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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,202 --> 00:00:03,672 YOU READY, TESS? 2 00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:06,137 I WAS BORN READY. 3 00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:07,737 THE NEXT FEW MINUTES WOULD DETERMINE 4 00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:09,108 WHETHER I WOULD RUN FREE, 5 00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:11,947 LIKE A WILD COYOTE WITH THE WIND IN MY FUR, 6 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,852 OR STAY TIED TO THE FENCE LIKE A RABID-- 7 00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,354 TESSA. 8 00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,986 WE HAVE A SCHEDULED APPOINTMENT. 9 00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,852 SORRY. 10 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,160 MY LAST FEW MOMENTS AS A PEDESTRIAN. 11 00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:23,393 COCKY. DON'T GET COCKY. 12 00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:24,557 (telephone ringing in distance) 13 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:27,755 OKAY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. GOOD NUMBER. 14 00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:29,158 (chuckles) 15 00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:31,470 (gasps) OH, MY GOSH! 16 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,402 HEY! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? 17 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:34,597 ANTIQUING. 18 00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:36,038 WELL, DALIA'S GETTING HER DRIVER'S LICENSE, 19 00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:38,374 OR SO WE HOPE. THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM. 20 00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,109 YOU--OH, YOU--SHE, UH, SHE FAILED TWICE ALREADY? 21 00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:43,384 NO, NO. GOD, NO. I'M ROUNDING DOWN FROM SIX. 22 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:47,284 THESE CHATSWIN TEST ADMINISTRATORS ARE T-U-F-F. 23 00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:48,678 THEY DON'T LET YOU HIT ANYTHING. 24 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,679 (woman over P.A.) TESSA ALTMAN, WINDOW 25. 25 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:51,791 THAT'S ME. 26 00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,292 NO, THAT'S ME, ACTUALLY. 27 00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,194 OKAY, CHECK YOUR MIRRORS. LET HIM SEE YOU 28 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,416 CHECK YOUR MIRRORS. 29 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:57,790 WHY ARE YOU ASSUMING IT'S A HE? 30 00:00:57,858 --> 00:00:59,988 OKAY. OKAY, FAIR ENOUGH, BUT... 31 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,560 (lowered voice) THAT STEREOTYPE EXISTS 32 00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:03,599 FOR A REASON, SO YOU PROVE THEM WRONG. 33 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,204 OW! 34 00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:07,596 (whispers) PROVE THEM WRONG. 35 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:10,798 (normal voice) OKAY. HERE. UH, OH! 36 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:13,041 WHOO! SORRY. 37 00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:15,837 WHOO. SORRY. 38 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,149 OKAY. (sighs) 39 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:20,082 IT WAS FUN TEACHING HER TO DRIVE, YOU KNOW? 40 00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:21,548 OH, MY GOSH, YES. 41 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:23,615 I'M QUITE SURE CARMEN FEELS THE SAME WAY 42 00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,154 ABOUT TEACHING DALIA. 43 00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,289 ALTHOUGH CARMEN REALLY SHOULDN'T BE DRIVING... 44 00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:29,315 (whispers) FOR SO MANY REASONS. 45 00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:32,230 DALIA ROYCE, WINDOW 8. 46 00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:40,128 I THINK THAT'S ME. 47 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,241 YEAH. YEP, IT IS. 48 00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:43,843 ALL RIGHT. GO GET 'EM, DARLIN'! 49 00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:44,844 YES! 50 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:47,405 DRIVE OR DIE TRYING! 51 00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:49,805 MAYBE THAT'S BAD ADVICE. 52 00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:56,179 AFTER ACING MY ROAD TEST, I DECIDED TO FAKE GEORGE OUT, 53 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,020 LIKE THOSE "IDOL" CONTESTANTS 54 00:01:58,085 --> 00:01:59,985 WHO HIDE THE YELLOW PIECE OF PAPER BEHIND THEIR BACKS, 55 00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:03,293 EVEN THOUGH WE TOTALLY KNOW THEY'RE GOING TO HOLLYWOOD. 56 00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:05,487 YOU'RE GOING TO HOLLYWOOD! 57 00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:06,289 WHOO! 58 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,000 (laughs) OH, YES! 59 00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:09,161 HE SAID I WAS PERFECT... 60 00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:10,730 MM! MY PARALLEL PARKING... 61 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:11,768 MM! 62 00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,202 MY 3-POINT TURN, 63 00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,767 AND MY CHOICE IN RADIO STATION. 64 00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:16,896 UNH! 65 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,310 COLLEGE INDIE? 66 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,042 SMOOTH JAZZ. HE WAS OLD, 67 00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:21,637 SO I PLAYED TO THE CROWD. (chuckles) 68 00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:22,439 VERY SMART. 69 00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:24,480 MM! HOW'D DALIA DO? 70 00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:26,975 OH. (man) YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. TRY TO KEEP YOUR HEAD... 71 00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:27,847 AS EXPECTED. 72 00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,275 I'M TELLING YOU, SHE DIDN'T USE THE MIRRORS. 73 00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:32,020 NOT EVEN A BLINKER. I'M OKAY. 74 00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:33,785 Captioned by Closed Captioning Services, Inc. 75 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:38,694 (Alih Jay) * LAST NIGHT I HAD A PLEASANT NIGHTMARE * 76 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:42,059 * DA-DA-DA-DA, DA, DA, DA, DA * 77 00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:44,129 NO HIGHWAYS, NO CELL PHONES, 78 00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:45,668 AND YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO GO OVER 50. 79 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:48,243 AND YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ACT OVER 50. GIVE ME THE KEYS. 80 00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:50,772 I'LL CALL YOU WHEN I WANT TO BE PICKED UP, OKAY? 81 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,408 ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE YOU HERE? 82 00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,413 YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR, LIKE, FIVE DAYS IN A ROW. 83 00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:57,405 I CAN TAKE YOU TO A LIBRARY OR SOMETHING. 84 00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,408 THEY HAVE A LIBRARY. (chuckles) 85 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,380 I FIGURED SINCE NOAH GAVE ME HIS GUEST PASS, 86 00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:02,979 I MIGHT AS WELL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT. 87 00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:07,360 OH, GEORGE WAS DEFINITELY TAKING ADVANTAGE OF IT. 88 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:26,672 (man) HEY, GEORGE. 89 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,354 WHEW! NOTHING-- NOTHING TAKES IT OFF YOU 90 00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:36,724 LIKE A GOOD STEAM, RIGHT, MARTY? 91 00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:39,715 MARTY? 92 00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:40,717 I'M ALIVE. 93 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:41,918 OH. 94 00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:45,587 MR. ALTMAN? I'M SORRY. 95 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,329 THIS IS A LITTLE AWKWARD. (chuckles) 96 00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:48,855 OH, IT'S FINE. I'M WEARING UNDERWEAR. 97 00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:52,099 I'M SORRY TO INFORM YOU, YOUR GUEST PASS HAS EXPIRED. 98 00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,625 OH, WELL, OKAY. THAT'S NO PROBLEM. 99 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:55,471 CAN I JUST HAVE NOAH RENEW IT? 100 00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:58,366 "CAN I JUST HAVE NOAH RENEW IT?" 101 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:00,609 UH, NO, YOU CANNOT. GUEST PASSES ARE NONRENEWABLE, 102 00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,414 SO I'M AFRAID THIS IS GOOD-BYE. 103 00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:04,546 CAN I JUST FINISH MY STEAM? 104 00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:05,852 I COULDN'T JUST FINISH MY STEAM? 105 00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,083 BRUTAL, BUDDY. 106 00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:08,517 MIND TAKING A STEP BACK? 107 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:09,852 YOU'RE DRIPPING ALL OVER MY GORDITAS. (chuckles) 108 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,487 SO ISN'T THERE SOMETHING YOU CAN DO? 109 00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,992 WELL, THE GUEST MEMBERSHIP THING WAS ALWAYS TEMPORARY. 110 00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:15,524 IT HAD TO END SOMETIME, 111 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,259 AND FRANKLY, I'M SURPRISED THEY LET IT GO ON THIS LONG. 112 00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:18,685 HEY, WHY DON'T YOU JOIN THE CLUB, GEORGE? 113 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,189 FRED, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANOTHER ARNOLD PALMER 114 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,561 AND ENJOY YOUR OWN BUSINESS? 115 00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:23,930 OH, DON'T MIND IF I DO. 116 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,367 MAYBE I SHOULD JUST JOIN. 117 00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:26,773 H-HALF THE BUSINESS I'VE DONE SINCE I MOVED HERE 118 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,804 CAME FROM CONTACTS I MADE IN THIS PLACE. 119 00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,199 MEMBERSHIP PRACTICALLY PAYS FOR ITSELF. 120 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,510 WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT, FRED. 121 00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:35,343 SO WHAT DO YOU THINK, NOAH? WILL YOU SPONSOR ME? 122 00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:37,179 OH. (chuckling) WILL I? 123 00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:38,284 YES, WILL YOU? 124 00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:40,846 NOW DON'T BE CRAZY. (laughing) 125 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,124 SO THAT'S A "YES"? 126 00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:44,082 IS IT? I DON'T... 127 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,551 (Noah and Fred laugh) 128 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,789 GEORGE, IT GOES AGAINST ALL OF MY BEST INSTINCTS 129 00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:50,685 TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT MANAGEMENT SAYS 130 00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:53,328 YOU CAN'T BE IN HERE WITHOUT CLOTHES ON. 131 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,264 ALL RIGHT. I'M--I'M GOING. 132 00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:59,729 YEAH, NOT WITH THAT ROBE, YOU'RE NOT. SORRY. CLUB RULES. 133 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,470 (chuckles) 134 00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:03,065 SUDDENLY, I WAS AT THE TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN. 135 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,506 I WAS A DRIVER. 136 00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:06,942 HEARD YOU PASSED YOUR DRIVER'S TEST. 137 00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:09,238 HEARD YOU DIDN'T. 138 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,449 DID YOU GET WHIPLASH WATCHING ME SURPASS YOU IN EVERY WAY? 139 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:16,323 YEAH, AND ALSO WHEN I RAN INTO THE DOG GROOMING TRUCK. 140 00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:18,194 (Kenzie and Kaitlyn) ASK HER ABOUT THE RIDE 141 00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:19,551 BEFORE THE LATE BELL RINGS. 142 00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:20,890 ARE YOU GUYS IDENTICAL? 143 00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:24,694 ALMOST. HER EYES ARE MORE CAT, AND MINE ARE MORE ALMOND. 144 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:29,028 SHE HATES ONIONS AND OLIVES, AND I ONLY HATE ONIONS... 145 00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:30,456 AND OLIVES. 146 00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:31,871 THAT MAKES SENSE. 147 00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:34,742 TESSA, I'D LIKE TO COMMISSION YOUR SERVICES. 148 00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,642 I DON'T OFFER ANY SERVICES. 149 00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:37,514 YOU DRIVE. 150 00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:40,371 YEAH, BUT I DON'T DRIVE YOU. 151 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:41,841 SHE'LL PAY YOU 20 BUCKS. 152 00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,409 (scoffs) 20 BUCKS. 153 00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,747 FINE. I'LL DOUBLE IT. 154 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:47,950 50 BUCKS. 155 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,215 CHECK YOUR MATH. 156 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:54,992 CHECK YOUR ATTITUDE, HOOKER. WILL YOU DRIVE ME OR NOT? 157 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,855 70 BUCKS, OKAY? (sighs) IT'S IMPORTANT. 158 00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,825 I'D NEVER SEEN DALIA SO DESPERATE. 159 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:03,233 MAYBE SHE NEEDED A RIDE TO REHAB OR TO THE OB-GYN. 160 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:06,226 EITHER WAY, SHE WAS CLEARLY REACHING OUT FOR HELP, 161 00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:08,239 SO I DID THE ONLY THING I COULD DO. 162 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,701 MAKE IT $100, AND YOU BUY GAS. 163 00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:17,512 CAN YOU BREAK $1,000? 164 00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:20,709 IS THAT GROVER CLEVELAND? 165 00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:23,121 (bell rings) 166 00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,685 NOT IN A SCHOOL ZONE. WHAT IF HE LEAVES? 167 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:31,787 I'M SURE HE WON'T LEAVE. WHAT TIME IS YOUR APPOINTMENT? 168 00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:33,359 I DON'T HAVE AN APPOINTMENT. 169 00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:35,357 WE'RE GOING TO SEE SCOTT STRAUSS. 170 00:06:35,429 --> 00:06:37,129 WHO'S SCOTT STRAUSS? OH, MY GOD. 171 00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:39,167 THAT'S THE DUMBEST QUESTION I'VE EVER HEARD. 172 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,332 "WHO'S SCOTT STRAUSS?" 173 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,000 SCOTT STRAUSS GRADUATED LAST YEAR, 174 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,899 AND HE'S, LIKE, THE HOTTEST GUY TO WALK THE FACE OF THE EARTH, 175 00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:47,141 INCLUDING JESUS, OUR POOL GUY, WHO'S ALSO SUPERHOT. 176 00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:48,437 PASS THIS MAN. PASS HIM! 177 00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,139 IT'S A SOLID YELLOW LINE. 178 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,780 LIKE ANYONE KNOWS WHAT THAT IS. 179 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,705 YOU'RE NOT EVEN A GOOD BACKSEAT DRIVER. 180 00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:55,521 OH, MY GOD. MY MOM WOULD KILL ME 181 00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:57,323 IF SHE KNEW I WAS BACK ON SCOTT STRAUSS. 182 00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:58,894 SHE PAID ME A THOUSAND ANCIENT DOLLARS 183 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,292 NOT TO JOCK HIM. 184 00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:01,823 AND YET YOU CONTINUE TO JOCK. 185 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:04,419 A LOT HAS HAPPENED SINCE I MADE THAT PROMISE. 186 00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:05,662 SCOTT BROKE UP WITH BRIANNA, 187 00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:07,756 AND SHE WENT ON A TEEN TOUR AND GOT CHLAMYDIA. 188 00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:11,058 OH, MY GOD! THAT'S IT. THAT'S SCOTT'S HOUSE. 189 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:12,201 DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP? 190 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,465 NO, YOU LOSER. KEEP GOING. 191 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:16,104 CIRCLE THE BLOCK. CIRCLE THE BLOCK! 192 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:19,469 (sighs) I HATE THIS JOB. 193 00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,210 (knock on door) (jazz music playing) 194 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,614 NOAH? HEY, MAN. 195 00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:25,176 GEORGE? YOU SHOULDN'T BE IN HERE. 196 00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:26,405 OH. 197 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:27,550 UH, UNLESS IT'S OKAY WITH THE PATIENT. 198 00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:28,845 (mouth full, mumbles) 199 00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:30,976 SHE SAYS IT'S OKAY. WHAT'S UP? 200 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,691 (door closes) SO... (sighs) WHAT'S GOING ON WITH MY APPLICATION? 201 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,693 I CALLED THE CLUB. THEY HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU YET. 202 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:37,185 THEY HAVEN'T? THAT'S CRAZY. 203 00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:38,187 SO YOU CALLED? 204 00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:39,328 NO. SO WHAT'S THE DEAL? 205 00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:40,792 DO YOU NOT WANT ME TO JOIN THE CLUB? 206 00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:42,761 BECAUSE I'M--I'M GETTING A WEIRD VIBE FROM YOU. 207 00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:45,000 VIBE? WHAT VIBE? THERE IS NO VIBE. 208 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,295 REALLY? BECAUSE LAST WEEK IN THE LOCKER ROOM, 209 00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:50,197 I BORROWED YOUR SHAMPOO, AND YOU SHOT ME THIS DIRTY LOOK. 210 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:53,510 WHAT? GET OUTTA HERE. THERE IS NO DIRTY LOOK. 211 00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:56,714 THIS FACE CAN'T MAKE A DIRTY LOOK. SEE? 212 00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:58,047 THAT'S AS DIRTY AS IT GETS. 213 00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,311 (chuckles) SO YOU'RE OKAY WITH ME JOINING? 214 00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:02,220 OF COURSE, ALTHOUGH YOU SHOULD KNOW, 215 00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:04,252 THEY'RE GONNA MAKE YOU JUMP THROUGH SOME HOOPS. 216 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,787 OKAY. HOW MANY HOOPS? 217 00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:09,493 MM. THERE'S THE APPLICATION, UH, THE NEW MEMBER INTERVIEW. 218 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:11,527 THEY'RE GONNA MAKE YOU WEAR A SUIT FOR THAT. 219 00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:12,532 SO TWO HOOPS. 220 00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:13,793 (mumbles) 221 00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:17,501 OH, SHE'S RIGHT. THERE'S ALSO AN ESSAY. 222 00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:19,225 WHY ARE WE DOING THIS AGAIN, DALIA? 223 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:20,769 WE'RE RUNNING... 224 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,274 ACTUALLY WE'RE FINE ON GAS. IT'S A PRIUS. 225 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,936 EVERY DAY, WE'RE CIRCLING. 226 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:28,305 WE'RE CIRCLING AND CIRCLING AND CIRCLING UNTIL WE SEE HIM, 227 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:29,405 OR YOU'RE FIRED. 228 00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:30,936 FINE. I'M FIRED. 229 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,711 THIS ISN'T HOW I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE ANYWAY. 230 00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:36,520 I'M TIRED AND DIZZY, AND... I HAVE DRIVER'S ITCH. 231 00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:37,594 (gasps) LOOK OUT! 232 00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:39,121 (tires screech, crash, creaks) 233 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,146 OH, MY GOD. (dog barking in distance) 234 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,321 I HIT SOMEBODY. 235 00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:43,789 I'M A RECKLESS DRIVER. 236 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,527 I AM A BRAND-NEW, RECKLESS DRIVER! 237 00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:49,903 TESSA, YOU JUST BANGED SCOTT STRAUSS. 238 00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,063 ** 239 00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:54,201 * DA-DA, DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA, DA-DA-DA-DA-DA * 240 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,667 * HEY, YOU * HEY, YOU 241 00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:57,906 * I REALLY WANNA KNOW YA 242 00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,641 * DA-DA, DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA, DA-DA-DA-DA-DA * 243 00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:02,578 * YEAH, YOU * YEAH, YOU 244 00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,753 * I REALLY WANNA KNOW YA 245 00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:10,322 (pants) OKAY. STAY CALM. 246 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:14,493 PULL OVER TO A SAFE AREA. EXCHANGE INSURANCE INFORMATION. 247 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,564 DO NOT ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY. 248 00:09:16,624 --> 00:09:17,964 AND ASK HIM OUT FOR ME. 249 00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:19,925 DALIA, I HAVE OTHER PROBLEMS RIGHT NOW. 250 00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:23,203 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A LONG, BLONDE PROBLEM 251 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,873 IF YOU DON'T ASK OUT SCOTT STRAUSS. 252 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:27,940 50 MORE BUCKS. 253 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:31,771 * I REALLY WANNA KNOW YA 254 00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:33,709 (car door closes) 255 00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:35,214 HEY, ARE YOU OKAY? BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, 256 00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,375 I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I'M NOT ASSUMING 257 00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,253 ANY RESPONSIBILITY. 258 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,651 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. THERE'S NO DAMAGE. 259 00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,784 ALTHOUGH... MAYBE WE SHOULD EXCHANGE INFORMATION, 260 00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:44,580 JUST TO BE SAFE. I HAVE YOUR INFORMATION. 261 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:47,152 YOU'RE SCOTT STRAUSS. YOU DRIVE AN A6. 262 00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:49,220 YOU USED TO GO OUT WITH THIS DUMB GIRL NAMED BRIANNA, 263 00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,819 WHO WENT ON THIS TEEN TOUR AND GOT SOME-- 264 00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:53,731 OKAY, OKAY. YOU ALREADY HAVE MY INFORMATION, 265 00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:56,104 SO... MAYBE YOU SHOULD GIVE ME YOURS. 266 00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:59,873 I'M TESSA. I RECENTLY MOVED HERE FROM NEW YORK. 267 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:03,473 I LIKE PAD THAI AND REAR-ENDING PEOPLE. 268 00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,006 (horn honks) 269 00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:08,912 SORRY. GREAT GAS MILEAGE, BUT... SPORADIC HONKING. 270 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:11,036 SO... AREN'T YOU CURIOUS 271 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,751 HOW I KNOW ALL THAT STUFF ABOUT YOU? 272 00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,613 I JUST FIGURED YOU WERE FACEBOOK STALKING ME. 273 00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:17,692 ME? STALK YOU? 274 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:20,321 NO. (chuckles) NO, NO, NO. 275 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:23,217 DALIA ROYCE IS STALKING YOU-- YOUR NEXT GIRLFRIEND. 276 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,430 WHAT MAKES YOU THINK DALIA'S MY NEXT GIRLFRIEND? 277 00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:29,162 JUDGING FROM WHAT I KNOW ABOUT BRIANNA, SHE'S YOUR TYPE. 278 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,559 MAYBE I HAVE A NEW TYPE. 279 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,800 YOU DON'T. 280 00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,596 SO SHOULD WE PICK YOU UP AROUND 8:00? 281 00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:35,598 "WE"? 282 00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,839 I'M DALIA'S DRIVER. 283 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,279 WHEW. 284 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:46,383 I'M NOT DOING UNDERWEAR. THAT'S FINE, RIGHT? 285 00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:48,517 (sighs) 286 00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:49,951 CLOSE THE DOOR. 287 00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:51,817 MARTY, I WAS IN THE PROCESS OF CLOSING IT 288 00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:53,315 AS YOU'RE TELLING ME TO CLOSE IT. 289 00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:54,986 (door closes) IF YOU HAD WAITED EVEN A HALF A SECOND, 290 00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:56,755 THE DOOR WOULD HAVE ALREADY BEEN CLOSED. 291 00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:59,594 SEE? THERE. LOOK. IT'S CLOSED, MARTY. 292 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,059 EVERYTHING OKAY, GEORGE? 293 00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:03,858 NOT REALLY, DUDE. I'M JUMPING THROUGH HOOPS. 294 00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:06,031 I BOUGHT THE SUIT. I WROTE THE ESSAY. 295 00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:07,699 (sighs) THEN THE OFFICE TELLS ME YOU HAVEN'T EVEN BOTHERED 296 00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,768 TO FILL OUT THE SPONSOR SECTION. 297 00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:12,337 I WALK IN HERE. I FIND YOU WITH MARTY. 298 00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:13,665 WHAT'S THE DEAL? 299 00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:16,341 HEY, IS THIS A, UH, PRIVATES PARTY? (chuckles) 300 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:20,209 (laughs) LOOK, GEORGE, UH, WHY DON'T YOU GO 301 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,320 TAKE A COLD PLUNGE AND CALM DOWN? (chuckles) 302 00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:24,622 WELL, BECAUSE I'M NOT ALLOWED IN THE COLD PLUNGE, NOAH, 303 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:25,894 AND I THINK YOU KNOW THAT. 304 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:27,053 WELL, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED IN HERE, EITHER, 305 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,620 BUT THAT DIDN'T SEEM TO STOP YOU. 306 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,118 IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO SPONSOR ME, 307 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,620 WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY SO? I WOULD HAVE ASKED FRED. 308 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,461 FRED, W-WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO SPONSOR ME. RIGHT, FRED? 309 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,097 WELL, I'D HAVE TO ASK SHEILA, BUT I SUPPOSE SO. 310 00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:40,834 AND IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR PRECIOUS SHAMPOO, DON'T BE. 311 00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,271 I WON'T BORROW IT AGAIN. 312 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:45,035 TO BE 100% HONEST, IT ROBBED MY HAIR OF BODY 313 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:46,865 AND STRIPPED IT OF SHINE. 314 00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,340 IT'S NOT ABOUT THE SHAMPOO, GEORGE. 315 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,008 OH. (chuckles) OKAY. MARTY, YOU HEARD THAT? 316 00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:51,677 YEAH. YEAH. IT'S NOT ABOUT THE SHAMPOO, 317 00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,045 BUT IT IS ABOUT SOMETHING. 318 00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,353 HE ADMITTED IT. HE DOESN'T WANT ME HERE. 319 00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:56,684 LOOK, THIS IS WHY. YOU'RE LOOKING AT MARTY. 320 00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:59,150 I INTRODUCED YOU TO MARTY. I OWN MARTY! 321 00:11:59,219 --> 00:11:59,949 THIS IS MY MARTY! 322 00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,520 HMM. SIT DOWN, MARTY! 323 00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:02,518 OKAY, I GET IT. 324 00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:03,789 SO YOU WANT ME IN YOUR CLUB, 325 00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:05,287 BUT YOU DON'T WANT ME IN YOUR CLUB. 326 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:07,488 I'M STARTING TO THINK I DON'T WANT YOU IN EITHER, 327 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,300 SO WHY DON'T YOU DO US ALL A FAVOR, G-BAG? 328 00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:14,603 GRAB YOUR DOPP KIT AND GO DIG YOUR CAR OUT OF SELF-PARKING! 329 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:18,437 YOU ARE A POMPOUS BABY! 330 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,105 YOU SAY THAT AGAIN-- 331 00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,143 POMPOUS BABY! 332 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,438 THAT'S IT. (grunts) NO! 333 00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:23,579 NO! 334 00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:25,413 (both grunting) 335 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,308 AAH! 336 00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:31,520 (yelling) 337 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:32,694 I GOT YOU NOW. 338 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,992 AAH! GET OFF ME! 339 00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:41,956 ** 340 00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:43,459 (floor squeaks) AAH. 341 00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:44,700 DR. WERNER, YOUR FACE! 342 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,734 NOAH, RELAX-- (grunts) 343 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,940 HEY! HEY, GET OFF ME, YOU GOON! 344 00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:51,472 (all grunting and groaning) 345 00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:55,038 AAH! (grunts) OHH. 346 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,078 (grunts) 347 00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,283 OHH! 348 00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:58,614 (snaps) OW! 349 00:12:58,678 --> 00:13:00,208 UH, I'VE GOT A 2:00 TEE-OFF, 350 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,020 SO I'M JUST GONNA HEAD ON OUT OF HERE. 351 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:06,393 SO SCOTT SAID THAT HE WOULD GO OUT WITH DALIA? 352 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:07,123 MM-HMM. 353 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,387 (mouth full) THAT'S WEIRD. 354 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,715 WHY? FROM I HEAR, HE'S EXACTLY LIKE HER. 355 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,160 HE IS NOTHING LIKE HER. 356 00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:15,755 HE JUST SPENT THE LAST YEAR VOLUNTEERING IN ZAMBIA. 357 00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:17,459 HE HAS GLOBAL AWARENESS. 358 00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:18,700 REALLY? YEAH. 359 00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:19,725 AFTER HE BROKE UP WITH BRIANNA, 360 00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,029 SCOTT DEFERRED CARNEGIE MELLON 361 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,271 TO HELP SICK, IMPOVERISHED ORPHANS. 362 00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:25,236 HE COOKED MEALS, HELPED BUILD WELLS. 363 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,835 HE MOUNTED A ZAMBIAN PRODUCTION OF "PIPPIN," 364 00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:28,777 WHICH I'M TOLD WAS VERY WELL-RECEIVED. 365 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:31,612 (chuckles) THIS GUY SOUNDS AMAZING. 366 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:34,548 WHY WOULD HE GO OUT WITH DALIA? IT'S SUCH A WASTE. 367 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,984 HE ALSO HELPED CLEAN UP WASTE-- 368 00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,290 ANOTHER BIG PROBLEM IN THAT COUNTRY. 369 00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,192 (cell phone rings) 370 00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,194 (ring) 371 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,015 HELLO? 372 00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:46,562 OH, HEY, DALIA. 373 00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,996 I WAS SO BUSY HEARING STORIES ABOUT SCOTT STRAUSS, 374 00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,762 I FORGOT I HAD TO PICK UP SCOTT STRAUSS, 375 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,170 AND SINCE GEORGE TOOK THE PRIUS, 376 00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:54,602 WE HAD TO RESORT TO PLAN "B"... 377 00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:57,302 AS IN BENTLEY. 378 00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,870 ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT AS I RAN MY HANDS 379 00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:01,570 ACROSS THE ITALIAN LEATHER STEERING WHEEL 380 00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:04,581 WAS NOT HOW MANY CHILDREN IN ZAMBIA THIS COULD FEED, 381 00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,184 BUT HOW LONG WOULD IT BE BEFORE I COULD AFFORD 382 00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:07,916 A WHIP LIKE THIS FOR MYSELF? 383 00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:12,221 ZAMBIA--IS THAT, LIKE, AN ANTIDEPRESSANT? 384 00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:14,955 IS THAT THE ONE THAT GIVES YOU DIARRHEA? 385 00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:17,822 NO, IT'S NOT. 386 00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:20,561 WE'RE HERE. 387 00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,157 (seat belt buckle clicks) 388 00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:25,329 (indistinct conversations) 389 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:28,604 LOOK... (sighs) 390 00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:30,798 IT WAS REALLY COOL WHAT YOU DID, SETTING ME UP WITH SCOTT, 391 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,310 SO I JUST WANTED TO SAY... 392 00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:38,383 "THANKS"? 393 00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:39,775 YOU'RE WELCOME, 394 00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:42,446 AND SO AM I. (chuckles) 395 00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:44,985 IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD SEEN DALIA SMILE. 396 00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:48,762 SHE LOOKED SO... HUMAN. 397 00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:52,891 I GUESS IN SOME STRANGE WAY, I WAS HAPPY THAT SHE WAS HAPPY. 398 00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:58,032 FORGOT MY WALLET. 399 00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,468 OH, AND I ASSUME YOU KNOW THAT THE ONLY REASON I WENT 400 00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,773 ON THIS DATE WITH DALIA WAS SO THAT I COULD SPEND 401 00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,865 SOME MORE TIME WITH YOU. 402 00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:06,538 TESSA, THIS IS HUGE. 403 00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:07,936 I KNOW. 404 00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,608 NO. NO, YOU DON'T. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 405 00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:11,206 SCOTT STRAUSS LIKES YOU. 406 00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,708 I KNOW. I TOLD YOU THAT. 407 00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,750 (door opens) THE LOSERS ARE WINNING. 408 00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,445 (singsongy) THERE'S MY GIRL. 409 00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:18,887 (door closes) 410 00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:19,892 WHERE'S YOUR GIRL? 411 00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:21,823 THERE. YOU. 412 00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,318 SO, WHAT? 413 00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:26,960 LIKE, YOU GUYS ARE, LIKE, FRIENDS NOW? 414 00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:28,757 (mouths word) 415 00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,228 AS DALIA TRIED TO WELCOME ME 416 00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:32,427 INTO A CLUB I HAD NO INTENTION OF JOINING, 417 00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:33,799 GEORGE WAS FINDING THAT HIS CLUB 418 00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,366 DIDN'T WANT HIMAS A MEMBER. 419 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,465 WE'RE SO SORRY TO DENY YOUR APPLICATION. 420 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,837 DENY MY APPLICATION? DID YOU READ MY ESSAY? 421 00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:42,537 WE DID... 422 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,809 (men clear throats) 423 00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:46,147 BUT THERE WAS A DING. 424 00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:47,953 A DING? SOMEBODY DINGED YOU, 425 00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:52,545 AND ONCE YOU'VE BEEN DINGED, I'M AFRAID YOU CAN'T BE UN-DUNG. 426 00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:53,619 DANG. 427 00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:55,316 I... (sighs) WHO DINGED ME? 428 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:56,888 Y-YOU KNOW WHAT? DON'T EVEN TELL ME. 429 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,286 IT WAS--IT WAS NOAH WERNER, WASN'T IT? 430 00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:01,428 I'M SORRY, MR. ALTMAN. ALL DINGS ARE ANONYMOUS, 431 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,964 AND THAT IS, OF COURSE, TO ENCOURAGE DINGING. 432 00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:06,071 (chuckles) 433 00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,773 YOUR APPLICATION IS DENIED. 434 00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:10,874 WELL, GEORGE... (sighs) WE GAVE IT OUR BEST SHOT. 435 00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:14,667 SO CLOSE, TOO. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE THE CLUB NOW. 436 00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:16,511 (clears throat) 437 00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,876 I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO VISIT AFRICA. 438 00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:22,215 WAS THE SCENERY SO BEAUTIFUL YOU COULDN'T EVEN CATCH YOUR BREATH? 439 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,053 ACTUALLY, IT WAS KINDA LIKE CHATSWIN, 440 00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:28,118 BUT WITH MORE ELEPHANTS. 441 00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,758 AND LESS COUGARS? 442 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,122 I DON'T KNOW. 443 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:34,531 SOME OF THOSE OLDER ZULU WOMEN WERE... PRETTY HOT. 444 00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:35,504 (laughs) 445 00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:37,032 (laughs) 446 00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:39,897 HONESTLY, EVERYTHING WAS SO VIVID. 447 00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:41,826 LIKE, YOU LOOK UP, 448 00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:44,301 AND THERE'S A TOTALLY DIFFERENT MOON IN THE SKY. 449 00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,341 I WANTED TO SAY, "WE SHOULDN'T DO THIS." 450 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:48,276 I WANTED TO SAY, "I KNOW DALIA LIKES YOU, 451 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,881 "AND EVEN IF SHE AND I AREN'T FRIENDS, 452 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:53,382 IT'S STILL WRONG," BUT ALL I ACTUALLY SAID WAS... 453 00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:54,406 WOW. 454 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:00,952 CONGRATULATIONS. 455 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,490 WHAT'S THIS? 456 00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,755 WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE? IT'S A MEMBERSHIP CARD. 457 00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:05,934 I GOT YOU IN. 458 00:17:05,992 --> 00:17:07,762 I THOUGHT I COULDN'T BE UN-DUNG. 459 00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,457 UN-DUNG? 460 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,299 YOU DINGED ME. 461 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,703 I DIDN'T DING YOU, 462 00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:13,974 ALTHOUGH I DID GIVE YOU A SHINER, DIDN'T I? 463 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:17,143 HEY, DON'T--DON'T KID YOURSELF. THAT WAS FROM MARTY. 464 00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:18,574 SO WHY THE SUDDEN CHANGE OF HEART? 465 00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,408 I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T WANT ME IN YOUR CLUB. 466 00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,983 WHAT CAN I SAY? I'M A CHILD, ALL RIGHT? 467 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,742 I GAVE YOU A TOY TO PLAY WITH 468 00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:28,251 AND THEN GOT UPSET WHEN YOU WERE PLAYING WITH IT. 469 00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:30,345 I'M A FLAWED PERSON, GEORGE. I AM. 470 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:33,417 I WANTTO CHANGE. I DO. 471 00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:35,986 (whispers) BUT I'M NEVER GOING TO... 472 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,385 (normal voice) SO I GOT YOU IN THE CLUB. 473 00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:39,027 I HAVEN'T FOUGHT LIKE THAT SINCE I WAS A KID 474 00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,562 WITH MY BROTHER, 475 00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:42,997 WHICH MADE ME REALIZE, YOU'RE LIKE FAMILY, GEORGE. 476 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:47,102 WELL, THANKS, NOAH, 477 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,337 BUT... (cup clatters) 478 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,641 TO BE HONEST, GETTING DINGED WAS PROBABLY 479 00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:52,173 THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED. 480 00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:53,639 I CAN'T AFFORD THE DUES TO THAT PLACE. 481 00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:55,776 I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD YOUR SHAMPOO. 482 00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:57,782 YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY DUES. 483 00:17:57,844 --> 00:18:00,584 LIKE I SAID, YOU'RE FAMILY, 484 00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,977 SO I ADDED YOU TO MY FAMILY PLAN. 485 00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:05,049 WHAT? (laughs) 486 00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,418 "GEORGE WERNER"? 487 00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:08,216 WHAT, YOU ADDED ME AS YOUR BROTHER? 488 00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:10,088 ACTUALLY, I ADDED YOU AS MY SON, 489 00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:12,587 SO PLEASE WATCH YOUR TONE WITH ME. 490 00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:14,959 SO WE'RE COUNTRY CLUB PEOPLE NOW, HUH? 491 00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:16,257 (chuckles) 492 00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:18,229 SHOULDN'T WE HAVE PEOPLE FOLDING THESE FOR US? 493 00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:20,328 I WOULDN'T CALL US "COUNTRY CLUB PEOPLE." 494 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,270 YOU KNOW, WE--WE--WE BELONG TO A CLUB 495 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,766 THAT HAPPENS TO... 496 00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:29,808 BE IN... THE COUNTRY. 497 00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:31,436 WE'RE COUNTRY CLUB PEOPLE. 498 00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:34,211 DID YOU EVER FIND OUT WHO DINGED YOU? 499 00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:35,621 NO. NO, AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY. 500 00:18:35,682 --> 00:18:37,922 I HATE THE IDEA THAT THERE'S SOMEBODY OUT THERE 501 00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:40,194 WHO HAS AN ANONYMOUS PROBLEM WITH ME. 502 00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:41,753 COME RIGHT OUT AND TELL ME TO MY FACE. 503 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:43,291 BE A MAN, YOU KNOW? 504 00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:46,326 YEAH. I DID KNOW. 505 00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:49,303 I HAD TO BE A MAN. 506 00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:56,067 OH, MY GOSH, DALIA. 507 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,835 SOMETHING SO, SO EXCITING JUST HAPPENED. 508 00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:02,014 YOUR VERY GOOD FRIEND STOPPED BY UNEXPECTEDLY TO PAY YOU A VISIT. 509 00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:02,984 KIMANTHA? NO. 510 00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:04,242 KENZIE? NO. 511 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,911 KAITLYN? NO, IT'S-- 512 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:06,908 SUE? NO. 513 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,919 IT'S ME. TESSA. 514 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,381 OH. 515 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:11,480 HEY. 516 00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:13,351 CAN I GET YOU GIRLS ANYTHING TO DRINK? 517 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:15,390 I COULD WHIP UP SOME VIRGIN MARYS. 518 00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,855 I DON'T LET DALIA HAVE HARD LIQUOR ON SCHOOL NIGHTS. 519 00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:20,064 NO, THANKS, DALLAS. I'M NOT STAYING LONG. 520 00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:21,526 OKAY. 521 00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:22,904 I'M JUST MAKING A COLLAGE 522 00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:26,432 OF ME AND SCOTT STRAUSS AND LIL WAYNE FOR MY LOCKER. 523 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:29,069 THAT'S KINDA WHAT I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT. 524 00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:30,965 WEEZY? SCOTT STRAUSS. 525 00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:34,467 DALIA, SCOTT LIKES SOMEONE ELSE, 526 00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:37,741 AND I WANTED YOU TO HEAR IT FROM ME, 527 00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:38,880 BECAUSE IT'S ME. 528 00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:42,447 YEAH, RIGHT. (scribbling) 529 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,345 I HUNG OUT WITH HIM YESTERDAY, 530 00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:46,087 BUT YOU LIKED HIM FIRST, 531 00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:47,992 SO I'M NOT GONNA SEE HIM ANYMORE. 532 00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,724 YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING ME SOME SORT OF FAVOR... 533 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:50,759 (pen clatters) 534 00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:52,393 LETTING MY BOYFRIEND BE MY BOYFRIEND? 535 00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:55,599 (scoffs) HE'S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND. 536 00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:57,832 HE ONLY WENT OUT WITH YOU BECAUSE HE LIKES ME. 537 00:19:57,897 --> 00:20:00,727 TESSA, YOU REMIND ME OF TYLER PERRY RIGHT NOW. 538 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,870 YOU'RE JOKING, BUT YOU'RE NOT FUNNY. 539 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:04,695 I'M NOT JOKING, 540 00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:07,411 ALTHOUGH I DON'T DISAGREE WITH YOU ABOUT TYLER PERRY. 541 00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:08,944 I DON'T KNOW EVEN KNOW WHY I CAME HERE. 542 00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:13,278 YEAH, IT WAS DUMB, AND LET ME SPELL OUT JUST HOW DUMB IT WAS. 543 00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:15,876 "D" IS FOR DALIA. THAT'S MY NAME, 544 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:19,148 AND "U" IS FOR YOU, WHO SNAKED SCOTT STRAUSS, 545 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,448 AND "M" IS FOR MRS. SCOTT STRAUSS. 546 00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:22,891 THAT'S ALSO MY NAME. 547 00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:24,085 YOU FORGOT THE "B." 548 00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:27,326 NO, I DIDN'T, BEEYOTCH. GAME ON. 549 00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:29,834 FINE. GAME ON... 550 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,000 BEEYOTCH. 551 00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:38,465 (indistinct conversations) 552 00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:41,368 HEY, WALTER, KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN OUT THERE, ALL RIGHT? 553 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:42,441 HA. THANKS. (chuckles) 554 00:20:42,509 --> 00:20:43,839 WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, GEORGE? 555 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:47,250 I DON'T KNOW, BUT I HEARD SOMEBODY ELSE SAY IT. 556 00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:49,024 MORNING, MR. ALTMAN. 557 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,621 HELLO THERE, JOCELYN. HOW ARE YOU? 558 00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:53,323 I HEAR YOU'RE A MEMBER NOW. CONGRATULATIONS. 559 00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:54,716 YES, I AM A MEMBER, 560 00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:56,257 SO I GUESS WE'LL BE SEEING A LOT OF EACH OTHER. 561 00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:57,723 RIGHT HERE IN THIS DINING ROOM WE WILL BE, 562 00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:00,760 BUT OUTSIDE OF THE DINING ROOM, NOT SO MUCH. (sighs) 563 00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:02,297 CLUB MEMBERS CAN'T DATE EMPLOYEES. 564 00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:04,302 IT'S AGAINST THE RULES. (inhales deeply) 565 00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:06,834 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SOME CREAM. 566 00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:10,902 DING. 567 00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:12,240 DING? 568 00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:15,135 (glass clinks) 569 00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:16,337 (whispers) DING. 570 00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:17,879 LET'S FACE IT. 571 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,654 WE DON'T FIT IN. WE DON'T LOOK LIKE THEM. 572 00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:21,282 WE DON'T ACT LIKE THEM, 573 00:21:21,348 --> 00:21:23,248 AND WE DEFINITELY DON'T PLAY BY THEIR RULES, 574 00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:25,386 BUT TWO THINGS WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE-- 575 00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:27,552 THEY POACH THE HELL OUT OF AN EGG, 576 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,890 AND I HAVE MY DRIVER'S LICENSE. 38813

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