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(Dynamic music)

♪

(Text on screen)

- [singing] MTV

- Previously on "RuPaul's Drag Race"...

You'll be acting in "Ross Mathews vs. The Ducks."

[duck quacking]

[laughter]

[glass shatters]

- [crying] No.

- The prostate wants what it wants.

- Lana Ja'Rae.

- When Onya came in, she kind of steamrolled you.

- Butthole.

- I just needed it to be more.

- Onya.

- The minute you walked on camera,

your energy was just larger than life.

- Condragulations, you are the winner

of this week's challenge. - [laughs] Yes!

- I feel a bit frantic trying to get this dress split.

- Oh, God, this is bad.

[dramatic music]

- Lana Ja'Rae, shantay, you stay.

Lydia Butthole Kollins, sashay away.

[dramatic music]

- We are back in the Werk Room, and...[sighs]

It's sad to see Lydia go,

especially like that, where it was just such,

like, a heart-wrenching moment.

- Lydia.

- But, you know, snip, snip, bitch.

- "My top six sisters, it has been the honor of my life.

"You're so incredible.

"Make them eat it, piggies.

P.S. Lana, I love you."

- Fuck.

[laughs]

- Doesn't feel good to have to send a friend home,

knowing how much this meant to her.

I got ready next to Lydia the first day in the Werk Room,

so I'm, like, a little emotional.

I want to cry.

- I didn't think I would grow to like her as much as I did.

But getting to work with her, she's just so sweet.

And, you know, she's so creative.

- We love you, Butthole. - We love you, Butthole.

- Bye, Lydia. - Let's take note.

That's how you write... - A mirror message, bitch.

- A mirror message.

- A very polite, congenial...

- Congenial. - Kindhearted mirror message.

- I feel like in this competition,

I am fighting for my life every week.

I am still determined to get a win.

I know the other girls may view me as the bottom bitch.

But, you know, I'm not scared to send a bitch home.

I've sent three home, and I will keep sending more home

until I get my crown.

- Congratulations, Ms. Onya Nurve.

- Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

- You are now the sole member of the Three Wins Club.

- The Three Wins Club.

- What can I say?

- What can you say?

- I don't want these girls to think that I'm feeling

all high and mighty and cocky.

No, no, no, no, no.

The key to success is you can't let them know

how you're feeling,

especially when it comes to winning and losing.

You can't let them see those type of weaknesses.

When Ru asked us who should go home, what was going on

in my head was, do I give the fake answer,

which is sending home my biggest threat?

- I would say Suzie Toot.

- Suzie Toot. - Suzie Toot.

- I'd like to knock Suzie Toot out of the top spot any day.

- Lydia is in the bottom of the competition right now.

The whole game is sending home the weakest person.

So when someone asks us who should go home...

- It is not.

- In my head, it's the weakest person.

- They just said, who do you think should send home?

- That's the answer to the question,

who do you want to go home?

The answer to the question, who should go home tonight...

- And you should have gone home because your wig...

bitch, you had a fucked-up lace,

and you should have gone home.

Point-blank, that lace was shit.

- You're defending that because y'all didn't answer

the question. - I did.

- No, no, no. - I'm sitting over here.

- The real bitches sit over on the left.

- I think this is a cop-out.

I mean, what is this, "All Stars"?

Like, the best girl is not going to go home.

- We all are threatened by Suzie's popularity

with the judges... - Yeah.

- Even though some of the runways are ugh.

- Soak it up, Suzie, soak it up.

- So we're like, send the bitch home.

- So what you are saying is, you wanted to tell RuPaul,

Suzie's doing the best and she should win.

- Why are you overthinking it?

They asked us who should go home.

We said you. That's it.

That was the question; that was the answer.

- Yeah, yeah. - You are overthinking this.

- I don't want to be mad about it,

because I guess they're complimenting

me in front of RuPaul.

But it's like, one or two people is a compliment.

Four people is a conspiracy. [laughs]

I'm not even the front-runner anymore.

- You all know, all right, like,

our hatred comes from love. - I do.

Now that Arrietty's gone, I believe that.

- Ooh. - [laughs]

- Love you, sister. - [laughs]

[all screaming]

- The numbers are getting so low at this point,

it's every woman for themself.

- Oh, God. - Anything can happen.

- But I ain't lip-syncing. That's against my religion.

[laughter] - Cut two.

- Cut two.

- Bitch, you ain't going to cut this shit, OK?

Cut to me winning, honey.

- Ow!

[engine turning over]

- [singing] "RuPaul's Drag Race"

The winner of "RuPaul's Drag Race"

receives a one-year supply

of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics

and a gag-worthy grand prize of $200,000,

courtesy of TodayTix, the theater ticket app.

With extra-special guest judge Jerrod Carmichael.

[singing] "RuPaul's Drag Race"

May the best drag queen win, best drag queen win

[horn honks]

- Whoo! - Whoo!

- It's a new day in the Werk Room,

and right now, the bus is still running,

and I'm riding it straight into the Werk Room.

- Is the scooter still running?

[laughter]

- Lana and Jewels are coming in with this little

rinky-dink car situation.

Bitch, I'm pulling up behind them in a Corvette.

They think that's going to work in the race.

No, ma'am, no ham, no turkey or cheese.

- Hello, hello, hello.

- Oh!

- Oh, my God.

- Don't hurt him, Ru.

- You know, "Drag Race" is a sisterhood.

You love like sisters, you fight like sisters,

and then you make up and do it all over again.

So now I want you to pair up with the queen

that gets you the most.

- Ooh.

- Any pair is what we decide?

- Are you sure? - Yes.

- OK.

- Let's do it.

- Lexi is definitely the girl I'm closest to here,

so I'm confused why she chose Onya and not me.

But I'm pissed.

- I know Sam's not going to like this, and I feel bad.

But if I'm associating myself with a person that

has the best scores and I do well,

I will automatically do well.

- So for today's Mini Challenge, in pairs,

you need to fill in the blanks as you write

each other's "Drag Race" bios.

[laughter]

- In the end, the one queen that writes

the most sickening bio wins.

- Ooh. - You've got 15 minutes.

Ready. Set. Go.

[all screaming]

- Bios, bios, bios, bios.

- It's like a fill-in-the-blank challenge.

So you honestly put in there whatever you want.

- [laughs]

- Ooh, I got a good one.

- What was her Snatch Game character?

Jeffrey Gottfried?

- Jeffrey Gottfried.

Gilbert. - Gilbert.

- I hate you. [laughter]

- All right, time's up.

Let's hear your bios, starting with Jewels Sparkles.

Swap cards with Suzie Toot.

Now, Jewels, read your bio written by Suzie Toot.

- "I am Jewels Sparkles.

"I like long walks on the corner,

"fried piggies, and fierce.

"My charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent

"tastes like fierce.

"Now, I don't get fierce.

I get drop-dead fierce."

That was fierce. [laughter]

- Up next, Suzie Toot reading her bio

written by Jewels Sparkles.

- "I am Suzanne Boots.

"My ultimate dream is to sing on that show

where they trade antiques."

[laughter]

"I draw my inspiration from Bette Midler

"and Ronald McDonald, blending their styles

to create something truly hard to look at."

[laughter]

- You're picking out all the flaws that we kind of

poke fun at throughout the season.

Good job, Jewels.

- "I'm about to launch my own line of canned cocktails.

I'm calling them House of the Great Depression."

[laughter]

"And if you stay cerebral,

you ain't got to get cerebral."

[laughter]

And "cerebral" is spelled wrong.

[laughter]

- Lana Ja'Rae reading her bio written by Sam Star.

- "I am Lana Ja'Rae.

"I draw my inspiration from Naomi Campbell and Gumby.

"After a long night of lip-syncing,

"I lock myself in the closet and suck my cliff-hanger toes.

"Fun fact, I can swallow six feet of girthy sausage

and still have room for massive amounts of penis and penis."

[laughter]

- Sam Star, read your bio written by Lana Ja'Rae.

- "I grew up in a run-down farm where I

learned to fuck like a pro."

[laughter]

"Don't tell Joella, but I have more taste in my little lips

"than she has in her whole head.

"My favorite Bible verse is, 'If you can't love your lips,

how in the hell are you going to love somebody else's ass?'"

[laughter]

- Lexi Love, read your bio written by Onya Nurve.

- "I like long walks on the local dump,

"fried raccoon, and Gilbert Gottfried.

I draw my inspiration from Niecy Nash and Aunt Jemima..."

[laughter]

- Not Aunt Jemima. - Not Aunt Jemima.

- "Blending their styles with a touch of the culture

to create something truly blackish."

[laughter]

- I could kill Onya.

On national television in 2025? Girl.

Whoo-whee!

- Onya Nurve written by Lexi Love.

- "I am Kori King."

[laughter]

"I draw my inspiration from Ross Mathews and Sam Star,

"blending their styles with a touch of hot dog water

to create something truly repugnant."

- Uh-huh.

- "My ultimate dream is to sit on Sam Smith

while wearing a spiky panty made entirely of toenails."

- What? Eww.

- Lexi just wrote whatever the fuck she wanted.

It has nothing to do with Onya at all.

- "If you can't love your taint, how in the hell

are you going to love somebody else's hole?

Can I get an amen?"

- Amen. - Amen, sister.

- Wow, you're all a bunch of Shakesqueers.

But one of you is a real Macbeast.

The winner of today's Mini Challenge is...

Jewels Sparkles.

- Oh, my God! [laughs]

- Condragulations, you've won a cash tip of $1,000.

- Wow! - Ooh!

- All right, ladykins, now that we

know what your partner has to say about you,

it's time to look within.

For this week's Maxi Challenge, you need to entertaint us

with your own personal story... - Ooh.

- At "The Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve & Talent Monologues."

[all cheering]

- The idea of it being monologues

is very exciting to me, because that's what I

won in speech and drama with.

So I have not exercised this muscle

in a while, ladies and gentlemen,

but it is a muscle that I know how to use.

- Now, this is your chance to reveal yourself

using heart and humor.

Oh, Pit Crew.

[all cheering]

- It's hot in here now.

- Whew!

- Now, queens, to help you get your story started,

reach into Bruno's pink furry box and pull out a prompt.

- Whatever you say, Mother.

- First up, Jewels.

- Ooh-hoo.

"Out of this world."

- A story about something supernatural.

- Suzie Toot.

- "Learned that the hard way."

- A story about when you lost but learned a lesson.

- I've never lost.

- Oh, my God.

- Lana.

- "Lost." [gasps]

- A story about a time when you didn't know

if you were coming or going.

- Oh. - OK.

- Sam Star.

- "Triggered," bitch. - Mm.

- A story about something that set you off.

- This should be easy.

- Lexi.

- OK, "payback's a bitch."

- A story about everyone's favorite bitch, karma.

- Oh.

- Onya Nurve.

- "Obsessed."

- A story about how an intense obsession

took you on a wild ride.

- We do love a ride, honey.

- And now for the twist.

- [gasps] - No.

- Is Joella here? - What you mean, a twist?

- In your pairs, while one partner tells their tale

orally, the other partner will help bring that same story

to life visually through the indescribable art

of interpretive dance.

[laughter]

- OK.

- That's right, two queens, one story.

- We have to stick with our Mini Challenge partners

for the Maxi Challenge, and I said, oh, my God.

Lana is as sweet as apple pie and apple strudel,

but she just doesn't really execute in the challenges

that well.

- Jewels Sparkles, since you won the Mini Challenge...

- Oh, God. - You get to assign the order.

- Again? - Oh, God.

- I don't even want to look.

- Jewels get to pick the order.

Hold your breath, America.

The girls is about to get tight again.

- Racers, start your engines.

And may the best drag queen win.

[all cheering]

[both vocalizing]

- And I got the number 1, honey.

Come on, bitch.

This week's Maxi Challenge is "The Charisma, Uniqueness,

Nerve & Talent Monologues."

This is the best team.

- I think this is the fucking dream team.

- We both dance.

- We're both funny and expressive.

- We are.

- And I know that you want this win

exactly as bad as I do.

- Bitch, I need this win. - I was a front-runner.

I cannot let Onya remain the front-runner.

- I don't know if this is going to be judged as a group

or as individuals, but Suzie and I are definitely

treating this like a group challenge.

- I got "learned that the hard way."

- I like that prompt.

- Like, a time where I have lost.

So one time, I did a spelling bee,

and I was literally like, I'm the only one.

I'm the best at spelling. No one can take me down.

- Of course. Very Suzie Toot.

- And I lost so fiercely because I was too confident.

- That is the most Suzie thing I've ever heard.

- I know, exactly.

- I was also going to go in a childhood direction.

"Out of this world" was, like, a ghost story.

I don't really have a lot of ghost stories,

but I do remember when I was little,

I knew that boys weren't supposed

to play with dolls and stuff.

So I always thought, like, I was possessed by a ghost

telling me to do these things that I wasn't supposed to do.

- I think it's a great direction.

I'm just so happy to be working with Jewels.

After the first week here, when we were in the top two,

there was an immediate connection

that has stayed through.

And now that Lydia is gone, Jewels is my person here.

- Yes, bitch.

- Initial thoughts of being triggered?

- I'm triggered daily.

- Like last week.

- Yeah, so it's going to be hard for me to choose,

you know?

I'm trying to think, like, what's going to be

easily translated through movement, you know,

like, something really physical, funny,

but also with a good message?

I do enjoy writing, and coming off

of the Truman Capote themed challenge,

I'm feeling very inspired to tap into my author-ness...

author-ness?

Author vibes.

So do you have any, like, initial inspirations?

- You know, I've been lost a lot of times in my life.

- Yeah.

- Literally and figuratively, so also my parents

being super religious and conservative and strict.

My dad being a religious Black man

and my mom being a religious Caribbean woman,

they didn't necessarily live for the queerness

that I had growing up as a child.

I have, like, seven siblings.

- Shut up. - I'm, like, the middle.

- Are you like a typical middle child?

- Yes, middle child syndrome blues.

- Yeah.

- I was, like, always striving for attention,

never felt like I was getting that validation ever

because I wasn't the child they dreamed of having.

I love my parents and they've come a very long way,

but yeah, it was very, very difficult.

Little Lana was very terrified growing up because of that.

I always felt like I was isolated growing up,

which you can only imagine how difficult

it is to feel isolated in a house

where there's, like, 12 people.

I felt like I was the worst in the room

for the entirety of my life.

So, like, now, even though I am fab,

I still feel like I'm the worst in the room because

that's how I was raised.

- Go stop it.

Lana, please, girl, this has got to be

the week that you snap out of it

and show them you're a superstar.

Because if not, we're in danger, bitch.

- Do you have any plans for "payback's a bitch"?

- Girl, this is a hard topic.

- Karma, karma, girl.

- Yeah, a lot of my karma stories are, like,

kind of, like, really serious.

And I don't want to go too serious.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- So I'm going to have to find something that's lighthearted.

- Mm-hmm. - You know what I mean?

I have had some crazy "payback's a bitch" stories

in my life, but finding one that is going to be appropriate

might have its complications.

- What about your topic, "obsessed"?

- "Obsessed."

There was one point where I was really

obsessed with being vegan.

Because I didn't go, like, regular vegan.

I went, like, spiritual vegan, like, spiritual.

- I even don't know what that is.

- You would sleep in all white.

You would, like, take spiritual baths.

It was like veganism but, like, also like...

- A cult.

- Kind of.

- Sickening.

Onya seems very nonplussed by any of it and very laid-back.

And I'm somebody that, as soon as I get the challenge,

I kind of get into, like, a, aah, what am I going to do?

Hmm, goodness, "payback's a bitch."

God, that's hard.

- Mm-hmm.

- What would I do?

- For the most part, it is really nice working with Lexi.

But the only thing is, I see her kind of

looking around and looking what other people doing.

So I hope that she doesn't let that saboteur get in her head.

- If we can both find really good...

uh-uh, don't listen to me.

Y'all picked each other, so y'all should have ideas.

- No, we're not trying to steal.

- But I think y'all can relate.

Y'all are, like, from the same generation.

- [laughs]

- I hope the bones can move when you're dancing.

- And we know each other very well.

- Lexi was scared about being overshadowed by Suzie.

And I'm wondering, girl, should you

be worried about being overshadowed by Onya?

Because she is the clear front-runner.

And I know how easily Lexi can get into her head.

So, I'm like, girl, why didn't you fucking choose me?

- I'm so gagged that you get to choose the order again.

- Last time I did the orders, I made a lot of people upset.

- Girl.

- I didn't mean to make you get in your head about this.

- Well, you did.

- And so this time, I'm thinking of also

making a lot of people upset.

I think we should go first.

- I was thinking similarly.

- I think we should go first and set these girls up to fail.

[laughter]

- And we, like, cannot let Onya get a fourth one.

- Fuck that bitch, no. - No, ma'am.

- Oh, my God, can you imagine if I go first,

you go second, Lexi goes third?

- Wait, if they tell us what they want,

should we just do the opposite?

- Oh, my God, they're going to hate me so much.

But at this point, it doesn't matter.

We'll see, we'll see, we'll see.

- And y'all mighty quiet.

What's going on over there?

- We're minding our own business,

trying to figure out how to set y'all up with this order.

- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

- Oh, so you and Suzie over here decide the order?

- Jewels and I are on the same page, so it doesn't matter.

- I will fight you, Jewels, over this lineup, girl,

if you even think of pulling a stunt today.

- [singing] Dun, dun, dun

- Whoo! - [vocalizing]

- All right, girls. - Gather round, divas.

- It's about time for me to decide

the order for the challenge.

And the little Arrietty on my shoulder is telling me,

fuck these girls up.

And then the little Lana Ja'Rae on my other shoulder

is like, no, girl, make everyone happy.

We want to go in the first group.

- Yes. - Cool.

- But we want to know what you guys want to do.

Last time, I felt very responsible

for people's undoings.

This time around, I want people to feel responsible

for their own undoings.

- Um...

I really don't care.

- I mean, if last is in the air, we'll go last.

- OK, so do you guys want to go in the middle?

- Period. - Cool.

- All right, perfect.

- So it's going to be Suzie, Jewels,

Onya, Lexi, Sam, and Lana.

- God, that's so far away from Suzie.

How nice of you, Jewels. What the... whoo!

- See, I've turned a new leaf. I've turned a new leaf.

Suzie did not feel the kickback from me setting up the girls

the way I did on the roast.

And so I know we talked about being strategic,

but that's all behind me.

- Well, let's get rehearsing. - Yes.

- Oh, ho, ho. - Whoo!

- The Suzie 5,000, sonny.

- Girl. - Ow, are y'all warmed up?

- Y'all bitches ready to dance?

- Now we have to start choreographing our dances

for "The CUNT Monologues."

Luckily, I have figured out my story.

I'm pretty much set on the idea of this being

about, like, a social media interaction that I had.

- Seconds seemed like hours.

Mary grew what I can only explain as a wild hare

up her ass.

- Honestly, I'm not really understanding Lexi's story.

I don't think... for real, I don't know what's going on.

- Externally.

- So my goal is to just listen to those action words,

and I'm going to dance my butt off for my girl.

- And that's the most comforting feeling of all.

Yes!

Thank you.

- Every night that passed... right, so look at me.

Every night that passed, my need for my father's approval

grew stronger and stronger.

- OK.

- A three-letter word, and this I want to be...

- So I can do a three-letter word.

- Well, I want it to be a three-letter word...

whoosh. - OK.

- Do you spin better in your left or right?

- I don't know. - Because I would love it to be

a single spin and then a double.

- Suzie Toot wants to be Jamal Sims all of a sudden.

And I'm like, bitch, relax.

- Let the first one be dancerly.

- Uh-huh. - And then the second one

can be, whoa, whoa, ugh, ugh.

Actually, no, never mind.

- I like that.

- I think the anguish in the body is chaotic.

- This is interpretive dance.

It doesn't need to be super clean.

- Take it slow. Do that slower.

- Fucking bitch.

- I can tell that Suzie really wants it.

The only thing I'm worried about is,

I don't think she's remembering.

She's losing the fun.

- Yeah. - Like, she's so serious.

- Like, it looks like she has never

seen an interpretive dance in her life.

- Interpretive dance is a flow.

It's, like, a... - A feeling.

- A feeling.

- You want to make people feel your feelings.

- All I see... - You're emoting.

- All I see is, like... - Cheesy, yeah.

There's no feeling.

Faceless.

What do you think the odds are that we

see a Suzie Toot lip sync?

- I'm dying.

- Here we go. - Picture this.

You're lost in an uncertain place.

- Lana's prompt is "lost."

Bitch, I am lost.

So it's like I'm going through a maze

and trying to find my way out of a maze.

She gave me a lantern.

Werk.

- Filled with twists, turns, ups, downs,

lefts, and not a lot of right.

I'm a little concerned that Sam may not tell my story

the best with her dancing.

Like, I don't want you to fuck up my story

because then I'm going to be fucked up

and be in the bottom.

And I can't risk being in the bottom again.

So, bitch, get it together.

- Are you comfortable and/or interested

in adding some sort of, like, funny line in this opening?

- Why? - I'm just trying to think of,

like, some way to make it funny.

Because, like, if it's, like, a funny joke,

I'll have, like, more guidance. - Yeah.

- Yeah, because, like, right now, it's like...

Yeah, where's a place someone gets lost that's funny?

- And you think it got worse when I got older?

- You can lead a horse to water,

but you can't make them drink,

and they don't want to drink.

They're going to drown... or not drown.

What's it called when you don't have enough water?

- They're going to dehydrate and fall over

like a fainting goat.

Shout-out to Lydia.

We're going to workshop it.

If we're judged as a team, I'm fucked, bitch.

Oh, God.

Time to become beautiful women.

It's time for us to get in drag for our

"Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve & Talent Monologues,"

plus interpretive dance.

- You excited, Ms. Love?

- Yes, I am.

I think this is going to go real well.

This is a weird feeling, but I'm feeling so confident.

Me and Onya are kind of in the same mindset.

We just want it to be fun,

so that makes me feel a lot better.

Everything feels right in this moment for a win.

- This is my first time getting ready in a different station.

And if one of us gets ready early,

like, just take the script and, like, do it in your mind, yeah.

The tension is a little high.

Everyone is shaking just a little bit,

because this is a challenge that decides who

is going into the top five.

- On these topics that we got today,

does anyone have any interesting topics they

want to share with the class?

- Mine was "triggered."

Has anyone ever been triggered?

- I was triggered today when I had to pick the order again.

[laughter]

- Has anybody been triggered by someone other

than Suzie Toot in this competition?

- Suzie Toot is Lexi's trigger.

- Suzie, what triggers you?

- What triggers me?

I don't know.

I think, like, topics around alcoholism,

like, that's just something that I've

experienced in my family.

We all have our baggage, we all have our shit.

And that just happens to be something

that was a not-so-great part of my life growing up.

I can joke about anything, but there are certain things

where, you know, things get brought up

and it brings up memories.

And it brings up shit that goes down.

- Totally.

- Suzie opens up about having addiction

running in her family.

And as someone who has had addiction run in my family,

I understand how painful that is.

So I think that that must be part of the reason

why she's very guarded with her heart and her emotions.

As much as I hate to admit it,

Suzie might not be that horrible.

- Question for Lana. - Yes.

- I overheard the other day you talking about how

you used to be a clown.

Is that true?

- That is actually a real story.

My first job in New York City, I was a professional clown.

- Bitch, that's such an advantage for this challenge.

Whoo! - How?

- Oh, bitch, I'm thinking of a mime.

- You're thinking of a mime. - Oh, my God.

- I did do miming in church when I was growing up.

- In church? - Yeah.

Have you been to a Black church before?

- Uh-uh.

- Miming is like praise dancing.

- Come on, come on.

- It's like, they interpret what the song is doing.

So praising dancing is a type of worship.

It's basically where you lip-sync to a gospel song

and you just perform an interpretive dance

to the song and the words that they're singing.

- Lana, can you give us an example, please?

- Where's the gospel music?

- [singing] Amazing grace

How sweet

- Yes! - [singing] The sound

[laughter] - OK!

- [singing] That saved a wretch like me

- Hey!

- I see you.

- Yes. - Yes.

I never thought that Lana would be the one

to help me bring these girls to church, child.

Can I get an amen?

- I used to do pantomimes too.

I used to do pantomime competitions in high school.

- Really?

- I was a pantomimer, girl, yes.

Pantomime is just like miming, but you

kind of come up with, like...

like when you're doing a drag mix,

but it's just sound, so there's no words.

- Oh. - Show us something.

- Come on, Jewels, show us!

- Give me some... give me some sounds.

- Aah, jah, ee-er, ee-on, boom, tsk, ee-er,

ee-er, ee-er, ee-er, ee-er.

- Stupid. [laughter]

What kind of home-school shit was that?

[laughter]

[dramatic music]

[laughter]

- [singing] Cover girl, put the bass in your walk

Head to toe, let your whole body talk

[applause]

- Nice. - Yes.

- Welcome to the main stage of "RuPaul's Drag Race."

Michelle Visage, now, have you ever

done any interpretive dancing?

- Does pole dancing count?

- Absolutely.

- Then yes.

[laughter]

- The fabulous TS Madison, now, how would you

describe your life story in just three words?

- Now, Ru, I would say, step your pussy up.

- Uh-huh. - Honey, but that's your story.

Mine is 22-inch weave, yes.

- I lost count on how many words that is.

[laughter]

And welcome the Emmy Award-winning comedian

Jerrod Carmichael.

Now, Jerrod, what's the secret to good storytelling?

- Easy, Ru: just be mad at your dad.

- But I am your father.

[laughter]

Why are you so mad at me?

- I was wrong.

[laughter]

- Welcome, my darling.

- Thank you.

- This week, we challenged our queens

to take us on a journey in

"The Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve & Talent Monologues."

And tonight on the runway, category is

"Ugliest Dress Ever."

Racers, start your engines.

And may the best drag queen win.

"The Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve & Talent Monologues"

are made possible by contributions

to your local "Drag Race" station

from twisted viewers like you.

Up first, Suzie Toot in "Learned That the Hard Way,"

with an interpretive dance by Jewels Sparkles.

- Allow me to take you back.

Long, long ago, the year was 2007.

I was a plucky third grader ready to take on the world.

I was effeminate, bizarre, everything my conservative

father hoped I would not be.

Every night that passed, the need for my father's approval

grew stronger and stronger.

So strong, so strong, I could hardly stand it.

This particular day, the morning announcements

brought news of a school-wide spelling bee.

Students will compete in the cafetorium

in front of their parents for the grand prize,

a $50 chain restaurant gift card.

This was my chance.

I could spell the house down.

"Elephant," "European," "ambidextrous"...

there was not a word I couldn't spell,

except for the one word

I longed most to piece together: "approval."

A number is placed on my chest, and I walk to the podium.

I steal a glance at my father in the audience.

Vice Principal Hancock leans into the microphone

to give me my first word:

"air."

"Air"?

What do I look like, a second grader?

Nevertheless, in answer to your pathetic query,

I respond thusly, "air," A-E-R.

[gasps]

[laughter]

I am escorted offstage in abject misery.

The $50 chain restaurant gift card slips through my fingers.

I sit down next to my father, my head buried in shame.

My dad puts his hand on my shoulder and says, good job.

I'm proud of you.

Tears flood my eyes as I realize

I had put the weight of the world on my tiny shoulders

for no reason at all.

The thing I wanted to win the most, I had already won.

I might have lost miserably.

[laughter]

But tonight I return home a winner,

W-I-N-N-O-R.

[laughter and applause]

- Up next, Jewels Sparkles in "Out of This World."

- Growing up, my best friend was a ghost.

And no, I'm not a medium.

And no, I can't talk to your grandmother.

My little ghost is the only ghost I've ever known.

She appeared in my life when I was about five years old.

My little ghost and I were inseparable.

She became the friend I wanted and the comfort I needed.

My favorite game to play with her was hide-and-seek.

Damn, that bitch is hard to find.

She encouraged me to be as me as possible.

She knew how badly I wanted a princess lunch box,

and she dared me to go ask for one,

and I got it.

She knew how badly I wanted a Barbie doll,

so she dared me to go ask for one, and I got it.

The things that she dared me to do

were the things that made me the happiest

but also what I got teased for the most.

- Jewels and Suzie are good.

They're performing well, but there's not enough drag in it.

And I'm also kind of bored.

- She haunted me throughout all of high school,

trying to convince me to crush on boys and wear makeup

and even put on girls' clothes.

I fought hard to silence her.

But the more I tried, the louder she got.

And that bossy bitch never gave up.

When I was 17, she dared me to get in drag,

so I had to give in.

I stole makeup and a wig from my theater department

at school.

And when I got home, I waited until 3:00 AM

to lock myself in the bathroom.

I accepted the dare.

In that moment, what I saw in the mirror changed my life.

My little ghost revealed herself

to me as a powerful queen.

And for the first time, she told me her name:

Jewels.

[applause]

- Next up, Onya Nurve in "Obsessed."

- On May 26th, I turned 25 years old.

And though I was looking finger-licking good

on the outside, I could barely run up a flight of steps

without huffing and puffing.

So a light bulb went off.

And I knew it was time to make a change.

I said, bitch, we are going vegan, raw vegan.

- Lexi, she is a long stick of lettuce doing her thing.

And she's doing a really, really good job.

- I went full-tilt raw vegan...

no cooked food, no seasoning, almonds and grapefruits,

prunes, 85 ounces of water a day,

and spinach to help me shit.

[laughter]

I was feeling good, looking good.

And I wanted everybody to hear about my new vegan lifestyle.

But as my drag career took off, I spent nights at the bar

until wee hours of the morning with zero

places to cater to my veganism.

That's where the story takes a dark turn.

[laughter]

It started with fast food, just a little bean burrito.

Then I added a little cheese and sour cream here and there.

Ooh.

But one lonely, hungry night, I ate a chicken wing.

And not just one...

I had a dozen chicken wings, bitch, and they were so good.

It was a sensory explosion in every bite.

- [laughs]

- I have no clue what Lexi is doing behind me,

but Ru is cackling, and I love it.

I was a closeted meat eater.

- [laughs]

- A girl just wanted a chicken wing.

One day, I had to come out the closet.

I stand here today, thick, juicy, and a proud meat eater.

And there was nothing left on the bones.

- [laughs]

[applause]

- I think I want to go vegan now.

- Next, Lexi Love in "Payback's a Bitch."

- Deep down, I've always felt transgender.

Externally, it's only been three years.

Being from beautiful yet backwards Kentucky,

I only have a few trans friends.

At 33 years old, masculine features

were what I feared the most, which is why I was

gagged when a friend of mine...

let's call her Mary...

made a choice that I would make her regret.

Mary and I loved each other deeply,

passion without penetration.

[laughter]

Unfortunately, Mary grew what I can only explain

as a wild hare up her ass

and destroyed our relationship on the world stage,

social media.

I posted a picture where I felt my most gorgeous,

and she tore me a new one, making fun

of ever-so-slight masculine features.

And every ounce of confidence I had poured out of my body

like water.

I wanted to clap back. - [clapping]

- But the universe told me not to.

- Onya, now I'm not going to sit here

and say it's not entertaining.

Onya is fucking funny.

Yay, Onya.

- I decided I would meet Mary and make

her pay for hurting me.

She stood before me.

I was ready to make her feel the way I did:

sad, lonely, betrayed.

The air was hot with tension.

And in the moment, I stopped.

While I wanted to react and fight back,

I couldn't help but to think like JoJo Siwa says.

Karma's a bitch.

But I don't have to be.

And that is the most empowering feeling of all.

[applause]

- Up next, Sam Star in "Triggered."

- Picture it:

Leeds, Alabama,

population: 800 straight people and 1 gay.

That was me.

It's my senior year, and I finally

no longer felt like an outcast.

And as varsity cheer captain,

it only made sense for me to run for homecoming king, right?

I rushed into school with my stunningly crafted

campaign posters, all featuring one of my favorite things

in the whole world:

my headshot.

I plastered them in every hallway, classroom,

and bathroom stall I could find.

The next morning, I sashayed my way into the front doors

of school, and then,

bam, my beautifully constructed

homecoming king posters had been attacked.

A red marker had slashed through my hard work

and written, vote Sam for homecoming queen.

- [gasps]

- I immediately started crying

and ran to the bathroom,

trying to convince myself this was all just a bad dream.

But then right there, sitting on a toilet,

literally, I had an epiphany.

You know, as rude and as hateful as those people were,

they were right.

I mean, I'd always dreamed of batting my eyelashes

instead of a damn baseball bat.

Little did those rednecks know they lit a fire inside me,

not that I needed any help, considering they

were all calling me a flamer.

But in that moment, I realized, girl,

forget that silly homecoming crown.

I knew that somewhere out there,

there was a much bigger and better crown waiting for me.

Thank you.

[applause]

- Next, Lana Ja'Rae in "Lost."

- Picture this: you're lost in a maze, an extremely dark,

scary, and uncertain place filled

with twists, turns, ups, downs, lefts, and not a lot right.

Bitch, where am I?

Well, the maze is this little thing we call the world.

And that darkness, baby, that was my life for 18 years

before I found my light.

Honestly, I never thought I felt

like I belonged in this world

because from such a young age, I was

met with so much opposition.

Turns out, two Black, strictly conservative,

religious parents weren't too keen on raising a fruity child.

They'd say, men are supposed to be strong.

Men don't do that.

Be more like your brother.

Be less like your sister.

- I don't know what this little

awkward dance is, baby girl,

but this is not Sam Star in this moment.

- Year after year, these words would consume me,

and I begin to hate everything that made me special:

my femininity, my creativity, my queerness,

and even these beautiful toothpick legs...

everything that made me me.

My mind transformed from this loving, colorful paradise

into a place full of hatred and darkness.

That is, until I found the light.

And that light was the art form of drag.

Everything this cruel world despised about me,

the world of drag loved.

Drag was my life.

In this dark place filled with twists, turns,

ups, downs, lefts, I finally found

something that felt right.

I was no longer lost in the maze.

Thanks to drag, now I know where I'm going.

And I can't wait to see where it takes me.

[applause]

[upbeat music]

- To commemorate 10 years of the ugliest dress ever,

category is "Ugliest Dress Ever."

Up first, Suzie Toot.

Beep, beep.

- Oh. - Oh.

- That's not a toot. That's a boot.

- This is the full camp side of Suzie Toot.

It's tacky.

It's disgusting.

I have tinsel hanging from my arms

to completely obscure the horrible silhouette.

I am a Christmas angel here to bless you with my hideousness.

- All I wanted was cha-cha heels.

- Jewels Sparkles.

- Brace yourself.

- This look is a re-creation of my mom's 1980s prom dress.

She got this dress done by the only dressmaker

in Puerto Rico.

But when she got to the prom, there was

10 other girls in the same dress, the same ugly dress.

- Retainer? I don't even know her.

[laughter]

- Onya Nurve. - Whoa.

- What you talking about, jive turkey?

[laughter]

- [gobbling]

Gobble, gobble, bitch.

To me, the turkey is one of the most regal

but ugliest birds on this planet.

I got these turkey feet coming all the way up to my thighs.

And this headpiece is stoned to the gods.

Now, that you can eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat.

[laughs]

- Honey, she dances to the beat of her own drumstick.

- Lexi Love. - [gasps]

- Ooh, it's tulle time with Lexi Love.

- I am modeling ugliness in a fabulous way.

I have taken over 100 tutus

and hand-sewn them onto this garment.

This dress is heavy as fuck.

This is just polyester and petroleum

just coating my body.

There is not a single breath of air that

can get through this thing.

- Somewhere there's a ballet recital with naked dancers.

- I pity the tulle.

- Sam Star, talk about a splitting headache.

- I hate blood. It makes me queasy.

I don't like red meat.

Like, who would want to wear a dress

made out of meat with, like, intestines and things

hanging off?

I'm giving you ugh, ugly faces.

You know, I'm, like, channeling

my Lydia Butthole Kollins.

I'm feeling ugly, bitch.

- Up next on "Botched," bitches get stitches.

Lana Ja'Rae.

- That damn pocket dress is making a comeback.

- America, this is the dress worn by the iconic Kandy Muse

on Season 13 of "Drag Race."

I feel like this show's at Lana's core.

She's a drag fan.

This is just a way to showcase

how connected I am to the show.

Kandy, I am so sorry you have to relive your trauma.

But, I'm sorry, not sorry.

- Lana Ja'Rae is sitting alone in the VIP.

- That is ugly. - U-G-L-Y.

- You ain't got no alibi.

- Welcome, queens.

Now it's time for the judges' critiques.

First up, beep, beep, Suzie Toot.

- I enjoyed your story.

I thought it was fun.

And you performed it beautifully.

- I really felt absorbed that you wanted

acceptance from your father.

I was moved by it.

Now, in the dance, I was disappointed.

I wanted to see more facial,

and I wanted to be dragged up more.

- I just thought that the dance was a little too earnest.

You know, this is a drag competition,

and earnest ain't got no business around here.

- As far as the ugliest dress, it's like Christmastime

at an orphanage.

So it's ugly and sad.

- And sad.

- It's ho-ho-horrible.

[laughter]

- Up next, Jewels Sparkles.

- "Out of this world."

You had a very sweet ghost story.

I think you struggled a little bit with the telling,

but I appreciated the way you kind of

kept on and got through it.

- I could have used a little bit more

of that drag aesthetic, that sort of twisted thing.

It was very sweet, the story. - Jewels.

- But I think where you really shined was the dance.

You did go wacky.

You went all the way.

And this, to me, is not ugly.

This is the '80s.

This is something we absolutely wore.

Not only did we wear it.

We paid money for it that we had to earn at the mall.

- [laughs]

- It's ugly, but you still look cute in it.

- Mm-hmm. - I got to agree.

Like, I would not turn away if you were my prom date.

- Thanks.

[laughter]

- Yeah, sorry.

- Are y'all ready for a jive turkey?

- Gobble, gobble.

- Having been vegan for a very long time

and dabbled in the raw veganism, I really enjoyed it.

I thought it was really funny.

And you know how to deliver.

- To help me shit.

- I could listen to you talk all day about anything.

You're so charismatic.

- Then when you interpreted Lexi's story, you were in it.

You brought her story to life.

- You two work very well together.

- Aah!

- And this outfit is a continuation

of that chicken wing story.

[laughter]

Honey, and this shit is hideous.

- And it's making me think of every ugly cock

I've seen in my life.

[laughter]

- Up next, Lexi Love.

- I really appreciated certain lines in your story,

like passion without penetration.

I love when something memorable sticks out.

- But the best part of the whole night tonight

was your interpretive dance.

- Me? - Yeah.

You put your whole self into it.

It was so stupid. - [laughs]

- Oh, bitch, you gave it.

- [screams]

- You really did. You gave that.

- And this dress is very ugly.

It reminds me of "The Princess and the Pea."

- You look like a thrift store exploded.

- Yes.

- Or one of those toilet paper cozies.

- That.

- I just connected with you tonight.

To have another person who talks about them being trans

on the inside on a major stage like "RuPaul's Drag Race,"

to tell the struggles of that, I was so deeply moved.

I'm so glad that you did that.

And there's so many trans people around the world who

are voiceless that live through other trans people

that occupy large spaces,

and I'm glad that you told that story.

- Thank you.

- I'd like to tell you thank you.

- Up next, Sam Star.

- I love the idea of prom king into prom queen.

I just think that's really sweet.

And you grew up in a very small town, so I thought it was cute.

You spoke very eloquently.

- It's such an interesting story,

but I wanted to laugh more.

I think because that turn could have

been much funnier than it was.

- I really would have loved for you to interpret your scene

partner story better so that I could have resonated with her.

- It lacked comedic lunacy.

For this challenge, you have to be willing to act a fool,

to be a complete idiot.

And I know that's hard for you, Sam.

- This look tonight is the opposite of ugly.

This is absolutely gorgeous.

- It really is beautiful, great silhouette, beautifully made.

I understand why you would think it's ugly.

- Right.

- You look like the inside of the Statue of Liberty.

[laughter]

- Up next, Lana Ja'Rae.

- Oh, Lana, in the iconic Kandy Muse pocket dress.

- May I speak to your dress?

- Yes, of course.

- You sho'll is ugly.

[laughter]

- I definitely related to your story the most.

- Be less like your sister.

- This challenge of masculinity versus femininity,

trying to be a man for your family

but also accept who you are,

it's a story that I've only recently accepted about myself.

- What was missing for me from you, Lana,

was a connection to the word.

- Bitch, where am I?

- I felt like you were just kind of saying it.

- The story you told was heartfelt.

There just wasn't enough heart in it, because I

felt you rushing through it.

- Now, you interpreted Sam's story better

than you told your story.

Sam was talking about coming out.

I saw it when you were acting it out.

- I think you were trying to really let yourself go.

We know what we've been trying to push you

in this competition to do.

And I think you really gave it a good college try there.

- Thank you.

- Thank you, queens, I think we've heard enough.

While you untuck backstage, the judges and I will deliberate.

All right, now, just between us squirrel friends,

what do you think?

Starting with Suzie Toot.

- We knew Suzie Toot was going to be great with her monologue.

And she was.

She was fantastic, funny, charming.

- Now, her interpretive dance was a fool.

It could have been more. Like, she's a drag queen.

Give it more, more, more.

- I thought that she could have gone

more Marcel Marceau,

"Carol Burnett Show" funny with her dance interpretation.

All right, let's talk about Jewels.

- I thought the monologue was better written than performed.

- She has a cadence to her voice that is sort of like

a child's singsongy thing.

- I got it.

- And that's where the authenticity was sort of lost.

- But I enjoyed her dance.

- Because she was willing to make a fool out of herself.

- I'm sorry, this dress was not ugly.

It was 1982, but it was not ugly.

Putting some fake braces on does not an ugly dress make.

- Onya Nurve.

- Onya Nurve knows how to or-ate, OK, and she ate.

I could not take my eyes off of her, which was

not easy, because Lexi was acting a damn fool next to her.

So it was literally bouncing back and forth.

It was like a tennis match.

- And the dance was wild and out there.

- The only thing missing from the dance

was the running man.

[laughter]

Lexi Love.

- Lexi told a story that was really

powerful, really meaningful.

- But I did get lost at the end because I

was waiting on the karma to come around.

Like, where is the karma?

Like, who got it?

- But she more than made up for it

in that ridiculous interpretive dance.

That was on the level of comedy that I expect from "SNL."

Sam Star.

- All the way to her interpretive dance,

she disappointed me.

- I think she was so scared of not revering the story

that it made her go too earnest.

It was just too serious.

- I could say the same thing about the story,

the dance, and the dress.

I wish she was less afraid.

I could smell the fear.

- The runway...

I'm going to say what the Southerners say:

bless her heart if she thinks that's ugly.

- That was high fashion to me.

- It was. - Lana Ja'Rae.

- Lana's monologue lacked connection.

- It's such an impactful story that could help so many kids

know that they're not alone.

- Before I found my light.

- And it just went, like, devoid of emotion.

- Lana felt way more free in the dance.

- We have more connection to her

interpreting someone else's story.

Now, I will tell you a story about that dress.

[laughter]

Honey, that dress was ugly.

- I just wish her dress was actually more original.

I mean, a few weeks ago, she wore an outfit

that Naomi Campbell wore on the runway,

but she did it verbatim.

Now, on this stage, if you're going to do something verbatim,

you need to stick about, hmm, 100,000 rhinestones on it...

- Correct. - To make it drag-worthy.

All right, silence!

I have made my decision.

Bring back my girls.

Welcome back, queens.

I've made some decisions.

[dramatic music]

Onya Nurve, Lexi Love, together, you jive turkeys

made ugly beautiful art.

But best of all, you weren't afraid to make

big tulles of yourselves.

Condragulations, you are both winners...

- Yes! - Of this week's challenge.

[laughter and applause]

- Yes!

See, Lexi?

See what happens when you shit on

that inner saboteur, bitch?

We won!

Yes!

- You will split a cash tip of $5,000.

- Yes, sister!

- Can you step to the back of the stage?

- Thank you, mwah.

- Thank you!

I won my second one!

Oh, I'm coming for you hos.

- Suzie Toot, Jewels Sparkles,

overall, your performances were a spelling bee-minus.

You are both S-A-F...

safe.

You may join the other girls.

Sam Star, Lana Ja'Rae, I'm sorry, my dears,

but you are up for elimination.

- This whole competition, I felt very comfortable.

I had a great standing.

But to be in the bottom two, you know, all of it

could be over.

I mean, Lana has sent a lot of people home.

I'm so close to the top.

It just can't be my time.

- Two queens stand before me.

Ladies, this is your last chance to impress me

and save yourself from elimination.

The time has come

for you to Lip Sync

for Your Life!

- I know what I'm bringing to this lip sync,

and I know I'm not leaving without a fight.

So I just pray that Sam stretched and got ready.

Because, baby, I'm clocked in.

- Good luck, and don't fuck it up.

[Dua Lipa's "Illusion"]

- [singing] I've been known to miss a red flag

I've been known to put my lover on a pedestal

In the end, those things just don't last

And it's time I take my rose-colored glasses off

I already know your type

Think you play your cards right

Don't you know I could do this dance all night

Ooh, what you doing

Don't know who you think that you're confusing

I be like, ooh, it's amusing

You think I'm going to fall for an illusion

- Yes!

- I see Lana taking off her dress.

So, bitch, she thought she was going to get me?

No, ma'am, my skirt comes off too.

- [singing] Now I'm grown, I know what I deserve

I still like dancing with the lessons

I already learned

I already know your type

Telling me the things I like

Don't you know I could do this dance all night

Ooh, what you doing

Don't know who you think that you're confusing

I be like, ooh, it's amusing

You think I'm going to fall for an illusion

Dance all night, dance all night

Dance all night

- They're both killing it.

I have no idea where to look.

My eye's going here, there, all over the place.

Oh, my God, this is just a lip sync, bitch.

- [singing] Yeah, I just want to dance with

Yeah, I just want to dance with

I could dance all night

[all scream]

- Whoo!

Not Sam and Lana with a death drop at the same time!

Ooh, shit!

- Yeah!

- [singing] It's amusing

You think I'm going to fall for an illusion

- Yes! - Yes!

- Come on, ladies!

Yes!

Yes! - Sickening, sickening.

- Queens, I've made my decision.

[dramatic music]

Sam Star, shantay, you stay.

- Thank you.

- You may join the other girls.

- [sobbing]

- I love you. - I love you.

- Lana Ja'Rae, you are a young queen

with a bright future ahead of you.

Keep on strutting, baby.

Now, sashay away.

- Thank you so much for everything.

This opportunity has meant the absolute world to me.

And I'm so honored to be here and to represent you.

Thank you.

- We love you.

- We love you, Lana.

- Lana, we love you so much, baby.

- I love you. I love you.

- Well, is the bus still running?

[laughter]

I'm a little sad.

This was the first dream I ever had,

being on "Drag Race."

Watching "Drag Race," for the first time,

I felt like I belonged somewhere.

So to be here, I finally feel like I'm

at the place that made me realize who I was as a person.

So this experience has changed my life for the better.

America, in the end, all you can do is laugh.

[smooches]

- Condragulations, queens.

And remember, if you can't love yourself, how in the hell

are you going to love somebody else?

Can I get an amen up in here?

All: Amen!

- All right, now, let the music play.

[singing] I know you want to work

They want to see you let it out

I know you want to work

They want to see you go off

I know you want to work

You know I am in business

Come, let's give them just what they want

They want to see you work

Next time on "RuPaul's Drag Race"...

Your loved ones... - Oh, my God!

- Are going to get a chance to strut a mile in your shoes

as you transform them into members of your drag family.

- Aah!

- God, I can't wait till my kids put me in a thong on TV.

[laughter]

- I think you could have poured more into the looks.

- I cannot go home.

My dad is here.

It's just not happening.

- [singing] They want to see you let it out

I know you want to work, they want to see you go off

I know you want to work, you know I am in business

Come, let's give them just what they want

They want to see you work

They want to see you let it out

I know you want to work, they want to see you go off

I know you want to work, you know I am in business

Come, let's give them just what they want

They want to see you work, work, work

I know you want to work, work, work

Work, work, work, work, work

Work, work, work, work, work

Work, work, work, work, work

I know you want to work, work, work, work, work

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