant gratification 292 00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,680 just so incredibly gratifying? 293 00:11:16,780 --> 00:11:18,750 I don't know why it took me so long. 294 00:11:18,850 --> 00:11:20,590 Hey, Ty-bone! Great pool. 295 00:11:20,690 --> 00:11:22,260 People are giving me nicknames! 296 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:23,600 You mean new nicknames. 297 00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:25,060 What was my previous nickname? 298 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:26,800 Ha ha! We don't have to get into that. 299 00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:28,510 See, before, they felt they couldn't get 300 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:30,170 too close to me. They were too concerned 301 00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:32,850 about the decorum between a king and his subjects. 302 00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:34,280 Let's say that's it, yes. 303 00:11:34,380 --> 00:11:36,390 But now, look at this. Miriam, up top. 304 00:11:36,490 --> 00:11:38,190 Looking good, Not-Dork. 305 00:11:38,290 --> 00:11:39,890 Hey, can you wet down my sandals? 306 00:11:39,890 --> 00:11:42,500 They just look better with a little sheen. 307 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:44,170 Sure thing. 308 00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:46,210 Son, might you be overdoing it a little? 309 00:11:46,310 --> 00:11:48,110 Whaaat? Now who's the uptight one? 310 00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,780 Grab yourself a Ty Colada and start your next nap right there. 311 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:52,790 Hey, you guys want to see my pee stream? 312 00:11:52,890 --> 00:11:55,390 Oh, Joshua, we really don't need to see that-- 313 00:11:55,490 --> 00:11:57,260 That is quite robust. 314 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:00,170 OK, this is crazy. 315 00:12:00,270 --> 00:12:02,710 Some of the soldiers who deserted heard about this 316 00:12:02,810 --> 00:12:04,480 and came back, with more soldiers! 317 00:12:04,580 --> 00:12:06,880 And everyone's humping! Something about 318 00:12:06,980 --> 00:12:09,320 the music and the darkness and the alcohol. 319 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,120 We've created an atmosphere 320 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:13,260 of artificial sexual arousal! 321 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,270 No one can hear anything anyone is saying! 322 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,710 And they're loving it! 323 00:12:18,810 --> 00:12:21,080 I'm gonna live forever! 324 00:12:21,210 --> 00:12:24,820 It's a feeling I'm having right now due to the intensity 325 00:12:24,820 --> 00:12:27,390 of the atmosphere! What? 326 00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:29,030 Oh, hey, Kolax, there's probably gonna be 327 00:12:29,130 --> 00:12:31,030 a lot of citizens who want to talk to me today. 328 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,070 Oh, no doubt, boss. I'll keep 'em away. 329 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,470 No one gets close. That's the rule, right? 330 00:12:35,610 --> 00:12:36,910 No, no, that's the thing. 331 00:12:37,010 --> 00:12:38,410 Ordinarily I would need protection, 332 00:12:38,510 --> 00:12:40,150 but I want to mingle with the citizens now. 333 00:12:40,250 --> 00:12:41,820 I can't let you. It's too risky. 334 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,720 We're living in a new era, Kolax. 335 00:12:43,820 --> 00:12:45,790 One where people like their king. 336 00:12:45,930 --> 00:12:47,530 I'm parched. Anyone want water? 337 00:12:47,660 --> 00:12:51,100 Yesterday I got this thing to do both flat and bubbly. 338 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:52,440 Ahem. 339 00:12:52,570 --> 00:12:54,980 Damn. What is wrong with this thing? 340 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:56,410 I've never seen it do that before. 341 00:12:56,550 --> 00:12:58,750 You may have overused it. Overused it? 342 00:12:58,890 --> 00:13:00,150 You can't overuse it. 343 00:13:00,250 --> 00:13:02,160 Can you overuse it? I don't know. 344 00:13:02,260 --> 00:13:03,900 Well, how do you fix it? 345 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,600 I don't know that, either. 346 00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:07,070 I've never been in this situation before. 347 00:13:07,170 --> 00:13:08,810 Well, we've got to get it working. 348 00:13:08,810 --> 00:13:10,310 I'm in a really good place right now. 349 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:11,950 I've got citizens loving me, cows winking at me. 350 00:13:12,050 --> 00:13:13,410 I need to keep this going. King, 351 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,790 we've got a problem. The Placeans are here. 352 00:13:15,890 --> 00:13:17,220 Oh, your friends who gave us the stick. 353 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:18,760 Maybe they can fix it. Yeah, no. 354 00:13:18,890 --> 00:13:20,330 They're attacking. Attacking? 355 00:13:20,430 --> 00:13:24,470 Chief Ravdi: I am Chief Ravdi, of the Placean people! 356 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,840 Ravdi, old friend! 357 00:13:25,970 --> 00:13:27,810 Chief Ravdi: Don't "old friend" me, Shlub! 358 00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:30,850 You stole our weather stick! You stole it?! 359 00:13:30,950 --> 00:13:33,020 Chief Ravdi: Open your gates or your whole city 360 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:35,430 will pay the price! Should we open the gates? 361 00:13:35,590 --> 00:13:37,260 It doesn't really seem like that's the best course 362 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,030 of action, Scott, now, does it?! I don't know! 363 00:13:39,030 --> 00:13:40,640 I just work here! Dad, fill me in. 364 00:13:40,740 --> 00:13:43,040 What have you not told me? Ravdi's a good fellow. 365 00:13:43,140 --> 00:13:45,880 This has to be a simple misunderstanding. 366 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,050 Chief Ravdi: Fire! 367 00:13:49,290 --> 00:13:52,960 Maybe a misunderstanding on my part. Ha ha! 368 00:13:55,270 --> 00:13:56,130 There's no need for violence! 369 00:13:56,130 --> 00:13:58,300 I'm sure this is all just a silly mix-up. 370 00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:00,210 Can we say that? Can we pretend that's what it is? 371 00:14:00,310 --> 00:14:02,910 Chief Ravdi: The silly mix-up was me allowing this thief 372 00:14:03,050 --> 00:14:05,350 to participate in our Friendship Festival! 373 00:14:05,450 --> 00:14:08,290 Did those trust falls mean nothing to you? 374 00:14:08,290 --> 00:14:09,990 Dad, you told me you got the weather stick 375 00:14:10,090 --> 00:14:11,530 from your friends. They are my friends, 376 00:14:11,530 --> 00:14:13,230 and I did get it. But he's saying 377 00:14:13,230 --> 00:14:15,440 you stole it! Stealing is a--hmm, 378 00:14:15,610 --> 00:14:17,880 it's a kind of getting, but I didn't steal anything. 379 00:14:17,980 --> 00:14:20,350 I simply abided by the rules of finders keepers. 380 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,220 Finders keepers? Yes, if you find 381 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,960 something--here's the best bit-- you get to keep it. 382 00:14:25,060 --> 00:14:26,960 I guess when I said they gave it to me, I meant 383 00:14:27,060 --> 00:14:29,070 they gave it to me in a holistic sense, 384 00:14:29,170 --> 00:14:31,170 by leaving it somewhere where I could find it. 385 00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:33,610 Mm! Look, my dad is a silly old man, 386 00:14:33,710 --> 00:14:35,610 and I promise we can make this right. 387 00:14:35,710 --> 00:14:37,380 Chief Ravdi: Lightning! Ow! 388 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:38,890 You have other sticks? 389 00:14:38,990 --> 00:14:40,460 Chief Ravdi: You better believe we have other sticks! 390 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,430 They're a stick-based culture, which is why 391 00:14:42,530 --> 00:14:45,100 they shouldn't mind losing one. Chief Ravdi: Biting flies! 392 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,070 Ow! Ow! Damn you! 393 00:14:47,170 --> 00:14:48,540 Please, I see that we made a mistake, 394 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:50,780 and I'd love to make this right. Why don't you stay 395 00:14:50,910 --> 00:14:53,010 and enjoy our many waterfalls and lazy rivers? 396 00:14:53,110 --> 00:14:54,450 Chief Ravdi: You don't get it! 397 00:14:54,550 --> 00:14:56,220 Or perhaps you'd like to experience 398 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:57,890 our world-famous slip-then-slide? 399 00:14:57,990 --> 00:14:59,360 It turns accidents into fun-ccidents. 400 00:14:59,490 --> 00:15:01,100 If we just get this thing working again, 401 00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:03,540 I promise there's enough water for everyone. 402 00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:05,040 Chief Ravdi: Only there isn't! 403 00:15:05,140 --> 00:15:06,740 The weather stick doesn't make water. 404 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,780 It simply moves it from place to place. 405 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,550 So not only did you steal our stick, 406 00:15:11,650 --> 00:15:13,290 you stole our lifeblood. 407 00:15:13,390 --> 00:15:16,490 Our livestock. Our live... crops. 408 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:20,000 Our vegetables! Everything! 409 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,170 Hello. 410 00:15:22,270 --> 00:15:24,210 Did you know about this? Who's to say? 411 00:15:24,310 --> 00:15:26,150 I've heard a lot of things over the years. 412 00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:29,150 They don't always stay with me. Besides, I just gave you access 413 00:15:29,290 --> 00:15:31,160 to the stick, I didn't tell you to drain the world! 414 00:15:31,290 --> 00:15:34,400 Chief Ravdi: Dust in your eyes! Ow! Stop it! 415 00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,300 Chief Ravdi, we needed water. 416 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,470 My father saw that I was in need, and while he should not 417 00:15:38,610 --> 00:15:40,740 have taken your weather stick in the first place, 418 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,750 surely you see that he was simply trying 419 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,750 to help out his son in an emergency. 420 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,450 Chief Ravdi: It was no emergency! 421 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,360 You're running a sexy chariot wash! 422 00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,230 OK, 423 00:15:50,330 --> 00:15:52,230 it did get a little out of hand. Chief Ravdi: Sunburn! 424 00:15:52,370 --> 00:15:54,100 Ow! If using the water stick meant we were 425 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,140 taking water from someplace else, aren't you giving me 426 00:15:56,270 --> 00:15:58,110 somebody else's sunburn? Chief Ravdi: Somehow, 427 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,310 I don't think they're going to complain! Sleet! 428 00:16:00,450 --> 00:16:02,850 Ah! How many sticks do you guys have? 429 00:16:02,950 --> 00:16:04,660 Chief Ravdi: Lots! What do I have 430 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,090 to do to make it right? 431 00:16:06,190 --> 00:16:07,560 Chief Ravdi: Give us the water back. 432 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,430 All of it? Chief Ravdi: Yes, all of it! 433 00:16:09,530 --> 00:16:11,740 OK, just let me think. Ahem. Dad, you know these guys. 434 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,240 What kind of damage can they do? 435 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:14,940 Just kind of this relatively topical stuff? 436 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,410 I don't know. I'm not a stick man. 437 00:16:16,550 --> 00:16:18,180 I'm more of a finders-keepers man. 438 00:16:18,180 --> 00:16:19,790 Of course you don't know. 439 00:16:19,890 --> 00:16:22,490 It seems like the worst they can do right now is biting flies. 440 00:16:22,630 --> 00:16:25,530 I'll just take my chances. 441 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,170 Ravdi, you old bastard, 442 00:16:29,270 --> 00:16:32,180 you've built a bigger stick, haven't you? 443 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:34,180 This is probably a stupid question, 444 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,220 but where the hell are Mom and the army?! 445 00:16:36,350 --> 00:16:38,560 It's still so hot. And there's no moisture 446 00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:41,430 left in my body. Gimme some of your helmet water. 447 00:16:41,530 --> 00:16:43,330 Get off! I'm already flaking! 448 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:45,510 Soldier 4: That was great. Soldier 2: Yeah, last night, 449 00:16:45,610 --> 00:16:48,310 I drank wine till I was disoriented and unable 450 00:16:48,410 --> 00:16:50,550 to perform sexually. I feel ill today. 451 00:16:50,650 --> 00:16:52,590 Let's do it again tonight! Weren't you one 452 00:16:52,690 --> 00:16:54,890 of the deserters trying to leave Krapopolis? 453 00:16:55,020 --> 00:16:56,460 Soldier 4: Yeah. Changed my mind, I guess. 454 00:16:56,590 --> 00:16:59,230 Turns out if I drink enough and dance around at night, 455 00:16:59,330 --> 00:17:02,170 I forget my life during the day is miserable. 456 00:17:02,170 --> 00:17:04,480 So people will stay in the most disgusting, 457 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,220 awful city if it has some kind of "night life." 458 00:17:07,350 --> 00:17:09,220 We need a name for this principle. 459 00:17:09,350 --> 00:17:11,220 Oh! What'd you say your name was? 460 00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:13,060 Soldier 4: Miami. Ehh... 461 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,830 Technically I should beat these deserters. 462 00:17:14,930 --> 00:17:18,040 But maybe letting them have fun is better than clubbing them? 463 00:17:18,140 --> 00:17:20,510 That's what we call it: "deserting"! 464 00:17:20,610 --> 00:17:23,480 No! "Clubbing." Hey, Mom. You're up. 465 00:17:23,580 --> 00:17:25,620 Anybody pregnant in there? I don't think so. 466 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:28,630 Most of your troops had too much wine to raise the flag, 467 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,360 if you know what I mean. Ohh, right. 468 00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:34,330 I think I know what you mean. Well, it didn't help that 469 00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:37,380 your worshipers spent half the night in the bathroom crying. 470 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,380 Katie was going through some stuff. 471 00:17:39,510 --> 00:17:41,150 You know, I think we should do this again. 472 00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:42,990 Or at least, roughly every seven days. 473 00:17:43,090 --> 00:17:45,430 We can call it "Septimal Night Veneration." 474 00:17:45,530 --> 00:17:47,160 We're already calling it "clubbing." 475 00:17:47,260 --> 00:17:48,930 Well, we'll see what catches on first. 476 00:17:49,030 --> 00:17:51,170 So that's probably some sort of doomsday stick, 477 00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:53,140 right? I had no idea they have 478 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,680 this kind of power. I should have known 479 00:17:54,780 --> 00:17:56,550 there would be crazy consequences if I used 480 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,590 something from your magic box. Yes, you should have, 481 00:17:58,690 --> 00:18:00,720 and I did warn you. We have two options. 482 00:18:00,820 --> 00:18:03,330 Option one is we all die. Option two is I give them back 483 00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:05,300 their water, and people don't like me. 484 00:18:05,430 --> 00:18:07,000 I think it should be fairly obvious, son. 485 00:18:07,140 --> 00:18:08,670 Yeah, easy for you to say. 486 00:18:08,770 --> 00:18:10,610 People have always liked you. But now the Placeans are going 487 00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:13,210 to do whatever that stick does, and the tickle trolls aren't 488 00:18:13,310 --> 00:18:15,250 even here, so I'm starting to think they were just 489 00:18:15,350 --> 00:18:17,260 something you and Mom made up to mess with me! 490 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:18,930 Well, that's on you for being thirty 491 00:18:19,060 --> 00:18:20,800 and still believing in tickle trolls. 492 00:18:20,930 --> 00:18:23,770 But I believe I owe you an apology. 493 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,270 Any more to that? 494 00:18:26,370 --> 00:18:28,010 Oh, I haven't done this in a while. 495 00:18:28,110 --> 00:18:30,880 I thought that would be enough. What's called for, specifics? 496 00:18:30,980 --> 00:18:32,950 You're actually asking? Yes! 497 00:18:33,050 --> 00:18:34,520 All right, all right. Um... 498 00:18:34,620 --> 00:18:37,560 I just hated seeing you being unhappy and unliked, son. 499 00:18:37,660 --> 00:18:40,570 But as your dad, I should get used to that. 500 00:18:40,670 --> 00:18:43,340 No? More? Is that enough? It'll do. 501 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,650 And, as a leader, in the future, I should resist 502 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:47,650 overpromising and immediate gratification. 503 00:18:47,750 --> 00:18:49,890 True leadership lies in under-promising, 504 00:18:49,990 --> 00:18:51,660 overdelivering, and slow progress. 505 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:53,690 Ha! It's a whole back and forth! 506 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,100 We're both apologizing! 507 00:18:55,230 --> 00:18:57,200 What fun we're having! Ah, ha ha ha ha! 508 00:18:57,340 --> 00:19:00,210 Yes. You know, we have done this before. 509 00:19:00,310 --> 00:19:03,250 Well, son, even if this whole town turns on you-- 510 00:19:03,250 --> 00:19:05,220 and they will-- I'll still love you. 511 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,220 Thanks, Dad. I guess no matter what, 512 00:19:07,220 --> 00:19:08,990 they will never be satisfied, and that's something 513 00:19:09,090 --> 00:19:10,460 I have to be OK with as king. 514 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,770 I think I know what I have to do. 515 00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:15,240 Everybody out of the pool. Swim time is over. 516 00:19:15,340 --> 00:19:16,870 Boo! 517 00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:19,680 I'm not getting out till my toes are all wrinkly! 518 00:19:19,780 --> 00:19:21,650 This water you're all enjoying, 519 00:19:21,750 --> 00:19:23,420 and that's making you all love me, was stolen. 520 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,090 So I'm afraid it must be returned. 521 00:19:25,220 --> 00:19:27,160 Boo! Yes, 522 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,530 you can hate me if you want. We do! 523 00:19:29,530 --> 00:19:32,540 And I accept that. 524 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,550 Or I will someday. 525 00:19:42,660 --> 00:19:44,100 Oof. Oww! 526 00:19:44,230 --> 00:19:45,770 Huh? 527 00:19:45,870 --> 00:19:47,570 Oh! 528 00:19:47,670 --> 00:19:49,640 Man 2: Oh--oof! 529 00:19:51,740 --> 00:19:53,650 There you go. Chief Ravdi: And the stick? 530 00:19:53,750 --> 00:19:56,220 What? I can't sneak anything past you guys. 531 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,190 Are we good now? Chief Ravdi: We're good. 532 00:19:58,290 --> 00:20:02,530 Now you know never to mess with the Placeans. 533 00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:04,240 Ha ha ha ha! Man! 534 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,640 That huge decoy stick works every time. 535 00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,650 Well, now that everyone hates me, 536 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:12,350 I might as well drown my sorrows in an orgy. 537 00:20:12,450 --> 00:20:14,050 No, no. I have something else 538 00:20:14,060 --> 00:20:16,490 in my magic box for you. It's a hug. 539 00:20:16,630 --> 00:20:18,130 But what about the orgy lamp? 540 00:20:18,130 --> 00:20:21,400 Haven't you learned anything? That's just for me. 541 00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,980 Tickle troll leader: Ah, another delicious meal 542 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,350 under another perfect moon. 543 00:20:28,450 --> 00:20:31,560 A tickle troll giggle for this beautiful day! 544 00:20:34,130 --> 00:20:35,770 What's this? What's happening? 545 00:20:35,870 --> 00:20:38,040 Tickle troll shaman: I knew this day would come. 546 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:39,740 It is prophesied. 547 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:43,010 For millennia, we tickle trolls lived in harmony with humans. 548 00:20:43,110 --> 00:20:44,750 We visited them in their sleep, 549 00:20:44,850 --> 00:20:47,490 and they rewarded us with their delicious laughter. 550 00:20:47,590 --> 00:20:50,700 Heh! But then, parents started using us as a threat. 551 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,700 "Beware the tickle trolls," they said. 552 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,240 "Their name is a fake-out," they said. 553 00:20:55,340 --> 00:20:58,080 "Brush your teeth or the tickle trolls will get you!" 554 00:20:58,180 --> 00:21:01,080 "Don't wet your bed or the tickle trolls will get you." 555 00:21:01,220 --> 00:21:03,660 Heh! No longer did the children bless us with their laughter. 556 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,260 They screamed at the sight of us! 557 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:08,030 So we stopped tickling them. 558 00:21:08,130 --> 00:21:09,730 Generations of kids grew up 559 00:21:09,830 --> 00:21:11,200 never even seeing us! 560 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,010 They believed they had been tricked. 561 00:21:13,010 --> 00:21:16,380 And just as foretold by our sacred oral tradition, 562 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:19,120 when the last little boy stopped believing in us, 563 00:21:19,220 --> 00:21:21,560 we would disappear. 564 00:21:21,660 --> 00:21:23,560 Tickle troll leader: Wait. You knew this day 565 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,730 would come, but you never told us? 566 00:21:25,730 --> 00:21:27,440 Tickle troll shaman: It never came up. 567 00:21:27,540 --> 00:21:30,780 Tickle troll: We have an oral tradition? 568 00:21:30,980 --> 00:21:32,680 Did you get any of that? 569 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,420 Bento. 43920

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