Original subtitles

Tonight is all about

The greatest flavors known to man --

Fast food.

Bring out my dish -- dish -- dish -- dish -- dish!

This is a celebration of guilty-pleasure eats

And late-night cravings.

- Oh! - Oh, we got it!

Three award-winning chefs...

Jeremy, what are you making?

I'm just doing me.

How do you do it?!

...Will compete for the love

Of some hungry, hungry celebrities.

Hell yeah! Who are we clapping for?

Let's go. ...By re-creating...

- We have to nail it perfectly. - Hold on. That is McDonald's.

...Then remixing their favorite fast-food dishes.

It's really ducking good.

Come for the food.

Why are these so good?!

I could eat a thousand of those.

Stay for the crazy.

Why is there a spider in there?

That's gonna make good tv.

This is...

You did a really good job.

Thank you.

Um... It's fine.

Alright, team, so, tonight,

We have two friends that have been on

This long journey of comedy for years and years.

They've shared a ton of laughs, a ton of fast food.

If you've seen something funny on tv,

These guys have been a part of it.

So, let's please welcome John Gabrus and Adam Pally.

Did we do good on the timing?

Did we nail the timing?

Good to see you, man.

Uh, can you see okay?

Yeah.

I'm cool.

Is it not reading?

Obviously long-time friends, comedy, fast food.

That's my lower back tattoo, right there.

Do you like the same fast food?

We're just open-minded gluttons, really.

And if you're touring, making $100 a show,

You're not eating wherever you want.

So, what are some of your favorites?

John is a Taco Bell guy.

Die-hard Taco Bell enthusiast here.

When I was 16, I ate Nathan's corn dog nuggets every day.

Like, the next year, I was like --

Noticeably, there was a difference.

Adam, you have three kids.

Now, are you in the camp of, like,

Starting to feed them fast food yet?

It's not, like, a thing that we, like, celebrate.

Talk about. Talk about on camera.

But, like, you know, there's something, like,

Every time you're on the highway, you see these symbols.

Sooner or later, my kid's gonna be like,

"what is that bell?"

Alright, John and Adam,

We need to know what you brought for us.

It's not a standard menu item.

It's kind of like -- a lot of people would say

It's off the secret menu.

We thought it was kind of fitting for us

Because it is a combo of two classic items,

And we're two sort of classic men.

So...

Bring out our dish.

Oh, shit.

- Hello, there. - Oh.

Thank you.

I'm kind of scared right now.

They are committing all the way out the door.

That is like some meryl.

We got ourselves a McDouble and a McChicken.

- And then... - They.

We are gonna make, like, a frankenstein, kind of, of it.

Yeah, this one's pretty cold. I could do it like that.

What are we doing today?

And the bet is probably in between the two patties.

Yeah. And this is -- I think you have to make, like,

A real artistic choice on that one.

There you go. - Huh.

I mean, I know you guys are professionals,

And all that, but good luck.

Tonight, Adam and I are bringing two fast-food icons --

A double burger and a fried chicken sandwich.

It's a McDouble surrounding a McChicken.

It's a collab. Also, like, collabs sell now.

Is it good?

It's pretty good.

- That's actually good. - Wait, I'm about to finish it,

And not even realize it.

The cheese being added to that crispy chicken vibe --

Which is not something that McDonald's traditionally does --

I'm here for it.

Four pieces of bread, or three.

- I think four is too much. - I agree.

This is the way.

What did you do?

I pulled out all the middle bread,

And I let the chicken be the middle bun,

Because the chicken is almost bread.

You're right.

- Much better. - Much better.

To me, I love big burgers and big macs,

And I think it's nothing more than just a simple sandwich

With another sandwich in it.

What should we call this thing?

We believe it's called the mcgangbang.

We will be rewriting that name for the sake of advertisers,

And we're 40-year-old men.

Let's call it "the wedding" -- chicken or beef.

You're -- that's smart.

Or maybe, like, "double dare."

'Cause I double dare you to eat this?

- Yeah. - McDouble-dare.

Alright, gentlemen, we are going to try to copycat

This McDouble-dare as best and as close as we can.

And the remix round is where we're gonna take

The spirit of this whole McDouble-dare,

Put it into a beautiful dish.

We are all vying for the chompionship trophy.

And the two losers are gonna have to face

Tonight's consequence.

Whee!

Tonight's consequence is ready.

Grab the card.

"Wtf-en."

I... Wtf.

I don't know.

I'm getting too old for this shit.

Are you guys ready to give it a try?

- Sort of. - Let's go.

- Alright. - Oh, my goodness.

Well, there was a lot of stuff.

This one looks the most expensive.

Cheers. - Did you find some bourbon?

Oh yeah, no, no, no. These are from my car.

So, gentlemen, what is it about the McChicken

And the McDouble that makes you so excited inside?

They're two go-to fast-food classics done by McDonald's --

The fast food classic.

Going into the copycat of the McDouble-dare,

There's actually a lot of stuff that has to get done

To complete this sandwich.

I'm gonna basically take some chicken.

That'll get dredged in some cornstarch,

And then, into a mustard and spice-infused batter.

Then, we have to make the patties --

Two beef patties, about 3 ounces.

I come from jacksonville.

It's a meat-and-potatoes kind of town.

This thing is right up my alley.

Alright. Mechanically separate.

This is the most disgusting stage of the food,

And that's mouthwatering.

So, in order to copycat this McDouble-dare,

I am mechanically separating some chicken.

I put a little breadcrumbs in there.

I think there's some mustard in the batter.

I think that's where a little of that spice is coming from.

If not, I'm doing it.

A little cornstarch, some egg to help bind it together.

First thing, I have to get this perfectly-formed chicken patty,

So it mimics that patty that comes in the McDouble-dare.

But for me, the key is rehydrating these onions,

Because those little flavor crystals

That come on a McDouble are hard to mimic,

But I'm gonna nail it.

You know they just take dried onions, and rehydrate them.

- Yeah. - Taste those.

They taste like McDonald's. Get in there.

And that's the McDonald's onions.

Yeah. Oh, that's wild.

These guys are doing the McDonald's way,

But I'm gonna do some proper fried chicken.

McDonald's uses, like, this ground chicken mix.

I actually think that the bite of the chicken

Is actually going to replicate a little bit more

By just taking a chicken breast,

And pulverizing it, and pounding it into this thin little cutlet,

Which I will soak in buttermilk, salt, and pepper.

Dredge it in a little bit of flour,

Season it with onion powder, garlic powder, paprika, cayenne,

And then, fry it.

Come on back here.

Give us a hand.

Reminds me of being on the line.

Have you ever worked in a restaurant before?

Absolutely not. I don't even have a kitchen in my apartment.

I've only worked in a restaurant as a bartender.

- So, never cooking. - Never cooking.

For, like, my kids, I can do, like, breakfast,

Like, you know, pancakes and eggs.

That's kind of my -- that's it?

Yeah.

I'm taking ground beef,

Weighing it out to be about 2.8 to 3 ounces.

I mean, a McDonald's burger patty is...

No thicker than a couple dimes put together.

Now, what I need you to do, John,

You're gonna take this,

And you're just gonna make sure they don't puff up too much.

- Yes. Yes, yes. - So, just keep --

Keep flattening.

There's so much grease and fire.

Just give it a little pressure.

It's okay. I'm too scared.

You got eight more to do.

I burned off a lot of the arm hair

Just the five minutes

I was in charge of flipping burgers.

So, I would say I didn't do a great job.

"Fast foodies" is not responsible

For any loss of body hair.

Take one of our mechanically separated chicken pieces,

And drop it in the fryer.

- Is that not the way? - It's the worst way.

It's important to know how not to.

So, tonight, we have a monstrosity

From none other than McDonald's.

This is gonna be a McChicken

Mashed up into a McDouble.

It's not just one or two things that we really need to focus on.

There is multiple elements to creating this McDouble-dare.

I'm gonna have you season the chicken

When it comes out.

Oh, my god.

There you go.

Crushed it.

How are you gonna tackle, like, constructing this?

I'm gonna do just like you guys requested.

We're gonna use that chicken as the middle bun.

I think that's key.

And it's all about the layering.

Two perfectly-cooked patties with lettuce, rehydrated onions,

Then chicken as the middle bun.

Are you doing a third bun?

I'm doing it.

I thought we agreed no third bun.

Hey, this is "fast foodies" we can do whatever we want.

There are no rules.

Topped with another patty, melted american cheese,

Some pickles, two turns of mustard,

Two turns of ketchup, top bun.

Give it a smash.

McDouble-dare.

I'm so excited -- so excited.

So, gentlemen, here is my copycat version

Of our doubledare.

I took about 3 ounces of that beautiful ground beef,

And cooked it down.

Once it got crispy on both sides,

I then just started putting some pressure on there,

To get all the juice out.

It is gorgeous.

It's beautiful.

That's outstanding.

That is so fricking good.

The patty looks very much like a McDonald's patty.

The look of the bun is like a true McDonald's look.

This is one of my favorite sandwich phenomena

Happening in it, which is

Everything is congealing into one, you know, like,

"ooh, this is like savory sludge hits hard."

It's like an umami slurpee.

Yes.

So, guys, this is my copycat.

I really wanted to nail that mechanically separated chicken.

I threw that in the blender.

I put some bread in there,

Because I know that it wasn't just all chicken.

Added some mustard.

A lot of pepper pressed to those patties, making it delicious.

Why are these so good?

You really nailed the McDonald's cheese.

And do you know why it is?

It's because they put the cheese on cold,

And then, by the time you unwrap it,

That carryover heat has melted it.

They put it in that lamp, and they're like...

You nailed the mustard.

Oh, are you talking about in the batter?

You're like, "what's that spice?"

And I was like, "I bet they put some mustard in that:

That is picturesque.

I'm gonna take a picture.

Can you shoot from below, though?

It's a tough angle for me.

There's another amazing chef.

Kristen kish, you're up.

I didn't care to separate a chicken.

I just tried to make it delicious,

Just really mimicking the layering

Of bun to condiments, and then, just basically

Throwing that chicken in between the burger buns.

These burgers were flipped perfectly.

Thank you.

Says the burger flipper.

You know what you got right -- the sodium level.

I really do think that McDonald's

Secret ingredient is salt.

Doing the hammered breast cutlet,

Visually, it, like, hit more similar to the McDouble-dare.

I will also say, like, the genius of not grinding it

Was that the ground meat

Actually supported the whole chicken.

But here, the breast is such a delineation between

That it actually works as both the meat and the carb.

That was the most beautiful thing that you've ever said.

That was poetic as.

Alright, so, that was our copycat round

Of the McDonald's McDouble-dare.

But now, it is your turn to decide who came the closest.

This was a hard decision for us to make,

Because we did like everything we had.

But we can start off by telling you

Who isn't going to be a winner.

The first person to say who isn't a winner is a man.

We smashed the plate with justin's face on it.

That means you didn't win the copycat challenge.

Jeremy, you also did not win the copycat challenge.

Which means, the winner of our copy-- oh, no.

No!

We won't know! No!

Now, we have no winners!

No!

We changed the rules.

The last plate broken is the winner.

Congratulations to kristen. You crushed it.

Thank you.

The differential between the chicken and burger patties

On your sandwich hit the way it did

On the McDouble-dare when we made them ourselves.

That means I get to give these two guys

A disadvantage going into our remix round.

I have to leave, and hang out, and then eat later.

- Yes. - Okay. Perfect.

I had a dream like this one time.

It feels like, when someone yells "remix,"

You want to be like --

This is where it gets serious, man.

So, after eating all of that beef and chicken,

I'm gonna do, like, like, a very-vegetable forward dish

For the remix of the McDouble-dare.

My dish is white asparagus wrapped with iberico ham.

And then, I've got a little bit of fava beans and bacon.

So, I'm gonna stuff these guys with, like,

A homemade sausage and this morel mushroom.

- Why does it look like my nuts? - It tastes exactly the same.

The beef element in my dish

Is definitely gonna be the moral mushrooms.

For the warm mayo spot, I have truffled mayonnaise.

And then, I'm gonna have a little bit of chicken juice

That's been roasting down,

To bring my chicken sauce flavor in.

I think it hits all the elements from our McDouble-dare.

And then, I have a really cool

Kind of, like, crouton thing I'm gonna do over the top

That's gonna be, like, my bread component.

I love croutons.

Oftentimes, I've been like,

"why can't the croutons outnumber the lettuce?"

And what's going on here? Is that a...

Quail.

I love quail.

I'm gonna take these little legs.

I'm gonna confit them in duck fat,

And then, deep-fry those.

The way I'm tying this back to the original McDouble-dare

Is it's all about meat stuffed inside of meat,

And a little bit of decadence.

I'm gonna stuff this quail with a quail sausage,

Topped with seared foie gras,

And make a quail jus with a lot of chicken stock,

Some beef demi.

After that, it's just layering in

Some of those other mustard flavors

With these wilted turnip greens.

Kristen, how are you doing?

So, I heard what the guys were doing,

And I think I'm landing somewhere in the middle.

I want it to be rich, and decadent,

And reminiscent of your burger.

But I also want it to eat very light and refreshing,

And really beautiful.

We've already had chicken. We've already had beef.

Like, let's let's -- try fish.

But like, let's make the fish taste like chicken and beef.

My remix dish is a slow-steamed chilean sea bass

I'm brining in a roasted chicken stock brine,

Tons of fresh herbs.

My bun is toasted sourdough croutons

With a fried garlic oregano vinaigrette, to really bring in,

Like, the garlic and onion aspect.

And seared patty pan squashes.

Wow. That's a lot.

The thing that acts as your cheese,

All the sauces, I'm making a chicken schmaltz,

Beef fat, and clarified butter hollandaise sauce.

You looked right into my eyes, and you were like,

"I'm gonna say 'schmaltz.'"

Yeah.

My kind of tie-in to our sandwich

Is taking the pork sausage,

Stuffing it inside of the morel mushroom.

And then, we're gonna roast this puppy.

So, we have some housemaids pork sausage

That has some fennel, pollen, and sage in there.

Can I take a bite of this raw, or is that, like, not --

You might die.

So, the sea bass is in the steamer.

The sauce, the cheese,

Everything that lends itself to the sandwich,

I'm making in that hollandaise bearnaise sauce.

And then, I'm gonna use, again, chicken schmaltz,

Beef fat, and clarified butter.

The chicken and the beef.

It's so crazy you know our nicknames --

"schmaltz" and "beef fat."

That's our morning radio show.

Alright, so, let's just get this disadvantage out of the way.

Disadvantage -- brought to you by...

Narrator

Narrator

It is now time for me to dish out the disadvantage.

For three minutes, John and Adam are continuing the cook

For jeremy and justin's dish.

Three minutes starts...

Now.

- Alright, Gabrus -- - yeah. What do you need, jeremy?

Would you bring that patty?

Pour that onto that metal tray behind there.

Do you know what a salad spinner looks like?

- Are any of these -- - none of those are it.

Throw those away.

Are any of these the salad spinner?

No, no, no, no. No.

There we go, John.

Put a basket inside a bowl,

With a little pump on top.

- Is this the salad spinner? - That's the salad spinner.

- I'm glad I found it. - Thank you. You're amazing.

Gabrus, grab those green fava beans

That are in the ice water. Bring them on over.

Hey, man, John's killing it for me.

I gave him a really simple task --

Peel fava beans, and don't burn my sauce.

Do you want to give it a stir?

Because there was a big chunk and demi in there.

We want to make sure -- what are you doing?

It's all the sauce we got, bud.

- The sauce is looking good. - I'm killing it.

Adam didn't burn the sauce.

I appreciate the help.

But I'm really, really excited

To make sure my dish comes out right.

Your time is up. Thank you, guys.

What did you do to that meat over there?

That's lardo.

It's literally just cured pork fat.

- Cured pork fat. - Yep.

The way I'm going to increase the decadence on this dish

Is to top it with some raw lardo that's just gonna drape

This entire dish like that kraft single --

That piece of american cheese -- on the McDouble-dare.

Like, could I put that lardo on a sandwich?

Totally. Thinly sliced.

Like, toast a piece of really nice --

I have time. I have time.

So, this is your chef's table request.

You said bread, butter, and some lardo.

And a little bit of sea salt.

Thank you so much.

This is, like, what I like to refer to as, like, "meat acid."

Like, put it on your tongue...

And your head goes, like...

And then, your head goes...

"welcome to the ride, brother."

I'm having a stroke.

I need a paramedic.

My vision is completely blurry.

What?

Finally, more food. Yeah.

Alright, that was the remix round.

Someone who has to go first. Kristen kish.

Alright. Here is my remix.

I figured, why not take one of the meatiest,

Most delicious fish, sear it slightly in butter,

And then, steam it.

And that hollandaise is your cheese, it's your sauce.

The seared patty pan squash acts as the lettuce.

Some pickled lemon cucumbers act as the pickle.

I know it's, like, a dinner main,

But I would order this for breakfast.

Yeah. I'd crack two eggs on top.

You know what I mean?

Like, the holland is so delicious.

Perfect.

It's crazy it tastes like a McDonald's burger.

When you sear the sea bass,

I actually -- it reminds me of, like, a meat, or a burger,

Or something.

Yeah. It's the beef of the water.

I'm so glad you both enjoyed my version of the McDouble-dare.

But you do have more food to eat.

So, justin, why don't you take it away?

Thank you, chef.

Gentlemen, this is my remix.

Oh. Ooh-ooh!

Gentlemen, this is my remix.

Oh.

We deboned a whole quail.

I stuffed that with a

Made of porcine and shitake mushrooms,

Some ground pork, wrapped it in prosciutto.

On top, we did some nice italian lardo, over there,

Topped it with some foie gras and shaved truffle.

The leg of the quail,

Deep-fried that for your fried chicken.

See that bone pull.

- Look at that. - Bone scraper.

Oh.

I'm having foie gras on my mind.

I would eat this prosciutto roulette thing

On a hot dog bun.

Like, just like...

Are you guys seeing any tiebacks to the McDouble-dare?

I think, if we're talking mashup,

This is sort of a mashup

Of several of the most iconic culinary items.

'Cause we hear "foie gras," "quail."

It's all the shit that, like,

The bad guys ate in '80's movies.

"Well, well, well, you've come back to

The place you started."

There's still another amazing dish to eat.

Let's hit it.

Gentlemen, this is my remix.

Gorgeous.

You have that beautiful housemade,

Sausage-stuffed morel, that's been roasted in bacon fat.

Just below that is a little truffle aioli

To kind of play that role of that hot mayonnaise.

In there middle, there, there's white asparagus morels

Wrapped in iberico ham from Spain.

And then, to the right, there is just some fava beans

Tossed with bacon that was roasted with the morels.

And to the right is your bun.

That morel mushroom...

As sort of your sausage casing --

That is something special.

That's, like, through one texture into an even --

Not better, but an even, like, harder-hitting texture.

Oh, my god. That's stupid, buddy.

That's the winner.

I could eat a thousand of those.

Gabrus, are you getting flavors from the McDouble-dare?

That, all together, did feel like a McDouble-dare.

I think it's my favorite dish that you've ever made.

- Wow. - Really?

Yeah. It's exceptional.

It's really great.

You called it "mayonnaise."

I'm not gonna call it "mayonnaise."

I'm gonna call it "mcawesome."

Gentlemen, there is still one job left to do,

That's to pick one winner.

Kristen, why don't you grab that trophy?

We really had a hard time.

I can speak for John and I.

No one wanted the person that won to be the winner.

Before we met you guys, we said,

"we hope this person doesn't win."

Jeremy, you've won "fast foodies" episode x.

You really cooked with passion on that dish.

It was like eating something that you've never seen before,

But something you've had a thousand times.

And that, to me is like, what you want to keep going back.

I genuinely feel like kristin and justin enjoyed my dish

Better than any I cooked all season,

And that means more to me than actually the trophy.

Got you a little gift.

We thought we'd share that with you.

A mickeyd's sweater!

Yes.

Yeah, whoever picked out the size

Didn't think you were gonna win, either.

We still have one task left to do.

That is the consequence.

So, this is my wtf-en cake.

It's my version of a turducken.

Oh, boy.

Oh, no, it's onions in that cake.

Is that imitation crab?

- Ready? - Yep.

Is it bad?

- Tuna. - Oh, it has fish in it.

Ugh!

This was the most disgusting thing

I've had to eat in the history of this show.

Oh, it's wafting.

Guys, thank you so much for the win.

Let's get the eff out of here, and go hang.

Let's leave the cake here, and bring the trophy that way.

Ugh, that was bad.

I'm gonna pipe this raw pork in my mouth

Just to get that taste out.

Oh, god. Why did I do that?