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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:14,600 All right? 2 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:17,240 Yeah. You? 3 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:18,320 Yeah. 4 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:21,040 Do you want some toa... Oh. 5 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:23,040 - So? - What? 6 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,440 Ask me about the date! 7 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,280 Oh, right. Good? 8 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:31,960 - Yeah. He's, uh... He's funny, isn't he? - Definitely. 9 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,880 Sort of... rough and... 10 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:36,640 rugged? 11 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,720 Like he lives under a bridge. 12 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:47,960 - All right? - Yeah. 13 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,160 Is Roxy in there? 14 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:52,440 - Yeah, why? - Well, I've just popped round to see her. 15 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:55,040 Surely you've popped round to deliver my mail? 16 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,320 You haven't got any mail. Can I come in, then? 17 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:58,400 It's like a zombie movie. 18 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,680 You're always just outside the house trying to get in. 19 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,120 Don't be antisocial. 20 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,080 - Can I have that last bit of toast? - Yeah. 21 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:15,560 Ah. Cheers, babe. 22 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,760 - Do you want something on it? - No, you're all right. 23 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:19,720 - Got any peanut butter? - No. 24 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:22,440 - Don't worry about it, honestly. - Sure? I'll pop out and... 25 00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,640 - Honestly, don't worry. - All right, good. 26 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:30,160 Oh! I didn't tell you, did I? Sue Fyers at work got fired. 27 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:31,240 What for? 28 00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:32,320 Flashing. 29 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:34,440 Front or back? 30 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:36,680 Dunno, but the union's involved. I'm staying out of it. 31 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:40,040 - Right, I've got to go. - All right. See you later, mate. 32 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:41,280 Get out! 33 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,840 - Eh? - What is it? 34 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:46,400 A woman suing a doctor for a botched surgery. 35 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:49,000 - Right. - Someone blows hot and cold, don't they? 36 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,840 Could've done with an egg, but forget about it. 37 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:54,640 What happened to you last night? You bailed early. 38 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,480 Yeah, sorry. Um... 39 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,080 What time did you get home? 40 00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,000 Uh... About ten. 41 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:01,080 I got in at four. 42 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,000 Completely smashed. 43 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:05,480 Covered in kebab and fanny juice. 44 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:07,240 Don't ask me how. 45 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:08,760 I wasn't gonna. 46 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,560 Did too much chang, so I was lying in bed doing the luge... 47 00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:15,000 till the alarm went off, then, boom, shower! Coffee. 48 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,880 Suit straight down the dry cleaners. Work. 49 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:22,200 I got home and I cried a little bit. 50 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,960 Dry cleaners are used to it. I've shat myself twice. 51 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,120 Right. Um... 52 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,480 Just, sorry, to go back to... me. 53 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:33,320 I, um... 54 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:37,200 I think that I was crying because I don't want to give up on her, 55 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:41,880 you know, I don't want to give up on us. And... all I want to do is 56 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,320 just... talk to her and beg her 57 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,320 to let us go back to how it was. 58 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,880 - Matt... - But I don't want to stifle her. I don't... 59 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,760 - Women don't want this. - Yeah. 60 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,600 OK? It's pathetic. 61 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:54,560 Begging. 62 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,400 How is that good for a family? 63 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:03,200 Females choose mates based on their strength. 64 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:05,480 OK? On their power. 65 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:08,400 Their capabilities to provide... 66 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,360 and keep them safe. 67 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,680 We're descended from fucking cavemen, Matt. 68 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,160 We go out, we kill a saber-toothed tiger, 69 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,600 we bring it back, we share it out, 70 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,200 and then we give the fittest bird a good fucking seeing to. 71 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:24,480 That's where we're from. 72 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,120 Yeah, I just don't think that's really... me. 73 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:30,240 No, it's not. 74 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:33,160 Being you 75 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:36,120 will not win her back. It's as simple as that. 76 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,200 - You've tried that, didn't work. - Yeah. No. 77 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:39,640 She thinks you're a loser. 78 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:40,720 Solution? 79 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,520 Be something fucking better! 80 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,280 Be something fucking stronger. 81 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:47,680 - Yeah? - Mm. 82 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:48,720 Lie. 83 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:50,200 Cheat. 84 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:51,920 Just be a man. 85 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:55,440 But not you. 86 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,840 When did you start... having all this done? 87 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:01,200 'Bout five years ago. 88 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,360 Started on, like, botox... 89 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,360 and, like, filler for wrinkles an' that. 90 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:09,840 How old were you? 91 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:11,480 Early 20s. 92 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,120 What wrinkles did you have? 93 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,840 Dunno, like, frown lines an' that. 94 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:22,040 - Right. - Yeah, then I proper got into it. 95 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:23,520 I just couldn't get enough. 96 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,600 And then I got my lips done, 97 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,560 and I had a bit of a reaction. 98 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,640 But that settled down in the end. 99 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:32,360 And then I wanted to go bigger, then this happened. 100 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:36,480 My whole face was paralyzed. It's only just gone back to normal. 101 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:38,880 - Has it? - Yeah. 102 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,080 My boobs leak. 103 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:42,720 They're fake an' all. 104 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:44,480 - Are they? - Yeah. 105 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,240 I mean, rock hard. 106 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,320 Right. 107 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:49,800 Yeah. 108 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:53,760 Sorry, and that was the same guy... that did your face? 109 00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:56,000 Yeah. I was furious. 110 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,040 - Still am. - Are you? 111 00:04:58,880 --> 00:04:59,880 It's hard to tell. 112 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,240 If you think he botched my face and chest, 113 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:03,680 you should see my minge. 114 00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:06,320 It's like a butcher's bin. 115 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:09,640 Sorry, 116 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,040 you went back to him to have your... 117 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,520 - Minge. - Yeah, I know. I didn't want to say the... 118 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:18,080 Yeah, he did it for half price, though. 'Cause of how he'd ruined my face. 119 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:19,160 Right. 120 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,480 Why would you want to have that done? 121 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:27,840 I think I've got a problem. 122 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:30,360 Yeah. 123 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:31,880 I mean, it might be... 124 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,000 like an addiction. 125 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,560 - What, do you mean, like, I can't help it? - Well, I guess so, 126 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:42,160 but... I mean, if you acknowledge it, there's a chance you can... 127 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,480 get... you know, get help. 128 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:46,760 - Do you think I'm mental? - Well... 129 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,400 No more than the rest of us. 130 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,800 As I say, we're all screwed up in one way or another. 131 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:54,360 It sort of makes you normal. 132 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:58,720 - Are you laughing? - No. 133 00:05:58,800 --> 00:05:59,800 Crying? 134 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,000 - Oh. - Oh... 135 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:02,080 Um... 136 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,280 No, they've fucked my tear ducts. 137 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,480 - Take a picture. - Yeah. 138 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:14,400 - Got it? - Yeah. Great. 139 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:20,480 - Hiya. - Hey. 140 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,880 Are you going to that am-dram cabaret thing? 141 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,440 I dunno. Why? 142 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,400 Well... wondered if you'd like to come with me? 143 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,920 - What do you mean? You mean you're going? - Yeah. 144 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,800 Thought we could have a drink before and sit together. 145 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,480 Right. I'm not sure if I'm going. 146 00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:43,160 Right. Well, would you like to go... 147 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:45,080 with me? 148 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,960 Well, with everyone, really. Everyone's going. We'd all be there. 149 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:51,280 Yeah, but I'm saying would you like to sit with me? 150 00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:54,200 But I don't know if I'm going. And we don't know 151 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:56,016 - what seats will be free. - If you don't want 152 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:57,816 - to go with me, just say. - No, it's not that. 153 00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:00,520 - I haven't even checked my diary. - Well, go on, then. 154 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,640 - What? - Well, check it. It's right there. 155 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,480 Oh, no. It's hardly on the right page, is it? 156 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:16,040 - There's nothing in there at the moment. - Yeah. Right. Well, I'll, uh... 157 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:18,640 pencil that in, then. 158 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:22,360 Um, I will have to check my master diary as well. 159 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:24,480 - You've got a master diary? - Yeah. 160 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:27,160 I've got work here, and then personal at home, 161 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,800 so I tend to mix and match, actually, so... Tony? 162 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,000 Can I just... Sorry, Kath, I've got... 163 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,560 Tony, we've got our, um... 164 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,040 meeting. 165 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,040 Um... Shut the door. 166 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,480 Kath just asked me to sit next to her at the cabaret thing. 167 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:49,520 Great. 168 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,320 - I need to get out of it. - Why? 169 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,920 - Please help me get out of it. Please. - How? 170 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:56,280 Say you're thinking of killing yourself again. 171 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,960 Say I'm thinking of killing myself next Thursday? 172 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,400 Well, I'll tell her, then. 173 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:05,240 You'll tell her you can't go with her 'cause I'm thinking of killing myself? 174 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,760 I'm not saying I'm thinking of killing myself 175 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,400 'cause you're too chicken to say you don't want to go on a date. 176 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,400 For fuck's sake, it's just a favor. 177 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:14,560 And do you know the fable, The Boy Who Cried Wolf? 178 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:16,200 - Yeah. - Yeah. Right. 179 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:18,840 So, what happens when I really am thinking of killing myself, 180 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:22,360 and everyone goes, "Nah, he's just trying to get his cowardly brother-in-law 181 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:23,480 out of a date"? 182 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,160 Well, no, that's different in that case, isn't it? 183 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,640 'Cause he admitted it. He was like, "Nah, only joking." 184 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,080 So they all knew he was lying. 185 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,120 And he kept doing it, so it was obvious. 186 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,481 We'll only use this lie once, and we'll never admit to it. 187 00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:40,160 So, the moral of that fable is: "Never admit you were lying, 188 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:41,320 - ever..." - Yeah. 189 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,920 "...and always use different lies each time"? 190 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:46,440 Yeah. 191 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:47,760 Nice message. 192 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:48,840 - No. - Come on. 193 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:49,880 No. 194 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,720 - Fuck's sake. - You're on your own. 195 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,040 There we go, Dad. 196 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,080 Good. 197 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,400 There. You're all right. 198 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,200 - Hi. - Hiya. 199 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:45,040 Tony, I'm not going to sit around and wait for you to make a move, 200 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:46,400 I have to get on with my life. 201 00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:50,080 - Why are you acting weird? - I'm acting weird? 202 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:51,560 For fuck's sake, Tony! 203 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,400 I'm just a bit fed up, all right? 204 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:56,040 - My wife died. My dad... - Yes, I know. 205 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:57,600 Oh, sorry if that bores you. 206 00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,920 Seriously? Fucking hell. 207 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,200 Was it just a drink? 208 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:03,920 Fuck's sake. 209 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,040 It's just a question. Was it just a drink? 210 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,360 Yes, it was just a drink! 211 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,680 OK. Good. 212 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,640 But it might not always be just a drink, though. 213 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,560 Dad, say, "Simon is a cunt." 214 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,200 What? 215 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:30,720 "Simon is a cunt." 216 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:33,640 Say it. 217 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,080 - Yeah. - "Simon is a cunt." 218 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:39,720 Remember that. 219 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,000 Right. 220 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:47,080 All right? 221 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:50,360 - Is it OK? Not too hot? - No, it's good. 222 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,280 Yeah. Manage another one? 223 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,240 You'll feel so much better if you eat this. That's it. 224 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,640 That's better, eh? OK? 225 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:04,880 - Yeah. - Yeah? 226 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:08,960 Hi. 227 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,480 - Hi. - I've brought you a few jumpers. 228 00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:14,680 - It's getting a bit chillier outside. - Great. Thanks. 229 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:18,160 I mean, yeah, can never have too many jumpers. 230 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,560 Um... I was gonna call you, actually. 231 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,160 Um, you know the cabaret thing 232 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,600 - that they're doing? - Yeah. 233 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,080 I wondered if you wanted to come. 234 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,640 I'd have to sort a babysitter. 235 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,600 No, you can bring George. It's for everyone. 236 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:32,880 Oh... I'm not sure. 237 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:36,320 Yeah. Um... You'd be doing me a favor, actually. 238 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,000 - Kath's asked me to go with her. - Why? 239 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,960 I think she's got a thing for me. 240 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,360 Well, tell her you can't 241 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,400 'cause you're going with your wife and child. 242 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:47,600 Right. Yeah. 243 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,640 - Uh... - I mean, it's nice of her, though, really, 244 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,840 'cause she probably thought you were lonely. 245 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:55,240 - Probably. - Yeah. 246 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:56,840 I was thinking of coming, 247 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,080 I just didn't know whether George would be allowed. 248 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,120 - He is, yeah. - That's good, yeah. 249 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,200 - OK, well... I'd better go. - Yeah. 250 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,960 - Thanks for the... - Um, but I'll see you later. 251 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,760 - Hi. You all right? Yeah, good. - You all right? 252 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:19,280 All right? 253 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:28,080 - Um... Kath, about the, um, cabaret thing. - Yeah? 254 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,920 I'm gonna go with Jill and George. 255 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,480 Yeah, fine. Brilliant. 256 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:36,680 Great. 257 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,680 - I'm killing myself that night! - Don't... 258 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:45,840 What? 259 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,800 Oh. Nothing, it was a... 260 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:49,880 Weird! 261 00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:58,400 Do you want a coffee? 262 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:01,520 Why? 263 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:02,880 Why? 264 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:05,800 Dunno, 'cause it tastes nice? 265 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,240 Come on, let's go for a nice coffee, and... 266 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,320 talk about really interesting things like... advertising. 267 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,440 - Yeah? - Yeah, all right. 268 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:30,360 - There you go. - Thanks. 269 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,280 Did I embarrass myself with Matt, then? 270 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:38,360 Definitely not. 271 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:41,280 Why would you be embarrassed about being honest 272 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,400 and saying something nice? He should be flattered. 273 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:44,720 I think he was scared! 274 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,760 I'm obviously not his type. 275 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,320 Someone just got there first. 276 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,960 But, um... you didn't do anything wrong. 277 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,360 You showed your feelings. 278 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:56,040 That's good. 279 00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,600 I wish I'd shown my feelings more. 280 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,000 With Lisa. Um... 281 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:02,640 I... 282 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,680 Sometimes, I'd be embarrassed to hold hands in public. 283 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,480 Or if we were on the phone and there was people around, 284 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,160 she'd always say, "Bye. Love you." 285 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,200 And I would go, "Me too." 286 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,200 And she'd laugh, 'cause she'd know. 287 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,040 Yeah. 288 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,120 Sometimes, I was out, working late. 289 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,640 The phone would go, and I'd think, "Oh, God, what's happened?" 290 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,520 And I'd go, "Hello?" I'd go, "What's wrong?" And, um... 291 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,160 she'd say, "Nothing's wrong, I just love you." 292 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,560 So... And one day, you'll meet someone, and it'll be... 293 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:40,480 Life will be brilliant. 294 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:42,160 So, uh... 295 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,440 Nothing to feel sad about. Not yet. 296 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,960 I'm going to... walk for... 297 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:00,800 OK. 298 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:02,560 - Thanks for the coffee. - Sure. 299 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:06,280 Oh, and thanks for telling me that thing about your wife calling you. 300 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:07,360 It was lovely. 301 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:09,960 - See you later. - See you later. 302 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,440 Bad day, I'm afraid. 303 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,240 The last thing you should do is drink alone. 304 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,000 Mm... 305 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,200 Nice. 306 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,200 Lisa was my greatest achievement. 307 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:14,840 I've never done anything else, really. Not of worth. 308 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,160 Nothing else to be proud of. 309 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:21,040 Just that. 310 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:23,680 I won at life. 311 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:26,920 You did. 312 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,280 I'm not as good as her, and I'm proud of that. 313 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:35,040 You're just different. 314 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:39,360 I'm angry. I'm petty. I'm sad. 315 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:42,320 I'm jealous of anyone who's still got someone. 316 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,920 How did you get Lisa if you were so bad? 317 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:50,720 I'm not sure. 318 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,440 I was just nice to her, I think. 319 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:56,440 You should try that again. 320 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:01,640 I miss her so much. 321 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,400 I feel sad all the time. 322 00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:07,400 I'm not the person I was. 323 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,240 Lisa dying, I just... It's like... 324 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,680 I lost most of me, and all the good stuff, all the happiness... 325 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:16,480 any joy in anything... 326 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:21,600 I feel like I'm nothing, you know? 327 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:22,960 That's not true. 328 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,640 People think that I'm sort of OK, you know, 329 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:27,816 like I'm getting on with it, I'm snarky now and again, 330 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,120 and that this is a lapse, but it's not. 331 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,240 This is me all the time now. 332 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,360 Everything else is the front, you know? 333 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:38,520 I'm not well, but I remember 334 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,040 what it was like to be normal, so I do an impression of that. 335 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:44,960 But this is what I really am. 336 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:47,160 And I want to be normal again... 337 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:48,760 ...but I'm weak, you know? 338 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,400 When Lisa was dying, I tried to be brave and put a... 339 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,080 you know, a face on, to be positive, 340 00:17:56,680 --> 00:18:00,160 and even then, I'd break down sometimes, and she'd... 341 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:02,840 ...have to comfort me. 342 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:07,880 I couldn't even give her that. When she was dying, she was still on duty. 343 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:09,560 Looking after me. 344 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:12,880 She'd have loved that. 345 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:17,320 I don't know. 346 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:18,800 I do. 347 00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:22,760 'Cause I'm a woman too. 348 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,440 And it's better to be needed. 349 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:40,400 Be strong. 350 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,880 Everybody's struggling. It's not always their fault. 351 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,200 There's a porter here with a bit of a BO problem. 352 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:52,720 I'm quite glad you haven't bumped into him, to be honest. He stinks. 353 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:55,000 And do you know why? 354 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,600 'Cause he's working twice as hard as everyone else. 355 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,440 He's always running around doing stuff for other people. 356 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:02,680 He's got no idea. 357 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:07,120 And I was going to say something, but do you know what came out? 358 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:09,640 "Thank you for working so hard." 359 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:11,800 And he nearly cried. 360 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:16,560 Just tell people you appreciate 'em now and then, yeah? 361 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,760 - Hi, sorry. Um... - Oh, hello. 362 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,240 - Can I...? Um... - Yeah. 363 00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:40,560 - Is it Tony? - Yeah. Hi. Um... 364 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,360 Has anyone asked you... 365 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,600 not to close the paper and sell the building? 366 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,000 No. 367 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,120 Right. Um... 368 00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:53,120 Please don't. 369 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,120 A lot of people rely on it. And, um... 370 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,760 I mean, how much will you make from selling it? 371 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:01,880 Half a million. 372 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,600 Right... Yeah. 373 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,440 That's a lot. 374 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:09,760 Mm. 375 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:12,560 What will you do with that? 376 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:15,800 New car, maybe. 377 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,680 Ah... I dunno, um... 378 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,000 Potter around a bit. 379 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,440 No, it's just that, you know, if, um... 380 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:29,040 if I don't cash in my chips soon, you know, none of my... 381 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,440 I might kick the bucket, then it'd be too late. 382 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,640 I mean, it's not as if I need anything as such, it's, uh... 383 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:37,600 Although... 384 00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:42,160 ...I wouldn't say no to the company of a nice lady. 385 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:46,920 That's all that matters. 386 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,000 I had the best marriage imaginable. 387 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,000 Magical. 388 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,480 Uh... 389 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:58,040 So, when, um, Lisa, my wife, 390 00:20:58,120 --> 00:20:59,480 when she died, 391 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,080 I was suicidal, and depressed. 392 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:05,120 And everyone was so nice, everyone tried to help me and... 393 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:09,400 they sort of saved me, so... I wanted to do something nice back. 394 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,840 But, um, anyway, you're a nice guy, and I just want you to know, 395 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,760 you know, the whole story, and, uh... 396 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:20,000 I mean, if you weren't to sell it, um, 397 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,880 we could... you know, give it another go. 398 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,720 If it didn't work out, you could sell it next year. 399 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,400 It might work, and... 400 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,560 we could do with someone... who cared about... success, 401 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,120 'cause we are the biggest bunch of losers you will ever meet. 402 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:37,040 But... 403 00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:39,200 it's a... it's a good bunch. 404 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:44,080 It might be nice to have a challenge again. 405 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,120 Cheers. 406 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:51,160 OK. 407 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,160 ♪ Isn't it rich? ♪ 408 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,040 ♪ Aren't we a pair? ♪ 409 00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:58,080 You're not doing the lyrics right. Start it again. 410 00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,000 - Come on. - OK. All right. 411 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:03,560 Don't think about it, do it. Sing it like it means something. 412 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:04,840 ♪ Isn't it rich? ♪ 413 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:06,880 Start again so I can hear it! 414 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,240 - ♪ Isn't it rich? ♪ - ♪ Isn't it... rich! ♪ 415 00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:12,080 - ♪ Are... ♪ - ♪ Aren't we a pair? ♪ 416 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,120 - No, again. "Isn't it rich?" - Ken, I can't do it, all right? 417 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:18,080 Who's gonna be a superstar in a year if he listens to his director? 418 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:19,976 - But I can't breathe, Ken. - You. Do it again. 419 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,496 - I could just dance. - Sing and dance. 420 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,936 - What are you trying to say? - Can I do the dance on its own? 421 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,120 - If I did it with just the dance. - He doesn't work well under pressure. 422 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:28,280 Ken, stop shouting at him! 423 00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:30,096 - I'm so sorry you had to see that. - It's OK. 424 00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:32,320 I don't normally lose it like that. I just... 425 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,280 I'm trying to create the best scenario. 426 00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:36,960 You can do it without the words. 427 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:38,280 - Thanks, Ken. - Just the dance. 428 00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:39,840 - Is that what you want to do? - Yeah. 429 00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,880 If that makes you happy, even if it's shit, and it will be, 430 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,680 I want you to be happy, all right? 431 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:46,856 - Thanks, Ken. - This is why we do it. It's all right. 432 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,040 Hey, have I told you about my sister's anus yet? 433 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,600 - Uh... I don't think so. - Right, listen up. 434 00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:54,080 Silly cow is only having it bleached. 435 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:58,000 Bleached! That's a thing now, bleaching your anus. 436 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,176 - Right. - I said, "For the love of God, 437 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,296 why are you doing that?" She said, "So it looks nice." 438 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,320 I said, "Fuck me, who's gonna see that?" 439 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:07,320 More people are going to see mine, and mine's like a fucking compost heap. 440 00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,560 I think we should probably just watch. 441 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,560 - What were you talking about? - I was telling her about my sister's anus. 442 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:16,000 I'm fascinated with the anus. Always have been, always will be. 443 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,360 The man who is tired of the anus is tired of life. 444 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,240 - You can quote me on that. - OK, thanks. 445 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,240 How's your material going? 446 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:28,360 Gonna keep it loose. 447 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,240 I'm sort of like a performance artist, so... 448 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,200 I can't be constrained in the normal way. 449 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,736 Well, you've got ten minutes, so you better keep it that tight. 450 00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:38,360 Ten minutes? I can't do everything in ten minutes. 451 00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:41,360 Oh, fuck this! Sort it out between you. I'm off for a vape. 452 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,080 If you want me, I'll be in the disableds. 453 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:52,160 You all right? 454 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,080 - Yeah. - How's it going? 455 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,240 Just got a great scoop on Ken Otley's sister's anus. 456 00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,000 It's bleached. 457 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:00,840 Good. Well... 458 00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:05,120 you might have to cover these sort of stories for a little while longer, 459 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:08,120 'cause Paul's agreed not to close the paper. 460 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:09,880 - Really? - Yeah. 461 00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:12,400 Oh, thank you! 462 00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:13,600 Don't cry. 463 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:15,160 You work so hard. 464 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:19,080 You're great. 465 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,880 - Thanks. - All right. 466 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:36,480 Aww! Look at her! Brandy! What's this? 467 00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:39,040 - She looks like a... cartoon mouse. - What is this? 468 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:41,360 I don't... 469 00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:45,120 Get your dildo, Brand. Get your dildo! 470 00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:49,600 Good girl! 471 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:54,040 Brandy, say, "Sausages!" 472 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:58,240 ♪ Once we were lovers ♪ 473 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,880 ♪ Can they understand? ♪ 474 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:12,400 ♪ Closer than others, I was your ♪ 475 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,720 ♪ I was your man ♪ 476 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,480 ♪ Don't talk of heartaches ♪ 477 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:30,320 ♪ Oh, I remember them all ♪ 478 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:38,720 ♪ When I'm checking you out One day... ♪ 35036

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