All language subtitles for Aitana Metamorphosis S01E06

I've learned that things
don't always turn out the way you expect.

It's more about how they unfold.

I've learned to…

be more patient,
and let myself be surprised

by what life has in store for me…

without always having control of it.

I think that my fears aren't
as real as I make them.

I think sometimes I'm a coward
and sometimes I'm brave.

It seems like when
you're a celebrity like she is,

you don't have space to be sad.

Because you're rich and famous,
how can anything be wrong?

I was telling her the other day,
"Now you have to be vulnerable

as a part of being perfect."

METAMORPHOSIS

CHAPTER SIX

PERFECTION

Logically, Bernabéu's management

doesn't want to have
any trouble with the neighbors.

Historically, that area's
been affected by the noise,

but Bernabéu concerts
were like the ones at Metropolitano,

there were a month and a half of them,
and nobody said anything.

-They weren't there in August.
-Sure, it was just June and July.

Weren't there in July…

We've obviously already
looked at the other options.

-I think Wanda was our third option…
-Third option.

But now I'm telling you…

What?

There are no dates.
Actually, we have three for the 26th.

-Let's play out all the scenarios.
-Yes, but ready to cancel…

Bernabéu's the ideal choice,

but if we took that risk
right now for option A,

keeping it at Bernabéu,

what are the chances it happens?

Ten percent.

Ten percent. Okay.

Honestly, I'd give back the money
and do it in Barcelona.

AITANA'S CREATIVE DIRECTOR

Before doing three at WiZinks,
I'd do Olympic Stadium.

There's room for a huge stage,
which Aitana needs now.

I don't think
three WiZinks shows help us at all,

because she's done two at Sant Jordi.

If we've already said the 27th and 28th,
in addition to Aitana's birthday,

we have to do the 27th and 28th in Madrid.

We decided to stay with the Bernabéu show.

Even if it's the wrong decision.

But I think…

I'm still betting that it will happen.

And if the Bernabéu thing falls through

two months before,

three months before
or fifteen days before,

we need a plan B.

So we have to tell Aitana,
"We're going with Bernabéu

until further notice,
which is what we agreed."

No matter how much people talk.

Okay, we have a plan, right?

We'll be in Miami, um…

a month and a week. Awesome.

This is an amazing fucking moment.

You don't understand,
you can't understand.

I earned this. Holy shit.

Such a beautiful house.

No Bernabéu show? No.

But I will soon enough,
and in the meantime,

I can enjoy my house and writing songs.

It's so beautiful, can you believe it?

Actually, eh…

I'm kind of like, "What next?"

Like, "Go on,
give me more stuff, I'll work through it,

and it'll make me stronger."

I mean that I don't care that's how it is,
I have a lot of good things.

I have a lot of good things
and life is how you take it.

If I start getting into,

"Oh, this is awful, this is awful,
this is awful, this is awful,"

No.

No. No.

That'll bring me down,
and I've already been low.

I've been there
and I definitely will be there again.

I had a really good time.

If I go out today,
my body can't deal with alcohol.

-Impossible. I'm…
-When you say that, I'm not gonna…

Not anymore. And aside from not drinking,
I'm on a super strict diet.

Skipped a day yesterday,
and I feel like ass, honestly.

Big cheat day, huh?

We're gonna have paella again.

-With rain. Woo!
-In Miami.

I'm making a lot of songs.
I've done around 20 the last few days.

Oh wow!

But I have the ones
I'm going to keep with me.

-I'll show you.
-Really good ones, right?

I've made a lot of progress around
how I want my album to be conceptually.

I brainstormed, I'll show you soon,
it's like a vision board.

The songs
you're doing here have this vibe…

-They have quality. Quality.
-It's amazing.

Let her show you, you'll see. Amazing.

Did you feel
this way with Alpha, too?

-I'm taking more time to make this album.
-Sure.

Especially if…

I think this is really going
to be the album of my life,

because I'm taking more time to make it,

I'm experimenting more,
and I'm going a whole lot deeper

into everything, you know?

But same with this one, huh?

Missing density.

Produced good as hell, it's a massive hit,
but it needs production.

That's a MIDI.

I don't hear anything yet.

They need to keep working.

My point is,
I like almost all of them,

it's not that I don't like them,

it's that I think we're cutting
the creative process short.

It's like, if you're an artist
and you're making a painting,

and you say, "That's it, I'm done," right?

For me, these songs need…

still need a lot of playing around with.

But we're not going to argue.

Yeah, but giving your opinion
on the music, this moment of writing,

of coming face-to-face
with your own creativity

and what everyone expects from you,

that happens to any artist, so…

That's where she
normally suffers the most.

We need international vibes,
and we need big vibes,

so we need a song right now
because we need some good news.

I dunno, it's like…

there are days when you suddenly
ask yourself where you want to go,

if you're making a good album or not,
if you have good songs,

if this is what people expect…

The Bernabéu change had to
hit me hard at some point, you know?

And it has.

I deserved to go out
and dance for a bit, you know?

My friends came, look at 'em.

Awful.

We had a good time, huh?

We got a little crazy
with the aguardiente.

Yeah, see? I didn't lie to you.

-Should I go?
-Literally… No, stay.

It was a lot of fun.

It was a lot of fun.

I'm really afraid of Luis.

Why?

'Cause I have to tell
him I drank yesterday,

I can't hide it from him.

We'll tell him together.
If he tells you off, I'll tell him off.

No, he'll tell me off. He's someone who…

But dude, you're 26, you have
the right to enjoy life a little.

I'll try to explain that,
but he doesn't understand.

Whoa, it's burning.

Eating paella in Miami
at 5: 00 is interesting.

It's a bit hard on top,
but it's better underneath.

-Which side do you recommend?
-Wherever you want.

I like it with lemon,
anyone like lemon?

-Let's try it.
-Bravo!

Deep down,
I think I shouldn't have told you.

-What?
-That I drank a little bit.

But I told you.

But it's good because we trust each other,
that doesn't matter.

PERSONAL TRAINER

Fifteen. Fourteen. Thirteen.
Twelve. Eleven. Ten. Nine. Eight.

Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

Breaking news. A brand new forecast
just in moments ago for Hurricane Milton,

which is heading right towards Florida
as an extremely dangerous hurricane.

The strongest storm…

I don't like
this weather for flying, you know?

But a hurricane's coming.

-A hurricane's coming?
-A hurricane's coming.

-Are you serious?
-I swear.

-What day?
-Wednesday.

For real?

-A hurricane's coming?
-Yeah, I heard yesterday.

-Like, what?
-Like…

Like, lots of rain.

Like, no school, no work.

What day does "no classes, no work" start?

Wednesday, nothing on Wednesday.

And Monday and Tuesday?

People get ready for Wednesday,
but everything's open.

You don't have to be afraid.
It's rain. Wind, rain…

Stronger than the one two weeks ago?

That wasn't a hurricane, that was nothing.

What do we do? Do we leave?

-Where to?
-I dunno.

I'm asking for real.

Where would we go?
Stay calm at home, that's all.

-At home? Think it's safe?
-Sure.

You can't go anywhere.

You have to buy stuff
in case the power goes out,

so you have stuff. Understand?

Are you for real?

The power could go out? For how long?

-Be honest, so I can shower in advance.
-Like…

I dunno, two days.

I checked the weather, look.

Do you have Valle's number?

-Valle?
-Tell her to come for a second.

We need to know how strong,
what category is this one?

Like… three or two.

-Okay.
-Three's too much!

I went through a five.

We're not ready for a Category 5,
you know?

I lived through
a Category 5 in Puerto Rico,

this ain't no thing for me.

I went through a Category 5.

I'll get groceries tomorrow.

No, today. It'll be crowded tomorrow,
and this is the apocalypse.

-Sure.
-Oh, the hurricane kit.

Hurricane kit. What's this?

-A flashlight.
-We have that.

What's the mask for?

-Card game, sure, board games.
-We have those.

Rain boots.

We're not gonna go out, right?
To the street?

-Or do we really want the full experience?
-Maybe… I dunno.

-I thought about that.
-Okay. What do we do?

-Damn, why not get one of those fans…
-The one that has blades…

-No, they need electricity, too.
-No, the kind that takes batteries.

What's this?

"Direct current power station bank."

Man, not this too, right?

Get it fast.

Okay, just a sec.

What's up?

A hurricane's coming. Wednesday.

-Wow. How about that.
-No, it's for real.

-But will it hit us?
-Category 3, yes, a hurricane.

What category are these windows for?

Vanessa said it the other day,
I think it was three.

-Yeah?
-What?

You have to board them up, huh?

I'm flipping out,
we're gonna go through a hurricane here?

-Yeah.
-Our first hurricane.

The important thing to buy is…

We need to buy stuff
that comes in cans like, well…

tuna, garbanzos, etcetera.

Like it's a war or what?
Toilet paper, too.

No, that's right.

-Hello?
-Vanesa, how are you?

-Fine.
-You think we should leave? No.

And where do we go?

No, I'll send you the app I've been
using to follow the hurricane's path.

-Okay.
-Hey. One thing.

Do we board up the windows or not?

Well, now that you say that,
I talked to Cosme…

Let's hope the power doesn't go out…

It's crazy they ran out of flashlights,
people are trippin'.

-By the time you get to the superma--
-Look what they have.

What's that?

-What's that?
-Should we ask them?

-For camping.
-Why for camping?

-They've got little lanterns.
-Should we steal them?

Where'd they get
the little lanterns?

Why didn't we get one?

This is nothing
compared to Wilson.

-It wasn't Wilson?
-Milton.

-Nelson. It was Nelson.
-It's Milton!

Um, we just bought lamps…

all kinds of stuff,
board games, just in case.

No.

No, it's just to ask you
if the windows are impact glass.

I'll get someone for the other thing.

If you want to put on the metal
ones there, we can put them on.

Where are the metal ones?

In the back. I kept them so
you have some of the panels here.

INTERIOR DESIGNER

They'll tell us tomorrow

if the windows and house
are really hurricane-proof.

They can write whatever,
but Jaco'll tell us the truth.

-Jaco won't lie to us.
-Yes.

Okay. Enough to go to a hotel?

If Jaco tells us
the house can't handle it,

we have to go to a hotel.

If it's higher than a Category 1,
I suggest you don't stay here.

-Exactly.
-Higher than Category 1?

Yes, it's very strong,
they showed me, it's huge.

-Wanna see it?
-It's all…

Yeah, but it's Category 3,

so now we have to get a hotel.

Yes, but I don't think
it's going to come this way.

Okay.

It's very big.

Look, it's super big. Look how big it is.

This is Mexico, we're here.

It's super big, but look at the path.

If it gets closer, I think…

I think the house can handle it
if it's not a direct hit.

We leave the cars, rent a bigger one,
and we all go north of its path…

-Three days, two days…
-We'll see.

We have to wait.

She was telling us that we should
know tomorrow if we have to go to a hotel…

or go north.

That's what Vanesa told us.

No, and she showed us the app,
the hurricane's massive.

-Yeah, the hurricane's massive.
-Are you for real?

Good morning.

The hurricane's going up to a Category 4.

With all those vitamins.

This is my reality.

What I wanted to say, basically,
is that I feel like

a really different person, huh?

I'm not shitting you.

Because I think that before this trip,

which has had me
away from home for two months,

a hurricane would have felt like
the end of the world to me.

And now I'm like…

"Whatever has to happen,
has to happen," you know?

Holy fuck. Oh my God.

What?

"Hurricane Milton hits Category 5."

Well, I want you to know that in my bag
I have panties, socks,

stuff to take out my contacts,
to wash my face, a towel, and toothpaste.

In case we can't leave the studio.

You're gonna sleep in jeans?

Yeah, I can't take more stuff,

bringing a suitcase to the studio
feels like overdoing it.

-Horrible…
-You a little scared?

No. What happens, happens.

I swear, there's a reason for this.
If my house gets blown away,

then I didn't have
to have a house in Miami.

We'll cry about it,

but for now we'll
have to see what happens.

-Hey, how are you?
-Great, you?

-Great. Here we are.
-How was your weekend?

Fine. How's the hurricane treating you?

Well… normal.

Thank goodness we got here before.

That way we can talk about
what you sent me.

Right on. Perfect, sounds great. Awesome.

In ten days or so, theoretically,

I'm going to track the final vocals
for a lot of the songs.

So I was thinking, "Well, it doesn't
have to be the final production,

but give these two songs some thought."

Sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah of course.

So it's very important to me
that you develop this,

because I feel like everything that
makes up the… the story of the album,

you did super cool work
with just the two songs we finished.

Sure.

No, no, that's great. Okay.

I'm very glad to know
you're telling me you want to…

do these.

Look…

Because also…

I'll be very honest with you,
and, well, look…

I don't really accept a lot of things,

-because I think I have--
-No, I know.

Thank God. I have the leverage
to be able to pick things I like.

And I feel that your project,

which I've been listening to
and we've been looking at,

it's really cool,
and I'd like to be part of your project.

I didn't think it was gonna
be like this, if I'm being honest.

-Well…
-And I was impressed.

I was shocked, and I'm telling you,
I didn't know the ability you had,

and finding this stuff out…

I'm like, "Shit, this can't be right."

-Thank you.
-I swear.

Well, Gale came, she's here too.

Who else?

-How are you?
-How are you?

-It's all a show.
-Good.

SONGWRITER AND PRODUCER

How's it going?
How's it going? Nice to see you.

You're putting yourself out there
by being away from home,

being here in a new place
with shitty fucking hurricanes.

You get me?

Not only that, but everything
you're doing and you're getting it done.

You should be super proud
of everything you're accomplishing.

And also, being here, with us…

opening that door, being vulnerable,

saying like, "I want…"

I mean, this album is too personal,
it's too you. And congratulations on that.

And I love what you were just saying
about not being afraid to…

to…… to write with a little more light.

I feel like that's
a cool challenge we can face.

I don't want it to sound
like something I've heard,

-I want it to sound like something new.
-That's where I'm going.

-Yeah.
-Looking for something that sounds like…

nothing else we've had in this room.

-Exactly.
-Know what I mean?

And I think it's super legit you say that

because I agree.

In fact, this weekend I said "This song,
'Seis de Febrero', we can change it

because I'm not seeing
it this way," you know?

So…

since I'm getting a lot of inspiration
by going to the studio every day,

coming here with you, talking to you,

and coming to the realization
that I'm actually creating an album,

and that it won't have
a common thread at first.

I felt like it was
a very specific time in my life,

and that was very real.

That's why I wanted it out right away.

But really,
I no longer had such a sense of urgency.

I realized that now no Bernabéu show,

I don't have to put a song out now.

It was good to stop for a bit.

To say, "Okay,
I'll finish all of this the right way,

and I'll see what I wanna release first."

-Sure, sure, sure, sure, yeah.
-You know? Let's go for it.

-I love it.
-A hundred percent.

And I like that idea you have,
I dig those drums.

That's it.

I don't think I've ever worked
on an album this much before,

and there's still plenty left.

I've never had time
to write the right way.

I have time now to properly write,
to work on myself,

to invest time only in myself, you know?

-I love it!
-What a hit!

-A blessing, a blessing…
-A blessing.

Here we are,
in the first hurricane of our lives.

-We're super, super…
-Super…

fucked.

We set up a home studio

because we don't know
when the hurricane is coming.

So, we'll record at home.

Man.

Crazy, right?

After the hurricane.

Here in Miami,
it was pretty mild, luckily.

It was a close call.

Bye, house!

-Truly, it's been a pleasure.
-Bye.

Tell us how you are, Aitana.

No, I'm walking with my friends, sorry.

What did you think about El Clásico?

-Very good.
-Your team? All good?

-How's life now in Miami?
-Very good.

How's it going there?
Is it true you sold that house?

I'm really not going to tell you anything.

-I don't have a boyfriend. Really. There.
-No?

Are you single?

You all get me a boyfriend
every other day, it's stressful.

But you're single.
Did you run into Biel yesterday?

-No!
-We know you're good friends…

No, no. Enough. Stop.

How was it going back?

Good.

Good.

I think I'm a very nostalgic person, so…

I struggle when things change.

It's always happened to me.

It's been very idyllic
to be able to experience something

I wanted to experience for a long time.

Disconnecting a little from…

from Aitana the singer, you know?

And being the singer Aitana,
but more in private.

And it's been incredible being able
to find myself so much in the studio

and…

and being able to meet people
I've connected with so much, you know?

I was in a bad mood on the way,
and I got here, and it's been like…

"Now I know why I wanted to come here."

I don't come so much, but especially…

-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

I'll take this…

Well, I'll leave you this,
and I'll take this one.

But most of all, I come here
when I need a little recharge.

Here, and other places too,
it's not only Zarautz,

but Zarautz is a place that makes
me feel like I'm at peace.

-Girl.
-I'm kind of here to see

if I can reset myself again.

This is therapy.

Let your emotions happen.

I know, but the thing that worries me
is that I'm always fighting to be okay.

-And no.
-To have the feeling that I'm happy.

Yeah.

And it's really exhausting

fighting to be happy all the time

because I also just have to let myself be.

That's part of growth, right?

Everyone knowing themselves.

Thing is, that's why sadness exists,

it's part of us.

Hmm.

I need the Bernabéu show to happen,

that's what I'd like the most.

I'll also tell you this.

What's meant to be will come to you,
what's not will pass you by.

Great saying.

It is.

-Yeah.
-Let's see if it sticks.

Even though this is
a time of sadness for her,

I see it as a time of a lot of hard work
and a lot of getting to know herself.

I think it's a good time.

It's a time to sow

so that what comes next
will be much better.

Valle and I started working together
more closely right at this time.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

In fact, it was after
I came back from Zarautz.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I also have to say that last year,
at this time of the year,

it was also hard for you.

-Really tough.
-Yeah, it was…

Yeah, I was thinking that before, like,
"Wow look, that hasn't changed."

It was November when I started.

Everything was on my shoulders
in some way and I was stressed out.

Your cousin was your manager, right?

My cousin was my manager.

When I was 18, my dad…

he was really scared of me hanging
around with someone I didn't know.

And my cousin Olga,
who's always been super awesome,

honestly, like really out in front,
very intelligent,

and she helped the manager
from the company the most.

And she ended up being my manager because,
well, she ended up learning a ton.

I dunno,
it was just us two against the world.

The first Los Angeles trip
we did was just us.

Us two.

But this is very…

This job is very hard.

Last year my dad came because I was alone.

I didn't have a manager,
so he came with me.

I mean, I asked him to come.

And we each have our own life,

but it's true
that people who work with me…

I demand a lot from people,

and it always feel like
it's a little temporary, but I get it.

Because this pace is complicated.

In the end, the one who stays, well…

that's me.

You always have people
surrounding you in this business,

but at the same time, you feel alone.

It's time to sleep
and you haven't stopped doing stuff,

you have a ton of adrenaline going on,

and you go to bed alone.

So I think there are two fears here.

Fear of being alone in a hotel room,
but later there's that great fear of…

of loneliness.

It's cold, my God,
I'm gonna be so cold tomorrow.

I'm always cold, really.
But you don't notice once you're in.

It's the pro surfer talking.

Who only surfs
two to three times a year.

"SHELTER SURF" SCHOOL
BY ARITZ ARANBURU

-I decided I'm not going.
-Huh?

It's a joke. It's just so cold.

It's a joke. It's a joke, right?

One time I went to see her in concert,

and she did the same thing
she does when she's surfing.

At first, she's always
kind of scared shitless and so on,

then she goes on stage,
and they're all like…

And she does
the same surfing, very similar.

No. I'm…

I mean, I'm not shitting you,
I'm a little fucking scared, to be honest.

I've never surfed
with little rocks underneath.

Little rocks, no, rocks.

-They're rocks?
-They're rocks.

I'll get you
the easiest board of all, okay?

-Okay.
-Which is…

-Eight?
-Yes, an eight.

It's more stable.

The bigger the board,
the easier it is to get up.

Travelling helps me connect.

Going to the sea.

The time in Zarautz was,
for me, honestly, it's like…

When I go, I feel like I'm very…

connected to the normality

of seeing my friend, Artiz.

I admire him a ton.

Because he's super day-to-day,
in the moment.

Not thinking beyond that.

Well, if I die today, I want to say

that everything I own is for my parents.

Hi.

I think that from the time
I decided to do a documentary,

it's really important to say

how you feel all the time.

And…

I feel very vulnerable sharing this.

But…

I've been very sad for a month.

It's very hard for me…

to train,

read a book, watch a movie…

It's really hard to work.

I'm afraid this might not be…

temporary, this being sad.

I'm afraid that I'm not excited
about what I do anymore.

I guess it's just a phase.

And it'll pass.

Aitana, say something, please!

-I tried that.
-Aitana, did you move?

No, I didn't move.
Everyone's asking the same thing.

I pay taxes in Spain,
because every fucking body is asking me.

I'm a little embarrassed
about these questions.

Aren't you embarrassed? I am.

I already told you,
I'm not with anyone. I'm single.

Is a single album coming?

Hi, how are you?!

-Please.
-My love from Milan!

What a day, huh? What a day.

I dunno,
I think it'll be an intense moment.

I think that you can't… You…

Even though it's all going well,

sometimes you can't change
the way you feel.

That's how I feel right now.

It's a little hypocritical
not to talk about that, you know?

She is being awarded
this prize for filling stadiums,

for creating a piece of the soundtrack
to the lives of many of us here.

She's an example of how
a promising young lady

can become an exceptional woman.

So for all of that, the Bazaar
Woman of the Year Music Award

goes to my dear Aitana.

Good evening.

These last few months
have been very intense,

and I'd like to share with you all,

and the other award winners.

The truth is you can't always be fine.

You can't always be happy.

I just wanted to say here today
that all wounds must be healed.

The ones you can see,
and the ones you can't.

Let's not hide our invisible pain
like we were taught we must do.

Because all of the untreated wounds,

the only thing we achieve
is exacerbating them.

They infect us,
and in the end, we're worse off.

I think that sharing it
is the most responsible and effective way

to end this plague.

So thank you very much.

Woo!

I think about
what I'm like now and…

and I think that every day I get
closer to the best version of me.

And that's beautiful.

-Julia, remember?
-Yeah.

I got a house in Lanzarote
for five days in November,

and I don't have anybody to go with.

And I've thought a lot
about going by myself,

but I'm like, "Man, it's Lanzarote,
they'll know who I am."

-So this can go beneath.
-Do you want…

-What if I make a mug?
-All right.

-It's kinda big, right?
-Well, we can cut it down later.

CERAMICIST

If it gets too big, we'll cut it down.

-Okay.
-Remember, you have to make a ball first.

Right now, everything's
a little upside down

and I'm really impatient.

That's what I'm working on
a lot with the psychologist,

to not be impatient,
and to wait, you know?

I gotta stand up.

I'd like to do this in Madrid.
If you know someone, let me know.

Sure. There's a lot, yes.

Being focused on ceramics
helps you to be very present.

-Working…
-And…

it takes you away from your drama,
you know?

-And I have plenty.
-Yeah…

What I like is that
it makes me forget my problems.

I only remember…

Turned out pretty good.
I'm really surprised.

This is an Indigenous pintadera.

I'm afraid that things
might get left behind that are

an innate part of me, you know?

Like my spontaneity sometimes.

That I'm very visceral.

I'm very much, "Here, now, this thing,

and if it hurts me, it hurts me,
but I'm doing it."

What do you
think could happen when you're alone?

Hmm…

Feeling that a car is following me.

Feeling like I'm being watched.

Feeling that someone
could break into the house.

That's what makes me afraid to be alone.

Mm.

I've only been alone for one day.

When I went to bed yesterday,
I heard a whole lot of wind

because it's windy
in Lazarote all the time,

and since there's a palm tree right there,

um…

it moves a lot when it's windy.

And I heard noises the whole time.

But I didn't care.

I think I'm at a point where
I don't care much about anything.

Really.

I mean…

I don't care.
If something has to happen, it happens.

But I'm not concerned with that.

So… there.

I started seeing a psychiatrist, too.

He's got me…

He's been monitoring me these days.

I'll also talk to him every now and then.

I'm writing.

I'm training.

I'm going to go take a hike now.

But I do it so I don't let myself go
because what I feel like doing right now,

I feel like being in bed doing nothing.

I used to do this more
in the notes on my phone,

but for a while,
I also did this a lot during lockdown,

I started a phone note and I'd write,

"It's 4:50 in the morning,
and I can't sleep…"

I always started with the time.

"They say music tames the wild beasts."

"Writing tames them for me.
Mine, at least."

"How beautiful to read this in time,
and see that you're another person."

"That this text, this emotion,
is really frozen there, how I was feeling…

but I'm not there anymore."

"I'm here in the present,
which will soon be the past. Immediately."

"Who would have told
that 20-year-old that in five years,

she'd be writing from her house's deck,

from her new house in Miami?"

"It's really crazy how time flies,
so much so that it's frightening,

so much so that it makes me happy."

"Happy to know we're alive

and I'm a lucky person
for all I've gotten to experience."

It's beautiful to read it with…

And it was a month ago, imagine.

I think that's the beautiful
thing about how I am, too.

Experiencing everything
so intensely, you know?

I dunno.

To the fullest.

Putting the emotional bar so high.

I think that's very real.

I don't seem to be afraid to feel.

And I'm afraid of a lot of things,
but not that.

I'm not finding joy in anything right now.

Honestly. And that's what…

what has everyone worried.

Me too,
but I guess I know it'll… come back.

Last weekend my friends were here,

and I told them
a little about how I was feeling

because I can't hide it.

And…

And they were talking about the wedding,

that one of my best friends
is getting married next year…

talking about their guys and all,
and they were in a good place, you know?

Everybody's working and stuff.

They've gone through bad times a lot,
and it's not always perfect.

But right now,
it's a good time for all of them,

so I was feeling a little out of place.

And they're my friends from Barcelona
who I see only every four or five months.

So it's hard for us to see each other.

And they wanted to go party and…

they wanted to make a lot of plans.

And I told them, "I know that…"

I said, "We decided
to do this weekend a long time ago

and I didn't want to cancel
because I really wanted to see you all,

but the truth is,
I can't force myself to do stuff

I don't feel like doing right now."

You know?

I thought that seeing them
would bring me some joy,

and of course I'm happy to see them, but…

it was a little like…

too much. You know?

And I told them, I'm like,

"I'm in bad shape because
I'm seeing you in the moment

and I keep wanting
to stay home, it's like…"

And I don't want my parents
at home with me either,

which is something they like.

My dad's always saying, "If you want,
we can come with you next week."

No, because he's always trying
to cheer me up, and it's like…

"Gimme a sec." You know?

-You need your space.
-Yes.

And I don't want them to worry, either.

I think my mind
and my personality, actually,

are about moving forward,
moving forward, moving forward.

So when I'm thrown into a process
more like what I'm going through now…

I think that in some way,
I force myself to have some objectives

so I don't get too down,
because then I think I'd hit rock bottom.

I already feel like I'm in deep,

but there are some depths
that I don't want to reach,

because I don't think
that's good for anyone.

Okay, after everything,

what would you say to the young Aitana?

I would tell that Aitana…

I'm getting emotional here.

I owe a lot to that Aitana from OT.

I owe my courage to her. You know?

I think I got a lot of courage there,
and I don't even know where from.

And that honesty, you know? That realness.

Putting who she was
on display with no fear.

And, yeah, obviously
I was much, much younger,

and I've been growing up, but…

but there are things
I miss about that Aitana.

I was my purest self,

and I think that's what
people really liked about me.

And now I won't let myself
be my purest self,

even though everything
you see with me is what I am.

But always with a little fear of, ugh…

saying something I shouldn't
or doing something I shouldn't.

So I owe that Aitana,

I owe her a great deal. Really.

And what do you think
that Aitana would say to you?

She'd say, "How are you gonna do this?"

-She's walking.
-My beautiful girl.

Aitana!

And I'd tell her that
we're going to do it.

Because in the end,
the one who gets up there

is all the Aitanas who have lived.

The different times of my life, you know?

And that's so beautiful.

And…

actually, when I think
about what success is,

which you've asked me many times,
or what happiness is, and…

I think that happiness is also knowing
that if you die tomorrow,

you've been very happy. You know?

I'd be super happy.

Do I have things left to do?
You always have things left to do.

But at 25…

I've lived a ton.

Honestly.

And I think that's so beautiful.

To be continued.

To be continued.

To be continued, 'cause my dad asks me

why I say everything
in English now. Continuará.