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1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:03,835
NOW BEFORE THIS, UH, TURKEY
GETS TOO NERVOUS
2
00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:05,741
THAT BO WILL ESCAPE AND...
3
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:09,043
STUPID, STUPID TRADITION.
4
00:00:09,077 --> 00:00:11,847
OH, LOOK AT US.
WE'RE PARDONING A TURKEY.
5
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:14,079
(Tessa) AND IF HE CAN GET
A REPRIEVE ON THANKSGIVING,
6
00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,545
WHY CAN'T I?
7
00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:18,123
WHY CAN'T I, MALIA?
8
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:19,492
(clatters)
9
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,660
(President Obama)
YOU ARE HEREBY PARDONED.
10
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,589
(Tessa) THANKSGIVING IS
A TIME FOR TRADITION,
11
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:25,334
AND MOVING TO CHATSWIN MEANT
THE END OF OURS.
12
00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:31,370
EVERY YEAR, GEORGE AND I USED
TO GO TO CENTRAL PARK TO WATCH
13
00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:33,529
THE FLOATS GET BLOWN UP
FOR THE PARADE.
14
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:35,637
THEN WE'D GO
TO OUR FAVORITE COFFEE SHOP
15
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:36,569
FOR TURKEY BURGERS
16
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:37,614
AND BLACK-AND-WHITE
MILK SHAKES.
17
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:40,368
TRY AND ORDER A BLACK-AND-WHITE
IN CHATSWIN,
18
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:43,138
AND YOU'D JUST GET THE WHITE.
(doorbell rings)
19
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,777
(George) TESSA, YOU GOT IT?
20
00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:46,783
YEAH.
21
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,490
GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
22
00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:52,649
YOU'RE A GROWN MAN.
23
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:55,886
GOOD MORROW, CHILD.
WHERE BE YOUR PA?
24
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:59,093
UH, I THINK HE'S
ON THE CAN. WHO ARE YOU?
25
00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:02,127
WHY, JASPER THE PILGRIM.
26
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:05,533
CHILD, THE FAMILY OF ROYCE
AWAITS THINE R.S.V.P.
27
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:06,666
TO THEIR BOUNTIFUL
THANKSGIVING FEAST.
28
00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:11,908
YOU GUYS FORGOT TO R.S.V.P.
29
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:14,379
OH! RIGHT. THE DALLAS THING.
WE'LL BE THERE.
30
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:18,208
"JOYOUS NEWS!" AS OUR
FOREFATHERS MIGHT PROCLAIM.
31
00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:19,906
REALLY?
WELL, YOU'RE A MEAN GIRL
32
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:23,577
WITH AN UNKIND HEART
WHO HAS NO HOLIDAY CHEER.
33
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:26,917
THANKSGIVING AT THE ROYCES'.
GONNA BE FUN.
34
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:27,864
DEFINE FUN.
35
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:29,418
NOAH'S FAMILY'S
GONNA BE THERE.
36
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:30,887
YOU SHOULD CALL
"WEBSTER'S."
37
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,664
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE
HOW FAR APART YOU GUYS ARE.
38
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,603
LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE BUMMED WE'RE
NOT DOING OUR OLD TRADITION,
39
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:37,228
BUT WE'RE MAKING
A NEW TRADITION.
40
00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:40,195
DO YOU EVEN OWN A DICTIONARY?
TRADITIONS AREN'T NEW.
41
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:42,244
THAT'S WHAT MAKES THEM...
TRADITIONS.
42
00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:43,300
MM-HMM.
43
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:45,367
BESIDES, I KNOW YOU'RE JUST
TRYING TO KEEP US APART.
44
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,536
KEEP WHO APART?
MANHATTAN AND ME.
45
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:49,235
YOU'RE AFRAID.
IF I SEE HER AGAIN,
46
00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:50,737
THE OLD FEELINGS MIGHT COME
RUSHING BACK.
47
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:53,278
(chuckles) OH, YES.
I KNOW HOW SERIOUS YOU TWO ARE,
48
00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:55,154
AND I MISS HER, TOO,
BUT WE ARE WITH THE SUBURBS NOW,
49
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:56,953
AND IF SHE CATCHES US
LOOKING AT OTHER CITIES--
50
00:01:56,984 --> 00:01:58,394
SHE MIGHT CUT OFF
YOUR CUL-DE-SAC?
51
00:01:58,419 --> 00:01:59,789
(chuckles) AND YOU KNOW
I'M PRETTY ATTACHED
52
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:00,920
TO MY CUL-DE-SAC.
53
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,294
YOU'RE GROSS.
54
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:03,323
YOU'RE GROSS.
55
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,832
Captioned by
Closed Captioning Services, Inc.
56
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:11,830
(woman) * LAST NIGHT I HAD
A PLEASANT NIGHTMARE *
57
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:14,865
* DA-DA-DA-DA,
DA, DA, DA, DA *
58
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:18,172
(rattles)
59
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:20,436
HEY, NEIGHBOR.
60
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:23,544
GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
61
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,677
DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE
SAY "GOBBLE, GOBBLE"?
62
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:30,183
IT MAKES ME WANT TO KILL THEM...
AND THEN EAT THEM.
63
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:32,188
ON THANKSGIVING DAY,
HALF A DOZEN MEMBERS
64
00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:34,560
OF THE SHAY FAMILY
WILL DESCEND UPON OUR HOUSE
65
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:35,918
TO EAT WITH THEIR MOUTH OPEN
66
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:40,256
AND DISPENSE
UNSOLICITED ADVICE...
67
00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:43,464
MOST OF WHICH WILL BE
ABOUT MY HAIR.
68
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:44,367
GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
69
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,298
YOU SHOULD SEE
THIS DRESS THAT MY MOTHER'S
70
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,473
TRYING TO MAKE ME WEAR.
IT'S FRICKIN' AMISH.
71
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,241
MAYBE YOU SHOULD MOVE TO EUROPE
WHEN YOU'RE OLDER.
72
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,540
THEY DON'T HAVE
THANKSGIVING IN EUROPE.
73
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:54,382
LIKE MY MOTHER WOULD EVER
LET ME MOVE TO EUROPE.
74
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:55,708
SHE'S CONVINCED ALL BELGIANS
ARE SEX OFFENDERS.
75
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:06,521
WAIT. WHAT IF YOU JUST
TELL YOUR MOM
76
00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:08,494
YOU'RE NOT WEARING
THE DRESS?
77
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:13,363
(doorbell rings)
78
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:14,434
(dog yapping)
79
00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:16,402
YAKULT! NO!
COME HERE, GIRL.
80
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:20,530
(Dallas) GET DOWN, YAKULT.
GET DOWN. NO, STOP IT.
81
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,498
HEY. I-I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU HAD A DOG.
82
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,836
WELL, SHE'S NEW. I JUST GOT
HER FROM THE BREEDER.
83
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,512
SHE'S A SNICKERDOODLE.
84
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,440
I-I THINK THAT'S A COOKIE.
85
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:32,306
OH. OKAY, MAYBE SHE'S
A SCHNITZELDOODLE.
86
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:35,446
ANYWHO, SHE'S SOME KIND
OF DOODLE, AREN'T YA, YAKULT?
87
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:36,823
(high-pitched voice)
AREN'T YOU, GOOD GIRL?
88
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,650
YAKULT? IS THAT HEBREW?
89
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:39,616
(chuckles) NO, SILLY.
90
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:42,623
SHE'S NAMED AFTER
MY FAVORITE PROBIOTIC DRINK.
91
00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:45,026
OH. OKAY.
I-I NEED TO ASK YOU A FAVOR.
92
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,588
I'M UP
FOR THIS REALLY BIG JOB.
93
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,357
OH, CONGRATS, GEORGE.
WELL, HOLD ON.
94
00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:49,926
THERE'S STILL ONE FINAL HOOP
I NEED TO JUMP THROUGH.
95
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:51,333
IN FACT,
I REALLY GOTTA GET GOING.
96
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:52,265
WELL, DON'T LET ME
KEEP YOU.
97
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,440
N-NO, NO, DALLAS.
THE REASON I STOPPED BY IS
98
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,598
BECAUSE TESSA'S
A LITTLE BUMMED OUT
99
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:57,907
ABOUT BEING IN CHATSWIN
THIS TIME OF YEAR...
100
00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,068
OHH.
101
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:00,506
AND I THOUGHT MAYBE IF YOU WERE
DOING SOMETHING FUN TODAY,
102
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:01,511
SHE COULD TAG ALONG.
103
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:04,012
OH, MY GOSH. YES. I'M ALWAYS
DOING SOMETHING FUN.
104
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,654
EVEN WHEN I'M NOT DOING
ANYTHING FUN,
105
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:08,879
IT'S USUALLY STILL
PRETTY FUN. I'M YOUR GIRL.
106
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,346
YOU REALLY ARE.
107
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:13,794
(kisses)
108
00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,591
MY GOODNESS, YAKULT.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
109
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,859
LISA MARIE SHAY.
110
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:24,504
ALL THE GIRL COUSINS
ARE WEARING THE DRESS.
111
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:26,432
ALL THE GIRL COUSINS
BUT ONE.
112
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,337
MAKE LIFE EASY.
WEAR THE DRESS.
113
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,439
WHAT ABOUT THE FAMILY PHOTO
FOR NANA?
114
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:33,011
IF YOU'RE NOT WEARING THE DRESS,
WE MAY AS WELL TAKE A PHOTO
115
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:36,110
OF A BUNCH OF GODLESS,
SEX-CRAZED BELGIANS.
116
00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,383
I'M SURE NANA
WOULD LOVE THAT.
117
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:38,311
THIS IS JUST LIKE
WHEN SHE WANTED
118
00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:39,406
TO STOP USING CONDITIONER.
119
00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:41,107
I BROKE FOUR COMBS
ON THAT HEAD OF HAIR!
120
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:44,388
I REMEMBER. UH, COMBS DON'T
GROW ON TREES, LISA.
121
00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:47,688
FRED, IS THAT ANOTHER BOWL
OF CEREAL?! IT IS 11:00 A.M.!
122
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,661
(clinks)
123
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,690
LISA, IF YOU WANT TO BE
A PARTY POOPER,
124
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,685
YOU CAN GO POOP
IN YOUR ROOM,
125
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:54,857
AND IF YOU MISS
THANKSGIVING TOMORROW,
126
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,895
YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME
BUT YOURSELF.
127
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:59,030
FINE.
128
00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:01,696
(sighs) THIS IS A PERFECTLY
HANDSOME CALICO DRESS.
129
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:02,965
(door closes)
130
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:04,843
MM-HMM. OH, YEAH.
131
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:08,082
DON'T CONDESCEND TO ME.
(sighs)
132
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:10,408
LISA HAD BEEN BANISHED
TO HER ROOM.
133
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:12,584
MEANWHILE, I WAS ABOUT
TO BE SUBJECTED
134
00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:14,753
TO A DIFFERENT KIND OF TORTURE
ENTIRELY.
135
00:05:14,782 --> 00:05:18,722
TESSA, I KNOW YOU PRIDE YOURSELF
ON BEING UNKEMPT,
136
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:22,492
BUT I THINK YOU WOULD LOOK HOT
WITH A BRAZILIAN.
137
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:23,593
BEG PARDON?
138
00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:24,964
A BRAZILIAN BLOWOUT--
139
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:28,162
SUPER STRAIGHT HAIR,
REAL SMOOTH, POLISHED,
140
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:30,455
INSTEAD OF THAT LITTLE
KINK-PILE YOU GOT GOING,
141
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:33,898
AND TRUST ME, HONEY,
IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.
142
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,104
WHY WOULD FLAT HAIR
MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?
143
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,806
TESSA, THERE ARE
CERTAIN SECRETS IN LIFE
144
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:41,108
THAT ONLY A WOMAN CAN TEACH YOU,
AND ONE OF THEM IS,
145
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:44,811
WHEN YOU LOOK BETTER,
YOU FEEL BETTER.
146
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,605
OH! AND ANOTHER ONE IS...
(packaging rustles)
147
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:49,177
YOU CAN STILL GET BUGLES
ON THE INTERNET. (crunches)
148
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:51,116
YEAH, I DON'T CARE ABOUT
EITHER OF THOSE TWO THINGS.
149
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,921
OH, COME ON.
WE CAN DO IT SIDE BY SIDE.
150
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,894
SIT RIGHT THERE,
AND WE CAN BOTH GET BLOWN.
151
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:56,723
NO.
152
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:59,787
PRETTY PLEASE
WITH A $100 BILL ON TOP.
153
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:01,187
NOT EVEN ON MY DEAD BODY.
154
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:04,028
OH, NO. THAT KIND OF HAIR IS
ALL WRONG FOR A DEAD BODY.
155
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:08,404
YOU'D WANT AN UPDO
OR A LOOSE BRAID OR A SIDE PONY.
156
00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:10,396
TESSA,
I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL.
157
00:06:10,438 --> 00:06:12,168
YOU BLOW OUT YOUR HAIR WITH ME
FOR THANKSGIVING,
158
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,705
AND I WILL TAKE YOU
ABSOLUTELY ANYWHERE
159
00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:16,582
YOU WANT TO GO
FOR LUNCH TODAY.
160
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:20,950
**
161
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,981
ANYWHERE?
162
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:24,846
(AgesandAges'
"Alright You Restless" playing)
163
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:34,225
(turns stereo volume up)
164
00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:36,061
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE
SAID ANYWHERE.
165
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,156
* ALRIGHT, YOU RESTLESS,
ARISE *
166
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,997
* AND MAKE BELIEVE
IT ISN'T DANGEROUS *
167
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,836
SO HERE'S THE SITCH.
168
00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:48,582
AS YOU MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW, I'M
A PROFESSIONAL PARTY PLANNER,
169
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:49,709
SO MY MOM PUT ME IN CHARGE
170
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,183
OF PROFESSIONALLY PLANNING
THIS PARTY.
171
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:52,681
(Yakult yapping)
OH, MY GOD.
172
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:54,253
SHUT UP, YAKULT!
I HATE YOU!
173
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:56,581
(yaps)
174
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:59,547
NOW I'M SURE WE ALL REMEMBER
THAT LAST YEAR SUCKED.
175
00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:01,617
I'M TALKING ABOUT
CLUMPY-ASS MASHED POTATOES
176
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:04,485
AND PALE, FLACCID
STRING BEANS, ALAN.
177
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:07,055
YOU'D BETTER COME CORRECT,
OR I SWEAR TO GOD,
178
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,934
YOU'RE GONNA GET SERVED.
179
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:11,102
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, PUMPKIN.
GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
180
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:14,001
HEY, DAD. GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
LONG TIME NO SEE.
181
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,804
ALL RIGHT. UH-OH. SHOES.
(clatters)
182
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:18,006
DID YOU FORGET WE HAVE A NO-SHOE
POLICY HERE IN THE HOUSE?
183
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,508
YEAH, WE DON'T DO THAT
WHEN YOU'RE NOT HERE.
184
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:22,240
WHY? I THOUGHT YOU WERE
DADDY'S GIRL, HUH?
185
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,375
(shoes clatter)
SHOULD I RETURN
186
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,480
THE CASHMERE HORSE BLANKET
I GOT FOR YOUR HORSE CASHMERE?
187
00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:27,083
NO, N--
188
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,254
DADDY, YOU KNOW CASHMERE
LOVES CASHMERE.
189
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,722
I KNOW.
190
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:32,551
DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER.
LISTEN TO ME, OKAY?
191
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:33,616
'KAY.
192
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:34,894
(whispering) OKAY.
I'M GONNA NAP.
193
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,162
CALL ME IF ANYONE CALLS ME.
194
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,059
ALL RIGHT. GO ON. OKAY.
195
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:39,861
(yaps and growls)
196
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:42,603
WHO ARE YOU?
197
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:43,960
(horns honking)
198
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,927
I PROMISED GEORGE I'D GET YOU
EXCITED ABOUT CHATSWIN,
199
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:49,036
AND WHAT DO I DO?
I BRING YOU INTO THE CITY.
200
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:51,639
I MEAN, WHY DOES GEORGE
EVEN HAVE TO KNOW?
201
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,272
THIS CAN JUST BE
OUR LITTLE SECRET.
202
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,806
(gasps) OH, MY GOSH.
203
00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:57,652
GUCCIS JUST LAYIN'
ON THE SIDEWALK.
204
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,148
I LIKE THAT ONE.
205
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:00,179
15.
206
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,923
15? 15 WHAT?
207
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:03,980
DOLLARS.
208
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,087
THEY'RE COUNTERFEIT.
209
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:08,289
(gasps)
CAN WE HAVE TWO SECRETS?
210
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,091
YES, WE CAN.
211
00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:12,933
OHH, I WILL TAKE...
OOH, I'LL TAKE THE CHANEL...
212
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,100
CHANEL.
AND THE PRADA
AND THAT--AND THAT GUCCI.
213
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,768
AND THE GUCCI. (grunts)
214
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:18,828
THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.
215
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:22,636
THIS IS ALREADY FUN.
(gasps) OH, MY GOSH! SUNGLASSES.
216
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:24,540
(clicking)
217
00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:28,644
HOW MANY POTATOES
DO WE NEED?
218
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:30,836
IT'S YOUR FAMILY, FRED.
YOU TELL ME.
219
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:33,648
WELL, THEY DO LOVE
THEIR POTATOES. (chuckles)
220
00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:34,921
LISA'S NOT WEARING
THE DRESS?
221
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:36,018
THAT'S T.B.D.
222
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:39,889
IT IS NOT T.B.D. IT IS "D."
SHE IS WEARING THE DRESS.
223
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,020
'CAUSE IF SHE'S NOT WEARING
THE DRESS,
224
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:43,785
I'M NOT WEARING THE VEST.
225
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,728
YOU HAPPY, FRED?
IT'S ANARCHY.
226
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,330
OKAY, LET'S NOT GET
HYSTERICAL.
227
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,031
WHY DON'T WE SAY WE JUST FOCUS
ON THE POTATOES, ALL RIGHT?
228
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:53,704
YOU WANNA BOIL 'EM,
OR YOU WANNA NUKE 'EM?
229
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,044
I WANT TO NUKE 'EM.
230
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,268
ALL RIGHT.
231
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,437
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
232
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,114
THE ONLY THING I CAN DO, FRED.
I AM TURNING UP THE HEAT.
233
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,213
WHY?
234
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:06,814
WHY? BECAUSE HEAT RISES.
235
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:09,577
I'VE GOT LESS THAN 24 HOURS
TO GET HER INTO THAT DRESS,
236
00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:12,087
SO IT'S NO MORE
MRS. NICE GUY.
237
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:13,949
WELL, YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T
SEEN MRS. NICE GUY
238
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,387
SINCE THE HONEYMOON.
239
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,062
(chuckles) STOP.
(chuckles)
240
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:18,160
(both laughing)
241
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:20,861
STOP IT. OHH.
COME ON. STOP IT.
242
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,804
I SAID, "STOP IT," FRED!
243
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,803
SORRY.
244
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,712
I'LL TAKE IT.
245
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:34,841
WHAT?
246
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:37,005
I LOVE IT. I WANT IT.
I HAVE TO HAVE IT.
247
00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:38,914
I'LL TAKE IT.
WHERE DO WE PAY?
248
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:41,406
IT'S NOT FOR SALE.
IT BELONGS TO THE MUSEUM.
249
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,148
HONEY, EVERYTHING HAS
A PRICE.
250
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:47,759
BUT SERIOUSLY,
IT'S NOT FOR SALE.
251
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,758
WE'LL SEE.
252
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,190
SO NOW WE DON'T SIT DOWN?
253
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:53,864
NO, WE DON'T SIT DOWN,
'CAUSE WE HAVE PLACES TO GO.
254
00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:55,164
AND YET WE DON'T HAIL
A CAB?
255
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,425
NO, WE DON'T HAIL A CAB.
256
00:09:56,463 --> 00:10:00,633
AS WE WALK,
WE FOLD, DRIP, AND BITE.
257
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,898
OH, THAT'S JUST FILTHY.
258
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:03,966
(splats)
259
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,114
IS THAT PART OF IT?
260
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:06,638
(splat)
261
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:08,014
(car alarm blaring,
horns honking)
262
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:11,281
(indistinct conversations)
263
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,111
THAT LYING SON OF A...
264
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,376
(horn blaring)
265
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,693
(horn stops blaring)
266
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:18,718
(both) BITCH.
267
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,758
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
268
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:25,791
I CAN'T BELIEVE GEORGE HAS BEEN
CHEATING ON THE SUBURBS
269
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:26,826
WITH MANHATTAN.
270
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,030
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WOMAN.
271
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,801
SHE LOOKED DOWNRIGHT
PUERTO RICAN.
272
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,360
HOW OLD DO YOU SUPPOSE
SHE WAS?
273
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:32,268
HE LIED TO ME.
274
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,739
AND WHAT KIND OF HANDBAG
WAS SHE CARRYING?
275
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,938
(chuckles) 'CAUSE I CERTAINLY
DIDN'T RECOGNIZE IT.
276
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,010
HE SAID HE WAS GOING
TO WORK.
277
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,308
LOOKED LIKE
SOME SORT OF TOTE,
278
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:42,009
LIKE SOME KIND
OF PLEDGE DRIVE FREEBIE.
279
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:45,152
HE'S BUSTED.
GEORGE IS SO BUSTED.
280
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,978
NOW, TESSA, YOU MAY AS WELL
JUST FORGET YOU SAW ANY OF THAT,
281
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:49,815
'CAUSE YOU AND I WEREN'T
SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE CITY,
282
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:54,320
SO TECHNICALLY, WE DIDN'T
SEE ANYTHING, RIGHT?
283
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,764
RIGHT?
284
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:57,930
(sighs)
285
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,895
(knock on door)
286
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:05,971
GO AWAY, MOTHER.
287
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,969
(lowered voice)
DUDE, IT'S ME.
288
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,001
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
289
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:12,006
I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT
WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS COOL.
290
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:15,509
IT'S REALLY COOL. HERE.
291
00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:17,182
IT'S LIKE
WHEN I SAW ACE VENTURA
292
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,480
IN THAT SUPER CONFUSING
"SPOTLESS SUNSHINE" MOVIE
293
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:23,022
THAT HAD THE "TITANIC" LADY
WITH THE MIDSIZED NATURALS.
294
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,720
WELL, THE MOVIE
PRETTY MUCH SUCKED,
295
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:27,222
BUT I RESPECTED ACE VENTURA
FOR TAKING A RISK,
296
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:29,724
AND THAT'S WHAT
YOU'RE DOING.
297
00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,727
YOU ARE TAKING A RISK!
298
00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,189
YEAH.
299
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:36,026
YEAH.
300
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:39,233
HEY. IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA
FINISH THAT, CAN I HAVE IT?
301
00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:42,166
IT'S THE LAST ONE,
AND IT'S SUPER HOT IN HERE.
302
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:55,822
SURE.
303
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,449
(sighs)
304
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:57,524
(gulping)
305
00:11:59,119 --> 00:11:59,849
AHH.
306
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,087
(inhales deeply and sighs)
THANKS.
307
00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:01,151
YOU'RE WELCOME.
308
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:07,330
(door opens and closes)
309
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,360
THANKSGIVING DAY IN CHATSWIN,
310
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,496
AND I COULDN'T HELP
BUT WONDER WHAT OTHER SECRETS
311
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,571
GEORGE HAD BEEN KEEPING
FROM ME,
312
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:13,630
IF THAT WAS EVEN HIS NAME.
313
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,113
YOUR HAIR LOOKS NICE.
IS IT DIFFERENT?
314
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:25,412
YES, IT IS.
IT'S VERY DIFFERENT.
315
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:27,245
YURI.
316
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:27,780
WHAT?
317
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:27,845
WHAT?
318
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:32,588
OKAY, LOOK, I KNOW WHY
YOU'RE MAD,
319
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:35,159
AND I'M--I'M SORRY WE MISSED
OUT ON THE BALLOONS, BUT--
320
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:39,028
I'M NOT MAD ABOUT THE BALLOONS.
I'M MAD ABOUT THE HYPOCRISY.
321
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,359
WELL, YOU KNOW, THEY'VE GOT
THE CASINOS NOW,
322
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:45,074
SO IT MAY JUST BE A BAND-AID,
BUT IT'S A START.
323
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:50,299
(doorbell rings)
324
00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:52,037
(gasps, singsong voice)
GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
325
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:53,172
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, SHEILA.
326
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:55,036
(kisses)
OH, THANKS FOR HAVING US.
327
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:57,475
WHEW. IS IT A MILLION DEGREES
IN HERE OR WHAT?
328
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:58,450
(chuckles)
YOU'RE MENOPAUSAL, TRISH.
329
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,048
(lowered voice)
OH, I WOULDN'T BRING THAT UP.
330
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,110
NOT A GOOD IDEA.
331
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:02,018
I KNOW WHAT IT IS, GARY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMIND ME.
332
00:13:02,049 --> 00:13:03,949
(chuckles) IT'S MENOPAUSE,
NOT ALZHEIMER'S.
333
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,524
HERE WE GO. (normal voice)
YES. HI. (chuckles)
334
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:06,492
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GARY.
335
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:07,889
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, FRED.
(Fred and Trish chuckle)
336
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,421
GOBBLE, GOBBLE, TRISH.
OKAY.
337
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,116
(chuckles) IS THIS
THE THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE
338
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:12,888
OR WHAT?
AREN'T THEY ADORABLE, FRED?
339
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,826
TINY LITTLE PILGRIM ANGELS.
(chuckles)
340
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:17,032
WHERE'S LISA?
WHERE'S LISA?
341
00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:18,574
LISA--
LISA'S BASTING.
342
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:20,028
SHE IS BASTING.
343
00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:23,539
(yapping)
344
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,510
WELCOME TO
THE ROYCE FAMILY THANKSGIVING.
345
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:29,439
OH, MY GOD. DROP DEAD, YAKULT!
I WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN!
346
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:34,146
OH! THERE ARE THE WERNERS.
HEY, JILL. WHAT IS SHE WEARING?
347
00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:37,551
LOOK AT ALL THAT PURPLE.
SHE LOOKS LIKE A SKINNY GRAPE.
348
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,124
PARK 'EM CAR. (chuckles)
349
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:42,862
NOAH, STOP IT. I'M GONNA ASK YOU
NOT TO ADJUST THE SEATS.
350
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:45,330
ALL RIGHT, YOU BE CAREFUL
IN THOSE HIGH HEELS, GORGEOUS.
351
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,128
GOBBLE, GOBBLE. (chuckles)
GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
352
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,230
FOUNDERS OR FEATHERS?
353
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,361
YOU'RE A RACIST.
354
00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:51,227
OH, SHE'S--
355
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,174
HEY. HI. CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A SECOND?
356
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,600
CERTAINLY. OUT HERE, SHOES ON,
OR INSIDE, SHOES OFF?
357
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:58,165
UH, OUT, ON, OKAY?
358
00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:01,607
YOU GOT A DOG
WITHOUT ASKING ME?
359
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,981
WELL, YOU GOT A NEW GIRLFRIEND
WITHOUT ASKING ME.
360
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:05,211
WHAT? (chuckles)
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
361
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,205
OH, GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH IT,
STEVEN.
362
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:09,047
I MAY BE OLD-FASHIONED--
OLD-FASHIONED?
363
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:10,882
YOU GOT... (lowered voice)
YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTER AN I.U.D.
364
00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:12,448
(lowered voice) THAT WAS
TO INCREASE HER CELL RECEPTION,
365
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:13,615
AND I TOLD YOU THAT.
366
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:17,693
SHE NOW HAS FULL SIGNAL, STEVEN.
FULL SIGNAL!
367
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:21,434
ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT?
(sighs)
368
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:24,131
OH, MY G--
YAKULT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
369
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:27,074
THIS IS WHY WE DON'T WEAR
SHOES IN THE HOUSE!
370
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:30,666
COME ON, Y--DON'T. DON'T.
371
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:31,543
DON'T. I LIKE YOU.
372
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:34,011
IT'S OKAY.
373
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:35,381
(door creaks)
374
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:39,408
SHEILA'S ATTEMPT TO SMOKE LISA
OUT OF HER ROOM WAS WORKING,
375
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:41,146
AND ONCE
LISA'S INTERNAL TEMPERATURE
376
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:45,621
REACHED THE TRIPLE DIGITS,
SHE COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
377
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,304
OHH.
378
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,066
OH.
379
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,005
(latch clicks)
380
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,540
(horror film theme playing)
381
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,520
(glass clinks)
382
00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:19,688
FRIENDS, FAMILY, STEVEN--
YAKULT!
383
00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:24,989
THAT'S A $400 LOAFER,
YAKULT!
384
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:28,225
FIRST OFF, I'D LIKE TO WISH
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU
385
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,101
A HEARTY...
(singsongy) GOBBLE, GOBBLE!
386
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,300
(all) GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
387
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:32,601
(chuckles)
(clinks)
388
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:33,532
SORRY. THAT'S TOO LOUD.
389
00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:35,596
SO I JUST WANT TO THANK
EVERYBODY FOR COMING
390
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:39,035
TO THIS GREAT MEAL THAT, UH,
MY WIFE COMMISSIONED
391
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:41,342
AND MY DAUGHTER
PROFESSIONALLY PLANNED
392
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:42,584
AND SOMEBODY COOKED.
(chuckles)
393
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,179
I JUST, UH,
I DON'T KNOW WHO COOKED IT.
394
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:46,451
SIT, STEVEN.
395
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,319
NOW BEFORE WE BEGIN,
I THINK WE SHOULD GO
396
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:49,778
AROUND THE TABLE
SO THAT EACH OF US CAN
397
00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:53,146
ARTICULATE JUST WHAT IT IS
WE'RE MOST THANKFUL FOR.
398
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:54,146
NOAH?
399
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:55,757
OH. UM...
(clears throat)
400
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,688
WELL, UH, AT THE TOP
OF MY LIST, AS ALWAYS,
401
00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:00,164
IS MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE JILL,
WITHOUT WHOM--
402
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:02,503
WRAP IT UP, NOAH.
403
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:05,529
SHE KEEPS ME HUMBLE,
SO...
404
00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:11,295
THANKFUL. I'M THANKFUL
THAT I DON'T HAVE TO DRESS
405
00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:15,078
LIKE A PROSTITUTE TO ATTRACT
THE ATTENTION OF MY HUSBAND.
406
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:16,808
SHE LOOKS GOOD IN WOOL.
(chuckles)
407
00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:19,413
I'M THANKFUL THAT I HAVE
MY OWN PROFESSIONAL IDENTITY
408
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,176
OUTSIDE OF MY MARRIAGE.
409
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:22,024
AND WHAT WOULD THAT BE?
410
00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:24,019
I'M REFERRING
TO MY LATEST GUIDE BOOK,
411
00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:27,291
"UNCORKED--THE WINE COUNTIES
OF CENTRAL PENNSYLVANIA."
412
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,360
SELF-PUBLISHED.
413
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:30,218
AND BEAUTIFULLY BOUND.
414
00:16:30,257 --> 00:16:31,657
(chuckles)
THIS IS A HOSTESS COPY.
415
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:34,431
O-OKAY, UH, WELL, I-I KNOW THAT,
UH, WE'RE ALL ANXIOUS
416
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:37,461
TO GET TO THE TURKEY,
SO I'LL BE QUICK. UH, WOW.
417
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,567
THERE IS SO MUCH, SO MUCH
I'M THANKFUL FOR THIS YEAR.
418
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,800
LIKE THE TRIBOROUGH BRIDGE?
419
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,444
(whispers)
TESSA! WE SHOOK ON IT.
420
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:45,370
WE KNOW ABOUT YOUR
SECRET PUERTO RICAN GIRLFRIEND!
421
00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:46,505
PLEASE TELL ME THIS
IS TRUE.
422
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,809
WAIT. HAVE YOU BEEN
FOLLOWING ME?
423
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,611
TESSA, YOU MADE ME
A PROMISE.
424
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,653
YOU TOOK MY KID
INTO MANHATTAN?
425
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,279
YOU LIED TO ME.
426
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:55,284
YOU LIED TO ME?
427
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:56,845
YOU LIED TO ME!
YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO WORK.
428
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,393
I-I WAS AT WORK.
429
00:16:58,418 --> 00:16:59,718
THAT DOES NOT QUALIFY
AS WORK.
430
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,192
IT DOES IF YOU'RE DOING IT
RIGHT. (mouths word)
(Dalia smacks table)
431
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:04,592
GOD, YOU GUYS SUCK
AT THANKSGIVING!
432
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,228
(singsongy) OKAY.
433
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:11,763
(normal voice)
WHO'S READY FOR TURKEY TIME?
434
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:14,268
I AM, MOTHER.
435
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:16,371
IS THIS THE DRESS
YOU WANTED ME TO WEAR?
436
00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:17,573
(cloth rustles)
AAH!
437
00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:19,174
(gasps) OH, DEAR. OHH.
WHOA.
438
00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:20,606
OHH!
439
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,240
OH, WELL, THAT'S JUST GREAT.
440
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,135
LISA RUINED THANKSGIVING
WITH HER NAKED BODY.
441
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:25,077
LISA WASN'T LIKE THIS
442
00:17:25,112 --> 00:17:27,352
BEFORE THE GIRL
ACROSS THE STREET MOVED IN.
443
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:28,680
SHE USED TO BE
A GOOD LITTLE GIRL.
444
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:31,875
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE, I'M NOT
A GOOD LITTLE GIRL ANYMORE.
445
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:33,018
I'M A GROWN WOMAN,
446
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,892
SO I CERTAINLY DON'T NEED YOU
LAYING OUT CLOTHES FOR ME.
447
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,492
NICE RACK.
448
00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:38,864
THANK YOU, MEREDITH.
449
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,191
YOU'LL HAVE A NICE RACK,
TOO, ONE DAY.
450
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,397
ALL THE SHAY WOMEN DO.
RIGHT, NANA?
451
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,229
OH, GOOD LORD, LISA.
GO TO YOUR ROOM!
452
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:47,274
I'M NOT GOING TO MY ROOM.
DON'T YOU SEE, MOTHER?
453
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:50,470
YOU'RE NOT CALLING
THE SHOTS ANYMORE. I AM.
454
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:51,743
WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING?!
455
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,741
I DON'T KNOW!
456
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:56,383
(door closes)
WELL... (sighs)
457
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:57,779
LET'S EAT. (chuckles)
458
00:17:57,810 --> 00:18:00,780
**
459
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,823
(woman) * EVERYBODY GET DOWN
LIKE THAT *
460
00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:04,319
* EVERYBODY GET DOWN LIKE THAT
461
00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:05,791
A LITTLE REBELLION
IS A VITAL PART
462
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:08,218
OF BECOMING AN ADULT,
463
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:11,155
UNLESS, OF COURSE,
THE POLICE GET INVOLVED.
(sirens wailing)
464
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:13,561
* WE ARE YOUNG,
DON'T TELL US HOW *
465
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,203
WHAT AM I DOING?
466
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,298
* BREAK THE RULES,
LET'S TEAR IT DOWN *
467
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,270
* OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH
468
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:20,799
* OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH
469
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:21,773
JEEZ!
470
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,371
* OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH
471
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,213
* OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH
472
00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:26,568
(handle rattling)
473
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,776
(siren whoops)
474
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,138
(all shouting at once)
KEEP TESTING ME, YAKULT!
475
00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:32,247
(Dallas) EVERYBODY!
EVERYBODY, STOP ALL THE YELLING.
KEEP TESTING ME!
476
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:33,279
(barks)
YOU'RE UPSETTING THE DOG.
477
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:35,523
NO! NO! GET OUT! GET OUT!
STEVEN, LET THE DOG OUT!
478
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,378
ACTUALLY, DALLAS,
ALL THIS FIGHTING IS
479
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:38,417
HISTORICALLY ACCURATE.
480
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,391
GOD, WE GET IT, JENNA!
YOU GO TO BROWN.
481
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:41,820
THAT'S CORRECT. I GO TO BROWN.
482
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:43,724
DON'T PATRONIZE
MY DAUGHTER.
483
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,826
DON'T REPRIMAND MINE.
WELL, SOMEONE HAS TO.
484
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,658
SHE'S A PRODUCT
OF TERRIBLE PARENTING!
485
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:49,934
(gasps) YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO SCHEDULED A C-SECTION
486
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,262
BEFORE JENNA WAS TERM!
487
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:52,298
OHH.
HA.
488
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:53,672
WE HAD
A NONREFUNDABLE CRUISE BOOKED.
489
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:56,370
I WAS BORN PREMATURE SO YOU GUYS
COULD GO ON A CRUISE?
490
00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:58,943
SO--SO WE COULD ALL GO
ON A CRUISE AS A FAMILY.
491
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:02,741
(shouting resumes)
HEY, SIT DOWN. IT'S NOT OVER.
THIS IS NOT OVER.
492
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,235
I WAS UP FOR A JOB
REDESIGNING A BAR.
493
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:06,347
THAT'S WHY I STARTED GOING
BACK TO THE CITY.
494
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:07,609
HOW MANY TIMES?
495
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:08,417
TESSA...
496
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:09,718
HOW MANY TIMES?
497
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:10,879
(sighs) I-I'VE BEEN OUT
WITH HER TWICE.
498
00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:12,887
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN
BACK TO THE CITY?
499
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,989
OH. I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE FIVE, SIX TIMES.
500
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:15,961
I THOUGHT...
501
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,358
(chuckles) I THOUGHT
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT ZOE.
502
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:19,591
(nasal voice) ZOE.
503
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:22,996
LOOK, I NEEDED TO--TO WORK ON
SOMETHING OTHER THAN SKYLIGHTS.
504
00:19:23,029 --> 00:19:24,659
YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT,
RIGHT?
505
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:26,427
UNDERSTAND THAT YOU FEEL
CREATIVELY UNFULFILLED?
506
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,236
YES.
THAT YOU'RE HARD-PRESSED
TO FIND PEOPLE
507
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:29,798
YOU WANT TO HANG OUT
WITH HERE, LET ALONE DATE?
508
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,666
YEAH, GEORGE.
I THINK I UNDERSTAND.
509
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:34,514
THE RULES AREN'T THE SAME
FOR US, TESSA. I'M SORRY.
510
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:37,011
OH, RIGHT. I GET IT.
I'M FORCED TO LIVE
511
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:40,613
MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE IN SUBURBIA
WITH PIN-STRAIGHT HAIR,
512
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:42,647
BUT SOMEHOW
YOU'VE BEEN PARDONED.
513
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:43,722
I KNOW IT'S HARD TO ACCEPT
514
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,520
BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS
GIVEN YOU A SAY,
515
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:47,652
BUT WE ARE NOT EQUALS.
516
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:51,687
SOMETIMES KIDS HAVE TO DO THINGS
THEIR PARENTS DON'T.
517
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:52,894
(slaps leg)
518
00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:56,461
AND YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO ALWAYS LIKE ME.
519
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:58,626
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
520
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:10,477
MAYBE IT WAS THE SPIRIT
OF THANKSGIVING,
521
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:12,380
BUT SOMEWHERE
ALONG THE CAR RIDE HOME,
522
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:13,482
I BECAME THE TURKEY,
523
00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:15,653
AND GEORGE BECAME
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.
524
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:16,752
SO I LOOKED UP
THE DEFINITION
525
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:20,053
OF "TRADITION"
IN THE DICTIONARY.
526
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,516
TURNS OUT YOU WERE RIGHT.
527
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,015
IS THIS THE HIGHWAY?
528
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,826
HOLY CRAP!
WHAT--WHAT ARE YOU--
529
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:26,988
LISA!
530
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:28,526
(pants) OKAY, I'M HAVING
A HEART ATTACK HERE.
531
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:29,931
I CAN'T FEEL MY HANDS,
AND MY FEET ARE TINGLING.
532
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,902
UH--
(chuckles) I SEE YOU DECIDED
NOT TO WEAR THE DRESS
533
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:33,371
OR ANYTHING ELSE,
APPARENTLY.
534
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,700
WELL, BEING NUDE IS
SURPRISINGLY LIBERATING.
535
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:36,465
LISA, QUICKLY.
536
00:20:36,503 --> 00:20:38,513
THERE'S A GYM BAG
ON THE FLOOR...
537
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,038
HMM.
WITH SWEAT STUFF IN IT.
WOULD YOU PLEASE?
538
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,742
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
SURE THING, MR. ALTMAN.
539
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:47,377
YOU WENT TO BARD?
540
00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:49,984
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO FINISH
WHAT YOU STARTED.
541
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,716
GEORGE WASN'T GOING TO
RELOCATE US BACK TO MANHATTAN,
542
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,052
BUT THAT DIDN'T MEAN
543
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,586
HE COULDN'T OCCASIONALLY
COMPROMISE...
544
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:59,363
IF I MAKE COFFEE,
WILL YOU HAVE SOME?
545
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:01,962
I'LL BE UP ALL NIGHT.
546
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:03,934
WHAT IF I MAKE DECAF?
547
00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:05,433
(sighs)
548
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:07,795
SURE.
549
00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:12,104
AND SOMETIMES A SMALL GESTURE
GOES A LONG WAY.
550
00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:15,068
WELL, AT LEAST I MADE GOOD
ON THE MILK SHAKES.
551
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:18,547
THIS BETTER BE
ONE DAMN GOOD BLACK-AND-WHITE.
552
00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:21,608
THERE'S A LONG, BLACK HAIR
IN MINE.
553
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:24,348
OH, WELL, THAT--THAT'S
PROBABLY JUST MARTINO'S.
554
00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:25,394
DON'T WORRY. YOU'LL BE FINE.
555
00:21:25,418 --> 00:21:26,948
OH, HE'S VERY HEALTHY.
556
00:21:26,986 --> 00:21:27,946
IT WON'T HURT YOU.
557
00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:29,857
MM-HMM. YOU SHOULD BE FINE.
38537
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