All language subtitles for StarTrek.TNG-s02e04.The.Outrageous.Okona

Captain's Log, Stardate 42402.7.

We are traveling
in the Omega Sagitta system

traversing
between the twin planets

that form the Coalition
of Madena.

Both worlds are populated
by a humanoid race

which colonized the planets
two centuries ago

and which now coexist

under a precarious
but successful treaty.

Unidentified vessel approaching.

Sensor readings show it to be
a small Class 9 vessel.

Probably an interplanetary
cargo ship.

One life sign aboard, sir.

It appears to be humanoid.

I have its call sign now, sir.

Confirmed.

Armed with lasers only.

Its cargo holds are empty.

The readout shows its guidance
system is malfunctioning.

The pilot is attempting
to hold course manually.

I recommend we set
the Enterprise

on an intercept course

in case he needs
emergency assistance.

Make it so, Mr. Crusher.

We're in position now, Captain.

Open hailing frequencies.

Hailing frequencies open.

On viewer.

This is the USS Enterprise,
Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

And this is
the Cargo Carrier Erstwhile.

Captain Okona
at your service, sir.

There's no need
for your phasers, Captain.

I'm harmless
and not quite yet ready

for a mercy killing.

You were never considered
a danger, Captain.

Oh, that's a shame.

I can remember when I was
at least considered a risk.

I'm the owner and operator
of this craft

and since we both know
that you've already scanned it

you know I'm alone and empty,
which is truly a rare occasion

for a man
of my charm and talent.

Mute main viewer.

Counselor?

His emotions suggest

he's mischievous, irreverent,
and somewhat brazen.

The word that seems
to best describe him is "rogue."

Rogue?

Ah, cad, knave, rake, rascal,
villain, wild elephant...

Yes, Data, but there is
no malevolence or ill will.

Audio on.

Do you have a burnout in your
guidance system, Captain?

Whoa.

Since you're able
to diagnose my problems

how about helping me fix them?

Captain, we can easily repair
the type of system he uses.

We can accommodate you, Captain.

This is the First Officer, sir.

If you prepare
to shut down your engines

we can lock on the tractor
and beam you over here.

Sir, recommend limited access
to our ship.

Agreed.

Data, lock on the tractor beam.

Transporter Chief,
prepare to beam him aboard.

Ready on your command, sir.

Excuse me, Commander.

Is that a woman's voice I hear?

Yes. Now please follow
Commander Riker's instructions

so our ship can get back
to its normal routine.

Whatever you say, Captain.

Something funny?

Well, the unexpected is
our normal routine.

Space, the final frontier.

These are the voyages
of the Starship Enterprise.

Its continuing mission--

to explore strange new worlds

to seek out new life
and new civilizations

to boldly go
where no one has gone before.

Hold it steady, Wesley.

Ready to link up on my command.

Aye, sir.

Easy. Easy.

Engage.

Captain Okona,
shut down your engines.

Understood.

Transporter Room, prepare
for the beaming operation.

We're on our way.

Wesley, Data, let's go.

Your weapons, please.

A Klingon security officer.

Yes.

No wars available, eh?

It's more a piece of jewelry
than a weapon.

A remembrance.

Welcome aboard, Captain Okona.

I'm Commander Riker.

If you'll turn over
the inoperative part

to Commander Data,
we can begin repairs.

I'd be most happy to do the work
myself, Commander.

I'm sort of the hands-on type.

I think you'd find the tools
we use rather unusual, sir.

I can believe that.

May I at least watch?

That can be arranged.

Good then.

Commander, I leave this
in your capable hands.

Sir, this is Commander Data.

I'm just an acting ensign.

Well, acting ensigns have names,
don't they?

Wesley.

Wesley Crusher.

Nice to meet you

Acting Ensign
Wesley, Wesley Crusher.

And thank you
for beaming me here

and enabling me to see
a truly beautiful woman.

You have the majestic carriage
and loveliness

that could surely be traced back
to the noblest families.

Well, I'm sure you've said that
to many ladies before.

And it was no more true
then, than it is now.

But it's how I say it
that's really important.

The warmth, the attraction
that I have for you

the attraction that we share.

Mr. Okona appears
to have excellent vision

as well as a healthy libido.

Captain Okona, if you'll
follow Commander Data

you can get started right away.

Now, that's sex appeal.

Sexual attraction
in this context

is not a part
of my programming.

I am an android.

Well then, have you seen any
good-looking computers lately?

That's a joke.

It's funny.

Oh.

Of course it is.

Will that do
what the original did?

Sure will, and better.

Let me show you.

On your old one here

the zelebium contacts
wore down and then fused.

Now, what I've done

is replace them with tricellite.

Tricellite isn't available
in this system.

If I ever had to replace it...

Don't worry, you won't.

Your ship will never
outlast this part.

Because of the part
or the way I fly my ship?

Well, this part,
but the stress test

did show that you tend
to push your ship

a little beyond
it's design capabilities.

Blame the pattern of my life,
Lieutenant La Forge.

Because it relegates me
to cargo carrying

rather than the grand
explorations you enjoy

I am forced to add a measure
of flamboyancy and zest

to the doldrum
of my existence.

Have you ever been cold?

No.

Warm, then?

No.

What about drunk?
Ever do that?

From alcohol?

That is not possible
for me, sir.

Pity.

What about love?

The act or the emotion?

They're both the same.

I believe that statement
to be inaccurate, sir.

Maybe.

Life is like loading
twice your cargo weight

onto your spacecraft.

If it's canaries

and you can keep half of them
flying all of the time

you're all right.

I doubt that statement is
entirely accurate either, sir.

Accurate?
That was a joke I just told you.

I do not understand.

You don't know what a joke is?

Of course I do.

It is a witticism,
a gag, a bon mot

a fluctuation of words
concluding with a trick ending.

That's the dictionary meaning.

I'm talking about humor, fun.

Do you know what funny is?

Where is 806?

Right over there, sir.

Why?

You probably wouldn't
understand that, either.

Hello there.

Status on the repair?

Working on it.

Commander, what do you
think of Captain Okona?

Well, Okona is
an interesting man, certainly.

We've seen
how he handles his ship.

Apparently, he knows how
to handle people as well.

Then, why does he work alone?

He's a man who lives his life
by his own rules.

He does what he does by choice--
by his choice.

Someday, you'll make yours.

I already have.

So, you agree with Okona

that I am missing

a very important
human factor.

I never said that.

I simply said
that I've never seen you laugh.

I am capable of that function
when it is expected of me.

Data, do you even
know what a joke is?

Of course I do.

It is a witticism, a gag,
a bon mot, a fluctuation...

Stop.

Look, it's just you and I here.

We're talking, we're having
an intimate conversation.

Why?

Because you're a droid
and I'm a noid.

But why?

Because that's what I am.

Have I said something
to offend you?

No.

Then why are you annoyed?

Because you're a droid

and I'm a noid.

Humanoid.

Yes.

-You told a joke?
-Yes.

I am not laughing.

Yes!

Perhaps the joke was not funny.

No, the joke was funny.

It's you, Data.

Are you sure?

Yes.

I agree.

What do I do?

Well, under normal
circumstances

I'd say seek a higher power.

But, in your case

probably a smarter
computer's in order.

Computer, I wish to know
more about humor.

Why certain combinations
of words and actions

make humans laugh.

Source material
on that subject is extensive.

Please specify.

Animated presentation,
humanoid, interaction required.

Physical humor, cerebral,
or general raconteur?

Of all performers available
who is considered funniest?

23rd century, Stano Riga.

Specialized in jokes
about quantum mathematics.

No, too esoteric.

More generic.

Accessing.

That one.

RW 96321.

20th century.

Program complete.

You may enter.

Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you very much.

You've been great.

As a matter of fact, I'd like
to take you all home with me.

Unfortunately, I took
the last audience home

and there's no more room.

Ba-boom.

But thank you, really.

Thank you.

Hey, and thank you
for bringing me here.

What's up?

Mr. Comic, I wish to know
what is funny.

Funny? I don't know.

It's a matter of opinion
I guess, uh...

Tip O'Neill in a dress.

Some people say words
that end with a "k"

are funny.

A briefcase
that looks like a fish--

personally,
I find that hysterical.

Tip O'Neill-- accessing.

20th century male, politician,
overweight.

Wearing female clothing.

Carrying a valise
that looks like a fish.

So, the juxtaposition of gender
and an amphibian briefcase

is funny.

Well, I think whatever
makes you laugh is funny.

Nothing makes me laugh.

I wish to learn.

Well, how much time
do we have here?

Unlimited.

We're going to need it.

Because you, pal,
are a tough room.

Tough room?

Ah.

A colloquialism meaning

a severe, rigid,
close-minded audience.

I understand.

I will attempt to be
an easy room.

Show me what is funny.

All right, you're on.

Uh...

Jerry Lewis.
Jerry Lewis.

Haaa!

Ooh!

I'd be short for a moment
if I could just...

Say, l...

Oh! Ooh...

Mr. Robot, would you

Iike to come up and try...

I am an android.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Mr. Android, here, here, teeth.

Put them in your mouth.

Come up, mister...

Where did he go?

Where did Mr....?

Here, try, if you would...

You do "haaa."

Haaa.

No, "ha-hiyee."

Ha-hiyee.

Eeeh!

Eeeh!

You go "hee!"

Hee!

Ya!

That is consider...

That is considered
to be funny?

Actually, it brought
the house down at Teaneck.

Ah, a word that
ends in a "k."

So, if you put funny
teeth in your mouth

and jump around
like an idiot

that is considered funny?

I'm sorry, I didn't
get your name.

Data.

Data, look, did you ever
consider, uh... juggling?

Weird birdcalls?
Something like that?

That does not apply.

I simply want to know
what is funny.

I want to involve myself
in other people's laughter.

I wish to join in.

Well, I think that's nice.

You know, let's put
the physical stuff

aside for awhile, all right?

And we'll do uh, uh...
some jokes.

You see, that's not my forte

but I think that would
work good for you.

If you would just have a seat

and we'll try some jokes.

Like, uh, I don't know--

we'll start with the classics.

See, there's this
traveling salesman, now

and he's going down the road
and his car breaks down.

Access faster.

He comes upon this farmhouse...

Now it's probably best

when you do something like this
is using a little cigar

because it's kind of a prop
kind of thing...

Faster.

Move to maximum speed.

A guy walks into
the doctor's office.

The doctor tells him,
"You need an operation."

The guy says, "l want
a second opinion."

The doctor says, "Okay,
you're ugly, too."

Ba-doom-boom.

Was I funny?

No.

Data...

you spoiled the joke.

It could have been your timing.

My timing is digital.

What?

That's funny.

Why?

It would take too long
to explain.

Tell me another joke.

A monk, a clone and a Ferengi
decided to go bowling together.

Commander Data, report
to the Main Bridge immediately.

I will be back.

Bring new jokes.

We have an "unidentified"
at 12 mark 4.

No response to our inquiries.

Extend hailing frequencies,
all languages, all channels.

Extending.

Sensors show it to be
an interplanetary vessel, sir.

Class 7, crew complement 26.

Still no response.

Captain, they are now
locking lasers on us.

Lasers?

Yes, sir.

Lasers can't even penetrate
our navigation shields.

Don't they know that?

Regulations do call
for a yellow alert.

Hmm, very old regulation.

Well, make it so, Number One.

And reduce speed.

Drop main shields as well.

May I ask why, sir?

In case we decide to surrender
to them, Number One.

Still no response to our hail,
sir.

It is slowing

and holding its
position, Captain.

Sir, we are now being hailed.

Viewer on.

Federation vessel

you have no rights
in this solar system.

I am Debin of Planet Altec

ordering you to heave to
and prepare to be boarded.

Shades of Gulliver's Travels.

He actually meant it.

But he is right.

We are in their solar system.

Open a channel.

Open, sir.

I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard
of the USS Enterprise.

For what reason have you locked
your weapons on us?

Enterprise, you are towing
the spacecraft

of a known criminal.

He was in need
of emergency repair.

It was our obligation to assist.

You have a man aboard
by the name of Okona.

I want him.

On what authority?

He is guilty of crimes
committed on the planet Altec.

I expect him to be turned over
to my authority immediately.

Mute.

What do you think, Counselor?

He believes what he's saying.

His anger is genuine.

Open.

What crimes are
you referring to?

That is neither important
nor necessary.

I want Okona now!

Captain, we have another class 7
armed spacecraft approaching

from the opposite sector.

Another ship from Altec?

Similar in specifications
and capabilities

but a variation in markings
and hailing language.

Debin, hold this position.

Viewer off.

Data, identify.

Sensors indicate it
is a security vessel

from the planet Straleb.

Another glob fly.

Glob fly?

A Klingon fly

half the size
of an Earth mosquito

with no sting and
a buzzing sound like this...

Data, viewer on.

Hailing frequencies.

Open, sir.

I am Secretary Kushell

from the Legation of Unity
of the planet Straleb.

I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

We know who you are,
Captain Picard.

We've been monitoring
your communications

and we know of the demands

made by Debin
of the planet Altec.

Then you're aware

that we have no
hostile intention.

You only have to concede
to one demand.

That word "demand" has
a tone of finality.

It is a word I have chosen.

We demand that you turn
Okona over to us immediately.

Mute.

Mr. Okona, to the Bridge
immediately!

Open.

The same demand has been made

by the Altec legation.

I have no interest
in their request

but we intend to back up
our legal rights to Okona.

I would rather not escalate
this situation any further.

Our honor and prestige
are at stake!

We are prepared
to take Okona by force

and die in the doing of it
if necessary.

I trust
that that can be avoided.

I will respond
to your request shortly.

Viewer off.

Captain Okona has not
responded, sir.

He's been reported

in three different
crew quarters.

Find him, get him up here.

Yes, sir.

You will come with me
to the Main Bridge.

I'm sure it can wait
a few minutes.

Now!

I'd like that...

but I have my orders.

Some other time.

Remember what it took
to drag me from your arms.

Am I going to meet
Captain Picard?

Definitely.

Did I say something funny?

Captain Picard

this is Thadiun Okona.

Mr. Okona

you were welcomed aboard

without any undue
investigation.

In turn, it was assumed

that you did not come
under false pretenses.

It now seems
that you may have done.

Captain, if you mean
my socializing with the members

of the crew...

Mr. Okona

you are free to socialize
with the members of my crew.

I'm talking
about a man named Debin.

He's from Altec.

I've had dealings
with some of his family.

Then, perhaps you can explain

why his craft is
threatening to attack us

unless I give him
custody of you.

I can't.

Then, tell me why Kushell
of the planet Straleb

is demanding the same thing.

He's here also?

Mm-hmm, and quite adamant.

Mr. Okona, what crimes
are you accused of?

I am not a criminal.

Why do these men want you?

I can't say.

They're threatening
to attack the Enterprise.

They would be crazy.

They wouldn't stand a chance!

Right.

So you can offer no reason

why they are set
on this provocative course?

I can't think of one right now.

On viewer.

Which ship?

What?

Uh, the first one--
Captain Debin.

Captain, let me ask you again.

What are Okona's crimes?

That is not your concern.

It is if you wish me
to release him to you.

All right, you want
to know what he did?

You want to know why I have
chased him across this system?

All right, here--
this is his crime.

He dishonored my daughter.

He took advantage of her,
then he ran off and left her

carrying his bastard child.

He'll return, and he'll
do the right thing

or I'll hunt him
to the ends of the galaxy.

Captain's log, supplemental.

Some of the mystery surrounding
this ancient morality play

we've been dragged into
has been revealed.

One of Captain Okona's pursuers
is an outraged father

with a heartfelt, if arcane,
sense of righteousness.

Your advice, Counselor.

We are dealing
with ancient codes

involving procreation.

While they may appear
meaningless to us

to Debin, they
represent his honor.

He will fight, risking
himself, his crew

his daughter
and her unborn child.

You know, Captain,
your Counselor's right--

he will fight.

The Captain of the other ship

is demanding to be heard.

I don't suppose you can give me
any indication

why this man wants you.

Let's put all this together.

Lieutenant Worf, multiple image,
full conference mode.

Let them all see each other.

Yes, sir.

Here you are, Debin

trying to save
this criminal.

My purpose is
not your concern.

It is if it involves Okona.

Gentlemen, please.

Let's try and resolve
this matter.

Captain Kushell,
what crime has Okona

allegedly committed
against you?

He is a thief.

He stole the Jewel of Thesia,
a national heritage.

A thing, an item.

My case involves
the victimization

of my daughter and my honor.

I'll have Okona now!

He is mine!

One at a time.

Who accuses me of stealing?

I do.

My son, Benzan and l.

Father, please...

He used you to become my friend.

He used my daughter!

He used my son to plunder
a national treasure!

Mute.

Terminate communications.

Come with me.

Captain, you can't
be afraid of those two

or what they can do
to your ship.

No.

They could fire
until their lasers ran dry

they wouldn't hurt
the Enterprise.

My predicament is
what to do with you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry my ship broke down.

I'm sorry you stopped to help.

I'm sorry you're involved.

But you're right.

Whatever happens, however
it goes, someone gets hurt.

Hand me over to Kushell
and Debin goes to war.

And if I hand you over to Debin,
it's the same thing.

I wish I could...

I wish I could make it easier.

I'm sure you do.

I'm not going to apologize
for the way I am

or how I live my life

but, just for the record,
I did not steal

the Jewel of Thesia.

I am not a criminal, Captain.

And, as to the other business,
that's between me and Yanar.

No one else.

In truth, I simply do not
have authority in this matter.

I'm not your judge, nor
is it my duty to arbitrate.

But you are in my custody
and that creates the dilemma.

How about this?

Do what you said.

Fix my guidance system
and let me leave.

According
to Starfleet regulations

that would be
my only course of action.

But their ships
are faster than yours.

I'm not doing you a favor.

Captain, with all due respect,
that's not your concern.

Besides, I can
take care of myself.

You're quite a craftsman,
Lieutenant La Forge.

How soon?

What's the rush?

I thought you liked it here.

I did.

It stopped liking me.

Time to disappear.

Where will you go?

What?

I said, where will you go?

A new place, if I make it.

Don't you ever stay anywhere?

Not for long.

I couldn't be like that.

Oh?

I mean, always being alone.

Commander Riker says
you choose to live

the way you do, and like it.

Is that what he says?

Yeah.

It would be difficult for me
to be leaving all the time.

I'd miss my friends,
the people I love.

I guess leaving's
gotten easy for you.

I seem to have a way
of using up a place.

I wasn't talking about a place.

I know.

I know what you
were talking about.

It's ready.

You should be able
to install this

in roughly five minutes.

Like you said, Geordi,
what's the rush?

I have some friends
around here.

I think it's time
to make a stand.

Mr. Okona.

Captain, I've decided
not to leave.

Oh?

Don't worry,
I'm not staying, either.

Just what are
your plans, Mr. Okona?

I've decided
to surrender myself.

To which one?

There's really only one option.

Viewer on.

Gentlemen.

Communicating like this

is very distracting.

I suggest that we beam you
up to the Enterprise

and we'll resolve this
face-to-face.

Excellent.

Agreed.

Leave your weapons behind.

Let's keep this civilized.

Number One,
you have the Bridge.

Counselor Troi,
would you accompany me

to Deck 14 Conference Room?

Worf, see to our guests.

Aye, sir.

They have no weapons.

This way.

Okona, you are without shame.

For once, I agree with Debin.

You are without shame.

I trusted you.

My son treated you
like a brother.

And then to steal from us...

I want him now.

No, he's coming with me.

Captain, my complaint
was registered first.

Now, please.

Please be calm.

Lieutenant, thank you.

Everyone is talking about me

and no one's talking
to me.

You all believe
that I stole the jewel

and it was I who
fathered the child.

You dare call
my daughter a liar?

And now, I am offered
these two choices

and given these two options--
condemnation as a thief

or marriage to the
beautiful Yanar.

I will take
the more pleasant sentence.

I will take Yanar as my wife.

No, you can't.

My son is right!

You can't escape that way.

That's not what I mean.

It's not up to you
nor to Okona.

I've been dishonored.

I will decide.

Wait.

Since all of you believe

Okona is the father
of this child

then so be it.

I'll marry you.

No.

You can't.

Yes, I can.

Okona is still a thief.

No, he's not.

Nothing has been stolen.

The Jewel of Thesia has been
taken into custody

by it's rightful heir, me.

I was to give it to Yanar
as our pledge of marriage.

Marriage?

Yanar is carrying my child.

Oh, you said it was Okona's.

If I told you it was Benzan

you would have gone
to war with his father.

So I let you believe
it was Okona.

See how a man
gets a reputation?

If I had told you

that I was giving the jewel
to Debin's daughter

you would have disowned me.

Now we're hearing some truth.

So, you let me chase Okona

when you knew he was innocent.

Yes, because I didn't
believe for one moment

that you could catch him.

Well said.
He never would have.

And once Yanar
accepted the jewel

the marriage would
have been made.

Well, I never got it.

Then Okona does have the jewel.

I never had the chance
to deliver it.

Anyway, it's too late.

I won't marry Benzan.

Then you'll marry Okona.

I won't marry anyone.

I have reinstated
the same program.

Along with some
new jokes, I hope.

Program complete.
Enter when ready.

Comic, continue.

More freebies, huh?

No cover, no minimum?

Just "comic, continue"?

So tell me, Data, what happened?

I told a joke.

And?

No one laughed.

No one?

Nobody in the whole room?

I was the whole room.

She said I spoiled the joke.

Actually, "killed" would
have been a better word.

You know, Data, I think I know
what your problem is.

You should always try out
new material on an audience.

You know, he could be right.

Perhaps an audience
is what you need.

Computer, program an audience
appropriate to this venue.

Yanar.

You're angry at the
embarrassment of all this

and maybe the timing
and the approach

is not the most romantic, but...

I know you love Benzan

and I don't want to see you
throw away that feeling

just because your parents
have been quarreling for years

and don't know
how to behave properly.

I've carried your messages
back and forth

for almost six months.

I've smuggled each of you
into the other's homeland.

You feel for him
the same way he feels for you.

I do love you.

It is your child.

It's our child.

Marry me.

Yes.

We'll find a new planet
to live on.

You'll live on Straleb.

No, no, no, no.

You'll live on Altec.

I will not have

this man raising my grandson.

The rest of this is an issue,
gentlemen

to be settled
between yourselves.

Now, if you will excuse us,
we have business.

Thank you, Captain.

Your grandson?

My grandson.