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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:25,314 {\an1}MUSIC: Kyrie/Sjung, Syster Sjung! by Sara Parkman 2 00:00:25,338 --> 00:00:26,865 {\an2}You all right? 3 00:00:26,889 --> 00:00:31,360 {\an2}This bit used to be the nudist beach here. 4 00:00:31,384 --> 00:00:37,055 {\an2}Till the council started throwing turds in the water. 5 00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:42,422 {\an2}I mean, what's the point of getting your chebs out 6 00:00:42,446 --> 00:00:45,608 {\an2}if everything stinks of shit? 7 00:00:45,632 --> 00:00:49,449 {\an2}Do you have to use the word "chebs"? 8 00:00:49,473 --> 00:00:51,763 {\an2}DANNY CHUCKLES Sorry. 9 00:00:51,787 --> 00:00:52,332 {\an2}Tits. 10 00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:58,790 {\an2}Margate's actually quite nice now. It's quite up-and-coming. 11 00:00:58,814 --> 00:01:00,886 {\an2}I just saw an Aldi. 12 00:01:00,910 --> 00:01:04,509 {\an2}And a Prezzo in Broadstairs. Ooh. 13 00:01:04,533 --> 00:01:08,022 {\an2}I used to love it here, so much. 14 00:01:08,046 --> 00:01:10,991 {\an2}Although London's shit now. 15 00:01:11,015 --> 00:01:16,685 {\an2}We're all just getting our phones nicked all the time 16 00:01:16,709 --> 00:01:20,853 {\an2}and everywhere shuts by half ten, so... 17 00:01:20,877 --> 00:01:25,566 {\an2}Shit. What do you do if you want a late one? 18 00:01:25,590 --> 00:01:28,207 {\an2}Well, sometimes, I go... 19 00:01:28,231 --> 00:01:29,322 {\an2}I go to... 20 00:01:29,346 --> 00:01:30,763 {\an2}..Soho House. 21 00:01:30,787 --> 00:01:32,532 {\an2}Soho House?! Mm. 22 00:01:32,556 --> 00:01:34,955 {\an2}DANNY CHUCKLES Oh, no. 23 00:01:34,979 --> 00:01:40,323 {\an2}Please don't tell me you're a member. Don't start. 24 00:01:40,347 --> 00:01:44,490 {\an2}Who do you think you are in Soho House? 25 00:01:44,514 --> 00:01:51,603 {\an2}Just someone who likes a 1am picante with padron peppers and pals. 26 00:01:51,627 --> 00:01:53,262 {\an2}You are so gay. 27 00:01:53,286 --> 00:01:55,903 {\an2}I didn't make it, did I? 28 00:01:55,927 --> 00:01:56,800 {\an1}HE SIGHS 29 00:01:56,824 --> 00:01:58,896 {\an2}I'm so sorry, mate. 30 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:00,446 {\an2}I'm sorry too. 31 00:02:00,470 --> 00:02:01,452 {\an2}I just... 32 00:02:01,476 --> 00:02:03,439 {\an2}I just couldn't... 33 00:02:03,463 --> 00:02:06,625 {\an2}You don't need to explain it. 34 00:02:06,649 --> 00:02:10,902 {\an2}We all know there isn't just one answer. 35 00:02:10,926 --> 00:02:15,506 {\an2}I guess I just want you to know in some way 36 00:02:15,530 --> 00:02:18,693 {\an2}that you're still so present. 37 00:02:18,717 --> 00:02:23,188 {\an2}It's all the everyday stuff, really, like, 38 00:02:23,212 --> 00:02:30,409 {\an2}I could be picking a Tesco meal deal and start thinking about you - 39 00:02:30,433 --> 00:02:35,885 {\an2}at what you'd get, whether you'd go for a Dr Pepper 40 00:02:35,909 --> 00:02:38,635 {\an2}or a Naked Blue smoothie, 41 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:42,912 {\an2}what you'd make of how it's all changed. 42 00:02:42,936 --> 00:02:45,226 {\an2}How's it all changed? 43 00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:47,431 {\an2}It's not �3 anymore. 44 00:02:47,455 --> 00:02:48,000 {\an2}What? 45 00:02:48,024 --> 00:02:49,224 {\an2}It's �3.90. 46 00:02:49,248 --> 00:02:51,538 {\an2}3.40 with a Clubcard. 47 00:02:51,562 --> 00:02:53,198 {\an2}Are you joking? 48 00:02:53,222 --> 00:02:58,238 {\an2}But at some Tescos, you can get a Costa Express 49 00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:01,533 {\an2}in the �3.40 deal, which is... 50 00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:05,810 {\an2}BOTH: ..the price of a coffee in itself. 51 00:03:05,834 --> 00:03:07,906 {\an2}And then sometimes, 52 00:03:07,930 --> 00:03:12,510 {\an2}I'll just think about you on certain dates, 53 00:03:12,534 --> 00:03:18,205 {\an2}like the day I turned the age you were when we met... 54 00:03:18,229 --> 00:03:23,790 {\an2}..and I thought, I don't know why you became friends 55 00:03:23,814 --> 00:03:25,777 {\an2}with such a dweeb. 56 00:03:25,801 --> 00:03:31,254 {\an2}Or the day I turned the age you were when you left. 57 00:03:31,278 --> 00:03:33,568 {\an2}And I felt so guilty, 58 00:03:33,592 --> 00:03:39,044 {\an2}like I was never supposed to become older than you. 59 00:03:39,068 --> 00:03:42,231 {\an2}And then the day I turned 30, 60 00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:49,452 {\an2}one of my first thoughts was, "God, you'd be so happy in this age." 61 00:03:49,476 --> 00:03:56,673 {\an2}Everything just sort of dissipates a bit and you stop giving a shit 62 00:03:56,697 --> 00:03:59,750 {\an2}about looking good in photos 63 00:03:59,774 --> 00:04:04,463 {\an2}or making someone's birthday drinks on time. 64 00:04:04,487 --> 00:04:08,304 {\an2}I fucking hate birthday drinks. Mm. 65 00:04:08,328 --> 00:04:12,036 {\an2}It's, like, have a party or don't. 66 00:04:12,060 --> 00:04:13,805 {\an2}I totally agree. 67 00:04:13,829 --> 00:04:21,135 {\an2}And I know, somewhere, you'll be cringing soooo hard at the earnest, 68 00:04:21,159 --> 00:04:26,284 {\an2}overshare-y sincerity of all this, but I just... 69 00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:29,034 {\an2}..I just really miss you. 70 00:04:29,058 --> 00:04:32,766 {\an2}And I've written so much about us. 71 00:04:32,790 --> 00:04:38,242 {\an2}To not let the injustice of what could have been... 72 00:04:38,266 --> 00:04:42,083 {\an2}..override all the joy of what was. 73 00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:47,341 {\an2}Can I just say, look, I know I chose this ending, 74 00:04:47,365 --> 00:04:51,618 {\an2}but we both know it's not what I wanted. 75 00:04:51,642 --> 00:04:53,932 {\an2}I didn't wanna leave, 76 00:04:53,956 --> 00:05:00,172 {\an2}I just wanted out of the fucking mess I kept falling into. 77 00:05:00,196 --> 00:05:06,957 {\an2}I dunno, a part of me thinks that this shouldn't be the ending. 78 00:05:06,981 --> 00:05:08,835 {\an2}And, yeah, I'd... 79 00:05:08,859 --> 00:05:13,003 {\an2}..I'd actually really like another one. 80 00:05:13,027 --> 00:05:13,354 {\an2}OK. 81 00:05:13,378 --> 00:05:15,232 {\an2}OK, right. Erm... 82 00:05:15,256 --> 00:05:16,891 {\an2}Stand up. What? 83 00:05:16,915 --> 00:05:17,788 {\an2}Come on. 84 00:05:17,812 --> 00:05:19,011 {\an2}Up you get. 85 00:05:19,035 --> 00:05:20,671 {\an2}Shoulders back. 86 00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:21,786 {\an2}Chebs out. 87 00:05:21,810 --> 00:05:23,991 {\an2}Get up on the bench. 88 00:05:24,015 --> 00:05:26,632 {\an2}What, like, on it? Yeah. 89 00:05:26,656 --> 00:05:28,837 {\an2}OK, and... now what? 90 00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:31,151 {\an2}You're going to wait. 91 00:05:31,175 --> 00:05:32,701 {\an2}Wait for what? 92 00:05:32,725 --> 00:05:36,651 {\an2}Well, I'd like to think, that night, 93 00:05:36,675 --> 00:05:43,763 {\an2}you didn't wait for the help that you had asked for to get to you, 94 00:05:43,787 --> 00:05:47,386 {\an2}so, this time, you're gonna wait. 95 00:05:47,410 --> 00:05:52,317 {\an2}I feel like a bit of an idiot just stood here. 96 00:05:52,341 --> 00:05:55,613 {\an2}No, you don't. You look great. 97 00:05:55,637 --> 00:06:00,980 {\an2}Look, if you wait, something else will come along. 98 00:06:01,004 --> 00:06:04,930 {\an2}It might not be loads better, but... 99 00:06:04,954 --> 00:06:06,699 {\an2}..just you wait. 100 00:06:06,723 --> 00:06:07,268 {\an2}Jack. 101 00:06:07,292 --> 00:06:08,818 {\an2}Ah, thank you. 102 00:06:08,842 --> 00:06:12,005 {\an2}Ah, I feel like a right plum. 103 00:06:12,029 --> 00:06:13,446 {\an2}No, sod this. 104 00:06:13,470 --> 00:06:15,324 {\an2}Come on. It's OK. 105 00:06:15,348 --> 00:06:16,330 {\an1}HE SNIFFS 106 00:06:16,354 --> 00:06:18,426 {\an2}That's it. It's OK. 107 00:06:18,450 --> 00:06:19,322 {\an2}It's OK. 108 00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:20,982 {\an2}It's all right. 109 00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:22,642 {\an2}Let it out, OK? 110 00:06:22,666 --> 00:06:23,865 {\an2}Let it out. 111 00:06:23,889 --> 00:06:24,761 {\an2}It's OK. 112 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:29,584 {\an2}Sorry. Danny, where do you keep your teabags? 113 00:06:29,608 --> 00:06:32,661 {\an2}No, I wasn't talking to you. 114 00:06:32,685 --> 00:06:36,502 {\an2}No, I won't be home tonight, Kelly, 115 00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:42,959 {\an2}so you're going to have to make your own dinner, I'm afraid. 116 00:06:42,983 --> 00:06:45,274 {\an2}SHE CHUCKLES Grumble! 117 00:06:45,298 --> 00:06:45,843 {\an2}No... 118 00:06:45,867 --> 00:06:48,048 {\an2}No, that's not true. 119 00:06:48,072 --> 00:06:55,269 {\an2}I taught you how to use the George Foreman very recently, remember? 120 00:06:55,293 --> 00:06:57,147 {\an2}Yeah... Yeah, OK. 121 00:06:57,171 --> 00:07:03,387 {\an2}And there's some asparagus tips in the veg drawer as well. 122 00:07:03,411 --> 00:07:08,645 {\an2}No, I know... I know they make your wee go funny, 123 00:07:08,669 --> 00:07:12,486 {\an2}They makes everyone's wee go funny. 124 00:07:12,510 --> 00:07:18,834 {\an2}Funnily enough, actually very good for you, asparagus tips. 125 00:07:18,858 --> 00:07:25,401 {\an2}Erm... Good h-hearing, something like... something like that. 126 00:07:25,425 --> 00:07:32,404 {\an2}Erm, well, I'm actually just teabagging in Margate at the moment. 127 00:07:32,428 --> 00:07:34,282 {\an2}Are you laughing? 128 00:07:34,306 --> 00:07:35,942 {\an2}She's laughing. 129 00:07:35,966 --> 00:07:39,128 {\an2}Why are you laughing at that? 130 00:07:39,152 --> 00:07:39,807 {\an2}Hello? 131 00:07:39,831 --> 00:07:44,084 {\an2}I think she's on the train or something. 132 00:07:44,108 --> 00:07:46,943 {\an2}Right, teabags, teabags... 133 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:51,765 {\an2}TV: Coming up next, it's A Question Of Sport. 134 00:07:51,789 --> 00:07:58,441 {\an2}Is Sue Barker a lesbian as well or is that just Clare Balding? 135 00:07:58,465 --> 00:08:00,101 {\an2}Can't remember. 136 00:08:00,125 --> 00:08:04,814 {\an2}Shall we have a little read of the TV Guide? 137 00:08:04,838 --> 00:08:07,019 {\an2}Ooh, it's from 2008. 138 00:08:07,043 --> 00:08:08,678 {\an2}It'll be wrong. 139 00:08:08,702 --> 00:08:12,846 {\an2}Mm. Seen... Yeah, seen that, seen that. 140 00:08:12,870 --> 00:08:15,815 {\an2}Haven't seen that actually. 141 00:08:15,839 --> 00:08:17,256 {\an2}Ugh, cycling. 142 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:18,589 {\an1}SHE CHUCKLES 143 00:08:18,613 --> 00:08:19,049 {\an2}Ahh. 144 00:08:19,073 --> 00:08:25,180 {\an2}There's a little bit of a breeze coming from somewhere... 145 00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:28,693 {\an2}SHE GASPS Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 146 00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:30,135 {\an2}Heh... Sorry! 147 00:08:30,159 --> 00:08:31,468 {\an1}SHE CHUCKLES 148 00:08:31,492 --> 00:08:38,253 {\an2}No, it was a bit of an emergency cos, erm, you know, you didn't 149 00:08:38,277 --> 00:08:45,365 {\an2}answer you phone after you texted me and I was a bit like, "Oh..." 150 00:08:45,389 --> 00:08:52,586 {\an2}Cos I'd driven for two hours, and I was like, "Ooh, got to get in," 151 00:08:52,610 --> 00:08:58,062 {\an2}so I used the minibus fire extinguisher in the end, 152 00:08:58,086 --> 00:09:00,813 {\an2}which is also quite mini, 153 00:09:00,837 --> 00:09:05,853 {\an2}erm, to smash your... smash your back doors in. 154 00:09:05,877 --> 00:09:12,638 {\an2}But don't worry, don't worry, don't panic, cos I've put many an 155 00:09:12,662 --> 00:09:16,042 {\an2}SU bog door back on its hinges. 156 00:09:16,066 --> 00:09:18,247 {\an2}All in a day's work. 157 00:09:18,271 --> 00:09:19,798 {\an2}OK. DRILL WHIRS 158 00:09:19,822 --> 00:09:21,567 {\an2}Cover your eyes. 159 00:09:21,591 --> 00:09:25,407 {\an2}Right, let's just get some shut-eye 160 00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:30,775 {\an2}and then we'll make a plan of action tomorrow, OK? 161 00:09:30,799 --> 00:09:32,326 {\an2}Thanks, Jules. 162 00:09:32,350 --> 00:09:36,166 {\an2}Oh... Oh, oh, no worries... at all. 163 00:09:36,190 --> 00:09:38,589 {\an2}Of course, sweetheart. 164 00:09:38,613 --> 00:09:43,520 {\an2}There's nothing too big that we can't fix, OK? 165 00:09:43,544 --> 00:09:45,616 {\an2}Just remember that. 166 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:45,968 {\an2}OK. 167 00:09:45,992 --> 00:09:47,300 {\an2}Night, then, 168 00:09:47,324 --> 00:09:54,630 {\an2}I'm just gonna put on a podcast if that's OK, just to help me sleep. 169 00:09:54,654 --> 00:09:58,580 {\an2}Hello. My name is Anoushka Delafonte 170 00:09:58,604 --> 00:10:05,910 {\an2}and you're listening to Anoushka's Empowered Women's Health podcast, 171 00:10:05,934 --> 00:10:10,733 {\an2}where we delve into many of the hidden issues 172 00:10:10,757 --> 00:10:14,355 {\an2}affecting millennial women today. 173 00:10:14,379 --> 00:10:17,323 {\an2}From PMS to tender breasts, 174 00:10:17,347 --> 00:10:23,018 {\an2}this is a safe space for women to discuss our bodies. 175 00:10:23,042 --> 00:10:29,367 {\an2}And talking of safe spaces, we're sponsored by Squarespace. 176 00:10:29,391 --> 00:10:35,716 {\an2}Squarespace empowers millions of dreamers, makers and doers 177 00:10:35,740 --> 00:10:40,211 {\an2}by providing them with the tools they need 178 00:10:40,235 --> 00:10:43,724 {\an2}to bring creative ideas to life. 179 00:10:43,748 --> 00:10:45,602 {\an2}And it's so easy. 180 00:10:45,626 --> 00:10:46,280 {\an2}Ahh... 181 00:10:46,304 --> 00:10:47,613 {\an1}SHE CHUCKLES 182 00:10:47,637 --> 00:10:52,544 {\an2}Oh, do you know what "GS" stands for on my...? 183 00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:53,986 {\an2}"Great shag." 184 00:10:54,010 --> 00:10:55,318 {\an1}SHE CHUCKLES 185 00:10:55,342 --> 00:10:58,396 {\an2}No, I'm joking. Just, erm... 186 00:10:58,420 --> 00:11:04,526 {\an2}No, just trying to get some cheeky banter going with you. 187 00:11:04,550 --> 00:11:08,149 {\an2}Cos now you're at the end of uni, 188 00:11:08,173 --> 00:11:12,535 {\an2}I can do cheeky banter with you, finally. 189 00:11:12,559 --> 00:11:16,376 {\an2}Ooh, shall we have a Mr Whippy? 99? 190 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:17,490 {\an2}Oh, hello. 191 00:11:17,514 --> 00:11:18,823 {\an1}IN MANDARIN: 192 00:11:18,847 --> 00:11:19,937 {\an2}Ooh, er... 193 00:11:19,961 --> 00:11:23,778 {\an2}..hundreds and thousands sprinkles. 194 00:11:23,802 --> 00:11:27,291 {\an2}Threw in an extra Flake for you. 195 00:11:27,315 --> 00:11:30,914 {\an2}Aww, thank you. That's very kind. 196 00:11:30,938 --> 00:11:31,592 {\an2}Jules! 197 00:11:31,616 --> 00:11:32,162 {\an2}What? 198 00:11:32,186 --> 00:11:35,130 {\an1}MUSIC: Sea Creatures by Soak 199 00:11:35,154 --> 00:11:38,862 {\an2}What did you actually study, then? 200 00:11:38,886 --> 00:11:43,902 {\an2}International business relations with Mandarin. 201 00:11:43,926 --> 00:11:44,798 {\an2}Wow. Mm. 202 00:11:44,822 --> 00:11:50,602 {\an2}God, the ice creams in Margate are to Princess Di for. 203 00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:52,261 {\an2}Oh, here we go. 204 00:11:52,285 --> 00:11:54,903 {\an2}In an interview in 1999, 205 00:11:54,927 --> 00:12:00,597 {\an2}she said that during her career she was approached by 206 00:12:00,621 --> 00:12:04,656 {\an2}lesbian tennis players in locker rooms 207 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:08,279 {\an2}and had to reject their advances. 208 00:12:08,303 --> 00:12:09,829 {\an2}Oh, right, OK. 209 00:12:09,853 --> 00:12:16,614 {\an2}And in 1982, she had a brief romance with singer Cliff Richard. 210 00:12:16,638 --> 00:12:20,019 {\an2}No! Yeah. Cliff allegedly said, 211 00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:26,040 {\an2}"I seriously contemplated asking Sue Barker to marry me, 212 00:12:26,064 --> 00:12:32,389 {\an2}"but, in the end, I realised I didn't love her quite enough 213 00:12:32,413 --> 00:12:38,738 {\an2}"to commit the rest of my life to her." Oh, my... So harsh. 214 00:12:38,762 --> 00:12:45,850 {\an2}It is harsh. They would have met at Wimbledon. At Wimbledon, yeah. 215 00:12:45,874 --> 00:12:51,654 {\an2}Hang on, where are we? This isn't the way back to uni. 216 00:12:51,678 --> 00:12:56,803 {\an2}Well, I'm taking us on a cheeky 37-minute detour 217 00:12:56,827 --> 00:13:00,971 {\an2}to one of your favourite places to eat. 218 00:13:00,995 --> 00:13:01,867 {\an1}HE YELPS 219 00:13:01,891 --> 00:13:03,418 {\an2}You're joking! 220 00:13:03,442 --> 00:13:05,732 {\an2}Fleet Services! Yeah. 221 00:13:05,756 --> 00:13:11,427 {\an2}I fucking love you, Jules Handy! Oh, language please. 222 00:13:11,451 --> 00:13:14,068 {\an2}I fucking love yoooooou! 223 00:13:14,092 --> 00:13:19,544 {\an1}MUSIC: Whiteout Conditions by The New Pornographers 224 00:13:19,568 --> 00:13:20,222 {\an2}Ahh... 225 00:13:20,246 --> 00:13:22,864 {\an2}Ah, that was incredible. 226 00:13:22,888 --> 00:13:30,412 {\an2}You know, when I was holding those two semi-automatic pistols just now 227 00:13:30,436 --> 00:13:36,761 {\an2}to kill the zombies on the Sega House of Dead machine, I... 228 00:13:36,785 --> 00:13:43,873 {\an2}..I just suddenly had a thought that... that I need new challenges 229 00:13:43,897 --> 00:13:45,097 {\an2}in my life. 230 00:13:45,121 --> 00:13:50,246 {\an2}This is very much the effect that Fleet Services 231 00:13:50,270 --> 00:13:52,887 {\an2}tends to have on people. 232 00:13:52,911 --> 00:14:00,435 {\an2}Do you know what? Believe it or not, my whole life, people have, like, 233 00:14:00,459 --> 00:14:07,111 {\an2}thought I was a bit of a joke or something and I'm actually... 234 00:14:07,135 --> 00:14:13,024 {\an2}..I'm actually not. I'm... I'm very proud of my career. 235 00:14:13,048 --> 00:14:19,482 {\an2}Because I know I didn't, you know, leave uni and join, like, 236 00:14:19,506 --> 00:14:26,267 {\an2}a FTSE 100 company or... or... or start a small, inspirational, 237 00:14:26,291 --> 00:14:32,507 {\an2}independent greetings card business or anything like that, 238 00:14:32,531 --> 00:14:37,874 {\an2}but, you know, I did something that I really love, 239 00:14:37,898 --> 00:14:40,515 {\an2}which is helping people. 240 00:14:40,539 --> 00:14:43,156 {\an2}Mm. Walkers Max Paprika? 241 00:14:43,180 --> 00:14:45,143 {\an2}No, not right now. 242 00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:49,965 {\an2}But, erm, helping them learn about themselves 243 00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:55,224 {\an2}and help them to... to let their hair down and... 244 00:14:55,248 --> 00:14:58,301 {\an2}..and discover who they are. 245 00:14:58,325 --> 00:15:02,469 {\an2}I mean, like how you've done with Jack. 246 00:15:02,493 --> 00:15:05,873 {\an2}And all your friends, actually. 247 00:15:05,897 --> 00:15:06,770 {\an2}And I... 248 00:15:06,794 --> 00:15:09,520 {\an2}..I think that... that... 249 00:15:09,544 --> 00:15:13,361 {\an2}..next year should be my last year. 250 00:15:13,385 --> 00:15:16,329 {\an2}And I was thinking as well, 251 00:15:16,353 --> 00:15:21,805 {\an2}I mean, you know, if you're up for it, that, erm... 252 00:15:21,829 --> 00:15:27,936 {\an2}I just think that you have a lot of those same qualities. 253 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:28,942 {\an2}Me? Yeah. 254 00:15:28,966 --> 00:15:35,290 {\an2}I was thinking I could train you up this summer and, erm... 255 00:15:35,314 --> 00:15:40,549 {\an2}It'd be, like, a proper-waged job and everything. 256 00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:45,480 {\an2}You could finish your disso, then, and, erm... 257 00:15:45,504 --> 00:15:51,611 {\an2}I mean, at least for a little bit, you can be the new me! 258 00:15:51,635 --> 00:15:55,669 {\an2}You know, when you put it like that... 259 00:15:55,693 --> 00:16:00,055 {\an2}..I think that's exactly what I wanna do. 260 00:16:00,079 --> 00:16:04,005 {\an2}I think I'd actually be sick at this! 261 00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:08,173 {\an2}Yeah, that's literally what I'm saying. 262 00:16:08,197 --> 00:16:08,742 {\an2}Boop! 263 00:16:08,766 --> 00:16:12,474 {\an2}You hate it when I do that to you. 264 00:16:12,498 --> 00:16:18,277 {\an2}I know. It's hard not to, though, innit, once it's on? 265 00:16:18,301 --> 00:16:22,227 {\an2}Yeah, it's addictive, it's addictive. 266 00:16:22,251 --> 00:16:26,286 {\an2}Can you get the Gaviscon out of there? 267 00:16:26,310 --> 00:16:30,781 {\an2}Those jalapeno poppers are just sitting... 268 00:16:30,805 --> 00:16:34,513 {\an2}..sitting right on my chest. Yeah. 269 00:16:34,537 --> 00:16:37,590 {\an2}Oh, are there none in there? 270 00:16:37,614 --> 00:16:39,577 {\an2}No, just... Erm... 271 00:16:39,601 --> 00:16:43,636 {\an2}Mm. I can go and get you some, though. 272 00:16:43,660 --> 00:16:49,221 {\an2}Oh, yeah, are you sure, yeah? Yeah. That'd be great. 273 00:16:49,245 --> 00:16:52,735 {\an2}WH Smith's, mate. Not a problem. 274 00:16:52,759 --> 00:16:53,740 {\an1}SHE SIGHS 275 00:16:53,764 --> 00:16:54,637 {\an1}SHE TAPS 276 00:16:54,661 --> 00:16:55,860 {\an2}Oh, hi, hi. 277 00:16:55,884 --> 00:16:57,956 {\an2}Yeah, it's just me. 278 00:16:57,980 --> 00:17:01,251 {\an2}Erm... Yeah. No, no, I'm fine. 279 00:17:01,275 --> 00:17:01,930 {\an2}Erm... 280 00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:05,116 {\an2}Er, yeah, I've got him, yeah. 281 00:17:05,140 --> 00:17:09,502 {\an2}TEARFUL: Yeah, it was quite tough, but... 282 00:17:09,526 --> 00:17:13,561 {\an2}Yeah, we're on our way back now, so... 283 00:17:13,585 --> 00:17:14,130 {\an2}Yeah. 284 00:17:14,154 --> 00:17:14,481 {\an2}OK. 285 00:17:14,505 --> 00:17:18,322 {\an2}Thanks, Tim. Thanks for checking in. 286 00:17:18,346 --> 00:17:19,436 {\an2}Of course. 287 00:17:19,460 --> 00:17:21,314 {\an2}Text me any time. 288 00:17:21,338 --> 00:17:25,482 {\an2}Yeah, I'm here to help all summer so... 289 00:17:25,506 --> 00:17:30,304 {\an2}Yeah, he can stay at mine if he needs, but... 290 00:17:30,328 --> 00:17:33,054 {\an2}I mean, whatever, just... 291 00:17:33,078 --> 00:17:36,459 {\an2}We'll... we'll get him through. 292 00:17:36,483 --> 00:17:41,172 {\an2}Well, no, he wouldn't be staying in my room. 293 00:17:41,196 --> 00:17:45,122 {\an2}Well, I've got three bedrooms, Jules. 294 00:17:45,146 --> 00:17:45,473 {\an2}OK. 295 00:17:45,497 --> 00:17:48,223 {\an2}Hey, you did really well. 296 00:17:48,247 --> 00:17:50,973 {\an2}All right, OK, take care. 297 00:17:50,997 --> 00:17:52,088 {\an1}HE EXHALES 298 00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:53,857 {\an2}Is he all right? 299 00:17:53,881 --> 00:17:55,516 {\an2}He's all right. 300 00:17:55,540 --> 00:17:58,812 {\an1}MUSIC: Wreath by Perfume Genius 301 00:17:58,836 --> 00:18:00,908 {\an1}MUSIC OVER DIALOGUE 302 00:18:00,932 --> 00:18:03,767 {\an2}She's called DianaCamilla. 303 00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:06,626 {\an2}Nice. DianaCamilla Miller? 304 00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:11,230 {\an2}It's actually Mill-ar, like, up at the end. 305 00:18:11,254 --> 00:18:18,670 {\an2}Yeah, it goes up at the... Mill-ar. Up at the end. So it's different. 306 00:18:18,694 --> 00:18:24,691 {\an2}And, like, I just really want her to be a woman who just 307 00:18:24,715 --> 00:18:27,442 {\an2}doesn't hate other women. 308 00:18:27,466 --> 00:18:30,846 {\an2}Aww. You know? So, in many ways, 309 00:18:30,870 --> 00:18:35,886 {\an2}this is sort of my way of just ending that feud 310 00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:40,054 {\an2}between Charles's brides, you know? Mm. 311 00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,932 {\an2}This is exciting. 312 00:18:41,956 --> 00:18:43,483 {\an2}Hi. All right? 313 00:18:43,507 --> 00:18:44,161 {\an2}Erm... 314 00:18:44,185 --> 00:18:45,712 {\an2}You look well. 315 00:18:45,736 --> 00:18:47,589 {\an2}Yeah, you look... 316 00:18:47,613 --> 00:18:48,486 {\an2}..smart. 317 00:18:48,510 --> 00:18:49,600 {\an2}Thank you. 318 00:18:49,624 --> 00:18:51,805 {\an2}Erm, meet my family. 319 00:18:51,829 --> 00:18:55,210 {\an2}This is my mum, Kim. Hi, there. 320 00:18:55,234 --> 00:19:00,359 {\an2}You know the names that are harder to pronounce, 321 00:19:00,383 --> 00:19:04,963 {\an2}did you write them out phonetically for me? 322 00:19:04,987 --> 00:19:09,785 {\an2}Yeah, I-I thought it might be racist, though, 323 00:19:09,809 --> 00:19:12,863 {\an2}to just do the ethnic names, 324 00:19:12,887 --> 00:19:17,358 {\an2}so I've phonetically spelt out everything. 325 00:19:17,382 --> 00:19:18,472 {\an2}OK, erm... 326 00:19:18,496 --> 00:19:25,257 {\an2}Yeah, that's probably right, isn't it? I don't... Don't go yet. 327 00:19:25,281 --> 00:19:26,917 {\an2}Craig, David... 328 00:19:26,941 --> 00:19:29,558 {\an2}..and this is Brilliant. 329 00:19:29,582 --> 00:19:34,707 {\an2}Wait, hang on, your name's Brilliant? Brilliant. 330 00:19:34,731 --> 00:19:36,585 {\an2}That's brilliant. 331 00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:43,588 {\an2}Right, OK, just go and take your seats, wherever Mum and Dad are. 332 00:19:43,612 --> 00:19:44,812 {\an2}Guys! Guys! 333 00:19:44,836 --> 00:19:45,926 {\an1}SHE LAUGHS 334 00:19:45,950 --> 00:19:46,714 {\an2}Christ! 335 00:19:46,738 --> 00:19:50,772 {\an2}I just went to the hat and gown place. 336 00:19:50,796 --> 00:19:54,940 {\an2}It's �27, so I've hired it for the day. 337 00:19:54,964 --> 00:19:56,709 {\an2}Take it off now. 338 00:19:56,733 --> 00:20:02,076 {\an2}Don't be jealous because it suits me more, please. 339 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:08,534 {\an2}OK? I actually do have some pretty big news to tell you all. 340 00:20:08,558 --> 00:20:13,902 {\an2}Here we go. How's she going to upstage my day now? 341 00:20:13,926 --> 00:20:15,998 {\an2}So, in September... 342 00:20:16,022 --> 00:20:17,875 {\an2}I'm going to uni. 343 00:20:17,899 --> 00:20:20,953 {\an2}What? Finally, a smart move. 344 00:20:20,977 --> 00:20:23,267 {\an2}That's amazing, love. 345 00:20:23,291 --> 00:20:30,161 {\an2}Yeah, so, I'm not gonna be lazy and, like, go to some little uni 346 00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:34,111 {\an2}down the road or anything like that. 347 00:20:34,135 --> 00:20:38,278 {\an2}Erm, instead, me, Tariq and the babies, 348 00:20:38,302 --> 00:20:41,138 {\an2}we're moving next month... 349 00:20:41,162 --> 00:20:42,470 {\an2}..to Cyprus. 350 00:20:42,494 --> 00:20:44,130 {\an2}Spoke too soon. 351 00:20:44,154 --> 00:20:46,880 {\an2}Christ, that's ages away. 352 00:20:46,904 --> 00:20:49,849 {\an2}I know it's far, it is far, 353 00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:54,016 {\an2}but, you know, you've gotta come visit. 354 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:59,166 {\an2}And I really want you all to see the kids loads. 355 00:20:59,190 --> 00:21:06,060 {\an2}And Tariq's found this really nice house near the campus for him 356 00:21:06,084 --> 00:21:11,972 {\an2}and the girls cos I'm gonna do the first year in halls. 357 00:21:11,996 --> 00:21:14,832 {\an2}Are you on fucking drugs?! 358 00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:19,981 {\an2}Sorry? Have you lost your absolute fucking mind? 359 00:21:20,005 --> 00:21:22,186 {\an2}Yeah, tell her, Nan. 360 00:21:22,210 --> 00:21:25,263 {\an2}OK, guys. MICROPHONE FEEDBACK 361 00:21:25,287 --> 00:21:27,359 {\an1}JULES CLEARS THROAT 362 00:21:27,383 --> 00:21:31,309 {\an2}Hello, welcome, bienvenue, huang yang 363 00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:36,349 {\an2}to the Brent Uni BA Journalism Graduation 2016. 364 00:21:36,373 --> 00:21:43,461 {\an2}Now, it gives me great pleasure to say that handing out these very 365 00:21:43,485 --> 00:21:49,592 {\an2}important scrolls you see here, we have - I can't believe 366 00:21:49,616 --> 00:21:56,595 {\an2}I'm saying this - one of the country's most beloved entertainment 367 00:21:56,619 --> 00:22:00,872 {\an2}interviewers in... in the country today. 368 00:22:00,896 --> 00:22:05,367 {\an2}I love her, you love her, we all love her. 369 00:22:05,391 --> 00:22:11,934 {\an2}Please put your hands and feet together for the late, grea... 370 00:22:11,958 --> 00:22:15,229 {\an2}..erm... for the... for the... 371 00:22:15,253 --> 00:22:19,179 {\an2}..for the indomitable Alison Hammond. 372 00:22:19,203 --> 00:22:20,076 {\an1}APPLAUSE 373 00:22:20,100 --> 00:22:22,826 {\an1}MUSIC: This Morning Theme 374 00:22:22,850 --> 00:22:28,193 {\an2}Yes, I know, I know. Put your hat on and sit down. 375 00:22:28,217 --> 00:22:33,670 {\an2}Put your hat on and sit down. Alison Hammond. Yeah. 376 00:22:33,694 --> 00:22:39,364 {\an2}Don't say her name any more. Just go sit down, buddy. 377 00:22:39,388 --> 00:22:42,114 {\an2}Please welcome, up first, 378 00:22:42,138 --> 00:22:44,974 {\an2}El-uh-zeh-bruff Jo-ee-ner. 379 00:22:44,998 --> 00:22:45,870 {\an1}APPLAUSE 380 00:22:45,894 --> 00:22:48,293 {\an2}Ta-ma-sa Pee-do-frile. 381 00:22:48,317 --> 00:22:49,189 {\an1}APPLAUSE 382 00:22:49,213 --> 00:22:51,831 {\an2}It's Thomas Peter Friar! 383 00:22:51,855 --> 00:22:54,254 {\an2}Co-ree-na Ga-ha-ma-ra. 384 00:22:54,278 --> 00:22:55,150 {\an1}APPLAUSE 385 00:22:55,174 --> 00:22:56,483 {\an2}Woo! Woohoo! 386 00:22:56,507 --> 00:23:00,323 {\an2}Congratulations. Thank you so much. 387 00:23:00,347 --> 00:23:01,874 {\an2}Ja-kee Roo-ka. 388 00:23:01,898 --> 00:23:04,188 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 389 00:23:04,212 --> 00:23:05,521 {\an2}Go on, Jack! 390 00:23:05,545 --> 00:23:08,489 {\an2}Congratulations. Well done. 391 00:23:08,513 --> 00:23:11,239 {\an2}You're... you're my fish. 392 00:23:11,263 --> 00:23:12,572 {\an2}Sorry, bubs? 393 00:23:12,596 --> 00:23:16,849 {\an2}You died. You're... you're my dead fish. 394 00:23:16,873 --> 00:23:21,126 {\an2}Oh, right. Have a lovely day. Well done. 395 00:23:21,150 --> 00:23:22,567 {\an2}Pa-da She-ee. 396 00:23:22,591 --> 00:23:25,645 {\an2}BOTH: We're coming, Shannon! 397 00:23:25,669 --> 00:23:27,959 {\an1}CHEERING AND LAUGHTER 398 00:23:27,983 --> 00:23:34,198 {\an2}Aww, thanks for helping me move my stuff into halls, guys. 399 00:23:34,222 --> 00:23:35,749 {\an2}Aww, love you. 400 00:23:35,773 --> 00:23:40,135 {\an2}Although, mate, your dandruff's terrible. 401 00:23:40,159 --> 00:23:44,194 {\an2}It's like you've sat under a shredder. 402 00:23:44,218 --> 00:23:45,090 {\an1}LAUGHTER 403 00:23:45,114 --> 00:23:46,205 {\an1}HE EXHALES 404 00:23:46,229 --> 00:23:47,428 {\an2}Hello, you. 405 00:23:47,452 --> 00:23:48,543 {\an2}Ahh, mate. 406 00:23:48,567 --> 00:23:50,421 {\an2}It looks so good. 407 00:23:50,445 --> 00:23:52,189 {\an2}It does, dunnit? 408 00:23:52,213 --> 00:23:53,958 {\an2}I'm proud of ya. 409 00:23:53,982 --> 00:23:57,581 {\an2}Oh, all right, no soppy bollocks, 410 00:23:57,605 --> 00:24:04,802 {\an2}I've already had Jules in here crying cos I did this all by myself. 411 00:24:04,826 --> 00:24:08,315 {\an2}Well, you've upstaged her, mate. 412 00:24:08,339 --> 00:24:12,592 {\an2}Now, are you gonna get suited and booted 413 00:24:12,616 --> 00:24:15,452 {\an2}to pull a fresher tonight? 414 00:24:15,476 --> 00:24:22,128 {\an2}Nah, it's Brent Uni policy, I've got to stay in uniform, so... 415 00:24:22,152 --> 00:24:23,351 {\an2}Nah, can't. 416 00:24:23,375 --> 00:24:28,937 {\an2}Yeah, I'm also contractually forbidden to, you know, 417 00:24:28,961 --> 00:24:31,469 {\an2}dance with, flirt with, 418 00:24:31,493 --> 00:24:36,509 {\an2}definitely shag with any of the students, so... 419 00:24:36,533 --> 00:24:38,605 {\an2}Ah, that's a shame. 420 00:24:38,629 --> 00:24:41,682 {\an2}Yeah, strict but fair. Yeah. 421 00:24:41,706 --> 00:24:45,741 {\an2}Well, you can dance and flirt with me. 422 00:24:45,765 --> 00:24:49,146 {\an2}Not shag, but... All right, OK. 423 00:24:49,170 --> 00:24:50,369 {\an2}Wait there. 424 00:24:50,393 --> 00:24:51,811 {\an2}Ready? Mm-hm. 425 00:24:51,835 --> 00:24:56,197 {\an1}MUSIC: The Magic Position by Patrick Wolf 426 00:24:56,221 --> 00:24:59,710 {\an2}The sound system in here's sick. 427 00:24:59,734 --> 00:25:04,532 {\an2}I'm gonna put some garage nights on, the lot. 428 00:25:04,556 --> 00:25:06,192 {\an2}Right, come on. 429 00:25:06,216 --> 00:25:10,360 {\an2}We're not actually gonna dance, are we? 430 00:25:10,384 --> 00:25:15,182 {\an2}You asked me to dance, so let's have a dance. 431 00:25:15,206 --> 00:25:17,932 {\an2}Yeah, but it's a bit gay. 432 00:25:17,956 --> 00:25:21,555 {\an2}Yes, it's very gay. Now, come on. 433 00:25:21,579 --> 00:25:23,542 {\an2}What are we doing? 434 00:25:23,566 --> 00:25:24,656 {\an2}All right. 435 00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,297 {\an2}♪ So let the people talk 436 00:25:27,321 --> 00:25:30,157 {\an2}♪ It's Monday morning walk 437 00:25:30,181 --> 00:25:34,325 {\an2}♪ Right past the fabulous mess we're in 438 00:25:34,349 --> 00:25:38,274 {\an2}♪ It's gonna be a beautiful day... ♪ 439 00:25:38,298 --> 00:25:39,934 {\an2}Jack and Danny. 440 00:25:39,958 --> 00:25:44,320 {\an2}Cockney rhyming slang for "fanny", innit? 441 00:25:44,344 --> 00:25:45,653 {\an1}SHE CHUCKLES 442 00:25:45,677 --> 00:25:48,076 {\an2}♪ And you take my kiss 443 00:25:48,100 --> 00:25:51,044 {\an2}♪ And I take the world... ♪ 444 00:25:51,068 --> 00:25:56,738 {\an2}All right, now, just don't do anything I wouldn't do. 445 00:25:56,762 --> 00:26:02,869 {\an2}I mean, I wouldn't shag a bloke, but you get what I mean. 446 00:26:02,893 --> 00:26:03,329 {\an2}Run! 447 00:26:03,353 --> 00:26:07,388 {\an2}♪ Cos out of all the people I've known 448 00:26:07,412 --> 00:26:12,319 {\an2}♪ The places I've been... ♪ You drank poppers! 449 00:26:12,343 --> 00:26:17,687 {\an2}♪ The songs that I have sung The wonders I've seen 450 00:26:17,711 --> 00:26:22,073 {\an2}♪ Now that the dreams are all coming true 451 00:26:22,097 --> 00:26:26,568 {\an2}♪ Who is the one that leads me on through? 452 00:26:26,592 --> 00:26:32,807 {\an2}♪ It's you who puts me in the magic position, darling, now 453 00:26:32,831 --> 00:26:37,957 {\an2}♪ You put me in the magic position, darling, now 454 00:26:37,981 --> 00:26:42,997 {\an2}♪ You put me in the magic position, darling, so 455 00:26:43,021 --> 00:26:48,582 {\an2}♪ Let me put you in the magic position, darling, cos 456 00:26:48,606 --> 00:26:50,787 {\an2}♪ I'm singing in the 457 00:26:50,811 --> 00:26:52,447 {\an2}♪ The major key 458 00:26:52,471 --> 00:26:54,107 {\an2}♪ The major key 459 00:26:54,131 --> 00:26:55,767 {\an2}♪ The major key 460 00:26:55,791 --> 00:26:58,299 {\an2}♪ Let me put you in the 461 00:26:58,323 --> 00:27:00,286 {\an2}♪ The major key. ♪ 462 00:27:00,310 --> 00:27:02,382 {\an3}♪ Well, you thought 463 00:27:02,406 --> 00:27:04,696 {\an3}♪ You could not go on 464 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,882 {\an2}♪ Your bones are just beating 465 00:27:07,906 --> 00:27:11,941 {\an2}♪ Like drums at your funeral song... ♪ 466 00:27:11,965 --> 00:27:14,800 {\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media 41125

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