Original subtitles

. Holy shit!

This looks like no-daddy-alley.

Is the garbage man on strike?

Fuck, are we here yet?

I'm so ready for some skull bashin'.

Nothing warms my heart anymore than seeing Danny McRules

live in a fuckin' shithole like this.

This is my fuckin' house.

Hey, can we hit pause on the skull bashing

just for today, please?

My fuckin' head hurts, boys.

I'm going to sleep.

Good.

Guys, keep your dirty fingers off my pocket pussy.

. Fuck off. Where is it?

. What the hell is going on here?

Look at my truck.

. Is your sister using your truck as a dumpster?

No fuckin' respect.

What the fuck?

Throwing out all this good scrap?

What are you, millionaires?

What is this, a trailer park?

. Fucking nunchucks?

. Yeah, just drop it at the door.

You better be fuckin' kidding me.

. Holy shit!

What if I believe in social distancing?

I'm a fucking brown belt!

Oh fuck.

How are you doin'?

Oh, right, right, right, you're not a hugger.

So what the fuck?

They got you delivering food now or-

Nice sweater.

Thanks. Yeah, it's-it's yours.

It was cold, okay? - Yeah.

Look, I'll give you some of my chicken sandwich when it comes.

Why is this piece of shit parked in my driveway?

Ahhhh, there was no other place for it to park. Plus-

Yeah. Okay.

And what the hell happened to my truck?

Ahhhh, the empties,

I was gonna take 'em back, use the money to get a wash,

then I got a fuckin' flat,

so now I gotta drink more cases

and fuckin' pay for the tire.

Right. Okay. - Yeah.

. Your journey in this realm ends,

leaving behind tales of bravery.

What the fuck is going on in my garage?

Dude...

my fuckin' property line ends here.

Your property line?

Yeah, okay.

. Don't pull me so tight!

. Necromancer, attack!

Close the door!

Close the door!

What in the name of Satan's tits?

Dewey, did you turn my garage into a fuck den for nerds?

I'm a Level 15 Half-Elf Warlock,

thank you very much. - Oh.

You're supposed to be in a forest playing touch-butt

with Backwoods.

Fuckin' hilarious.

Close the door! Close the door!

What the fuck is happenin' here?

Good question.

Why are you playin' here?

We got kicked out of my apartment.

My landlord isn't a fan of cosplay.

That's because you live in your mother's basement,

you little shit.

Now what the hell are you doing here?

And why are you engaged in this game of dress-up?

Hey, cuz. - Hello.

How do you know Beardo?

It's Minty.

He snorted some breath mints as a child

and fucked up Christmas.

He's my mom's sister's son.

So, your cousin? - Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. - Yeah.

His family's the side of the family that's the circus folk.

Hey man, you're the one with the tiny ears.

And you're the one with the tiny penis.

Okay, let's get this cleaned up, Dewey.

No can do.

We still have two quests to go

and then I have to go to work.

. Is this part of the quest?

. Yes, Todd.

Todd. Todd, please, please put that down.

This one right here? - Todd. Todd, please.

This is important, is it?

Yes, it's very important, Todd.

I'm just asking you to please put that down.

I'm gonna put it down. I'm gonna put it down.

. Todd, please. Todd.

No! No!

The quest for the Relic of Radiance.

You busted the arm of the Necromancer!

I'll bust more than that

if you freaks don't stop playing make-believe in my man cave.

Get it cleaned up and get out!

Banish him from his own abode!

May his butt switch places with his face!

Betrayer!

. Butt face!

Betrayer, betrayer, betrayer! - Get out!

What the fuck? Did Minty and Dewey meet on the internet?

When did your cousin become such a nerd?

I don't know.

Fuck! He's probably inbred or something.

Boys, what's up?

You know, I was fuckin' thinkin' about

gettin' a hot tub myself.

What model is this again?

This is the, uh, Suck Me Dry 9000.

You live in a trailer in my driveway.

Where the fuck are you gonna put a hot tub?

I could knock the back out.

What's going on here? - What?

No, no, no.

My God.

Uh, that's a bigger story.

. Snax?

. What? No. What? No.

Fuck, that's not Snaxy-boy. Jeez.

No one told you, right?

Snax ran away.

Yeah, fuckin' migrated South.

. So who the fuck is this?

That's just some rando I hit with your truck.

I did the Snaxidermy for Auds.

She missed him so much.

It looks fucking great.

Yeah, Snax and I really bonded.

You know, one morning we got a coffee, smoke.

Next, just fuckin' gone.

You let a raccoon smoke darts?

What? No, no, no.

What am I, a monster?

Just blew a puff or two in his face.

I don't think he liked it much.

Coffee, though, loved that.

Drink it out of a little bowl.

Made him get a little dance-y.

You know, he survived.

I gotta talk to Auds.

Oh, she's in the wiener wagon.

Take your boots off!

Go fuck yourself!

You don't knock?

Dad called.

Said you're not working?

Are you okay? We're concerned.

Oh, you're concerned, are you?

Well, Dad's off fucking renovating his backyard

and you and your bestie are off getting rich,

and sucking each other's dicks.

You know I have a gag reflex.

We do the spit and shine.

Come here.

Missed you. - Yeah.

Here, sit.

You need to get rid of that scabby hemorrhoid for good.

Billy's using ya.

I'm using him.

I'm dickmatized.

. Now I'm traumatized.

How do you plan on finishing your apprenticeship

if you're not working?

You can't get signed on or collect benefits until you do.

Well, I let my safety training run out

and now it's backlogged with all of Danny's new hires.

I told them it was a mental leave.

Not like they can prove it.

Seriously?

Faking something for paid time?

That's not you, Auds.

That's Billy-type shit.

How about deserting your entire crew and family?

That's you-type shit.

Here's an idea.

Stop fucking judging me.

You have no idea what happened after you left.

That new General Foreman Danny's a real piece of shit!

Okay, so this is a level.

He reported me and Chelsea to HR,

so now that's over.

And then he made sure everybody knew about us

by writing bullshit in the reports

and making us read it out during tool talks.

. Whoa there, sister.

Updated report from Dan the man.

Workplace relationships.

Okay, so it's now against policy to date,

sleep with, bang-

Scissor, finger blast, or...

Carpet munch any coworkers,

especially subordinates.

Is this a fucking joke?

No, ma'am.

Fuck you, man!

It wasn't just directed at me.

I can handle the shit talk,

but when they brought family into it, I snapped.

Eat him up, fellas.

Purple nerple! Yeah!

Woo!

Fuck that dummy up, yeah.

You guys are jerks.

Can we not with my brother?

Scare-Todd is an upgrade of your bro.

He's a wonderful listener and even better punching bag.

Yeah, this guy's really boosted morale

and he actually has a backbone.

Even if it is a broomstick.

Did you forget that my brother saved your asses?

Stop sucking the fucking new guy's dick.

He's a gaslighting piece of shit.

I smell suspension.

I'm just gonna get the fuck outta here.

Excuse me!

That is fucked up, Auds.

I need to go pay this filet-o-dick sandwich Danny

a visit.

Don't you fucking dare!

Leave it alone.

I am perfectly capable of looking after myself.

You and Dad need to realize that I'm not 10 for fuck's sake.

You know I can't do that.

He disrespected my sister,

my crew, my Scare-Todd.

Jesus Christ!

You're gonna make it worse!

Is that possible? Backwoods, with me.

Skull-bashing time?

Ronnie, stay here or we'll end up in jail.

Bye, Ronnie.

Got a Pilsner?

Hi, Backwoods.

. Hi.

Since the introduction of our flare tip technology,

we're now seeing a 30% clean air burn.

We're not just the best in market,

no, no, no, no.

We are the market.

The blueprints are available for purchase.

Thank you, Calgary!

Thank you. Thank you.

You get a flare tip. You get a flare tip.

You get a flare tip.

Yes, wonderful.

Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you. Yes.

Oh, you want a selfie? Sure. Yeah.

Smile!

Yes. Ah, okay. Bye-Bye.

Hand sanitizer.

They were like a bunch of kittens

lapping up your PowerPoint.

I feel so dirty.

Lotion. - Yep.

They orbited around your words like planets around the sun.

Lenny, I can't do this anymore.

What?!

You've revolutionized the industry, man.

You know, my parents, they wanted me to be a chiropractor.

And now, look,

I roll with the man, the myth, the legend!

The magic of Medhi has spread across the nation.

Then I'm wasting my magic.

I'm an inventor, not a bloody salesman!

The best of me is still in here!

Green drink. - Okay.

Homer? It's...

Tiny Dragon. Let me in.

. Should be done, Homer.

. Knock, knock!

I'm coming in!

Oh, there it is.

Uh, it was, uh,

it was hot in here.

No, pretty sure it's cold.

Listen, I know how loyal you are to this company

and how far you're willing to go to protect us.

You have my attention.

We have a large...

bird to fry.

I-I need dirt on Danny.

He's completely outta control.

I'm talking by any means necessary,

ghost protocol.

Permission to activate operatives?

Yes, and activate your pants.

Yeah, can you just grab the door?

Okay.

All right.

Where were we?

Where the hell is Marcus?

Well, it's a bit odd, don't you think?

. What the fuck is this thing?

Scan your card?

Fuck.

. Invalid card.

Point the barcode side at the scanner.

That's what I fuckin' did.

Ah, the famous duo.

Seth Rogaine and James Wanko.

I knew our destinies were ready to cross.

Well, you guys look dumber in person.

Guess what?

Why don't you come out here and say that to our faces? Huh?

Get the fuck in the truck.

We'll try gate D, slip in the back door.

I'm a big fan of back doors McRules,

and you're gonna be one soon too.

Suck it.

. I don't suck anything.

Mountain Dewey, Mountain Dewey.

We are knee-deep in a river of shit-headed snakes.

Meet me at the back gate.

There's gonna be a breach!

Okay. Stephi, stealth mode.

Watch your motion.

You got it. You got it.

Okay, Steph. Go, go, go, go.

It's locked.

Okay. No. Sorry guys, this should be pretty easy.

I can squeeze through this window.

I'm like a mouse,

I can fit into a hole this big.

My wife's a very happy woman.

I just need a boost, okay?

Why don't you just let me do it?

No, it's all good. I'm a professional.

Plus, you two need to conserve your energy.

Come on, gimme a boost. Get down. Make a table.

. Homer.

Look, I've lost four pounds. I'm good. Okay, ready?

. Jesus!

. One, two...

Hey, you guys comin'?

Now, come on, Stephi, what are you doing?

Get in there.

Go on, move! - Jesus.

Ugh, can't get a decent cup of coffee on the road.

Too hot? - Too hot and too shit.

You know what could use a reinvention?

The caffeine industry.

It tastes like ass.

You're right.

It does taste like ass.

Oh, Leonard, my pocket protégé.

It's literally been right in front of my face

this whole time.

Okay, change of plans.

We're going home.

I've got some research to do.

But we have Vegas next.

Not anymore!

Fudge!

. Aw. Hi cute.

I wasn't expecting a guard dog.

Oh, that'd fit on my hibachi.

A little paprika, some garlic.

No. A dog on site

is in violation of Conch's Code of Conduct.

I bet you that service dog vest is bullshit too.

Okay, Steph, you secure the dog.

Tase, let's tear this place apart.

Copy. - You want a treat?

. Out of the way. Gone.

Binder, paper, gone!

What are you doing?

You said tear the place up.

Figuratively!

Oh, my bad.

. Is this where you do your job?

Hmm. Oh wow.

This is some creeper shit.

. Freaking meat gazer.

Yeah.

And these are not the cheap cameras you buy at some

big box retailer.

This is superior wireless frequency.

Military grade.

Military.

Nakamura, come in.

This is Gandalf.

The target has a canine on site

and he's watching people pee.

I'll keep digging.

. Homer, wrong channel again, numbnuts.

Goddamnit!

I'm sorry, Jimi.

. Look at him.

There he is, fuckin' for crying outside.

What the fuck are you doing here?

What the hell's this all about?

Boys, I'm not in the mood.

Marcus, what the fuck are you doing all the way back here?

They replaced me with a Speak-and-Spell

at the front gate.

I've officially been Stooled.

For fuck's sakes, that's a saying now?

The new guy swapped me out for a fucking computer.

I got icicles on my pecs.

Fuck, Marcus. I'm sorry, man.

You should be sorry.

This plant's in a bad place.

Casual city.

Morale in the shits.

Everybody's pissed off at you guys.

Well, actually just you.

That's why we're here.

I need to speak to the General Foreman.

Where does that dangleberry hang out?

Well, what in the fuck do we have here?

Dewey, what are you doing with this cock weasel?

I'm his squire, level four.

Nice accent.

You're fucked, level 10.

Holy shit!

You guys are not gonna believe this.

Yo. Nice rod, Tase.

Looks like they took off two inches.

Man, this is wild.

I'm inside the mainframe.

Wow. - Hey!

Look. - Yeah.

Smooth and round, and hairless.

Look at that. - Yeah.

It's like a fit woman's tushy.

. All right.

It's 'cause I do my lunges.

. Well, that's not all you do.

God, no wonder Danny likes to stand under you

when you go up the ladder.

Tase, just step to the side for a second.

. Wait, what?

Hey! - What happened?

Hey, chill out, Steph, okay?

It's cold in here.

God.

It's fine.

Nice work, guys.

. Look away, Steph, look away.

As history dictates,

isn't this the point where you two dick-inhalers run away

like sad little cry babies?

Shut your fuckin' pie hole, pig tits.

Dew Worm, please escort golden dick

and his camouflaged cow girl off my premises.

I've heard about you.

You're a disgrace to all foreman.

You've ruined this place!

You fuckin' wife-stealing, scabby-hiring,

barn-owl-fingering-fuck!

You fingered an owl?

I just came to say,

fuck you before I head back to camp.

Okay, cool guy.

Where's your sister been?

I miss staring at those lopsided titties-

Look, if you say anything about my sister,

I swear to fuck-

Tough talk for a loser quitter.

Silence, village idiot!

And Dewey, wipe that shit smear off your top lip.

What is wrong with you?

Why you got your nose up this guy's fucking ass?

You're supposed to be one of us.

. Oh.

You aren't us anymore.

Why are you talking like that?

Stop it!

You fucking dildo.

. Oh, look who it is, the runaway boys.

You clowns left us high and dry.

Fuck you, Stool, for wanting to make more money.

Oh, that's funny.

Danny, you are one sick fuck.

Yeah, this guy's been meat-gazing.

He's been looking at our cocks, tits and pussies.

What the fuck?

Try and be respectful. - Those are medical terms.

It ain't a crime, it ain't real,

and it's not recorded.

So, it's my word against yours

and we all know how that goes.

What about all your camera feeds?

Are those recorded, Dan-Dan?

Oh yeah, they are.

On his hard drive and in the cloud.

And I hacked his password in about five seconds.

Pawmuncher69?

That's pretty common.

Cameras in the bathrooms, you deviant.

Those are ridiculous and slanderous accusations.

Got you, you son of a bitch.

And it is with great, great pleasure

that I have this honour.

Danny McRules,

you're fired!

Marcus? - Fired? You can't fire me.

This is a hate crime!

Shut the fuck up.

I've got a army of non-union peeps behind me.

They're coming!

And don't you worry.

I am fucking untouchable!

You seem touchable to me.

. Bye-bye.

You get on out of here now. - Enjoy it while you can!

Grab your support dog. - You're so finished!

Oh my god!

Let go of me!

Are you short-circuiting?

What the fuck are you doing, Dewey?

You're all playing with my heart.

And that's on you. And that's on you.

. Why the fuck is he still talking like that?

What the fuck just happened?

I thought you were on pipeline.

I still am. Well, will be.

Well, some of us are going to the Pipe later.

You should come.

Yeah, I'm not sure they want me there.

Aw, come on.

Don't be such a pussy.

. My first job on the pipeline,

I broke my boss' nose and I got fired.

Wow, that's pretty hardcore.

My mother taught me something that day

and it always stuck with me.

She said, "Ronnie, my son,

"failure isn't falling down, it's staying down."

That being said,

don't you wanna create something of your own?

Don't you wanna be known as more than just Todd's sister?

Well, I've been called a lot worse lately.

Sounds like your family really made an impression on you.

. They did. All of them.

Even the ones you don't get to see.

Her name was Tatiana.

Oh, that's exotic.

Fuck.

Oh, wow. That's nice.

Little Gilfs sesh shots.

Fuck it. I'm gay for pay.

You want one of them blue pills, gramps?

Or, uh, Spanish fly?

Shut the fuck up and show some respect to your elders.

Um, seniors? - Auds? Auds? Huh?

Oh, it's cool, guys. I don't see age.

Why don't you just go for a walk before-

Before I put you through the fuckin' wall, bud.

So, that's no threesome? - No.

Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Would've been fun!

Good for the prostate.

Fucking idiot.

Sometimes you don't think, Auds.

You just do.

Look who it is. - What are you doing here?

Long time no see.

Problem, boys?

What are you shaking your heads at?

Well, if it isn't douchebag the deserter

and his long-haired pipeline princess.

Fuck you, Jimi.

Take that as a compliment.

I guess they got tired of fucking each other

out there in the cold.

They don't look tired.

Why does everyone think we're teeing off on each other?

Beats me. Beer me, hun.

And make me a sandwich.

Got two beer. Thank you, Darlene.

Yep. On his tab.

Good work earlier, boys.

Marcus told me that douche canoe tried to bite him.

I wonder what kind of fucked-up shit is on those hard drives.

I'm not gonna watch any of it.

. Sure.

Piss off, goat-fucker.

Looks like a rhino's taint.

What the fuck?

Save me a stool, Stool.

I got one for you, Ronnie.

What's up?

Figured I'd come have a beer with you guys

before you head out. - Thanks, Auds.

. Hey, Todd.

Glad you're not a pussy.

Kind of nice to come and have a beer with everyone

before we head back.

. That's right.

Yeah, especially without knuckles flying everywhere.

Cheers to that.

. And fuck you.

Seriously, Homer.

Give it a fuckin' rest.

. Yeah, fuck off, traitor.

Fuckin' guy's special.

Hi. - Hi.

. What the fuck is Dewey doing?

Hey, Dewey. - It's a magic show?

. What is this, Dewey-oke?

. What the fuck is this now?

What the fuck now?

Again? - Here we go.

. Turn that down.

Oh!

Why don't you start fucking stripping you fuckhead?

Alright, I'm here to,

to knock y'all senses dark and punch 'em into oblivion.

You opened up a nasty can of Western whoop-ass

and it's gonna nut in your eye.

Nut in your eye? - What does that mean?

It's where it stings the most.

Really? - Oh, of course.

Let's start the fighting with...

. I'm ready.

. Yeah.

. Fuck him up, Tase.

. Yeah, you show him, Tase.

You.

All right, Jimi.

All right, fuck it.

I got a bad hip, but let's go.

Come on. - Me first.

Jimi, I got this. I got this.

Me first.

All right.

I had your backs, permits.

Now you gotta have mine. Come on!

Why don't you get the fuck outta here?

Nobody's gonna fight you.

You're not worth it.

And nobody's gonna back you up.

Tatiana! Tatiana.

Come here, baby, come here.

Tatiana. Tatiana, my cutie little tootie.

I love you.

Ronnie's bitch is a real bitch.

You little slut!

I knew you'd end up in a shit small town.

You ruined my hometown.

No problem. I get over it.

But then you stole my Tatiana.

Now we got a real fuckin' problem.

. Not good.

. What? Is that for your bum?

What the fuck are you doing, you weird, gross perv?

Scoping out your chin to see how my nuts will fit on it.

You're dead!

Oh shit!

Kumite that, you scraggly bitch!

You know, I would've dealt with that.

No need, Audrey's brother.

That was awesome!

Where the fuck did that come from?

Boys, sometimes you don't think,

you just do.

. You got it, Auds.

Now that your lover's down, you're demoted.

Janet Jackson.

. Fuck you, Dewey.

Just get the fuck outta here, all right?

Get moving. - Get going.

Watch it.

Let me send this donkey on outta town.

And we shall never speak of this again.

Bye!

. You touched my bum!

Why do you keep touching my bum?!

You got a nice bum.

Forgot your nipple cover.

Can we just have some beers

and pretend we're on the same team for once?

As if. - What team are you on?

Not ours.

. Fucking snake in the grass.

Yeah, I'm surprised you could talk so good

with Backwoods' cock in your mouth.

I'll stick my cock in your eye, Homer.

Fuck you, Fink.

You too now, Steph? - It's fun.

You know what else is fun, man?

Peace.

Let's get high. Come on!

Yeah, all right.

. Yeah!

. All right. Gettin' high is fun.

My little Tatiana makes up for no skull bashing.

Listen, brother, I'm gonna stick around for a few days.

Make sure shit's all ironed out.

There's your keys.

Wasn't the right shade of grey for me.

Safe travels.

Okay, brother. See you soon.

Jeez, welders make way too much money.

Fuckin' right, they do.

♪ I once knew a welder with some golden flair

♪ When it comes to talent, there ain't nothing there

♪ Defend his little sis with revenge in his mind,

♪ but Audrey stepped up and dropped Danny's behind.

♪ I'm out on parole trying to make ends meet.

♪ What's with the eye patch, Bennett?

♪ Still feeling the heat?

♪ Todd's rep is a mess.

♪ The boy better pray the union's on the knees

♪ And Jenn Conch is on the way.

♪ She's a spoiled little brat and she's coming to town.

♪ Like her daddy, watch out.

♪ She'll put this bitch in the ground.

♪ Check the O.R. You like it so far? ♪

♪ Check the O.R. You like it so far? ♪

♪ Check the O.R. You like it so far? ♪

♪ Check the O.R. You love the O.R. ♪

♪ Check the O.R. You like it so far? ♪

♪ Smack your back

♪ Can you deal with a deep scar?

♪ I will test ya from the west of ya

♪ Now ya know that I'm better than the best of ya

♪ I remove you quicker than a Band-Aid

♪ Paid backstage and I'm gone like a renegade

♪ And I don't delay, want the replay?

♪ Like Sinatra, I got ya my way

♪ I feel lowly so I lay low

♪ Never lonely now that I clock dough

♪ Flippin' women over like a pancake

♪ And I will make mistakes in a heartbreak

♪ Receive honours, make you goners

♪ Break the deuce like Jimmy Connors

♪ I'm not a phony, preaching testimony

♪ Goin' down to the bank for mo' money

♪ Make light of everyday establishment

♪ With content sticking like Polident

♪ But I pay my dues

♪ I lay more chicks than Mother Goose

♪ Check the O.R. You like it so far? ♪

♪ Check the O.R. You like it so far? ♪

♪ Check the O.R. You like it so far? ♪

♪ Check the O.R. You like it so far? ♪

♪ You wanna' get with this?

♪ I hit with persistence

♪ Swing, the countdown, 1-2-3-4

♪ Smooth it out, now check the O.R ♪

♪ Check the O.R. You like it so far? ♪

♪ Check the O.R. You like it so far? ♪

♪ Check the O.R. You like it so far? ♪

♪ Check the O.R. You love the O.R. ♪

♪ Check the O.R. You like it so far? ♪

♪ Check the O.R. You like it so far? ♪