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1
00:00:16,576 --> 00:00:19,478
Today's the day.
2
00:00:19,511 --> 00:00:22,414
This is it.
3
00:00:25,717 --> 00:00:27,756
All right guys, I wanna
talk to you about something.
4
00:00:29,085 --> 00:00:30,454
This isn't easy for me,
5
00:00:30,487 --> 00:00:31,755
but I'm...
I'm turning 24 today,
6
00:00:31,787 --> 00:00:33,922
and I think
it's just time
7
00:00:33,956 --> 00:00:35,624
I told you
the truth.
8
00:00:37,492 --> 00:00:38,861
What I mean is...
9
00:00:38,894 --> 00:00:40,929
okay so the thing
is that...
10
00:00:57,443 --> 00:00:59,011
Hey Martha,
how are you?
11
00:00:59,043 --> 00:01:00,511
Adam, I hope
you like blueberries.
12
00:01:00,544 --> 00:01:01,713
Wow. Thanks.
13
00:01:01,747 --> 00:01:03,047
You didn't have to do
all this.
14
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:04,949
Nonsense.
It was no trouble at all.
15
00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:05,950
It's just leftovers
from church group this week.
16
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:07,819
Yeah?
17
00:01:07,852 --> 00:01:10,088
It's so nice to have a good
strong man like yourself
18
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:11,887
-that enjoys my cooking.
-Thank you.
19
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,723
And you're still free
next Saturday, right?
20
00:01:13,756 --> 00:01:14,957
Saturday?
21
00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:16,760
My niece is definitely
coming this time
22
00:01:16,792 --> 00:01:18,460
and I have told her
all about you.
23
00:01:18,493 --> 00:01:19,694
Yeah, about that,
I am actually...
24
00:01:19,728 --> 00:01:20,796
Saturday is not really
good for me.
25
00:01:20,829 --> 00:01:21,897
-You must.
-Okay, but...
26
00:01:21,930 --> 00:01:22,931
-you must.
-Well there's...
27
00:01:22,964 --> 00:01:24,599
-you have to.
-Can i...
28
00:01:24,632 --> 00:01:25,800
-you'll be thrilled to do it.
-You know that's...
29
00:01:25,832 --> 00:01:27,668
it's got to happen,
I tell you.
30
00:01:27,701 --> 00:01:29,703
Wait, did I catch you
at a bad time?
31
00:01:29,736 --> 00:01:31,070
No, it's just,
it's Chris.
32
00:01:31,104 --> 00:01:32,739
He's just,
he's picking me up.
33
00:01:32,773 --> 00:01:34,708
You boys
don't get in any trouble.
34
00:01:34,741 --> 00:01:36,577
Don't do anything
the good lord wouldn't do.
35
00:01:36,610 --> 00:01:38,010
Okay. Thanks.
Thanks for these.
36
00:01:38,043 --> 00:01:39,645
I have to see
Chris. I can't do it.
37
00:01:39,678 --> 00:01:41,047
I've gotta see him.
Hi, Chris.
38
00:01:41,079 --> 00:01:42,581
Hey, Martha.
39
00:01:42,615 --> 00:01:44,582
You have got to bang
your neighbor, man.
40
00:01:44,615 --> 00:01:46,385
It is the least
you can do.
41
00:01:46,418 --> 00:01:48,887
Nah, it's not like
I'm keeping her tupperware.
42
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,122
Besides, she's trying
to set me up with her niece.
43
00:01:50,155 --> 00:01:52,456
Dude, then bang
the frickin' niece, man.
44
00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:53,724
What are you
waiting for?
45
00:01:55,191 --> 00:01:56,960
I don't think
I could do that, man.
46
00:01:56,993 --> 00:01:58,995
-The thing is...
-dude, I don't wanna hear your excuses.
47
00:01:59,028 --> 00:02:00,562
You're too damn
nitpicky.
48
00:02:00,595 --> 00:02:01,865
That's why
you're on a cold streak.
49
00:02:01,898 --> 00:02:03,532
I don't care
how busted this chick is,
50
00:02:03,564 --> 00:02:06,402
give her your dick
and keep the muffins coming.
51
00:02:06,434 --> 00:02:07,602
Yeah.
52
00:02:09,537 --> 00:02:10,938
It's gonna be
an awesome night.
53
00:03:45,651 --> 00:03:47,853
-Just take the shot.
-Another miss.
54
00:03:47,887 --> 00:03:49,222
-Fee-fi...
-You only get two shots dude.
55
00:03:49,255 --> 00:03:51,156
-Fo-fum.
-Yes!
56
00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:53,025
-What's up fuckfaces?
-Get in here, homos.
57
00:03:53,057 --> 00:03:54,592
We leave for the bar
in an hour,
58
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,527
I want you blacked out
by then, all right?
59
00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,028
Especially you,
birthday boy.
60
00:03:58,061 --> 00:03:59,096
Yeah.
61
00:03:59,130 --> 00:04:00,864
What's the rush?
62
00:04:00,898 --> 00:04:02,799
That rush is that I
haven't had a Saturday off
63
00:04:02,833 --> 00:04:03,901
in over a month...
64
00:04:03,934 --> 00:04:05,002
Michelle,
or from work?
65
00:04:05,035 --> 00:04:06,736
From both, dude.
66
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:09,938
And I am going to savor
every minute of it.
67
00:04:09,972 --> 00:04:10,939
By being
hung over all day?
68
00:04:10,973 --> 00:04:12,574
Yeah, of course.
69
00:04:12,606 --> 00:04:13,942
How'd you like that video
we sent you?
70
00:04:13,974 --> 00:04:16,545
Yeah. She was
a real screamer, man.
71
00:04:16,578 --> 00:04:18,647
And then that dude like dropped
a dq blizzard on her face.
72
00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:20,647
Yeah, I could never
finish those.
73
00:04:20,681 --> 00:04:22,082
It was almost as bad as the one
I dropped on ortu's mom's face
74
00:04:22,116 --> 00:04:23,116
last night.
75
00:04:24,318 --> 00:04:26,252
-Hey, watch the eye.
-Domination.
76
00:04:26,286 --> 00:04:28,689
Adam.
You wanna get gay?
77
00:04:30,290 --> 00:04:31,625
What?
78
00:04:31,658 --> 00:04:33,592
You want a shot?
79
00:04:33,624 --> 00:04:35,160
-I'll get gay.
-I'll get gay.
80
00:04:35,193 --> 00:04:36,996
Y... yeah, sure.
81
00:04:37,028 --> 00:04:39,196
Birth-gay.
Birth-gay shots.
82
00:04:39,229 --> 00:04:40,229
Birth-gay shots.
83
00:04:42,132 --> 00:04:43,734
Boys, there are
some good-looking girls
84
00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:44,834
here tonight.
85
00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:45,836
Best of luck
to all of you.
86
00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:46,837
Happy birthday, Adam.
87
00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:48,739
-Cheers.
-To Adam.
88
00:04:48,771 --> 00:04:50,673
-All right.
-So...
89
00:04:50,706 --> 00:04:52,575
Holy tits.
90
00:04:55,844 --> 00:04:58,747
You gotta be fucking
kidding me, dude.
91
00:04:58,779 --> 00:05:00,714
You guys are so lucky you
don't have girlfriends, man.
92
00:05:00,747 --> 00:05:01,949
Look at those bombs.
93
00:05:01,983 --> 00:05:03,117
You just bury
your face in them
94
00:05:03,151 --> 00:05:04,119
and be totally fine
with it.
95
00:05:04,151 --> 00:05:05,218
Yeah, I don't think
96
00:05:05,251 --> 00:05:06,953
she'd be totally fine
with it.
97
00:05:06,987 --> 00:05:08,121
You don't think
they're together, do you?
98
00:05:08,155 --> 00:05:10,291
I think so, man.
99
00:05:10,323 --> 00:05:12,591
I don't think
they're together.
100
00:05:14,060 --> 00:05:15,194
Okay, so... What I
was saying before is...
101
00:05:15,226 --> 00:05:17,130
is she looking?
102
00:05:17,162 --> 00:05:20,698
-No. Look I'm...
-what about now? What about now?
103
00:05:20,732 --> 00:05:22,134
Vascular as hell, bro.
104
00:05:22,167 --> 00:05:23,935
Never mind.
105
00:05:23,967 --> 00:05:25,201
Jeez, man.
106
00:05:25,234 --> 00:05:27,837
-What's going on with you?
-Nothing.
107
00:05:27,871 --> 00:05:29,140
You seem weird.
108
00:05:29,173 --> 00:05:30,252
No. It's...
it's just...
109
00:05:32,341 --> 00:05:35,611
What?
110
00:05:35,644 --> 00:05:37,211
The girl to your right
in the Fanny pack,
111
00:05:37,244 --> 00:05:39,914
she's totally
eye-fucking you.
112
00:05:39,948 --> 00:05:41,083
Yeah, right now.
113
00:05:47,021 --> 00:05:48,156
I'll be right back, boys.
114
00:05:51,958 --> 00:05:53,960
I got a cramp.
115
00:05:56,161 --> 00:05:59,132
Yeah, just a quick...
quick selfie.
116
00:06:03,867 --> 00:06:05,636
Is this Prada?
117
00:06:05,670 --> 00:06:08,006
Yeah.
Actually it is.
118
00:06:08,038 --> 00:06:10,174
It cost like $2,000.
119
00:06:10,207 --> 00:06:12,209
I've never touched anything
that expensive before.
120
00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:13,777
I'm sorry.
121
00:06:13,810 --> 00:06:17,113
My god, you guys.
We need to dance, now.
122
00:06:17,146 --> 00:06:19,314
We need to dance
right now.
123
00:06:19,348 --> 00:06:22,351
We absolutely
do need to dance.
124
00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:25,287
Hey, Adam. You need
to dance. Right now.
125
00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,323
I've got a dance partner
for you, right here.
126
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:31,825
-You do?
-Hi.
127
00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:34,094
Hey, Adam. This is Adam,
my dancing friend.
128
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:36,997
My god. You're hot.
129
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:39,199
-You're drunk.
-No, I'm not.
130
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,834
He's great in bed too.
Real giver.
131
00:06:42,868 --> 00:06:44,870
How do you know?
132
00:06:44,902 --> 00:06:47,338
What? You don't sleep
with your best friends?
133
00:06:47,371 --> 00:06:48,872
That's selfish.
134
00:06:48,906 --> 00:06:50,374
-Okay.
-Very selfish. I'm sorry.
135
00:06:50,408 --> 00:06:51,888
Why don't you guys
make out right now?
136
00:06:53,343 --> 00:06:56,412
Okay. We'd love to.
137
00:06:56,446 --> 00:06:58,080
Should we make out right now?
138
00:06:58,114 --> 00:06:59,634
We'll do it, if they
do it kinda thing.
139
00:07:00,748 --> 00:07:02,817
- Ye......
- I'm waiting.
140
00:07:02,851 --> 00:07:04,987
You see the thing is,
we've both been drinking.
141
00:07:05,019 --> 00:07:07,155
-Yeah, we've been drinking so...
-It'd be cheap.
142
00:07:07,188 --> 00:07:08,657
Cheap. Very cheap.
143
00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:10,124
Cheap, if we made out.
144
00:07:10,157 --> 00:07:11,826
I really have to pee.
145
00:07:16,296 --> 00:07:18,165
Fuck yeah.
146
00:07:18,197 --> 00:07:21,401
Hey. Did you just
take a picture of me?
147
00:07:24,437 --> 00:07:25,737
I...
148
00:07:25,771 --> 00:07:27,305
He was...
he was...
149
00:07:27,337 --> 00:07:30,041
Snapping that guy's unibrow.
150
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,777
You think you're
fucking tmz or something,
151
00:07:31,810 --> 00:07:33,744
taking fucking
pictures of me?
152
00:07:33,776 --> 00:07:36,046
I can't tell if he's
surprised or mad.
153
00:07:36,079 --> 00:07:37,882
Hey. You got beef,
we can step outside.
154
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:38,949
Fuck that,
it's cold outside.
155
00:07:38,981 --> 00:07:40,350
Yeah, man.
Not all of us
156
00:07:40,383 --> 00:07:42,886
wore our favorite
leather jacket to the bar.
157
00:07:46,288 --> 00:07:47,690
I said,
let's step outside.
158
00:07:54,795 --> 00:07:57,932
What's wrong
with you? Come on.
159
00:07:57,965 --> 00:07:59,199
Don't be a pussy.
160
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,002
You can do this.
161
00:08:03,402 --> 00:08:04,438
Dude...
162
00:08:05,870 --> 00:08:07,205
Don't yell
at the little guy.
163
00:08:08,439 --> 00:08:09,709
Just take a breath.
164
00:08:10,509 --> 00:08:11,943
Relax your toes.
165
00:08:12,943 --> 00:08:14,912
It'll come.
166
00:08:18,949 --> 00:08:21,218
So you did take a picture
of my sister's chest.
167
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:22,786
You let your sister
dress like that?
168
00:08:22,819 --> 00:08:24,954
That's your sister?
What's wrong with you?
169
00:08:24,987 --> 00:08:25,955
Whoa!
170
00:08:25,987 --> 00:08:27,322
Chris!
171
00:08:27,355 --> 00:08:28,857
Chris!
172
00:08:28,891 --> 00:08:30,059
Listen, I know
this isn't the right time,
173
00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:31,426
but...
I wanted to say that...
174
00:08:31,459 --> 00:08:33,027
fuck these chicks,
we gotta go.
175
00:08:33,060 --> 00:08:35,262
Unibrow guy got crazy.
Let's get out of here.
176
00:08:35,296 --> 00:08:36,364
Whoa.
177
00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:41,802
-Okay.
-I'm so sorry.
178
00:08:41,834 --> 00:08:42,802
-My god.
-It's okay. It's okay.
179
00:08:42,835 --> 00:08:44,236
You're fine.
180
00:08:44,270 --> 00:08:45,237
-I'm gonna call you, okay?
-Okay.
181
00:08:45,270 --> 00:08:46,238
-All right.
-See ya.
182
00:08:46,271 --> 00:08:47,306
I'm sorry.
183
00:08:47,339 --> 00:08:48,807
No, don't be sorry.
184
00:08:48,841 --> 00:08:52,077
I scared him away.
I mistreated his friend.
185
00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:53,412
I'm a terrible friend.
186
00:09:22,969 --> 00:09:24,004
Chris.
187
00:09:28,508 --> 00:09:30,376
Chris.
188
00:09:30,408 --> 00:09:33,011
I'm gay.
189
00:09:33,045 --> 00:09:34,814
Okay, man.
190
00:09:34,846 --> 00:09:36,280
No...
191
00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:37,348
I like guys.
192
00:09:44,588 --> 00:09:45,990
I'm gay.
193
00:09:48,257 --> 00:09:50,260
No, no, no,
no, no, no.
194
00:09:51,593 --> 00:09:52,861
You okay?
195
00:09:52,894 --> 00:09:54,029
You all right?
196
00:09:54,063 --> 00:09:57,065
Fuck man.
Yes, yeah. I'm fine.
197
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,366
It's...
that's not you.
198
00:09:58,399 --> 00:10:00,268
It's the excessive
alcohol.
199
00:10:00,302 --> 00:10:01,437
What the hell's going on?
200
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:06,006
I'm hurt, man.
201
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,375
Adam's gay.
202
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:12,878
I gotta take a shit.
203
00:10:12,911 --> 00:10:14,579
I... i should
just head out.
204
00:10:14,612 --> 00:10:16,582
-No, no, no, no.
-No, no. It's cool. I'm gonna go.
205
00:10:16,615 --> 00:10:18,884
-It's okay. Let you guys soak it in.
-No, Adam. No, dude.
206
00:10:18,916 --> 00:10:20,452
No... Adam.
Adam, it's fine, man.
207
00:10:25,121 --> 00:10:26,890
What the hell,
is he fucking with us?
208
00:10:26,923 --> 00:10:29,091
Adam can't be gay, the
dude eats steak every day.
209
00:10:29,124 --> 00:10:30,092
He was eating out
Dorothy cuda in the 8th grade.
210
00:10:30,125 --> 00:10:31,427
Dorothy fucking cuda.
211
00:10:31,461 --> 00:10:33,863
I once saw him rebuild
the entire engine
212
00:10:33,896 --> 00:10:35,231
on a '68 mustang.
213
00:10:35,263 --> 00:10:37,265
Was that before
or after he ass-banged you?
214
00:10:37,298 --> 00:10:39,201
Okay. Dude.
Too soon.
215
00:10:49,141 --> 00:10:50,343
I forgot
I didn't drive.
216
00:10:53,279 --> 00:10:55,215
So you're really...
217
00:10:55,248 --> 00:10:56,349
Gay?
218
00:10:58,918 --> 00:11:00,985
Yeah.
219
00:11:01,018 --> 00:11:03,522
-Cool. Cool.
-Cool.
220
00:11:03,555 --> 00:11:06,224
You've had sex
with women before.
221
00:11:06,257 --> 00:11:08,092
You dated Courtney
for a year.
222
00:11:08,124 --> 00:11:10,594
Cried when she broke up
with you.
223
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,530
Yeah.
But that was like,
224
00:11:12,562 --> 00:11:14,930
that was like
two years ago.
225
00:11:14,963 --> 00:11:18,602
I mean, who have
I been with since?
226
00:11:18,635 --> 00:11:21,103
I mean, I just thought you
had really oddly high standards
227
00:11:21,135 --> 00:11:22,337
in women.
228
00:11:22,371 --> 00:11:25,374
I do. They just need
to be dudes.
229
00:11:28,909 --> 00:11:31,111
So...
230
00:11:31,144 --> 00:11:32,546
Why didn't you
tell me before?
231
00:11:32,579 --> 00:11:34,080
Well, I tried to tell
you guys last night.
232
00:11:34,114 --> 00:11:35,950
No man, I mean like,
way the fuck before.
233
00:11:37,283 --> 00:11:38,618
I don't know.
234
00:11:40,386 --> 00:11:43,022
-Your parents know?
-No. God no.
235
00:11:43,055 --> 00:11:46,357
It's hard enough
telling you guys.
236
00:11:46,391 --> 00:11:48,559
Believe me, I wanted
to tell you before.
237
00:11:48,593 --> 00:11:50,594
I wanted to tell you
for, like, ever.
238
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:51,862
You know?
239
00:11:55,499 --> 00:11:58,368
I didn't want things
to be weird between us.
240
00:12:04,105 --> 00:12:06,608
Hey, nothing's
gonna change, man.
241
00:12:06,641 --> 00:12:08,443
I promise.
242
00:12:32,296 --> 00:12:33,998
What do we even talk
about now?
243
00:12:34,030 --> 00:12:35,966
I just can't believe
you didn't know.
244
00:12:35,999 --> 00:12:37,566
It was so obvious.
245
00:12:37,599 --> 00:12:39,569
-You knew?
-I mean, come on.
246
00:12:39,601 --> 00:12:41,037
He's a good looking guy
and he's never tried
247
00:12:41,070 --> 00:12:42,272
to fuck any
of my friends.
248
00:12:42,305 --> 00:12:44,073
So? That doesn't
mean anything.
249
00:12:44,106 --> 00:12:46,109
My friends are hot.
250
00:12:47,309 --> 00:12:49,045
You know, you should
invite him over
251
00:12:49,078 --> 00:12:50,978
for a threesome.
I'm sure he'd love that.
252
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:51,612
Sure.
253
00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:53,213
That's
a great idea. Yeah.
254
00:12:53,246 --> 00:12:54,214
Let me call him up
right now.
255
00:12:54,247 --> 00:12:55,983
No, I'm serious.
256
00:12:56,016 --> 00:12:57,517
You know,
he wants you, right?
257
00:12:57,550 --> 00:12:59,485
Shut up.
No, he doesn't want me.
258
00:12:59,519 --> 00:13:00,587
Now, just get hard
259
00:13:00,620 --> 00:13:02,188
because I have
a date tonight.
260
00:13:02,221 --> 00:13:04,190
-Yeah, with who?
-Just some guy.
261
00:13:04,222 --> 00:13:05,490
Why?
262
00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:07,427
-Are you jealous?
-Not at all.
263
00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:09,027
-Should I be?
-Okay, well just take your pants off.
264
00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:10,462
And don't
touch my face,
265
00:13:10,494 --> 00:13:12,464
because I feel like
I'm starting to break out.
266
00:13:32,014 --> 00:13:33,716
Hey Paul.
267
00:13:33,749 --> 00:13:36,417
Dude, I guarantee you a hot-ass
milf drives this thing, man.
268
00:13:36,450 --> 00:13:38,018
For sure.
269
00:13:38,052 --> 00:13:39,119
Actually, you know what?
90,000 miles.
270
00:13:39,153 --> 00:13:40,287
I think
she used to drive it,
271
00:13:40,321 --> 00:13:41,455
now, the daughter
drives it.
272
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:45,525
Yeah.
Give that a whiff man.
273
00:13:45,557 --> 00:13:48,026
I'm thinking 19.
Strawberry blonde.
274
00:13:48,059 --> 00:13:49,228
Volleyball player maybe.
275
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:50,362
Take a rip.
Get deep.
276
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:52,330
Tell me I'm wrong.
277
00:13:52,363 --> 00:13:54,431
Hey, come on. Get back
to work here. Let's go.
278
00:13:54,464 --> 00:13:57,001
Ronnie, we're checking
the fucking mirrors, man.
279
00:13:57,034 --> 00:13:59,169
Let's go,
out of the car.
280
00:13:59,203 --> 00:14:00,438
See, this one's broke.
281
00:14:00,471 --> 00:14:01,471
I'm glad
I checked this one.
282
00:14:01,505 --> 00:14:04,674
This one was
fucked up.
283
00:14:06,643 --> 00:14:08,344
Think he's gonna show?
284
00:14:08,377 --> 00:14:09,645
It's poker night.
285
00:14:09,677 --> 00:14:11,080
He'll be here.
286
00:14:28,226 --> 00:14:30,563
All right, boys.
Last card.
287
00:14:37,269 --> 00:14:38,736
Man, so, Chris,
you ever call
288
00:14:38,769 --> 00:14:39,736
that Fanny pack girl?
289
00:14:39,769 --> 00:14:41,571
No.
290
00:14:41,604 --> 00:14:44,042
What's the matter? Afraid your
fuck buddy's gonna get upset?
291
00:14:44,075 --> 00:14:45,143
Me and Jess
are not buddies.
292
00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:46,209
We don't even
like each other.
293
00:14:46,242 --> 00:14:47,477
So what's
the problem?
294
00:14:47,509 --> 00:14:49,545
I can't remember
that chick's name, dude.
295
00:14:49,579 --> 00:14:51,548
I drunkenly saved it
in my phone like an idiot.
296
00:14:51,580 --> 00:14:52,647
Let me see that.
297
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:53,920
I'm really good
with this stuff.
298
00:14:56,852 --> 00:14:59,220
-Train.
-Train?
299
00:14:59,252 --> 00:15:03,090
You saved her name
in your phone as "train."
300
00:15:03,124 --> 00:15:04,592
I raise 20.
301
00:15:04,625 --> 00:15:06,293
Damn it, if you didn't
get that ten on the river,
302
00:15:06,326 --> 00:15:08,095
I could've sucked you dry.
303
00:15:09,796 --> 00:15:11,365
Yeah.
304
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,369
Hey. Can I see
your phone?
305
00:15:21,872 --> 00:15:23,108
Sucked it dry.
306
00:15:23,141 --> 00:15:24,376
All right, boys.
307
00:15:24,409 --> 00:15:25,510
Daddy's all in.
308
00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:27,612
Let's see
what you got.
309
00:15:34,484 --> 00:15:35,619
Stop that.
310
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:39,087
Cut it out, man.
Come on, stop.
311
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,456
-Stop, just...
-what?
312
00:15:40,489 --> 00:15:41,623
But dude, cut it out!
313
00:15:41,656 --> 00:15:43,059
I got two eights.
Okay?
314
00:15:44,691 --> 00:15:46,726
I call.
315
00:15:46,759 --> 00:15:48,395
Aw, damn.
316
00:15:48,429 --> 00:15:49,664
Fuck this.
317
00:15:49,696 --> 00:15:51,598
That's probably Tracy...
318
00:15:51,631 --> 00:15:54,668
well, if it starts t-r-a,
it's you know,
319
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:56,402
probably Tracy, right?
320
00:15:56,435 --> 00:15:57,703
Yeah.
321
00:15:57,736 --> 00:16:00,106
Yeah, I could see her
being a Tracy.
322
00:16:01,506 --> 00:16:03,507
Yeah.
323
00:16:08,346 --> 00:16:09,514
Okay, I'm gonna head out.
324
00:16:09,547 --> 00:16:12,449
I'll see
you guys tomorrow.
325
00:16:12,481 --> 00:16:13,683
Tomorrow?
326
00:16:13,716 --> 00:16:15,651
Yeah, you guys
are gonna come over
327
00:16:15,685 --> 00:16:17,687
for the hockey
playoffs, right?
328
00:16:17,719 --> 00:16:20,422
Yeah. Yeah,
see you then, man.
329
00:16:20,455 --> 00:16:21,490
Cool.
330
00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:27,161
Okay.
331
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,597
He definitely wants
to fuck me.
332
00:16:28,630 --> 00:16:31,765
This is all your fault.
333
00:16:32,765 --> 00:16:34,235
My fault?
334
00:16:34,267 --> 00:16:37,169
Yeah, with
your Saint gay rom, and edm.
335
00:16:37,202 --> 00:16:39,172
You're the one
who turned Adam gay.
336
00:16:39,205 --> 00:16:41,574
Are you fucking serious?
337
00:16:41,606 --> 00:16:43,841
You're the one who goes to all
these Taylor swift concerts.
338
00:16:43,874 --> 00:16:46,445
First of all,
t-swift is a singing angel.
339
00:16:46,478 --> 00:16:49,213
Mister skinny jeans
and ladies' deodorant.
340
00:16:49,246 --> 00:16:51,382
I've got sensitive underarms.
It's not a secret.
341
00:16:51,415 --> 00:16:53,517
Yeah, that's right. You do
take bubble baths with the...
342
00:16:53,551 --> 00:16:54,886
dude, you're the one who
dragged us to see "les mis."
343
00:16:54,919 --> 00:16:56,820
Fuck you, man.
"Les mis" is a classic.
344
00:16:56,853 --> 00:16:58,354
-Why don't you tweet about it?
-You don't have time to tweet
345
00:16:58,387 --> 00:16:59,855
'cause you're too busy
sucking Adam dry.
346
00:16:59,888 --> 00:17:00,856
You were the one
eye-fucking him all night.
347
00:17:00,890 --> 00:17:02,390
Okay, he was eye-fucking me.
348
00:17:02,423 --> 00:17:03,892
That's not
what I saw, gaylord.
349
00:17:03,926 --> 00:17:05,628
You're full of it.
I'm not a gaylord.
350
00:17:05,660 --> 00:17:07,462
I own a fantasy football team
and I like "die hard."
351
00:17:07,496 --> 00:17:09,429
Hey guys.
Guys, stop. Stop.
352
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:11,832
We shouldn't blame anybody.
He was obviously born gay.
353
00:17:11,866 --> 00:17:13,568
No, no.
It's fine guys.
354
00:17:13,601 --> 00:17:15,836
Okay? I'll take the fall
on this one.
355
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,905
He... I'm too good looking.
356
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,505
No, it's nobody's fault.
357
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,339
Because there's
nothing wrong with him.
358
00:17:21,372 --> 00:17:22,574
He's the same guy, right?
359
00:17:28,646 --> 00:17:29,780
Right?
360
00:17:35,818 --> 00:17:37,387
Another play by Stafford.
361
00:17:37,421 --> 00:17:39,256
Perfect getting by him.
362
00:17:39,289 --> 00:17:41,457
Myers PASSES UP THE WING
TO McGinn,
363
00:17:41,490 --> 00:17:43,859
turns inside, gets slammed
into the board side wall.
364
00:17:43,893 --> 00:17:45,961
30 seconds left to go
on the power play down.
365
00:17:45,994 --> 00:17:48,829
Great start
so far by the sabres.
366
00:17:48,863 --> 00:17:51,365
Boyle to Casey.
Pushes it up the ice.
367
00:17:51,399 --> 00:17:53,868
LOOKS FOR McGinn,
TAKEN AWAY BY Smith.
368
00:17:53,901 --> 00:17:55,670
Goal, rangers!
369
00:17:55,702 --> 00:17:57,805
And the game
is all tied up.
370
00:17:58,905 --> 00:18:01,240
The rangers time
of backing it in
371
00:18:01,274 --> 00:18:03,177
and the game
is all tied up.
372
00:18:04,744 --> 00:18:06,379
Can someone just say
something, please?
373
00:18:10,916 --> 00:18:12,318
So...
374
00:18:12,351 --> 00:18:15,587
You really like
the cock?
375
00:18:15,619 --> 00:18:16,821
As much as you
like strippers.
376
00:18:18,488 --> 00:18:19,722
No one
can be that gay.
377
00:18:20,991 --> 00:18:21,959
-Sorry.
-No, it's fine.
378
00:18:21,992 --> 00:18:23,460
Just say it, please.
379
00:18:23,493 --> 00:18:25,262
I know you guys
don't mean anything by it.
380
00:18:25,294 --> 00:18:27,495
You guys have been saying
shit like that for years.
381
00:18:27,529 --> 00:18:28,598
You sure?
382
00:18:28,630 --> 00:18:29,998
Yeah.
383
00:18:30,031 --> 00:18:31,367
No one
can be that gay.
384
00:18:32,399 --> 00:18:34,368
Yeah.
385
00:18:34,402 --> 00:18:35,604
Gay.
386
00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:37,905
-Gay.
-Gay.
387
00:18:39,538 --> 00:18:40,641
It's empowering.
388
00:18:44,744 --> 00:18:46,679
Coming.
389
00:18:56,654 --> 00:18:57,788
My god.
390
00:18:57,822 --> 00:18:59,724
You guys watching
porn again?
391
00:18:59,757 --> 00:19:01,525
-Holy fuck.
-Yeah, I know.
392
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:04,560
For a gay dude, he sure
can't take a goddamn picture.
393
00:19:04,593 --> 00:19:05,828
Dudemingle?
394
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:13,436
"Hey cutie, can't wait
for tomorrow night"?
395
00:19:14,803 --> 00:19:15,937
Think they banged?
396
00:19:15,970 --> 00:19:17,372
I mean, I'd fuck this guy.
397
00:19:17,405 --> 00:19:18,572
Put it away,
Adam's coming...
398
00:19:18,606 --> 00:19:20,375
yeah, on bradstar's
lower back.
399
00:19:20,407 --> 00:19:21,708
Good one.
400
00:19:23,644 --> 00:19:25,412
-Icing.
-Aw, come on.
401
00:19:25,445 --> 00:19:27,481
You... you can't blow
the whistle that quick.
402
00:19:27,513 --> 00:19:29,782
So fucking gay...
No offense, Adam.
403
00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:33,518
No offense for what?
404
00:19:33,551 --> 00:19:35,855
Well you said something
about the gays.
405
00:19:35,887 --> 00:19:37,789
And then
you apologized to Adam.
406
00:19:39,991 --> 00:19:43,527
Yeah. Adam doesn't like when we
use profanity in his house, Martha.
407
00:19:43,559 --> 00:19:46,963
He cannot stand that shit.
Sorry, Adam.
408
00:19:46,997 --> 00:19:48,699
-No offense, Adam.
-Sorry, buddy.
409
00:19:48,731 --> 00:19:51,534
I... i had no idea
he was so pious.
410
00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:53,670
I'm gonna take him
to my church group sometime.
411
00:19:53,702 --> 00:19:55,437
What is this?
412
00:19:55,470 --> 00:19:56,971
I wouldn't try to...
the battery's dead.
413
00:19:57,005 --> 00:19:58,739
I think my niece has one.
414
00:19:58,773 --> 00:20:00,409
It's neat.
415
00:20:00,441 --> 00:20:01,442
I can...
416
00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:05,079
-yeah, I'll take that.
-Thanks Martha.
417
00:20:05,112 --> 00:20:06,613
It was really great.
Appreciate it.
418
00:20:08,047 --> 00:20:10,916
You all right?
419
00:20:10,949 --> 00:20:12,986
Yeah, I cleaned it for you.
It's all clean now.
420
00:20:13,018 --> 00:20:14,853
No, nothing. I just feel
a little faint, that's all.
421
00:20:14,887 --> 00:20:16,655
I think I'm gonna
go lay down.
422
00:20:16,687 --> 00:20:17,956
You know,
it's getting late.
423
00:20:17,988 --> 00:20:19,424
Decent people lay down
when it's late.
424
00:20:19,457 --> 00:20:21,392
Okay.
425
00:20:21,426 --> 00:20:23,427
Decent,
that's what I'm doing,
426
00:20:23,461 --> 00:20:26,764
'cause I'm decent.
427
00:20:26,797 --> 00:20:28,033
What?
428
00:20:33,837 --> 00:20:34,805
Menopause, man.
429
00:20:34,838 --> 00:20:36,504
It's a bitch.
430
00:20:36,538 --> 00:20:38,574
My mom slapped a kid
at Macy's once.
431
00:21:13,437 --> 00:21:14,571
Hey. Sorry.
432
00:21:14,603 --> 00:21:17,106
"Ghostbusters"
was on.
433
00:21:17,139 --> 00:21:19,441
Totally lost track
of time.
434
00:21:19,475 --> 00:21:20,509
Okay.
435
00:21:22,444 --> 00:21:23,646
All right.
436
00:21:25,013 --> 00:21:28,916
So, Brad...
437
00:21:28,948 --> 00:21:30,784
When did you take
that profile picture?
438
00:21:35,888 --> 00:21:37,823
I'm sorry.
That's not me.
439
00:21:39,158 --> 00:21:41,126
It's a little dishonest.
Blah.
440
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,597
You know, but I felt like we
had this real connection online.
441
00:21:44,629 --> 00:21:47,398
And I didn't wanna run the risk
of not getting to know you better,
442
00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:49,034
'cause of something
as shallow as looks.
443
00:21:50,167 --> 00:21:51,635
Right?
444
00:21:51,669 --> 00:21:52,837
You're not shallow
are you?
445
00:21:54,871 --> 00:21:56,974
So, how's your friend
feeling?
446
00:21:57,007 --> 00:21:58,776
-Kim.
-Yeah.
447
00:21:58,808 --> 00:22:00,609
She said she's never
drinking again.
448
00:22:00,642 --> 00:22:01,810
-Never?
-Yeah.
449
00:22:01,844 --> 00:22:04,046
Wow. So...
Friday, then?
450
00:22:04,078 --> 00:22:05,513
Yeah, probably,
Thursday.
451
00:22:05,546 --> 00:22:07,415
Probably Thursday.
Okay.
452
00:22:07,449 --> 00:22:09,950
Actually on Thursday
it's karaoke night
453
00:22:09,984 --> 00:22:10,984
at the rail.
454
00:22:11,985 --> 00:22:12,953
You should come.
455
00:22:12,986 --> 00:22:14,421
-I should.
-Yeah.
456
00:22:14,455 --> 00:22:16,457
And bring your friend.
Adam, was it?
457
00:22:16,489 --> 00:22:17,624
Yeah, it was.
458
00:22:17,658 --> 00:22:19,859
Are you inviting me
on a date?
459
00:22:19,891 --> 00:22:22,061
Yeah, like a...
like a group...
460
00:22:22,093 --> 00:22:23,629
-A group gathering.
-It's fun.
461
00:22:23,662 --> 00:22:27,064
Yeah, it will be fun.
I would love to go.
462
00:22:27,098 --> 00:22:30,936
I don't think that Adam
and Kim are gonna work.
463
00:22:30,968 --> 00:22:32,102
Why? 'Cause she puked
everywhere?
464
00:22:32,136 --> 00:22:33,605
No.
465
00:22:34,804 --> 00:22:35,939
He's gay.
466
00:22:35,973 --> 00:22:37,474
-He's gay?
-Yeah.
467
00:22:37,508 --> 00:22:39,142
-Are you serious?
-He's gay.
468
00:22:39,175 --> 00:22:41,610
So, the two of you actually
have slept together then?
469
00:22:41,644 --> 00:22:42,779
No, that was a joke.
470
00:22:42,811 --> 00:22:44,446
I didn't even know
that he was gay,
471
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:46,582
until he woke me up
and told me
472
00:22:46,615 --> 00:22:48,017
the next morning.
473
00:22:49,048 --> 00:22:50,048
Were you
in bed together?
474
00:22:51,751 --> 00:22:52,953
This is going great.
475
00:22:52,987 --> 00:22:54,088
-Yeah, it's...
-i love this place.
476
00:22:54,121 --> 00:22:56,057
It's cool.
477
00:22:56,089 --> 00:22:57,825
-I got this.
-No, we can split it.
478
00:22:57,857 --> 00:23:01,060
No, you can make
it up to me later.
479
00:23:01,094 --> 00:23:02,496
Now what do you say
we get out of here
480
00:23:02,528 --> 00:23:03,996
and head back
to my place?
481
00:23:04,028 --> 00:23:05,931
You're gonna
love my basement.
482
00:23:05,965 --> 00:23:09,769
I got it totally pimped out.
Xbox 360.
483
00:23:09,802 --> 00:23:12,737
Have you ever heard huey
Lewis and the news on vinyl?
484
00:23:12,769 --> 00:23:14,238
You wanna take me
to your basement?
485
00:23:14,272 --> 00:23:15,573
It'd be fun.
486
00:23:15,606 --> 00:23:16,906
Did you want
one of these?
487
00:23:16,939 --> 00:23:18,208
It's all right,
it's ropex.
488
00:23:18,242 --> 00:23:19,777
It's really great
for, you know...
489
00:23:22,145 --> 00:23:23,913
It's made me feel
so uncomfortable,
490
00:23:23,946 --> 00:23:26,483
like having a gay guy around
it's makes all us feel...
491
00:23:26,515 --> 00:23:29,118
my god.
What is wrong with you?
492
00:23:29,150 --> 00:23:29,839
What do you mean?
493
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,219
Your friend just came
out of the closet.
494
00:23:31,253 --> 00:23:32,987
Do you have any idea
how hard that is?
495
00:23:33,021 --> 00:23:35,890
Yeah. It's been
very hard.
496
00:23:35,924 --> 00:23:37,090
That's what
I'm trying to tell you.
497
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:41,229
No. Not for you.
For him, you moron.
498
00:23:41,262 --> 00:23:42,529
My god.
499
00:23:42,561 --> 00:23:44,597
Your best friend
just told you
500
00:23:44,630 --> 00:23:46,265
how his life
is gonna change forever.
501
00:23:46,299 --> 00:23:47,701
And all you're
concerned about
502
00:23:47,733 --> 00:23:49,501
is how it made
poker night awkward.
503
00:23:50,702 --> 00:23:52,805
Well, and the hockey game.
504
00:23:52,837 --> 00:23:55,573
I'm kidding. Let's...
let's change the subject.
505
00:23:55,605 --> 00:23:56,842
These mojitos
are really good.
506
00:24:00,644 --> 00:24:01,878
I know what
you're thinking,
507
00:24:01,912 --> 00:24:03,947
a basement.
Real romantic, right?
508
00:24:05,215 --> 00:24:07,084
I'm telling you,
it's totally discreet.
509
00:24:07,116 --> 00:24:09,151
Not even my wife
is allowed down there.
510
00:24:09,183 --> 00:24:10,786
Shit, man, that's...
that's awesome.
511
00:24:10,818 --> 00:24:12,721
I would love to.
But I just...
512
00:24:12,755 --> 00:24:14,956
I have to go
water my plants.
513
00:24:14,988 --> 00:24:16,091
Water your plants?
514
00:24:16,123 --> 00:24:17,992
How does that one go?
515
00:24:18,025 --> 00:24:20,594
You tilt your head
to the side.
516
00:24:20,628 --> 00:24:21,595
-Okay.
-Yeah.
517
00:24:21,628 --> 00:24:22,730
Keep your eyes shut.
518
00:24:22,763 --> 00:24:24,499
And then...
519
00:24:25,966 --> 00:24:27,502
And then what?
520
00:24:29,334 --> 00:24:31,803
So how was your date
last night?
521
00:24:31,837 --> 00:24:33,840
Aw, dude.
522
00:24:33,872 --> 00:24:35,039
Long story short,
523
00:24:35,072 --> 00:24:36,974
Tracy thinks
I'm a giant asshole.
524
00:24:37,008 --> 00:24:39,845
Man. I thought girls
liked giant assholes.
525
00:24:39,878 --> 00:24:42,146
Not this one, man,
she is different.
526
00:24:49,251 --> 00:24:51,221
Adam, are you good?
527
00:24:51,253 --> 00:24:52,688
Are you happy?
528
00:24:52,722 --> 00:24:54,723
Yeah.
I guess so.
529
00:24:56,090 --> 00:24:58,593
I figured.
530
00:24:58,626 --> 00:25:00,595
You seem happy.
531
00:25:00,627 --> 00:25:02,563
I told you that nothing
was gonna change...
532
00:25:02,596 --> 00:25:04,198
you guys are trying.
533
00:25:04,230 --> 00:25:06,700
Appreciate it.
534
00:25:06,732 --> 00:25:08,852
You know, things could've
been a lot worse with Tracy.
535
00:25:09,335 --> 00:25:10,304
I doubt it.
536
00:25:10,336 --> 00:25:11,571
-Really?
-Yeah.
537
00:25:11,604 --> 00:25:13,773
Was she 45,
and married?
538
00:25:13,805 --> 00:25:15,074
Did she want to take you
to her basement
539
00:25:15,106 --> 00:25:16,741
and make you
her sex slave?
540
00:25:16,775 --> 00:25:17,944
What?
541
00:25:17,977 --> 00:25:18,945
Dude, what happened
to you?
542
00:25:18,977 --> 00:25:21,345
Nothing happened.
543
00:25:21,379 --> 00:25:22,747
At least you have
Jess, I mean...
544
00:25:24,082 --> 00:25:25,983
I just want someone.
545
00:25:26,015 --> 00:25:27,083
What are you talking
about, man?
546
00:25:27,117 --> 00:25:28,652
You're a good
looking guy,
547
00:25:28,685 --> 00:25:31,856
I'm sure you've broken
a million guys' hearts.
548
00:25:34,322 --> 00:25:36,024
Not really.
549
00:25:36,058 --> 00:25:37,126
I mean, Scott lombardi,
550
00:25:37,158 --> 00:25:39,761
but that was
six years ago.
551
00:25:39,793 --> 00:25:41,597
-Scott lombardi?
-Yeah.
552
00:25:41,629 --> 00:25:44,332
No. When you were
helping him fix his Camaro?
553
00:25:44,366 --> 00:25:47,134
Yeah...
Yeah... yeah.
554
00:25:47,166 --> 00:25:49,203
Wow.
555
00:25:51,271 --> 00:25:52,739
Yeah,
but that was high school.
556
00:25:54,007 --> 00:25:55,174
I mean, think about
how many girls
557
00:25:55,208 --> 00:25:56,710
you guys have been with
since then.
558
00:26:01,246 --> 00:26:03,349
Yeah.
559
00:26:04,714 --> 00:26:07,317
We need
to cheer him up, guys.
560
00:26:07,351 --> 00:26:08,886
He's not happy.
561
00:26:08,919 --> 00:26:11,287
I don't think
he's been happy for a while.
562
00:26:11,321 --> 00:26:13,290
Okay, well... I'm still
not gonna let him fuck me.
563
00:26:13,323 --> 00:26:15,225
Nick. Nobody wants
to fuck you.
564
00:26:15,257 --> 00:26:16,392
You're just...
now you're being a liar.
565
00:26:16,426 --> 00:26:19,729
Guys, can we take
this seriously?
566
00:26:19,762 --> 00:26:20,963
I mean,
do you have any idea
567
00:26:20,996 --> 00:26:23,999
what a depressed gay man
is capable of?
568
00:26:24,032 --> 00:26:25,766
Writing a shitty emo song.
569
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:26,901
Winning a Tony.
570
00:26:26,934 --> 00:26:28,136
Yeah, true.
571
00:26:28,168 --> 00:26:29,771
But loneliness sucks.
572
00:26:29,803 --> 00:26:31,205
I mean, what if Nick
was lonely?
573
00:26:31,237 --> 00:26:34,073
If hypothetically, Nick
was a sad, lonely person...
574
00:26:34,107 --> 00:26:34,649
yeah.
575
00:26:34,650 --> 00:26:36,276
'Cause he pushes people
away with his anger.
576
00:26:36,309 --> 00:26:40,213
Fuck you, man. I'm... i plowed
three and half girls this last month.
577
00:26:40,245 --> 00:26:41,447
It's more than you
plowed in the last...
578
00:26:41,448 --> 00:26:41,848
Half?
579
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:44,049
Okay, but Adam
is a real person...
580
00:26:44,081 --> 00:26:45,282
Fuck you guys,
I've got feelings.
581
00:26:45,316 --> 00:26:47,219
Well, then prove it.
582
00:26:47,252 --> 00:26:49,655
Instead of turning everything
into a fucking "your mom" joke.
583
00:26:51,789 --> 00:26:53,857
Okay. What do you want
us to do?
584
00:26:55,091 --> 00:26:56,226
Yeah, there's like...
there's like a...
585
00:26:56,260 --> 00:26:58,028
the grinding kind of noise.
586
00:26:58,060 --> 00:26:59,862
Yeah, it's...
it's the head gasket.
587
00:26:59,895 --> 00:27:01,196
It's definitely
the head gasket.
588
00:27:01,230 --> 00:27:03,097
Yeah. That's what
I thought it was.
589
00:27:03,131 --> 00:27:05,291
Yeah. Yeah. I'm fucking with
you. Just change your oil.
590
00:27:07,301 --> 00:27:10,871
Hey, can i...
Can I ask you a question?
591
00:27:10,904 --> 00:27:12,973
Yeah.
What's up?
592
00:27:18,343 --> 00:27:19,846
What's power bottom?
593
00:27:22,781 --> 00:27:24,917
Do you really
wanna know?
594
00:27:24,949 --> 00:27:27,253
-Yeah.
-No, no. Fuck it. I can't.
595
00:27:27,285 --> 00:27:29,153
You're just gonna make
a bunch of ass jokes.
596
00:27:34,726 --> 00:27:36,159
So, you read
any good books lately?
597
00:27:36,193 --> 00:27:37,194
Any literature?
598
00:27:40,230 --> 00:27:41,898
Yeah.
599
00:27:41,931 --> 00:27:44,300
I mean I read
an article about Kinsey.
600
00:27:44,332 --> 00:27:45,901
Pretty good.
601
00:27:45,935 --> 00:27:47,704
What's... what's Kinsey?
What's Kinsey?
602
00:27:47,736 --> 00:27:51,138
He's a sex scientist.
Never heard of him?
603
00:27:51,172 --> 00:27:52,339
No.
604
00:27:52,373 --> 00:27:53,709
You want me
to send it to you?
605
00:27:53,742 --> 00:27:56,376
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, that'd be...
606
00:27:56,410 --> 00:27:58,245
Yeah, I wanna... Yeah I'd
really love to read that.
607
00:27:58,278 --> 00:28:00,047
What don't you understand?
608
00:28:00,079 --> 00:28:02,214
-You just swipe right if they're hot.
-Okay.
609
00:28:02,248 --> 00:28:04,484
You swipe left
if they're busted.
610
00:28:04,517 --> 00:28:06,019
All right,
and then what?
611
00:28:06,051 --> 00:28:08,152
Then you send them
a message. Simple.
612
00:28:08,185 --> 00:28:10,021
And there's
always grindr too.
613
00:28:10,055 --> 00:28:11,824
Yeah, but that's only if you
want to try to have butt-sex
614
00:28:11,856 --> 00:28:12,991
like five minutes
from now.
615
00:28:14,225 --> 00:28:15,426
The fuck is grindr?
616
00:28:15,459 --> 00:28:16,827
How do you know
what grindr is?
617
00:28:16,861 --> 00:28:18,129
How do you know
what grindr is?
618
00:28:21,296 --> 00:28:23,766
Okay, I don't... i just don't
think that apps are gonna work.
619
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:25,769
Well, you have to give it
a chance, man.
620
00:28:25,802 --> 00:28:27,035
Put yourself out there.
621
00:28:27,069 --> 00:28:28,803
Flirt with them,
but play hard to get.
622
00:28:28,836 --> 00:28:30,038
Let them know
that you're into them,
623
00:28:30,072 --> 00:28:31,306
but make sure
you don't text last.
624
00:28:31,340 --> 00:28:32,842
Yeah, no, that's easy
for you guys.
625
00:28:32,874 --> 00:28:34,975
I have to walk up to a guy,
and wonder like,
626
00:28:35,008 --> 00:28:36,777
am I gonna
get punched in the face?
627
00:28:36,811 --> 00:28:38,780
And you guys can just walk
up to any girl you want.
628
00:28:38,812 --> 00:28:41,013
Yeah, but then we have
to hang out with girls.
629
00:28:41,047 --> 00:28:43,016
Just once, I'd like to go out
to a nice dinner and a movie
630
00:28:43,049 --> 00:28:44,283
and not have to hold in
a fart the whole time.
631
00:28:44,317 --> 00:28:46,419
You fart around Michelle
all the time.
632
00:28:46,452 --> 00:28:49,321
Well it took two years of farting
in a tupperware to get to that point.
633
00:28:49,355 --> 00:28:50,890
So gross.
634
00:28:50,923 --> 00:28:52,258
Ortu's right, man.
635
00:28:52,291 --> 00:28:55,292
As a gay man, you have
the ultimate advantage.
636
00:28:55,326 --> 00:28:56,495
You're a fucking dude.
637
00:28:56,528 --> 00:28:58,195
It's easy
to get another guy
638
00:28:58,229 --> 00:29:00,197
'cause you know exactly
what dudes like to do.
639
00:29:00,230 --> 00:29:01,298
Yeah.
640
00:29:02,566 --> 00:29:03,800
Yeah. Right?
641
00:29:03,834 --> 00:29:04,902
Go with your instincts.
642
00:29:06,134 --> 00:29:07,436
What do guys do again?
643
00:30:19,864 --> 00:30:20,966
-It's a nice place.
-Yeah, yeah.
644
00:30:20,998 --> 00:30:22,433
It's good.
645
00:30:22,467 --> 00:30:24,502
So, your tinder profile
said that "scarface"
646
00:30:24,535 --> 00:30:25,902
is your favorite movie?
647
00:30:25,936 --> 00:30:27,605
Yeah. Yeah, it's one
of my favorites.
648
00:30:27,638 --> 00:30:29,607
Fucking right on, bro.
649
00:30:29,639 --> 00:30:31,241
I hate these queers
who think that being gay
650
00:30:31,274 --> 00:30:33,075
is an excuse
to have no balls.
651
00:30:33,109 --> 00:30:35,477
I'm gay, but I love
"scarface."
652
00:30:35,511 --> 00:30:37,112
-Yeah.
-No.
653
00:30:37,145 --> 00:30:38,314
I fucking
live it.
654
00:30:40,349 --> 00:30:41,617
This was
a terrible idea.
655
00:30:41,649 --> 00:30:42,917
I mean,
don't you feel it?
656
00:30:42,949 --> 00:30:45,253
Everyone is
staring at us.
657
00:30:45,285 --> 00:30:48,189
I don't see
anybody staring at us.
658
00:30:53,359 --> 00:30:54,928
Just take a picture,
why don't ya?
659
00:30:56,228 --> 00:30:57,296
It's like
she's never seen
660
00:30:57,328 --> 00:30:59,030
two guys share
a meal together.
661
00:30:59,063 --> 00:31:00,599
It's like,
sharing a meal.
662
00:31:04,202 --> 00:31:06,570
-Tony would've hated this place.
-I'm sorry, who?
663
00:31:06,604 --> 00:31:08,006
Tony, my ex-boyfriend.
664
00:31:09,072 --> 00:31:10,908
So dark,
and so mysterious.
665
00:31:10,941 --> 00:31:12,308
Yet, still real.
666
00:31:12,342 --> 00:31:13,911
I don't even know
why we broke up.
667
00:31:13,943 --> 00:31:15,110
Can't imagine why.
668
00:31:15,143 --> 00:31:17,947
"Say hello
to my little friend."
669
00:31:19,515 --> 00:31:21,050
You like that?
You think you're so tough?
670
00:31:21,083 --> 00:31:22,251
She's looking
at me over there.
671
00:31:22,284 --> 00:31:23,886
-Yeah.
-She doesn't like that one.
672
00:31:23,919 --> 00:31:26,021
I... no, no, no, no. Sorry.
Nothing against you.
673
00:31:26,054 --> 00:31:28,013
We're just doing "scarface."
First date over here.
674
00:31:28,922 --> 00:31:30,557
You want one
of my French fries, bro?
675
00:31:30,591 --> 00:31:32,894
It's just like a little
phase that I'm going through.
676
00:31:32,927 --> 00:31:34,895
I do a lot of girls too.
677
00:31:34,928 --> 00:31:36,362
-Yeah...
-So...
678
00:31:36,396 --> 00:31:37,964
you look
like you would.
679
00:31:37,996 --> 00:31:39,399
Thanks.
680
00:31:39,431 --> 00:31:42,200
He had the most
fantastic cock.
681
00:31:43,968 --> 00:31:44,970
Well he did.
682
00:31:46,370 --> 00:31:47,638
It was this big.
683
00:31:50,206 --> 00:31:51,376
I don't really know
what I'm gonna get.
684
00:31:51,408 --> 00:31:53,676
I'm probably just gonna
get a beer.
685
00:31:53,710 --> 00:31:55,545
Yeah, so many choices.
I think me too.
686
00:32:01,450 --> 00:32:05,354
So your profile says
you're into gardening.
687
00:32:05,386 --> 00:32:07,087
Yeah.
688
00:32:07,121 --> 00:32:09,691
Yeah, it's just something
I used to do with my mom.
689
00:32:09,723 --> 00:32:10,958
I should probably know
what these are,
690
00:32:10,991 --> 00:32:12,027
but I have no clue.
691
00:32:12,059 --> 00:32:14,560
I definitely don't.
692
00:32:14,594 --> 00:32:16,063
You know,
I always wanted to try that
693
00:32:16,095 --> 00:32:18,432
but everyone says
it's for old people.
694
00:32:18,464 --> 00:32:19,864
Yeah, I don't know
why everyone says that.
695
00:32:19,865 --> 00:32:20,565
Yeah, I don't get it.
696
00:32:20,598 --> 00:32:23,168
Yeah I mean, I'm 24, but I
don't have to wait until I retire
697
00:32:23,201 --> 00:32:25,537
to get fresh
vine ripened tomatoes.
698
00:32:25,571 --> 00:32:26,538
You know?
699
00:32:26,571 --> 00:32:31,510
I want them now.
700
00:32:31,543 --> 00:32:33,343
You wanna
get nachos?
701
00:32:33,377 --> 00:32:35,279
Yeah.
I'd love some.
702
00:33:21,518 --> 00:33:23,687
Two nacho platters
on a first date.
703
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:24,687
What were you thinking?
704
00:33:24,719 --> 00:33:26,154
First nice guy I meet,
705
00:33:26,188 --> 00:33:27,991
and I almost make him
pass out.
706
00:33:28,024 --> 00:33:29,691
Fuck that arrogant
prick, man.
707
00:33:29,725 --> 00:33:31,360
He's not nice.
708
00:33:31,392 --> 00:33:34,062
If you can't enjoy the smell
of another man's farts,
709
00:33:34,094 --> 00:33:37,097
then you don't want
to know that man.
710
00:33:37,130 --> 00:33:38,332
It's not that big
of a deal.
711
00:33:38,364 --> 00:33:40,233
It's just my parents,
they...
712
00:33:40,266 --> 00:33:41,267
They smelled it too?
713
00:33:41,301 --> 00:33:42,703
Wait, they were there?
714
00:33:42,736 --> 00:33:45,437
No, my parents invited me
over to dinner tonight.
715
00:33:46,572 --> 00:33:47,540
Wow.
716
00:33:47,572 --> 00:33:49,074
Well, that's awesome man.
717
00:33:49,108 --> 00:33:51,077
What's Karen making?
Maybe I'll stop by.
718
00:33:52,410 --> 00:33:54,379
I'm gonna tell them.
719
00:33:54,413 --> 00:33:56,614
What?
720
00:33:56,646 --> 00:33:59,082
Well, good luck
with that.
721
00:33:59,116 --> 00:34:00,484
I'm sure they're
gonna understand.
722
00:34:02,086 --> 00:34:05,622
Maybe you guys
could come.
723
00:34:05,655 --> 00:34:07,791
-this was tonight?
-Yeah.
724
00:34:07,824 --> 00:34:10,426
No, tonight I'm doing a...
725
00:34:10,459 --> 00:34:12,028
Michelle and I
have groupon.
726
00:34:12,060 --> 00:34:14,430
I... i would...
Yeah, I would come over,
727
00:34:14,462 --> 00:34:15,464
but, you know,
I'd probably...
728
00:34:15,497 --> 00:34:17,198
just say
something stupid
729
00:34:17,231 --> 00:34:18,667
and make
it way worse.
730
00:34:19,733 --> 00:34:20,735
Yeah.
731
00:34:20,768 --> 00:34:24,738
What about you, Chris?
732
00:34:24,770 --> 00:34:26,272
My parents love you.
Maybe, you know,
733
00:34:26,305 --> 00:34:28,441
like, make it easier.
734
00:34:37,449 --> 00:34:39,084
-Of course, man.
-Okay.
735
00:34:41,352 --> 00:34:44,588
So Adam, how are things?
736
00:34:44,620 --> 00:34:46,657
Mom, I'm gay.
737
00:34:46,689 --> 00:34:48,524
I'm sorry man, can I
just be your dad again?
738
00:34:48,558 --> 00:34:50,460
No, I need to be ready
for anything.
739
00:34:50,493 --> 00:34:52,328
And don't be afraid
to be mean, I can handle it.
740
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:53,462
That's why I have
these note cards.
741
00:34:53,496 --> 00:34:54,497
Meaner, okay.
742
00:34:54,529 --> 00:34:55,797
-Yeah.
-Got it.
743
00:35:04,538 --> 00:35:05,673
Mom, I'm gay.
744
00:35:05,706 --> 00:35:08,341
What? That's disgusting.
745
00:35:08,374 --> 00:35:09,576
How could
you do this to me
746
00:35:09,609 --> 00:35:11,711
after I brought you
into this world?
747
00:35:11,743 --> 00:35:12,711
Anderson Cooper.
748
00:35:12,745 --> 00:35:13,712
I'm a terrible mother.
749
00:35:13,745 --> 00:35:14,813
... Ricky Martin.
750
00:35:14,847 --> 00:35:16,682
I'm a terrible mother.
751
00:35:16,715 --> 00:35:18,851
Neil Patrick Harris.
Neil Patrick Harris.
752
00:35:18,884 --> 00:35:21,819
What? Are your notes just
a list of famous gay dudes?
753
00:35:21,852 --> 00:35:22,820
No, I have lesbians too.
754
00:35:22,854 --> 00:35:24,355
Okay. Forget the list, dude.
755
00:35:24,388 --> 00:35:26,156
Just be honest.
756
00:35:26,189 --> 00:35:28,124
What's the worst
that could happen?
757
00:35:28,157 --> 00:35:29,793
My mom has a heart attack
and my dad freaks out
758
00:35:29,825 --> 00:35:31,762
'cause I'm never gonna
give him grandkids.
759
00:35:31,795 --> 00:35:34,362
Jesus, man.
You're gay.
760
00:35:34,395 --> 00:35:35,664
Not sterile.
761
00:35:35,698 --> 00:35:37,400
And your dad collects
antique clocks,
762
00:35:37,433 --> 00:35:39,235
he'll understand.
763
00:35:39,268 --> 00:35:41,470
Yeah.
764
00:35:41,503 --> 00:35:43,771
Yeah.
765
00:35:43,805 --> 00:35:45,807
Sorry to keep
everybody waiting.
766
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:47,241
For your cooking, Karen,
767
00:35:47,274 --> 00:35:49,243
I would wait all night
if I had to.
768
00:35:49,275 --> 00:35:49,992
Chris.
769
00:35:49,993 --> 00:35:52,145
I'll tell you, this
salad is incredible.
770
00:35:52,179 --> 00:35:53,898
How is everything?
You still dating Jessica?
771
00:35:54,847 --> 00:35:56,483
Yeah... sometimes.
772
00:35:56,515 --> 00:35:58,484
Okay.
773
00:35:58,517 --> 00:36:00,996
What about you, Adam? When am I
gonna see you with a nice girl?
774
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:03,555
Gee mom, I don't know.
775
00:36:03,587 --> 00:36:05,289
Lindsay has a boyfriend.
Did she tell you?
776
00:36:05,290 --> 00:36:05,856
No.
777
00:36:05,890 --> 00:36:08,326
-Actually mom, we broke up last week.
-Good.
778
00:36:08,359 --> 00:36:09,327
He's been trying
to snapchat me
779
00:36:09,359 --> 00:36:10,327
nonstop since.
780
00:36:10,361 --> 00:36:12,163
I hate snapchat.
781
00:36:12,195 --> 00:36:13,230
If he gives you any
trouble, let me know, okay?
782
00:36:13,262 --> 00:36:14,230
Adam and I will
take care of it.
783
00:36:14,264 --> 00:36:15,264
Yeah.
784
00:36:16,799 --> 00:36:19,200
Chris, do you think Jessica
has someone for our Adam?
785
00:36:19,234 --> 00:36:21,904
You know what? You may be
on to something there, Karen.
786
00:36:21,937 --> 00:36:23,372
What about
Dorothy cuda?
787
00:36:23,404 --> 00:36:24,540
Didn't you two
have a thing?
788
00:36:24,573 --> 00:36:25,539
Yeah. We went
to junior prom,
789
00:36:25,572 --> 00:36:27,307
like six years ago.
790
00:36:27,340 --> 00:36:29,309
-You two were so cute together.
-You were.
791
00:36:29,342 --> 00:36:30,878
Did I tell you that I ran
into her mother
792
00:36:30,911 --> 00:36:32,645
-at the grocery store the other day?
-Nope.
793
00:36:32,678 --> 00:36:34,714
Yeah, and she told me
that Dorothy is back in town,
794
00:36:34,748 --> 00:36:36,483
and she's single,
you know.
795
00:36:36,515 --> 00:36:38,183
Great. So...
796
00:36:38,217 --> 00:36:40,285
So...
Make yourself available.
797
00:36:40,318 --> 00:36:42,487
It feels like forever since
you broke up with Courtney.
798
00:36:42,521 --> 00:36:43,723
It's time
to move on.
799
00:36:43,755 --> 00:36:46,190
Get yourself
back out there.
800
00:36:46,223 --> 00:36:47,191
Yep. You're right.
801
00:36:47,225 --> 00:36:49,761
And, actually, i...
802
00:36:49,794 --> 00:36:52,262
I have have been.
803
00:36:52,296 --> 00:36:54,564
It's true. He's actually been
going on a lot of dates lately.
804
00:36:54,597 --> 00:36:56,166
Meeting some
interesting people.
805
00:36:56,966 --> 00:36:58,601
Yep.
806
00:36:58,634 --> 00:36:59,936
Anything serious?
807
00:36:59,969 --> 00:37:02,839
No.
808
00:37:02,871 --> 00:37:04,705
I don't wanna sound like one
of those crazy old mothers
809
00:37:04,738 --> 00:37:08,176
that does nothing but
hound her son for grandkids.
810
00:37:08,209 --> 00:37:09,644
It would just be nice
to see you with someone.
811
00:37:09,678 --> 00:37:11,345
And what if I never
meet somebody?
812
00:37:11,378 --> 00:37:13,581
You will. You're gonna
meet a great girl.
813
00:37:13,614 --> 00:37:14,815
-Sooner than you think.
-No, I'm not.
814
00:37:14,847 --> 00:37:16,384
Because...
815
00:37:16,416 --> 00:37:17,618
I...
816
00:37:19,551 --> 00:37:20,720
I...
817
00:37:23,922 --> 00:37:26,425
Elton John.
818
00:37:26,458 --> 00:37:28,193
What's rocket man have
to do with anything?
819
00:37:36,932 --> 00:37:38,601
So you're going
on a double date?
820
00:37:38,635 --> 00:37:41,271
Yeah. I think Adam's
excited about it.
821
00:37:41,304 --> 00:37:43,538
Yes.
822
00:37:43,571 --> 00:37:44,739
Aw. Hey, why didn't you
ever set me up
823
00:37:44,772 --> 00:37:46,274
with any of Jess's
hot friends?
824
00:37:46,308 --> 00:37:48,244
You banged two and then
never called them again.
825
00:37:48,277 --> 00:37:50,579
Okay, they never called
me either so...
826
00:37:50,611 --> 00:37:52,380
What-what am
I supposed to do?
827
00:37:53,414 --> 00:37:55,249
One second, boys.
828
00:37:55,282 --> 00:37:56,281
I'll get it.
829
00:38:00,286 --> 00:38:01,654
Hey Martha.
830
00:38:01,688 --> 00:38:02,855
Hello, Chris.
831
00:38:02,888 --> 00:38:03,957
Just dropping
this off for Adam.
832
00:38:03,990 --> 00:38:05,491
Could you see
that he gets it
833
00:38:05,524 --> 00:38:07,084
before it's too late
in the eyes of god?
834
00:38:08,627 --> 00:38:10,496
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
Thank you.
835
00:38:18,269 --> 00:38:19,803
Ortu, I hope you're hungry.
836
00:38:19,836 --> 00:38:21,737
Fuck. Free cake.
837
00:38:25,340 --> 00:38:27,743
What the hell
is camp leviticus?
838
00:38:27,777 --> 00:38:29,712
I think it's one of those
conversion camps for gay dudes.
839
00:38:29,745 --> 00:38:31,547
If you wanna make
a gay dude straight,
840
00:38:31,580 --> 00:38:33,449
you gotta show a little
more cleavage on that cake.
841
00:38:33,482 --> 00:38:35,283
Actually, according
to an article I was reading,
842
00:38:35,316 --> 00:38:37,584
the apa has no proof that a
change in sexual orientation
843
00:38:37,617 --> 00:38:40,755
is even possible.
844
00:38:40,787 --> 00:38:42,955
Hey man, sorry.
We kinda outed you to her.
845
00:38:42,989 --> 00:38:44,891
I don't care.
She thinks we're all gay.
846
00:38:44,924 --> 00:38:46,560
Wait a minute.
You have a date tonight,
847
00:38:46,593 --> 00:38:47,892
and you're wearing
those pants with those shoes?
848
00:38:47,925 --> 00:38:49,261
And that loose shirt?
849
00:38:49,294 --> 00:38:51,296
You can't even
see your abs.
850
00:38:54,831 --> 00:38:55,866
So I tell the curator,
851
00:38:55,900 --> 00:38:56,868
you see the name
on the wall?
852
00:38:56,900 --> 00:38:59,036
This is my gallery.
853
00:38:59,069 --> 00:39:02,505
IF I WANT TO SUBMIT A 15x8,
I'm GONNA SUBMIT A 15x8.
854
00:39:02,539 --> 00:39:03,573
And that shut
him up...
855
00:39:03,606 --> 00:39:04,574
so fast.
856
00:39:04,608 --> 00:39:06,376
I bet it did.
857
00:39:06,410 --> 00:39:08,911
What do you
paint exactly?
858
00:39:08,944 --> 00:39:11,581
Mostly abstract post-modern
deconstructionalism,
859
00:39:11,614 --> 00:39:14,383
peppered with neoclassical
ideologies.
860
00:39:14,415 --> 00:39:16,417
Wow, that's a lot.
861
00:39:16,450 --> 00:39:18,586
So Jess tells me
you're a mechanic.
862
00:39:18,620 --> 00:39:21,555
Yeah. Yeah,
I do mostly everything.
863
00:39:21,588 --> 00:39:23,858
Small repairs,
tune-ups.
864
00:39:23,891 --> 00:39:25,793
-Great mechanic.
-Thanks, man.
865
00:39:25,826 --> 00:39:27,961
God, how do you do it?
866
00:39:27,993 --> 00:39:29,962
You're going through life
everyday, never creating art.
867
00:39:29,995 --> 00:39:31,564
I couldn't imagine.
868
00:39:31,596 --> 00:39:33,766
Yeah. Yeah, I know
exactly what you mean.
869
00:39:33,798 --> 00:39:37,036
You know,
I actually sketch everyday.
870
00:39:37,068 --> 00:39:39,336
I just don't have
the talent that you have.
871
00:39:39,370 --> 00:39:42,339
We should check out my gallery
sometime. Maybe I can inspire you.
872
00:39:42,373 --> 00:39:43,775
After you have to go to
this gorditos place,
873
00:39:43,808 --> 00:39:45,809
and across the street
is this fabulous boutique.
874
00:39:45,842 --> 00:39:47,410
I'd take some of my other
girlfriends there,
875
00:39:47,443 --> 00:39:48,945
but they don't have
the body for the place.
876
00:39:48,977 --> 00:39:50,546
I said it.
877
00:39:50,579 --> 00:39:51,881
-Stop.
-I just said it.
878
00:39:51,914 --> 00:39:52,881
-You said it.
-There it goes.
879
00:39:52,915 --> 00:39:54,284
You just said it.
880
00:39:55,750 --> 00:39:57,652
I gotta take you
to taco bell sometime,
881
00:39:57,685 --> 00:39:59,687
they've got
this fabulous new gordita.
882
00:39:59,720 --> 00:40:00,954
Really? Wow.
883
00:40:00,988 --> 00:40:02,390
-Do I have the body for it?
-You do.
884
00:40:02,423 --> 00:40:03,658
-Thank you.
-You just said it.
885
00:40:03,691 --> 00:40:05,392
-I said it.
-You said it.
886
00:40:05,424 --> 00:40:06,759
Marc do you wanna come
outside and smoke with me?
887
00:40:06,793 --> 00:40:08,561
I wanna hear all about
this boutique.
888
00:40:08,594 --> 00:40:10,496
Usually I'd say no,
but two margs
889
00:40:10,529 --> 00:40:12,931
and I start smoking
like a little hot tamale.
890
00:40:19,603 --> 00:40:21,306
Wow.
891
00:40:22,407 --> 00:40:23,709
He seems...
892
00:40:23,742 --> 00:40:25,343
-Non-threatening...
-i hate him.
893
00:40:25,375 --> 00:40:26,810
Okay.
894
00:40:26,843 --> 00:40:30,447
Adam.
Nice to see you here.
895
00:40:30,481 --> 00:40:32,682
Is this the reason
you're not texting me back?
896
00:40:32,715 --> 00:40:33,917
No.
897
00:40:33,949 --> 00:40:35,085
No, it's not
what it looks like.
898
00:40:35,117 --> 00:40:36,686
No,
we're not dating.
899
00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:38,986
-I'm sorry.
-Yeah.
900
00:40:39,020 --> 00:40:40,689
Sometimes I fly off the
handle. Sorry about that.
901
00:40:40,721 --> 00:40:42,725
-We're engaged.
-What?
902
00:40:43,758 --> 00:40:44,959
Right, Chris?
903
00:40:44,992 --> 00:40:46,526
This is Brad.
904
00:40:46,559 --> 00:40:48,429
Brad, remember I was
telling you about him.
905
00:40:48,461 --> 00:40:51,765
-Honey duder, this is bradstar?
-Yeah.
906
00:40:51,797 --> 00:40:53,866
Bradstar,
it is a pleasure to meet you.
907
00:40:53,899 --> 00:40:55,968
No, I'm not gonna
shake your hand.
908
00:40:56,002 --> 00:40:56,968
I could've given
you everything,
909
00:40:57,001 --> 00:40:58,670
you know that right?
910
00:40:58,704 --> 00:41:00,773
You toss me aside
for nothing but a gigolo.
911
00:41:00,805 --> 00:41:02,640
-Whoa, whoa...
-A pretty face.
912
00:41:02,673 --> 00:41:04,975
He's not a gigolo.
He's awesome.
913
00:41:05,009 --> 00:41:06,144
He's my best friend.
914
00:41:06,176 --> 00:41:07,644
What's going on here?
915
00:41:07,677 --> 00:41:09,480
Who the hell
are you?
916
00:41:09,514 --> 00:41:11,115
Marc Peters,
Adam's date.
917
00:41:11,147 --> 00:41:12,883
Yeah.
918
00:41:12,916 --> 00:41:14,718
Okay, I see.
919
00:41:14,751 --> 00:41:16,552
So, apparently
I'm the only guy here
920
00:41:16,585 --> 00:41:18,454
who you're not fucking,
is that right?
921
00:41:20,054 --> 00:41:22,023
Why didn't you tell me you're
into group stuff, silly?
922
00:41:22,056 --> 00:41:23,524
-Well...
-Right?
923
00:41:23,557 --> 00:41:25,626
We could go down
to my basement, all of us.
924
00:41:25,660 --> 00:41:26,728
It'd be fun.
925
00:41:26,761 --> 00:41:28,529
-A group thing.
-Yeah.
926
00:41:28,562 --> 00:41:30,130
Think about it,
text me later, okay?
927
00:41:30,164 --> 00:41:31,399
Okay.
928
00:41:34,668 --> 00:41:35,835
Well, I should have
seen it before,
929
00:41:35,868 --> 00:41:37,703
it's so obvious,
with your perfect hair,
930
00:41:37,736 --> 00:41:40,572
and those,
"look at my crotch," jeans.
931
00:41:40,605 --> 00:41:42,440
And you should
see him dance
932
00:41:42,474 --> 00:41:43,909
when he gets
two margs in him.
933
00:41:43,941 --> 00:41:44,909
Right?
934
00:41:44,943 --> 00:41:46,778
They're not...
935
00:41:46,811 --> 00:41:49,513
Fine, call it bisexual. If
it helps you sleep at night.
936
00:41:49,547 --> 00:41:50,982
Okay. Okay,
this is enough.
937
00:41:51,015 --> 00:41:52,717
I don't know what's
going on, Chris.
938
00:41:52,750 --> 00:41:54,652
Tell Marc that you and Adam
haven't slept together.
939
00:41:54,685 --> 00:41:56,119
Yeah, tell him.
940
00:41:56,151 --> 00:41:58,822
Well... i guess we didn't do
a whole lot of sleeping.
941
00:41:58,854 --> 00:42:00,023
No, we definitely
did not.
942
00:42:00,055 --> 00:42:01,057
Well, maybe like
a little bit, like...
943
00:42:01,090 --> 00:42:02,558
-naps
-like in between.
944
00:42:02,591 --> 00:42:03,793
Yeah, but mostly it was
just going at it.
945
00:42:03,826 --> 00:42:06,061
Marc, you have
no idea how good it is.
946
00:42:06,094 --> 00:42:08,730
I mean, I hate even talking
about it over dinner.
947
00:42:08,762 --> 00:42:10,664
-But...
-Yeah, don't brag.
948
00:42:10,698 --> 00:42:13,067
I would die
if I couldn't create
949
00:42:13,100 --> 00:42:14,468
fabulous multiple orgasms
with you every night.
950
00:42:14,500 --> 00:42:16,536
That means
the world to me.
951
00:42:16,570 --> 00:42:19,206
Thanks for the invite, Jess. But
I can tell when I'm not wanted.
952
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:20,940
What? Really?
953
00:42:20,973 --> 00:42:24,544
My boy e-Zach is djing
at the "unsh-unsh" bar tonight
954
00:42:24,577 --> 00:42:26,111
and I was gonna get going
anyway.
955
00:42:26,144 --> 00:42:27,663
-It was really nice to meet you.
-Yeah.
956
00:42:28,679 --> 00:42:30,181
Kiss, kiss.
Ew,ew.
957
00:42:35,051 --> 00:42:36,820
Great headband.
958
00:42:39,022 --> 00:42:40,957
-Ew.
-Ew, ew, ew.
959
00:42:40,990 --> 00:42:43,126
-Kiss kiss.
-What kind of gay are you?
960
00:42:43,159 --> 00:42:44,861
You are hating
on your own kind.
961
00:42:44,894 --> 00:42:46,628
Yeah, I don't hate him
because he's gay.
962
00:42:46,660 --> 00:42:47,486
No, he hates him
'cause he sucks balls.
963
00:42:47,487 --> 00:42:47,762
Yeah.
964
00:42:47,795 --> 00:42:48,763
You are
such an asshole.
965
00:42:48,797 --> 00:42:50,666
I'm an asshole?
966
00:42:50,698 --> 00:42:52,667
You're an asshole for making
us hang out with this guy.
967
00:42:52,701 --> 00:42:54,968
What made you think Adam
would ever like that prick?
968
00:42:55,001 --> 00:42:57,037
Well, Adam's gay.
And he's gay.
969
00:42:57,070 --> 00:42:58,805
So what else
is there?
970
00:42:58,838 --> 00:43:00,841
Attraction,
mutual interests...
971
00:43:00,873 --> 00:43:02,676
not being a giant,
raging douchebag.
972
00:43:02,708 --> 00:43:03,777
That's
on your list too?
973
00:43:05,511 --> 00:43:08,079
Well, since you two
have so much in common,
974
00:43:08,113 --> 00:43:09,081
why don't you
fuck him tonight?
975
00:43:09,113 --> 00:43:10,483
Because we're over.
976
00:43:10,515 --> 00:43:13,083
Whoa, okay, Jess.
We're kidding.
977
00:43:13,116 --> 00:43:14,852
Fuck.
I'll be right back.
978
00:43:19,189 --> 00:43:20,957
Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on.
979
00:43:20,990 --> 00:43:22,758
I'm sorry, okay?
We're kidding.
980
00:43:22,792 --> 00:43:23,760
We're just
joking around.
981
00:43:23,792 --> 00:43:25,594
Maybe you are.
982
00:43:25,628 --> 00:43:27,196
But Adam's not.
983
00:43:27,228 --> 00:43:29,531
You know, you probably
shouldn't joke around.
984
00:43:29,565 --> 00:43:31,267
You're only screwing
with his head.
985
00:43:31,300 --> 00:43:33,034
What are
you talking about?
986
00:43:33,066 --> 00:43:35,769
Chris, I told you
this would happen.
987
00:43:35,803 --> 00:43:36,938
Adam likes you.
988
00:43:36,970 --> 00:43:38,972
Adam does not like me.
989
00:43:39,005 --> 00:43:40,773
I know what
I'm talking about.
990
00:43:40,807 --> 00:43:42,276
I'm a girl,
I notice these things.
991
00:43:42,309 --> 00:43:43,611
Adam didn't
even give Marc a chance.
992
00:43:43,644 --> 00:43:45,011
He barely even looked
at him
993
00:43:45,044 --> 00:43:47,013
because he was too busy
staring at you all night.
994
00:43:47,046 --> 00:43:49,982
No, it's because looking at Marc
makes you want to murder someone.
995
00:43:50,015 --> 00:43:52,683
Okay. Okay, fine.
Don't believe me.
996
00:43:52,717 --> 00:43:54,218
But when you wake up
one morning,
997
00:43:54,251 --> 00:43:56,521
tied to your bed with
Adam's tongue in your ass,
998
00:43:56,555 --> 00:43:58,189
don't come crying
back to me.
999
00:44:06,061 --> 00:44:07,730
Hey, man.
There you are.
1000
00:44:07,764 --> 00:44:09,532
You wanna get gay?
1001
00:44:09,566 --> 00:44:10,833
What?
1002
00:44:10,866 --> 00:44:12,668
I got some two shots.
You want one?
1003
00:44:12,701 --> 00:44:14,235
Yeah.
1004
00:44:14,268 --> 00:44:15,770
Yeah, sure.
1005
00:44:15,804 --> 00:44:17,172
-Cheers, man.
-Cheers, dude.
1006
00:44:23,044 --> 00:44:24,211
God, it does not
get any easier.
1007
00:44:24,244 --> 00:44:25,679
No, but can we
have two more?
1008
00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:28,915
Boo.
1009
00:44:33,752 --> 00:44:34,720
You should do it.
1010
00:44:34,752 --> 00:44:35,720
-No.
-Yep.
1011
00:44:35,754 --> 00:44:37,289
-No.
-Yeah.
1012
00:44:37,322 --> 00:44:38,623
-No.
-You should do it, you should call her.
1013
00:44:38,655 --> 00:44:40,592
Abso-frickin'-lutely not.
1014
00:44:40,624 --> 00:44:41,760
-No, seriously. You should call her.
-Never again, man.
1015
00:44:41,793 --> 00:44:43,560
I don't care
how hot she is,
1016
00:44:43,593 --> 00:44:45,695
or how good
of blow jays she gives...
1017
00:44:45,729 --> 00:44:46,997
-No.
-She's a crazy bitch.
1018
00:44:47,029 --> 00:44:48,098
I'm not talking
about Jess,
1019
00:44:48,131 --> 00:44:49,599
I'm talking
about Tracy.
1020
00:44:49,632 --> 00:44:52,635
No, man.
I already blew that one.
1021
00:44:52,668 --> 00:44:55,037
If I call her now, I'm
just gonna look desperate.
1022
00:44:55,070 --> 00:44:56,671
Besides man,
girls like her
1023
00:44:56,705 --> 00:44:58,140
do not go
for guys like me.
1024
00:44:58,172 --> 00:44:59,640
Girls like what?
1025
00:44:59,674 --> 00:45:00,641
You talk about her
like she's perfect.
1026
00:45:00,674 --> 00:45:01,709
You don't even know her.
1027
00:45:01,743 --> 00:45:02,944
I know her.
I know her.
1028
00:45:02,977 --> 00:45:04,145
I know that she's got
enough balls
1029
00:45:04,177 --> 00:45:06,046
to wear a Fanny pack
to a bar.
1030
00:45:06,079 --> 00:45:07,814
She's cool enough
to like mojitos,
1031
00:45:07,847 --> 00:45:09,848
and "ghostbusters."
1032
00:45:09,882 --> 00:45:11,885
She's funny, smart...
1033
00:45:11,918 --> 00:45:13,053
Aww, man.
1034
00:45:14,319 --> 00:45:16,154
Now you sound
like the gay one.
1035
00:45:16,187 --> 00:45:17,956
Fuck you.
1036
00:45:19,124 --> 00:45:22,127
Okay. Just fucking
call her, dude.
1037
00:45:23,927 --> 00:45:26,196
Hey, Tracy.
It's...
1038
00:45:26,230 --> 00:45:28,064
It's Chris.
1039
00:45:28,098 --> 00:45:29,098
All right.
1040
00:45:30,934 --> 00:45:32,935
Hey Tracy,
it's Chris...
1041
00:45:36,972 --> 00:45:38,941
-Hey.
-Hey...
1042
00:45:38,974 --> 00:45:41,308
I'm not here right now,
so just leave me a message,
1043
00:45:41,341 --> 00:45:42,711
and I'll call you
right back.
1044
00:45:44,812 --> 00:45:47,847
I'm just calling...
To make sure
1045
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:49,916
that you...
You didn't...
1046
00:45:49,949 --> 00:45:52,685
No one,
no one bother...
1047
00:45:52,719 --> 00:45:55,221
that everything
worked out just fine...
1048
00:45:55,254 --> 00:45:57,056
that even...
1049
00:45:57,089 --> 00:46:00,792
Just calling
to wish you a happy day.
1050
00:46:00,825 --> 00:46:04,229
-Anyways...
-Cute voice-mail.
1051
00:46:04,262 --> 00:46:06,164
It's Chris. Bye.
1052
00:46:19,142 --> 00:46:20,676
Here you go, dude.
1053
00:46:20,708 --> 00:46:22,710
Nothing cures a hangover
like a hit of doober.
1054
00:46:22,744 --> 00:46:24,346
Thanks.
1055
00:46:24,378 --> 00:46:25,818
What'd you guys do
last night anyway?
1056
00:46:27,414 --> 00:46:29,117
Went on a double date
with Chris.
1057
00:46:29,149 --> 00:46:31,685
-Gay.
-Really?
1058
00:46:31,718 --> 00:46:33,152
Yeah, I mean, think
about what can you not do
1059
00:46:33,186 --> 00:46:34,287
on a double date?
1060
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:35,360
You can't
get your fuck on.
1061
00:46:35,387 --> 00:46:36,789
Am I right?
1062
00:46:36,822 --> 00:46:38,658
Did you fuck her?
1063
00:46:38,692 --> 00:46:39,759
You didn't fuck her.
1064
00:46:39,792 --> 00:46:40,993
-Did you fuck her?
-No. No.
1065
00:46:41,026 --> 00:46:42,028
-You dirty dog.
-Did not fuck her.
1066
00:46:42,060 --> 00:46:44,196
See that's
what I'm saying.
1067
00:46:44,229 --> 00:46:46,130
See, next time, bring her
to your house. All right?
1068
00:46:46,164 --> 00:46:47,732
So it's just
the two of you.
1069
00:46:47,764 --> 00:46:49,433
Rent a horror movie,
clean the bathroom,
1070
00:46:49,467 --> 00:46:51,135
put some candles out, man.
They appreciate that stuff.
1071
00:46:51,168 --> 00:46:53,036
-Put a tie on...
-Hello?
1072
00:46:53,069 --> 00:46:54,705
You know what I mean? Also get
the lube going before she...
1073
00:46:54,738 --> 00:46:55,839
hey, got any visine?
1074
00:46:55,872 --> 00:46:57,107
Why? Ryan's not
coming back?
1075
00:46:57,140 --> 00:46:58,807
Yeah. No, I just...
it's a customer.
1076
00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:01,009
I don't wanna look
unprofessional.
1077
00:47:01,043 --> 00:47:02,878
But then I'm telling you,
ten minutes...
1078
00:47:02,912 --> 00:47:04,380
-you got any gum?
-Your shorts are gonna be off.
1079
00:47:04,412 --> 00:47:05,880
Gum? How hot
is this girl, man?
1080
00:47:05,913 --> 00:47:07,783
You know what,
never mind. Forget it.
1081
00:47:07,815 --> 00:47:09,784
Hey...
1082
00:47:09,817 --> 00:47:11,918
-How's it going?
-Good. Can I help you with something?
1083
00:47:11,952 --> 00:47:14,055
Yeah, I think something's
wrong with my car.
1084
00:47:14,088 --> 00:47:15,823
It's been overheating
a lot
1085
00:47:15,856 --> 00:47:18,324
and sometimes it just
shuts off completely.
1086
00:47:18,357 --> 00:47:20,893
Yeah. Sounds like
it could be your radiator.
1087
00:47:20,927 --> 00:47:22,195
Let's just pop it open.
1088
00:47:24,263 --> 00:47:25,363
-Pop this.
-I can get it.
1089
00:47:25,397 --> 00:47:26,666
It's sometimes
a little tricky.
1090
00:47:28,066 --> 00:47:29,334
Sorry.
1091
00:47:29,367 --> 00:47:31,469
No. By all means.
1092
00:47:31,501 --> 00:47:32,737
Okay.
1093
00:47:34,938 --> 00:47:36,741
I'll get that.
1094
00:47:36,773 --> 00:47:38,174
-Thanks.
-No problem.
1095
00:47:39,776 --> 00:47:42,345
You know what,
it could be your DC inverter.
1096
00:47:42,377 --> 00:47:43,446
Really?
1097
00:47:43,479 --> 00:47:44,980
Yeah.
1098
00:47:45,012 --> 00:47:47,749
What's a DC converter?
1099
00:47:47,782 --> 00:47:50,219
It's an inverter.
1100
00:47:50,251 --> 00:47:51,486
It's this.
It's what...
1101
00:47:51,518 --> 00:47:53,354
Makes your car work.
1102
00:47:53,386 --> 00:47:55,756
Yeah,
they have arrived.
1103
00:47:55,790 --> 00:47:57,257
The official invites
1104
00:47:57,289 --> 00:48:00,293
to papa ortu's fourth
of July barbeque bash.
1105
00:48:00,327 --> 00:48:02,196
See you there,
and see you there.
1106
00:48:02,229 --> 00:48:04,797
And you better rsvp
this time.
1107
00:48:04,830 --> 00:48:06,098
Fuck that, you know I'm
going. Why do I need to rsvp?
1108
00:48:06,132 --> 00:48:07,133
'Cause my dad's
sick and tired
1109
00:48:07,165 --> 00:48:08,433
of running
out of ribs.
1110
00:48:08,466 --> 00:48:11,902
If you don't rsvp,
you don't get any ribs.
1111
00:48:11,936 --> 00:48:14,840
Whoa, slow down, tiger.
What's up with you?
1112
00:48:14,872 --> 00:48:16,073
I think I met someone.
1113
00:48:16,106 --> 00:48:17,340
Seriously?
Who?
1114
00:48:17,373 --> 00:48:18,375
Well, I don't know
his name exactly,
1115
00:48:18,408 --> 00:48:20,110
but we had a moment.
1116
00:48:20,143 --> 00:48:22,178
A moment? Like where was
this, in a truck stop?
1117
00:48:22,212 --> 00:48:24,046
No. How do you know so much
about gay things?
1118
00:48:24,079 --> 00:48:25,948
No. He... i don't
even know if he's gay.
1119
00:48:25,981 --> 00:48:27,082
Don't you have gaydar?
1120
00:48:27,115 --> 00:48:28,884
Well, kind of.
1121
00:48:28,917 --> 00:48:31,386
If you had gaydar, you'd know
that Nick loves the cock.
1122
00:48:34,389 --> 00:48:36,524
So what did this gentleman's
pants look like?
1123
00:48:36,557 --> 00:48:37,959
Could you see his ankles?
1124
00:48:37,991 --> 00:48:38,959
Was he, like, wearing
a tank top?
1125
00:48:38,993 --> 00:48:40,061
Were his nipples
pierced?
1126
00:48:40,093 --> 00:48:41,796
Yeah, what about
his underwear,
1127
00:48:41,828 --> 00:48:43,163
did it have a brightly
colored elastic band?
1128
00:48:43,195 --> 00:48:44,831
Super jacked?
1129
00:48:44,864 --> 00:48:47,333
He was a normal gay,
with like earth-tone colors.
1130
00:48:47,367 --> 00:48:49,201
Full length pants.
No nipple piercings.
1131
00:48:49,234 --> 00:48:50,870
I couldn't really see
his underwear,
1132
00:48:50,903 --> 00:48:52,504
but it was probably
1133
00:48:52,538 --> 00:48:54,473
and he had muscles,
but not, like, too muscley.
1134
00:48:54,506 --> 00:48:56,441
He was probably,
he was like a normal dude.
1135
00:48:59,277 --> 00:49:00,378
How did
he eat a banana?
1136
00:49:00,411 --> 00:49:02,178
How would you
eat a banana?
1137
00:49:02,212 --> 00:49:04,047
Like put the whole thing in
and pull out just the peel.
1138
00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:05,315
Okay, then that's
exactly... i don't know.
1139
00:49:05,348 --> 00:49:07,116
-He was just...
-guys, guys.
1140
00:49:07,149 --> 00:49:09,151
Guys, it says... It says
that people in north Korea
1141
00:49:09,184 --> 00:49:10,887
aren't even allowed
to eat bananas.
1142
00:49:10,919 --> 00:49:12,919
They don't know what...
they don't know they exist.
1143
00:49:15,089 --> 00:49:17,391
I did not know that. Wow.
1144
00:49:17,424 --> 00:49:18,392
Okay, look. All I know
is that this guy,
1145
00:49:18,426 --> 00:49:20,228
he was super friendly.
1146
00:49:20,261 --> 00:49:23,263
And at some point we like had
eye contact for two seconds.
1147
00:49:23,296 --> 00:49:24,831
Two seconds?
That's nothing.
1148
00:49:24,865 --> 00:49:26,133
That's just like being
a polite gentleman.
1149
00:49:26,166 --> 00:49:27,167
Like look...
1150
00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:28,868
See. I'm not gay.
1151
00:49:28,900 --> 00:49:30,302
-That's not two seconds.
-You wanna do two seconds?
1152
00:49:30,335 --> 00:49:32,471
-Two seconds.
-Here we go.
1153
00:49:32,505 --> 00:49:34,873
One Mississippi.
1154
00:49:34,906 --> 00:49:36,008
Two Mississippi.
1155
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:37,276
I can't do it.
1156
00:49:37,309 --> 00:49:40,077
-He's so gay.
-Wow. Weird tickle.
1157
00:49:40,111 --> 00:49:41,546
See, i... so, he's gay?
1158
00:49:41,579 --> 00:49:42,914
He's gay.
1159
00:49:42,947 --> 00:49:44,182
I think
you're in luck.
1160
00:49:44,215 --> 00:49:46,317
He's super gay, man.
1161
00:49:46,349 --> 00:49:48,584
All right. Cool.
I met someone.
1162
00:49:48,618 --> 00:49:50,386
Are you wearing
Cologne, dude?
1163
00:49:50,419 --> 00:49:53,354
Yeah, it's to hide
the pot smell.
1164
00:49:53,387 --> 00:49:55,123
Did you smoke pot today
without me?
1165
00:49:55,157 --> 00:49:57,258
Are you... is this what
these bananas are for?
1166
00:49:57,291 --> 00:49:58,571
Who do you think
drives this car?
1167
00:50:00,962 --> 00:50:02,263
I don't know,
it's a hybrid, dude.
1168
00:50:02,296 --> 00:50:03,431
It's got a "save the whales"
bumper sticker.
1169
00:50:03,464 --> 00:50:05,299
Probably some
gay-ass hippy.
1170
00:50:05,332 --> 00:50:07,267
-Really? You think so?
-Yeah.
1171
00:50:32,521 --> 00:50:34,557
Adam. Triple-a
just called.
1172
00:50:34,589 --> 00:50:36,593
Some girl locked her keys
in the car over in hillside.
1173
00:50:36,626 --> 00:50:38,261
Black wrangler.
I need you to go now.
1174
00:50:38,294 --> 00:50:40,128
Ron, I'll do it man.
1175
00:50:40,161 --> 00:50:41,463
Did she sound 18
on the phone?
1176
00:50:41,496 --> 00:50:42,865
Why so you can get
stoned for two hours
1177
00:50:42,898 --> 00:50:44,600
and jerk off
in the Wendy's bathroom?
1178
00:50:44,632 --> 00:50:45,866
Once. Hey,
that one time.
1179
00:50:45,899 --> 00:50:47,033
Yeah, it's
all it takes.
1180
00:50:47,066 --> 00:50:48,635
Here. Better get
over there, Adam.
1181
00:50:48,669 --> 00:50:50,571
-I was...
-I need you right now. Let's go.
1182
00:50:50,604 --> 00:50:53,206
... 'Kay.
1183
00:51:00,044 --> 00:51:01,279
You're all set.
Thanks for coming in.
1184
00:51:01,312 --> 00:51:03,581
Thanks again,
thank you.
1185
00:51:03,614 --> 00:51:05,583
Hey. Hey.
1186
00:51:05,615 --> 00:51:07,117
-Hi.
-Hi.
1187
00:51:07,150 --> 00:51:08,585
Is there something wrong
with the car still?
1188
00:51:08,619 --> 00:51:10,387
No.
1189
00:51:10,421 --> 00:51:11,589
You just...
1190
00:51:12,955 --> 00:51:15,324
You forgot
your chapstick.
1191
00:51:19,028 --> 00:51:20,428
Did you take this
from my glove box?
1192
00:51:21,597 --> 00:51:22,899
No.
1193
00:51:24,665 --> 00:51:26,167
Okay. Yeah, I did.
1194
00:51:26,199 --> 00:51:27,935
But I was just...
it was an accident.
1195
00:51:27,969 --> 00:51:29,537
I didn't use it or anything.
1196
00:51:29,569 --> 00:51:30,871
I just smelled it.
1197
00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:34,876
Okay.
1198
00:51:35,943 --> 00:51:37,077
Thanks.
1199
00:51:38,143 --> 00:51:40,212
I'm gonna go here.
1200
00:51:40,246 --> 00:51:41,381
Me too.
1201
00:51:42,380 --> 00:51:43,448
See ya.
1202
00:51:55,425 --> 00:51:57,294
I smelled it?
1203
00:51:58,294 --> 00:52:00,529
You fucking idiot.
1204
00:52:00,562 --> 00:52:02,931
I smelled it?
1205
00:52:02,965 --> 00:52:04,166
Adam, what'd you smell, dude?
1206
00:52:04,199 --> 00:52:06,200
Was it that girl?
Was she here?
1207
00:52:06,233 --> 00:52:07,335
I bet her titties
were out today,
1208
00:52:07,369 --> 00:52:08,537
it's so hot out.
1209
00:52:08,570 --> 00:52:10,204
Did you see them?
Were they big?
1210
00:52:10,236 --> 00:52:11,405
Pleasant? Normal?
Medium size?
1211
00:52:11,439 --> 00:52:13,141
I don't know titties.
1212
00:52:13,174 --> 00:52:14,376
I'm gay.
1213
00:52:32,189 --> 00:52:34,358
-Hey.
-Hey, man.
1214
00:52:34,392 --> 00:52:36,026
Wash your hands
and put on a clean shirt.
1215
00:52:36,058 --> 00:52:37,427
What for?
1216
00:52:37,460 --> 00:52:38,494
Shoot, they're early.
1217
00:52:38,527 --> 00:52:40,196
Who's early?
1218
00:52:40,230 --> 00:52:42,497
Adam, why don't you put on one
of your father's shirts?
1219
00:52:42,531 --> 00:52:43,555
Chris, do you mind
answering the door, please?
1220
00:52:43,556 --> 00:52:44,067
Whatever you say, Karen.
1221
00:52:44,100 --> 00:52:46,069
Why do I have
to change?
1222
00:52:46,102 --> 00:52:49,503
Your mom invited Dorothy cuda and
her mother over for dinner tonight.
1223
00:52:49,536 --> 00:52:51,405
What? Why?
Why did you do that?
1224
00:52:51,438 --> 00:52:53,474
Relax.
Don't be nervous.
1225
00:52:53,507 --> 00:52:55,342
Dorothy likes you.
Her mother told me so.
1226
00:52:55,375 --> 00:52:57,144
Yeah, well what if
I don't like Dorothy cuda?
1227
00:52:57,176 --> 00:52:59,212
How could you not
like Dorothy cuda?
1228
00:52:59,245 --> 00:53:00,546
Well, there's
a lot of reasons why
1229
00:53:00,579 --> 00:53:02,047
I couldn't like Dorothy cuda.
1230
00:53:02,081 --> 00:53:04,550
Welcome, welcome.
Father O'Malley. Martha.
1231
00:53:04,583 --> 00:53:06,018
What are you
doing here?
1232
00:53:06,052 --> 00:53:08,020
What are you doing
out of bed, Adam?
1233
00:53:08,053 --> 00:53:09,488
What?
1234
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:12,323
Now, I'm not here
to impose.
1235
00:53:12,357 --> 00:53:14,359
I know this
is a difficult time.
1236
00:53:14,392 --> 00:53:16,995
So enjoy your last meal
with your family.
1237
00:53:17,028 --> 00:53:18,997
I can give last rites
afterwards.
1238
00:53:19,030 --> 00:53:21,598
Last rites? Why would
you give my son last rites?
1239
00:53:23,098 --> 00:53:25,134
He's about to die.
Isn't he?
1240
00:53:25,167 --> 00:53:27,068
-What?
-No.
1241
00:53:27,102 --> 00:53:30,573
I'm... I'm sorry, father
but it's worse than death.
1242
00:53:30,606 --> 00:53:33,340
It's a matter
of eternal damnation.
1243
00:53:33,373 --> 00:53:35,243
Adam, what on earth
is she talking about?
1244
00:53:40,113 --> 00:53:41,248
I'm gay, mom.
1245
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:42,749
That is not funny.
1246
00:53:42,783 --> 00:53:45,452
Do not joke like that
in front of father O'Malley.
1247
00:53:45,484 --> 00:53:48,286
I'm serious.
I'm gay. I'm gay.
1248
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:49,389
I like guys.
1249
00:53:50,556 --> 00:53:52,390
But...
What about Dorothy cuda?
1250
00:53:52,424 --> 00:53:54,059
-What about Dorothy...
-she's on her way.
1251
00:53:54,091 --> 00:53:56,127
I don't understand why
you don't understand this.
1252
00:53:56,160 --> 00:53:57,695
I'm gay. I'm gay.
1253
00:53:57,729 --> 00:53:59,530
Like... like...
1254
00:54:04,168 --> 00:54:05,569
So stop forcing
Dorothy cuda on me.
1255
00:54:06,602 --> 00:54:08,705
Adam,
1256
00:54:08,738 --> 00:54:11,107
I was eating that.
1257
00:54:11,140 --> 00:54:13,059
Seriously? You're upset
about a frickin' sausage?
1258
00:54:21,382 --> 00:54:22,817
Come on.
No, dude.
1259
00:54:22,850 --> 00:54:25,084
The night is set.
We're going to Duffy's.
1260
00:54:25,117 --> 00:54:26,318
What about Adam?
1261
00:54:26,352 --> 00:54:28,755
We will be there
for him... at Duffy's.
1262
00:54:28,787 --> 00:54:30,389
Come on guys.
1263
00:54:30,423 --> 00:54:31,791
How many strip clubs
have we dragged Adam to?
1264
00:54:31,824 --> 00:54:33,092
Okay,
that's irrelevant.
1265
00:54:33,125 --> 00:54:34,293
How many dollars
has he shoved
1266
00:54:34,326 --> 00:54:36,128
down skanky Russian
breasts for you?
1267
00:54:36,161 --> 00:54:38,062
And how many times has he
fixed your piece of shit car?
1268
00:54:38,095 --> 00:54:40,697
-My car is not a piece of shit.
-It's a piece of shit.
1269
00:54:40,731 --> 00:54:42,332
When Adam came out,
I told him,
1270
00:54:42,365 --> 00:54:45,768
I promised him that
nothing was gonna change.
1271
00:54:45,802 --> 00:54:48,105
I think we've been pretty
fucking cool about that.
1272
00:54:48,137 --> 00:54:51,441
We've done a descent job,
but it's not good enough.
1273
00:54:51,473 --> 00:54:52,575
Things should change.
1274
00:54:54,109 --> 00:54:56,211
He needs this, boys.
1275
00:54:56,245 --> 00:54:57,579
He needs us.
1276
00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:18,464
So where we going?
1277
00:55:18,497 --> 00:55:20,177
You're serious...
you're not gonna tell me?
1278
00:55:22,366 --> 00:55:25,235
Okay.
1279
00:55:28,372 --> 00:55:33,310
All right.
1280
00:55:33,342 --> 00:55:36,878
Are we really gonna...
1281
00:55:36,912 --> 00:55:40,850
Seriously?
1282
00:55:40,883 --> 00:55:43,451
Remember, don't make
eye contact with anyone.
1283
00:55:43,483 --> 00:55:44,585
Never leave
each other's sight.
1284
00:55:44,619 --> 00:55:45,620
No matter what.
1285
00:55:47,521 --> 00:55:50,256
Wait for us.
1286
00:56:19,815 --> 00:56:21,383
Can we get four buds?
1287
00:56:21,416 --> 00:56:23,419
Actually, can you make
those vodka sodas?
1288
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:27,256
We're in a gay bar.
1289
00:56:27,289 --> 00:56:29,524
Vodka sodas it is.
1290
00:56:29,556 --> 00:56:31,225
There's actually
some girls here.
1291
00:56:31,257 --> 00:56:32,426
We didn't come
all the way downtown
1292
00:56:32,458 --> 00:56:33,927
for you to be
looking at girls.
1293
00:56:33,959 --> 00:56:35,394
Yeah, man. You better
get at least eight dudes'
1294
00:56:35,428 --> 00:56:36,596
phone numbers tonight,
1295
00:56:36,628 --> 00:56:38,698
and they better
be fucking adorable.
1296
00:56:44,536 --> 00:56:45,704
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
1297
00:56:45,737 --> 00:56:48,640
First time
in a... okay. Nice.
1298
00:56:48,673 --> 00:56:51,542
Act like you've
been there before, boys.
1299
00:56:51,575 --> 00:56:52,843
Should we dance?
1300
00:56:52,876 --> 00:56:54,343
No. I'm good.
1301
00:56:54,376 --> 00:56:55,579
Aw man, how are you going
to meet anybody
1302
00:56:55,612 --> 00:56:57,414
with your back
up against the bar?
1303
00:56:57,447 --> 00:56:59,550
Let's go.
1304
00:56:59,583 --> 00:57:02,417
I'll hold down. Make
sure no one roofies us.
1305
00:57:03,785 --> 00:57:06,287
So much
for sticking together.
1306
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:07,922
Come on, baby. Bring
your "a" game.
1307
00:57:13,893 --> 00:57:15,162
It's weird.
1308
00:57:18,265 --> 00:57:19,432
-Like?
-Relax.
1309
00:57:19,465 --> 00:57:21,434
Feel the groove, man.
1310
00:57:21,467 --> 00:57:22,434
There we go.
1311
00:57:22,467 --> 00:57:23,702
Yeah? Okay.
1312
00:57:23,735 --> 00:57:25,337
-You look hot.
-All right, thanks.
1313
00:57:25,371 --> 00:57:27,573
You look really,
really good.
1314
00:57:27,605 --> 00:57:29,440
-Shake your dick, let's go.
-All right.
1315
00:57:29,473 --> 00:57:30,475
Show him how
it's done, man.
1316
00:57:30,507 --> 00:57:31,776
Show him how
it's done.
1317
00:57:31,810 --> 00:57:34,345
Whoa.
There you go.
1318
00:57:35,479 --> 00:57:37,482
Shot, please.
1319
00:57:44,919 --> 00:57:46,289
Wait for me, guys.
1320
00:58:03,669 --> 00:58:05,704
-Adam?
-Hi, what are you doing here?
1321
00:58:05,737 --> 00:58:07,772
-Hi.
-Are you... wait one second.
1322
00:58:07,806 --> 00:58:08,806
Chris.
1323
00:58:11,908 --> 00:58:13,811
-Hey.
-What are you doing here?
1324
00:58:13,845 --> 00:58:16,747
I'm here with my brother
and his boyfriend.
1325
00:58:16,781 --> 00:58:18,649
And they're really hitting
it off with your friend.
1326
00:58:18,682 --> 00:58:20,684
They sure are.
1327
00:58:20,717 --> 00:58:23,920
Look, the voice-mail
that I left you...
1328
00:58:23,953 --> 00:58:25,989
-What?
-The voice-mail I left the other night.
1329
00:58:26,022 --> 00:58:27,824
I'm sorry,
I don't know what...
1330
00:58:27,857 --> 00:58:29,859
it's fine.
Don't worry about it.
1331
00:58:29,891 --> 00:58:31,693
Let's just dance.
1332
00:58:31,726 --> 00:58:34,329
Okay.
1333
00:58:54,413 --> 00:58:56,914
So that's the last time I
order a hotdog in a gay bar.
1334
00:58:58,749 --> 00:59:01,051
So how was your guys'
fist time in a gay bar?
1335
00:59:01,084 --> 00:59:03,552
I was just dancing.
That is all.
1336
00:59:03,585 --> 00:59:05,354
Honestly, I thought
it'd be a lot gayer.
1337
00:59:05,387 --> 00:59:06,889
I'm kinda disappointed.
1338
00:59:06,922 --> 00:59:08,724
It was good.
1339
00:59:08,757 --> 00:59:10,025
It was really good.
1340
00:59:10,058 --> 00:59:11,961
It was good.
So how'd you two meet?
1341
00:59:11,993 --> 00:59:14,430
Actually we worked at
the same office for years.
1342
00:59:14,462 --> 00:59:16,864
I was already out to
everyone there, Steve wasn't.
1343
00:59:16,898 --> 00:59:19,566
So things developed
rather slowly.
1344
00:59:19,599 --> 00:59:21,735
Eight months of asking
to borrow his hole-puncher,
1345
00:59:21,769 --> 00:59:23,470
I thought he'd get the hint.
1346
00:59:23,502 --> 00:59:24,671
So there's
just one thing
1347
00:59:24,705 --> 00:59:26,707
that I still can't wrap
my head around...
1348
00:59:26,739 --> 00:59:30,677
how does a gay man let his
sister walk out in public
1349
00:59:30,709 --> 00:59:31,910
with a Fanny pack on?
1350
00:59:31,943 --> 00:59:33,012
What?
1351
00:59:34,978 --> 00:59:37,415
-A lot of testosterone.
-Nice.
1352
00:59:38,717 --> 00:59:40,419
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Tracy.
1353
00:59:40,451 --> 00:59:42,019
I can do better,
trust me.
1354
00:59:42,052 --> 00:59:43,387
Wait, what did
you call me?
1355
00:59:43,419 --> 00:59:45,555
-Tracy.
-Who's Tracy?
1356
00:59:49,592 --> 00:59:52,362
Who isn't Tracy?
1357
00:59:52,395 --> 00:59:55,497
Okay, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
1358
00:59:55,530 --> 00:59:56,865
Trainy, Tracy, trainy.
1359
00:59:56,897 --> 00:59:59,667
Just doesn't...
It's so funny.
1360
00:59:59,700 --> 01:00:02,469
Trainy? You think
that my name is trainy?
1361
01:00:04,804 --> 01:00:07,441
He's kidding.
He does... he does that.
1362
01:00:07,473 --> 01:00:09,442
Like calls
people "trainy."
1363
01:00:09,475 --> 01:00:10,943
-Hey trainy.
-He called me train for five years.
1364
01:00:10,977 --> 01:00:12,479
He called me trainy
tranny when I came out.
1365
01:00:12,511 --> 01:00:14,846
-He's a train guy.
-Yeah.
1366
01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:16,582
Wait,
so what is my name?
1367
01:00:19,485 --> 01:00:21,486
Could we have
the check?
1368
01:00:27,891 --> 01:00:28,925
I love this part.
1369
01:00:28,959 --> 01:00:31,795
Yeah, me too.
1370
01:00:31,827 --> 01:00:32,896
That guy's
as ugly as you.
1371
01:00:32,929 --> 01:00:34,931
Hey, shut up.
1372
01:00:39,167 --> 01:00:41,836
Tricia.
Maybe it's tricia.
1373
01:00:42,836 --> 01:00:43,905
Maybe.
1374
01:00:43,937 --> 01:00:45,039
Should I text
her that?
1375
01:00:45,073 --> 01:00:46,574
No, it's like 4ªm.
1376
01:00:47,875 --> 01:00:49,710
Yeah.
1377
01:00:49,743 --> 01:00:53,879
You're right.
Only bad things can happen.
1378
01:00:58,450 --> 01:00:59,751
You get any dudes'
numbers tonight?
1379
01:00:59,784 --> 01:01:00,985
-No.
-What?
1380
01:01:01,018 --> 01:01:02,620
I was too busy dancing
with you guys.
1381
01:01:02,654 --> 01:01:04,790
My god.
1382
01:01:04,822 --> 01:01:06,390
We were totally
cockblocking you.
1383
01:01:06,424 --> 01:01:08,593
Yeah, it's okay.
1384
01:01:08,625 --> 01:01:09,926
I had
a really fun time.
1385
01:01:09,959 --> 01:01:11,894
Yeah, me too.
1386
01:01:13,128 --> 01:01:15,398
Me too.
1387
01:01:20,067 --> 01:01:21,870
The fuck, man?
1388
01:01:24,871 --> 01:01:26,540
I thought you were...
1389
01:01:31,178 --> 01:01:32,645
Man,
I'm sorry.
1390
01:01:40,019 --> 01:01:41,854
-I should go.
-No man, don't go.
1391
01:01:41,887 --> 01:01:43,990
I'm sorry, I was...
1392
01:01:44,023 --> 01:01:46,023
I'm drunk.
I thought... you don't...
1393
01:02:37,501 --> 01:02:39,803
Chris?
What's happening?
1394
01:02:39,836 --> 01:02:41,505
Just give me a minute.
1395
01:02:41,537 --> 01:02:42,804
What's wrong with it?
1396
01:02:42,837 --> 01:02:44,206
Nothing's wrong with it.
Just stop talking,
1397
01:02:44,239 --> 01:02:45,774
-you're making it worse.
-I'm sorry.
1398
01:02:45,808 --> 01:02:48,610
I've just never been
with a man who...
1399
01:02:48,643 --> 01:02:50,010
a man who what?
1400
01:02:50,044 --> 01:02:52,080
I'm a little drunk.
Just...
1401
01:02:52,113 --> 01:02:53,248
Ahem...
1402
01:02:53,280 --> 01:02:54,682
Maybe if we put it
in your mouth...
1403
01:02:54,716 --> 01:02:56,617
No, it's not
your fucking birthday.
1404
01:02:56,650 --> 01:02:59,587
-Just suck on it.
-Why don't you have Adam suck it?
1405
01:02:59,619 --> 01:03:01,188
Jesus.
1406
01:03:01,221 --> 01:03:03,589
Fuck you.
1407
01:03:03,622 --> 01:03:04,823
Wha...
1408
01:03:04,856 --> 01:03:07,559
I was just joking.
1409
01:03:07,593 --> 01:03:09,494
-Why are you so mad?
-I'm not mad.
1410
01:03:11,262 --> 01:03:12,264
Wait. He didn't,
did he?
1411
01:03:12,297 --> 01:03:13,532
No, he didn't.
1412
01:03:13,565 --> 01:03:14,765
Did Adam suck
your cock?
1413
01:03:14,798 --> 01:03:16,566
No he didn't fucking
suck my dick.
1414
01:03:16,600 --> 01:03:18,769
-Jesus Christ.
-And you liked it, didn't you?
1415
01:03:18,801 --> 01:03:19,769
No, just stop talking
about it.
1416
01:03:19,803 --> 01:03:21,005
How 'bout that?
1417
01:03:21,036 --> 01:03:22,038
Fine.
1418
01:03:31,078 --> 01:03:33,548
You have one new
voice message.
1419
01:03:34,548 --> 01:03:36,284
First voice message.
1420
01:03:36,316 --> 01:03:37,584
Hey Chris, it's me.
1421
01:03:37,617 --> 01:03:39,253
I can't believe
that happened.
1422
01:03:39,287 --> 01:03:41,288
I'm so fucking sorry,
I'm an idiot.
1423
01:03:41,321 --> 01:03:42,956
I'm... i was drunk.
1424
01:03:42,989 --> 01:03:44,057
And I just...
1425
01:03:44,089 --> 01:03:45,292
I don't know
what I thought
1426
01:03:45,324 --> 01:03:47,494
but can you just
call me back, please?
1427
01:03:57,935 --> 01:03:59,737
Message deleted.
1428
01:04:23,891 --> 01:04:25,326
Hey man,
where the fuck are you?
1429
01:04:25,358 --> 01:04:27,093
We're playing
flag football at four.
1430
01:04:27,125 --> 01:04:29,895
Yeah,
I don't know, man.
1431
01:04:29,928 --> 01:04:31,096
Is Chris
gonna be there?
1432
01:04:31,129 --> 01:04:32,163
What? What's going
on with you two?
1433
01:04:32,197 --> 01:04:33,164
He asked me
the same thing?
1434
01:04:33,197 --> 01:04:34,966
Well, what'd you say?
1435
01:04:34,999 --> 01:04:37,570
I said, "yeah. Our undefeated
season is on the line."
1436
01:04:40,804 --> 01:04:42,940
Yeah. Yeah,
I'll totally...
1437
01:04:42,973 --> 01:04:45,274
Yeah, man.
1438
01:04:45,307 --> 01:04:46,776
Okay. See you then.
1439
01:06:19,155 --> 01:06:21,824
-I'm really glad you called.
-Yeah.
1440
01:06:21,856 --> 01:06:23,158
What are you doing
for the fourth of July?
1441
01:06:23,191 --> 01:06:24,826
'Cause you should
come over.
1442
01:06:24,859 --> 01:06:27,362
My wife makes the most
amazing potato salad.
1443
01:06:27,395 --> 01:06:28,829
And I could totally sneak
some down to you
1444
01:06:28,862 --> 01:06:30,831
after the fireworks.
1445
01:06:30,864 --> 01:06:34,835
I don't know. I think
I'm gonna go to a party.
1446
01:06:34,867 --> 01:06:36,702
Okay, really? 'Cause
you don't sound so sure.
1447
01:06:37,837 --> 01:06:39,739
Yeah, it's just...
1448
01:06:39,772 --> 01:06:43,374
I usually go with Chris,
my ex-fiancﾉ.
1449
01:06:43,407 --> 01:06:45,777
But I don't know.
1450
01:06:45,811 --> 01:06:47,278
I don't think
he wants me there.
1451
01:06:47,311 --> 01:06:49,379
Okay.
What, does he own you?
1452
01:06:49,413 --> 01:06:51,248
-He owns you?
-No.
1453
01:06:51,281 --> 01:06:52,850
Who cares
what he thinks.
1454
01:06:52,882 --> 01:06:55,151
I do.
1455
01:06:55,184 --> 01:06:56,253
So you've still got
it real bad
1456
01:06:56,285 --> 01:06:58,088
for this guy,
don't you?
1457
01:06:58,120 --> 01:07:00,189
He must really know
how to get you off good.
1458
01:07:00,222 --> 01:07:02,724
No, man. Why? No. Not
everything's about sex.
1459
01:07:02,757 --> 01:07:05,160
Okay, then what's
it about?
1460
01:07:05,194 --> 01:07:07,995
I miss him.
1461
01:07:09,263 --> 01:07:11,098
Does he know
how you feel?
1462
01:07:11,131 --> 01:07:13,133
'Cause you gotta
communicate.
1463
01:07:13,167 --> 01:07:15,903
Communication is the key
to any healthy relationship.
1464
01:07:15,936 --> 01:07:18,105
Really?
And how would you know?
1465
01:07:18,137 --> 01:07:21,307
How would I know? I've been
happily married for 17 years.
1466
01:07:21,339 --> 01:07:22,341
That's how I'd know.
1467
01:07:26,744 --> 01:07:27,712
What do you say
we go in the bathroom
1468
01:07:27,746 --> 01:07:28,947
and suck
each other off?
1469
01:08:11,949 --> 01:08:13,149
It smells really good in here.
1470
01:08:14,886 --> 01:08:16,754
What did you guys
have for dinner?
1471
01:08:16,788 --> 01:08:17,955
Is that what you came over
at 10:00 at night
1472
01:08:17,989 --> 01:08:19,089
to talk about?
1473
01:08:25,927 --> 01:08:28,297
I'm really sorry
if you're ashamed of me.
1474
01:08:30,231 --> 01:08:31,366
Is that
what you think?
1475
01:08:31,398 --> 01:08:33,834
We're ashamed of you?
1476
01:08:33,867 --> 01:08:35,336
I'm not ashamed of you.
1477
01:08:35,370 --> 01:08:36,971
I'm pissed off.
1478
01:08:37,005 --> 01:08:39,407
You kept a whole part
of your life from us.
1479
01:08:41,340 --> 01:08:42,776
How long have you known?
1480
01:08:42,809 --> 01:08:43,910
I don't know,
like...
1481
01:08:45,911 --> 01:08:48,815
-Like ten years.
-Ten years?
1482
01:08:48,847 --> 01:08:50,516
My god.
I should've known.
1483
01:08:50,549 --> 01:08:52,283
A mother should
know these things.
1484
01:08:52,316 --> 01:08:56,521
I didn't even know.
I just...
1485
01:08:56,555 --> 01:08:57,874
I just knew that
I felt different.
1486
01:09:00,858 --> 01:09:02,458
And I didn't know
why boobs were so cool.
1487
01:09:03,426 --> 01:09:05,161
You still
could've told me.
1488
01:09:05,195 --> 01:09:06,463
I wanted to,
but I just...
1489
01:09:07,964 --> 01:09:09,299
You always mentioned
girlfriends.
1490
01:09:09,331 --> 01:09:10,432
I thought
you were shy.
1491
01:09:12,500 --> 01:09:15,137
I am.
1492
01:09:15,169 --> 01:09:16,937
I'm gay.
And I'm shy.
1493
01:09:16,971 --> 01:09:17,973
Well, I don't care.
1494
01:09:19,406 --> 01:09:20,507
I don't care
if you're the gayest,
1495
01:09:20,540 --> 01:09:23,443
shyest kid
in all of America.
1496
01:09:23,475 --> 01:09:25,912
You're my son.
And I love you.
1497
01:09:34,553 --> 01:09:35,587
I love you too.
1498
01:09:37,487 --> 01:09:40,057
Just don't ever do that
to one of my sausages again.
1499
01:09:40,090 --> 01:09:42,227
Okay.
1500
01:09:45,361 --> 01:09:47,431
Honey, is there anything
you want to add?
1501
01:09:51,633 --> 01:09:53,203
I'll get the iced tea.
1502
01:10:03,576 --> 01:10:05,946
I... heard the ortus are
getting the good fireworks
1503
01:10:05,979 --> 01:10:07,514
this year.
1504
01:10:07,548 --> 01:10:10,616
Shipped all the way
from China.
1505
01:10:10,650 --> 01:10:14,054
Yeah. I don't think
I'm gonna go.
1506
01:10:14,087 --> 01:10:16,288
Did you forget
to rsvp?
1507
01:10:16,320 --> 01:10:19,225
'Cause you know you can't get
the good ribs unless you rsvp.
1508
01:10:19,257 --> 01:10:21,026
Yeah,
that's what I hear.
1509
01:10:24,127 --> 01:10:27,630
I screwed up.
1510
01:10:27,663 --> 01:10:30,334
I screwed up big time, dad.
1511
01:10:30,367 --> 01:10:32,903
Just keep being yourself.
1512
01:10:32,935 --> 01:10:34,134
And if you get hungry tomorrow,
1513
01:10:35,470 --> 01:10:38,206
you can have some of my ribs.
1514
01:10:38,240 --> 01:10:40,343
Okay?
1515
01:10:40,375 --> 01:10:42,377
Yeah.
1516
01:11:12,035 --> 01:11:13,936
Let's go, Chris.
1517
01:11:13,970 --> 01:11:18,208
Our reservation
is in less than 30 minutes.
1518
01:11:18,240 --> 01:11:20,943
Okay, 30 minutes is plenty of
time to get to cheesecake factory.
1519
01:11:40,726 --> 01:11:41,928
Adam.
1520
01:11:42,962 --> 01:11:44,562
Hey.
1521
01:11:44,596 --> 01:11:47,265
Dorothy cuda.
Wow. You look great.
1522
01:11:47,297 --> 01:11:48,365
-Thank you.
-How are you?
1523
01:11:48,399 --> 01:11:49,367
-Really good.
-Good.
1524
01:11:49,399 --> 01:11:51,935
Yeah. How are you?
1525
01:11:51,969 --> 01:11:54,203
Good. I'm good.
1526
01:11:54,237 --> 01:11:57,241
I'm gay now. In case my
mom didn't tell everybody.
1527
01:11:57,273 --> 01:11:58,674
She did.
I... i heard.
1528
01:11:58,707 --> 01:11:59,910
-I'm sure.
-Yeah.
1529
01:12:01,009 --> 01:12:02,611
Is it true,
1530
01:12:02,644 --> 01:12:04,446
you shoved a sausage
down your...
1531
01:12:05,512 --> 01:12:06,714
Yep. Yep.
1532
01:12:06,748 --> 01:12:09,951
-Yeah?
-I did that.
1533
01:12:09,985 --> 01:12:11,584
Happens to everybody.
Right?
1534
01:12:11,618 --> 01:12:13,154
Does it?
1535
01:12:14,520 --> 01:12:15,922
Do you wanna go
to the party?
1536
01:12:19,993 --> 01:12:22,295
Yeah. Yeah.
1537
01:12:22,327 --> 01:12:23,329
Let's do it.
1538
01:12:32,303 --> 01:12:33,738
Okay, I'll see ya.
1539
01:12:37,539 --> 01:12:39,475
Dude, did you really just do a
casual slow-mo walk up in here
1540
01:12:39,508 --> 01:12:40,476
with Dorothy cuda?
1541
01:12:40,509 --> 01:12:41,712
Are you straight now?
1542
01:12:41,744 --> 01:12:44,145
No. Definitely,
definitely still gay.
1543
01:12:44,179 --> 01:12:46,449
Thank god. So you're gonna put
in a good word for me, right?
1544
01:12:46,481 --> 01:12:48,450
She's way out
of your league, Nick.
1545
01:12:48,484 --> 01:12:49,719
What do you know,
you're with that idiot.
1546
01:12:49,752 --> 01:12:53,321
Yeah. Happy fourth
of July, dipshits.
1547
01:12:53,354 --> 01:12:54,389
Welcome to the ortus'.
1548
01:12:54,421 --> 01:12:55,389
Baby, you like my outfit?
1549
01:12:55,422 --> 01:12:56,656
You're so sexy.
1550
01:12:56,689 --> 01:12:58,659
Just like a burly
Benjamin Franklin.
1551
01:12:58,692 --> 01:13:01,195
Did you guys know Benjamin
Franklin died of syphilis?
1552
01:13:01,228 --> 01:13:02,396
Fact. He did.
1553
01:13:02,428 --> 01:13:04,129
Hey, well worth
the risk.
1554
01:13:06,298 --> 01:13:08,368
So do you guys know
where Chris is?
1555
01:13:08,401 --> 01:13:12,337
I texted earlier, but he's
being flaky as shit, so...
1556
01:13:12,369 --> 01:13:14,638
Yeah. I haven't talked
to him for a while,
1557
01:13:14,672 --> 01:13:16,073
but I'm sure
he's gonna show up.
1558
01:13:16,105 --> 01:13:17,241
What's going on
with you two guys?
1559
01:13:17,274 --> 01:13:19,043
Dude, it's
freakin' Jess. Okay?
1560
01:13:19,076 --> 01:13:21,177
She's got him by the
balls. Power of the pussy.
1561
01:13:21,211 --> 01:13:23,179
You have no idea
how dangerous it could be.
1562
01:13:23,211 --> 01:13:24,613
Have you guys
fucking read MacBeth?
1563
01:13:34,755 --> 01:13:36,524
Can you please
turn the radio down?
1564
01:13:36,556 --> 01:13:37,556
I can't even think.
1565
01:13:41,294 --> 01:13:44,030
Is that a prius
with two kayaks on it?
1566
01:13:44,064 --> 01:13:46,066
Who the fuck cares?
1567
01:13:55,173 --> 01:13:56,241
And a "save the whales"
bumper sticker.
1568
01:13:56,273 --> 01:13:58,209
What are you doing?
1569
01:13:58,241 --> 01:14:01,645
The cheesecake factory is on
the other side of the mall.
1570
01:14:01,677 --> 01:14:04,580
Do me a favor,
hand me that hockey stick.
1571
01:14:04,614 --> 01:14:08,184
I am not walking
all the way over there.
1572
01:14:18,827 --> 01:14:22,563
Chris, I am sick
of your bullshit.
1573
01:14:22,595 --> 01:14:24,564
Get back
in the car, limp-dick.
1574
01:14:24,598 --> 01:14:26,267
We're going
to be late.
1575
01:14:31,204 --> 01:14:33,638
Jessica, I think
we should break up.
1576
01:14:33,672 --> 01:14:34,673
Forever.
1577
01:14:39,444 --> 01:14:41,546
Sorry about this.
1578
01:14:41,578 --> 01:14:43,280
Maybe not.
1579
01:14:48,318 --> 01:14:49,352
All right.
1580
01:14:56,791 --> 01:14:58,061
Hey, is she looking?
1581
01:15:02,129 --> 01:15:03,864
No, man.
1582
01:15:03,897 --> 01:15:06,365
Fuck you, man.
1583
01:15:06,399 --> 01:15:07,399
Aw, fuck.
1584
01:15:11,303 --> 01:15:13,339
Hey. I'm sorry
about the other day.
1585
01:15:14,739 --> 01:15:15,939
-The sausage thing.
-It's okay.
1586
01:15:17,208 --> 01:15:19,344
Cookie?
1587
01:15:19,376 --> 01:15:21,412
-Go ahead, take two.
-Okay.
1588
01:15:21,446 --> 01:15:22,881
Today we're all
on the same side.
1589
01:15:22,914 --> 01:15:24,349
-Whose, god's?
-No.
1590
01:15:24,381 --> 01:15:26,549
Don't be silly.
America's.
1591
01:15:26,583 --> 01:15:28,886
Do you think your gay lovers
would want some cookies?
1592
01:15:28,919 --> 01:15:30,754
What did you call us?
1593
01:15:30,786 --> 01:15:31,820
Is that
chocolate chip?
1594
01:15:31,854 --> 01:15:33,289
Oatmeal raisin.
1595
01:15:33,321 --> 01:15:34,656
The vegetable
of cookies.
1596
01:15:43,398 --> 01:15:46,434
-Here you go, man.
-Thank you very much.
1597
01:15:50,170 --> 01:15:51,470
Attention.
Attention everyone.
1598
01:15:51,504 --> 01:15:52,772
I've got
an announcement.
1599
01:15:52,804 --> 01:15:54,340
Are the ribs ready?
1600
01:15:54,374 --> 01:15:56,309
No father O'Malley,
they're not ready yet.
1601
01:15:56,342 --> 01:15:58,444
I promise you won't
miss out this year. Okay?
1602
01:15:58,476 --> 01:16:00,478
If we could just get the
music turned down a little bit,
1603
01:16:00,512 --> 01:16:01,647
I just want
to say something.
1604
01:16:02,681 --> 01:16:04,682
Guys?
1605
01:16:04,715 --> 01:16:06,316
You guys know
what that means, right?
1606
01:16:06,350 --> 01:16:07,318
What's up, Chris?
1607
01:16:07,350 --> 01:16:08,318
-Hey.
-Hey beautiful.
1608
01:16:08,351 --> 01:16:09,453
How are you?
1609
01:16:09,486 --> 01:16:11,221
What am I fucking
wood here?
1610
01:16:12,389 --> 01:16:14,257
Hey, man.
You came.
1611
01:16:14,291 --> 01:16:16,226
Yeah, well,
I rsvp'd, so...
1612
01:16:16,259 --> 01:16:17,225
Where's Jess?
1613
01:16:17,259 --> 01:16:19,162
We broke up.
1614
01:16:19,195 --> 01:16:21,197
What does that mean? You're
not gonna fuck her anymore?
1615
01:16:21,229 --> 01:16:23,731
I don't think I could
fuck her if I wanted to.
1616
01:16:23,764 --> 01:16:25,844
That's awesome, man. You
can do way better than Jess.
1617
01:16:26,935 --> 01:16:29,370
What's that supposed
to mean?
1618
01:16:29,404 --> 01:16:30,436
You guys weren't right
for each other.
1619
01:16:30,470 --> 01:16:31,905
You didn't
even like her.
1620
01:16:31,939 --> 01:16:33,540
How do you know how I feel?
You don't know shit.
1621
01:16:33,574 --> 01:16:35,309
Don't talk to me like that.
You said you hated her.
1622
01:16:35,342 --> 01:16:37,510
You told me you were straight
our whole fucking lives
1623
01:16:37,542 --> 01:16:38,563
and then you tried
to make out with me.
1624
01:16:38,564 --> 01:16:39,244
What? When did that happen?
1625
01:16:39,278 --> 01:16:40,780
No, I thought you were
trying to kiss me...
1626
01:16:40,813 --> 01:16:42,680
-man, fucking get over it.
-Get over it?
1627
01:16:42,714 --> 01:16:44,582
I was sad and desperate, I
would've tried it with anybody.
1628
01:16:44,616 --> 01:16:46,885
I'm not anybody, dude.
I'm your best fucking friend.
1629
01:16:46,917 --> 01:16:48,786
-Hey. Hey. Hey.
-I'm so sorry
1630
01:16:48,819 --> 01:16:50,487
-that my being gay inconvenienced you.
-Hey, guys...
1631
01:16:50,521 --> 01:16:51,489
why didn't you tell me
you were gay
1632
01:16:51,522 --> 01:16:52,623
20 fucking years ago?
1633
01:16:52,656 --> 01:16:53,724
I was three.
1634
01:16:53,757 --> 01:16:55,425
Jesus, come on.
1635
01:16:55,458 --> 01:16:57,227
The ribs are ready.
1636
01:16:57,259 --> 01:17:00,696
Dad, terrible timing, okay.
I'm sorry.
1637
01:17:00,730 --> 01:17:04,833
Look, guys. Cheer the fuck
up. It's fourth of July.
1638
01:17:04,865 --> 01:17:08,969
We're here gathered today to
celebrate our country's independence.
1639
01:17:09,002 --> 01:17:10,470
Red, white and blue.
1640
01:17:10,504 --> 01:17:13,308
Ribs, beer, friends,
family, whatever.
1641
01:17:13,340 --> 01:17:15,641
But the most important
thing to me right now is that
1642
01:17:15,674 --> 01:17:17,311
I don't wanna be
independent anymore.
1643
01:17:19,012 --> 01:17:22,714
Michelle Valentino,
can we stop fucking around,
1644
01:17:22,748 --> 01:17:24,817
and make me the luckiest
man that ever lived?
1645
01:17:24,849 --> 01:17:25,951
Will you marry me?
1646
01:17:28,886 --> 01:17:30,655
-Yes.
-Good answer.
1647
01:17:32,923 --> 01:17:34,824
Do I know what I'm doing?
I don't know.
1648
01:17:37,694 --> 01:17:39,230
You're gonna be
an ortu.
1649
01:17:44,733 --> 01:17:45,934
Congratulations.
1650
01:17:45,968 --> 01:17:47,969
Dad, please put
the ribs down.
1651
01:17:50,605 --> 01:17:52,607
Holy shit.
1652
01:17:52,641 --> 01:17:54,275
Did that just happen?
1653
01:17:56,442 --> 01:17:59,012
Yeah.
1654
01:17:59,046 --> 01:18:01,715
Jesus, man. How long have
we not been hanging out?
1655
01:18:01,748 --> 01:18:03,550
I don't know, man.
A really fucking long time.
1656
01:18:06,286 --> 01:18:07,853
Hey. Happy fourth of July.
1657
01:18:09,755 --> 01:18:11,489
What are you
doing here?
1658
01:18:11,523 --> 01:18:13,225
Adam invited me
actually.
1659
01:18:15,558 --> 01:18:16,760
Surprise.
1660
01:18:18,696 --> 01:18:20,695
Sorry, I don't think you
guys have been introduced.
1661
01:18:21,964 --> 01:18:23,766
Chris. This is Rachel.
1662
01:18:25,602 --> 01:18:28,738
Rachel. This is Chris.
1663
01:18:28,770 --> 01:18:29,970
It's nice to meet you, Rachel.
1664
01:18:31,907 --> 01:18:34,342
We're getting married!
1665
01:18:35,810 --> 01:18:37,679
Are you gonna be okay?
1666
01:18:37,711 --> 01:18:41,414
That must have come
as quite a shock to you.
1667
01:18:41,447 --> 01:18:42,849
You two looked
so happy together.
1668
01:18:45,018 --> 01:18:47,954
Seriously.
1669
01:18:47,986 --> 01:18:49,788
This is gonna
change everything.
1670
01:18:49,821 --> 01:18:50,789
Hey guys.
What's going on?
1671
01:18:50,822 --> 01:18:51,758
Did we miss anything?
1672
01:18:51,789 --> 01:18:52,990
Don't worry, Karen.
1673
01:18:53,024 --> 01:18:54,026
The party's
just getting started.
1674
01:18:54,058 --> 01:18:57,296
May I have
this dance, mom?
1675
01:18:57,329 --> 01:18:59,497
-What do you say, Rachel?
-What just 'cause you know my name now,
1676
01:18:59,529 --> 01:19:00,730
you think I'm gonna
dance with you?
1677
01:19:00,764 --> 01:19:01,931
Well, it is dance party.
1678
01:19:01,965 --> 01:19:03,934
Okay, we'll see
what you got.
1679
01:19:03,966 --> 01:19:05,768
Hey, Nick.
Do you wanna dance?
1680
01:19:09,538 --> 01:19:11,041
Yes.
1681
01:19:11,073 --> 01:19:13,112
So, Adam. When are we
gonna see you with a nice boy?
1682
01:19:13,741 --> 01:19:15,943
I don't know, mom.
1683
01:20:30,439 --> 01:20:33,076
I can't believe we burned
through $800 worth of fireworks
1684
01:20:33,108 --> 01:20:34,377
in 12 minutes.
1685
01:20:35,411 --> 01:20:36,679
It's money well spent.
1686
01:20:36,711 --> 01:20:37,714
Yeah.
1687
01:20:46,154 --> 01:20:48,089
Man, I'm really sorry
1688
01:20:48,121 --> 01:20:49,021
about everything.
1689
01:20:49,022 --> 01:20:50,824
No, you don't have to
be sorry, man. I'm sorry.
1690
01:20:50,856 --> 01:20:52,482
No, you guys have been really
cool about this whole time.
1691
01:20:52,483 --> 01:20:53,025
Adam.
1692
01:20:53,058 --> 01:20:54,240
I was stupid and I
didn't even mean to.
1693
01:20:54,241 --> 01:20:55,027
I shouldn't have acted like
1694
01:20:55,060 --> 01:20:55,605
it was such a big deal.
1695
01:20:55,606 --> 01:20:56,696
I was lonely, and if
I could take it back,
1696
01:20:56,729 --> 01:20:58,431
-I would. But I can't
-it wasn't a big deal.
1697
01:20:58,463 --> 01:21:00,463
-It was my fault...
-so, can we just forget that...
1698
01:21:06,103 --> 01:21:08,104
how did that feel?
1699
01:21:08,138 --> 01:21:09,574
Honestly?
1700
01:21:12,643 --> 01:21:14,077
Like kissing my brother.
1701
01:21:16,779 --> 01:21:18,047
-You sure?
-Yeah.
1702
01:21:18,079 --> 01:21:19,082
-Dude, it's okay.
-No, I'm...
1703
01:21:19,115 --> 01:21:20,750
listen, I'm sure.
1704
01:21:23,584 --> 01:21:25,820
Are we good?
1705
01:21:25,854 --> 01:21:27,522
Yeah, man.
We're good.
1706
01:21:27,555 --> 01:21:29,557
Good.
1707
01:21:30,890 --> 01:21:32,250
Told you he wanted
to fuck me most.
1708
01:21:37,030 --> 01:21:39,032
You never listen, Chris.
1709
01:22:05,887 --> 01:22:08,723
I guess I never met
a real life gay dude before.
1710
01:22:08,755 --> 01:22:10,691
I went to high school with a couple
of guys that used to make out,
1711
01:22:10,724 --> 01:22:13,060
but that was
just for weed.
1712
01:22:13,092 --> 01:22:14,194
And then one time
at a party,
1713
01:22:14,227 --> 01:22:16,663
they gave
each other handys.
1714
01:22:16,696 --> 01:22:19,599
That was just for...
1715
01:22:19,632 --> 01:22:21,100
Actually, those two guys
might have been gay.
1716
01:22:21,132 --> 01:22:22,532
-Yeah, I think they were gay.
-Yeah.
1717
01:22:26,604 --> 01:22:27,839
Hey, Ronnie.
I got it.
1718
01:22:27,872 --> 01:22:33,076
-Eat your sandwich.
-See that?
1719
01:22:33,109 --> 01:22:34,745
-Hey.
-Hey.
1720
01:22:34,777 --> 01:22:37,180
Do you remember me?
I came in about a month ago.
1721
01:22:37,214 --> 01:22:39,916
Yeah. Definitely
remember you.
1722
01:22:39,949 --> 01:22:41,084
Is everything
all right?
1723
01:22:41,116 --> 01:22:43,219
Yeah. Everything's great.
1724
01:22:43,253 --> 01:22:45,654
Actually until somebody
smacked this off my car.
1725
01:22:45,686 --> 01:22:47,856
No way.
Seriously?
1726
01:22:47,890 --> 01:22:48,990
Who would do that?
1727
01:22:49,024 --> 01:22:50,860
I have no idea.
1728
01:22:50,892 --> 01:22:53,126
I mean, you don't
need it to drive, but...
1729
01:22:53,159 --> 01:22:54,528
If you want,
I can put it back on.
1730
01:22:54,561 --> 01:22:56,230
It just quiets the exhaust.
1731
01:22:56,264 --> 01:22:57,930
It would take
a couple minutes.
1732
01:22:57,964 --> 01:22:59,832
Yeah.
That'd be great.
1733
01:22:59,866 --> 01:23:02,970
Yeah? Okay.
1734
01:23:03,002 --> 01:23:04,169
I'm Adam,
by the way.
1735
01:23:05,737 --> 01:23:07,173
Matt.
1736
01:23:07,205 --> 01:23:09,674
Matt. Cool.
1737
01:23:09,708 --> 01:23:10,707
Very cool.120740
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