Original subtitles

(Male Announcer reads text on screen)

(Musical jingle)

[brigh]

[loud rock music]

♪ Everything is bleak

♪ It's the middle of the night

♪ You're all alone

♪ And the dummies might be right ♪

[Todd screaming]

AH! FUCK!

Right on the tip of my dick!

Of all fuckin' days for this to happen. Ugh.

Ah! Fuck!

[workers laughing]

Yeah, fuckin' hilarious, isn't it?

[Todd's stomach rumbling]

Oh. Oh Jesus.

Oh God.

[Todd grunting]

I barely made it.

Coffee hit your lips, you gotta shit, am I right?

You might wanna clear out, Tase.

I gotta drop a nuke.

Just did a bombing run.

Upper decker.

[explosive flatulence]

[phone chiming]

[Taser chuckling]

[phone chiming]

Hey, Todd. - Oh shit.

Oh, uh- - Just on my way up.

Yeah, no worries.

Whenever someone's ten minutes late,

I give a courtesy call.

You okay? I can't see you.

I'm, I'm all good.

I'll see you in a few.

What did you wanna talk about?

A new general foreman position opened up.

[loud farting noises] I went to bat for you.

There, surprise ruined.

[tiny fart noise]

Uh, Todd?

Oh, uh, fuck. Thanks.

Uh, it comes with an office and a fancy coffee machine.

I, I really appreciate the offer,

but things changed for me after the, the flare stack weld.

I miss being back on the tools.

Made me realize,

not everyone can handle the rod like Todd.

[Todd grunting] [loud farting noises]

[Todd]. Oh shit.

Uh, so you wanna be back on the tools?

I mean, I'm fine with that.

No, not in Imperial Valley.

I got a job working pipeline that starts next week.

I feel like I need the time away,

[loud farting noises] and with you back as site manager,

I feel like this place is in good hands.

And you really fit in well around here.

Thanks. But, shit. - [farting] Oh no.

Uh, well at least come say goodbye

after you wash your hands.

I hope you didn't see too much.

Can't see you, but I can hear.

See you in a few.

Oh for fuck's sakes!

Are you kidding me right now?!

Fuckin' nice one, Tase, you stealthy prick.

[soft country music]

♪ Miles and miles wide open for me

♪ Got it all laid out so beautifully

♪ Don't you worry 'bout a thing, baby

♪ We can run away from it all ♪

[Backwoods]. Another one in the book for Golden Arm.

How's she lookin'?

Any prettier, I'd lick it and try to stick my dick in it.

Are you tryin' to get me hard?

Carpenter's slowing you down?

Passing you wooden rod or what?

Hey, hey, the good Lord Jesus was a carpenter.

And God must have been a welder.

Amen, Ronnie.

The Toddfather threw in another masterpiece, Ronnie.

[Ronnie]. It's all right.

Well, let's get it tested and hustle back to camp.

It's poker night, boys.

I'm starvin'.

You ready to fuck the shit out of some crab legs, big boy?

Damn straight.

No man's leaving this camp without gout.

Fuckin' love gout!

What in the Tommy fuck is?

For shit sakes, the truck's got a tail again!

[Todd]. Ronnie, fuckin' prankster.

[Backwoods]. The guy's a fuckin' child.

[rhythmic harmonica music]

[machine beeping]

It's a total babe magnet.

They respect authority.

It's not about the power, Dewey.

It's about the paycheque.

She let's me wear the hat when we make sex.

Yeah, when they see the white hard hat coming,

they drain your nuts and take your bucks.

Oh, I am being used.

Well aware of it.

But Tase, she had an earring on her woo-hoo.

A piercing?

No, that's a walk in the park.

I had a girl one time, she had three-

Three piercings down there?

Wow.

Not three piercings,

three tits.

Triangle pattern or Total Recall?

And how do you motorboat that?

Wouldn't you like to know. [chuckles]

Stupid thing.

Dewey, get the gate.

I'm above this grunt work.

Dan the man sees all.

Don't give him a reason, Tase.

He'll can your ass.

I don't give two shits about you, lover.

Lift with your legs, Q-C.

Our security booth ain't no dumpster, dipshit.

Ugh.

Yeah, I'll get it, boss.

I'll give the booth a good clean.

I told you he sees all.

[Danny]. I'm writing you both up

under Housekeeping policy 27-A.

You bag-licking rat, get the gate.

[Roach]. No, fuck! [grunts]

[Steph]. Look at these brazen casuals.

I'm getting flashbacks from the strike of '88.

Fuckin' scabs everywhere.

They'd pull any ass off the street.

These guys don't know their dicks from their noses.

Hey! - Come on.

Give him his ladder back! He's gonna break his legs.

Get it back up there.

No, I got strong arms.

And fingers.

They're always up your nose, you booger eater.

I don't eat my boogs.

I like to roll 'em and flick 'em. [chuckles]

[grunts] Oh.

Why did this Danny fuck

just bring in all these non-union wingnuts?

Same reason as always,

moolah.

Okay, but Chelsea's site manager.

She could can his ass and clean this up.

Not that simple.

Corporate's pulling the strings like the Wizard of Fucking Oz.

The new G-F,

he's a Conch lackey

with a mission for union decertification.

Thanks again, Todd.

Did you catch those no-name junk foods

that they've been stocking the vending machines with?

They're trying to poison us slowly.

You don't have to eat it, man.

Oh, you sweet summer child.

You still think we have choices.

But I'm onto to these motherfuckers.

I've hired a dietitian.

I've been fasting.

[Steph]. Medhi's his new food guru.

Medhi's a quack now.

Okay, and now my arms are actually getting tired.

Okay, joke's over.

Somebody go help him. - Pick it up.

Thank you. - Put it back right now.

Uh, hi boss.

It's, uh, 10:00 AM

and we've already set a new record for safety violations.

Union guys by chance?

No, it's permittees again.

And I'm wondering when are you expanding my team,

because I can't keep up with it all.

We have experienced personnel here.

[Danny]. Don't bet on it.

Un-fucking-likely.

You know, if Todd were still around,

none of this bullshit would be happening,

But he abandoned us like a deadbeat dad.

Whoa!

[Steph]. Mm-hmm. Wow.

Okay, there you have it.

I think I pierced my bag with a screwdriver, man.

Oh yeah, what kind?

Phillips? Flathead?

[Roach groaning]

[Jimi]. Oh geez.

No man, a metal one.

He doesn't know. He doesn't know.

Is that a,

is that a ham sandwich in your pocket?

I...

Just-just a little bit. Just a little bit,

just a little bit, just a little bit.

[Jimi]. Get away from me! It's not your goddamn sandwich.

Stop touching me there!

Just the crust! - [Jimi] No!

[Homer]. Jimi, you're killing me.

[Roach]. Man down!

A new wrench.

[machine whirring]

Great. Another fuckin' flashlight, huh?

Wow, just brilliant, it's brilliant.

And yet they replaced me.

Imagine that.

Oh, I'm sorry, man.

Stocking stuffers?

[Danny]. You gotta make me proud teamsters.

You ready to do the rounds?

Are you ready?

Q-C is just the tip of the dick, Dew-Dew.

Put it in the hole.

Show me that you're ready.

No open beverages on the floor!

Tripping hazard in a mock zone.

Get a mop and bucket to clean up the mop and bucket.

Does this negative reinforcement really work?

It kind of feels like

when my dad would lock me in the furnace room

with no light for hours.

[Danny]. It's like training a dog.

You gotta break the spirit without breaking the soul.

All right?

All right, all right.

So we're perfectly clear,

all you union potatoes

are very replaceable.

Like you, Biscotti.

And don't think your pretty little union will protect ya.

You know what I can do.

Malibu Safety!

What's the fuckin' deal with the Striper Tower?

Well, Roach nearly tore off his scrotum,

so I shut it down.

Not your decision, safety chick.

That comes from a higher power.

[Dewey]. Ball of Knowledge,

here we go.

Coming your way in your hand.

[in unison] Magic 8 ball.

One shake is the same as eight with these things.

Yeah. - It's gonna be-

[Jimi]. One time. Just flip it over.

Better not tell you now.

Right.

I'll let ya know later.

On brand.

Oh, no, no. What to do?!

[Danny]. Dewey!

Oh, I'll get you another one, boss.

I'm gonna take one for the team.

[Danny]. That's God's Gatorade.

Drink it.

No, no, no, Dewey, don't drink that!

That is not water!

It's knowledge.

[Dewey]. It's good, boss.

[lively music]

Deal me in.

Time to lose, ladies.

Chicklets, that's your one beer quota.

We don't want you pissing the bed, understood?

[everyone laughing]

Well, this week's welding champ,

ten weeks in a row.

Yoink!

Easy there, curly fries.

Get your hands off my property, bud.

While you boys were out getting matching suntans,

we hit an extra weld.

This welder and his helper,

we're pretty good at math.

And that puts us up by...

One, sucker!

[laughing and cheering]

For the Golden Arm! Oye! Oye!

[Ronnie]. Good times don't last forever, boys.

Let's talk about layoffs.

Volunteers?

Who misses their boyfriend back home?

[chuckling]

Hey, I hear that the CornPulse bag lickers

are running away with the softball league again this year.

Those dickwaxing cheaters.

I know. They need our bats.

So I say maybe we go back there,

get some Ws and some dingers,

and maybe we make it to the finals this year.

How did you know this?

Taser writes me letters.

He's the only one who talks to me.

I know what you're trying to do.

I've been ignoring this calling for too long,

I love it here. - So do I.

Well, I'm having fun

and I'm finally gettin' to do something for myself.

Why is everyone so pissed off at me?

What the hell did I do?

[Backwoods]. You fucked the dog and sold the puppies.

But realistically, they're jealous.

I mean, we didn't really have to come out here.

I needed to.

[Backwoods]. I get it, man.

Deal me in, boys.

[Ronnie]. You won the belt fair and square, boys, okay.

Here you go.

Cheers, you chicken-headed fucks.

Thanks, Ronnie. - Thanks, Ronnie.

[everyone cheering] [Ronnie laughing]

[Backwoods]. Look, I've been trying to be respectful,

and keep you out of it as long as I could,

but the guy they hired instead of you

is a piece of shit in a toilet bowl that will not flush.

The place is an absolute cluster-fuck.

[Ronnie]. I'll raise 500.

Well, that sucks for them.

I call.

For them?

You mean our crew?

Yes it does.

You know Hollywood Pete?

They just tanked his ass

after 32 fuckin' years!

I'll raise 1250.

What did he do?

He didn't have earplugs.

But he's deaf!

I know. Fold.

Anyways, this Danny guy's running maintenance

like a fuckin' turnaround.

He's making everybody's lives a living hell.

I'll raise five thousand.

Ooh. [chuckles]

Did you say Danny?

That sounds like that son of a bitch

they brought into Goose Bay.

Goose Bay was boomin' until that foot jacker

ran it into the fuckin' ground.

Danny McFuckin' Rules.

What a fuckin' asshole he was.

[Todd]. Call.

McRules? Fake southern accent.

Looks like he's 12 months pregnant,

eats 10 pounds of bacon a day, and smells like ball cheese?

Not only did that fuck blanket ruin my town,

he stole my fuckin' bitch.

No! - Oh, that cuts deep.

Her name was Tatiana.

I'll raise ten thousand.

Holy fuck!

Woohoo!

[Backwoods]. Are you fuckin' high?

Are you seriously thinkin' about doing this?

[Ronnie]. Whatcha gonna do, Golden Arm?

Sorry, man. I'll raise.

Oooh.

You know I'm good for the cash.

I'm willing to put all of my rig cheques into the pot.

[Backwoods]. This is some big fuckin' dough here, brother.

I'll put my actual rig on the line.

[men]. Oh!

You welders make too much fuckin' money.

Call.

[Ronnie]. Aces full.

Oh!

[Ronnie chuckling]

[Todd]. Quad Kings.

[men cheering]

Holy fuck!

[Todd]. I guess that's that.

[Backwoods]. Oh, you just won a fuckin' truck, Toddinator!

Wow!

[lively music]

Hmm.

Morning, Todd.

What do we have here?

That's romantic.

And that needs to come down.

[Homer]. Gently. Gently.

We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it.

Homer, you're doing so well,

you need to stick to the plan.

I can't. - What?

I'm sorry.

Tase. Tase.

You gotta help me, man. Please.

I'd buy you your B7,

but somebody put caulk in the slots.

Wow. Weird.

Who would do that?

Yep, someone put some caulking in them.

Good on them, though.

None of us should be eating any of that garbage.

My body's eating itself.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you okay buddy?

Just one chip.

One lick.

Yeah, don't damage company property.

There's fuckin' cameras everywhere.

[Homer grunting]

You better fix this machine, Medhi.

I swear to God, I'll eat you if I have to.

Your system is realigning.

[chuckling] What are you gonna do?

Throw a chair through the glass?

Good idea. - [Steph] No, no, no!

Don't make me fire you as a client!

I should fire you.

I'm going in.

Stop!

[Homer grunting]

What has gotten into you all?

God, just calm down.

Now we're all feeling some pressure from the top down.

There's cameras in the lunchroom.

What's next, the pisser?

No, he's not gonna do that.

That's illegal.

Damn right it's illegal.

I'm telling you,

there's gonna be videos of us taking a shit on the dark web.

[Ronnie]. Gonna have some fun tonight, boys.

I guess you guys are buying?

For a guy who just lost a $75,000 truck,

you sure are chipper. [laughs]

Nothing like losing Tatiana, man.

Sorry about that, man.

[Backwoods]. This shit again?

This log jockey knows we got the right of way.

[Todd]. Does it look like he gives a fuck?

[Backwoods]. Breaker nine, beaver fever,

there's rules to this road.

We wrote the rules, fuck brain.

Now listen to me, you chicken shits.

Bok-bok-bok-bok-fuck-fuck-off!

Cak-cak-cak-cock-sucker!

Honestly, we need to teach this skunk-eater

a lesson right now.

Let's ram 'em!

That's a great idea.

So that's the plan?

A head-on collision to start the night?

Mm-hmm.

Boys, this was their road long before we showed up.

[both laughing]

Listen man, don't be soft, Stool.

Fuck these birch bark thong-wearing donkeys.

Let's fuckin' ram 'em.

You serious?

Fuckin' ram 'em. - Fuckin' ram 'em.

[Backwoods]. Give it to him hard!

[Ronnie]. He can take it!

Oh, you want to go, big boy?

Here we go, boys.

[Backwoods]. Yes, yes, yes!

Yeahhhhh!

Brace yourselves, boys.

It's a big fuckin' truck!

No! - [Backwoods] No, it was a joke!

[indiscernible yelling]

Fuck!

You fucking crazy?

[Digger]. Chop Chop is undefeated!

[Backwoods]. Fuck you!

[Digger]. Nah, fuck you!

Are you fuckin' insane, man?

You almost wrecked my fuckin' truck.

Uh, my truck?

And what happened to, "Let's ram him", Ronnie?

[Chelsea]. Roach might not be able to have kids.

What happened to Dewey?

He's supposed to be quality control.

Mountain Dewey is quality and he is in control.

You're just not seein' it.

These incidents are escalating.

What if someone dies?

Cost of doin' business.

This gator strap cost more than the lizard's life I took.

You didn't shoot an alligator.

You bought that thing at the mall.

And what's with the shitty Southern accent?

You're from Alberta.

It makes me likeable and sexier.

Okay.

[Danny]. I see the ex-girlfriend hasn't been showing up to work.

That's too bad.

I love me some Scissor Sisters.

[chuckles] It's okay.

I've been gay a few times.

Just never with a new apprentice.

No wonder no one can stand you.

[Danny]. I can't stand them.

I see it all on my monitors.

Hilarious.

I even caught "Ozemprick"

trying to steal from the vending machine.

That's suspension worthy.

Okay. I'm gonna have a conversation

with board members about your bullshit.

The Conch's want me here.

I'm way closer to the family than you ever were.

You were Charles' gal,

but look what you did to him.

He's probably got a face tattoo

and is gettin' rammed in the butt right now.

In the butt!

No matter how you slice it,

we have to work together.

Oh yeah?

A tornado's approachin'

and the wind smells like expensive perfume and a,

a Gucci snail trail.

Ugh.

Charles' daughter's comin' and she wants her allowance.

Jenn Conch is coming here?

Excited to have another, another woman around?

[Danny giggling]

Oh, come here. [giggles]

Oh, is that your dog on site?

This little princess is my own personal support animal.

So you are perfectly street legal, aren't ya?

Oh yes, oh yes you're good.

Oh, thank you for cleanin' my toes.

Oh, my toes are gettin' cold.

Better put this sock back on.

Might be legal, but it's weird.

Animal cruelty.

Can you help me with this sock, please?

Chelsea, help. [grunts]

[dog growling]

Well, I'd say that's about the closest

I've ever come to dying.

Bullshit.

Remember when we volunteered for fire school?

[Backwoods chuckling]

Tried to drink from the hose

and blew out his fuckin' vocal cords.

You got any sense or what?

I thought it would make me sound more manly,

more baritone and raspy.

Not you again.

Oh, my dear.

Lookin' lovely.

Lemme know if you need any help changing the kegs

or anything like that.

I'm here for you.

You gonna seal the deal tonight?

Backwoods, seal the deal.

Come on, we've been here a dozen times.

Get on with it.

Gentlemen, love is patient, okay?

It's kind. Requires some finesse.

Likes of which you troglodytes have no fucking idea.

Boys, look what just walked in.

It's that fuckin' hillbilly driver

and his inbred friends.

Shit, that is him.

Guy on the left, he's got a knife in his boot.

Two guys who look like sisters,

we can fuckin' take 'em.

Big fuck in the corner,

got a bum knee but he wears brass knuckles.

Should we ram 'em, Ronnie?

Sometimes you don't think, you just do.

Got it, boys?

Hey, if it isn't dirty grandpa and the two fuckheads.

You tit-squirtin' inbreds almost wrecked my fuckin' truck.

My truck.

[Backwoods]. His truck.

It's my beer you're drinking there, big guy.

You best be buying me another round

before I put you in the ground.

Just like I put your truck in the ditch.

Listen, you sap-suckin' fuckin' sally.

You ran us off the road like a cocky, tiny,

little fuckin' squirrel tryin' to fuck a grizzly bear.

So trust me, bud,

you and your inbred friends owe us a fuckin' drink.

Old man, you ran your cracked ass off the road yourself.

You know it.

Too busy thinking about all those pipes, eh?

Oh, how am I gonna fit this pipe up this motherfucker's ass?

[in dumb voice] I don't know 'cause I'm a fuckin' idiot.

You wanna talk about pipes fittin', bud.

I'll fit this fuckin' pipe down your throat!

Yeah, how about my knuckles and your teeth for dessert,

you gobbled neck fuck-tucker?

You lookin' to get flambéed?

Who the fuck talks like this?

I don't know, there's a lot of talkin'.

Hey!

[Ronnie grunting]

Get a fuckin' chair!

Right this way, my darling.

[men grunting] [rock music playing]

[chuckles] Fuck you!

♪ Raise a little hell, raise a little hell ♪

[Ronnie]. By the dozen. Let's go!

[Todd]. Watch my back!

[men grunting]

Get off of my brother you little [grunts].

[men grunting]

Fuck you dog, and get!

Come on, brother.

Get up.

Are you sure you don't want to go home yet?

And miss all this fuckin' fun?

Come on!

[Backwoods laughing]

Get him!

[men grunting]

Oh, you got a poker?

What's that, a sewing needle?

I wouldn't give that to my son!

[men grunting]

[Todd grunting] [rock music playing]

[Todd]. [grunts] Ah! My fuckin' welder's elbow!

This, and that, and that,

and here's some fuckin' salad for ya!

[Todd grunting]

♪ Raise a little hell, raise a little hell ♪

♪ raise a little hell ♪

[men grunting]

[fists pummelling]

♪ Raise a little hell, raise a little hell ♪

[rock drum solo]

[glass shattering]

[Todd VO]. Clean passes,

solid beads,

penetration.

You are one with the rod and pipe.

You are the golden glue.

There is only one.

You are the Golden Arm.

No one can handle the rod like Todd.

I need a minute, I'm meditating.

That's not meditating.

I just heard your weird, kinky-ass self-recording.

[Rodd on phone]. Just wake him up. Don't be a pussy.

Like I said. Come on, Rich.

He's not sleeping.

He's hot boxing his truck with farts or something.

Here. It's your dad. You gotta take it.

[Rodd on phone]. Todd? Todd?

Hey Dad, what's up?

[Rodd on phone]. Ah, finally.

It's Auds.

She seemed fine last time we spoke.

[Rodd on phone]. Well, she's not showing up for work now.

She's still looking after my house though, right?

[Rodd on phone]. I'm not sure I call it looking after.

You know what? Just get your ass home.

You got it, Dad. - Good.

Look, dude, I go where you go, right?

Appreciate it.

Now, Audrey's got a whole brotherhood looking out for her,

but sometimes she just needs to see her own bro, right?

Plus, I miss the smell of H2S in the morning,

and the eggs benny at the Leaky Pipe.

You do miss your boy though, right?

Oh, yes, my son, Stryker.

You named your fuckin' kid Stryker, man?

What the fuck?

Shit, you've been there the whole time?

Time for a vacation.

I'd give my left nut

to see that Danny McRules one more fuckin' time.

Hey man, no smokin' in my truck.

[Backwoods]. Whoops. Yoink.

Can't be any worse

than that cancer cum he's chewin' in his mouth.

[everyone laughing]

[Ronnie]. What the fuck are you looking at, Johnny?

Let's ride! [chuckles]

[Backwoods]. Next stop, Imperial Valley.

Bye, Ronnie.

[Backwoods]. Yeah, boys!

[Ronnie]. Here we go a-fuckin-gain.

[Todd]. Wonder how our little buddy Chop Chop's doin'?

[Backwoods]. Do we need to give this guy another ass whoopin'?

That's what you get, you little pussy. [laughs]

Share the road!

[Backwoods]. How was your salad? [laughs]

Need any dressing?

[Todd]. Later, you fuckface flambé.

[Backwoods]. Want some croutons? [laughs]

[Ronnie]. Have a fuckin' good day, Chop Chop.

[Backwoods]. Suck it!

See ya, moron!

♪ The ones that get the joke [phone vibrating]

♪ Who understand what you're saying before a word is spoke ♪

What the fuck? Are you hiding?

Ah! [laughs]

My turn to wear the boot.

[Billy]. Okay, you're the boss.

♪ When you're together, you've got nothing to prove ♪

[both giggling]

♪ When you're together, you've got nothing to lose

♪ In a world full of strangers, you don't know who to trust

♪ All you see is danger,

♪ Trying to find what you've lost

♪ You can't do it alone

♪ Everybody needs help

♪ You've got to find your people,

♪ Then you'll find yourself ♪

[soft rhythmic music]

♪ You've got to find the people that'll call your bluff ♪

♪ Who'll ride along when the road is rough

♪ You've got to find your people

♪ The ones that make you feel equal

♪ They pick you up and don't put you down

♪ Help you find your way in the lost and found ♪

♪ All you see is danger

♪ You can't go it alone

♪ And everybody needs help

♪ You've got to find your people,

♪ Then you'll find yourself ♪

[soft rhythmic music]

[loud screaming]