Original subtitles

This film is based on real-life events

What did you ask? You kept breaking up.

Her blood sugar. It was fine yesterday.

Ok, it's not great, we're at 0.9.

I'll be right there.

-Well? -No chopper free.

Françoise?

An emergency, she'll be here in 20 minutes.

Closer, at 1 minute 30.

We'll do it here, ok.

Okay?

Get me sterile drapes, caps, gloves.

-Come with me. -I'll help you relax.

Careful.

-Done this before? -No.

It'll be ok.

Hold my hands.

Grip them hard. Crush them, it's ok.

-Breathe. -I can't do it.

You can, it'll all go fine.

-Bend your legs. -I can't feel them.

Don't worry. Just breathe...

-Ok, Ben? -Fine and you?

Hello, Jean-Louis.

Slept well?

-Coffee, Ben? -Please.

Let's sit you up.

Jean-Louis was a real Casanova. He gave me hell.

All the local girls wanted him.

He was madly in love with Marie.

She was from Pivisy, a foreigner for his parents.

-Pivisy? -The far end of the island.

It was like that then.

You were born, lived, married

and died in your family village.

Some never even crossed the island.

Unlike Jean-Louis.

You mean he and Marie...

Even after you married?

The hands lead the gaze.

Move slowly through the air.

Go as high as you can.

Then make waves lower down.

Big circles to fill the space.

Down to the floor and make big bubbles.

Imagine you hold a huge soap bubble.

Good. Look at your hands.

Make tiny little waves and then the rain.

Rain, rain, rain...

The storm.

-Are you new? -Since Monday.

Not too tough?

It's ok. My girl's coming this weekend. It's cool.

Got a loyalty card?

Thank you.

Excuse me, sorry. Thank you.

53.70 euros, please.

-Got my wallet? -No.

I've no cash.

What do we do?

A check?

Thank you.

There you go.

You really aced it, man.

It was touch-and-go.

You took the right decision.

Here, Ben, on me. You deserve it.

Cheers.

You slept a bit?

I had to go to the Locmaria construction site.

-How many jobs? -Two. We want a house.

Call me.

Happy anniversary.

Whose anniversary?

I remembered.

-Your anniversary? -Six years?

Congratulations. To you both.

Cheers, buddy.

To those who died of thirst!

-140/80. -That's nice and regular.

That's my blood pressure every time.

I reckon I'm good for another three months of medication.

You're new here? Any brothers and sisters?

An older brother, Antoine.

-How old is he? -33.

33? That's nice.

Come on.

Hello, Aude.

-Missing Aix? -Not at all.

It was hell for Ben. It's way better here.

-Your grandmother's house? -Yes.

-You came a lot? -Yes, every summer.

So that's why.

It's not very big.

It's tiny even, but it's enough for us.

Tiny but great.

Great view.

-Ok, kiddo? -Yes.

Go on then, tell us.

Like I always said, I didn't fall, you pushed me.

I never said you fell. I leant on you...

You pushed me to the ground.

Want me to read?

From the top?

Let's see...

"When I was six," like you, "I saw a beautiful picture

in a book about the jungle called True Stories.

It showed a boa swallowing a wild animal.

Boas swallow their prey in one go, without chewing.

After, they can't move and sleep six months to digest.

I thought about jungle adventures and, in turn,

I used a pencil to do my first drawing."

-How do you manage to dance here? -I don't anymore.

I give classes for kids and we do a show each year.

I loved your last show in Aix.

Incredible. You're talented.

Thanks, that's kind.

Remember when I first let you smoke?

You were 13, I think. Maybe younger. No, 13.

Mom really laid into me.

How is she?

She misses you.

It's not me she misses.

It's someone who no longer exists.

Are you mad at me?

For letting me smoke?

No.

For not coming sooner.

Look who's here.

Uncle!

Look what we caught.

That's a baby crab.

Show Mom and Dad.

Scare your mom.

-What is it? -A crab.

You hold me and I hold you

by the tip of the chin.

The first one to laugh gets a little slap.

You laughed first!

I'll do a cartwheel.

Ready?

Not bad!

-That's good. -Pull.

Thanks.

-Take care. -Safe travels.

We'll miss the boat.

I'd understand if you left me.

If you prefer someone who can give you kids, I'd understand.

It's your right.

I can't give you that.

I'm so sorry.

All right. The blood tests are perfect.

Do you have an appointment with the anesthesist?

As I told Benjamin, it's a simple op at his age.

Relatively as there's always a risk.

We'll do a laparoscopy,

a technique frequently used in such operations.

We can reach the organ via incisions...

I won't have the surgery.

Not now.

We'd like to have a child.

I don't understand.

Aude can't.

I'm sorry.

-What's the connection? -We want a family.

So I will carry our child.

Good evening.

I'll have what she's having.

Barley water?

Yes, barley water.

Lost something?

-What? -Lost something?

No.

I'm Aude.

-Sarah. -Delighted.

Thank you.

This is your poison?

Yeah, why?

Just asking.

-A nursing graduate? -I'm not a lesbian, okay.

Lesbian sounds nasty.

I'm not a lesbian, I like people.

I like people. I'm just more open about that.

You don't like guys either?

The one who tried wasn't bad.

You're inspired when you dance.

How do you do it?

What's the secret?

Barley water.

-The same thing. A double. -Don't OD.

What happens if I do?

-What? -What happens if I OD on barley water?

You end up like me.

Silly and...

Silly and sullen.

Are you ok?

Yeah.

Cheers.

Don't come in.

Close it.

I'm not a lesbian.

I know, you told me.

What else?

A girl.

I'm not a girl.

What's on your mind?

Tell me.

I had a dirty dream.

You had a penis. That's how I dream of you.

I don't know if it's because we live in a society

where our gender is determined by what's between our legs.

I don't give you a penis, my brain does.

Subconsciously, it gives you a cock.

And it's beautiful and big.

You realize the sacrifice you'd make?

What sacrifice?

Come on, what sacrifice?

It's our only chance for a baby.

Ben, it means

no more testosterone.

Do you realize?

Remember how you were?

You were depressed all the time.

You hated your body. Imagine what this will do!

If it works, how will you manage?

Thought of that?

How will you deal with people?

You're asking questions I can't answer!

I don't know what'll happen or how anyone will react!

Will my body even stand it? I don't know!

We've been through a lot, right?

-It's so risky for you. -Let's fight this last battle, ok?

Trust me, it'll be all right. We've been through so much.

We're having a baby, you and me.

Look at me.

You're going to be a mom.

We're having a baby.

When did you stop the testosterone?

-55 days ago. -All right.

Tell me about your wish to have a child.

It seemed obvious.

When we met, it was six years ago,

right away I felt...

the desire to have children with Aude. Right away.

It scared her, actually.

Why?

Because we barely knew each other.

It was kind of sudden to say,

"I want kids with you now."

I didn't believe it, it scared me.

It scared me but, at the same time, it felt good

to have someone say that 'cause I've always wanted to be a mom.

Okay. What does having children mean for you?

So much.

So many things.

Do you understand why I ask that?

Childbearing is universally considered as the symbol of femininity.

We expect the woman to bear the child since the dawn of time.

That idea is set in people's minds.

In this particular case, things are different.

I think that for many people

the fact that you, Benjamin, will carry the child

can be seen or understood as the negation of your transition.

-Is your transition in question? -No, absolutely not.

Aude would have carried it if she could.

We tried MAP four times.

...Four miscarriages.

I can still do it.

Until I have the surgery.

While I'm still "equipped"

I can carry the child. I see it as a parenthesis.

A womb doesn't make me less of a man.

Back when I was Sarah, I...

I couldn't have carried a child.

I was a mess, I couldn't have inflicted that

on a child, but I'm myself now.

I've fought to become Benjamin and now I feel ready

to have a child. To pass something on.

-Take back your character. -He's too much.

What did Maëlle say?

She wants me to talk to my parents.

I don't want to disappoint them.

If you don't marry, they'll be disappointed?

-More or less. Great parents!

Everything I do disappoints them.

The thing is my dad's counting on me.

To turn professional one day, I have to go to Paris...

You'll miss out on life because you can't tell your dad

you're someone else?

Someone else, yeah.

I didn't think it could hurt so much. I'm getting a crack.

My sister-in-law swore by almond oil.

I'll try it. Right, you greedy thing?

Don't come in! Close the door!

-Thanks. -Does that help?

This really scares me.

Here we go, baby.

Mr. Adler? We need to finalize your file.

-I'll go. -Follow me. It won't take long.

Just a second.

What is it?

I love you.

I'll introduce the catheter to unwind the gametes.

It'll be a little cold, but painless.

Are you ready?

-Come any time. -Sure!

I'll call a cab.

Hey bitch.

Had fun with the gays?

You licked pussy or got licked?

You stink of pussy, you fucking dyke.

-Listen to me! -Get lost!

-Ben! -I'm talking to you!

Let go of her!

Get them!

Run!

We'll fucking waste you!

Aude?

It's Eva Adler.

Aude?

May I?

She never did the same as others.

Not a thing.

Even as a baby, she wouldn't suckle.

Impossible.

She couldn't.

She could have let herself starve to death.

It was painful.

For her, but for me too.

You think it's a matter of instinct, but not at all.

I dreamed of a daughter I could share things with.

We never got along.

We couldn't even talk to each other.

Now, I no longer have a daughter.

Thanks, babe.

-You got nothing? -Not hungry.

-What is it? -Nothing.

-Tell me. -They replaced me.

-Couldn't they wait a week? -It's been 3, school is starting.

One more week wouldn't change much.

Your mother.

Answer.

-She's paying all the bills. -I never asked her.

Au revoir.

Hi!

My hands slipped and the wood hit my head.

-Get someone to help. -No.

For the hedges and thicker branches.

If I need someone, I'll tell my son-in-law to do it.

He can do it.

I like to be alone.

In peace.

-You need to slow down. -Like you said earlier...

-It's cold. -It hurts.

Where did you meet your wife?

At a local wedding. That's how people met then.

After the Algerian War, you found your wife on Groix.

You know, it takes no time to meet a woman.

We stayed together after that. We had danced all night,

and we danced all our life.

Together. That's life.

I'm going, Yvon. Got food?

All I need, a few eggs.

I'll lie down, I'm nauseous. Can you go to the pharmacy?

One at midday and one this afternoon if he's no better, ok?

Anything else?

Give me a pregnancy test too.

Incredible.

It's settled in nicely.

-Is everything normal? -Perfectly normal.

-It's too soon for the sex. -We don't want to know.

The placenta is there in the uterine cavity. Perfect.

I'll prescribe six pre-natal sessions.

I know a great midwife.

She can take you alone.

We're not familiar with this kind of birth.

There you go. Congratulations.

What do you want to eat?

Aude?

Does Santa Claus come at night or in the morning?

-The morning. -The morning?

He passes at night but presents are in the morning.

Good.

Is it true Santa Claus really exists?

-So he's never gonna die? -Stop asking questions, Léo.

-What's wrong? -Leave me alone.

I mean, I've always understood.

I was understanding, right?

I was careful.

I played the game.

-What game? -You know what I mean.

But my tolerance has its limits, Ben.

Your tolerance? Do you hear yourself?

You made your own choices. I didn't say anything.

I backed you all the way.

-But now... -What?

I don't get it.

It's easy for you. We just follow and applaud you.

But we're... we're not all like you, ok.

What are you afraid of?

You chose to be a man, Ben, dammit!

I didn't! It's not a fucking choice!

What do I tell Léo when he asks why you have a big tummy?

When his cousin says you carried him? How do I explain?

I just can't.

And I don't want to.

What does that mean? Tell me!

A couple has to be straight, believe in God

and pay taxes to be allowed to be parents?

Just tell me one thing... When you carried Léo on your belly,

it was normal, right? A guy with a baby on his belly is cute.

It's different.

What makes it different? The thickness of the skin?

One centimeter or two?

Stop doing my head in, it makes no sense.

-Couldn't you have adopted? -They'd never let us adopt.

Never.

-What world do you live in? -What about Mom?

Have you thought about Mom? Of course not.

Hasn't she been through enough?

Don't count on me to tell her.

I'm not counting out you, Antoine, not at all.

-You want it all, that's it. -I want it all?

I don't want it all.

I want the same as you.

No more, no less.

Jean-Louis was a lifeboat rescuer.

All Groix knows that.

He said the key to success in a rescue is the management of truth.

Tell the truth. Even if it's not always the whole truth.

I don't know how I'll live after he's gone.

I'm here.

You know that.

Yes, I know.

You're a good man, Benjamin.

Play!

-Let's take a walk. -Play.

Let's go to Pen Men.

-This is hurting my eyes. -We're nearly done.

Come on, let's go.

I don't want to, okay.

You're turning into a couch potato again.

-Let's go. -I don't want to.

-Get some air for once. -I don't want to!

Know what I want right now?

A Big Mac with fries, nuggets, curry sauce and a McFlurry.

Give the walk a rest.

Well, that's precise.

Good luck finding that on Groix.

I thought it'd be strawberries.

But what do I know?

Hi, guys.

Ok?

And you?

Sorry, gotta go.

Ben, tomorrow we run. You're getting fat.

No excuses.

"I, Eric Mortureux, Judge of the Aix en Provence High Court,

hereby order that the birth certificate

of Ms. Sarah Adler, born in Aix on April 28, 1990,

be altered so that the word

female is replaced by the word male...

and that the name Sarah is replaced by the name Benjamin."

You realize our baby's birth certificate will read,

"Mother: Benjamin Adler.

Father: unknown."

It's absurd.

You know how long I've waited for this letter and what it means.

That's not the issue.

It's been 30 years.

30 years waiting for an ID card that matches who I am.

Just think, 30 years!

I can collect a registered letter,

take a plane without being denied boarding!

Write a check at the supermarket without being afraid

of showing my ID card.

I can be like others now without being scared.

Can you imagine? 30 years.

I know, I'm really happy for you.

The thing is, even if you're legally a man,

on the birth certificate, you're not the father.

What will it change if I stress out over that?

Will it make me a better father?

We're the coolest parents ever.

The coolest.

The thing you should be asking yourselves

is what you want to tell this child.

I don't know... That I'm not the birth mother.

Nor the adoptive mother even though I have to adopt our baby.

It's crazy but, for the law, I'm nothing. Screw the law.

You're the baby's mother.

Until I get rejected in a teenage meltdown.

I'm scared too, you know.

I might be called a pathetic transsexual.

Welcome to parenthood.

The issue isn't what you are not,

but what you are.

I think that every stage you have been through,

every event, every decision made

is part of your story.

All that forms an integral part of your story, your way of being human.

In other words, you have every right to tell this child

that if you hadn't wanted it for so long,

if you hadn't dreamed of it so deeply,

it wouldn't be here.

-Sankai Juku hired her in Tokyo. -Great. How long ago?

Last year.

-Just after the Fresco tour. -Great.

You must've had a great reason to pull out.

But it's good to see you and know you're still dancing.

Yeah.

I hope I'm not too rusty.

On Groix, I did classes with kids, it wasn't the same thing.

We all loved your contact dance technique,

your relationship with your partner. I can't get that in Lorient.

If you can get that across here, it'll be a huge hit.

Will you still be here when I come back?

For a few days, but once you start, I'm off to Tel Aviv.

Ok.

You're totally into Gaga too?

C'mon, Aude, dancing with Naharin...

It's every dancer's dream.

Don't you dream anymore?

That's newborn.

Need something specific?

-Maybe a first pair of pajamas. -Boy or girl?

We don't want to know.

We're all different.

I had to know. A boy would have freaked me out.

Why?

I have four sisters, plus my mom. All girls at home.

I knew nothing about boys.

Luckily, I had a little girl.

Congratulations.

-Any preference? -Not at all.

When's it due?

May.

Here.

This is neutral. Cute, isn't it?

A little elephant...

It's really tiny.

Yes, really tiny.

Sorry.

Okay, babe?

Like it?

Shit...

Remember Catherine Diverrès?

-The choreographer? -Yeah.

She told me that to exist on stage,

you impose your presence, right away, immediately,

along with your whole past. And every cell in your body

is aware of that past and relates it.

Right now, I don't exist.

I don't exist, Ben.

When I look at you, I hate what I think.

It bothers me.

I don't know why but it does.

You play every part, Ben. You play them all.

I need to find mine.

See you tomorrow.

Aude?

Are you here?

Hi.

I'm sorry, Ben.

Maybe you can work it out.

Give her time.

I'm pregnant. Six months gone.

-What? -I'm six months pregnant.

I don't understand.

I'm a trans man.

Aude can't have kids, so I'm carrying it.

You're shitting me.

You're not serious.

What are you?

What's a trans man?

I don't get it. You're a woman disguised as a man?

-I'll explain. -I don't get it. You're my buddy.

My buddy. What the hell is this?

I'm your buddy, ok. I've always been a guy.

So what the hell's that?

-Goddam liar! -You're right.

I told you everything.

I trusted you.

Would you have trusted me if you knew I was a trans man?

You wouldn't have looked at me!

Would we have been friends?

-Be honest, would we? -Hold on...

-Would we? -Don't talk about honesty.

Friends talk.

I tried to tell you, but I couldn't!

I lied. I wish I'd told you sooner.

I tried to, but I couldn't.

I couldn't.

I wanted to.

I couldn't because

I was afraid you'd look at me the way others used to.

Here, I wanted to be...

to be me and have a normal life.

I wanted a nice, peaceful life with Aude.

Like you and Maëlle.

It's a real burden not being able to tell the truth.

I'm tired and I want to...

I want to be able to be myself because...

because I'm proud of who I am.

I'm proud of being Benjamin. I fought to be Benjamin.

Today, I want to be free. I want...

I want to see Yvon or Jeannette and let them know the truth.

You're right.

Now, this...

-This baby leaves me no choice. -Enough.

Shut up.

-I didn't lie to you, I just... -I've heard enough.

You like it?

You're hot.

It suits me?

You're so handsome.

What's your name, young man?

Benjamin.

My name is Benjamin.

Hello, Benjamin.

My name is Aude.

-Hello? -Yes.

Happy birthday, Benjamin.

It's the first time you've said my name.

I'm glad to hear your voice.

I just wanted to hear your voice.

-Benjamin? -Yes.

May I call you now and then?

Yes.

Yes.

Take care.

-Hi. -Hi, Ben, want your order in the kitchen?

-No, it's ok. -All right.

-Let me know if you need anything. -Thanks.

Ok, see you.

The ceremony is over. If you wish, you may approach for a final farewell.

Please!

I'm here.

Vitals constant, contractions every 30 minutes.

It'll be ok.

Benjamin Adler, born April 28, 1990.

I'm a nurse.

Hello, Mr. Adler. I'm Noémie, one of the midwives.

I'll take care of you.

Who's your gynecologist?

-Dr. Rouch. -Can you call her? Great.

May I examine you, Mr. Adler? Is that ok with you?

Good evening.

The night team is here.

-You're leaving? -Yes, about time.

It's been a long day.

Some days are like that.

-Enough pillows? -Yes.

Good luck. It's going to be a while.

Good night, sir-ma'am.

Take a deep breath, hold it in and bear down hard.

That's good. Carry on. Hold your breath.

As hard as you can...

Excellent.

Now relax and wait for the next one.

Another one? Ok, take a deep breath.

Hold it in.

Let's go now. Bear down hard.

Great.

That's perfect.

Carry on, keep going. Excellent.

The head's just right.

You can push it out.

Keep going, don't give up...

Get ready. Nearly there.

Remove the smock so I can rest the baby on you.

Let's breathe normally.

Get ready.

Let's go for it!

Keep going, the head's nearly out. One last push.

Great, the head's out.

Carry on, keep going...

Excellent, the shoulders are out too.

Great job!

Here's your baby.

Look.

Great.

Congratulations.

Wonderful.

A beautiful baby boy.

Little fellow.

Well done.

I'll clamp and cut the cord.

Do you want to cut it?

Mom?

Here are the scissors.

There, lovely.

Right between the two clamps.

It won't hurt him.

Again.

Time of birth: 7:22 AM. Well done.

I'll leave you two together.

To my children

In memory of Jacob Hunt