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1
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,642
- Hi! I'm Patrick Star!
2
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,745
And I live with my parents!
3
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:12,613
Ow!
4
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,315
This is my dad.
5
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:16,584
[zany music]
6
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:19,320
This is my mom.
[laughs]
7
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:22,423
This is my sister. She's shy.
8
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,792
This is my grandpa.
9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,561
This is my room!
10
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:28,562
And this...
11
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:30,531
♪ ♪
12
00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:33,934
This is my show!
13
00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:35,869
♪ ♪
14
00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:39,407
[upbeat music]
15
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,742
- Perch Perkins here live
at the premiere
16
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:45,045
of "The Patrick Show"
season two.
17
00:00:45,113 --> 00:00:46,046
Let's take a look.
18
00:00:46,114 --> 00:00:49,217
- Are you ready
19
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:52,986
for season two?
20
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:56,957
[people chanting]
Season two! Season two!
21
00:00:57,024 --> 00:01:00,128
♪ ♪
22
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,862
- ♪ Oh ♪
23
00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:05,999
- And that's the entire
season two budget.
24
00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:07,368
Sorry, everybody.
25
00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:08,435
[grunts]
26
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:10,204
[all scream]
27
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:11,372
[zany music]
28
00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:12,706
[together]
What?
29
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:13,907
♪ ♪
30
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:19,147
[indistinct
disappointed chatter]
31
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,882
- Are we really
out of money, Squidina?
32
00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:25,753
- That's right, Patrick.
TV shows are expensive.
33
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:29,323
We're gonna need some
pretty creative episode ideas
34
00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:31,525
to fill out the season.
35
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:34,628
- Oh, how about
an all Cecil episode?
36
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:39,767
- Or a Halloween special
about the horrors of dust.
37
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,170
- I...
- Wait!
38
00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:45,173
Does anyone else smell that?
[sniffing]
39
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:47,808
Aha!
40
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:50,744
Copyright infringement.
41
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:53,181
- When does the show start,
mister?
42
00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:56,684
- Pirated Patrick paraphernalia.
43
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:59,953
[gasps]
Bootleg balloons.
44
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,355
Hmm.
45
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:04,192
Check out my sweet merch haul.
[chuckles]
46
00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:05,659
- [gasps]
47
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:08,896
GrandPat, you just figured out
how to fund season two!
48
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,965
- Stealing from children?
- No.
49
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:15,203
We'll sell official
"Patrick Show" merchandise.
50
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:19,207
- What's the difference?
- Roll commercial.
51
00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:22,510
- Hey, kids, are you bored?
52
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,445
[both groan]
Uh-huh.
53
00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:25,846
- Well, check this out.
54
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:26,847
- Whoa!
- What?
55
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,249
[together]
Wow!
56
00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:31,319
- Pat the Hapless and Beelzebass
57
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,554
as you've never
seen them before.
58
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:36,790
Our hero comes with
his very own battle axe.
59
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:39,793
[triumphant music]
60
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:42,230
- [laughs] Yeah!
61
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:46,534
- But the evil Beelzebass
uses his pits of despair.
62
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,369
- [screams]
63
00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:50,438
♪ ♪
64
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,773
- And don't forget
all action figures
65
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,343
come with unique smells.
66
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:56,820
Pat the Hapless
and Beelzebass toys
67
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,078
come with all you see here.
68
00:02:58,145 --> 00:02:59,705
Batteries and trauma kit
not included.
69
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:04,585
- These doohickeys seem
a little dangerous, don't they?
70
00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:06,854
[screams]
Oh.
71
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,422
Oh, my.
- Yeah.
72
00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:10,157
But they're selling
like hotcakes.
73
00:03:10,258 --> 00:03:11,692
- [chuckles]
74
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,827
[screams]
My eyes!
75
00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:18,065
- Welcome back to the
Star Home Shopping Network.
76
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,268
We've got some
gorgeous paintings
77
00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:23,671
on sale today all done
by Patrick himself.
78
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:26,874
These are
"Rainy Monday on a Tuesday"
79
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:29,277
and "Self Portrait."
80
00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:33,113
And this one is titled,
"The Number Three."
81
00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:36,149
Our operators are standing by
to take your orders.
82
00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:38,051
Patrick, we need more art!
83
00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:41,021
[soft dramatic music]
84
00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:43,824
Uh, uh, uh, oh.
85
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,394
♪ ♪
86
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,161
[laughs]
87
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:50,831
- Ooh, oh.
88
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:53,301
Time is running out.
Call now.
89
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:54,367
- [snoring]
90
00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:56,570
- Hey, adults dressed as kids
91
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:59,006
'cause we couldn't afford
more real children.
92
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,008
Are you ready to taste something
93
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,744
that will change your life?
- Radical!
94
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:05,913
- I'm not sure if I'm ready.
95
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:11,352
- Then prepare yourselves for
Frosted Patrick Show Cereal.
96
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,754
Part of this complete breakfast.
97
00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,323
[both gasp]
98
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:18,826
- [munching]
99
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:22,496
Oh, did you guys want some?
100
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:24,632
- Well, I mean, no, I...
101
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,900
- I got another one for you!
102
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:30,538
Oopsie Doodle, Just Prizes!
103
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:33,707
It's jam-packed with
the best part of a cereal box,
104
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:36,577
the prizes.
105
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,111
[both munch]
106
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:40,548
[both groaning]
107
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,616
- Part of this
mostly edible breakfast.
108
00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:44,985
- And we're back.
109
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:47,855
Here to bring you
a new shopportunity
110
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:50,391
is Captain Quasar.
111
00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:53,193
- Captain Quasar here
to sell you something
112
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:56,630
very special.
[grunts]
113
00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:59,733
It's Pat-Tron.
- Wow.
114
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,234
What can he do?
115
00:05:01,369 --> 00:05:04,037
He can prepare a gourmet meal
in seconds.
116
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:06,674
[bright music]
117
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:09,510
He can power wash your car.
- [chirping and beeping]
118
00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:13,246
♪ ♪
119
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:16,617
- And he can even take care
of your baby.
120
00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:19,953
- I ain't no baby,
but I could use a change.
121
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,089
- [humming and crackling]
122
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,291
- This allegedly useful
123
00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:27,160
and only slightly
very dangerous device
124
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:31,298
isn't going for $20 or even $10.
125
00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:34,067
Actually, I'll pay you
to take this guy off my hands.
126
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:35,769
Oh, please.
127
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:39,106
- Shmandor,
miniature city of glass
128
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,842
can now be yours
for a limited time.
129
00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,411
All: Whoa.
130
00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,413
- Have minutes of fun
131
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:48,416
observing and feeding
the little fellas.
132
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,721
[all screaming]
133
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,923
- [laughing deeply]
134
00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:59,427
[laughing]
135
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:02,262
- We've got a brand-new product,
136
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:05,132
official "Patrick Show" T-shirts
137
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,568
featuring instant delivery.
138
00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:12,105
- All thanks to our new
military grade T-shirt cannon.
139
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:14,141
[martial music]
140
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,543
- Oh, I would like...
141
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:16,777
oh.
142
00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:19,513
- You get a shirt,
and you get a shirt,
143
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:20,481
and you!
144
00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:22,483
[together]
Thanks, Patrick!
145
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,485
- I'd like a shirt for my wife,
146
00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:27,821
my son, my daughter,
and one for me.
147
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,222
Why not?
148
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:35,629
Oh, Bermuda shorts.
- [gasps]
149
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:38,098
Are you okay?
- Yeah.
150
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:39,767
[coughs]
151
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:42,903
I'm just more
of a long pants guy.
152
00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:44,171
Bleh.
153
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:48,241
- I hate to cut this short...
- Ow!
154
00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:51,044
- But even reporters
need to make a buck.
155
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:52,480
[growls]
156
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:56,484
- Wait a sec,
you don't even wear shorts.
157
00:06:56,550 --> 00:07:01,722
- This just in,
things are about to get breezy.
158
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,390
[laughs]
159
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:06,627
- Oh! Oh!
- [continues laughing]
160
00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:10,130
- [screams]
- Ha, ha!
161
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:14,067
Incoming, 100% denim!
162
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,769
- [screams]
163
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:19,940
Time to tee up
a shirt-pocalypse.
164
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:21,975
[screams]
165
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,277
- Huh?
What?
166
00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:27,981
[heavy rock music]
167
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:29,850
[whimpering]
168
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:30,918
♪ ♪
169
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,521
- Whoa!
170
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:37,925
- Here at the
Better Business Bureaucracy,
171
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:42,530
I, Bobby Babbington, have been
getting too many phone calls
172
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:47,000
about unsafe products from
an obscure television show.
173
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,937
- [screaming]
174
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,805
- Oh?
175
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:55,743
- Hi, I'm Patrick Star,
and you found all my toys!
176
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,277
- [grumbling]
177
00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,747
- We get it,
you've got places to be,
178
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,415
and that means
you only have four seconds
179
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:03,651
for a haircut.
180
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,418
That's why you need
181
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:08,355
the Patrick Star Brand
Hair Chipper.
182
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:12,292
Gently ease your head in
like so and...
183
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:13,561
[machinery grinds]
184
00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:15,062
- Whoa.
- Oh, wow.
185
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,097
- Wow.
- Yeah.
186
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:19,700
[soft dramatic music]
187
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:22,335
- Time to confiscate.
188
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:23,604
♪ ♪
189
00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:28,408
Battle axes,
rusty nail ouchie dolls?
190
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:32,580
Bunny Star Brand Tattoo Kits?
- Ah.
191
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:35,048
- No!
- Aww.
192
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:38,852
- Next up, "The Patrick Show"
Uranium Playset.
193
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,420
- [chuckles]
- Everybody, quick!
194
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:43,156
That's Bobby Babbington from
Binky Bottom's Banana Blather,
195
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,025
and he's coming to take
our dangerous stuff.
196
00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:47,661
- Oh, that's awful.
What do we do?
197
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:50,297
- Go to commercial, quick!
198
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,799
- Huh?
199
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,701
- Hey, kids.
- Oh?
200
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,303
- Still bored?
- [groans]
201
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,738
[together]
Yeah.
202
00:08:57,805 --> 00:09:00,373
- Well, check this out.
- Huh?
203
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,710
[together]
Wow!
204
00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:04,678
- The Bobby Babbington
of the Bikini Bottom
205
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,389
Better Business Bureaucracy
Action Figure
206
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:09,617
bursts into battle!
- Toys are dangerous!
207
00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:12,252
I'm coming to take yours away!
208
00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:15,022
- Bobby Babbington
really fills out paperwork.
209
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:18,491
- We'll need this in triplicate.
210
00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:21,662
- May I see that?
- Oh, sure.
211
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:25,265
- I always wanted to be a toy.
212
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:28,435
- Bobby comes in with his own
built-in document stapler.
213
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:31,138
♪ ♪
214
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:32,139
Ah!
215
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:33,874
- Oh, no.
216
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:37,210
- You're not gonna take away
our toy, are you, mister?
217
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,246
- That...
218
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:43,483
that was the first thing
I've felt in years.
219
00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:45,653
Here's your toy back, kids.
220
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:48,221
- Yay!
- Hooray!
221
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:51,725
- And here's everyone else's
toys back!
222
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:55,562
I was wrong!
Safety doesn't matter!
223
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:57,698
[together]
Yay!
224
00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,900
[all scream]
225
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:02,269
- Here you go!
There!
226
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,905
There!
For you!
227
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:06,707
Here, one for the baby!
228
00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,976
- We did it, everyone.
229
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,178
Through the power
of merchandising,
230
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:13,546
we funded season two.
231
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,348
- And then some.
232
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:18,518
Say, how much money
did we end up making anyhow?
233
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,120
- Oh, I got it!
234
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:21,588
[zany music]
235
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:23,724
[together]
Whoa! Oh!
236
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:25,625
- Let's use the official
237
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:27,527
"Patrick Show" Brand
Money Counter.
238
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:29,129
[laughs]
239
00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:32,933
- But we never made a "Patrick
Show" Brand Money Counter.
240
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,134
- What?
241
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:35,468
- I can't hear you
242
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:37,838
over the "Patrick Show"
Brand Money Counter.
243
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:42,642
That ought to do the trick.
244
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:45,445
So how rich are we?
245
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:46,980
♪ ♪
246
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,615
Oh.
247
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:51,118
- You know,
maybe there's a lesson here.
248
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:54,888
- Yeah, maybe TV shows
shouldn't just be about
249
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:57,891
selling stuff and making money.
250
00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:01,729
- Maybe they're really
about making art.
251
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:05,532
- Right,
and making people happy and...
252
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:07,901
oh, whoa, oh, whoa.
253
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:10,938
[all screaming]
254
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,006
- [laughing deeply]
255
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:16,143
- Order your highly
collectible "Patrick Show"
256
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:17,878
snow globe today.
- Yeah!
257
00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:19,465
- Must be 800 years
or older to call.
258
00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:24,151
- [snoring]
259
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:28,455
- Huh?
260
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:31,358
- Patrick Star, come on down!
261
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:33,426
- [screams]
262
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:35,295
Uh...
263
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,330
what's going on?
264
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,832
- You guessed it!
265
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:40,100
[cheers and applause]
266
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:42,669
You're on "What's Going On?"
267
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:44,171
Show him what he's won.
268
00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:48,608
It's game show host in a bottle!
269
00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:52,412
Just one spray, and you'll be
hosting all day!
270
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:54,782
- Oh, wow.
271
00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:59,352
- And as an added bonus,
you also get...
272
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,154
huh?
[sighs]
273
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,957
My job?
274
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:07,828
It's okay.
I didn't deserve it anyway.
275
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:10,697
[sobbing]
276
00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:13,533
- Game show host in a bottle?
277
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,835
Hmm.
278
00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,004
[grunts]
Uh-huh!
279
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:21,341
All right, let's go find
our first contestants!
280
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:22,910
[upbeat music]
281
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:29,950
- I just love making TV dinners.
282
00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:33,253
Hmm, it could use
a bit more of some...
283
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,355
- Mom and Dad!
284
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:39,893
You're the contestants
on our first game!
285
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,195
"Expired"!
286
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,831
- Ooh.
- Ooh, wow.
287
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,265
- The rules are simple.
288
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:48,668
Guess what you just ate
and when it went bad.
289
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:51,471
Mom Star is up first.
290
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:53,706
[audience gasps]
291
00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:55,642
- [munches] [gulps]
292
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:57,677
Hmm.
Oh, oh, oh!
293
00:12:57,744 --> 00:13:01,281
Is it lasagna 1812?
294
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:04,918
- Oh, sorry,
I'm afraid we were looking for
295
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:08,688
grilled cheese,
the crustacean period.
296
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:11,724
Next up, Dad Star.
297
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,426
[foghorn blows]
298
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:14,627
- [sniffs]
299
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:17,330
Smells dead-licious.
300
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:18,731
[grunts]
301
00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:19,766
Bleh!
302
00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:21,001
[audience gasps]
303
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:22,936
[dolphin chirps]
304
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:25,873
- Looks like
we don't have a winner,
305
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:29,877
but you'll both go home
with a...
306
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:33,380
Gastropump 3000 stomach pump!
307
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:37,684
If it's poison you ingest,
get the best!
308
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,619
Gastropump 3000.
309
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:44,591
- Ah, I'm almost done
carving my portrait
310
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,259
on a grain of rice.
311
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,728
Talk about chiseled abs.
[chuckles]
312
00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:50,197
- Surprise!
313
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,365
[audience groans]
314
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:55,002
- [growls] Dagnabbit!
315
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:57,537
Boy, why I ought to...
- Congratulations!
316
00:13:57,604 --> 00:14:01,008
You're the next contestant on...
317
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:03,043
- [screams]
318
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:06,914
- "Explody Fold."
The rules are simple.
319
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,415
While you were sleeping,
320
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:11,584
I hid bombs
in your wrinkle folds...
321
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:12,986
- What?
322
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:15,788
- And you have to find them
before they blow up!
323
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,624
[whimsical music]
324
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,927
- Oh, I hate game shows.
325
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,694
Well, let's get this over with.
326
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:24,097
[grunts]
327
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,933
Yipee!
328
00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:28,501
Hm, ah.
Oh, look.
329
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:31,371
Aha!
330
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:35,608
- 99, one trillion.
Found you, little brother!
331
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,610
- Start over!
I wasn't ready!
332
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,179
- Keep looking!
333
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:41,714
Your time is almost up.
334
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,616
- I've looked everywhere,
335
00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:46,653
and I found
a surprising amount of stuff,
336
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,256
but no bombs.
337
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:52,025
- I wonder which folds
are holding it.
338
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:54,427
Hmm.
339
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,697
That was "Explody Fold."
340
00:14:57,764 --> 00:15:01,368
Now let's meet
our next contestant.
341
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,136
[eerie music]
342
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:06,006
- Come on, people,
learn your lines!
343
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:08,175
Time is money!
344
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:12,279
- Squidina Star!
345
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:13,981
You get to play...
346
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,014
- Huh?
347
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:18,018
♪ ♪
348
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:21,888
- "Terrible Clausaly-me"!
349
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:25,792
- It's called
"Temporal Causality."
350
00:15:25,858 --> 00:15:29,129
- Hey, everybody,
it's our resident brainiac,
351
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:31,398
Sandy Cheeks!
352
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:34,534
- Temporal causality
is when you go into the past
353
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,503
to alter an object
in the present.
354
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:39,506
Today's object,
the common coffee cup.
355
00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:41,274
We take you back
to the invention
356
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:43,176
of the first coffee cup.
357
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:46,179
[electronic music]
358
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:48,748
[dinosaurs screeching]
359
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:50,017
[dramatic music]
360
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:53,586
- Now go ahead
and change the present!
361
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:56,423
Audience: Change the present!
362
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:57,524
♪ ♪
363
00:15:57,590 --> 00:16:00,427
- Me make coffee cup.
364
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:02,395
♪ ♪
365
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,231
- Sorry, Cave Star
366
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:07,067
I want to win the game show.
[grunts]
367
00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:08,801
- Hm?
368
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:11,638
[screams]
369
00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:13,040
Oh.
370
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:15,208
Mmm.
371
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:17,410
- Did it work?
- Nope!
372
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,113
It's the same old cup.
373
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:21,548
Try again.
- Uh!
374
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,519
- The Renaissance.
375
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,356
- [grunts]
376
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:34,694
- What happened?
- I'm thinking.
377
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:35,962
- Nope.
[buzzer blares]
378
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:37,330
- Oh!
379
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:39,699
- Nope.
[buzzer blares]
380
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,069
Nope.
[buzzer blares]
381
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:43,670
Nuh-uh.
[buzzer blares]
382
00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:46,473
Yep.
Just kidding.
383
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,108
Nope.
[buzzer blares]
384
00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,578
Nope, nope.
- Darn.
385
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:55,348
I smashed up all of history,
but nothing's changed.
386
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:58,285
I mean, the coffee cup
didn't change.
387
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:01,188
- Help me.
- I'll fix this.
388
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,157
Is everything back to normal?
389
00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:07,627
- Yeah, mostly.
390
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:10,663
- This coffee cup
isn't going anywhere.
391
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:13,800
On to our next game!
Whee-hee!
392
00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:19,506
[ominous music]
393
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:26,613
♪ ♪
394
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:29,782
- Next up,
an extreme obstacle course
395
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:32,219
with Bikini Bottom's fittest...
396
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:35,422
- Uh-oh, what's this?
397
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:37,790
[engines rumbling]
398
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:40,560
Looks like your family
is pretty annoyed at you
399
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:42,028
for terrorizing them
400
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:44,764
with a bunch of
your stupid game shows.
401
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:48,668
So that means
it's time to play...
402
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,204
"Battle of
the Game Show Hosts."
403
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:53,340
The game where your family
lets you know
404
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:56,509
the fun and games are over.
405
00:17:58,044 --> 00:18:00,413
- [screams]
406
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,683
[screaming]
407
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:06,286
- Let's start with round one,
408
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:08,721
and it's the lightning round!
409
00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:09,989
- [screams]
410
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,791
- Don't you regret
making your parents
411
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,160
eat that rotten food?
412
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:16,263
- A little,
but it got good ratings.
413
00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:18,398
- Wrong!
- [grunting]
414
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:19,732
- Next question.
415
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,868
- Don't you got
anything better to do
416
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:25,071
than hide bombs
in my sensitive skin?
417
00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:27,039
- Uh, not usually.
418
00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:29,709
- And Patrick, how could you...
419
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,778
oh, this thing's filthy.
420
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,346
[vacuum whirring]
421
00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:35,615
- Oh, eeh, oh!
422
00:18:35,682 --> 00:18:37,617
- All right, game's over.
423
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:40,587
So what'll it be,
door number one?
424
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,322
[people screaming]
425
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:43,823
- Or door number two?
426
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:46,459
- [screams]
427
00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:49,362
I choose door number exit!
428
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:50,963
[tense music]
429
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:52,765
[screams]
430
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:53,766
[upbeat music]
431
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:56,503
Hey, I won a jetpack.
432
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,705
[laughs]
433
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:03,109
- And with that, I'm your host,
Cecil Star.
434
00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:06,413
- Oh, I thought
I was gonna be the host.
435
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:11,351
I got all dolled up
just for the occasion.
436
00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:14,321
- But I have
the most showbiz experience.
437
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:17,724
It should be me!
- I'm older than dirt.
438
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,426
I have seniority.
439
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,761
- Why don't we let
the audience decide?
440
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,364
That's right, you at home.
441
00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:25,898
Yell now.
442
00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:29,135
- Yeah, just scream the name
of your favorite host
443
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:32,705
real loud,
and then we'll hear it.
444
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:36,976
- We can't hear you.
Louder.
445
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:41,514
- That's the ticket.
Keep screaming!
446
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:44,050
- Louder!
- Louder!
447
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:47,254
[all screaming indistinctly]
448
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:50,257
[ominous music]
449
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,458
♪ ♪
450
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,792
[together]
Huh?
451
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,827
[footsteps thudding]
452
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,629
- Run!
- [growls]
453
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,366
- Huh?
- Huh?
454
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:01,768
♪ ♪
455
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:04,337
- [roars]
456
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:06,205
[all scream]
457
00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:08,641
- Wait, is that the coffee cup?
458
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:12,412
I did change it!
I won my game!
459
00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:15,648
♪ ♪
460
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:18,451
- And we're back.
461
00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:20,520
[all screaming]
- Run!
462
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:21,688
- [screams]
463
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:23,222
♪ ♪
464
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:25,224
What's going on?
465
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:29,429
- We turned that coffee cup
into a giant monster.
466
00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:32,198
- Patrick, is that you?
467
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:37,036
- Sorry about
all the dumb games, Dad.
468
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:39,138
- That's okay, son.
469
00:20:39,205 --> 00:20:41,374
But now we gotta stop
this monster
470
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,476
as a family.
471
00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:45,645
- You're right.
472
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:47,780
Star family,
473
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:52,585
super hyper host formation, go!
474
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:55,555
[energetic electronic music]
475
00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:57,557
♪ ♪
476
00:20:57,624 --> 00:20:59,892
- Dang blasted thing!
Oh!
477
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:05,031
♪ ♪
478
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,900
Oh, it stinks back here.
479
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:10,603
♪ ♪
480
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:11,904
- [roars]
481
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:15,342
♪ ♪
482
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:16,776
[roars]
483
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:22,715
♪ ♪
484
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:25,952
- [screaming]
- [roaring]
485
00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:27,119
[all screaming]
486
00:21:27,186 --> 00:21:29,556
- Oh, my levers
don't do anything!
487
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:30,757
[watches beeping]
488
00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:33,460
- Hm?
Coffee break.
489
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:34,994
[relaxed music]
490
00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:36,596
Huh?
[sniffs]
491
00:21:36,663 --> 00:21:41,000
Single origin light roast.
Don't mind if I do.
492
00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:43,903
♪ ♪
493
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:46,506
Ah.
- [laughs]
494
00:21:46,573 --> 00:21:50,076
He's always cranky
before he gets his coffee.
495
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:51,544
- You know how it is.
496
00:21:51,611 --> 00:21:55,014
Now that I'm feeling better,
let's play a game.
497
00:21:55,081 --> 00:21:57,617
It's called "The End."
498
00:21:57,684 --> 00:22:00,052
- The end.
499
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:05,091
- The end is correct!
We have a winner!
500
00:22:05,141 --> 00:22:09,691
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