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1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:03,172
(girl) IF SOMEONE ASKED ME
THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCE
2
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:04,567
BETWEEN THE SUBURBS
AND MANHATTAN,
3
00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:06,108
I WOULD HAVE TO SAY
IT'S THE MOMS.
4
00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:08,144
IT'S LIKE
THE MILLION MOM MARCH.
5
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:10,309
THE PLACE IS CRAWLING
WITH THEM.
6
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:12,148
THEY'RE IN THE MALLS.
7
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:14,183
THEY'RE AT THE ROCK CONCERTS.
8
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:15,878
THEY'RE SHUFFLING OUT
OF THE TANNING SALONS
9
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:17,319
IN THEIR MANI-PEDI FLIP-FLOPS
10
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:19,115
WITH THEIR
EVER-PRESENT DAUGHTERS
11
00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:21,417
AND ENORMOUS
FROZEN COFFEE DRINKS.
12
00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:24,459
NOW THE WHOLE MOM THING
IS A LITTLE FOREIGN TO ME.
13
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:27,325
MY MOM DUCKED OUT SHORTLY AFTER
THEY CUT THE UMBILICAL CORD,
14
00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:29,325
SO HAVING GROWN UP
WITH JUST MY DAD
15
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:30,857
REALLY MADE ME WONDER.
16
00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:33,401
(man) * JUST 'CAUSE
I'M A GANGSTER *
17
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:35,697
* JUST 'CAUSE
I'M A GANGSTER *
* JUST 'CAUSE I'M A GANGSTER *
18
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:37,869
* JUST 'CAUSE
I'M A GANGSTER *
19
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:40,438
WHAT IS IT WITH THESE MOTHERS?
20
00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:42,038
* GANGSTER MUSIC,
IT JUST DON'T STOP *
21
00:00:42,110 --> 00:00:43,710
THEY'RE PEOPLE, OKAY?
22
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,177
JUST LIKE YOU AND ME.
23
00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:47,216
(girl) THINGS HAD BEEN
A LITTLE TENSE BETWEEN US
24
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:48,921
SINCE THE UNAUTHORIZED
SEARCH AND SEIZURE
25
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:50,322
DAD CONDUCTED IN MY ROOM.
26
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,924
FIRST HE SEARCHED,
27
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:54,885
THEN HE HAD A TOTAL SEIZURE.
28
00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:57,255
HE PULLED ME OUT OF SCHOOL,
BUBBLE-WRAPPED MY LIFE,
29
00:00:57,325 --> 00:01:00,685
AND THREW IT IN THE BACK
OF A MOVING TRUCK.
30
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,131
I WENT FROM HERE...
31
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,296
GOOD-BYE,
WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK.
32
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:07,895
GOOD-BYE,
SEXUALLY ACTIVE CLASSMATES.
33
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,498
TO HERE.
34
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,710
PRETTY IRONIC
THAT A BOX FULL OF RUBBERS
35
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:19,206
LANDED ME IN A TOWN
FULL OF PLASTIC.
36
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,184
WHAT COLOR
WOULD YOU CALL THAT?
37
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:25,751
CIRCUS PEANUT?
38
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,619
OR MAYBE IT'S MORE
IN THE VOMIT FAMILY.
39
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:29,788
WELL, I GUESS THAT DEPENDS
ON WHAT YOU ATE,
40
00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:32,157
MAYBE... LOBSTER BISQUE.
41
00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:33,626
NO. NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT
42
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:36,904
YOUR BASIC, RUN-OF-THE-MILL,
STOMACH ACID VOMIT.
43
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:39,234
UH-HUH.
THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT,
ISN'T IT?
44
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,200
WHY DON'T YOU GRAB YOUR BAG
45
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:44,739
AND GO CRITICIZE
THE INSIDE OF THE HOUSE?
46
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:47,235
***
47
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:50,008
YOO-HOO! NEIGHBOR!
48
00:01:50,077 --> 00:01:51,607
YOO-HOO!
49
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:52,949
YOO-HOO!
50
00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:55,423
HIYA, NEIGHBOR. I'M SHEILA.
51
00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:58,993
ARE YOU THE NEW FAMILY
FROM NEW YORK?
52
00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:00,492
NICE.
53
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:04,694
WHAT? YOU TAUGHT ME
NOT TO TALK TO STRANGERS.
54
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:09,000
COME ON IN. THIS IS IT.
55
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:10,662
HUH?
56
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:13,371
IT'S PRETTY BIG, RIGHT? BIGGER
THAN YOUR ROOM IN THE CITY.
57
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:14,844
CAN YOU PICTURE YOURSELF
58
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:17,842
LIVING A-A NORMAL,
ADOLESCENT EXISTENCE HERE?
59
00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:19,465
I DON'T KNOW.
60
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,210
IT'S KIND OF GIRLIE.
61
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:22,535
WELL, YOU'RE A GIRL.
62
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:26,480
YEAH, BUT I'M NOT A CAT CLOCK
KIND OF GIRL.
63
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:29,877
WHAT IF YOU ARE
A CAT CLOCK KIND OF GIRL
64
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,490
AND YOU JUST DON'T KNOW IT YET?
65
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:32,952
YEAH.
66
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,920
I'M NOT.
67
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,833
THE NEXT MORNING,
I WAS STARTLED AWAKE
68
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,625
BY AN UNFAMILIAR SOUND...
(gasps)
69
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:46,727
NO GARBAGE TRUCKS,
NO TAXI CABS,
70
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,040
NO CAR ALARMS?
71
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:50,742
SILENCE.
72
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,040
IT'S TOO QUIET.
73
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:57,747
(birds chirping)
74
00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:58,951
(Sheila) YOO-HOO!
75
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:02,522
TELL YOUR WIFE I'M GONNA
DROP OFF A POT ROAST!
76
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,053
UH, I DON'T HAVE A WIFE.
77
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:06,417
(voice echoes) DON'T HAVE
A WIFE. DON'T HAVE A WIFE.
78
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:07,787
DON'T HAVE A WIFE.
79
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,655
(car alarms blaring in distance,
dogs barking)
80
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,333
(scoffs) CRAP.
81
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,732
OKAY, SO YOU--YOU READY
FOR YOUR WELCOME PRESENT?
82
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,364
OH, MY GOD. IS IT A CAR?
83
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,899
I MIGHT HAVE OVERSOLD.
84
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:22,872
TA-DA!
85
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:27,066
"TA-DA" IS WHAT YOU SAY
WHEN SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS.
86
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,780
COME ON. IT'S--IT'S COOL.
87
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,842
YEAH. I CAN KEEP
MY ADULT UNDERGARMENTS
88
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:32,151
IN THE WICKER BASKET.
89
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:35,152
STOP IT.
THIS IS AN ELDERLY PERSON'S
BIKE, GEORGE.
90
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,615
DON'T CALL ME GEORGE.
THIS IS BETTY WHITE'S BIKE.
91
00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:40,345
AND BESIDES,
I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO RIDE.
92
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,821
WELL, LEARNING IS GONNA BE
93
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,359
ONE OF THE FUN SUBURBAN THINGS
WE GET TO DO TOGETHER.
94
00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:46,385
BUT AS FOR TODAY,
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WALK
95
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,730
BECAUSE I HAVE A CONSULTATION
ON A REMODEL
96
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:51,926
RIGHT AFTER MY BREAKFAST
AT THE COUNTRY CLUB.
97
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:54,499
BREAKFAST AT THE COUNTRY CLUB?
98
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,538
MM-HMM.
DO YOU REALIZE
THAT YOUR STREET CRED
99
00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:59,274
JUST DISINTEGRATED
WITH THAT VERY SENTENCE?
100
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,940
DIDN'T REALIZE
I HAD STREET CRED.
101
00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:03,439
NOW IT'S GONE.
DAMN.
102
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:06,881
AND I'M SURE THE CLUB SOUNDS
A LOT FANCIER THAN IT IS.
103
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:09,047
(women) * BA, DA, DA,
DOO, DOO, DOO *
104
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:10,446
* BADA, DOO, BADA, DOO *
105
00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:13,148
* BA, DA, DA, DOO-DOO-DOO *
106
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,760
* BADA, DOO, BADA, DOO *
107
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:16,022
HI.
108
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,629
SORRY. I DON'T...
109
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,431
BELONG HERE.
110
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,563
GEORGE, BUDDY!
OVER HERE IN THE SHALLOW END!
111
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:23,159
(woman) HEY, HONEY.
YEAH! (laughs)
112
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:24,370
MY FRIEND.
113
00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:27,642
THERE YOU ARE!
WHAT IS UP?
114
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:28,841
LOOK AT YOU!
115
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:29,802
OH, MY GOD!
116
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,940
AAH!
YOU'RE AS PALE AS A CORPSE.
117
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,635
REALLY? WELL, YOU'RE--YOU'RE
THE COLOR OF A NERF BALL.
118
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,838
I AM SUN-KISSED.
LOOK AT THE FACE.
119
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,950
YOU LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME
AS YOU DID IN COLLEGE.
120
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,152
YEAH, YOU DO, TOO,
EXCEPT MAYBE A LITTLE BLONDER.
121
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:42,654
ARE YOU BLONDER?
122
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:45,616
I BETTER BE BLONDER. I SPENT
A LOT OF MONEY TO BE BLONDER.
123
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:47,146
(laughs)
124
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:48,720
WE USE FOILS.
125
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,889
SO HOW DO YOU LIKE SUBURBIA?
IT'S GORGEOUS, RIGHT?
126
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,029
(clears throat)
127
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:55,703
I MEAN,
GREEN GRASS, BLUE SKIES,
128
00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:57,433
NOTHING SMELLS LIKE URINE....
(spraying)
129
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,098
LOOK AT THIS. SHE'S TEXTING.
130
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,336
THAT WOMAN'S ABOUT TO WALK
INTO THE POOL. MA'AM!
131
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:03,702
MA'AM! MA'AM! WHOA!
132
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:06,011
YOU'D BE AMAZED
HOW OFTEN THAT HAPPENS.
133
00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:07,413
GOOD NEWS IS,
134
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:11,135
BECAUSE OF THE IMPLANTS,
NOBODY DROWNS. (laughs)
135
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:12,611
THEY'RE COMPLETELY BUOYANT.
136
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,980
ALL OF 'EM.
YOU ARE GONNA HAVE A FIELD DAY.
137
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,018
YEAH, WELL, THIS MIGHT COME
AS A SURPRISE TO YOU,
138
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:19,324
BUT THAT KIND OF THING
DOESN'T REALLY APPEAL TO ME.
139
00:05:19,387 --> 00:05:20,587
I'M MORE ATTRACTED TO
140
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,724
THE SCHOOL SYSTEM,
THE CLEAN AIR.
141
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,860
BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH
THE SCHOOL SYSTEM. NOT REALLY.
142
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:27,395
I MEAN,
YOU CAME HERE FOR THE KID.
143
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:28,961
I GET THAT.
144
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,469
I'M JUST SAYING THAT THIS WHOLE
DISPLACED NEW YORKER THING
145
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,172
YOU'VE GOT GOING
IS GONNA KILL OUT HERE.
146
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,903
IT'S GONNA KILL.
MM.
147
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,198
LOOK. OUR WAITRESS IS
EYE-HUMPING YOU RIGHT NOW.
148
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,340
(laughs)
149
00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:39,906
HEY.
HEY.
150
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:43,083
WOULD YOU GENTLEMEN CARE
TO HEAR OUR SPECIALS TODAY?
OOH.
151
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:45,353
WE HAVE A SEAFOOD EGGS BENEDICT
152
00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:47,313
SERVED WITH
THE BLACKENED SHRIMP.
153
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:50,321
WE ALSO HAVE
AN EXTREMELY TENDER, LOCAL,
154
00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:52,524
FARM-RAISED WAITRESS
NAMED JOCELYN
155
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:55,456
SERVED ON A BED
OF YOUR CHOOSING.
156
00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:01,063
I'M GONNA HAVE THE SHRIMP.
157
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:04,768
SHRIMP--SHRIMP'S PROBABLY
A BETTER CHOICE.
158
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:07,272
***
159
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:10,544
TO PROPERLY NAVIGATE SUBURBIA,
160
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:12,944
ONE NEEDS A STAY-AT-HOME MOM
TO DRIVE YOU PLACES.
161
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:16,906
WITHOUT ONE, YOU'RE LIVING
LIKE THE EARLY SETTLER.
162
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:20,047
I MEAN,
IS THAT WHAT DAD WANTED?
163
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,853
FOR ME TO BECOME
SOME ZOMBIE-EYED GIRL
164
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:26,246
IN THE BACK
OF A FULLY LOADED S.U.V.?
165
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,089
(horn honks)
(boy) YO!
166
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:31,115
AT THAT PRECISE MOMENT,
I HAD NO IDEA WHAT IT WAS.
167
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,661
OW.
168
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,156
BUT I WOULD LATER FIND OUT
169
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:37,427
THIS WAS THE OFFICIAL DRINK
OF SUBURBANITES.
170
00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:40,868
IT WAS SUGARFREE RED BULL.
171
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,874
(sips)
172
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,367
ARE YOU A LESBIAN?
173
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:50,479
YOU MEAN BECAUSE I'M NOT DRESSED
LIKE I HAVE A POLE IN MY LOCKER?
174
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:52,714
THOSE ARE LESBIAN BOOTS.
(door opens)
175
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:56,550
TESSA, I'M MR. WOLF,
YOUR GUIDANCE COUNSELOR.
176
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:59,817
I'M HERE TO HELP YOU
ABSOLUTELY ANY TIME YOU NEED--
177
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:02,317
BETWEEN THE HOUR
OF 12:00 AND 12:45 P.M.
178
00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:06,289
AND THIS IS DALIA.
DALIA IS YOUR BUDDY.
179
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:08,229
HOW SO?
180
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:11,155
BUDDIES ARE VOLUNTEERS WHO SHOW
NEW STUDENTS AROUND THE SCHOOL.
181
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:12,531
FOR EXTRA CREDIT.
182
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:13,900
FOR EXTRA CREDIT.
183
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,267
BUDDIES ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.
NOT NECESSARILY, NO.
184
00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:19,466
HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF MAYBE
CALLING THEM SOMETHING ELSE?
185
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,440
THAT LOOK SAID IT ALL--
186
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,939
WELCOME TO SUBURGATORY.
187
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,279
(man) * ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR *
188
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:30,247
***
189
00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:32,147
(doorbell rings)
190
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:35,524
COMING!
191
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,799
HI. I'M DALLAS.
192
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:47,125
YOU MUST BE
GEORGE THE ARCHITECT.
193
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,540
WOW. THAT--THAT IS NOT
A GOOD WAY TO ANSWER THE DOOR.
194
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,074
BEG PARDON?
195
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,069
(chuckles) WELL, YOU J--YOU JUST
SUPPLIED A COMPLETE STRANGER
196
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,011
WITH ALL THE INFORMATION
HE WOULD NEED.
197
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:58,306
ALL THE INFORMATION
HE WOULD NEED FOR WHAT?
198
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,608
HE COULD JUST SAY,
"WHY, YES, DALLAS,
199
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,881
I AM GEORGE THE ARCHITECT,"
200
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:06,650
AND--AND STEP INSIDE
YOUR INSANELY LAVISH FOYER
201
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,020
AND, YOU KNOW...
202
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:10,859
(makes squishing sound)
203
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:11,994
(grunts)
204
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:14,859
SO ARE YOU AN ARCHITECT
OR ARE YOU GONNA COME IN
205
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,698
AND... (makes squishing sound
and grunts)
206
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,574
'CAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE
AN ARCHITECT.
207
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,202
I'M AN ARCHITECT.
208
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:22,737
OKAY, GOOD. SO COME ON IN.
209
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:26,513
THIS IS DALIA'S BEDROOM.
210
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:28,384
SHE'S MY PRINCESS.
211
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:29,681
MY MIRACLE.
212
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,443
THIS IS
WHERE WE KEEP HER DENIM,
213
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,251
AND THAT'S HER SHOE CLOSET,
214
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:36,953
SEGREGATED BY HEELS, WEDGES,
FLATS, AND MULES.
215
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,017
MULES?
216
00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:40,245
THOSE ARE BACKLESS SHOES,
GEORGE. (chuckles)
217
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,620
AND THIS IS HER...
218
00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:45,590
CREATION STATION--
219
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,959
HOME OF HER BLUSHERS,
HER LIP LACQUERS,
220
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,159
HER NAIL CARE...
221
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:54,843
HER HAIR EXTENSIONS,
222
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:57,442
HER TANNING SOLUTIONS
AND SO FORTH.
223
00:08:57,504 --> 00:09:00,344
YOU GOT THE WHOLE
TEENAGE GIRL THING DOWN.
224
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,207
GIRLS CAN BE SO INSECURE
AT THIS AGE,
225
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,575
AND I JUST WANT MY DALIA
TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL,
226
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,275
HENCE THE RENOVATION.
227
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,046
I WOULD LIKE A SKYLIGHT
228
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:11,045
PUT OVER
THE PLACE WHERE SHE SLUMBERS.
229
00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:15,289
CAN I...
230
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,655
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION
231
00:09:16,724 --> 00:09:18,234
COMPLETELY UNRELATED
TO THE SKYLIGHT?
232
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:19,561
WELL, OF COURSE.
233
00:09:19,627 --> 00:09:21,487
WHAT WOULD A MOM LIKE YOU DO
234
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,601
IF YOU FOUND CONDOMS
IN HER DRAWER?
235
00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:26,204
WHAT KIND OF CONDOMS?
236
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,766
UH, LATEX.
237
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:29,265
OPENED OR UNOPENED?
238
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:30,396
OH, UNOPENED.
OKAY.
239
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:31,670
UNOPENED BOX OF CONDOMS
240
00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:34,409
THAT SHE SAID BELONGED
TO A FRIEND OF HERS.
241
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:36,544
I THINK I WOULD HAVE
TO TRUST HER.
242
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,750
AFTER ALL, THEY WERE
JUST IN THE DRAWER.
243
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,482
SHE WASN'T TRYING VERY HARD
TO HIDE THEM,
244
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:44,577
WHICH MAKES ME THINK SHE MUST
TRUST ME, SO I WOULD TRUST HER.
245
00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:46,822
OH, GEORGE,
246
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,887
IT MUST BE HARD RAISING HER
ALL ON YOUR OWN.
247
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:52,957
OKAY.
SO PEOPLE AROUND HERE GOSSIP.
248
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,196
IT'S JUST NEIGHBORS
BEING NEIGHBORS,
249
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,262
BUT I'LL TELL YOU
WHO TO WATCH OUT FOR.
250
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,700
SHEILA. SHEILA SHAY?
251
00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:01,296
SHE'S HAD 14 FIBROIDS REMOVED
FROM HER U-TAYTAY.
252
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:02,868
ANYWAY, SHE'S A REAL GOSSIP.
253
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,966
UH, YEAH,
ACTUALLY, SHEILA SHAY--
254
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:08,538
SHE DROPPED OFF A POT ROAST
FOR US THIS MORNING.
255
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,108
WELL, IT TAKES A VILLAGE.
256
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,047
YEAH, BUT WHAT TESSA
REALLY NEEDS
257
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,982
DOESN'T COME
IN A CAST-IRON POT.
258
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:16,317
SHE NEEDS
SOME OF THIS MOTHERLY LOVE.
259
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,583
OH.
260
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,521
YEAH, MAYBE A UNICORN
261
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,386
AND SOME SPARKLY STUFF.
262
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,124
(chuckles)
MAYBE SOME DEAD HAIR.
263
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:26,530
WELL, YOU'RE IN LUCK, 'CAUSE YOU
ARE LOOKING AT THE MALL QUEEN.
264
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:28,133
I CAN GIVE YOU A GUIDED TOUR.
265
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:30,055
(gasps) MAYBE EVEN TODAY
AFTER SCHOOL.
266
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,670
WE COULD TAKE TESSA TO ALL
OF DALIA'S FAVORITE SHOPS.
267
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,103
OH, SHE WILL LOVE IT,
268
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:37,337
AND SHE'LL LOVE DALIA.
EVERYBODY DOES.
269
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,274
I HATED DALIA.
270
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:42,339
HER PERSONALITY WAS
AS FLAT AS HER HAIR.
271
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:45,209
GLEE CLUB.
272
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,078
BLEACHERS.
273
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,977
CAFETERIA.
274
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:52,845
NOSE JOB.
275
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,020
NOSE JOB.
NOSE JOB. NOSE JOB.
276
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,558
I GUESS I KNOW WHAT
THE MOST POPULAR ELECTIVE IS.
277
00:10:57,624 --> 00:11:00,334
DIVERSITY STUDENT.
278
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:02,063
MALIK.
279
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,173
HELLO.
280
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:07,102
ORAL ARTS.
281
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,737
(girls cheering)
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THOSE TWO?
282
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,273
THEY HAVE TEAM SPIRIT.
283
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:15,909
AND IS THAT JUST SOMETHING
THAT CLEARS UP ON ITS OWN?
284
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:19,346
OF ALL THE PLACES ON MY TOUR,
285
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,852
I LIKED
THE HANDICAPPED BATHROOM BEST.
286
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:23,645
IN MANHATTAN,
THE HANDICAPPED BATHROOM
287
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,847
WOULD HAVE LEASED
FOR $950 A MONTH.
288
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:28,119
I STAYED THERE
ALL THROUGH LUNCH.
289
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,518
(door opens)
290
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:32,259
(footsteps approaching)
291
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:34,025
(Dalia) SO, LISA,
292
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,004
YOUR BROTHER MUST
BE REALLY JEALOUS OF YOU.
293
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:39,433
WHY WOULD HE BE
JEALOUS OF ME?
294
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:42,139
WELL, BECAUSE YOU CAN GROW
A MUSTACHE, AND HE CAN'T.
295
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,372
(girls laugh)
296
00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:49,143
(girl) DID YOU SEE HER FACE?
(laughs)
297
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,879
I HAD NOT INTENDED TO MAKE
ANY NEW FRIENDS.
298
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:54,605
MY PLAN WAS TO SERVE MY TIME
AND GET OUT.
299
00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:57,721
BUT THIS GIRL LOOKED EVEN
MORE MISERABLE THAN I WAS.
300
00:11:57,785 --> 00:12:00,315
HEY. I KNOW HOW IT FEELS
TO GET PICKED ON,
301
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,587
AND IF YOU EVER NEED
ANYONE TO TALK TO--
302
00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,785
STAY AWAY FROM ME,
YOU LESBIAN!
303
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:11,700
SO MY CLASSMATES THOUGHT
I WAS A "VAGITARIAN,"
304
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,765
MY DAD THOUGHT I WAS A NYMPHO,
305
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,774
AND I WAS STARTING TO FEEL LIKE
306
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:18,206
I WAS LIVING IN A HORROR MOVIE,
307
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:21,671
SOME WHITE PICKET FENCE
NIGHTMARE.
308
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:25,481
THEY SAY NEW YORK IS
INTIMIDATING,
309
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:30,115
BUT THESE PEOPLE SEEM LIKE
THE TYPE WHO'D EAT THEIR YOUNG.
310
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:33,293
I WAS HALFWAY HOME...
(growls)
311
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,393
(gasps)
(barks)
312
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:38,085
WHEN I GOT BODY-SNATCHED.
(brakes squeal)
313
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:40,332
TESSA.
314
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:41,433
DAD.
315
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,534
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
316
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,166
WHOSE CAR IS THIS?
317
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:48,372
HEY, GIRL!
I'M A FRIEND OF YOUR DADDY'S.
318
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,295
SHE IS?
DON'T BE RUDE, TESSA.
GET IN THE CAR.
319
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:04,022
(The Ting Tings'
"That's Not My Name" playing)
320
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:06,724
THEY WERE TAKING ME
TO THE ONE PLACE ON EARTH
321
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,916
THEY KNEW
I WOULD NEVER SURVIVE--
322
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:13,129
THE JUNIORS SECTION
AT THE MALL.
323
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:16,333
OH, MY GOSH! LOOK HOW CUTE
THESE BOYFRIEND SHORTS ARE!
324
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:20,096
I MEAN, WHOSE BOYFRIEND
ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?
325
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,527
THIS WILL SHOW OFF
MY BELLY RING.
326
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:23,971
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE THOSE
WILL SHOW OFF? YOUR VAGINA.
327
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,007
ARE--ARE THE LIGHTS
REALLY BRIGHT IN HERE?
328
00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:28,583
I FEEL--I FEEL LIKE
THERE'S LESS OXYGEN SOMEHOW.
329
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,511
OH, SWEETHEART.
IS THE MUSIC ESPECIALLY LOUD
IN HERE?
330
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,777
I FEEL LIKE THE MUSIC IS
ESPECIALLY LOUD IN HERE.
331
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,306
HONEY. HONEY.
WHAT?
332
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,081
YOU NEED TO GO GRAB A SNACK
AT THE FOOD COURT,
333
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,389
AND THEN HAVE A SEAT OVER THERE
ON THE DAD COUCH.
334
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:40,051
D--OH. (chuckles)
335
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,090
YEAH, OKAY. OH, SWEETHEART,
YOU WANT ANYTHING?
336
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,415
NO, SHE CERTAINLY DOES NOT.
337
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,760
WE DON'T GORGE OURSELVES
ON SALTY SNACKS
338
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,895
WHILE WE'RE TRYING ON CLOTHES.
WHY?
339
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,901
(Dalia) BLOATING.
THAT'S JUST GIRL 101.
340
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:51,463
BLOATING. OKAY, GIRL 101.
341
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:54,231
RIGHT. OKAY. I'M GONNA, UH,
GO SIT ON THE DAD COUCH,
342
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:57,041
STAY OUT OF YOUR WAY,
LET THE LADIES DO THEIR THANG.
343
00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:59,814
HEY. LOOK AT THIS. CUTE.
344
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,573
IF IF YOU RUN INTO MY DAD,
345
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:04,681
TELL HIM I HATE IT HERE
AND I WANT TO GO HOME.
346
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:05,784
(chuckles)
347
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,245
JUST KIDDING.
348
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:08,324
MOM.
349
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:11,381
OOH, IT'S A LITTLE LONG.
I COULD HEM IT.
350
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:15,421
(woman) * UH-HUH,
* UH-HUH, UH-HUH, UH-HUH *
351
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:18,428
IT'S SO LAME YOUR MOM DIED,
BEEYOTCH.
352
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:21,831
MY MOM... (scoffs) DIDN'T DIE.
SHE'S JUST GONE.
353
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,825
SO YOU BECAME A LESBIAN
TO GET BACK AT HER.
354
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,397
WHAT?
(knock on door)
355
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:27,865
(Dallas) TESSA, IF YOU NEED ANY
HELP OR YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS
356
00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:31,335
OR YOU FEEL LOST
OR UNATTRACTIVE IN ANY WAY,
357
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:32,814
JUST LET ME KNOW.
358
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,012
I KNOW WHY
WE'RE DOING ALL THIS.
359
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:37,175
IT'S BECAUSE YOUR MOM
FEELS SORRY FOR ME.
360
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:39,984
NO, IT'S BECAUSE MY MOM WANTS
TO SCREW YOUR DAD.
361
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,847
DOESN'T YOUR MOM
SCREW YOUR DAD?
362
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,216
(scoffs) NO.
363
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:46,394
THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME.
364
00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:48,723
I'M DYING TO SEE HOW CUTE
YOU GIRLS LOOK.
365
00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:50,418
I'M BUYING THIS.
366
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,360
OH, MY GOODNESS, TESSA.
367
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:53,785
LOOK AT YOU.
368
00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:55,460
THAT IS A KEEPER.
369
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:58,228
THAT TOP IS JUST OFF
THE CHIZZY, IS IT NOT?
370
00:14:58,298 --> 00:15:00,398
OH, THIS IS GOING STRAIGHT
TO THE REGISTER.
371
00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:02,437
HEY.
OH, HONEY, IT'S JUST US GIRLS.
372
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,842
OH, DEAR LORD.
WHO DID THIS TO YOU?
373
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:05,874
WHAT?
374
00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:08,979
THIS?
375
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:11,712
I-I ORDERED IT FROM
A SPORTING GOOD CATALOG.
376
00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,278
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
377
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,746
WELL,
IT'S DOWNRIGHT ORTHOPEDIC.
378
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,915
IT'S LIKE A GIANT ACE BANDAGE,
379
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,915
LIKE SOMETHING
A BURN VICTIM WOULD WEAR.
380
00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:21,247
ARE YOU CALLING MY BRA UGLY?
381
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:23,291
WELL, YES, HONEY, I AM,
BECAUSE IT IS UGLY,
382
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,526
AND I WOULD LOVE TO FIND ONE
FOR YOU THAT ISN'T,
383
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,402
ALONG WITH A NICE,
HETEROSEXUAL DRESS SHOE.
384
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,227
(closes zipper)
385
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:35,799
THAT NIGHT,
I DECIDED TO DEBUT A NEW LOOK.
386
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:38,168
I CALLED IT MALL SKANK.
387
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:41,138
TESSA, PLEASE.
DINNER'S GETTING COLD.
388
00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:44,038
WHAT ARE WE EATING?
IT SMELLS LIKE PASSOVER.
389
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:46,711
OH, THERE SHE IS!
CUTE OUTFIT ALERT.
390
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,079
CUTE OUTFIT ALERT.
HEY!
391
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,478
WHAT--WHAT IS THAT?
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
392
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,719
UH, THIS IS THE OUTFIT
YOU BOUGHT ME AT THE MALL.
393
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,285
DON'T YOU LIKE IT?
YEAH.
394
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:56,664
NO. ALL RIGHT, LET'S EAT.
395
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,133
CAN I SAY SOMETHING?
396
00:15:58,191 --> 00:16:00,231
THIS IS REALLY NICE,
ISN'T IT?
397
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,463
YES. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
DAD PUT A HOME-COOKED MEAL
398
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,599
ON THE TABLE?
I BROUGHT MY OWN DINNER.
399
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,304
OKAY, THAT IS NOT DINNER.
400
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:09,596
UH, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD?
401
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:11,439
GEORGE, THE GIRLS HERE
DON'T EAT DINNER.
402
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:14,944
THAT'S HOW THEY KEEP THEIR
BODY WEIGHT UNDER 80 POUNDS.
403
00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:16,378
BIKINI READY BY SUMMER.
404
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:18,483
(clicks tongue)
DON'T YOU OPEN THAT DRINK.
405
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:21,105
YOU WANT ME TO BE JUST LIKE
THE SUBURBAN GIRLS, DON'T YOU?
406
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:22,951
DON'T YOU DARE OPEN THAT DRINK,
TESSA.
407
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,346
NO, I FORBID YOU TO OPEN THAT--
(can fizzes)
408
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,088
OOH.
409
00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:29,494
DON'T EVEN PUT THAT STRAW
IN THAT CAN.
410
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,686
THAT'S THE LAST STRAW.
(chuckles)
DO--
411
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:34,588
TESSA, DON'T YOU DARE
TAKE A SIP.
(under breath)
SHE'S GONNA TAKE A SIP.
412
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,631
THAT IS NOT YOUR DINNER.
THIS IS YOUR DINNER.
413
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,066
AHH!
414
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:39,731
O--YOU KNOW WHAT, THEN?
415
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:42,299
THEN YOU--YOU'RE GONNA GO TO BED
WITHOUT DINNER.
416
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:44,439
OH, GOD, GEORGE! (scoffs)
417
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,644
WELL--
I DON'T EVEN RECOGNIZE YOU.
418
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:49,206
IT'S LIKE--IT'S LIKE
YOU'RE ONE OF THEM.
419
00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,436
WHAT'D I DO?
SWEETHEART,
I'M TRYING TO GIVE YOU
420
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,181
WHAT ALL THESE OTHER GIRLS HAVE.
421
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:55,076
OH, WELL, I'M NOT
ALL THESE OTHER GIRLS,
422
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,918
AND I DON'T WANT
WHAT THEY HAVE!
423
00:16:57,984 --> 00:16:59,224
ALL RIGHT.
424
00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:01,646
THIS WAS VOTED
THE FIFTH BEST PLACE
425
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:04,091
IN THE COUNTRY TO RAISE KIDS.
426
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:05,657
I DON'T HAVE KIDS.
427
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,355
YOU RUINED MY LIFE!
428
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:11,697
OH,
I DID NOT RUIN YOUR LIFE!
(door slams)
429
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:16,203
I THINK I RUINED HER LIFE.
430
00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:20,205
THE NEXT MORNING,
WE DIDN'T SPEAK MUCH.
431
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,113
INSTEAD, DAD AND I
EXPRESSED OUR FEELINGS
432
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:24,805
THROUGH PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE
REFERENCE BOOKS.
433
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:29,681
OKAY.
434
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,719
REMEMBER THAT TIME
YOU GOT ME THAT GOLDFISH
435
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,424
AND YOU SAID I HAD TO TAKE CARE
OF IT ALL BY MYSELF
436
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:34,916
AND I WAS SO EXCITED
TO SHOW YOU THAT I COULD
437
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:36,557
THAT I RUSHED HOME FROM SCHOOL
AND I CLEANED OUT THE BOWL,
438
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:38,193
AND I CHANGED THE WATER,
AND I THREW THE FISH IN THERE,
439
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:39,788
BUT THE WATER WAS TOO COLD
AND THE FISH WENT INTO SHOCK
440
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:42,859
AND GOT THESE LITTLE TINY
BUBBLES ALL OVER HIS BODY
441
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:44,559
AND THEN DIED?
442
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:47,599
YEAH.
443
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,767
I FEEL LIKE THE FISH.
444
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,466
OKAY.
445
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:54,909
WELL...
446
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:57,584
YOU REMEMBER THE TIME I-I TRIED
TO SHOW YOU THAT FELLINI MOVIE
447
00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:59,484
AND YOU REFUSED TO WATCH IT
BECAUSE IT WAS
448
00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:01,276
IN BLACK AND WHITE
AND HAD SUBTITLES
449
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:03,118
AND YOU SAID
IT LOOKED DUMB AND BORING,
450
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:05,153
BUT THEN THEY MADE YOU
WATCH IT AT SCHOOL
451
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:07,148
AND IT TURNED OUT
YOU ACTUALLY LOVED IT?
452
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:10,015
YEAH.
453
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:13,429
I FEEL LIKE THIS IS
A FELLINI MOVIE.
454
00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:16,601
(doorbell rings)
455
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:22,069
OH. HELLO.
456
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,435
MY MOM SENT ME OVER HERE
TO GET HER POT BACK.
457
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:27,044
OH, I DIDN'T TAKE
YOUR MOM'S POT.
458
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,736
I DON'T EVEN SMOKE POT.
459
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,638
HER POT...
460
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:32,040
FROM LAST NIGHT?
461
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,351
IT'S RED WITH
A SILVER ROOSTER ON IT?
462
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:37,054
HOW'D THAT ROAST
WORK OUT FOR YOU?
463
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,416
THAT'S YOUR MOM?
464
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:41,987
YEAH.
465
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:44,194
(Pitbull) * NOW WATCH ME MAKE
A MOVIE LIKE ALBERT HITCHCOCK *
466
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,657
* I KNOW YOU WANT ME *
467
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:46,725
IS THAT YOUR BROTHER?
468
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,133
* YOU KNOW I WANT YA,
WANT YA *
469
00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,925
* I KNOW YOU WANT ME *
470
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:51,526
* YOU KNOW I WANT YA *
471
00:18:51,598 --> 00:18:52,368
YEAH.
472
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:54,532
* I KNOW YOU WANT ME *
473
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,971
(sighs)
474
00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:58,436
COME ON IN.
475
00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:00,065
WE DIDN'T CLEAN IT.
476
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,179
THAT'S OKAY.
477
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:05,880
I ONLY FREAKED OUT ON YOU
IN THE GIRLS' ROOM
478
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:08,245
BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT
TO GET MADE FUN OF ANYMORE.
479
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,815
YEAH. I GET IT.
480
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,053
IT'S OKAY.
481
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,388
WE'RE COOL.
482
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,719
COOL.
483
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:27,633
(knock on door)
484
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:31,240
TESSA? YOUR DAD SAID
I COULD COME UP.
485
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,411
CAN I COME IN?
486
00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:36,184
YOU'RE ALREADY IN.
487
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:40,947
UM, ABOUT THE OTHER DAY,
488
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:43,823
I ACTED LIKE A BIZNITCH,
489
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:47,293
AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY
HOW SORRY I AM.
490
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:49,564
IT'S JUST,
I'M OF THE MIND--SET
491
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:53,762
THAT EVERY GIRL
SHOULD BE GIVEN A BRA
492
00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:57,256
BY SOMEBODY WHO KNOWS
A THING OR TWO ABOUT BRAS.
493
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:05,735
WELL, I WILL LEAVE
THE TWO OF YOU ALONE.
494
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,505
(pats leg)
495
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:12,407
IT WAS PRESUMPTUOUS.
496
00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:15,009
IT WAS INAPPROPRIATE,
497
00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:18,291
AND IT WAS BY FAR,
498
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,691
THE PRETTIEST THING I OWNED.
499
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:25,288
SO MAYBE THESE MOMS
WEREN'T ALL BAD,
500
00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:27,658
AND MAYBE, SOMETIMES,
501
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,797
UNDERNEATH A PAIR
OF GIANT, SYNTHETIC BREASTS,
502
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:35,572
YOU CAN FIND
A GIANT, NONSYNTHETIC HEART.
503
00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:47,014
THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED,
504
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:50,449
IT WASN'T JUST ME
WHO WAS STUCK IN SUBURGATORY.
505
00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:53,287
DAD WAS HERE, TOO.
506
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:54,753
YOO-HOO! GEORGE!
507
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:57,321
I HEARD YOU MET
MY FRIEND JOCELYN AT THE CLUB.
508
00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:59,060
SAID THE TWO OF YOU
REALLY HIT IT OFF.
509
00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:00,985
WE SURE DID, SHEILA.
510
00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:03,630
THERE HE IS. (chuckles)
THERE'S MY BOYFRIEND!
511
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:04,926
HI, GEORGE!
512
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:06,627
I'M STALKING YOU!
513
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:07,769
(laughs)
514
00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:08,804
UH-OH!
515
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:10,298
YEAH. YEAH.
516
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:14,170
THE WAY I SAW IT, WE'D NEED
TWO THINGS TO SURVIVE--
517
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:15,640
AUTOMATIC SPRINKLERS...
518
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:18,308
BEAUTIFUL LAWN.
BEAUTIFUL.
519
00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:20,148
BEAUTIFUL.
LOVE IT.
520
00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:21,812
AND A RESTRAINING ORDER.
521
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:27,320
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