Original subtitles

Mm.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. I did it again.

Good morning to you, too.

You tricked me into sleeping over.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Okay, let's choose our words very carefully here.

You fell asleep during your turn of little spoon,

and I didn't even get my turn.

Oh, okay. Well, you know, since we're here.

Mhm. Okay.

Okay.

Does that sound like Oscar or Jai?

I don't know. They both sound the same.

Surprises.

Oh, it's definitely Oscar.

I'm just worried he could be a bit colicky.

I'll give you colic.

Mm mhm.

Ah. Johnny.

Ah! I'm so sorry. He just sounds so sick.

Oh, come on.

Okay. Yeah. Look, try and shut it out.

Okay.

Ooh.

Um. Babe. Babe.

It's playing the Britney Spears autobiography.

Honestly, her story is truly heartbreaking.

I know, don't get me started on Justin.

Shower?

- Shower. - Shower.

Oh! Whoa! Whoa! Oh!

- Someone's in here. - Sorry!

I'm just trying to get my boobs working.

Sorry, sorry.

Do you both need to use the bathroom?

- Oh, no. - No, no, we're...

Oh, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool, cool, cool.

You guys, like, go for it. Go for it.

That's like, hot.

You just can do whatever it is that young lovers

do these days.

And there's the, um, non-slip bath mat, which could be helpful,

- couldn't it? - I'm gonna go for a run.

Thanks a lot, man.

I'm gonna have blue balls for the rest of the day.

Sorry.

I'll just go whack one out in my room.

Ugh! So horny.

Are you sure that you don't want to come?

I'm just going to go around the block.

And Meredith says that walking is very good for mental fortitude.

You know what? I think what is good for my mental fortitude

is drinking this tea and not seeing Meredith.

Oh, hey, also, I, um, I booked us an appointment.

What? An appointment?

Yeah, with a lactation consultant.

I wanted to help, you know, take the initiative with your boobs.

Step up. Not on your boobs.

Thank you. That's...

- That's really nice of you. - Yeah, great.

I mean, I thought it was great, and it's, uh, booked

for next Tuesday, it's on Zoom, and it was free.

- Can you believe that? - Huh. It's on Zoom?

Yeah, it was really hard to get an appointment, actually.

Yeah, I had to get a few people bumped off the list.

I tried to play the gay card,

and it turns out the race card works better.

Yeah, right. Yeah.

It's cool. Right?

Yeah. No. Yeah. It is. I'm just...

I'm just I'm trying to, like, think about how that would work

on Zoom, I guess.

Yeah. I mean, I feel like you just flop your baps out,

and then those titties will be waterboarding

those boys in no time.

Uh, yeah.

Okay, we're gonna do it on Zoom.

- Yeah. - Thanks, babe.

I do this every day.

I leave the house anxious and ready to kill,

and then I get walking,

I have a little cry, maybe a little scream,

you know, whatever.

And then I head back into the house, ready to take on the day.

I mean, look at you. You look so much more relaxed already.

- Do I? - Yeah. Sort of.

- Oh. - And the breastfeeding.

Is that all going okay?

Because I know it can be a bit of a struggle.

Um...

Oh, look, it actually has been a bit tricky.

I think my milk flow to come in or something.

So Nat's been doing the bulk of it for now.

Okay. You need to get that sorted pronto.

Okay? It all starts with the boobs.

And then they'll prefer her cuddles.

And then before you know it, Nat gets to be the fun one,

reading bedtime stories with silly voices.

And all you'll be good for is dentist visits

and parent teacher interviews.

- Really? - Yeah.

It happened to my sister in law.

Well, Nat has booked me in for a Zoom appointment

with a lactation consultant next week, so maybe that...

One of those free online public ones?

Um, maybe.

Yeah. I just don't think you can afford to wait that long.

Seriously, Steph, why don't I come home

with you for the next feed?

You know, if you wanted a pair of outside eyes.

I'm kind of a low-key breastfeeding guru.

It's just I think Nat went to a bit of trouble to organise this session,

so I just wouldn't want to, like, undermine.

Do you want your kids to grow up to be biters?

No.

Let's go then.

Oh, God.

So if you're tense up here, you're gonna be sort of tense here.

So we just need to loosen them up by loosening it.

- Meredith? - We are mothers,

which means we are warriors, not losers.

Okay? This is the kind of energy we need to bring to this.

- Wow. - Ah!

Hello, Natalie.

I'm getting a real sort of experimental teenage lesbian

sleepover energy here.

You remember Meredith, right?

Yes, Steph, I do remember Meredith,

your dear friend and the person you were on a walk with.

Oh, yes. Of course, Meredith, my friend with the walk.

We were honestly just having such a lovely time,

so we thought, well, let's not stop this.

Let's just, like, come back and keep chatting and just having such

a good time with my girlfriend.

- So that's what we're doing. - Cool.

Well, um, I'm just gonna take Oscar for a feed because my boobs

are ready to burst.

In fact, I could probably water the plants at this point.

I'll leave you two to, um, plait each other's hair

or get to second base, sniff each other's butts.

I don't know what you're doing.

We're gonna chat. We're just gonna chat, chat chat, chat, chat.

I think we I think we got away with it.

I don't think she suspects at all...

- Okay. - ...something else might be going on.

- So I think... - Phew.

Woohoo!

Oh, uh, would you mind just watching?

Absolutely. Yes. Go, go!

Mum! What are you doing here?

Rosie put me on the helping roster

while she's at a weekend sculpture workshop.

There's a helping roster?

I'm actually kind of in the middle of something.

You have two infants.

What could you possibly be in the middle of?

Meredith is here.

Why is Meredith here?

I thought you cut her out of your life after she gifted

you those Pilates vouchers because she thought

you slouched too much.

She knows a lot about babies, so she's just helping me out

with a couple of elements.

Well, that's why Rosie sent me, to help.

Come on. This Mother Teresa act will only last so long.

Right, so let's see your feeding position.

Something like...

So what I can already identify from this posture is blame.

God. I'm parched.

Why don't you have any sparkling water?

Uh, just use tap water.

Just because you have two babies,

it doesn't mean you need to give up on life, Stephanie.

- Do you at least have any mint? - No.

Right, so your issues could be stemming from

a whole range of things.

Tongue tied, blocked duct, slow flow milk.

I don't know why you lot are so obsessed.

Just give them a bottle, for God's sake.

You must be loving being Grandma Shelly.

I haven't decided what I'm going to be called yet,

but it certainly won't be grandma.

Right, right. Well, that's the theory side sorted.

Or Nana. Either gives a false impression that I'll be doing

knitting and baking.

Don't worry, no one is thinking you'll be doing any of that, Mum.

May I? Do you consent to me touching your breast area?

Oh. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, if you think it'll help.

Sure. Um...

Great. All right. I'm just gonna...

Well, those tubes should be good to go.

100% cotton, did you say?

No, that is really soft.

I panicked, and I didn't want you to think

that I wasn't happy with the Zoom.

Are you happy with the Zoom?

Oh my gosh, yes. I'm so happy about the Zoom,

I love the Zoom.

It's just...

Meredith thought that maybe something sooner

might be good for me.

I just don't understand why you keep inviting Meredith into our house.

- I know. - She's fucking crazy.

She's worse for you than dairy,

and we all know how that makes you feel. I hear it.

Okay, Nat, this is something that is stressing me out, and I just...

I want to know that I have thrown everything at it.

Even if that means having Meredith in our house.

Look, she's here, and she's really keen.

And maybe she can help me.

Can we just please let her try?

Okay.

What about outside? Right?

Like, between the garage and the neighbour's fence.

You know, where the hose is?

No one can see us there.

We can pretend that we're, like, two very busy caterers.

By the bins?

I'm just looking for anywhere to be sexy, you know?

It's like we're stuck in some sort

of early childhood centre.

I don't mind a bit of bin juice.

Mm. It is very sour on the nose.

You're a stiff wine?

Sometimes I get like, notes of summer fruit and fresh cut grass.

Do you think that could be the problem?

Like, the boys just don't like the taste of my milk?

Mm. I'm gonna have a little sip to find out.

Christ, I feel like we should bring out a plate of cookies.

Oh, yeah. There's a little definite tang there.

So let's get to the bottom of it, shall we?

Nat, I'm going to need some room temperature water, please.

To wash down the tang?

No, for Steph. We need to flush.

I think hydration is going to be critical here.

That sounds like a good idea.

Um... Uh, yeah. Hang on. Yeah.

Hello.

Hey. Hi, sweetie.

Okay, we're gonna do a little thing called "let down dirty talk".

How about abuela?

No. Maybe that's a bit too much.

Oh, grandmere.

Now, that has a certain je ne sais quoi.

Beautiful options, Mum. Really nice.

Right. You're looking down at Jai, and he's looking back

at you with those big, round eyes and that downy little nuthead.

Go on, give him a little kiss.

- Kiss, kiss Jai. - Okay.

- Mwah! - Oh!

Oh, and he's looking back at you adoringly

with those little watery eyes,

and he's saying, "Feed me, mama, feed me."

And you can feel his gums on your areola just grazing

over and over, and he's sucking as if his little life depends on it.

Because it does, Steph.

Okay? This is the difference between life and death.

Oh, shit.

Oh, why are you gushing?

I don't know, it must be the dirty baby talk thing you're doing.

Are your boobs sore?

- A little bit. - A little?

And how have you been feeling? Tired, run down?

Yeah, but no more than usual.

Oh, God. It's pre-emptive mastitis.

I've got a nose for this stuff.

We're gonna have to move fast or this is gonna be...

- What? - Total breast shutdown.

You're the sole food source right now.

We can't have you plugging up.

Now sit right there.

I'll be back.

Oh! Babcia's nice. It's Polish.

Mm. What about just here?

Ooh!

So you want to get dirty on this cold, dusty hardwood floor?

Yeah, yeah, we could do it here.

Okay, okay, I'll get a towel.

Does it have to be like, a clean towel for her boobs?

Or can I use, like, a tea towel...

- What? - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I just can't get in the mood with Shelley here, you know?

Even her perfume just chills me to my core.

Yeah.

- Do you want to get out of here? - Yes, I do, more than anything.

Especially because I feel like Meredith's about to come

in here and milk me like a prize Friesian.

Oh, yeah.

Oh. What do you call this?

This is tepid. We need warmth.

Warmth to release the thickening.

- Shall I just... - Try again? Yes.

Okay.

Right.

- If I just get in here. - Yep, yep.

You're making small concentric swirls like this.

See? Can you feel the pressure beginning to release?

Um. Not really.

I'm sort of disassociating right now.

Milk fever? Jesus.

I'll just deal with that then, shall I?

Yeah, that would be great. Thank you.

Just remember to support his neck.

- Ow! - Ow!

Are you trying to scald her?

That's very hot.

There, there.

Shh, shh, shh. Nonna's here.

No, that doesn't sound right.

You can call me whatever you like.

As long as it's not nana or grandma.

No, no, no.

You know what, I actually feel like, way less tender.

I think the spiral's, like, shifted something.

Oh, thank Christ.

But I think a full boob bath just to be on the safe side.

Oh, 100%, 100%.

Could we just do that hamburger hold first?

Yeah, not really first priority right now, Steph.

Okay, let's focus on stemming Nat's mammory trauma first, shall we?

Oh, that'll be for me.

Did you know about dangle feeding?

Meredith was just talking about it,

and I'm like, oh, my God, it sounds amazing,

and I want to be fed like that.

Why didn't you tell me that you weren't feeling well?

I don't know that I was sick, I just didn't want to make you worry.

And, you know, like Meredith was saying, like, anxiety is a...

Yeah, I know what she said about anxiety.

I've been sitting here the whole time listening to it all.

And what were some of your experiences today, darling?

I threw stones at Thomas.

Did you? Oh, God.

And what feelings did that bring up for you?

Oh. Hi, Otis.

Nice to see you again.

Did you have to get him from day-care?

- You should have said. - Oh, no. It's fine.

Another mum just brought him on her cargo bike.

Oh, okay.

Well, we can we can totally, like, wrap this all up.

Absolutely not.

No, I'm not leaving until we've cracked Nat.

And... and me?

And you won't leave until you've cracked me too?

Yes. Good. Sorry.

Um, could you make a little bit of afternoon tea for Otis?

He just can't have processed grains, dairy or sugar.

Do you have any bone broth?

Um...

I'll check. Yeah.

Oh, yes. He's been doing a lot of imaginative exploration lately.

It's a key phase for their development.

It's really important that you play along when they initiate it.

Let's go and get you a little bone, little doggie.

Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Let's, um... yeah.

Right, right. Get those tits out now.

You're really liking that dog bowl, aren't you?

Woof, woof!

Um, well, we've got some, uh, bay leaves, some crackers.

I think they're still...

Oh. Oh, no. Uh, oh, no, that's sugar.

So you definitely can't have that one.

But I like it.

Feed through the pain.

You know what?

Why don't you take this and head outside so Mummy doesn't see?

And just, um, go for your life.

- Oh, good. - Oh, that is good.

Yeah, I think we've nearly got it.

Okay. Don't forget the right udder as well.

As if I would.

- Yeah. - Oh, that is good.

That's doing something. Great.

Yeah, we're getting quite a lot of liquid out of here.

Hey, Meredith, when you get a sec, would you mind

just checking my latch?

Um, yeah, it's looking a little sloppy at the moment.

Can you feel the seal?

Uh, yep, I think so.

Confidence, Steph. You need to know your seal.

Mum, can I play on the tree?

Oh, I'll be right back. Hold your flow.

Otis, Mummy's coming!

Oh! Bloody hell.

It was like being pulverised by Mike Tyson.

Yeah. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Yeah.

- I never want Meredith to leave. - She needs to leave right...

Honestly, when you invited her over, I was like, what are you doing?

Why are you bringing this woman to our house?

Because of the whole, you know, incessant Google invitation thing

and the white jeans and the passive aggressive

just general Meredithness of her.

But now I don't want her to leave.

Yeah. Me too.

Like, miracle worker is probably too strong of a word,

but what she has done with those abnormally tiny little moisturised

hands of hers, she's incredible.

Woo hoo. Woo hoo. What a... what a successful day.

Everyone's getting so much out of it.

Can you believe the man in the deli needed to Google fenugreek?

- Honestly! - Mum, this really isn't necessary.

Nonsense. It takes a village.

And today I am the village chef for that darling little boy.

Uh, boys, there's two, two boys. Boys, plural.

We're going to cook my famous fish pie for my favourite grandson.

They also can't eat solids for quite some time, but sure.

Yes, but you and Nat can,

and then it'll go through you and into him.

Or through Nat, anyway.

Just drop those shoulders, Steph.

Okay? It won't help with the flow.

How many mills have we got now?

Where will I find the Spanish anchovies?

Mum, I feel weird.

Oh, darling, come over here.

I'll set you up with a little art station,

and why don't you draw your emotions?

You get drawing, get out your feelings.

That's it.

- Oh! - Oh, no! My milk!

Otis, we've talked about food waste, darling.

Well, I've never seen him like this.

It's like someone's giving him sugar.

What are you doing?

- Hiding. - From?

From Otis.

I gave him sugar, like heaps and heaps of white sugar.

Oh.

I hate this so much.

- I thought this was what you wanted. - I know.

I also thought that, like, I just wanted to be able

to feed our boys, but...

Not like this. This is horrific.

Can you ask them all to leave? Like all of them?

Can you just make them leave our house?

Help me up.

Thank you.

Gladly. Gladly do this.

Thanks.

All right, you lot.

Party's over. Everybody out!

But I was just about to glaze the pie.

Are you feeling better now?

Honestly, I think Meredith just wanted to feel me up.

That's fair. It's fair.

Yeah. It's fair. You got great tits.

Thank you for doing this too.

I'm not giving up.

Not on you. Not on the boys.

Not on our girls.

Is that all right?

Yeah. Yeah, I think it's good.

And I think it's okay.

Like, I will keep trying.

But if I can't ultimately feed them, then...

...that's all right, because you can.

You can be the family boobs.

And then if that runs out, then we can just go to bottles.

- Really? - Yeah.

Like, all this crazy pressure.

It's just stupid, you know?

Like, I want them to be biters.

Biters are great. Strong.

Just... Just you, me and the boys.

That's all I need.

Yeah.

Oh, God. Was that you?

I...yeah. That was... that was...

- I'm gonna... - Yeah.

...go to the bathroom.

- Just sort that out. - Yeah.

Whoo!

How good is this?

Oh, no Shelley, no Meredith.

No screaming babies.

Just you and me and all of this gorgeous free lotion.

- Johnny. - Yeah. I'm sorry.

- Tonight is about you and me. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I'm just, uh...

I just hope they're doing okay without us.

Well, how about you don't look at this...

...till tomorrow.

Yeah. Yeah.

- Well... - I know.

- Not really much else to do. - What are we gonna do?

What can we possibly do?

- Dunno. - It's gonna be so...

Wow. You smell really good.

Yeah, it's the lotion.

It's this hand lotion, but I put it everywhere.

- Did you? - Yeah.

- Particularly my face. - Oh, good.

Babe. Babe, how are you going in there?

Uh, not good. Not going well.

It's, um, just all, like, just coming straight out of me.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I can hear that.

And I can, I can feel it vibrating through the kitchen, bitch.

Well, apologies for that.

What? You're not feeling good too?

Babe, do you think there's a chance, like we could...

We could swap soon? I'm just feeling...

I'm feeling very, very off right now.

No, I, I can't. Things are turning for me in here.

Okay. Things are not...

Things are not good now.

I'm not... I'm not enjoying this now.

Are you spewing or are you shitting? What's going on?

It's the pie.

It's a fucking Shelley's fucking pie.

Yoo hoo! Hello?

Oh, did you miss us?

Oh my God. Never leave us again.

What happened?

You honestly don't... Don't want to know.

Mm! Oh, this pie's fucking lit.

- No, Lily! - Just put it down!

- No, no, no! - Drop the fork!

- What?! - Put the fork down.

- Why?! - You're gonna shit yourself.

Stop! Stop, stop, stop.