All language subtitles for The Kardashians - S01E03.en

KIM: Previously on
The Kardashians...

So, Ray J's manager is
claiming he has a sex tape

- of us in Santa Barbara.
- Oh, oh, oh.

And it's, like,
over my dead body

is this [bleep] shit
gonna happen to me again.

It's okay.

It's not okay, though. It's not.

Travis and I want
to have a baby.

We want it so badly because we
want to make something together.

We are doing our first days
of our promo photo shoots

at Saturday Night Live.

I don't think people really
get how insane SNL is.

So, it's, literally,
almost a 24-hour day.

Hi, I'm Kim Kardashian West
and I'm hosting SNL this week

with musical guest Halsey.

- Don't even do this to me.
- My heart is racing.

Oh my god. I'm gonna cry.

Oh shit... This is happening.

♪ Upbeat music playing ♪

[sirens wailing]

KRIS: When I had lunch
with Lorne Michaels that

day at the Beverly Hills Hotel,

he said, "It would be fun to
have you in a skit on the show."

KHLOÉ: I just knew if I
agreed to come to New York,

somehow, I would
be roped into this.

I mean, SNL, it's, like, an
iconic place in history to be.

- It's a big deal.
- It's a huge deal.

Today is [bleep] nuts.

I just get in the
car in New York,

I find out that Trav is
gonna propose to Kourt,

and we get to surprise them.

We're on our way to SNL.

Somehow, we're thrown
into the live show.

I mean, this is craziness.

KIM: Nice to meet you.

MAN: So, I'll be right
out of frame... KIM: Okay.

MAN: And you reach out
for this. KIM: Okay.

[indistinct chatter]

KHLOÉ: Kim! Kim! Can she see me?

DOORMAN: No. KHLOÉ: She can't?

DOORMAN: Probably not.
The lights are on.

KHLOÉ: Oh. KRIS: Oh.

KHLOÉ: I was like, "She
was staring right at me."

I was like, "Is this a joke?"
KRIS: Khloé, she's working.

♪

KHLOÉ: Andrew, can
I see my script?

- Just three whole lines.
- I have three lines. Thank goodness.

- She can memorize that. That's good.
- Um.

Somehow, I'm doing the live show
tomorrow, which I have no idea

how all of this transpired,
but we're gonna make it work.

I would do anything for
Kimberly, so... here we are.

- I'll be Kris Kardashian...
- whoever that is.

"Kim, you're being
so funny today."

- "And I love these drinks you made.
- What are they called again?"

"Milkshake."

And then there's one more here.

- "Good, I knew I was off."
- "Oh thank god. I'm back to being Kim."

- "Good, I knew something was off."
- Oh my god.

- And the Emmy goes to...
- The Daytime Emmy goes to...

ASHLEY: Khloé Kardashian.

So, Kim. KIM: Yeah.

Um...

Travis came to
see me. KIM: Yeah.

KRIS: And I heard,
through a little birdy,

that you've been helping him
with something for Kourtney.

I have.

Can't believe you
kept this secret.

He came over and he asked
for her hand in marriage.

And I was like, literally...

I wanna cry now except
Mario just did my makeup.

KIM: Well, don't cry. KRIS:
It was so sweet and so tender.

And then he said...

- Don't cry, you have makeup.
- Mom, you're gettin'...

- Mario, don't start crying, too.
- I know, but I just...

That part that he asked her
is so respectful and nice.

I know. And then he said

he went to the... your dad's
grave and asked your dad.

- KIM: Oh, I know.
- And I just lost it.

- Okay, guys, I have to work.
- Like, can you do...

Why are you doing this to me?
Like, I really have to work.

- KRIS: Sorry.
- I can't ruin my makeup.

KRIS: It's all happy, happy.

I know. But it's so sad. KRIS: I wish
your dad was here to see it, though.

I can hardly believe that it's the
first time that she's getting married.

- Isn't that cute?
- It's really crazy.

[Kris chuckles] that she
hasn't been married before.

[laughing]

While I've had enough to... for all
of us. KRIS: For the whole family.

[all laughing]

♪ Pop music playing ♪

[people shouting, cheering]

♪

♪ Keep it real,
gonna seal the deal ♪

♪

Shelli, will you
pass that squid down?

KHLOÉ: So good.

Look at this fish.

MAN: Oh! Oh my god. Wow.

KRIS: Wow. That is gorgeous.

- It's good.
- Oh!

Oh my god.

We are so excited to be
in New York City tonight

at one of our
favorite restaurants

with our best
friends in the world.

And these are our ride or dies,

people that have been
with us for decades,

and we're all here
to support Kim.

Guess what I wanna do in the
morning before we go to SNL.

- Tell us.
- When I was a stewardess...

- KHLOÉ: Oh my gosh.
- I used to live in an apartment

across the street from Carnegie Hall.
JONATHAN: You used to live in New York?

I know! JONATHAN: Out of every story
you've told us, you never mentioned once...

I showed you the house
where I shaved my legs...

- Oh my gosh, stop. I can't anymore.
- For the first time, in San Diego.

- 'Member I talked about that?
- No, I know that.

- KRIS: Okay, all right.
- I've been... I know all the stories...

- Well, I rented an apartment with... Wait.
- SIMON: You rented, okay.

- With three other girls who were stewardesses.
- Stewardesses?

And we did not have a closet,
and we had rented single beds.

We were like the seven dwarfs.

We were all lined up in a row.

- Don't you wanna see where your mother used to live?
- I... No.

My problem with my mom is,

my mom has the most
beautiful present life,

but sometimes my mom misses out

'cause she's crying about somethin'
that happened back in, like, the '80s.

And I... Like,
that makes me sad,

'cause then, in 10
years, she's gonna say,

"Remember at Milos."

[laughing] SIMON: "Milos! SNL!"

- Look! Feta cheese! Right there!
- Remember feta cheese?

Sometimes I wanna shake her
and say, "You've gotta just...

Yes, the memories are amazing,
but let's appreciate right now."

Scott, you look so nice.

- No, you really do.
- So nice.

How was SNL today?

Good, it was long.

- Aren't you doing it?
- SCOTT: Uh-uh.

No?! Why?

I talked to Kourtney about it,

and she wasn't feeling it.

- I don't know what the premise is.
- It's... I don't wanna...

Basically, like, I say to her,

"Do you know the reason
I date young girls

is because I'm trying to add
them all up so they're your age."

Oh, come on.

If me and Kourtney were married,
sure, I'd make fun of her on TV.

But not, like, separated. Like,
it's just not in good taste.

You have to follow your
gut, and if that's...

- That was my gut. And I called her.
- I talked to her about it.

And then I came to the
conclusion. I was like...

- Then don't.
- And initially, I just wanted to come,

and support Kim and
watch, and that was it.

- Kim is so happy you're here.
- So, I'm good with that.

I just wanna give a
little toasty toast.

JONATHAN: Whoa. ALL: Ohh, aww.

Everyone... Kris Jenner.

Mom?

Yes! I'm here.

I just wanna say, Kimberly,
I'm so proud of you...

[all laughing]

And for this whole
SNL experience.

And, honestly, we're in New
York, we're here for Kim,

we're honoring Kim right now,

and I'm just so happy that
we're all here together.

We are lifelong friends and
family. Go, Kimberly! Go, New York!

[all laughing]

KRIS: We're back. SCOTT:
[bleep] yeah, Khlo.

[cheering]

[indistinct chatter]

JONATHAN: You learned
to do good speeches...

- Hey! Mrs. Hannigan, are you okay?
- [all laughing]

- I just forgot why I needed my phone.
- Look at her with her pearls.

"Little girls."
BOTH: "Little girls."

♪

♪ Every single day
when the sun comes up ♪

♪ No exceptions,
gotta show love ♪

♪ It feels like I'm dreamin' ♪

♪ This is paradise ♪

I don't know how these SNL people
stay up every night until 3 A.M.

Do you know that I got into
bed, fell asleep, and at 3:58,

Kim texts me and said,
"I just finished at SNL."

Talk about a grueling schedule.

I thought our
schedule was a lot.

We still have a few hours to
kill before we get to SNL,

and I have the perfect idea
of what to do in the meantime.

Okay, so here's the deal.

When I was a flight attendant,

- I had...
- Wait, hold on, hold on.

Okay.

[clears throat]

Trying to muster up the
"I give a [bleep] energy,"

- so hold on one second.
- Oh, okay.

[softly] Gives a [bleep]
energy... All right.

Tell me when you care about me.

I just can't find

any of the [bleep] cares...

- Cares?
- For your [bleep]...

- Story?
- Stewardess apartment.

I think you keep forgetting
that you've told me this story.

My mom, God bless
her, I love her,

but... I can go to any state

and she takes me on these
tours of her childhood.

When I go to San Diego, I've
gone to her high school,

I saw where she
started her period.

Like, the things she'll tell me,
so I know all the [bleep] stories.

- [phone ringing]
- Oh god. Who's this?

Hello, Shelli Smelly.

SHELLI [on phone]: Kim
Kardashian West is requesting you

to come into her room
ASAP. You and Khlo.

Okay, coming.

Can we bring cameras?

Uh, hold on. Let me ask.

Can they bring cameras or no?

KIM [through phone]:
Yeah, bring the cameras.

- SHELLI: Yes, bring the cameras.
- Okay, bye.

Let's go.

When she calls and asks
me to come to her room,

which is right down the hall,

instead of running to my room
like she would normally do,

I can tell something
is about to go down.

You look nice. I haven't
seen you in forever.

- Yeah, thank you very much.
- I just came from the airport.

- Oh.
- So, this is my "traveling coach" vibes.

- I like your "traveling coach" vibe.
- Yeah.

- Wait, did you just get here?
- I thought you were already here

in New York.

Um... well, I had to go
to L.A. and come back.

So, I just traveled to
get somethin' for Kim.

- You went all the way to L.A.
- to get something for Kim?

You are somethin'
else. What did you get?

- Well, that's what she wants to show you.
- Oh... Kim?

Hey, guys.

- KRIS: Hi.
- Hi, girl.

KIM: I wanted to show you guys.

No, 'cause I was just gonna
cry, so I didn't want to.

But I can cry 'cause I
don't have makeup on.

So, Kanye flew
home last night...

♪ tense music playing ♪

and he came back this morning, and I
wanna show you guys what he got me.

[indistinct chatter]

♪

KRIS: Oh my god.

♪

KIM: I wanna show you
guys what he got me.

KRIS: Oh my god.

And he flew home and
he got... the computer.

It was on a hard drive.

And... met up with
Ray J at the airport

and got it all back
for me. KRIS: Oh, Kim.

KHLOÉ: Oh my god.
KRIS: That's amazing.

KIM: I know Kanye
did this for me,

but he also did
this for my kids.

I wanna shield them
from as much as I can.

And if I had the power to,
or if Kanye has the power to,

like, that is just the
most important thing to me,

and I'm just, like, so
emotional because of it,

and I just... It just
means a lot to me.

I think I need a security guard
just to stand by this janky bag.

KRIS: Oh, thank you for Kanye,

and for his unbelievable
way he does things,

and the ability to
get something done.

- Amen.
- And, probably, a big, fat, huge check, so we're all very...

- Oh, definitely not no check.
- We not gettin' extorted ever again.

- Oh, no way.
- No.

KHLOÉ: That's such an
awesome thing you did.

Well, you also knew how
much it meant to her,

and how hard she's been trying
to do that for years and years.

KIM: I watched it.

It was just footage of us at
a restaurant, at a nightclub.

Nothing sexual, nothing weird.

And so, now I can
take a deep breath,

and not worry about
this right before SNL,

right before the Bar, right
before, like, everything.

- Well, I'm so happy.
- Thank you for doing that.

- Well, you can negotiate my next deal.
- Mm-hm.

- How 'bout that?
- Yeah.

Can we, just really quick, say
a quick prayer for you tonight?

- Yes.
- Hold my hand.

- Okay... We ready?
- Ooh, sorry.

Khlo, you're good at prayers.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank
you so much for this day.

Thank you for
bringing us together.

May we always be united
and never divided.

May we always try to
do the right thing,

and leave people a little
better than how we met them.

Lord, please give
Kimberly all the strength,

all the confidence
she needs tonight.

Please give us all
the love and grace,

and let us be covered in
the blood of Jesus Christ...

And let us please
have a sense of humor,

and no one take anything
personally that I say.

I love you. [All laughing]

ALL: Amen.

[all cheering Kim on]

And now, you can go
ahead and kill it on SNL!

[cheering] ♪ Watch me shine ♪

- Go get it!
- [cheering]

♪

♪ Watch me shine ♪

Bye. Love you, baby. I'm so
happy. KHLOÉ: I love you.

We got the tape!
Annie, we got it!

♪ Ready, set, ignite ♪

[cheering]

♪ Watch me shine ♪

[fans shouting]

♪ Watch me shine ♪

♪

♪ Hey, you be so lucky,
hey, I'm sweet like honey ♪

All right, are we gonna go on
this walk to the apartment?

Okay, Mom, if we do
this, we have 45 minutes.

KRIS: All right, let's
go. Let me grab Corey.

KHLOÉ: So now... we're
gonna see the apartment.

I'm going to the
outside of a building,

"Oh, bricks. Okay,
good. Okay, we're done."

I don't know. I just am like, "Why
are we doing this every time?"

And it's always me.

No other sister. Just me.

KRIS: You know that we never
shot on the streets, really,

of New York ever the last time?

And I always wanted there to be,
like, Sex and the City music playing.

♪ Sex and the City-
esque music playing ♪

I'm not really thrilled to
have the apartment tour anyway.

And there's swarms of paparazzi,

and now, they're just
following us down the street.

I struggle with anxiety, and, ugh,
this feeling makes me so grossed out.

KRIS: Khloé, can you imagine...
KHLOÉ: This is exactly why

I didn't wanna do... I'm
gonna go back to the hotel.

This is not what I'm
doing for three blocks.

Hey, guys!

ASHLEY: Love you! KHLOÉ: Hi.

Bye, you guys. I'm
going back with them.

KRIS: Oh my god. KHLOÉ:
I don't like this stuff.

And then, when I see my glam
people, I see Ashley and Andrew,

I'm just gonna jet back with
them and go back to the hotel.

So, sorry, Mom. Sorry, Corey.

Have fun.

- Babe, will you buy me a pretzel?
- Yeah.

PRETZEL VENDOR: One or two?

- KRIS: I think two.
- Nah, one, one.

- Wanna share it?
- Yeah.

KRIS: We'll get two.

- Thank you.
- I don't want one, babe.

KRIS: Well, just get...

[inaudible] KRIS: Get one.

Thank you. No, that's
it. There ya go.

I don't want this.

So, you know exactly
where you are right now?

Um... I do right now.

Everybody gets lost in a big
city, and I have a North Star,

and that would be
Bergdorf Goodman.

So, when I get lost, I
just look for Bergdorf's.

Here's the difference, though.

When I lived... here,

and I would walk to Bergdorf Goodman,
that was just, like, a dream.

I could never afford to shop,
really, at Bergdorf Goodman.

Yeah.

And look how... life
changes so much.

I walked the streets of
New York 45 years ago.

I went to flight attendant school, and
then, they assigned me to New York.

Robert and O.J. met
me at the airport

because they had just
flown in from Montreal,

where they watched Bruce
Jenner win the gold medal

because O.J. was
doing the commentary.

How 'bout that... [bleep] story?

Isn't that wild? [Beeps]

PRODUCTION: That needs
to be in a cut, guys.

That needs... That, that needs
to absolutely be in the cut.

I think, babe, this looks
suddenly very familiar.

Wait, where's Carnegie Hall?

One more down to the left.

KRIS: It's this building.

'Cause this looks really familiar...
or I think it's up here, babe.

I'm lost. Of course, I'm lost.

It was 45 years ago, and
New York City has changed.

So, what street are
we on now? 57th.

Well, no, it, it hasn't
changed, actually.

Not one damn
building has changed.

I think it's up here, babe.

Was this it?

♪

Hi, sorry.

This looks familiar. And
I was on the third floor.

It's this building. COREY: Oh.

There it is, babe.

This is really an amazing
moment for me to reflect on.

- I love New York.
- Ah, I love New York.

And here I am today.

My daughter is going to host the
most iconic show in New York,

and it's been...

What a ride.

COREY: We haven't been on a
walk in New York in a long time.

KRIS: I know.

♪

- Happy Saturday.
- Holy shit, it's happening.

"But one thing I'm
really proud of is that

"no one can ever call
me a gold digger.

"Honestly, I wasn't even
sure how you become one.

"So, I asked my mom's
boyfriend, Corey.

I've been very lucky in life..."
STEVE HIGGINS: And make sure... Yep.

Stop after each...
Let each one land.

- Yeah.
- STEVE: And then when they laugh...

- Yeah.
- Then you come in again.

We have a great show
for you tonight.

Halsey is here, so stick
around and we'll be right back.

STEVE: Great.

The great Sacha Baron
Cohen says ask for...

Told me, like, "Just say it.
Ask for forgiveness after

'cause everyone will have
an opinion and say no."

LINDSAY SHOOKUS: You're making
fun of, like, the caricature

and this... of your life,

the things that people have,
like, created of these ideas.

That's what you're just
doing. You're like...

KIM: Totally. But I still
think I should talk to Corey.

Should we get Corey to
just come in here now

- and just get it over with?
- Yeah, let's just get it over with.

Let me get Corey.

COREY: Wassup?

I want everyone
to just feel good.

I mean, obviously, no
one's gonna feel good

with, like, the things
that I'm gonna say.

But I just want you
to know that, like,

obviously, if this was true,

I wouldn't think that
was funny with my mom.

Do you know what I mean?

Okay, okay. That's the attitude.

- Okay, we love you for that.
- Love you, Corey.

- Corey's the best. He really is.
- Such a good sport.

Now you had the conversation.

It's off your heart.
You can really

- [bleep] go for it.
- Now I can go for it.

♪

Now we have, like, two minutes.

I do wanna try to go to
the bathroom one more time.

I keep on having to pee, like, a
million times before the show starts.

That's just, like, who I am.

Shit, do I have to pee
again or no? No, I don't.

- It's not... It's nervous energy.
- But every time I sit, I pee.

It's, kind of, like you just
definitely feel like you have to pee,

even if I just peed.

And then, if I go and
sit down to pee, I pee.

Like, it's weird.

I'm about to go on.

[knocks on door]

- All right, break a leg.
- All right, guys, let's do it.

♪ Turn Up The Vibe by Van
a core Music playing ♪

♪

It's happening.

♪ I turn up the vibe ♪

This way over here, Kim.

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ I turn up the vibe ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and
gentlemen, Kim Kardashian West!

[audience applause]

[cheering]

♪

KIM: It's so great
to be here tonight.

I know. I'm surprised
to see me here, too.

[laughter] Uh, I was like,

"You want me to host? Why?

I haven't had a movie premiere
in a really long time."

[laughter]

I mean, actually, I only
had that one movie come out,

and no one told me it was
even premiering. [laughter]

It must've slipped
my mom's mind.

But the one thing I'm
really proud of is that

no one could ever
call me a gold digger.

Honestly, I'm not even
sure how you become one.

So, I asked my mom's
boyfriend, Corey.

[laughter]

I'm excited to be here
tonight to show you guys

that I'm so much more
than just a pretty face...

[cheering]

But, but,

and good hair, and great makeup,

and amazing boobs,
and a perfect butt.

Basically, I'm just so much more
than that reference photo my sisters

show their plastic surgeons.

[cheering]

Once your monologue's over,
you have to just go change,

and it's a rush
right into the skits.

It's just... It's so
chaotic and so much fun.

And I think I thrive
under pressure and chaos,

so, like, it was all fun for me.

[audience laughter]

KRIS: When she came out
with that pink thing...

KHLOÉ: Zsa Zsa Gábor.

COREY: She killed it.

KHLOÉ: For her to
prove everyone wrong,

she's so good at this shit.

You're a [bleep] legend
for birthing such a queen,

such as Kim Kardashian
West. [laughing]

She better [bleep] work,
this legendary bitch.

I love her so much.

♪

[audience applause]

KIM: I'm honestly so surprised
at how much fun I had

because this just isn't me.

Like, this kinda stuff,
usually, makes me nervous.

[indistinct chatter]

But then, I just... did it.

Thank you to Lorne Michaels
and the entire cast and crew.

And thank you to Kanye and the rest of
my family for being such good sports.

I love you guys so
much. Good night!

It was such an amazing
experience. Like, euphoric.

WOMAN: Thank you, everybody.
Good night. Great job, Kim.

KIM: Hi! [People cheering]

You [bleep] killed it!

SIMON: Oh my god,
you were so calm.

Opening monologue was insane.

- I'm so proud of you!
- Not one hiccup!

I had so much fun.

- You weren't nervous at all?
- KIM: I actually wasn't.

It was shocking because
this just isn't my thing.

- So, like, acting and all that...
- Oh, I think it's your thing. Oh no.

There's just so many people, like,
everywhere, and it's this rush,

and I'm just so
excited that it's over,

and I didn't mess up one
time, and I just had fun.

What are people saying online?
Was it a good monologue?

- It was incredible!
- People went nuts for you!

You're gonna win an
Emmy! KIM: Oh, stop.

TRACY: And then, also,
people are saying like,

"Damn, I don't wanna like her, but
this shit is [bleep] hilarious."

I hand wrote a note to every
single cast member and crew member

during my day with SNL stationery, and
I put it on each of their desks, so.

[cheering]

BOWEN YANG: You're asking me?!

- Yeah, can I get one, too?
- Yeah.

- [indistinct chatter]
- We did it! Let the fun begin!

♪ Big Energy by Latto playing ♪

♪ I can tell you got
big, big energy ♪

♪ It ain't too many
that can handle me ♪

KRIS: Hi, guys.

- How do you think you did?
- How do you think you did?

- You were amazing out there, Kim.
- Oh, thank you.

Amy! AMY SCHUMER: Heidi Klum!

- Heidi Klum!
- How do you think Kim did?

AMY: It was amazing.
She blew my mind.

Lorne! A success! She was great!

Good. [Inaudible] I saw her.

♪ Bad chick, I could
be your fantasy ♪

♪ I can tell you got
big, big energy ♪

♪ Got that real big energy ♪

- Let's go Miss Kim.
- Kim, you killed it tonight.

[cheering]

[inaudible] [cheering]

- KIM: Hi. How are you?
- Hi. Congratulations.

- Thank you. Do you think it went well?
- Did you have fun?

- I thought it went great.
- Okay, good. Good.

It's so fun when you're
doing a live show

because then you're also... Like,
one little thing you remember,

you're like, "I wanted that little
thing different, or that thing."

- Yeah... Yeah.
- But you don't have the ch... You can't, you know? Whatever.

But I thought the whole
thing was fantastic.

The fact that people that I respect
are saying that it was good,

that just makes me so happy.

- 'Cause it was so fun.
- You may wanna do it again.

Well, I hope I'm invited back.

- You will.
- Thank you!

I was so nervous for her.

- But she is amazing.
- I'm so happy for her.

WOMAN: Kim, oh my
god! You were amazing!

Did you hear that?

- I wanna make sure you got what he said.
- Like, like...

- I was funny.
- She was very funny.

- Oh my god.
- Like, Chris Rock made my life.

Like, I'm not funny, so the fact that
he gave me this crazy compliment.

I think he's, like, one of the
all-time funniest people on the planet,

so, I'm just,
like... dying inside.

I am honored.

Wow, guys, thank you.

♪ Upbeat music playing ♪

Like, it is fun just
to get to look at you.

[laughs]

It was really so great.
I can't get over it.

- It really was.
- Like, it's really special.

- I'm shocked at how fun it was for me.
- Didn't it go fast?

- It went so fast.
- I learned from it, actually,

- 'cause I was like...
- Really?

Yeah, I was like, "I really don't
think you should say these... ".

Like, I just, like,
had opinions, ya know,

and, and you had the confidence
of, you know, to be like,

"No," like, "This is funny, and
it'll be good for me to say it,"

and it just... It killed.
I just got to enjoy it.

Oh my god. I'm so thankful for Amy
giving me the best advice ever.

She's just such a
girl's girl that, like,

wanted to cheer me on,
and wanted me to win.

And when you have friends
like that in your corner,

that just want you to win,

it makes it so amazing
when you do a good job,

and they're proud of you.

Thank you for letting
me be a part of it.

- Oh my god. Oh my god. I love you.
- Oh my god. I love you.

♪

♪ Watch out, I'm
comin' through ♪

♪ Stackin' up a W ♪

♪ On the go, it's nothin' new ♪

We haven't even
talked about SNL.

KHLOÉ: I know, and I
haven't even seen you.

ALEXA: So good. It was so good.

My mom's flight was at 5:15,

so I was down in the
car at 5:15 A.M.,

- so I never slept.
- Oh my god.

KHLOÉ: I just got
back from New York,

and I'm doing The Ellen Show.

This... I did not
wake up like this.

♪

I'm getting my glam done.

- Turn around really quick.
- I wanna look at the back of your legs.

I brought the wrong SKIMS
today, so my SKIMS are too long.

They're much longer
than my dress.

- Is that higher 'cause you do see?
- I see it. Yeah.

So, I need to cut my SKIMS,
and I'm fine cutting them.

I know the owner.

Can somebody, um, cut?

You're, literally, up my vagina.

- Oh my god.
- Crazy.

You know, having scissors so close
to my vagina's not really ideal.

It's not really my
type of foreplay.

Okay, you're freakin' me out
with scissors right there.

Oh my god.

Glam is definitely
not always glamorous.

You don't wanna go to Disneyland and
see Mickey Mouse with his head off.

You want the whole
character together.

[knocks on door] ELLEN
DEGENERES: Yo, Khloé.

- KHLOÉ: Oh, hey.
- Hi, it's Ellen.

- KHLOÉ: How are you?
- Did you know I was here?

- KHLOÉ: No.
- Yep, shooting a show.

- Nice to meet you.
- ELLEN: Good to see... I was gonna tell you

this feels a little
more nighttime.

- This feels a little more simple, daytime.
- You know what?

You are winning with me all
day right now. ELLEN: Good.

So, what is your
role in this weekend?

- I'm not doing anything.
- Okay.

No, I, I just know
that it's happening.

KHLOÉ: I cannot believe that
Travis is proposing to Kourt

in, like, three days.

And we are all keeping Travis and
Kourtney's proposal super hush-hush.

But my mom did tell
Ellen, and that's okay

because we know she's
never gonna say anything.

But I thought he was doing
something on the beach,

and then y'all are gonna
surprise and go into the room,

and so, when she goes back to
the room, you're all in the room.

I think that's ha... I think they're
having, like, a romantic something,

but I don't think she'll be...
proposed to... I don't know.

- Anyway...
- It's all a blur.

- Yeah.
- The kids love him.

It's gr... I mean, they're all just
a little punk rock blended family.

- It's amazing.
- Yeah.

- How's Scott gonna feel about this?
- He's gonna have a hard time,

but it's gonna be... Like, they
can't put their life on hold

- just to tiptoe around him.
- Yeah.

- No, no, I, I, I don't think so either.
- Yeah.

I just think that
it is gonna be,

especially 'cause she said she
didn't wanna get married again, so.

- I know.
- That's the part that I feel bad about,

- but I don't know. Ya snooze, ya lose.
- She's gotta live her life.

- Yeah, exactly.
- Yeah.

- All right, I'll see ya out there.
- KHLOÉ: I'll see you soon.

ELLEN: Bye-bye. KHLOÉ: Bye.

- Oh gosh, she looks so good.
- So good.

Nobody knows how crazy
it is over at SNL.

They're changing things,
like, seconds before the show.

[laughing]

- They're so cute.
- So cute.

♪

♪ I'm hot as hell ♪

♪ I'm a boss ♪

♪ So extra, extra ♪

So, I'm glad that I had
two seconds to talk to you.

So, here's the deal.

So, I got a call
today from Travis,

and he said he wanted my
advice, and I said, "What's up?"

And he said, "Well,
Kourtney's fertility health."

- 'Kay.
- "All of a sudden,"

he said, "I wanna talk to you because
now we have all of these eggs",

"and the doctor wants Kourtney

to have the egg
retrieval on Sunday."

Our entire family is planning
this surprise proposal

for Kourtney in Santa Barbara.

And now, we find out that she
might have this egg retrieval

on the exact same date.

I mean, what are the odds?

He goes, "Do you think she'll
be able to come... to".

- "Montecito on Sunday night?"
- Not Sunday night.

- I said, "I don't know."
- No, I've done... Not Sunday night.

She wants to rest, and you're
not... you don't feel good,

- but Monday, you're fine.
- So, he has to do it on the 17th.

That's the whole point
of all of this...

- Oh.
- Is that it's their anniversary.

- 'Kay.
- And this throws a whole wrench

in the whole...
He's beside himself.

So, check. Sunday,
it's happening.

- Okay, okay.
- Right? Now,

what is pending is the location.

Why don't we just
override it all and say,

"This is getting too choppy.
Let's do it in Calabasas."

Yes.

KHLOÉ: If Kourtney is
getting her egg retrieval

and doesn't feel well enough to
go to Santa Barbara the same day,

I just wanna throw
out other ideas.

At least there's
gonna be backup where

the engagement can still
happen on their anniversary.

[line ringing]

TRAVIS BARKER [on phone]:
Can you hear me? KRIS: Yeah.

Can you talk? TRAVIS: Yeah.

Okay, so I'm sitting
here with Khloé.

KHLOÉ: Hi, Trav.
TRAVIS: Okay. Hi.

And so, I was telling her the
update about the egg retrieval.

- TRAVIS: Yeah.
- So, I think since there's so much up in the air,

I think we just narrow
it down to Calabasas.

TRAVIS: I haven't thought about it
happening anywhere but the beach.

I was just... O-On the beach,
I was just thinking, like,

very cool, like, designs in the
sand. Like a heart, like a T and a K.

Okay.

TRAVIS: I always get her tons of
tulips. Like, that's what I usually get.

Um, okay.

I want your vision
to come to life,

and I think, maybe, just
narrow it down to Calabasas.

It's not a bad backup,
is all I'm saying.

TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah.

- All right, let us know.
- TRAVIS: I will.

'Kay.

It's Friday right now.

The proposal is Sunday.

My mom and I know that
Travis has his plan.

He knows what he's doing, but
he's a little more spontaneous.

My mom and I operate by a
militant, crazy-ass schedule,

so... we need a plan.

What's happening at 8? 8:02?
8:03? Like, we need an agenda.

At least let's nail
down the location.

Like, I can't. I'm
literally getting hives.

Let us know tomorrow.

- TRAVIS: Okay.
- Okay.

Ciao.

[exhales]

I just have to have
faith and a beta-blocker

that Travis is gonna
take care of it.

I don't know if the
engagement'll happen on Sunday.

♪

♪ Let's go ♪

- Would you like some food?
- KRIS: Huh?

You want somethin' to eat?

- What do you know how to cook?
- What's your specialty?

I'm never gonna tell you
'cause I don't like to cook.

You've gotta be able
to cook something.

I can cook everything,
but I don't wanna cook.

I'm a eater. That's
why I'm Chub Rockster.

Like, if you had to cook,

and we were in the
middle of COVID...

- You wanna know?
- Yeah.

- What would you cook?
- Peanut butter and jelly.

- Peanut butter and jelly?
- That's not...

That's spreading stuff
around on a piece of bread.

[phone ringing]

Hey, Trav.

TRAVIS [on phone]:
Hi. How are you?

- Hi. I'm good. I'm good.
- I'm sitting here with Corey.

How is New York?

TRAVIS: Oh, it's
amazing. It's amazing.

I just got the best news, too. We
went, um, we went to the doctor,

and we're not doing egg
retrieval until Tuesday,

so Sunday is
literally meant to be.

- Oh my god. That's the best!
- Nice. I'm excited for you, man.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it'll happen,
like, on our anniversary,

which is the most
amazing news ever.

Oh my god. Are you nervous?

TRAVIS: I'm not, but I know,
like, things I wanna say to her,

but I... and I've said them
a million times to her,

but saying them at that moment,

is probably gonna be the most
nerve-wracking thing ever.

Yeah, I'm gonna send you this, like,
little note that I made in my iPhone

of what I plan on saying to her.

Oh my god. You have to.

TRAVIS: I'll touch base with
you guys as soon as we land.

- Okay, all right.
- Well, have a safe flight, and don't...

- Travel safe, man.
- Don't lose the ring.

[laughing] TRAVIS: Never, never.

I'm gonna protect it
at all costs, trust me.

- COREY: Good.
- All right, love you guys.

- Okay, love you, too.
- All right, bro. Love you. Peace.

TRAVIS: Bye.

[chuckles] [phone dings]

Oh, look what
he... Look at this.

"A year ago today, I
fell in love with you.

One night with you
was all it took."

Aww.

Why am I crying?

- Because you love to cry, babe.
- "You've been

- "one of my best friends for years."
- Oh.

"I've admired you and
adored you for so long.

"You're the love of my life.

"Kourtney... I wanna spend

"the rest... of it with you.

Will you marry me?"

- Aww.
- What part of this got cryin' into it?

- What's happenin'?
- I don't know. It's just...

That's what girls do when
things like this are happening.

I've, I've never seen

this much crying,
babe. [laughing]

This is the most tender
thing I have ever read,

and it's bringing me to tears.

I can't help it. I'm a
crier. What can I say?

You gon' be, you gon' be dehydrated
from all the damn crying.

Do I need to get you some
water? [Kris laughing]

I have had so much anxiety
over this location, this date,

everything that's happening,

and I'm just so relieved that
everything's organized, settled.

We have a date. We have a plan.

We know where we're
going and we know when.

KYLIE [on phone]:
Hello. KRIS: Hi.

KYLIE: Hey.

So, I just heard from
Travis, and him and Kourtney

are on their way
back from New York,

and they don't have to do the
egg retrieval until Tuesday,

so we're all set for Sunday.

We're golden.

KIM [on phone]: Okay,
amazing. KYLIE: Okay, cool.

KENDALL [on phone]:
Okay, I'll be there.

KHLOÉ [on phone]: We needed this
answer, so we're back on, people.

It's on and poppin'.
Roses and love.

Woo!

♪

♪ I get what I want ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ What you waiting for ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ I get what I want ♪

KENDALL: Ready, Freddy?

Oh, shit. I forgot
it was pink in here.

No, no, no, literally,
this is insane.

Today is the day Travis
is proposing to Kourtney.

We are so excited.

We're on our way to Santa Barbara,
and my family's right behind us.

Um, do you know
where you're going?

- Um, I have no idea.
- I was just going to In-N-Out.

- What did you just say?
- I'm gonna get a Coke.

- Oh.
- Or a Dr. Pepper.

I didn't hear. It
sounded like mumble.

- I'm gonna get cheese fries...
- and a single cheeseburger.

- Not a double.
- No.

- I kinda want a double. Is that a lot?
- [bleep]. If you're gonna get a double,

- then...
- I mean, you've got two people to feed.

I know.

- And you know what?
- [bleep] it.

- Um, it's a Sunday, Kylie.
- 'Kay.

It's a Sunday. We're
gonna go crazy.

- I need my snacks.
- Do you have my snacks anywhere?

- Snacks?
- I always have snacks in the car.

- Oh.
- Do we see snacks? My snacks?

Um, I don't think so.

- Kylie, we're at the food place.
- I know, but I think I'm gonna throw up.

Seriously?

- I don't know.
- I'm getting a little nauseous.

Okay, um. Yeah, I see
your snacks. Here.

[exhales]

- CASHIER: Hi, how are you?
- Hello.

- CASHIER: What can I get you?
- Can I get a double-double cheeseburger

with just spread and
grilled onions, please?

CASHIER: Okay.

- And...
- Wow. Same thing for me.

Okay, so should we just sit
in the, the thing and eat?

Of course! What'd you think I
was gonna [bleep] drive and eat?

[all chattering]

Hi, guys.

- Hi.
- Hello.

- How are you? I love that dress.
- Good. It's one of my 65 looks.

Okay, so, I think we're all set,

- but can I tell you my biggest fear right now?
- Yeah.

Is that we're all gonna run
into them on the freeway.

KYLIE: I'm so
excited about today.

I love love, so.

I love love.

I love Travis.

I just love that they
were friends for so long

before making it, like, a thing.

- Yeah.
- You know what I mean?

So, I feel like they have a really
solid friendship foundation...

- I agree.
- Which is super important.

I just love how, like,
calm, and, like, easygoing,

and, like, I don't know.

I just feel like he doesn't
seem like a stress or,

whereas Kourtney can, kind of, be,
kind of, you know, a stress or,

so I feel like that balances
them out or something.

I just think they're
a really good match.

Yeah, and he wants
us to be involved,

- which I like, too.
- Yeah. Exactly.

I am happy that Travis is
gonna be my new brother-in-law.

I've always really,
really liked him,

even when they were just
friends for a few years before.

He was always very kind,

and, um, really cool with
our family and all the kids.

KYLIE: I wonder if Scott
knows. KENDALL: I know. I...

Like, it worries me sometimes

because I just don't know how
stable he is right now. Do you?

- Like, I haven't spoken to him...
- Mm-mm.

On that sort of a level in a long
time so I don't know where he's at,

and with his, like,
mental health.

And Kourtney obviously has to continue
to, you know, live her life and be happy.

Of course.

- [phone ringing]
- It's Mindy.

Hi.

MINDY WEISS [on phone]:
He's 33 minutes out.

Wait, he's gonna get
there in 33 minutes?

MINDY: Yeah.

Okay, let me call Kendall and
Kylie and see where they are,

and then I'll call you back.

[phone ringing]

- KENDALL [on phone]: Hey.
- Hey, um, are you guys driving?

- Yeah.
- Is Kylie driving her car?

KENDALL: Yeah, why?

I'm just worried that they're
gonna see you guys on the freeway.

Well, where are they?

They are 33 minutes
away from the hotel.

What?!

- Oh, so we're close to them...
- We're 34, we're 34 minutes away.

Oh my god!

I don't know if we should
speed up or slow down.

If they're 33 minutes and
we're... Well, we're 33 now, too.

My mom would be so pissed if

Kylie and I were the ones
to ruin the surprise.

I'd be upset, too.

We're tryin' to figure this
out. We're a little freaked out.

You guys get off on the same exit,
and it's a red light, you're screwed.

You'll be at the same exit.

We should've thought this
out a little bit better,

and planned to, like, not be in our cars,
and just be a little bit more discreet.

Someone's gonna see someone.

Kendall and Kylie are gonna get
there at the same exact time

as Kourtney and Travis
are gonna get there,

and that cannot happen.

We pull up right behind them.

- And they know where...
- "What're you guys doing here?"

Oh, shit.

- Oh, shit.
- Oh, shit.

ALL: Oh, shit.

KIM: Next on The Kardashians...

The minute that sun goes
down, it's showtime.

- Where is he doing it?
- KRIS: On the beach.

It's perfect. He's
super romantic.

[cheering]

- This makes me so happy.
- Cheers, you guys.

ALL: Cheers.

I know Scott knows.

- Do you have, like, sympathy for Scott?
- 'Cause it doesn't feel like you do.

How do they feel
about everything?

They were upset. They didn't
understand why they weren't there.

Hopefully, they're
invited to the wedding.

- Am I invited to the wedding?
- I don't know.

Doing my egg
retrieval on Tuesday.

WOMAN: They need a baby.

DOCTOR: Well, there's a
follicle here, but it looks old.

Very unlikely to
get a mature egg.

All we need is one good egg, and
now, it's just in God's hands.

♪ Watch me shine ♪

♪ Watch me rise ♪

♪ Underneath the lights ♪

♪ Glowin' up so bright ♪

♪ It's my time ♪

♪ It's my life ♪

♪ Ready, set, ignite ♪

♪ Watch me shine ♪

♪ Watch me shine ♪

♪ Watch me shine ♪

♪ Watch me shine ♪

♪ Watch me shine ♪