Original subtitles

Previously on She-Hulk...

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...

Who the hell is that?

Who forced you to escape this insanely high-security prison undetected?

A Sorcerer Supreme of the Mystic Arts, and his name is...

Wong. Just Wong.

He's either a sorcerer who lives in New York,

or a librarian who lives in Nepal.

Jen, there is the nicest young man who works at the coffee shop that I go to.

- His name is Yusuf. - Do not set me up, Mom.

No. No. He's much too young for you.

I'm not gonna be a superhero.

Jen, when you have powers like this, it's like putting a target on your back.

If you're gonna strut around showing off your powers,

you better be able to back it up.

The ancient art of levitation.

Are you not amazed? Summoning fire.

Fire. Behold flame.

For my next illusion, the great Donny Blaze

- needs assistance from a volunteer. - Ooh!

- Oh! - Miss, if you may. Round of applause.

And what is your name, young lady?

Madisynn, with two N's, one Y, but it's not where you think.

Well, as the great Billy Shakes once said,

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

Ah!

Donny Blaze!

Do the thing. Do the thing. Do it, do it, do it.

How about I try something with a little more heat?

Come on. Please, please, please.

Come on. Please.

Come on.

Donny Blaze!

FYI, these don't smell like anything.

Ew!

Oh.

Where am I? What happened to all the goblins?

Who are you? Are you the goblin king?

No, I'm not. Where did you come from?

I grew up in Fort Lauderdale,

but now my dad lives in Phoenix with his new family,

so I go there sometimes.

- He married this woman... - Did a cut-rate magician send you?

Um, not exactly.

He sent me to a diff dimensh and a talking goat helped me escape

a lava pit in exchange for six drops of my blood.

Oop. Then I kinda like browned out and now I'm here.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay, no, no, no. I'm gonna send you home.

- What's your address? - I don't even remember.

Wait. This is the one where they kill Adriana.

It was so sad.

- You just ruined it. - I cried for three days.

Donny Blaze is going to pay for this.

Mmm. You look happy. I guess you saw that Wong is back.

God, everybody loves Wong.

It's like giving the show Twitter armor for a week.

- Good morning, sweetheart. - Dad, what are you doing here?

Well, after that scare you had, I am here to beef up security.

I've got new locks, cameras, an alarm system and pepper spray.

- What's the shovel for? - Digging holes.

- Let's just leave it at that. - I don't need you to do any of this.

My daughter gets attacked by four men, and I'm supposed to do nothing?

Your daughter's a Hulk. I'm gonna be fine.

- What did the police say? - Oh, they said, um, police stuff.

You didn't call them? Are you serious, Jen?

I was a prosecutor long enough to know that they're not gonna catch these guys.

- Well, what if they come back? - I will kick their ass again.

And you can use the shovel.

Perfect.

Hey, hey. They're airing your interview again.

I think you should watch this time.

My client's name is Emil Blonsky.

Okay. We have got to get you some new clothes.

There's a very limited selection of clothing that fits my body.

Clearly.

How did you come up with the name She-Hulk?

- You ding-dongs dubbed me that. - Funny story, I didn't.

Ms. Walters, I have a legal situation of the greatest importance.

Okay. Good luck with that, Jen.

Nice to see you again, Wong. How can I help you?

I'm having an issue with a "magician."

Notice how I used the word "magician" in quotes.

- I did, yes. - It's because he's not an actual magician.

This charlatan goes by the name of Donny Blaze.

He's a former student of the Mystic Arts

but he was kicked out after a week when he summoned three kegs

and his former fraternity brother Ky-Dog to Kamar-Taj.

He's now performing cheap human tricks

here in Los Angeles at the "Mystic Castle."

- Notice how I... - Not mystic. Not a castle. Got it.

Recently, Donny has been using our sacred teachings in his shows,

sending volunteers into other realms for casual fun.

But he barely has a grasp of the basics of inter-dimensional portaling.

Practicing the Mystic Arts without proper training not only endangers people,

it risks untangling the material and astral planes.

- Completely. - I need to make an example of Donny Blaze.

Set a precedent that no unlicensed persons

ever attempt to practice the Mystic Arts again.

This might be pretty straightforward.

Did Mr. Blaze sign an NDA or a non-compete?

No.

Was there a contract when he began training?

Students pledge themselves to be loyal servants of the Mystic Arts.

- And did you get that in writing? - No.

Ms. Walters, we answer to a higher power

that abides by the metaphysical laws of the time-space continuum.

Sure. But this is the American legal system.

No judge is gonna take this seriously unless we do things by the book.

- Oh, The Book of Vishanti. - No, the book of American laws.

Do you want to leave your information with me this time?

- Oh! Okay, that's very good. - Cheap human tricks.

- Okay, done with Wong's cease and desist. - Okay. Great.

Now your dating profile.

Onto the last bit of the Blonsky parole brief.

Whoo-whoo!

- Did you just "whoo-whoo" a parole brief? - Mmm-hmm.

I hated it as soon as it came out of my mouth.

- Okay. - Yeah.

Excuse me, ladies. I hate to see two stunning women sitting all alone.

Okay, well, there's two of us. So by definition, not alone.

Can I buy you sexy ladies a round of drinks?

Okay, sir, we're clearly in the middle of work here.

When you change your mind, I'll be at the bar.

See, that guy is exactly why I don't date.

Oh, my God. You don't have to date that guy. Jesus.

There are plenty of non-gross people out there for you to date.

- Show me your Matcher profile. - No.

Jennifer. Again. Baby steps.

- There we go. - All right.

- Quite nice, actually. - Oh, my God.

We're not using your corporate headshot as your profile photo.

What's your first date gonna be? Webinar?

- This is why I didn't want to show you. - Okay, there's no judgment.

But that was a really bad choice.

- Oh, okay. - Oh, my God. Are you swiping?

Yes, of course. Come on. It's a numbers game, all right?

After 500 swipes, you'll get about a third of those as matches.

And that's when the real filtering happens.

- Oof. Hetero life is grim. - Nikki, you're not helping.

Yes, I am. Come on. This is good. What if you made a profile,

hear me out, as She-Hulk?

- I thought you hated the name She-Hulk. - I do.

I don't know. I can't stop saying it. It's really catchy.

No. If I'm gonna date, it's gonna be as Jen.

- All right. - Regular old Jen.

I already have to be She-Hulk in the office.

- She-Hulk. - She-Hulk.

- Ah. See? A match.

I do not have to be She-Hulk to get a date.

- Now give me back my phone.

You're killing me.

So, consider this an official warning to cease all practices of the Mystic Arts.

- Absurd. You can't own magic. - Yeah, you can't own magic.

And you can't trademark a spirit, register a soul, copyright art.

You can copyright art. Yes.

- This is a farce. - This is a farce.

Are you just hype-manning him?

- Maybe. - What's the matter, Wong?

Are you scared I'll become more mystical than you?

The Sorcerer Supreme doesn't engage in competition,

but I am more mystical in my sleep.

- Prove it. - Yeah, prove it.

No. No one is proving anything.

- Here is a cease and desist. - Cease and desist?

What cease and desist?

- Fantastic.

- Yeah, it's sticking out of your shirt. - No, it isn't.

All right. We will see you gentlemen in court.

- Oh, shit.

Ooh, someone's on Matcher. Ooh.

- What's Matcher? - Hey, swipe right for a hot date.

Ew!

Got your ball.

"No, Officer. That stroller hit me."

And that's how I got a lifetime ban from Winnipeg, Canada.

Anyway, I hate LA. Everyone here is so phony.

See, I'm a New Yorker, through and through.

- Oh, how long did you live there? - Fourteen months.

But I decided I couldn't just be a yes-man to some stiff boss, you know?

- Mmm-hmm. - That's why I'm an entrepreneur.

- Hmm. In what field? - TBD.

- So what do you do? - Uh, I'm a lawyer.

I just started at a firm downtown, GLK and H. Have you heard of it?

Yeah, I know downtown.

I'm running a superhuman law division.

-'Cause I have superpowers. - Okay.

- I'm a Hulk. - Mmm-hmm.

I can lift a full-size sedan with one hand.

Okay.

- This has been so great. - Yeah, it really has.

All right, thank you so much for the drinks.

Yeah. For sure.

- Hey, we should do this again. - There's an idea.

- This is Alan. She's, like a six, maybe.

Oh, my God.

Your Honor, we have filed a complaint and a motion for preliminary injunction

against the defendant citing unfair competition and gross negligence.

I must say, Counselor, I am hard-pressed

to believe that a magic trick could constitute gross negligence.

Do you have any witnesses who can corroborate your claim?

- No, no, no, no. - Do you want to win this or not?

Wong? Yes, we do, Your Honor.

I'm gonna show you my high school dance routine right now.

Wongers!

Hi.

Oh, did you get a ticket for texting?

Just say you were texting 911. They can't prosecute.

That isn't what this is and that's not true.

I wanna ask you a few questions, so if you come this way...

- I'd love that. - Yeah.

- Have a seat over there. - Okay. This is fun.

Guanyin, please give us extra mercy.

You can't bring that drink in here.

You can finish it if you want. I'm not sick.

I promise to tell the truth.

- No, seriously. - Could you state your name for the record?

Madisynn King. Madisynn is with two N's, one Y, but it's not where you think.

- Could you just spell it for us? - Absolutely, I will. For sure.

M-A-D-I-S-Y-N-N.

Could you tell us about the night you participated in Donny Blaze's show?

Oh, sure. So, first he gave me roses that didn't smell like anything.

- And then he pushed me into a fire land. - That must have been terrifying.

How did you escape?

I made a pact with a demon that I cannot discuss.

Otherwise he said he would "reap my soul and the souls of all I love,"

which, honestly, is so dramatic. And I hate drama.

- Okay, this was a mistake. - It was your idea.

The demon, I think his name is Jake.

- I know Jake. Yeah. - You do?

Opened a portal that dropped me off at Wongers' house,

and that's how we became besties.

And how would you describe your emotional state during this saga?

Great question.

At first it was fun. Then scary, then fun again.

Then spooky but in a fun way.

Yeah, that's... Thank you. Madisynn, you can sit down.

- Welcome. - Yeah.

- Your Honor, I move to dismiss. - Let's go.

As you can see, Donny's performance is a fun and spooky experience,

which is the sweet spot for magic, in my professional opinion.

The bottom line, you cannot copyright magic.

- No. - There is precedent.

The precedent that you are referring to

is for card tricks and disappearing women who never speak.

This is very different because the Mystic Arts is, in fact, real magic.

- How dare you? - Real magic?

Is this not real magic, Your Elegancy?

- Black. - Ooh.

- Can you believe your eyes?

Wow.

It changed color.

- More real magic? - Oh, my God. Even the lawyer's a magician.

- That is enough.

- If I may say a few words, Your Highness? - Uh...

This case travels beyond these courtroom walls.

The men you see are seeking to wield the power of gods.

And that places us on the edge of a precipice.

One man in the mortal realm has the ability to cause a ripple so great,

it reverberates through every dimension.

And that ripple through galaxies has the ability to destroy all life

within the known and unknown universe.

Case closed!

Okay. No. This case is far from closed.

I'll need to review the motion, and you'll have my decision in a few weeks.

Your Honor, in the interim, could you grant us the preliminary injunction

to stop the defendant from engaging in this dangerous behavior?

This is my life. My art. Mi pasion. Magic!

Stop throwing smoke bombs.

How did he get these through security, anyway?

Aw.

I have to agree with Mr. Blaze.

He may continue to practice his livelihood pending my decision.

- Court is adjourned.

Fantastico!

- Whoo!

- Real magic prevails. - Yes. Yes.

You know, I also have a bird.

Can we send Donny to the Mirror Dimension? He probably won't even die.

I would love that, but that will ruin our case.

- Wongers, can we get froyo? - No.

- We can talk about The Sopranos. - Fine. No more spoilers.

Whatever. I was over it after Tony killed Christopher, anyway.

Madisynn.

What? I mean, he was like a son to him. It was so sad.

Nikki, I'm just finishing this brief.

Do you think you can proof it for me tomorrow?

You are aware that tomorrow is Saturday, right?

Yeah. I am totally aware that tomorrow is Saturday.

- Uh-huh. - Which makes tonight Friday.

Another thing I knew.

You aren't in your pajamas already, are you?

No, I'm not already in my pajamas.

I have a big night, lots of plans due to successful swiping. Gotta go. Bye.

Oh, why is that an alert?

I'm not proud of this.

Sweet.

Well, that is demoralizing for Jen.

- You look stunning. - Thank you. You look very nice too.

- Hey. Can I ask you a personal question? - Of course.

- How much can you deadlift? - A literal ton?

- Hmm.

Well, I just did 600. I'm not even a superhero.

- Hey! Can somebody take our order? - Okay.

My movie just premiered at Sundance. It was actually about a lawyer.

His expertise is constitutional law,

and that is how he became the attorney to the vice-president.

I have to admit I was a fan before we matched.

I mean, your battle with Titania in court, it was incredible.

Uh, people love using that word around me.

- Oh, because... Yeah. - Yeah.

- Because of my cousin. Yeah. - Yeah.

- So is it true? Are you indestructible? - Oh, I don't know.

I haven't really tested it out. I'm not looking to get myself killed.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, what about super-speed? Night vision? Impenetrable skin?

Yeah. My skin is impenetrable, at least with anything on Earth.

Even vibranium?

Why? Do you have some on you? You want to test it out?

No, no, no. I wish. God, you're just so powerful.

- What a specimen. - Did you just call me a specimen?

As a compliment.

Is there anything worse than dating in your 30s?

- So what's your story, buddy? - I'm in medicine.

Oh, what's that, like, code for selling Adderall?

I'm a pediatric oncologist.

Oh.

Can I be honest with you?

I've been on so many first dates, and I hate talking about myself.

Tell me about you.

Oh.

Also, should we split some fries?

Yeah. Let's get those to go.

Now, I want you to close your eyes. Concentrate very hard.

- Oh. - Imagine you're in a faraway land.

Oh. Um, uh-uh.

You did the same trick in a show last week,

and my friend Kaylah ended up stranded in a parking garage in Pomona.

Come on. Just close your eyes.

Um, no. I'm not gonna get into your weird fire hole.

Lame.

- Lame. - Fine. No fire hole.

How about we try something a little different? Yeah.

Ah-ha!

- Nailed it. - Amazing.

Aw.

Okay. It's okay. Donny Blaze will handle this.

Ta-da! Hey! All part of the show.

Yes.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. No!

It's okay. Don't worry. Come back!

The show was just getting started!

It's like he can see things before they happen, you know?

I mean, he can see you three.

Wong! My main man.

- Donny Blaze, what did you do? - Fun story. I'm not exactly sure.

Hey, I could really use your help.

Just for the record, I'm doing this for the universe, not for you.

- Great. Perfect. What should I do? - Call my lawyer.

Right in the middle of the lobby, in front of everyone, I had to transform.

- It was so embarrassing.

Wow, I, uh, I can totally see how your boss springing that on you

- on the first day would make you spiral. - Hmm.

Tell me more about how you felt.

Oh! Let me just...

All right.

You know, I gotta say, this is the best date I've had in a while.

- I mean, swipe-dating is so dehumanizing. - Yes.

Everyone treats you like some soulless avatar on their phone.

- Do you need to get that? - It can wait.

- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. Shoot.

Oh, uh, shoot. I got it on your couch too.

- Just one second, okay? - Yeah.

A little club soda and salt.

- Smart! - Where did my shirt go?

I don't know.

Ms. Walters, why aren't you answering your mobile phone?

- Never mind. I see. - Uh... Wong, what is it?

Donny Blaze opened the wrong portal. I need your help.

- It's of the greatest urgency. - Uh, I'll be right back.

Come on. I feel like your dad.

Oh! Actual demons? Wong!

I've been fending them off. I have to repair the portal.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm supposed to be doing here.

Be a Hulk.

They don't die?

You know, these are technically billable hours.

Demons, Ms. Walters.

Send them all through here.

I'm sorry, Cornelius. I don't know what went wrong.

Wong.

Yes.

Oh, wow. Look at that.

After so many bad dates, I finally meet a guy who's sweet and listens.

Focus, Ms. Walters!

And he's very, very hot. Not that that matters. But it does.

And instead of kissing his very hot face right now... Oh, God.

They're growing, and now I'm covered in demon goo,

at a magic show, which is the worst part of this whole thing.

- Hello, fellas. - Good evening, my lady.

Before I send my little friend here back to his own dimension,

would you agree to the terms of our cease and desist?

- Maybe. - Absolutely.

- Fine. Okay, we agree. - My office will be in touch.

Uh, you got a little something right there. Right there.

- Okay. - To the... Yeah, right there.

- Oh, that's just demon claw. - Cool.

Cool.

Whoa!

Supporters of the Free Titania movement

are celebrating today

as the super-powered influencer has been cleared of all charges...

- Boo. - ...relating to an earlier incident

at the Metropolitan Courthouse.

- Um, who are you? - Um, Jen.

Just not in Hulk form. Just Jen.

Oh. Um...

- Cool. Cool. - Yeah.

That's cool. Unexpected.

- I made breakfast. - Yeah, I'm gonna go.

And, uh, don't worry about the sweater.

Whatever. Hot doctor's a cliche, anyway.

Yeah, that was super... Oh.

I got a special delivery for one Jennifer Walters.

I recognize a process server when I see one.

Ha! Right.

I've got court documents filed by Titania Worldwide LLC.

Titania? If she's coming after me because of our fight, she's delusional.

No. She's suing you for misuse of a trademark.

Misuse of a trademark? What trademark?

She's suing me over the name "She-Hulk"? But that's my name.

Not if she trademarked it first.

- Oh, is that how it works, Your Honor? - Yeah.

- Get outta here. - All right. Sorry. Thank you.

Kind of a bummer way to end this episode. I bet there's a fun tag.

No, I talk, you listen. I don't...

Wongers, have you ever had a tequila sunrise?

- I think so. - Long Island iced tea?

Yeah.

- Blue curacao? - No. What's blue curacao?

- I don't know. It's blue. - Ah.

- Manhattan? - Yeah. Manhattan, I have.

- Sloe gin fizz? - No.

Just vodka straight?

- No, I've had... - Goldschlagers?

Vodka and yak milk. Never again.

Do you have any of that here?

Uh, actually, we still have some left from the wedding, yeah.

- I would love to try some yak milk. - Yeah.

- What's your favorite drink? - Well, gin and tonic.

Wongers!

- Okay.

I don't know if they do bottomless gin and tonic but we will find it.

- Okay. - Oh, my God. Yum.