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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:12,480 Be strong. 2 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:14,760 Be nice to your friends. 3 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,280 You always love it when you do a nice thing, don't you? 4 00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:21,720 I mean... you know, admittedly, 5 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:24,360 it's usually to apologize for having said something awful, but... 6 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,760 Well, not awful, but too honest. 7 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:29,320 Not always the best policy. 8 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:33,560 You want your breakfast? 9 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:36,040 Yeah? 10 00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:38,160 Come on, then. 11 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:59,240 ♪ Such a feeling's coming over me ♪ 12 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:04,600 ♪ There is wonder In most everything I see ♪ 13 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,840 ♪ Not a cloud in the sky ♪ 14 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,280 ♪ Got the sun in my eyes ♪ 15 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:15,240 ♪ And I won't be surprised If it's a dream ♪ 16 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:20,240 ♪ Everything I want the world to be ♪ 17 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:25,560 ♪ Is now coming true Especially for me ♪ 18 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,560 ♪ And the reason is clear ♪ 19 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,240 ♪ It's because you are here ♪ 20 00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:35,920 ♪ You're the nearest thing to heaven That I've seen ♪ 21 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:41,440 ♪ I'm on the top of the world Lookin' down on creation ♪ 22 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:46,200 ♪ And the only explanation I can find ♪ 23 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:51,520 ♪ Is the love that I've found Ever since you've been around ♪ 24 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:56,640 ♪ Your love's put me At the top of the world ♪ 25 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:07,200 ♪ Something in the wind Has learned my name ♪ 26 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:12,320 ♪ And it's telling me That things are not the same ♪ 27 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:17,960 ♪ In the leaves on the trees And the touch of the breeze ♪ 28 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:22,800 ♪ There's a pleasin' sense of happiness For me ♪ 29 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:27,960 ♪ There is only one wish On my mind ♪ 30 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:33,080 ♪ When this day is through I hope that I will find ♪ 31 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:38,720 ♪ That tomorrow will be Just the same for you and me ♪ 32 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:43,520 ♪ All I need will be mine If you are here ♪ 33 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:49,000 ♪ I'm on the top of the world Lookin' down on creation ♪ 34 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:53,720 ♪ And the only explanation I can find ♪ 35 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:59,080 ♪ Is the love that I've found Ever since you've been around ♪ 36 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:03,880 ♪ Your love's put me At the top of the world ♪ 37 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:09,640 ♪ I'm on the top of the world Looking down on creation ♪ 38 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:14,360 ♪ And the only explanation I can find ♪ 39 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:19,640 ♪ Is the love that I've found Ever since you've been around ♪ 40 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:24,720 ♪ Your love's put me At the top of the world ♪ 41 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:36,280 - All right? - Yeah. 42 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,160 That's from last night. 43 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,680 And that's the last one in the house, so... 44 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,320 Got to sort myself out. Get better. 45 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,120 What we doing today? 46 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,400 - "Tambury's Oldest Woman." - Right. How old is she? 47 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,680 Hundred. She's got a telegram from the Queen. 48 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,360 - Are you all right? - Huh? Yeah. 49 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,960 Just... feeling a bit low. 50 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,280 - Come on, mate. You were doing so well. - Just feeling sorry for myself. 51 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:10,760 And guilty about that. 52 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:13,640 I meet people every day with worse lives than me, 53 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:15,480 and they get on with it. 54 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,480 I'm gonna try and be more zen. 55 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,840 I'm not going to let cunts wind me up. 56 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,520 Is that a Buddha quote? 57 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,000 Exactly. 58 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,160 How's it going with the nurse? 59 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:30,240 Oh, um... 60 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,200 We're just friends, so... 61 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,080 - Oh. - No, it's fine. 62 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,360 She said I wasn't over Lisa. 63 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:38,320 She's right. 64 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,200 Well, don't miss the boat. She won't wait forever. 65 00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:43,960 I still miss Lisa. 66 00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:46,920 All the time. 67 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,720 But she wouldn't want me to, not like this. Not in this much pain. 68 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:52,200 I'm... 69 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,880 getting a bit better every day. 70 00:04:58,200 --> 00:04:59,200 Come on. 71 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:04,920 How did you feel when you got the telegram? 72 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:06,880 What? 73 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,880 How did you feel when you got the telegram from the Queen? 74 00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:12,320 Same as I feel every other day. 75 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:16,160 Dreadful. In pain. Wishing I hadn't lived through the night. 76 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,040 The Queen, though? 77 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,240 Some butler sent this. 78 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:24,680 What advice would you give to someone to have a long life like yours? 79 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:26,040 Don't. 80 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:27,920 It's fucking awful. 81 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:30,000 It hurts just to be alive. 82 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,560 Here's my typical month: 83 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,120 first week, diarrhea. 84 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:37,320 The next three weeks? 85 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:39,120 I can't shit at all! 86 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,080 You must've seen a lot, though? A hundred years. 87 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:47,760 I was born in Tambury. I'll die in Tambury - very soon, I hope. 88 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,480 I've seen fuck-all! 89 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,480 I may as well have been a tree. 90 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:54,600 What do your family think of this? 91 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,680 I haven't got a family, they all died. 92 00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:00,840 Right... Your friends here, though? 93 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,000 They're not friends. 94 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:04,880 They're cunts. 95 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:06,320 All of them. 96 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,160 I hate every single one of them. 97 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,320 And when I outlive one of them, 98 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,400 they bring a new cunt in to take their place. 99 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:17,520 Cunts! 100 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,040 - Good. Take a picture. - Yeah! 101 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:27,200 Er, smile. 102 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:29,880 Bollocks. 103 00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:31,280 Great. 104 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,120 - You all right? - Hey. Is it all right if I...? 105 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:45,120 Just a mad rush getting out of the house this morning, you know. 106 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:48,040 I know you've been sleeping here. 107 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:50,960 Right. 108 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:53,240 Look, I'm shacked up with June now, 109 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,200 so my flat is just sitting there empty. 110 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,240 And it's council, so I don't want to give that up. 111 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,480 Well, you're welcome to stay there as long as you need. 112 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,560 That means a lot. Thanks, Lenny. 113 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,160 What happened, anyway? 114 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:09,000 I don't think anything happened, like, specific. 115 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:12,240 I think she just needed a moment to take a deep breath and... 116 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,200 figure it all out, and, uh, yeah... 117 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,600 I'm giving her that moment. 118 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,400 - A favor for a favor? - Mm-hmm. 119 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:25,400 Getting a bit of pressure from June to get her kid some work experience. 120 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:27,440 Uh... um, we can't afford it. 121 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,880 - I'm sorry. - No, just work experience, no money. 122 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:32,240 She just wants him out of the house, I think. 123 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:33,320 Right. 124 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:34,640 Uh... 125 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,840 Yes, of course. 126 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:37,920 - Great. - Yeah. 127 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,320 I'll tell June. Thanks, Matt. 128 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:41,720 Thank you, Lenny, yeah. 129 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:48,560 Hiya. 130 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:49,840 - Hi. - You busy? 131 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:51,360 No, come in. 132 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,720 Sorry to hear about your marriage ending and all that. 133 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:04,800 Thanks, yeah. 134 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,560 You're a very lovely man, though. 135 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,520 - Sorry, what...? - Kind. Intelligent. 136 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:15,240 Smart. 137 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:17,280 'Andsome. 138 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:18,840 Perfect. 139 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:20,840 Thanks. 140 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,720 We've kept this relationship completely professional until now, 141 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,080 and I appreciate that, 142 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,800 but I just want you to know that if you ever did make a move, I... 143 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:29,920 A move? 144 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:32,840 Yeah, you know. 145 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,040 I've always liked you. 146 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,520 So, you know, if ever you wanted to, um... 147 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:41,560 meet up... 148 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:43,560 outside of work... 149 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:46,320 you know, for some fun? 150 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,400 Then... I'm up for it. 151 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:52,880 Are you? 152 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:01,240 See you later. 153 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:15,640 Don't sit in my chair. 154 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:25,120 You all right? 155 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,920 Kath just said she likes me. 156 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:29,960 Good. 157 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:31,800 No, like, she fancies me. 158 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:33,800 What, are you 13? 159 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,280 It's awkward. 160 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,160 Don't worry about it. 161 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,120 All right. 162 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,120 What about you, you OK? 163 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,440 Yeah, I'm just trying to be more zen. 164 00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:47,400 Wow... OK. 165 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:49,720 Um... Well, I tell you what, 166 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,480 you should come to the meditation class I go to after work. 167 00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:53,640 Every Tuesday. 168 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,200 It's a bit of yoga, 169 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,256 a bit of... Don't shake your head, you haven't heard what it is yet. 170 00:09:58,280 --> 00:09:59,960 - Yoga, a bit of philosophy... - Mm. 171 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:01,720 - ...which you like, don't you? - Yeah. 172 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,040 Right. So, what do you think? 173 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,120 - Don't just... - No. 174 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:06,560 Come on, please? 175 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,800 I'm having a shit time as well, OK? 176 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,840 I'm alone. I'm sleeping on a floor. 177 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:12,920 That's zen. 178 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:16,320 - Uh... - Like Mr. Miyagi. They love a floor. 179 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,640 "They"? You... 180 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,000 Right. 181 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,080 - Please? - Oh, for fuck's sake. 182 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,000 All right. 183 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,520 - Thank you. - Is that it? 184 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,560 Yeah. Yes, that's... 185 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,080 - fine. - Good. 186 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:34,680 Don't tell anyone about... Kath. 187 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,120 I'd already forgotten that. 188 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,240 - Perfect. - All right? 189 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:38,960 - Yeah, good. I'm... Yeah. - Good. 190 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:42,920 Don't tell anyone? 191 00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,720 See, all respectable again. 192 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,440 - Had a bit of bed head in the back there. - Hiya. 193 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,280 - Hi. - Hi, Dad. 194 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:12,080 I, uh... just interviewed a hundred-year-old woman. 195 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:13,440 - Oh, yeah? - Funny. 196 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:15,920 And, uh... 197 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,160 Lenny asked me how it was going with the nurse. 198 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,480 I said, uh... we're just friends 'cause... 199 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:29,360 you'd said I wasn't over... Lisa. 200 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,560 And did you say you agreed? 201 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:33,760 Yeah, course. Yeah. 202 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,000 What did he say? 203 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:39,480 He said I shouldn't wait around forever or I'll miss the boat. 204 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:41,600 Mm... 205 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,080 So... 206 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:47,480 Have you not told him my name? 207 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:48,960 What do you mean? 208 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:51,240 He said, "How's it going with the nurse?" 209 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:52,560 Uh... 210 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:55,920 Yeah, I'm sure I have. That wasn't really the point of the story. 211 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:57,760 Joe? 212 00:11:58,120 --> 00:11:58,960 What? 213 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:00,040 You're Joe. 214 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:02,360 Joe, your brother? 215 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:03,640 Hello, mate. 216 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:09,240 I do look a bit like him. I mean, he's been dead ten years, but still... 217 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:10,960 What, Joe's dead? 218 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:15,680 Oh, that's right, yeah. Joe's dead. Yeah. Lovely fella. 219 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,600 So, you're Joe's boy? 220 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:21,680 I'm your boy, Dad. 221 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,000 Am I Joe? 222 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:25,120 Fuck me. 223 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:29,000 And just for the record, I didn't declare that we would just be friends. 224 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,240 When I said I didn't think you were over your wife, 225 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,680 I just thought it might, I don't know, gee you up a bit to be ready. 226 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:36,080 Not just say, "Do you know what? 227 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,160 That's all right. Let's just be friends, eh?" 228 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,040 Well, all I was doing was agreeing with your observation 229 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:42,200 that I wasn't over Lisa... 230 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,480 Do you know what? It's fine. Just don't worry about it. 231 00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:45,680 - Right. - You know. 232 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,440 - All right, gorgeous? - Oh! 233 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,040 Hiya. 234 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:51,560 - Where is she? - She's in her room. 235 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,920 All right. See you later, babe. 236 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:58,480 Who's that? 237 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,200 Simon. He's the son of one of the new residents. 238 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:02,280 Right. 239 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,000 He's nice. 240 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:05,920 He winked. 241 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,400 He said, "See you later, babe," and winked. 242 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:11,480 So? 243 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:13,120 So... 244 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:15,840 Right. Anyway... 245 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:17,840 I'd better get on. 246 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,400 See you later, babe. 247 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,080 I feel... panicked 248 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:28,880 all the time. 249 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:32,080 Like... I'm going to do the wrong thing. 250 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,680 So... I don't do anything. 251 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:40,200 And that's why I think I'm going to blow it with the nurse, but... 252 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,800 Concentrate on getting better. She'll wait. 253 00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:45,680 If you want her to. 254 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:47,520 I'm not sure I'm worth... 255 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,240 waiting for. I'm embarrassed... 256 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,760 that I ever acted the way I did. 257 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:55,040 Whatever gets you better. 258 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,360 Yeah. I'm not better, but... 259 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,080 I'm not gonna stick my head in the oven. 260 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,320 I doubt you know where the oven is. 261 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,120 Good one! 262 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,000 You were in pain. 263 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,240 Yeah, that's what I'm embarrassed about, really. 264 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:15,680 Dying of cancer, 265 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:17,880 that's being in pain. 266 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:19,360 Actual pain. 267 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,280 I felt a bit sorry for myself. 268 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:22,840 I still do. 269 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:24,520 But, uh... 270 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:26,520 I realized that... 271 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,320 death will come soon enough, so... 272 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:33,080 And there's nothing to fear about it because... 273 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,080 you know, no feelings to worry about. 274 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,000 Not mine, anyway. Just... 275 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:43,520 you know, peace and quiet. 276 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,880 I am trying to work out if there's a way I can still carry on annoying people, 277 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:50,440 after I die, but I haven't... 278 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:52,136 I haven't cracked it yet. 279 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:55,160 So, I'm just gonna have to make the most of that when I'm alive. 280 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,200 - It's a hobby. - Yeah. 281 00:14:58,880 --> 00:14:59,880 Exactly. 282 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,040 Just to arseholes, though. That's... 283 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,920 you know, I'm trying to be nice to the people... 284 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:07,440 who are nice to me, at least. 285 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,000 I realized that everyone's struggling, 286 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,600 and, um, I feel that I should help the people... 287 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:15,680 who helped me. 288 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:21,520 I'm actually going to a meditation... yoga... thing tonight. 289 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:23,360 It's a favor... 290 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:25,840 for my brother-in-law, who... 291 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,240 is separated from his wife, and... 292 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:32,680 he could do with the company, so... 293 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:34,720 you know. 294 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,040 Lovely. 295 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:39,280 Mm. 296 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:46,600 Oh... 297 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,640 Coffee. I am gasping. 298 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,160 - Come in. - What? 299 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:53,800 Nothing. 300 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,480 - What, me just letting myself in? - Well, 301 00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,800 some would've knocked. I could've been naked. 302 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,720 Uh... I could see through the door you weren't naked. 303 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:03,960 Well, that doesn't make any sense. 304 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:07,880 If I had have been naked, you'd look through the door and see me naked. 305 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,640 Yeah, and I wouldn't have come in. 306 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:11,920 But you'd have seen me naked. 307 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,560 Wouldn't have bothered me. 308 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,680 That's all right, then. What would you have done? 309 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,560 - What do you mean? - You come to the door, 310 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,840 you see me naked, you don't come in, 311 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:23,960 what then? 312 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:25,360 I'd have knocked. 313 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,880 So, now, I'm here naked, 314 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:32,120 I hear a knock, I look up, I see you looking through at me, 315 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,840 what do you do, fucking wave? 316 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,160 I don't know! 317 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,800 Maybe I wouldn't knock, maybe I'd just sneak off. 318 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:41,080 Anyway... 319 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:45,280 why are you sat at a table naked like some weird Monty Python sketch? 320 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:46,720 That's my business. 321 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,280 My house, my rules. 322 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,840 - Do you sit at the table naked, then? - No. 323 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,680 - I've got a dog. - I don't want her seeing that. 324 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,480 What do you miss about her, though? 325 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,080 Everything. You know, I... 326 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,000 I miss her liking me. 327 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:08,880 Um... 328 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,480 I hate to think I've upset her in some way. 329 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,160 Or that she just doesn't love me anymore. 330 00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:17,120 Um... 331 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:20,840 Don't worry about it. 332 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,680 What do you mean? 333 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,480 Is that advice? 334 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:28,560 Yeah. 335 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,840 Just don't worry about it, mate. 336 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,600 Yeah... Just not that easy, though, is it? 337 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:39,120 You know, it's like saying, "Don't worry that you're bleeding." 338 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,480 You know, just by saying that, it doesn't go away. 339 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,400 I was bleeding from the anus for a month last year 340 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,920 and I never went to the doctor. 341 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:48,320 Right. 342 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:51,280 It just went away. 343 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:56,920 But, I mean, you're the doctor in this, aren't you? 344 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,520 So are you saying I shouldn't go to you? 345 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,160 No, of course not. What I'm saying is you've got to ignore 346 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,600 worrying about her and start doing stuff. 347 00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:04,720 Yeah. 348 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,040 You should come out with me, Ratty, and the Nonce. 349 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:09,720 - The Nonce? - Real name Ian Trouton, 350 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:13,040 but we call him "the Nonce" or "Pedo Ian." 351 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:17,720 I mean, he's not a real kiddy fiddler. It's a... it's an in-joke. 352 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:18,800 Oh. 353 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,800 He fucked a dwarf once when he was off his head. 354 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,280 He said it was like fucking a child. 355 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,840 But legal. Although, should it be? Urgh. 356 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:38,040 Um... I would go to the doctor about your anus, by the way. 357 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:44,000 Hiya. Could I just use your bathroom? 358 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:47,120 - All right. Upstairs. - Ta. 359 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,040 All right. Come here, I want to show you something. 360 00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,680 Tony, do you want to explain what this is, please? 361 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,320 Oh, um... 362 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:06,640 I'm holding a sweepstake on how long the marriage will last, 363 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,240 so you can bet on what you think. 364 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:11,080 Choices are: "under a month," "one to six months," 365 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:12,440 "six months to a year," 366 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,760 "one to two years," "two to four years," or "four to ten years." 367 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:17,520 - I put "four to ten years." - Oh, thanks. 368 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:18,680 - You're welcome. - Yeah. 369 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,160 I'll go "two to four" myself. 370 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,680 - Fivers. Give us your fiver. - "Under a month," that's mine. 371 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:30,840 Right... 372 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:33,080 What's he doing? 373 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:35,080 Good girl. 374 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,000 Mate, I've got to go out. 375 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,400 All right, see you later. I'll lock up. 376 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,520 No, you won't. Get out. 377 00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:50,520 What the fuck? 378 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,240 Fuck me! I thought you were having a piss. 379 00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,280 No, I've got to go out after, so I thought I'd have a wash. 380 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:01,440 Unbelievable! 381 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:02,960 Get out. 382 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,240 Out! 383 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:07,600 Well, turn round, then! 384 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:09,880 Fucking hell! 385 00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,120 All clean! 386 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:16,080 Do you know how fucking mental it is, a postman having a bath on his round? 387 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,120 - Why? - It just is. 388 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,720 There's nothing weird about helping out a mate. 389 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:24,280 I need to see a potential flat share later, don't I? I've been homeless. 390 00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,160 Been sleeping in the depot. 391 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:29,280 I didn't want to turn up all scruffy, did I, stinking of BO? 392 00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:32,480 Oh, this is typical. I try and be more chilled. 393 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,256 The reason I'm in a hurry is that I've got a meditation class tonight 394 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:36,640 to try and be more zen, 395 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,520 and then shit like this happens to wind me the fuck up again. 396 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,760 Don't think the Dalai Lama'd be like that, would he? 397 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,576 Let's see, shall we? Go to his house tomorrow 398 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,680 and start washing your fucking arse in his sink, see what he does. 399 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,880 - Is that my aftershave? - Yeah. Nice, innit? 400 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:50,240 - Fuckin' hell. - Expensive. 401 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:52,640 Out. 402 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,000 See ya, mate. 403 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:57,560 Prat. 404 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,160 Just wiggle it. 405 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,440 And if you want to get into your positions, please. 406 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:06,720 Hey. 407 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,800 Hi, Matt. Hi. 408 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,200 - Simon, this is Tony. He's... - Welcome. 409 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,520 He's not done this before, so go easy on him. 410 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,600 Nothing to be scared of. We're a very friendly tribe. 411 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:20,080 - OK. - All right. 412 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:22,880 Where's your mind? 413 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,160 - Where's my...? - Where's your mind? 414 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,320 Don't think about it too much, just answer. 415 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,240 Uh... in my brain. 416 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,320 - No. - No? 417 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:32,800 In my gut. 418 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,400 - No. - I don't know. Where's my mind? 419 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:37,880 It's in... 420 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:40,280 every cell of your body. 421 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:43,720 OK. 422 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,720 I want you to really think about that. 423 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:49,880 On all fours. 424 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,200 - Please. - OK. 425 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:53,920 - Shoes off, Tony. - No. 426 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:55,720 - No? - No. 427 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:06,560 So, let's start with a deep breath. 428 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,360 Inhale. 429 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:12,600 Lift your tailbone. 430 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,840 Heart out, push away the floor. 431 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:19,160 And exhale, sigh out the pain. 432 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,640 And shine your heart forward. 433 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:25,120 And gaze into your pelvis. 434 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,880 And look out of your third eye. 435 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:29,800 - You hear that? - Yeah, just... 436 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:31,680 Let's do that ten times. 437 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,560 Ah! 438 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:40,680 Are you joking? 439 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,600 Mm. 440 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,560 Green tea. Delicious. 441 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,280 - Sounds it! - Shh! Tony... 442 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,200 Fucking hell. 443 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:52,560 You OK, Tony? 444 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:53,680 - Yep. - Yeah? 445 00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:55,360 OK, good. 446 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:58,080 Oh, fuck! 447 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,640 - Just don't listen to it. - And keep going, guys. 448 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:01,960 Got a little cold? 449 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,560 Never. No. 450 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,120 - Oh! - Illness is a state of mind. 451 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:10,440 I don't want to feel ill, I don't want to feel pain. 452 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,440 You're going about it the wrong way. 453 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,360 - Please don't. - Any bad things that have happened to you, 454 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,000 you must've welcomed them in. 455 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,880 No. No way. 456 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,320 We have a choice. 457 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:22,320 Fuck that! 458 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,280 - Please. - That's ridiculous. 459 00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:28,560 Wind chimes? Slurping? Sniffing? How is that relaxing? 460 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:29,680 It's disgusting. 461 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,520 I'm off to get pissed out of my mind in every cell of my body. 462 00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:36,360 See you next Tuesday. 463 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:39,160 You're not wrong there, you fucking snot-curdling cunt! 464 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:43,240 OK. Um... 465 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,480 - Everyone into plank, please. - Great. 466 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,880 Thank you. What was that, about two minutes? 467 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:51,280 I don't know, I couldn't. 468 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:53,280 I thought you were feeling better. 469 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:55,560 I am now. 470 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:14,000 ♪ Well, I've been out walkin' ♪ 471 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:23,880 ♪ I don't do that much talkin' These days ♪ 472 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:31,120 ♪ These days ♪ 473 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,920 ♪ These days, I seem to think a lot ♪ 474 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:41,840 ♪ About the things that I forgot to do ♪ 475 00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:45,440 ♪ For you ♪ 476 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:51,160 ♪ And all the times I had the chance to... ♪ 477 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,080 Fucking hell, look at that! Pissed again! 478 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:56,160 Pfft! 479 00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:59,760 - Oh, like you're sober? Don't. - Yeah, but I can hold my drink. 480 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,200 Yeah, but you're a man, you've got a bigger liver! 481 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,680 "Lidver..." 482 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:09,880 When we get through two bottles of wine a night, 483 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,040 it's killing me quicker than it's killing you! 484 00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:14,000 Well, one of us has got to die first. 485 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:18,000 - What, so it might as well be me? - I'll drink to that! 486 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:21,280 Oh, right. OK. Cheers. This is to me dying first. 487 00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:23,800 - Cheers! - Cheers. 34962

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