Original subtitles

Tonight is all about

The greatest flavors known to man --

Fast food.

Bring out my dish -- dish -- dish -- dish -- dish!

This is a celebration of guilty-pleasure eats

And late-night cravings.

- That's right! - Oh, he got it!

Three award-winning chefs...

Jeremy, what are you making?

I'm just doing me.

How do you do it?!

...Will compete for the love

Of some hungry, hungry celebrities.

Hell yeah! Who are we clapping for?

Let's go. ...By re-creating...

- We have to nail it perfectly. - Hold on. That is mcdonald's.

...Then remixing their favorite fast-food dishes.

It's really ducking good.

Come for the food.

Why are these so good?!

I could eat a thousand of those.

Stay for the crazy.

Why is there a spider in there?

That's gonna make good tv.

This is...

You did a really good job. Thank you.

Um... It's fine.

The grand finale!

Guys, tonight we have --

I have no clue.

Are you serious? No idea. No idea.

You can't build it up like that and then shoot us down.

Sorry. I don't really know. I'm terrified.

I'm nervous. We don't know... No, no idea.

This is the first time ever we don't have any clue.

So, we don't have the dish or the guest. No.

We're going into this completely blind. Yes.

I mean --

- Here we go! - Yes!

- Hello! - Hello.

It's like a hide-and-seek kinda thing.

Oh, my god. Nowhere... Nowhere...

Huh.

- Hey, guys! What's going on? - Oh, my god!

I'm back.

Joel mchale was in the premier episode of "fast foodies"

When he dropped portillo's hot dogs.

And now he's back, again, for tonight.

Bring it in. Yes!

We love this guy. He's a "fast foodies" alum.

Yay!

The chemistry between the chefs is pretty irresistible.

I like to think that I know how to cook,

But they're insanely skilled.

I look like your dad.

I would do the show every week just for the food.

Not for the personalities or the friendships -- the food.

As you know, your show is called "fast foodies."

I shall now tell you one of my favorite fast foods.

Are you ready? - Yeah.

- Are you ready, world? - Yes!

Thanks a lot.

"Fast foodies" finale.

Reveal my dish.

Oh, god.

Did you build a rube goldberg machine?

This took me forever. I hope this works.

Holy joely! Holy joely!

- Ooh, holy joely! - Yep.

That's right. It's a stainless steel boob.

Guys, are you ready? - Yes.

We're doing a switcheroo.

What?

I brought in one of my favorite fine dining dishes.

Tricky, tricky. It's joel mchale.

So, you know how this show works, right?

You bring in the fast food thing,

And then we make the fancy thing.

Yeah. I'm changing it up.

So, you didn't bring a fast food.

You brought an actual dish.

As you know, I was born in Italy.

Look it up -- my parents raised me

And my brothers there for almost a year.

Really? No joke.

And my mom learned how to make this beautiful dish.

It's my favorite dish.

So, when I go to almost any italian restaurant,

I will order spaghetti carbonara.

Classic. Hey! Ooh!

I brought the chefs spaghetti carbonara,

An amazing dish from Italy

Which is pasta, usually pancetta or some kind of bacon,

And then egg, which coats all the noodles.

It is decadent and lovely.

I'm still confused, though. Okay.

You want us all just to make a bowl of carbonara?

No. Here's what we're doing.

Since this is a fine dining dish,

I would like you to make it a fast food dish.

I mean, the drama, right?

I would like to see the burger version of this,

The taco version, and the hot dog version.

- Wow. - Okay.

Any thoughts on where you guys want to go with this?

- I like the idea of a burger. - I'm gonna roll hot dog.

Well, I'm from miami, so I'd really like to switch my taco

To an empanada.

Okay. That would be great.

I would love an empanada version.

It's the finale. We're all very, very nervous.

I think this is a whole kind of a -- a mind --

A mind mess-up.

My mom says I have to stop saying the "f" word.

So, I'm trying.

Alright, joel, we're gonna take your spaghetti carbonara,

And instead of trying to copycat it,

We are going to turn it into fast food.

And then we go into our favorite part of the night,

Which is the remix round.

We're gonna take the carbonara

And switch this thing up like we always do

And turn it into something magical.

You're gonna do something else to it?

Yeah, we're gonna remix it into something fancy again.

That doesn't seem that hard.

We are still gonna vie for our new,

Blinged-out chompionship trophy.

Blinged out for the finale!

We have to cook. Let's get in the kitchen.

Yeah. Come on, joel. Bye!

Oh. Come on.

Whew!

Alright, joel, what I am doing for you is the burger.

My burger is tying back to the pasta carbonara

Is so many aspects.

My beef patty is threaded with ground pork,

Crispy pancetta, pancetta fat, salt, lots of black pepper,

A la carbonara, and mix those together.

I'm gonna create a smashburger

And then I'm gonna coat the entire thing

In a pecorino-white cheddar- gruyère cheese sauce.

And then I'm going to top it with a beautifully poached egg.

You're gonna cut into the egg, and it's gonna ooze everything,

And it's gonna make the sauce. Oh, I'm allergic.

Uh -- joel!

Who am I, nikki glaser?

I'm actually turning the spaghetti carbonara

Into an empanada.

So, the elements that really tie this back into

Joel mchale's mother's carbonara is gonna be the english peas,

The benton's bacon, parmesan cheese.

Those will just be twisted a little bit

Into a filling made for the empanada.

I want to take all those flavors of the carbonara

And get it into an empanada.

I've never made them -- - Wait.

So, you're from miami, which is known for its empanadas,

And you've never made them? Never made one.

Are you excited to learn how to make empanadas with me?

I'm excited for you to learn how to make empanadas.

- Justin, what's happenin'? - What up, joel?

So good to see you, man. It really, really, really is. Can I help you?

I'm gonna take a hot dog,

I'm gonna roll it with boiled spaghetti,

And then top it with all of those classic carbonara flavors.

I'm gonna make a mix between a béarnaise and an aioli,

Top it with a little calabrian chili,

Top that off with parmesan cheese, black pepper -- boom!

I'm gonna take the carbonara fat,

Egg yolk, some parmesan cheese,

A little dijon mustard, sherry vinegar,

And make that carbonara sauce

That's gonna mimic the mustard

On top of my pasta-wrapped hot dog

That we're gonna deep fry.

I'm gonna kind of attack this like a sonora dog --

You know, like the bacon-wrapped hot dogs you get deep-fried?

Never heard of it? Never heard of that.

As soon as this pasta's done,

We're gonna wrap some wieners together.

And hot dogs!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Bam!

Ah, that joel! Damn it!

For the copycat round,

Joel mchale brings us a fine dining carbonara dish,

Which we are supposed to turn into fast food.

So, we have the filling made here for the empanada,

Which is all the carbonara flavors -- cheese, peas, bacon.

And then we're gonna put that in the buttery dough there,

Give it a fry. That does sound very good.

When you said the word "fry,"

I began to pay attention to what you were saying.

Kind of a taco. That's perfect!

Alright, cool. I'm gonna go drop it in.

Alright, my first empanada!

You're gonna wrap the pasta around --

Around the hot dog. I just came up with this.

I literally have no idea if it's gonna work.

I mean, hopefully, these noodles will deep fry

And get really crispy and crunchy,

And then we're gonna top it with that nice sauce.

It's always good to hear a chef go, "hopefully."

I'm going into this nervous as

I have never wrapped a hot dog in pre-cooked spaghetti,

Nor should anybody.

How you gonna get the spaghetti to hold on there?

Joel, I have no idea.

You just dropped this crazy idea on us.

That's true.

I think the best thing about carbonara

Is that runny egg yolk. Yeah.

So, I'm just poaching some eggs.

I'll finish them with a little bit of olive oil,

Some maldon salt.

We're gonna let those hang out.

The buns are toasted.

I made a little divot so our egg falls right in there.

And then the whole thing gets enrobed

In pecorino-cheddar sauce.

What you've described to me was heaven.

My eggs! Sorry. Yeah.

I got lost in your eyes. I apologize.

See, that's right. That happens a lot.

Guys, look what's comin'.

I got it. I don't need any help.

- Welcome back, joel. - Hey, we're not done yet.

- Delicious. - Ahh!

I saw that. I can only do half.

Alright, joel mchale.

I got the hot dog, and I think I'm gonna go first.

Let's do it!

I took just a nice beef hot dog

And I wrapped it in cooked spaghetti noodles,

And then deep fried that like a sonora dog.

On top of that, I made a sauce that is pretty much the base

Of a carbonara -- egg yolks, parmesan,

And then all of the rendered pancetta fat.

There's also some dehydrated peas on there

For some crunch, and a little calabrian chili

To mimic the ketchup that would go on a hot dog.

So, I would suggest biting from the end closest to you.

No, I'm gonna go right in the center. Alright.

Oh, hamburger style.

- Oh. - I love that.

This is way better than it should be.

Right? It looks ridiculous.

This is really... Stupid.

And it's really good.

- Look at that. - Ooh, dangerous.

Joel, are you getting some of that spaghetti carbonara flavor

On my hot dog here?

Definitely tasting the parmesan. Yeah.

You can't taste the egg, but it works really well.

If someone said, "is this carbonara?"

I would say maybe.

I think chef kristen should go next.

I would love to. Our burger, it's ground pork,

Ground beef, crispy pancetta, pancetta fat.

I smashburgered it, added cheese,

Pecorino, black pepper, cheese sauce.

Crack into the egg,

And the egg yolk's gonna spill over your burger.

- Slow-mo. - Real slow.

- Oh, yeah. - Ooooh, yeaaah.

Oh, my gosh.

Dear god, it's good.

Looks like a crime scene over there.

I know I'm a mess. It's fine.

Fast food makes you feel a little guilty,

A lot bit dirty,

And that's really what I tried to tie in.

Bacon and the egg definitely hit the carbonara,

And especially with the pecorino.

And then you've got this lovely burger.

You could sell this.

Look at jeremy's mouth.

Jeremy, why don't you go next?

Welcome to jeremy's empanada shop.

I took all those flavors of the carbonara

And got them inside that flaky, delicious, buttery dough.

And I got a little bit of english peas in there,

Some parmesan, mozzarella, bacon.

And this little sauce here

Kind of acts as like your egg in the carbonara.

It's a little aioli whipped with buttermilk,

Yogurt, and yuzu kosho.

It's really great. It's very tasty.

And that sauce, you should bottle that.

It's so good. I don't know how close it is to carbonara.

Okay, the pancetta, yes. The cheese, yes. The peas, yes.

Yeah. It's all there. It's all there.

It's all there, just differently. Yeah.

Good job, everybody. Well done.

But there can only be one winner,

And that is up to you.

She's destroyed you again.

The winner, ladies and gentlemen --

Kristen, guys. I'm sorry.

Well done!

The burger with an egg, with the cheese and the bacon

And that sauce, it was pretty amazing.

So, kristen, thank you. - Well done.

Thank you so much, joel, for that win.

I'm gonna happily take that. - Moving into that remix round,

I say we take some of these flavors from the carbonara

And make our own little chef spin to it.

You guys ready to do some cooking?

I am full. See you later, guys.

That was great. Thank you.

Coming up... Will justin crack?

Can kristen handle the pressure?

Will jeremy lose his shit?

And is joel actually leaving?

Joel, you have to eat more.

We've got to cook.

I'm full. I am full.

Oh, hi. How's it going?

The grand finale! That's right.

To livers!

Look at kristen. That is classy.

Joel mchale doesn't really play by the rules, as we all know.

And tonight he's creating his own version of "fast foodies."

For the copycat round, a little weird,

We took spaghetti carbonara

And turned it into a fast food dish.

In the remix round, we're gonna take this beautiful dish

Of carbonara and put our own chef spin on it.

So, I'm taking some beautiful asparagus,

Some hand-shucked english peas,

And these accoutrements of crispy bread,

Buttermilk dressing, all these things that you kind of feel

And taste in a carbonara, but my own chef spin on it.

So, I'm gonna basically take some peas here.

If you wouldn't mind helping me shuck them, open them up a little bit.

Are you serious? Yeah.

So, I'm gonna do some wood-fire grilled asparagus

And a soft poached egg.

I made a bacon jus,

And that will kind of go around the whole dish.

I don't know, asparagus carbonara

With a little bit of buttermilk. So, what do you call this?

I would call this grilled asparagus a la carbonara.

"A la" is not really italian, but okay.

Wow. He's a strong man.

Ah, yes. Aah!

Roll pasta while getting a shot from my buddy joel mchale.

- That's right. - Life-changing moment.

My remix dish of joel's pasta carbonara

Is something very dear to my heart.

It is a classic japanese mentaiko pasta

Where I'm gonna take cured pollack roe,

Mix that with spaghetti noodles,

Mix in some cream, some black pepper,

All of those flavors that joel loved

About this pasta carbonara, but then double up on the egg.

I'm talking caviar. I'm talking quail egg.

Are you gonna use pancetta at all?

I am, I'm gonna use the pancetta fat as --

To emulsify the sauce. I don't deserve you.

I know. But you got me.

Is that powdered sugar, kristen?

It's powdered sugar. Are you making dessert?

It would -- it would appear to be so.

Uh, this is a new one for me.

Yes. Carbonara dessert.

- Really? Unreal. - Yes.

I like this risky -- this risky business.

- Spaghetti carbonara dessert. - Yes.

My remix dish for joel's pasta carbonara is dessert.

So, the way I'm bringing back

The essence of the pasta carbonara

Is not in the form of taste,

But quite literally in the way it looks.

I have shaved white chocolate that looks like the cheese,

Mango pearls to replicate the popping egg yolk,

Orange sherbet to be the vessel for all of it.

So, this is a little risky because if we have a guest

That is really digging into the flavors of carbonara,

Then I'm gonna be in a little bit of trouble.

We're gonna make liquid nitrogen ice cream.

- Yeah! - Okay.

Please be careful. Please be careful.

Ple-- oh, gaaaah. - Liquid nitrogen.

It's not usually an ingredient

In traditional spaghetti carbonara.

Do you understand how risky this is?

I do. We're gonna get there.

I'm just gonna mix the base. We're gonna take this mix --

Here we go. Slowly start to put it in, okay?

Slowly. Yep.

It's a winter wonderland.

How is it? Perfect.

Yeah. Perfect!

Let's get it in the freezer, stat.

Corner!

Alright, no one open this freezer!

Guys, for your disadvantage, joel has to be your sous chef

For three minutes.

And at the end, you have to do

A shot of green food coloring.

Ah, like the good old days.

Is it not to be drunk?

It's fine, right? - Time starts now.

Jeremy is up first.

So, I need an exact size here. Alright.

Okay, so, this size. Okay.

Okay? Uh-huh.

Does that help?

No, no. I've got a job for you.

Can I help you? Yeah.

Okay. What next?

This is great. Aah! Damn it, joel!

Oh, good news, justin! I'm available right now.

Oh, yes!

Alright, alright. Let's not waste it.

Okay.

Uh, yeah, we're gonna need those, joel.

Oh, I'm sure you do.

This is gonna be great.

Is that crime scene tape?

I think we're -- I think my work is done.

Well, good luck. Thank you.

This is a mess.

Looks like jeremy's station.

Here's your green food coloring shots.

Oh, you just drank the whole thing.

Like a leprechaun blowing moment, is that what it was?

He's spitting it out! - Ohhh!

- Oh! - Aw, jeremy!

That was too much for jeremy.

Aw, man!

That is cured pollack roe --

Sacs inside of pollack that has all their eggs in it,

And then we cut it open and pull the eggs out.

So, I mean, it's just like any other caviar.

Oh, it's really good. It's really good.

These sacs grow inside them,

And there is millions of eggs in here.

I'm going heavy on the eggs on this

'cause I think everything about the carbonara

Was about the egg. Thank you, pollack sac.

Yeah.

- Hey, guys. Two seasons! - Two seasons!

- We made it! - Two seasons and a movie.

Jeremy, why don't you go?

Joel, this is my remix for tonight.

Ta-da!

Alright, so you know how this goes.

You have to start eating now. Jeremy, why don't you go?

Joel, this is my remix for tonight.

To me, the carbonara we had earlier

Really highlighted the egg.

So, you can see there's a nice slow-poached egg yolk

On the bottom, some caviar, some uni.

The bacon's in that brown jus on the bottom underneath.

Some english peas that you helped shuck out of the shell.

And that creamy sauce you get in carbonara

Is kind of this like buttermilk cheese thing to the right.

So, the idea is to get in there,

Mix things up, take your toast, get weird with it.

Jeremy, this is so good.

Mmm.

I'd say for you guys to dive in yourselves,

But not yet.

You gotta watch me eat, 'cause it is so good.

Jeremy, you are good, man.

Does it tie it back to the carbonara

That mama used to make?

There are tastes of it -- the egg, the pancetta.

And then, like you said, it got really wacky and wonderful,

And the egg yolk is really jammy in the best way.

It is so tasty.

Dang it.

It's good.

Well, I guess I'm next, and joel, this is my remix.

So, when I tasted your carbonara,

It immediately brought back this memory

Of a very, very classic japanese dish called mentaiko pasta,

Spaghetti noodles mixed with cured pollack roe.

On top of that is gonna be a raw quail egg yolk

Garnished with caviar.

I'm gonna use chopsticks?

No, you don't -- you can use whatever you want.

I'd like to use chopsticks, if that's okay.

Alright. Here we go.

I'm not great. I'm still learning how it all works.

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

No. Yeah!

Oh, there's a lot wonderfully going on.

So, the pasta is beautiful.

That fish roe that you said from the pollack.

Yep. And then you got the scallions,

And there's that spiciness to it.

And then you've got the caviar.

And the egg is the thing that settles it back,

And you can taste the bacon. Yeah.

It's good. Thank you.

I heard kristen might have been doing dessert,

So chef kish, what've you got for us?

Alright, joel, this is my remix.

- Wow. - Whoo-hoo-hoo!

One thing, when I eat carbonara,

The one thing I'm missing is acid.

So, what I did is I took all that lovely acid

That I want in carbonara, threw it into a dessert.

So, it's basically an orange creamsicle

With salted yuzu cream,

Cocoa nibs to mimic the black pepper,

White chocolate to be the cheese,

Orange sherbet, and then mango pearls for your yolk.

That's insane. Oh, my gosh.

I want to point out the mousse that is noodles here.

Can you see that? Can you see?

So, I got it to solidify with just a touch of gelatin.

As you can see, I hated it.

And it wasn't too -- it was just so lovely,

And I could eat another one right now.

It's very different, but --

But there really are hints of it,

Kind of like, oh, yeah.

The only thing I'm missing is like a big wad of bacon.

Joel, thank you for coming back

And wrapping up season two of "fast foodies."

I just need the money.

You can decide who's going home with that chompionship trophy.

- Chompionship! - Blinged out for the finale!

You took my mom's incredible carbonara dish,

Turned it into fast food, which was brilliant.

And then you turned it into a complete meal.

It was incredible.

But as we know, there are losers and there are winners.

The winner tonight is...

All three of you guys!

Geez, louise! Holy shit!

They were all so different, but this was a complete meal.

And so I said three-way tie.

- Bring it in, guys. - That was good.

Because you're all winners, you're also all losers.

So, bring on the jumpsuits, everyone!

I like it!

Oh, my god, I'm gonna wear this everywhere.

I think we should just shoot some spaghetti

With a t-shirt cannon. What d'ya say?

You guys ready?

We're ready.

Aah!

That's gonna make good tv. You, joel mchale.

Did the pasta hurt, guys?

Yeah. That was -- that had a lot of force behind it.

Joel, thank you so much for coming back

And wrapping up the finale

Of season two of "fast foodies." - Thank you!

- Let's get the hell outta here! - Let's go, guys.

Try not to break-dance your way out.

The dishes worked so perfectly together.

Such a progressive meal. I love these guys.

The fast foodies, bringin' it.

You guys look great.

It's me and the beastie boys. - Holy joely!