All language subtitles for theatre.night.s03.e03.the.importance.of.being.earnest.(1988).eng

( theme music playing )

( piano music playing )

DID YOU HEAR WHAT
I WAS PLAYING, LANE?

I DIDN'T THINK IT
POLITE TO LISTEN, SIR.

I'M SORRY FOR THAT--
FOR YOUR SAKE.

I DON'T PLAY ACCURATELY.
ANYONE CAN PLAY ACCURATELY.

BUT I PLAY
WITH WONDERFUL
EXPRESSION.

AS FAR AS THE PIANO
IS CONCERNED,

SENTIMENT IS MY FORTE.

- I KEEP SCIENCE FOR LIFE.
- Lane: YES, SIR.

AND SPEAKING
OF THE SCIENCE OF LIFE,

HAVE YOU GOT
THE CUCUMBER SANDWICHES
CUT FOR LADY BRACKNELL?

- YES, SIR.
- AH!

BY THE WAY... LANE,

I SEE FROM YOUR BOOK
THAT ON THURSDAY NIGHT,

WHEN LORD SHOREMAN
AND MR. WORTHING WERE
DINING WITH ME,

EIGHT BOTTLES OF CHAMPAGNE
ARE ENTERED AS HAVING BEEN
CONSUMED.

YES, SIR.
EIGHT BOTTLES
AND A PINT.

WHY IS IT THAT
AT A BACHELOR'S
ESTABLISHMENT

THE SERVANTS INVARIABLY
DRINK THE CHAMPAGNE?

I ASK MERELY
FOR INFORMATION.

I ATTRIBUTE IT TO
THE SUPERIOR QUALITY
OF THE WINE, SIR.

I'VE OFTEN OBSERVED THAT
IN MARRIED HOUSEHOLDS

THE CHAMPAGNE IS RARELY
OF A FIRST-RATE BRAND.

GOOD HEAVENS! IS MARRIED LIFE
SO DEMORALIZING AS THAT?

I BELIEVE IT IS A VERY
PLEASANT STATE, SIR.

I HAVE HAD VERY LITTLE
EXPERIENCE OF IT MYSELF
UP TO THE PRESENT.

I'VE ONLY BEEN
MARRIED ONCE.

THAT WAS IN CONSEQUENCE
OF A MISUNDERSTANDING

BETWEEN MYSELF
AND A YOUNG PERSON.

I DON'T KNOW THAT
I'M MUCH INTERESTED
IN YOUR FAMILY LIFE, LANE.

NO, SIR.
IT IS NOT A VERY
INTERESTING SUBJECT.

- I NEVER THINK OF IT MYSELF.
- VERY NATURAL, I'M SURE.

- THAT WILL DO,
LANE, THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU, SIR.

LANE'S VIEWS ON MARRIAGE
SEEM SOMEWHAT LAX.

REALLY, IF THE LOWER ORDERS
DON'T SET US A GOOD EXAMPLE,

WHAT ON EARTH IS
THE USE OF THEM?

THEY SEEM AS A CLASS
TO HAVE ABSOLUTELY

NO SENSE OF MORAL
RESPONSIBILITY.

- MR. ERNEST WORTHING.
- HOW ARE YOU, MY DEAR ERNEST?

- WHAT BRINGS YOU UP TO TOWN?
- PLEASURE.

PLEASURE.
WHAT ELSE SHOULD
BRING ONE ANYWHERE?

EATING AS USUAL,
I SEE, ALGY.

I BELIEVE
IT IS CUSTOMARY
IN GOOD SOCIETY

TO TAKE SOME SLIGHT
REFRESHMENT AT 5:00.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
SINCE LAST THURSDAY?

- IN THE COUNTRY.
- WHAT ON EARTH
DO YOU DO THERE?

WHEN ONE IS IN TOWN,
ONE AMUSES ONESELF.

WHEN ONE IS IN THE COUNTRY,
ONE AMUSES OTHER PEOPLE.

- IT IS EXCESSIVELY BORING.
- WHO ARE THE PEOPLE YOU AMUSE?

OH, NEIGHBORS.

- NEIGHBORS.
- GOT NICE NEIGHBORS
IN YOUR PART OF SHROPSHIRE?

PERFECTLY HORRID.
NEVER SPEAK TO ONE
OF THEM.

HOW IMMENSELY
YOU MUST AMUSE THEM.

BY THE WAY, SHROPSHIRE
IS YOUR COUNTY, IS IS NOT?

- EH? SHROPSHIRE?
- MMM.

OH-- YES, OF COURSE.

HELLO!
WHY ALL THESE CUPS?

WHY CUCUMBER SANDWICHES?
WHY A RECKLESS EXTRAVAGANCE
IN ONE SO YOUNG?

- WHO'S COMING TO TEA?
- MERELY AUNT AUGUSTA
AND GWENDOLEN.

- HOW PERFECTLY DELIGHTFUL.
- THAT IS ALL VERY WELL.

I'M AFRAID AUNT AUGUSTA
WON'T QUITE APPROVE
OF YOUR BEING HERE.

- MAY I ASK WHY?
- MY DEAR FELLOW,

THE WAY
YOU FLIRT WITH GWENDOLEN
IS PERFECTLY DISGRACEFUL.

IT IS ALMOST AS BAD
AS THE WAY GWENDOLEN
FLIRTS WITH YOU.

I AM IN LOVE
WITH GWENDOLEN.

I HAVE COME TO TOWN
EXPRESSLY TO PROPOSE
TO HER.

I THOUGHT YOU'D
COME UP FOR PLEASURE?

- I CALL THAT BUSINESS.
- HOW UTTERLY UNROMANTIC
YOU ARE.

I DON'T SEE ANYTHING
ROMANTIC IN PROPOSING.

IT IS VERY ROMANTIC
TO BE IN LOVE.

BUT THERE IS NOTHING
ROMANTIC AT ALL ABOUT
A DEFINITE PROPOSAL.

ONE MAY BE ACCEPTED.
ONE USUALLY IS, I BELIEVE.

THEN THE EXCITEMENT
IS ALL OVER.

THE VERY
ESSENCE OF ROMANCE
IS UNCERTAINTY.

IF I GET MARRIED,
I'LL CERTAINLY TRY
TO FORGET THE FACT.

I HAVE NO DOUBT
ABOUT THAT, ALGY.

THE DIVORCE COURT
WAS SPECIALLY INVENTED
FOR PEOPLE

WHOSE MEMORIES ARE SO
CURIOUSLY CONSTITUTED.

THERE'S NO USE
SPECULATING ON THAT SUBJECT.

DIVORCES ARE MADE
IN HEAVEN. PLEASE!

DON'T TOUCH
THE CUCUMBER
SANDWICHES.

THEY ARE
ORDERED SPECIALLY
FOR AUNT AUGUSTA.

YOU'VE BEEN EATING
THEM ALL THE TIME.

THAT IS
A DIFFERENT MATTER.
SHE IS MY AUNT.

HAVE SOME BREAD
AND BUTTER.

THE BREAD AND BUTTER
IS FOR GWENDOLEN.

GWENDOLEN IS DEVOTED
TO BREAD AND BUTTER.

AND VERY GOOD BREAD
AND BUTTER IT IS, TOO.

YOU NEED NOT EAT IT
AS IF YOU WERE GOING
TO EAT IT ALL.

YOU BEHAVE
AS IF YOU WERE
MARRIED ALREADY.

YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO HER
ALREADY. I DON'T THINK
YOU EVER WILL BE.

WHY ON EARTH
DO YOU SAY THAT?

IN THE FIRST PLACE, GIRLS NEVER
MARRY THE MEN THEY FLIRT WITH.

- GIRLS DON'T THINK IT RIGHT.
- THAT IS NONSENSE!

IT ISN'T!
IT'S A GREAT TRUTH.

IT ACCOUNTS
FOR THE EXTRAORDINARY
NUMBER OF BACHELORS

ONE SEES
ALL OVER THE PLACE.

IN THE SECOND PLACE...
I DON'T GIVE MY CONSENT.

- YOUR CONSENT?
- GWENDOLEN IS MY
FIRST COUSIN.

BEFORE I ALLOW YOU
TO MARRY HER,

( distant bell rings )

YOU WILL HAVE TO CLEAR UP
THE WHOLE QUESTION OF CECILY.

CECILY? WHAT ON EARTH
DO YOU MEAN?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ALGY,
BY CECILY?!

I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY
BY THE NAME OF CECILY!

BRING ME
THAT CIGARETTE CASE
MR. WORTHING LEFT

IN THE SMOKING ROOM
THE LAST TIME
HE DINED HERE.

YES, SIR.

YOU MEAN YOU'VE HAD
MY CIGARETTE CASE
ALL THIS TIME?

I WISH TO GOODNESS
YOU HAD LET ME KNOW.

I'VE BEEN WRITING FRANTIC
LETTERS TO SCOTLAND YARD
ABOUT IT.

I WAS VERY NEARLY
OFFERING A LARGE REWARD.

I WISH YOU WOULD
OFFER ONE.

I HAPPEN TO BE MORE
THAN USUALLY HARD UP.

IT'S NO GOOD OFFERING
A REWARD, NOW THE THING
IS FOUND!

THAT IS RATHER MEAN
OF YOU, ERNEST,
I MUST SAY.

HOWEVER...
IT MAKES NO MATTER.

NOW THAT I LOOK
AT THE INSCRIPTION
INSIDE,

I FIND THAT THE THING
ISN'T YOURS, AFTER ALL.

OF COURSE IT'S MINE.
YOU'VE SEEN ME WITH IT
A HUNDRED TIMES.

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO READ
WHAT IS WRITTEN INSIDE.

IT IS VERY UNGENTLEMANLY
TO READ A PRIVATE
CIGARETTE CASE.

IT'S ABSURD TO MAKE A RULE
ABOUT WHAT ONE SHOULD READ
AND WHAT ONE SHOULDN'T.

MORE THAN HALF OF MODERN CULTURE
DEPENDS ON WHAT ONE
SHOULDN'T READ.

I AM AWARE OF THE FACT.
I DON'T PROPOSE TO DISCUSS
MODERN CULTURE.

IT ISN'T THE SORT OF THING
ONE SHOULD TALK OF IN PRIVATE.

- I SIMPLY WANT
MY CIGARETTE CASE.
- THIS ISN'T YOUR CASE.

THIS CASE IS A PRESENT
FROM SOMEONE OF THE NAME
OF CECILY.

YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T KNOW
ANYONE OF THAT NAME.

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW,
CECILY HAPPENS TO BE MY AUNT.

- YOUR AUNT!
- YES, CHARMING OLD LADY
SHE IS, TOO.

LIVES AT TUNBRIDGE WELLS.
JUST GIVE IT BACK, ALGY.

WHY DOES SHE CALL HERSELF
"LITTLE CECILY"

IF SHE IS YOUR AUNT AND LIVES
AT TUNBRIDGE WELLS?

"FROM LITTLE CECILY
WITH HER FONDEST LOVE."

WHAT ON EARTH
IS THERE IN THAT?

SOME AUNTS ARE TALL,
SOME AUNTS ARE NOT.

THAT IS A MATTER THAT AN AUNT
MAY BE ALLOWED TO DECIDE
FOR HERSELF.

YOU THINK THAT EVERY AUNT
SHOULD BE LIKE YOUR AUNT.

THAT IS ABSURD.
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE,
GIVE ME MY CIGARETTE CASE.

BUT WHY DOES YOUR AUNT
CALL YOU "UNCLE"?

"FROM LITTLE CECILY,
WITH HER FONDEST LOVE
TO HER DEAR UNCLE JACK."

THERE IS NO OBJECTION,
TO AN AUNT BEING
A SMALL AUNT,

BUT WHY AN AUNT,
NO MATTER WHAT HER SIZE,

SHOULD CALL
HER NEPHEW HER UNCLE,
I CAN'T MAKE OUT.

BESIDES, YOUR NAME
ISN'T "JACK" AT ALL.
IT'S ERNEST.

IT ISN'T ERNEST.
IT'S JACK.

YOU'VE ALWAYS TOLD ME
IT WAS ERNEST.

I'VE INTRODUCED YOU
TO EVERYONE AS ERNEST.

YOU ANSWER TO THE NAME
OF ERNEST. YOU LOOK AS
IF YOUR NAME WAS ERNEST.

YOU ARE THE MOST
EARNEST-LOOKING PERSON
I EVER SAW IN MY LIFE.

IT IS PERFECTLY ABSURD
SAYING THAT YOUR NAME
ISN'T ERNEST.

IT'S ON YOUR CARDS.
HERE IS ONE OF THEM.

"MR. ERNEST WORTHING,
B.4, THE ALBANY."

I'LL KEEP THIS AS A PROOF
THAT YOUR NAME IS ERNEST

IF YOU ATTEMPT TO DENY IT TO ME
OR GWENDOLEN OR ANYONE ELSE.

MY NAME IS ERNEST IN TOWN
AND JACK IN THE COUNTRY.

THE CIGARETTE CASE WAS
GIVEN TO ME IN THE COUNTRY.

BUT THAT DOES NOT
ACCOUNT FOR THE FACT THAT
YOUR SMALL AUNT CECILY,

WHO LIVES AT TUNBRIDGE WELLS,
CALLS YOU "HER DEAR UNCLE."

COME, OLD BOY.
YOU'D MUCH BETTER HAVE
THE THING OUT AT ONCE.

I MAY MENTION THAT I HAVE
ALWAYS SUSPECTED YOU OF BEING

A CONFIRMED
AND SECRET BUNBURYIST,

- I AM SURE OF IT NOW.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN
BY A "BUNBURYIST"?

I'LL REVEAL TO YOU THE MEANING
OF THAT INCOMPARABLE EXPRESSION

AS SOON AS YOU ARE
KIND ENOUGH TO INFORM ME

WHY YOU ARE ERNEST IN TOWN
AND JACK IN THE COUNTRY.

- PRODUCE MY
CIGARETTE CASE FIRST.
- HERE IT IS.

PRODUCE YOUR EXPLANATION,
AND PRAY MAKE IT IMPROBABLE.

THERE IS NOTHING IMPROBABLE
ABOUT MY EXPLANATION AT ALL.

IN FACT,
IT'S PERFECTLY ORDINARY.

MR. THOMAS CARDEW,
WHO ADOPTED ME WHEN
I WAS A BOY,

MADE ME IN HIS WILL GUARDIAN
TO HIS GRANDDAUGHTER,
MISS CECILY CARDEW.

CECILY, WHO ADDRESSES ME
AS HER UNCLE,

FROM MOTIVES OF RESPECT
YOU COULD NOT APPRECIATE,

LIVES AT MY PLACE
IN THE COUNTRY

UNDER THE CHARGE
OF HER ADMIRABLE GOVERNESS,
MISS PRISM.

WHERE IS THAT PLACE
IN THE COUNTRY, BY THE WAY?

THAT IS NOTHING TO YOU.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE INVITED.

I MAY TELL YOU THAT THE PLACE
IS NOT IN SHROPSHIRE.

I SUSPECTED THAT,
MY DEAR FELLOW.

I HAVE BUNBURYED
ALL OVER SHROPSHIRE ON TWO
SEPARATE OCCASIONS.

BUT GO ON.
WHY ARE YOU ERNEST IN TOWN
AND JACK IN THE COUNTRY?

ALGY, I DON'T KNOW
WHETHER YOU WILL BE ABLE
TO UNDERSTAND MY REAL MOTIVES.

YOU ARE HARDLY
SERIOUS ENOUGH.

WHEN PLACED IN THE POSITION
OF GUARDIAN,

ONE HAS TO ADOPT A VERY HIGH
MORAL TONE ON ALL SUBJECTS.

IT IS ONE'S DUTY
TO DO SO.

AS A HIGH MORAL TONE
CAN HARDLY BE SAID

TO CONDUCE MUCH
TO ONE'S HEALTH
OR ONE'S HAPPINESS,

IN ORDER TO GET UP TO TOWN,
I HAVE ALWAYS PRETENDED

TO HAVE A YOUNGER BROTHER
OF THE NAME OF ERNEST,

WHO LIVES IN THE ALBANY AND GETS
INTO THE MOST DREADFUL SCRAPES.

THAT, MY DEAR YOUNG ALGY,

IS THE WHOLE TRUTH,
PURE AND SIMPLE.

THE TRUTH IS RARELY PURE
AND NEVER SIMPLE.

MODERN LIFE WOULD BE VERY
TEDIOUS IF IT WERE EITHER,

AND MODERN LITERATURE
A COMPLETE IMPOSSIBILITY.

THAT WOULDN'T BE
AT ALL A BAD THING.

LITERARY CRITICISM
IS NOT YOUR FORTE.
DON'T TRY IT.

LEAVE THAT
TO PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T BEEN
AT UNIVERSITY.

THEY DO IT SO WELL
IN THE DAILY PAPERS.

WHAT YOU REALLY ARE
IS A BUNBURYIST.

I WAS RIGHT IN SAYING
YOU WERE A BUNBURYIST.

YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST
ADVANCED BUNBURYISTS I KNOW.

WHAT ON EARTH
DO YOU MEAN?

YOU HAVE INVENTED
A VERY USEFUL YOUNGER BROTHER
CALLED "ERNEST"

THAT YOU MAY BE ABLE
TO COME TO TOWN AS OFTEN
AS YOU LIKE.

I HAVE INVENTED
AN INVALUABLE PERMANENT
INVALID CALLED "BUNBURY,"

THAT I MAY BE ABLE
TO GO INTO THE COUNTRY
WHENEVER I CHOOSE.

BUNBURY IS
PERFECTLY INVALUABLE.

IF IT WASN'T FOR BUNBURY'S
EXTRAORDINARILY BAD HEALTH,
FOR INSTANCE,

I SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DINE
WITH YOU TONIGHT AT THE SAVOY,

FOR I HAVE REALLY BEEN ENGAGED
TO AUNT AUGUSTA FOR MORE
THAN A WEEK.

I HAVEN'T ASKED YOU TO DINE
WITH ME ANYWHERE TONIGHT.

I KNOW. YOU ARE ABSURDLY
CARELESS ABOUT SENDING OUT
INVITATIONS.

IT IS FOOLISH OF YOU.
NOTHING ANNOYS PEOPLE SO MUCH
AS NOT RECEIVING INVITATIONS.

I CAN'T DINE AT THE SAVOY.
I OWE THEM ABOUT �700.

WHY DON'T YOU PAY THEM?
YOU'VE GOT HEAPS OF MONEY.

BUT ERNEST HASN'T.

ERNEST IS THE SORT OF CHAP
THAT NEVER PAYS A BILL.

THEN LET US DINE
AT WILLIS'.

YOU HAD BETTER DINE
WITH YOUR AUNT AUGUSTA.

I HAVEN'T THE INTENTION
OF DOING ANYTHING OF THE KIND.
I DINED THERE ON MONDAY.

ONCE A WEEK IS ENOUGH TO DINE
WITH ONE'S OWN RELATIONS.

I KNOW WHOM SHE WILL PLACE ME
NEXT TO TONIGHT.

SHE WILL PLACE ME
NEXT TO MARY FARQUHAR,

WHO ALWAYS FLIRTS WITH HER OWN
HUSBAND ACROSS THE DINNER TABLE.

THAT IS NOT VERY PLEASANT.
IT IS NOT EVEN DECENT...

AND THAT SORT OF THING IS
ENORMOUSLY ON THE INCREASE.

THE AMOUNT OF WOMEN WHO FLIRT
WITH THEIR OWN HUSBANDS

IS PERFECTLY SCANDALOUS.
IT LOOKS SO BAD.

IT IS SIMPLY WASHING
ONE'S CLEAN LINEN IN PUBLIC.

BESIDES, NOW THAT I KNOW YOU
TO BE A CONFIRMED BUNBURYIST,

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT BUNBURYING.

I WANT TO TELL YOU
THE RULES.

I AM NOT A BUNBURYIST AT ALL.
IF GWENDOLEN ACCEPTS ME,

I AM GOING TO KILL
MY BROTHER.

IN FACT, I'LL KILL HIM
IN ANY CASE.

CECILY IS TOO INTERESTED IN HIM.
IT IS RATHER A BORE.

I AM GOING TO GET RID OF ERNEST.
I ADVISE YOU TO DO THE SAME
WITH MISTER--

WITH YOUR INVALID FRIEND
WHO HAS THE ABSURD NAME.

NOTHING WILL INDUCE ME
TO PART WITH BUNBURY.

IF YOU GET MARRIED,
WHICH SEEMS EXTREMELY
PROBLEMATIC,

YOU WILL BE VERY GLAD
TO KNOW BUNBURY.

A MAN WHO MARRIES WITHOUT
KNOWING BUNBURY HAS A VERY
TEDIOUS TIME OF IT.

THAT IS NONSENSE.

IF I MARRY A CHARMING GIRL
LIKE GWENDOLEN,

AND SHE IS THE ONLY GIRL I SAW
IN MY LIFE THAT I WOULD MARRY,

I CERTAINLY WON'T
WANT TO KNOW BUNBURY.

YOUR WIFE WILL.
YOU DON'T REALIZE
THAT IN MARRIED LIFE

THREE IS COMPANY
AND TWO IS NONE.

- ( doorbell ringing )
- THAT MUST BE AUNT AUGUST.

ONLY RELATIVES
OR CREDITORS EVER RING
IN THAT WAGNERIAN MANNER.

IF I GET HER
OUT OF THE WAY
FOR 10 MINUTES,

SO YOU CAN HAVE
AN OPPORTUNITY FOR
PROPOSING TO GWENDOLEN,

- MAY I DINE WITH YOU
AT WILLIS' TONIGHT?
- I SUPPOSE, IF YOU WANT TO.

BUT YOU MUST BE
SERIOUS ABOUT IT.

I HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE
NOT SERIOUS ABOUT MEALS.
IT IS SO SHALLOW OF THEM.

LADY BRACKNELL
AND MISS FAIRFAX.

GOOD AFTERNOON,
ALGERNON.

I HOPE YOU ARE
BEHAVING VERY WELL.

- I AM FEELING
VERY WELL, AUNT AUGUSTA.
- THAT'S NOT THE SAME THING.

IN FACT, THE TWO THINGS
RARELY GO TOGETHER.

Algernon:
DEAR ME, YOU ARE SMART.

I AM ALWAYS SMART.
AM I NOT, MR. WORTHING?

YOU'RE QUITE PERFECT,
MISS FAIRFAX.

I HOPE I AM NOT THAT.

IT WOULD LEAVE ME NO ROOM
FOR DEVELOPMENTS,

AND I INTEND TO DEVELOP
IN MANY DIRECTIONS.

I'M SORRY IF WE ARE
A LITTLE LATE, ALGERNON,

BUT I WAS OBLIGED TO CALL ON
DEAR LADY HARBURY.

I HADN'T BEEN THERE SINCE
HER POOR HUSBAND'S DEATH.

I NEVER SAW A WOMAN
SO ALTERED,

SHE LOOKS QUITE
20 YEARS YOUNGER.

NOW I'LL HAVE
A CUP OF TEA,

AND ONE OF THOSE NICE CUCUMBER
SANDWICHES YOU PROMISED ME.

CERTAINLY,
AUNT AUGUSTA.

GWENDOLEN... WON'T YOU
COME AND SIT HERE?

THANKS, MAMMA, I'M QUITE
COMFORTABLE WHERE I AM.

GOOD HEAVENS!

LANE, WHY ARE THERE
NO CUCUMBER SANDWICHES?
I ORDERED THEM SPECIALLY.

THERE WERE NO
CUCUMBERS IN THE MARKET
THIS MORNING, SIR.

- I WENT DOWN TWICE.
- NO CUCUMBERS?

NO, SIR. NOT EVEN
FOR READY MONEY.

- THAT WILL DO.
THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU, SIR.

I AM GREATLY DISTRESSED
ABOUT THERE BEING NO CUCUMBERS,
NOT EVEN FOR READY MONEY.

IT MAKES NO MATTER, ALGERNON.
I HAD CRUMPETS WITH LADY
HARBURY,

WHO SEEMS TO ME TO BE LIVING
ENTIRELY FOR PLEASURE NOW.

I HEAR HER HAIR HAS TURNED
QUITE GOLD FROM GRIEF.

IT CERTAINLY HAS
CHANGED ITS COLOR.

FROM WHAT CAUSE,
I, OF COURSE, CANNOT SAY.

THANK YOU.
I'VE A TREAT FOR YOU
TONIGHT, ALGERNON.

I AM GOING TO SEND YOU
DOWN WITH MARY FARQUHAR.

SUCH A NICE WOMAN,

AND SO ATTENTIVE TO HER HUSBAND.
IT'S DELIGHTFUL TO WATCH THEM.

I AM AFRAID I SHALL
HAVE TO GIVE UP THE PLEASURE
OF DINING WITH YOU TONIGHT.

I HOPE NOT, ALGERNON.

IT WOULD PUT MY TABLE
COMPLETELY OUT.

YOUR POOR UNCLE WOULD
HAVE TO DINE UPSTAIRS.

FORTUNATELY HE IS
ACCUSTOMED TO THAT.

IT IS A GREAT BORE,
AND A TERRIBLE DISAPPOINTMENT,

BUT I HAVE JUST
RECEIVED A TELEGRAM TO SAY

THAT MY POOR FRIEND
BUNBURY IS VERY ILL AGAIN.

THEY SEEM TO THINK
I SHOULD BE WITH HIM.

IT IS VERY STRANGE.

THIS MR. BUNBURY SEEMS TO SUFFER
FROM CURIOUSLY BAD HEALTH.

YES, POOR BUNBURY
IS A DREADFUL INVALID.

I MUST SAY, ALGERNON,
IT IS HIGH TIME

MR. BUNBURY MADE UP
HIS MIND WHETHER HE WAS
TO LIVE OR TO DIE.

THIS SHILLY-SHALLYING
WITH THE QUESTION IS ABSURD.

NOR DO I APPROVE
OF THE MODERN SYMPATHY
WITH INVALIDS.

I CONSIDER IT MORBID.

ILLNESS OF ANY KIND IS HARDLY
TO BE ENCOURAGED IN OTHERS.

HEALTH IS THE PRIMARY
DUTY OF LIFE.

I AM ALWAYS TELLING THAT
TO YOUR POOR UNCLE,

BUT HE NEVER SEEMS
TO TAKE ANY NOTICE...

AS FAR AS ANY IMPROVEMENT
IN HIS AILMENT GOES.

I SHOULD BE
MUCH OBLIGED IF YOU WOULD
ASK MR. BUNBURY FROM ME,

TO BE KIND ENOUGH
NOT TO HAVE A RELAPSE
ON SATURDAY,

FOR I RELY ON YOU
TO ARRANGE MY MUSIC
FOR ME.

IT IS MY LAST
RECEPTION,

AND ONE WANTS
SOMETHING THAT WILL
ENCOURAGE CONVERSATION,

PARTICULARLY AT THE END
OF THE SEASON

WHEN EVERYONE
HAS PRACTICALLY SAID
WHATEVER THEY HAD TO SAY,

WHICH, IN MOST CASES,
WAS PROBABLY NOT MUCH.

I'LL SPEAK
TO BUNBURY, AUNT AUGUSTA,
IF HE IS STILL CONSCIOUS,

AND I THINK I CAN PROMISE YOU
HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT BY SATURDAY.

OF COURSE, THE MUSIC
IS A GREAT DIFFICULTY.

IF ONE PLAYS GOOD MUSIC,
PEOPLE DON'T LISTEN,

AND IF ONE PLAYS BAD MUSIC,
PEOPLE DON'T TALK.

BUT I'LL RUN OVER THE PROGRAM
I'VE DRAWN OUT FOR YOU,

IF YOU WILL KINDLY COME INTO
THE NEXT ROOM FOR A MOMENT?

THANK YOU, ALGERNON.
IT IS VERY THOUGHTFUL
OF YOU.

I'M SURE THE PROGRAM
WILL BE DELIGHTFUL

AFTER A FEW
EXPURGATIONS.

FRENCH SONGS
I CANNOT POSSIBLY
ALLOW.

PEOPLE ALWAYS SEEM
TO THINK THAT THEY
ARE IMPROPER,

AND EITHER LOOK SHOCKED,
WHICH IS VULGAR,

OR LAUGH,
WHICH IS WORSE.

BUT GERMAN
SOUNDS A THOROUGHLY
RESPECTABLE LANGUAGE,

AND INDEED,
I BELIEVE IS SO.

GWENDOLEN, YOU WILL
ACCOMPANY ME.

CERTAINLY, MAMMA.

CHARMING DAY IT HAS BEEN,
MISS FAIRFAX.

PRAY DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT
THE WEATHER, MR. WORTHING.

WHENEVER PEOPLE TALK TO ME
ABOUT THE WEATHER,

I FEEL QUITE CERTAIN
THAT THEY MEAN SOMETHING ELSE.

- AND THAT MAKES ME SO NERVOUS.
- I DO MEAN SOMETHING ELSE.

I THOUGHT SO. IN FACT,
I AM NEVER WRONG.

I WOULD LIKE TO BE
ALLOWED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE

OF LADY BRACKNELL'S
TEMPORARY ABSENCE--

I WOULD ADVISE YOU TO DO SO.
MAMMA HAS A WAY

OF COMING BACK SUDDENLY
INTO A ROOM

THAT I HAVE OFTEN HAD
TO SPEAK TO HER ABOUT.

MISS FAIRFAX,
EVER SINCE I MET YOU

I HAVE ADMIRED YOU
MORE THAN ANY GIRL...

I HAVE EVER MET
SINCE... I MET YOU.

YES, I AM QUITE
WELL AWARE OF THE FACT.

AND I OFTEN WISH
THAT IN PUBLIC AT ANY RATE--

YOU HAD BEEN MORE...
DEMONSTRATIVE.

FOR ME, YOU HAVE ALWAYS HAD
AN IRRESISTIBLE FASCINATION.

EVEN BEFORE I MET YOU, I WAS FAR
FROM INDIFFERENT TO YOU.

WE LIVE,
AS I HOPE YOU KNOW,
MR. WORTHING,

IN AN AGE OF IDEALS.

THE FACT IS CONSTANTLY
BEING MENTIONED

IN THE MORE EXPENSIVE
MONTHLY MAGAZINES,

AND HAS REACHED
THE PROVINCIAL PULPITS,
I AM TOLD.

AND MY IDEAL
HAS ALWAYS BEEN

TO LOVE SOMEONE
OF THE NAME OF ERNEST.

SOMETHING IN THAT NAME
INSPIRES ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE.

THE MOMENT ALGERNON
MENTIONED THAT HE HAD
A FRIEND CALLED ERNEST,

I KNEW I WAS DESTINED
TO LOVE YOU.

YOU REALLY LOVE ME,
GWENDOLEN?

PASSIONATELY!

DARLING, YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW HAPPY YOU'VE MADE ME.

- MY OWN ERNEST!
- YOU DON'T MEAN TO SAY

YOU COULDN'T LOVE ME
IF MY NAME WASN'T
ERNEST?

BUT YOUR NAME
IS ERNEST.

I KNOW IT IS.

BUT SUPPOSING IT
WAS SOMETHING ELSE?

YOU REALLY MEAN TO SAY
YOU COULDN'T LOVE ME THEN?

THAT IS CLEARLY
A METAPHYSICAL SPECULATION.

LIKE MOST METAPHYSICAL
SPECULATIONS,

HAS LITTLE REFERENCE
TO ACTUAL FACTS OF REAL LIFE
AS WE KNOW THEM.

TO SPEAK CANDIDLY,
DARLING, I DON'T MUCH CARE
FOR THE NAME OF ERNEST.

- I DON'T THINK
THE NAME SUITS ME AT ALL.
- IT SUITS YOU PERFECTLY!

IT IS A DIVINE NAME.
IT HAS A MUSIC OF ITS OWN.

IT PRODUCES...

VIBRATIONS.

REALLY, GWENDOLEN,
I MUST SAY, I THINK

THERE ARE LOTS OF OTHER
MUCH NICER NAMES.

JACK, FOR INSTANCE.
A CHARMING NAME.

JACK?

THERE IS VERY LITTLE MUSIC
IN THE NAME OF JACK,
IF ANY AT ALL.

IT DOES NOT THRILL.
IT PRODUCES ABSOLUTELY
NO VIBRATIONS.

I HAVE KNOWN
SEVERAL JACKS.

THEY ALL, WITHOUT EXCEPTION,
WERE MORE THAN USUALLY PLAIN.

BESIDES, JACK IS A NOTORIOUS
DOMESTICITY FOR JOHN!

AND I PITY
ANY WOMAN WHO IS MARRIED
TO A MAN CALLED JOHN.

SHE WOULD PROBABLY NEVER
BE ALLOWED TO KNOW

THE ENTRANCING PLEASURE
OF A SINGLE MOMENT'S SOLITUDE.

THE ONLY REALLY
SAFE NAME... IS ERNEST.

GWENDOLEN,

I MUST GET CHRISTENED
AT ONCE-- I MEAN,

WE MUST GET MARRIED AT ONCE.
THERE IS NO TIME TO BE LOST.

MARRIED, MR. WORTHING?

WELL SURELY.

YOU KNOW THAT
I LOVE YOU,

YOU LED ME TO BELIEVE,
MISS FAIRFAX,

YOU WERE NOT ABSOLUTELY
INDIFFERENT TO ME.

I ADORE YOU.
BUT YOU HAVEN'T
PROPOSED TO ME YET.

NOTHING HAS BEEN SAID
AT ALL ABOUT MARRIAGE.

THE SUBJECT HAS NOT
EVEN BEEN TOUCHED ON.

MAY I PROPOSE
TO YOU NOW?

I THINK IT WOULD BE
AN ADMIRABLE OPPORTUNITY.

AND TO SPARE YOU ANY POSSIBLE
DISAPPOINTMENT, MR. WORTHING,

I THINK IT ONLY FAIR
TO TELL YOU FRANKLY BEFOREHAND

I AM FULLY DETERMINED
TO ACCEPT YOU.

GWENDOLEN!

YES, MR. WORTHING,
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT
TO SAY TO ME?

YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE
GOT TO SAY TO YOU.

YES, BUT YOU DON'T
SAY IT.

GWENDOLEN,
WILL YOU MARRY ME?

OF COURSE I WILL, DARLING.
HOW LONG YOU'VE BEEN ABOUT IT.

YOU HAVE HAD
VERY LITTLE EXPERIENCE
IN HOW TO PROPOSE.

MY OWN ONE,
I HAVE NEVER LOVED
ANYONE BUT YOU.

BUT MEN OFTEN
PROPOSE FOR PRACTICE.

MY BROTHER GERALD DOES.
ALL MY GIRLFRIENDS TELL ME.

WHAT WONDERFULLY
BLUE EYES YOU HAVE,
ERNEST!

THEY ARE...
QUITE, QUITE BLUE.

I HOPE YOU WILL ALWAYS
LOOK AT ME JUST LIKE THAT,

ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE
ARE OTHER PEOPLE PRESENT.

MR. WORTHING!

RISE, SIR, FROM THIS
SEMI-RECUMBENT POSTURE.

IT IS MOST INDECOROUS.

MAMMA!

I MUST BEG YOU TO RETIRE.
THIS IS NO PLACE FOR YOU.

BESIDES, MR. WORTHING HAS
NOT QUITE FINISHED YET.

FINISHED WHAT,
MAY I ASK?

I AM ENGAGED
TO MR. WORTHING,
MAMMA.

PARDON ME, YOU ARE NOT
ENGAGED TO ANYONE.

WHEN YOU DO BECOME
ENGAGED TO SOMEONE,

I, OR YOUR FATHER,
SHOULD HIS HEALTH
PERMIT HIM,

WILL INFORM YOU
OF THE FACT.

AN ENGAGEMENT SHOULD COME UPON
A YOUNG GIRL AS A SURPRISE,

PLEASANT OR UNPLEASANT,
AS THE CASE MAY BE.

IT IS HARDLY A MATTER
SHE COULD BE ALLOWED
TO ARRANGE FOR HERSELF.

AND NOW...

I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS
TO PUT TO YOU, MR. WORTHING.

WHILE I AM MAKING
THESE INQUIRIES,

YOU, GWENDOLEN,
WILL WAIT FOR ME BELOW
IN THE CARRIAGE.

- BUT, MAMMA--
- IN THE CARRIAGE,
GWENDOLEN!

YES, MAMMA.

- GWENDOLEN, THE CARRIAGE!
- YES, MAMMA.

YOU CAN TAKE A SEAT,
MR. WORTHING.

THANK YOU, LADY BRACKNELL,
I PREFER STANDING.

I FEEL BOUND TO TELL YOU
THAT YOU ARE NOT DOWN

ON MY LIST
OF ELIGIBLE YOUNG MEN,

ALTHOUGH I HAVE THE SAME LIST
AS THE DUCHESS OF BOLTON HAS.

WE WORK TOGETHER,
IN FACT. HOWEVER...

I AM WILLING TO ENTER YOUR NAME,
SHOULD YOUR ANSWERS BE

WHAT A REALLY AFFECTIONATE
MOTHER REQUIRES. DO YOU SMOKE?

WELL, YES,
I MUST ADMIT I SMOKE.

I AM GLAD TO HEAR IT.

A MAN SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE
AN OCCUPATION OF SOME KIND.

THERE ARE FAR TOO MANY
IDLE MEN IN LONDON AS IT IS.

- HOW OLD ARE YOU?
- 29.

A VERY GOOD AGE
TO BE MARRIED AT.

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN
OF THE OPINION

THAT A MAN WHO DESIRES
TO GET MARRIED

SHOULD KNOW EITHER
EVERYTHING OR NOTHING.
WHICH DO YOU KNOW?

I KNOW NOTHING,
LADY BRACKNELL.

I AM PLEASED TO HEAR IT.

I DO NOT APPROVE
OF ANYTHING

THAT TAMPERS
WITH NATURAL IGNORANCE.

IGNORANCE IS LIKE
A DELICATE, EXOTIC FRUIT--

TOUCH IT,
AND THE BLOOM IS GONE.

THE WHOLE THEORY OF MODERN
EDUCATION IS RADICALLY UNSOUND.

FORTUNATELY,
IN ENGLAND AT ANY RATE,

EDUCATION PRODUCES
NO EFFECT WHATSOEVER.
IF IT DID,

IT WOULD PROVE A SERIOUS
DANGER TO THE UPPER CLASSES,

AND PROBABLY LEAD TO ACTS
OF VIOLENCE IN GROSVENOR SQUARE.

WHAT IS YOUR INCOME?

BETWEEN SEVEN
AND EIGHT THOUSAND A YEAR.

IN LAND--
OR IN INVESTMENTS?

IN INVESTMENTS,
CHIEFLY.

THAT IS SATISFACTORY.

BETWEEN THE DUTIES EXPECTED
FROM ONE DURING ONE'S LIFETIME,

AND THE DUTIES EXACTED
FROM ONE AFTER ONE'S DEATH,

LAND HAS CEASED TO BE EITHER
A PROFIT OR A PLEASURE.

IT GIVES ONE POSITION,
AND PREVENTS ONE FROM
KEEPING IT UP.

THAT'S ALL THAT CAN
BE SAID ABOUT LAND.

I HAVE A COUNTRY HOUSE
WITH SOME LAND ATTACHED TO IT.

ABOUT 1,500 ACRES,
I BELIEVE,

BUT I DON'T DEPEND
ON THAT FOR REAL INCOME.

AS FAR AS I CAN MAKE OUT,
THE POACHERS

ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE
THAT MAKE ANYTHING OUT OF IT.

A COUNTRY HOUSE!
HOW MANY BEDROOMS?

WELL, THAT POINT CAN
BE CLEARED UP AFTERWARDS.

YOU HAVE A TOWN HOUSE,
I HOPE?

A GIRL WITH A SIMPLE, UNSPOILED
NATURE, LIKE GWENDOLEN,

COULD HARDLY BE EXPECTED
TO RESIDE IN THE COUNTRY.

I OWN A HOUSE
IN BELGRAVE SQUARE,

BUT IT IS LET BY THE YEAR
TO LADY BLOXHAM.

OF COURSE, I CAN
GET IT BACK WHENEVER I LIKE,
AT SIX MONTHS' NOTICE.

LADY BLOXHAM?
I DON'T KNOW HER.

SHE GOES ABOUT
VERY LITTLE.

SHE'S A LADY CONSIDERABLY
ADVANCED IN YEARS.

NOWADAYS THAT IS NO GUARANTEE
OF RESPECTABILITY OF CHARACTER.

- WHAT NUMBER
BELGRAVE SQUARE?
- 149.

THE UNFASHIONABLE SIDE.
I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING.

HOWEVER, THAT COULD
EASILY BE ALTERED.

- THE FASHION, OR THE SIDE?
- BOTH, IF NECESSARY, I PRESUME.

WHAT ARE YOUR POLITICS?

WELL... I'M AFRAID

I REALLY HAVE NONE.
I AM A LIBERAL UNIONIST.

THEY COUNT AS TORIES.
THEY DINE WITH US,

OR COME IN THE EVENING,
AT ANY RATE.

NOW... TO MINOR MATTERS.
ARE YOUR PARENTS LIVING?

I HAVE LOST
BOTH MY PARENTS.

TO LOSE ONE PARENT,
MR. WORTHING,

MIGHT BE REGARDED
AS A MISFORTUNE.

TO LOSE BOTH LOOKS
LIKE CARELESSNESS.

WHO WAS YOUR FATHER?
HE WAS EVIDENTLY A MAN
OF SOME WEALTH.

WAS HE BORN IN WHAT
THE RADICAL PAPERS

CALL THE PURPLE
OF COMMERCE,

OR DID HE RISE FROM THE RANKS
OF THE ARISTOCRACY?

I'M AFRAID
I REALLY DON'T KNOW.

THE FACT IS, LADY BRACKNELL,
I SAID I HAD LOST MY PARENTS.

IT WOULD BE
NEARER THE TRUTH

TO SAY THAT MY PARENTS
SEEM TO HAVE LOST ME.

I DON'T ACTUALLY
KNOW WHO I AM
BY BIRTH.

I WAS...
WELL, I WAS FOUND.

FOUND?

YES, THE LATE
MR. THOMAS CARDEW,

AN ELDERLY GENTLEMAN
OF A CHARITABLE AND KINDLY
DISPOSITION,

FOUND ME AND GAVE ME
THE NAME OF WORTHING,

BECAUSE HE HAPPENED
TO HAVE A FIRST-CLASS TICKET

FOR WORTHING IN HIS POCKET
AT THE TIME.

WORTHING IS A PLACE IN SUSSEX.
IT IS A SEASIDE RESORT.

AND WHERE DID
THE CHARITABLE GENTLEMAN

WHO HAD A FIRST-CLASS TICKET
FOR THIS SEASIDE RESORT
FIND YOU?

IN A HANDBAG.

A HANDBAG?

YES,
I WAS IN A HANDBAG,
LADY BRACKNELL.

A SOMEWHAT... LARGE,
BLACK LEATHER HANDBAG,
WITH HANDLES TO IT.

A VERY ORDINARY HANDBAG,
IN FACT.

IN WHAT LOCALITY
DID THIS MR. JAMES,

OR THOMAS CARDEW COME ACROSS
THIS "ORDINARY HANDBAG"?

IN THE CLOAKROOM
AT VICTORIA STATION.

IT WAS GIVEN TO HIM
IN MISTAKE FOR HIS OWN.

- THE CLOAKROOM
AT VICTORIA STATION?
- YES. THE BRIGHTON LINE.

THE LINE IS IMMATERIAL.

MR. WORTHING,

I AM BEWILDERED
BY WHAT YOU HAVE
JUST TOLD ME.

TO BE BORN,
OR AT ANY RATE BRED,

IN A HANDBAG, WHETHER IT
HAD HANDLES OR NOT,

SEEMS TO TO ME
TO DISPLAY A CONTEMPT

FOR THE ORDINARY
DECENCIES OF FAMILY LIFE

THAT REMINDS ONE
OF THE WORSE EXCESSES
OF THE FRENCH REVOLUTION.

I PRESUME YOU KNOW WHAT THAT
UNFORTUNATE MOVEMENT LED TO?

AS TO THE PARTICULAR
LOCALITY

IN WHICH
THE HANDBAG WAS FOUND,

A CLOAKROOM
AT A RAILWAY STATION

MIGHT SERVE TO CONCEAL
A SOCIAL INDISCRETION--

INDEED, HAS PROBABLY BEEN USED
FOR THAT PURPOSE MORE THAN ONCE,

BUT IT COULD HARDLY BE
REGARDED AS AN ASSURED BASIS

FOR A RECOGNIZED POSITION
IN GOOD SOCIETY.

MAY I ASK YOU THEN WHAT
YOU WOULD ADVISE ME TO DO?

I NEED HARDLY SAY I WOULD
DO ANYTHING IN THE WORLD

TO ENSURE GWENDOLEN'S
HAPPINESS.

I WOULD STRONGLY
ADVISE YOU, MR. WORTHING,

TO TRY AND ACQUIRE SOME
RELATIONS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

AND TO MAKE A DEFINITE EFFORT
TO PRODUCE AT ANY RATE

ONE PARENT OF EITHER SEX,
BEFORE THE SEASON IS QUITE OVER.

I DON'T SEE HOW I COULD
POSSIBLY MANAGE TO DO THAT.

I CAN PRODUCE THE HANDBAG
AT ANY MOMENT.

IT IS IN MY DRESSING ROOM
AT HOME.

I REALLY THINK THAT SHOULD
SATISFY YOU, LADY BRACKNELL.

ME, SIR?! WHAT HAS IT
TO DO WITH ME?

YOU CAN HARDLY IMAGINE
THAT I AND LORD BRACKNELL

WOULD DREAM OF ALLOWING
OUR ONLY DAUGHTER,

A GIRL BROUGHT UP
WITH THE UTMOST CARE,

TO MARRY INTO A CLOAKROOM

AND FORM AN ALLIANCE
WITH A PARCEL?

KINDLY OPEN THE DOOR
FOR ME, SIR.

YOU WILL, OF COURSE,
UNDERSTAND

THAT FOR THE FUTURE

THERE IS TO BE
NO COMMUNICATION
WHATSOEVER

BETWEEN YOU
AND MISS FAIRFAX.
GOOD DAY TO YOU, SIR.

GOOD DAY,
LADY BRACKNELL.

( piano playing
"Wedding March" )

FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, ALGY!
DON'T PLAY THAT GHASTLY TUNE!

- HOW IDIOTIC YOU ARE.
- ( music stops )

DIDN'T IT GO OFF
ALL RIGHT, OLD BOY?

YOU DON'T MEAN TO SAY
THAT GWENDOLEN REFUSED YOU?

IT IS A WAY SHE HAS.
SHE IS ALWAYS REFUSING PEOPLE.

I THINK IT IS MOST
ILL-NATURED OF HER.

GWENDOLEN IS
RIGHT AS A TRIVET.

AS FAR AS SHE IS CONCERNED,
WE ARE ENGAGED.

HER MOTHER IS
PERFECTLY UNBEARABLE.

I'VE NEVER MET
SUCH A GORGON!

I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT A GORGON IS LIKE,

BUT I AM QUITE SURE
LADY BRACKNELL IS ONE.

IN ANY CASE, SHE IS A MONSTER,
WITHOUT BEING A MYTH,

WHICH IS RATHER UNFAIR--

I BEG YOUR PARDON, ALGY,

I SHOULDN'T
TALK ABOUT YOUR AUNT
THAT WAY BEFORE YOU.

DEAR BOY, I LOVE HEARING
MY RELATIONS ABUSED.

IT IS THE ONLY THING
THAT MAKES ME PUT UP WITH THEM.

RELATIONS ARE A TEDIOUS PACK
OF PEOPLE,

WHO HAVEN'T GOT THE REMOTEST
KNOWLEDGE OF HOW TO LIVE,

NOR THE SMALLEST INSTINCT
ABOUT WHEN TO DIE.

- OH, THAT IS NONSENSE!
- IT ISN'T.

I WON'T ARGUE ABOUT THE MATTER.
YOU ALWAYS WANT TO ARGUE
ABOUT THINGS.

THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THINGS
WERE ORIGINALLY MADE FOR.

UPON MY WORD,
IF I THOUGHT THAT,
I'D SHOOT MYSELF.

YOU DON'T SUPPOSE THERE'S
MUCH CHANCE OF GWENDOLEN

BECOMING LIKE HER MOTHER
IN ABOUT 150 YEARS,
DO YOU, ALGY?

ALL WOMAN BECOME
LIKE THEIR MOTHERS.
THAT IS THEIR TRAGEDY.

NO MAN DOES.
THAT'S HIS.

- IS THAT CLEVER?
- IT IS PERFECTLY PHRASED.

AND AS TRUE AS ANY OBSERVATION
IN CIVILIZED LIFE SHOULD BE.

I AM SICK TO DEATH
OF CLEVERNESS.

EVERYBODY IS
SO CLEVER NOWADAYS.

ONE CAN'T GO ANYWHERE
WITHOUT MEETING
CLEVER PEOPLE.

THE THING HAS BECOME
AN ABSOLUTE NUISANCE.

- I WISH WE HAD
A FEW FOOLS LEFT.
- WE HAVE.

I SHOULD LIKE TO MEET THEM.
WHAT DO THEY TALK ABOUT?

THE FOOLS?
ABOUT THE CLEVER PEOPLE,
OF COURSE.

WHAT FOOLS!

BY THE WAY, DID YOU
TELL GWENDOLEN THE TRUTH

ABOUT BEING "ERNEST" IN TOWN
AND "JACK" IN THE COUNTRY?

MY DEAR FELLOW,
THE TRUTH ISN'T QUITE
THE SORT OF THING

ONE TELLS TO A NICE,
SWEET, REFINED GIRL.

WHAT EXTRAORDINARY
IDEAS YOU HAVE

ABOUT THE WAY
TO BEHAVE TO A WOMAN.

THE ONLY WAY TO BEHAVE
TO A WOMAN

IS TO MAKE LOVE TO HER
IF SHE IS PRETTY

- AND TO SOMEONE ELSE
IF SHE IS PLAIN.
- THAT IS NONSENSE.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR BROTHER?
WHAT ABOUT THE PROFLIGATE
"ERNEST"?

BEFORE THE END OF THE WEEK
I SHALL HAVE GOT RID OF HIM.

I SHALL SAY HE DIED
IN PARIS OF APOPLEXY.

LOTS OF PEOPLE DIE OF APOPLEXY,
QUITE SUDDENLY, DON'T THEY?

YES, BUT IT'S HEREDITARY,
MY DEAR FELLOW.

IT'S A SORT OF THING
THAT RUNS IN FAMILIES.

YOU HAD BETTER SAY,
A SEVERE CHILL.

YOU ARE SURE A SEVERE CHILL
ISN'T HEREDITARY, OR ANYTHING
OF THAT KIND?

OF COURSE NOT!

VERY WELL.
MY POOR BROTHER ERNEST
IS CARRIED OFF IN PARIS

QUITE SUDDENLY
BY A SEVERE CHILL.
THAT GETS RID OF HIM.

BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAID
THAT MISS CARDEW

WAS A LITTLE TOO INTERESTED
IN YOUR BROTHER ERNEST?

WON'T SHE FEEL
HIS LOSS A GOOD DEAL?

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
CECILY IS NOT,

I'M GLAD TO SAY,
A SILLY, ROMANTIC GIRL.

SHE HAS A CAPITAL APPETITE,
GOES ON LONG WALKS,

AND PAYS NO ATTENTION
AT ALL TO HER LESSONS.

I WOULD RATHER LIKE
TO SEE CECILY.

I WILL TAKE
GOOD CARE YOU NEVER DO.

SHE IS
EXCESSIVELY PRETTY,
AND ONLY JUST 18.

HAVE YOU TOLD GWENDOLEN
THAT YOU HAVE

AN "EXCESSIVELY PRETTY"
WARD WHO IS ONLY JUST 18?

ONE DOESN'T BLURT
THESE THINGS OUT
TO PEOPLE.

GWENDOLEN AND CECILY ARE
PERFECTLY CERTAIN TO BE
ABSOLUTELY GREAT FRIENDS.

I'LL BET YOU ANYTHING
THAT HALF AN HOUR
AFTER THEY'VE MET

THEY WILL BE CALLING
EACH OTHER "SISTER."

WOMEN ONLY DO THAT
WHEN THEY HAVE CALLED
EACH OTHER

A LOT OF OTHER THINGS FIRST.
NOW, DEAR BOY,

IF WE WANT A GOOD TABLE
AT WILLIS' TONIGHT,

WE MUST GO AND DRESS.
IT IS NEARLY 7:00.

- IT ALWAYS IS NEARLY 7:00.
- WELL, I'M HUNGRY.

I NEVER KNEW YOU
WHEN YOU WEREN'T.

- MISS FAIRFAX.
- GWENDOLEN, UPON MY WORD!

ALGY, KINDLY
TURN YOUR BACK.

I HAVE SOMETHING
VERY PARTICULAR TO SAY
TO MR. WORTHING.

GWENDOLEN,
I DON'T THINK I CAN
ALLOW THIS AT ALL.

ALGY, YOU ALWAYS ADOPT
A STRICTLY IMMORAL ATTITUDE
TOWARDS LIFE.

YOU ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH
TO DO THAT.

MY OWN DARLING!

ERNEST, WE MAY
NEVER BE MARRIED.

FROM THE EXPRESSION
ON MAMMA'S FACE, I FEAR
WE NEVER SHALL.

FEW PARENTS NOWADAYS
PAY ANY REGARD TO WHAT
THEIR CHILDREN SAY TO THEM.

THE OLD-FASHIONED
RESPECT FOR THE YOUNG
IS FAST DYING OUT.

WHATEVER INFLUENCE
I EVER HAD OVER MAMMA,
I LOST AT THE AGE OF THREE.

THOUGH SHE MAY PREVENT US
FROM BECOMING MAN AND WIFE,

AND I MAY MARRY SOMEONE ELSE,
AND MARRY OFTEN,

NOTHING THAT SHE CAN
POSSIBLY DO CAN ALTER
MY ETERNAL DEVOTION TO YOU.

DEAR GWENDOLEN!

THE STORY OF
YOUR ROMANTIC ORIGIN,

AS RELATED TO ME BY MAMMA--
WITH UNPLEASING COMMENTS,

HAS NATURALLY STIRRED
THE DEEPER FIBERS
OF MY NATURE.

YOUR CHRISTIAN NAME
HAS AN IRRESISTIBLE
FASCINATION.

THE SIMPLICITY
OF YOUR CHARACTER

MAKES YOU EXQUISITELY
INCOMPREHENSIBLE TO ME.

YOUR TOWN ADDRESS
AT THE ALBANY I HAVE.

WHAT IS YOUR ADDRESS
IN THE COUNTRY?

THE MANOR HOUSE,

WOOLTON,
HERTFORDSHIRE.

THERE IS A GOOD
POSTAL SERVICE,
I SUPPOSE?

IT MAY BE NECESSARY TO DO
SOMETHING DESPERATE.

THAT WILL REQUIRE
SERIOUS CONSIDERATION.

- I WILL COMMUNICATE
WITH YOU DAILY.
- MY OWN ONE!

- HOW LONG DO YOU
REMAIN IN TOWN?
- TILL MONDAY.

GOOD!
ALGY, YOU MAY
TURN ROUND NOW.

THANKS, I'VE TURNED
ROUND ALREADY.

YOU MAY ALSO
RING THE BELL.

YOU WILL ALLOW ME SEE YOU
TO YOUR CARRIAGE, MY DARLING?

- CERTAINLY.
- I SHALL SEE
MISS FAIRFAX OUT.

YES, SIR.

- A GLASS
OF SHERRY, LANE.
- YES, SIR.

TOMORROW, LANE,
I'M GOING BUNBURYING.

YES, SIR.

I SHALL PROBABLY NOT
BE BACK TILL MONDAY.

YOU CAN PUT UP
MY DRESS CLOTHES,
MY SMOKING JACKET

- AND ALL
THE BUNBURY SUITS.
- YES, SIR.

I HOPE TOMORROW WILL
BE A FINE DAY, LANE.

IT NEVER IS, SIR.

LANE, YOU ARE
A PERFECT PESSIMIST.

I DO MY BEST TO GIVE
SATISFACTION, SIR.

THERE IS A SENSIBLE,
INTELLECTUAL GIRL.

THE ONLY GIRL I EVER
CARED FOR IN MY LIFE.

( laughing )

WHAT ON EARTH ARE
YOU SO AMUSED AT?

I'M A LITTLE ANXIOUS ABOUT
POOR BUNBURY, THAT IS ALL.

IF YOU DON'T TAKE CARE,
YOUR FRIEND BUNBURY

WILL GET YOU INTO
A SERIOUS SCRAPE
SOMEDAY.

I LOVE SCRAPES.

THEY ARE THE ONLY THINGS
THAT ARE NEVER SERIOUS.

THAT IS NONSENSE.

ALGY, YOU NEVER TALK
ANYTHING BUT NONSENSE.

NOBODY EVER DOES.

CECILY?

CECILY!

SURELY SUCH
A UTILITARIAN OCCUPATION

AS THE WATERING OF FLOWERS
IS RATHER MOULTON'S DUTY
THAN YOURS?

ESPECIALLY AT A MOMENT
WHEN INTELLECTUAL PLEASURES
AWAIT YOU.

YOUR GERMAN
GRAMMAR IS ON THE TABLE.
PRAY, OPEN IT AT PAGE 15.

WE WILL REPEAT
YESTERDAY'S LESSON.

BUT I DON'T LIKE
GERMAN.

IT ISN'T AT ALL
A BECOMING LANGUAGE.

I KNOW PERFECTLY WELL
THAT I LOOK QUITE PLAIN
AFTER MY GERMAN LESSON.

CHILD, YOU KNOW HOW
ANXIOUS YOUR GUARDIAN IS

THAT YOU SHOULD IMPROVE
YOURSELF IN EVERY WAY.

HE LAID PARTICULAR STRESS
ON YOUR GERMAN, AS HE WAS
LEAVING FOR TOWN YESTERDAY.

INDEED, HE ALWAYS
LAYS STRESS

ON YOUR GERMAN WHEN
HE IS LEAVING FOR TOWN.

DEAR UNCLE JACK
IS SO VERY SERIOUS.

SOMETIMES HE IS SO SERIOUS,
I THINK HE CANNOT BE QUITE WELL.

YOUR GUARDIAN ENJOYS
THE BEST OF HEALTH,

AND HIS GRAVITY OF DEMEANOR
IS ESPECIALLY TO BE COMMENDED

IN ONE SO COMPARATIVELY
YOUNG AS HE IS.

I KNOW NO ONE
WHO HAS A HIGHER SENSE

OF DUTY
AND RESPONSIBILITY.

I SUPPOSE THAT IS WHY
HE OFTEN LOOKS

A LITTLE BORED WHEN
WE THREE ARE TOGETHER.

CECILY, I AM
SURPRISED AT YOU.

MR. WORTHING HAS MANY
TROUBLES IN HIS LIFE.

IDLE MERRIMENT
AND TRIVIALITY WOULD

BE OUT OF PLACE
IN HIS CONVERSATION.

YOU MUST REMEMBER
HIS CONSTANT ANXIETY

ABOUT THAT UNFORTUNATE
YOUNG MAN, HIS BROTHER.

I WISH UNCLE JACK WOULD
ALLOW THAT UNFORTUNATE
YOUNG MAN

TO COME DOWN HERE
SOMETIMES.

WE MIGHT HAVE A GOOD
INFLUENCE OVER HIM,
MISS PRISM.

I AM SURE YOU
CERTAINLY WOULD.

YOU KNOW GERMAN,
AND GEOLOGY.

THINGS OF THAT KIND
INFLUENCE A MAN VERY MUCH.

I DO NOT THINK EVEN I
COULD PRODUCE ANY EFFECT

ON A CHARACTER
THAT, ACCORDING TO HIS OWN
BROTHER'S ADMISSION,

IS IRRETRIEVABLY
WEAK AND VACILLATING.

INDEED, I AM NOT SURE
THAT I WOULD DESIRE
TO RECLAIM HIM.

I AM NOT IN FAVOR OF THIS MODERN
MANIA FOR TURNING BAD PEOPLE

INTO GOOD PEOPLE
AT A MOMENT'S NOTICE.

AS A MAN SOWS,
SO LET HIM REAP.

YOU MUST PUT AWAY
YOUR DIARY, CECILY.

I DON'T SEE WHY
YOU KEEP A DIARY AT ALL.

I KEEP A DIARY IN ORDER
TO ENTER THE WONDERFUL
SECRETS OF MY LIFE.

IF I DIDN'T WRITE THEM DOWN,
I SHOULD FORGET ABOUT THEM.

MEMORY, MY DEAD CECILY,
IS THE DIARY THAT WE ALL
CARRY ABOUT WITH US.

BUT IT USUALLY
CHRONICLES THINGS THAT
HAVE NEVER HAPPENED,

AND COULDN'T POSSIBLY
HAVE HAPPENED.

I BELIEVE THAT MEMORY
IS RESPONSIBLE

FOR NEARLY ALL
THE THREE-VOLUME NOVELS
THAT MUDIE SENDS US.

DO NOT SPEAK SLIGHTINGLY
OF THE THREE-VOLUME NOVEL.

I WROTE ONE MYSELF--
IN EARLIER DAYS.

DID YOU REALLY,
MISS PRISM?

HOW WONDERFULLY
CLEVER YOU ARE.

I HOPE IT DID NOT
END HAPPILY?

I DON'T LIKE
NOVELS THAT END HAPPILY.
THEY DEPRESS ME SO MUCH.

THE GOOD ENDED HAPPILY,
AND THE BAD UNHAPPILY.
THAT IS WHAT FICTION MEANS.

I SUPPOSE SO.
BUT IT SEEMS
VERY UNFAIR.

WAS YOUR NOVEL
EVER PUBLISHED?

ALAS, NO.

THE MANUSCRIPT UNFORTUNATELY
WAS... ABANDONED.

I USE THE WORD IN THE SENSE
OF LOST OR MISLAID.

TO YOUR WORK, CHILD.
THESE SPECULATIONS
ARE PROFITLESS.

BUT I SEE DEAR
DR. CHASUBLE COMING UP
THROUGH THE GARDEN.

OH, DR. CHASUBLE!

THIS IS INDEED
A PLEASURE.

HOW ARE WE THIS MORNING?
MISS PRISM, YOU ARE,
I TRUST, WELL?

MISS PRISM HAS
JUST BEEN COMPLAINING
OF A SLIGHT HEADACHE.

I THINK IT WOULD DO HER
SO MUCH GOOD TO HAVE

A SHORT STROLL WITH YOU
IN THE PARK, DR. CHASUBLE.

CECILY, I HAVE NOT
MENTIONED ANYTHING
ABOUT A HEADACHE.

NO, DEAR MISS PRISM,
I KNOW THAT.

BUT I FELT INSTINCTIVELY
THAT YOU HAD A HEADACHE.

INDEED, I WAS
THINKING ABOUT THAT,

AND NOT ABOUT MY GERMAN LESSON,
WHEN THE RECTOR CAME IN.

I HOPE, CECILY,
YOU ARE NOT INATTENTIVE.

OH, I AM AFRAID I AM.

THAT IS STRANGE.

WERE I FORTUNATE ENOUGH
TO BE MISS PRISM'S PUPIL,

I WOULD HANG
UPON HER LIPS.

I SPOKE METAPHORICALLY.

MY METAPHOR
WAS DRAWN FROM BEES.

AHEM!

MR. WORTHING, I SUPPOSE,
HAS NOT RETURNED FROM TOWN YET?

WE DO NOT EXPECT HIM
TILL MONDAY AFTERNOON.

AH, YES, HE USUALLY LIKES
TO SPEND HIS SUNDAY IN LONDON.

HE IS NOT ONE OF THOSE
WHOSE SOLE AIM IS ENJOYMENT,

AS, BY ALL ACCOUNTS,
THAT UNFORTUNATE YOUNG MAN,
HIS BROTHER, SEEMS TO BE.

BUT I MUST NOT
DISTURB

EGERIA AND HER PUPIL
ANY LONGER.

EGERIA? MY NAME
IS LAETITIA, DOCTOR.

A CLASSICAL
ALLUSION MERELY,

DRAWN FROM
THE PAGAN AUTHORS.

I SHALL SEE YOU BOTH,
NO DOUBT, AT EVENSONG?

I THINK,
DEAR DOCTOR,

I WILL
TAKE A STROLL
WITH YOU.

I FIND I HAVE A HEADACHE
AFTER ALL AND A WALK
MIGHT DO IT GOOD.

WITH PLEASURE, MISS PRISM,
WITH PLEASURE.

WE MIGHT GO AS FAR
AS THE SCHOOLS AND BACK.

THAT WOULD BE DELIGHTFUL.

CECILY, YOU WILL READ

YOUR POLITICAL ECONOMY
IN MY ABSENCE.

THE CHAPTER ON THE FALL
OF THE RUPEE YOU MAY OMIT.

IT IS SOMEWHAT
TOO SENSATIONAL.

EVEN THESE METALLIC PROBLEMS
HAVE THEIR MELODRAMATIC SIDE.

HORRID
POLITICAL ECONOMY.

HORRID GEOGRAPHY.

HORRID,
HORRID GERMAN!

A MR. ERNEST WORTHING HAS JUST
DRIVEN OVER FROM THE STATION.

HE HAS BROUGHT
HIS LUGGAGE WITH HIM.

"MR. ERNEST WORTHING,
B.4, THE ALBANY, W."

UNCLE JACK'S BROTHER!

DID YOU TELL HIM
MR. WORTHING WAS IN TOWN?

YES, MISS.
HE SEEMED VERY MUCH
DISAPPOINTED.

I MENTIONED THAT YOU
AND MISS PRISM WERE
IN THE GARDEN.

HE SAID HE WAS ANXIOUS
TO SPEAK TO YOU PRIVATELY
FOR A MOMENT.

ASK MR. ERNEST WORTHING
TO COME HERE.

I SUPPOSE YOU HAD BETTER
TALK TO THE HOUSEKEEPER
ABOUT A ROOM FOR HIM.

YES, MISS.

I HAVE NEVER MET A REALLY
WICKED PERSON BEFORE.

I FEEL RATHER FRIGHTENED.

I AM SO AFRAID HE WILL LOOK
JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

HE DOES.

YOU ARE MY LITTLE COUSIN,
CECILY, I'M SURE.

YOU ARE UNDER
SOME STRANGE MISTAKE.

I AM NOT LITTLE.

IN FACT, I AM MORE
THAN USUALLY TALL
FOR MY AGE.

BUT I AM
YOUR COUSIN CECILY.

YOU, I SEE
FROM YOUR CARD,

ARE UNCLE JACK'S BROTHER,
MY COUSIN ERNEST,

MY WICKED
COUSIN ERNEST.

I AM NOT REALLY WICKED
AT ALL, COUSIN CECILY.

YOU MUSTN'T THINK
THAT I AM WICKED.

IF YOU ARE NOT, THEN YOU
HAVE CERTAINLY BEEN

DECEIVING US ALL IN A VERY
INEXCUSABLE MANNER.

I HOPE YOU HAVE NOT BEEN
LEADING A DOUBLE LIFE,

PRETENDING TO BE WICKED
AND BEING REALLY GOOD
ALL THE TIME.

THAT WOULD BE HYPOCRISY.

OH. OF COURSE I HAVE
BEEN RATHER RECKLESS.

- I AM GLAD TO HEAR IT.
- IN FACT, NOW YOU
MENTION THE SUBJECT,

I HAVE BEEN VERY BAD
IN MY OWN SMALL WAY.

I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD
BE SO PROUD OF THAT,

THOUGH I'M SURE IT MUST
HAVE BEEN VERY PLEASANT.

IT IS MUCH PLEASANTER
BEING HERE WITH YOU.

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND
HOW YOU ARE HERE AT ALL.

UNCLE JACK WON'T BE BACK
TILL MONDAY AFTERNOON.

THAT IS A GREAT
DISAPPOINTMENT.
I AM OBLIGED

TO GO UP
BY THE FIRST TRAIN
ON MONDAY MORNING.

I HAVE A BUSINESS APPOINTMENT
THAT I AM ANXIOUS... TO MISS.

COULDN'T YOU MISS IT
ANYWHERE BUT IN LONDON?

NO, THE APPOINTMENT
IS IN LONDON.

WELL, I KNOW, OF COURSE,
HOW IMPORTANT IT IS

NOT TO KEEP
A BUSINESS ENGAGEMENT,

IF ONE WANTS TO RETAIN ANY
SENSE OF THE BEAUTY OF LIFE,

BUT STILL, I THINK YOU
HAD BETTER WAIT TILL
UNCLE JACK ARRIVES.

I KNOW HE WANTS TO TALK
TO YOU ABOUT YOUR EMIGRATING.

- ABOUT MY WHAT?
- YOUR EMIGRATING.

HE HAS GONE UP
TO BUY YOUR OUTFIT.

I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T
LET JACK BUY MY OUTFIT.

HE HAS NO TASTE
IN NECKTIES AT ALL.

I DON'T THINK YOU
WILL REQUIRE NECKTIES.

UNCLE JACK IS SENDING YOU
TO AUSTRALIA.

AUSTRALIA!
I'D SOONER DIE.

HE SAID AT DINNER
ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT,

THAT YOU WOULD HAVE
TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THIS WORLD,
THE NEXT WORLD AND AUSTRALIA.

WELL, THE ACCOUNTS I HAVE
RECEIVED OF AUSTRALIA

AND THE NEXT WORLD ARE NOT
PARTICULARLY ENCOURAGING.

THIS WORLD
IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME,
COUSIN CECILY.

YES, BUT ARE YOU
GOOD ENOUGH FOR IT?

I AM AFRAID
I AM NOT THAT.

THAT IS WHY I WANT YOU
TO REFORM ME.

YOU MIGHT
MAKE THAT YOUR MISSION,
IF YOU DON'T MIND.

I'M AFRAID I'VE NO TIME
THIS AFTERNOON.

WELL, WOULD YOU MIND
MY REFORMING MYSELF,
THIS AFTERNOON?

IT IS RATHER QUIXOTIC OF YOU.
BUT I THINK YOU SHOULD TRY.

I WILL.
I FEEL BETTER ALREADY.

YOU'RE LOOKING
A LITTLE WORSE.

- THAT IS BECAUSE I AM HUNGRY.
- HOW THOUGHTLESS OF ME.

I SHOULD HAVE REMEMBERED
THAT WHEN ONE

IS GOING TO LEAD
AN ENTIRELY NEW LIFE,

ONE REQUIRES REGULAR
AND WHOLESOME MEALS.

- WON'T YOU COME IN?
- THANK YOU.

MIGHT I HAVE
A BUTTONHOLE FIRST?

I NEVER HAVE
ANY APPETITE UNLESS
I HAVE A BUTTONHOLE FIRST.

A MARECHAL NIEL?

NO, I'D SOONER HAVE
A PINK ROSE.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOU ARE LIKE
A PINK ROSE, COUSIN CECILY.

I DON'T THINK IT CAN
BE RIGHT FOR YOU TO TALK
TO ME LIKE THAT.

MISS PRISM NEVER SAYS
SUCH THINGS TO ME.

THEN MISS PRISM IS
A SHORTSIGHTED OLD LADY.

YOU ARE
THE PRETTIEST GIRL
I EVER SAW.

MISS PRISM SAYS THAT ALL
GOOD LOOKS ARE A SNARE.

THEY ARE A SNARE THAT EVERY
SENSIBLE MAN WOULD LIKE
TO BE CAUGHT IN.

I DON'T THINK I WOULD CARE
TO CATCH A SENSIBLE MAN.

I SHOULDN'T KNOW WHAT
TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT.

YOU ARE TOO MUCH ALONE,
DEAR DR. CHASUBLE.

YOU SHOULD
GET MARRIED.

A MISANTHROPE
I CAN UNDERSTAND,

A WOMANTHROPE,
NEVER!

BELIEVE ME I DO NOT DESERVE
SO NEOLOGISTIC A PHRASE.

THE PRECEPT
AS WELL AS THE PRACTICE
OF THE PRIMITIVE CHURCH

WAS DISTINCTLY
AGAINST MATRIMONY.

THAT IS OBVIOUSLY WHY
THE PRIMITIVE CHURCH

HAS NOT LASTED UP
TO THE PRESENT DAY.

YOU DO NOT
SEEM TO REALIZE,
DEAR DOCTOR,

THAT BY PERSISTENTLY
REMAINING SINGLE,

A MAN CONVERTS HIMSELF
INTO A PERMANENT PUBLIC
TEMPTATION.

MEN SHOULD BE
MORE CAREFUL.

THIS VERY CELIBACY
LEADS WEAKER VESSELS
ASTRAY.

BUT IS A MAN NOT EQUALLY
ATTRACTIVE WHEN MARRIED?

NO MARRIED MAN
IS EVER ATTRACTIVE
EXCEPT TO HIS WIFE.

AND OFTEN,
I'VE BEEN TOLD,
NOT EVEN TO HER.

THAT DEPENDS
ON THE INTELLECTUAL
SYMPATHIES OF THE WOMAN.

MATURITY CAN ALWAYS
BE DEPENDED ON.

RIPENESS CAN BE TRUSTED.
YOUNG WOMEN ARE GREEN.

I SPOKE HORTICULTURALLY.
MY METAPHOR WAS DRAWN
FROM FRUITS.

WHERE IS CECILY?

PERHAPS
SHE FOLLOWED US
TO THE SCHOOLS?

- Miss Prism: MR. WORTHING!
- MR. WORTHING?

Miss Prism:
THIS IS INDEED
A SURPRISE.

WE DID NOT LOOK FOR YOU
TILL MONDAY AFTERNOON.

I HAVE RETURNED
SOONER THAN EXPECTED.

DR. CHASUBLE,
I HOPE YOU ARE WELL?

DEAR MR. WORTHING,
I TRUST THIS GARB OF WOE

DOES NOT BETOKEN
SOME TERRIBLE CALAMITY?

MY BROTHER.

MORE SHAMEFUL DEBTS
AND EXTRAVAGANCE?

STILL LEADING
HIS LIFE OF PLEASURE?

DEAD!

YOUR BROTHER
ERNEST, DEAD?

QUITE DEAD.

WHAT A LESSON FOR HIM.

I TRUST HE WILL
PROFIT BY IT.

MR. WORTHING,
I OFFER YOU MY
SINCERE CONDOLENCE.

YOU HAVE AT LEAST
THE CONSOLATION OF KNOWING

YOU WERE ALWAYS THE MOST
GENEROUS AND FORGIVING
OF BROTHERS.

POOR ERNEST!

HE HAD MANY FAULTS,
BUT IT IS A SAD, SAD, BLOW.

VERY SAD INDEED.
WERE YOU WITH HIM
AT THE END?

NO, HE DIED ABROAD.

IN PARIS, IN FACT.

I HAD A TELEGRAM
LAST NIGHT

FROM THE MANAGER
OF THE GRAND HOTEL.

WAS THE CAUSE
OF DEATH MENTIONED?

A SEVERE CHILL,
IT SEEMS.

AS A MAN SOWS,
SO SHALL HE REAP.

CHARITY,
DEAR MISS PRISM,
CHARITY!

NONE OF US
ARE PERFECT.

I MYSELF AM PECULIARLY
SUSCEPTIBLE TO DRAFTS.

WILL THE INTERMENT
TAKE PLACE HERE?

NO!

HE SEEMS
TO HAVE EXPRESSED

A DESIRE TO BE
BURIED IN PARIS.

IN PARIS?
I FEAR THAT HARDLY POINTS

TO ANY VERY SERIOUS
STATE OF MIND AT THE LAST.

YOU WOULD NO DOUBT WISH ME
TO MAKE SOME SLIGHT ALLUSION

TO THIS TRAGIC DOMESTIC
AFFLICTION NEXT SUNDAY?

MY SERMON ON THE MEANING
OF THE MANNA IN THE WILDERNESS

CAN BE ADAPTED
TO ALMOST ANY OCCASION,

JOYFUL,

OR AS IN
THE PRESENT CASE,
DISTRESSING.

I HAVE PREACHED IT
AT HARVEST CELEBRATIONS,
CHRISTENINGS,

CONFIRMATIONS,
ON DAYS OF HUMILIATION,
AND FESTIVAL DAYS.

THE LAST TIME
I DELIVERED IT WAS
IN THE CATHEDRAL,

AS A CHARITY SERMON
ON BEHALF OF "THE SOCIETY

FOR THE PREVENTION
OF DISCONTENT AMONG
THE UPPER ORDERS."

THE BISHOP,
WHO WAS PRESENT,
WAS MUCH STRUCK

- BY SOME
OF THE ANALOGIES I DREW.
- AH! THAT REMINDS ME.

YOU MENTIONED CHRISTENINGS,
I THINK, DR. CHASUBLE?

I SUPPOSE YOU KNOW HOW
TO CHRISTEN ALL RIGHT?

I MEAN, OF COURSE,
YOU'RE CONTINUALLY
CHRISTENING, AREN'T YOU?

IT IS, I REGRET TO SAY,
ONE OF THE RECTOR'S

MOST CONSTANT DUTIES
IN THIS PARISH.

I'VE OFTEN SPOKEN
TO THE POORER CLASSES
ON THE SUBJECT.

BUT THEY
DON'T SEEM TO KNOW
WHAT THRIFT IS.

BUT IS THERE ANY
PARTICULAR INFANT IN WHOM YOU
ARE INTERESTED, MR. WORTHING?

- YOUR BROTHER WAS
UNMARRIED, WAS HE NOT?
- OH, YES.

PEOPLE WHO LIVE ENTIRELY
FOR PLEASURE USUALLY ARE.

BUT IT IS NOT
FOR ANY CHILD,
DEAR DOCTOR.

I AM VERY FOND
OF CHILDREN.

NO, THE FACT IS,
I WOULD LIKE TO BE
CHRISTENED MYSELF,

THIS AFTERNOON--
IF YOU'VE NOTHING
BETTER TO DO.

BUT SURELY, MR. WORTHING,
YOU'VE BEEN CHRISTENED ALREADY?

I DON'T REMEMBER
ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

HAVE YOU ANY GRAVE
DOUBTS ON THE SUBJECT?

I CERTAINLY
INTEND TO HAVE.

OF COURSE...

I DON'T KNOW
IF THE THING WOULD
BOTHER YOU IN ANY WAY,

OR IF YOU THINK I AM
A LITTLE TOO OLD NOW.

NOT AT ALL. THE SPRINKLING,
AND, INDEED, THE IMMERSION

OF ADULTS IS A PERFECTLY
CANONICAL PRACTICE.

IMMERSION?

YOU NEED HAVE
NO APPREHENSIONS.

SPRINKLING IS ALL
THAT IS NECESSARY,

OR, I THINK ADVISABLE.
OUR WEATHER IS SO CHANGEABLE.

WHAT HOUR WOULD YOU LIKE
THE CEREMONY PERFORMED?

I MIGHT
TROT ROUND ABOUT 5:00,
IF THAT WOULD SUIT YOU.

PERFECTLY!
IN FACT,

I HAVE TWO SIMILAR CEREMONIES
TO PERFORM AT THAT TIME.

A CASE OF TWINS
THAT OCCURRED RECENTLY,

IN ONE OF THE OUTLYING COTTAGES
ON YOUR OWN ESTATE.

POOR JENKINS, THE CARTER,
A MOST HARD-WORKING MAN.

OH. I DON'T
SEE MUCH FUN

IN BEING CHRISTENED
WITH OTHER BABIES.

THAT WOULD BE CHILDISH.
WOULD HALF PAST 5:00 DO?

ADMIRABLY,
ADMIRABLY.

AND NOW,
DEAR MR. WORTHING,

I WILL NOT INTRUDE ANY LONGER
INTO A HOUSE OF SORROW.

I WOULD MERELY
BEG YOU NOT TO BE TOO MUCH
BOWED DOWN BY GRIEF.

WHAT SEEMS TO US
BITTER TRIALS

ARE OFTEN BLESSINGS
IN DISGUISE.

THIS SEEMS TO ME
A BLESSING

OF AN EXTREMELY
OBVIOUS KIND.

Cecily:
UNCLE JACK!

I AM PLEASED
TO SEE YOU BACK.

BUT WHAT HORRID
CLOTHES YOU'VE GOT ON.
DO GO AND CHANGE THEM.

- CECILY!
- MY CHILD, MY CHILD.

WHAT IS THE MATTER,
UNCLE JACK?

DO LOOK HAPPY!
YOU LOOK AS IF YOU
HAD A TOOTHACHE,

AND I HAVE GOT SUCH
A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

WHO DO YOU THINK IS
IN THE DINING ROOM?

- YOUR BROTHER!
- WHO?

YOUR BROTHER ERNEST.
HE ARRIVED ABOUT
HALF AN HOUR AGO.

WHAT NONSENSE.
I HAVEN'T GOT A BROTHER.

DON'T SAY THAT.

HOWEVER BADLY HE
MAY HAVE BEHAVED

TO YOU IN THE PAST,
HE IS STILL YOUR BROTHER.

YOU COULDN'T BE
SO HEARTLESS AS
TO DISOWN HIM.

I'LL TELL HIM TO COME OUT,
YOU WILL SHAKE HANDS WITH HIM,
WON'T YOU?

THESE ARE VERY
JOYFUL TIDINGS.

AFTER WE HAD
BEEN RESIGNED
TO HIS LOSS,

HIS SUDDEN RETURN
SEEMS PECULIARLY
DISTRESSING.

MY BROTHER IS
IN THE DINING ROOM?

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT ALL MEANS.
THIS IS PERFECTLY ABSURD.

GOOD HEAVENS!

BROTHER JOHN,

I HAVE COME
DOWN FROM TOWN
TO TELL YOU

THAT I AM VERY SORRY
FOR ALL THE TROUBLE
I HAVE GIVEN YOU,

AND THAT I INTEND
TO LEAD A BETTER LIFE
IN THE FUTURE.

UNCLE JACK, YOU ARE NOT
GOING TO REFUSE YOUR
OWN BROTHER'S HAND?

NOTHING WILL INDUCE ME
TO TAKE HIS HAND.

I THINK HIS COMING
DOWN HERE DISGRACEFUL.
HE KNOWS WHY.

UNCLE JACK,
DO BE NICE.

THERE IS SOME
GOOD IN EVERYONE.

ERNEST HAS JUST
BEEN TELLING ME

ABOUT HIS POOR
INVALID FRIEND,
MR. BUNBURY,

WHOM HE GOES
TO VISIT SO OFTEN.

AND SURELY THERE MUST
BE MUCH GOOD IN ONE

WHO IS KIND TO AN INVALID,
AND LEAVES THE PLEASURES

OF LONDON TO SIT
BY A BED OF PAIN.

HE'S BEEN TALKING
ABOUT BUNBURY, HAS HE?

YES, HE HAS TOLD ME
ALL ABOUT MR. BUNBURY,
AND HIS TERRIBLE HEALTH.

I WON'T HAVE HIM TALK
TO YOU ABOUT BUNBURY
OR ANYTHING ELSE.

IT IS ENOUGH TO DRIVE ONE
PERFECTLY FRANTIC.

OF COURSE, I ADMIT THAT
THE FAULTS WERE ALL ON MY SIDE,

BUT I THINK BROTHER JOHN'S
COLDNESS TO ME PECULIARLY
PAINFUL.

I EXPECTED A MORE
ENTHUSIASTIC WELCOME,

CONSIDERING
IT IS THE FIRST TIME
I HAVE COME HERE.

UNCLE JACK, IF YOU DON'T
SHAKE HANDS WITH ERNEST,

I WILL NEVER
FORGIVE YOU.

- NEVER FORGIVE ME?
- NEVER, NEVER, NEVER!

THIS IS THE LAST TIME
I SHALL EVER DO IT.

IT IS PLEASANT,
TO SEE SO PERFECT
A RECONCILIATION.

YOU HAVE DONE A BEAUTIFUL
ACTION TODAY, DEAR CHILD,

WE MUST NOT BE PREMATURE
IN OUR JUDGMENTS.

I FEEL
VERY HAPPY.

I BEG
YOUR PARDON, SIR.

THERE IS
AN ELDERLY GENTLEMAN
WISHES TO SEE YOU.

HE HAS COME IN A CAB
FROM THE STATION.

- Algernon: TO SEE ME?
- YES, SIR.

PARKER AND GRIBSBY,
SOLICITORS.

I DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT THEM.
WHO ARE THEY?

AH!

- YOU HAD BETTER
SHOW HIM IN, MERRIMAN.
- VERY GOOD, SIR.

PARKER AND GRIBSBY.
I WONDER WHO THEY CAN BE?

I EXPECT, "ERNEST,"
THEY HAVE COME

ABOUT SOME BUSINESS
FOR YOUR FRIEND, BUNBURY?

PERHAPS BUNBURY
WANTS TO MAKE HIS WILL
AND WISHES YOU TO BE EXECUTOR.

I HOPE, "ERNEST,"
YOU HAVE NO OUTSTANDING
ACCOUNTS OF ANY KIND.

I HAVEN'T ANY DEBTS
AT ALL, DEAR JACK.

THANKS TO YOUR
GENEROSITY.

Merriman:
MR. GRIBSBY.

- MR. ERNEST WORTHING?
- THIS IS MR. ERNEST WORTHING.

- MR. ERNEST WORTHING?
- YES.

- OF B.4, THE ALBANY?
- YES, THAT IS MY ADDRESS.

I AM VERY SORRY, SIR,
BUT WE HAVE

A WRIT OF ATTACHMENT
AGAINST YOU FOR 20 DAYS

AT THE SUIT
OF THE SAVOY HOTEL
COMPANY LIMITED

FOR 762 POUNDS,
14 SHILLINGS
AND TUPPENCE.

- AGAINST ME?
- YES, SIR.

WHAT PERFECT NONSENSE!

I NEVER DINE AT THE SAVOY
AT MY OWN EXPENSE.

I ALWAYS DINE AT WILLIS'.
IT IS FAR MORE EXPENSIVE.

I DON'T OWE A PENNY
TO THE SAVOY.

THE SUMMONS IS MARKED
ON THE WRIT AS HAVING
BEEN SERVED ON YOU

PERSONALLY AT THE ALBANY
ON MAY THE 27th.

JUDGMENT WAS GIVEN
IN DEFAULT AGAINST YOU
ON JUNE THE 5th.

SINCE THEN, WE HAVE
WRITTEN TO YOU NO LESS

THAN 15 TIMES WITHOUT
RECEIVING ANY REPLY.

IN THE INTERESTS OF OUR CLIENTS
WE HAD NO OPTION

BUT TO OBTAIN
AN ORDER FOR THE COMMITTAL
OF YOUR PERSON.

COMMITTAL?!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
BY COMMITTAL?

I HAVEN'T THE SMALLEST
INTENTION OF GOING AWAY.

I AM STAYING HERE FOR A WEEK.
I AM STAYING WITH MY BROTHER.

IF YOU IMAGINE
I AM GOING UP TO TOWN
THE MOMENT I ARRIVE,

YOU ARE EXTREMELY
MISTAKEN.

I AM MERELY
A SOLICITOR MYSELF.

I DO NOT EMPLOY PERSONAL
VIOLENCE OF ANY KIND.

THE OFFICER OF THE COURT,

WHOSE FUNCTION IT IS TO SEIZE
THE PERSON OF THE DEBTOR,

IS WAITING
IN THE FLY OUTSIDE.

HE HAS CONSIDERABLE
EXPERIENCE IN THESE MATTERS.

THAT IS WHY WE
ALWAYS EMPLOY HIM.

BUT NO DOUBT, YOU WILL
PREFER TO PAY THE BILL?

PAY IT? HOW ON EARTH
AM I GOING TO DO THAT?

YOU DON'T SUPPOSE
I HAVE GOT ANY MONEY?

HOW PERFECTLY SILLY YOU ARE.
NO GENTLEMAN EVER HAS ANY MONEY.

MY EXPERIENCE IS THAT IT IS
USUALLY RELATIONS WHO PAY.

JACK, YOU REALLY MUST
SETTLE THIS BILL.

KINDLY ALLOW ME TO SEE
THE PARTICULAR ITEMS,
MR. GRIBSBY.

762 POUNDS,
14 SHILLINGS AND TUPPENCE
SINCE LAST OCTOBER.

I AM BOUND TO SAY
I NEVER SAW

SUCH RECKLESS
EXTRAVAGANCE
IN ALL MY LIFE.

�762 FOR EATING?

WE ARE FAR AWAY
FROM WORDSWORTH'S PLAIN
LIVING AND HIGH THINKING.

DEAR DOCTOR,
DO YOU CONSIDER
THAT I AM

IN ANY WAY CALLED UPON
TO PAY THIS MONSTROUS
ACCOUNT FOR MY BROTHER?

I AM BOUND TO SAY,
I DO NOT THINK SO.

- THIS PROPOSED INCARCERATION
COULD BE MOST SALUTARY.
- I AM QUITE OF YOUR OPINION.

MY DEAR FELLOW,
HOW RIDICULOUS YOU ARE.

YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL
THAT THE BILL IS REALLY YOURS.

- MINE?
- YES, YOU KNOW IT IS.

MR. WORTHING,
IF THIS IS A JEST,
IT IS OUT OF PLACE.

- IT IS A GROSS EFFRONTERY.
- NEVER MIND WHAT HE SAYS.

THIS IS THE WAY
HE ALWAYS GOES ON.

YOU MEAN NOW TO SAY
THAT YOU ARE NOT
ERNEST WORTHING,

RESIDING AT B.4, THE ALBANY?
I WONDER, AS YOU ARE AT IT,

YOU DON'T DENY BEING
MY BROTHER AT ALL.
WHY DON'T YOU?

I AM NOT
GOING TO DO THAT,
MY DEAR FELLOW.

IT WOULD BE ABSURD.
OF COURSE I'M YOUR BROTHER.

THAT IS WHY YOU SHOULD
PAY THIS BILL FOR ME.

TIME PRESSES.

WE HAVE TO BE AT HOLLOWAY
NOT LATER THAN 4:00.

OTHERWISE IT IS DIFFICULT
TO OBTAIN ADMISSION.

- THE RULES
ARE VERY STRICT.
- HOLLOWAY?

IT IS AT HOLLOWAY
THAT DETENTIONS

OF THIS CHARACTER
TAKE PLACE ALWAYS.

WILL YOU COME NOW, SIR,
IF IT WILL NOT BE
INCONVENIENT TO YOU?

- JACK?
- PRAY BE FIRM,
MR. WORTHING.

I AM QUITE FIRM,
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT WEAKNESS
OR DECEPTION OF ANY KIND IS.

UNCLE JACK!

I THINK YOU HAVE A LITTLE
MONEY OF MINE, HAVEN'T YOU?

LET ME PAY THIS BILL.

I WOULDN'T LIKE
YOUR OWN BROTHER
TO BE IN PRISON.

I COULDN'T POSSIBLY
LET YOU PAY IT, CECILY.

- THAT WOULD BE ABSURD.
- THEN YOU WILL, WON'T YOU?

OF COURSE, I AM QUITE
DISAPPOINTED WITH HIM.

YOU WON'T
SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN,
CECILY, WILL YOU?

CERTAINLY NOT!

UNLESS, OF COURSE,
HE SPEAKS TO ME FIRST.

IT WOULD BE VERY RUDE
NOT TO ANSWER HIM.

- Jack: MR. GRIBSBY...
- YES, SIR?

I'LL PAY THIS BILL
FOR MY BROTHER.

IT IS THE LAST BILL
I SHALL EVER PAY FOR HIM, TOO.
HOW MUCH IS IT?

762 POUNDS,
14 AND TUPPENCE.

AH! THE CAB WILL BE
FIVE-AND-NINEPENCE EXTRA--

- HIRED FOR THE CONVENIENCE
OF THE CLIENT.
- OF COURSE.

I MUST SAY I FIND THIS
GENEROSITY QUITE FOOLISH.

THE HEART HAS ITS WISDOM
AS WELL AS THE HEAD,
MISS PRISM.

THANK YOU.

- GOOD DAY.
- GOOD DAY.

I HOPE I SHALL
HAVE THE PLEASURE
OF MEETING YOU AGAIN.

I SINCERELY
HOPE NOT.

QUITE SO...
QUITE SO.

I THINK WE MIGHT LEAVE
THE BROTHERS TOGETHER.

- CECILY, YOU WILL COME WITH US.
- CERTAINLY, MISS PRISM.

YOU YOUNG
SCOUNDREL, ALGY.

YOU MUST GET OUT
OF THIS PLACE AS SOON
AS POSSIBLE.

I DON'T ALLOW ANY
BUNBURYING HERE.

I HAVE PUT
MR. ERNEST'S THINGS

IN THE ROOM
NEXT TO YOURS, SIR.
I SUPPOSE THAT IS ALL RIGHT?

WHAT?

MR. ERNEST'S
LUGGAGE, SIR.
I HAVE UNPACKED IT

AND PUT IT
IN THE ROOM
NEXT TO YOUR OWN.

- HIS LUGGAGE?
- THREE PORTMANTEAUS,

A DRESSING CASE, TWO HATBOXES,
AND A LARGE LUNCHEON BASKET.

I AM AFRAID I CAN'T STAY
MORE THAN A WEEK THIS TIME.

MERRIMAN, ORDER
THE DOGCART AT ONCE.

- MR. ERNEST HAS BEEN SUDDENLY
CALLED BACK TO TOWN.
- YES, SIR.

WHAT A FEARFUL LIAR
YOU ARE, JACK.

- I'VE NOT BEEN CALLED
BACK TO TOWN AT ALL.
- YES, YOU HAVE.

YOUR DUTY AS A GENTLEMAN
CALLS YOU BACK.

MY DUTY AS A GENTLEMAN
HAS NEVER INTERFERED

WITH MY PLEASURES
IN THE SMALLEST DEGREE.

I CAN QUITE
UNDERSTAND THAT.

CECILY IS A DARLING.

YOU ARE NOT TO TALK OF
MISS CARDEW LIKE THAT.
I DON'T LIKE IT.

I DON'T LIKE YOUR CLOTHES.
YOU LOOK PERFECTLY RIDICULOUS
IN THEM.

WHY ON EARTH DON'T YOU
GO UP AND CHANGE?

IT IS PERFECTLY CHILDISH
TO BE IN DEEP MOURNING

FOR A MAN WHO IS ACTUALLY
STAYING FOR A WHOLE WEEK
WITH YOU

IN YOUR HOUSE AS A GUEST.
I CALL IT GROTESQUE.

YOU ARE CERTAINLY NOT
STAYING WITH ME AS A GUEST,
OR ANYTHING ELSE.

YOU HAVE GOT TO LEAVE
BY THE 4:05 TRAIN.

I CERTAINLY WON'T LEAVE
WHEN YOU'RE IN MOURNING.

IT WOULD BE MOST UNFRIENDLY.
IF I WERE IN MOURNING

YOU WOULD STAY WITH ME,
I SUPPOSE.

I SHOULD THINK IT
MOST UNKIND IF YOU DIDN'T.

- WILL YOU GO IF I
CHANGE MY CLOTHES?
- YES.

IF YOU DON'T TAKE SO LONG.
I NEVER SAW ANYONE

TAKE SO LONG TO DRESS,
AND WITH SUCH LITTLE RESULT.

THAT IS BETTER THAN BEING
ALWAYS OVERDRESSED
AS YOU ARE.

IF I AM OCCASIONALLY
A LITTLE OVERDRESSED,

I MAKE UP FOR IT BY BEING
ALWAYS IMMENSELY OVEREDUCATED.

YOUR VANITY IS RIDICULOUS,
YOUR CONDUCT AN OUTRAGE,

AND YOUR PRESENCE
IN MY GARDEN UTTERLY ABSURD.

HOWEVER, YOU HAVE GOT TO CATCH
THE THE 4:05 AND I HOPE

YOU WILL HAVE A PLEASANT
JOURNEY BACK TO TOWN.

THIS BUNBURYING, AS YOU CALL IT,
HAS NOT BEEN A GREAT SUCCESS
FOR YOU.

I THINK IT HAS BEEN
A GREAT SUCCESS.

I AM IN LOVE
WITH CECILY,

AND THAT
IS EVERYTHING.

I PROMISED UNCLE JACK
THAT I WOULDN'T SPEAK
TO YOU AGAIN,

UNLESS YOU ASKED ME
A QUESTION OF SOME KIND.

CECILY, MAYN'T I
STAY TO TEA?

I WONDER YOU CAN LOOK ME
IN THE FACE AFTER YOUR CONDUCT.

I LOVE LOOKING YOU
IN THE FACE.

BUT WHY DID YOU TRY
TO PUT YOUR HORRID BILL
ON POOR UNCLE JACK?

I THINK THAT WAS
INEXCUSABLE OF YOU.

WHERE HAS
UNCLE JACK GONE?

HE'S GONE TO ORDER
THE DOGCART FOR ME.

- HE'S GOING TO SEND ME AWAY.
- THEN HAVE WE GOT TO PART?

I AM AFRAID SO.
IT IS A VERY
PAINFUL PARTING.

IT IS ALWAYS PAINFUL
TO PART FROM PEOPLE

WHOM ONE HAS KNOWN
A VERY BRIEF SPACE
OF TIME.

THE ABSENCE
OF OLD FRIENDS ONE CAN
ENDURE WITH EQUANIMITY.

BUT EVEN A MOMENTARY
SEPARATION FROM ANYONE

TO WHOM ONE HAS
JUST BEEN INTRODUCED
IS ALMOST UNBEARABLE.

THANK YOU.

THE DOGCART IS
AT THE DOOR, SIR.

IT CAN WAIT,
MERRIMAN,

FOR FIVE MINUTES.

YES, MISS.

I HOPE I SHALL
NOT OFFEND YOU, CECILY,

IF I STATE QUITE
FRANKLY AND OPENLY

THAT YOU SEEM TO ME
TO BE IN EVERY WAY

THE VISIBLE PERSONIFICATION
OF ABSOLUTE PERFECTION.

I THINK YOUR FRANKNESS
DOES YOU GREAT CREDIT,
ERNEST.

IF YOU WILL ALLOW ME,
I WILL COPY YOUR REMARKS
INTO MY DIARY.

DO YOU KEEP A DIARY?
I'D GIVE ANYTHING
TO LOOK AT IT. MAY I?

OH, NO.

YOU SEE, IT IS SIMPLY
A VERY YOUNG GIRL'S RECORD

OF HER OWN THOUGHTS
AND IMPRESSIONS.

AND CONSEQUENTLY
MEANT FOR PUBLICATION.

WHEN IT APPEARS IN VOLUME FORM,
I HOPE YOU WILL ORDER A COPY.

BUT PRAY, ERNEST,
DON'T STOP.

I DELIGHT IN TAKING DOWN
FROM DICTATION.

I HAVE REACHED
"ABSOLUTE PERFECTION."

YOU CAN GO ON.
I AM QUITE READY FOR MORE.

- AHEM! AHEM!
- DON'T COUGH, ERNEST.

WHEN ONE IS DICTATING,
ONE SHOULD SPEAK FLUENTLY
AND NOT COUGH.

BESIDES, I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO SPELL A COUGH.

CECILY...

EVER SINCE I LOOKED
UPON YOUR WONDERFUL
AND INCOMPARABLE BEAUTY,

I HAVE NOT MERELY BEEN
YOUR ABJECT SLAVE
AND SERVANT,

BUT SOARING UPON
THE PINIONS OF A POSSIBLY
MONSTROUS AMBITION,

I HAVE DARED TO LOVE YOU WILDLY,
PASSIONATELY, DEVOTEDLY--

OH--!

PLEASE SAY THAT
ALL OVER AGAIN.

- CECILY, EVER SINCE I FIRST--
- I'VE GOT ALL THAT ALL RIGHT.

I HAVE DARED TO LOVE YOU
WILDLY, PASSIONATELY,

DEVOTEDLY,
HOPELESSLY.

HOPELESSLY DOESN'T SEEM
TO MAKE MUCH SENSE, DOES IT?

CECILY--

IS THAT THE BEGINNING
OF AN ENTIRELY NEW PARAGRAPH?

THE DOGCART
IS WAITING, SIR.

TELL IT TO COME ROUND
NEXT WEEK AT THE SAME HOUR.

YES, SIR.

UNCLE JACK WOULD BE
VERY MUCH ANNOYED

IF HE KNEW YOU WERE
STAYING TILL NEXT WEEK,
AT THE SAME HOUR.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT JACK.
I DON'T CARE FOR ANYONE
IN THE WORLD BUT YOU.

I LOVE YOU,
CECILY.

YOU WILL MARRY ME,
WON'T YOU?

YOU SILLY BOY,
OF COURSE.

WHY, WE HAVE BEEN ENGAGED
FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS.

FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS?

YES, IT WILL BE EXACTLY
SIX MONTHS ON THURSDAY.

BUT HOW DID WE
BECOME ENGAGED?

EVER SINCE DEAR UNCLE JACK
FIRST CONFESSED TO US

THAT HE HAD A YOUNGER BROTHER
WHO WAS VERY WICKED AND BAD,

YOU, OF COURSE,
HAVE FORMED THE CHIEF TOPIC

OF CONVERSATION BETWEEN
MYSELF AND MISS PRISM.

A MAN WHO IS
MUCH TALKED ABOUT

IS ALWAYS
VERY ATTRACTIVE.

I DARESAY IT WAS
FOOLISH OF ME,

BUT I FELL IN LOVE
WITH YOU, ERNEST.

DARLING!

BUT WHEN WAS THE ENGAGEMENT
ACTUALLY SETTLED?

ON THE 14th
OF FEBRUARY LAST.

WORN OUT BY YOUR ENTIRE
IGNORANCE OF MY EXISTENCE,

I DETERMINED TO END THE MATTER
ONE WAY OR THE OTHER,

AND AFTER A LONG
STRUGGLE WITH MYSELF,

I ACCEPTED YOU
OUT HERE IN THE GARDEN.

THE NEXT DAY, I BOUGHT THIS
LITTLE RING IN YOUR NAME,
AND THIS BANGLE

WITH THE TRUE LOVERS' KNOT
I PROMISED YOU ALWAYS TO WEAR.

DID I GIVE YOU THIS?

IT'S VERY PRETTY,
ISN'T IT?

YES, YOU'VE WONDERFULLY
GOOD TASTE, ERNEST.

IT'S THE EXCUSE I'VE ALWAYS
GIVEN FOR YOUR LEADING
SUCH A BAD LIFE.

AND THIS IS THE BOX

IN WHICH I KEEP
ALL YOUR DEAR LETTERS.

MY LETTERS?

BUT MY OWN SWEET CECILY,
I HAVE NEVER WRITTEN YOU
ANY LETTERS.

YOU NEED HARDLY
REMIND ME OF THAT,
ERNEST.

I REMEMBER
ONLY TOO WELL
THAT I WAS FORCED

TO WRITE
YOUR LETTERS
FOR YOU.

I WROTE THREE TIMES
A WEEK AND SOMETIMES
OFTENER.

DO LET ME
READ THEM, CECILY.

I COULDN'T POSSIBLY.
THEY'D MAKE YOU FAR
TOO CONCEITED.

THE THREE YOU WROTE ME
AFTER I HAD BROKEN OFF
THE ENGAGEMENT

ARE SO BEAUTIFUL,
AND SO BADLY SPELLED

THAT EVEN NOW
I CAN HARDLY READ THEM
WITHOUT CRYING A LITTLE.

BUT WAS OUR ENGAGEMENT
EVER BROKEN OFF?

OF COURSE IT WAS.

ON THE 22nd
OF LAST MARCH.

YOU CAN SEE THE ENTRY
IF YOU LIKE.

"TODAY I BROKE OFF
MY ENGAGEMENT
WITH ERNEST.

I FEEL IT IS
BETTER TO DO SO.

THE WEATHER STILL
CONTINUES CHARMING."

BUT WHY ON EARTH
DID YOU BREAK IT OFF?

WHAT HAD I DONE?

I HAD DONE
NOTHING AT ALL.

I AM VERY MUCH HURT
TO HEAR YOU BROKE IT OFF.

PARTICULARLY WHEN
THE WEATHER WAS SO CHARMING.

IT WOULD HARDLY HAVE BEEN
A REALLY SERIOUS ENGAGEMENT

IF IT HADN'T BEEN
BROKEN OFF AT LEAST ONCE.

BUT I FORGAVE YOU
BEFORE THE WEEK WAS OUT.

WHAT A PERFECT ANGEL
YOU ARE, CECILY.

YOU DEAR,
ROMANTIC BOY.

BUT CECILY,

YOU'LL NEVER BREAK OFF
OUR ENGAGEMENT AGAIN?

I DON'T THINK I COULD
BREAK IT OFF NOW THAT
I HAVE ACTUALLY MET YOU.

BESIDES,
OF COURSE,

THERE IS THE QUESTION
OF YOUR NAME.

YES, OF COURSE.

YOU MUSTN'T LAUGH
AT ME, DARLING,

BUT IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN
A GIRLISH DREAM OF MINE

TO LOVE SOMEONE
WHOSE NAME WAS ERNEST.

THERE IS SOMETHING IN THAT NAME
WHICH SEEMS TO INSPIRE

ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE.

I PITY ANY POOR MARRIED WOMAN
WHOSE HUSBAND IS NOT
CALLED ERNEST.

DO YOU MEAN TO SAY

YOU COULD NOT LOVE ME
IF I HAD SOME OTHER NAME?

BUT WHAT NAME?

ANY NAME YOU LIKE--
ALGERNON, FOR INSTANCE.

BUT I DON'T LIKE
THE NAME OF ALGERNON.

WELL, MY OWN DEAR, SWEET,
LOVING LITTLE DARLING,

I CAN'T SEE WHY YOU OBJECT
TO THE NAME OF ALGERNON.

IT IS NOT A BAD NAME.
IT IS A RATHER
ARISTOCRATIC NAME.

HALF OF THE CHAPS WHO GET
INTO BANKRUPTCY COURT ARE
CALLED ALGERNON.

BUT SERIOUSLY,
CECILY,

IF MY NAME WAS ALGY,
COULDN'T YOU LOVE ME?

I MIGHT RESPECT YOU,
ERNEST.

I MIGHT ADMIRE
YOUR CHARACTER,

BUT I FEAR THAT I SHOULD
NOT BE ABLE TO GIVE YOU
MY UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.

CECILY, YOUR RECTOR
HERE IS, I SUPPOSE,
THOROUGHLY EXPERIENCED

IN THE PRACTICE OF ALL
THE RITES AND CEREMONIALS
OF THE CHURCH?

OH, YES. DR. CHASUBLE
IS A MOST LEARNED MAN.

HE HAS NEVER WRITTEN
A SINGLE BOOK, SO YOU CAN
IMAGINE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS.

I MUST SEE HIM AT ONCE
ON A MOST IMPORTANT
CHRISTENING--

I MEAN, ON MOST
IMPORTANT BUSINESS.

- OH!
- I SHAN'T BE AWAY MORE
THAN A HALF AN HOUR.

CONSIDERING THAT WE HAVE BEEN
ENGAGED SINCE FEBRUARY THE 14th,

AND THAT I ONLY MET YOU
TODAY FOR THE FIRST TIME,

I THINK IT IS RATHER HARD
THAT YOU SHOULD LEAVE ME

FOR SO LONG A PERIOD
AS HALF AN HOUR.

COULDN'T YOU MAKE IT
20 MINUTES?

I'LL BE BACK
IN NO TIME.

WHAT AN IMPETUOUS
BOY HE IS.

I LIKE
HIS HAIR SO MUCH.

I MUST ENTER HIS PROPOSAL
IN MY DIARY.

A MISS FAIRFAX
HAS JUST CALLED

TO SEE
MR. WORTHING.

ON VERY IMPORTANT BUSINESS,
MISS FAIRFAX STATES.

ISN'T MR. WORTHING
IN HIS LIBRARY?

MR. WORTHING WENT OVER
IN THE DIRECTION

OF THE RECTORY
SOME TIME AGO.

PRAY ASK THE LADY
TO COME OUT HERE.

MR. WORTHING IS
SURE TO BE BACK SOON.
AND YOU CAN BRING TEA.

YES, MISS.

MISS FAIRFAX.

I SUPPOSE ONE
OF THE MANY GOOD

ELDERLY WOMEN WHO ARE
ASSOCIATED WITH UNCLE JACK

IN SOME OF HIS PHILANTHROPIC
WORK IN LONDON.

I DON'T QUITE
LIKE WOMEN

WHO ARE INTERESTED
IN PHILANTHROPIC WORK.

I THINK IT IS SO
FORWARD OF THEM.

Merriman:
MISS FAIRFAX.

PRAY, LET ME INTRODUCE
MYSELF TO YOU.

MY NAME IS
CECILY CARDEW.

CECILY CARDEW?

WHAT A VERY
SWEET NAME.

SOMETHING TELLS ME
THAT WE ARE GOING
TO BE GREAT FRIENDS.

I LIKE YOU ALREADY
MORE THAN I CAN SAY.

MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS
OF PEOPLE ARE NEVER WRONG.

HOW NICE OF YOU
TO LIKE ME SO MUCH

AFTER WE HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER
SUCH A COMPARATIVELY SHORT TIME.

PRAY SIT DOWN.

I MAY CALL YOU CECILY,
MAY I NOT?

WITH PLEASURE.

YOU WILL ALWAYS
CALL ME GWENDOLEN,
WON'T YOU?

IF YOU WISH.

THEN THAT IS ALL
QUITE SETTLED,

IS IT NOT?

I HOPE SO.

PERHAPS THIS MIGHT BE
A FAVORABLE OPPORTUNITY

FOR MY MENTIONING
WHO I AM.

MY FATHER IS
LORD BRACKNELL.

YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD
OF PAPA, I SUPPOSE?

I DON'T THINK SO.

OUTSIDE THE FAMILY CIRCLE,
PAPA, I AM GLAD TO SAY,

IS ENTIRELY UNKNOWN.
I THINK THAT IS QUITE
AS IT SHOULD BE.

THE HOME SEEMS TO ME TO BE
THE PROPER SPHERE FOR THE MAN.

AND CERTAINLY ONCE A MAN BEGINS
TO NEGLECT HIS DOMESTIC DUTIES,

HE BECOMES PAINFULLY
EFFEMINATE, DOES HE NOT?

AND I DON'T
LIKE THAT.

IT MAKES MEN SO
VERY ATTRACTIVE.

CECILY,

MAMMA, WHOSE
VIEWS ON EDUCATION
ARE REMARKABLY STRICT,

HAS BROUGHT ME UP TO BE
EXTREMELY SHORTSIGHTED;

IT IS PART
OF HER SYSTEM.

SO DO YOU MIND MY LOOKING
AT YOU THROUGH MY GLASSES?

NOT AT ALL,
GWENDOLEN.

I AM VERY FOND
OF BEING LOOKED AT.

YOU ARE HERE ON...
A SHORT VISIT, I SUPPOSE?

- OH, NO. I LIVE HERE.
- REALLY?

YOUR MOTHER, NO DOUBT,
OR SOME FEMALE RELATIVE

OF ADVANCED YEARS,
RESIDES HERE ALSO?

OH, NO, I HAVE NO MOTHER.
NOR, IN FACT, ANY RELATIONS.

INDEED?

MY DEAR GUARDIAN,
WITH THE ASSISTANCE
OF MISS PRISM,

HAS THE ARDUOUS TASK
OF LOOKING AFTER ME.

- YOUR GUARDIAN?
- I AM MR. WORTHING'S WARD.

IT IS STRANGE
HE NEVER MENTIONED TO ME
THAT HE HAD A WARD.

HOW VERY SECRETIVE
OF HIM.

HE GROWS
MORE INTERESTING HOURLY.

I AM NOT SURE, HOWEVER,
THAT THE NEWS INSPIRES ME

WITH FEELINGS
OF UNMIXED DELIGHT.

I AM VERY FOND
OF YOU, CECILY.

I HAVE LIKED YOU
EVER SINCE I MET YOU,

BUT I AM BOUND TO STATE
THAT NOW I KNOW THAT YOU
ARE MR. WORTHING'S WARD,

I CANNOT HELP
EXPRESSING A WISH
THAT YOU WERE...

WELL...

JUST A LITTLE OLDER
THAN YOU SEEM TO BE,

AND NOT QUITE SO VERY
ALLURING IN APPEARANCE.

IN FACT, IF I MAY
SPEAK CANDIDLY--

PRAY DO! I THINK THAT
WHENEVER ONE HAS ANYTHING

UNPLEASANT TO SAY,
ONE SHOULD ALWAYS
BE QUITE CANDID.

WELL...

TO SPEAK WITH PERFECT
CANDOR, CECILY...

I WISH THAT YOU
WERE FULLY 42

AND MORE THAN USUALLY
PLAIN FOR YOUR AGE.

ERNEST HAS A STRONG,
UPRIGHT NATURE.

HE IS THE VERY SOUL
OF TRUTH AND HONOR.

DISLOYALTY WOULD BE
AS IMPOSSIBLE TO HIM
AS DECEPTION.

BUT EVEN MEN OF THE NOBLEST
POSSIBLE MORAL CHARACTER

ARE EXTREMELY
SUSCEPTIBLE

TO THE INFLUENCE
OF THE PHYSICAL
CHARMS OF OTHERS.

MODERN, NO LESS THAN
ANCIENT HISTORY,

SUPPLIES US WITH MANY
MOST PAINFUL EXAMPLES

OF WHAT I REFER TO.

IF IT WERE NOT SO, INDEED,
HISTORY WOULD BE QUITE
UNREADABLE.

I BEG YOUR PARDON, GWENDOLEN,
DID YOU SAY ERNEST?

- YES.
- BUT IT IS NOT MR. ERNEST
WORTHING WHO IS MY GUARDIAN.

IT IS HIS BROTHER--
HIS ELDER BROTHER.

ERNEST NEVER MENTIONED TO ME
THAT HE HAD A BROTHER.

I AM SORRY TO SAY THEY HAVE
NOT BEEN ON GOOD TERMS
FOR A LONG TIME.

OH.

THAT ACCOUNTS
FOR IT.

NOW I THINK OF IT, I HAVE NEVER
HEARD ANY MAN MENTION
HIS BROTHER.

THE SUBJECT SEEMS
DISTASTEFUL TO MOST MEN.

CECILY,

YOU HAVE LIFTED
A LOAD FROM MY MIND.

I WAS GROWING
ALMOST ANXIOUS.

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN TERRIBLE
IF ANY CLOUD HAD COME ACROSS

A FRIENDSHIP LIKE OURS,
WOULD IT NOT?

OF COURSE, YOU ARE
QUITE, QUITE SURE

THAT IT IS NOT
MR. ERNEST WORTHING
WHO IS YOUR GUARDIAN?

QUITE SURE.

IN FACT,
I AM GOING TO BE HIS.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

DEAREST GWENDOLEN, THERE IS
NO REASON WHY I SHOULD MAKE
A SECRET OF IT TO YOU.

OUR LITTLE COUNTRY NEWSPAPER
IS SURE TO CHRONICLE
THE FACT NEXT WEEK.

MR. ERNEST
WORTHING AND I

ARE ENGAGED
TO BE MARRIED.

MY DARLING CECILY,

I FEEL THERE MUST BE
SOME SLIGHT ERROR.

MR. ERNEST WORTHING
IS ENGAGED TO ME.

THE ANNOUNCEMENT WILL APPEAR
IN THE MORNING POST

ON SATURDAY
AT THE LATEST.

I'M AFRAID
YOU MUST BE UNDER
SOME MISCONCEPTION.

ERNEST
PROPOSED TO ME

EXACTLY
10 MINUTES AGO.

IT IS CERTAINLY VERY CURIOUS,
FOR HE ASKED ME TO BE HIS WIFE

YESTERDAY AFTERNOON
AT 5:30.

IF YOU WOULD CARE TO VERIFY
THE INCIDENT, PRAY DO SO.

I NEVER TRAVEL
WITHOUT MY DIARY.

ONE SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE
SOMETHING SENSATIONAL
TO READ IN THE TRAIN.

I AM SO SORRY,
DEAR CECILY,

IF IT IS ANY
DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOU,

BUT I'M AFRAID
I HAVE THE PRIOR CLAIM.

IT WOULD DISTRESS ME
MORE THAN I CAN TELL YOU,

DEAR GWENDOLEN,
IF IT CAUSED YOU

ANY MENTAL
OR PHYSICAL ANGUISH,

BUT I FEEL BOUND
TO POINT OUT

THAT SINCE ERNEST
PROPOSED TO YOU,

HE HAS CLEARLY
CHANGED HIS MIND.

IF THE POOR BOY
HAS BEEN...

ENTRAPPED INTO
ANY FOOLISH PROMISE,

I SHALL CONSIDER IT MY DUTY
TO RESCUE HIM AT ONCE,

AND WITH
A FIRM HAND.

WHATEVER UNFORTUNATE
ENTANGLEMENT

MY DEAR BOY
MAY HAVE GOT INTO,

I WILL NEVER REPROACH HIM
WITH IT AFTER WE ARE MARRIED.

DO YOU ALLUDE TO ME,
MISS CARDEW,

AS AN ENTANGLEMENT?
YOU ARE PRESUMPTUOUS.

ON AN OCCASION OF THIS KIND
IT BECOMES MORE THAN
A MORAL DUTY

TO SPEAK ONE'S MIND,
IT BECOMES A PLEASURE.

DO YOU SUGGEST,
MISS FAIRFAX,

THAT I ENTRAPPED ERNEST
INTO AN ENGAGEMENT?

HOW DARE YOU!

THIS IS NO TIME FOR WEARING
THE SHALLOW MASK OF MANNERS.

WHEN I SEE A SPADE,
I CALL IT A SPADE.

I AM GLAD TO SAY
I HAVE NEVER SEEN A SPADE.

IT IS OBVIOUS
THAT OUR SOCIAL SPHERES
HAVE BEEN WIDELY DIFFERENT.

SHALL I LAY TEA HERE
AS USUAL, MISS?

YES, AS USUAL.

ARE THERE MANY
INTERESTING WALKS

IN THE VICINITY,
MISS CARDEW?

OH, YES,
A GREAT MANY.

FROM THE TOP OF ONE
OF THE HILLS QUITE CLOSE
ONE CAN SEE FIVE COUNTIES.

FIVE COUNTIES!

I DON'T THINK I SHOULD
LIKE THAT. I HATE CROWDS.

I SUPPOSE THAT IS WHY
YOU LIVE IN THE TOWN?

QUITE A WELL-KEPT GARDEN
THIS IS, MISS CARDEW.

SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT,
MISS FAIRFAX.

I HAD NO IDEA THERE WERE
ANY FLOWERS IN THE COUNTRY.

FLOWERS ARE
AS COMMON HERE,
MISS FAIRFAX,

AS PEOPLE ARE
IN LONDON.

PERSONALLY,
I CANNOT UNDERSTAND

HOW ANYBODY MANAGES
TO EXIST IN THE COUNTRY,

IF ANYBODY WHO IS
ANYBODY DOES.

THE COUNTRY ALWAYS
BORES ME TO DEATH.

AH, THIS IS WHAT
THE NEWSPAPERS CALL

"AGRICULTURAL DEPRESSION,"
IS IT NOT?

I BELIEVE THE ARISTOCRACY
ARE SUFFERING VERY MUCH
FROM IT AT PRESENT.

IT IS ALMOST AN EPIDEMIC
AMONGST THEM, I HAVE BEEN TOLD.

MAY I OFFER YOU
SOME TEA, MISS FAIRFAX?

THANK YOU.

DETESTABLE GIRL!
BUT I REQUIRE TEA!

SUGAR?

NO, THANK YOU.

SUGAR IS NOT FASHIONABLE
ANY MORE.

CAKE,
OR BREAD AND BUTTER?

( chuckles )

BREAD AND BUTTER,
PLEASE.

CAKE IS RARELY SEEN
AT THE BEST HOUSES NOWADAYS.

HAND THAT
TO MISS FAIRFAX.

YOU HAVE FILLED MY TEA
WITH LUMPS OF SUGAR,

AND THOUGH I ASKED MOST
DISTINCTLY FOR BREAD AND BUTTER,

YOU HAVE GIVEN ME CAKE.

I AM KNOWN FOR THE GENTLENESS
OF MY DISPOSITION,

AND THE EXTRAORDINARY
SWEETNESS OF MY NATURE,

BUT I WARN YOU, MISS CARDEW,
YOU MAY GO TOO FAR.

TO SAVE MY POOR,
INNOCENT TRUSTING BOY

FROM THE MACHINATIONS
OF ANY OTHER GIRL

THERE ARE NO LENGTHS
TO WHICH I WOULD NOT GO.

FROM THE MOMENT I SAW YOU
I DISTRUSTED YOU.

I FELT THAT YOU WERE
FALSE AND DECEITFUL.

I AM NEVER DECEIVED
IN SUCH MATTERS.

MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF PEOPLE
ARE INVARIABLY RIGHT.

IT SEEMS TO ME,
MISS FAIRFAX,

THAT I AM TRESPASSING
ON YOUR VALUABLE TIME.

NO DOUBT YOU HAVE
MANY OTHER CALLS

OF A SIMILAR CHARACTER
TO MAKE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

ERNEST!

- MY OWN ERNEST!
- GWENDOLEN, DARLING!

A MOMENT.

MAY I ASK IF YOU ARE ENGAGED
TO BE MARRIED TO THIS...

YOUNG LADY?

TO DEAR
LITTLE CECILY?

OF COURSE NOT!

WHAT COULD HAVE PUT SUCH AN IDEA
IN YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEAD?

THANK YOU.
YOU MAY.

I KNEW THERE MUST BE
SOME MISUNDERSTANDING.

THE GENTLEMAN
WHOSE ARM IS AT PRESENT
AROUND YOUR WAIST

IS MY GUARDIAN,
MR. JOHN WORTHING.

- I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- THIS IS UNCLE JACK.

JACK--?! OH!

- HERE IS ERNEST.
- MY OWN LOVE!

A MOMENT, ERNEST.
MAY I ASK YOU--

ARE YOU
ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED
TO THIS YOUNG LADY?

TO WHAT YOUNG--
GOOD HEAVENS,
GWENDOLEN!

YES, TO GOOD HEAVENS,
GWENDOLEN.

- I MEAN, TO GWENDOLEN?
- OF COURSE NOT!

WHAT COULD HAVE PUT SUCH AN IDEA
INTO YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEAD?

THANK YOU.
YOU MAY.

I FELT THERE MUST BE
SOME SLIGHT ERROR,
MISS CARDEW.

THE GENTLEMAN WHO IS
NOW EMBRACING YOU

IS MY COUSIN,

MR. ALGERNON
MONCRIEFF.

ALGERNON MONCRIEFF!

OH!

ARE YOU
CALLED ALGERNON?

- I CANNOT DENY IT.
- OH!

IS YOUR NAME
REALLY... JOHN?

I COULD DENY IT
IF I LIKED.

I COULD DENY
ANYTHING IF I LIKED.

BUT MY NAME
CERTAINLY IS JOHN.

IT HAS BEEN JOHN
FOR YEARS.

A GROSS DECEPTION HAS BEEN
PRACTICED ON BOTH OF US.

MY POOR,
WOUNDED CECILY!

MY SWEET, WRONGED
GWENDOLEN!

YOU WILL
CALL ME SISTER,
WILL YOU NOT?

THERE IS
JUST ONE QUESTION

I SHOULD LIKE TO BE ALLOWED
TO ASK MY GUARDIAN.

AN ADMIRABLE IDEA!

MR. WORTHING, THERE IS
JUST ONE QUESTION I WOULD LIKE

TO BE PERMITTED
TO PUT TO YOU.

WHERE IS YOUR
BROTHER ERNEST?

WE ARE BOTH ENGAGED TO BE
MARRIED TO YOUR BROTHER ERNEST,

SO IT IS A MATTER
OF SOME IMPORTANCE TO US

TO KNOW WHERE YOUR BROTHER
ERNEST IS AT PRESENT.

GWENDOLEN,
CECILY--

IT IS VERY PAINFUL FOR ME
TO BE FORCED TO SPEAK THE TRUTH.

IT IS THE FIRST TIME
IN MY LIFE

THAT I HAVE EVER BEEN REDUCED
TO SUCH A PAINFUL POSITION,

AND I AM REALLY
QUITE INEXPERIENCED

IN DOING ANYTHING
OF THE KIND.

HOWEVER, I WILL TELL YOU
QUITE FRANKLY THAT I HAVE
NO BROTHER ERNEST.

I HAVE NO BROTHER
AT ALL.

I HAVE NEVER HAD
A BROTHER,

AND I CERTAINLY HAVE NOT
THE SMALLEST INTENTION

OF EVER HAVING ONE
IN THE FUTURE.

- NO BROTHER AT ALL?
- NONE!

HAD YOU
NEVER A BROTHER
OF ANY KIND?

NEVER, NOT EVEN
OF ANY KIND.

I AM AFRAID IT IS
QUITE CLEAR, CECILY,

THAT NEITHER
OF US IS ENGAGED TO BE
MARRIED TO ANYONE.

IT IS NOT A VERY
PLEASANT POSITION

FOR A YOUNG GIRL
TO SUDDENLY FIND
HERSELF IN, IS IT?

LET US GO
INTO THE HOUSE.

THEY WILL HARDLY VENTURE
TO COME AFTER US THERE.

NO. MEN
ARE SO COWARDLY,
AREN'T THEY?

THIS GHASTLY STATE OF THINGS
IS WHAT YOU CALL BUNBURYING,
I SUPPOSE?

YES...

AND A PERFECTLY WONDERFUL
BUNBURY IT IS, TOO.

THE MOST WONDERFUL BUNBURY
I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE.

YOU HAVE NO RIGHT
WHATSOEVER TO BUNBURY HERE.

THAT IS ABSURD.
ONE HAS A RIGHT TO BUNBURY
ANYWHERE ONE CHOOSES.

- EVERY SERIOUS
BUNBURYIST KNOWS THAT.
- SERIOUS BUNBURYIST?

ONE MUST BE
SERIOUS ABOUT SOMETHING,

IF ONE WANTS TO HAVE
ANY AMUSEMENT IN LIFE.

AS FOR YOUR CONDUCT
TOWARDS MISS CARDEW,

I MUST SAY THAT YOUR
TAKING IN A SWEET, SIMPLE,

INNOCENT GIRL LIKE THAT
IS QUITE INEXCUSABLE.

TO SAY NOTHING OF THE FACT
THAT SHE IS MY WARD.

I CAN SEE NO DEFENSE FOR YOUR
DECEIVING A BRILLIANT, CLEVER,

EXPERIENCED YOUNG LADY LIKE
MISS FAIRFAX. TO SAY NOTHING
THAT SHE'S MY COUSIN.

I WANTED TO BE ENGAGED
TO GWENDOLEN. I LOVE HER.

I SIMPLY WANTED TO BE ENGAGED
TO CECILY. I ADORE HER.

THERE IS CERTAINLY NO CHANCE
OF YOUR MARRYING MISS CARDEW.

I DON'T THINK
THERE IS MUCH LIKELIHOOD OF YOU
AND MISS FAIRFAX BEING UNITED.

- THAT IS NO BUSINESS OF YOURS.
- IF IT WAS, I SHOULDN'T TALK
ABOUT IT.

IT IS VERY VULGAR TO TALK
ABOUT ONE'S BUSINESS.

PEOPLE LIKE STOCKBROKERS
DO THAT, AND THEN MERELY
AT DINNER PARTIES.

HOW YOU CAN SIT THERE,
CALMLY EATING MUFFINS,

WHEN WE ARE IN THIS TROUBLE,
I CAN'T MAKE OUT.

YOU SEEM TO BE
PERFECTLY HEARTLESS.

WELL, I CAN'T EAT MUFFINS
IN AN AGITATED MANNER.

THE BUTTER WOULD PROBABLY
GET ON MY CUFFS.

I AM EATING MUFFINS
BECAUSE I AM UNHAPPY.

BESIDES, I AM PARTICULARLY
FOND OF MUFFINS.

THAT IS NO REASON
WHY YOU SHOULD EAT THEM
IN THAT GREEDY WAY.

I WISH YOU WOULD
HAVE TEACAKE INSTEAD.
I DON'T LIKE TEACAKE.

A MAN MAY EAT HIS OWN
MUFFINS IN HIS OWN GARDEN.

YOU SAID IT WAS PERFECTLY
HEARTLESS TO EAT MUFFINS.

IT WAS PERFECTLY
HEARTLESS OF YOU,

UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES.
THAT IS A DIFFERENT THING.

THAT MAY BE,
BUT THE MUFFINS
ARE THE SAME.

ALGY, I WISH TO GOODNESS
YOU WOULD GO.

YOU CAN'T ASK ME TO GO
WITHOUT HAVING DINNER.

IT'S ABSURD.
I NEVER GO WITHOUT
MY DINNER.

NO ONE DOES,
EXCEPT VEGETARIANS
AND PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

THAT IS NONSENSE!
YOU NEVER TALK ANYTHING
BUT NONSENSE.

- YOU ARE AT THE MUFFINS AGAIN!
- I'VE ASKED YOU TO GO.

- I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!
- I HAVEN'T FINISHED MY TEA.

AND THERE IS STILL
ONE MUFFIN LEFT.

THE FACT THAT THEY
DID NOT FOLLOW US
AT ONCE INTO THE HOUSE,

AS ANYONE ELSE
WOULD HAVE DONE,
SEEMS TO ME

TO SHOW THAT THEY HAVE
SOME SENSE OF SHAME LEFT.

THEY HAVE BEEN
EATING MUFFINS.

THAT LOOKS
LIKE REPENTANCE.

THEY DON'T SEEM
TO NOTICE US AT ALL.

- COULDN'T YOU COUGH?
- BUT I HAVEN'T GOT A COUGH.

THEY'RE LOOKING AT US.
WHAT EFFRONTERY!

THEY'RE APPROACHING.

THAT'S VERY
FORWARD OF THEM.

LET US PRESERVE
A DIGNIFIED SILENCE.

CERTAINLY.
IT IS THE ONLY
THING TO DO NOW.

( men whistling )

THIS DIGNIFIED SILENCE SEEMS
TO PRODUCE AN UNPLEASANT EFFECT.

- A MOST DISTASTEFUL ONE.
- BUT WE WILL NOT BE
THE FIRST TO SPEAK.

- CERTAINLY NOT.
- MR. WORTHING!

I HAVE SOMETHING VERY
PARTICULAR TO ASK YOU.

MUCH DEPENDS
ON YOUR REPLY.

GWENDOLEN,
YOUR COMMON SENSE
IS INVALUABLE.

MR. MONCRIEFF,
KINDLY ANSWER ME
THE FOLLOWING QUESTION.

WHY DID YOU PRETEND TO BE
MY GUARDIAN'S BROTHER?

IN ORDER THAT I MIGHT HAVE
AN OPPORTUNITY OF MEETING YOU.

THAT CERTAINLY SEEMS
A SATISFACTORY EXPLANATION,

- DOES IT NOT?
- YES DEAR, IF YOU
CAN BELIEVE HIM.

I DON'T, BUT THAT DOES NOT
AFFECT THE WONDERFUL BEAUTY
OF HIS ANSWER.

TRUE-- IN MATTERS
OF GRAVE IMPORTANCE,

STYLE, NOT SINCERITY,
IS THE VITAL THING.

MR. WORTHING,

WHAT EXPLANATION
CAN YOU OFFER TO ME

FOR PRETENDING
TO HAVE A BROTHER?

WAS IT IN ORDER
THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE
AN OPPORTUNITY

OF COMING UP TO TOWN
TO SEE ME AS OFTEN
AS POSSIBLE?

CAN YOU DOUBT IT,
MISS FAIRFAX?

I HAVE THE GRAVEST DOUBTS
UPON THE SUBJECT.

BUT I INTEND TO CRUSH THEM.
THIS IS NOT THE MOMENT
FOR GERMAN SKEPTICISM.

THEIR EXPLANATIONS APPEAR
TO BE QUITE SATISFACTORY,

ESPECIALLY
MR. WORTHING'S.

THAT SEEMS TO ME
TO HAVE THE STAMP
OF TRUTH UPON IT.

I AM MORE
THAN CONTENT WITH WHAT
MR. MONCRIEFF SAID.

HIS VOICE ALONE
INSPIRES ONE WITH
ABSOLUTE CREDULITY.

THEN YOU THINK
WE SHOULD FORGIVE THEM?

YES.
I MEAN, NO!

TRUE!
I HAD FORGOTTEN.

THERE ARE PRINCIPLES AT STAKE
THAT ONE CANNOT SURRENDER.

WHICH OF US SHOULD TELL THEM?
THE TASK IS NOT A PLEASANT ONE.

COULD WE NOT BOTH
SPEAK AT THE SAME TIME?

AN EXCELLENT IDEA!

I NEARLY ALWAYS SPEAK
AT THE SAME TIME
AS OTHER PEOPLE.

- WILL YOU TAKE
THE TIME FROM ME?
- CERTAINLY.

Both:
YOUR CHRISTIAN
NAMES ARE STILL

AN INSUPERABLE BARRIER.
THAT IS ALL.

Both:
OUR CHRISTIAN NAMES!
IS THAT ALL?

BUT WE ARE GOING TO BE
CHRISTENED THIS AFTERNOON.

FOR MY SAKE,
YOU ARE PREPARED

- TO DO THIS TERRIBLE THING?
- I AM!

TO PLEASE ME
YOU ARE READY TO FACE

- THIS FEARFUL ORDEAL?
- I AM!

HOW ABSURD
TO TALK

OF THE EQUALITY
OF THE SEXES!

WHERE QUESTIONS
OF SELF-SACRIFICE
ARE CONCERNED,

MEN ARE INFINITELY
BEYOND US.

WE ARE.

THEY HAVE MOMENTS
OF PHYSICAL COURAGE

OF WHICH WE WOMEN
KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

DARLING!

Both men:
DARLING!

AHEM, AHEM!
LADY BRACKNELL!

GOOD HEAVENS!

GWENDOLEN,
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

MERELY THAT I AM ENGAGED
TO BE MARRIED TO MR. WORTHING.

COME HERE.

SIT DOWN.
SIT DOWN IMMEDIATELY.

HESITATION OF ANY KIND
IS A SIGN OF MENTAL DECAY
IN THE YOUNG,

OF PHYSICAL WEAKNESS
IN THE OLD.

APPRISED, SIR,
OF MY DAUGHTER'S
SUDDEN FLIGHT

BY HER TRUSTY MAID,

WHOSE CONFIDENCE I PURCHASED
BY MEANS OF A SMALL COIN,

I FOLLOWED HER AT ONCE
BY LUGGAGE TRAIN.

HER UNHAPPY FATHER IS,
I AM GLAD TO SAY,

UNDER THE IMPRESSION
THAT SHE IS ATTENDING

A MORE THAN USUALLY
LENGTHY LECTURE

BY THE UNIVERSITY
EXTENSION SCHEME
ON THE INFLUENCE

OF A PERMANENT INCOME
ON THOUGHT.

I DO NOT PROPOSE
TO UNDECEIVE HIM.

INDEED, I HAVE NEVER
UNDECEIVED HIM ON ANY QUESTION.

I WOULD
CONSIDER IT WRONG.

BUT OF COURSE,
YOU WILL CLEARLY UNDERSTAND

THAT ALL COMMUNICATION
BETWEEN YOURSELF AND MY DAUGHTER

MUST CEASE IMMEDIATELY
FROM THIS MOMENT.

ON THIS POINT,
AS INDEED ON ALL POINTS,

I AM FIRM.

I AM ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED
TO GWENDOLEN, LADY BRACKNELL.

YOU ARE NOTHING
OF THE KIND, SIR.

AND NOW,
AS REGARDS ALGERNON...

ALGERNON?

YES,
AUNT AUGUSTA.

MAY I ASK IF IT
IS IN THIS HOUSE

THAT YOUR INVALID FRIEND
MR. BUNBURY RESIDES?

OH, NO,
BUNBURY DOESN'T LIVE HERE.

BUNBURY IS
SOMEWHERE ELSE AT PRESENT.

IN FACT,
BUNBURY IS DEAD.

DEAD? WHEN DID
MR. BUNBURY DIE?

HIS DEATH MUST HAVE BEEN
EXTREMELY SUDDEN.

I KILLED BUNBURY
THIS AFTERNOON.

I MEAN, POOR BUNBURY
DIED THIS AFTERNOON.

- WHAT DID HE DIE OF?
- HE WAS QUITE EXPLODED.

EXPLODED?

WAS HE THE VICTIM
OF A REVOLUTIONARY OUTRAGE?

I WAS NOT AWARE
THAT MR. BUNBURY WAS INTERESTED
IN SOCIAL LEGISLATION.

IF SO, HE IS WELL PUNISHED
FOR HIS MORBIDITY.

MY DEAR AUNT AUGUSTA,
I MEAN HE WAS FOUND OUT.

THE DOCTORS FOUND OUT
THAT BUNBURY COULD NOT LIVE,

THAT IS WHAT I MEAN--
SO POOR BUNBURY DIED.

HE SEEMS TO HAVE
HAD GREAT CONFIDENCE

IN THE OPINION
OF HIS PHYSICIANS.

I AM GLAD, HOWEVER,
THAT HE MADE UP HIS MIND

AT THE LAST TO SOME DEFINITE
COURSE OF ACTION,

AND ACTED UNDER
PROPER MEDICAL ADVICE.

AND NOW THAT WE HAVE
FINALLY GOT RID

OF THIS
MR. BUNBURY,

MAY I ASK,
MR. WORTHING,

WHO IS THAT
YOUNG PERSON

WHOSE HAND
MY NEPHEW ALGERNON

IS NOW HOLDING
IN WHAT SEEMS TO ME

A PECULIARLY
UNNECESSARY MANNER?

THAT LADY IS
MISS CECILY CARDEW,
MY WARD.

I AM ENGAGED TO BE
MARRIED TO CECILY,
AUNT AUGUSTA.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

MR. MONCRIEFF AND I ARE
ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED,
LADY BRACKNELL.

I DO NOT KNOW
IF THERE IS ANYTHING

PECULIARLY EXCITING
IN THE AIR

OF THIS PARTICULAR
PART OF HERTFORDSHIRE,

BUT THE NUMBER
OF ENGAGEMENTS THAT GO ON

SEEMS TO ME
CONSIDERABLY ABOVE
THE PROPER AVERAGE

THAT STATISTICS
HAVE LAID DOWN FOR OUR
GUIDANCE.

I THINK SOME PRELIMINARY
INQUIRY ON MY PART

WOULD NOT
BE OUT OF PLACE.

MR. WORTHING...

IS MISS CARDEW AT ALL

CONNECTED WITH ANY
OF THE LARGER

RAILWAY STATIONS
IN LONDON?

I MERELY
DESIRE INFORMATION.

UNTIL YESTERDAY,
I HAD NO IDEA

THAT THERE WERE
ANY FAMILIES OR PERSONS

WHOSE ORIGIN
WAS A TERMINUS.

MISS CARDEW IS
THE GRANDDAUGHTER OF
THE LATE MR. THOMAS CARDEW

OF 149 BELGRAVE
SQUARE, S.W.,

GERVASE PARK,
DORKING, SURREY,

AND THE SPORRAN,
FIFESHIRE, N.B.

THAT SOUNDS
NOT UNSATISFACTORY.

THREE ADDRESSES
ALWAYS INSPIRE CONFIDENCE,
EVEN IN TRADESMEN.

BUT WHAT PROOF HAVE I
OF THEIR AUTHENTICITY?

I HAVE CAREFULLY PRESERVED
THE COURT GUIDES OF THE PERIOD.

THEY ARE OPEN
TO YOUR INSPECTION.

I HAVE KNOWN STRANGE
ERRORS IN THAT PUBLICATION.

MISS CARDEW'S FAMILY
SOLICITORS ARE MESSIEURS
MARKBY, MARKBY, AND MARKBY.

MARKBY, MARKBY,
AND MARKBY?

A FIRM OF THE VERY HIGHEST
POSITION IN THEIR PROFESSION.

INDEED, I AM TOLD THAT ONE
OF THE MARKBYS IS OCCASIONALLY

TO BE SEEN
AT DINNER PARTIES.

SO FAR,
I AM SATISFIED.

HOW EXTREMELY KIND OF YOU,
LADY BRACKNELL.

I HAVE ALSO IN MY POSSESSION,
YOU WILL BE PLEASED TO HEAR,

CERTIFICATES OF MISS CARDEW'S
BIRTH, BAPTISM, WHOOPING COUGH,

REGISTRATION,
VACCINATION,
CONFIRMATION,

AND THE MEASLES--

BOTH THE ENGLISH
AND THE GERMAN VARIETY.

AHH...

A LIFE CROWDED
WITH INCIDENT, I SEE.

THOUGH PERHAPS SOMEWHAT
TOO EXCITING FOR A YOUNG GIRL.

I AM NOT
MYSELF IN FAVOR

OF PREMATURE
EXPERIENCES.

GWENDOLEN,
THE TIME APPROACHES
FOR OUR DEPARTURE.

WE HAVE NOT
A MOMENT TO LOSE.

AS A MATTER OF FORM,
MR. WORTHING,

I HAD BETTER
ASK YOU IF MISS CARDEW
HAS ANY LITTLE FORTUNE?

OH, ABOUT
�130,000

IN THE FUNDS.
THAT IS ALL.

GOODBYE,
LADY BRACKNELL.

SO PLEASED
TO HAVE SEEN YOU.

A MOMENT,
MR. WORTHING.

�130,000?

AND IN THE FUNDS?

MISS CARDEW
SEEMS TO ME

A MOST
ATTRACTIVE YOUNG LADY,
NOW THAT I LOOK AT HER.

FEW GIRLS
OF THE PRESENT DAY

HAVE ANY REALLY
SOLID QUALITIES,

ANY OF THE QUALITIES THAT LAST,
AND IMPROVE WITH TIME.

WE LIVE,
I REGRET TO SAY,

IN AN AGE
OF SURFACES.

COME OVER
HERE, DEAR.

PRETTY CHILD,

YOUR DRESS IS
SADLY SIMPLE,

AND YOUR HAIR...

SEEMS ALMOST AS NATURE
MIGHT HAVE LEFT IT.

BUT WE CAN SOON
ALTER ALL THAT.

A THOROUGHLY EXPERIENCED
FRENCH MAID PRODUCES

A REALLY MARVELOUS RESULT
IN A VERY BRIEF SPACE OF TIME.

I REMEMBER
RECOMMENDING ONE

TO YOUNG
LADY LANSING,

AND AFTER THREE MONTHS,
HER OWN HUSBAND DID
NOT KNOW HER.

AND AFTER SIX MONTHS
NOBODY KNEW HER.

KINDLY TURN AROUND,
SWEET CHILD.

NO, THE SIDE VIEW
IS WHAT I WANT.

YES, QUITE
AS I EXPECTED.

THERE ARE DISTINCT

SOCIAL POSSIBILITIES
IN YOUR PROFILE.

TWO WEAK POINTS
IN OUR AGE

ARE ITS WANT OF PRINCIPLE
AND ITS WANT OF PROFILE.

THE CHIN A LITTLE
HIGHER, DEAR.

STYLE LARGELY DEPENDS
ON HOW THE CHIN IS WORN.

THEY ARE WORN VERY HIGH,
JUST AT PRESENT.

ALGERNON?

YES, AUNT AUGUSTA.

THERE ARE DISTINCT
SOCIAL POSSIBILITIES

IN MISS CARDEW'S
PROFILE.

CECILY IS THE SWEETEST,
DEAREST, PRETTIEST GIRL
IN THE WHOLE WORLD,

AND I DON'T CARE TUPPENCE
ABOUT SOCIAL POSSIBILITIES.

NEVER SPEAK DISRESPECTFULLY
OF SOCIETY, ALGERNON.

ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN'T
GET INTO IT DO THAT.

DEAR CHILD...

OF COURSE YOU KNOW
THAT ALGERNON

HAS NOTHING BUT HIS DEBTS
TO DEPEND UPON.

BUT I DO NOT APPROVE
OF MERCENARY MARRIAGES.

WHEN I MARRIED LORD BRACKNELL,
I HAD NO FORTUNE OF ANY KIND.

BUT I NEVER DREAMT
FOR A MOMENT

OF ALLOWING THAT
TO STAND IN MY WAY.

WELL, I SUPPOSE I MUST
GIVE MY CONSENT.

THANK YOU,
AUNT AUGUSTA.

CECILY,
YOU MAY KISS ME.

THANK YOU,
LADY BRACKNELL.

YOU MAY ALSO ADDRESS ME
AS "AUNT AUGUSTA"
FOR THE FUTURE.

THANK YOU,
AUNT AUGUSTA.

THE MARRIAGE, I THINK,
HAD BETTER TAKE PLACE
QUITE SOON.

- THANK YOU, AUNT AUGUSTA.
- THANK YOU, AUNT AUGUSTA.

FRANKLY, I AM NOT IN FAVOR
OF LONG ENGAGEMENTS.

THEY GIVE PEOPLE
THE OPPORTUNITY

OF FINDING OUT EACH OTHER'S
CHARACTER BEFORE MARRIAGE,

WHICH I THINK
IS NEVER ADVISABLE.

Jack:
I BEG YOUR PARDON
FOR INTERRUPTING YOU,

BUT THIS ENGAGEMENT
IS QUITE OUT OF THE QUESTION.

I AM MISS CARDEW'S GUARDIAN,
AND SHE CANNOT MARRY

WITHOUT MY CONSENT
UNTIL SHE COMES OF AGE.

THAT CONSENT I ABSOLUTELY
DECLINE TO GIVE.

UPON WHAT GROUNDS,
MAY I ASK?

ALGERNON IS
AN EXTREMELY,

I MIGHT SAY
AN OSTENTATIOUSLY
ELIGIBLE YOUNG MAN.

HE HAS NOTHING,
BUT HE LOOKS EVERYTHING.
WHAT MORE CAN ONE DESIRE?

IT PAINS ME VERY MUCH
TO HAVE TO SPEAK FRANKLY
TO YOU, LADY BRACKNELL,

ABOUT YOUR NEPHEW,
BUT THE FACT IS...

I DO NOT APPROVE AT ALL
OF HIS MORAL CHARACTER.

I SUSPECT HIM OF BEING
UNTRUTHFUL.

UNTRUTHFUL?

MY NEPHEW ALGERNON?

IMPOSSIBLE!
HE IS AN OXONIAN.

THIS AFTERNOON DURING
MY TEMPORARY ABSENCE IN LONDON

ON AN IMPORTANT
QUESTION OF ROMANCE,

HE OBTAINED ADMISSION
TO MY HOUSE

BY MEANS OF THE FALSE PRETENSE
OF BEING MY BROTHER.

UNDER AN ASSUMED
NAME HE DRANK,

I'VE JUST BEEN INFORMED
BY MY BUTLER,

AN ENTIRE PINT BOTTLE
OF MY PERRIER-JOUET BRUT '89,

A WINE I WAS ESPECIALLY
RESERVING FOR MYSELF.

CONTINUING
HIS DISGRACEFUL DECEPTION,

HE SUCCEEDED IN THE COURSE
OF THE AFTERNOON

IN ALIENATING THE AFFECTIONS
OF MY ONLY WARD.

HE SUBSEQUENTLY
STAYED TO TEA,

AND DEVOURED EVERY
SINGLE MUFFIN.

WHAT MAKES HIS CONDUCT
ALL THE MORE HEARTLESS

IS THAT HE WAS PERFECTLY
WELL AWARE FROM THE FIRST

THAT I HAVE NO BROTHER,
THAT I NEVER HAD A BROTHER,

AND THAT I DON'T INTEND
TO HAVE A BROTHER OF ANY KIND.

I DISTINCTLY TOLD HIM SO
MYSELF THIS AFTERNOON.

AHEM.

AFTER CAREFUL CONSIDERATION,
MR. WORTHING,

I HAVE DECIDED TO OVERLOOK
MY NEPHEW'S CONDUCT TO YOU.

THAT IS EXTREMELY GENEROUS
OF YOU, LADY BRACKNELL.

HOWEVER, MY DECISION
REMAINS UNALTERABLE.

I DECLINE TO GIVE
MY CONSENT.

SWEET CHILD,
COME HERE.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

WELL, I AM
REALLY ONLY 18,

BUT I ALWAYS ADMIT TO 20
WHEN I GO TO EVENING PARTIES.

YOU ARE PERFECTLY RIGHT
IN MAKING SOME SLIGHT
ALTERATION.

NO WOMAN SHOULD EVER BE
QUITE ACCURATE ABOUT HER AGE.

IT LOOKS
SO CALCULATING.

18, BUT ADMITTING TO 20
AT EVENING PARTIES.

IT WILL NOT BE LONG
BEFORE YOU ARE OF AGE

AND FREE
FROM THE RESTRAINTS
OF TUTELAGE.

SO I DON'T THINK
YOUR GUARDIAN'S CONSENT

IS AFTER ALL,
A MATTER OF ANY
IMPORTANCE.

PRAY, EXCUSE ME
FOR INTERRUPTING YOU AGAIN,
LADY BRACKNELL,

BUT IT IS ONLY FAIR
TO TELL YOU

THAT ACCORDING TO THE TERMS
OF HER GRANDFATHER'S WILL,

MISS CARDEW DOES NOT
COME LEGALLY OF AGE

TILL SHE IS 35.

THAT DOES NOT SEEM TO ME
TO BE A GRAVE OBJECTION.

35 IS A VERY
ATTRACTIVE AGE.

LONDON SOCIETY IS FULL OF WOMEN
OF THE VERY HIGHEST BIRTH

WHO HAVE, OF THEIR OWN
FREE CHOICE,

REMAINED 35
FOR YEARS.

LADY DUMBLETON IS
AN INSTANCE IN POINT.

TO MY OWN KNOWLEDGE
SHE HAS BEEN 35

EVER SINCE
SHE ARRIVED AT THE AGE OF 40,
WHICH WAS MANY YEARS AGO NOW.

I SEE NO REASON
WHY OUR DEAR CECILY

SHOULD NOT BE EVEN
STILL MORE ATTRACTIVE

AT THE AGE YOU MENTION
THAN SHE IS AT PRESENT.

THERE WILL BE A LARGE
ACCUMULATION OF PROPERTY.

ALGY, COULD YOU WAIT
FOR ME TILL I WAS 35?

OF COURSE I COULD, CECILY.
YOU KNOW I COULD.

YES, I FELT IT
INSTINCTIVELY,

BUT I COULDN'T WAIT
ALL THAT TIME.

I HATE WAITING EVEN
FIVE MINUTES FOR ANYBODY.

IT ALWAYS MAKES ME
RATHER CROSS.

I AM NOT PUNCTUAL MYSELF,
BUT I DO LIKE PUNCTUALITY
IN OTHERS,

AND WAITING,
EVEN TO BE MARRIED,
IS OUT OF THE QUESTION.

THEN WHAT IS
TO BE DONE, CECILY?

I DON'T KNOW,
MR. MONCRIEFF.

MY DEAR
MR. WORTHING,

AS MISS CARDEW STATES
POSITIVELY THAT SHE CANNOT

WAIT TILL
SHE IS 35--

A REMARK WHICH I AM BOUND
TO SAY SEEMS TO ME TO SHOW

A SOMEWHAT
IMPATIENT NATURE--

I WOULD BEG OF YOU
TO RECONSIDER YOUR DECISION.

BUT MY DEAR
LADY BRACKNELL,
THE MATTER IS

ENTIRELY
IN YOUR OWN HANDS.

THE MOMENT YOU CONSENT
TO MY MARRIAGE TO GWENDOLEN,

I WILL MOST GLADLY
ALLOW YOUR NEPHEW

TO FORM AN ALLIANCE
WITH MY WARD.

YOU MUST BE QUITE AWARE
THAT WHAT YOU PROPOSE

IS OUT OF THE QUESTION?

THEN A PASSIONATE
CELIBACY IS ALL

THAT ANY OF US
CAN LOOK FORWARD TO.

THAT IS NOT THE DESTINY
I PROPOSE FOR GWENDOLEN.

ALGERNON, OF COURSE,
CAN CHOOSE FOR HIMSELF.

COME, DEAR.

WE HAVE ALREADY MISSED FIVE,
IF NOT SIX, TRAINS.

TO MISS ANY MORE MIGHT
EXPOSE US TO COMMENT
ON THE PLATFORM.

EVERYTHING IS READY
FOR THE CHRISTENINGS.

THE CHRISTENINGS, SIR?

IS THAT NOT
SOMEWHAT PREMATURE?

BOTH THESE GENTLEMEN
HAVE EXPRESSED A DESIRE

FOR IMMEDIATE
BAPTISM.

AT THEIR AGE?

THE IDEA IS GROTESQUE
AND IRRELIGIOUS!

ALGERNON, I FORBID YOU
TO BE BAPTIZED.

I WILL NOT HEAR
OF SUCH EXCESSES.

LORD BRACKNELL WOULD BE
HIGHLY DISPLEASED

IF HE LEARNED THAT
THAT WAS THE WAY

IN WHICH YOU WASTED
YOUR TIME AND MONEY.

AM I TO UNDERSTAND THEN
THAT THERE ARE TO BE

NO CHRISTENINGS
AT ALL THIS AFTERNOON?

I DON'T THINK THAT,
AS THINGS ARE NOW,

IT WOULD BE OF MUCH
PRACTICAL VALUE

TO EITHER OF US,
DR. CHASUBLE.

I AM GRIEVED TO HEAR SUCH
SENTIMENTS FROM YOU,
MR. WORTHING.

THEY SAVOR OF THE HERETICAL
VIEWS OF THE ANABAPTISTS,

VIEWS THAT I HAVE
COMPLETELY REFUTED

IN FOUR OF MY
UNPUBLISHED SERMONS.

HOWEVER,
AS YOUR PRESENT MOOD

SEEMS TO BE
ONE PECULIARLY SECULAR,
I WILL RETURN TO THE CHURCH.

INDEED, I HAVE
JUST BEEN INFORMED
BY THE PEW OPENER

THAT FOR THE LAST HOUR
AND A HALF MISS PRISM

HAS BEEN WAITING FOR ME
IN THE VESTRY.

MISS PRISM?

DID I HEAR YOU MENTION
A MISS PRISM?

YES, LADY BRACKNELL.
I AM ON MY WAY TO JOIN HER.

PRAY, ALLOW ME
TO DETAIN YOU FOR A MOMENT.

THIS MATTER MAY PROVE
TO BE ONE OF VITAL IMPORTANCE

TO LORD BRACKNELL
AND MYSELF.

IS THIS MISS PRISM
A FEMALE OF REPELLENT ASPECT,

REMOTELY CONNECTED
WITH EDUCATION?

SHE IS THE MOST
CULTIVATED OF LADIES,

AND THE VERY PICTURE
OF RESPECTABILITY.

IT IS OBVIOUSLY
THE SAME PERSON.

MAY I ASK
WHAT POSITION

SHE HOLDS
IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD?

I AM A CELIBATE, MADAM.

MISS PRISM,
LADY BRACKNELL, HAS BEEN
FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS

MISS CARDEW'S
ESTEEMED GOVERNESS
AND VALUED COMPANION.

IN SPITE OF WHAT I HEAR OF HER,
I MUST SEE HER AT ONCE.

- LET HER BE SENT FOR.
- SHE APPROACHES.

SHE IS NIGH.

I WAS TOLD YOU EXPECTED ME
IN THE VESTRY, DEAR CANON.

I HAVE BEEN WAITING
FOR YOU FOR AN HOUR
AND THREE-QUARTERS.

PRISM!

COME HERE,
PRISM.

PRISM,
WHERE IS THAT BABY?

28 YEARS AGO, PRISM,

YOU LEFT LORD
BRACKNELL'S HOUSE,

NUMBER 104,
GROSVENOR SQUARE,

IN CHARGE
OF A PERAMBULATOR

THAT CONTAINED A BABY
OF THE MALE SEX.

YOU NEVER
RETURNED.

A FEW WEEKS LATER,

THROUGH THE ELABORATE
INVESTIGATIONS

OF THE METROPOLITAN
POLICE,

THE PERAMBULATOR
WAS DISCOVERED

AT MIDNIGHT
STANDING BY ITSELF

IN A REMOTE CORNER
OF BAYSWATER.

IT CONTAINED THE MANUSCRIPT
OF A THREE-VOLUME NOVEL

OF MORE THAN USUALLY
REVOLTING SENTIMENTALITY,

BUT THE BABY
WAS NOT THERE.

PRISM, WHERE
IS THAT BABY?

LADY BRACKNELL,

I ADMIT WITH SHAME
THAT I DO NOT KNOW.

I ONLY WISH I DID.

THE PLAIN FACTS
OF THE CASE ARE THESE:

ON THE MORNING
OF THE DAY YOU MENTION,

A DAY THAT IS FOREVER
BRANDED ON MY MEMORY,

I PREPARED AS USUAL
TO TAKE THE BABY OUT

IN ITS PERAMBULATOR.

I HAD ALSO WITH ME
A SOMEWHAT OLD,

BUT CAPACIOUS HANDBAG,

IN WHICH I HAD INTENDED
TO PLACE THE MANUSCRIPT

OF A WORK OF FICTION
THAT I HAD WRITTEN

DURING MY FEW
UNOCCUPIED HOURS.

IN A MOMENT
OF MENTAL ABSTRACTION,

FOR WHICH I NEVER
CAN FORGIVE MYSELF,

I DEPOSITED THE MANUSCRIPT
IN THE BASINETTE,

AND PLACED THE BABY
IN THE HANDBAG.

WHERE DID YOU
DEPOSIT THE HANDBAG?

DO NOT ASK ME,
MR. WORTHING.

MISS PRISM, THIS IS A MATTER
OF NO SMALL IMPORTANCE TO ME.

I INSIST ON KNOWING
WHERE YOU DEPOSITED

THE HANDBAG
THAT CONTAINED
THAT INFANT.

I LEFT IT
IN THE CLOAKROOM

OF ONE OF THE LARGER
RAILWAY STATIONS
IN LONDON.

WHAT
RAILWAY STATION?

VICTORIA...

THE BRIGHTON LINE.

I MUST RETIRE
TO MY ROOM FOR A MOMENT.

GWENDOLEN,
WAIT HERE FOR ME.

IF YOU ARE NOT TOO LONG,
I WILL WAIT FOR YOU
ALL MY LIFE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
THIS MEANS, LADY BRACKNELL?

I DARE NOT
EVEN SUSPECT,
DR. CHASUBLE.

I NEED HARDLY
TELL YOU

THAT IN FAMILIES
OF HIGH POSITION

STRANGE COINCIDENCES
ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO OCCUR.

THEY ARE HARDLY
CONSIDERED THE THING.

( thrashing above )

UNCLE JACK SEEMS
STRANGELY AGITATED.

YOUR GUARDIAN HAS
A VERY EMOTIONAL NATURE.

THIS NOISE IS
EXTREMELY UNPLEASANT.

IT SOUNDS
AS IF HE WAS HAVING
AN ARGUMENT.

I DISLIKE ARGUMENTS
OF ANY KIND.

THEY ARE ALWAYS VULGAR,
AND OFTEN CONVINCING.

IT HAS
STOPPED NOW.

( thrashing )

I WISH HE WOULD ARRIVE
AT SOME CONCLUSION.

THIS SUSPENSE IS TERRIBLE.
I HOPE IT WILL LAST.

IS THIS THE BAG,
MISS PRISM?

EXAMINE IT CAREFULLY
BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

THE HAPPINESS
OF MORE THAN ONE LIFE
DEPENDS ON YOUR ANSWER.

IT SEEMS
TO BE MINE.

YES-- HERE IS
THE INJURY IT RECEIVED

THROUGH THE UPSETTING
OF A GOWER STREET OMNIBUS

IN YOUNGER
AND HAPPIER DAYS.

HERE IS THE STAIN
ON THE LINING CAUSED

BY THE EXPLOSION
OF A TEMPERANCE BEVERAGE,

AN INCIDENT THAT OCCURRED
AT LEAMINGTON.

AND HERE, ON THE LOCK,
ARE MY INITIALS.

I HAD FORGOTTEN THAT
IN AN EXTRAVAGANT MOOD

I HAD PLACED THEM THERE.
THE BAG IS UNDOUBTEDLY MINE.

I AM DELIGHTED TO HAVE IT SO
UNEXPECTEDLY RESTORED TO ME.

IT HAS BEEN A GREAT
INCONVENIENCE

BEING WITHOUT IT
ALL THESE YEARS.

MISS PRISM,
MORE TO YOU IS RESTORED
THAN THIS HANDBAG.

I WAS THE BABY
YOU PLACED IN IT.

YOU?

- YES-- MOTHER!
- MR. WORTHING,
I AM UNMARRIED!

UNMARRIED?

I DO NOT DENY,
THAT IS A SERIOUS BLOW,

BUT AFTER ALL,
WHO HAS THE RIGHT

TO CAST A STONE AGAINST
ONE WHO HAS SUFFERED?

CANNOT REPENTANCE
WIPE OUT AN ACT
OF FOLLY?

WHY SHOULD THERE
BE ONE LAW FOR MEN,
AND ONE FOR WOMEN?

MOTHER,
I FORGIVE YOU.

MR. WORTHING,
THERE IS SOME ERROR.

THERE IS THE LADY
WHO CAN TELL YOU
WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

LADY BRACKNELL,
I HATE TO SEEM
INQUISITIVE...

BUT WOULD YOU KINDLY
INFORM ME WHO I AM?

I AM AFRAID THE NEWS
I HAVE TO GIVE YOU

WILL NOT ALTOGETHER
PLEASE YOU.

YOU ARE THE SON
OF MY POOR SISTER,
MRS. MONCRIEFF...

AND CONSEQUENTLY,
ALGERNON'S ELDER
BROTHER.

ALGERNON'S
ELDER BROTHER?

ALGERNON'S
ELDER BROTHER?

THEN I HAVE
A BROTHER AFTER ALL!

I ALWAYS SAID
I HAD A BROTHER!

I KNEW I HAD
A BROTHER!

CECILY, HOW COULD YOU
HAVE DOUBTED I HAD A BROTHER?

DR. CHASUBLE,
MY UNFORTUNATE BROTHER!

MISS PRISM,
MY UNFORTUNATE BROTHER!

GWENDOLEN,

MY UNFORTUNATE
BROTHER!

ALGY, YOU WILL
HAVE TO TREAT ME

WITH MORE RESPECT
IN THE FUTURE.

YOU HAVE NEVER BEHAVED
TO ME LIKE A BROTHER
IN ALL YOUR LIFE.

NOT TILL TODAY,
OLD BOY, I ADMIT.

HOWEVER, I DID MY BEST,
THOUGH I WAS OUT OF PRACTICE.

MY OWN!

BUT WHAT OWN
ARE YOU?

WHAT IS YOUR CHRISTIAN NAME,
NOW THAT YOU HAVE BECOME
SOMEONE ELSE?

I HAD QUITE
FORGOTTEN THAT POINT.

YOUR DECISION ON THE SUBJECT
OF MY NAME IS IRREVOCABLE,
I SUPPOSE?

I NEVER CHANGE,
EXCEPT IN MY AFFECTIONS.

WHAT A NOBLE NATURE
YOU HAVE, GWENDOLEN!

THEN THE QUESTION
HAD BETTER BE
CLEARED UP AT ONCE.

AUNT AUGUSTA?

A MOMENT.

AT THE TIME WHEN MISS PRISM
LEFT ME IN THE HANDBAG,

HAD I BEEN
CHRISTENED ALREADY?

EVERY LUXURY
THAT MONEY COULD BUY,

INCLUDING CHRISTENING,
HAD BEEN LAVISHED ON YOU

BY YOUR FOND
AND DOTING PARENTS.

THEN I HAD BEEN
CHRISTENED!

THAT IS
SETTLED NOW.

WHAT NAME WAS I GIVEN?
LET ME KNOW THE WORST.

BEING THE ELDEST SON
YOU WERE NATURALLY

CHRISTENED
AFTER YOUR FATHER.

YES...?

WHAT WAS MY FATHER'S
CHRISTIAN NAME?

I CANNOT
AT THE MOMENT RECALL

WHAT THE GENERAL'S
CHRISTIAN NAME WAS.

I HAVE NO DOUBT
HE HAD ONE.

HE WAS ECCENTRIC, I ADMIT.
BUT ONLY IN LATER YEARS.

AND THAT WAS THE RESULT
OF THE INDIAN CLIMATE,

AND MARRIAGE,

AND INDIGESTION,
AND OTHER THINGS
OF THAT KIND.

ALGY, CAN'T YOU
RECOLLECT WHAT OUR FATHER'S
CHRISTIAN NAME WAS?

MY DEAR BOY,
WE WEREN'T EVEN
ON SPEAKING TERMS.

HE DIED BEFORE
I WAS A YEAR OLD.

MISS--

HIS NAME WOULD APPEAR
IN THE ARMY LISTS

OF THE PERIOD,
I SUPPOSE, AUNT AUGUSTA?

THE GENERAL
WAS ESSENTIALLY
A MAN OF PEACE,

EXCEPT IN HIS
DOMESTIC LIFE.

BUT I HAVE NO DOUBT
HIS NAME WOULD APPEAR

IN ANY MILITARY
DIRECTORY.

THE ARMY LISTS
OF THE LAST 40 YEARS
ARE HERE.

THESE DELIGHTFUL
RECORDS

SHOULD HAVE BEEN
MY CONSTANT STUDY.

"M:
GENERALS...

"MALLAM," "MAXBOHM,
"MAGLEY"--

WHAT GHASTLY NAMES THEY HAVE--
"MARKBY," "MIGSBY," "MOBBS"...

"MONCRIEFF."

"LIEUTENANT 1840...

CAPTAIN...

LIEUTENANT-COLONEL,
COLONEL...

GENERAL...

1869...

CHRISTIAN NAMES,

ERNEST JOHN."

I ALWAYS TOLD YOU, GWENDOLEN,
MY NAME WAS ERNEST, DIDN'T I?

WELL, IT IS ERNEST
AFTER ALL.

IT NATURALLY
IS ERNEST.

YES, I REMEMBER NOW

THAT THE GENERAL
WAS CALLED ERNEST.

I KNEW I HAD
SOME PARTICULAR REASON
FOR DISLIKING THE NAME.

ERNEST!
MY OWN ERNEST!

I FELT FROM THE FIRST
YOU COULD HAVE NO OTHER NAME.

IT IS A TERRIBLE THING
FOR A MAN TO FIND OUT SUDDENLY

THAT ALL HIS LIFE
HE HAS BEEN SPEAKING
NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH.

CAN YOU EVER
FORGIVE ME?

I CAN, FOR I FEEL
THAT YOU ARE SURE TO CHANGE.

MY OWN ONE!

Dr. Chasuble:
I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION
THAT THE PRIMITIVE CHURCH

WAS IN ERROR
ON CERTAIN POINTS.

MISS PRISM--
LAETITIA,

I BEG TO SOLICIT
THE HONOR OF YOUR HAND.

FREDERICK--!

AT LAST!

CECILY,
AT LAST!

GWENDOLEN,
AT LAST!

MY NEPHEW...

YOU SEEM TO BE DISPLAYING
SIGNS OF TRIVIALITY.

ON THE CONTRARY,
AUNT AUGUSTA.

I'VE NOW REALIZED
FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN MY LIFE

THE VITAL IMPORTANCE
OF BEING EARNEST.

( theme music playing )