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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:10,919 (HEAVY BREATHING) 2 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:13,279 Alison? 3 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:15,080 (HEAVY BREATHING) 4 00:00:20,719 --> 00:00:21,600 Alison? 5 00:00:24,519 --> 00:00:25,519 (DOOR CREAKS OPEN) 6 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:27,480 (MARY WHIMPERING) 7 00:00:31,519 --> 00:00:33,439 (SCREAMS) 8 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:44,079 (SCREAMING) 9 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:50,840 Help! Help! There'd be creatures in there. 10 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,920 Strange men with heads of flies. 11 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,640 (ALL LAUGHING) 12 00:00:54,719 --> 00:00:56,880 -Oh, Mary. -We all knew they were coming today. 13 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,320 -But they scared me. -Everything scare you. Am I right? 14 00:01:00,399 --> 00:01:03,159 Yeah, it's true. You'd be scared of a teddy bear if it spoke. 15 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:06,239 Actually that is quite scary, but you know what I mean. You're a scaredy-cat. 16 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,599 What be they? 17 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:09,599 Oh, they're just woodworm men. 18 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:12,439 Woodworm men? 19 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:17,200 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 20 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,879 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 21 00:01:39,079 --> 00:01:40,480 What are you all doing out here? 22 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,359 You don't have to stay out. Only me and Mike. 23 00:01:42,439 --> 00:01:43,959 Did the woodworm men banish you? 24 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,319 Well, no. Yeah, they're, uh, they're fumigating. 25 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,359 Fumigating? 26 00:01:48,439 --> 00:01:50,239 Yeah, it means we can't go back in because if we inhale their mist, 27 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:51,560 then we'll, I don't know, like, die or something? 28 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,680 (GASPING) 29 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:57,000 Look, you guys can go back in. 30 00:01:57,079 --> 00:01:59,560 I've turned all the pages in your books and the chessboard is on the table. 31 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:00,799 -I shall miss you. -Okay. 32 00:02:00,879 --> 00:02:02,959 -THOMAS: Terribly. -Thank you. 33 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,840 The TV's on the movie channel and Kitty, Grease is on at 4:00. 34 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:08,000 -I think you'll love it. -How lovely. What time is it now? 35 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:11,360 -Oh, 9:00 -Gosh! I'd better hurry. 36 00:02:11,439 --> 00:02:13,080 Would be nice to have some peace and quiet for once 37 00:02:13,159 --> 00:02:16,360 without Michael's popular music blasting on the speakers. 38 00:02:16,439 --> 00:02:17,479 Hang on. Is that a tent? 39 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:18,080 Yeah. 40 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:21,400 You're going camping? 41 00:02:21,479 --> 00:02:22,719 Yeah, we're camping here. 42 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:23,840 Oh goodness gracious! 43 00:02:23,919 --> 00:02:27,039 You sleeping outside by choice? 44 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:29,479 Yeah, it would save us money. Plus it's fun. 45 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:32,240 It's fun until a wolf eats your eye. 46 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,560 -Hmm? -My cousin. 47 00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:36,319 Yeah. Yeah, I always used to enjoy 48 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,800 a night under the canvas on manoeuvres and so on. 49 00:02:38,879 --> 00:02:41,039 Bracing fresh air, camaraderie, horseplay in the lake, you know? 50 00:02:41,759 --> 00:02:43,439 (DOOR SHUTS) 51 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:46,159 Okay. 52 00:02:46,879 --> 00:02:47,960 Sure about this? 53 00:02:48,039 --> 00:02:49,759 Uh, are you sure about this? 54 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,719 I'm just saying we could still get a hotel, if you prefer. 55 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:57,319 Yes! Hotel. Luxury, walls, windows, roof. 56 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:58,919 -ALISON: This will be fun -MIKE: Hmm. 57 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,360 -Mike's not very outdoorsy. -Huh? What's that? 58 00:03:01,439 --> 00:03:04,159 I am outdoorsy, actually. Proper outdoorsy. Just so you know. 59 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,280 Why does he always talk to us as if we're up in the air? 60 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,319 You left Glastonbury to find a toilet. 61 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,879 This again. What about that wedding? 62 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,759 -That was camping. -That was clamping. The yurts were already put up. 63 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,520 We had a four poster bed and a minibar. 64 00:03:15,599 --> 00:03:17,840 Yeah, outside. It's camping. 65 00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:20,360 -He wouldn't last long in national service, would he? -BOTH: No. 66 00:03:20,439 --> 00:03:22,840 I'd probably have to phone his mum, get her to pick him up in the middle of the night. 67 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:24,759 (ALL LAUGH) 68 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,159 -Yeah. -Having a laugh, are you, with your little dead mates? 69 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:30,879 Yeah, well, fine! You can have the last laugh. 70 00:03:35,879 --> 00:03:38,719 MAN: Get into the corners, do it right, and then won't be back for ten years. 71 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,800 (MARY WHIMPERING) 72 00:03:40,879 --> 00:03:44,879 Woodworm men, woodworm men, begone with your foulings then. 73 00:03:48,639 --> 00:03:50,039 Not outdoorsy. I'll show you. 74 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:54,280 (CLATTERS) 75 00:03:56,599 --> 00:03:57,479 Huh. 76 00:03:59,120 --> 00:03:59,199 (EXHALES) 77 00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:07,120 (SNORING) 78 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:16,079 Oh... You... 79 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:22,399 Oh, cryptic. 80 00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:26,480 Eight letter, occupied anatomy. 81 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:29,360 Occupied anatomy? 82 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,920 What are you up to? 83 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:33,079 -Crossword. -JULIAN: Napping. 84 00:04:35,199 --> 00:04:35,920 Well, good. 85 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:41,399 Make sure you keep the noise down. I'm reading. 86 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,560 -Busybody. -Oh, here we go. 87 00:04:43,639 --> 00:04:47,480 Yes. I wondered how long it would take for you to resort to name calling. 88 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:48,800 Eight letter. 89 00:04:48,879 --> 00:04:51,920 Occupied anatomy, busy body. Busybody. 90 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:53,920 Well, quiet. 91 00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:58,040 Just make sure you keep it down. 92 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:03,240 -But here busybody. -(LAUGHS) 93 00:05:03,319 --> 00:05:05,680 -Right? -Very good. 94 00:05:05,759 --> 00:05:09,279 Now, as ranking officer, I suggest a full inventory before you start. 95 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:10,720 Patrick, at the double. Quick smart. 96 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,279 All right. (CLEARS THROAT) 97 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:15,600 Sleeping bag, sleeping mat, mallet, tent pegs. 98 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,240 I know. And what's that there? 99 00:05:17,319 --> 00:05:19,120 Oh that's a puller. Yes, that's for the tent pegs. 100 00:05:19,199 --> 00:05:21,560 -Yes, uh, yes, I knew that. Just checking. -Right 101 00:05:21,639 --> 00:05:22,360 (CLEARS THROAT) 102 00:05:23,519 --> 00:05:26,480 Camping in your own backyard. 103 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:30,240 I would have taken you to Paris, drink the finest wines 104 00:05:30,319 --> 00:05:33,319 and marvel at the view from the steps of Monmouth. 105 00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:35,319 -All right. -Where's the ground sheet? 106 00:05:35,399 --> 00:05:37,600 -You're missing a ground sheet. -Oh, it's built-in. 107 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:38,920 Wow! 108 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,439 Fascinating modern age we live in. 109 00:05:40,519 --> 00:05:41,680 What's that for? 110 00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:42,839 What's that? 111 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,360 This is my tent. 112 00:05:44,439 --> 00:05:47,000 That's your tent. We'll see who's outdoorsy. 113 00:05:47,079 --> 00:05:48,279 -Oh. -Seriously? 114 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,519 -Seriously. -It's like 80 years old. 115 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,199 -Nothing but a number. -Fine vintage. 116 00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:54,879 I'm pitching my tent over there. 117 00:05:54,959 --> 00:05:56,959 ALISON: Okay, good luck. 118 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,680 Good luck to you. I don't need it. 119 00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:00,839 ALISON: They do. 120 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,800 Don't you worry, Alison. You're going to win this competition hands down. 121 00:06:03,879 --> 00:06:05,399 -With my expertise... -And mine. 122 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:09,480 And your ability to follow orders, then uh... 123 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:11,639 Oh, no. What am I gonna do now? 124 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:16,839 -Ah, yes. Well, I'm afraid without a strong main mast... -Ridge pole. 125 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,240 Uh, you're just left with the floppy flappy thing. 126 00:06:19,319 --> 00:06:21,439 Fly sheet, and have you really put up a tent? 127 00:06:21,519 --> 00:06:23,639 Or have you just ordered other people about? 128 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:24,759 -Because... -Ruba-duba-ruba-duba. 129 00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:27,839 That's beside the point. 130 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,959 Without a strong and sturdy ridge pole, you'll never be able to get it up. 131 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,040 You'll have to admit defeat and join forces with Michael. 132 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:34,480 Nonsense. 133 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,120 There's more than one way to make a shelter, 134 00:06:36,199 --> 00:06:37,600 and we've got plenty of useful kit. 135 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:39,560 Come on. 136 00:06:39,639 --> 00:06:41,160 -Where are we going? -The woods. 137 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:43,959 -Ooh. -There's nowt sturdier than trees. 138 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,079 -Come on. -Okay. Pat. 139 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:50,199 Yes. Well, I suppose he does have some expertise in camping. 140 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,800 Good. 141 00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:55,439 Sorry, I would help, but I physically can't. 142 00:06:55,519 --> 00:06:56,959 ALISON: Yeah, I know, Thomas. Thank you. 143 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,399 MARY: Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out! 144 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,120 Get out. Get out! 145 00:07:11,199 --> 00:07:12,639 Get out! Get out! Get out! 146 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,839 Get out! Get out! 147 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:19,439 Well, it was worth a try, I suppose... 148 00:07:19,519 --> 00:07:21,720 MAN: (ON TV) Stay with us on the family movie channel 149 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,959 because coming up at 4:00 we have the classic musical Grease. 150 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,040 And what are you up to, Kitty? 151 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,600 I'm going to watch Grease. 152 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,560 -You want to watch it with me? -Of course not. 153 00:07:32,639 --> 00:07:36,560 Alison says I'll like it. It's starting in a few hours. 154 00:07:36,639 --> 00:07:39,360 Not going to be running around the house singing or anything, are you? 155 00:07:39,439 --> 00:07:41,199 No, Just watching. 156 00:07:41,279 --> 00:07:43,839 All right. Well, don't turn it up. 157 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:45,000 -I can't. -Well, make sure you don't. 158 00:07:45,079 --> 00:07:47,000 -I can't. -Well, good. 159 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:50,040 Good. 160 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:55,000 Good. 161 00:07:56,879 --> 00:07:59,680 Right, you want the peg at an angle away from the centre. 162 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,040 -CAPTAIN: Ah. -Lovely. That's it, right. 163 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:03,199 -First class. -PAT: Moving on. 164 00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,360 -Nice and tight round there. -Okay. 165 00:08:06,439 --> 00:08:09,160 -Very good. -That's it. 166 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:10,720 That's marvellous. 167 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,199 -Get it under the... That's it. -Yeah. 168 00:08:13,279 --> 00:08:15,560 Now, extra point for who can tell me what this knot is called. 169 00:08:15,639 --> 00:08:17,120 Uh, well, that's a reef knot. 170 00:08:17,199 --> 00:08:18,920 No, it's a clove hitch. 171 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,800 Damn it, and blast it to hell. 172 00:08:20,879 --> 00:08:21,959 Okay. 173 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,480 That's it. 174 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,600 Pull it nice and firmly, Alison. 175 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:26,920 -CAPTAIN: Yes. -PAT: Yeah. 176 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,519 -Yeah. -Yes. There she goes. 177 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:29,879 Oh, wow. 178 00:08:29,959 --> 00:08:31,759 -Lovely. Tie it off. -Yep. 179 00:08:31,839 --> 00:08:33,799 CAPTAIN: Make sure she's tied nice and firmly. 180 00:08:33,879 --> 00:08:35,320 PAT: Very good. 181 00:08:35,399 --> 00:08:37,519 -Dead smart that, isn't it? -CAPTAIN: Yeah. 182 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,879 -Wonder how Mike's getting on. -Oh. I'm on it. 183 00:08:46,519 --> 00:08:48,200 Hopeless. 184 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:55,039 What are you doing down there? He can't see you, mate. 185 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,320 Sorry, it's the old training kicking in, so... 186 00:08:58,399 --> 00:08:59,159 How's he getting on? 187 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,120 No, he's hopeless. 188 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,240 PAT: Modern men, eh? CAPTAIN: Well, quite. 189 00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:03,960 Alison's got this competition sewn up. 190 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:09,519 Quickly. Now, remember, we need nice, dry ones. 191 00:09:10,279 --> 00:09:12,519 Um, like this one? 192 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,279 Yes. Excellent. 193 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:16,639 Well, there's got some good ones here, and over here, please. 194 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:20,200 Can anyone tell me why we use the small sticks first? 195 00:09:20,279 --> 00:09:22,240 Uh, yes please. Well, they catch quicker. 196 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:25,279 The greater surface area allowing the oxygen to feed the flames. 197 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:28,519 Yes, Captain. Very good answer. Gold star. 198 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,000 Well, there we are. 199 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,519 Now that's excellent. That is first class. 200 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,759 Oh, yes. Here we go. 201 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,000 -Feed it, feed it. -Feed it, feed it. 202 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:39,000 Firm blows, Alison, firm blows. 203 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:41,080 MAN: (ON TV) Now on family movies, it's over to Rydell High 204 00:09:41,159 --> 00:09:45,320 with the Pink Ladies and the T-Birds in the classic musical, 205 00:09:45,399 --> 00:09:45,879 Grease. 206 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,240 At last! 207 00:09:48,559 --> 00:09:50,480 ALISON: Hm. 208 00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:52,519 This is the best bit, you know. Everything's up. 209 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:56,440 Fire's going, got your brew and got your biscuit. 210 00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:58,840 You gonna dip it? 211 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:00,639 Yeah, okay. 212 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:03,279 Dip it again. 213 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:14,559 (SIGHS) 214 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:19,960 Lovely. 215 00:10:20,039 --> 00:10:21,080 -Yeah. -Lovely that. 216 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,639 Yeah, this is nice actually. 217 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,320 You always make the best of a situation. 218 00:10:28,399 --> 00:10:30,000 One of the many things I love about you. 219 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,440 But the truth is, a woman of your culture, 220 00:10:34,519 --> 00:10:37,840 your sophistication, deserves to see the world. 221 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:40,200 You travelled a lot then? 222 00:10:40,279 --> 00:10:41,080 Oh, have I? 223 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:48,240 I have. My grand tour you might call it. 224 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:51,320 Chasing the muse across Europe in search of inspiration. 225 00:10:51,399 --> 00:10:55,120 Paris, Venice, Vienna. Different sights, 226 00:10:55,200 --> 00:11:00,120 sounds and smells to inspire the bubbling cauldron of language 227 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,519 to paint the landscape with words. 228 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:03,600 What was Vienna like? 229 00:11:04,919 --> 00:11:06,960 Really... Nice. 230 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,679 Nice? Hm. 231 00:11:11,759 --> 00:11:15,240 Very... Nice. 232 00:11:16,399 --> 00:11:17,600 You got fire? 233 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:19,200 Yeah. How you getting on? 234 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,559 Good. Actually, I, uh, I'm gonna do my fire next. 235 00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:25,399 -Oh. -Just came to make sure you're all right. 236 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:26,600 -She's fine. -Yeah. Great. 237 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,039 -Cool. -Thank you. 238 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,399 -No worries. -You okay? 239 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:31,720 -Yep. -Good. 240 00:11:31,799 --> 00:11:33,039 -See ya. -Uh, watch out for the, uh... 241 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:34,279 -(GASPS) -Yeah. 242 00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:35,960 Saw it. 243 00:11:37,039 --> 00:11:38,200 He didn't. 244 00:11:38,279 --> 00:11:39,799 Can you stop? 245 00:11:39,879 --> 00:11:41,200 I can't enjoy them if you're looking at me like that. 246 00:11:41,279 --> 00:11:43,320 MARY: You are not welcome here. 247 00:11:43,399 --> 00:11:48,480 Begone, you servants of Beelzebub. 248 00:11:48,559 --> 00:11:50,279 KITTY: Oh, Mary, you simply must watch Grease with me. 249 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,600 All the boys have wet hair and they sing about their cars. 250 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:54,399 Mary! 251 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:56,879 (JULIAN SIGHS) 252 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:05,240 Well, let's see if we can find something a bit more adult, shall we? 253 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:06,519 (CHUCKLING) 254 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,120 (GRUNTS) 255 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:09,720 (COMMENTARY ON TV) 256 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:11,600 (GRUNTS) 257 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:13,080 Ugh. 258 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:17,840 (GRUNTS) Ha-ha. Oh. 259 00:12:20,519 --> 00:12:21,759 (GRUNTS) 260 00:12:25,519 --> 00:12:26,720 (GRUNTS) 261 00:12:29,159 --> 00:12:31,159 -(EXHALES) -MAN: (ON TV) Now, we return... 262 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:35,120 -Never any fun around here. -...to a Nightmare on Elm Street. 263 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,039 KITTY: Don't worry, I'll tell you the whole story later. 264 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:39,320 WOMAN: (ON TV) It was the worst... 265 00:12:39,399 --> 00:12:41,080 -Oh. -...dream I've ever had. 266 00:12:41,159 --> 00:12:42,519 Danny's changed his hair. 267 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,360 PAT: How's the competition doing? 268 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,919 Well, he's trying to light the firewood without tinder or kindling. 269 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:54,080 Oh, very good, Captain. 270 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,080 I hope he likes the cold because he's going to be cold. 271 00:12:59,159 --> 00:13:01,159 (LAUGHS) Oh, dear. 272 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,000 Oh, I could blow that over and I've got asthma. 273 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:05,879 And I'm dead. 274 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,120 Yes. 275 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,200 FANNY: Just about had enough of all this. 276 00:13:11,279 --> 00:13:13,120 Oh, can't bear it. 277 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,240 Oh, for goodness sake, fallen off your body again, have you? 278 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:18,960 I suppose you want me to put you back. 279 00:13:19,039 --> 00:13:21,759 I've got better things to do, you know, than traipse around the... 280 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:22,000 (HUMPHREY SNORING) 281 00:13:26,279 --> 00:13:27,000 Good. 282 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:36,240 Thank God for that. 283 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,600 (HUMMING) 284 00:13:39,679 --> 00:13:41,919 -ROBIN: Willy-shaped dude. -JULIAN: Bishop. 285 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:46,480 He goes to take lighthouse. 286 00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:48,000 MARY: Shoo! Evil creatures, begone. 287 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,399 Get out. Get out. 288 00:13:51,919 --> 00:13:52,840 Shoo! 289 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:53,919 (MARY EXCLAIMS) 290 00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:00,120 They shed their skin like serpents. 291 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:01,039 (BOTH LAUGH) 292 00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:05,360 That showed you. I'm not a scaredy cat. 293 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:09,519 Off you go. Stupid, scaring us. (SIGHS) 294 00:14:12,879 --> 00:14:14,320 But what if they return? 295 00:14:15,759 --> 00:14:16,639 Oh. 296 00:14:20,399 --> 00:14:21,840 -(GASPS) -(SCREAMING ON TV) 297 00:14:24,879 --> 00:14:31,360 Let no servants of Satan prey on people who live in this house. 298 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:35,120 May this house be sturdy from the woodworm men. 299 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:38,039 Let no demons cross these walls. 300 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:43,519 Let no servants of Satan prey on people who live in this house. 301 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,080 -(SCREAMING ON TV) -(GASPS) 302 00:14:58,399 --> 00:14:59,600 Ah. 303 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,879 (GASPS) 304 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:04,399 (KITTY SCREAMING) 305 00:15:05,919 --> 00:15:06,799 Right. 306 00:15:09,879 --> 00:15:10,799 Come on. 307 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:12,840 Ah! 308 00:15:18,759 --> 00:15:19,879 (GRUMBLING) 309 00:15:21,639 --> 00:15:23,039 (KITTY SCREAMING) 310 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:28,840 Wonder what got her goat. 311 00:15:28,919 --> 00:15:31,639 Probably, just scared of the dark. 312 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:36,000 Suppose we ought to investigate. 313 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,799 Yeah? 314 00:15:38,879 --> 00:15:41,600 I know it was too much to ask that you quietly... 315 00:15:42,559 --> 00:15:44,240 Kitty? Where... 316 00:15:47,039 --> 00:15:48,799 How peculiar. Kitty? 317 00:15:54,279 --> 00:15:55,000 (JULIAN CLEARS THROAT) 318 00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:57,480 JULIAN: Hello? 319 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:01,480 ROBIN: Anybody there? 320 00:16:11,159 --> 00:16:13,039 Although, I mean there's no need to go all the way to... 321 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:14,600 -What's the point of going all the way up there? -Something silly. 322 00:16:14,679 --> 00:16:15,480 Maybe we should go and see the others together. 323 00:16:15,559 --> 00:16:16,720 BOTH: Let's go together. 324 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:21,120 -Spaghetti napolitana? -From a tin. 325 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,559 What a fascinating modern age we live in. 326 00:16:22,639 --> 00:16:25,759 Italian food didn't always agree with me. 327 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:26,480 Oh, did you say you went to Venice? 328 00:16:26,559 --> 00:16:28,639 Indeed. 329 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:30,240 What was it like? I always wanted to go. 330 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:34,039 Oh. Very... Nice. 331 00:16:34,679 --> 00:16:36,679 Nice. Again. 332 00:16:37,679 --> 00:16:39,600 Nothing more specific. 333 00:16:39,679 --> 00:16:42,279 Well, you have to remember. It was 200 years ago. 334 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,080 I can't remember every single detail. 335 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:46,480 Sounds like you can't remember any details. 336 00:16:46,559 --> 00:16:48,200 Fine. I'll tell you the truth. 337 00:16:49,039 --> 00:16:50,879 You didn't go. 338 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,840 No, I did. I did go. 339 00:16:52,919 --> 00:16:55,399 I saw the most celebrated sights of Europe. 340 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,600 I just wasn't inspired. 341 00:16:58,679 --> 00:17:02,480 No matter how beautiful the landscape, nothing came. 342 00:17:04,039 --> 00:17:05,720 I returned home with an empty notebook. 343 00:17:07,079 --> 00:17:08,160 You must have got something from it. 344 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:11,960 (LOUD FLATULENCE) 345 00:17:12,039 --> 00:17:13,359 MAN: Signore. 346 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:14,799 THOMAS: Sorry. Un momento, per favore. 347 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:17,079 MAN: Signore. 348 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,359 Carol always wanted to go to France. 349 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,319 I said you don't need to go abroad to have a nice holiday. 350 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,160 -We haven't seen half of this beautiful country yet. -Yeah. 351 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:24,599 PAT: But she had her heart set on it. 352 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:28,519 So, I decided to book it for our anniversary. 353 00:17:28,599 --> 00:17:30,480 -That's lovely. -PAT: Yeah. 354 00:17:30,559 --> 00:17:32,359 We didn't go in the end. 355 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:33,039 -Oh, no, why? -Because I was dead, Alison. I was dead. 356 00:17:35,799 --> 00:17:37,440 Right. 357 00:17:37,519 --> 00:17:39,160 Here you all are. Thank goodness. 358 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,680 The lights went out in the house. 359 00:17:41,759 --> 00:17:43,000 Oh. That's strange. 360 00:17:43,079 --> 00:17:44,920 KITTY: Yes. And the TV turned off. 361 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,480 Oh, sorry, Kitty. 362 00:17:46,559 --> 00:17:48,799 That's okay. I wasn't much enjoying it anyway. 363 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,160 Oh, I thought you'd really like it. 364 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:51,680 High school romance. 365 00:17:51,759 --> 00:17:53,240 Yes, but I didn't like the man chasing the girl. 366 00:17:53,319 --> 00:17:56,440 Well, he's the man of her dreams. 367 00:17:56,519 --> 00:18:00,119 Yes, and he won't stop until he gets her. 368 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,440 That's what being in love is like. 369 00:18:02,519 --> 00:18:03,759 You should wait till the end. 370 00:18:03,839 --> 00:18:05,839 Because then she starts chasing him. 371 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,200 Does she? I hope she gets him. 372 00:18:08,279 --> 00:18:09,359 Then we can all sleep again. 373 00:18:10,559 --> 00:18:11,920 ROBIN: Hey, everybody. 374 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,119 -How is it hanging? -Oh, look, hi, guys. 375 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,039 There she is, Robin, she's right there, so she's okay. 376 00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:19,920 Ah. We heard you screaming, Kitty. 377 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,279 Just wanted to make sure you're okay. 378 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:21,880 -ROBIN: Yeah. -I'm fine. Thank you. 379 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:23,279 Yeah. 380 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,880 So you can go back in now if you like. 381 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:33,079 -We're here now, by the fire. -Um... It's okay. Cosy wosy. 382 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:36,400 Sorry. I thought you said camping was a stupid idea, Robin. 383 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:37,960 Don't think so. Must be another caveman. 384 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:41,720 Oh. 385 00:18:41,799 --> 00:18:43,720 (BIRD HOOTS) 386 00:18:43,799 --> 00:18:46,440 It's creepy in the woods at night, isn't it? 387 00:18:46,519 --> 00:18:48,960 -No, I really love it. -Is it? 388 00:18:49,039 --> 00:18:52,720 Hey, since we're all around the campfire, we should tell ghost stories. 389 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,920 -Good idea, yeah. -I would embrace that. 390 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:56,599 (LAUGHING) 391 00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:56,960 What's the matter, Alison? 392 00:18:58,119 --> 00:19:01,319 Oh come on. You're ghosts. 393 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,119 What? So we can't tell ghost stories? 394 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:04,880 Well, no. I'm not... 395 00:19:07,319 --> 00:19:08,720 Oh, yeah, Yeah, go on, Pat. 396 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,079 Right. 397 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,000 Well, this one's actually a true story actually. 398 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,759 It's about my friend, Susan. 399 00:19:17,839 --> 00:19:20,759 Susan and I used to walk home together from school. 400 00:19:20,839 --> 00:19:23,000 She didn't have a dad, and her mum used to work late sometimes. 401 00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:24,559 So she used to have to let herself in. 402 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,480 She had this little game she played with her doggy, 403 00:19:27,559 --> 00:19:29,480 you know, to let him know that it was her when she got home. 404 00:19:31,799 --> 00:19:34,000 She'd stick her hand in the letterbox and he'd give it a lick, you know. 405 00:19:34,079 --> 00:19:35,279 (BURBLING) 406 00:19:38,759 --> 00:19:41,200 Well, one day... 407 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:43,160 (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) 408 00:19:44,799 --> 00:19:46,720 (HORN HONKING) 409 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:52,839 Here you go, mate. 410 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,079 -Nice one. Cheers, mate. -Okay. 411 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:57,160 (BIKE STARTS) 412 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:05,759 She slowly crept up the stairs, all the while she could hear it. 413 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,359 Scratch. 414 00:20:09,279 --> 00:20:10,000 Scratch. 415 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:12,960 Scratch. 416 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,240 She felt cold suddenly. 417 00:20:17,319 --> 00:20:21,480 She reached out her hand and the door creaked open. 418 00:20:21,559 --> 00:20:26,599 And there it was, a figure, standing, facing the wall. 419 00:20:28,319 --> 00:20:32,119 Slowly, very slowly it began to turn towards her until 420 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,119 she could finally see it's face. 421 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,119 -It wasn't a... -MARY: Alison. 422 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,960 (ALL SCREAMING) 423 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:45,119 Mary, you gave us a fright. 424 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,160 Well, the woodworm men have gone and I've blessed the house. 425 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:49,319 Oh, thank you. 426 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,880 Thanks, Mary. That's great. 427 00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,680 Uh... Where they've gone? 428 00:20:53,759 --> 00:20:54,680 Oh, yeah. 429 00:20:58,759 --> 00:20:59,759 Uh. Robin! 430 00:20:59,839 --> 00:21:00,880 Julian! 431 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,160 Robin where are you? 432 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:05,960 -Robin! -Julian! 433 00:21:09,079 --> 00:21:10,119 Julian! 434 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:11,079 Where are you, Robin? 435 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:12,599 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 436 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,119 ALISON: Good night then, guys. 437 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:19,400 -Good night. -Good night. 438 00:21:26,559 --> 00:21:29,720 I'm not comfortable, Patrick. Are you comfortable? 439 00:21:29,799 --> 00:21:31,000 I don't mind swapping with you. 440 00:21:31,079 --> 00:21:32,000 I'm all settled in now, mate. 441 00:21:36,319 --> 00:21:38,079 Can we talk some more, please? 442 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:39,960 I don't want to go to sleep. 443 00:21:40,039 --> 00:21:41,960 Kitty, please. We can't stay up all night. 444 00:21:42,039 --> 00:21:43,599 -But if I dream, then... -Just try to imagine 445 00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,920 the man from the film wrapping you up in his arms. 446 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,240 PAT: Daley used to have nightmares. 447 00:21:51,319 --> 00:21:54,640 Used to try and get in bed with me and Carol. Walked in on us once when we were... 448 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:58,160 Guys. Can we just... Can we... Can we go to sleep, please? 449 00:21:58,240 --> 00:21:58,920 -Just... Just no more talking. -All right. 450 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,519 (WHISPERING) What happened to Susan, Patrick? 451 00:22:14,599 --> 00:22:15,640 PAT: She was never seen again. 452 00:22:17,519 --> 00:22:18,720 She moved to Leeds. 453 00:22:18,799 --> 00:22:19,720 CAPTAIN: Huh. 454 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:23,640 We had a chap from Leeds in our unit. 455 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:24,880 Or was it Halifax? 456 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,319 (WHISPERING) Who is Susan? 457 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,440 Oh, Patrick will tell you the story. 458 00:22:28,519 --> 00:22:31,160 Oh, yes. Well... (CLEARS THROAT) 459 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:32,920 This one's a true story, actually. 460 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,359 -Right -Happened to a friend of mine. 461 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:37,920 Susan. We used to walk after school together. 462 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,799 She didn't have a dad and her mum used to work late sometimes, 463 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,400 so she had this little game she played with her doggy. 464 00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:51,559 Hmm. Who's that? 465 00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:53,079 Just getting in. 466 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:57,359 Oh. 467 00:22:58,359 --> 00:22:59,920 Move up. Thanks. 468 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,039 -Well done. -Really? 469 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:09,240 -You win. -No. Yours is way better. 470 00:23:09,319 --> 00:23:12,440 Mmm-mmm. Disqualified. I had help. 471 00:23:13,839 --> 00:23:15,559 Mr. Outdoorsy. 472 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:19,240 (TENSE MUSIC NOTE SOARS) 473 00:23:19,319 --> 00:23:21,480 It's all my fault. 474 00:23:21,559 --> 00:23:23,640 I pretended we were fine and now I'm scared of everything. 475 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:30,400 I don't want to die out here. I mean, I have already, but... 476 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,720 Wait, when I was alive, was much to be scared of, 477 00:23:33,799 --> 00:23:35,920 but I know what make feel safe. Come on. 478 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:41,079 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 479 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:50,000 PAT: Carol, Carol. 480 00:23:58,200 --> 00:23:59,720 ALISON: Oh, Kitty. 481 00:23:59,799 --> 00:24:01,720 You've been awake all night? 482 00:24:01,799 --> 00:24:04,039 I was scared the man from Grease would get me in my dreams. 483 00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:05,920 -Danny Zuko. -The other man. 484 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,839 -Kenickie? -Freddie. 485 00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:09,480 -Freddie? -Freddie Krueger. 486 00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:10,200 Oh, no. 487 00:24:12,559 --> 00:24:13,559 I think I know what happened. 488 00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:27,039 Lovely, isn't it? 489 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:28,839 -It is. -Hm. 490 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,720 I was just thinking it ought to be dull and commonplace. 491 00:24:34,799 --> 00:24:38,960 Same sunrise over the same house, in the same tiny piece of England. 492 00:24:39,839 --> 00:24:42,000 Every day for 200 years. 493 00:24:43,839 --> 00:24:47,240 -But it is beautiful. -Hmm. 494 00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:53,559 I travelled miles and was unchanged when I could have been here and transported. 495 00:24:55,319 --> 00:24:57,960 It's no fault of the sun if the eye sees not its beauty. 496 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,759 That was really poetic, Thomas. 497 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,440 The sun, the sun, 498 00:25:11,559 --> 00:25:13,839 you rise when night is done 499 00:25:14,839 --> 00:25:18,880 like a big yellow bun. 500 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:20,240 Yeah. 501 00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:23,599 Come, sweet sun. 502 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:24,039 Let us have fun. 503 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:27,400 Must weigh a tonne. 504 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,160 Um, Alison, just a moment. 505 00:25:34,839 --> 00:25:37,319 You have been exemplary. 506 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,119 Oh. 507 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:43,079 And so, I'd like to present you, if I could, with your Camping, 508 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,960 Forester and Fire Safety badges. 509 00:25:49,039 --> 00:25:50,119 Congratulations. 510 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:51,759 Oh, thank you, Pat. 511 00:25:51,839 --> 00:25:52,720 Oh, and Captain. 512 00:25:53,599 --> 00:25:55,680 -What, me? -Yes. 513 00:25:55,759 --> 00:25:59,359 You have shown a wonderful attitude, enthusiasm, and a keen interest. 514 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:04,319 And so, I present to you the Teamwork award. 515 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:05,920 -Oh. -Congratulations. 516 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:06,960 It's a very high honour. 517 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:08,240 Come on. 518 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,839 ALISON: Oh, that's where you got to last night. 519 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:14,759 What were you doing in there? 520 00:26:14,839 --> 00:26:17,240 They were scared, Alison. 521 00:26:17,319 --> 00:26:20,519 We were not scared. We just wanted to some camping. 522 00:26:20,599 --> 00:26:21,680 You know, Robin style, in the cave. 523 00:26:21,759 --> 00:26:23,039 You don't want the rain coming. 524 00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:25,960 In the cave there, you see. 525 00:26:26,039 --> 00:26:26,759 -(BELL TOLLING) -(FANNY SCREAMING) 526 00:26:28,079 --> 00:26:29,079 MARY: Scaredy cats. 527 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:31,039 (ALL LAUGHING) 528 00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:33,200 Morning, Lady B. You okay? 529 00:26:33,279 --> 00:26:34,920 ALISON: Julian, did you change the channel on the TV? 530 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:36,839 Because Kitty saw something adult. 531 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:38,599 Kitty? What's the code? 532 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,039 FANNY: Good morning, everyone. 533 00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:41,839 Back from your little adventure, are we? 534 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:43,559 And what's on the agenda today? 535 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:46,880 Food club visit or what I'd wear if I could today. 536 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:48,359 Ah, can we not forgo? 537 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,480 We're all a bit tired, Fanny. 538 00:26:50,559 --> 00:26:54,079 Bed, at this time? 539 00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,960 Never have I known such a feckless bunch of good-for-nothings. 540 00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:01,119 Hmm, that's better. 541 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,440 Oh, Alison, don't forget the boiler man's coming at 2:00. 542 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:06,079 (GASPS) The boiler man? 543 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:11,920 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 36983

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