All language subtitles for Detectorists.S02E01.1080p.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-SbR

Aagh!

Nah.
It´s not happening.

Want to try further up there?

Go on, then.

♫ Will you search through
the lonely earth for me ♫

♫ Climb through
the briar and bramble? ♫

♫ I´ll be your treasure ♫

♫ I felt the touch of the kings
and the breath of the wind ♫

♫ I knew the call
of all the songbirds ♫

♫ They sang
all the wrong words ♫

♫ I´m waiting for you ♫

♫ I´m waiting for you ♫

♫ Mm-mm-mm mmmmm-mm ♫

♫ Mm-mm-mm mm-mmmmm ♫

♫ Mm-mm-mm mm-mm-mmmmm ♫

♫ Mm-mm-mm mm-mmmmm ♫

You see "University Challenge"?

Yeah.

You see the way
that idiot celebrated

when he got his starter for 10?

I know.
Idiot.

What a helmet.
Have some dignity.

Waving your arms around.

I hate the ones
that have a sip of water

and frown
like it was no big deal.

Yeah.
They´re knobs as well.

What you want is a...
is a humble smile

and a nod to your teammates,
as if to say,

"I know you guys
knew that one too."

That´s it.
Spot-on.

What you got?

Bit off a trestle table.

You?

Tufty Club badge.

- You know why, don´t you?
- Why?

Car boot sales.

Used to have them here
every weekend, few years back.

I found £13.76 in loose change.

This isn´t metal detecting.
This is scavenging on landfill.

Lunchtime.

What did you do last night?

Ah, stayed in, had a French.

- A French?
- Yeah.

What´s that?

Uh, French takeaway.

That new restaurant in
the high street does takeaway.

What´d you have?

Ah, onion soup, escargot,
beouf bourguignon.

Why don´t you cook anymore?

Can´t be bothered.

I used to enjoy your curries.

You were the only one who did.

What do you think about
Internet dating?

I think you´re already married,
mate, to Becky.

Not for me.
For you.

Shut up.

What?
What´s so ridiculous about that?

Loads of people do it
these days.

Shut up.
What is this, an intervention?

Ah, I´m quite happy as I am,
thank you.

Here.

Who´s that
down by that camper van?

Don´t know.

Not from around here, though.

Come on, there.

Oh!

There.

Can I feed him?

You want to?

Yeah, go on, then.

- There.
- Hello, Stanley.

- Support his head.
- Yeah, I know.

- Support his head.
- I am. I am.

Hello, Stanley.

Check it´s not too hot
by putting a bit on your...

It´s good.

Here we go.

What?

That´s...

That milk is...

What?

Nothing.

Oh, God!

Why didn´t you say anything?!

I decided to spare him.

I´ll never be able to
look him in the eye again.

Oh!

Bless Lance.

Is he all right?
I worry about him.

It´s hard to tell,

but he hasn´t invited me
´round to his flat

for a curry in months.

And I spotted some rust
on his car.

- Is that significant?
- Hugely.

- Does he ever talk about Maggie?
- Occasionally.

I don´t think they´ve
been in touch since she left.

Ohh!
Did you have a nice day?

Did you go metal detecting
with Daddy and Uncle Lance?

Ohhh.

- Did you find anything good?
- Nah.

Nahhh.

They never find anything.

- Heard that.
- Oops!

Mum wants to take Stan
for the day tomorrow.

Oh, great.

You could call the agency
and see if they´ve got any work.

Yeah.
Do that first thing.

You think your mum
will stick to the routines

with the feeding times
and naps and all that?

Ooh, doubt it.

Doesn´t matter for one day,
does it?

Will she have a go at me
for not having a job?

Oh, probably.

She hates the fact
that you had to go back to work

and I´m at home with Stan.

She thinks it´s degrading
for a man.

Who cares what she thinks?
We didn´t have a choice.

I know.

Won´t be long now.

You´ll get a job soon.

Yeah.

I thought I´d pass my exams

and magically become
an archaeologist.

Didn´t occur to me
that no one would give me a job.

Poor Daddy.

You know we love you, don´t you?

- Yeah. Although...
- What?

Smells like at least one of you
has done a poo in your pants.

Really? Bad luck.

That´s not fair.
You knew.

I didn´t smell anything.

Bullshit.
It´s making my eyes water.

Lovely to see the finds table

with such a nice scattering
of quality finds here.

Good range
of buttons and buckles.

And half a dozen Civil War-era
musket balls.

Now, I know
I´ve said this before,

but although they are common,
I find musket balls to be

irresistible nuggets
of history...

albeit toxic history,

and all lead items
in your collection

should be stored
safely and responsibly

and out of the reach
of children.

Whose is the Roman phallus?

Oh, that´s mine.

Something funny about that?

- No.
- Right.

Andy? Lance?

Anything from you
on the finds table this week?

Ah, not this week, Terry, no.

Tufty Club badge.

Now, the annual club rally
is fast approaching,

and we still do not have a site
to hold it on.

Does nobody have a permission
that we can use?

Well, if the worst
comes to the worst,

we´ve been given permission
to detect

on an old Edwardian
rubbish dump out by Maldon.

An Edwardian rubbish dump?
That´s still rubbish, mate.

It´s disgusting.

Right, well,
how long does something

have to be in the ground before
it becomes archaeology, then,

Mrs. Ancient History?

Well, at least a hundred years,
surely.

I´m with Sophie.

The clue´s in the name.
Rubbish dump.

Nonsense.

The Edwardians threw
some fascinating stuff away.

They didn´t throw away gold,
though, did they?

It´s not all about gold, Sophie.

Nobody´s gonna want to
come to a rally

where you´re absolutely
guaranteed not to find any gold.

She´s right, Terry. It´s just
gonna be broken glass and china.

Well, until somebody
comes up with something else,

it´s the best we´ve got.

Now, Russell, Hugh,

how is your lost-wedding-ring
recovery service doing?

Yeah, not bad, Terry.
One callout this week.

Old biddy, lost engagement ring.

But I´m not gonna waste me time
telling you...

Oh.

When you can read all
about it in the Essex Chronicle!

- Oh!
- Two copies.

One for the scrapbook,
one for the notice board.

- Well done.
- Whoo!

And we were wo... Sit down.
Sit down.

And we were wondering
whether we can get a vehicle.

- Pardon? A vehicle?
- That´s right.

What´s wrong with the bus?

Well, we just think
if we had a DMDC vehicle,

it would present a more,
you know, professional image.

What kind of a vehicle?

Like the Ghostbusters.

We weren´t going to say that.

No, not like the Ghostbusters,

but something
with a logo on the side.

The Ghostbusters logo.

No, the DMDC logo.

Look, I´m not denying that this
club is in a far healthier state

than it was this time last year,
Russell,

but I do not think
the DMDC coffers

are gonna stretch to a Cadillac.

Speaking of which,

Sheila´s come up with
a novel fund-raising idea

that I said
she could run up the flagpole,

see if anyone salutes it.

Sheila? Love?

Yes.

I thought we could do
a naked calendar.

- No. No way.
- Absolutely not.

- Are you insane, Sheila?
- Oh, shut up.

- Unbelievable.
- No one´s seeing my nuts.

Terry could take photos
of you all out metal detecting,

with your finds pouches
covering your privates.

Sheila, shut the fuck up!
You´re not hearing me.

- I am not taking...
- Are you joking, Sheila?!

You´re not fucking hearing me.
We´re not doing it.

- No way. Certainly not doing it.
- Keep them covered!

Stupid woman.

Now, now, come on, come on.
Don´t just dismiss it.

I mean, we´ve got
nearly enough members

for each month of the year.

Well, perhaps some of you
could double up.

Lance, Andy.

Well...

Russell, Hugh, you could
do one together, perhaps.

Jesus Christ.

Well, you know, it could be
a good money spinner.

Really, Terry?

Who on earth is gonna want
to buy a naked DMDC calendar?

I would.

Well, you know, these things
"go viral," don´t they?

I mean,
you go on the local news,

then suddenly you´re
sending them all over the world.

Oh, that´s how it works, is it?

Then they write a musical
about you.

I don´t want a musical
written about me.

Let´s have a show of hands.

Who thinks it´s a good idea
to do a naked calendar?

- It´s not enough, darling.
- No mind.

So it´s agreed, then.
We won´t be making a calendar.

I´d like to go further.

I´d like us to vow

never to take our clothes off
in front of each other.

- Yeah, I´m with him.
- I´ll go with that.

Hello.
Um, are you the metal detectors?

Detectorists, yes.

Welcome to the
Danebury Metal Detecting Club.

What can we do you for?

I´m looking for the wreckage
or crash site of a plane,

a German plane that came down
somewhere around here in 1941.

I like it already.

What type of plane?

My grandfather
was one of the crew members,

and my grandmother was pregnant
with my dad at the time,

and she got a telegram
with just the words,

"Missing.
Believed killed."

- Oh, dear.
- That´s very sad.

What type of plane?

Junkers Ju 88.

It crashed
on the way back to France.

The only clue I could turn up

mentioned the village
of, uh, Henburystone.

Well, that´s where
Andy and Lance detect, isn´t it?

Henburystone.
The round-tower church.

Over that way, yeah.

Are you chaps no longer
on Bishop´s Farm?

No, we searched out
all the fields there.

Nothing there after all.

This new place
never turned up anything

that looked like
plane wreckage, though.

No.

You need to go through
newspapers from the time

at the library,

see if you can find some photo
of the crash site.

I can help.
It sounds interesting.

What?

Hmm?

Well, isn´t this the girl
who was saying

that Edwardian is still rubbish?

And your point is?

Well, by your reckoning,

a World War II bomber
is merely litter.

Shut up, Lance.

There are aerial photographs
online that show bomb craters.

Well, it might show up
in one of those.

I can meet you at the library
if you like,

see what we can find out.

Excellent.

There you are, then.
Crack team on the case.

I think you´ll find

we´re a pretty trustworthy bunch
on the whole,

despite our quirks and foibles.

Uh, quirks and...?

Foibles.

I don´t know either of these.

Peculiar behavioral habits.

Oh.

N-Nothing serious.
Nothing sinister.

You´ve not joined a cult.

Ahh.

So, hands up, who thinks Lance

should join
an Internet dating agency?

Here we go.

I´m not... I´m not joining
an Internet dating agency.

It´s not a subject
for public conversation.

I think it´s a lovely idea,
Lance.

You could meet somebody
really nice.

Yeah.

That´s what
I´ve been telling him.

There´s all different
niche websites these days,

catering for
all different tastes.

You insinuating I´ve got
strange tastes, Russell?

Not you.
Other people.

Look, I don´t want
a relationship.

I´m actually going through
a period of voluntary chastity.

Sorry.

♫ You´re the sun ♫

♫ You´re the moon ♫

♫ You´re the light ♫

♫ In the room ♫

♫ You are my new-age girl ♫

Hello?

Oh, uh,
if it´s about the fish tank,

I sold it this morning.

It´s who?

Kate?

Yeah, it´s...

Yeah, this is Lance.
I-It´s Lance.

Yeah.

Yes, I did, yeah.

I-I hadn´t got ´round
to replying yet.

I´m not very good
with the e-mail.

Yeah.

Yeah.
Well, thank you.

Me too.

Well, yeah, we should meet.

I´m not very good on the phone.

Uh... no.

How about for a coffee?

Tuesday sounds good.

Yeah.

Okay, well,
I´ll look forward to, um...

it.

Okay.

Bye.

As long as he doesn´t have
too long a nap in the morning.

That´s all I´m asking.

She needs to wake him up
after an hour,

otherwise everything
goes out of sync

and we´re back to square one.

All right, Gina Ford.
Chill out.

It´s not Gina Ford, actually.

It´s my own unique blend
of teachings,

and I´m thinking
of publishing it.

That will be a gripping read.

Do you think she sterilizes
everything properly?

Bec... Hello?

Really? Nothing at all?
Not even catering work?

It´s been three weeks now.

Okay, thanks.

Nothing? Really?

I haven´t got any skills,
apparently.

I´ll do some job searching while
Stan´s at your mum´s today.

Do you mind if I go out
after work with Gay Martin?

Sure.

He did some volunteer teaching
last year with the VSO.

Oh, yeah?

He did six months in Colombia.
It sounded amazing.

Cool.

Well, it sounds like
what we used to talk about.

About going to Africa.

What, you´re not thinking
we can do it?

Well, be better than
waiting around

for dead-end catering jobs,
wouldn´t it?

- Yeah, but not now.
- Why not?

Well, because we´ve got
Stan now.

He´s just a baby.

Well, I´d still like to
hear about it.

Well, yeah, you should.
Be interesting.

So you don´t mind
if I´m a bit late?

Not if you´re only with
Gay Martin.

Oh, he´s not gay.

- Isn´t he?
- No!

It´s an ironic nickname because
he´s the least homosexual man

you can possibly imagine.

He´s gorgeous. Spanish.
All the women fancy him.

Is he?
Do they?

I don´t.

No, of course.

But, yeah...

That´s who I´m going out with.

Right. Uh, good.

Stanley!

It´s Nana!

Yes!

- Hello, Veronica.
- Andy.

- How are you?
- Well, thank you.

Working?

Uh, not really.

Still looking for a proper job.

Proper job, yeah.
That´s probably a good idea.

And what are you up to today

whilst my daughter works
and I look after Stanley?

Metal detecting.

- Beg your pardon?
- Metal detecting.

Very useful.

Who´s that?

That´s my friend Lance.

What a silly car.

You ready to rumble?

Mm.

I´ve written a list
with feeding times on it and...

I don´t need a list.
I´ve raised three of my own.

I know, but I´m trying to
stick to a routine.

We can work out our own routine.

Thank you.
We´re quite capable.

Just that quite a lot
of work has gone into this.

Run along now and go and

find some metal.

Do you want to keep hold of this
just in case?

No, thank you.

All right, well, I´ll just...
I´ll leave it there.

And I´ve got my mobile,
Becky´s got hers,

and I´ve put
my friend Lance´s number down.

- Bye-bye.
- His next feed is at 9:30.

Silly?
What way silly?

A clown car is silly.

A Triumph TR7 is a classic.

It´s just
if he gets out of sync,

then all of that work´s
out of the window.

He´ll be up all night again.

Relax, mate.
It´ll be fine.

Stupid old trout.

Ah! Damn it.
We got to go back.

Why?
What is it?

It´s Clothy.
He needs it.

Becky´s mum will have
a piece of old flannel.

This isn´t a piece
of old flannel.

This is Clothy.

He can do without Clothy
for one day.

He´s three months old.

Got to start toughening up.

Turns out he´s not even gay.

It´s an ironic nickname
because he´s so heterosexual.

- Shit.
- Yeah.

- Gorgeous, Spanish.
- Yeah?

I´m not worried.

Doesn´t sound like it.

But, yeah,
I´ve got to get a job soon.

It´s ridiculous.

43 years old, and I can´t even
provide for my family.

There any jobs going
at the depot?

Only if you can
drive a forklift.

I can´t even drive a car.

No, then.

What you got?

It´s a "Blankety Blank"
checkbook and pen.

Really?

With the pen?

Ah, no, actually.
It´s just the checkbook.

Oh, well.

See?
Car boot sales.

What´s the name on it?

Les Dawson.

Pity.

- They´re the most common.
- Eh?

Dawson did 123 episodes,
including Christmas specials.

Wogan did 95.

Surprisingly, the scarce ones
are the Lily Savage ones.

She only did 59 eps.

All right, Rain Man,
How do you know this stuff?

Lecture at this year´s
TV nostalgia convention.

Still go to those?

Nah.
Not after the last one.

Shambles.

Yeah.

Nostalgia conventions
aren´t what they used to be.

Mm.

Lee Majors is gonna be
at the next one.

Six Million Dollar Man?

Apparently he´s only worth
a hundred grand now.

That´s why he

- does the conventions.
- Does the conventions.