All language subtitles for Bewitched S01E02 Be It Ever So Mortgaged

Here you
see the average, normal
suburban housewife

in one of her daily routine tasks:
Preparing breakfast for her husband.

With a modern kitchen and all
conveniences at her disposal,

the capable housewife moves
efficiently through her tasks.

Of course, sometimes
there are problems...

Especially if your husband
expects breakfast ready
before he goes to work.

But that's no problem for the average,
normal suburban housewife...

If she happens to be...

A witch.

Hi, honey.

Well, doesn't that look good!

What a ridiculous waste
of time and energy.

I prefer to think of it as
doing something that
will please my husband.

Well, you needn't
develop biceps doing it.

If you want to
decorate a cake,

you merely put a small ring
of rosebuds there,

with vines and leaves.

A gazebo in the centre,

surrounded by
grecian columns,

there, there, there.

So there.

Oh, that's lovely.

Just because you married
a human, Samantha,

that's no reason to overdo
this grubby little housewife role.

Well, you call it
whatever you like.

I promised Darrin no
witchcraft, and no witchcraft
is what he's gonna get.

Oh, very Well.

Thank you.
Don't thank me.

As a mother I've apparently
failed you completely.

On the contrary. You've done
a wonderful job. I got myself
a great husband, didn't 1?

When I think what you
could have had,
I get positively ill.

Darrin is a marvellous
human being.

That's a terrible thing
to say about anyone.

How can you be So
prejudiced, mother?
You haven't even met him.

You hardly know what he looks like.
Oh, they all look alike to me.

Noses to the grindstone,
shoulders to the wheel,

feet planted firmly
on the ground.

No wonder they can't fly.

Darrin's not like that.

Don't contradict your mother,
Samantha, of course he is.

Look what he's done
to you already.

You've changed, Samantha,
you really have.

And soon I won't be able
to pick you out in a crowd.

Oh, sure you will.

I'll be the one with strawberry
frosting in my hair.

How's that?
Oh, it's revolting.

But I'm sure what's-his-name
will make a pig of himself over it.

His name is Darrin, mother.

You don't fool me one bit.

You're dying to meet him,
and he wants to meet you.

Samantha! Honey, I'm home.

Oh, there he is.
You better go.

Why? I want to study
him up close.

Not now.

Don't worry, Samantha,
he won't see me.

Witch's honour.

And you know me
to be a witch of my word.

Good.

Samantha.
I'll be right there, darling.

Hi, darling.
Hello, honey.

What's the matter?
Matter?

No kiss?
Oh, sorry, darling.

Is that him?

Sam, are you all right?
Me? Of course, why?

I've had more passionate
kisses from my father.
What are you looking--?

How's that?

It's an improvement.

How about a drink?
Great idea.

There's something I want
to talk to you about, Sam.
Very important.

What is it?

I drove out of the city
today-- cheers.

I drove out of the city--
what are you looking at?

Nothing.
Nothing.

What's the matter with you?
Hm?

Is something wrong?
There's absolutely nothing wrong.

You're sure?
I love you the way you are.

I love everything about you.

That's the way I like
to hear you talk.

Why don't you
come on over here.

Mm, that's a wonderful
perfume you're wearing.

Oh, that. Well, I've had it
on all day. I think I'll go
put on some fresh.

What is the matter with you?
What do you mean, dear?

You were friendlier
on our first date.

Samantha!

I was not.

Sam, are you angry
about something?

Why, no, of course not.

It's just that I think
some things should
be kept to ourselves.

You were talking about
driving out of the city.

Yes, Well, I drove out
to a new development--

some things should be kept
to ourselves? Who's here?

What do you mean?

Just what I said. Who's here
in this room with us?

Is somebody watching us?

Well, now, darling, isn't
that silly. You don't
see anyone, do you?

What has that got to do with it?
Well, I mean, who could be here?

Well, nobody that I Know,
but I Don't know about
the people you know.

The people that I Know,
you can see, but I'm not too sure
about the people you know.

I promise, darling,
there's no one here
but just the two of us.

Yeah?

Prove it.

That better?

If you're lying, you ought
to be ashamed of yourself.

I love your hair.

It always feels So soft,
smells So good.

Tastes good too.
What is that?

Strawberry frosting.
It was gonna be a surprise.

It is a surprise.
I always thought you
had plain, ordinary hair.

Do you like it?
I love your hair.

I mean the frosting.
I baked you a cake.

Really?
That's the surprise.

Well, one surprise
deserves another.

I drove out of the city today--
you said that.

To see a house.

And not a rented house, with
someone else's furniture and
someone else's carpets and drapes,

but our own house.

Something we can own
from the top to the bottom,
from one end to the other.

Our house! Now what
do you think of that?

Well, I think--
before you say anything,

just take a look at this.

It's laid out beautifully.
Big rooms, full of sunshine.

It looks very nice.

It's the kind of house we
wouldn't have been able
to afford for a long time.

Even with the buy we're getting,
we're gonna have to tighten
our belts, if you know what I mean.

I think So.

Shoulder to the wheel,
in a manner of speaking.

"Nose to the grindstone."

Nose to the grindstone?
Right.

It's really just a matter
of keeping our feet planted
firmly on the ground.

Well, how does it sound to you?
Hm?

Don't you like
the idea, honey?

Of course I like the idea,
it sounds wonderful.

Well, for a minute there--

anything that makes you happy
makes me happy.

Okay. I'm about to make
you the happiest woman
in the world.

Get my dinner.

Uh, was that you laughing?
Oh, yes.

That was a very cute
joke you made about
getting your dinner.

And I'll meet you at the house at 3:00.
Okay.

And remember what
I told you, it's up to you.

If you don't like it,
we'll forget the whole thing.

I Know I'll love it.

You sure you had enough breakfast?
Oh, plenty.

You wouldn't have
preferred eggs or
something like that?

No, sweetheart,
the cake was just fine.

I'll see you at 3.

Bye-bye, baby.
Bye.

Well, I think
we're very lucky.

All young married
people dream of owning
their own home.

Well, it's fine for them,
Samantha, but not for us.

We're quicksilver,
a fleeting shadow,
a distant sound.

Our home has no
boundaries beyond
which we cannot pass.

We live in music,
in a flash of colour.
We live on the wind,

in the sparkle of a star.

And you want to trade
it all for a quarter
of an acre of crabgrass.

Well, now, mother, if Darrin's
this excited about it,
there must be something to it.

Now, I'm going to take
a look at that house.

The least you can do
is keep an open mind
and go with me.

You mean you're interested
in my opinion?

You said you wanted
me to be happy.

Well, all right,
I'll look at it with you.

But I won't like it.

Well, it'll only take
me a second to change,
and then we can go.

I'm ready
whenever you are.

Mother! You are kidding.

What's-his-name got cake
crumbs all over the floor.

Is this it?

1164 morning glory circle,
isn't it nice?

It's filthy.

Well, now, mother, all it needs
is a little landscaping.

Sows' ears are not
made into silk purses

by the mere addition of
a few dandelions, Samantha.

Don't waste your time,
it's not for you.

Oh, now, mother, just use
your imagination. I could
do wonderful things

with a place like this.
Oh, it's impossible.

You're a witch, Samantha,
not a magician.

There are two of them,
abner, both women.

One older. Maybe a
sister, maybe a mother.
Come take a look, abner.

Leave me alone.
I'm retired.

You're just being stubborn.

Picture it with a lovely lawn
around it and some flowers
and trees and a hedge.

A lawn, you said?

Look lovely and green?

A hedge.

That's an English
box hedge, isn't it sweet?

Yes, and flowers?

There, aren't they
colourful? Oh, and
the little window boxes.

Yes. What else did
you say? Trees?

There.

Voila, what
do you have?

Lawn, hedge, flowers,
trees, all surrounding
a sow's ear.

No wonder, the way you
have things thrown around.

What do you
mean by that?

For instance, I Don't think
we need the hedge.

Two trees is one too
many. Keep the big
one, but over there.

Oh, my. Isn't that lovely?

Oh. There's
something missing.

I Know.

Awnings.

It's marvellous, Samantha,
it's marvellous. I couldn't
have done better myself.

Abner.
I've got three more words.

Will you wait?

I'm trying to get you interested
in civic affairs, and you need words.

What do I care about words?

Oh.

Abner!
What?

Abner, come here.

Gladys, I worked
like a dog for 32 years.

Abner, the house across the street
has got a lawn and, abner,
there are trees and flowers.

Well, what do you
want from me?

Well, that's the way
it'll look someday.

What's the matter
with you, Samantha?

At least the place looked
somewhat liveable.

Oh, no. We're going to do it
the right way, from seeds.

Seed!

That lot was plain, ordinary
dirt. Now it's a jungle
with plants and flowers.

Come take a look, abner.
Gladys, don't pull.

Take a spoonful of your medicine.
I Don't need my medicine.

I say you do, and I never
lied to you, Gladys.

Come look, abner.

If there's no trees,
you'll take a spoonful?

I promise.
Go get it.

Well, the living
room's beautiful.
Darrin was right.

Oh, it's a little cramped,
but passable.

I'm gonna go look at the kitchen.
Well, if you must.

Oh...

Abner.

Well?

It's a wonderful kitchen,
full of dozens of gadgets.

It's gonna be fun
cooking in there.

Oh, say, I like that chair.
Oh, thank you, have one.

Ah, wonderfully comfortable.
Splendid job, mother.

I've taken a fling
at decorating in my time.

I thought you didn't
go in for earthy things.

Nothing more than
a creative challenge, really.

What sort of a table do
you think would go Well
with these chairs?

Something low and heavy,
do you think?

I Don't know.

Something along
those lines,
I would imagine.

Oh, that's beautiful!
And how about a
sofa over there?

Something comfortable
and overstuffed, like that.

Yes, it's very nice.

Oh, and of course,
a coffee table.

Goes quite Well.

And over the fireplace,
a painting.

Something colourful
and full of life.

That's very pretty.

And in the dining room...

A little bit too severe.

You really think So?
Mm-hm.

Well, maybe you're right.

How about that?

That's much better.
That's much better.

And...

Draperies!

Very nice.
And a buffet.

Oh, mother, isn't it lovely?

Oh, you have something there,
I must say.

Let's go upstairs
and look at the bedrooms.

Well, why go up there?
Why don't we just
send for them.

Oh, my poor feet.

That's better.

Don't try and stop me, abner,
I'm going over there.

There's something
going on, and I'm going
to find out what it is.

What's a five-letter word
for the ultimate happiness,

peace and tranquillity?

"Death."

Well, mother, what do
you think of it now?

Well, it's attractive,
you know, for what it is.

And if Dennis is adamant about--
Darrin, mother.

Whatever his name is.

If he must buy a house, at least
this is distinctively furnished.

You won't have to change a thing.
Oh, all of this goes.

You're not serious?

Well, of course I'm serious.

Now that I Know what I want,

we'll furnish the house
like ordinary people do: On time.

Well, come on, mother,
let's go look at the patio.

Oh...

Well, I've seen about all
I care to. How about you?

Not me. I'm gonna stay
here and wait for Darrin
and do it all over again.

Well, you don't
mind if I fly along?

I'm awfully glad you came
with me. I would've been
very unhappy if you hadn't.

Well, I wouldn't be much
of a mother if I deserted
my daughter

in her hour of need.

I wish you'd try
to believe

that I have never been happier
than I am right now.

The honeymoon isn't
quite over, Samantha.

1t'll be a while before you
can be held responsible
for the things you say.

Well, I'll always feel
the same, if I live a
thousand years.

You could change
your mind many times
in a thousand years.

I did.
Well, I won't. You'll see.

Oh, now, that must be
Darrin. Now, don't go if
you absolutely don't have to.

Maybe the two of you
should meet right
here and now.

Here? Now?
In me carpet slippers?

You must be kidding.

Hi, honey.

What do you think?
I love it.

You mean it?
You're not saying that
just to please me?

No, no, I love it. It's a
marvellous house, and
mother loves it too.

Mother?
She's here.

In there?
You wanna meet her?

Yes, of course. Of course
I wanna meet her.

Abner, I love you.
Why would I lie to you?

Take another spoonful,
Gladys, you'll feel better.
Come on now, open.

I won't open.
I want you to listen to me.

We've watched that house
across the street ever
since the day it was built.

You have watched that
house since it was built.
I got better things to do.

I tell you, abner, that
house has always been
empty, been bango.

Okay, bango,
take the medicine.

It's full of furniture, just like that, full.
Open.

No more. It's making me nauseous.
Better nauseous than crazy, open.

I'm not crazy, abner.
It was full of furniture,
beautiful stuff, then bango!

Bango, open.
It was gone.

Maybe it was repossessed, open.
I'm going back there.

I'm scared, but i'm
going back there.

I'm marching up and I'm gonna
knock and I'm going inside and
find out what's going on in there.

Oh, she must've gone.

We didn't see her leave.

No, that's true.

We talked about furniture.

Now, something kind of wonderful
and comfortable, but nothing
too cold or modern.

You're right. I Don't
see her anywhere.

Who?
Your mother.

She can be seen,
can't she?

Well, of course. And she
had some wonderful ideas
about the dining room.

High cane-back chairs
with velvet seats.

Well, if you don't
like velvet seats...

I'm crazy about
velvet seats.

As a matter of fact,
I'm crazy about practically
everything you like.

You really mean that?
Every word of it.

If you see a piece of furniture
you like, you buy it and put
it in. I'll love every stick of it.

Well, I Don't want anything
we haven't picked out together.

After all, we both are gonna
live here, you know.

Well, that's the sort
of arrangement I had in mind.

There she is.
Y

your mother. You must've
locked her outside.

Oh, Well, I'll let her in.
Uh, no.

I'll answer the door.
Now, Darrin,

mother may seem
a bit different at first.

That's all right.
I'm perfectly at ease.

I just want her to know
I'd like us to be friends,

and she'll always be
welcome in our home.

Hello.

Welcome, mother.

Mother?

That's that.
Mm-hm.

Oh, incidentally, that poor woman
you kissed and scared half
to death was Gladys kravitz.

She and her husband, abner,
live across the street.

Well, as soon as we get settled,
I'll go over and apologise.

Anyway, I suppose it's better
than getting the neighbourhood
reputation of being standoffish.

Oh, really?

There he is, abner, that's
the one who kissed me.

It don't make any sense,
Gladys. He's got her. Why
would he wanna kiss you?

I love you, Mrs. Stephens.

And I love you,
please believe that.

Believe me, it'll never work.

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